Most of us have heard of PTSD. It’s associated with a traumatic event that often gets triggered by some experience that brings up the intense emotions associated with that trauma. Symptoms include agitation, anxiety, shortness of breath, dizziness, nauseous, obsessive thinking, etc.

But what if there is ongoing or chronic stress?

We may be suffering from what is called “Complex PTSD.” Complex PTDS typically arises when the trauma has happened over a significant period of time. In addition to the symptoms of PTSD, those with Complex PTSD can experience the inability to regulate emotions (especially anxiety), distortions in thinking and perception, relationship challenges, severe depression and the inability to function normally.

According to Medical News Today, there are a number of types of trauma that can lead to Complex PTSD, including the following:

• Childhood neglect

• Other types of abuse early in life

• Domestic abuse

• Human trafficking

• Being a prisoner of war

• Living in a region affected by war

It sounds bleak, however, giving it a name relieves some of the pressure, allowing those who are suffering to take steps to treat it. In addition, there are some promising treatment modalities that offer significant relief. The most well-known one is EMDR. 

According to the EMDR Institute: 

“EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.  Repeated studies show that by using EMDR therapy people can experience the benefits of psychotherapy that once took years to make a difference. It is widely assumed that severe emotional pain requires a long time to heal.  EMDR therapy shows that the mind can in fact heal from psychological trauma much as the body recovers from physical trauma.”

Other forms of treatment include individual, group, and family therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), meditation, hypnosis, and ideally, a combination of those.

Sometimes medication is needed as well. 

There have been some studies that have shown that expressive writing can help those with PTSD. This poem by Frank Ochberg, M.D. is a wonderful example:

Survivor Psalm

I have been victimized.
I was in a fight that was
not a fair fight.
I did not ask for the fight. I lost.
There is no shame in losing such
fights, only in winning.
I have reached the stage of
survivor and am no longer a
a slave of victim status.
I look back with sadness
rather than hate.
I look forward with hope
rather than despair.
I may never forget, but I need not
constantly remember.
I WAS a victim.
I AM a survivor.

Overall, the goal with any form of PTSD is to significantly reduce the amount of stress. Prolonged stress impacts the immune system, leading to illness and disease, complicating things further.

If you or someone you love is experiencing chronic stress, perhaps these resources will help.

• Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker
  https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/

• The Complex PTSD Workbook: A Mind-Body Approach to Regaining Emotional Control and Becoming Whole by Arielle Schwartz PhD, and Jim Knipe PhD https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Workbook-Mind-Body-Regaining/dp/1623158249/

• It's not me: Understanding Complex Trauma, Attachment and Dissociation by Anabel Gonzalez https://www.amazon.com/Its-not-Understanding-Attachment-Dissociation/dp/8409066866/

• EMDR Institute https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/

One of the best ways to penetrate through the mundane states of being is to step back and question why we do the things we do.

What is it that compels us to follow a set of rules that oftentimes costs us dearly in terms of our freedom, autonomy and authenticity?

We conform because, for the most part, it serves the greater good, even if it inconveniences us. Usually, this works. However, sometimes rules simply cease to work, or never worked in the first place and need to be looked at and changed. Often, though, these are the very rules people stubbornly hold onto because they fear change or get stuck in the “this is the way we’ve always done it” mentality.

My father questioned our man-made rules, often to an extreme. In fact, he perpetuated a mythology that fostered a family-held belief that we were above the rules and were entitled to special treatment. His argument was simply that because a specific group of human beings made the rules without consulting the rest of us, we had a right to challenge those rules or disobey them altogether. Again and again, my sisters and I witnessed him refusing to wear a tie and jacket into restaurants that required that and paying heavy traffic fines for “forgetting” to renew his license and registration. He never went anywhere without his radar detector. If there was traffic on the highway, he would simply drive on the shoulder.

This sense of entitlement and this assumption that we have a pass and can get away with things that others can’t doesn’t work. Even with an extended grace period or a long lucky streak, rule breaking catches up with us.

Believe me, I know. This lesson has come up and slapped my sisters and me in the face more times than I can count.

While I’m not advocating blinding following the herd, what I am saying is that there are no shortcuts. Yes, we need to become conscious of our actions and our thoughts, but we must respect the fact that we live in a 3-D world that is governed by both natural laws and man-made rules. Perhaps in an evolved state of consciousness, we can transcend both. However, we have to be careful not to assume we’re in that evolved state when in fact we’re not, because there will be consequences.

We may think we’re getting away with something, but skirting responsibility for our actions has an insipid way of catching up with us, either immediately and directly, or karmically, with a bit of a delay. Either way, if we don’t hold ourselves accountable, we will eventually get caught with our pants down.

Life has an infallible way of calling us to task when we try and run from facing certain aspects of ourselves. It can be humiliating and painful to have to face our own delusions, but on the other side of that is a cleaner type of freedom, which doesn’t require being on the run to maintain it.

So the best approach to rules is to approach them with a healthy balance. On one end of the spectrum, you have blind obedience, and on the other end, you have a kind of reckless “anything goes” abandon. Somewhere in the middle is an awake person who questions the way things are while at the same time navigates through life with respect for oneself and others. On rare occasions we can find ourselves with a get-out-of-jail-free pass. But these kinds of passes are not something to count on or live by. Better to just appreciate them when they do come.

The rest of the time, it’s up to us to know which rules to follow.

Each of us lives in our own self-prescribed little boxes defined by our ideas, beliefs and boundaries.  Each decision we make is made with the assumption it will provide comfort and safety, and be the best option for our well being. Some of these decisions are made by default, out of habit, and due to very old constructs and ways of seeing the world.

One of the most powerful gifts you can give yourself, is to step off the merry-go-round and take a look at the boxes you live in to see if they’re still serving you (or if you’re bold - if they ever have). If they are, but you’re feeling stifled and confined, why not stir things up a bit by changing your routine or the people you spend time with?

If you see that the boxes are no longer working, make some new choices that open some windows and doors in the way you’re living. Eventually, you may even choose to break down those walls altogether.

You can start this process by saying “yes “to new ideas and new ways of being and “no” to things that aren’t working.

It’s rejuvenating to bring new energy into your life. Taking down walls is far more radical, but the result is the same: life becomes more magical when the dimension of the unpredictable and mysterious is allowed in. You become teachable and open to the new and unknown, and ready to receive the many gifts on the other side of those walls.

When you start saying “yes” to the whole that life has to offer rather than restricting the flow by your need for control, your world expands and unforeseen possibilities appear out of nowhere. It is then that you’ll realize how much you were missing living inside of your small boxes with their endless filters and projections.

This world of delusion is where many people reside because they truly believe that a constructed, controlled world is best (read safe). It is a reactive, survivalist stance that instigates this limiting viewpoint, typically based on a deeply wounding, heartbreak and disillusionment. I’m not suggesting that the need for withdrawing from the world and licking one’s wounds isn’t worthwhile, when needed. Rather, it’s when this temporary retreat becomes a habitual way of living that a refuge becomes a prison. The longer one resides there, the more difficult it becomes to leave, requiring something of a catalytic event to change things.

I have experienced all different degrees of walls coming down in my own life. I can attest that it isn’t easy to move out of one’s comfort zone, but it is usually for the best.

