Last night, I broke it! Not into a few simple pieces, but into so many fragments and tiny slivers. Looking at the aftermath all over my floor, I felt personally crushed. I was certain there was no saving it. I felt the sadness of looking at something I loved and knowing, or at least believing, that it was beyond repair.

Through my tears, I swept up the pieces and threw them into the trash.

In my mind, this piece was over. My girlfriend, Jennifer, and her husband, John, have been houseguests while waiting for their new residence to be finished. They heard my obvious despair from another part of the house. They assured me that the piece might be salvageable, and I assured them that it wasn’t.

But my girlfriend didn’t see it that way. After I went to sleep, Jennifer quietly came downstairs and went through the trash. She pulled out every piece she could find. This single act alone was a true act of love, because my kitchen trash can was filled with leftovers, coffee grounds, and all kinds of other wet and disgusting mess.

When I woke up, my broken dog, along with all of the pieces, was sitting on my counter. Jennifer came down in the early morning hours and immediately started putting the dog back together with gorilla glue. I kept telling her not to worry about it because I did not see any way that this broken dog could be fixed.

This morning, I stood next to her with my cup of coffee and watched her, loving her for the effort, but secretly thinking, there is no way. There are too many pieces. Too much is missing.

But still, she kept going, slowly and painstakingly, putting this little dog’s head back together, piece by piece.

Her hands became sticky with glue as she patiently held broken edges, piecing them together like a puzzle. She never got discouraged. She just kept reassuring me that this job could get done. I secretly believed the opposite.

And slowly, before my very eyes and almost unbelievably, the little broken dog began to take shape. 

The cracks I had been so afraid of seeing began to look beautiful. The imperfect edges, getting pieced back together, somehow started looking beautiful, and my heart was feeling hopeful.

It was no longer just evidence that something had broken. It was visual proof that someone loved me enough to sit with the broken pieces and refuse to give up. That someone, overnight, went through my messy trash to fix something I had broken. To see my pain, even though in the big scheme of life, the world had not ended. I was still very sad because they represented many more broken pieces of life.

When Jenn was nearly finished, there was still one piece missing. But at this point, I was willing to settle. What she had repaired was “good enough.” I envisioned putting a flower on the top of the head to cover the missing piece and call it a day. Jennifer was not. She insisted we continue to look in the room where the dog was broken. I kept saying I had swept everything up and vacuumed the floor, and the piece was nowhere to be found. 

I had given up, but she kept looking. 

And back near the place where the little dog had once been sitting, she found the final piece. I don’t know how this could have happened, but it did. I had swept and scoured every corner of the floor. The final piece has now been glued back into place.

Yes, you can see the cracks. It will never be exactly what it was before. Amazingly, I feel like it is now even better than before.

Because now, the cracks tell a different story.

They will always remind me that sometimes, when we are hurting or feeling despair, even though we cannot imagine how things will ever come back together, they do. We often see only the broken pieces and all that seems to be missing.

Sometimes we need someone else to believe FOR us. We need someone willing to go to our trash and be willing to get their hands messy. Someone willing to sit beside us in the brokenness.

Someone who sees possibility when we can only see damage.

Someone who refuses to give up.

That is what love and friendship can do.

They do not erase the cracks. They do something even more meaningful. They help us discover that the cracks do not have to be the end of the story.

Sometimes what has been broken can also be mended.

Sometimes what has been mended becomes stronger in meaning than it ever was before.

And sometimes, when we do not have enough hope to believe for ourselves, we are blessed with people who will step in and help us mend.

Today, when I look at my little broken dog, I don’t see the flaws; I see something valued and loved enough to be put back together because it meant something to me. This is the meaning of true friendship. Thank you, Jenn! You’re simply the best.

P.S. Did I mention that she also painted my ceiling while I was gone one day? Seriously … what a treasure she is! 

Dress for the Occasion

Packing is always stressful, and knowing how to pack efficiently will take some stress off your shoulders. Even if you are cruising to someplace with warmer temps, be prepared with layers for a cool plane ride to your cruise ship, indoor decks and restaurants that can be a bit chilly. Pack a wrap that can double as a pillow on the plane, or a bathing suit cover by the pool. A waterproof layer is also a good addition to your travel wardrobe.

