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Written by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss

Directed by Miguel Sapochnik

HBO, you glorious bastards.

On the tails of such an epic episode last week, we find ourselves in a very different Westeros this week. Ramsay Bolton is dead, Cersei is set to stand trial (not by combat), and Daenerys is united with Theon and Yara, currently amassing a fleet to sail to Westeros.

I’m actually going to do things a bit differently for this particular finale, since there were so many reveals and large moments. I actually think it’s easier to arrange things in terms of the “oh shit” moments rather than moving forward chronologically. I trust no one will be overly upset by this.

Cersei’s Big Kaboom

Everything about Cersei’s ultimate revenge on the Faith Militant and House Tyrell was phenomenally put together, from the foreboding piano music to her almost Targaryen-like scaled outfit that she likely picked out quite pointedly for her impending coronation.  Maester Pycelle and Lancel are taken down by Qyburn’s small army of urchin children (still creepy), and Cersei leaves Septa Unella in the hands of the Mountain, so we know just about how well that’s going to go for her. Much like the North…or like an elephant, Cersei never forgets.

In an instant, we say goodbye to (almost) the entire ruling power of House Tyrell, which is horrifying but also very true to the spirit of the books. There are so many deaths and tragic events that Martin writes about that we learn of in strange, passive ways – so many things that we never actually see, but instead hear about during another character’s POV chapter. This truly felt like one of those moments for the show. Margaery, who has undeniably been playing some sort of political game post-imprisonment, finds herself in a position where none of her wit and cleverness can help her, even in the moment that she realizes why Cersei is not attending her own trial.

We just get one glimmer of the Margaery we know and love panicking before her and the rest of the Sept-goers are engulfed in wildfire flames. And poor Loras had to spend his final moments giving his life over to a Faith who beat him down until he submitted. There’s so much tragedy here, considering we’ll likely never know what Margaery’s master plan really was, and knowing that Cersei was not only the reason that the Tyrells are stuck submitting to the sparrows in the first place, but also the reason that they all meet their untimely ends as Cersei wipes the slate clean.

But, of course, there’s no clean Game of Thones revenge. Violence comes with side effects, sacrifice, and only brief rewards. Tommen suicide represents both the loss of another king and Cersei’s final child, which seemed to simply numb Cersei even more at this point. And in a way, Tommen’s choice was incredibly meaningful. Of course, he could have continued to reign, likely as his mother’s puppet, but why would he at this point? After seeing what his mother is capable of and the sort of actions it takes in order to seize the Iron Throne, what purpose is there for an essentially kind-hearted boy like Tommen to continue living or attempting to do good in King’s Landing? I actually felt a bit that Cersei saw that reaction as one of the outcomes of her decision yet went forward with her plans anyway. It was clear that she already emotionally lost her son after she watched him outlaw trial by combat, so I believe she was ready to leave him behind fully by the time she’s declared queen. So at this point, she’s a very powerful woman with nothing left to lose.

Oldtown

Sam and Gilly finally reach Oldtown. And how spot-on was Sam’s little “hello” upon walking in to the Citadel? It was like he was walking into some sandwich shop and just checking out the menu. The maester-receptionist is none too pleased with the news that both Jeor and Aemon are dead, but Sam is given use of the library for the time being. Gilly, as expected, gets to wait outside.

I sure hope someone manages some sort of Beauty and the Beast mashup with that moment because that’s literally all I thought of with that panoramic “look at all the books” view. Not much else to say here except that this officially brings us up to date with Sam’s current book plotline. So it’ll be interesting to see where it goes from here.

The (new) King in the North

Davos confronts Melisandre in front of Jon, handing her Shireen’s burned stag. Liam Cunningham, but the way, has just become Davos at this point. He is one of the most well-cast and amazing characters in the show, and I absolutely love his growth and pain and his entire journey. Davos asks for Jon’s permission to execute Melisandre for her crimes. Melisandre tries to defend herself to Jon, stating that she can help him win the war, but Jon commands her to ride south, never to return to the North, lest she want to be executed for her crimes.

Littlefinger continues to creep on Sansa, sharing that his ultimate goal is to sit on the Iron Throne with her at his side. She turns him down (good job, Sansa) but it’s clear that he’s planted somewhat of a seed with her by the end of their conversation in the weirwood that hangs on until that final glance between the two of them later. Meanwhile, Jon offers Sansa Ned and Catelyn’s room and seems to want to ensure that the two of them are allied in Winterfell. He proclaims Sansa the real hero of Winterfell, yet stays ultimately silent as the Northerners unite behind him instead of Sansa.

