I will start this post with the scriptures. Scriptures that I was readily familiar with. Scriptures that gave me warnings. But for some reason they did not register when I was in the mist of this painful experience. Only upon starting to write this post did these scriptures immediately come to mind.

Next I will give an overview of the dynamics of the relationship (What Happened). Then I do self-reflection and analyze what I allowed to go wrong. Finally, I will close with some lessons learned and a conclusion. The conclusion is a call to leadership. Biblical leadership that would prevent this situation from happening again.

Proverbs 31:3 (ESV): Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings.

Biblehub’s Pulpit Commentary On This Verse | Toby Sumpter’s Commentary On This Verse

1 Corinthians 15:33 (ESV): Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

Mark 12:29-30 (ESV): Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love [agapēseis] the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (NOG): Listen, Israel: Yahweh is our Elohim. Yahweh is the only God. Love Yahweh your Elohim with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. Take to heart these words that I give you today. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you’re at home or away, when you lie down or get up. Write them down, and tie them around your wrist, and wear them as headbands as a reminder. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

John 12:48 (ESV): The one who rejects me and does not receive my words has a judge; the word that I have spoken will judge him on the last day.

What Happened

On February 27, 2021, I started communicating with someone who I met online through a Christian dating site. It was long distance as she was from another country. When we first spoke I told her that, “It’s important for us to get to know one another as friends first, but I was on the site and contacted you because I looking to meet my future wife. Not just have a friend.”

Personally, I never been that direct with a woman I was romantically interested in. I always proposed us to be friends and nothing more. That was low risk path (i.e., I wouldn’t feel rejected romantically if she said no) and took the pressure off and gave me time to know here as a person.

I was surprised when she said was still interested in me and agreed with my point of view. That never happened to me before. Then again, I never before was upfront and direct in sharing my romantic intentions.

About six days after we met online (around March 3, 2021), I told her my life story when we had our second conversation. I was brutally honest about the horrors I faced in the past because. I didn’t want hide anything from her. I wanted to avoid wasting my time with a woman would later reject me because of what happened to me in the past. Afterwards, asked if she would you be interested in being my girlfriend. She said, “Yes”. I was dumbfounded.

The relationship became toxic quickly. Specifically, I did not enforce healthy boundaries (in terms of time devoted to the relationship and avoiding temptation). Although, I mentioned my hours for work, and hours I need to sleep and avoiding topics that would lead me to temptation, these were neither regularly enforced by me nor respected by her.

What I Did Wrong

1. I Made Her My Idol and a god. I Did Not Restrain My Desires

I allowed my desire to sin and please her to temporarily destroy me and my relationship with God. I was naïve of the consequences of ignoring scripture. I gave into my emotions and my deep desire to be loved, wanted, and be accepted by a woman. I prioritized my relationship with her over my relationship with God.

I was more eager to please her than God. I allowed her opinion of me to be more important than God’s opinion of me. I sought her approval more than I sought God’s approval of me. I made her and my relationship with her my idol.

2. I Gave Her My Strength In Exchange for Her Making Me Feel Wanted and Loved

I prioritized how she made be feel over my relationship with God. I gave her too much of my time and mental energy. I expended too much of my life, energy, and free time on her. I spent more time talking with her than I spent talking with God. It was a desire to appease her desires. I gave her too much of my strength and energy. Often times I we would chat for 4 to 6 hours. 8:30 PM to 2:30 AM. It felt good that someone was interested to talk to me everyday for hours on end. But, in the end it was not healthy.

In retrospect, I was afraid of losing her and her interest in me if I didn’t do everything I could to please her. For her that was spending time talking to her. She made it clear that spending time talking with her was something she enjoyed, needed, and wanted. Inherent in most men is a desire to please and satisfy a woman by any means necessary. Next time, I want to show God that I’m willing to sacrifice my relationship with the woman he has given me in order to preserve a healthy relationship with Him.

