I’ve outlined some of the features about the M.O.M. Method that I love, over in my post at 5 Minutes for Mom about how to teach your kids self-reliance.

This is universal product that all families can benefit from, although the creators have found a particular niche use as well for kids with special needs including attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, Asperger’s Syndrome or executive functioning challenges.

The time management and task management programs give kids the stability and consistency they seek, and what’s even better, it puts them in the responsible role, removing you from the tough taskmaster position.

Find out more information about the M.O.M. method 30 Day Challenge in my post at 5 Minutes for Mom.

Bradford revealed 41 million pounds per year are spent looking after children in residential and foster care situations. Bradford council members and the Fostering Network Charity are asking for help.

Children who are eight to 18 years old are less likely to be adopted or even fostered, yet they need care. The request for help simply asks for experienced parents to think about becoming one of the many foster carers in Bradford as a second job or a new job.

Parents who have grown children have experience in raising well behaved and successful children. It is this experience which is needed for fostering. Many of the children come from broken homes or a hard start, and are just looking for a place to fit in. Some of the children need more care than others and definite boundaries to help them enjoy a more rewarding social experience.

Fostering is a worthwhile situation to get into for anyone who has some extra love to give to a child and the experience necessary to raise a young person no matter their background. For parents in a situation of an empty nest it can be rewarding and help bring back the enjoyment of having children around.

Fostering children is a way to save a kid’s life. By giving back to children they have a place to go. They can have dreams and feel the confidence to achieve those dreams. Bradford has a promising record with fostering children compared to other boroughs and areas of the UK.

Certainly fostering a child is not an easy decision. Anyone who wants to become a foster parent has to be committed to the situation. They have to understand one or more of the foster kids they take on may not become adopted. It is a commitment to take care of a child through their life, as a steady and loving home is truly needed. Moving foster children in and out of new homes can be difficult . Good health and a strong desire to help children in need become wonderful adults is how anyone can help the rising number of kids entering foster care or residential care.

5 Minutes for Special Needs came to life as a Sister Site of 5 Minutes for Mom through Tammy from Praying for Parker.

Tammy did a fabulous job as the volunteer Managing Editor for a long time and grew the site wonderfully. But sadly she became too busy with all the overwhelming tasks in her life and had to step down.

Since then we’ve had a couple of wonderful editors and many fantastic writers share here at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.

But over the last several months we’ve been without a managing editor here and thus the site has trickled down to only Michelle’s weekly meme of Magic Marker Monday.

We would love to see this site get back to the active place of sharing and inspiring families.

If you would like to get involved either by writing a single guest post, becoming a regular contributor or even taking on the role of managing editor, please contact us. Email us at info at 5minutesformom dot com.

Zoe will be starting sixth grade next year, and growing into who she is meant to be. She is quick to laugh and smile, full of pre-teen sass.

I have always maintained my own set of rules for Mothering Zoe. Many of them involve not making a big deal about her disabilities, within our family .. even in small ways. When she was in preschool, I was still carrying her from the front door to the car, and as she grew- I began grimacing from the strain of lifting her. Realizing this one day, I resolved to not let Zoe see, and find a different way to do things. Open family discussions about outings, which car we are taking, and  the choice between Zoe’s  wheelchair or walker remain private between my husband and I .We know what a hassle it is to strategically plan for parking and other challenges that arise- but I don’t want Zoe to know . I never want her to feel like she is too much trouble or effort.

Yet suddenly, my smart and sensitive girl sees everything. The way I huff and puff pushing her wheelchair up the hills on the walking path through our neighborhood.. as she alternates her comments between ” Are you okay, Mom, pushing me? Are you sure? ” and ” Give it MORE muscle, Mom!” On a recent afternoon trip to the mall, she weighed the excitement of window shopping  against accepting the fact that ” people will look at me!”.

