This happens to be the oldest trick in the book back when Adam and Eve ate the apple.  Thanks to the people in my life that have done that, I can now identify it when this very thing is being done to me. However, I used to give people the benefit of the doubt.  Here’s some advice: Make sure you pay close attention to people’s body language. There are certain things people do that will tip you off.  If you are on the phone with a suspect person go with your gut.  If you lack these instincts you are S.O.L, but I promise you will learn– the hard way.

In case you are not understanding and are still thinking that telling the whole story is being truthful, here is a scenario:

Angel: Hi honey!  How was your day?

Peter:  Oh!  It was soooo busy today. I couldn’t eat lunch until 1pm. Had to work over time, went to the gym, visited some friends like, Jane, Sally, and Betsy… oh and Sam showed up too, then I stopped by Mickey D’s to get something to eat.  All we did was hang out and catch up tho, I mean I know it’s like 10pm now but we so lost track of time, plus I got hungry. *cough* (over explaining)

Angel:  *thinks to herself, “alrighty then”* Okay sweetie… thanks for telling me about your whole day.

Now, Peter very well could be telling the truth and wanting her to trust him and be comfortable.  However, more than likely when someone is giving you that much information from one simple question it could very well mean that person is trying to hide what the real truth is.  See if you think someone is telling you detailed information, it appears honest.  I mean how could someone lie when they tell you everything right?  Well, you think they are telling you everything.

It’s very hard to question someone that is constantly giving you detailed information about them without asking.  Right?  I have been there.  I would think to myself “Awww… he is so honest!”  And if anyone asked me I would be like “He tells me everything!” and would defend him to the ends of the earth.

Along with body language you also have to pay close attention to what people say.  Don’t dig, but be aware of any lies that might have been told in the past or presently come to light, even if they are little white lies.  I mean everyone has lied, I have.  It’s a common sin. Tho I am not a good liar, there are situations that come about that you may lie about… like when you don’t want to talk to someone and you say “I am busy” when you know good and well you just don’t feel like talking… or when you don’t really like someone but don’t want to hurt their feelings, you say “I am taken!” when you know you have been single for months.  But white lies that really didn’t have to be told and become constant are an issue.

Sometimes you may disregard them because you think the person is so honest with everything else.  Just remember if someone can lie to you easily constantly for no reason, it could become never ending.  It’s does not necessarily mean they are a liar but it’s an indication that they may not have much integrity.

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

©2011 Relationship Living. All Rights Reserved.

Last article it was sexting—I guess is what they call it now.  Well “sexting equals nexting”, but what is even worse is when a guy sends pictures of him nude.  Surprisingly enough (I know) I am not interested in seeing a guy nude before I go on a date with him.  Not really trying to picture him the way I saw him in the picture he previously sent during the date—besides it takes the fun out of the hand check.  You know the hand check girls!  I am a firm believer that no matter how much you are curious certain body parts should be left unseen until it’s that appropriate time – sex!

Moral of this story:  Keep your nudies after the date guys!  Besides, you just might kill your chances if your package size is not to your potential date’s liking.

IMO, flirting with the idea is okay; like showing a peck here and a peck there is fun and playful.  Teasing your date will create the ultimate anticipation.  Just less is more.  Too much can screw up a potential long-term relationship and make it too much based on sex—that had not even happened yet.

Trust me, I am speaking on personal experience here—not that I have ever been the one to send nude pictures of myself *wink*.  But if I did, I would be well aware that the guy would not respect me or take me seriously.  I also keep in mind that it definitely would not set me aside from the rest of the ladies doing that same thing!

With that said – now on to the ladies!

Read this carefully ladies:  While guys sending us nudie pics are sometimes a bit weird and uncomfortable – us sending them bobbie, bootie, or coodie shots is just not lady like and will give the man the wrong idea.  And know that there will be some men that will try to coax you into it and even beg, so please beware of that. You only do that if you are looking for a boy toy not a serious companion.  So just DO NOT do it!  You also don’t want to risk this person having lack of integrity and plaster it all over the net or show it to his homies.  By the way, unless you are Kim Kardashian with a momager like Kris Jenner, this won’t help your career or make you millions.  Thought I would say that just in case this was going thru your mind.

