Saudi Birth Story

Birth is Inherently Safe - 7 of 10

2017-11-26T23:03:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

In the last seven articles we explored the Mother's Role to maximize the many safety nets that Allah (SWT) has built into the childrearing year, including the First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth of ten such safety nets we will discuss in this series. This time we'll talk about breastfeeding.

Rizq (Provision or Sustenance)

Breastfeeding is a direct fulfillment of Allah (SWT)'s promise of rizq (provision or sustenance), as it comes free, flowing from the mother's breast to sustain her child, subhan'Allah (glory to God).

"Kill not your children for fear of want: We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you. Verily the killing of them is a great sin.” [Qur'an 17:31]

“Come, I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited you from: Join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your parents; kill not your children on a plea of want; We provide sustenance for you and for them.” [Qur'an 6:151]

Best Way to Feed

In fact, it is the simplest, cheapest, and safest way to feed our babies. Nothing can truly compare to this perfectly created fluid that changes composition and quantity in direct response to our baby's current needs, as Allah is the best of all Creators. Studies even show that in the first eight weeks both breastfeeding and bottle feeding require the same amount of effort; however, from this point onwards, breastfeeding is far easier than bottle feeding.

Colostrum

The first milk produced is called "colostrum," and is often referred to as "liquid gold" for its thick golden consistency, small amount, and amazing properties.

Perfect Amount - The newborn's stomach is incredibly small, in fact the size of a small marble or pea at birth. It cannot accept much content in the first week, during which time the mother produces colostrum in small amounts, just perfect for the baby's needs. Sadly, in some cultures babies are force fed formula at this time, which distends the stomach and creates a cycle of over eating and obesity for the rest of the child's life.

Laxative - The newborn's first bowel movements are called meconium. This is a thick and sticky tar-like substance that is very dark in color. This first milk, colostrum, is a laxative that helps to clear the meconium. In fact, this is why the newborn will likely have a poopy diaper with each change in the first week, until the mother's mature milk comes in, which will turn the poo to a mustard-yellow color and its frequency will reduce.

Antibodies and Immunity - The colostrum is considered the baby's first vaccine. It is full of antibodies that are specific to the mother's environment and support development of the baby's immune system, relative to its own environment, subhan'Alalh (glory to God). The baby benefits so much from receiving this first milk from mother and it should never be substituted with suboptimal formula.

More than Nutrition

Breastfeeding serves more than nutritional needs. It is a bonding and nurturing activity between the mother and child that comforts the baby and builds a close relationship. It also gives the baby a sense of safety and security in knowing that his or her needs will be met. Breastmilk has also been found to have anesthetic properties, which explains why mother's instinct is to put baby to the breast when they've had a bump or bang and are crying from minor pains. Breastfeeding also helps baby to regulate heartbeat and temperature as they are close to mother's chest and begin to be in rhythm with her vital signs. As discussed above, the immunologic properties continue from colostrum to mature milk. In fact, when babies are starting to explore the world and interact with one another, breastmilk is an important protection against illness, so keep breastfeeding for the full two years if you can, which is recommended not only in Qur'an but also by the World Health Organization (WHO).

“And the mothers may nurse their children for two whole years,if they wish to complete the period of nursing…” [Qur’an 2:233]

Benefits for Mother

Breastfeeding also has benefits for the mother. First of all, nursing right after birth will cause after birth contractions that are vital to shrink the uterus, expel the placenta, and minimize bleeding-thus making it life saving for the mother. Breastfeeding also reduces the mothers risks of breast and ovarian cancers if she breastfeeds at least two years over her lifetime.

Breastfeeding is truly one of the most amazing signs of Allah (SWT)'s greatness and perfect planning, subhan'Allah (glory to God).

“We shall show them Our signs on the horizons and within themselvesuntil it will be obvious to them that it is the Truth. Does your Lord notsuffice, since He is Witness over all things?!" [Qur’an 41:53]

Birth is Inherently Safe - 6 of 10

2017-11-26T22:55:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

In the last six articles we explored the Mother's Role in maximizing the many safety nets that Allah (SWT) has built into the childbearing year, as well as the First, Second, Third, Fourth and Fifth of ten that we will discuss in this series. This time we will take a look at the safety nets of second stage labor, which is the time when the mother is pushing the baby out into the world.

First of all, the contractions of second stage labor space out, giving the mother decent rest periods between contractions. This is quite a relief, as the contractions prior to second stage are often hard and strong and close together. Once the mother is fully dilated and ready to push, the contractions tend to space to 5, 10, or even 15 minutes apart, subha'Allah (glory to God). This is a real blessing and mercy from Allah (SWT), as the pushing phase takes a lot of energy and a short power nap between contractions can be considered a godsend, as she recoups her energy during this phase of physical exertion, subnha'Allah (glory to God).

Additionally, the mother and baby are both working together during this stage of labor to effect the birth. The mother typically will have an urge to push to compliment her contractions and the baby will twist, wiggle, and push with his/her feet to help his or her own way out. This is a mother baby dance and both participants function best if the labor has been undrugged, meaning that the mother can feel her contractions and control her own body and the baby is alert and active in the womb during the birth, Subhan'Allah. In fact, in this stage of labor, it is best if the mother be free to choose her position of choice, upright is usually best, so that she can best utilize the effects of gravity.

Next, the process of the baby passing through the tight birth canal will effect the "Fetal Heimlich Maneuver." This means that the intact (uncut) vaginal walls will push in as the baby's ribcage passes though and the effect will be that the baby will spit up much of the fluid in his/her lungs from the squeezing effect. Babies born over an intact (tight and uncut) perineum will likely just breath upon birth and typically won't need invasive suctioning to clear their lungs, subhan'Allah (glory to God).

Finally, as baby passes through the birth canal, he/she will pick up the vaginal flora. This is important to establishing a healthy gut flora. The flora of the newborn's gut is just now coming into study and there are amazing things being discovered about the "microbiome." When a baby is born via C-seciton, he/she misses out not his beneficial flora and it seems to take about six months for the child to catch up with the gut health of a vaginally born baby, if he/she ever does.

The amazing interplay between mother and child is constantly being discovered in more and more depth and truly Allah knows where we know not.

Birth is Inherently Safe - 5 of 10

2017-11-26T22:37:00.001+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

In the last five articles we discussed the Mother's Role to maximize the infinite safety nets built into the childbearing year by Allah (SWT), as well as the First, Second, Third, and Fourth of ten of these safety nets that we will explore in this series. This time we'll take a look at Relaxin hormone, which was also mentioned for its effects of softening the lower segment of the uterus in the First of ten safety nets discussed.

Beyond relaxing the isthmus (see the First of Ten safety nets) the rush of Relaxin hormone in late pregnancy also serves to loosen the many joints of the maternal hips. This allows for the mother's pelvis to expand and open for the passing baby. Additionally the baby's skull is not solid until about two years of age, which allows the various plates of the skull to overlap as the baby's head "moulds" to fit through the mother's accommodating pelvis, Subhan'Allah.

Allah truly is the best of Creators and has perfectly orchestrated the mother's and baby's bodies to work together during the birth process.

Birth is Inherently Safe - 4 of 10

2017-11-26T20:33:00.004+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

In the last four articles we discussed the Mother's Role to maximize the infinite safety nets that Allah (SWT) has built in the childbearing year, as well as the First, Second, and Third of ten of these safety nets that we will discuss in this series. In this article we will discuss the increased blood volume that mothers experience during pregnancy and how this is an important safety net for mother and baby.

When a women is pregnant, her blood volume increases by about 50%. This is a vital safety net for both mother and child. First of all the mother must share her circulating oxygen with the growing baby. This means that less oxygen will be available for her own needs (mommy brain, fatigue, anyone?--truly our brains and bodies may be oxygen deprived as compared to normal).

By the second trimester this increased blood volume has maxed out. With it comes an increased oxygen carrying capacity so that we can afford to share our oxygen with the growing baby, alhamdulelah. This is also why many mothers suddenly have a "second wind" and burst of energy and wellness in the second trimester, masha'Allah (as willed by God).

However, not every woman will get exactly 50%. Some mothers may get a little more, some a little less. The ones that have less increase are more susceptible to anemia and postpartum hemorrhage. The number one factor in maximizing this blood volume increase lies in the mother's nutrition throughout her pregnancy. She must consume adequate amounts of water, proteins, and sodium (salts) in order to maintain a healthy blood volume increased. So attention to hydration and good healthy proteins and salts are imperative.

After birth. the mother will bleed for about forty days to purge off this extra blood volume, now that it's no longer needed. This period of nifas (postpartum bleeding) is another safety net and blessing from Allah (SWT), as the mother is excused from regular religious duties, such as salat (five daily prayers) and fasting (should it happen to be Ramadan-month of Islamic fasting). These reliefs from religious duties allows the mother the freedom to relax and focus on her baby during these early weeks, as she is bonding and getting the hang of breastfeeding, bidnillah.

Please note that the extra blood volume may also result in more likelihood of bleeding gums and bloody noses. It is especially important to maintain good dental hygiene in pregnancy, as the bleeding gums will make a pathway for bacteria in the mouth to enter the blood stream and this can be harmful for the growing baby (depending on what's going on in her mouth). Regular flossing, brushing, and dental visits for checkups and cleanings are important during pregnancy (obviously no x-rays-so it's important that you dentist be aware of your pregnancy status).

Allah truly is the best of all Planners and Creators and each of these safety nets is yet another revelation of the signs within ourselves for those who care to think.

“We shall show them Our signs on the horizons and within themselvesuntil it will be obvious to them that it is the Truth. Does your Lord notsuffice, since He is Witness over all things?!"[Qur’an 41:53]

Birth is Inherently Safe - 3 of 10

2017-11-26T19:56:00.001+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

In the last three articles we discussed the Mother's Role to maximize the safety nets that Allah (SWT) has built into the childbearing year and we began exploring the First and Second of ten of these safety nets that will be uncovered in this series. Now we will move on to the third. This one is related to slowed digestion and circulation that occurs during pregnancy.

Slowed Digestion

When pregnant, the digestion slows significantly. This allows the food we eat to sit in the intestines longer so that more of the nutrients in the foods we eat can be absorbed. This is one way that Alalh (SWT) protects our pregnancy, Subhan'Allah. A side effect, however, is that the waste products become drier and we are more susceptible to constipation and perhaps even nausea. When we can recognize that this is a result of the body adapting to protect the baby, perhaps it's a bit easier to take it all in stride and simply be thankful to Allah (SWT) for He truly is the best of all Creators.

Slowed Circulations

Along with slowed digestion is slowed circulation. With slowed circulation the blood moves slower throughout the pregnant mother's body. This slowed circulation allows the blood to pass slower over the slowly digesting food so that it can pick up even more of the nutrients in the foods the mother eats in order to pass them along to her developing baby, Subhan'Allah. These two safety nets combine to ensure that our baby's are getting the most of what we eat. That's not to say we shouldn't work hard to improve our diets in pregnancy, but it is comforting to know that whatever we do eat will be maximized by the way our bodies adapt for the pregnancy term.

Allah truly is the best of all Planners and Creators.

Birth is Inherently Safe - 2 of 10

2017-11-26T19:35:00.003+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

In the last two articles we explored the Mother's Role to maximize the safety nets Allah (SWT) has built into the childbearing yearn and the First of Ten of those safety nets. Now we will move on to the second of ten safety nets bing explored in this series, which is the layer of protection.

Allah mentioned in Qur'an "threefold depths of darkness" as a protection of the child in the womb. According to the tafsir (explanation of Qur'an) of Ibn Kathir (Islamic scholar from the 1300s), these "threefold depth of darkness" refers to the protection of the womb, placenta [amniotic sac], and mother's abdomen.

“…He creates you in your mothers’ wombs, one act of creation after another,

in threefold depths of darkness….” [Qur’an 39:6]

These layers of protection not only insulate the growing baby, but also keep it safe from the bumps and bangs of daily living. In fact, it would take quite a blow to the abdomen to cause any injury to the child in the womb. Baby is so well protected, as it is quietly and peacefully surrounded by amniotic fluid to regulate temperature, equalize pressure, and insulate form infection. The placenta provides a constant flow of nutrients and oxygen. The mother's uterus, abdominal muscles, and fatty tissues all provide strong protection.

Allah truly is the best of Planners and has created the mother's body to be a walking protection for her child in the womb.

Birth is Inherently Safe - 1 of 10

2017-11-26T19:11:00.002+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

In the last article we explored the The Mother's Role to maximize the safety nets Allah (SWT) has built into the childbearing year. Now we will begin to explore just a few of these infinite safety nets. We'll begin with the maternal cervix. This is the opening between the womb and the birth canal and is best known as the anatomical structure that must dilate to 10 centimeters for the birth to proceed. I find it amazing that there are safety nets built into this structure to prevent it from opening too soon and therefore prevent preterm birth.

First of all, it's the baby's head applying pressure to the cervix that causes it to thin out (efface) and open up (dilate) for birth. There are two particular safety nets that keep the head off the cervix until it's time to labor.

Misalignment

First of all the cervix is typically posterior during pregnancy. That means it is pointing towards the mother's back. This results in a misalignment between the womb and the vagina that won't be lined up until labor contractions pull it forward, therefore aligning the pathway for the baby to be born. Subhan'Alalh, Allah truly is the best of Planners and our contractions are really a blessing that brings forth our babies.

Isthmus

The other safety net lies just above the cervix. This lower segment of the womb, called the isthmus, stays thin and closed until the end of pregnancy. This tight segment above the cervix is yet another safety net that keeps the baby's head away until it's time for birth. Towards the end of pregnancy, a hormone called relaxin will flow through the mother's body and this will relax the isthmus and it will open up, causing the sensation of "dropping" that some women feel in late pregnancy. This widening of the isthmus allows the baby's head to apply pressure on the cervix, which is what will facilitate it's thinning (effacement) and opening (dilation)...but not until the time is right!

Allah truly is the best of Planners and has perfectly created the female body to keep the baby safe inside until it's truly time for baby to be born. Subhan'Allah (glory to God).

"...And We cause what We will to remain in the wombs for an appointed time,
and afterward, We bring you forth as infants…” [Qur’an 22:5]

Birth is Inherently Safe - The Mother's Role

2017-11-26T17:33:00.002+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

May people are quick to discuss all the things that may go wrong in childbirth. Although it is important to be aware of complications and be ready to deal with them, should they arise, it's equally important to acknowledge that in most cases birth goes just fine on its own. In fact. Allah (SWT) is the best of all Creators and has created the childbearing year to be inherently safe.

There are probably an infinite number of safety nets built into the childbearing year. In fact, birth is a safe and pleasurable journey, but very few people describe it that way. This series will discuss just ten safety nets that Allah has built into the process of pregnancy, labor, birth, and the newborn period.

