Fear of rejection, in my experience, ranks right up there with fear of public speaking. Most people admit that the fear of death is nothing compared to the fear of public speaking. Rejection seems to give rise to the same levels of fear. What is this all about? Let me tell you a story…

I have a “friend” (me) who was once active in a Network Marketing company marketing a very useful service in the form of Pre-Paid Legal plans. This “friend” understood the service offered by the company. He also understood the compensation he’d get for successfully marketing the service to receptive customers. He knew enough of the book knowledge about the services and the company.

But this “friend” failed miserably in this company. Why? He was afraid of rejection. He would stick himself out there and told someone about this remarkable company and the wonderful service being offered. Sometimes, the people he talked to said “NO”.

He got a bit more depressed each time. Each rejection got to him because he took it personally. Each “NO” seemed like a personal attack and made him less and less likely to want to stick himself out there.

Eventually, he stopped working his business altogether. At first it just started as excuses like “I need to organize my desk” or “I need to rethink my approach”. Eventually it snowballed into downright apathetic laziness.

Eventually, he found his way into another gig, which was door-to-door, going from one business to the next and peddling different things. Things from discounted oil changes to cheap tickets for the local sports teams. This gig didn’t pay exceptionally well, but he eventually learned a few lessons about rejection in the process.

1. Never Take Rejection Personally

When a person tells you “NO” regarding your offering, product or service, in most cases they are not saying no to YOU. When they say “NO”, what it normally means is “Not right now”. Even when you hear “NO”, ask the person, “Is it OK if I get back in touch with you in a few weeks/months to let you know how my business is growing?”

2. How much is each NO worth?

When you are marketing a product of service, something interesting happens. You will eventually establish a baseline for what your success average is. If it takes you talking to 10 people to get 1 “YES”, you got 10% baby! Assume that that one YES pays you $100 for a commission…

Each time you get a “NO”, think to yourself “That’s another $10 in my pocket!” ($100/10 people means each no is worth $10!)

3. Be grateful for the opportunity

Businesses are built on value and opportunity. Any business that is worth anything of real value won’t attract every single person. If you went out and talked to 10 people and they all signed up at once, that indicates you just might be on the tail end of the curve for your service or product. The opportunity is weaker than it would be in the beginning. Each time you get a “NO”, silently tell the person thank you for allowing you to have the opportunity to position yourself for success!

4. Attitude is what determines your altitude!

If you start to feel youself getting discouraged when you hear a “NO”, don’t just say “thank you for your time” and go to the next door. Take a short break, take stock of yourself. What I usually did is go to a restroom and stand in front of the mirror. Then I would do my best imitation of the old “Whozza!” Budweiser commercials. That gets me laughing (at myself) each time. It helps me to not take myself so seriously. This also really helps me if I’m really needing to make sales. It keeps my mind off of the “I need money” mindset and gets me into a more playful mood.

5.  Rejection is just a state of mind!

When you get a “NO”, just remember that rejection is only rejection if YOU let it be that way in your mind.  What most call “Rejection”, I call “a matter of timing”.  Going back to tip #1, just get permission to get back in touch with the person at a later date.  Not necessarily to try and sell them on your idea again, but to treat them as a human.  Let them know how your business has grown in the time since your last contact.  Find out if there’s any way you can help them succeed in their own business.  Take them to lunch. Whatever you can do to let them know you’re more than just a suit with a blank application to fill out.

While the stuff I’ve listed here helps me through the day, I imagine that since you are reading this, you may have some other tips/tricks to help with rejection. Let me know in comments what some of yours are!

First thing first:

Before I begin, let me be clear on something.  I was already going to buy a copy of the book before I read that Steve would be arranging to send out review copies.  Yes, I love his writings that much.  I was about 5 minutes from pulling out my wallet when I got the newsletter announcing the review offer.  So, I went into reading this book with full expectation that the book would be as informative and useful as the content on his website.

So, understanding this bias, I loved the book for the most part.  I had only one thing I didn’t quite agree with, which I’ll cover below.  I am very excited for having read this book.  I explain why in the section “Why I am excited”.
The Principles:

In the book, Steve goes beyond what he calls the “low hanging fruit” of personal development.  A lot of personal development authors and speakers tend to get more into the techniques of personal development.  This might include tips and tricks in areas such as time management, productivity, people skills and so on.

Steve realized early on that there is a certain underlying pattern to every growth experience.  So, instead of simply attacking specific issues with tips and tricks limited to those specific issues, he spent years studying and synthesizing an understanding of the core principles that lead to personal growth.

This led him to an understanding of 3 primary and 4 secondary factors which determine the quality of our growth experiences.  The factors are: Truth, Love, Power and the secondary principles of Oneness, Authority, Courage, and Intelligence.

Truth:

Truth is the ability to get develop an accurate understanding of both our current state of being and the steps we need to take to develop the state of being we desire.  Truth is coming to grips with what our life is like in the current moment. It is also being able to accurately assess how our lives will be later on down the road if we stay on the path we’re on.