Saying “yes” is another way of putting down our weapons of resistance and greeting what shows up in our lives with open arms.

I used to joke with people saying that I’d rather raise my hand and volunteer for life’s lessons and tests than wait around until I hearing a loud banging on my door telling me I’ve been drafted for that experience.  What that means is that saying “yes” is the best way to show the universe that you’d like to take your medicine the easy way, not by having to be forced.

I know, sometimes the most direct route can be rough, but it’s usually so much less dramatic and time consuming. Instead, go right up to your fears and issues and meet them halfway and ask them what they need from you. If you turn your back and run, they will follow you around making your life miserable. Plus, the idea of them is far more terrifying than the reality. I’ve found when I walk right up to the things in my life I’d rather avoid, they are so much smaller and easier to deal with than I expected.  I’ve also noticed that when I’m willing to face my demons, I score some pretty nice karmic points, and I become aware of how life seems to be on my side a bit more and even conspires to help me out.

Becoming aware of the boxes we’ve created can be done in a number of ways. One of my favorites, and one I’ve used with my clients, is to look at the things we say we always do or never do. Start there and that will show you all kinds of things about yourself. These are the boundaries that we’ve erected around us. Look at them and see if they make sense anymore. Watch your habitual ways of thinking and behaving. Chances are there are some areas that really need updating.

If you feel stuck, it is up to you to see how small your world is and do whatever you can to break down the walls and live a bigger, more expansive life.

Saying “yes” works well if you need to push through your resistance to the unknown.

Saying “no” works well if you need to stop people pleasing and accommodating others’ needs instead of your own.

Only you know which one will shift things in your life.

Have you ever considered the possibility that the society and culture you live in are designed to and in fact, encourage you to betray yourself?

Have you ever taken a moment to see how insane it is to live in a world in which self betrayal is considered normal behavior, and that it goes without saying that we’re expected to accept that and agree to it?

Self betrayal is something we learned, adopted and borrowed from our parents, teachers and world around us, absorbed it like a sponge, identified with it at such a deep level, that to do anything different feels as foreign as learning a new language.

While the self-help industry makes millions of dollars from our quest to find happiness, the society we live in does everything in its power to discourage us from finding it, living it, embodying it. For every step we take that moves us forward on the path toward self-love, the very nature of the world we live in is designed to pull us back.

Self awareness, individuality, thinking for oneself, and real freedom are rare commodities in western society. It goes against the grain of the powers that be who expect our cooperation in maintaining the capitalist machine. What is particularly insidious about this is that we are led to believe that we are free to do as we please, so we doubt our soul’s cry for freedom, discount it as self-centered, complicated and impossible. We feel guilty for our discontent, our depression and unhappiness, and blame ourselves for wanting more than we have.

All the while, we hide our desperation and grieve about feeling out of place in the scheme of things. We wonder why our self-sacrifice for the good of the whole isn’t, at the very least, rewarding us with feeling connected to each other. Instead, it isolates us in our own private confusion.

We know in our hearts that something is wrong, but we fear rejection and condemnation if we speak up about it. We fear that, we alone, carry this awareness around, believing that others somehow know some deep secret about how to make self-sacrifice work, and that if we stuff our feelings and shame down far enough, we too, will eventually discover a way to fit in.

We either recoil in horror when we see those who don’t fit in or we experience envy or jealousy when we see those who have found a way to make not fitting in work, leaving us stuck in a kind of limbo or in-between state. Both are extremes that feel foreign or inaccessible, but we wonder if living on the fringe might not be the only doorway out of this insanity.

The good news is that life presents us with some powerful tools to guide us out of the habit of inauthenticity and self betrayal. One of those tools is our intuition. Another is our body or visceral wisdom. Ideally, over time, our intuition and body wisdom begin to work in sync, essentially giving us an infallible barometer to use to move through the world. When something goes against our intuition and we have a bad feeling about it, the body responds by reinforcing it with feelings of great discomfort and even illness. When something supports our intuition and we have a good feeling about it, the body responds by reinforcing it with feelings of ease and well being.

This can give us a clear pathway to be in the flow with life, and to move through it without effort. Freedom’s not easy, but it is certainly preferable to feeling like a leaf in the wind and a victim of the world around us, especially a world that doesn’t support who we are, and is more than willing to continue to encourage us to sacrifice ourselves for the greater good.

In my experience, the greater good is served far more by modeling self-awareness and freedom. For each time you do that, it gives others permission to do the same.

The more of us who are free, the less resistance there is to being free. More and more people will feel inspired to move in that direction.

One at a time, we can change things. But it must start with us, having the courage to step to the beat of a different drummer, and say “no” to the tyranny against the individual soul. 

Have you caught the decluttering bug yet? From Marie Kondo to websites based on minimalism, from tiny homes to van life, from the rise of the sharing economy to co-working, it appears that this trend is here to stay. 

But why is the desire to scale down and purge suddenly so inviting? 

One possibility is that it’s a reactive pendulum swing away from decades of unbridled materialism. Following World War II, we entered a period of unprecedented prosperity. The post-depression economy gave the average American access to housing, cars and possessions in ways that were previously. unimaginable 

Thus, began our love affair with stuff.

Decades before the minimalism movement, comedian George Carlin created an entire stand-up routine about our stuff. It became one of his most popular segments. Since May, 1, 2007, his video “George Carlin Talks About Stuff” on YouTube has received 8,175,526 views.

On his Becoming Minimalist website, minimalist author Joshua Becker has a blog post that lists some interesting statistics about our stuff. Here are a few:

• There are 300,000 items in the average American home (LA Times).

• The average size of the American home has nearly tripled in size over the past 50 years (NPR).

• 1 out of every 10 Americans rent offsite storage. (New York Times Magazine).

• Currently, there is 7.3 square feet of self storage space for every man, woman and child in the U.S. (SSA).

• American homes have more television sets than people. (USA Today).

• Americans spend more on shoes, jewelry, and watches ($100 billion) than on higher education (Psychology Today).

• Shopping malls outnumber high schools. (Affluenza).

• Americans spend $1.2 trillion annually on nonessential goods—in other words, items they do not need (The Wall Street Journal).

Apparently, we love our stuff. We spend lots of time and energy connected with our stuff. I suspect this point to the deeper reason that minimalism has become so popular: time.

Many people who opt for downsizing often cite the desire to have more freedom and time to enjoy life rather than be enslaved to their possessions. Houses, possessions and yards require upkeep and maintenance which require time and money. When looked at though the lens of what matters more, my stuff or my time, more people are choosing the latter.

Personally, I have downsized completely a couple of times. In addition, I’ve read a number of blog posts and books about others who have quit jobs, sold their possessions and hit the road in the search of a more meaningful life. 

Most people don’t take it this far. Instead, they’re satisfied with clearing out attics, basements, garages, closets, storage units, etc. It remains to be seen where this will all lead, especially as many retailers have gone the way of the dinosaur, while a growing number of thrift and consignment stores are popping up everywhere.

Upcycling anyone?

Not everyone is a fan of minimalism. Writer, Chelsea Fagan, in an essay that appeared in The Financial Diet, calls the movement “performance art” and “hyper-curated” and “homogenous” and about “moral superiority”. She sees “minimalism as “a secular kind of religion, an add-on to the cultures of yoga and green juices and general living well by putting together a tapas platter of cultural and spiritual practices without ever fully committing to one”.”