Not Every Part of the Ship is Casual

Check the website of the cruise line, and read through dress codes for particular parts of the ship. For a typical dining experience on the cruise liner, “resort casual” is probably the most popular. It means for women, a nice, casual dress, loose skirt and blouse, or a light sweater dress. For men, a pair of trousers and button-down shirt. For more specifics, look directly at their suggestions online. Dress as if you are going to a nicer restaurant or resort – because you are. No flip-flops or gym tank tops, please. 

Consider the Dress Code for Shore Excursions

Dress respectfully when visiting sacred churches and memorials. Many countries require covered shoulders and longer skirts, no shorts, and definitely no gym clothes. Think of the experience as being a guest of honor in someone’s home. Dress as if you are thanking the host for their courtesy and generosity.

Remove Your Phone from Sight

A quick picture of the meal is fine, but a complete photo shoot throughout the experience is distracting and inconsiderate to table mates. Allow yourself to be in the moment as you enjoy the company of your partner and fellow dining guests. 

Arrive and Return from Excursions on Time

The worst thing you can do is make everyone wait for you when taking a tour (be prepared to get left behind due to poor time management skills). When the group meets at 4:30 pm, arrive at 4:00 with your ticket in hand. For going off on your own, be back on board at the designated time, or a little before. Make sure you are aware of the time change – set your watch to local time.

Get to Know the Crew

Addressing them by name and showing respect to crew members, as well as fellow passengers, will be noticed and greatly appreciated. Exercise patience with busy elevators, weather changes, dining experiences, and natural weather occurrences (aka choppy waters), and remember, the cabin attendant is not in control of delays or unexpected incidents.

First Time Cruiser Etiquette – Things You Should Know

• Check the tipping policy and be familiar with who you should (and should not) tip.
• Be prepared to leave your luggage at the pier to be taken on ship for you – don’t pack medication, jewelry, or your cell phone in luggage you will hand over.
• There is no bellman on the ship – cruising works a bit differently – the cruise line will deliver your bags to your cabin, and it may take several hours – be prepared.
• Your “cabin attendant” is not the same as a hotel “housekeeper” – not your personal butler. The cabin attendant is your main contact throughout the cruise and offers you an ongoing service as opposed to a hotel housekeeper who you may not ever see – learn their name and make requests politely and courteously.
• Fill out as much of the muster app as you can in advance. Watch the safety video and take the experience seriously, and check in at your assigned muster station. 
• (A muster station is your emergency meeting point on the ship – so if there is an emergency, the crew can give instructions and safety briefings.)
• Use your best elevator etiquette – don’t carry large suitcases on the overcrowded elevator unless you absolutely have to. I went into more detail about the topic of Cruise Ship Elevator Etiquette on Fox News recently. 

You may also like Bon Appétit on the High Seas: Cruise Ship Dining Etiquette.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook and find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

Viewer Question:

My husband and I were recently invited to a friend’s home for dinner, and as soon as we walked through the door, the smell of artificial pumpkin spice hit us and lingered throughout the entire night. We could barely taste our food, and by the time we left, we both had pumpkin-sized headaches. I want to say something to my friend (the host), but I also don’t want to offend her. Many guests felt the same way and were making comments throughout the night. Should I speak up, or stay silent in the name of friendship?

Answer:

If you are a close friend, you can certainly let her know the pumpkin fragrance was a bit strong. Avoid making a group complaint, because it sounds like everyone was gossiping or complaining behind the host’s back. A kind, tactful comment like, “I hope you don’t mind me sharing a little loving feedback about your dinner party. Everything was beautiful, and you were the perfect host. I thought you would want to know the room freshener was quite strong. One alternative for the seasonal scents that we love is a simmer pot with natural ingredients like cinnamon sticks, orange slices, and vanilla extract. I know how much you love fall, and I felt certain you would want to know.” 