All and all, it’s okay to be playful even ride the line of seduction, if you know where to stop it, but fully showing the goods is not something I would co-sign on.

The Pre-Date Killer III coming soon so stay tuned!

All Content © 2011 Marika Dye

©2011 Relationship Living. All Rights Reserved.

I have done some research on this because I feel like this situation is so lopsided. Many women give their boyfriends and husbands chance after chance to redeem himself after infidelity. However, during my research I found that men rarely stay with their girlfriends or wives when they cheat. The ones that do stay, stay to prove a point, put their women thru torture, prove to themselves they are the man etc. It’s all an ego trip for them from what I have personally seen and read. On the contrary, the reason they don’t stay is because of their as well, and the fact that they have more of a hard time imagining another man inside of his women. Notice that I said “his”, meaning possession. With this revelation, I wanted to see if what I researched was correct by conducting a poll. Since I can’t post flash in this post, I would like for you to say “yes” or “no” to the following question.

Men – If your girlfriend or wife cheated on you would you take her back? And why (optional)?
Women – If your boyfriend/husband cheated on you would you take him back? And why (optional)?

Thank you to all of you whom are willing to openly answer this question the my survey! I will have a second part of this article, however; I just first want to get opinions on this.

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

Below check out the book that Scott in this post recommends!

See larger image Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition (Paperback) By (author) Harville Hendrix Ph.D. List Price: $15.00 USD New From: $7.68 In Stock Used from: $4.50 In Stock Release date December 26, 2007.

©2011 Relationship Living. All Rights Reserved.

1. I wish he would call me
2. I wish he would say good night
3. I wish he would say good morning
4. I wish he would come over
5. I wish he was here
6. I wish I could tell him I love him
7. I wonder if I should call him
8. I wonder if he likes me
9. Or can’t stop thinking of me
10. I wonder why he just won’t tell me
11. I wonder if he is thinks about me
12. I wonder if he is good in bed
13. I wonder if he will get better at kissing
14. I wonder if he will get better in bed
15. I wonder if I should wait
16. I wonder if he dreams about me at night
17. I wonder how he is in bed
18. I hope to be his first and last thought
19. I hope to see him soon
20. I hope he kisses me when he comes
21. I hope he asks me out again
22. I hope he likes my outfit
23. I hope he thinks I am sexy in it
24. I hope I turned him on
25. I hope he tells me
26. I hope he holds me in his arms by the end of the night
27. And maybe even make love to me if the feeling is right
28. Should I make the first move
29. Or just hint to him
30. Or just let it go

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

©2011 Relationship Living. All Rights Reserved.

I have been thinking and the conclusion I have come to is that every single guy that has told me this has been actually worse than the other dudes. They just keep getting worse and worse and worse! If a guy tells you this, then you might want to start your investigation. Don’t take his word for it because they are just words and quite frankly a good man won’t have to say these words. This one phrase has me thinking because in recent past I have heard this from a guy and he ended up being quite disrespectful. He proved himself alright, he surely isn’t like the other dudes cause the stunts he pulled, the other dudes probably would not have even tried. Gladly this one was somewhat short lived, unlike the others, and didn’t take him too long to really do some uncool nonsense, so not much time was wasted.

So take it from me– a woman with experience of hearing this phrase quite often… no matter how passionately they say “I am not like the other dudes!” … run like you are at a marathon. I wish I did!

To find out more stay tuned for my new video series on my dating fiascoes.

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

©2011 Relationship Living. All Rights Reserved.

I was talking to my mother about how people love others in relationships and we thought up a saying that people should say when they half ass love you. People should say “I love u __%, today.” Basically, there are a whole lot of people that say “I love you” at operative times just because I guess it sounds good but what are they really doing behind your back or even while they are saying it over the phone, in an email or on instant messaging? My mother and I thought of this because we had a short debate on whether a person really does mean the words “I love you” if they are cheating on you or doing some other type of betrayal. I say, ‘yes’ and she says, ‘no’ thus we came up with “I love you like 75% today” or “I love you around 50% today” because we figure instead of saying “I love you” or “I love you so much” perhaps you should specify how much so we know where the heck we stand in the relationship. That way we know how much we should love you back, if we should even deal with you, or if we should love you at all. It’s really like saying “I love you kinda.” And telling you that you kinda might get betrayed.