Whether you agree with Ms. Fagan, or you believe we are genuinely moving toward a life of greater appreciation for time over things, when the dust settles, I’m hopeful that this trend will become a way of life, bringing us all into more balance.

Before I learned to read the Akashic Records, I considered myself intuitive and empathic. I had spent years cultivating and strengthening my intuition. I was pretty adept at listening to and following nudges, receiving messages here and there and tuning into my inner guidance. In fact, I was pretty satisfied with where I was intuitively and wasn’t searching for anything that would improve or expand my ability.

Then, I received the message and very strong nudge to get trained and become certified as an Akashic Records reader. This came as a total surprise, seemingly out of the blue without any connection to anything in my life. Though I had heard of the Akashic Records, I had never read a book about them, had a reading or was even remotely curious about them. And yet, I was tuned into my inner world enough to know that there was a higher purpose to this message. So after some deep searching, I found a course, got certified and started doing readings.

It changed the entire trajectory of my life.

First, it allowed me to come out of the spiritual closet professionally, bringing together two parts of my life — my spiritual life and my business — that had been compartmentalized for years. This was a huge relief for me because I finally felt that I could truly be myself in my work.

Second, and the reason for this post, is that it exponentially expanded my intuitive abilities in ways that I never even imagined was possible — the biggest opening being my incredible connection with my spirit guides and spiritual team. In the past, what came through intuitively was more hit and miss. It was often fuzzy or vague, causing me to miss important clues along the way. After accessing my Records, the messages from my guides and team became strong and crystal clear. It was as if the channel went from a small opening or trickle of information to a large opening with a free flow of wisdom, guidance, solutions to problems, business advice, health recommendations and more. It was as if I had somehow accessed my cosmic advisory team whose soul purpose was to navigate my earth journey.

Third, accessing the Records gave me accessing to information that cannot be found in any book or with any human teacher. It’s a vast library of seemingly infinite knowledge, its scope far beyond our limited human minds.

Fourth and finally, reading the Akashic Records for others has allowed me to serve in ways that are much more aligned with my soul’s mission and purpose.

I still look back and wonder what my life would be like now if I hadn’t followed that strong, but at the time, somewhat strange intuitive about the Akashic Records. What if I had ignored it because it didn’t make sense? What if I had second-guessed it and said it was crazy or stupid? What if I had doubted it because I wanted to keep things the same and not make any major changes in my life? What then?

Thankfully, none of that happened, however, it so easily could have happened. I’m sure there have been countless messages I’ve ignored on my life path. Some I’m aware of, and others I’m not because often these nudges get crushed very quickly by our rational minds whose mission it is to keep us safe, secure and comfortable.

How about you? Have you recently received a nudge to take a big leap into the unknown? Will you honor it or ignore it?

Perhaps my story will help put some courage and wind in your sails so that you can open up gifts and wonders of what’s next for you on your soul’s journey.

NOTE: Following that intuitive nudge to learn how to read the Akashic Records, many more “instructions” as I now call them, began coming through requiring regular leaps of faith into new and exciting adventures.

In an Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) Report on the Environment, it states that the average American spends 90% of their time indoors.  Given that indoor air can be five times more polluted than outdoor air, this isn’t good for our health.

Since many of us work on our computers all day or work indoors in an office, classroom, healthcare facility, etc., it can be easy to fall into the habit of going from our home to our car to our workplace back to our car and home, perhaps with some stops in between and little or no time at all outside. We mostly eating indoors, exercise indoors, engage in entertainment indoors and travel indoors with barely any thought to how little time we spend outside. 

Luckily, when the weather is nice, most of us feel more drawn to outdoor activities. However, in today’s world, our desire for comfort often overrules our body’s need for fresh air, sunshine and exposure to the natural elements. We’ve grown so accustomed to air conditioned and heated buildings, that on days where the temperatures rise or fall to levels below what’s considered comfortable, we defer to staying indoors. 

It’s easy to say spending time outside is good for our health. But that statement alone won’t usually motivate us to do it. A reminder of the health benefits might just motivate and inspire some of you to consider adding a little more outdoor time to your days.

• Fresh air. This may sound obvious; however, in the EPA’s report mentioned earlier, there is an entire list of indoor pollutants that we’re exposed to daily including carbon monoxide, particulate matter, radon, pet dander, mold, pesticides, volatile organic compounds, etc. 

• Vitamin D. According to the Harvard Health Newsletter, “Over all, research is showing that many vitamins, while necessary, don't have such great disease-fighting powers, but vitamin D may prove to be the exception. Epidemiologic studies are suggesting it may have protective effects against everything from osteoporosis to cancer to depression to heart attacks and stroke.”

• Reduces Stress. Studies have shown that spending time outside reduces stress and contributes to emotional well-being. Currently known as forest bathing, the calming effects of immersion in nature is becoming more widespread, in response to an evermore complex and fast-paced world.

• Improve Memory. A study at the University of Michigan showed that students’ memories improved after spending time near trees.

• Boost Energy. In an article published by the University of Rochester, several studies were cited that showed that spending time outside increased vitality and increased levels of energy.

• And more. There are many other studies that connect spending time outdoors with better sleep, improved focus, faster recovery times from surgery, lowering blood pressure. I would venture to guess that it would also contribute positively to creative expression, problem solving, relationships, etc. 

Finally, being outside just feels good. Plus, the sheer beauty of nature can do wonders to lift the spirits. Best of all, it’s easy to do, affordable and there’s nothing to lose by trying it.

In addition, don’t forget you can include more nature in your home or work environment by opening your windows, bringing in house plants, adding a skylight or two, creating some inviting outdoors spaces, etc. 

Rachel Carlson, author of Silent Spring, says it beautifully, “Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts. There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature — the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter.”

The deeper I entered into my spiritual life, the more I encountered the psychological issues that were keeping me in bondage. My core wound (as is many people’s) is connected with issues of neglect, abandonment and feelings of overall unworthiness. When I brush up against any of these issues in my day-to-day life, they inevitably trigger very old, ingrained reactions. The driving force of my life and my capabilities as a communicator were all defined by my deep need to express myself and be heard. Had I not been ignored and neglected by self-absorbed, overwhelmed parents, I would never have had the need to become articulate and self-sufficient, and filled with an unquenchable thirst to understand the deeper meaning of life.

The irony as I grew older, was realizing that for years I attracted people into my life that maintained this pattern of neglect and indifference, which further agitated my feelings of being ignored and unseen until it nearly drove me mad. However, it’s also pushed me to dive even deeper into inner healing work so that I could clear and hear this pattern.

Getting to know yourself and your core psychological issues and how they’ve shaped your life, is the foundation upon which any real spiritual growth is built. The two simply cannot be separated. The psycho-spiritual are as intertwined and dependent on each other as lungs are to drawing a breath.

That’s not to say that you should get caught up in analyzing your wounds and trauma spare moment, but rather spend time getting acquainted with them. Observe them. See when you have strong feelings or thoughts or reactions to something, watching for the triggers that come up.

