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Every Tuesday, Mark Pitta hosts a comedy showcase at The Throckmorton Theatre in Mill Valley. Many of the nation’s top comics stop by to work on material when they are in the Bay Area, and locals Robin Williams and Dana Carvey are frequent guests.

The Throckmorton was a resurrection show for most of the comics tonight. Bernadette Luckett was back doing comedy after some kind of hiatus, as was Ian Williams. Lisa Geduldig had been in Mexico, I had been MIA from blogging, it was Jeff Applebaum’s birthday and headliner Jeff Berghart hadn’t performed there in four years.

I was five minutes late so I missed two stars. Robin Williams and Reno The Dog. Reno is handled by Mark and Jocelyn Pitta. I missed several of Reno’s impressions including Mark putting a blanket over his head for “Sophie’s Choice.” Reno was tense so he wouldn’t do the well rehearsed biting of Mark’s arm when put in a headlock for the “Drug Dealer” bit (or bite).

I wasn’t that bummed about missing Robin Williams in the green room. This saves me from my self-centered attempts to prove to him that I’m funny. The last time I saw him there I had just watched The World According To Garp and not only told him that but said, “You look a lot like Robin Williams.” To which he graciously rebutted, “It’s a good thing.”

I’d always been told how socially generous he is and thank goodness he extends that to the circle we comics stand in while trying to make funny. It’s a terribly awkward vibe. Even comic genius Will Franken admitted to trying to prove he was funny to Robin the last time we were circled up. I still wince when I remember trying to impress him with my full body act out of someone that, if caught on video, could have gotten me in a lot of trouble. Robin helped me out with an unabashed impression of that person and I felt relieved. And grateful.

It was sweet that headliner Jeff Berghart was aflutter after Robin was impressed by his impersonation of Bobcat Goldthwait. I love it when comics don’t have to play it cool after meeting one of their comedy idols.

Bernadette Luckett opened the show saying she felt like she smelled weird, like heavy metals because she was doing a detox with chlorella. She said something about metal falling out of her armpits and gold. I got a visual of gold coins coming out of her armpits. It’s funny to me when comics let the audience in on something they’re truly feeling awkward about and it’s not the setup to a bit. Some researchers recently reported that people trust you more when you reveal something that’s truthful about yourself. I stop trusting a comic the moment they say some bullshit like, “On the way here…” (or “Just last week…”, etc.). I’m probably too honest and set some jokes up with, “Seven years ago when I wrote this joke…”

Bernadette’s joke about her ex-husband, “He didn’t like fun. No, that’s not true; he didn’t like me.” was particularly funny to me based on my past marriage(s). “My father is dead. To me.” was a perfect comedy surprise to which the audience did a “Oh no! That’s sort of sad” laugh.

It seems nothing could throw her, even though I guess she hadn’t been doing comedy regularly. She asked if anyone in the audience had been arrested and no one would have expected anyone in Mill Valley to bark “Domestic Violence.” She said, “I appreciate your honesty. No really, I do.”

Bernadette is likeable, a characteristic that eludes many stand-ups. I like Bernadette. Probably because we have a lot in common: chlorella, thyroids, wanting a far-infrared sauna, similar ex-husbands and choosing to be childless. In fact, she’s part of a book tour for the release of No Kidding: Women Writers On Bypassing Parenthood coming to San Francisco in May.

Ian Williams looks funny. He’s one of those guys you swear you’ve seen in something. He’s approachable and sociable but somehow shy and lacking the confidence he deserves. But he has that certain aura that before he says his first word, you know he’s going to be funny. I howled the first time I saw him at Angelica’s Bistro where Dan St. Paul welcomed him back after a long break from comedy. He explained, “I have been doing a lot of street theater with my fifteen year old daughter. We’ve been working on a piece called ‘Get In The Car’. At The Throckmorton, this joke had the audience roaring for over twelve seconds plus an applause-break.

Jeff Applebaum is what comics sometimes describe as ‘solid’. Polished bits, owns the stage and is unflappable with what many male comics have naturally: cocksureness. I envy your comedy cocksureness, Jeff Applebaum!

Apparently, the shows normally end around 10 PM. Tuesday, April 23 the show ended at 10:42. Headliner Jeff Berghart was not stopping no matter what antics Pitta threw out. There was the janitor broom across the stage, I think the house lights flashed on and off and finally he brought Applebaum out so the three of them could all do their Robert De Niro impressions.

Applebaum brilliantly called this “Mucho De Niros” and then became a convincing pissy De Niro with “The show was supposed to end at ten o’clock. What happened here?” Robert De Niro was disappointed. Pitta’s De Niro breathed through his nose asking for a tissue. Strangely, Berghart did not do a De Niro. He had done everyone else that night it seemed.

He did sassy, queeny Paul Lynde all through the night. There was Mister Furley, a perfect reenactment of the lame commentary from the narrator of the cable car chase show as well and full stage, five minute Ozzy Osbourne impression. The audience ate up Ozzy for several minutes.

My favorite was his pervy Tom Jones. He took Tom deep into the audience and every answer to his questions got a creepy “OOOh…that deserves another button.” He eventually unbuttoned his shirt to his navel.

I laughed hard when the spotlight landed on him to which he replied, “Jesus?” and then went right back into Tom Jones saying “Jesus deserves another button.” I also laughed so hard as to draw attention to myself when he said his girlfriend is from the Ukraine and has only taught him four words: I. Don’t. Like. Dese.

Because I have worked in spas for over twenty years, I have lots of experience with employees of Eastern European descent. His impression was spot on. I do a similar impression of a Former Soviet Union esthetician who once stood in front of the spa, smoking a cigarette and wearing a fur coast while a hairy man client lay on top of butcher paper inside. “No. I don’t want to wax heem. I don’t like dis one. Is too hairy, like big animal. Is big bush of alfalfa spout. I don’t want.” If I were the spa owner, I’d say “Show some gratitude. You get in there and wax like you’re from a third world country.”
———-

Liz Grant has been performing comedy since the time she could get a decent fake ID. She was a writer for George Carlin’s laugh.com, a winner of The Brian Regan Impression Contest and wrote and starred in Deja Wince: Lessons From A Failed Relationship Expert, which ran for 23 weeks in San Francisco and is now available on DVD.

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I was talking with a few comedians the other day and was surprised to find that none of them had heard of Evernote.

Evernote is basically a comedian’s best friend. Their slogan is “remember everything.”

As a comedian, it’s extremely important to record your thoughts and ideas while they’re still fresh in your mind. Evernote is a great (and free) tool for capturing those thoughts, whether they are in the form of text, audio, a photograph, whatever. Anything you need to remember syncs between your computer and phone, so your notes are always with you.

Here are five ways that Evernote will make your life easier as a comedian. By the way, I realize Evernote is not the only tool like this out there, but I happen to think it’s the best one available. If you’re using something else that you love, let us know in the comments.

Be More Prolific

Do you come up with brilliant new premises and then forget them five minutes later? No matter where you are, enter your ideas in Evernote. The next day when you can’t remember what the heck your idea was, you don’t need to go on a scavenger hunt searching through all the wadded-up pieces of paper you’ve got laying around.

Get Organized

Since Evernote doesn’t limit how much you can store, you can keep literally every thing you’ve ever written in one place. Take advantage of the great search capabilities by adding tags to your notes. For example, let’s say you’ve written 30 jokes about Barack Obama. You can create a tag called “Obama” and add it to each note. The next time you get booked for a politically-themed show, just click on the Obama tag and there’s a handy list of all your jokes about President Obama.

