We know this dynamic is not just in airports. We see it in the couple on their phones at dinner. We hear it in the couple fighting two aisles over in Walmart. The great news is we get to choose differently. If you are wondering how to make your wife feel loved and secure, it starts with small, consistent choices. Here are 5 ways to make your wife feel loved and secure, starting today.

1. Listen because you need to know.

My wife, Nancie, has three best friends, and I am convinced they remember every single word the others have ever said. Every. Single. Word. Follow-up questions. Details. The works. Me and my best friends? I’m not a caveman; I remember some things. But every single word? Not a chance.

When you were dating your wife, you listened like you needed the information. Because you did. You wanted to know everything about her. You wanted to know how to love her right. She noticed. It is part of why she said yes. She still wants that guy to show up. Present and tuned in. Not half listening while scrolling. Not waiting for your turn to talk, but actually listening like what she is saying is the most important thing in the room. Because to her, it is. Remember?

2. Date her like you can’t wait to.

Maybe you planned it. Maybe she planned it. But you always did your part and cared about the plan. Because dating was the fun stuff. The good stuff. You got married because you enjoyed each other so much that you decided you wanted to do it for a lifetime. The thing that brought you together is the thing that helps keep you together. She wants to be pursued. Treat her like you would choose her all over again.

The best way to protect your marriage is to enjoy it. So stop waiting for a free night to appear on the calendar. Create one. Because you can’t wait to. Remember?

3. Make her laugh because why wouldn’t you?

At some point, life gets serious. Jobs. Kids. Mortgages. Aging parents. It happens to everyone. And somewhere in the middle of all of it, a lot of us accidentally retire the version of ourselves that made her laugh in the first place.

But here is what we do not want to lose. The guy she fell for. The one who made her laugh. The one who didn’t take himself too seriously. Maybe she married the serious version of you. But she also married the fun one. He’s still in there. Bust him out. I periodically walk out in fluorescent yellow scuba skins when needed. Long story. But it works. It always makes her laugh. Do what makes her laugh.

4. Watch your words because you know they matter.

When you were dating her, you were careful with how you spoke to her. You were trying to win her heart, and you knew what was at stake: your life together. You wanted her to see a man who controlled his temper. Who spoke kindly. Who was gentle with her heart.
She still needs you to be that man. And it is still who you want to be for her. The good news is that you know how. You have already proven it in the biggest of ways. When you watch your words, she feels loved. When she feels loved, she feels secure.

5. Dream together because you found your person.

Maybe dreaming together is part of what brought you together in the first place. You loved talking about the future: what could be. You dreamed about where you would live, what your kids would be like, and what you would name them. You dreamed about the things you would do and the things you wouldn’t.

Nancie and I have four kids, we’ve moved across the country, and we’ve lived in seven different homes. And before any of it became reality, we dreamed it up together. Now, as an almost empty nester, I am learning that the couples who keep dreaming together are the ones who love the season they’re in. We are not done dreaming. Neither are you. And when you keep dreaming together, she feels loved and secure in a way that nothing else quite replaces.

Sound off: What is one thing you do to make sure your wife still feels like your girlfriend?

The post 5 Ways to Treat Your Wife Like She Is Still Your Girlfriend appeared first on All Pro Dad.

My biggest issue with manosphere content is that it is full of people who want to look strong but are actually weak. Fueled by influencers, boys begin acting and eventually believing the script. Their desire to appear tough and enlightened leads them to put on a strong-man costume. The worst part, our kids see us acting too. We put on a show, behaving a certain way, hoping to trick others. Does this sound familiar? Here are 5 things that look like strengths but are actually weaknesses.

1. Keeping Your Walls Up

I took my family to see an old fort in St. Augustine, Florida. We marveled at its impressive height and the thickness of the stone walls. I remember thinking the fort looked impenetrable because of these huge walls. Walls are meant to keep others out. They’re a great feature for military structures, but a terrible idea for people. You’re not a fortress. When we put up walls, it may look like we can handle anything on our own, but we’re really disguising weakness as strength.

Maybe you put up walls to prevent possible heartache. Maybe they’re meant to prevent people from seeing the real you. That makes sense because high walls do prevent harm, but they also shield us from great things like friendship, growth, and community. In that sense, walls make us weaker. I understand exercising caution when you first meet new people, but if you’re still keeping your walls up at home, work, or in your community year after year, it’s time to think about what you’re trying to protect. An unhealed wound? Your nerves? When your walls are up, it reveals a lack of courage. You have to have strength to show your true self to others. If you keep your walls up, it’ll be difficult for others to really get to know you.

2. Never Showing Emotion

I’ve never been good at showing my emotions. It’s not that I have none; I just tend to muscle through sad moments and pretend stress isn’t real. My wife calls me out on it because she knows me well. I don’t think my kids are aware that I actually do feel things. That’s not me bragging. That’s admitting I’m weak in this area.