3. I Ignored Her Rejection of Jesus’ Words

John 12:48 (ESV): The one who rejects me and does not receive my words has a judge; the word that I have spoken will judge him on the last day.

This was the clearest warning I had and I chose to ignore it.

It’s one thing for someone to have misconceptions about God and his word through ignorance. But it’s something much more serious when someone rejects God’s Word when shown scripture that corrects their misconceptions.

To illustrate, she refused to believe and submit to God’s word and to scripture. About 3 months into our relationship, she asserted that humans are incapable of showing agape. She said it’s a trait only God possesses. I advised her she was incorrect. I showed her the Greek of the new testament where Jesus specifically said we are to Agape God and our neighbor as yourself. I explained Jesus would not tell us to do something we cannot do. So either you’re wrong or Jesus is wrong. And Jesus is God, so he is never wrong. She refused to budge and change her opinion.

The fact the she allowed her own limited intellect to supersede God’s word is a sign of hubris and arrogance. If she’s unwilling to submit to what Jesus says, how would she be willing to submit to me if we were to marry?

4. I Fully Trusted Her, Without Her Earning My Trust

I also ended up sending her money. What is hurtful is that after receiving the money, she never thanked me for sending it. In fact, she suddenly became bitter and ungrateful towards me.

In the end, I ended the relationship because I felt as if I was lied to and betrayed. I ended it because I was tired of being used and abused emotionally. But I am to blame because I thought I did not deserve better. I thought she was my only opportunity to have a Christian woman who wanted to be in a relationship with me. The relationship felt forced upon me and I only stayed in it because I could not find anyone else who loved or was interested in me.

What I learned

The fault and blame for this fiasco fully lies with me:

1. I decided to pursue a relationship with a woman who resolutely rejected what Jesus Christ said. Although, there is no excuse for this I chose this path because I was insecure. Specifically, I felt that I would never find another Christian woman who would be interested in me so I decided settle. I decided to overlook this flaw in her theology.


2. I allowed myself to be enslaved by her capricious whims and desires. She called the shots and set the tone for the relationship. I had to plead with her to respect my boundaries and desires.


3. I wanted so much to be loved and accepted by a woman that I willingly betrayed God by making her an idol.

Unpacking point number one, we are never to be romantically tethered to someone who rejects Jesus’ words. I pursued a relationship with someone who rejected what Jesus himself said. This can be attributed to either outright sin, naivety, or the combination thereof on my part. As men, we can prevent this from ever happening again by giving any woman we are considering a relationship with a Spiritual Health Assessment.

Once we identified a woman who submits to God’s Word (Jesus), we are to make sure to prioritize our time with God in our life. Anything or anyone who jeopardizes us having a healthy relationship with God should be avoided. Time with God forces us to focus on him. On his desires for how we are to live our lives. At the “end of day” all of us as Christian men will have to stand before the Bema of Christ.

Next, I was living in sin and offending God by giving into my sinful desires. As a consequence, I lost all desire to share Christ with others. And logistically, I simply didn’t even have the free time to share Christ with others by contributing to this blog. Catering to her neediness became my second full-time job. I gave her all my free time an spare energy. I allowed her to mentally and emotionally exhaust me.

1. Only spend your time with those who:
1. Bring out the best in you.
2. Encourage you to grow: spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and professionally


2. Do not assume because someone calls themselves a Christian that:
1. They are living their life under God’s will
2. They will treat you with love, kindness, and respect


3. Do not spend your time with someone who:
1. Brings out the worst in you (e.g., tempts you to sin, brings anxiety into your life, makes you feel worthless, etc)
2. Stifles your ability to grow: intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally
3. Shows a repeated and continuous pattern of insulting and hurting you
4. Is prone to emotional outburst of anger
5. Is argumentative

Finally, our feelings are vital indicators of how a relationship is unfolding. If you feel you’re being suffocated in a relationship, it is a clear sign of unhealthy co-dependence. It takes two people to allow and co-dependent relationship to “function”. So ask yourself, “What insecurities and fears are preventing me from leaving this toxic relationship?” If you have doubts in your heart your relationship invite a friend or an objective third party to get to know evaluate the the woman and provide you with their feedback.