Collaborate With Other Comics

Create a shared note and send the link to other comics you want to write with. You can give feedback on each other’s material or work together on sketches, screenplays, etc.

Create an Online Press Kit

If you don’t have your own website, you can even use a public notebook in Evernote to create a free online press kit. Here’s a quick example using San Francisco comedian Ben Feldman. If you need to send a booker your bio, headshot, etc, all you need to do is send them one link.

Keep Track of Set Lists

Evernote offers an easy way to create and save set lists. If you can’t remember which jokes you told at a show last week, just find the set list from that date. You can also come back to the list after the show to jot down ideas to make your jokes better.

So there you have five examples of how Evernote will make you a better comedian. There are tons more ways you can utilize Evernote in your comedy career. Once you start using it, you’ll see that the possibilities are endless.

If you’re overwhelmed and don’t know where to begin, check out this Evernote guide to getting started. I also recommend this collection of posts about how to get the most out of Evernote.

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Long before Dane Cook gained a million friends on MySpace, the Internet was a new phenomenon and lots of comedians hadn’t even checked it out yet for themselves. Here are comedians being asked about the Internet at San Francisco’s Comedy Day back in 2001.

Dave Attell: “I have a website… I’ve never been on it, but I have a pale cousin working on it.”

Jake Johannsen: “I’ve never actually been to [my website], but I’ve seen it demonstrated to me.”

Also featuring: Kevin Meaney, Don Novello, Carlos Alazraqui, Greg Behrendt, Sue Murphy, Don McMillan, Larry “Bubbles” Brown & more…

Follow me on twitter: @chadlehrman

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Comedy legend Robert Klein will be at Cobb’s Comedy Club in San Francisco on December 14th & 15th, working on material for his upcoming 9th HBO comedy special.

How did attending Yale’s Drama School and Second City prepare you to be a stand-up comic?

Yale was not important in terms of what I later did in stand-up comedy, and even in my work in the theater and movies. I was 20 years old getting out of college, and to send me out into the real world would have been ridiculous. All my friends were in medical school, so I had to go to some graduate school, right? Why not drama? The fact is, Second City was crucial, and I even got paid for that. I didn’t have to pay tuition. It gave me acting training because we did set pieces every show, like a play. Then, after each of those shows, we would take suggestions from the audience. So it was a 2-fold training. That’s the way I write the new stuff- I improvise like I learned at Second City. New stuff comes out, I record it. I listen, and if it’s worthy, if it got a laugh, I try it again, tweak it, rewrite, tweak it- and that’s how a new repertoire is born.

So you just kind of go up on stage with a topic?

Well, yeah, I’ll write a topic… I’ll see Senator Craig from Utah, I mean, I can’t let this go. If this went to C-SPAN, it would be sensational: “Senator, you’ve done wonderful service for America, but the topic at hand- now this wide stance to hold your pants up, were you doing number 1 or number 2?” It would be the best C-Span ever. Now, I generally tend to not do current events in my HBO specials cause they will show for a long time and I don’t want something that everyone’s forgotten about. I don’t think anyone’s likely to forget about that though. Or maybe I’ll decide it’s something they will forget and I’ll decide to not put it in the show. I kind of want to speak about politics more historically, speak timelessly- do stuff that won’t disappear from people’s minds so quickly.

I read that when you were promoting your autobiography, you said, “America dumbed down just when I chose to write a book.”

I think that’s true. I can’t prove it, but I bet anything it’s true. Newspaper readership is down, readership in general is down. Young people may forget the feeling of the heft of a good book in their hand and the well-lit quiet space it requires to read it. Computers are indispensable, they’re here to stay, but everything is in your face now. Whether it’s the fast-cutting in music videos, or the quality of video games, everything is in your face. I think it’s sad that young people can’t tell analog time. “Well Pop, the big hand is on the uh…” The battles over whether the government should give any money to the arts. The whole idea of creativity of any kind is not valued enough by this society. It’s become a wrestling slant down, a Howard Stern society, lacking the subtlety. I’m not a doomsayer or something, I love silliness as much as the next guy. I love Laurel & Hardy, I love the Marx Brothers, I love physical jokes and stuff like that, but a lot of elegance has been lost. I’m not a prude- I use profanity in my act when it’s necessary, when it’s apt. Just like a writer or a novelist. But poor Lenny Bruce suffered so badly. His sacrifice seems ironic now, in that it led to Def Comedy Jam and others. By the way, there’s a lot of young talent on those Def Jam shows- it’s really good, but the whole idea of some of the subject matter- it seems like everything is either profane or about bodily function. There’s a time and place for that, but it seems to be so pervasive. When you think of Lenny Bruce and the detectives going up on the stage in Chicago because he made a joke about the Pope, and arresting him- you don’t want that, but the pendulum has swung so much the other way. I’m not for any government censorship of course- you censor with your pocketbook or your hand on the dial. I don’t know, there’s a lot of talent out there making some really good comedy, but I wonder about the general dumbing down, I really do.

Was Lenny Bruce a big influence on you?

Oh yes, him and Jonathan Winters were my most important immediate influences. I was influenced by every comedian I saw on television, and live comedians I saw in small resorts north of New York City in the so-called Borscht Belt. These were guys you never saw on television but they were big in their own field. They would come in and absolutely wreck the audience for 35 or 40 minutes, get into their Cadillac, go somewhere else and make other people laugh. It looked like a great way to make a living and a wonderful calling. When the time came when I was considering trying it seriously, then I heard these albums and saw snippets of Lenny Bruce and watched Jonathan Winters religiously on Jack Paar and wherever he appeared. These guys made it into a theatrical enterprise- no standing there with cufflinks making fat girlfriend jokes, these guys were a theatrical enterprise by themselves with their noises and their improvisations, and their being every character in the sketch. Jonathan Winters, who I got to know a little bit, is a wonderful guy and a tremendous genius- he was apolitical in his work. Nonetheless, it was a quantum leap beyond what I had ever seen stand-up comics do. Bruce also had great voices and noises but he had social significance as well. Some of his bits are just elegant now. The cursing in them seems so innocent. He cursed for a reason. He satirized organized religion, which is so common now.

Did you ever get a chance to see him live?

Never. The best I ever saw live was Richard Pryor. Pryor and I became friends at the Improv in ’66, ’67. He was collegiate then. Never mind cursing, he wore cute little white sweaters and he was hilarious. Then he disappeared from the scene around ’68, with all the assassinations that terrible year- Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King. He disappeared for a couple years and came back a new, more authentic Richard Pryor, complete with profanity but you see, that was the language of his youth. When we became friends, I asked him what college he went to and he laughed for 5 minutes. He was brought up in a whorehouse among tramps and various hard livers. The guy had a heart attack and he did the most incredible bit I ever heard about it. He was amazing. I think it’s unfair when people like Eddie Murphy, who is a great movie star, but I think it’s unfair when Eddie Murphy or Martin Lawrence, they’re put in the same paragraph because they’re black comedians and they’re profane. There is a world of difference between him and everyone else. I did see him in person a number of times at his peak and he was top-notch.

What do you think about Dave Chappelle performing a 6 hour stand-up set?

I never saw it. I certainly wouldn’t sit through it, but the guy is good. When is he gonna do it? Is this an event that is happening?