It’s good to let people know how you’re feeling. Hiding in the garage when you’re stressed or acting unfazed when you get bad news isn’t good for you. You need to let those feelings out. Men tend to express anger often because it’s socially acceptable. But every other feeling is valid, and you shouldn’t be tricked into thinking suppression is strength. When you show your emotions, you give your kids (and others) permission to be real around you, not walk on eggshells to avoid expressing themselves in ways Dad never does. That will help them handle their emotions better. Lead by example in this area.

3. Not Saying “I’m Sorry”

As BJ Foster pointed out on the All Pro Dad podcast, “Strong people apologize quickly.” That’s because they have the real strength of humility. That’s the subtle superpower we should be aiming for. Apologies begin to fix what’s broken between you and someone else. Withholding that apology, or failing to ever say “I’m sorry,” is weakness masquerading as righteousness. It stings to admit you’re wrong. It’s not fun. But strong people do it quickly.

Our kids need to hear us apologize, see us do it with others, and understand that humility is strength. Refusing to apologize and “sticking to your guns” when you know you’re wrong is just disguising weakness as strength.

4. Doing Everything Yourself

I remember getting lost on a road trip with some buddies while in college. We were trying to get from North Carolina to Florida, and our MapQuest printouts were insufficient. So, there we stood on the side of the highway in Athens, with the glovebox map sprawled out on the hood, silently wondering if any of us had the guts to go into the gas station and ask for directions. Doing so would mean we’d have to rely on others for help, and that certainly wasn’t going to happen. Eventually, we made it home.

I don’t struggle with this anymore because smartphones have GPS. But I still don’t ask for help much. That’s not a sign of strength. Relying on others has benefits, such as sharing burdens, receiving encouragement, and understanding that you aren’t made for isolation. Avoiding asking for help is a recipe for loneliness and frustration. That’s why Solomon, a king in the Bible who many consider the wisest man ever, wrote, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” It’s time to reject the idea that strong men don’t ask for help.

5. Never Being Vulnerable

I have a scar on my forehead. I’d have to pull my hair back for you to see it, but it’s there. You’d never know I had a horrible bike accident when I was five, and the wound required 17 stitches—unless I told you. That scar is part of my story, but only I decide if it’s told. There’s a big difference between a physical mark and an emotional, mental, or spiritual one, but we all have them. Sometimes men fall into the trap of thinking that if we choose not to expose our flaws or mistakes, they’ll just magically disappear. But that’s not true. It takes true strength to show people who you really are.

Being vulnerable isn’t weakness. It’s the only way you’ll ever become fully known. That may sound scary, but vulnerability cracks the door open for friendship, something men struggle with. Your kids will struggle, too, if they keep things hidden from others. Encourage them to be honest with others and share what’s true about themselves.

Sound off: Where are you disguising weakness as strength?

The post 5 Things That Look Like Strengths but Are Actually Weaknesses appeared first on All Pro Dad.

But the objectively difficult work of parenting teens is made even harder because of the false stories we tell ourselves. There are lies we tend to believe that leave us thinking the best we can do is survive the teenage years and hope our kids do too. But what if those stories are wrong? Here are 7 things we get wrong about parenting teens.

1. There’s one right way to do it.

Look, I think you should read books and articles about parenting teens (thank you for reading this one), but what you shouldn’t do is assume that some author somewhere has a formula for you so that you can raise teens who turn out to be model citizens and think you’re their hero. There’s no “one way” to parent. You are unique. So is your teen. The combination of two unique people will undoubtedly give birth to a unique parent-child relationship. This is beautiful and good, but also hard. So learn all you can from as many sources as you can, but in the end, love your teen deeply and give yourself lots of grace. You’ll need it.

2. Your teen’s choices are a reflection of your parenting.

Certainly, having good parents matters a lot. But it doesn’t guarantee anything. I’ve sat with remarkable parents who were brokenhearted over teens who ran away from home, battled addiction, or even took their own lives. Yet, they had other teenagers in their family who were “model” youth who loved their parents deeply and couldn’t understand why their siblings responded the way they did. Your job is to love your teens and do all you can to point them in the right direction. You can’t, and shouldn’t, control them. This is why parenting teens is not for the faint of heart. Your teen’s choices are not a reflection of your parenting.

3. It shouldn’t be this hard.

Think of something worth doing. Maybe it’s running a marathon, losing weight, or getting your Ph.D. What do all of those things have in common? They are hard. If they weren’t, everyone would do them. Almost everything worth doing is hard. Giving birth is the perfect metaphor for this. One of the most difficult things a person can do is also necessary for life itself. Of course, stewarding the life of another person as that person learns what it means to be himself is hard. But you’re up for the challenge.

4. Teens are mindless adapters.

I think it’s easy to believe teens are simply mindless adapters, uncritically engaging with whatever the culture says is “cool” in the moment. However, many teens are showing a willingness to make what seem like radically countercultural choices. For example, observers of culture have noted a growing number of teens and young adults opting for “dumb phones” and digital cameras to step away from the ever-present smartphone. Additionally, despite its prevalence in our culture, both drinking and sexual activity appear to be at historic lows for teens. While it’s certainly a complex picture, there is hope that parenting teens toward countercultural choices may not be a lost cause.

