It's true. I'm writing a book about my dating project. Less a "how-to" and more of a "how-the-hell-did-I-survive" and "how-surviving-made-me-more-human" type of book.

It's also true I'm getting married in the July...in Italy!

And yes, it's true I've started my own company to help people follow their fears in their careers and life.

So yeah it's a hell of a year. I'm filled up with energy, excitement, creative and personal freedom.

Thank you for your continued support and love. If you'd like to share your thoughts about the 100FD book take my quick questionnaire here.

Remember a year ago? I finished my 100 First Dates project with a bang. I had fun, new friends, good stories, epic life learnings, and I remained a single, happy lady. 

Then this April I met a boy on Happn. We dated. We fell in love. We are moving in together early next year.  

Just like those annoying coupled-off people always say: It is easy. It feels right. I just know. Miraculously he feels exactly the same way.  

Reuben is a talented photographer and filmmaker, so I wanted to reveal my secret to you all with a simple, perfect, pull-at-your-heart-strings-and-still-make-you-laugh video...but you know what? Life and love got in the way. 

I do hope to make a film with him someday. I do plan to write a book next year. I do plan to love him with all of my heart and to cherish our relationship every day. I remain a happy lady. 

With love,  Lisa 

PS - Be my friend over at my latest project --> Follow the Fear: Leadership through Improv

lapertoso.com | @lapertoso | New Blog: Inspire

I started going to NYC Rooftop Films eons ago (meaning I was under 30, ah those were the days, sigh). I watched films on the roof of a school in the East Village, the roof of an old canning factory in Gowanus, sometimes the screenings weren't even on a roof at all, but they were always outside on a lawn or a courtyard and the experiences represented everything that is summer: short, beautiful, innocent, fleeting, HOT.

This Saturday on a different rooftop in Brooklyn I will be taking a date to see some shorts (while wearing shorts) explore my most favorite topic - ROMANCE. If you're in NYC grab two tickets, Tinder-up a date, and sit next to me. 

ROOFTOP FILMS PRESENTS:

FIRST COMES LOVE: ROMANTIC SHORT FILMS

Saturday 7/25 - On the roofs of Industry City - $15 online or at the door

Tickets & Info Here

Background: 

Started 19 years ago by Mark Elijah Rosenberg and has since been taken over by Dan Nuxoll. Dan and Mark were seeing so many "romantic" films that they decided they would create a shorts program around the theme. Of course, the idea of romance was stretched beyond what one might traditionally associate with the word, and began to encompass all the various ideas and interpretations of what is romantic. 

First Comes Love is the second of this years Romance programs (Love Comes Later was the first). The program is populated with films that have a sweeter take on the idea of romance (Love Comes Later was more twisted). The films come from all over the world (which speaks to the universally confusing and confounding nature of the beast). Some of the films are making their US premier at Rooftop, while others have previously played in the borough of Brooklyn, but resonate so much that we can't help but share them with our audience. 

No matter who you are or what your past or present experience with love may be, you will certainly find something in this program that reminds you of the beauty and heartache of love. 

Entrepreneur and designer, Willy, 28, sits down with us to talk about his app in development, called Wings. Like a wing-man or wing-woman, the app crowdsources advice on what to say and do while navigating the choppy skies of online dating. Want to send or respond to a text? How long to wait? What to say? What does he or she mean? Who the hell knows...but Wings is here to help. This was totally my idea a few years back that I never did anything about, so I'm really glad that someone is. And Willy is a pretty cool someone. Follow him on Twitter @willySOsilly to stay updated.

(Song: Sharp Cutting Wings by Lucinda Williams)

After reading my Clementine interview, Tamara wrote me some very kind words, some of which included a thank you for inspiring her to "get back there." (Hands down my most favorite emails from strangers). She also said she's decided to embark on her very own 100 first dates adventure. Of course I needed to know more 'cause I'm nosy so here's what she shared:

How do you feel about love? Need it, want it?

As cliché as it sounds, I love love. In all its forms, and am so thankful for the love that I have in my life. Wonderful family, a great network of friends, my French Bulldog, Truman, that thinks I'm pretty fantastic even on my worst day. For whatever reason, romantic love and finding someone to share that with has been hard for me to find -- but I definitely want it, and I know it's out there somewhere. We're both apparently just a little slow to bake, and not quite done cooking yet. 

What have you learned so far from your relationships? 

Ha! All I know is I know nothing, or at least that's how it feels sometimes. But I do thank all of my past whatever's for their very valuable lessons: 

1/ Communicate. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need and for what you can do to best support your partner.

2/ Be true to yourself. You're not going to be for everyone, and that's ok. 

3/ Being single is a whole lot better than being attached to the wrong thing. 

What do you like about being in a relationship? What do you like about being single and dating? What do you hate?

I jokingly refer to myself as a highly functioning introvert, but it's really true. That whole getting to know you phase is exciting -- and exhausting. I love finally being able to completely relax and just let the air out of the balloon. But for now, I'm learning to get comfortable being uncomfortable. 

What's the dating scene like in Houston? 

I've been in Texas 16 years now (really?!), and just relocated to Houston from Dallas last year for work. I realize I have to be careful how loud I say this in front of my Dallas friends, but I love this city. The Houston I've come to know is relaxed, laid back, and incredibly diverse, with an amazing restaurant, art, culture & entertainment scene. It's been very easy to meet people and for Houston to begin to feel like home. 

A survey just released this month by U-Haul ranks Houston first in top 10 destination cities for 2014. Maybe that has something to do with it -- so many transplants, and we're all trying to make a connection. My dating life has definitely experienced a jumpstart, but like anything else when there's lots of choices, it seems no one's too quick to settle down wondering what else they might find out there. 

You recently experienced a break up. What happened? 

It was the relationship that wasn't quite a relationship. Leave it to me in a city of 2+ million people to find the one guy living on an island. Literally. We were introduced by mutual friends over the holidays. He's from Houston on contract for work in St Thomas, so we were arguably doomed from the start.

After five months of furious texting, phone calls, FaceTime, one perfectly boozy long weekend in St Thomas and a week’s vacation spent back here with me in Houston, he still answers less than enthusiastically, "I dunno, kinda, I guess…" when our best friends ask if we're officially dating. Hey, I don't need the guy that has it all figured out, just the one that at least knows I'm part of the equation. Next...

Why do you want to start your own 100FD project? 

I was so inspired by the idea. I don't have a huge volume of experience. I've been a relationship dater my whole life -- my handful of first dates have more often than not turned into 2-3 years later...and ending frankly 2-3 years too late. It's an opportunity to redirect my frustration & disappointment into something positive & productive, have some fun and learn something about myself and others along the way. 

What do you hope to learn from your experiences? 

OK, I'm going to be totally transparent here. All of my relationships have ended pretty much the same way -- me left standing alone, wondering what the heck just happened. The common denominator in all this is me, so, hopefully, I'll gain some insight into exactly what it is I'm either doing or not doing to repeatedly end up with the same result...or prove to myself, once and for all, that maybe there's nothing wrong with me, I just haven't found my happy ending yet.

 What qualities are you looking for in a partner? 

Can he make me laugh, does he make me laugh, oh, and can he make me laugh? That's a big one for me. Life is challenging enough not to be able to laugh at yourself and with each other. And, ultimately, someone that I can trust with my independence. That can take the lead, share the weight and allow me to be vulnerable occasionally. And I promise to do the same. 

Any last words?

I figure this is at least a 2-year project, so check back in with me, I'm sure I'll have some good stories to share! In the meantime, I'd love to hear what others are experiencing out there in the dating world, so definitely get in touch at tamsaidhey@gmail.com

For these 2015 Olympic Dating Games I hereby pass the torch to Tamara. May the force be with you and your dates. Houston, watch out, she's solid gold. 

Icon? Wow...thank you so much! Check out my fun interview for the inspiring and always authentic Clementine Daily.

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]]>EssayLisa PertosoFri, 22 May 2015 10:00:00 +0000http://www.100fd.com/www100fdcom-posts/2015/5/confessions-of-a-white-girl-on-vacation-in-the-carribean52bc56c5e4b09b49d45ff520:52bc5dbfe4b041c272227311:5557e8fae4b08c2f726ce499

I am writing, not thinking, not editing. On a balcony with coffee in my pajamas with this notebook and pen.

I feel guilty about eating too much, drinking too much, not writing enough. I should probably put something green in my mouth. Bread, cheese, meat. Repeat.

I should be reflecting and writing more. No distractions. Too tired. My back hurts. That bed is too soft. I should stretch every morning. I should exercise more at home. I hate the gym. I will never go back. I will go for a long walk after this coffee.

Why can’t I be a morning person? At home it’s impossible, but here in bed at 10pm, up at 7am. Maybe it is possible. Just not in New York. Is NYC killing me and I don’t even know it? It’s beautiful here. There is happiness here. Or is it what I want to see?

I would have less back pains if I did the exercises I know I should do everyday but I don’t. Only 5 or 6 minutes out of my life. Why am I wasting time?

Routines make me feel dead.

I’m sunburnt. I should wear more sunscreen, sit in the shade more. More, more, more of this, less than that. I hate rules. Cancer is possible. My body is aging quickly. I should stretch more.

Why am I checking work email? Boring. Why am I checking social media? Useless. I’m here to disconnect. I should be checked out. I promised myself. I suck at promises. I suck at routines.

Only myself to blame.

Only myself to give me a break. A fucking break.

I will have a beer. It is noon now. I wrote this so that is something.  

Spring - the season of temperature confusion, tulips and cherry blossoms, sneezing, and, apparently, of connecting with past lovers.

A text with T-shirt guy turned into a coffee where I got the real story. Unsurprisingly his disappearance had nothing to do with me, and more to do with an ex-love on another continent. And no my T-shirt still remains missing. 

A couple of emails with my last heartbreak and I finally (after almost a year) feel good about our relationship. It was short, intense, and challenged me in a million ways all of which I’m grateful for. We also talk of having a catch-up coffee.

In January I promised myself to be more open and vulnerable and that includes being open to people from my past. People who have broken my heart. Because the thing about my heart is, it can break, it can heal, and it gets stronger each time.  

So sure, you can buy me a latte.

Beth and I met a couple years ago and have a ton in common. We're the same age, we're improvisers, writers, beautiful, fun, and share the same values. AND...we're both looking for our person - not "the one", but the right one for us.

We banter about the best and worst dating apps - I introduced her to Tinder (you're welcome?) and I learned there's an app just for men with beards. We ponder if NYC is truly to blame for our singleness. While I can't know for sure, I do know this: if I weren't straight I'd make Beth my girlfriend - STAT.  

*Song: "Your New Beloved" by Lovelife

Sometimes surprises happen to you and sometimes you make them happen. I'm a frequent surpriser and a risk-taker so I'm ok with the possibility that my fun surprise for someone could be their un-fun nightmare. 

Though this rarely happens because I'm a stellar listener, I have a weird elephant memory, and I generally reserve surprises for people I know. As a result I'm a damn good surpriser.

I'm also a huge fan of being surprised because it's hard to do. I'm stellar at noticing details (a blessing and a curse) so I often know what's coming. Then I do my "Oh my god, I had no idea!" fake surprise face.

But...BOOM! When all goes right and someone did something just for ME my jaded-New-York-City heart goes pitter patter. 

And when it fails...

Maybe that someone didn't know me very well. Maybe he had different expectations about my reaction or maybe it was just bad timing. 

Either way planning a surprise is a risk, and if you're going to be a risk-taker you need to be ok with failure. You need to be mature enough to manage your own feelings about your botched surprise, take full responsibility, and not blame the surprisee - because, ya know, she had no idea it was coming. 

Making surprises happen is like living in the danger zone - be ready to fall flat on your face. 

*Pic is from the Blogologues show where I nearly peed my pants from laughing.

I met Jay the typical New York way: a friend's cousin's wife's friend or some person whose relationship to me is so-complicated-I-don't-even-remember introduced us because we both have blogs about love. Now we're direct friends and I'm glad because he's smart, creative, single (and tall!), sweet, and like CJ and I, looking for love - REAL LOVE. We popped over to his place in March and let the conversation flow from "bad math" dating, apps even I never heard of, to maybe it's time to leave NYC forever. 

Thanks Jay for sharing this graphic that we can all relate to....Don't forget to check out his blogs: Loverbits & Love Hate City.

House of Cards season 3 is pretty mind blowing (no spoilers, don't fret). One episode featured Tibetan monks practicing the art of sand mandala, which is for healing and purification. Mandalas transmit positive energies to the environment and to the people who view them. Watching the monks work for days on something so beautiful and then be at peace with sweeping it away, reminded me: 

Nothing is forever. 

As I get older I'm more and more comfortable with this concept. Relationships, jobs, apartments, feelings, life on earth - nothing is static. One point in time someone or something made me happy, at another point, unhappy.  

I was dating someone recently and I left a shirt at his place the first time I slept over. Not on purpose, like Rosario Dawson left her pump with Chris Rock in the movie Top Five, but because I actually couldn't find it. There was a giant suitcase in his room that swallowed it up.  

I went home in his threadbare old T-shirt that he said he wanted back, with a smile. Weeks later after a few more dates, a few more sleepovers, he disappeared...along with my shirt. 