Well, he’s already done it twice.

I don’t approve of that, but look, if they want it, to each his own. Some people sit through a 4 hour opera. He’s good though, at least. Dane Cook for 14 minutes is pretty tough. 6 hours of Chappelle is probably better than a half hour of Dane Cook. With Dane Cook, I just don’t see it. I’m going, “where’s the beef here?” I just don’t get it. He made a career for himself on the internet.

What is your memory of performing at the hungry i in San Francisco?

I loved it. It was an elegant club, they cared so much about the audience. Most comedy clubs don’t even have a dressing room. It was a great performance town. I first played there in the fall of ’67 and performed for 3 weeks. Jon Hendricks of Lambert, Hendricks & Ross was the headliner. It was a beautiful engagement and it was a beautiful city, my first trip there. One girl asked me if my moon was ascending, and no one had ever asked me that before. Each subsequent trip to San Francisco, it lost its innocence more and more. It’s a great performance town, smart people. Next to New York, it’s my favorite American city. I’ve never been to Cobb’s, I’m really looking forward to it.

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Doug Stanhope is touring his “cruel & unusual” comedy to rock clubs, dive bars, and backyards across the country, with a stop at Club Deluxe in San Francisco on February 15th & 16th.

Why did you decide to skip performing at comedy clubs on this tour?

There’s a lot of reasons. The money is better, the ambiance- the sense of chaos. The comedy clubs are so absolutely benign, like movie theaters. If you play in rock and roll joints, it’s loud and ugly and keeps you involved. You’re drawing people who know what they’re coming to see. You’re not getting a comedy club audience that just knows that any random magician might be playing for their bachelorette party at that specific address.

Is this how you plan to tour from now on?

Well, I much prefer it. I don’t like doing multiple shows in a night. I like to do one show and get the hell out of town. I’m just trying to work less in better places and keep my sanity.

Do you think that comedy clubs are going away?

No, I think comedy as a whole has definitely seen an upsurge in the last several years, but the way they run their business is not good for what I do. It’s nothing personal against comedy clubs, but it’s the way they train their audiences. If you go to a punk rock bar or a country bar, you kind of know what to expect, but comedy doesn’t differentiate, so comedy clubs play to the middle of the road so no one gets hurt. And so Verizon Wireless keeps booking their Christmas party there every year.

How did you end up getting booked in Las Vegas for a show in somebody’s backyard?

The dude’s a comic. That should be fun. That’s what it should all boil down to. You shouldn’t even have to bring your audience to a bar. If people have enough living space, you can do this at people’s houses and not have to pay $6 for a beer and worry about getting kicked out for doing blow in the bathroom. Everyone should be doing house parties and eliminate the bar all together. If you can get away with it- bands, any kind of live entertainment, you should be able to do on private property.

What’s your memory of winning the SF Comedy Competition in 1995, and what did that do for your career?

It gave me 10 grand. It was me and Dane Cook the entire competition neck and neck. I remember showering out of gas station toilets. I lived out of my car at that point so the 10 grand was the money I took to L.A. to get an apartment. That was the first time I’d ever met Dane Cook. His manager, Barry Katz, tried to bet me prize money on his guy versus me and I said, “I don’t even fucking know your guy, I’m not betting.” The first night of the preliminaries, me and Mitch Hedberg were hanging out, and neither of us came in the top 5 but Dane Cook came in 2nd or 3rd. We were just pissed and we were drunk and we wanted to quit right away- it’s a 3 week competition. So I walk past Barry Katz at the bar and he says, “Aren’t you glad you didn’t bet me prize money now?” I was drunk and talking shit and I said, “Fuck you, I bet you $100 I win this whole thing regardless of your guy.” He made the bet and I ended up winning by a fucking hair, and I haunted Barry Katz for a year to get my $100. I had to get it in payments. I’d see him at the Improv and I’d go “you still owe me $60.” I had my mother go up to him one time and say “you still owe my son $40.” He said, “I’ve only got $20,” and she goes, “I’ll take it.” So yeah, it took me about a year to get the full $100 from that prick.

Since you are advertising your comedy as “cruel & unusual,” what are some of the cruelest things you have ever said to an audience member?

Well, the one I actually had an apology for on my album “Sicko” was- this was years ago, in L.A.- this burn victim was at the Improv and I had to go up late. There were very few people left, and when the comic before me gets off, the only major group of people, probably 8 or 10 people in one section in the front, all got up to leave as soon as I went on. I said, “You can’t just walk out right now. If you guys leave, there’s no one left except the burn victim and the only reason he looks like he’s smiling is because he’s got no lips.” And evidently the kid started crying. He really did have no lips. He was a famous burn victim too. He’d been on Oprah and stuff. His Dad had set him on fire when he was a kid to get back at the ex-wife. He cried and walked out and I felt really bad so I apologized. That’s the only story that comes to mind.

Your shows are happening pretty much right at Haight and Ashbury- are you excited about that, does that mean anything to you?

The only thing that really means to me, since I’m not that old, is, I know I was in that area once when I was a younger comic and got some after show pussy at some girl’s house that lived vaguely in that area. Rather than wake her and ask her where I was, I just started walking until I eventually, hours later, found my way back to my hotel. So that’s what it means to me. I hope I don’t run into her again.

Buy tickets for Doug’s February shows in SF at dougstanhope.com.

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Joe Rogan is best known for hosting Fear Factor and co-starring on NewsRadio, but he was a martial arts champion and soul-searching, x-rated comedian long before he got his high profile TV gigs. Joe will be appearing at The Fillmore in San Francisco on Friday, August 22nd, and the San Jose Improv August 29th-31st.

@ The Fillmore
8/22, 7:30pm

@ San Jose Improv
8/29-8/31

In the following interview Joe shares what it was like to see Bill Hicks live, almost fight Wesley Snipes, and become a father. He gives plenty of advice to aspiring comedians as well.

Why did you decide to tape your last CD in San Francisco?

JR: San Francisco is one of my favorite cities, I love it. I think it’s probably the smartest city in the country, without the smugness of New York. It’s a more open, intelligent city. It’s just a cool place. I love the way it’s set up, the restaurants, the architecture is unusual. And for me it’s pretty significant because I lived there from when I was 7 years old till about 11. I used to do a magic show at Fisherman’s Wharf when I was a kid. I would draw pictures and sell them down there and stuff. I lived a block away from Lombard Street.

So are you working towards a TV special or a new album right now?

JR: I’m definitely working on new material and I’m definitely working towards a new album. As far as a TV special, Comedy Central has offered me something, but it’s so hard to get through the censorship, cause it’s not just the words. It’s not just bleeping out when I say the word fuck, it’s subject matter. It’s making fun of suicide, making fun of religion, making fun of so many things.

Whatever happened to your planned fight with Wesley Snipes that was going to be televised?

JR: He decided not to do it. I think the only reason he wanted to do it in the first place is because of the IRS situation. He owes a ton of money in taxes. I guess he didn’t pay it for like 7 years. Then when it came to bite him in the ass, he wanted to do anything and everything to make money, and that’s when they called me. I thought it was so ridiculous, I was willing to do it.

Oh so they approached you about it?