I think people simply just should be more real with themselves and others. It would cut out all the drama because it’s really insulting if you tell someone you love them and then do something that can possibly make the person feel unloved. You might as well just been lying to them. Real Talk.

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

©2011 Relationship Living. All Rights Reserved.

Think about it! Seriously, is there a day that has gone by in your lifetime that you have not judged someone and/or witnessed someone being judged? I know I have haven’t. It’s unfortunate really that we seem to like to take on God’s job. It’s sad that people are put down for the most minuscule things. I can understand (even still immoral) judging someone who has done colossal acts like rape, murder or abuse. It’s almost involuntary to judge a person with a daunting soul whom hurts others. I will admit that I have done it and probably, in all honestly, won’t completely stop because I can’t stand to see others in pain. I can’t help but see people that constantly hurt others as bad people. However, I do keep in mind to try not to judge others even if they seem to be bad people, for the simple fact that I am not perfect and have brought people pain in my lifetime as well. For example, how do can you judge someone when you know you have or are committing adultery? I think about that often. Though, if someone is different from me, I have learned to actually appreciate that more with age. If you really gave it some thought you would come to realize even you reading this has a characteristic or two that sets you aside from others and makes you “different”.

Now, we are not talking about the occasional joke or the shows some of us watch with judges. I am talking about displaying pure hatred against someone for the simple fact you don’t understand them and giving critiques when someone didn’t ask you for any. I am talking about nit picking someone and their faults instead of uplifting their attributes. You know those people that always have something to say, but never have anything to point out about their own self? Like how can a man judge a woman for how many partners she has had when he probably has had more? And the overly religious people that feel that their own religion is the only way to step into the doors of heaven and all others will be damned. Not good. I like to have those kinds of people out of my circle and away from my universe. I have found that a healthy practice is when you see someone constantly being that way to remove them out of your life immediately—that doesn’t mean telling them you are and why either. I realize that some people don’t want to be taught and whatever you say will end up being wasted breath. Those who do will ask for your help.

If you stay away from these types then you won’t become one of them. It’s easy to be around someone that judges people all the time and then find yourself doing it too. And if it’s not “you” to do it, you will feel that in your soul. It’s not a good feeling. It will bring things in your life to the forefront that might not have been there otherwise. For example, have you ever judged someone and then found yourself in the same situation? I know I have a number of times. You can have morals and notice when someone is doing the wrong thing but try not to judge the person— but the situation. You never know when you will be faced with the same decisions and finding yourself making an unsavory one— after all we are human.

Aren’t you tired of seeing people getting beat up for just being oneself? Then you wonder why people choose to not be so transparent. Realize that judgment day should be meant for the dead not for the living. And remember next time that judgment is a form of hatred— so chose to love instead.

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

©2011 Relationship Living. All Rights Reserved.

For a long time, I have tried not to let people do things for me besides my mother.  I was raised to be pretty independent but sometimes there is not enough hours in the day to do them and learn how to do them. However, I was trying to do that but would find myself overloaded. Luckily, I can do a lot thanks to my father instilling in me how important it is to be extremely skillful.  A lot of times we need people because there are things others can do that we can’t unfortunately. I will admit I try but I can’t do everything with the perfection that others can no matter how hard I work at it.

Now, there are two kinds of people that do favors for you; ones that don’t require you do anything for them unless you want to and those that require you do to something back or they will make you feel like an axe murderer if you don’t or haven’t yet.  Most people give you activities you must do to pay them back.  Others will reveal their needs and let you decide whether you can or would desire to help them.  Either way, if someone does something for me, I have this strong need to pay them back some way some how (even sometimes sacrificing my own wants and needs in the process). Unfortunately, sometimes my help is not successful so I have to do something else that might be successful.  Other times, the person is so unhappy with it not being successful they want nothing to do with me anymore (even though my intentions were pure).  Lately, I have gotten to a point where I just don’t care as much anymore (since they don’t really care about my feelings) but then that is not me.  It’s just that I am getting impatient with some people in general that don’t take in consideration of what I am going thru, trying to do, or really know where my heart is. Makes me wish I had the capability to do everything all on my own. Have any of you ever been in this space?