Before we get into the safeties, let's discuss the mother's role to maximize those safeties and minimize risks. First of all, each mother must work with her care provider to asses and manage her risks based on her health history and situation. She must eat well and exercise to maintain the best possible health for the lowest risk for her and baby. She needs to learn to work with her body in order to best prepare for the strains of childbirth.

“And [God says:] ‘We have enjoined upon man goodness towards his parents: his mother bore him by bearing strain upon strain…” [Qur’an 31:14]

Maximize Safeties; Minimize Risks

It is prudent for each mother to find a care provider that she trusts. Working with that provider she can assess her health status in relationship to hers and her baby's risks during the pregnancy, labor and birth. Care providers are keen to explore your health history in order to flush out any underlying risks. They also offer a variety of routine tests to discover or rule out common (or not so common) pregnancy complications so that they can be eliminated, minimized, or best managed-should they exist. But know that most young women go into pregnancy healthy and low-risk and their focus should be on keeping it that way.

Eat Well

The most important factor in pregnancy and birth outcome is the mother's nutrition. The awesome thing about this, is that it is also the factor the mother has the most influence over! Only you decide what goes into your mouth at each meal. In fact, growing a baby is like constructing a building. There is a blue print for your baby's best growth and development, just like there is a blueprint for every building that stands. The architect-in this case Allah (SWT), has written the plan for your child's development in the womb. It is you who decides on the quality of the ingredients that go into your baby's development, just as the general contractor chooses the quality of the supplies that go into the construction of the building. Your baby is growing at an amazingly rapid pace in the womb. You cannot afford to skimp on your nutrition during this crucial time of development. Growth in the womb is not the same as growth outside the womb and you cannot make up for poor maternal diet after birth.

Exercise

Exercise helps us stay fit, flexible, and strong. It builds cardiovascular strength and results in the strength and stamina necessary for the strains of labor and birth. Pregnant women are encouraged to exercise all throughout their pregnancies, contrary to cultural myths and misnomers. It's not just "okay" to exercise during pregnancy, it is encouraged and preferred. Moderate and sensible exercise during pregnancy does not result in poor pregnancy outcomes and in fact makes the labor and birth journey much easier.

Learn to Work With Your Body in Labor

Child birth preparation classes, such as AMANI Birth, help women learn about how their bodies work during pregnancy, labor, and birth. Understanding the mechanics of the birth process helps mothers realize the best ways to move and things to do (and not to do) in order to minimize pain and discomforts. For many mothers, this knowledge is key to staying the course of a complete natural childbirth.

Watch for coming articles detailing the ten safety nets to be highlighted in this series. May Allah bless you with ease and the safest, gentlest birth possible for you and your baby.

AMANI Birth Book

2017-11-26T05:17:00.003+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

AMANI Birth is one of the first books to look at the childbearing year from an Islamic perspective. The book is a good choice for Muslim mothers and the care providers who serve them. At the end of the day, birth is birth, so even the non-Muslim mother will benefit from the lessons in this book.

The book is divided into five sections based on the AMANI acronym: Assisting, Mothers, Active, Natural, and Instinctive.

Assisting: addresses the people who support the expectant mother and has a significant focus on the father of the baby.
Mothers: explores the anatomy of the pregnancy and breastfeeding.
Active: discusses pregnancy exercise, nutrition, birth positions, and more.
Natural: reveals the natural functions of the mother's body, but also addresses possible complications that may arise as well.
Instinctive: discusses how every mother and baby pair has all the instincts within them to give birth, even without support (although we would not want mothers to give birth without professional observation).

In fact, the AMANI Birth book agrees with the quote from the World Health Organization (WHO) says that:

"...normal birth, provided it is low-risk, only needs close observation by a trained and skilled birth attendant in order to detect early signs of complications. It needs no intervention but encouragement, support and a little tender loving care."

AMANI Birth's ultimate goal is that mother's are educated in order to make informed decisions. Knowledge is power and reduces fears. May each mother enjoy their pregnancy and birth journey and always have fond memories of this special time.

The First State's First Muslim Midwife

2017-11-26T04:48:00.003+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

We are excited to announce that Aisha Al Hajjar is now a licensed home birth midwife in the State of Delaware! Delaware just recently legalized midwifery and she is proud to be amongst the first to receive her license. Even more exciting is that she is the first Muslim home birth midwife in the state!

Delaware is known as "The First State" so Aisha is "The First State's First Muslim Midwife." With this development, Aisha has committed to spending significant time in Delaware to provide natural birth support to the women of Delaware, and perhaps in the future to nearby states. Meanwhile, she is keeping her ties in Saudi Arabia as a Saudi Midwifery Group Board Member to also continue her goals of establishing holistic midwifery there.

Aisha is excited to be able to serve Muslims and non Muslims alike with AMANI Birth preparation classes, prenatal, labor and birth, and postpartum care. She will also serve as a doula in Delaware for those mothers who choose to brith in the hospital.

You can also check out the new FaceBook Group, "Meet Delaware's First Muslim Midwife." Please help us spread the word so that our Muslim sisters in Delaware are aware of their options to birth at home with Sister Aisha.

Another not so Perfect Labor

2013-02-14T14:06:00.001+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

One in three-hundred!

This is probably the most important story I’ve ever shared on this blog. I am very grateful to the brave mother who submitted it. There are many important topics, from postpartum depression to VBAC to homebirth and more. I don’t want to give the story away, so I won’t say more, except take the time to read this one!

Now on to the story, Another Not so Perfect Labor...

This birth story didn’t start when I went to labour or when I became pregnant. This story started right after my first child, my daughter Hafsa, was born by emergency c-section in autumn 2010. The experience was very upsetting. (See: Not So Perfect Labor)

We spent 4 days at the hospital. When we came home I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I was in pain; I was tired, and I was crying all the time. I just didn’t feel right in myself. I didn’t really like my daughter either; it just was not what I expected, planned, and wanted.

Something was very wrong within me and I found it very hard to identify. After months of sleepless nights, nightmares, and self blame, I needed help. I was later diagnosed with PTSD and a postnatal depression. Some people will say it’s just a lack if ‘imaan’ and I should have turned to Allah for help. I don’t care what others think. These were the darkest days of my life. And these should have been the happiest!

I knew I wouldn’t let this happen to me again and I was determined to do my utmost best to ensure that the next birth will happen as I wish – no c-section, no drama, NO HOSPITAL!

I contacted one of my friends who gave birth at home and who is a great promoter of natural birth. She gave me some information about home birth, took me to an informal meeting with mothers who gave birth at home or who are planning to do so. I started preparing myself for the next birth. “With the will of Allah, it’s going to be great and it’s going to be at home!” I thought. All I missed the first time around, I want it now. Suddenly my life had meaning again. I had a plan. I needed to pull myself back together. I started exercising, ate healthy, kept fit. I needed to get my body ready for the next birth!

I knew we should wait some time before getting pregnant. Patience is not my strong side, but I managed to wait 1 year. After 1 year I got pregnant pretty quickly, alhamdulillah, and the game was on. All my research could be finally put into action.

I was bleeding during the first trimester, so I was trying not to get my hopes up and I kept my pregnancy a secret, except for telling a couple of my closest friends, until I was about 17 weeks pregnant.

I was working, planning to move a house before the baby arrives, and planning the big day. I kept myself busy and the time was flying. We moved to the other side of the UK when I was about 33 weeks pregnant. I knew this would happen, so I hadn’t discussed my dream of a home birth with my previous antenatal care provider. I simply wanted to spare myself the lectures of how dangerous it can be, that it is irresponsible, and all the other things I already knew. Remember, I did my research and I knew it all J.

At my first ‘new’ antenatal appointment I mentioned that I want a home birth. I was given the expected lecture, but I was told it can be done. Between my 34^th week and my due date I saw more medical staff then I had through the first 34 weeks. I had an appointment at least once a week, seeing midwives, obstetricians, having scans done, some more midwives, home visit to assess whether my home is suitable for birth and to put an emergency plan in place. At every appointment I have been given the same old lecture, but hey, I knew it all! J At the end I had to sign that I understood and that the choice of homebirth is at my own risk. I was happy to sign and to be left alone.

Just a week before my due date I went to an antenatal class ran by a local hospital. After arriving it seemed it will be just a tour around the hospital. I told the midwife I am planning a homebirth and I don’t think this is even relevant to me. She convinced me to stay on, that she will show us the different wards and then we’ll talk about other things too. At the end she pulled me aside saying that planning a homebirth after having had a cesarean is bit risky, but she understands my choice. Obviously the most serious complication can be uterine rupture that can even be fatal if not diagnosed and dealt with as soon as possible (but I knew it all!). She mentioned to look out for pain in between contractions, that that is a warning sign. I went home thinking what a waste of my evening. Little did I know, these were probably the most valuable 2 hours of my birth preparations.

Fast forward, the big day arrived. I woke up on my due date at 5:30 AM with some mild cramps in my stomach. I wasn’t sure that this is it, but I couldn’t fall asleep again. I got up, went downstairs to get myself something to eat and to tidy up. One hour later I could tell these really are contractions, so I started to write down the times and the length of each of them. Compared to my first labour, these were some lazy contractions, 2 hours in and still 6-7 minutes apart.

I was determined not to say anything to my husband and sent him to work. But he spotted something wasn’t right with me and decided to stay at home, masha'Allah. Four hours in and my contractions were still just 5-6 minutes apart, but getting more painful. I sent my husband and my daughter out; I wanted to be alone, no disruptions.

By 12 noon, 6 hrs in, my contractions were still just every 5-6 minutes apart lasting about a minute and getting really painful. I was getting bit desperate, but I knew I had to hold on. My husband dropped our daughter at my friend’s and I called the midwife to come and check me out. I filled the bathtub with warm water and tried to relieve the pain a bit; it didn’t seem to help much, but I just had to keep myself busy.

The midwife was getting late; she came after 2 PM, at which point I sent my husband to open the door saying, “Tell them I need some gas!!!” (Meaning entonox, but I needed to keep it simple for my husband. J)

By this time I was in serious pain, screaming through contractions and I couldn’t do without some pain relief. Now over 8 hours in, contractions were still very far apart and my water didn’t break yet. (With my first, my water broke within half an hour of the first contraction and within 2 hours I was contracting every 2 minutes.)

The midwife who came, did loads of talking and I cannot really remember it all, because all I could think about was the entonox! In my mind I was thinking if I am at least 7-8 cm I could do this. I just needed some mental support; I needed to know it’s progressing. After some more talking the midwife examined me. I was open just 1 cm! I thought I would faint!

This cannot be happening! I was getting desperate. After 9 hours of contracting I am just 1 cm open, therefore officially not in established labour, therefore NO PAIN RELIEF YET! I couldn’t believe it! They helped me back in the bath saying they will return later as there is no point for them to hang around. If I won’t be able to cope with my pain I will have to go to the hospital. HOSPITAL??? NO WAY! I was in so much pain I couldn’t even imagine getting out of the bath, let alone getting into a car and going to the place of all evil!

Time was running and I was in more and more pain. The bath wasn’t helping; my husband wasn’t helping; nothing was helping and I was in agony. Then I heard a little whisper in my head of what the midwife said, “Watch out for pain in between contractions.”

I was in pain constantly and it was peaking during contractions. I was getting a bit worried and at 5 PM, after nearly 12 hours in labour, I gave up and asked my husband to take me to the hospital. I could tell he didn’t want to. He didn’t want me to give up because he knew how much it meant to me to give birth at home, but I just didn’t feel safe at home anymore.

After arriving at the hospital I had to wait for my husband about 15 minutes at the reception before he found parking. I was huffing and puffing and screaming; I could see the faces of other patients and relatives full of pity as they were passing around me. I must have looked pretty bad.

Finally my husband came and we headed for the maternity assessment unit (remember the tour of the hospital I didn’t want to attend?). I stormed into the waiting area demanded to be seen and all I wanted was some pain relief! The midwife on duty kept asking me some questions and after every answer I begged her for some pain relief.

After her initial shock of me having planned a homebirth VBAC, she examined me. I was just 1-2 cm open. I WANT SOME PAIN RELIEF NOW!!! She put me on a monitor and went somewhere. I was watching my baby’s heart rate and I could see it dropping quite significantly during a contraction. I thought I will wait one more contraction and I will call the midwife to come and have a look, but she came straight away calling another senior midwife to come and have a look.

They both looked very worried and called an obstetrician. Suddenly there were so many people around my bed and it all look very scary. Then my baby’s heartbeat was undetectable. They tried to turn me to one side, than to another side, no luck. Now I didn’t care about pain relief anymore; all I wanted was for the baby to get out safely, even if I had to have another c-section then and there in full consciousness!

The call was made, “Emergency section, RIGHT NOW!” The break on the wheely bed went off and the team pushed me, running into the theatre. I was prepped straight away and given general anaesthetic. I recall the sweet smelling gas as I was drifting away into unconsciousness.

When I woke up all I could think was, “I WANT SOME PAIN RELIEF!” I also wanted to know whether we had a boy or a girl. It was a boy; he was a healthy, 3.8 kg little man, right next to me, all well, alhamdulelah. Suddenly all was ok. Such a peace went through my heart and mind. It was all over and we were both fine. Most importantly he was fine.

He was born around 5:30 PM. I woke up from the anaesthetics around 8 PM, but it took another 12 hours for me to really sober up. In the morning the midwife who gave me the tour around the wards and the advice came to see me. I was happy to see a familiar face. Later in the morning the doctor came to see me. I was “the one” in 300 odds of uterine rupture; my uterus had ruptured alongside the old c-section scar and further down towards my cervix.

By the time I was opened up there was blood everywhere and hole big enough for my son to be pulled right out, no need for incision. My bladder ruptured as well and I had to have a catheter in for the next 10 days. They told us if we had arrived 30 minutes later we wouldn’t have survived, subhanAllah. By the guidance of Allah I put my pride and my fear aside and I went to the hospital in time. To Allah I thank that I am still here and my son is fit and well.

I requested to go home as soon as possible, so I had to see a whole bunch of doctors who tried to persuade me to stay in. They even offered me a top-notch private room for free just to keep me in, but no luck. I wanted to go home, to be with my daughter, to be left alone in peace to enjoy our little addition to our family. We were discharged (self-discharge against medical advice) just 24 hours after my son was born.

Today, 12 weeks after the dramatic birth, I went to see a doctor at the hospital to be checked up and to see what my options are in the future. Official medical advice – don’t have any more children. Doctor’s friendly advice - to wait at least 2 years before even trying to get pregnant and elective c-section before the due date is a must.