And, here is another good viewer question:

Holiday decorations are everywhere, but it feels weird to decorate for fall when the temperature is still in the 100s outside. How can I make a gentle transition without going “all in” immediately with the fall decor? Is there such a thing as too early to decorate? 

Answer:

First of all, there’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to how much and how soon you can decorate. If you want to cloak your home in orange glitter, feel free and enjoy. On the other hand, if you want to take it slower and transition gradually, you can do that, as well.

Even though the temps are high, you can certainly incorporate a little (or a lot of) fall spirit into your home and your entertaining decor. It’s all about transition. Here are some ideas on how to jump in gently, unless you decide to take the deep dive into PSL.

Orange Slice vs Candy Corn

If you have decorative candy jars around your home, filling them with orange slice candy rather than candy corn and pumpkins can be a nice complement to the season. If you’re anything like me, the candy will not stay in the candy jar very long, and you can make the switch as the month progresses.

Subtle Hues of Fall vs Summer Pastels

Swapping out pastels and summer pillows for more autumnal hues is a cozy way to update your home. A soft throw over an armchair or couch adds warmth without a large amount of bulk.

A bigger job, but a great start to the seasonal transformation, is swapping out draperies from cotton to woven (if you change seasonally). 

Bowls with Fruit vs Veggies

Decorating with bowls of apples and oranges is a fresh and lovely way to brighten your table. Incorporate your pumpkins and gourds as the season progresses. A woven basket and a woodsy candle are all nods of anticipation to the spirit of fall. Put away your lemon and ocean breeze scents until next spring and summer.

Fall Scents and Seasonal Teas

A big part of the fall appeal is the scents and flavors. It’s never too early to brew a cup of your favorite seasonal tea. Enjoy it iced if the heat outside is still intense. While it may feel early to light a pumpkin candle, you can slowly begin to bring in your favorite natural scents through a simmer pot or your preferred essential oil blend. Southern Living has a simple stovetop potpourri recipe online with red apple, cloves, vanilla bean, and cranberries. 

More ideas on how to transition to fall without a drastic change: 

• Change the texture
• Deepen the color
• Warm up the scent
• Follow nature

You may also like Fall Gathering Ideas for the Gracious Host. 

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook and find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

But where do we begin? We’re sharing a few starting points and hope you’ll find our suggestions motivating as routines shift. 

A Back-to-School Reset for Grown-Ups

Start with Your Closet

• Pick a day and mark it on your calendar.  Take everything out of your closet and go over every article, piece by piece. Make different piles and label them: Keep – Alter – Swap – Donate – Toss (don’t donate torn or threadbare clothes)
• Before you put back your clothes, wash down the walls, floors and baseboards, then clean off the hanging rods that collect dust and inspect for bugs
• Get rid of the wire hangers and get a consistent look and feel – choose something that will be better for your clothes 
• Identify the top five pieces you can’t live without and work around those pieces to create a wardrobe
• Commit to keeping your closet orderly (it will be easier with less clutter and streamlined systems)

Update Your Calendar

We often lie in bed at night and worry about our to-do list. This is the time to schedule all of the appointments we are putting off, such as:

• Dentist
• Annual Physical
• Mammogram
• Lab work
• Vet Appointments
• Personal Care
• Oil Change
• Home Maintenance and Repair

This is also a good time to review upcoming birthdays, anniversaries, and other important dates.

Focus on Relationships

As your calendar changes, leave room for some relationship care. Friendships thrive when intention and effort align. 

• Go back through texts, calls, and emails and pay attention to who you have put off
• Send out overdue thank you notes
• Extend lunch or coffee invitations, or invite them for a walk in the park
• Choose a few people you want to get to know better and accept or extend the invitation 
• Join a book club, mahjong group, or fitness program and make a new friend

Make a Back-to-School Adult Supply List for Yourself and Share It with a Friend

Let a friend know they’re on your mind and in your heart. A few pretty fall things, some fresh baked muffins, and a handwritten note show how much you care. You can always add a baked treat or sourdough loaf from a local bakery. 