The other day, I held her hands and we traveled up the stairs at our neighborhood park.She led me onto the play structure as she smiled, my hands supporting hers, providing balance where she has none of her own.And I heard her say softly to herself.. ” It’s okay if they look at me, this is funnnnnn..”

So I wasn’t too surprised when Zoe asked me the other night why people always stare at her. ” When?” I asked, curious. ” Where?” ” Everywhere, all the time”  came her easy reply. Then ” Kids.. alot.”

” Hmm, I began.. buying some time, biting my lip.” I suppose they stare at you because they are curious. You’re cute..” I added, tickling her.” And maybe, because they don’t know you, haven’t seen you before..” My voice faded, as I reached for the right words I would have to say next.

” Do people ever stare at you? Zoe asked ” Yes! ” excitedly, I began.. ” Sometimes they are surprised that I am so tall, and they look at me  longer, noticing that.” I paused then, unsure which words to use to explain to my daughter just how insensitive strangers can be.

” It’s because your different, Mom.” That’s why they look at you.”

And I looked at her knowing  …what she already knew.

I spent the majority of the past 3 weeks in a haze of Christmas frenzy, family, and…trying to avoid the news. I really think if I hear the word “Fiscal Cliff” one more time, I may have to go find it and fling myself over it!

As I was driving this morning, I thought of something.

We live in a pretty great country. I mean, I am as patriotic as they come. I cry during the Olympics. I get goose bumps when someone sings the National Anthem well. I even teared up when I was voting. You know, it’s just my thing.

However, if I may say so, I think the way we get people elected is ridiculous. A person has to be worth 570 bazillion dollars to run to begin with. Then, sh can’t really say what she wants, because she doesn’t want to make anyone mad. He makes promises that he can’t keep. So, we have a boat load of rich folks, who’d rather be on a yacht somewhere, making decisions for…me.

Now, if things went the way they should…a bunch of Moms (and probably a few Special Moms too!)  would run this country. Seriously.

• A mom can balance a budget. So what if you have to eat beans and rice for dinner the entire last week of the month…be glad you get food at all, there are starving children in Africa.
• A mom wouldn’t deal with the bickering and fighting. She’d send one to that chair and one to the other chair and threaten to ground the offenders until they were Yoda’s age.
• If anyone showed up late, a mom would pitch a fit and demand to know what was more important than showing up on time, because that is disrespectful!
• A mom would make everyone hand write thank you notes.
• A mom doesn’t care who is Democratic and who is Republican. Dang it, if y’all can’t get along and be nice to one another, you’re getting your mouth washed out with soap.
• And don’t let her hear you talking bad about the President. She may not agree with him all the time, but that man deserves respect, because he is the President of the United States, and you will remember that, Missy.
• A $9000 party dress is not necessary. Mom can run to TJMaxx and find a perfectly suitable dress, shoes, hosiery  earrings, necklace, bracelet, purse, and a curling iron and not spend but $29.99 (See also: balancing the budget).
• A mom would make sure everyone called their Granny on holidays. Or whenever else she says you need to call Granny.
• Who cares where you went to college? You went, right? Momma says that the guy who graduated last in his class in medical school is still called Doctor…
• If you lie, you fry.

So, as you can see, I’ve lost my mind over the holidays and I think far too much about things that I will never have any control over.

I wish you all a Happy New Year…may 2013 be the year of change, hope, and love for us all!

“Why?”

Because Jesus is all grown up and doesn’t want toys anymore but He remembers how great it was to get presents when He was a kid so he decided to share His with all the children who listen to their Mommies and Daddies. I got an “Oh yeah? That’s nice, Mom” look and then they went about their business unfettered by the information.