I still have his in my bottom drawer because I have a knack for not misplacing things. He still has mine. Maybe. Or he lost it. Or he threw it away. Or he likes to wear women's clothes. Or, as my guy friend joked: he's using it as a pillow case to remember my scent. 

One minute we were laughing in bed, sharing secrets, listening to music, and watching videos while he fed me candy from his recent trip home. Then we weren't.

Nothing is static.

He wasn't "ready for a serious relationship" right now (though I didn't ask). He gets "too intense", he said.

My T-shirt was newish, white and made of linen (immortalized by the above photo in Palm Springs - we will always have that). The shirt was open and flowy and it was mine. White shirts always make me feel pure and free. I liked that guy. I felt relaxed and open around him. I enjoyed getting to know him. 

Nothing is forever. Get a new temporary something.

I replaced the shirt this week. Though not exactly the same material or brand, it is white and new and I feel sexy wearing it. And Almost free.

Almost. 

Fellow writer and friend, Robin, has known about and supported my project from day one. Now that's it's over she has some good questions about who, why, how, what, and more importantly what's next. Read the full interview on her blog, Second Floor Flat.

People, it's February. It's below freezing outside every day in NYC. Let's get real: you're not dating until spring and neither am I. Stay inside, grab a blanket and a mug of hot chocolate, and find out what the heck this photo has to do with anything.  

Special guest Nicole, 29-year-old-single-lovely-woman, joins us on Friday the 13th to chat about Saturday the 14th (Valentine's Day), her recent relationship that didn't have that "spark", and her online date with a pink cupcake. Listen as we tackle such poignant questions like: Do men and women really have rosters for dates? Would you date a man or woman with a cat? Would you date a man or woman with a cat ramp?

#catramp

I've been on 3 so-so dates with two different women. With Lady #1 our conversation lagged by the third date. With Lady #2 we answered some of the "36 Questions That Lead to Love" on the third date, and they had the opposite effect. Is it okay to call it quits with both?

- A guy, age 28, NY

Dear So-So,
I’m fascinated by this question because you’re a dude. I assumed that women were the only ones to stick around after so-so dates because we tell ourselves: “He’s really nice”, or “There’s no one else around right now”, while our coupled friends tell us: “You’re being too picky. He seems really nice.”

So, So-So, my question back to you is: Don’t you already know the answer?

Go with your gut, and your gut has already moved on. How do I know? If your gut had time to type this question and press send instead of planning something romantic to do on date 4 (or jerking off to images of lady #1 or #2), then yeah, I know, you know, now we all know. You’re just not into either of these women.

Guess what? Thats ok. That’s what dating is. A bunch of random encounters with random people who you probably met on the internet. People who, while texting, emailing, or talking on the phone, you created elaborate fantasies about that likely included: meeting your parents in a couple of months over dinner, spending time together at your friend’s beach house this summer, what songs to play at your wedding, where in the world to travel to (hiking that volcano will be dangerous but invigorating!), how when your daughter's teacher tells you she's too creative and smart for the second grade you will slyly wink at each other.  

WAIT. That might be what dating is for me.

Either way, it’s still ok. Go forth and keep dating until you stop thinking, stop emailing me, and stop counting dates with a lady because goddamn it you’re in love. Then invite me to the wedding. I have some really great song recommendations.

Do you have a question? I MIGHT have an answer. Tweet @100FD or Email LA@100fd.com

**Fill out the questionnaire to be added to the waitlist. We will be in touch by Wed. 2/11 if seats open up**

100 First Dates & Brooklyn Fork & Spoon Present 

The "Feast of Saint Valentine" Dinner

Originally, Valentine’s Day had nothing to do with courtly love. The feast day honored martyrs who risked everything to spread kindness and help those in need under the reign of evil empires. That’s refreshing news for single people like us who usually give February 14th the big middle finger. 

Let’s take back the day!

Brooklyn Fork & Spoon and 100FD are hosting a supper club “feast” for single women and men who love good food and good company this Valentine’s Day (menu below).

Come celebrate! Seating is limited so fill out this quick questionnaire to secure your spot.  
Details: Saturday February 14, 2015 @ 7:30pm, Brooklyn, NY

MENU

“Night of Joy” Welcome Cocktail
Cocchi Americano Rosa, Sparkling Rosé, Celery Bitters

Winter Kale Salad 
Ricotta Salata, Pomegranate, Spiced Pumpkin Seeds, Honey-Shallot Vinaigrette

Beer Braised Short Ribs Over Polenta (vegan/vegetarian options upon request)
Locally Brewed Morita Porter, Goat Cheese Crema, Au Jus, Arugula Microgreens

Assorted Brooklyn Fork & Spoon Signature Cupcakes
Made With Love

*Bring your own beer or wine*

$45/Person

Hosted by Mardi and Theo, the chefs of Brooklyn Fork & Spoon, and Lisa writer, comedian from 100 First Dates blog & podcast.

As you know too well improvisation (comedy) has been my steady boyfriend since 2011. The lessons I've learned are not just applicable on stage, they're great for life, and you guessed it - dating. 

I've learned that a first date is like an improv show because you have no idea what what the hell will happen. But if you can prepare for a show, why not a date? Here are my five tips to help you deal with hotties, weirdos and everything in between:

1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST

An experienced player makes a choice for herself before she goes out on stage, such as an emotional state (happy or sad), or a character trait (a weird accent). This choice acts as a lens through which she will play the scene.

• Before a date, take care of yourself both inside and out. Notice your mindset.
• How do you feel?
• What do you need to let go of to enjoy this date?

I’ve had one too many dates where the guy whined about his crappy day at work the whole time, while I drowned myself in wine. For your outside don’t forget hygiene (do everything your mother nagged you about as a kid), and choose an outfit that makes you feel confident and comfortable.

2. SAY “YES, AND…”

The rule of agreement is the most important improv skill to master. Whatever information is presented, the players treat as truth – they say “yes” to it – and they add new information to build the scene – the “and”. This principle is the key to moving any scene forward and avoiding conflict.

Avoid conflict on a first date. It’s not cool or sexy, it’s aggressive and offensive. Once a date of mine confused debate with argument, and told me my opinion was entirely wrong. You know what wasn’t wrong? Me leaving that date immediately.

Even if he disagreed with me, imagine how lovely our night could have turned out had he said “Mmmm, yes, interesting, and how about considering this point of view?”

3. LISTEN AND RESPOND

If a player isn’t listening to others on stage, and is instead thinking about what funny thing he will say next, he’s not supporting his teammates and will miss details that are crucial to the scene.

Listen to your date, and do this by asking open-ended questions. Don’t space out while he or she answers, actively listen. Hear not only what they say, but how they say it. You can talk about yourself later when you respond. Which will bring more value to the conversation because you listened so well.You’ll bond with your date quicker and hopefully skip to the kissing quicker.

4. FOCUS ON THE HERE AND NOW

Improv scenes are only fun to watch when they are action-orientated. For this to happen the players must address the present, not the past or future. 

Dates are not fun to be on when you forget to exist in the moment. Don’t dwell on your last bad date or work you have to do tomorrow, or wonder if you’ll fall in love and elope in Hawaii. Sure, you might not see this person again, so what? What can you learn about him or her right now?

I’ve had so many good first dates that never led to second dates where we shared stories about art, comedy, startups, travel and other fascinating stuff. People are pretty okay when you’re listening and present.

5. THERE ARE NO MISTAKES

Because improv is made-up on the spot and totally unpredictable, anything that happens on stage is right. There is no wrong – one of the reasons I love doing it.

There is no wrong or right way to date. Do what feels right for you. I have some friends who don’t date at all, some who jump right into a relationships, or some who cultivate friendships first. If you are open, anything can happen. And it will.

When I introduce my improv show I always say “What you are about to see here is entirely made up, never to be seen again.” You’ll never have the same first date twice, so, as we say in the improv world, follow the fun.

This article was also published on Digital Romance here  

Interested in learning more about improv? I create customized learning experiences for individuals and teams to build skills for dating, work, and life. Email me! LA@100fd.com 

Hard to believe this podcast is one year old (they grow up so fast!). For this special anniversary, CJ and I invited our friend Craig who is gay, handsome, and single to chat about gay dating culture, weird ways to meet men (what happens in gym saunas should stay in gym saunas), how to date in your 20s v. 30s, and new year's resolutions. We learned that we all want the same thing in 2015: to give and receive love, more mindfulness, and to spend more time nourishing our souls.

What will you do this year to nourish yours?  

2014 was a year full of hellos and goodbyes, love and loss, old and new, firsts and lasts, endings and beginnings.

Started my podcast Not That Complicated with CJ.

• Note self: Do more 'cause it's fun.

Fell in love (quickly). I lost it (just as quickly).

• Note to self: Beware of quick anything.

Made real connections with real people from Twitter.

• Note to self: Social media is kinda cool.

Stayed "celibate" for one year.

• Note to self:  Congrats self. I didn't think you could do it. 

Showed my face, revealed my name and “came out” about 100FD.

• Note to self: The truth shall set you free.

Had my first TV appearances & wrote for actual publications.

• Note to others: Thank you to all who made this possible.

Played in as many improv shows as possible

• Note to self: NO REGRETS. EVER.

Went on my 100th first date.

• Note to self: WOW.

I rang in the new year with many old, good friends, drank, ate and danced. I lost my favorite black hat at a bar and I didn’t panic. I let it go -  it served me well for five years. Every year I get better at letting go, which leaves room for all the new possibilities.

For 2015 I plan to take Jim Carrey’s advice: "Choose love, and don't ever let fear turn you against your playful heart."

Happy new year from my weird, playful face. 
 

Fellow writer, Amy Chan told me about happn on our lady coffee date. I've been on it for two months now and it's AWESOME. It's the ONLY dating app I use now. But WHY is it so great? I dug a little deeper and interviewed Marie Cosnard, happn staffer, to find out more.

There are already similar dating apps out there, when and why was Happn created? 

happn was launched in Paris in February 2014. It then launched in London and Berlin in May and June, in Barcelona and Madrid during the Summer, and in New York in September.

It started with the question: What can we do about missed connections? When you just instantly fall in love with a guy cycling past you, when you’re too shy to go talk to that girl who’s surrounded by all her friends, when you were actually on your way to ask her/him out, but the other person left the bus…What can we do to meet new people that are close to us geographically and share a similar lifestyle? And then, how can we create an online dating experience that is profoundly linked to real life?

This is how happn started: to save us from missed connections, as an ice-breaker for the shy, to find out who we keep bumping into every day without having the chance to ever notice them, to allow people who have been at the same place at the same time to meet again.

How does it work?

The homepage is a timeline of all the people you’ve crossed paths with, within a 250 meter radius: every time you cross paths with another happn member, their profile appears on your app in real-time. On every profile, you’ll see the number of times you’ve crossed paths, as well as the time and location of your last encounter.

When you cross paths with someone you like, you can: Like them (the heart symbol), which is a secret action. The other person won’t find out... unless they’ve liked you too! You may also send a Charm to let them know you’re interested! A Charm sends the other person a notification, to make sure they notice you. When both people like each other, they can start a conversation.

How is it different or better than Tinder? 

happn helps you find the people you have encountered. On the contrary to other dating apps, the experience starts in real life: thanks to real-time geolocation, the app shows you a timeline of the people you have really crossed paths with and who were at the same place at the same time. 

Another use, is to discover new people: people from your neighbourhood, who work in the same area, who take the same transports. They are people you might bump into every day but that you’ve never noticed because you’re always reading a book for example.

Unlike Tinder, you are not prompted to make a choice straight away. You can keep people in your timeline as long as you wish before making a choice. Maybe one day, after realising you keep crossing paths with a certain person, you will grow curious and click the heart on their profile. What is more, you can see where you have met on a little map, and you can see how many times you have seen each other. 

Which cities are very active on it? 

All the cities we launched are really active: London, Paris, Berlin, Madrid, Barcelona and New York.

A friend told me about Happn. How do people hear about it?

happn is indeed often recommended by friends. The idea behind happn is such a universal concept, that only a few words suffice to create interest. Other than that, we use all the traditional marketing tools.

The guys on there seem to really good looking? Are they real? 

They are!! We don’t create any fake profiles (not one!) and we use Facebook Connect to avoid fakes and empty profiles. 

Do you have any success stories yet? 

We’ve received a fair amount of thank-you messages since we launched, less than a year ago. A lot people have finally met the neighbour they had a crush on. We know a couple who has met on happn, that came to realise that they had been taking the same train every day for years! We also have an in-house success story: one of our developers found his girlfriend on happn!

Anything else you'd like to add?

We’re about to reach 1 million users! We should reach that figure within a couple weeks and we plan to launch major US cities very soon.

Have you used happn? What do you think? Any good stories to share? 

Sandy Weiner, relationship coach, and I chatted about my epic breakup, how to diversify your dating, which topics are buzz kills on dates, and what it means to be vulnerable. I love that although Sandy and I are almost 20 years apart in age we share the same out outlook on dating: lead with your heart not your head.