My thoughts – I am notorious in doing things against medical advice and I am not sure I can wait a whole 2 years, but I am afraid I will go with the elective section. As much as I would love to give birth as nature intended it and I so wish to give birth to my baby, I cannot put my life at risk again. I am grateful to Allah for giving me this opportunity to enjoy my life and to see my children growing up; I cannot take this great favour lightly.

Although things didn’t go my way, I am happy I gave it a try. I would never forgive myself if I was to give up at the beginning or even went for an elective c-section without trying to give birth naturally. I don’t want to scare anyone by my story. If you want to go for a home birth, go for it. If you want to go for a home birth VBAC, go for it. If you want to give birth at the hospital or in the middle of a forest, just go for it! Having a baby is a magical thing. Some women don’t have a chance to go through it and most of us will go through it just a couple of times in our lives. Don’t let anyone steal this magical moment from you!

Thinking about my next birth, an elective c-section, I have another plan in place. If Allah will bless me with another child, I will tell you all about it in couple of years time inshaAllah J

Knowledge Heals Birth

2012-10-19T11:20:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

It has been quite a while since I’ve posted a new birth story. This post is actually three birth stories from one special mama. She is an AMANI Birth trainee and her experiences really speak to the importance of childbirth education. She will be a fabulous childbirth educator and doula and will work hard with her mamas to keep them informed and aware of what is happening during the most amazing times of their lives, insha’Allah.

Her personal experience with grief and trauma will server her to be able to relate and assist to the few mothers who have such experiences themselves. It’s no doubt that her journey will serve the Ummah well, insha’Allah.

It’s really an honor and a privilege to welcome her to the AMANI family and to share her stories with the Saudi Birth Story readers. I truly love her for the sake of Allah. Now on to the story...Knowledge Heals Birth...

First Birth - Rayyan

My first birth was very tragic to say the least! It was October, 13th 2006. I was 20 weeks into the pregnancy. I was suffering from severe bleeding for about 2 weeks prior to the birth. I can remember it like it was yesterday. The bleeding was so overwhelming I had to go to the hospital and make sure the baby was okay.

I arrived at the hospital’s emergency entrance with my husband. He made sure that a nurse was attending to my needs and immediately excused himself to go and park the car. As soon as he exited the room the bleeding got out of hand and I was hysterically crying. The doctor on duty rushed in and told me to stay calm. I did not have the mental or linguistic capability of understanding what was going on at the time. The only thing I could think about mentally is that the baby was ‘gone’; and since I was in Saudi for only 4 months the language barrier added to my hysteria. I spoke only English and the medical staff continuously tried to communicate with me in Arabic.

In effort to calm me down the doctor got a Doppler to make me hear the baby’s heart beat. Hearing that heart beat at that moment meant everything! “He is still here. Alhamdulillah”, I thought to myself.

I was admitted to the hospital for observation. About an hour after admission I needed to use the restroom. My husband and a nurse were in the room to witness my attempt to use the restroom. I stood up and took one step forward and all of a sudden a heap of bloody water filled the floor beneath me. I was assisted back on to the bed.

Shortly after the ‘bloody show’ I was given 2 injections and told to stay calm. I was told the injections will make the pain go away. A nurse brought the Doppler over and made me hear the baby’s heart beat so I can calm down.

I knew nothing about contraction. All I could say to the nurse was that there is ‘pain that comes and goes’. She did not pay any attention to what I was telling her. She exited the room. At this point my husband was lying on a couch next to my bed. I decided that I had to time these ‘contractions’. They were about 5 minutes apart. A call for prayer went off and my husband got

up to make ablution.

As soon as he returned I felt the baby coming out. I hysterically told my husband to call someone, anyone. He walked in with a few nurses and the same doctor on duty that saw me in the emergency room. The doctor was at a loss for words! My son, Rayyan, was rushed out of the room! I was scared to lay my eyes on him at that point. Insha’Allah I will meet him one day in the hereafter!

No one spoke to me! Not a single person from the hospital staff even cared to look me in the eye and explain to me what happened. The doctor was communicating with my husband in Arabic about what they will do to me next. I saw him signing a bunch of papers. Then I was wheeled off to the operating room with a big white sheet over my entire body. I thought to myself “I must be dead!” People were talking all around me, but no one was talking to me!

I came out of the operating room to a room full of people. Once the anesthesia tapered off I started to realize what had happened. People were coming to pay their respects for my loss. I left the hospital the next morning with a prescription for birth control pills that I did not want to take and a death certificate for Rayyan. The certificate stated that he died inside my uterus; I highly disagree with this (Allah knows best)! Rayyan was buried the next day!

The day of the burial my breasts were so engorged. I unfortunately had to pay the hospital another visit to get a prescription drug to dry up the milk!

It was difficult to deal with the loss of my first born. Alhamdulillah I learned that this loss is considered a loss in our life on earth, but in the hereafter it will be a gain (Insha’Allah)!

Second Birth – Tasneem

My second birth was agonizing! I was almost 32 weeks along the pregnancy with high blood pressure. The morning of January, 2nd 2009 I rushed to the hospital because I felt unbearable pain in my chest. When I arrived at the emergency room the doctor on duty requested blood work and a urine sample; while a nurse at the hospital was adamant to send me home because she thought I was a Saudi national. The tests revealed that I had a high protein reading (500) and that my liver was ‘not doing well’.

Of course I did not understand the severity of the results because no one cared to explain. The doctor decided that I need an emergency c-section. I requested that I try to give birth vaginally, but was turned down. I had a cervical cerclage and being induced was not an option according to the doctor because of the high blood pressure. I agreed to the c-section but requested that I stay awake so that I can hear and see my baby right away. Thankfully the doctor agreed to my request.

Before the c-section I was put on a line of potassium to keep my blood pressure down. In the operating room I was told to assume a fetal position and stay very still in order to receive an epidural. Once in this position I overheated and found it very difficult to breath. As soon as I came up for air I could not help but vomit. The anesthesiologist notified me that he will put me to sleep. I gave birth to a baby girl, Tasneem (1.31kg), at 12:59 pm. Alhamdulillah!

Tasneem was sent to NICU, and I to the recovery room. I saw her, face-to-face, 2 days after delivery. Five days after delivery the doctor told me to start pumping. I pumped and I pumped but it was useless. Meanwhile Tasneem was hocked up to all kinds of gadgets to keep her alive. I went home the evening of this day without Tasneem!

For the next 6 weeks I pumped day and night. My husband delivered a couple of bottles in the morning before work and in the evening he came to pick me up so we can visit Tasneem and deliver the second batch of bottles. I was able to start breastfeeding Tasneem 2 weeks before she was released from the hospital.

Breastfeeding was so difficult. Tasneem couldn’t latch on. I eventually got nipple extensions so that I can mimic the nipple of a bottle. This was successful Alhamdulillah!

I was able to go home with Tasneem on February 14th 2009 because she finally reached the expected weight, 2kg, the doctors were looking for. When we were leaving the hospital we were given a few bottles of formula milk. I was not very keen on using them, but one day I decided to taste the milk before I attempted to give it to my daughter. I could not believe how horrible the formula milk smelled and tasted. That was when I decided that I will not give my daughter formula. I breastfed my daughter for 1 year and 8 months Alhamdulillah!

Third Birth – Jana

My third birth was blissful! I was a week into my 9th month of pregnancy. At around 6 a.m. April 12th 2012 I lost my mucus plug. Contractions were inconsistent in duration and were not strong at all. I contacted my doula to keep her up to date with what was going on and called my mother to tell her to come over just in case my contractions pick up and I need to go to the hospital.

I jumped in the shower to relax while mom was on her way. As soon as my mother arrived I went to sleep like a baby. I woke up a few hours later, had breakfast with my family, did my hair and fell back asleep. I woke up to the call for Asr prayer. My water broke as I was praying. I did not panic subhanAlla! I got cleaned up without telling anyone and tried to complete my prayer. Another burst of water came along and not minutes after that a few other busts of water followed.

Contractions were about 7 minutes apart but the pain was still bearable Alhamdulillah! At this point I told my mom and husband that it may be time to go to the hospital, but I wanted to have lunch so badly. Unfortunately, I did not have enough time to have lunch and everyone around me was in panic mode.

We arrived at the hospital at about 5 p.m. The doctor on duty was surprised to see that I was 6 cm. dilated and fully effaced at arrival. Upon admission to the hospital I began to hand out my birth plan to every hospital staff member that dealt with me. Of course there were a lot of weird stares, but I did not care.

Unfortunately I was not allowed to move out of my bed, not even to use the rest room. Unbelievably the nurse on duty offered to put a catheter in place so that I do not move from my bed. I refused the catheter and got my mother to assist me in using a bed pan.

I was strapped up to a baby monitor that unfortunately shifted many times during contractions because I was moving around in order to deal with the pain, this drove the nurse crazy. I was repeatedly told to stop moving and to stay on my back. Again I did not listen to the nurse. I gave her a chance to adjust the monitor while I was on my back but as soon as she was done I got onto my sides. This frustrated her, but I did not care.

At about 7 pm the pain was unbearable. I wanted to start pushing but my doctor was not there yet. I was checked again by the doctor on duty and was told that I was 8 cm. This is when my doctor was called in. Alhamdulillah my mother was by my side the entire time. She was rubbing my back. Her presence made a world of a difference in helping me relax.

About 20 minutes later my doctor walked in and I was fully dilated. I remember the doctor was frantically putting on her gown, as the nurses were rushing to prepare me for delivery.

Before I started pushing I told my mother to bring the bed up so that I am not laying flat on my back.

Jana came out on the second push at 7:30 p.m. Alhamdulillah! I got to see her, hold her, and hear her cry as soon as she was born. I was laughing and crying at the same time! My doctor was so supportive throughout the delivery; she even showed me the after birth!

Jana was quickly cleaned up in the room as I was getting my stitches. I had a natural tear that needed a few stitches; which I have to say the stitching process was surprisingly a lot more painful than the actual delivery! I breastfed her right after the doctor completed the stitches. A sign that read ‘strictly breastfeeding’ was put on Jana’s bed before they took her to get her prints. She was returned to me right away Alhamdulillah! We left the hospital together 2 days after delivery. Breastfeeding has been successful thus far. Alhamdulillah! I plan breastfeeding her for 2 years, God willing!!!

Homebirth After TWO Cesareans!

2011-11-28T21:15:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Baby Fatima
8 lbs. 5oz., born 9/11/11

Masha’Allah, I absolutely love this story. This is dedicated to all the mamas who have had a cesarean (or two) and dream of having a natural birth next time. May Allah bless you with naturally born, healthy children who are pleasing to HIM and their parents.

I really enjoy sharing birth stories and would love to share yours, insha’allah. Now on to the story...Homebirth After TWO Cesareans!...

I had planned a 'home birth' at my mums after having prayed Istikhara as to whether I should give birth in Saudi or England; so back to England I went at 36 weeks pregnant with my two daughters. But sadly, my husband had to stay to work. After having a c-section in both countries I thought:

“If I do end up with a 3rd caesarian, I would have a better experience in England, compared to my traumatic one in Saudi Arabia."

Contractions started at 7:50 am, not long after I had woken up. They were the strongest I'd had over the last few weeks, but I didn't want to move in case they stopped like all the previous ones. Eventually I had to go to the toilet and my kids were getting up too, so I went to the bathroom, made breakfast, and thought, “Maybe today is the day!" because they were still regular and consistent, even though I was doing my usual morning routine.

My contractions from the start were every 2-3 minutes, lasting about 1 minute, which is the same as my two previous labors. I decided to get my daughters ready, in case there was a need to transfer to the hospital (I had booked a home birth but I had been labelled 'high risk' due to my 2 previous c-sections). I called the hospital to cancel an appointment I had at 1pm for monitoring and a membrane sweep (I was 42weeks and 6 days pregnant and was being pressured to get the baby out!).

Even though I could speak through the contractions, I couldn't walk through them and had to use the toilet frequently. Throughout the morning my contractions would stop, or be less intense when I sat down. Once I had done everything that needed to be done, I stood at the computer (around 12 pm) and decided it was time to concentrate on laboring now lol.

After about 20 minutes I decided I would sit down to give myself a break as my contractions were increasing in strength. But they were still every 2-3 minutes and I didn't fancy standing for the whole of my labor. My aunty then came around to visit, not knowing at the time that she would end up being babysitter.

Soon after she arrived I had a contraction that seemed the same as the previous, but then the intensity seemed to triple...and then pop! My waters broke and flooded me at 12:45pm. I quickly told my mum, “My waters have broken, my waters have broken! Can you get me a towel?' As she had previously told me not to get her new carpets wet!

Upstairs I went with 2 towels folded into a make shift nappy and stayed on the toilet for the next 35 minutes. I was glad my waters had broke, alhamdulillah, because I wasnt sure when to call the midwife and was looking for a sign. The midwife arrived at 1:20 pm, did the usual checks, and said I was 3 centimeters dilated.

I didnt want her to stay, as I felt fine and wanted to continue on until I felt I needed her back. So she left at 2:30 and I ate some porridge, prayed Asr as soon as it came in, and then got into the bath. Since my waters had gone (well they continued to gush for about 2hrs) I had to breath through the contractions. I just wanted to keep blowing out during each contraction which were now lasting 1 1/2 minutes, with a minute break.

I asked my mum to call the midwife back as I new that things were happening quickly. My mum couldn't get through to the midwife and I decided to get out of the bath and go to my room.

In my room I knelt on the floor and leaned on my bed. The blowing through contractions no longer worked and changed to a tearless sobbing through each contraction as the pain worsened. I told my mum she has to keep trying the midwife or call the hospital.

I could tell my mum was starting to panic and I tried to reassure her by telling her, "I am not worried; it just really hurts.”

Alhamdulillah, I was completely aware of everything. Because I had researched so much (I was strongly considering having an unassisted birth before praying istikhara), I didn’t feel scared of what was happening. But at the same time, not having gotten to the pushing stage in my previous two labors, I preferred that the midwife be there for the birth.

The sobbing only lasted a few contractions before I started to scream into the matress! My contractions were now lasting 3 minutes, with a 1 minute break. My body was pushing but I didnt quite realize at first. Finally my midwives were on their way as I bit the edge of the matress and screamed into it.

Midwife D arrived at around 4:30 pm and wanted to see if she could feel the baby’s head. I didnt want to be touched but she said the baby’s head was there and to just go with what my body felt and if I wanted to push I can.

I asked for gas and air but knew it was too late anyway. I didnt feel the need to push, my body was just doing its own thing; I just let it. The second midwife arrived but just stayed in the doorway.

I thought Midwife D was trying to stretch me or something and I was shouting for her to get off me. I tried to whack her away but she said she wasnt touching me and that it was the baby’s head crowning! Sure enough, with the next contraction the baby’s head was out and she started spluttering and trying to cry.