So, I took them to see “the big man in red who travels by sled” [my description] to ask for the toys they wanted. And I explained that since they are the Best Boys in the whole world, Santa was sure to bring lots of great toys for them on Christmas morning. Still, I got the “whatever” response! No matter how much enthusiasm I infused into my story-telling, all this talk of toys only resulted in The Boys responding, ” Mom. We go to toy store… Please?” Nor would they tolerate any Christmas movies… not “Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer” complete with Abominable Snowman or even my favorite, “How The Grinch Stole Christmas!” I thought for sure they’d tolerate a villain like the Grinch since he’s like a scrawny, evil Hulk wreaking havoc on the Whos down in Whoville. Not! Heck, they barely even watched “Polar Express” and, I think, only entertained me temporarily because the graphics on the out-of-control train ride are breath-taking, literally. They raised their hands in the air and screamed as though they were on a roller coaster… then they left the room to go play Wii… Bored with the whole Christmas theme developing around them!

Again, on the day before Christmas Eve when I took The Boys with me on my final trek to the toy store to pick up two last minute gifts, I explained Santa’s imminent visit, with all the store clerks nodding in agreement, “Yep, Mom’s right! All true!” No reaction…

Admittedly, even to me, none of the lead up felt quite like Christmas was actually coming this year. Perhaps the craziness of the past two months getting hit and trying to recover from Superstorm Sandy here on Long Island had something to do with it. But suddenly, halfway through Christmas Eve the air felt electrified with anticipation. Preparations were obviously underway — baking and cooking and cleaning for the various celebrations in progress. This unusual activity did not escape The Boys! Something was definitely going on!

As they played in the bath Christmas Eve night I repeated my stories including all the magical aspects of Santa’s visit and using the most fantastical words I could conjure up… and they GOT IT! Finally!

“ME? Santa gives toys to ME? ME???” Incredulous that a stranger would give them gifts for no apparent reason beside the well- known fact that they are such Good Boys! Then they proceeded to say all of the names of the good people they know – “my brother? Lala? Mommy? Daddy? Nick? Carolyn? Kevin? Sara? Me?” – asking whether each would be receiving toys. To each name I answered with an emphatic “YES!”

“TONIGHT? Boom boom boom [read: guns] Under MY Tree?

WOW! Cool!”

FINALLY!

Thankfully, the excitement subsided long enough for them to sleep well and long. In fact, only school gets in the way of sleeping in for My Boys. But I couldn’t wait for the moment when I heard them giggling themselves awake upstairs and then their meandering trek to the stairs where, at the top of the staircase, not remembering the whole magical Santa story and excitement from the night before Christmas, they’d see their stockings stuffed to the brim and piles of presents beneath OUR tree. And, at THAT moment when they recalled the stories I’ve been pounding into their good little heads for the past few weeks…. OH THAT MOMENT, when it hits them that Santa really did come through for THEM… it was worth all the trouble, all the money and all the effort in the world to witness the wonder in their smiling, angelic faces and know they GOT IT on Christmas morning…

PRICELESS!

Sure, it might have taken 300 repetitions… but those few extra explanations are just what they needed to get it! And the wonder was so worth the effort! Take the time to share the story…. as many times as it takes! More from Maggie at http://walkonthehappyside.wordpress.com.

The Christmas miracle.

When I was a little girl, I used to cry when the church sang “Away in a Manger.” My mother reminded me of this as we sat at my daughter’s Christmas pageant at school.

I thought it was terrible that God himself didn’t have a place to sleep! Growing up in a rural area, I knew a lot about farming. I had helped bale hay. I know how to feed and muck up after animals. I know the smells. Sheep aren’t always nice. Cows can kick. What if there were bugs in the hay? How did Mary not get an infection from the birth itself?

…and what if …just what if…He had been born different? What if Jesus had an extra chromosome? Or what if he couldn’t speak? What if he didn’t like the texture of the wood his earthly father taught him to work with?

As I thought through this, I realized that if he was different, he wouldn’t have taught us much.

He was perfect.

That, in and of itself, means that he loved everyone. He probably played with the little boy who sat on the playground afraid to play because he might trip. He hugged the little girl that hid her scars. He ran and played and never judged. He was never the bully. He never called the other kids names. The other moms were probably all “Oh, there’s Mary and Joe’s kid. Will he EVER stop touching everyone?” Did anyone bring her a casserole and tell her it was going to be OK?

