Daily Adventures of the SAHM

11/2 - Wind

2023-11-02T12:22:00.001-07:00

Its a powerful moment when you realize you're doing too much. You're carrying too heavy a load. You're slipping.

I have to slow down.

Not everyone is intended to endure much more than a breeze.

Storms are creeping in cast me toward the tide and the winds are whipping at my body. I'm looking back and forth from the safety of the sand and the angry waves of commitments and subtle but sincere acceptance of projects and fundraisers and volunteer opportunities and shuttling shorties from one extra-curricular to the next, all in the name of socialization of the middle-class.

I don't want the waves. I don't want to drown at sea. I want sanity and safety and the comfort of my husband and children in the evening hours. I've come to dread the middle of each month with how overwhelmingly windy they seem. Its only November 2nd, but I'm already staring at the calendar for next week with dread.

11/1 - Heartbeat

2023-11-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

The sun is intense today and reflecting off the roof of my office. There is a steady drip drip drip from the gutters and it feels as though today has its own rhythm. Today has its own heartbeat. drip drip drip

As I start another day in my periwinkle office, another morning of warming water for tea and watching the sun wake up the neighborhood across the highway, I feel so fresh. There is a fresh dusting of snow and the spooky season is now done. Its time for family and friends and celebration of blessings. drip drip drip

Its steady. The day is steady. I'm slightly crazy from lack of sleep and repercussions of a bad decision (fueled by the shortage of my ADHD medication) that came to a head in the middle of the night. I drifted back off to sleep, only to be woken time and time again by that reminder of my sloppy spontaneity. By 3 am, I gave up hope and succumbed to the allure of my digital addiction. drip drip drip

My office mate, Gus, needed a break so we headed outside for a short walk in the cold sunshine. As he sniffed and lifted his leg and dug and pulled, I had an intense feeling of belonging. Being where I belong. Contributing, assisting. Comfort of security. Nothing is perfect, but I'm helping make change. drip drip drip

And now here I sit midday, feeling ready to make plans and hopes and goals for the new month. I'm moving forward in the next phase of my 39th year and the typical anxiety of this time of year has lessened. November feels good. drip drip drip

39

2023-03-29T08:03:00.001-07:00

Year 39 is dedicated to living intentionally.

I’m going to read.

I’m going to play.

I’m going to pray.

I’m going to get stronger.

I’m going to take longer.

I’m going to enjoy.

I’m going to love on my man-boy.

Every day I don’t live intentionally, I’m wasting. I don’t want to waste a second.

This is my year.

And Then

2023-01-19T06:57:00.001-08:00

It’s been a freaking week. The problem with that statement is that it is only Thursday. And my week? While heavy, it’s pretty insignificant compared to so many others I love. I woke up feeling sorry for myself (at 3 am, mind you… moments before the pup decided it was a good time to puke. 😳) and carried on that heavy emotion throughout the morning.

And then

And then after remembering all the other shit of the world, and the heaviness of the week, and the amazing humans in my life - both adults and kiddos - I told myself that it was time to knock that nonsense off.

I ran upstairs and changed into an outfit that was both comfy and would make me happy. I changed out my earrings, even.

I threw a splash of makeup on my exhausted face, including a swipe of my favorite lipstick color.

I blasted some Britney Spears.

Yes, my daily smoothie maybe has a black coffee base versus the typical almond milk.

Yes, my lunchtime routine may be altered by a quick siesta at my desk.

The only thing we have guaranteed to us is this moment. Let’s make the most of it.

Hurt

2022-12-03T08:13:00.000-08:00

It hurts.

It hurts when people you care about say they want your time, but won’t make time for you.

It hurts when you are desperate to interact with someone outside of work and you realize no one is available.

It hurts when you tell the good stories and are told you are “humble bragging”.

It hurts when you tell the bad stories and are told you only complain.

It hurts to give everything to kids at school and be told that you aren’t giving enough.

It hurts to come home at night and have nothing left to give to your own family.

I‘M hurting. This is a cry for help.

I don’t know how to do this much longer.

The smiles are always forced.