I was told to pant, which I did, but there was no need as I was enjoying my 1 minute break before the next contraction. Midwife D told me the baby is turning its body, ready to come out, and reassuring me that she was not touching me.

With the next contraction I knew it was the last one and I thought I might as well give a bit of a push (I really had no urge to push, my body was just expelling the baby). At 4:45 pm, out she came, alhamdulillah, just giving me a small tear which I left to heal naturally. After giving myself a few seconds to recover, I took the baby from underneath me and my 4 year old daughter came in to see her new little sister.

I sat up on the edge of the bed with the cord still attached (which felt strange) and called my husband to let him know that we had another little girl. I planned to keep her attached until I had delivered the placenta but I needed someone else to hold her as I started contracting again. So the cord was cut and I passed her to my mum. It took a couple of contractions and the placenta was delivered. I naively thought the placenta slipped out without pain, but the contractions and pressure I felt were nearly as painful as pushing my baby out!

For anyone who has had a c-section (or two as in my case) it is possible to go on to deliver naturally and at home and I was one day short of being three weeks overdue! I would advise researching your options and rights and to not be pressured by doctors, friends, or even family.

All praise be to Allah, I am so happy and thankful that Allah answered all my duas. My labour was short; I was able to bare the pain, and I got my natural birth! I can honestly say that I hope Allah blesses me with more children so that I can do that again!

Birth Domination, Kuwaiti Style

2011-09-15T06:17:00.001+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

No matter how many birth stories I read, I am still shocked at the way laboring women are sometimes treated in the hospital. I can't say enough for the value of childbirth education and knowing what to expect during labor and birth.

Stories like this one touch my heart as I feel for this first-time mother. Birth should be the most empowering experience of a woman's life, yet often times is full of confusion and dominance.

I truly appreciate this mother sharing her first birth story with me. She has several other birth stories to tell, so watch coming posts for more, insha'Allah. Now on to the story...Birth Domination, Kuwaiti Style...

I tried for over a year to get pregnant before finally receiving the good news. We were very happy about our new arrival! After all, we had waited all that time trying and worrying.

I didn’t mind being pregnant. It wasn’t really that hard at the time. No real nausea, which was really good since my sister had such awful morning sickness.

Devastation

When I was 14 weeks I had a bit of bleeding. I went into my doctor the same day and they ordered an ultrasound. It was awful news. The baby had no heartbeat which meant that the baby was dead. I was scheduled for a DNC right away. I went home devastated and waited for my morning appointment to have a DNC. Early in the morning, before my appointment, I started cramping and bleeding more. I was having a miscarriage. I went in and completed the DNC. The pregnancy was over and all we had was the hope of trying again in 3 months.

Naseau

I was pregnant again after 3 months which was really wonderful. I was happy but very scared the same thing would happen again. I think this lead to my severe morning sickness.

At first it was just a bit of sickness in the morning. Then as the pregnancy continued, it lasted longer and longer, to the point that it never stopped. I got so sick that I couldn’t eat or drink anything. And even that didn’t stop my vomiting.

I vomited so much that I was hospitalized because of it. I was hospitalized 4 times while I was pregnant, that last time was the longest because I had vomited blood.

Once I had hit 4 months along, the morning sickness lightened up. I would take nausea medicine to prevent the vomiting cycle from starting. As long as I took my medicine and kept something in my stomach at all times, I was okay. The rest of my pregnancy was pretty much uneventful. I guess I had my fill during the first trimester.

Labor

So, I’m starting my 9^th month of my pregnancy and we decide to move from United States to Kuwait, hoping that my visa would be approved in time so I could deliver in Saudi Arabia.

Well, that didn’t happen. I was due on March 1^st. I went into labor the day before my due date. I had no clue what to do and had no one to ask. We were living with a family but the lady of the house only spoke Arabic and I only spoke English.

The contractions started. I waited as long as I could and then we went off to the hospital. We decided to go to a Kuwaiti government hospital because money was an issue for us at the time.

We went to the hospital, they checked me and then sent me home. I couldn’t believe it. I was only 3 cm! How could I go to 10 cm when it already hurt so bad?

So, we went back home. We waited several more hours and when the pains were so bad that I couldn’t bear it, we went back in. They checked me and I was only 5cm! But because my blood pressure was high, they decided to keep me.

Delivery

So now I’m on my own because the hospital didn’t allow my husband in with me. No one spoke English and I spoke no Arabic. I’m thinking, "What have I gotten myself into?!" They take all my health information and then take me to the delivery room.

It was one huge room with about 10 beds in it. All the women deliver together! I couldn’t believe it. I wanted a private room after all this was my first time and I had no clue what to do or what was going on. I guess I was lucky to have the midwife I did because she had the other patients moved out of the room so I could have the room to myself.

Now the fun begins! I wasn’t told anything that was done to me before or even after it was done. I really hated this about this hospital which I heard later is the norm there.

The doctors came in and checked me. They broke my water and then left. The contraction got worse but still wasn’t progressing. I was then given an IV and I think I was given something to speed up the labor. I just remember the awful pain and the midwife asking if I wanted something for it.

Of course I said yes, and before I knew it I was knocked out. Yes, I mean out cold! I woke up several times to vomit but that’s all I remember. Then I remember waking up and hearing someone screaming. I was still out of it but then realize that I’m the one screaming!

The contractions were awful and non-stop. There was no beginning or end to them, just one huge contraction all the time. Then the midwife tells me to shut up and push. I woke up and did just that. It was over after a few pushes but I really don’t remember how many. I was just glad it was over.

Postpartum

They wiped off the baby, wrap her up and put her in the cradle next to me. I was then cleaned up and taken to another room where a man (yes, a man!) sewed up my episiotomy. I didn’t even know I had been cut!

I remember how I could feel the needle going in and out while he was sewing me. I would say ouch and he told me to shut up (in Arabic). Then the nurse informed him that I was American and the whole attitude changed. I don’t know if he was more careful or if he used some kind of painkiller, but it didn’t hurt after that. I just felt sorry for all the other women that had to deal with him.

So, now I’m taken to my bed along with my baby. I was happy it was over but so weak from the whole experience. I had brought everything with me (my husband had it in the car) as I was told to do by someone else, but the hospital wouldn’t allow my husband in to see me until visiting hours which was about 3 hours later. Everything meant diapers, clothing, blankets for the baby, maternity pads, ect. It was so nice to see my husband and the bag of goodies he had with him.

When visiting hours finished I was taken to the bathroom so I could clean up. I so wanted to take a shower but a wave of dizziness hit me and I almost passed out. I hurried and finished washing as much as I could and went back to bed.

I shared a room with 5 other ladies. The room was small and no one spoke English. I learned quickly how to change and dress a newborn. I had no clue how to take care of a baby. I’d never really taken care of one before. A nurse was kind enough to show me how to breastfeed correctly so the baby can latch on.

Home

The next day I was released from the hospital and returned to our temporary home. Everyone was excited about the new baby. I can’t ever say enough about how wonderful the family we stayed with was, such nice people.

The mother (who spoke no English) would bring me food all day long. She made special dishes for me with certain spices that are said to help a new mom recover from delivery and get her strength back.

Even though my delivery experience wasn’t the best, I ended up meeting the most wonderful, generous people and had the sweetest baby!

Aisha Takes the Plunge! Midwifery College Enrollment

2011-07-19T10:47:00.002+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Narrated Abu Said: Some people from the Ansar asked Allah's Apostle (to give them something) and he gave to everyone of them, who asked him, until all that he had was finished. When everything was finished and he had spent all that was in his hand, he said to them, '"(Know) that if I have any wealth, I will not withhold it from you (to keep for somebody else); And (know) that he who refrains from begging others (or doing prohibited deeds), Allah will make him contented and not in need of others; and he who remains patient, Allah will bestow patience upon him, and he who is satisfied with what he has, Allah will make him self-sufficient. And there is no gift better and vast (you may be given) than patience." [Bukhari Volume 8, Book 76, Number 477]

Your Duas Will Help Me Obtain the Skills Needed

to Make a Difference in the Births of Women, insha'Allah.

“Whoever relieves his brother [or sister] of a hardship from the hardships of this world, Allah shall relieve him of a hardship from the hardships of the Day of Judgment. And whoever makes things easy for a person in difficulty, Allah will ease for him in this world and the Next. And whoever conceals (the faults of) a Muslim, Allah will conceal him in this world and the Next. Allah is forever aiding a slave so long as he is in the aid of his brother.” [Sahih Muslim, al-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and others]

What better way to relieve your sister of hardship than by helping to provide her with natural midwifery care during the labor and birth of her child?

It's with as much nervousness as excitement that I announce my application to Midwifery College of Utah! I've been considering my role and my vision and mission in the birthing community of Saudi Arabia for quite a while. I've come to the conclusion that I need to increase my professional skills if I really want to make a difference for women and children.

I've researched a myriad of midwifery schools and training programs. I've chosen MCU for their academic training via distance learning as well as the degree programs that they offer. It is my intention to earn a BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN MIDWIFERY.

There were many other programs that offered just general midwifery study without the bachelor degree.; however, because I do not already possess an underlying degree, I felt it prudent to pursue my studies at a bachelor level. This will also give me the credentials needed to pursue my work in Saudi, insha'Allah, since the level of study is beyond just vocational certificates.

The cost of the program is roughly $24,000 USD. Of course I haven't told my dear, supportive husband this number yet. It also does not include shipping books and supplies, compensating local institutions and preceptors for clinical practice and observations, traveling for workshops/clinical training/exams, etc. I'm sure by the time I factor in all these extras, that figure will at least double (especially if I have to do an internship overseas for clinical practice for the required out-of-hospital births that will not be available in Saudi).

I expect the program to take up the next four years of my life, insha'Allah. Of course, I still plan to continue my writing for Saudi Birth Story, Saudi Life Motherhood and Parenting columns, and freelance articles for Arab News; as well as home schooling my children, completing the AMANI Birth project and training Childbirth Educators and Doulas, working with Al Bidayah Center to open their breastfeeding center in Riyadh, and whatever other life commitments are on my plate. Please make dua for me!

May Allah make it easy; give me strength, commitment, and stamina; provide the rizq (funds) to follow through; and make my efforts a blessing to the births of our Ummah...

AMEEEN!

Read on if you'd like to read my goals for my training and interest in midwifery, as submitted on my application to MCU...

1. What are your goals as far as midwifery training? (300 word minimum)

My goals for midwifery training are to complete a course of study that will give me the skills and confidence needed to attend births. As a childbirth educator and doula, I already know a lot about birth and trust the natural process. However, I don't have a lot of knowledge around complications, how to manage them, or how to recognize the need for medical intervention. I also do not have the clinical or hands-on skills necessary to examine women during pregnancy or to intervene, if necessary, during labor, birth, and the postpartum period.

Because I live in Saudi Arabia, it is my goal to complete my academic study through an online medium. However, it is important for me to do so with an institution that can not only fulfill my educational goals, but one that can also issue a recognizable degree in midwifery.

Although I value the NARM designation and it is my goal to complete their requirements, they are not recognized by the Saudi government. However, as an American citizen, I must consider that I may someday return to the United States, albeit highly unlikely. Regardless, I appreciate the NARM outline for minimum levels of experience as well administration of standardized skills testing. Therefore it is my desire to study with an institution that is recognized by NARM and teaches to their requirements.

It is also my goal to complete as much of my clinical training as possible with a local preceptor. Although I realize that I will have to do my out of hospital birth requirements through an out of country internship program, as home birth midwifery is illegal in Saudi Arabia.

It is my desire to work with the college professionals to assess my situation and map the path of study that will ensure my successful completion of the NARM requirements as well as earning a Bachelor Degree in Midwifery.

2. Within what time period do you expect to complete your training?

2 to 4 years

3. Why are you interested in midwifery? (300 word minimum)

I am passionate about natural birth and the mother's and baby's rights to a gentle, safe start in life. I was fortunate to have found the Bradley Method® of Natural Childbirth during my first pregnancy, sixteen years ago. Due in part to my Bradley training, I personally have experienced birth without medical intervention, eight times.

Due to my personal birth experiences, I feel it my duty to share my knowledge with other women. Each woman deserves to be empowered with loving support to trust their bodies to birth naturally, in most cases. For this reason, I am a certified Bradley Method® Childbirth Educator and Doula. Although I have enjoyed teaching and attending births for the past year, it just isn’t enough.

This is especially true in Saudi Arabia, where the birthing culture is even more medical than in the States. I find that teaching about natural birth falls short when women are faced with no home birth or birth center options and hospital birth attendants are extremely dominant. I need to take my skills to the next level if I really want to make a difference for women and babies.

Additionally, I would like to earn a recognizable degree so that my skills are accepted within Saudi Arabia. With that designation I would like to become a midwifery educator and preceptor to help other women become midwives here as well. It is my ultimate desire to open the first midwifery led birth centers in the region. These centers will encourage natural birthing options and support student midwives in clinical training. In this way, I hope to make an impact on the birthing culture.

Currently, I have a public voice for natural birth in Saudi through my online blog, Saudi Birth Story (www.saudibirthstory.blogspot.com) and a weekly Motherhood column on Saudi Life (www.saudilife.net/motherhood). Both venues draw great interest and are raising awareness in the region.

However talk is cheap. I realize where my knowledge falls short as I receive a lot of inquires about complications and doctor suggested interventions. I owe it to the women who read my work to pursue the skills necessary to back up what I write.

4. What will be your major obstacles in completing your goals? (300 word minimum)

1. Time: I have eight children, three of which are under the age of five. I am also a childbirth educator, doula, and breastfeeding counselor. Additionally, I am an active writer and editor.

2. Logistics: Living in Saudi means that I will have to do all of my academic study via distance learning and I will not have the advantage of a peer study group. I will have to travel great distances for clinical workshops, internships, and testing.

3. Money: In addition to course fees and books, I have to consider the cost of shipping materials from overseas as well as the expenses for my travel for clinical workshops, internships, and testing.

4. Lack of Degree: I do not hold a college degree or any underlying medical study or experience. Although I do have some college credits. This will mean that I am starting almost at ground zero in my studies.

5. Age: I am over forty, so it has been quite a while since I have been enrolled in school. I am also fortunate to not need a career for income or security. This means that I will not be motivated by necessity to complete the program.

6. Religion: I am Muslim, which means that I should have a male relative accompany me for any travel away from home.

7. Internet Instability: The internet service here can be unstable at times, making it difficult to commit to specific times of online study or submission of assignments.

8. Obsolete Laptop: Not only is my laptop old, it is on it's last leg with very little working memory.

9. Telephone: Since I am overseas, I will have to make international calls for completion of my application, as well as for any followup communication with the college.

10. Difficult to Secure Transcripts: It may be difficult for me to request transcripts from overseas. Additionally, it's been several years since I attended college and under different names, so it may be difficult for the institutions to locate my records.