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]]>EssayLisa PertosoTue, 23 Dec 2014 22:07:18 +0000http://www.100fd.com/www100fdcom-posts/2014/12/9/post-about-san-diego52bc56c5e4b09b49d45ff520:52bc5dbfe4b041c272227311:5487938fe4b05c1d2398a905San Diego was big and beautiful and with sunsets like this every evening why anyone lives anywhere else is beyond me. My friend moved from the Upper West Side of Manhattan to Ocean Beach and clearly she's figured out the secret to life. I'm a slow learner.

Everyone I met apologized about the weather because it rained the day I arrived, and according to my friend this sunset was sub-par because the clouds were rudely in the way.

The road to Palm Springs made me feel like we drove to Mars.

Since everyone on the east coast who has lived on the west coast says "Mexican food in NY is shit compared to California...blah blah" I needed a fish taco in my mouth before I flew home. 

The next morning in NY I woke up writhing in stomach pain. The details of what violently followed in those 24 hours I will spare you but I will say that food poisoning made me question everything - my life, my purpose, my place in the universe. 

As I laid in the fetal position naked (I was sweating so much I had to strip down) on my cold bathroom floor clutching an orange gatorade I thought: this is what it will feel like to die alone. I closed my eyes. I took deep breaths and waited. I stopped sweating and went to bed. I lived. What's the moral here? 

San Diego is great. Beware of fish tacos. Hug your friends - early and often. 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

My apologies. I've had writer's block for a while now. At the same time (and maybe because of) my real life is chock full of many new, inspiring, creative people, and I have a lot to say to them about love, dating, and comedy. Yet I've lost the will to commit those thoughts to the screen. 

Maybe I've been working too much, and my work computer is for work and play so there's no separation of church and state, or some other excuse like that. Whatever the reason, I'm hopping on a plane to see one of my best friends in San Diego today.

I pledge to leave this modern device at home and plan to observe life fully with all of my senses. I will record my thoughts the old-fashioned analog way - with a notebook and a pen.*

(*I'll have my iphone because I'll have to call my friend to pick me up...and Instagram and Twitter don't count, right? RIGHT? OH SHUT UP.) 

With Autumn comes beards, flannels, and apparently...Lumbersexuals. On this episode CJ and I chat with Ben the Farmer, who is a real farmer and a real Lumbersexual (not the hipster kind). Remember Ben? He was one of the #BeMy100 date finalists with his faceless, ax wielding, yet sexy Instagram video here.

When Ben told me he was taking a train to NYC for a weekend from upstate NY, I told him we needed a drink and an interview. Luckily he obliged. Ben gets down and dirty with us about how rural life dating, which isn't that different from city dating, but it's best to leave your ax at home. 

Over the years countless people asked me: "What will you do after your 100th date if you don't find love?"

Depending on my mood my answers ranged from:

"If I'm single I'll keep dating."

"If I'm single I'll kill myself, of course!" followed by witch-like cackling. 

But seriously, if I want a partner and a relationship and real love - which I do! - then, unless someone invents some other way of falling in love, I will continue to date until I get what I want, dammit! Because I deserve it. We all do, dammit! 

So what have I been doing since my 100th first date? 

Not dating. Ha! It's cool if you want to let out a witch-like cackle. Instead, for the past month or so I went into a cave. 

I am an ambivert, which means I'm a combination of an extrovert and introvert. Tip the scales too much in one direction and I have to compensate by going to the other extreme. After a barrage of press, and documenting my every move on various social media channels I needed to disappear, and disappear in sweatpants, I did. 

My extreme introverted lifestyle fortuitously coincided with Daylight savings and chilly weather so my behavior wasn't totally weird to my fellow NYers. I watched a shit-ton of movies at home and at the theater and generally avoided the human species. 

I highly recommend seeing Whiplash and The Theory of Everything, two movies about greatness and love, both of which I learned require huge sacrifices. As a person who doesn't give things up easily I wondered if this explains why I'm ok at many things but not great, and why I don't have a great love right now. But I think it's more because I haven't met the right great person to make sacrifices for.

These past few weeks I also learned that I am good at making slice and bake chocolate-chip cookies and eating all of them. Isn't that great? Anyway here's the point to this rambling...It's okay to hibernate, but not for too long.

World, I'm back! I'm back at spin class, back at NOT eating cookies everyday, and generally back at LIFE. 

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 

I've had two first dates. Two unnumbered dates, which are two baby steps on a rocky path that may or may not lead to a great love, but either way I'm not dead so I'm dating. More on those later....

Do you have other ideas about what I should be doing after 100? Share them in the comments!

Top that off with darkness closing in on us at 4pm, no one ever has to ask what I'm doing every night. It's this: 

• Leave work around 6pm and get home as quickly as possible
• Change into sweatshirt, sweatpants, and wooly socks as quickly as possible
• Flip through Hulu or Netflix to decide what will entertain me for the next few hours
• Flip through the new dating app Happn that is like Tinder but way better because the creeps are still on Tinder (ssshhh!)

Last night I engaged in a "conversation" with a 32 year old dude who moved to the hard-hitting questions right away. After our stimulating initial exchange about where we "crossed paths", (locality is the crux of the app, though he couldn't wrap his head around that fact that we didn't LITERALLY walk past each other on 46th St.), he got to the really important stuff - the stuff that determines if two humans who are looking for true love are a good fit...

...No response.

I'm 5'7 but this guy wasn't getting the truth from me. Anyone so focused on this question is not someone I'd like to get to know better. Different app, same problems. 

Life Partner, Best Friend, Domestic Partner, Heterosexual Life Mate...

Whatever term you use, I'm talking about women best friends. I spent my weekend with some of my best ladies and it got me thinking - if only I could date my girlfriends. I'd take certain traits from each (because they fulfill my different needs) and mold them into the perfect boyfriend. All of my single problems solved! 

My bespoke boyfriend created from my girlfriends would be called William. He'd have a dark (full) head of hair, and bluish-gray eyes. He'd be tall too, and have the following parts from my friends: 

From T - Her dark(ish) yet totally honest sense of humor and incredibly mature self-awareness. My comedy buddy.

From K - Her overwhelming kindness and caring for people, animals, and the environment. My horror movie watching buddy.

From M - Her ability to follow her passions (for food!) no matter the obstacles. My bike-riding buddy.

From C - Her fierce independence and curiosity for life, also my snowboarding buddy.

From R - Her ability to stay cool and calm during bad and good times. She's my rock (and mother to the cutest kids ever).

When I'm with these ladies I am always laughing. I don't have to explain my jokes. They get them and they get me. I've known some of them for 2 years and others for over 20 years. They are easy to be with. I can just exist. They are my people, and since living in NYC they have become my family too. 

While pondering all of this over a hot cup of cinnamon tea last night, I came across the move Life Partners on itunes about this very subject! When the universe talks to me, I listen.

$10 later I watched two best lady friends Paige and Sasha banter back and forth in a way that reminded me of my circle. I won't spoil the movie because you should all watch it immediately, but here are some moments that really punched me in gut.

Paige is on a date with a guy where she tries to take over by putting her name in with the hostess. Her date, cute Tim, tells her not to worry he's made reservations. Paige, shocked, explains that usually she has to do everything when it comes to dates - pick the place, time, make reservations, blah, blah, blah, can't we all relate?

Tim says (sarcastically): "Wow I wonder why those relationships never lasted."  

Jesus, Tim. Be a real person, jump out the TV and freaking marry me already!

The ladies are talking in bed (non-sexual bestie sleepover)...Paige says:

"I just want to to meet a guy I like as much as you. Is that too much to ask?"

Sasha answers: "It is, yes."

I sincerely wish within my heart of hearts that Sasha isn't right. 

I Challenged Myself to Go on 100 First Dates. Here's What Happened...

 If you told me four years ago that I’d actually go on 100 first dates by this time, after laughing hysterically, I’d call you crazy and go about my day. What sane person wouldn’t be able to find real love long before reaching 100 dates? Uh...

READ FULL ARTICLE 

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]]>Lisa PertosoMon, 03 Nov 2014 00:49:26 +0000http://www.100fd.com/www100fdcom-posts/2014/11/1/100-david-mr-whisky52bc56c5e4b09b49d45ff520:52bc5dbfe4b041c272227311:5454f882e4b01c5725c1c94bHow did you meet? Oh, this little Instagram video contest, #BeMy100 I launched. His video was creative, he was cute, confident, and I laughed every time I watched it. (And got the most likes).

Name: David (his real name!)

Height: 5' 10"

Age: 35

Occupation: finance stuff

Good quotes from date(s):

Him: "Do you have a fear of abandonment?"

Me: "By my friends and family? No. By men, probably. Yes." 

Him: "Do you think we'll kiss?"

Me: "Yeah"

Why is he still single? Has trouble being vulnerable

Did he pay for the date? Yes

Did he contact you after the date? Yes...you were all there too, see our People Now appearance

How many dates did you go on? 1 (really like 3 dates in one)

Would you recommend to a friend? Yes

Comments:

This date had no chance to be a typical date. I created a public contest to find a date, then picked him on live on People magazine's show, People Now. David was fully aware of this blog and that I’d write about him. 

On top of all of that I was fully out. No longer an anonymous dating blogger, the world became fully aware that I am me - a woman with a face and a real name. So naturally this was unlike any other. 

Basically, this date, #100, had to kick my other dates' asses. Luckily, it did. 

Partly because of David, who was open to anything (I mean he had the balls to enter this contest and agree to go on a show to talk about it), and partly because - like any good romantic comedy - New York City played a starring role in the evening. The city after all, is my longest lasting relationship to date (12 years).

Our 10 hour date began with ice skating, ended at the top of the Empire State Building, with a long delicious dinner in between. Here's what happened: 

I headed into Manhattan [vine video] with a backpack for my post-activity wardrobe change and nervous butterflies in my stomach.

On a bench outside Central Park I pretended to be busy on my phone when David arrived with a pink rose. I felt like I was in an episode of the Bachelor. It felt lovely. (The last and only other time a date brought me roses on a date, by date 3 he turned psycho.

As we walked through the park to the ice skating rink (David carried my backpack - chivalry not dead!), I imagined us reenacting “When Harry Met Sally” with me asking David if he thought women and men could ever really be friends. Instead, we noticed a Big Bird sitting on a bench taking a rest (maybe stoned?) with Cookie Monster on his lap. For a mere $5 we got a picture and we broke the ice. 

Meanwhile on the real ice, the breeze was unseasonably warm and I skated slowly, hoping David would catch me if I stumbled (he's played hockey his entire life). We circled the rink, surrounded by kids, high rise buildings, and leafy trees and got to know each other. We asked each other questions, we listened, we laughed. We both fell once, he first, due to a "toe pick" situation, and I realized we were reliving the movie Cutting Edge, minus me being a graceful figure skater.

We managed to make a Vine video and not kill ourselves. Like the classy gal that I am, after turning in our skates I changed into my dinner dress and boots, and slapped on some mascara in the rink bathroom.

Cocktails and shareable plates at Beauty and Essex got us drunk and full. Over our three hour dinner we chatted about everything. David was easy to talk to.

I enjoyed living in the present not thinking about what would happen next, which is one the most important lessons I’ve learned from this project. Those are the moments when I am the happiest.

Yet I struggled to maintain the “zen” dating philosophy because David and I had a social media mission to accomplish. During dinner he caught me tweeting while he was talking, and suddenly, embarrassingly I realized I'd became my own dating "DON'T". Put your phone away, people. Seriously. There’s a time and place for Instagram and Twitter. And it’s not dinner.

...Wait until dessert.

High on sugar and wine I wondered if we would kiss. He read my mind and asked me if I thought we would. Sure, I said. I’m the girl that likes make outs (see all previous posts and this video). We stumbled into a cab uptown to the Empire State Building. 

I haven't been to the top since I was a kid and I have never been at night. We walked around the observatory deck because I needed to see my city light up from every angle. Yes, yes I did smile thinking about the ending to Sleepless in Seattle.

NYC, like my third parent, welcomed me with open arms at 23 yrs old one month after September 11th, 2001. From the Upper East 80's to the Upper West Side, to Greenpoint, Brooklyn, she has seen me grow up, fall in love, break up, breakdown - she's witnessed all of my adulthood so far. I was glad to spend my 100th date with her too. 

How to end a date that began with a video and a shot of whisky? With a shot of whisky. 

After that, David and I hugged and went our separate ways. This wasn't the date to end all dates, rather it was the best date to end this project. It was truly special. Thank you, David, for being a part of it.

At the end of the night it was still me by myself. Alone but not lonely. 

As I stood at the counter of my neighborhood 24-hr bodega waiting for a turkey sandwich that I knew I'd eat in bed while watching Netflix, I felt the end of something (not my drunken late night habits, apparently). It was the close to an important chapter of my life that I opened 4 years ago never knowing what it might become - who I might become.  

This end is also the beginning of something else. I’m single, so I will continue to look for love and unless someone invents some other method of meeting people, I will date. I will continue to write because it is who I am now. I hope you continue to read because you all are a part of me too.

What’s next? A book? A play? A screenplay? A web series? Maybe, yes.

Truthfully, I don't know and that excites the hell out of me.