• A set of new hangars
• A pretty journal
• A new calendar
• A box of pens to cross things off your list
• A box of Thank You notes
• A basket to collect mail (filled with muffins)
• A favorite olive oil and recipe card
• A hand soap or new cleaning product you want to share with someone else

Wishing you a productive and peaceful September, 

Diane

You may also like Back-to-School and New Beginnings for All.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook and find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

Let’s take a few countries and discuss the different tipping protocols. 

North America

U.S. – 15 to 20% is standard, and a service fee is not necessarily a tip. 

Canada – Similar to the U.S., 15 to 20% tip is standard.

Mexico – 10 to 15% is expected. They are also aware of the U.S. tipping culture, so at all-inclusive hotels, leaving a “fair” amount at a meal is also expected. 

South America

Brazil – A 10% service fee is added to the bill. The service fee goes to the server and diners don’t have to leave an additional tip.  

Argentina – 10%, preferably in cash. It’s not mandatory but a nice gesture.

Europe

France – By law, France includes a service charge, but customers also leave an extra 5 to 10% for exceptional service as a gesture of appreciation. Even small change is appreciated. 

England – Most restaurants include a service charge of around 12.5%. If one is not included, add 10 to 12.5%. 

Germany – 5 to 10%, typically by rounding up the bill and letting the server know the new total. 

Italy – 5 to 10% is common, or round up the bill if a service fee is not included. U.S. size tips are not expected.

Spain – Service is usually included. You may wish to round up or leave a few euros for exceptional service, though it is not expected. 

Asia 

Japan and Taiwan – No tip necessary. A service charge may be included, but no gratuity is necessary. Excellent service is part of the experience, and the server will be confused or notice you haven’t done your homework.

Australia 

Australia – Tipping is not customary as service employees are paid higher wages, but a 10% tip for great service is appreciated. 

Middle East

Dubai and United Arab Emirates – 10 to 15% added service fee is generally on the bill.

Commonly Asked Questions

What does a service charge cover?

Internationally, it generally means a compensation that is shared among waiters, staff, and kitchen staff. It doesn’t go completely to the server. 

In the U.S., a service charge and a tip are not the same. It might be used for other things, for example, operating costs, and generally doesn’t go to the employee unless it says added gratuity. 

What about tipping at all-inclusive resorts?

You may hear conflicting advice about tipping at an all-inclusive resort. The best approach is to check the property’s policy. You may wish to leave modest cash tips for exceptional service.

What about spas at the all-inclusive hotel?

Check the tipping policy, but generally, you would tip fairly and generously at a restaurant and spa unless there is a “no tipping” policy.

Gentle reminder: Tipping customs can change over time and may vary by region, restaurant, or hotel. Before traveling, check current local recommendations or ask your hotel concierge.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook and find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

There is nothing better than hosting friends and family for a summer lake house gathering – whether at your own summer home, a lakeside tent, or an Airbnb. A gracious host makes guests feel welcome, and that begins with the details. While a celebration in town may entail a bit more formality, Southern Charm is in the niceties, and a lake house, beach house, fishing ranch, or campsite may include a summer cocktail, mocktail, or sparkling soda in a plastic cup as easily as a vintage glass by the lakeside fire. 

A savvy host knows how to artfully shift the focus from formality to lake house hospitality. A few thoughtful unwritten rules of lake life are below.

A Lake House Host:

• A Welcome Basket – The Adorable Basket is Part of the Gift Filled with Favorite Things
• Comfortable Outdoor Seating and A Supply of Summer Essentials (Bug Spray, Personal First Aid Kits, Flip Flops, Beach Towels) 
• A Signature Summer Cocktail, and Homemade, or Delicious Store-Bought Desserts
• Hand-Held Battery-Operated Fans to Stay Comfortable and Cool
• Vintage Thermos Filled with Lemonade and a Variety of Drinks – Hard Summer Cider for those Who Prefer a Bit of Zing
• Clean and Soft Bed Linen and a Beautifully Scented Pillow – You Feel Like You’re at a Boutique Hotel Even in a Tent by the Lake
• A Bathroom that Feels More Like a Spa or Summer Retreat – Quality of Essentials Really Does Matter (Hand Towels, Soap, Tissue, etc.) 