Last month, I alienated a few people.  Some I really probably needed out of my life anyways.  We often have to realize that. However, I think about the people I do have in my life that have helped me and asked for nothing.  How blessed am I to have you in my life!  We often have to realize that too. You never know how overwhelmed a person is when you are the only person you think they owe something to. Sometimes the word “no” is not that easy or probably not even appropriate.  I truly like to see people happy around me and happy with me.  It’s not an easy task because people as a whole are not easy to please.  It’s why when someone can’t do something for me right now or haven’t I don’t get upset with them especially when I know their heart is in the right place.  I guess the lesson is this article is to keep in mind life is too short to be mad at people because they couldn’t make an obligation that you felt they should make for you, do a favor for you that they were not successful in, or buy you something you think they should have bought you etc.  We should be happy that people even want to help others in today’s worth.  There are many people out here that are out for just themselves only.  There are people out here that will act like they have your best at heart when they really want to get what they need out of you while you stay in their world.

As of right now, I am about as overwhelmed with favors I don’t know where to start.  I needed these favors because I really want to get far in life to be in a better position to help others as others has helped me.  This journey that I am on of success is a very difficult one.  I am never a person to allow people to think I am just breezing thru life.  I wish I was.  But anything hard is worth it in the end.  What I am creating will be valuable to many.  Everything that I do is in hopes to involve others around me to make their life and businesses better. I just realize I still have people in my life that will try to make me feel awful for the things that I don’t do for them in the time that they want me to.  For those of you like this (that do this to others in your life), you really could be missing out on someone really great in spite of something really minor.  Think about that.

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

©2011 Relationship Living. All Rights Reserved.

And maybe even a better one!

A few years ago, one of my movies I really enjoyed was “27 Dresses”! Some of you especially of the male species (I know) may not agree this was a good movie and you are probably wondering “What’s up with me and the chick flicks?” However, I find that certain movies apply to my life and personal growth which then spark me to write.

This movie more so hit me hard because I happen to be much like the main character in the movie. If you haven’t seen the movie and do go see it last year… you will not understand what I mean especially if you do not know me. But let me briefly tell you why I am her. I am such the do girl… if I was in her position I could see myself doing exactly what she did in the movie. And I look back on my life and think about all the people that took advantage of me. It pushes me harder no to be like that!

However, I can’t blame anyone but myself because I enabled people to take advantage of me. Only if I said “no” more or just plain stood up for myself instead of worrying about disappointing someone. In my older age, I have learned that you are no more satisfied if you have 100 friends or 10 friends. It’s the quality of those people that count. It’s if they love you for you and not quite so much the things you do. Plus, it’s better just to practice loving yourself more.

Reflecting years back….

I honestly thought to get love from others I had to help people all the time, aside from just wanting to help anyways because I do get satisfaction out of seeing people happy.  I like to see people happy more when I am not in hopes that I will obtain enough good Karma and be rewarded later with some blessings in my life.  I am seeing that not always does the universe work that way.  I have seen so many not so giving people get great things in life before the giving person does.  Why?

I thought maybe because they go for what they want, ask for it, and get it.  I guess you can’t get much if you are too busy giving to people all of the time.  Which is cool for that person but now I have continued to give so much I feel like it’s an addiction now.  I truly have this strong compassion for people for some reason.

Same thing for Jane it seemed.  I could totally 100 percent relate to this girl, but it was kinda sad.  It made me tear up.  She had a great ending, however that doesn’t always happen in real life.  So the movie spoke volumes to me that I need to make a change and try really hard to make myself happy more.

Then maybe just maybe I will have my happy ending and I will truly be loved for all of who I am — even my many imperfections. 

Or at best I will just be happy!

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

See larger image 27 Dresses (Widescreen Edition) (DVD) Director: Anne Fletcher Starring: Edward Burns, Melora Hardin, Katherine Heigl, Brian Kerwin, James Marsden Rating: PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested) List Price: $14.98 USD New From: $4.33 In Stock Used from: $0.72 In Stock Release date April 29, 2008.

©2011 Relationship Living. All Rights Reserved.