As you get to know yourself, this won’t seem so strange or overwhelming; it will become second nature, and part of your daily experience. Over time, you’ll actually begin to notice that you are evolving, growing and stretching in ways you never conceived possible. The more you’re willing to invite these subconscious parts of yourself to the surface to be explored, the more insights will come. Instead of feeling as though you’re living in a small world defined by your past, you’ll begin to experience a world that is free of some of the boxes you’ve lived in. From this perspective, the possibilities that once seemed limited will seem unlimited.

An evolving life is an exciting life.

Growth means movement, and movement means growth.

Something as simple as deciding to pay attention to yourself can change everything.

It opens unseen doors that you never even knew existed.

Your ability to comprehend even the most complex situations begins to expand.

Your capacity to accomplish what before seemed to take huge amounts of effort, now will move into a rhythm of more grace and ease.

What becomes apparent is that our entire struggle has been caused by what’s been unconsciousness, and we alone can change it.

Benjamin Franklin said, “Games lubricate the body and mind.” Maybe it’s time to start seeing life or business as a game, at least that’s what game theorists might suggest. Developed by mathematicians John von Neumann in 1928, game theory, which could loosely be defined as the study of strategic decision-making was originally associated with a branch of applied mathematics. Now, however, it has expanded to many other areas of study including psychology, biology, and computer science. In fact, the field is so popular that according to Investopedia, “since 1970, as many as 12 leading economists and scientists have been awarded the Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences for their contributions to game theory.”

So what’s all the fuss about?

Game theory views decisions as interdependent, requiring all players to not only consider each others’ interests and decisions when creating a strategy, but to also fully explore a number of potential scenarios. There are many different types of games, however, we won’t have room to explore them here. However, we can take a peek at how to use game theory when making decisions.

Considering the interests and possible decisions of others and exploring possible scenarios would allow us to create a strategy or plan that would lead to a better outcome. The challenge is that even with all of that analysis, some of our decision-making will still be based on assumptions. This is why, in addition to a good strategy, it’s necessary to be nimble and account for the need to change strategy mid-stream and be willing to re-negotiate.

To keep it simple, let’s use game theory on a major business decision, using some simple steps. 

1. Define the players. This includes anyone involved in your decision, including yourself.

2. Make a list of possible choices available to each player. Consider what the players’ interests and values are and how that might determine their choices.

3. Create a grid of different scenarios for each player based on their possible choices. This shows clearly what all of the possible decisions might be.

4. Determine the value of each choice. Explore the different scenarios based on interests, risks and benefits.

5. Assess which strategy will offer the best outcome. Ideally, you’ll want the outcome to best serve you and the other players—a win-win situation that serves the highest good.

If you’d like to catch a quick glimpse of game theory in action, check out the scene from the the movie, A Beautiful Mind, about Nobel prize winner John Nash. He’s in a bar with his friends, and while looking at a beautiful woman has an epiphany in which he describes his view of game theory in simple terms. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CemLiSI5ox8

Finally, I’ll leave you with a quote from Einstein, “Games are the most elevated form of investigation.”

There is a Russian proverb that says, “Once a word goes out of your mouth, you can never swallow it again.” Once it’s gone, it’s gone forever, but possibly not forgotten. That is the power of words to work magic or do harm. So much depends on the speaker or writer of those words, but perhaps more depends upon the way they are received or heard. The interpretation of the receiver is all; it is where the realm of misunderstanding lies.

What we send forth in our words is only as good as the meaning derived from them by the person or persons receiving them. We have no control over how our words will be interpreted. Most of us make assumptions that people will understand our words in the way we mean them. But how often have we had to correct or repair damage done by words wrongly interpreted?

Communication is so much trickier than we assume it is. Most of the time, we operate on automatic pilot, letting words fly out here and there, trusting that they will be received as we intend.

We take communication for granted and get lazy in both our speech and our writing, resulting in messes that we’re required to clean up or suffer the consequences. This is especially true with the short hand used in emailing and texting. The room for mis-interpretation goes up exponentially because the subtle nuances of tone and gesture are missing. Plus, both are often done on the fly in the midst of multi-tasking our way through the day, and blunders happen often.

I have been on both the generating and receiving end of such mishaps, and it’s not fun to have to read and re-read our words to see what may have caused such offense in the first place. Lately, I seem to be committing less and less content than I used to, to emails. I prefer the phone. With vocal tones, you can at least hear some subtle hints at mood and meaning. Not as good as being with someone and seeing each other’s eyes, but still one step closer than the flat two dimensional world of cyberspace.

I think it behooves us all to slow down the pace at which we emit streams of words that we cannot take back. Better to say very little, (although this can also be interpreted wrongly), then to say too much. I have sometimes gone back and deleted several paragraphs from an email when I’ve taken the time to re-read it before I hit send. Yes, it’s time consuming, but not nearly as much as cleaning up the fall out from someone’s hurt feelings.

I’ve always wondered at the tendency for us to apologize when we think we’ve written an overly lengthy email. If we truly think it’s too long, why not cut out some of the extras instead?

This holds true in all of our communications. Wordiness can be due to deep insecurity that gets covered up by long drawn out explanations. Rarely, however, do people apologize for speaking too much.

Unless your intention is to let someone into your head, giving them an insider’s view of how you think, it’s probably best to keep your communication brief and to the point. Long rambling usually something reserved for people we’re getting to know. By the time we become close friends, our communication takes on a short-hand familiarity which allows us to streamline our ideas into smaller bite size chunks.

For the most part, brevity and clarity are a good rule of thumb, personally and professionally. Less to generate; less to translate; less to clean up later.

According to the National Science Foundation, the average person thinks about twelve thousand thoughts per day, whereas the deeper thinker has fifty thousand thoughts daily. Our range is rather small. You might not notice this until you start to pay attention to these thoughts. Once you do, you’ll notice a large percentage of those thoughts are not only repetitive, but they are also negative. Think of them as a ticker tape running through your life all day and night. 

Author, Norman Vincent Peale, said it well when he wrote, “Repetition of the same thought or physical action develops into a habit which, repeated frequently enough, becomes an automatic reflex.”  Take this a step further and we move into the territory of beliefs. The American Heritage dictionary defines belief as: 1. The mental act, condition, or habit of placing trust or confidence in a person or thing; faith. 2. Mental acceptance or conviction in the truth or actuality of something. 3. Something believed or accepted as true; especially, a particular tenet, or a body of tenets, accepted by a group of persons.

A belief is something we trust in without having the experience to back it up. It’s something that we come to because we’re told it’s true by someone or something outside of ourselves. A belief is something you would only put your trust in if you haven’t discovered the deeper level of wisdom that knowledge, plus experience bring. Once you discover this, you will never be satisfied with relying on beliefs alone ever again.

It’s quite simple. There’s a huge difference between eating a meal and deciding it’s good and being told a meal is good by someone else. Add to that the knowledge about the ingredients in the meal, it’s nutritional benefits and then suddenly you have the wisdom of knowing that this meal not only creates a pleasant experience, but that it is also good for your body.

Our thoughts, and our very lives, are composed of the beliefs we have. Most of those beliefs were imparted to us by parents, family members, teachers, neighbors, the media, etc. Very little is based in original thought. Instead, these beliefs are not much more than a bunch of sentences, statements and equations that we carry around with us wherever we go. They make up the filter through which we view our world, they are the foundation upon which we base our decisions, and they are our greatest source of suffering.