A Mannerly Guest:

Being a gracious guest shows your host you appreciate the invitation, as you are not only kind but also ready to assist where needed. A few things to remember: 

• Arrive with a Thoughtful Hostess Gift 
• Make Yourself Useful (Cheerfully Set the Table, Take Out the Trash, Walk the Dog, etc.) 
• Cook a Meal (or Take Your Host to Dinner)
• Contribute Some Groceries 
• Practice Being a Good Listener, Ask Questions, and See the Good in Others 

All of these tips, put into practice, will transform a simple gathering into something special. The gift of friendship, family, and these moments together will last a lifetime. 

You may also like Outdoor Entertaining Etiquette.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook and find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

Preparations are well underway for a fabulous Fourth of July, whether you’ll be hosting a patriotic party or bringing fireworks and dessert to a neighborhood gathering. It’s sure to be a brilliant time with family and friends, complete with a colorful display and their favorite yard games. 

Hosts are busy picking up final ingredients for signature drinks, homemade treats, and whatever the grill master has requested. Guests are coordinating kids’ outfits and stocking up on sparklers. We’re sharing a handful of Fourth of July etiquette tips to keep in mind as America’s 250th anniversary is also underway. 

1. Put Guests’ Comfort at the Top of the List

Although a backyard BBQ may be a tradition, a good host adapts to the weather and the comfort of their guests. If the weather is dangerously steamy, consider moving the party inside, where mosquitoes can’t bite and air conditioning is plentiful. Offer a welcome drink upon arrival and keep the hydration coming – both inside and out.

2. Speaking of Hydration – Offer Plenty of Options

Sparkling water, lemonade, and alcoholic beverages are all acceptable, but allow your guest to pick and choose. Set up Hydration Stations around the backyard or patio, or in the kitchen so guests don’t have to ask every time they want a liquid refreshment.  

3. Keep the Menu Fresh and Light

 Here are a few ideas for a fresh and festive 4th menu: 

• Watermelon Wedges and Fresh Fruit
• Charcuterie Tray
• Sorbet or Gelato
• Grilled dogs, fried chicken, and burgers

4. Don’t Make the Assumption Everyone Wants to Sit Outside and Enjoy Conversation 

This time of year, bugs and heat are a huge problem. Even if the party is outdoors, give your guests the option of a comfortable indoor space to take a break. Have enough organic bug spray available for those who are particularly sensitive to bites. 

5. Remember Your Neighbors

If you are having a big celebration of any kind, let your neighbors know there will be extra cars down the street. The curb is public property, but it is polite to alert your neighbors and maybe invite them over for a hot dog. 

6. Etiquette Mistakes to Avoid as the Fourth of July Host

A prepared host is able to enjoy the party all the more, and guests will appreciate the extra consideration. 

• Leaving food to sit out too long
• Expecting guests to stay in one place (outside)
• Not having enough bug spray or first aid/supplies
• Running out of ice
• Not having enough shade, seating, towels for the pool
• Not offering water for pets if people bring their furry friends
• Talking politics and taboo topics

Bonus Tips for Guests:

Remember a thoughtful hostess gift, and always offer, in advance, to bring something for the party, such as a dessert or drink (they may graciously decline). 

You may also like Planning a Spectacular Celebration: Fourth of July Etiquette Q&A. 

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook and find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

Job Interview Tips for Zoom and Teams:

Turn on your camera – this simple step is the equivalent of the in-person handshake. Remember eye contact via the tiny camera on your laptop or iPad. Talking to a picture (or a family pet) is not going to allow the recruiter to form a favorable impression when they can’t see your facial expressions or observe your gestures.

Put away the drinks and snacks – during the interview, try to avoid drinking or eating. If you must drink something, use a mug or kitchen glass, rather than a beer mug, a solo cup, or a wine glass. Avoid the energy drinks on camera, as well.

Bedhead, ball caps, and tropical backgrounds must go – a video interview is as important as in-person communication. It is the first step to get to the next stage, and every detail matters. From your choice of clothing to the background you choose, your personality is coming through loud and clear. A tank top is fine for women when worn under a blazer. A sport coat is still necessary for some job interviews with a starched shirt – no shorts on the bottom half, please! 