This leads to hard questions we have to ask ourselves. Questions like “If I keep eating the way I eat, will I have the body I want as time passes?”

Truth is that factor which keeps on the right course to reach our self development goals.
Love:

Love is that factor which binds us to other aspects of our reality.  Love is the bond of kinship which arises from being connected to other people, animals, and even “inanimate” objects.  This arises from finding the common ground with which to connect to others.

Power:

Power is the factor which determines how we create our reality and build our life experience.  A mastery of Power leads to wielding the power of manifestation in our outer reality.  Lack of power leads to the “victim” mindset.  Lack of Power is akin to being in a boat on a river with no oars or motor.  You are simply carried by the current until you eventually run aground or get dumped into the ocean.

Power in the context of this book does not imply merely the type of power we think of someone in political office wielding.  Even those in political office sometimes find themselves being pushed back and forth.

How they relate:

The awesome thing about these three primary factors is that they relate with each other with the beautiful precision and universality that we find in mathematical equations.  In fact, in the book, Steve has a diagram which is a triangle, to illustrate.  The three primary factors make up the “corners” of the triangle.  This leads to an intuitive visual understanding of how the principles work together.

The three primary factors actually lead to the emergence of the 4 secondary factors of Oneness, Authority, Courage, and Intelligence.

Oneness:

Oneness is the principle which is represented by the union of Truth and Love.  With Truth and Love working together, we have an accurate model of our reality and life, coupled with the universal knowing that we are all connected. This naturally leads to behaviors such as empathy, compassion, and unity.  This is where we intuitively know that we are not separate from our fellow human beings.  At the core we are one. Namastè
Authority:

This is the union of Truth and Power.  Here, we have an accurate model, we know what must be done to shape our reality as we desire.  This is coupled with the ability to actually share reality.

Truth without power leads to what some call “thinking about it” syndrome.  “I’m thinking about starting a business”, “I’m tnking about changing jobs”, and so on.

Power without truth leads to haphazardly affecting life as we know it, with no regard for whether what is being done is the right path to be on.
Courage:

Courage is the union of Love and Power.  This is taking action which is in the best interest of all involved.  Love without Power leads to caring inaction.  Power without Love leads to abusive action.
Intelligence:

Intelligence is the principle which emerges as one approaches a synergistic union of the other six principles.  When we act with intelligence, we are operating with sheer definiteness of purpose, for the highest good of all, in a way which is in keeping with the reality of the present moment.  Intelligence is the ultimate prize of personal development.  To act intelligently is to make reality better day than it was the day before.

A (minor) point of contention:

Ok.  Being as biased as I still am, I found one part which didn’t QUITE resonate with me, although I think I can understand where Steve is coming from.

In the section on Money, on page 188, Steve makes mention of how money that is put into a savings account is not adding value to the mix.  I wrote previously that even money in a savings account satisfies the Law of Circulation.  This is in the fact that the banks loan this money to customers for things such as buying a house, starting certain types of businesses, and so on.

I will admit that a savings account might not be the best use of the money to make the most good come of it.  It is, however, a choice which can be made.
Why I am excited:

I’m excited because a lot of the things Steve talks about in the book, I’ve written posts on this blog which touch on a lot of the ideas he has so eloquently put together.  One example is the notion of “Emergent Properties“.
Why I am troubled:

In the book, and on his blog, Steve talks a LOT about purpose and meaning.  He offers exercises to help determine what our purpose is.  And, he says that the way to know once you’ve found the purpose that resonates with you, is that each time you read it or say it to yourself, it makes you cry.

I started this blog in June of 2006.  I was one of the many who were inspired by Steve’s nearly unfathomable success even at that point in time.  So, since I was interested in prosperity and abundance thinking, I started this blog with the intent of making it a place to learn about things such as Manifestation, Law of of Attraction, Spirituality and so on.

This is what troubles me.  I realize now, after his book put things in perspective for me, that I am strong in the Love department, as far as this site goes.  The passion is there.  I have been getting better at the Power angle, as I refine my intentions and manifestations.

I have the most problem with “Truth” at this point.   How can I write about financial freedom, knowing that I work at a job  that I don’t love but I don’t dislike enough to leave?  And also knowing that without my Job, I would not be able to meet my physical life needs?  I’m troubled because I feel inauthentic with it.  I think that’s the reason I’ve felt so uninspired and “stuck” as far as what to write on here for such long stretches of time.

It almost makes me cry to think about this, so I don’t know if it’s from being so close to an approximation of my purpose, or if it’s just a feeling of having went on such a long wrong path for the past 2 years.  Maybe I’ll have to reread the book.

Anyway, this book is the absolute best self-help book I’ve ever read.

Steve, if you’re reading this:

Thank you.  I love you for writing this book, it really made me think.

What exactly does that mean? Does it mean that we should not, in the literal sense, say “Damn” or “Dammit” after saying “God”?

No.

In order to understand what I mean by that, consider what God’s name is.

God’s name is “I AM”. When you invoke the Lord’s name, you are saying “I AM”.