5. Teens are resilient.

This phrase gets thrown around a lot. But the fact is that teens aren’t automatically resilient. However, every teen has the capacity to build resilience. The difference here is one of intention. You can’t rest on the idea that your teen can handle the bullying or the breakup or the stress she’s experiencing just because she’s young and intelligent. She needs you to walk with her, listen well, and encourage her so that she can become the kind of person who is resilient.

6. Agreeable teens are best.

Agreeable teens are definitely the easiest. But that may not be what you want in the long run. It turns out that, according to research, kids who are willing to argue with their parents are also more willing to argue with their peers when they try to influence them. So what makes life easier at home may not be what’s best “out in the world.” If parenting teens feels like one battle after another right now, take heart. These battles are preparing him for the real fight he has outside your home.

7. Teens hate their parents.

Between arguing with you constantly, hiding out in their room, and the eye rolls, it’s easy to think your teen can’t stand you. While of course there are times when both of you might need a break from one another, a recent survey showed that 89% of teens actually think highly of their dads and over 75% enjoy spending time with them. So don’t lose heart when your teen seems like he hates you. It’s more than likely just the opposite.

Sound off: What other narratives about parenting teens have you found to be false?

The post 7 Things We Get Wrong About Parenting Teens appeared first on All Pro Dad.

You see, the biggest enemies of marriage don’t exist outside of your control. Typically, they either come from within you or from sources you have some measure of control over. In fact, many times the real reason why our marriages are unhealthy is that we aren’t willing to take a long, hard look in the mirror. And of course, working on yourself is hard. But if you want your relationship to thrive, you need to start by honestly addressing 5 of your marriage’s biggest enemies.

1. Selfishness

I hate to say it, but sometimes you are your marriage’s worst enemy. It’s not because of your personality or some annoying trait. It’s because you’re selfish. This might come out in obvious ways, like when you’re too busy to be bothered with the dishes or a night out with the guys takes precedence over whatever is happening at home. Or it may be much more subtle. You might be too focused on your work or your own interests to actually stop and listen to your wife explain what she did today. Or maybe you’ve allowed your career aspirations to drive decisions around your schedule, where you live, or even the type of family you will have (number of kids, etc.), without really giving your wife equal input.

Love requires that you put your wife first. This doesn’t mean you’re a doormat. But it does mean a willingness to be intentionally unselfish. You do this in small ways, like listening even when you’re tired or not keeping track of who did the dishes or laundry last, and in big ways like giving her space to speak into whether that next job move is actually the best one for you and your family. Fulfilling marriages require each partner to put the other first.

2. Isolation

A 2022 study done by UCLA showed that couples who are socially isolated have much poorer outcomes than those with robust social networks. When you withdraw from people outside of your marriage, it increases the pressure on your wife to be everything to you. Not only must she be your lover and partner in parenting and life, but she also is the one you lean on for support, entertainment, and wise counsel. This withdrawal from others leads to a sense of loneliness, which contributes to stress, anxiety, and depression. It can also lead to resentment on your wife’s part for failing to meet all of your social needs, and toward you for putting so much pressure on her. Contrary to popular belief, even in healthy marriages, you need a supportive community.

When things are going sideways, and when things are going well, you need a community of people around you. Some of these will be friends you can go to who will ask hard questions and push you to be your best with your wife. Some might show up with meals when you are sick. Others might be people you serve together. The point is, in good times and bad times, your marriage is stronger when you have a strong social network.

3. Criticism

Drs. John & Julie Gottman famously talked about “the four horsemen” of marriage—four communication styles that potentially signal the end of a marriage. Criticism is one of the most obvious and insidious enemies of marriage. We can fool ourselves into thinking that criticism is simply “being honest” or is our desire to help our wives grow. But when criticism becomes not about ways something could be done better, but about who your wife is, it can slowly chip away at a good relationship.

We need to be committed to honoring our wives even as we are honest when they can do something differently. All marriages must have the freedom to give honest, even difficult, feedback, but that’s only possible and constructive in the context of a relationship in which she trusts that you care deeply for her and want her best.

4. Contempt

Even more subtly destructive than criticism is contempt (another of the Gottmans’ “Four Horsemen”). To show contempt for your wife is to treat her as inferior to you. Contempt doesn’t just criticize, it shames. Contempt treats the target as “less than” and often arises from long-held resentment that hasn’t been dealt with. It pushes your wife away and is one of the deadliest enemies of marriage because it destroys the marital bond.

To battle contempt, you must work to intentionally remind yourself of what you appreciate about your wife. It may be valuable to spend some time journaling about why you fell in love with her in the first place. Perhaps you could ask your kids what they love about their mom. It’s highly likely your wife has some amazing attributes you’ve just come to take for granted. Remind yourself of them, then begin practicing praising your wife for those attributes. What we focus on forms us. Focus on what is amazing about your wife to help pull you out of contempt.

5. Fear

One overlooked enemy of marriage is fear. We rarely think in those terms, but many of us respond to our wives from deeply held, but unrecognized or unexpressed fears. It might be the fear of disappointing her or the fear of conflict. Perhaps it’s the fear of failing or the fear of being controlled. There are many things that can trigger a fear response, but fear itself triggers a fight-or-flight response that causes us to move away from, rather than towards, our wives.