Tiny Lyanna Mormont unites the Northerners to swear fealty to House Stark once again, refusing to be deterred by Jon’s “bastard” designation. And this time, that “King in the North” chant has a dark edge to it, considering that things didn’t exactly end well for Robb. Jon seems to know this just as well as Sansa and Littlefinger, however.

R+L=J

The internet has made this fan theory just about the WORST kept secret in the universe, so unfortunately, what should have been a rather fulfilling scene just turned out feeling lackluster to me. I was like oh…is it…? Well, yep. That’s that, then. On her death bed, Lyanna made Ned promise to take care of Jon and keep him safe, even though we know now that Rhaegar is Jon’s true father, making him a part of the Targaryen line – and also Daenerys’ nephew!

The biggest impact this creates (if Bran ends up spreading the word down to Winterfell) is that Jon has literally NO claim to House Stark. He does have a claim to the Iron Throne (in a sense), but we now know that Sansa is the rightful ruler of Winterfell, something that the show already seems to be foreshadowing as a conflict for the next season.

The Great Northern Conspiracy…sort of…Arya-style!

I have neither the time nor energy to explain “The Great Northern Conspiracy” here, but if you spend some time Googling (or just follow that link), you’ll get a pretty good idea of what it is. If you’re not a reader of the books, a lot of the stuff involved is going to seem a WHOLE hell of a lot different than the show (“fake Arya”…wha?), but in general, it has to do with Robb legitimizing Jon and the northerners working to make Jon the King in the North while dealing with Stannis and the Boltons. A portion of this did in fact end up happening, but in an entirely different way. Sansa’s Bolton storyline is non-existent in the books, so she’s not around to attempt to turn the minor Northern houses to the Stark side pre-Battle of the Bastards, therefore, we’re not around to see explicitly where the loyalties of the minor houses truly lie. A major portion of this theory requires you to read quite a bit between the lines and question how reliable the knowledge of certain POV characters is. What I’m getting around to saying here is that one of the book pieces of the conspiracy is that Wyman Manderly, ruler of White Harbor and ally to the Starks, baked Walder Frey’s sons into pies and served them to Walder at Ramsay Bolton’s wedding, which is a fan favorite theory considering how much Walder Frey deserves everything coming to him.

So, show-wise, Arya gets the honor of using her Faceless Man skills to pay back Walder Frey for the Red Wedding – a fitting first bit of revenge for her on returning to Westeros. And while it doesn’t have the “did he/didn’t he” feeling from the book, it’s actually nice to have a fan theory pay off in this way visually. And it’s a wonderful way for the Freys to start getting their comeuppance for being horrible, useless pieces of trash. I mean, come on, even the Lannisters hate them.

Daenerys Finally Gets Shit Done

So Olenna is uniting with Dorne and Dorne is uniting with Varys (and by connection, Daenerys). And Olenna is clearly the key to tolerating the horribly-cast Sand Snakes by shutting them the hell up. Thank god.

Dany tries to give Daario the old “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. She insists he must stay in Meereen with the Second Sons, even though he desperately wants to travel to Westeros with her. Dany knows that bringing a lover with her to Westeros is foolish, as she’ll have to be available to make alliances. Afterwards, she goes to talk to Tyrion, and they have a nice bit of bonding, at the end of which she names him Hand of the Queen (complete with pin!), which was just unbelievably adorable.

And with that, Daenerys’, along with the Greyjoys and Martells, is finally, FINALLY sailing to Westeros to fuck some shit up, in the dead of winter, no less, which should be quite interesting considering that two-thirds of her great fleet are southern-dwellers at their core. I’m sensing a definite Napoleon-esque thing going on here with the coming of winter, but we’ll see.

Writer: Mark Waid

Artist: Veronica Fish

Publisher: Archie Comics

Cover price: $3.99

Buy on ComiXology

The first thing that completely blew me away about this issue of Archie was how many times I had to re-read the second two pages to realize that I was reading it wrong. I knew visually that it was a 2-page spread, it just took me longer than I like to admit to understand that the whole thing was meant to be taken in as one big page, with the top panels all going first. I’m pretty sure that was never part of the classic Archie “house” style, and I like how Veronica Fish is using the scope of those pages to metaphorically illustrate the extent of Mr. Lodge’s dislike of Archie.