God does not intend to have us shame ourselves, or treat ourselves worse than we would treat someone else.

So, next time you say something to yourself like “I AM stupid” or “I AM fat” or “I AM ugly”, stop yourself, and think about how you could phrase that more appropriately and in a positive and healthy manner.

Instead of “I AM Stupid”, try “I AM still learning”

“I AM fat” can turn into “I AM perfect the way I am”.
“I AM Ugly” Instead try “I AM beautiful because this is how God made me”.

A good rule of thumb here is to ask yourself, “If I were talking to God right now, would God tell me I’m stupid, fat and ugly?”

I didn’t think so

Here is a great meditation my Aunt taught me:

“I am happy, I am healthy, I am great!”

say that at least 3 times, and it’s guaranteed to heighten your mood. More often than not, I end up laughing with incredible joy when I do this.

Thursday, February 28, 2008 2:06 PM

I got my PO Box today. Another thing that seemed much easier than I anticipated or remembered. Maybe this is what it feels like to be truly taking inspired action. Things are happening right now, concerning this website I am building, that seem effortless, like the results are just FLOWING effortlessly from my fingertips. Like “Fantasia” for the internet or something. I feel almost magical right now.

This stuff kicks ass!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 9:13 AM

I just set up my aWeber account. That was much easier than I thought it would be.
I got a “Welcome” message from them with an awesome PDF that explains how to set up my first list. It sorta reminds of me the “Hello World” program found in most programming languages.

So, this website is coming together. I got the articles done, and now I’m arranging them, and making sure everything is perfect. This is taking far longer than it probably should, but I’m not worried since it’s my first one like this.

I’ve decided though, that there are already several things I can identify that will help me do this in a more time-efficient manner in the future. Perhaps What I’ll do next is figure out how to automate some of the process.

I have to go get a PO Box sometime soon. Since I’m using aWeber, the CAN-SPAM laws require a physical mailing address be present in the emails I send using the aWeber service. I checked the site FAQ’s to make sure PO Boxes are acceptable. They Are! I don’t want to put my home mailing address on all the outgoing emails.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008 11:53 AM

Today I’m off work and I plan to use the time to get closer to setting up my first site that I hope won’t take months/years to turn a profit. It’s not as easy as it sounds/seems to get this stuff going, at least not on the first try.
But, I already feel as if the stuff I’m learning will help me do this faster and faster with each run.
I will open up an aWeber account soon as I’ll need that to start building my mailing list. Eventually, I’ll need to figure out how to save or backup my mailing lists from aWeber to a remote location in case some unforeseeable catastrophe happens on their end.

I honestly can’t wait. Once I hit enough income per week to be able to quit my job, from a financial standpoint, I’ll look and see how my options change for living. I am having fun with this.

Monday, February 25, 2008 11:45 PM
Well, I got the first article written for my new site today.
I ended up being way tired afterwards, since I worked last night.
A few more days, though, and I’ll have the articles finished. Then I can work on getting traffic to the new site.
I’m still looking at ways of tracking the site’s progress. I may use trusty Google Analytics.
As far as getting traffic, since I don’t have time to wait on organic traffic, to see if this idea will pan out (love that term), I will use something like AdWords.

I plan on doing some continuous A/B testing so I can try and get the highest possible CTR and conversions from the site.
I remember reading in one of Seth Godin’s books that while he was at Yoyodyne, they were able to, with meticulous tweaking, get one of their campaigns to a conversion rate of a staggering 67%!!!

I’d love to get a 67% conversion ration with something like AdSense clicks or affiliate clicks.

Sunday, February 24, 2008 7:43 PM
So today has been yet ANOTHER productive day. I read some today, and made progress toward my goal of launching a money-producing website.

My problem before has been setting my goals as the “end goal”. I heard Dave Savula once talking about how long-term goals are actually detrimental to long-term success. He said that long-term goals act as a much bigger yardstick, and if you’re not careful you can get discouraged. He says to take whatever your long-term goal is and break it down into smaller daily ACTIVITY goals, as opposed to RESULTS goals.

Then, if the activity you’re doing doesn’t get the results you’re wanting, alter your activity.

Saturday, February 23, 2008 11:17 PM
Today has been a very productive day, got the keywords I plan to target, and am now looking at how best to use them.
I am glad to finally have a sense of focus on a possibility for a money-making online venture.

Today was really a very awesome day. My business partner and I got a lot done today. I’m glad of it too.
it’s nice to feel like you’ve accomplished something worthwhile.

I wonder how long income like this could last? I am certain it could last for a very very long time, unless the internet just “dries up”. yeah right.

Friday, February 22, 2008 5:04 AM

I’m sitting here at work, and GOD we are busy tonight. Several high-priority tech support calls have come in and needed to go to engineers. Someday, if I stick around long enough, I’ll be able to do that too. that job sounds fun from what I hear of it, at least sometimes.

It’s fairly troubleshooting-intensive. Makes me think of the old-days. Makes me wonder if I’ve got it in me to do that stuff again.