Conclusion

It is important that we as men not allow our relationship with a woman to supersede or take precedence over our relationship with Christ and God the Father. We must realize that woman are human. Like us men, women are sinful, flawed, and will go to hell without the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

God requires that we as men take a leadership role in the relationship. This leadership does not entail being dogmatic dictator. Rather, it entails:

1. Jealously protecting our mind and thought life (Proverbs 4:23). Taking decisive control of our mind and body by managing our thoughts and desires. Subjecting them to God’s Word. Paul explains this quite eloquently:

1 Corinthians 9:27 (NLT): I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.

2. Living every aspect of our life under Jesus Christ’s divine authority (Mathew 28:18)


3. Making sure the relationship stays mutually nourishing and beneficial for both of us


4. Teaching, correcting, providing for, and protecting our woman with love and empathy


5. Establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries in the relationship:
• As the man and leader, this requires that you initiate a deep and honest conversation with your woman before the relationship begins. You both should discuss boundaries, standards to live by, and expectations for the relationship.
• Issues to be explored include: How you (plural) will manage and resolve conflict? What are the relationship deal-breakers? Stated differently, what are the things that will force either of you to end the relationship? What sort of behaviors you will allow and not allow in the relationship?

Most importantly, the leadership required of us men in a relationship is about spiritual leadership. It is about testing her receptiveness to God’s Word before committing to the relationship and definitely before considering marriage. And, if she professes to be a follower of Christ, but refuses to believe and submit to God’s Word, you as the man and leader must have the courage to end the relationship and move on.

Incidentally, women rarely, if ever, respect a submissive man who defers leadership in the relationship to her.

Aquí es el esquema y borrador preliminar para nuestra serie:

1. Comienza con Dios
2. ¿Quien Se Debería Dejar en Su Círculo?
3. No Dejen a Nadie Robar Su Identidad Ni Sarles una que Sea Falso
4. Formando las Amistades Sanas
5. Librense de las Relaciones Absuvisas
6. Los Límites en Sus Relaciones
7. El Establecer Los Limites con la Gente que No es Sana
8. Encontrar Su Pareja Futura

1. Comience Con Dios y Su Amor Para Nosotros

1. 1 Juan 4:19
2. Marcos 12:29-30

¿Piensan Uds. que hay que saber de Él y conocer a Él para amarlo?

1a. Amar Nuestro Prójimo

1. Marcos 12:31
2. *1 John 4:7-13
3. *1 John 4:14-18
4. 1 John 4:20-21

1b. ¿Que Significa Amar Nuestros Mismos?

2. ¿Quien Se Debería Dejar en Su Círculo?

1. 1 Corintios 15:33
2. Probar Cada Espíritu 1 Juan 4:1-6

For most former victims of childhood abuse, shame is likely one of the worst effects of the abuse. Unless you heal this pervasive shame you will likely continue to suffer from its effects throughout your lifetime (Engel 2015).

The Cure: Compassion Therapy

Compassion counteracts the isolating, stigmatizing, debilitating poison of shame (Engel 2015).

One of the most consistent findings in this research literature is that greater self-compassion is linked to less psychopathology (Barnard and Curry 2011). And a recent meta-analysis showed self-compassion to have a positive effect on depression, anxiety, and stress across twenty studies (MacBeth and Gumley 2012).

Self-compassion is a powerful trigger for the release of oxytocin, the hormone that increases feelings of trust, calm, safety, generosity, and connectedness (Engel 2015). Researchers have shown that being kind and reassuring toward oneself was associated with activation of the left temporal pole and insula in the brain. These regions are associated with positive emotions and compassion (Longe et al. 2009)

How to Apply Self-Compassion Therapy to Heal Your Pain and Remove Your Shame

Self-compassion allows us to see ourselves as valuable human beings who are worthy of care (Engel 2015, Neff 2011).