5. How do you plan on overcoming these challenges? (300 word minimum)

1. I will have to manage my time on a schedule. This must include study, teaching, writing, and family time. Fortunately, I have older children that are helpful around the house. My mother also lives with us and is a great help with the younger children.

2. Fortunately, your institution offers distance learning and online teacher support as needed. As for travel, I will have to plan for it ahead of time to ensure that I can meet the requirements of my training.

3. I have personal income from rental property in California that should cover most of the expenses. If it falls short, my husband is very supportive and I'm confident he will pick up the slack. [of course I didn't realize how much it's going to be when I wrote this...it's about four times what I expected, not including the cost of travel, etc.]

4. It's unfortunate that I never completed a degree. However, I believe I have enough credits to apply towards the Bachelors program. I'm hoping my credits are accepted.

5. Age is an advantage as much as it is a disadvantage. I am mature, dependable, and committed. I understand the amount of work involved in this endeavor and do not enter it lightly.

6. Fortunately, my husband is supportive and will make every effort to accompany me on any out of country trips. However, even if he is unable, I have an older son who can travel with me, as he studies via internet and is not tied to any physical school schedule or location.

7. Although the internet stability is an issue, I believe it is dependable enough to complete my course of study within a reasonable boundary of the planned schedule.

8. I have been wanted to buy a new lap top for a while. This course may be the motivation I need to go out and do it!

9. I have a California phone number through Yahoo's voice services online. Assuming internet cooperation, I can make my application call using the internet phone. If the school needs to reach me, it is a domestic call for them and voice mail is delivered to my email in box.

10. I have already looked up my colleges and am working on requesting transcripts. Hopefully they will be able to dig up my records.

With Allah's help and blessing,

anything is possible!

Comparing Birth Experiences: USA/KSA/MSR

2011-07-19T09:38:00.001+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Amani Sitting in front of a symbol of Saudi in Belgium

I am honored to have been asked to participate in the Mummy in Provence blog series on birth stories from around the world. I love her project to focus in the differences of birth around the globe.

I hope you enjoy reading this interview about my experiences with birthing. It is from the perspective of comparison between birthing in the United States, Egypt, and Saudi. I also hope you will visit the original blog post and browse the many different birthing cultures represented in the series.

Let me know if you'd like to share your birth story on Saudi Birth Story. It's always an honor and a pleasure to share my readers' birth stories. Now on to the interview..Comparing Birth Experiences: USA/KSA/MSR...

This week we go to Egypt and Saudi Arabia as part of the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making. Aisha, who is originally from the USA, talks about the difference of having babies in the USA, Egypt and Saudia, her role as a natural birth lecturer (amongst other things) and the importance of being informed. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children and where did you have them?

I’m originally from the United States, but I’m married to a Saudi and live in Saudi Arabia.

I have a myriad of roles:

• Founder of AMANI Birth (Assisting Mothers for Active, Natural, Instinctive Birth)
• Childbirth Educator and Lecturer
• Labor/Birth Doula
• WHO/UNICEF Certified Breastfeeding Counselor
• Columnist and Editor for Saudi Life Motherhood and Parenting pages (www.saudilife.net)
• Saudi Birth Story Blogger (www.saudibirthstory.blogspot.com)
• Freelance Journalist for Arab News
• Home Schooling Mother

It’s not as busy as it seems. I’m blessed to do most of that from home and with my children around me all the time!

My first five children were born in California: Khalid 15, Sarah 13, Amina 12, Salman 10, and Rayan 8. My sixth was born in Egypt, Haider, 4. My last two were born in Saudi: Faris 2 and Amani 9 months.

Why did you have your children abroad?

It just happens to be where we lived at the time of their births. Since my husband is Saudi, we eventually migrated across the globe to his homeland.

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

First and foremost would be the birthing culture’s understanding of Islamic practice. I find it uplifting and refreshing when medical staff make dua (prayer) or say, “Bismallah (for Allah),” before any exam or procedure.

Also, respect for modesty in the Muslim countries during labor and birth; which was lacking in the first five births in the States. Not to mention, not being treated strangely for making dua (prayer) in Arabic during labor and birth.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

With the first one (sixth birth), I was very nervous about the quality of care. More than that, I was concerned about the high level of medical interventions routinely performed in the Egyptian birthing culture.

I found a doctor who respected my birthing experience and who basically allowed me to dictate what I did or did not want done. As a natural birth mama, this really was a blessing, especially since Egyptian protocols are not normally so “hands-off” for birth.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

Absolutely! First of all, there is simply no such thing as “informed consent” here. Once you admit into the hospital for birth, it’s as if you’ve handed your body over like you would your car to a mechanic. Questioning the doctor, or asking to be informed about what is going on and why, is often met with annoyed resistance. Patients and their families are met with an attitude that portrays that the doctor is “all-knowing” and whatever is happening is “beyond anyone else’s level of understanding.”

Sadly, it’s common to hear about women who have been “put under” for no reason and without warning just as their baby is about to be born. This and other unnecessary procedures and protocols are carried out without a word or explanation before, during, or after the event.

This is extremely disturbing and frightening for those of us from the West. We realize our birthing culture there is too medicalized. However, in the States we expect some level of respect and information and overall control over decisions made with regards to our care, unless a true life or death emergency arises.

As for parenting, most locals in Saudi and Egypt have no concept of home schooling. That’s just the tip of the iceberg though. I could probably write a whole post (or more) just on the cultural differences in parenting.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

Knowledge is power. Get educated, be prepared to advocate for yourself and your baby as well as to make your case (and educate your care provider along the way) for what you want/don’t want done during your birth.

More importantly, don’t assume that the type of care or respect for your decisions is at the same level as your home country. Constant and detailed communication with your care providers is imperative. Also, shop around and ask other expats for their recommendations and don’t just go with the provider your insurance covers. When it comes to birth, it’s better to pay more for the experience you desire, then to regret it later.

Repeat Cesareans

2011-07-17T00:40:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

As I read a sister’s blog I came across a sweet post listing the top ten reasons she loves her husband. It was number ten that struck me most:

10. He gets sad when he thinks about children whose mothers work, are not breastfed, do not co-sleep, are left to cry it out, and who go to kafir schools.

Masha’Allah, he sounds like a really caring man. I began to wonder about her birth experiences. Of course I expected to find gushing stories about the compassion of her husband during her labors. But what I read was fitting for a different topic.

Instead of finding a story about the husband’s role in her birth, I found one of pregnancy complications and repeat Cesareans.

I am always honored to share birth stories from around the globe. Please let me know if you’d like to share yours. Now on to the story…Repeat Cesareans…

The History of My First Three Cesareans

All four of my children have been born via Cesarean. My first two were without incident, alhamdulelah. The first was in America, at full term, due to gestational diabetes and high blood pressure. The second was an emergency surgery in Bahrain, a few weeks early, due to high blood pressure and severe abdominal pains. It turns out the pains were caused by gallstones. I ended up having surgery for that, just two months after the C-section!

My third cesarean was also an emergency surgery. But this time I was in Saudi and the surgery turned out to be very complicated. When they opened me up, they could not get to the baby. It turns out that my abdominal wall, uterus, and bladder were all stuck together due to adhesion (scar tissue) from the two previous Cesareans.

The Memory of the Trauma

The fourth was to be a planned C-section. When I arrived at the hospital to be admitted, the morning before the operation, I was nervous. But I was trying really hard to put my trust and reliance in Allah. Even so, the memory of my really bad previous Cesarean was looming in my memory.

For the first three deliveries, I was given a local anesthesia (spinal). However, the doctors for the third delivery were opposed to this. I had to get special permission as it is hospital policy to use a general anesthesia for Cesareans.

As lay waiting for my fourth section, I replayed the last in my head. There had been so much commotion in the room. I was awake, however, no one informed me of what was going on. I remember watching the monitors…and the staff’s reaction.

My body was shivering as I told them how cold I was. Looking back, it must have been from blood loss; at some point I had to have a blood transfusion. After they took the baby out, not much was happening. I remember thinking it was strange; usually, after the baby is out, they close me up and I’m sent to recovery within about fifteen minutes.

A while later, the head of obstetrics came in. I was later informed by a nurse that my doctor was not supposed to perform the operation without him present. But it seems he was in another operation. My doctor had just decided to do it with out him.

Once he came in, I heard whispering and then I heard him say, “Put her to sleep!” and the gas mask came down. I was out for the next four hours.

The Scheduled Cesarean

Needless to say, he was not pleased when he saw me in the hospital a few weeks before my fourth Cesarean. (It’s typical of me to spend a great part of my last trimester in and out the hospital regulating my blood pressure.)

“Didn’t I advise you not to get pregnant again?” he scolded.

I was like, “No, you did not, and I specifically asked you if I could have more children!”

I remember him looking at me like, “Why the heck would you want more?!?” But regardless, his answer had still been, “Yes.” Of course, he had not advised me to not have more. But in reality, I figured it wasn’t the best option.

So after the scheduled delivery, the head obstetrician my personal obstetrician came to visit me. “It took over four hours to do a twenty minute procedure,” they lectured. “This delivery was the worst and most extremely complicated we have done,” they went on. “Not only were yours and your baby’s lives at risk, but we were not sure, once we opened you up and found the mess, how they we could avoid causing damage to your organs!”

It seems, this time my bowels were stuck together with the bladder, uterus, and abdominal wall! They went on to tell me how difficult it was to get to my baby and even more difficult to get to my tubes; because, “The doctor determined that a tubal ligation was in order!”

Bed Rest

I was told to not to do ANYTHING once I was released to go home. Even though my incision wound may appear to heal normally, they said that my insides were raw from all the scraping away of the scar tissues.

I don’t ‘do nothing’ well; especially when I have so many people depending on me! However, my husband does ‘nothing’ very well, astagfirullah!

After this birth I was drained, exhausted, and in a state of confusion that I don’t recall ever being in before. To top it off, I had a bad reaction to some meds in the hospital. I was also sick with a sore throat and dry cough for two weeks after the surgery. As you can imagine, it was extremely painful to cough!

I was given a number of drugs, including a cough suppressant and antihistamine and just didn’t feel quite right in the mind or body during my recovery.

The Traumatic Recovery

Things started going from bad to worse. I suffered from intense bladder trauma. I went to the ER had a blood and urine investigation done. Nothing was conclusive, but I think the doctor was not well qualified, astagfirullah. Some protein showed up in my urine so he gave me a referral to the urologist. He said it could be my kidneys, but I doubt that. I believe it was the bladder or urinary tract.

I went from using the bathroom every hour, to every thirty minutes, to every fifteen minutes. I no longer had pain upon urinating, but I had extreme bladder spasms and what seems like crazy nerve damage for the first minute after using it.

I don’t know how I stayed sane! I had to go through this every fifteen minutes. To top it off, I could only sleep in fifteen minute intervals (in between frequent nursing and diaper changes)!
I felt like my insides must have looked like a failed attempt at putting Humpty Dumpty together! I would say the pain was unbearable, but Allah never gives us more than we can bear – alhamduillah!

Allah says:

“We shall surely test you with fear and hunger, and loss of property and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to those who have fortitude. Who when struck by misfortune, say: ‘We belong to Allah, and surely to Him we shall return.’ “ [Al-Qur'an 2:155-156]

As if that is not enough, I had resumed the five daily prayers (Muslim women are excused for up to forty days postpartum from the daily prayers due to postnatal bleeding). I feel awful to say this, but I felt cheated of my forty days! I thought that I would not be able to handle returning to prayers, but I was up most of the time anyway – I might as well pray! I know… still sounds bad, astagfirullah!

Allah also says previous to these two ayat:

“O Believers, seek help in patience and in the ritual prayer. Allah is with those that are patient.” [Al-Qur'an 2:154]

The Baby

Masha’allah! I don’t think I could have had a better baby, especially under these circumstances. He was a sweetie pie. I had two nicknames for him (Red Man and Sharwama). He was my smallest baby at 2.7kg (about 6lbs) at birth.

I remember praying for my growing family in those difficult days after his birth, “May he, his parents, siblings, and offspring be able to enter Jannah though any gate we please…aameen.”

My Family Back Home

This last pregnancy was lonely for me because I did not have the support of my family. I did not tell my siblings, mother, father, Aunts, Uncles or cousins. I did not want my mother to find out because she worries a lot.

When I was pregnant with my third child I called my mother a lot. She was like, “Are you pregnant?” She would say it in that irritated, “I-can’t-believe-my-teenage-daughter-is-pregnant” kind of way (even though I was a grown, married woman).

After I delivered him, she begged me not to get pregnant again. So this last time I avoided calling her for fear she would detect it in my voice (you know how mamas are!). I also did not tell any of my other family members back home.

I called my sister the night of the delivery. I was all drugged-out sounding and told her to tell ma. She was like, “I can’t believe you are thirty-something and hiding your pregnancies!”

All I could do was cry on the phone; I was so out of it. But I was glad my sister was there for me in my drugged-out state.

My Duas

With this experience came a lot of duas, alhamdulelah.

“Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja’lta sahlan wa anta taj’alu al-hazna idha shi’ta sahlan.”

“O Allah, there is no ease except by that which you have made easy; and you are able to make to change difficulty into ease if you wish.” [Sahih ibn Hibban]

“Qaddar Allahu masha’a fa’ala.”

“Allah has decreed and He does what He wills.” [Sahih Muslim]

“Hasbi Allahu wa ne’mal wakil.”

“Allah is sufficient for me and is the best trustee of affairs.” [Recorded by Abu Dawud and authenticated by Shaykh al-Albani]

“Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un.”

“We belong to Allah, and surely to Him we shall return.” [Al-Qur'an 2:156]

The Sister

Intisar, Umm Adam, is an American Muslim who has been residing in KSA for nine years, with her husband and four children. She enjoys sharing knowledge, inspiring success and motivating entrepreneurs.

Umm Adam is considered as the “innovator” of niche, home-based and mobile businesses, in Saudi Arabia which focuses on providing customers with a variety of treatments/services.

She also helps small business owners and those looking to create a business to build niche businesses that fit their desired life goals through her niche business coaching.

For more information on Intisar, Umm Adam, visit: www.ummadam.com

Natural Pregnancy Spacing

2011-07-02T06:12:00.002+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

A sister recently asked me about my own experiences with natural spacing of pregnancies. I thought this might make a good post for others as well. As a mother of eight, it is probably easy to guess that I don't employ the use of pharmaceutical birth controls. But that wasn't always the case.

Insha'Allah, I will have a guest writer (either here or on Saudi Life Motherhood) in the coming weeks who will discuss contraceptives in more depth. I always enjoy sharing the work of guest writers. Please let me know if you are interested in contributing. Now on to my post...Natural Pregnancy Spacing...