To see what beliefs you’re carrying around, you can begin by simply noticing what you think and what you say to others. Pay attention to statements that have the words “always” and “never” in them as well as statements that contain absolutes in them or assert a position around anything. These types of statements are rigid and typically hold a lot of power in their ability to influence your behavior.

Are you more than the sum total of your history?

Of course you are. But you may never know who you really are with all that clutter and debris in the way. It’s probably time to do a little house cleaning. Why not start by opening up the doors and windows to let in some light and fresh air? Next, take a good look around and notice if any of those beliefs feel old and outmoded. That’s probably due to the fact that they were never yours to begin with, only borrowed from others. 

To get to what’s real and authentic, you’re going to have to start throwing stuff out.

Literally, toss it out.

Let it go.

Free yourself up. 

Move into the future with a lighter load.

Without the past weighing you down, you open yourself up to new possibilities, new choices and ways of being not available to the person you believed you were. Wipe the slate clean. Start over. Surprise people with the new you..

Letting go of your personal history–your story–is a powerful act of rebellion. It is when you become the greatest advocate for yourself. You reclaim and retrieve what is needed and walk away from the rest. This does not mean that you cut all ties, but rather it means that you rise above those biographical, ancestral limitations and allow yourself to express yourself as you really are.

Unencumbered by the past, you are free to become a child again. You become open and receptive and teachable again. The mind and heart become energized by having new options, and being no longer restricted by our thoughts of what we can and cannot do or have or be.

This childlike state makes life feel magical and exciting. This is where we find joy. Most of us had glimpses of this simple feeling when we were children, but over time it got crushed by all the responsibilities and duties and obligations to participate in the societal machine.

We can say “no”to this freedom killer and “yes” to ourselves.

Begin now by paying attention to your thoughts and words.

Take nothing at face value.

Question everything.

Before long, you will notice your being begins to stir as if awakening from a long sleep. You’ll be breathing new life into an old structure.

This is the invitation your being was waiting for. Now follow it where it wants to go. You’ll be amazed at where it takes you.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned from my life journey is how much more peaceful it is to be with what is rather than being attached to how I want it to be. This requires being present and open to what is unfolding exactly as it is with NO resistance! It's very powerful to meet life right where it is and to be right where you are. (And, of course, it’s also a work in progress.)

Whether we know it or not, we’re all living in uncertainty ALL THE TIME! Being a business owner this is front and center much more often than it is for those that have a regular paycheck. I’ve lived with faith and trust in the uncertainty of the unknown for most of my adult life. I’ve learned that I HAVE to trust that all is well or I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. If I let fear run the show or drive my decisions, I wouldn't be able to function. 

Instead, I practice fully immersing myself in the present with big doses of gratitude for what I DO have. This moment is all any of us really have anyway, so why waste it on worrying?

As long as I'm doing my part and showing up with integrity, working hard in alignment with my inner guidance, I know I'll be taken care of. This approach has proven itself again and again in my life.

I take nothing for granted these days. I simply can’t afford to be too attached to or caught up in my story or my circumstances because, as I now know fully well, they will change. Living on the existential edge as I often do keeps me more awake to my good because every little thing I have is SO precious. 

I like viewing every little thing in my life as a miracle.

Having a car that works is a miracle...

Having a roof over my head is a miracle...

Having clothes to wear is a miracle…

Having a place to work is a miracle…

Having an online business is a miracle... 

Having a healthy body is a miracle…

Having a loving family and good friends is a miracle…

And so on.

Yes, it's a lot of work being an entrepreneur. I have to spend huge amounts of time in front of my computer but I have time to write and total control over my schedule, which I absolutely LOVE!

Choosing what is makes it all flow and keeps the anxiety in check. I find peace and joy in little pockets of experience, not in day-to-day security, stability, schedules and social conformity.

I'm blazing my own trail and there's no looking back. There is only now and that's pretty miraculous to me.

We live in a house of mirrors—the people and circumstances in our lives reflecting back pieces of ourselves. It’s our reactions to these reflections that teach us the most about ourselves: what attracts us, repulses us, makes us angry or sad, open or shut down becomes our unique signature in the language of our experience.

These reflections also show us what we look like in different contexts. Sometimes we like how we show up and what we see, and sometimes we don’t. We resemble so many bits and pieces of broken glass turning in a kaleidoscope of daily interactions—always new, always changing, always becoming. 

We’re so much more than the sum total of all of the reflections in our lives. The concepts, ideas, projections and assumptions that are thrown at us from the outside world only make up a small, and frankly, quite a messy composite of our identity. It is really nothing more than a mask or persona that we associate ourselves with and wear in the same way we wear items of clothing.

However, when our buttons get pushed, it can feel like much more than that. And nothing pushes our buttons more than someone who reminds us of the parts of ourselves we’d rather forget. The last thing we want to do is spend time with someone who stirs up the ugly uncomfortable stuff we thought we’d dealt with already or who shoves the hideous underbelly of our personality right in our face. Ouch!

Our reaction is typically to find the quickest route out of there—anything to get away from having to see THAT and be around THAT right now. Sometimes that’s not possible, and we need to simply find a way to be with the person who makes us SO uncomfortable.

Being around a person who mirrors some of our deepest, dirtiest, nastiest crap can be excruciating AND it can be the best teaching tool around. Instead of running, try turning right around and seeing what there is to see. If you don’t like what you see, perhaps it’s because it feels a little too close to home or a little too familiar.

Therein lies the gift.

This person is dishing it out so eloquently so that you can see what it feels like to be on the receiving end of such attitudes and behaviors, so that you can know it so well and so fully, that by the time you catch your breath, you may even decide to NEVER, EVER act like that toward anyone again.

That person that pissed you off just became your greatest teacher and offered you up a precious opportunity to evolve and grow that cannot be bought or found in a personal growth book or workshop. No, this opportunity to evolve came directly from the school of life, right there in the comfort (or in this case discomfort) of your daily life.

Pretty amazing how that works. Everything we need to grow is right there in front of us. Endless invitations to master the human condition given to us as one of the perks of being alive. Imagine that.

But wait, that’s too easy.

Beyond these mirrored reflections, who are we really? The answer is really quite simple: we are what is seeing the reflections, we are what is hearing the voice in our heads, we are what is feeling the emotions and we are what is moving the body in its dance with the world.

But who, we ask, is that?

Who, indeed, is life’s greatest mystery and life’s greatest gift. It’s the motor that drives the whole machine, and is the constant hum of life force buzzing in the background of our lives. That, my friend, is who we are.

We’re part of this whole wild and lovely consciousness that is expressing itself like mad across the universe of existence. Everything we see is merely a reflection of that doing its thing in us, through us, around us.

As business owners, many of us focus on taking grounded, practical steps to maintain and grow our businesses. Beyond that, we can all use a little help.

Throughout history and across cultures, kings, political leaders, scientists, inventors, business owners and the like have consulted oracles, astrologers, psychics, mediums, shamans and other gifted intuitive guides for insight and guidance about minor decisions as well as major undertakings.