Self-compassion encourages us to begin to treat ourselves and talk to ourselves with the same kindness, caring and compassion we would show a good friend or a beloved child. It is the act of extending love, nurture, encouragement, support, and protection to one’s self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering. If we are to be self-compassionate, we need to give ourselves the recognition, validation, and support we would offer a loved one who is suffering (Engel 2013).

Here is how you apply self-compassion therapy:

1. Think of one of your most shaming experiences from childhood. Now think of what you wish someone had said to you right after that experience. What would have been the most helpful and healing for you to hear at that time? Write this statement down on a piece of paper (Engel 2013)
2. Imagine that someone you care very much about, someone you admire, is saying those words to you now. Hear those words in your ears. Take those words into your heart. Notice how those words make you feel (Engel 2013)
NB: If you can’t think of someone in your life who has been compassionate toward you, think of a compassionate public figure, or even a fictional character from a book, film, or television.
3. Now say those words out loud to yourself. Take a deep breath and really take in those words. How does hearing yourself say those words out loud make you feel (Engel 2013)?
NB: It doesn’t really matter that you are hearing them now rather than at the time. What matters is that you let the words in now—that you experience both the compassion from someone else and that you provide self-compassion toward yourself (Engel 2013).

A Deeper Analysis of Self-Compassion Therapy: Its Benefits and How it Counteracts False Messages

In order to heal your shame (past and present) you need to provide for yourself nurturing, encouraging words to counter the typically self-critical words you normally tell yourself whenever you make a mistake, disappoint yourself or someone else, or in some way fall short of your own or someone else’s expectations (Engel 2013).

Self-compassion involves telling yourself what you most need to hear at the moment—words of understanding and encouragement (Engel 2013).

There are many other aspects of self-compassion. For now, just know that practicing self-compassion can help you (Engel 2013):

• Begin to generate compassionate feelings toward yourself and self-soothe yourself in positive ways
• Begin to replace self-criticism with self-kindness
• Begin to create a nurturing inner voice to replace your cold, critical, bullying inner voice
• Begin to generate alternatives to your self-attacking thoughts, including stimulating underdeveloped pathways of the brain—pathways that stimulate inner support and warmth
• Help you to develop appreciation for yourself, including feeling pride in your accomplishments–pride is the opposite emotion from shame
• Encourage you to practice accountability versus self-blame, self-correction versus self-criticism.

Emotional, physical, and sexual child abuse can so overwhelm a victim with shame that it actually comes to define the person, keeping his from him full potential. It can cause a victim both to remain fixed at the age he was at the time of his victimization and to repeat the abuse over and over in his lifetime (Engel 2013).

Our natural inclination when we experience shame is to want to disappear and we do this by hunching over, looking down, avoiding eye contact. However, I want you to counter this shame with self-compassion (Engel 2013). If you made a mistakes that caused you this shame, devise strategies to avoid this.

[You must] allow yourself to acknowledge how painful it was, how shaming it was and how much it affected you. Think about what happened to you and then comfort yourself for having had to endure it. Acknowledge what a struggle life has been for you because of the abuse (Engel 2013). Finally, allow yourself to feel good for the progress you’ve made in your recovery.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you. No child should ever have to experience something like this. I wish I had been there because I would have made sure the abuse stopped. I would have made sure that person never came near you again.” (Engel 2013)

Imagine that you are telling someone about what happened to you as a child. Then imagine what words you would like to hear from that person. For example:

My goodness, that must have been so frightening. What a terrible thing to have to endure. I’m so sorry that happened to you. What do you need from me right now. I’ll do anything you need for me to do.” (Engel 2013).