It is important to note that this post is a recount of my personal experiences. It is not meant to be advice for anyone else. Each women must weigh the risks and benefits in her own situation, consider her medical condition and life situation, and most importantly consult with her partner as well as her medical team before making contraceptive decisions.

There are so many forms of birth control available today. Before my first pregnancy, I used several different contraceptive methods (birth control). Condom use was the least convenient; but also tampered the least with my health and reproductive system. I don't know the pharmaceutical names of the various pills I've taken, but I've had my fair share of different ones. I even used Depo-Provera injections; which I took for about two years.

At that time of my life, I was not "ready" for children, although I was married. I enjoyed the convenience of the Depo injections as it involved only a fifteen-minute trip to my gynecologist once every three months and was so much easier than remembering to take a pill every day.

I also liked the side effect of the Depo, as it suppresses menstruation. Not having to worry about my period seemed so carefree and convenient. However, looking back, it's really quite scary to realize that I voluntarily allowed an injection that interferes so greatly in my reproductive system that it completely stops menstruation.

Yikes! I really was so trusting of all things medical (and naive) in those days. In fact, it took about seven months for my period to return after ceasing the injections and about a year and a half to get pregnant.

At that time I was young and not Muslimah. I thought I had total control over the planning of my life. Of course, without knowledge of Allah, I had no trust in HIS plan or HIS promise of provision.

[Translation of Qur'an 6:151]

"...and do not kill your children for fear of poverty - [for] it is We who shall provide sustenance for you as well as for them..."

[Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Number 2045]

"Narrated Ma'qil ibn Yasar:

...(the Prophet) said: Marry women who are loving and very prolific [producing many offspring], for I shall outnumber the peoples by you."

I am among the fortunate: not only was I guided to find Islam, but I was also able to recover from my contraceptive use and have many children, alhamdulelah. For many others, the inability to get pregnant after contraceptive use is far longer, or even permanent in some cases, audthobillah.

The sister who prompted this post had asked me about using the lactational amenorrhoea method. This means relying on the delayed return of menses while nursing to prevent the next pregnancy. Let me say here and now, you can get pregnant while nursing. Even if your menses has not returned.

For those of you who have not had children, did not nurse, or simply did not experience lactational amenorrhoea (delayed return of menses while nursing), I will simply say that it is a nice perk to nursing. It truly is carefree and convenient to not have to worry about your period and know that it is NATURAL (as opposed to pharmaceutical) suppression, subhanAllah.

However, the obstetrician for my second birth said it best when he told me, "Use the lactational amenorrhoea method only so much as you are not devastated should you find yourself pregnant again."

For me nursing seems to delay my next pregnancy by 8 to 12 months, but not much beyond that. This is true even though I did not experience my menses while nursing seven of the eight children. Here is my history with this, to help you understand:

1. My menses returned 12 months after my first birth, at the same time baby self-weaned from my breast. I became pregnant during the month after this one menses.

2. My menses never returned after my second birth, as I became pregnant while nursing when the baby was about 10 months old. I continued nursing her until about 15 months, when she self-weaned. Interestingly, I did not realize I was pregnant with the third until she kicked (about four months pregnant) since I had no classic signs of pregnancy (no menses missed, and was still nursing so no sore breasts).

3. My menses never returned after my third birth, as I became pregnant while nursing when the baby was about 10 months old. I continued nursing her until about 16 months, when she self-weaned.

4. My menses never returned after my fourth birth, as I became pregnant while nursing when the baby was about 18 months old. I continued nursing him until about 23 months, when I weaned him.

5. My menses returned about 12 months after my fifth birth. I did not become pregnant as I was divorced from my husband very soon after his birth. I continued nursing him until about 26 months, when he self-weaned.

6. Strange to me, my menses returned right away after my sixth birth. I just attributed that to having a new husband, but the strange pattern did not recur with our subsequent children. I became pregnant while nursing when the baby was about 16 months old (I probably would have conceived sooner, except that my husband and I were residing in different countries at the time and I only saw him every few months). I continued nursing him throughout the entire pregnancy until about 25 months, when he self-weaned. He tandem nursed with his younger brother for about one month.

7. Menses never returned after my seventh birth, as I became pregnant while nursing when the baby was about 8 months old. I continued nursing him until about 15 months, when he self-weaned.

8. My menses has not returned since the birth of my eighth baby, 9 1/2 months ago. I am not pregnant, that I know of, but wouldn't be surprised if I turn up pregnant in the next few months or so. Allahu alim.

So in conclusion, it is entirely possible and probable to conceive while nursing, even if the menses has not returned. It is not a method to rely on, however, it does seem to allow for "adequate" spacing of pregnancies. At least in my case and in my opinion of "adequate," and Allah knows best.

Unassisted, Unplanned, Surprise Water Birth!

2011-06-30T12:13:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Photo Credit: Dr. Fernando Molina, Venezuela

What a blessing and and honor to share this story. Not only is it an unassisted, unplanned, home water birth, but it's a story of the love and intuition of a husband at birth. May Allah bless this family.

Note: The photo is not related to this particular story, it comes from a new friend, Dr. Fernando Molina in Venezuela. He is a male midwife who attends home water births with his wife as doula. I find their story inspiring and intriguing. I hope to find out more about them and share their story soon, insha'Allah. Now on to the post...Unassisted, Unplanned, Surprise Water Birth!...

Assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

InshaAllaah, I'd like to share my birth story, as I am so happy and thankful to have experienced exactly what I had always wanted: a water birth; even though I was high risk. Allah is the best of planners!

Ayah's Unassisted Home/Water Birth

Ayah was born at appx 4:10 am on 11/3/2010. She was born a day shy of 37 weeks but was considered IGUR (severely growth restricted) and was just shy of 4 pounds at birth.

A few weeks earlier I had started to have really high blood pressure and was being monitored very closely. My dreams of a natural birth were not going to happen according to all of the doctors that I had seen. But little do they realized that it is not up to them, Allah does what he wills. They never "labeled" me pre-eclamptic until after the birth as my numbers fluctuated a lot. Sometimes they would be really high and sometimes they would be normal. I had no other signs of pre-eclampsia such as weight gain or seeing things, dizzyness etc…

Back to the birth… I don't know times as I wasn't paying attention so everything is approximate. I'd say contractions started around 12 or so at night. I was in bed and just dealt with them for a while. They were mild at that time. I'd say sometime around 1-1:30am my son wanted to come into our bed (my husband was asleep as well) and I was too uncomfortable to deal with that so when he got in, I got out and started laboring in the living room.

Being that she was a month early, I was in denial that this was the actual thing so I was just "waiting it out" until it stopped. The same thing happened a week or so earlier so I "assumed" it was just false labor.

Contractions intensified, I was timing them and praying in between contractions. They were almost on the dot at 4 min apart lasting 30 seconds each. After an hour or so of that I felt I had to go to the bathroom....

Looking back all the signs of “real labor” were there but I was just not thinking that this would be it. When my bowels emptied, that's when I think the light came on that this might be it... so now the contractions were PAINFUL and in FULL FORCE. I dare-say more painful than my back labor with Abbaad that lasted 2 days. I decided to wake my husband and it was around 3am at this point.

I told him that I needed to go to the hospital because the pain was unbearable and she NEEDED to come out – NOW. He got up and started massaging my back and I kept saying, "I need to go to the hospital! It hurts so bad!"

Little did I know I was in transition!!! He suggested I move to the tub, like we did with Abbaad (alhamdulillah the water helped turn my son from posterior and brought the contractions from the back to the front, where they should be).

So he put the shower on and started filling it. I think I had 2 contractions in there when they seemed to go away or lighten. By this time he was on the phone with an ambulance. He noticed I had relaxed a bit and asked if contractions had stopped and I said I think so... then the pushing started.

I said, "This is it!... She's coming!"

Within 3 pushes she was out. I was on all fours and just caught her as she came out and put her to my chest and wrapped a towel around her alhamdulillah. He was still on the phone with the ambulance and told them the baby was here. She cried right away!

The rest is just boring hospital stay stuff. I spent 3 days in there, one day on magnesium due to really REALLY high blood pressures when I first got there. The magnesium was by far the worst part. Awful, awful stuff... and I’m so very thankful that I didn’t have to labor with that b/c had I delivered in the hospital they would have had me on both pitocin and magnesium (that's what I was told). They had no beds so they stuck me on a broken delivery bed to deliver the placenta and stitch me up as I had a second degree tear.

Turns out my placenta abrupted – I think that's the correct term and we are just so unbelievably thankful that everything turned out as it did and she is a perfectly healthy, tiny, little girl, Allaahu Akbar!

She's in the NICU right now (this was appx 8 months ago) and depending on how she does with her jaundice test (can't remember the name of it right now, billi ribbon something or other) and her eating she may be home in the next few days. (she ended up in the NICU for a week and was "kicked out" because babies who really needed to be there needed her space, she was perfectly fine alhamdulillah, just small so they let her come home)

So, I got my natural home/water birth, alhamdulelah, mashaAllaah!!! My husband and I made quite the team! Neither freaked out and it was as if we knew what to do, mashaAllaah. I would have preferred to have a midwife there in case something had gone wrong but there is nothing comparable to the feeling of delivering your own child… born right into your hands - alhamdulillah.

Ayah is now a few days shy of 8 months old and is doing great. She is still small, mashaAllaah, not like her big brother who was a chubby baby. She looks like a little doll mashaAllaah and is almost 17 pounds and according to her pediatrician is in about the 10th percentile (her brother was in the 90th).

Just Say No to Interventions!

2011-06-28T22:02:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

I always enjoy reading birth stories and am especially pleased when I know the family personally. This particular story comes from such a dear and sweet sister whom I am particularly fond of, masha'Allah.

While reading through her story, the thing that kept festering inside me was the medical staff's repeated push for interventions. I am proud of this mama and baba for sticking to Allah's design for birth as best they could and achieving an unmedicated, natural birth, masha'Allah!

I'd love to read your story too! Please contact me if you'd like to share. Now on to the story...Just Say No to Interventions!...

When my real contractions finally started they took me by surprise.

I just came from a hospital checkup the day before. I was nearly a full week past by “due date”, my baby still hadn’t dropped, and my once in a blue moon Braxton hicks weren’t getting any stronger. After an hour holding a metal button to my belly, the nurse’s monitor showed that I was in fact having contractions but they were so small and so far apart that I wasn’t able to feel them.

A quick check by a doctor I had never seen before revealed that my cervix was only just starting to soften and still remain closed. Fearing that my pregnancy could continue for another week at least, the doctor scheduled me for an induction two days later. My husband and I had no intention of keeping that appointment and instead continued to make dua’a that Allah allowed me to deliver naturally.

The first contraction woke me from my sleep the next morning. It was a sharp pain in my abdomen, much like a period pain. It came and went so quickly, I thought it was just another pregnancy cramp. I became accustomed to cramps in my third trimester whenever I was still for too long. I gently stretched it out and went back to bed. A couple hours later, another contraction came. But this time, I felt it in both my abdomen and my upper thigh.

At just before 11AM, the contractions began to hit my abdomen, pelvis, thigh, and back all at once. That’s when I started writing them down. I kept a log of every contraction, the time they hit, where it hit, and whether or not it hurt. In between contractions, I did the math to figure out how much time had elapsed between each one.

In the meantime, I went about my housework, played it cool in front of my mom who was visiting from California and casually warned my husband that even though my real contractions had begun, my notes showed they were still inconsistent and nothing to worry about.

As the day passed, my contractions grew more and more intense and began to stop me in my tracks. By 8PM they still hadn’t reached a consistent timing but were so strong that I could only manage them by hanging onto the side of the bed while squatting. At this point, my husband insisted that we head to the hospital.

Half the car ride to the hospital was spent managing my contractions while the other half was spent trying to fight financial and logistical worries in my head. I had a few insurance issues during pregnancy which left me without the luxury of a midwife or a familiar doctor to assist me during birth. I wasn’t even allowed to check in through the maternity ward at this particular hospital because if I did, the bill would be much more than we could afford.

Had I chosen a hospital closer to home, or at least one located in the same county we lived in, the story could have been different. But I was determined to birth at Monmouth Medical. They were ranked one of the top hospitals in the nation, had the lowest c-section rate in all of New Jersey, and were known for being birth plan friendly. It didn’t matter to me that it was located over an hour away from home or that unless I managed to convince them I was an emergency case they probably wouldn’t cover my bill. I was determined. So of course, I made my husband get determined too. And as he sped down the highway to try and shave minutes off our driving time, I worked through my contractions and planned a killer emotional sob story to get me through the emergency door.

About ten minutes out from the hospital, I got a horrible urge to urinate. On top of that, all the speeding and swerving on the highway was making me carsick. We stopped at a grocery store so I could use the restroom and my husband could load up on snacks for the hospital. In the restroom, there was a lot of bright, red blood. I started to worry that I was somehow losing the baby. Did I wait too long? Should I have taken the induction? Fear overwhelmed me and I quickly waddled my way back to the car and we rushed to the hospital.

Alhamdulilah, when we reached the hospital, I started having another bad contraction so the nurse quickly admitted me though emergency and rushed me upstairs before I even tried to recant the fictional sob story I had planned. A new doctor I had never seen before confirmed that the blood was from my cervix opening (HUGE relief, alhamdulilah) but that I still wasn’t anywhere near being dilated enough for them to admit me into delivery.

They wanted to send me home but I told them I didn’t live in the county and insisted that I may end up delivering in the car just trying to get back home. Alhamdulilah, they took pity on me and gave me one hour to walk around the hospital in the hopes that it would speed things along. If after that hour I wasn’t progressing, they were for sure going to dismiss me.

SubhanAllah, I never had such a hard time walking as I did in that one hour. My contractions were so strong that I couldn’t walk without supporting myself against a wall or hand rail. My husband had to constantly walk next to me to help keep me standing. Every contraction was more painful than the one before. My husband, may Allah bless him, trying to keep me in good spirits by cracking jokes, wasn’t helping either. Every time I laughed (he did manage to make me laugh mashaAllah) the pain came stronger and faster.

Close to the end of the hour, my whole body started to get chills and shake with each contraction. I began to vomit then too. For nearly ten minutes straight, every contraction brought with it uncontrollable shakes and a new pile of throw up on the hospital floor. We made our way back to the bed and the doctor, rather disappointed, said I had only progressed 1 centimeter! My heart sank but then another contraction came and I was back to shaking and throwing up again. Alhamdulilah, when the doctor saw I was in no condition to go anywhere, he had the nurses admit me.