This one can be challenging to identify, but if we find ourselves regularly reacting strongly to our wives and we can’t figure out why, there’s a good chance it’s rooted in some fear. A therapist, a pastor, or a really thoughtful friend can be a huge gift here. Having someone ask probing questions can help peel back the layers that protect our fear, and once the fear is exposed, we’ll also need those people to walk with us as we learn to move past it.

Sound off: What are other enemies of marriage you’ve noticed in your own or others’ relationships?

The post Your Marriage’s Biggest Enemies and How to Respond appeared first on All Pro Dad.

Our kids already know we love them. The question is, do they feel like we like them? Those are two different things. Love is almost always a given. Like is a gift. Knowing how to show your kids you love them is only half the equation; the other half is making sure they feel liked too.  And kids feel both, or the absence of both, more clearly than we realize. Researchers who study attachment have found that when kids feel truly seen and enjoyed by a parent, they develop more confidence, more resilience, and a deeper capacity to trust. Here are 5 ways to show your kids you love and like them.

1. Understand the difference between love and like.

My friend Bobby asked his daughter what she thought the difference was between him loving her and liking her. She said, “When you’re loved, someone spends time with you because they have to. When you’re liked, they want to get to know you better.” She nailed it. But here’s what makes this hard. Kids don’t just experience what we do. They interpret what it means. If all they experience is correction and logistics with a dose of frustration, they start to fill in the blanks.

And the story they tell themselves is usually, I’m not that fun to be around. That’s a big thing for little shoulders. One of the simplest ways to show your kids you love and like them is this: Make sure the time you spend together feels like a choice, not an obligation.

2. Get curious about what they care about.

You want your kids to feel liked? Ask questions you don’t already know the answers to. Step into their world instead of always pulling them into yours. Try a few of these conversation starters at dinner or in the car this week: What was your high and low today? If we had an hour to hang out and do anything we want, what would we do? Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?

That last one has nothing to do with character development. It has everything to do with connection. And sometimes, connection is the whole point. The goal isn’t to extract information. Encouraging words start with encouraging questions. Ask enough questions, and they’ll start believing you actually want to know.

3. Laugh with them.

A study out of the University of Montreal found that for dads specifically, playful interactions that make kids laugh build a stronger bond between father and child. Not just quality time. Not just showing up. Laughter. But you don’t need to go to Canada to know this. We know it intuitively. We gravitate toward people we laugh with. Because we like people we laugh with. Laughter is where the buddy part of your relationship lives with your kid.

And it doesn’t require you to be the funniest guy in the room. It just requires you to show up and find things genuinely funny together. Watch something they think is hilarious. Let them show you a reel. Play a game where somebody is going to lose badly and laugh about it. Feeling funny feels really good to a kid. And perhaps nothing makes them feel more likable.

4. Listen without fixing everything.

Dads are wired to solve problems. We’re like relational Bob the Builders, “Can we fix it? Yes, we can!” That instinct comes from a good place. We see our kids hurting emotionally or physically, and we want to make that better. But when your kid comes to you upset about something you can’t fix, or maybe even something you can, and you shift into fix-it mode, what they often hear is: You are broken. I can fix you. But here’s the truth: Your kid is not a problem to be fixed; they are a person to be loved.

So instead, stop what you’re doing. Look at them. Say, “Talk to me, buddy. What’s going on?” You don’t have to have an answer. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is make sure they know you hate that they are hurting. Nothing may change in their situation. But they walk away feeling seen. This is a big part of how to show your kids you love them because it tells them they matter more than the problem.

5. Show your kids you like them by saying it out loud.

This is the one most dads skip. We think it, but we don’t say it. And if we don’t say it, they don’t feel it. Tell your kids what you specifically like about them. “I like how your brain works.” “I like how you treat your sister.” “I like that you want a pet pig. We aren’t getting one, but I like that you want one.” (See point three to see why that last part is OK.)

Encouraging words that are specific land differently than general ones. “I love you” is powerful. “I like watching you play” is personal. Your kids need both. I told both my sons when they were in high school, “I would have loved to hang out with you when I was in high school. You probably wouldn’t have loved to hang out with me. But I would with you.” They still remember that. And I still mean it. And my sons, if you are reading this, it hurts when you play golf without me. I would like you better if you did. (See point three to see why that last part is OK.)

Your kids know you love them, but a little like goes a long way. And that’s really what this comes down to: knowing how to show your kids you like them, one small moment at a time.

Sound off: What is one thing your dad did that made you feel like he genuinely liked you?

The post 5 Ways to Make Sure Your Kids Know You Like Them appeared first on All Pro Dad.

However, the point of raising children is not the experience of having children (though of course that can be wonderful) but rather shepherding your children into an adulthood in which they are genuinely good human beings. But this takes the ability to parent for the long haul, making difficult decisions in the moment for the hoped-for reward of adults you enjoy being around. While there are no guarantees, some choices are more helpful than others. Here are 5 things to do that will help you raise adults you actually like (and who may like you too).