Why has this practice been so prevalent? Because it’s extremely helpful to see our relationships and circumstances from a higher perspective and viewpoint. As humans, we all have blind spots and are, due to the very nature of the way our lives are designed, not easily able to see the big picture of what’s unfolding in and around us. It’s as if we’re viewing life from the perspective of being in a valley, and by consulting with someone who is intuitively gifted, we can be shown how things look from the top of the mountain, allowing us to rise high enough above what’s happening to gain some much-needed clarity.

Unless you’ve cultivated your intuition over a number of years, it’s tough to do this alone. And even if you do have strong intuitive gifts, it can still be extraordinarily helpful to receive information and guidance from someone versed in seeing from the perspective of the higher realms.

As a business owner myself, I’ve benefitted greatly from working with intuitive guides and counselors, coaches and guides over the years. The shifts I’ve experienced as a result have been significant and life-affirming.

In my own work with the Akashic Records, one of the biggest benefits I’ve seen with my clients has been the relief and peace that comes from receiving validation and confirmation about what they sensed might be the “right” decision or path to take. It’s inspiring and extremely empowering for them. For business owners this is especially true. Certain decisions can make or break a business. Receiving validation for a decision as well as information about the potential steps to take makes the decision-making process much less intimidating and overwhelming. Plus, it fosters trust in their own intuition, which, in turn, builds confidence.

This is a big reason why I love working with business owners in the Akashic Records. Seeing the relief as the clarity comes in is beautiful to witness. In addition, Akashic Records business readings often weave the personal and the professional together into a seamless whole so that the boundaries between the two fall away, helping business owners experience a greater understanding of how the two aspects of their lives intersect and impact each other.

From the higher soul perspective, the personal also become universal in that many universal themes and messages come through in the reading which connects each person I’m reading for to the Divine realm of universal wisdom and insight. This is why one woman exclaimed after a reading that she felt as if she was speaking with her Higher Self. The Higher Self or Soul Self viewpoint is timeless, limitless and is by its nature connected with the infinite Intelligence that’s available to all of us.

In essence, there can be a beautiful dance between our day-to-day grounded, practical lives and the mystical, magical etheric realm where all our questions can be answered and the secrets to how life works can be found. Running a business that works in that flow will provide resources, support and guidance that can enhance and elevate the energy of that business and those it serves.

Interested in an Akashic Records reading for your business?

“Yoga is not just repetition of few postures - it is more about the exploration and discovery of the subtle energies of life.” ― Amit Ray, author of Yoga and Vipassana: An Integrated Life Style

Yoga is more popular than ever.  According to a 2017 National Health Interview Survey from the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health, the number of adults doing yoga in the U.S. jumped from 9.5% in 2012 to 14.3% in 2017. The Yoga Alliance reports that Americans spend $16 billion on yoga classes, clothing, equipment and accessories each year. 

Unlike in the eastern world, where yoga has its origins as a spiritual practice, in the west, yoga has become another form of physical exercise. Power yoga, for example, can be found at many gyms across the country. As with any type of fitness program, injuries are possible. In fact, some people should avoid yoga altogether, or at the very least, be careful about which postures they do.

The National Electronic Injury Surveillance System (NEISS) found there were 29,590 yoga-related injuries seen in hospital emergency departments from 2001 to 2014. The trunk (46.6%) was the most frequent region injured, and sprain/strain (45.0%) accounted for the majority of diagnoses. That same study found that adults 65 and older were at the greatest risk for injury. 

This many seem obvious; however, many people assume that yoga is harmless because it appears to involve simply stretching or holding postures. It is seen as highly beneficial because its proponents focus on how it improves balance, flexibility and strength. Therefore, what’s not to love?

Quite a bit, especially for those with pre-existing neck problems, herniated disks, arthritis, osteoporosis or osteopenia, or are at risk for a stroke. Yes, you read that right. In some rare cases, people have had a stroke as a result of certain postures. This is due to an undiagnosed condition such as a tear in the right carotid artery,

This post is not intended to scare people away from doing yoga, because for the most part, the benefits of yoga far outweigh the risks. Rather, it is an invitation to educate yourself about this increasingly popular practice and to introduce you to some helpful tips and a wonderful resource that will help improve your practice and reduce the chance of injury.

Tips

1. Check your instructor’s training. There are yoga training programs all over the world churning out thousands of teachers. Not all programs will have the same standards Make sure you take a class with a qualified instructor that has attended a school approved by The Yoga Alliance. According to The Yoga Alliance website, “The Yoga Alliance sets minimum standards for teacher training programs.  Programs that meet these standards and pay a fee can market their trainings as ‘Yoga Alliance Approved’. Graduates of these trainings can then register with the Yoga Alliance and then promote themselves as RYT – Registered Yoga Teachers.  Registration is available at 4 different levels: RYT 200, E-RYT 200, RYT 500, and E-RYT 500. The E stands for experienced and indicates a certain number of hours teaching since the completion of teacher training.”

2. Be honest about your needs. Let your yoga teacher as well as your yoga studio know if you have any pre-existing physical issues that may necessitate that you refrain from certain poses and postures. Most teachers will give you an alternative posture to do instead.

3. Talk with your health service provider. If you have any serious medical issues, it may not mean that you can’t do yoga. Explore this with your naturopath or physician to see if yoga is right for you. It’s possible that a gentle or restorative class will work well for you.

4. Don’t push yourself. Yoga isn’t a competition. Yes, some students may be able to do amazing head stand, hand stands or beautiful back bends, but pushing yourself too quickly to accomplish specific poses may result in an injury. 

5. Listen to your body. When it comes to your body, you are the expert. You will know better than anyone when a pose doesn’t feel right. Your teacher isn’t a mind reader and won’t know when you’re uncomfortable or have gone too far.

6. Pace yourself and use props. Move through your class at a pace that feels comfortable. Stretch just enough, but not too much. Let yourself have time to breathe. And by all means, use props! That’s why they’re there. No need to prove you can do more than what feels right for you.

Years ago in the movie, “Minority Report”, the pre-cogs (people who were able to see the future) were kept in isolation and all outside stimuli was reduced so that their ability to perceive was intensified. Though it involved exploitation and corruption, the message of the movie carried a grain of truth: Reduce the external noise and the internal intuitive voice and visions get really strong. Because when the intellectual and logical mind tries to figure out the intuitive information it can distort, interrupt, disrupt, and sabotage it.

Our intellect, (aka) ego “monkey” mind) must be quieted significantly for us to be able to fully tune into and hear our intuition and follow that without sabotage. Yes, we need our intellect. It’s a necessary tool for moving through and relating to the world, but it also turns down the volume and reduces the flow of our inner knowing if we rely on it too much.

In order to listen to our intuition or inner voice, we need isolation, quiet and reduced stimuli . When there is too much noise, stimulation or interference, it blocks the flow, changes and distorts it.

Unfortunately, there is little support in the world for this. In other cultures (mostly indigenous), people who had strong intuitive gifts were respected, not judged. They were allowed to be eccentric and spend time in isolation nurturing themselves and their gifts.