Shutting up and down

2022-12-03T03:59:00.001-08:00

When it’s something good that happened or a sharing of a compliment, it’s a humble brag and I’m ridiculous.

When it’s a story of frustration or hurt, all I do is complain.

Almost 34 hours ago exactly I learned a new truth: my worth is simply shutting up, smiling and nodding when appropriate.

Annual holiday truths

2022-11-20T09:37:00.001-08:00

This is my brutal truth:

I have no ideas for anyone for Christmas. Like, literally no one. My mom. My husband. My own children.

No one.

I don’t want to do this.

Can we just fast forward a few months so I don’t have to deal with the anxiety and pressure of cleaning and decorating and cooking and wrapping?! I’m hyperventilating and feel like my only identity right now is servant and my head hurts and I just can’t. If I give 100% of myself at school (which is apparently not enough and I need to somehow move faster and do more and be more and expect less… somehow), and 100% of myself to my family who think I’m insane or just feeling sorry for myself, and 100% to all the people in my life and 100% to maintaining a household and where is there room to breathe?! I don’t have balance. I don’t even know what balance looks like. I have several unfolded laundry baskets and dirty hair and dust everywhere and clutter and 12 things to return to Amazon, but no balance.

And I have people I love dearly who are struggling. People who are dealing with far more than they should ever have to in a lifetime. And I feel as though I can’t help; I can’t lend a shoulder or an ear or a hand to help because I’m drowning and my own life vest is floating out to sea.

OOTD - it’s corn!

2022-10-11T05:59:00.001-07:00

Homecoming, but make it chic

2022-10-07T06:45:00.001-07:00

I’m obsessed with these new Ugg boots I scored over the summer for $40, but I stubbed one of my big toes hard a few days ago and my dogs are already barking!

Miiiiight just go ahead and switch into granny shoes early today!

Outfit change!

2022-10-04T07:01:00.001-07:00

Ugh. Hard pants are overrated so I switched up everything… but the shirt.

My witches shall stay.

Gavel.

OOTD - spoopy season edition

2022-10-04T06:30:00.001-07:00

I struggle with dressing this time of year - my work room is toasty warm all the time, most classrooms are cold. The day is starting out crisp (it’s 45 degrees at 8:30 am) but will reach the low 70s today.

Just the same, it’s spoopy season and I’m here for it!

Adventures in Microblading

2022-10-01T10:46:00.001-07:00

I did something a bit out of character today: I had my eyebrows done. Okay, people have been doing this regularly for ages, but I’m not people. This was WAY out of my comfort zone! Just the same, I had multiple people singing the praises of Danielle at Bare Ink in Delavan, WI. Close to home, beautiful results, Saturday appointments… I was ready to finally jump in.

👆🏻 Stop sign selfie, trying to not vomit from nerves.

👆🏻 Let’s be honest: I’m freaking the hell out.

👆🏻Numbing powers, activate! Form of… Saran Wrap!

👆🏻 First round was absolutely pain free. At most it felt like I was being tapped with a dull stick.

👆🏻This was about 10 minutes after the work was complete! The whole procedure was about 2 hours from when I walked into the adorable shop near Delavan Lake.

👆🏻 90 minutes post-service. Very little seepage, super happy with the shape. I’ll keep updating with the results as my brows heal.

A Plea, & OOTD

2022-09-30T06:37:00.001-07:00

Real women have cellulite, or don’t. 👏🏻

IT ISN’T A CAUSE FOR SHAME. Stop telling your daughters you need to diet. Stop telling your girls you are too fat to do something. Stop telling yourself your body isn’t where it should be.

Please.

My daughter is effected. Your daughter is, too. They hear these things, they are listening. I hang out with 5th grade girls every day - I promise, they are listening more than you think.

OOTD:

leggings - www.constantlyvariedgear.com

Be Kind tee - Shein

Flannel - Kohls

Shoes - Reebok

OOTD - Thirsty Thursday edition

2022-09-29T06:54:00.001-07:00

Blazer: Nine West for Kohls
Jeans: American Eagle Outfitters

Tee: Amazon

Earrings: Shein

Shoes: Reebok

OOTD 9/28/22 - comfy but cranky edition

2022-09-28T06:39:00.001-07:00

Denim shirt: Old Navy

Gray scoop neck: Old Navy

Pants: Cable & Gauge Sport (TJ Maxx - GO FIND THESE AND BUY THEM! I feel like I’m wearing PJ pants!)