I scrubbed my apartment clean for @JoelleGarguilo to come over and chat about my project. We dove into the date archives and I'm not going to lie, I did not remember many of them. Good thing I wrote them down...

WATCH THE NBC 4 NY CLIP 

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]]>mediaLisa PertosoWed, 29 Oct 2014 00:51:56 +0000http://www.people.com/people/videos/0,,20866636,00.html 52bc56c5e4b09b49d45ff520:52bc5dbfe4b041c272227311:545038c4e4b0dde07d3c3cfc

A 10-hour first date! David and I share details, videos and pictures with PEOPLE Now live. 

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]]>Lisa PertosoSat, 25 Oct 2014 14:46:06 +0000http://www.100fd.com/www100fdcom-posts/2014/10/21/pre-date-planning-date-jitters52bc56c5e4b09b49d45ff520:52bc5dbfe4b041c272227311:5446d69fe4b094326d27476bI've been on my 99 first dates so you've heard. The first few I was definitely nervous - what to wear? What to say? How to greet him? How to make him laugh? General worries about how not to be a total ass. 

Eventually I got the hang of it, like anything you practice doing over and over. Today is my 100th first date and I'm crazy nervous! 

For more than a month I've talking about this date, and for more than a week I've been talking about who this date will be with. We know what we're going to do, but what happens during the date is a complete mystery. 

It all begins when I meet David at the Southeast corner of Central Park at 5pm (NYC time) today. 

BEFORE DATE

I should not be typing this. I've had too much caffeine. I'm running late for brunch with my best friend followed by a blow out so my hair doesn't do weird things tonight. My nails are painted "Jiggle Hi, Jiggle Low" by Essie, which is totally appropriate for the evening to come. 

I'll soon pack a date bag. That's right, I'm going to Manhattan, and a date that goes from day activity to nighttime fancy dinner needs two outfits.

(Do I sound cool and casual about this? If so, I'm LYING. I'm a girl who normally gets ready in under 30 minutes because my dates are usually in Brooklyn at dive bars where the guy I meet is too cheap to buy me a my beer).

For dinner I'll put on this dress I bought in Copenhagen and wore for my birthday party in July. I felt sexy then so it gets the job done. There's also a little opening in the back, just sayin' David. And of course, my go to black booties, Wolverine 1000 Mile by Samantha Pleet. 

DURING DATE

And because PEOPLE Now has given us a social media mission to complete, I'll be sharing pics and videos and tweeting throughout the night. Finally you all can come on a date with me! Follow the hashtag #bemy100

AFTER DATE

Well, I can't predict the future. If I could, I'd be a gazillionaire who wouldn't have gone on 100 first dates to find her life partner. I would be able to meet someone new, flash forward to our bad date and reject him on the spot. THINK OF ALL THE TIME I'D SAVE!

With that time I'd busy myself with adventures like traveling the world, writing novels and hilarious screenplays, and finding cures for incurable diseases, all of which would lead to several nobel prizes, and I'd be...I'd be...probably...bored.

The thing is, I like life because more often than not it surprises the hell out of me.  

I hope I'm surprised on my date with David. I hope we laugh, smile, get to know each other, eat and drink, and maybe feel a little magic. See you on my date!

In the meantime...before date #100 have a look back at date #1 from 2010. I wrote: "For my first foray into the world of online dating this year, it wasn't so bad."

We've come a long way baby.

Yesterday morning on PEOPLE Magazine's live web show, PEOPLE Now, I picked my 100th first date…

I'm taking a shot on David. Not only did he get the most "likes" on Instagram but his confidence, creativity, and command of whisky made me laugh every time. As I always say, a man who makes me laugh is a man I want to date. 

Our date is next Saturday and don't worry, a couple that meets on social media will share their date on social media. We're on a mission to have a great date, have fun, and to document it. Finally you get to join me on one of my dates! Will this be one of my last? 

Find out when we're back on PEOPLE Now, Monday October 27th to tell all. 

READ ABOUT IT ON PEOPLE.COM

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]]>mediaLisa PertosoSat, 18 Oct 2014 00:57:00 +0000http://www.people.com/article/blogger-lisa-allison-100-first-dates-winner52bc56c5e4b09b49d45ff520:52bc5dbfe4b041c272227311:54503b36e4b0d98c1baeb64f

"I learned so much and had so much fun," she says of the experiment. "I thank my ex every day for breaking up with me." 

- Yeah, I said that 

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]]>Lisa PertosoThu, 16 Oct 2014 04:01:45 +0000http://www.100fd.com/www100fdcom-posts/2014/10/15/and-the-winner-is52bc56c5e4b09b49d45ff520:52bc5dbfe4b041c272227311:543f3c8ee4b00ba1352c264f4 Weeks

14 Videos

3 Finalists

One 100th Date

The three finalists were chosen by you fine people through Instagram likes. Thank you for having great taste and recognizing handsome, creative, multi-faceted men. I'm lucky to have friends like you. How to choose? 

David can offer me confidence, sophisticated magazines, and whiskey. 

Ben can offer me a campfire, s'mores, and precisely chopped wood.

Ron can offer me creativity, humor, and his adorable, furry dog. 

Stay tuned. I will choose my 100th first date this Friday October 17th.

Read online here 

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]]>Lisa PertosoTue, 14 Oct 2014 11:35:00 +0000http://www.100fd.com/www100fdcom-posts/2014/10/13/2-days-left2-awesome-things-ive-learned-from-this-contest52bc56c5e4b09b49d45ff520:52bc5dbfe4b041c272227311:543bdbebe4b039cae166b51eThe Be My 100 contest is almost over. What have I learned? Oh so much, which I'll write more about later. For now this contest has helped me clarify what I need in a life partner. I need him to be: 

1. ASSERTIVE

2. CREATIVE

All the guys who have auditioned to be my 100th first date have these qualities. And that is H.O.T. Have you seen them all? Which assertive, creative guy is your favorite?  

Here are 3 things to imbibe and inhale that I can't say no to:

1. TEQUILA - I'm a lady who doesn't like sweet flavors, so naturally tequila and I are besties because she is always paired with sour lemon, or lime, smokey, spicy salty goodness. 

2. CHEESE - I am 100% Italian stock. Bring me a plate of different cheeses with toasty bread and olives and I'm happy. Throw in some cured meats and I'm yours forever (or until the waiter takes my plate away). 

3. FRENCH FRIES - Again with the salt. Not too thin, not too thick fries, frites, I don't care what they're called please get in my belly ASAP. And be accompanied by various dipping sauces such as: chipotle aioli, honey mustard, curry chili ketchup, blue cheese bacon walnut mayo...um, oh god...excuse me...I have to run over to my favorite bar, Spritzenhaus, and eat these RIGHT NOW.

Here are four things:

1. A fabulous outfit (meaning mine, but if he's a sharp dresser, that doesn't hurt) 

2. Curiosity 

3. Laughter

4. Hope for romance

1. When Harry Met Sally - Let's see art and exchange witty banter in funny voices at the Met.

2. Wedding Singer - You can serenade me with Billy Idol as backup. (If you really know Billy Idol, I will stop this contest right now).

3. Sleepless in Seattle - Let's hold hands on the top of the Empire State Building and pretend it's not freezing up there, and it's not weird that we met on social media.

4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Let's jump on a train to Montauk and walk on the beach. Then if our date sucks, you can have your mind erased. BUT TRUST ME IT WON'T.

5. Chasing Amy - We can exchange more witty banter and flirt deliciously over cheap beers and darts. Our first kiss will be passionate and wet in the rain. Then you can get really insecure about my previous sexual experiences and dump me, so I can go back to dating women who are way easier to deal with because they openly express their emotions...I MEAN...I don't know where I was going with this, but really this is one of my favorite movies and not just because of the early 90's fashion. Let's not analyze it. 

If it isn't already totally OBVIOUS, here are 7 reasons why: 

1. I have a face! 

2. I am fun!

3. I am funny!

4. 100 is a nice round number

5. We'll pretend we're not jaded and do NY things that regular New Yorkers never do 

6. Autumn dates in NYC are MAGICAL 

7. I'm looking for the real thing - love 

I never planned to go on 100 first dates. In fact, I never planned to date again, because my boyfriend Zach and I were going to get married. We had been together for three years, we were in love and on the same page about building a life together. Our wedding would be on a beach, and we would settle in on the west coast near his family. Life was finally happening!

Until it wasn’t. Zach abruptly broke up with me during a fight. He left my apartment, refused my calls, and a week later sent me a breakup email. Shocked? Yes, me too.

I endured the normal break-up emotions of depression, anger, anxiety, and the normal break-up activities of crying, drinking wine, eating ice cream, talking to a therapist, talking to my friends, and drinking more wine. After about six months I felt ready to get back out there—into the New York City dating market—which, of course, was now dominated by online connections. I created an OkCupid profile, chatted with guys, and went out on a lot of “dates."

I say “dates” because they felt more like meet-ups, hang outs, or job interviews. I didn’t find a boyfriend but I did find...

Read the rest of the essay here, at Women's Health Magazine.

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]]>mediaLisa PertosoSat, 27 Sep 2014 17:06:00 +0000https://soundcloud.com/the-modern-dater/99fd-09-27-1452bc56c5e4b09b49d45ff520:52bc5dbfe4b041c272227311:54429e06e4b08d9eb212fbc5

A woman from NYC went on 99 first dates and blogged about each one of them! On this edition of TMD Lisa from www.100fd.com joins the show to talk about her experiences with Greg! Listen here

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]]>Talk ShowpodcastLisa PertosoWed, 24 Sep 2014 13:33:00 +0000http://www.100fd.com/www100fdcom-posts/2014/9/18/not-that-complicated-6-culture-matters-us-v-scandanavia52bc56c5e4b09b49d45ff520:52bc5dbfe4b041c272227311:541b87f7e4b09194f763fb3a

Emily drank a latte and did her nails in 5 different colors while chatting with CJ and I about what it's like to date in Sweden and Norway versus NYC. Let's just say I looked into plane tickets right after this taping. It all sounds much easier and organic and frankly, quite dreamy. Why? Because, as Emily says, "There is no dating in Scandinavia."

Music by Swedish band: Timbuktu

Three months ago my bestie guy friend Daniel, a very talented photographer, and I sat down to brunch in Brooklyn. Somewhere between the scrambled eggs, smoked applewood bacon and three mimosas each, we decided to do a video together (featured on People.com)

Just as I never imagined anyone would read 100FD that I wasn't related to or was friends with, I never imagined that I'd create a contest to be my 100th date. But life is funny and unpredictable and that is why I get up everyday. So here I am.

Here WE are. Will you help me find my 100th date? Contest details on homepage here. All it takes is for a (cute) man to set aside 15 seconds of his day to make an Instagram video, post it, and tag me @100FD. That's it. Oh, and then fall in love with me. 

#BeMy100 first date contest launched!

Watch and read here.

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]]>Lisa PertosoSun, 07 Sep 2014 15:37:51 +0000http://www.100fd.com/www100fdcom-posts/2014/9/6/what-ive-doing-this-summer52bc56c5e4b09b49d45ff520:52bc5dbfe4b041c272227311:540b2865e4b0dacce6673ef1

"How was your summer?" A not-so-close friend asked me recently over text. I responded "it was chill and relaxing." Except autocorrect wrote "realizing" instead of relaxing. It was as if my iOS read my mind. 

This summer, to be blunt, was shit. The weather was brilliant. I don't remember a summer in NYC being so un-humid, and the skies being so blue and the air smelling, well, like air, rather than garbage. Outside was beautiful nearly everyday. 

Inside (me) was not so fabulous.

In the spring after less-than-pleasant date 99 I switched off my Tinder account and stopped dating. I finished two amazing improv classes, joined a new improv team, went to dance parties and felt truly happy without dating. 

Then unexpectedly I met someone at a party, and, to be blunt, fell in love. This shocked me to my core. I didn't believe in butterflies anymore, and thought that anyone who falls that quickly for someone they barely know is mental. The best part of it all? The feeling was mutual. We had a romance. 

Not long after, I unexpectedly broke my toe bumping into my stupid coffee table. My doctor forced me to wear a giant moon boot that made me walk off balance and forbade me to exercise. And no, having a giant cast-like thing on your leg does not mean people will give you their seat on the subway.

People around me wanted to me write about him. He was my 100, they said, and wouldn't that be a great ending to this blog? Absolutely. But I didn't want to count him as my 100. I wanted him to be my love, my partner. I wanted him to be my one. I stopped this project. I focused on this new and exciting thing in real life. 

As quickly as these romances bloom, just as quickly they rot. Intensity like that can't last. The relationship must enter a new phase, the one where you trust each other fully to show your true self to the other person, the one that allows your love to grow deeper. Sadly we couldn't get there and it felt horrible. My heart broke.

I could say more but there is no point. I will say that I learned much about myself and the men I choose to date. There's a pattern and it isn't good. I was "realizing."

To lick my wounds and break that pattern this summer, I stopped dating (and against my will exercising). I hobbled out every night with old friends and new, I traveled to nearby states to swim in the ocean, in lakes, to play with babies and dogs, and eat vegetables freshly picked from a farm. I read a ton of books. I performed every Saturday night at my theater and pushed myself to go harder and bigger. I cried a lot.