JR: Yeah yeah, it was their idea. It was the same producer- there’s a show on BET called Iron Ring, a really horrible mixed martial arts show. The same producers of that were the ones trying to organize the fight between me and Wesley. I don’t really want to fight anybody, but it’s a weird opportunity in life, and I had plenty of time to train back then. I was like yeah I’ll go and choke Wesley Snipes, that’ll be fun. If you don’t understand jiu jitsu, the odds of him being able to stop me from choking him are pretty slim. I’ve been doing martial arts since I was a little kid, and I’ve been doing jiu jitsu for like 12 years. It’s just one of those things- it’s like having a conversation with somebody who doesn’t speak English.

So in those mixed martial arts fights, I know it’s mostly anything goes but I haven’t really watched them- you’re allowed to just grab somebody and choke them?

JR: (laughs) Yeah, that’s what jiu jitsu is all about. The actual chokes are mostly your forearm across someone’s neck- they’re blood chokes, to stop the circulation to the brain and cause somebody to pass out. It’s really the most effective way to handle someone because it doesn’t hurt them. If you stop the blood flow to someone’s brain, they just go unconscious, and when they come out of it, they’re fine. It’s really just cutting off the valve and they go to sleep.

Some comics say that comedy was a defense mechanism for them, a way to fit in. Obviously (having been a taekwondo champion) you didn’t need it as a way to defend yourself- why do you think you got into comedy?

JR: Well I think it all comes from the same place. The defense mechanism is also wanting to get people to like you. You know, that insecurity- that same insecurity is what leads people to martial arts, because you don’t want to be at the mercy of an attacker. You don’t want to worry about somebody physically dominating you. So I think it’s very similar in the motivation to get involved in it in the first place. What real martial arts is about, is not really about fighting- it’s more about developing your human potential. Martial arts really applies to comedy in that way. In comedy, the real deep stuff, when someone is really searching their own mind, their own soul, their own mortality, their own view of the world, they’re not just saying something to try to get some heehees and hahas out of a group of strangers. They’re digging deep and creating some art out of their own introspective thought.

I read that your big influences were Sam Kinison and Bill Hicks- did you ever see them live?

JR: Yeah I got to see Hicks live a bunch of times. One of the most defining moments of my young standup career was when Hicks came into town to headline in Boston. I think I’d only been doing comedy a couple of months. I started in 1988 and this was probably ’88 or maybe ’89. He was sort of known, he’d done like a few little things like the Rodney Dangerfield HBO special. He came into town and he went after this guy who was kinda hacky and was just doing, you know, cop donut jokes, whatever. It was like a Wednesday night and the crowd was eating it up. Then Hicks went up and he just did his own thing. I always saw comics cater to the crowd and try to get everyone to like them. But Hicks was like, “listen man, I don’t have a lot of time- here’s my points, this is what I think about things, like it or just get the fuck out, I don’t care.” The conviction that he had was amazing, and he just cleared the room. There were 350 people in that room. By the time he was offstage there was maybe 50. And 10 of us were comics in the back of the room laughing our fucking balls off, just dying, cause we knew we were watching something special. There were a bunch of people who got offended because he was making fun of religion, and he had this crazy bit about satan coming out of Oprah Winfrey or something like that. I don’t remember the bit, but I do remember being in the back of the room and watching this guy who was just doing his material for his fans- even though there weren’t any there, you know what I’m saying? It was amazing to see him just stick to his guns and it didn’t seem to bother him that he was bombing. Even though there were 300 people not laughing, the comics that were laughing in the back fueled him. He just kept going. At one point he was doing this bit where satan is taking a shit and John Davidson is popping out of his ass and he’s grunting on the toilet. He’s doing it for like 45 seconds, a long time- and he looks up as people are getting up in giant groups, and he sighs and goes, “yep, this usually clears the room.” He was an outlaw comic, that Kinison style, and to this day they love that style of comedy in Texas. They like it wild.

Do you see young comics with that kind of potential when you go there now?

There was a bunch of them in Houston, but the Houston comedy scene fell apart. The Houston Laff Stop used to be a major place for it. There were a bunch of really good local open mike comics when I first started performing there about 10 years ago, but that club kinda slipped, for whatever reason. Lack of guidance or lack of open mike nights. Lack of open mike nights is what really kills local comedy scenes. The scene in Boston was really strong and one reason it was so strong is because there were open mike nights like every night of the week. They had them all over the place. It was like a great workshop- there were so many places to get up and perform, and so many other comics doing the same thing. Stand-up comics, especially in the beginning when they’re developing, they need a local scene. That’s one of the best things about San Francisco, it’s a very good local scene.

Was there much of an audience at those open mikes in Boston when you were starting out?

JR: Sometimes real good, sometimes tiny, but I think that even tiny crowds are important. There’s no contagious laughter in tiny crowds, you have to actually say something funny. When you’re in front of small crowds, you see the fat in your material. You see when you’re pandering, you see when you’re saying things that you don’t really believe in. There’s a lot of traps you can fall in when you’re developing material, and one is that you just try to do things that work. Instead of doing something you think is funny that is a direct expression of your thoughts, you’ll just do things that you think are effective.

I was going to ask what advice you have for aspiring comedians, but I think you’ve already given a lot…

JR: There’s a lot of advice to give though, man. The two most important things are to get on stage as much as possible, and write as much as possible. Get on stage as much as you fucking can, especially in the beginning. The other thing is to record yourself, that’s really important. I’ve learned a lot by going over recordings. A lot of guys just hone their stuff on stage and go “yeah that went pretty well but I’ll work on that part some more,” and then they just do it the same way the next night. If you actually listen to it by yourself you can get a fuckload out of it. You can see little things, maybe it’ll open up a new path in your mind. “Oh I can say that too, oh I can take it in a different direction now.” You really get the most out of the material that way and can get in depth with it.

So you still listen to new recordings of yourself?

JR: All the time. I record every set I do, especially on the road. Sometimes I don’t listen- sometimes I think, well that was a fun set but I don’t think there’s anything in there. Really that’s me being lazy. You have to discipline yourself and treat it like a job. There’s work to be done. Sometimes I’ll go over videotape and see how maybe certain bits I’m looking at the ground and I shouldn’t be, maybe I should pause more, maybe I shouldn’t move away like that. It gives you a chance to see the best way to do things. When you create material, you’re trying to introduce an idea into someone else’s mind. The way to do that is to do it the most efficiently- with the least words possible, with the best words possible, so the transition from your thoughts to their mind is as smooth as possible, and maybe even as unexpected as possible. As impactful as possible. And that takes work to craft it. It’s not the most fun part. The most fun part for me is just going onstage and riffing, to take an idea and just go onstage and fuck around with it, but the real work comes from sitting down and reviewing shit.

Have you ever tried to get joerogan.com from that real estate guy in Idaho?

JR: (laughing) That dude wants a lot of money.

You should have all your fans bug him until he gives it up.

JR: I think they already have, but he’s a really stubborn guy.

He kinda looks stubborn in his picture.

JR: He does look stubborn! He’s a really nice guy, but he wanted like $70,000. Through the magic of Google, you really don’t need a dot-com anymore though. If you put my name in Google, my site comes up. Whatever, he got it first, I fucked up.

Congratulations on having a baby- are you glad I haven’t asked you about it yet?

JR: (laughs) No, I’m not glad, it’s cool… it’s a pretty interesting subject. It’s pretty spectacular. You know, the same drive that makes you wanna have sex… it’s really a biological trick. That reward that nature gives you from sex, is magnified by like a million when you see your kid. The reward of being with your child and the love that you feel for this little baby that you don’t even know- God damn, it’s mindblowing. My little baby, all she has to do is stare at me and I go limp. She smiles and it’s like heroin- it’s like morphine just pumping into your body. You don’t want to do anything, you don’t want to go to the movies, you just want to stay with the baby and make her happy.