Statements like the above can validate your experience. Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person’s internal experience as being valid. The message is, “Your feelings make sense. Not only do I hear you, but I understand why you feel as you do. You are not bad or wrong or crazy for feeling the way you do.” (Engel 2013)

Every person who has been deeply shamed has built up a shield of sorts. Types of shields include (Engel 2013):

• Being overweight
• Being overly defensive
• Arrogance
• Rage
• Perfectionism (e.g., if I don’t make any mistakes I’ll [be accepted by others and] never be shamed again)

Psalm 27:10… Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.

Children who are victims of abuse often grow up thinking the abuse was their fault; that for some reason they caused their parents to be angry with them. That for some reason they provoked their parents and therefore they were responsible and the sole cause of the abuse. And therefore are justly punished. These feelings of guilt. Feelings of being at fault persist into adulthood.

Ironically, many instances of child abuse are un-instigated. By this I mean the child literally does not do anything to warrant the behavior. Children innately want to be loved and accepted by parents. Overtime, children the begin to rationalize this abuse and see it as normal and just. Children internalize the reason for their abuse as their fault, because they are “bad”, not worthy of being treated kindly. As adults, we often tend to accept responsibility for the abuse (since we were often blamed for it)

Think about this. For a parent, or any adult, who is 4 to 5 times the size of child – to physically or emotionally abuse a defenseless child is great form of evil and clearly mental illness. This is not normal. Something deeper is going on in the mind of the abuser.

The abuse you suffered was not your fault. You were an innocent victim.

Proverbs 4:23… Guard your heart above all else because it determines the course of your life.

The Hebrew word translated as ‘heart’ in English is lib·be·ḵā (libbecha) לִבֶּ֑ךָ . In Hebrew, it implies and connotes your mind, inner man, will, and conscience.

A more simplistic and less eloquent interpretation of Proverbs 4:23 would be to “Guard what enters your mind. Guard what enters your thought life”. Many of us are hyper conscious of what we put into our mouths, but few of us are concerned about what we put into our minds. However, what enters our mind and what we choose to dwell on influences all aspects of our life. It impacts our words, emotions (feelings), mental health, behavior, and perception of reality.

Ask yourself the following questions and whether they are growing you for eternity:

1. What do you spend most of your day thinking about?
2. What types of media (news stories, TV shows, videos, movies, images, web sites) do you enjoy and expose yourself to?
3. How, where, and with whom do you spend your time?
4. What types of conversations do you have with those at work, home, and during recreation?
5. What is the overall attitude, disposition, and “tone of speech” of those you interact with? How does interacting with them affect your disposition?

Point 5 is subtle and can be insidious. Herein, I feel God is sending me a poignant personal message. I will provide you with some relevant verses first and then share a recent struggle.

Proverbs 22:24-25… Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.

1 Corinthians 15:33… Do not be misled, bad company corrupts good character.

A Personal Lesson: Why We Need to Be On Guard

The real name of the individual below has been changed to protect his identity.

To give an example, I spoke with Steve twice this month on the phone.

Steve calls himself a Christian but is filled with bitterness and anger. His speech is often punctuated by severe complaints, criticism, and lambasts of others — sometimes sprinkled with profanity. His disposition is so bitter that after speaking with him, I frequently, if not always, feel bitter and angry towards those who have slighted me in the past. I feel the need/desire to vent about these past hurts by telling anyone who would listen about these past offenses. Oddly, these desires always emerge after prolonged conversations with Steve.

I don’t act on these desires, but I have the tendency to ruminate on them and play out such scenarios in my mind. My desire for venting is purely to seek empathy and sympathy from others. To get a, “Yeah, how could they have done that to you! After all you did for them! That was so wrong of them!”

Sadly, it’s as if Steve has a virus of bitterness. And whenever I speak to Steve I feel bitter and angry as well. My association with Steve is not a healthy one. He does not bring out the best in me.

However, through the mercy and grace of God’s Holy Spirit I have been able catch myself. I then literally get on my knees, lay my face to ground and ask Jesus to intervene. I ask Jesus to bless, protect, and provide for those who have slighted me. I ask Jesus to provide for them and their loved ones. I ask Jesus to help me forgive and love them. I ask Jesus to work with and in me to help me to resolve the pain and remove the bitterness from my soul. I tell Jesus I don’t want live my remaining days angry and bitter. I ask Jesus to purify and clean me. Help me to be like him. To forgive like him.