Mary was the original special needs mom. 

Her child was perfection in an imperfect world.

We live in a world that is so….overwhelming. And lately, this world is just almost too much to fathom. Friends, remember Mary when you have a bad day. Remember the birth in a stable. Remember the boy who was too perfect. And find the perfect in this world’s imperfection. As I type, Jack is attempting to cut with scissors. I use the word ‘attempting’ loosely. But, it’s my perfection for today.

This Christmas, I’m asking you to embrace love.

Love everyone. Love when you don’t want to. Love is the only way we can conquer the hate and ugly. Love is the only way to foster change.

Merry Christmas…from my blessedly imperfect world to yours.

These young men may have, unknowingly, brought back knighthood to the our modern society.

With young men like these football players, there’s still hope for the world.

(How did this happen? Wasn’t it just January?)

The past few months have been sort of rough for us. For some reason, it seems like everything we’ve done, or tried to do, went horribly wrong. When things don’t go the way I envision them, I tend to get–shall we say–moody? Maybe not moody, but it makes me upset, because I am such a perfectionist (character flaw) that I want everything to go just the right way!

Boom. It hit me.

That is how it is to be our children. I’m sure that, somewhere in their bodies, they think “I want things to go right…for once!”

We focus so much on how to make the world better for them…and I think we sometimes forget to acknowledge the difficulty and emotions they must conquer daily. Some kids can’t verbalize this. I understand that. But maybe sometimes, a scream, or a bite, or a meltdown is just their way of saying, “Dang it! I need to be grumpy! This is not the way it should go!”

So, I’m vowing to change my attitude.

I’m going to spend this month–the month of Giving Thanks–to do just that. I want to be aware of the things that I am truly grateful for.

Today, I’m grateful for:

* A husband that puts up with me no matter what.

* Children who are not embarrassed to have the mom who wears pajamas to go to car line!

* Family who sends casseroles on rough days.

* Florida—where I can complain if it dips below 70 degrees!

* Our country–the place where we get to vote, we get to practice our chosen religion, and we get to see the human spirit soar through adversity.

What are you thankful for? (I’m thankful for YOU too!)

This is basically my week again…only different surgery on the stomach…I’ll update you later…

****************************************************************************

I get tired–the kind of tired that makes your bones ache.

Sometimes, I get grumpy too.

Hey, don’t we all?

In this ever-winding road of special needs parenting, I find myself often in a place of worry—of frustration.

Nothing seems to go right. Ever.

If there were 2 possibilities–say, vanilla or chocolate–Jack would somehow end up being banana. Even if there was no possible, plausible way for that to happen, it would.

So, you would think that I would be surprised when weirdness happens. I’m not. Not anymore.

I think I’ve begun having out of body experiences. Really. It’s like, I hear what people are saying and I’m standing there looking at myself shake my head and smile, while inwardly, all I really want to do is curl up in bed and cry.

My Mother: “What is going to happen? Who will keep Big Child? Shall I bring a casserole?”

My best friend: “What is this kid going to do NEXT?”

My husband: “I probably have to work, so…”

Jack’s stoma ate his feeding tube. Literally. As in, he is having surgery to remove his feeding tube because no one can get it out manually.

I’m not freaking out. I figure, it is what it is. My child is unique. Very unique.

I get asked all the time…”How do you do it?”

I’m telling you…out of body experience is the way to go. But you can’t tell non-special needs parents that without them wanting to have you committed. My answer is usually the same to everyone—I do what I have to do. You take your kid to soccer and to playdates…I take mine to doctors offices and surgery.

What do you do to relieve stress? How do you manage when the chips are down?

(as I write, I have a cup of coffee, 3 Hershey kisses, and I am really contemplating going to the store for gelato!)