Shoes: Ecco. Because, arch support. 😭

Mondayest Wednesday ever.

Send caffeine and support.

OOTD 9/26 - chilly Monday edition

2022-09-26T06:20:00.001-07:00

Happy coffee-chugging Monday to you all! Another day as a teacher’s aide, another day living on coffee and Bubbl’r.

Gross

2022-09-25T07:21:00.001-07:00

I wasn’t going to say anything - I’ve been stewing on this for almost 24 hours because I was shocked at how hurtful it was. I jogged up to someone yesterday to very quickly greet them, as I hadn’t seen in three+ years, and was told to move away. Literally all I wanted was a quick, 20 second “hi” with someone I was genuinely happy to see. I was told to go.

⭐️ Here’s my point: Can we all work on being a little more kind? A little more patient? A little less fake? We can preach our Christian values, but maybe we need to act them out as well. I know it’s neat to be extra with our girlfriends and besties, but being gross to those who aren’t is… yeah. Gross. ⭐️

It was so rude (although maybe I was the rude one for not staying in my lane and ignoring the person), and I’m bored with trying to hide my hurt feelings.

Not interested in being a friend publicly?

Cool. Done.✌️

Picture of my puppy, for warm and fuzzy feelings.

OOTD 9/22/22 & Rambles

2022-09-22T07:00:00.001-07:00

Fall temps are magically here on this first day of autumn, and I for one am here for it.

In other news, post-Covid insomnia is getting the best of me. Three nights in a row with a whopping total of 11 hours of sleep. This morning‘s lovely wake up call was me scratching a scabbed over curling iron burn in my sleep. Clearly I am not one for subtleties so an obnoxious Band-Aid just seemed fitting.

Why work at a grade school if I can’t be a little crazy?!

Outfit of the Day (OOTD) 9/20

2022-09-20T06:56:00.001-07:00

Outfits of the day give me purpose.

Summertime Sadness

2022-07-19T14:28:00.001-07:00

When comedy isn’t comedy:

loneliness.

As busy as it’s been, this summer has been so, so lonely. I can’t keep begging for time with friends.

The hurt is real, as funny as I try to make it.

I’m quickly learning I have my husband when he has time for me, my kids when they are in certain moods… and that’s about it.

I love my job

2022-01-02T09:25:00.001-08:00

I love the kids.

I hate the insecurity of the adults.

Jesus, take the wheel.

Christmas break pictures for sanity.

OOTD Day 30

2021-10-27T05:55:00.001-07:00

Okay… today is pretty lame but it’s our at-school pumpkin patch day, and comfort and warmth are king.

In other news, four Bambi were giving exactly zero shiz that I was playing photo shoot in the yard today. They only retreated when the neighbor guy walked past. 🤦🏼‍♀️

OOTD Day 29

2021-10-25T05:19:00.001-07:00

Top: Grace Karin

Jeans: Old Navy OG straight

Shoes: Hey Dudes

Coffee cup: Thor’s Hammer, from Walt Disney World

Attitude: Cold and cranky, and experiencing day 2 of a hangover.

OOTD Dat 28

2021-10-22T05:52:00.001-07:00

Totally skipped posting yesterday.

Instead, let’s focus on how amazingly beautiful the first fall frost in Southeastern Wisconsin is today!

Wisconsin Badgers shirt: Touch by Erin Andrews

Badgers cardigan: Amazon

Jeans: AE Curvy highest waist

Sneaks: Adidas

OOTD Day 27

2021-10-20T05:50:00.001-07:00

Kind people are the only kind of people I want to interact with today. I’m not in the mood for any shitty shiz.

T-shirt: Amazon

Pleather blazer: Bar III for Macys

Jeans: highest rise curvy from American Eagle Outfitters

Shoes: Birkenstock EVA