At this point, I handed copies of my birth plan to the doctor and nurses tending to me. I made sure to include things like, “staying hydrated with fluids by mouth instead of IVs”, “intermittent, external fetal monitoring instead of constant internal monitoring”, and of course “natural, vaginal birth”. Alhamdulilah, they graciously accepted the plan but it wasn’t long before they came to debate with me about my choice not to receive pain medication. First, it was a nurse who rather sweetly tried to talk me into an epidural. Then, it was a different nurse who just “stopped by” to suggest that I change my mind. Finally, it was the doctor who sat in front of me as I labored and questioned my reasons and logic for refusing the epidural. I told him I didn’t want the medication to affect mine or my baby’s senses. I told him God made our bodies with everything we needed to birth naturally and that so long as baby and I were healthy, I intended to do things the natural way. After that they let me be.

MashaAllah, after working through about 12 hours of intense contractions (with my husband’s coaching and massage help) I was finally 10 centimeters dilated. But my water still hadn’t broken. I was exhausted and more than ready to get things moving along. I called the doctor to break my water and began to push. Alhamdulilah, between me, the nurses, and my husband, we had pushing down to a science. The nurse would tell me when to push, I would push, take a drink of ice cold water from my husband, push again, and then relax. Push, drink, push, relax. Push, drink, push, relax for almost a full hour before baby finally came out.

I remember when the baby crowned, the doctor asked me if I wanted a mirror so I could see and reach down to touch his little head. I flashed back to being totally grossed out by crowning images on YouTube and websites when I was pregnant, and responded with a firm, “NOPE!” The last push that got my baby out was a relief. I could feel the doctor pulling his wiggly body from me and my whole body relaxed. I kept asking, “Is he okay, is he okay?” MashaAllah, he was born healthy, weighing 7 pounds, 12 ounces and measured 19.75 inches long.

Against my birth plan (we can’t always have our way, right?) they immediately put him on a table and started checking him over head to toe, so I didn’t get to hold or breastfeed him right away. After they determined he was healthy and breathing properly, they gave him to my husband to hold while the doctor had me deliver the placenta. SubhanAllah, I’ll never forget that look of awe on my husband’s face. His eyes even started to tear. <3

After the placenta was out, I got to hold my baby briefly before they took him away again. This time it was to the nursery for his newborn check while the doctor stayed to stitch me up from a minor tear I incurred during the delivery. Unfortunately, it was more than an hour before I got to breastfeed him.

Alhamdulilah, as per my birth plan and my husband’s watchful eye, the nurses refrained from giving my son any breast milk substitutes so he was more than ready to eat when I finally got to room with him. Even though I had read a little about breastfeeding before giving birth, getting a good latch was difficult for me. It wasn’t until well into my second day at the hospital that I was able to get baby to latch on properly and breastfeed without feeling any pain. And that was with the help of a staff lactation consultant. Alhamdulilah, we live and we learn.

MashaAllah, the rooming in helped a lot. It allowed more one-on-one time for both my husband and I to get to know our new baby and allowed me to respond to my baby’s needs right away instead of him being left alone with strangers. It also gave me great opportunity to track my baby’s feeds, wet and soiled diapers. Alhamdulilah, I kept records of everything so I was more on top of how my baby was doing than the doctors and nurses were. I actually remember one time the nurse didn’t even bother to ask me how the baby was. Instead, she just asked for my journal so she could copy what I wrote down onto her paperwork. Haha.

Alhamdulilah, with lots of dua’a and a little determination, I had a blessed birth experience. Looking back, I’m actually very grateful to Allah, subhana wa ta ala, for putting resolve in the hearts of my husband and I to stick to what we felt was right and best for our family, despite the challenges we faced. Alhamdulilah.

The Shock and Lessons of Losing a Child

2011-06-26T10:48:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Photo Credit: Ben Earwicker www.garrisonphoto.org/sxc

My last post, Seek Allah in Pregnancy Loss touched many readers who have experienced the loss of their unborn child May Allah grant them ease and provide peace and may their children who have gone before them meet them at the gates of Jannah.

I am honored to share this story from one such mother who also shared some excellent reminders on my Saudi Life Motherhood column this week, The Blessings of a Lost Child.

It's a blessing to remember the mercy of Allah and the divinity of HIS plan. May we all be as strong in our remembrance during times of emotional and physical pain and loss...Ammen.

Please contact me if you'd like to share your story...may you find peace and blessings in the words below...The Shock and Lessons of Losing a Child...

It was the morning of the 6^th of May 2008. I had my English Literature Exam that morning at University and was a bit nervous yet happy at the same time because it was the last exam I had before I was finished with that semester and waiting on the Arrival of my baby. I was only 34-35 weeks pregnant so I was supposed to have been finished with school and had just enough time to relax and enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy and continue to prepare myself for labour and delivery.

On this particular morning, things seemed to be going normal, got up, prayed, had the usual morning talk with my husband before he goes to work. But then, literally about 5 minutes after my husband walked out the door I got an excruciating pain in my abdomen! I literally curled up in pain on the side of the bed until it had passed, because I honestly thought it was just really really bad gas pain – just worse than I was accustomed to.

When the pain subsided I thought nothing of it and simply went to use to washroom. This time, when I wiped, I saw Blood! I checked again to make sure where it came from. When I was sure, I called my mother (we live in the same house) and told her. She was very excited as we both thought the baby was on its way – Just arriving early that was all. I was so nervous and afraid because I wasn’t prepared. I called my husband and within one hour’s time we were at the hospital, which was about 9 am.

In the examination room, the midwives hooked me up to the baby heart monitor machine. I didn’t know what was going on, except it was just taking a really long time to find the baby’s heart beat. I wasn’t too concerned at that moment because I thought possibly my baby was in distress and we would possibly need to do a c-section and get the baby out “safe and sound”. It wasn’t until I saw that the midwife called my mother and father into the room area that I realized ‘ok, maybe something isn’t right’ but even at THAT moment I didn’t think the worst!

My husband was by my side all the while as he called his parents to let them know what was going on. We recited Qur’an for our baby, and for ourselves to help us to find some comfort and in hopes that our baby would respond and make some movement. It seemed they had an idea before I did that something was definitely not right, and my in-laws made their way to the hospital in no time.

We waited on the ultrasound technician for what seemed like forever to arrive to see what was going on with my baby. After about an hour and a half of arrival to the hospital, the ultrasound tech finally arrived and started the procedure. I remember being very nervous as the lights in the room was dimmed, my husband was at my side holding my hand and my family just outside the door waiting for some word. I remember not hearing any sound coming from the ultrasound machine – usually I would hear my baby’s heartbeat – but this time, silence. The technician was also solemn as she did not know how to give us the news. I turned to her and with great hoping and yearning in my voice, I asked “is the baby alive??” Even in that moment I didn’t think my baby was gone. I asked yet again “is my baby alive??” and then finally she replied “No, Rochelle, the baby isn’t alive”.

“WHAT??” was the only word I remember coming out of my lips as I stared up at the ceiling, my entire body in a state of shock. That moment was the worst moment of my life, and I felt as though I had no emotions. I remember hearing my mother calling out to us for some word of confirmation that everything was fine, and as the technician made her way out the door and she informed my family of our baby’s death, I heard my mother screaming and crying hysterically. I also heard my sister-in-law crying.

My immediate concern was for my mother so I got myself up off the bed and went outside to her. I held her face and tried to calm her down and told her “This is the Will of Allah, This is Will of Allah”. I realized after that my husband was crying as we hugged each other, yet I felt as though I had to force myself to cry! Why wasn’t I crying? Why? Why Did I have to force the tears ? I realized now that because I was in shock, the emotions remained locked away in order for me to deal with what was going on around me and to remember Allah in those moments.

When the doctor arrived and told me I had to go through labour to have my baby I went into more shock because I thought I would have had a c-section done right away. However I ended up being in “labour” for the rest of the day, with family and friends coming to visit me, and my dear Husband comforting me and reminding me of the Words of Allah “Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilaihi Raaji’oon”. Over and over he made me repeat it, especially during the sporadic moments when I broke down and cried. I cried not so much for my baby, because I thanked Allah for having given my husband and I the blessing of having a daughter in Jannah, but I cried for my husband, as I watched him and remembered how much he loved our baby even before she was born.

Coming to the end of the day around 5pm, my doctor said that I was not progressing very quickly, so we decided that we would go ahead and do a c-section because I was emotionally tired and I felt that giving birth to a stillborn would have affected me psychologically.

It was just about 10 minutes before my surgery that my family and I found out that we had a daughter. We had decided to wait to find out the sex of the baby.

While I was still in surgery my husband and family members were able to see our daughter, hold her and spend some time with her. I was also given the opportunity to hold my baby after my c-section.

The next day, while still at the hospital, my husband and I were able to spend some time once again with our baby alone, just the three of us, before she was taken for the Janaazah. I was unable to attend the janaazah but all of my family and even some of my very dear friends prayed the funeral prayer for my baby girl.

The days, weeks and months after was a long road to recovery, both emotionally and physically. I experienced postpartum depression, but Alhamdulillah was surrounded by my husband and my parents and sister with whom I spoke to about my feelings every day. Allah was however my greatest source of help through that trying time in my life, because without Him I would not have been cured of my postartum depression and I would not have been able to come to terms with such a loss. Allah is the One to whom I turned in my most difficult moments and He answered my dua every single time I called out to Him for help.

I thank Allah always for the trial that we were faced with because I would not be the person I am today had I not gone through it. I have realized through it that Allah is the only source of Help there is when in time of difficulty and that without Him, we would surely be losers both in this world and the next.

Alhamdulillah, Allah blessed my husband and I with another beautiful baby a year and a half after our first.

I hope that by sharing my experience through this article, it would in some way help other sisters who may have gone through the same thing and in some way help them to realize that nothing is in our hands – Everything is in the hands of Allah and without Him there is no peace and comfort.

Seek Allah in Pregnancy Loss

2011-06-16T19:22:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Photo Credit: Ben Earwicker www.garrisonphoto.org/sxc

In recent months I have featured stories of pregnancy loss. This topic is emotional for everyone involved. Such stories even go beyond the families and affect anyone who reads or hears of them.

I have found the sharing of these stories to be a blessing. That is they bring us back to the reality that Allah (SWT) is all powerful and in command of all things. As we rush around in our busy, we lives we become forgetful and guilty of being caught up in the things of this life, dunya. The loss of a life not yet lived is a solid reminder of the uncertainty of our tomorrows on Earth.

I find it an honor to share stories of birth, whether the start of life or story of loss. I pray you find peace from this post and invite you to share your own stories here. Now on to the article...Seek Allah in Pregnancy Loss...

As much as we mourn for the loss of such precious little ones, we should also rejoice in knowing that Jennah is promised for them and our children will await us at its gates, insha’Allah.

I have personally been blessed with being on the other end of the line (be it mobile or internet chat) with three close friends as their miscarriage experiences began. I felt it an honor and a responsibility to morally and spiritually support these dear sisters as they were reaching out to me for guidance during such a heart wrenching time.

In each case the communication began with the expectant mother suspecting something was wrong or that she was losing her baby. Each one came to me for guidance and a glimmer of hope that maybe what they were experiencing was normal and I would tell them that everything was fine. But with each one, I knew the reality of what was happening and could only make dua for a miracle along with peace for the mother for what I was fairly sure she was about to go through.

Amazingly, in each situation, I found blessing in the experience, alhamdulelah. The mothers all remained strong and were able to be thankful to Allah for the time they were blessed to carry the little life within them, masha’Allah.

Today I dedicate my blog post and my duas to all sisters who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or child. May Allah give you peace and strength to seek HIM during your time of grief and may your beautiful babe meet you at the gates of Jennah.

It is important for families who experience such loss to watch for depression, especially in the mother who experiences physical and hormonal changes in addition to the emotions of loss.

To read some beautiful stories on this topic review Absolute Faith and Absolute Faith a Father's Perspective.

No Place for Naivety in Birth

2011-06-09T13:44:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Baby Charlie

Too often we take for granted that our doctor or birth attendant will take care of everything. We sometimes go into labor blindly and find that being "taken care of" may not be what we had wanted.

The story here is an excellent example of the importance of quality childbirth education, coupled with mother's own involvement in her preparations, labor, and birth. Thanks so much to this mama for sharing her story!

I'm always looking for new birth stories to post. Please consider sharing yours. Now on to the story... No Place for Naivety in Birth...

The Birthday of My Dear Charlie Bear - by Danielle Sweetman

My beloved son Charlie was born on the 7th of December 2008 and it’s a day in my life that I’d rather forget. I want to forget my naivety, I want to forget my spinelessness, I want to forget the lack of support and understanding from the hospital staff, I want to forget the way that I greeted my baby as I first saw his face.

I suppose my birth story begins with my sister-in-law’s, back in 1999. I was 19 and still a teenager, still vague about life and swanning through it fairly thoughtlessly. My little nephew was the first bub to be born in the family since me, and everyone was excited. In fact, we were so excited that we were very much part of the birth! My sister-in-law started experiencing contractions at 1am Friday morning. She and my brother came to our place soon after. I remember witnessing how she coped with the pain, walking frequently, rocking on all fours, taking showers. I was with her in the car as she went to hospital on Saturday afternoon. That evening she had the help of midwives on the unit. Their encouragement and support was reassuring. Her doctor was positive that she would be able to birth vaginally. We helped how we could. The next morning, with my brother, my sister, my mother and myself as witnesses, my darling nephew was born.

So when I found out 10 years later that I was pregnant, I felt pretty assured as to what the process would be like. But I hated pregnancy – I couldn’t even walk into the kitchen for retching and vomiting. I was also caught up in a project that was extremely stressful and caused a lot of anxiety and crying through the whole of my pregnancy. I was obsessed by this project and the thought of birthing didn’t register a lot with me.

I decided to go with the one gynae I met with, who seemed nice and said that I would pretty much have a natural birth. During the coming months I met about three midwives who all told me, “just let whatever happens happen. Don’t even worry about a birth plan”. I hardly knew anyone who had had babies in Malaysia! I knew a number of mothers who had had positive caesareans. I thought if it came to my having a caesarean, I would be fine too.

The ante-natal class at the hospital was really pretty pathetic – very disorganised. A lot of talk about diet during pregnancy and confinement, how to look after baby and what vaccines would be given; there was a short talk by an obgyn who was too busy to stay for the whole of his scheduled session. They showed a video on epidurals. There was a breathing seminar which was quite good. The breastfeeding seminar was cancelled as they had had to wait for the obgyn to arrive for his talk. Overall, it was very skimpy. But it didn’t really matter to me because when it came to the crunch time, I thought I would have the support of the midwives on the floor anyway.

Up to my due date, my obgyn seemed pretty positive that I’d be able to birth naturally. That was nice. I also thought he’d be actively advising me on the labour and birth as well, and I’d welcome his presence.