Things to Avoid in the Video Interview: 

• Piles of laundry in the background
• An unmade bed
• A messy kitchen and a cat eating butter on the counter
• Roommates walking through the background
• Posters, pictures, and politics with questionable or concerning messages

What is the etiquette when AI is conducting the interview? 

Act as if AI has a heart – behave as if a hiring manager is in the room. AI is collecting the data, but most often, a real human will be reviewing it. Deliver a feeling of authenticity by looking into the camera, don’t answer questions from a prewritten AI script, smile, listen thoughtfully, and be prepared.

A Thank You Note After Every Interview

Don’t forget to write – send a thank you note after every interview, both email and written, to make sure they don’t forget you. 

What is the etiquette for following up? 

When the interviewer gives you a time frame, resist the urge to follow up early. If there was no discussion of follow-up, reach out after 7 to 10 days. Avoid calling immediately after and sending multiple requests to follow up. If you have called more than twice, with no response, you can assume the worst and continue to hope for the best regarding the job. Keep interviewing until you get a solid yes.

You may also like Job Interview Skills Over a Meal: Dining Etiquette Quiz.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook and find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

Friendship Dilemma: Friendship Reset

Q: A group of “couple” friends has been friends for a very long time. A new couple has been introduced into the group, and now drama has started to brew. They’d rather not include the latecomer friends anymore, but the husband has joined the men for regular golf outings, and it will be obvious when they are left out. How do you handle a friendship reset – it’s just not a good fit.

A:  We don’t know why it’s not a “good fit”, but the answer is friends don’t have to invite all friends to all functions. The men can continue to have their golf outings, and rather than having secret outings, continue as you did before, but don’t gossip and don’t be unkind. If it’s a serious offense, you might consider talking to the person honestly and letting them know there is a sensitivity, and allowing the person to correct the issue. If you choose to eliminate them completely, it may sting at first, but people tend to move on rather quickly if there is no fuel (gossip) added to the fire.

Friendship Dilemma: Territorial Bestie 

Q: I have a friend who goes around telling everyone she is my bestie, and it often feels territorial to other friends. I do consider her a great friend who is funny and smart, but she is not who I would run to for an emergency or share a confidence with (she can’t keep a secret). How can I tell her to stop calling me her bestie without hurting her feelings?

A: Very few relationships are strengthened by letting them know they are not your “A” team. Not every situation requires justification or an explanation. When someone says, “Oh, I met your best friend the other day”, you can respond with, “How sweet. We’ve been friends for such a long time.” You can also let people know you have a great circle of friends, and they are all like a box of chocolates – a variety of goodness.

Friendship Dilemma: Temperamental and Loud 

Q: I have a girlfriend who is amazing. She is fun and funny, and always has a great story to tell. I enjoy being around her until her third glass of wine, and then she becomes a different person. She continues to drink and gets louder and meaner as the evening goes on. Her husband allows it to happen and almost babies her while she is acting out and insulting who she is with – namely me! She’s very temperamental, and I don’t want to tell her because she will get defensive. She doesn’t treat my husband badly, only me. Should we break up?

A: Before ending the friendship, you might want to adjust the scenario and spend time with her in situations where alcohol is not the main focus. Either meet for lunch, go on outings such as hiking or tennis, or leave before her third glass of wine. Alcohol often removes filters, and the fact that she only does this to you is somewhat of a red flag. It doesn’t help that her husband enables the behavior, but I am certain he sees her actions towards you. At this point in the friendship, you can let her know when she is into her third glass of wine, you feel uncomfortable with her criticisms. Her response will tell you what you need to know.

Friendship Dilemma: Budget Constraints 

Q: I want to host a girlfriend’s birthday party, but I am on a limited budget. Would it be okay to ask everyone to bring a side dish or contribute in some way financially?