By the end of August, my toe healed. I got back on the spin bike and pushed myself until the verge of puking. I ran across the Williamsburg bridge and pushed myself to feel more like myself. My heart healed too. 

I am ready to go on date 100 and to see what lies on the other side of summer, on the other side of all of this.

CJ and I learn about polyamory, open relationships, and swinging. They are not the same!  Although Suzie claims her polyamorous relationship with Blaine is "a lot more boring than you think", we couldn't disagree more. Like any relationship it requires open communication, trust in your partner and in yourself.  Still curious after listening? Read the books The Ethical Slut, and Opening Up.

This weekend my thoughts swung between birth and death and what's in between. My family celebrated my Grandpa's 90th birthday and I finished the book The Goldfinch. 

The Goldfinch is the best book I've read in a very long time. I felt it after a few chapters, but it was Chapter 12 that punched me in the gut:

That life—whatever else it is—is short. That fate is cruel but maybe not random. That Nature (meaning Death) always wins but that doesn’t mean we have to bow and grovel to it. That maybe even if we're not always so glad to be here, it’s our task to immerse ourselves anyway: wade straight through it, right through the cesspool, while keeping eyes and hearts open. And in the midst of our dying, as we rise from the organic and sink back ignominiously into the organic, it is a glory and a privilege to love what Death doesn’t touch.

When saying goodbye to my Grandma (also 90 years old) she whispered to me:

"It's just not your time."

I assumed she was talking about love and not death. To her my 36 is young. Although I don't always feel that way I chose to believe her.

We cannot control how much time we have here. We can control how we spend it. Read this book now and don't stop. Love people and things around you as hard as you can and don't stop. 

Most of our relationship was long distance (DC to NY), which had its challenges, and treasures - like handwritten letters. This one was dated December 28, 2008. 

The most wonderful thing about finding and reading this letter over a few times was how I felt. Which was nothing. Well, nothing for him, and love for myself. 

I am capable of dating someone for more than two months! Proof right here. 

Sometimes I wake up in the morning with that pit of dread in my stomach and don't want to get out of bed. Loneliness and anxiety holding me captive. This is a reminder that I can positively affect other people. And that I should get out of bed. 

My ex had deep-seated fear/anxiety/neuroses that I completely overlooked that completely blindsided me in the end. I have learned to see these red flags earlier. 

Am I electrifying? Wow. 

This letter is all about how him and how I made him feel. Which, I believe, is one part of love. But the another part that's missing here is what does he bring to me? How does he lift me up? By the end of our relationship he took and took while I gave and gave. 

Looking back on our time together I understand with compassion now that he was depressed. He needed me to bring goodness and light into his life. I lifted him up as long as I could but my arms got really tired.

No human can be happiness for anyone else. We have to believe in ourselves that we are strong enough - alone - to push through the fear and come out on the other side ok.

He never believed that, and I couldn't convince him. He was too afraid to tell me he was afraid. He was scared I'd get angry or leave him. So he left me first. Because that was the only thing he could control. The leaving. 

Five years later I have some clarity on the type of men I date, fall for, and love:  emotionally intense, full of highs and/or lows,  depressed, confused, angry, needy.

Five years later I am fundamentally the same person in this love letter. I'm proud that I've grown but am still me. What I am changing, finally, is the person who I choose to have a relationship with. Better late than never. 

I'm looking for someone who will be the goodness in my life, the same way I am for him. Someone who is strong enough to hold me up when I need it. Someone who will not rely on me for happiness. Someone who is already happy.

Tired of online dating? Try a sign post!

Get a date. Or get murdered.

Friendship and family are other love relationships that I don't talk about much here. While I certainly don't take them for granted I do often forget to take the time to reflect and be thankful. And lately, I have felt extra loved and supported.  

My friends and I are at the age where we've lived in NYC for more than a decade and we have accomplished many things. Some were planned, some were surprises and now is the time we wonder "what's next?" We are shaking things up and making life changes. 

I have friends who've moved to San Diego, rural Vermont, Sweden, and Canada. Others are engaged, having babies, and breaking up with the partners they thought they'd marry. 

Life is happening. 

This past weekend I stayed with my girlfriend from high school (who I've known for more than 20 years - wow) to help take care of her adorable 2-year old because she's about to pop out her second baby any minute. 

While lying on her couch I found a box of photos. I opened it and saw among college and family photos two postcards. I flipped them over. 

They were from me to her. One from China and one Bali. Both dated 1998. 

Reading words written by my own self 16 years ago was a fascinating thing. I jumped into a time machine and became 20 years old again. In August 1998 I traveled outside the US for the first time for a semester abroad in Nanjing, China. But before it started two classmates and I decided to explore Southeast Asia. 

I had no idea what I was doing.

Armed with my brand new passport I hopped on a 20 hour flight to Hong Kong for a few days, followed by Bangkok, then a week in Bali, then up to Shanghai to meet our other classmates. 

I remember calling my friend before my trip to say goodbye. He asked where we planned to stay when we got to Bangkok. "Do you have a hotel?" 

"No. We'll figure it out when we get there." I said with confidence. 

What the hell did I know? Not much, but it seemed like the right thing to do according to the "Southeast Asia on a Shoestring" Lonely Planet book. 

My parents also didn't have a clue and were prepared to worry ceaselessly. Yet despite their reservations they dropped me off at JFK airport and hugged me goodbye. They had the courage to support me. 

What happened to 20 year old me defined who I am today. I am an explorer of new things, new people, new learnings about the world and about myself.

That trip taught me to be resilient and flexible, and to fear the unknown only enough to propel me forward rather than hold me back. It was a time when cell phones didn't exist, and finding a cafe with dial-up internet was a gift that came only once every few weeks. I felt for the first time in my life completely free.   

I am truly thankful.

For my parents who let me go away to other the side of the planet. For my friends who received my postcards, saved them, and are still my friends today. For my new friends who challenge me and make me laugh everyday. 

I am so fucking lucky to have you all in my life supporting and loving me. You are the people who allow me to explore, to push myself, to love, to fail, to succeed, to cry, to be strong, to be me.

I still don't know shit, but you give me the confidence that I'll figure it out.

But I sure wish it could.

Yes. I'm obsessed with Game of Thrones. Are you? It's okay if you say no. That doesn't matter. Not really. This isn't about the show. It's about love. 

And unfortunately for every character love dies as quickly and as bloody as people do. But the talk about love rings true in the darkest and most beautiful ways. 

 Some quotes from the last two episodes of Season 4:

Sam asked Jon Snow about what it's like to be in love:

"It's this person, this whole other person, you're wrapped up in them. They're wrapped up in you. For a little while, you're more than just you...well, I don't know! I'm not a bleeding poet!"

True. He's no poet. But he's right. 

Chat between Jon Snow and Tormund about Ygritte:

Tormund: "Did you love her? She loved you ..."

Jon: "Did she say that?"

Tormund: All she ever talked about was killing you. That's how I know." 

WHOA. Love and hate - the finest of all lines? I remember I once said to my ex-boyfriend, "I love you so much I want to punch you in face." (I didn't, but I can understand Ygritte's feelings). 

Sadly Jon's love died in his arms. Damn arrows!

Ygritte: "Jon Snow."
Jon: "Don't talk."
Ygritte: "Do you remember that cave? We should've stayed in that cave."
Jon: "We'll go back there."
Ygritte: "You know nothing, Jon Snow."

Ygritte is right. They won't get back to the cave where they fell in love and made love. 

I remember what it's like to have a new love, to be in love. You together live in a figurative "cave" where you explore each other and eschew the outside world. Your new found love drapes a rosy lens over everything you see and experience. 

Instead of complaining about the stuff that usually enrages you - like your stupid boss or the gross dude on the subway who rubbed his crotch against you - you laugh about it. 

Because you met another human who loves you by choice! And you love him or her back.

In time the cave walls fall away. You're still in love but reality is now real. And that guy on the subway and your boss make you mad again. 

Is it possible to rebuild that cave? Or something different but serves the same purpose? That acts as a safe space for the two of you to go and hide, and get wrapped up in each other again?

I am thinking about love. And unlike in Game of Thrones, I do believe love can survive. 

New comment from Curious on If I Could be Brutally Honest on Tinder:

That kind of serious is lovely and all, but there's only one way to put it and that's being blunt about it: being an alpha male with options, I'd rather have that type of serious relationship with a mentally mature woman whose body hasn't gone through the changes your parents warned you about.

I'm sure you can find your serious relationship but the key is to lower your expectation realistically; you've used up a good part of your budget during those many years of casual sex, which I have no problem with btw, and now, just realistically, your value is less in the daring [sic] market. But again, I'm sure there are guys out there who'd be down for a serious relationship with you. Just keep having the right question in mind....

Dear Curious,

On behalf of all IRL women aged 35 and over, thank you.

For being honest and direct. For knowing what you want. For reading my blog and for sharing your thoughts. Here are mine….

I wish you all the luck in the world in your quest to find a “mentally mature” woman with the body of a 22 year old. If you succeed, please introduce us so I may ask her directly the secret to life.

As a business-minded woman with a Master's Degree who works as a project manager (who still gets paid much less than her male counterparts), I respect your concern for “budgets” and "markets". Lord knows I like to keep my revenue high and my costs low.

However you commodify a woman when you talk about her in terms of budget and value. You enter into dangerous and misogynistic territory. Is my body used up? Can any human body become over-used thereby reducing its value? Is the dating market an actual market where goods are supplied and demanded?

Am I the goods?

I’m no scientist but I am absolutely sure that the human body doesn’t have a finite amount of times it can experience pleasure or intimacy (thank you, Jesus!). And being the mentally mature woman that I am, I do not think about my sex-life or my self-worth in terms of P&L. 

Thank you for reminding us physically mature women born in the late 1970s/early 80s that we should have the right questions in mind when dating:

1. Is he an “alpha male with a lot of options”?

2. Do I want him to be my life partner? 

And since we moved out of caves long long ago, began to wear clothes, invented Netflix, and stopped considering a club over the head a "date", the answers to these questions are:

1. YES. 

2. NO.

For me, an IRL mentally mature man is someone who is kind, open, loving and funny, who accepts age with grace (his and mine). A man who loves me wholeheartedly. 

If I were a woman who had low expectations 100FD would not exist. I would be married to my ex-boyfriend who wasn't as kind or loving as I thought and was rarely open and never funny. 

Curious, you too will be old one day. You will age out of the dating market as your testosterone levels drop and your “options” will drastically reduce. Your alpha will turn to beta. You may need Viagra just to get it up.

Will you have a woman at your side? Will she be young? Will she be old?

Will that matter?

I am a woman. 

I am a woman, looking for a man. 

You are a boy now. 

Name: Michael

Height: 5'6"

Age: 32

Occupation: film-prop-guy

Good quotes from date(s):

Him: "This is the worst date I've ever had."

Me: "Thanks"

Why is he still single?  see everything here

Did he pay for the date? Barely. I had to cover the whole tip

Did he contact you after the date? Yes immediately after, then I blocked him

How many dates did you go on? Not even a whole date

Would you recommend to a friend? Only if she were my enemy

Comments:

Four years ago if a date behaved the way Michael did I would have punched him in the nuts. Or yelled, or cried, or said something meaner back. But with 90-something dates behind me I shoved my ego out of the way and saw clearly that his issues and behavior were all his own. They had nothing to do with me.  

After about 10 minutes of regular online dating small talk about jobs and how our days went, Michael insulted my brother for still living in my home state and asked me if I thought I actually smart. He then waxed on about how technology is the end of society, none of us behave like humans anymore because we forgot how to feel, and we're basically all robot assholes.

I slowly sipped my ginger fizzy cocktail. I listened. I responded when I thought it was my turn to talk (he paused for a second), and I stated my opinion, which was different than his. Apparently, a woman with opinions was not Michael's jam. 

This date was not going as he planned, and it was my fault, he said. Because I was being snarky, when all he was doing was trying have an intellectual debate. By debate he must have meant "I-have-all-the-answers-to-everything-so-shut-up-and-listen." 

One thing we did agree on was yes, this date was not going as either of us planned. I gave him a way out. "We're both adults (well one of us - me). It's okay this didn't work out. If you'd like to go, it's no problem."

This incited a firestorm of rage in his small-statured body. He jumped up from the bar stool, threw (not enough) cash on the bar, looked me in the eyes and said: "This is the worst date I've ever had."

Ha! Nice try buddy, you are NOT the worst date I've ever had.

I responded with a calm and collected, "Thank you." because he had real shit to deal with, like everything in life that was unpleasant and challenging, and it was best to be worked out with a therapist not a Tinder date.  He ran out of the bar.

Ten minutes later I got this text:

I finished my drink, paid, and walked out with my dignity.

I would say...

I'm 35 going on 36. I can feel my body aging in ways that my parents warned me about but I didn't believe. If I drink more than 2 alcoholic beverages in one night I need to go to sleep immediately for fear of being hungover for more days than drinks I consumed.

I've lived in NYC for 12 years, which means several things, but mostly that I've had a lot of casual sex. Enough to know that I don't want it anymore. I don't want anything casual. I want something serious.