In our culture, there is still so much resistance and judgment of people who feel called to use their intuitive gifts. Many choose one of two extremes. They either hide the fact that they “see and hear” things or they commercialize it. For those who spend time hiding it, the day-to-day trajectory of life can be excruciatingly painful because they are expected to keep their focus on the left-brained logical world. For those who commercialize it, there are innumerable challenges including getting caught up in ego inflation, creating dependence in others, and losing a sense of self and purpose. 

Either way, it can be difficult to "fit in”.

Is there a middle way?

Yes, this requires a life balance. It’s not unhealthy to spend too much time on the inner. It can leave us ungrounded. However, those willing to spend a significant amount of time there and who know how to navigate it, would benefit great from support, not judgment and rejection.

I trust that soon as humanity and the earth shift into a new paradigm, those that have cultivated these gifts will become valued members of our culture. They will shine like a guiding light through the darkness. 

Without change, and especially without movement, life grows stagnant. We cannot rest on the laurels of past achievements or actions. Old stale air will resuscitate no one. Water that has been sitting is not sustaining to life. Relationships without regular infusions of new energy wither.

Change is not like a bus.

We cannot always stand around waiting for things to happen.

Sometimes, we simple have to stir things up, rattle the cage of our lives and create some momentum. Movement alone can be a curative to the dead zones of our consciousness, jolting them into wakefulness again.

Sameness and predictability lulls into complacency and dullness.  We need some edges in our lives to keep us sharp and focused. So before we get slammed by the bus of unexpected change, it is far better to take off running into the abyss of the unknown.

Do something that makes you nervous and uncomfortable. Give yourself a shot in the arm once in awhile, just to feel the rush of alertness pulsing through your veins again.

We can always count on things to change.

We can hold onto nothing.

When we’re suffering, this can bring us hope that the suffering will eventually pass. When we’re experiencing pleasure, this can trigger feelings of fear that we will lose what we have. But alas, you can’t have it both ways.

Life is always moving, changing, growing and seeking the unknown, the fresh, the new. Better not to look back longingly at where we’ve been. Sure, mourn the passing and falling away of what was, but stay in the now with it. Hold it close to you for awhile, and then release it to fly into the ethers of time. Clinging to it will only delay your departure into the future.

Not easy to trust this transience.  It can leave us feeling powerless and out of control. Like a strong wind that whips through and knocks things about, it’s force can be intimidating, revealing our smallness in the scheme of things. However, the humbling aspects of change are really only made worse by our resistance to it. When we fight it, we tend to rail at its agenda, because we cannot see the bigger picture of how the whole thing is unfolding. We haven’t a clue how it’s ultimately going to play out. Our narrow vision keeps us in the dark, for a while. Only in retrospect can we connect some dots and integrate the experience. However, sometimes, we remain in the mystery of it.

Pulling the lens back can remind us that we are part of the bigger dance of life, and our role is shifting to accommodate many layers of unseen dramas playing out on the large screen. Releasing our grasp so that we flow with it rather than against it, can reduce the number of bruises and complications along the way.

With time comes wisdom gained from experience, and eventually we begin to expect change, maybe even greet it at the door or even better, go looking for it. Because when we’re no longer being fed by our current circumstances, we may recognize the call to stir things up, move them around, rearrange them or even let them go completely.

There is something life affirming when you initiate change in your life. There may not even be an obvious reason to do it except that you haven’t done it for awhile. The process itself introduces you to aspects of your being that were dormant or buried under layers of other stuff, and are now finally coming to the surface for expression.

We’re so much bigger than the narrowly defined boxes our lives reflect. So it can be absolutely rejuvenating to open all those doors and windows of our being again. The fresh air feels so good as it moves through the dank and stale rooms, the light penetrating the darkness.

The invitation to change your habits, routines, ways of thinking and being and doing is always there, it’s just a matter of deciding when to heed this calling out to shed those dry layers of old dead skin, so that you can become pink and new and open again. Resurrection—forever a metaphor for change— is about replacing the old with the new, and rising out of the ashes of what has been burned down.

Life is change and renewal. The cells of our bodies mirror this constant death and birth cycle. So much change is happening without our even thinking about it.

It can be an interesting exercise then to take a moment and reflect on which aspects of our lives are stagnant and dead.

What areas could use an infusion of energy or even an entire makeover?

The answers can either be exciting or terrifying…or a perhaps a little of both. Regardless, whether we initiate it or not, we can always count on things to change.

Before you dive into reading this post, close your eyes, take a couple of deep breaths and spend one minute in silence reflecting on the word “gratitude”. Think of three things that you feel grateful for right now. When you’re ready, open your eyes and write them down.

Gratitude is a big part of my life. For number of years, I've kept a gratitude journal in which I write down a list of my blessings. I like to start my day out with a gratitude practice because it 's very easy to get caught up in what's missing and what's wrong, so this practice helps me to focus on what it is that matters. It also opens my heart.

A gratitude practice can also be a wonderful way to wind down from your day before you go to sleep. You can reflect on your day and and notice what you appreciate about that day.

One of the best times to do a gratitude practice is when you’re feeling stress, anxiety, anger and frustration because everything seems to be going wrong, you're mad at the world and you just want to hide under the covers.

We all have times life this. We all have times when life is too much or we feel abandoned, lonely, lost, and maybe even heart broken. Even if it seems difficult, this is one of the best times to pause and tune in to see if there's anything that you can be thankful for in that moment.

Why?

Because gratitude is the fastest way to shift your frequency.

Because gratitude builds a bridge to love.

Because gratitude soothes and helps regulate the nervous system.

Not long ago, I read something about how the our brains are wired to focus on what is wrong. It’s our human default to make sure we're safe and everything's fine in our environment. It’s helped us survive.

But we need to move past survival level. To do that, we also need to focus on what’s good in our lives. Many of us don’t pause long enough to acknowledge what’s working, what we’ve achieved or accomplished or what blessings have shown up for us. We’re too busy focusing on what we don’t have or what’s missing or wrong.

This keeps us in a state of always striving for more and chasing the next task, goal or shiny object that has our attention.

Our ego tells us that if we have the “right” relationship, live in the “right” place, have the “right” job, the “right” amount of money in our bank account and so on, we’ll be happy.

But the happiness isn't outside of us. If you live for many years, you already know this. You’ve already discovered that once you have one of those “right” things, it isn’t long before you’re striving for something else. This is when you start to realize that happiness is never going to be outside of you and the only place that you can experience happiness, joy or peace is within.

Ideally, we want to arrive at the place where we know that these internal states are based on the choices we make. Because what we think about and what we focus your attention on is what shows up in our lives.

If you want to test this out just pay attention to young children. Their happiness comes from just being alive—from seeing a flower or a butterfly or an acorn or an apple growing on a tree.

As adults, we’ve become too serious.

We’ve forgotten how to play.

We’ve lost our ability to be in a state of wonder.

We’ve missed out on so much of the beauty and joy that surrounds us every day.

This brings me back gratitude.

Appreciation of what is can open us back up to that playful wonder, beauty and joy. This softens the edges in our lives a bit and gives us some spaciousness to allow in what feels good.

When we’re in a rush, striving and focused on survival, we become very tight and constricted, which creates sharp edges and makes life feel limited.

A gratitude practice is a beautiful tool to add to your spiritual toolbox that you can access whenever you need to lift yourself out of victim or survival mode, or whenever you need to do a bit of alchemy to create a shift in your state of being. Used daily, it can help build an open-hearted foundation for your day.