How old is she?

JR: She’s 11 weeks old.

So have you been on the road since you had her?

JR: Yeah I’ve been on the road for a bunch of gigs. It’s hard, I miss her so much. Right now she’s not talking or telling me she misses me, I can’t imagine what that’s gonna be like. I’m gonna have to tour the road with a gigantic RV and bring my kids everywhere. I know a lot of guys who do the road who have kids, and I don’t know how they do it.

So do you have plans to get married?

JR: She wants to get married, I think marriage is silly. It’s a legal contract with the state, but I don’t have any plans to go anywhere. I’m pretty committed. I’m completely devoted to raising this kid, I’m not going anywhere… maybe she’ll talk me into marrying her.

And you’re staying in L.A.?

JR: I dont know, I’ve actually thought about moving to San Francisco quite a few times. I really like it up there, it’s more open minded. When I lived there, I lived next door to this gay couple when I was like 7 years old. My parents were hippies, and they were really relaxed about everything. Then we moved to Gainesville, Florida and I was hanging out with a friend of mine and his dad was furious because they were trying to pass a law to let gay people marry. He was like “these faggots wanna get married, fuck that.” I was like 11, but I was like “this guy is ridiculous, what does he care?” But that was a direct result of living in San Francisco. I literally didn’t hear the word nigger until I moved to Florida. I had to ask my Mom what it was. I literally didn’t know, and it was because of growing up in San Francisco. I’ve gotta get out of L.A. eventually.

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Bill Burr‘s constant touring, TV and radio appearances, CD and DVD releases, and weekly podcasting have all helped make him one of the top comedians working today. On Monday, he comes to San Francisco for one night only at the Punchline Comedy Club.

July 13th @ The Punchline
7pm, 9:30pm
444 Battery Street, San Francisco

NOTE: This interview is from back in March 2009, when Bill also performed in San Francisco for one night only on a Monday.

So how come you’re only here for one night and on a Monday? Is that the kind of tour you’re doing right now?

Bill Burr: No, actually I just had some family coming out here to visit me in Los Angeles, so I had to cancel a weekend up there. Also, I have some big gigs coming up, and Molly at the Punchline told me that if I ever want to come out for just one night to work on some stuff, stay sharp, that I could come out. So I finally took her up on it. I’m pretty excited… I’m actually gonna be trying out a chunk of material. I’ll be doing the A material too, but I’m gonna be messing around a lot. I’ve gotta give people something for coming out on a Monday night.

It seems like you’ve gotten a lot bigger the last couple of years, so I didn’t know if you were doing just one night in every town…

BB: No, but the last special, “Why do I do this?” really helped me out with ticket sales.

You noticed a big difference after that?

BB: Well the DVD helped, and also I have a lot of stuff on the internet, plus the Opie & Anthony show. With all the different places where people can see you now, it takes like a blitzkrieg of videos and appearances… you’ve gotta like carpet bomb people. I just keep trying to come up with a funny hour and with each one, I get more and more people.

How has that changed your attitude on stage as you’ve gotten bigger? Do you feel more pressure to deliver?

BB: I felt more pressure to deliver right after my HBO special. The first time I sold out a club it was like, “these people aren’t just coming to the club cause this is what they do on a Friday night. They’re actually coming here to see me.” That was the first time I had to deal with the fact that people actually have expectations. That probably lasted for about 6 weeks, and once no major disaster happened, it was like, “Ok, I can handle this.” Now I just find it really flattering. I’m amazed… with all the great guys out there, it’s flattering that they want to come out and see me. It’s a cool thing.

What’s it like to tour the country right now in terms of the economy and people’s moods?

BB: In my experience, people really want to come out and laugh. Any joke where you make fun of bankers definitely gets a big laugh. People can only stay cooped up so long, they have to get out. During the Great Depression, I think movies did fine. There’s only so long you can sit in your house going, “Oh my God, what’re we gonna do?” At some point you gotta go out and have a drink, laugh, and get some of the stress out.

Check out Bill’s podcast, “The Monday Morning Podcast,” available every Monday at BillBurr.com.

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Paula Poundstone developed her legendary improvisational comedy style in San Francisco in the 1980s, moving on to become the first woman to win an ACE Award for Best Standup performance. She appears regularly on the NPR show “Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me,” recently released her first CD, “I Heart Jokes,” and also wrote her first book, There’s Nothing In This Book That I Meant To Say.

See Paula live @ Cobb’s Comedy Club
March 20th & 21st
8pm, 10:15pm, $30.50

First of all, I wanted to say I’m glad you’re ok cause I read on your Twitter page that you ate a cinnamon roll off the ground.

Paula Poundstone: I did! Even my kids said to me, “You don’t eat food off the ground!” It wasn’t until they said it to me that I went, “Oooh, yeah.” I’m such a pig that I barely even hesitated. So yeah, it’s a lucky thing that I’m still alive today.

You update your Twitter and Facebook pages a lot- does that help you stay in touch with fans?

PP: Umm… I think it does. Well, I think it probably helps me stay in touch with the same 10 or so cat ladies that are enormous fans but are probably housebound. It’s kind of fun. Sometimes I think of good stuff, sometimes I think of mediocre or lifeless stuff, but it’s kind of fun to force myself to think of something.

Do you ever worry about privacy concerns? You seem like a pretty private person, but then I look at your Facebook page and it’s really personal stuff sometimes.

PP: It’s no more personal than my act, really. (laughs) I don’t use names or tell addresses. It’s personal in that it’s immediate, but the truth is, in my act I tell stuff of a far more intimate nature, it’s just that it was from awhile ago, so I don’t think it has such a voyeuristic feel to it.

Boston had a good comedy scene when you started out- why did you decide to leave it for San Francisco?

PP: Well, I wasn’t really headed for San Francisco, I was headed anywhere. I was headed around the country to see what clubs were like in diferent cities. I sort of followed in the footsteps of some of my Boston brethren, who had gone to some of the places that I then went to. Some of the guys I know that actually did leave, just went out to see what was there and make contacts. It’s sort of like space exploration. These guys just went to see what was there and then they never toured again. I wouldn’t even call it touring actually, cause they weren’t getting paid. They just sort of investigated. One or two of them, to be totally honest with you, discovered other people’s material. They figured that when they went back, no one would know. They panned for gold in California, and then went back to Boston. I can remember being so impressed with some of the new material. Then I was in San Francisco a few years later and I went, “Oh, that’s where that came from. No wonder they seemed so prolific when they got home.”

I really just went to see what clubs were like in different cities. When I got off the bus in San Francisco, it was like when Dorothy opened the door after the house landed, and everything was in color. Except that Dorothy felt alien, and I felt like I was where I was supposed to be. And I love Boston. I love returning. Eventually I developed a following there, but the truth is, when I left, people in Boston thought I sucked. And really I did. You know, when I first started, if you had been doing open mike nights for 2 weeks, you were considered a trained and seasoned professional. So the truth is I did suck when I left. But the tone of what went on there was so much different than what I wanted to strike. I just wasn’t sure where I would fit in. I actually- I swear to God I’m not making this up- one night I was at an open mike night. I went on and I was following a guy who was being as disgusting as you could be. That was sort of the joke. The last thing he said was, “So I was eating out the cunt of a bear.” The audience went nuts. They thought it was hysterically funny. Then I went on. And you know, it wasn’t easy to follow that.