Steve’s impact on me reminds me that I am frail, weak and very much dependent on Jesus Christ alone for my well-being and mental health. I can’t always control how I feel. But I do know what God approves of and doesn’t. As such, I ask Jesus guard my heart and also give me the wisdom to guard it.

Steve treats me with respect. However, he talks so negatively of others I don’t even want to know what thoughts he holds about me. I am no one special, so it’s more than likely he is very critical of me behind my back.

So if you’re reading this, please learn from my mistakes. Guard your heart, mind, soul by being circumspect of those with whom you associate. Choose your friends wisely. Avoid people who bring out the worst in you or make you feel horrible. Sometimes others want to bring your into their own little world. But sometimes theirs is a world of evil that is against Jesus Christ, his Word, and your well-being.

June Hunt’s May 3, 2018 rebroadcast called Reconciliation: Healthy Boundaries – When Is It Okay Not to Reconcile? Provides context for this post.

Overview

As Christian men, it’s important that we thoroughly understand a requirement for all relationships — forgiveness. We are commanded to forgive throughout the New Testament: Matthew 6:14-15, Mark 11:25-26, Ephesians 4:32, etc, so it’s not something we should gloss over.

Love: The Foundation for all Relationships

Before we dive deeper, it’s useful to understand what a healthy relationship is and looks like. It is first based on love. Jesus commands us to love our neighbor (as well as enemy) in Matthew 5:44.

So, if we are commanded to love our enemies, clearly the love Jesus is referring to is not necessarily about liking them, blindly trusting them, spending time with them, or being their friend. So what form of love could he be referring? The Greek word that Christ uses in Matthew 5:44 is Agapate (ἀγαπᾶτε). It’s the imperative conjugation (i.e., second person, plural imperative) of the verb agape.

The Greek Words for Love bible study from McLean Bible Church highlights the characteristics of agape (see bottom of page 1) :

• Agape: desires only the good of the one loved. It is a consuming passion for the well-being of others
• Agape: love keeps on loving even when the loved one is unresponsive, unkind, unlovable, and unworthy. It is unconditional love.

And, here are some definitions of agape love from various pastors, evangelist, and devoted Christian lay people:

Love is seeking the highest good of another. Love is giving others what the need, not what they deserve. Love is the righteous, passionate, and sacrificial pursuit of the well-being of another. Love is a decision &ndash it’s a choice followed by an action.

Ingredients of Healthy Relationships

Aside from love, tenets of healthy relationships include:

• Honesty
• Clear communication
• Establishing boundaries
• Respecting other’s boundaries by not “violating” them
• Forgiveness (when the other has wronged you)
• Repentance (when you’ve wronged the other person)
• Respect (is often earned)
• Trust is always earned
• Loyalty is always earned
• Reconciliation is always earned

Some characteristics such as trust and loyalty not only take time to develop, but also must be earned. Even Jesus guarded himself and knew not to trust himself to everyone who believed in him.

John 2:23-25… Now while he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Festival, many people saw the signs he was performing and believed in his name. But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. He did not need any testimony about mankind, for he knew what was in each person.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Please be sure to read some of the previous posts on forgiveness to gain more insight on how to forgive.

Before we can forgive we may have to go through the stages of experiencing the pain, hurt, and anger from the offense.

Forgiveness is one-way and is the sole decision of the victim. Thus, forgiveness happens when the victim decides to release the pain, hurt, and the offender to the Lord. The victim no longer holds onto anger, hate, or the desire for retribution. Forgiveness is an act of love for God (by obedience to his command) and for ourselves (as it frees our heart from a burden it was not designed to bear).