1. Respect your children.

It’s normal for us to demand that children treat their parents, their teachers, and their friends with respect. Saying “please” and “thank you” are expected in most homes and classrooms. However, if we’re not careful, it’s easy to forget that our kids deserve, even need, to be treated with dignity themselves. We do this when we treat them as we want them to treat us. When we honor our kids in this way, it builds self-respect and healthy boundaries. If you want to raise respectful adults, it starts with treating them the way you want them to treat you and others.

2. Listen to them.

Kids often enjoy talking. When you get home from a long day of work or are trying to get something done around the house, an energetic child babbling on and on about what she did that day is cute, but may also be hard to deal with. As a result, we can be too quick to dismiss our kids rather than listen to them. But listening to your kids builds their confidence and self-worth. It also models empathy and understanding, as well as a host of other positive social characteristics. And if you want to raise adults you enjoy spending time with, you want them to be the kind of people who don’t just enjoy talking but listening as well.

3. Teach self-control.

Discipline is hard. At its root, it’s about self-denial. It’s being willing to say “no” to something you want for the sake of something better. Young children aren’t wired for this. They are instant-gratification junkies, living in the moment with no thought for the future (viva la ice cream!). They need help learning to say “no” for the sake of a better “yes” down the road. This is hard to do as a parent, but if we don’t teach self-control, our children may struggle with unhealthy habits and fail to learn the value of sacrificing immediate gratification for long-term goals achieved through hard work. They will have difficulty working toward goals. And while lazy, disorganized kids may still be cute, lazy, disorganized adults are not the type of people you want to spend time with.

4. Play with them.

Playing with kids isn’t always convenient. In fact, they’re usually most interested in playing when you’re most interested in taking a nap or watching the game. But play is essential in your child’s cognitive and physical development. It also helps build lasting bonds between you and your child. A dad who plays with his kids communicates that he likes them. This deepens the connection and affection that lasts far beyond childhood. If you want to raise adults you enjoy, it helps if you learn to enjoy them while they’re young!

5. Don’t live through them.

Parents who live vicariously through their children are easy to spot. They’re typically the ones who come unhinged when their kid doesn’t get playing time, the “A,” or the lead role in the play. Either they never got these things themselves and want them for their child, or they did succeed and now expect their child to follow in their footsteps! And while there are lots of reasons this is bad, one of the things it does is teach your child that you don’t really like him for who he is, but for how much you can make him like you. Over time, this can build resentment in your child as well as a sense that he can never really measure up to your high expectations or be the person you want him to be. And it’s hard to have a relationship with an adult who feels he has to prove himself to you. If you want to raise an adult you enjoy, allow him to be himself. Let him grow in the things that make him unique, and as he becomes more himself as an adult, you can appreciate him for all the ways he is both different from and similar to you.

Sound off: What is something you’ve learned from your parents about how to raise adults you enjoy being with?

The post How to Raise Adults You Actually Like (and Who May Like You Too) appeared first on All Pro Dad.

My mindset is the same at home with my family. Because I want to be a better dad today than yesterday, I have to consistently show up for my kids. You may think, “Parenting isn’t like the NFL. Nobody is coming to replace you at home.” Not true. If our kids don’t get our full effort, they won’t get the attention, love, and comfort they crave. They’ll go looking for those things somewhere else, and you shouldn’t want that. So, dads everywhere have to go all in with their kids. No days off. It’s tough, but it’s worth it. Here are 4 things that happen when you give full effort at home.

1. Your kids feel seen.

Sometimes, after games and hard practices, the couch looks really inviting. But kids don’t care about rest. They want to play. Dads get to choose to match their kids’ excitement. It takes effort to drag out and ride bikes, go to the beach, and play on the four-wheelers. But the effort leads to the laughs. I have three kids, and they light up when they get quality time with Dad. So, I muster up the energy, even when I’m drained. Kids are smart. They will notice if we choose the couch over basketball in the driveway or puzzles together on the floor. I want my kids to feel seen and believe that their dad is putting in effort to be with them. If we expect to have a big impact with little effort, we’ll be disappointed with the results. Impact always follows effort.

2. You realize the value of mentors.

Sometimes giving full effort, while a great start, still leaves us short of our goal. That’s OK. That’s where mentors come in. Knowing how to be a great father doesn’t always come naturally. I learned a lot about both football and fatherhood from the veteran dads in the locker room when I arrived in Pittsburgh. I watched guys like James Harrison, Troy Polamalu, and Ryan Clark interact with their kids on Saturday mornings. They were smiling, and their kids were playing. All it took was a little effort to get them there. I saw that it was possible to be a great player and a great dad at the same time if you were willing to put in effort in both arenas.

Those teammates, along with others like Larry Fitzgerald and Max Starks, shared a lot of wisdom with me that I took home and applied with my family. I’m evolving a bit as a dad as the years go by. My oldest is almost in middle school, so I’m learning a new rhythm of fatherhood there. My middle and youngest are only a year apart, so they vie for my attention. Giving effort with them is easier for me now because I saw it modeled in the locker room years ago. Find yourself a dad who is a few years down the road and pick his brain. Ask questions and listen. Learn from someone who has been there and is willing to explain how effort led him to being a better dad, then put those lessons into action.