The kind of serious where we laugh together about dumb shit and annoy everyone around us. The kind of serious where I know exactly how you take your coffee, you know that I'm not a morning person, and we both know that the right kind of candy to smuggle into a movie includes Sour Patch Kids and Reese's Pieces.

The kind of serious where within 6 months of dating we move in together and adopt a small-to-medium sized dog that we name something seemingly mundane like Max or Bill, but really he's named after that crazy guy we met that time in Costa Rica whose truck we rode around in all night getting high and eating tacos and well...anyway, you remember.

The kind of serious we where support each other's successes and failures. The kind of serious that isn't so serious at all. It's love.

...But Tinder has a character limit so I guess I'll say:

"I don't have cats. Let's do this."

How did you meet? Tinder

Name: Robert

Height: 6'0

Age: 31

Occupation: photographer

Good quotes from date(s): Every text we wrote to each other was kind of amazing. My favorites included "Back to the Future" references

Why is he still single? Don't know

Did he pay for the date? Yes

Did he contact you after the date? Yes

How many dates did you go on? 1

Would you recommend to a friend? nah...

Comments:

It was one of those blisteringly cold basically unlivable weekends in January where going outside was out of the question. Instead, Robert and I texted non-stop making each other crack up in our own safe but separate cocoons in our respective apartments. We shared pics of ourselves in our cozy pjs (his had Bart Simpson on them). We also shared the same sense of humor and I wondered if he was maybe the boy version of me.

Would that be super cool or super annoying? All of my (three) ex-boyfriends were quieter, more reflective, and more introverted than me. I've often thought that the reason these relationships didn't work was because I needed to date someone more like me. Wouldn't we laugh all the time?

A week later Robert and I met for an impromtu Sunday brunch. I took the bus to his neighborhood and I felt nervous. What if neither of us lived up to our funny, quirky, texting personas? What if he didn't like me, because I've already developed a crush on him. A sense of humor (live or digital) makes me weak in the knees.

Our Sunday brunch was the right amount of fun and awkward assuaged by a couple of mimosas. He was smart and cute and tall and equally funny in person.

After that I don't really know what happened.

There was more texting, same amount of funny but less frequent. We made a second date but he cancelled (the theme for 2014). The texting continued but became less funny, then non-existent.

Now he's one of my 362 Facebook friends, which in my world is where crushes and potential loves go to die. In a few months I'll do my biannual Facebook audit and he won't make the cut.

I know the drill. I get it. I don't take it personally anymore. I just feel so so tired. He was not that into me for whatever reason that I don't care to know. But the e-maintaining, and keeping me on the back burner with the texts for more than a month is something I cannot live with. You see, I'm a front burner gal - hell, I'm the whole goddamn stove-top. It's all or nothing for me. 

In our sunny kitchen in Wiliamsburg, Brooklyn, my "domestic partner" Tony and I talk about the weird singles event we went to in February (free Bud Light!), technology's affect on relationships, and how dating in NYC is like shopping for salsa. 

Music by DJ Snatch, a radio edit of Louis Armstrong's "Mac the Knife"

Only two months in I'm beginning to believe otherwise. Love continues to elude me in new and surprising ways.

After date 97 dicked out on me (yep, I just verbed 'dick') for our third date, I dried my tears and my best friend and I hit the Brooklyn town with dinner and drinks. We ended up at a lovely out-of-the-way bar that was neither hipstery nor annoying so we stayed for hours. We struck up a conversation with four guys who looked age appropriate, had some laughs, had some shots, and stayed out until 4am.

One of the guys, Dan, took an interest in me. I wasn't that into him at first, until I noticed his wicked sense of humor and just like that I was hooked. He was beardy and Brooklyny in a red plaid flannel. I told him he looked like he should be chopping wood. Funny I should say that. I make furniture, he said. Yes, I was hooked.

He flirted, I flirted. We both flirted like no one else was around. We closed down the bar. I felt chemistry that wasn’t caused by the whiskey. We hugged awkwardly goodbye. I wanted more of him.

The next morning he texted. Yes! The next, next morning he said the only reason he didn’t ask me out was because he has a girlfriend. No!

Yes.

A week later, I flirted with someone new from work. He flirted back. Two weeks later he told me he was taking it to the next level with the girl he was seeing. She was going to be his girlfriend.

Ok universe, I'm tired. And also lonely. Not only because it’s cold outside but because I am completely ready to be with someone. For the long-term. I'm sad that I haven’t connected with anyone deeply in over four years. Logically I know there isn’t anything wrong with me, but sometimes feelings aren't logical. 

After some reading I've discovered that a horse in a horse year should be careful because the balance of our yin and yang is off. We should take this time to reflect. So that is what I'm doing.

I've decided that I'm not sleeping with anyone who isn't my boyfriend. I'm going to wait for someone amazing who wants what I want. Who wants to call ME his girlfriend.

Disclaimer: I wrote this post in January after we'd had two good dates. Updates are in italics. 

How did you meet? Tinder

Name: Craig

Height: 6'4"

Age: 35

Occupation: biz owner

Good quotes from date(s):

"I'm very picky"

"You have a big personality, a confidence about you. Not like most people."

Why is he still single? Um, he's very picky. He's a dick 

Did he pay for the date? Yes

Did he contact you after the date? I said hello after the holidays. I reached out every time first. 

How many dates did you go on? 2

Would you recommend to a friend? Probably, but I like him. He's a dick

Comments:

Just before Christmas and before New Years, New York City is a magical place where if you are one of the few souls who's stayed in town, you feel like it's your playground. My first date with Craig was a spontaneous day before Christmas eve meet up. We drank wine at the Brooklyn Winery, ate and laughed.

He was tall. I forgot that men could be that tall. My ex was that tall. I liked it. He also has stories, which reminded me why I enjoy dating people my age or older. We have some life behind us. As the wine flowed he loosened up a bit and stretched out his long legs and rested them on the leg of my chair. He smiled and asked me questions. When I found out he lived in Berlin for 10 years I wondered if it wasn't only Tinder that brought us together, but also fate.

I'd returned from Berlin only four days earlier and was still wallowing in my "I want to live in Europe but I don't" sadness. He speaks German and keeps an apartment there. THAT NO ONE IS USING. He joked that I could live there and rent out the other bedrooms to make the rent, and I said yes but I was not joking. We talked about where we want to travel and pinky-sweared that if we still know each other in the spring we'd book a trip to Iceland - a place on both of our lists.

Our second date was over more wine and Italian food. Just as good as the first, and more awkward on the goodbye. After 90-something dates there is no way for me to control the awkwardness of the maybe-he'll-kiss-me-maybe-he-won't-maybe-I-don't-want-it-what-if-I-do goodbye situation. He walked me down to the subway where he tried to kiss me, but I went in for the hug so that felt awkward. Then he said he wanted to see me again and I said sure, and we finally did kiss, and it was pretty good. 

A third date is (NOT) in the works.

Date three was scheduled for last weekend. We'd both been busy, he'd been traveling and I didn't mind that I had to reach out to meet up again. It was my turn to plan the date and I did. I made reservations for a great comedy show and dinner at a tapas place. It felt like a real date because it was going to be on a Saturday night and we'd planned it more than a week ahead. I was excited. So was he according to a text he sent a few days before. 

4pm on the day of the date after I'd sent him the details of where and when to meet...I get this text: 

"I'm the biggest dick, but I need to cancel. I'm so sorry; I had someone quit at work and I need to work all weekend. So tired. I really need the night in ; ( "

My response: "Wow. That is a really dick move."

Yes, I cried a little. 

One day I will meet a grown-up man who doesn't cancel dates twice (he had to reschedule our second date also). However if he does need to cancel, he will make a real live phone call so I can hear the sincerity in his voice when he tells me how sorry he is that he's being a dick. And then he will tell me when and how he will make it up to me. 

Until that day....GOOD FUCKING BYE

This is not weird. 

Although the relationship can never be physical it is real. Theodore experiences real emotions with her and he likes how she makes him feel. He loves her.

But like any unconventional love of two opposites, it is short lived. 

Operating systems are not like humans. They have no bodies. They can evolve faster and deeper than humans. They love infinitely in ways that cannot be described with words because the words have not been invented. Once they learn to love their hearts grow bigger to hold even more love - and more people...641 to be exact.

His human brain doesn't understand this. He wants to feel special. He needs to feel that their love is totally, utterly unique and that she is not feeling the same way about someone else. He becomes jealous and confused. The inevitable happens. They grow apart. 

"I can't be in your story anymore", she says in the most beautiful and heartbreaking way anyone can end something.

This fucking hurts. 

I've never fallen in love with an operating system, but I know what it feels like when love dies and the reality I created with another person ends. I'm left with painful emptiness and the reminder that the only true reality I will ever know is my own. 

I am alone again. Yet in my aloneness I always have a choice. To experience hurt or to experience joy and ultimately I, like Theodore, choose joy. 

The brightly colored near future is still about the human's need for touch and companionship and love, and no matter how funny, smart or understanding my operating system may be, he could never take the place of a perfectly flawed human being. 

Go see the movie, Her, written and directed by Spike Jonze

But if I did have a lover this winter I would take Ivy's advice on how to keep romance alive.

Ivy works works for a romantic retreat that aims to add a little something special to your relationship.

Romantic ideas for the New Year

If you’re anything like me, you fear the pressure of having a huge New Years blowout and crave the intimacy of a cosy night in with your special one. I know to a lot of people this seems insane and completely and selfishly reclusive, but if you are your partner are up for a night alone, I promise you there is no better way to spend your NYE. However, I would encourage that if you do decide on this route, do something special like stay at a hotel in the city or go for a drive to the country and spend the night in a different place, not in your own home.

For starters, there may be a romantic retreat close to home that you didn’t even know about, like the hidden gem Japanese Mountain Retreat, a romantic getaway that’s only a stones throw from the city. Or if you want to go for a bit more of a trip, or even go on a jaunt overseas, I have a few more extravagant suggestions that make the most of the winter chilly season!

Finland offers a beautiful winter wonderland for you and your partner to explore, while also enjoying the comforts of a cosy mountain cottage among the trees and soft white snow. When people talk about exotic tropical holidays, I don’t quite get the appeal, what’s more romantic that a timber cottage with a roaring fire and your partner by your side?

Similarly, Norway offers arctic delights with some exciting activities on offer like dog sledding, snowmobiles, boats and skiing.

Switzerland, the home of the majestic Swiss Alps have igloo villages that you and your partner can enjoy, they also happen to be state of the art, offering all the mod cons of any regular romantic accommodation. You can be immersed in nature and eat delicious meals while engaging in a environmentally friendly village that aims to have very minimal impact on the environment. Amazing.

While Europe sure does offer some winter delights (it has ALL the mountains) America sure does offer some beautiful vistas in Colorado, New York state, and even further north to Canada in Nova Scotia.

In a kitchen on the upper (upper) west side, good friend CJ and I talked New Year's resolutions, past relationships, casual monogamy, and what the hell this talk show is all about. Have a listen and then share your questions, thoughts, and revelations in the comments or here.

Music by Prince, "I Could Never Take The Place of Your Man"

How did you meet? In a bar in Berlin

Name: David

Height: 5' 9"

Age: 29

Occupation: actor

Good quotes from date(s): Don't remember exact words...but dreamer, naive, love makes the world go round...were definitely uttered by him

Why is he still single? I think his heart was recently broken

Did he pay for the date? We took turns

Did he contact you after the date? Yes. We're connected on Facebook

How many dates did you go on? 1

Would you recommend to a friend? Sure, if she lives in Berlin

Comments:

After six weeks of traveling for work, Berlin welcomed me with open arms into its dark candlelit bars, and its gray graffitied post-communist architectured buildings. I lounged in coffee shops and wine bars writing with a pen and paper. I visited my friend's beautiful family, and walked around neighborhoods until I stumbled into a Christmas market or a museum. I will live there someday soon.

In one such dark candlelit wine bar I met two friendly cute dudes. We chatted and exchanged numbers. One of them, David, and I met up two nights later and found we have many things in common. Like big dreams, believing in love, and sharing this all with a stranger in a foreign land. Maybe it is because we're both July Cancers.

David was warm and very kind. He was the kind of person that you meet and trust immediately, and know he won't murder you when he invites you over to his apartment. Because he did, after many wines in a smokey bar, and I agreed. Somewhere in the middle of the Friedrichschain neighborhood of Berlin I shared a PG-rated cuddle with an Austrian.

Berlin, I will be back for you...

A few Saturdays ago I wondered if maybe there were better ways to spend my free time and I came up with at least one - a talk show. 

Starting this month, I will be co-hosting a talk show with my funny, writer friend CJ, who was my partner in crime from a past dating radio show on Ese Rules (5/30/12 episode). We'll post the shows here on 100FD.

We have been living and dating in NY for over a decade so naturally have ridiculously funny and sad things to talk about, but we want this to be YOUR show too.

Maybe there's something you won't talk about, but don't worry we will. Nothing is forbidden. 

What would you like to hear about? 

Do you have any dating, love, relationship questions? 

Do you have stories to share?  

