Funny OR Teasing

Lawyers..

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 11:35:00 +0000

1.Q. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A. If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
2. A restaurant full of lawyers was held hostage.
The bad guys threatened that, until all their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.

Prison

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 11:17:00 +0000

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail".

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said,
"I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."

The third convict, a blonde man, was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said "I brought these."

The other two were puzzled and asked - "What can you do with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said - "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating"...

Enjoy

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 11:35:00 +0000

1. Importance of a period
Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?'
Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.'

2. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential? ' Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! '

3. Anger management?
Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush .'

Enjoy

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 11:33:00 +0000

1. Losing all your friends
Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'

2. Brother wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,'send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....

3. Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!'
Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!'

Lawyer and inheritance

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 10:43:00 +0000

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.

The man replied, "South Carolina." "Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."

"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's
attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance. "

The moral of the story is that there are three things in life that are
certain:

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Surgeons

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 10:40:00 +0000

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable. "

Talk conversation between NRI husband and his wife.

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 09:09:00 +0000

Dear Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart
Your husband
XYZ

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses
instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him
some other items...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses .

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I
hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise !!!

Your Sweet Heart
ABC

Oh, Those Darn Lawyers

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 08:43:00 +0000

Two lawyers, Jon and Mike, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Mike a $50 bet. Mike agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Mike is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Mike secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.

''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''

''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''

''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''

Intelligent Sardar :)

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 08:38:00 +0000

Bobby returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father.

"Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am a Sardar?"

"No son, that's because you are intelligent."

Bobby seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am a Sardar ??"

"No , that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.

Happy with the answer, Bobby poses another question to his father. "Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am a Sardar?"

The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."

Pa Won't Like It ..

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 08:41:00 +0000

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

Hooker !!!

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 08:36:00 +0000

A married couple are lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth anniversary when the wife says, “Darling, as this is such a special occasion I think that it is time I made a confession…. Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.”

The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife’s eyes and says, “My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, and I cannot hold your past against you. In fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit!”

She said, “I don’t think you understand, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Auckland Blues.”

Top 10 Snappy Comebacks To "Why Aren't You Married Yet"

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 08:15:00 +0000

10. You haven't asked yet.

09. What? And spoil my great sex life?

08. Just lucky, I guess.

07. I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

06. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

05. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.

04. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?

03. We really want to, but my lover's husband just won't go for it.

02. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

01. Why aren't you thin?

10 Humorous Definations!

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 08:12:00 +0000

Women: Person who thinks more with their heart than with their head.

Experience: What you will get while looking for something else.

Zoo: A place advice for animals to study the habits of human beings.

Adam: The only man in the world who couldn't say," Pardon me, haven't I seen you before?"

Dentist: A person who extracts both your teeth and money.

Bald: When one has less hair to comb and more face to wash.

Death: Stop sinning suddenly.

Neighbour: A person who is out of something.

Smile: A small curve that solve big problems.

Kitchen: Final laboratory of housewife.

Sardar Kidnapping a Kid!!

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 07:54:00 +0000

There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck.

In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a
kid and hold him for ransom.

He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him
behind a tree,

and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

Sardarji then wrote a note saying:

"I've kidnapped your kid.

Tomorrow morning, put Rs.2,00,000 in a paper bag

and put it beneath the mango tree on the north side
of the city

playground".

Signed: "A Sardarji".

Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and
sent him home to

show it to his parents.

The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure
enough a paper bag was kept beneath the mango tree.The boy was sitting next
to the bag. Sardarji opened up the bag and found the Rs.2,00,000 in cash
with a note saying:

"How can a sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji?

Take the money, and Please leave my son."

Whats my age ?

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 03:27:00 +0000

Teacher: (1)There is a frog, (2)Ship is sinking, (3)potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then,
what is my age?

STUDENT: 32 yrs.

Teacher: How do you know?

STUDENT: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

EXAM >>

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 03:25:00 +0000

A gorgeous girl walks up 2 a a professor's cabin and says I will do anything 2 pass in the exam.
Professor: anything ! ?

Girl: ya
Prof: open your books and study.

Wife is a Wife !!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 03:50:00 +0000

A Wife is a Wife,
no matter who
THE HELL
you are!!

Suicide !!!

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 03:23:00 +0000

2 Lovers plan to suicide.

Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes & return back saying love is blind.

Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies.

Beauty Parlourr :)

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 18:24:00 +0000

# Seen on a famous beauty parlor:

Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your
grandmother!

Success n Relative

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 18:23:00 +0000

# Seen on a bulletin board:

Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.

Barber ..

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 18:22:00 +0000

# Sign at a barber's saloon :

We need your heads to run our business.

God n Terrorist

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 18:21:00 +0000

Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations.
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god."

Stupidity !!

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 15:35:00 +0000

Q: What is the Extreme height of stupidity?

Answer: Two stupids Sitting in a Auto and fighting for corner seat!!!

Funny

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:33:00 +0000

Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?

Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

~~~~~~~~~

Man : my wife is too good.
She can talk on any subject for hours.

Friend : Ahh!!! My wife is better,
She does not even need a subject to talk about.

Kiss

noreply@blogger.com (evirtualpie) — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 15:32:00 +0000

Never kiss police woman.

She will say Stop and hands up.

Never kiss nurse.She will say next.

Always kiss ur teacher.
She will say repeat it 5 times.