3. You hone your creative side.

Connecting with kids can be hard when you’re on the road for months at a time, like NFL players. But with a little creativity, I have found ways to stay tethered to my family. I recently bought my son a Bible and asked him to read Psalm 91 while I was away on a trip. I told him I’d be reading it as well and promised to discuss it and compare notes when I got back. It wasn’t a grand gesture. The assignment was easy, but the effort drove the connection.

Creativity doesn’t have to be an enormous show. Maybe you work up to that, but start with something simple. Send a text message to your older child at the same time every day. Maybe you and your younger kids create a goofy, personal handshake together. Making an effort so your kids have a great relationship with their dad will drive you to do more and more, and to one-up yourself each time.

4. You make core memories.

Our kids love the movie Inside Out. One scene shows a core memory being deposited in a young girl’s mind after a life-defining moment. That reminds me that every minute my kids are awake has the potential to be a core memory. This affects my effort level because I want my kids’ childhoods to be filled with amazing memories. When kids are small, we have to spend as much time with them as we can. Quantity time matters. As they enter adolescence, quality time becomes king. Focus on maximizing every moment by seizing your opportunities. Ask good questions on the car ride to practice. Stay up late to watch their favorite movie. Dance in the rain. Make the cupcakes. Do the things they want to do because your effort could crack the door for a core memory to form. When your kids are older, and they laugh with you over those “remember whens,” you’ll be grateful you gave full effort. If you want to know how to be a great father, start by trying to make positive core memories.

Sound off: What gets in the way of you giving your full effort with your kids? 

The post Kelvin Beachum: 4 Things That Happen When You Give Your Full Effort at Home appeared first on All Pro Dad.

Can learning names be hard? Yes. Is it important? Incredibly. “I’m just not good with names” is an excuse leaders shouldn’t accept. Restaurant owners ask servers to memorize menus. Coaches ask players to learn thick playbooks. We, as leaders, must commit to knowing the one thing that sets everyone apart—their name. Maybe you won’t need to learn as many as Robert did, but every name you memorize belongs to a person who is under your leadership. People want to be around others who care for them. It starts with knowing names. Here are 5 reasons knowing names matters.

1. It shows recognition.

Our Family First team is spread out across the country. One employee from Texas was struggling to remember the name of a newly hired man. He called him “the Ohio guy” during one of our work events. The moment demonstrated the importance of Robert’s challenge. The two men got to chat a bit after that event. They’re closer now after exchanging names and stories.

Recognition makes people feel seen. In the case of our newest employee, he may have already been feeling slightly invisible because he didn’t know many people yet. Learning his name elevates him and pulls him into the group. There are people in your offices and on your teams who feel utterly invisible. They feel like nobody cares if they show up or not. That’s the importance of remembering names. Using their name and stopping to ask how they’re doing is a powerful, inclusive gesture. It says, “I see you. You’re not interchangeable.” True leaders make people feel this way.

2. It builds connection.

Dale Carnegie’s popular book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, hit on the idea that we tend to be the most open with the people who show genuine interest in us. He wrote that a person’s name is “the sweetest sound” to them. Essentially, connection happens when good leaders aren’t afraid to build personal connections.

Once you learn someone’s name, you have opened the door to building a deeper bond. That matters because connection leads to influence. People will follow and work hard for leaders who relate to them. Using their name tells someone you want to know them better. Connection is where trust gets built, and rapport happens. Good leaders have strong relationships with their team, and knowing names is the first step to building them.

3. It conveys value.

You are leading people, not numbers on an Excel spreadsheet. Real people have names, of course, but also goals, desires, and families. They have value. We all spend money on items we think are valuable. Leaders spend time, energy, attention, and effort on people. Learning names is lumped into that. It took Robert a great deal of effort to learn hundreds of names. It will take effort for you too. But when you commit a name to memory, that person will understand you value them. When people feel valued, they feel secure, safe, and accepted.

If you’re feeling extra ambitious, challenge yourself to go deeper and even learn your employees’ kids’ or spouses’ names. Robert did this with his team members. Leaders who do this make it clear that there is no “small” person in your organization. This one commitment breaks down any perceived barrier between the worker and the person in the executive office. This injects dignity throughout your organization.

4. It changes the tone.

Tone matters from leaders. How we say things is just as important as what we’re saying because tone prepares the ear for news. “Michael, can we sit down and talk for a minute?” isn’t harsh. “Hey, you. Come to my office,” certainly is. Using names lowers defenses. It can soften difficult discussions or add seriousness where necessary. It makes dialogue more personal and less confrontational. It’s how we communicate effectively. When you use names, you gain access to people, which leads to more honest conversations, better feedback, and a more productive, healthy team culture.