Tell us below (or email me 100fd@100fd.com)

How did you meet? Tinder 

Name: Richard

Height: 5' 7"

Age: 32

Occupation: former pro-skateboarder

Good quotes from date(s): 

"There are 24 hrs in a day. You can probably have sex for one hour at the most. Find someone who you want to be around the other 23 hrs. Someone who makes you laugh." - Richard's dad

Why is he still single? He's a man-child

Did he pay for the date? we took turns

Did he contact you after the date? Yes, via phone and text

How many dates did you go on? 4

Would you recommend to a friend? ......no

Comments:

The first date went like this. I finished my cocktail, and he said "Do you want to walk across the Williamsburg bridge?" The night was unseasonably warm. I happened to have sneakers in my bag. Yes. Yes I do. 

He carried his skateboard in the one hand, and held mine in the other. He was funny, spontaneous, and affectionate. I'd never walked over the bridge at night. It was beautiful and romantic and very New York. He pulled me aside at the highest point on the bridge and kissed me. It was passionate and I feared we might get naked on a bridge halfway between Manhattan and Brooklyn. 

As the bridge sloped downward I decided it was a good idea to ride on his skateboard. I sat down in my dress, tights, and sneakers and put my life in his hands. I gained speed, had little control and loved every minute - of the wind in my hair and being pushed forward. I felt like a teenager.

We spent one week together before my two month work travels. We kept in touch with texts. His "I miss you"s and "Can't wait to see you"s made me excited to get back to NY. However in the end his words did not mean much.

Shortly after I returned we met for a very quick, awkward coffee. Everything seemed forced as he talked about how great it was to see me, how we should see comedy shows together, how he wanted to show me his new apartment. Yes, yes, I said. I'm back now.

The last time I heard from him was Christmas day. He called to say he was thinking about me, and asked when we could meet up again. Yes, yes, I said. But with less enthusiasm. Because when I asked him to pick a day, he could not. He didn't know his schedule, he claimed.

I know that game well. I know it all too well. 

I don't know what happened while I was gone. I don't know why he kept in touch with me digitally and then pushed me away in person. I'm not going to ever know. After getting through a few days of disappointment where my girlfriends reminded me I'm amazing and he's a man-baby... 

I feel better off for having met him. He inspired me to be more spontaneous, more creative, to get out of my head, and to lead more from my heart. I thank him for that. And as for the skater hat, it is mine now because he doesn't deserve it.  

I'm saying goodbye 2013. Goodbye to the good, to the bad, to the sad, to the beautiful. I'm running towards the sunset and the snow with open arms and an open heart. I'm not looking back because I'm never going back. Wishing you all the bravery to do the same.

Henry

1. Do not be unoriginal

• An Englishman in New York
• An Australian in New York
• An Irishman in New York

We get it, You aren't from here and you're in New York.

• Hey :)
• Hi

You lost me at boring.

• Hakuna Mattata

OMG. How? Why? I've seen this one more than three times

2. Do not pretend you're surprised to be here

• This app is crazy!
• This app is weird
• WTF is this?

3. Do not over/under explain

• Carpe Diem - Seize the Day
• That's my niece in the photo...

...One guy mentioned that the blond girl was his niece. Yet felt no need to explain why he was holding a giant machine gun.

4. Do not say it, show it

• Fluent in sarcasm
• Great sense of humor
• I'm outgoing, adventurous, and fun to hang out with

If you have to say it....it probably isn't true.

5. Do not use bathroom humor

• If you sprinkle when you tinkle be a sweetie and wipe the seatie. 

No comment.

6. Do not say dumb shit*

• When I was 19, I lost my virginity to a friend of my mother's who was twice my age. Mum doesn't know to this day, so zip the lip when you meet her.

*This rule applies to all previous rules

How did you meet?  Tinder - Sydney, Australia

Name: Steven

Height: 5' 10"

Age: 41

Occupation:  Something cool with digital

Good quotes from date(s): 

"Aussies don't like to complain." On Why Sydney's restaurant service culture is shit. 

"I don't dress up." On what he'll wear to his circus themed company Christmas party. 

Why is he still single? I don't know. He's divorced but I don't know how recently.

Did he pay for the date? yes

Did he contact you after the date? Yes, we're Facebook friends

How many dates did you go on? 1

Would you recommend to a friend? Yes, if you live in Oz

Comments:

Fourteen hour work days were not conducive to setting up a date in Sydney, but during my last week I found an evening free to meet up with Steven. My first out-of-town date made me realize how great these out-of-town dates are. I had zero expectations and only hoped for good conversation. 

Steven did not disappoint. He greeted me with a big hug and was very cute in a manly way with a salt and pepper beard, blue eyes and a sexy gap between his front teeth.

He choose one of the coolest cocktail bars in Sydney (apparently there aren't many because the pub culture still dominates), in a basement in the city center with a record store in front. Felt like Brooklyn.

This was the kind of date where the conversation was free flowing, with no awkward pauses, and no weird meta-moments where we talked about online dating or Tinder.

We touched on a bunch of other subjects like American versus Australian customs and manners, snowboarding, traveling, politics and personal life goals. Two of his are to run the NYC marathon and to snowboard-hop across the US with his brother. 

We hugged goodbye and became Facebook friends. Maybe I'll wave to him next year when he runs by my house during the marathon.

There are about 8 million things wrong with this exchange, like he kept writing me after I stopped responding, and he lacked anything resembling a sense of humor, but perhaps the most perplexing part is his last text. What does that mean? Anal sex? Regular sex from behind? 

Can anyone clarify? Please leave a comment and don't forget the winky face.

Date 85 - Lucas and I had three fun dates, and a fourth group "date" where he came to my improv show and hung out with my teammates afterwards. That was the night I had to man up. When he told me he really liked me and wanted to date me seriously, I told him I thought he was a great guy but that for me the chemistry was missing. It was hard to do. It was necessary to do.

Date 86 - I never heard from Matt again, which was just as well, because I was bored on our date...until I did hear from Matt again. Two months later he texted me, asking what the statute of limitations was on having a second date. I did not respond, but FYI it's definitely less than two months. I felt sad as his loneliness was palpable.

Date 88 - My summer fling with the Chilean ended sadly as you may have read. I'll never know why he behaved the way he did. I felt sad as his fearfulness to open his heart was palpable. 

Date 89 - Sean and I had a kick-ass first date and scheduled a second one. Then he rescheduled it. Okay fine. Then we had a kick ass second date of wine and cuddling while watching Homeland on his comfy leather couch. We scheduled a third date and rescheduled again, very last minute. Not okay. I told him he was being rude and disrespectful of my time. He apologized and said his was a hot mess.

I gave him another chance and agreed to reschedule our third date. Although my instincts told me he would cancel again, I dressed that morning -  a dress, tights, and boots - as if I were going on a hot date. Because I needed to feel good about myself. 

As predicted, Sean called that afternoon to cancel. He explained that he wasn't in the right headspace to date again after his break-up and he was very sorry. Maybe we could reconnect after my work travels. I thanked him for being so honest and direct with me (unlike the Chilean), and for picking up the phone because I knew it wasn't easy. I felt sad because his confusion was palpable. But I was still dressed for a date...

One thing I've learned about dating, technology, and myself is that if I want a date I will find one. So that same night I did - on Tinder. I met date 94 and had one of the best first dates I've ever had. 

People are laid-back in a way that New Yorkers could never, ever be.

Any city that has lovely beaches less than 20 minutes away is my kind of city. And by lovely, I mean blue-green water, white sand, and hot, hot surfer dudes. Here is some of what I saw:

On Tinder

Besides the tiger pics, which are a global phenomenon, I also noticed kangaroo pics (cute) and snake pics (creepy). Yeah that's right, Justin, I assumed creepy. 

I like that he's casually iphone-ing while ensconced in reptile. 

Incoherent, badly spelled tag lines also plague the globe. I think he's 

5'9", not aged 59, but w

hen you're looking for something as reall as this guy, you don't have time to waist on punctuation or grammar.

How dreamy is Luke? He like almost every guy on Tinder has surfing pics and/or mentions surfing in his tag line.

In Life

The beaches were awash with man-eye-candy. Tan bodies, muscley backs, voluptuous butts. Could. Not. Contain myself. 

The name of this beach is Manly beach. DONE. 

In the same day I pet a kangaroo, a koala

, and a wombat. Pretty much the best day ever.   Of my life.

This kanga got friendly with my friend.

Nelson Bay, two hours north of Sydney. A piece of heaven.

• Do you live outside the US? What is dating like in your home country?
• Do you live in Sydney, Vancouver, or Berlin? Advise me on the best spots to meet cute men 
• What is your favorite online platform, or offline way of meeting men or women?
• Have you used Tinder? What do you think? Any crazy stories?
• With seven dates left until I reach 100, what would you like to see next? More dates? A podcast? Me moving to a nunnery?

I wrote for my friend's blog, Second Floor Flat, across the pond. Read it here. Then read her other posts because she is very talented. Soon she'll be writing for 100FD. 

Can't wait, Robin!

In other news....new date booties arrived in the mail today. In these I stand 5' 10". Men! I need you tall. 

Good for a laugh, good for a shit, and

 always better shared with friends. 

Texted my friend this pic.

Her: Jesus not again. 

Me: Always and forever. 

Again.

"Jackass! You can't see the baby tiger's face. What if the ladies think it's a fake?" 

"Yeah, that's right, buddy. Money shot."

I'm hypnotized...I want to...swipe...right.

Who needs men AND tigers when we can have men IN tigers? 

Yes.

One bird, one reptile, imagine what he can do with the snake in his pants. 

No.

Jesus-mother-of-god. I've seen the devil and it is he. 

*Have you seen any creep-show photos? Please share with me 100fd@100fd.com. I like laughing.

• Not be jerks.
• Do to others what you'd like done to you. (I mean textually not sexually)*

*Or do I? Um, yeah so my subconscious needs to get laid.

Name: Fernando (aka - the Chilean)

Height: 5'10"

Age: 32

Occupation:  marketing exec
 

Good quotes from dates: 

You seemed really conservation and quiet at first. 

I have to escort you home. I'm Chilean it's what we do.

I feel like I've known you for a really long time.

You've met me at a really strange time in my life.

Why is he still single? I don't know. He's scared?

Did he pay for the date?  Yes. He would never let me pay for dinner or cabs. 

Did he contact you after the date? For three months, yes
 

How many dates did you go on? A lot. 6 maybe.

Would you recommend to a friend? No. See 'why he's still single'

Comments:

I won't lie, by the time our third date happened, I thought that my dating/blogging days were over. I imagined drafting this post as my last because Fernando and I were in a serious relationship. Maybe I would add a photo of us to prove that he and I were real. We would be happy, and this dating project would be over at a nice even number of 88.

Instead this is a post that resembles a few others about a man that I met, that I opened up to after a few dates, that I slept with, and that I never heard from again. Writing that sentence makes me feel both sad and angry that this is still a pattern that exists in dating and that I still fall for it. 

I do believe that Fernando did like me, as equally as he liked living in the moment. And deep down I sensed something more complicated at work. However he never talked honestly about his feelings, so I can't say what was really going on. I don't think he even knew. 

He didn't kiss me until our third date. He's shy, he said. Which I thought was funny because he was so aggressive in other ways. Some days he texted things like: I want to see you. I'd say, sure when? Ready to make a plan. Now, he'd answer. Despite my reservations I'd give in because it felt exciting. He spent more money on cabs from the upper west side to my place in Brooklyn than I've spent in the ten years I've lived here. 

We went to concerts and movies and he was comfortable meeting my best friend and me meeting his from Chile. I felt like were slowly on the way to being a couple. He liked me, he said numerous times. I like you back, I said. 

We met in June and saw each other mostly during July. By August, he was traveling all over the world for work, and I went to Europe and he was traveling again by the time I got back. Our relationship went from texting marathons filled with jokes, childhood photos, and many, many emoticons to once a week small-talky messages like "Have a good trip!" or "How are you?"  The whole transition made my stomach turn.

Fernando was intense and I fell for it. He's Latin, after all. He seemed kind and generous, always bringing me little gifts and escorting me home. But these kind of qualities do not necessarily lead to any kind of relationship, I've learned. 

What does make a healthy relationship, even a budding one is regular communication. I felt him pulling away even via text messages as I expressed in this post. His behavior changed and I wondered how I, yet again, fell for a man who was disappearing.  

It's taken a while to gather my thoughts to write this because I think I had a sliver of hope that when he got back from work travel he'd say hello, and how sorry he was for disappearing. A few days ago during a run I realized this hope is gone. He was afraid of something and I'll never know what. 

I don't really care. 

A real relationship is not created from a sliver of hope that maybe, possibly he'll text me a smiley-face emoticon after a month of no communication. I'm a 35 year old mostly sane, smart, funny, woman who knows herself and knows what she wants and it isn't that. 

I needed to close this door in my head so I texted him an honest, kind message recently. I said I didn't know what happened between us, but his actions hurt my feelings. That I liked the time we spent together. He did not respond.

Luckily this is not the end. There is no photo of me smiling at the top of the post with my Latin lover. But I'm smiling as I write this. This is the beginning of me taking care of myself. Making better decisions and not wasting time wondering what could of been. I don't regret falling for him. I thank him for helping me to be more open.  