Mark Waid’s writing is once again adorable and hilarious and just a little bit mean in all the best ways. For example, Archie’s dad drops the best Trump reference I’ve seen outside classic Bloom County strips in a conversation about Ronnie’s helicopter. I really like the way he’s gone out of his way to write Archie’s folks as believable people, instead of cardboard-cutout authority figures to mock or disobey. I may have laughed as hard as I did at Fred’s reaction to the gigundo TV because I recognize that impulse in my own husband.

But as funny as it is to watch Veronica move all of her fancy-schmancy creature comforts into the Andrews’ house, it also presents a couple of problems for the ongoing narrative. For one thing, it continues to present Ronnie as the newcomer/interloper/“exchange student from planet Rich” who’s basically keeping the Archie gang from actually getting together and being the gang. I’m not used to Archie and Ronnie moving in such separate circles from Jughead and Betty and Kevin and the rest of the kids; I’m pretty sure I’m not a huge fan. The other thing I worry about is how completely removed Ronnie is from basic reality because of how rich her family is. Waid’s painting her as someone with a big heart and no idea how to navigate a grocery store. Of all the things that Veronica Lodge should know how to do well, shopping is at the top of the list.

I said last month that Mr. Lodge has just about turned into a comic book super-villain; I stand by that assessment and add that he’s now the kind of guy who may have a literal princess for a daughter – one who can scarcely function in the real world and whose only agency is her daddy’s money. If Waid dials her back just a wee bit, she’ll be far more entertaining as a character. I don’t dislike her anymore, now I need a reason to actively root for her. Repeated exposure to Archie’s friends on a social basis would be just the thing to file down some of the edges on our poor little rich girl.

Criticism aside, I still laughed out loud multiple times at this issue. Ronnie’s complaint in the grocery store was adorable in a way I hadn’t expected, and I really enjoy what Fish is doing with the art to carry parts of the story. Blue music notes with sad faces, for instance, or yellow ones that smile, and two panels of Archie and Betty that just about burst into flames on the page from the way they looked at each other. I just really want to make sure that this book doesn’t ever jump the ridiculously large shark that Mr. Lodge put in the moat around his house. Based on the preview image for next month, things should be getting even more interesting real soon. Can’t wait!

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Writer: Dan Parent

Artist: J. Bone

Publisher: Archie Comics

Cover price: $3.99

Buy on ComiXology

I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I may have the same problem now with Kevin Keller that Veronica did way back in his first appearance in Archie comics – my inner teenage girl is nursing a pretty ferocious crush on our titular character! He’s all grown up now; the only Archie character so far to go beyond perpetual high school except in alternate-universe stories. His new book is a digital-only release, and is the closest thing I’m aware of to a creator-owned book at Archie, since Dan Parent created the character and has all the major creative duties on this book.

The setup here is pretty simple – boy graduates from college, boy moves to New York for first job, boy hopes to meet other boys (and girls!) and have fun while he’s young. However, Kevin is an old soul in Prince Charming’s body, and it’s not hard to see him as a bit of a Mary Sue for Dan Parent as a writer. He has a journalism degree and is actually working for a local TV news channel, for one thing. For another, he complains out loud about having to edit copy about Kim Kardashian’s butt, whines about having to fetch coffee for an established news anchor, and wonders if he’s meant for the age of Twitter. Oh, and he jams out in his new-but-slightly-terrible apartment to Diana Ross’ “I’m Coming Out”. From someone less thoroughly charming than Mr. Keller, all these things might seem old-fashioned, and not in a good way. As it is, they’re all narrative shorthand to show new readers who Kevin is and how he’s not as jaded as some of the people around him.

I loved the slightly retro vibe of the art in this book. I’m a bit of a creature of habit, and Archies were my first comics as a kid, so I like that some of the updated material is in a style that I’m very familiar with. The story of Kevin’s first day at work is a throwback too, and wouldn’t have been out of place in any number of ‘70s sitcoms. But nowadays at least we’re allowed to see a boy crushing on another cute boy without any subterfuge, which is thoroughly modern and definitely refreshing. I’m still not sure how I feel about the mostly black-and-white (with shades of blue) coloring, and I wish they’d used the old style of lettering. That being said, Kevin is a cutie-patootie all grown up, and I like seeing some people of color in the book already. I hope there are more. I also giggled at the little house mouse curling up with him during his phone call with Veronica, and I really hope it becomes an actual pet.

All told, this is a solid first issue of Kevin Keller’s new title, and with Veronica suddenly being thrown prominently into the mix there should be no shortage of drama. Oh, and boys. Lots and lots of boys. Can it be next month already, please?

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