5. It reflects humility.

Arrogant leaders are not respected. Humble leaders draw people in. That’s our goal: to be leaders that others want to be around, work hard for, and respect. All this can be accomplished by learning names. You’re not too busy for it. Not learning names can even come off as detached. When you take the time to learn and use names, you communicate “I want to know the people around me.” It shifts the focus away from yourself. You’re recognizing others, and in return, they’ll appreciate you.

Sound off: What stands out to you most about the importance of remembering names?

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Unhealthy behaviors, or bad habits, in kids may change, but every generation embraces actions that seem harmless, fashionable, or even fun. That is, until time reveals the consequences. Today’s kids are no different. Instead of cigarettes, promiscuous sex, or hitchhiking, they’re engaging in a new set of unhealthy trends shaped by social media, technology, and modern culture. As parents, we need to recognize the risks they face and guide them toward better choices. Here are 8 unhealthy things kids are doing today.

1. Resume Stacking

This seems like a positive thing on the surface. They’re loading up their resumes with tons of extracurriculars to boost their chances of getting into college.

The Problem: Rather than focusing on their own development, maturity, and growth, they’re fixated on achievement and checking boxes. Resume stacking lacks authenticity and filling out their schedule with activities they’re not interested in leads to exhaustion and burnout.

Instead: Encourage your kids to pursue activities that truly interest them and they can commit to.

2. Influencer Culture

Kids look up to and follow the example of influencers without understanding that influencers often project extreme behaviors and points of view because it gets clicks.

The Problem: Kids repeat behaviors they think are cool, but sometimes those behaviors are destructive and dangerous.

Instead: Talk to your kids about people you know in real life who you admire and why.

3. Looksmaxxing

Speaking of bad influencers. Looksmaxxing is another unhealthy behavior among kids today. Looksmaxxing, if you don’t know, is the attempt by young men and adolescent boys to maximize themselves to be more attractive, typically to the opposite sex. It’s not limited to looks, but that’s where the focus is.

The Problem: Looksmaxxers engage in extreme lengths to transform their bodies and looks, including bone crushing (smashing your face with a hammer to create microfractures in your face) to change the jawline, and taking dangerous drugs such as steroids and methamphetamines. Also, the constant focus on their looks can increase their insecurity, highlight their imperfections, or worse, make them conceited, vain, and shallow.

Instead: Encourage your sons to work on expanding their knowledge, growing their character, and learning the nuances of social interactions, especially taking an interest in others.

4. Morning Shed

This is one of the latest TikTok trends promoted by influencers. If looksmaxxing is what guys do, then the Morning Shed is what girls do. It’s basically layering the face with skin and beauty products at night, sleeping with them, and then taking them all off in the morning, hence the term “Morning Shed.”

The Problem: Dermatologists widely criticize this trend. They say that these techniques are unhelpful at best. At worst, they can actually irritate the skin and disrupt sleep patterns. More than that, though, this gets young girls to focus on the wrong things, just like looksmaxxing. Girls already focus too much on their “imperfections.” They don’t need an unhelpful trend that makes those self-critical voices louder.

Instead: Encourage your daughters to embrace who they are and not go to extreme lengths to try to change the way they look.

5. Cancel Culture

When confronted with uncomfortable ideas, many kids label the person holding them “unsafe” and ask authorities to remove them. Rather than engaging in debate and confronting ideas they find offensive with logic, their expectation is that they be removed. This is even true of many college-aged folks.

The Problem: It promotes kids’ fragility and nurtures a lack of self-confidence in facing challenges.

Instead: Encourage your kids to have conversations with people who view conflict with them. Work on understanding their point of view—it doesn’t mean they have to agree, but it does mean learning how to confront opposing and even offensive views.

6. Avoidance or Ghosting

Speaking of avoiding, since this generation has had fewer and fewer face-to-face interactions, kids often avoid relational challenges and awkwardness by ghosting others. It’s not just a bad habit for kids, but it can be cruel if another person is waiting on your child and expecting something in return.

The Problem: When kids avoid challenges, it raises their anxiety and insecurity because they never learn how to navigate delicate social situations. The more they choose to avoid and ghost, the more that behavior grows and becomes permanent.

Instead: Encourage your kids to have difficult conversations. They will need to learn how to do it at some point. It’s best to start now.

7. Clout Chasing

This is pursuing validation through social media likes and attention. It’s tough for kids today because they are judged by exact metrics of how they’re perceived by their peers.

The Problem: Kids’ self-perception of their value and worth becomes based on these stupid metrics. It’s a lie. A dangerous lie. Kids will also pursue likes and attention by engaging in outrageous behavior, similar to the influencers we talked about earlier.

Instead: Encourage your kids to focus on developing their character, grace, and love. When the prophet Samuel was chosen to anoint David king (the same David who defeated Goliath), God told him, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7) Make sure your kids focus on the right things.

8. Excessive FOMO

Being on screens and social media all the time is a bad habit for kids and can create an unhealthy level of FOMO. I think most people have a level of fear of missing out, but some kids today can become obsessed with it, checking social media all day and night, and constantly comparing themselves to others, which simply fuels jealousy and self-doubt.

The Problem: It affects kids’ mental health and sometimes their physical health, and self-image. Parents can also overcompensate by overscheduling their kids, leading to exhaustion.