A: Asking friends to contribute money towards an event you are “hosting” can easily make people feel uncomfortable. When you “host” a party, you are extending an invitation to a function. When you ask for money, you are pooling resources rather than hosting. Bringing a favorite dish is more acceptable and less offensive. If your budget does not allow for you to host a larger gathering, consider getting a group of friends together to meet for lunch and dinner, where everyone pays for their own meal, and you cover the cost of the birthday girl’s meal and dessert.

Friendship Dilemma: Social Media Woes 

Q: How long should you wait before unfollowing a friend after a fall-out? I have decided to part ways with someone who has had multiple chances to stop sharing my secrets, and I’ve had it. I want to block her from all of my social media, but I don’t want it to be obvious. 

A: You can’t have it both ways. You are taking a stand, but you don’t want her to know? You don’t have to block someone – by phone – in order to cut ties. You can unfollow them on social media or even block them, but remember, if you make up, you will have to request them again. Give yourself some time to cool off, and then determine if you want to block them. There is nothing wrong with taking a step back, but do it thoughtfully and respectfully.

You may also like Tips to Keeping a Friendship Strong.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook and find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

While those who receive an invitation will surely be happy for the couple, they may also feel uncertain about attending if there is a possible conflict with the date or destination, not to mention the logistics and associated costs. In today’s post, we’re answering a handful of wedding etiquette questions we recently received. We hope they’ll come in handy as you make plans to celebrate the happy couple.

Q: Dear Diane, I’ve been invited to a friend’s wedding, and although I consider her to be a close friend, I feel stressed and somewhat pressured. I have several personal conflicts, as well as a tight budget. I want to support them, but I truly can’t justify the cost or the time.

Answer: Overextending yourself either personally or professionally will create tension and friction. RSVP promptly. Follow up with a call to let them know you appreciate being included, but will need to politely decline. Let them know you look forward to celebrating with them and are thrilled for their upcoming wedding. A polite and honest response is all that is necessary. It’s also not necessary to give too much information.

Q: My husband and I are invited to a beach wedding. Sounds like fun, but I’m not sure how dressy I’m expected to be – any suggestions?

A: The invitation should be your guide. You can also reach out to your friend (the bride) to ask her for suggestions or expectations. If it’s on the beach, definitely no pointy heels!

Q: I hear through the family grapevine one of my cousins is going to ask me to be a bridesmaid at her destination wedding. I wasn’t planning to attend, even before I heard this news. We are not very close, and I really don’t have the funds to spare. Do I have to do it because we are “family” – but distant cousins?

A: Until you hear from the bride herself, this may or may not be the case, but it’s nice to have the time to plan a possible response. You aren’t obligated to accept her request if you aren’t comfortable with it. Explain in the most gracious way that you’re extremely flattered, but that you can’t give her the support required to be in the wedding.

Q: I have heard that if you go to a destination wedding, your travel costs are the gift. Is this true, or do I still need to get the bride and groom a gift?”

A: Not true, but you can factor the wedding gift into your budget (meaning it may not be as elaborate as it may have been had extensive travel not been involved). Your making the effort to attend will always be most appreciated.

Q: At a destination wedding, is it most polite for the guest to bring the gift with them? There is going to be a mini celebration where the Bride and Groom are inviting everyone to a luncheon, and the card says gifts are “optional”. Does this mean I have to bring another gift, or would this be the wedding gift?

A: Another gift for the luncheon isn’t necessary. Think of the mini celebration as the bride and groom’s gift back to you for coming to the destination. As for the wedding gift, it is most convenient to send it in advance, though not always possible.

Q: We have been invited to a wedding in another state, and the invitation says “Adults Only.” We have two kids under the age of 7. I can’t leave my kids behind! Can I ask the bride if she would make an exception for her ONLY niece and nephew?

A: While I understand your concern, asking for an exception for your children would put the bride and groom in an uncomfortable position. They may feel they must say “yes,” but that may hurt or confuse other invited guests. My best advice is to make room in your budget (and hotel stay) for a trusted family member or babysitter to watch the children while you attend the wedding. If that’s not possible, you’ll have to decide if it’s best to decline the invitation or attend solo while your partner stays with the children.

You may also like Wedding Etiquette: Rules and Traditions.

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