What stands out in your memories of San Francisco? You were a dishwasher, right?

PP: I was. And a good one. I dishwashed at The Other Cafe, which was a wonderful club on the corner of Carl & Cole. It was my favorite place to work out. It’s the place where I developed the most, for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was that I hosted a lot of their open mike nights. A lot of people vied to get a Friday or a Saturday cause those were the “professional comedian” nights, but we’re talking about having your name up in crayon. When the clubs were packed, it didn’t mean all that much. It meant something to us because we were too stupid to realize how small those clubs were. The Holy City Zoo held 50. Everybody wanted to get the work on the weekend, but I knew how valuable it was hosting those open mike nights. Not to my income, but it was the most rigorous training ground, cause you were in charge of bringing the audience back after somebody was terrible. None of us had more than 20-30 minutes of material back then, so you ran out of material part way through. You were really forced to be in the moment and talk to the crowd. And the show went on FOREVER.

I love reminiscing. Maybe I’m getting to that age. In San Francisco, you could be a headliner long before you headlined anywhere else in the world, because you had a certain following there. I was raised in a different climate where there just were not that many of us. I always used to say to guys, and I still think it’s true- everybody’s in such a rush to headline, but the emcee spot is THE slot. Because you learn more doing it. Why not just ask for a little bit more money and retain that position? They’ll be delighted to have somebody good do that job. You know what I mean? But everybody’s in such a hurry. As soon as anybody gets good at one role, they say “well, now I must be good enough to middle.” So what you have is a guy who was a terrible opener for a long time, a decent opener for a couple weeks, and then moves on to be a terrible middle guy.” But maybe that’s not in the human psyche, we’re just not made that way.

And then once you headline, you want to be on NPR and you want to write a book and all that stuff.

PP: Yeah! That’s exactly what happens.

So that’s how you got so good at improvising, from hosting all those shows? Some of it must be natural talent though, right?

PP: I don’t know… I think it’s a muscle. I was just talking to my daughter about brain muscles. You can be born with a propensity for one thing or the other, but it’s a matter of doing it. How many comics do you know of who got sitcoms, got REALLY famous, fill a huge hall, and then they bomb? Cause it’s a muscle. If I were trying to do a sitcom once a week, then the time I would have to experiment would be gone. I like my jobs now though. As I get older, I think I get better at how to distribute things. I love to do stand-up, and I get to do lots. I love to take care of my kids, and I get to do that a whole lot. I love to write, and I get to do that. I’m lucky.

What’s your dream gig? Having a popular tv show? Traveling around to sold out theaters?

PP: My dream job… would be (laughing)… to be the star of a really insightful, intuitive game show! It would have everything- it would be insightful, educational, informative, warm, and it would bring us together as a nation. No such thing exists by the way, and I don’t know that it ever could. And you don’t have to rehearse for it, that’s the beauty. There’s nothing to memorize.

Would you have auditioned to host The Price Is Right? It’s not very insightful I guess…

PP: Would I have? Yeah, I probably would have, that’s the honest truth. But it’s not my dream job.

I read an interview where you said that being a woman has offered you opportunities in comedy as many times as it’s denied you opportunities. I thought that was interesting since a lot of women seem to complain about how hard it is. What advice do you have for female comics?

PP: Suck it up and tell your jokes. [laughs] It was only occasionally an issue. If there was anybody where it was really a burden, and it made it so they were swimming upstream, it would have been Joan Rivers and Totie Fields and Phyllis Diller, people that were an earlier generation than mine. I think for them it was a very big issue, and I think that you can say that for women in every job in that generation. Not just comics. For them, it also kind of molded them in a particular way. It really shaped the kind of performers that they became. In order to get themselves seen and heard, they had to bend in certain directions. I do not feel for a moment that I have had to change the shape of my comedy in that way.

When I was just starting out in Boston, the comics who were popular were very very sexist individuals. That was the audience who came to see them as well. So you already knew when you stepped out that yeah, there’s a little challenge in that direction. Even there, very early on, they decided to have a women’s comedy night at the Comedy Connection. They didn’t have enough women to fill the bill. Therefore, I get a phone call. They didn’t even like me, and they asked me to come.

There’s a few women’s comedy nights in San Francisco.

PP: Really? Maybe it’s good for the audience, I don’t know. I just like to go see someone funny. I feel it in every single walk of everything. Look at us in terms of our representatives. America can’t get over the race thing no matter how hard we try. I’m amazed how many people suggest somehow that you were voting for- not in a negative way they don’t mean it- but that you were voting for a black guy when you voted for Barack Obama. I wanted to elect somebody who had some shot in hell of getting us out of the mess we’ve gotten ourselves into. That he happens to be black- hallelujah, but you know what? If he doesn’t do the job, out with him. Let somebody else have the job. I’m not gonna go, “Oh, but we don’t want to get rid of the black guy.” I’m going to say, “We’re still in a shitload of trouble, let’s get moving.”

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Bob Saget @ The Warfield
October 16th
982 Market Street, San Francisco

I saw a news article that called you “America’s Raunchiest Comic.” How do you feel about that?

BS: Don Rickles came over to me once and said, “I really liked your HBO special, Bob, but you left out 2 ‘fucks’.” But the truth is, if you listen to the people that have been on HBO in the past year, I don’t say anything nearly as crude. It’s just the opposite thing- they saw me as a Dad on a sitcom for 8 years. People go, “why are you saying that? You’re the Dad!”

Your stuff has always been pretty twisted though- I was watching you on the Young Comedian’s Special from 1985 and you were like, “I love my Mom… and you can too for just $12.”

BS: That’s true, and for awhile because of the economy it went up to about $25, but now it’s back down again, cause times are tough. And she’s gotten older.

How did you develop your really fast, kind of rambling style- is that something you did at the beginning or did it develop later?

BS: That’s something I did at the beginning. I was influenced by people like Rodney [Dangerfield], who would just talk and didn’t stop and give people time to react. If you felt like you weren’t getting a laugh, you’d move so quick to the next thing that you’d never have time to not do well. I’ve kind of removed that from my way of being, cause a lot of that was out of nerves, being worried something wasn’t gonna hit. But what I’ve kept- what I’ve learned to do is make it kind of like jazz. All I do is think of a premise, such as, No matter what sick stuff you can think of, someone out there is doing it- someone has done it. Which could involve inanimate objects or sea creatures. And that gives me 12 minutes of things to discuss with people, and it becomes kind of like planned improv. You touch different bases and see what the audience laughs at. It is like jazz, you’re not sure where it’s gonna go.

What’s your experience been like performing in the Bay Area in the past?

BS: I’ve been playing up in the Bay Area my whole career. In the early 80s I would go up and do Cobb’s when it was in the Marina. I actually was there the night it closed at Fisherman’s Wharf, and I was also there to open it at the old Wolfgang’s, where it is now. So I’ve known Tom Sawyer a long time. I played the Holy City Zoo, which was a place when you probably weren’t even born yet. Robin Williams used to go up there, Jeremy Kramer, and a lot of guys. I would play The Other Cafe one week, and Dana Carvey would be there the next week. I liked The Other Cafe a lot, it was a really important place. A guy named Bob Ayres owned it and ran it.

He’s actually putting together a reunion show.