Instead: Encourage your kids to focus on where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with rather than longing to be somewhere else. It’s always best for us to bring life where we are instead of letting what we’re missing take life from us.

Sound off: What are some other bad habits for kids in 2026?

The post 8 Unhealthy Things Kids Are Doing in 2026 appeared first on All Pro Dad.

What is gray divorce?

Gray divorce refers to couples who divorce after the age of 50, often after 20, 30, or even 40 years of marriage. In 1990, fewer than one in 10 divorces involved someone over 50. Today, it’s closer to one in three. Gray divorce is not a blowup. It’s not one dramatic moment. It’s a slow drift that many couples never even saw coming. Just like my friend’s dad.

Who is initiating a gray divorce?

According to research, women initiate roughly 70% of these divorces. So I posted a short video on our For Us Marriage TikTok account, defined the term, and asked one question: “Why do you think it is happening?” A few days later, I checked the numbers. I found over 200,000 views on a page that averages about 1,000. But the views were nothing compared to the 2,000 comments, almost all from women. This article is written to guys. So in the name of having your back, I am letting you know what I am learning. Women are not happy. But men can make a difference in the outcome.

Why are women leaving their marriages after 50?

The same 5 things kept showing up in those comments on repeat. And what they said matched the research, almost word for word.

1. “I’m done being a mother to a grown man.”

The most liked comment in the entire thread came from a woman who said she was tired of being the mother of an adult man. After spending her entire life raising kids, she did not need to raise an adult man-child who could not even open a door for her. And the word that kept showing up in comment after comment was “partner.” Not a roommate. Not another dependent. A partner.

Studies show that even in dual-income households, women carry what researchers call invisible labor. The scheduling. The mental load. Managing everyone’s emotions while also managing the house. And here is the thing about invisible labor. It is invisible to exactly one person in the marriage. And it is not her.

Does your wife feel like she married a partner or gained another person to take care of?

2. “I stayed for the kids. The kids are gone.”

This one is not complicated. It’s just painful. One woman said it in one sentence: “We stayed for our kids. We are leaving for ourselves.” The kids were the glue. When they left, there was nothing keeping the parents together. The empty-nest period is one of the highest-risk periods for divorce. Once the kids are self-sufficient, many women quietly rebuild their financial stability and then do something their husbands do not see coming: They reassess. Thirty more years with this person. Is that what I want? Apparently, for a lot of them, the answer is no.

If your kids moved out tomorrow, would you and your wife look at each other and think, I really like this person? Or would you just look at each other?

3. “I felt invisible. For years.”

One woman wrote that she was tired of walking on eggshells and of cringing when the garage door opened. Read that again. Cringing when the garage door opened. That is not a woman describing a bad week. That is a woman describing a life. More than 50% of women who file for divorce after 50 cite emotional neglect as the primary reason. Not infidelity. Not one big blowup. Neglect. Years of small moments where she needed to matter and didn’t. That adds up. Slowly. Quietly. And then one day it doesn’t.

When is the last time your wife felt like you actually saw her? Not managed her. Not needed something from her. Actually saw her?

4. “I did everything. He retired. I didn’t.”

One woman wrote that her husband had retired, but she was still cooking, cleaning, and doing all the housework and laundry. For a lot of these women, retirement did not bring partnership. It brought more of the same, now with their husband home all day. His job changed. Hers did not. He stopped going to the office. She never stopped managing the house. Retirement changes a marriage more than couples expect. But the work she was already doing of running the house, managing the family, and holding the mental load kept going exactly like it did before. He had all this new free time, but somehow none of it went toward helping her.

Think about this past week. Who remembered the appointments, packed the lunches, and kept track of what everyone needed? Was it a shared job, or was it hers again?

5. “I no longer have to stay.”

This one is just true. And husbands need to understand it. One woman put it simply: Women are able to support themselves, and they realize they don’t have to put up with disrespect to survive. For generations, a lot of women stayed in unhappy marriages because they had no financial options. That has changed. This means that for the first time in a lot of these marriages, the woman has a real choice. Not a convenient choice. Not an easy choice. But a real one. And she’s making it.

If your wife is being honest, does she want to be in this marriage, or does she just stay because it’s familiar? She doesn’t need you to survive. So, show up. Pay attention. Say thank you. Make the marriage something she wants, not something she settles for.

What do we need to do?

Now, before you call me the Grim Reaper of marriage, which is understandable if this is the only thing you have ever seen of mine, I am not. In fact, I am more like a Tigger of marriage. I think marriage is supposed to be and can be great. Speaking, writing, and cheering couples on is basically my job. I believe marriage is easier than most people think and better than most people expect. But this gray divorce thing is real. And we would do ourselves a favor to sit with it for a minute. The good news? Most of us still have time to pay attention.

Sound off: What is one thing that has helped you and your wife stay connected through the long haul?

Why do couples miss each other when it comes to shared responsibility? This episode of the All Pro Dad Podcast breaks down how dads can step up and build real connection.

The post Gray Divorce and Why Some Wives Are Done appeared first on All Pro Dad.