Underneath the surface of our individual lives is a powerful investment by Life for us to grow and awaken to our true Nature. At times, Life is relentless in its pursuit of the highest good for us and the people around us, no mater what it takes.

Non-resistance is one of the greatest tools anyone can have on this human journey—neither fighting nor running from whatever experiences Life throws at you. Accepting it and embracing it all serves to lessen its ability to move you off center. In fact, if you truly welcome it, it may simply pass you by like a strong wind.

A stance of non-seeking and non-striving gives you an even greater advantage over Life’s lessons. It’s a pain reliever because it removes the element of pain and suffering that is directly connected to clinging and attachment. It also relieves a great deal of efforting. 

Acceptance and receptivity have softness about them. The hard edges become smoother when we stop fighting the way it is and listen.

We need to see ourselves as students and Life as our Teacher.

The dilemma is that we have a tendency to hold onto situations and relationships that are outmoded or inappropriate for our growth or are saturated with too many other people’s ideas for us. We hold onto them because of old habits and beliefs and ways of thinking. They are familiar and comfortable and make us feel safe and secure. We may even feel a strong inner nudge to put them down, but we resist because we like our way of doing things, and we don’t want things to change.

It’s best if we hold everything in our lives more loosely. Change is inevitable and far better for us to seek it out and meet it at the door, than wait until we have no choice about it.

All of this sounds okay on paper, but to put into practice is a whole other ballgame. In the midst of any major growth experience in life, we may feel as though our entire lives are on the line or at least our sanity. Everything may seem to be unraveling at once and we are simply falling through space with nothing to hold onto. Everything we’ve ever known goes sailing past us and we can no longer define ourselves by our association with it.

We have to be willing to be born again and again, fall down the rabbit hole in one place and come up in an entirely different place.

Not all growth experiences are this radical. Some changes are smaller and more gradual. But others—the life-altering ones we remember that stretch us beyond our wildest dreams—tend to split us open at the core and turn us inside out, purifying and purging us from top to bottom like a spiritual colonic.

But, as with a violent storm that thrashes and tears up the earth, a quiet and beautiful calm always follows, making the intensity seem dream-like and surreal and leaving us questioning its existence.

We may seek out comfort in friends, but often they’re experiencing something entirely different from us, and therefore, they may only be able to offer us a temporary band-aid because they cannot do the work for us. It’s a solo journey. Friends and lovers, teachers and family can provide some solace, a shoulder to cry on or some kind words, but unless they have walked a similar path, the comfort will only go so far.

Far better to find kindred souls who resonate with with journey. Life will often bring these people into our lives at just the right time. What happens then is a deep recognition and communion, which will allow for deep healing. Our souls sync up and we walk together and support each other through the lesson.

But, there is a risk here. We have to be careful not to become dependent on these other souls beyond our need for connection. Our soul’s evolution is still a personal and private one, that though it can be shared and the burden lessened through our sharing, it is still a road we ultimately have to walk alone.

Our suffering makes us human and binds us to each other. Our vulnerability opens our hearts and makes us receptive to others’ pain. But we cannot let ourselves fall into this support and make ourselves at home there or use it as a place to hide out.

On a soul level, our primary purpose is to grow and evolve. We can stop and rest along the way, but the journey must continue. Lest we make the mistake of forgetting this and jump into another’s field of being as a mode of retreat, we may experience that person being yanked right out of our lives.

So, what to do? 

Let Life teach us and guide us.

Learn to follow instead of lead. This doesn’t mean being passive. Rather, it means letting go of our need to control and direct the show. We’re really nothing more than players in a very large drama being played out. This doesn’t mean that we relinquish the passions in our hearts. The trick is in knowing how to express those feelings through the part we’ve been given and letting it happen through us. 

Life becomes magical this way.

Imagine a play in which all the actors tried to direct the dialog and scenes and actions. It would be total chaos. The same is true with an orchestra. The symphony happens when there is one conductor who leads and the musicians follow. Each is important to the whole; each plays their own notes, but under the direction of one, they make a sound that is not chaotic but symphonic.

Life is like this. Our lives become chaotic when we are try and direct things. We don’t listen long enough to learn our individual parts and see how they can help us make music with the whole. Instead, we rush through things and miss the small details and messages and opportunities life gifts to us.

We’ve all had conversations with someone who seemed to busy and distracted that we didn’t feel they’d heard a word we said. Entire chunks of life are missed this way. Many people who have had a near brush with death come out of it with a strong awareness of the preciousness of life. Their priorities shift, they take time to really soak in all that life has to offer, whereas before they took it for granted.

What can you do right now to be more present for what is in your life so that you can glean what you need and move forward with grace?

In what ways are Life and your soul calling you to grow and evolve?

Life is like a spiral, and we cycle through many of the same themes again and again. Part of that cycle includes plateaus and dead zones, where our range seems void of highs and lows and seems to be one long plateau.

These periods can feel dry and barren, devoid of moisture and sustenance, lacking in the high peaks of passion and joy as well as the low valleys of despair and pain. It’s the exact opposite of the way we feel when we fall in love, when all of the senses catch on fire and light up the world. Rather, this feels calm and safe and predictable, and also a bit dull.

I’d like to think it’s a lull before a massive wave rises and slams us against the surf — a calm before the storm when everything is almost too quiet. The eye of the hurricane. The hub of the wheel. Chaos all around, but there’s a feeling of being inside of a bubble, protected, but cut off. In a kind of soundproof room or sanctuary, away from the maddening crowd.

These quiet, dry periods devoid of drama, must serve a deep purpose: a time to regroup perhaps, to assess where we are, where we’ve been, and where we’re going. During these times, we may recognize a need to make changes. If the fire has gone out in our lives, perhaps we need to look for new oxygen to get it burning again.

A lack of excitement and energy can be restful for a time or it can be an indication that a situation or relationship is draining the energy out of our lives. Hanging out in our comfort zones is fine for awhile, but it can make us lazy and complacent.

It can be so difficult to pull ourselves out of this place.

Sometimes it takes a shock or a jolt to get things moving again.

It is so much easier when at rest to stay at rest, and when moving, to keep moving. Momentum is a precious thing, but all things change and shift and require us to adjust continually to the different currents flowing through and around us.

Personally, I struggle with resistance when I cycle around into one of these flat periods. I get antsy, impatient and frustrated, forgetting that it WILL eventually change. It ALWAYS does. Sometimes I just have to ride it out, be with it as it is.

I try and look for the benefits of the quiet.

When I think back to periods of extreme highs and lows, I can romanticize them, editing out the painful parts and longing for the good stuff. It’s helpful to remember the bad parts as they’re kind of a reality check for those dramatic periods.

Of course, when change comes and life gets really intense again, I may long for a flat, quiet time, idealizing it and conveniently forgetting the downside.

The issue here is not being satisfied with the present, whatever it may be. The mind likes to imagine there is always someplace better than here, usually in the past, but sometimes daydreaming about the future. In this way, we miss where we are right now and the gifts it brings.

Wherever we are, it helps to remember that we cannot hold onto anything, so why not hold it the way a child would, with wonder. Because we never know when it will be gone.