BS: Wow. That’d be cool. Where is he gonna do it?

I don’t know if he has a venue yet, but I think it’s gonna be in 2010.

BS: Well, he was always good to me. I did so much comedy there in the Bay Area over the years, and then I didn’t do it anywhere except L.A. for awhile. Then I went to The Warfield a couple years ago and just loved it. It feels like coming home a little bit. My comedy roots were in L.A., but my comedy brain wasn’t really in L.A. Everybody in L.A. is trying to get a movie and a TV show. I was here in ’78, so Leno and Letterman were working. Everybody was working out material. I became friends with Dana Carvey and I’d go up to San Francisco and think, “Oh, this is where I should live.” I would always feel guilty that I wasn’t living there, cause everywhere else didn’t feel as though it had as much validity. It’s kind of how Boston is when you’re working in New York all the time and being a specific kind of comedian, then you go to Boston where you get to really gestate and grow as an artist. Obviously San Francisco is a place where I would go for artistic integrity- (laughs) I just got weirder and weirder the more I worked out there.

Did you play guitar in your act back then?

BS: I used to be only a guitar act. I was such a guitar act that at the end of the set, I would sing While My guitar Gently Weeps and I would turn a valve on the guitar and water would pour out all over me. The audience liked it cause I was soaking wet, so I was able to combine props with music. One time I was standing next to Larry David at the Improv in L.A. This was even before he was on the show Fridays. He was like, “All these people want is fucking guitar acts and prop acts.” Then he looked at me and realized he had just pretty much summed me up in one sentence. And then he was like, “Oh, sorry… what is wrong with these people?”

How did San Francisco become the setting for Full House?

BS: I’m not sure because I wasn’t in the original pilot, another guy was in it with John [Stamos] and Dave [Coulier]. And then they re-did it. I was getting fired from a morning TV show in New York. I came to L.A., screen-tested really quick, and then I was in this thing. I guess it was Jeff Franklin, who created the show. He must have come up with the idea to make it San Fran. Here we are 20 years later, and that shot- the logo font of Full House over the Golden Gate Bridge is like, literally a famous piece of pop culture.

All the tourists go by to look at that house, it’s crazy.

BS: I know- nobody goes by the What’s Happening house. (laughs)

Where’s that one at?

BS: (laughs) I have no idea.

What’s the new show you’re doing on A&E?

BS: This was actually a huge thing to mount. We shot in Ukraine, the pilot episode. We’re awaiting word from A&E what its destiny will be. This was me helping guys find mail order brides. It’s really interesting. It’s dark. Age of consent is when a woman says yes.

And they were willing to be on TV talking about that?

BS: Yeah, it was really amazing. In reality shows, people sign their life away when they do these things, but… it’s a willingness to want to be on camera, and portray your journey. These guys are looking for love, as crazy as that sounds. It was fascinating. That would be just one of the subcultures we’d be looking at. I could go and meet Geisha men in Japan, or I would go on the road with a biker gang and try to help them with their problems. It’s a very ambitious show, so I don’t know how many we would do, maybe 9 or something. By 9 I’d have a lung removed- it’s a hard show to do. It’s a very unusual piece- it’s a comedy documentary. It’s not like a travel show, it’s more of an anthropological show.

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Larry Wilmore is the “senior black correspondent” on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. He appeared as a diversity consultant on The Office, and has written for In Living Color, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and The Bernie Mac Show. Tonight at 7pm, Larry will be appearing at Book Passage in Corte Madera to discuss his new book I’d Rather We Got Casinos: And Other Black Thoughts.

Larry Wilmore @ Book Passage
Monday, February 9th at 7pm
51 Tamal Vista Blvd, Corte Madera

You’ve got a section in your book where you poke fun at guys like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. Since we have a black President now, what types of issues do you think Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton should be focusing on?

Larry Wilmore: I think they should stick to their jobs. Obama is not a black leader. He was elected, he was voted for. You have to be self-appointed to be a black leader. He’s just a leader who happens to be black. So I think Jesse and Sharpton should do what they do best: look for racism in every possible nook and cranny.

Do white people need our own Jesse Jackson-type of leader to represent us?

LW: I don’t think so. Remember- Obama is half white. He’s representing both sides. I think that was brilliant strategizing. This, by the way, is why I think more brothers should hook up with white girls. Cause look what happens.

What’s your favorite TV project you’ve been involved with?

LW: They’ve all been fun in different ways. It sounds like a cop-out, but they really have been. As a performer, there’s been nothing like The Daily Show. When we did the election special, that was really great to do something like that. But In Living Color was pretty much my very first job in the business, and the feeling around that show at the time was just incredible.

Did you get that gig from doing stand-up?

LW: I had only been writing for TV for about 6 months at that time. They were looking for writers and I submitted some material. I had a good interview with Keenan [Ivory Wayans]- we basically talked about stand-up, so I guess stand-up in a way helped.

Which Fresh Prince character was more fun to write for- Uncle Phil or Carlton?

LW: I think I would have to say Carlton. “Fresh Prince not in scene- scene not funny.” That was my Fresh Prince rule. Alfonso, who played Carlton, he was very talented. He starred on Broadway- I think he was “The Tap Dance Kid.”

You’re in favor of identifying black people as “chocolate.” Why is that better than African American?

LW: I think we should just say what it is. I remember somebody trying to describe this black guy from England- “he’s an African Amer… I mean an African Eng…” You know what, he’s a Mounds Bar. It’s a start. Look- at one point, we were called Afro-Americans. We were named after a hairstyle! I mean, that’s insane when you think about it.

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Comedian and rapper Eric Schwartz (aka Smooth-E) will be in San Francisco November 2nd-5th, headlining the Green Room Comedy Club at Fisherman’s Wharf.

What are your favorite things to do in San Francisco?

I love going to the gay bars. Before you jump to any conclusions, like “I knew it,” let me explain.

My friends are confused. They say, “You’re straight. Why do you go to gay bars?” I’m like, “Dude, they buy you drinks!”

I just assume the role most women do in straight bars. Now, I know how it feels to be treated like a piece of meat: free.

Your songs are very well produced- what is your background in music?

Thanks! I have no formal music training, but I have been a DJ since age 14. I spent my bar mitzvah money on turntables. Most parents want their kids to save it for college, but I knew I had to rock!

I would bring hip-hop records back from Los Angeles to the suburbs of Thousand Oaks where I lived and play them at parties and dances. That is the concept behind “Suburban Homeboy,” the name of my website.

I messed around with drum machines and four-track recorders in high school. I would sell mixtapes and make “pause tapes.” Basically, you would have a double cassette boom box and play one side into the other, using the pause button to halt the recording to catch the specific piece of sound or music you wanted. With that, we could record anything and make it repeat, kind of like a scratch but without the backspin. That was my first experience in sampling sound.

It’s so much easier on the computer! I make most of the music you hear in my show or on my website.

Your comedy is all over the place- musical, physical, religious… is there any type of comedy you won’t do?

I think I will continue to do what interests me on stage. And yes, I have a lot of interests!

I have recently developed an interest in meditation and am experimenting with a new kind of comedy yoga. We heat the room up to 110 degrees and the audience sips its two-drink minimum in down dog pose.

This year’s San Francisco International Comedy Competition just wrapped up- how was your experience winning runner-up in 2004?