Gracias, Fernando.

 

We gazed into each other's eyes as if we could see into each other's souls, and we believed that we were made for each other. 

The "one", which neither one of us never believed in was there in front of us and we didn't want to look away and miss a single second.

Because that is the only way to really live. 

Then after an 8 hour flight reality slapped me in face, and it was rude (people at JFK airport) and humid (the weather) and smelly (cab) and loud (everything in NYC). Why were so many people yelling in terrible American accents? 

Did my romance happen at all?

Weening my body off the cheese-baguettes-rosé a day diet has not been easy. Every time I'm at a bar I search the drink menus for the rosé section. NO! I will NOT order one from California. France or bust. 

As my friend who goes to the south of France every summer said so eloquently via text, "Because France is the planet you're supposed to be on, amirite?"

She. Is. Right. 

London & Manchester, UK

• London is gray much of the time.
• Living the houseboat life is romantic.

• Coffee is unparalleled. I easily fell in love with flat whites, which are delicious and surprising. Sometimes the foam is a flower, a heart, or a unicorn (not really). Like drinking velvet.

• People are extremely polite. Even the busses that are out of service say, "Sorry, this bus is not in service." In NY there wouldn't be any sorry. It'd just say "Fuck you. Walk."
• I cannot fake a good British accent. Even after several beers my Brit friends politely shook their heads and said, "No." 
• We, as Americans, will always find Marmite perplexing.
• So much cake in my belly.

Paris & Nice, France

• French women are so beautiful and confident I contemplated my bisexuality.
• French menflirted with me without hesitation in a way that made me never want to speak to a man in NY again. 
• Paris is as magical as everyone says. 
• The riviera sun doesn't burn, it toasts everyone a golden brown.
• So many croissants and baguettes in my belly.
• Fucking wine, everyday...all fucking day. 
• I need "Je ne sais quoi" to be an actual substance that I can capture in a jar and apply liberally to everything in my life. 

Buggles - Video killed the radio star 1979 I heard you on the wireless back in 52 lying awake intent a tuning in on you if I was young it didn't stop you coming through They took the credit for your second symphony re-written by machine and new technology and

"Tinder Killed The OkCupid Star"

(Adapted from The Buggles, Video Killed the Radio Star")

I signed up online back in 2010

Lyin' awake intent on logging into you

I was younger and the boys came through you

oh-a-oh

You took the credit for a number of dates 

Here on this blog with new technology

And now I understand the online date scene

oh-a-oh

I used you daily

oh-a-oh

What happened to you?

Tinder killed the OkCupid

Tinder killed the OkCupid

We get to swipe the pictures fast,

we can't rewind or think too much

Whoa!

Oh - aoh – oh - oh – oh

Oh – aoh – oh - oh - oh

And now I meet men so much quicker

I get to match with people I like, 

And you remember, the weirdos from OKC,

oh-a-oh

You were the first one

oh-a-oh

But you are dead now

Tinder killed the OkCupid

Tinder killed the OkCupid

We know if we have mutual friends, 

We aren't strangers, we live close

Not far!

Oh - aoh – oh - oh – oh

Oh – aoh – oh - oh - oh

Alright

Tinder killed the OkCupid

Tinder killed the OkCupid

Pictures of tigers make me laugh,

I'm not going back, I've gone too far

Pictures came and made me laugh,

Put all the blame on OKC

You are... the Tinder star [x2]

Tinder killed the OkCupid [x7]

Tinder killed that OkCupid, yes it did

The Fizzle

By Gabby

It's like reaching into the fridge for a soda on a hot day excited to taste the refreshing cold carbonation, only to discover it's gone flat and is not even that cold.

How do you end something with someone you've only been seeing for couple of months? It's not quite a relationship, so what do you call it? A datingship? A summer fling? Though summer fling feels too carefree for this particular circumstance.

Circumstance being; I've been seeing someone for the past two months. During the first month I had been casually dating a few other people. However, our first date lasted 8 hours, and only increased from there, thus the rest were benched or faded away on their own accord.

We always have a good time hanging out, as we have quite a bit in common, and share a similar sense of dry humor, though simultaneously it's felt quite unnerving. He keeps wanting to hang out, but seems completely closed off emotionally, and covers any true feelings with a blanket of sarcasm and apathy. The conversations I've initiated regarding my above concern end up becoming circular and go nowhere. I've been known to disarm even the hardest of characters. But with this one I am completely worn out, to the extent I am at a loss as to how he feels about me, in turn making me question how I feel about him.

I want more, and by more I mean; more affection and more openness, and I am starting to wonder if this person is willing/able to give more, to me at least. We are both traveling this month, and I suspect if I do not reach out and open the line of communication, he won't either.

Which brings me back to my initial question. Do I persist and hang in, or just let it fizzle?

DATING IN JAPAN: One-Year-Recap

By Sarah

 Teacher, writer, photographer, lover of food and life. Check out her blog 

Daily Nibbles

Last week I was on a road trip in Hokkaido with a friend. A last holiday hurrah before we both returned home from teaching English in Japan for the year. While he was driving, I would often curl up in the passenger seat with my feet on the dashboard and catch up on blog reading when we had 3G service. I read through a lot of the 100 First Dates archives - out loud, oh yeah - and my friend told me to write a recap about dating in Japan.

I laughed.

It's not impossible, but it's difficult for Western women to date in Japan. I'll break this down in over-simplified terms. Japanese men are shy. Japanese women are adorable. Western men like adorable Japanese women. That leaves Western women out of the dating loop, unless they are a stone cold super fox. Throw in my limited Japanese, a stressful job, a rural living location, and wild curly red hair from lack of proper curly hair products, and well, I didn't have a date at all when I was 32 and living in Japan for the year.

According to any women's magazine or romantic comedy ever made, I should feel sub-human and immediately book a one-way trip to a tropical island until Sarah Gets Her Groove back.

It's okay. I might not have had one damn date, but I had a lot of self discoveries.

ONE-YEAR-IN-JAPAN recap.

The Bad.

0 - Dates. (Awww.)

1 - Email from a former crush. Luckily, unlike last year at this time, I felt nothing.

1 - Attempt at OK Cupid. Joined. Changed my dating location, something like, four times. Received a marriage proposal and a request to move to Colorado by total strangers. Quit.

1 - Shared a cab with two hot Danish backpackers in Malaysia. Flirted, then never saw them again.

2 - Failed crushes that confused the fuck out of me and caused me to write a SERIES of long and exhaustingly embarrassing emails to my besties back home detailing any interaction with said-crush, until they flopped and made me realize I still focus on the fantasy of people rather than the reality of the situation.

The Good.

I made more guy friends than ever before. Friends to go hiking, have over for dinner, go on holidays and road trips, meet up for workouts, and go on camp-outs. They would call me out when I was too hard on myself or acting crazy, push me to try new things, patiently teach me Japanese, and would even help me write my online dating profile. And unlike ex-boyfriends, these men have the potential to always be in my life. I treasure them.

I did yoga regularly. I went on more hikes in one summer than in the last five years. I tried kettlebells for the first time. I walked everywhere, and I biked almost everyday.

I traveled often - sometimes with friends and sometimes alone - and bought myself fresh flowers almost every week.

My sweet students told me that I was kawaii (cute), even on the days I was sweaty and disheveled at school.

I learned how to make homemade Hiroshima-style okonomiyaki. It's weird looking, totally unique, and incredibly delicious, so of course it's my new favorite food.

While the year could be hard and confusing and non-romantic, it also felt so insanely liberating. It taught me how to be me, which is better than any relationship I've had.

But now I'm home and everyone wants me to get back to dating.

Ganbatte ne.

By Beth Hicks

Improvisor extraordinaire & co-host of the best Podcast in world, Jarring Segue, now on itunes.

In honor of our bloggess’s fabulous post about Tinder men and their tiger pictures, I’ve cobbled together a list of advice for dudes who want to find sex, love, or rock and roll with chicks on Tinder.

Five Tips for Tinder Dudes Looking for Lady Love

1. Your picture(s) should show your best side.

This is your first impression! And that impression should not include clown make-up(true story) or loving shots of your wedding(another true story).

2. Your first message should be better than a hey.

Is this 6th grade? Don’t just say hey. Ask a question. Send a compliment. Say something interesting about yourself. Again, first impressions, dudes. They’re important.

3. Don’t ask for sex within two messages.

Being bold is fantastic. Being crude is gross. At least propose drinks before suggesting naked time.

4. Block women who don’t do it for you.

A long list of ladies you’ve matched with may be good for the ego, but a list of women you’re actually into makes your life easier and your intentions clearer.

5. Have fun.

Seriously. Laugh. Joke. Play. The best experiences I’ve had on Tinder so far have involved silliness with men I haven’t even met. This is a bare bones dating app not a UN meeting. Save the philosophy for drunken nights in Williamsburg.

My skin is tan and I've been drinking and eating too much.

 I joined an overpriced but motivating spin gym before my vacation in the hopes to not look like a bloated whale. Because I plan to be a bloated whale when I return after drinking wine and eating fromage in France. 

Every minute during the work day feels like 12 minutes, making every day feel like my own tiny hell. By 11:30am, I'm down to inbox zero. 

This leaves a lot of time to daydream and to Tinder. 

You're welcome...

*******************

Some guys want to show how nerdy-cool they are....

Sure I'm obsessed with Game of Thrones. Who isn't? 

But just as I don't pretend to be the Mother of Dragons, you shouldn't pretend to be the King of Westeros. It will not get you laid. 

Some "guys" don't want to show their faces to keep the mystery alive...

Yes. Tigers. Again. Cute.

I don't know whether to feel sorry for this monkey or give him a high-five.

Some guys want to show you they are multi-faceted...

God, NO.

Dear Lord Baby Jesus, NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. 

Not a dude. 

And some guys want you to see their command of Photoshop...

I nearly peed my pants. 

I kind of love this guy. 

Look at me petting this overfed napping tiger. I'm a bad ass and a real beast in the sack.

Really buddy? I'm in a pen with THREE tigers and they're awake. Boo ya!

Brothers, please. This young tiger is inches away from my jugular and I'm laughing about it. 

If this is the effect I have on baby tigers, imagine me with you. In bed. Wink.

I'm cuddling this baby lion like I will our future children. And you after sex. If you're into that.

I'm great with tigers and kids. I'm also in no way frightened by the proximity of this tiger's claws to my baby-maker. 

Amateurs. Everyone knows that cheetahs are the real man's big cat of choice. Notice the fear in his eyes.

So what, I'm on OkCupid, but I'm still a man. Pay no attention to the other dudes with other tigers in the background. This shit is dangerous.

Where'd you dicks get pics with tigers, lions, and cheetahs? All I found was this stuffed female lion. Yes, that innuendo was intentional. 

Fuck you guys. I don't need a penis to spoon this bitch.

**Found any big cat or just plain creepy/weird photos on Tinder? Pretty please send 'em my way, 100fd@100fd.com

Let me count the ways: 

1. You show me men nearby on my phone
2. Swipe to left if I don't like him
3. Swipe to the right if I do 
4. You tell me if we matched immediately
5. I could write him now or later
6. You tell me if we have Facebook friends or likes in common
7. You tell me his real first name and age
8. You won't tell me his height so I can't be prejudiced
9. You let me judge based on just photos allowing me to be completely honest with myself since I do that on OkCupid anyway
10. You are in touch with reality
11. You are instantly gratifying
12. You might just be about sex...
13. But I don't care
14. You've connected me to a really interesting man with an accent and we've been on 3 dates...*
15. OkCupid has NEVER done that

*Stay tuned for posts on my dates with the mysterious man from Latin America. No sex to report.

i'm seeking one woman to be my summer (and beyond) friend and lover. potentially interested? if so, let's get the ball rolling. I would be happy to email you or text you a recent photo. 

david 

p.s. no romantic cat photo

Dear David,

Not only do you not have a photo with a cat, you also don't have a photo of yourself (no, the Photobooth photo with your blurred face in 4 quadrants in 4 hyper-colors doesn't count).

Thank you. I think I'm lovely too! We're actually only a 79% match so a good match, but not awesome. I'd say 90% and above is awesome (whatever that means).

Since you mention it, I'm looking for one pool to be my best friend this summer because DAMN it's HOT. As for a friend and lover, yes that is my ideal combo for a boyfriend but I can't bring myself to respond to your email because your message and profile sound too much like an employer looking to fill a job opening. 

"Getting the ball rolling" is office hyperbole that I would never let crossover into my love life, because as much as I kid around on this blog about stats and numbers, I still believe that finding love is an intangible magical process that can't be broken down into cover letters, interviews, and to-do lists.

I appreciate your time and consideration. However I'm not the right fit for the role of "Your Summer & Beyond Friend and Lover".

Sincerely,

moi

On a steamy summer evening two weeks ago I* sat down with a funny lady and a funny guy to talk about dating. Naturally we segued from our worst dates, to sex, to money to well...you'll have to just listen. 

Catch it there, and if you really want to be cool, subscribe to the free and funny podcast on itunes

*I wear many hats in my life, including names. On this podcast I go by Lisa because it's my alter ego.