Reconciliation on the other hand, is something that is encouraged and recommended (whenever ever possible and when the offender repents), but it is not commanded. Reconciliation is forgiveness offered by the victim PLUS genuine repentance on behalf of the offender PLUS a restored relationship of the two. It is the restoration of a broken relationship caused by sin.

Reconciliation Litmus Test

Since reconciliation is earned and not freely offered, how do we determine if the offender has earned it? Here are some steps:

1. Does the offender take responsibility for and ownership of the offense?
2. Does the offender seek you out to resolve the situation? Or do they repent because they have been caught?
3. Is the offender 100% truthful regarding their role in the offense?

The offender must genuinely acknowledge the wrong they committed, change they way the think and act towards the victim, and initiate/seek forgiveness from the victim. However, as the victim it is prudent that you keep the following in mind before deciding to restore a broken relationship.

1. Pray before you let the offender back into your life and heart. Then wait for God to answer you
2. Set additional boundaries and expectations for the relationship. Communicate the consequences of violating these boundaries

The below summarizes differences between forgiveness and reconciliation:

The Reality of Hell – II

Pastor: Greg Laurie, Harvest Christian Fellowship
Air Date:Jun 7, 2009, January 30, 2018
Downloads: Study Notes
Series: Best of 2017
Scripture: Luke 16 and Revelation 20:11-15

As Christian men we are focused on submitting to, emulating, representing, and preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This entails that we model biblical manhood. What is biblical manhood? It is fully submitting our will to that of Jesus’ and then leading, teaching, providing, and protecting those that God puts within our sphere of influence.

Christian commentator Matt Slick provided a solid summary of biblical manhood from the perspective of man’s role in marriage. The below is from is radio talk show which aired on September 5, 2017:

The Biblical Worldview on Overcoming Fear & Worry – II

Pastor: Greg Laurie, Harvest Christian Fellowship
Air Date: Monday, October 9, 2017
Series: Worldview: Thinking & Living Biblically
Scripture: Philippians 4:1-9, Psalm 43:5

Here’s the info I promised to pass along about conquering anxiety. Everything we see, read, do, hear, put in our bodies, affects us some way. Also, be sure to review this prior post on the matter as well. The below suggestions focus on prayer and godly living, diet, and exercise.

1. Prayer: Develop a daily routine where you spend time alone with Jesus. Confessing your sins, reading the Word, giving praise and thanks are all important for a healthy Christian life. At times, anxiety may be the result of unresolved sin. So ask God to open your eyes to sins in your life of which you are unaware. And take note! The apostle Paul enjoins us:

   Philippians 4:6-9… Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
   
   Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

   Here are additional scriptures on relying on the Lord for peace:

   1 Peter 5:7… Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

   Psalm 40:17… Since I am afflicted and needy, Let the Lord be mindful of me. You are my help and my deliverer; Do not delay, O my God.

   Psalm 55:22… Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

   Proverbs 16:3… Commit your works to the LORD And your plans will be established.

2. Diet: Food is a drug. What we eat affects our mood and energy levels. Diets rich in raw fruits and vegetables increase energy levels and overall health. Not convinced? A 2009 study from the University of Montreal showed that women whose diets consisted of at least 27 unique varieties of fruits and veggies per week decreased their risk of breast cancer by 73%. Research from numerous other institutions back up these findings.

   Daniel 1:12-16… “Please test your servants for ten days: Give us nothing but vegetables to eat and water to drink. Then compare our appearance with that of the young men who eat the royal food, and treat your servants in accordance with what you see.” So he agreed to this and tested them for ten days.
   
   At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food. So the guard took away their choice food and the wine they were to drink and gave them vegetables instead.

3. Exercise: Have a regular routine of exercise that gets your heart rate up. But, before starting any intense exercise regime, get your doctor’s OK first. Once you start a routine slowly build up your endurance level. Most fitness experts recommend exercise that increases heart rate at least 3x per week. However, do not let the natural high you feel from exercising replace your need for a relationship with Jesus and living a clean, holy, and godly life! Paul reminds us:

   1 Timothy 4:8-9… Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come. This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it.