The SF Comedy Competition was a very valuable experience in my career. It taught me to do what I do on stage no matter what the circumstances. The contest throws in all kinds of obstacles: exhausting travel, different types of audiences and jealous performers. I was really proud of my experience there because it showed I could relate to a variety of audiences despite some of the greatest pressures.

My favorite moment was the final show at Caesar’s Tahoe. I was first on the lineup, a spot everyone dreads. There was a Jazzercize convention at the hotel that weekend, so I decided to stroll around and take a look at my probable audience for the night. Little did I know I would stumble upon our country’s endangered supply of Jane Fonda lookalikes. They were all wearing these hot pink lycra Jazzercize sportsbras, and looking damn good (for the ’80s).

My closing piece for the night was a strip tease to the “Hokey Pokey.” I began by taking off my shirt and revealing my very own hot pink Jazzercize jersey! The crowd went nuts and I ended up winning first place that night.

What projects are you currently working on outside of stand-up?

My new holiday Heeb-hop album “Kosher Kuts: Hungry For More” is in stores and iTunes now. It includes “Matzah!” which was animated by JibJab.com and aired on “The Tonight Show.” [watch the “Matzah!” video here]

I am on the debut season of Showtime’s “White Boyz in the Hood,” airing now.

I am the narrator for an animal show called “Animal Atlas,” which airs on KGO-TV in San Francisco (www.animalatlas.tv).

Visit Eric online at suburbanhomeboy.com and myspace.com/ericschwartz

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46 years into his show business career, Jay Wendell Walker lives up to his nickname as the “Heavy Weight Champion of Comedy,” taking home 1st place at the 31st Annual San Francisco International Comedy Competition.

What was your act like when you first started out doing comedy?

I did impressions of movie stars who are now dead. One liners in general, very badly. If we would have had TV, people would have gone home. I credit my start to the heavy use of alcohol by the audience. Also I would work three shows a night for $25.00 a week.

Can you tell us about your experience performing on the Ed Sullivan Show?

I don’t talk about it very much because it was nothing like what I do today. I was part of a comedy team. We were too young and it happened too fast. It had nothing to do with talent. We had an angel who knew the right people. My partner broke up the act soon after by disappearing. Leaving me with AGVA contracts I couldn’t fill. As for the show itself, the only thing that would frighten me more would be to lock me in a room with George Bush. Before each show I threw up the lining in my entire body.

You’re a sharp dressed comedian- what do you think of a lot of younger comedians performing in jeans and t-shirts?

I have mixed feelings. I think you should wear what you feel comfortable in. However I think out of respect for the audience you should dress sharp. That does not mean a suit or tux. It means nice sharp clothes.

What do you think of the current comedy scene? Is there a comedy boom happening?

Yes, I would call it a mini boom. Which is going to be getting stronger. Unlike the last one you will have to be good to work.

How long do you think it takes to become a good comedian?

Everyone is different, there is no set time. I have seen people who click right away. For most it takes a lot of stage time. For me, I am excited by knowing I will never live long enough to be as good as I could be. I keep learning and changing. The day I start phoning it in I will quit. I respect the audience too much to do that.

For more on Jay Wendell Walker, visit his website.

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Continuing to make a name for himself as the “Indian Comedian,” Tapan Trivedi recently toured with the Gurus of Comedy and appeared at the Las Vegas Comedy Festival.

What does your family back home in India think about you being a comedian?

My family back home has no idea what being an actual comedian is all about. There are times that my mother tells people I entertain for a living and the people think I am a vaudevillian or a magician.

Was stand-up comedy popular in India when you were growing up?

Not at all. I never saw a standup comic till I came to the U.S. I heard tapes of comedians who were essentially brilliant impressionists but no observational humor at all.

What led to you joining the Gurus of Comedy Tour, and how has it boosted your career?

I joined the Gurus of Comedy tour to develop my Indian act. I had just a few jokes about being an Indian and all those were geared towards non Indian audiences. Making Indian people laugh is extremely hard but rewarding as they give me a lot of money to do private events.

As for the boost in the career- I have a whole new 35 minutes that I developed on the tour. I have TV time now AND I created Pundits with Punchlines which gets me in front of many bookers.

How has your business degree helped you in comedy?

Standup is the lowest common denominator of equality. The business degree helped in cultivating relations and the business side but not so much in the comedy. You either are funny or not.

With all the controversy surrounding the Michael Richards incident, what are your feelings about censorship? Are you still doing your “sand nigger” bit?

First of all Rick Overton said it best when he said “Michael Richards is not a racist but a ragist.” He has had outbursts against women, gays and now blacks. The only difference being the latest one was caught on tape. I don’t agree with the censorship of the N or F or C or D or A or any other words and gladly continue doing my Sand N word bit all around the country. I will stop when they pay me enough NOT to do it.

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A recent finalist in the SF International Comedy Competition, fast-rising San Jose comedian Kellen Erskine has opened for big-name comics such as Norm MacDonald and John Heffron.

How was your experience in the San Francisco International Comedy Competition? (winning 5th place)

It was a great experience overall, but it’s a relief for it to be over. I wouldn’t do it again for a while. It’s nice to be doing shows now where I’m not being judged anymore. It’s a weird experience because a competition is the only time you’re doing a show and you’re hoping other people do badly. And even though you have a really good set, 4 or 5 people could judge you otherwise, like if they didn’t like stage presence or something. It was 18 shows in 18 different cities in front of thousands of people. I really wanted to place within the top 5 just so I could pay for all the gas.

Why is it important to you to work clean?

For me personally it’s not just keeping it clean, but I want to have original premises, and there are literally billions of topics out there. It’s so funny to me that the majority of comics mostly pick sex. For me, it’s finding topics that are original that nobody else has done before. That’s more of what I strive for- trying to be clever within other topics. It’s sort of cliche, but… using the gimmick of a swear word or using sex as a topic is just already done so much.

Who are your major influences?

There’s nobody that I pattern myself after, but my favorite comics would be Steven Wright, Mitch Hedberg… Brian Regan is another one I appreciate. He’s totally physical but he’s very good. I appreciate people who are good at what they do. Also, Groucho Marx. He’s not really an influence, but my comedic hero. If there is anything I pattern myself after, it’s people that have some originality, cause that’s what I’m striving for. Those are the comics that I like, the ones with the jokes that I’ve never heard.

How would you compare the San Jose and San Francisco comedy scenes? Do you see any reason to move to San Francisco?

San Francisco is like my grandma’s house- it’s fun to visit but I would never live there. I go there like 3 times a week and I still get lost leaving it. I don’t like driving there. Every time I leave San Francisco it’s a relief after the stress of trying to find parking. I’m not gonna move there but it’s still critical to improving at comedy just because there’s so many venues up there and in San Jose there aren’t.

What are your writing habits like?

I steal. No, I write every day. For me it’s more of a mindset. I try not to listen to the radio in the car because I want to be thinking about jokes. It really is my passion, doing this. I keep track of my thoughts throughout the day and then at night I put them into a computer, whatever I’ve written down or recorded. I’ll try out as much new stuff as I can at the open mikes during the week. I just want my set to constantly be refined, hopefully better every time. I’ve found that like one out of every 50 jokes that I write is one I actually keep. So for me it’s the process of coming up with the other 49 so I can find that one. And if I don’t do that every day, if I wrote like one day a week, it would take 7 times as long.

Below is an episode of “Inbound,” Kellen’s online cartoon. For more episodes, visit captainbigbeard.com.

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