On the 7th of December, my husband left early to attend to a work meeting, even though it was a Sunday. A friend asked me to have coffee at about 2pm. During that morning I was not feeling well, with regular aches that were not as bad as period pains, but seemed fairly regular. When my husband returned home at 11am he suggested I call the hospital, who then suggested that I come in just to be checked out. I cancelled the coffee, though in hindsight I wished I kept the appointment!

Upon arrival on the maternal floor, we found it fairly deserted. There was a woman at the registration desk and another person I think. I was taken to a room, and laid down on the bed while they strapped the monitor to me. The midwife disappeared. I waited and waited with my husband but it felt a bit eerie. And rather lonely too. I wondered if they were going to check me then send me home.

She came back in and looked at the chart, and said, ‘yep you’re in labour’. She gave me an vaginal examination and said I was 4cm dilated. She left to call the doctor in.

We waited and waited. A nurse came in and gave me an enema. I felt so embarrassed. Then doctor came in and examined me. He was still positive, although he said baby was high. My husband heard the doctor then say vaguely, “I’ll just break your waters now”, and then he did. That was one thing I really didn’t want but I didn’t have a birth plan, so this wasn’t communicated to him beforehand. I was shocked that he didn’t ask my permission. I couldn’t stop him. I also couldn’t stop the pain, I felt like I was being hit by a truck over and over. Lying down on the bed, strapped to a monitor made it worse, I felt like I was in a prison of my own pain. My brain went haywire.

The doctor spent about 10 minutes with us in total. Very soon a nice little nurse with a worried look on her face offered an epidural. I said yes! Not too long after, the anaesthetist arrived and I was terrified that the epidural was going to be inserted while I was having a contraction. It felt horrible as it went in. Although the pain soon vanished I felt like I was in even more of a prison, paralysed flat on a bed with my legs feeling like rubber chickens. I didn’t feel happy, even if the pain had gone. My husband left to get lunch and I was alone in the room trying to watch TV but feeling very lonely. I started to feel cold and began shaking slightly.

At about 7pm the doctor returned and said that I was fully dilated but the baby hadn’t descended and I was going to need a caesarean. I felt like I had failed. I hadn’t done anything to help my baby descend naturally. My husband was bewildered and sad. The nurse shaved me for surgery which I felt even more humiliated by. I had a new nurse this time, a lady who could not stop talking as she wheeled me to the operating theatre. I tried to be polite and return her conversation about her social life and nightclubs, and a horrific landslide that had happened nearby, but it all felt rather weird. As I was being prepped in the theatre, she suddenly stopped talking and stared at my face. She said “did you get orthodontics on your teeth? They are so straight”. I answered yes, and then she started to get the other staff in the room to come and look at my teeth. I mean, my teeth are pretty straight but they’re not Miss Universe teeth you know!

I was shaking pretty badly by that stage. They put a heat lamp over me and another blanket but that didn’t help. There was music playing in the room, music from a Top 40 radio channel, not very relaxing. My jaw started shivering and all of a sudden that was all I could think about. The pain, the pain, the pain in my jaw. My husband came in dressed for the operation, and it was all I could do to whisper “my jaw hurts”. That was all I kept saying.

The doctor came in and the process of surgery began. It was all about my jaw still. All of a sudden I felt a tugging, and baby was out. He cried. I turned my head and saw my husband in happy tears. But no emotion registered with me.

The nurse literally plopped my baby onto my face – literally on my face! – and said “here is your baby!”. All I could say, was “my jaw hurts”.

Baby left and my husband remained by my side, silently supportive. All of a sudden, doctor said to him, “would you like to have a look?”. My husband was surprised but thought, “maybe I’ll see the cut stitched up”. The doctor was holding something in his hand. “This is the uterus” he said, pointing at it, “and these are the ovaries”, which he flicked with a finger. “They all look good”. “That’s nice”, my husband said, then leaned over and whispered in my ear in a shocked voice, “I think I just saw your uterus!”

“My jaw hurts!” I whispered.

He left, and I started going even crazier. I felt so weak too. I kept whispering “my jaw hurts”. One man heard me – the anaesthetist? But I don’t think he did anything. After a while, I managed to tell him again. I’m quite sure that my recollection is correct here, that he heaved a sigh, pressed a button or turned a switch, and I blacked out.

I woke up being wheeled to my room. Hubby was there, very upset that baby hadn’t arrived yet. He had followed baby to the nursery and was told he couldn’t go in. He was asked to leave and go upstairs to my room, that they would send baby in an hour, but baby didn’t arrive when he was meant to. Hubby kept calling nursery to see what was going on. Finally we saw baby wheeled in.

Hubby picked him up first and held him – a beautiful moment. Then I held him. I was shell-shocked still but thankfully my intellect stayed intact, I knew I’d have to work extra hard to make sure I bonded with him. Baby was beautiful, though my heart still felt cold. I knew straight away to try and breastfeed him. Thankfully I had taken an excellent breastfeeding course beforehand so knew what to expect every step of the way, and what commitment was needed. If not for this course I think I may given up breastfeeding soon after.

I kept baby as close to me as often as possible. But with the pain and discomfort of the wound, it was hard to hold him. When he was in his bassinet and cried, I couldn’t pick him up while lying on the bed. When hubby was too exhausted to wake and pick up baby to give to me, I had to call the nurse. But once the button was too far away to reach. I was still in prison!

I tried to raise my bed so that I could lie a hand on my baby while he was in the bassinet, but a nurse told me off. “That’s too high!” she said.

Some hours after the birth, during one of the next rounds of breastfeeding, a nurse came in to see if we were ok. We said to her that we thought we were doing fine with breastfeeding, but weren’t very sure, and what does she think? Her reply to us was, “if you’re not sure, why not supplement with formula?”. We were shocked. That’s not what we asked for! It was some support and guidance. Or at the very least an honest assertion that she didn’t know, but would get someone in to help me.

Later on, another nurse came in to see how we were going with breastfeeding. She proceeded to try to pull my nipple toward baby. Shocked again. I knew from the class I took that it was easier to bring baby to breast. Also it was so intrustive and aggressive.

At about 11am the lactation consultant came in. Again we said we thought we were doing fine but not sure…? Then she vanished. It was weird. This was the person who when we went for our scheduled hour-long breastfeeding conversation with her (to replace the seminar that was cancelled), only gave us 20 mins of her time as she was instructing another couple in Chinese. During our scheduled appointment. We also noticed many posters of damaged breasts on her walls which weren’t encouraging.

That pretty much ends my birth story. But it was actually the start of a new beginning for me. Eight months later, after I had a miscarriage, I felt like I needed to know more about birthing naturally. I attended a coffee chat with The Gentle Birthing Group, which was a relatively new local support group for mothers seeking better births. As I got more involved, I realised that this was my future. I wanted to support other women in their pregnancies, I wanted to give positive breastfeeding advice. I am now, in a way, grateful for the way I birthed my beautiful son. Even if the birth wasn’t beautiful, I feel like it has changed me for the better and I hope to be able to effect some change in the way that humankind now supports women and welcomes new life into the world.

Getting Involved in Breastfeeding Awareness

2011-05-24T14:07:00.001+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

I've been participating in a lot of pregnancy and birth education activities over the past few weeks, alhamdulelah. The topics have been varied but they all have touched on breastfeeding.

Even though they are unrelated classes, each one is building upon the last to broaden my understanding of the culture of breastfeeding, as well as giving me important information to help mothers who suffer difficulty feeding. Allah is the best of planners and it is becoming clear to me that this is an issue I need to get more involved with, subhan'Allah.

Please get in touch with me if you are interested in finding out more about how you could get involved in breastfeeding or natural birth education and awareness. Now on to the post...Getting Involved in Breastfeeding Awareness...

My own breastfeeding experience with my eight children was fairly straightforward, alhamdulelah. I successfully nursed each one without much difficulty or need for help. However, I realize that some women do struggle.

The other day, my husband made a comment to me that made me realize the importance of having the father's support when deciding to feed our babies. Because of this I wrote an article on Saudi Life about the Husband's Role in Breastfeeding.

Next I attended a doula meeting in Dubai. The topics varied from pregnancy to postpartum support for expectant mothers. I was extremely familiar with all of the material presented, until we hit breastfeeding. I was taking notes and was inspired with a lot of great ideas for my childbirth education classes that touch on infant feeding.

During our drive home from that meeting I began reading A Fading Art: Understanding Breast-Feeding in the Middle East by Dr. Modia Batterjee of the Jeddah Al Bidayah Center, a breastfeeding support center. I absolutely love the first chapter as it depicts the culture of breastfeeding in Saudi Arabia in an easy-to-read story format. It is also available at Jarir Bookstore here in Saudi.

But the best thing is a breastfeeding counselor training that I am currently attending. Up until now, I've never specifically been trained on the subject of infant feeding and how to assess, recognize, and correct problems often experienced by new mothers.

Once the class finishes we will have seven new counselors in Riyadh, insha'Allah. We will be working closely together to educate and reach women in our area with the important information we are learning. The class is being conducted in Riyadh by Anne Batterjee, an international leader in many breastfeeding organizations.

Amazingly, yesterday I heard from my dear friend and fellow blogger, Roa Altaweli. Considering there are never coincidences in Allah's plans, I find it no surprise, yet still incredible, that she recently wrote about her research into Breastfeeding in Saudi Arabia, masha'Allah. The article is very well documented and gives tons of resources into the importance of breastfeeding and the hospital's role in helping mother's establish nursing very early on.

Please check out Roataw's Blog. She is currently studying midwifery in the UK and will be bringing her skills to work in Jeddah when she's done, insha'Allah. I'm anticipating her return and I know she will be a great contributor to the natural birth and breastfeeding culture in Saudi!

There is a lot of work to be done in Saudi, the Middle East, and globally in terms of natural birth and infant feeding. Please contact me if you'd like to find a way to get involved.

Loving the Natural Birth Experience!

2011-05-09T16:06:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

I love this mother's passion for natural, non-medicated birth, masha'Allah! I pray that all sisters can experience the joys and fulfillment of birth that she has.

You may first want to read her journey to natural birth titled No More Epidurals!.

I hope you enjoy the story and will consider contributing your own! Thanks, again, to this sister for sharing! Now on to the story...Loving the Natural Birth Experience!...

There I was, pregnant with baby number four, thinking this baby will enter the world sooner than his brother and sisters did. After all, my muscles have done this before. I didn't realize just how right I was! This is how the birth of my fourth and latest baby actually turned out to be.

I was 37 weeks into the pregnancy and getting excited for baby to come, not just because it is a new baby, but because of the pains of being pregnant. I knew he was a big baby, even though my doctor told me I measured average size. She estimated he would be about 7 lbs at his due date, alhamdulillaah. Regardless of my doctor's prediction, I knew he was bigger than that. (My second baby was a big baby and I recognized the tightness of my belly when space is limited in there.)

The pressure I was feeling at that time was so painful that I started hoping he would come soon. The days continued passing by and I started feeling very painful Braxton Hicks (false labor). This was something I had never experienced before, so I thought they were true labor pains...until they ebbed away each time.

I informed my doctor of these and she told me my body is becoming prepared for baby to come and hopefully it is a sign that the birth would be quick. I was surprised by these contraction and had no idea what they are capable of! I would definitely find this out when it was time for the real thing.

Forty weeks came and went, as did many more episodes of false labor. There I was, calling the hospital when I thought it was truly labor, only to be disappointed hours later. Alhamdulillaah, the nurses advised us to wait a few hours before coming in, which gives the body enough time to process everything.

The funny thing is, these Braxton Hicks felt like when I was dilating the last time I gave birth (that same feeling of a vice opening my cervix). I was sure I was dilating. What convinced me even more was a sister I knew who was pregnant at the same time, similar due date, and she would tell me she was dilated whenever she went to visit her doctor. I didnt know that was even possible, since I never had that experience and I never heard of it! Subhaan'Allaah! You may think it strange, I have three children yet I don't know about true and false labor? Well, they were so painful that I couldn't walk at times, they would wake me up from my sleep and i was not looking for any water being broken because they didn't happen except for my first childbirth. I just had to bite down and endure the pain. I didn't want to have to be induced as this was policy for those going past 42 weeks. I was amazed at how well baby was being held in my tummy being the 4th baby and having his sibling all come in my 39th week! Allaahu Akbar, isn't Allaah just amazing how He created the capability of a woman's body?!

Two days after baby's due date i started having the braxton hicks again. So shrugging them off, i went to nap at around 5pm with the contractions. They were irregular like all those before and far apart. I didn't get very good sleep and awoke at 6:30pm to take care of the kids. The pains didn't go away, in fact they only got stronger and by 7pm my labour was in full swing. I was calculating in my head, "Ok. First baby- 15 hours labour, 2nd baby- 12 hours, 3rd baby- 9 hours....soooo 4th baby- 6 hours?" These contractions were intense! MashaaAllaah. I couldn't walk properly and i remembered my last labour how i only felt like this when i was dilated 7cm. So i looked at my husband and said, "Hurry. We have to go to the hospital now. I am far along and baby can come anytime now." Alhamdulillaah i sent my kids to my upstairs neighbour until my friend who i had asked to keep them when i go into labour could come to collect them. I didn;' want to risk waiting for her because i felt the birth was too close and she wasn't coming very soon. Off we went to the hospital my husband and I.

The contractions were coming stronger each time...and faster! Each time he hit a bump or went into a hole it was agony (sounds familiar: Speed Bumps...a Sign of Labor!). I was holding onto the handle bar above my head and reciting the duaa for ease as well as I could. But my concentration was failing me and the pain was taking over; I was slurring and forgetting to finish the duaa, so I kept restarting. For each contraction my feet were digging into the floor, even though I was trying to relax and breathe. The labor was progressing extremely quickly, a little too quickly, and I remembered my friend who had her baby in 1 hour. The time in between the contractions were shorter than my last labor.

Finally we got to the hospital after what seemed like ages. It was 8 pm the nurse at the desk asked me the routine questions and saw my face. She could tell I was far along and I convinced her that I knew I was. Consequently, I got that room really fast!

I undressed quickly and lay down with my husband again sitting on my right side and holding my hand. I was then checked, but I wasn't prepared for what I was about to hear (although it didn't surprise me).

"She's already 8 cm dilated!" exclaimed the nurse as she looked at me strangely. "When did your labor start?" she asked.

"About an hour ago," I replied between contractions.

She seemed to relieve her confusion by remembering that this was my fourth child. Anyway, I was sleep deprived and in alot of pain as this labor progressed so quickly. I was in no way prepared for what was happening. The finish line was almost there and I soothed myself with the thought of my last labor, although this was nothing like it!

The nurse was even better than my last one, alhamdulelah. She was wonderful, sweet and spoke to me, helping me through each and every contraction, masha'Allah. She stayed close to me, holding my other hand and coaching me. She saw my distress. I never felt pain like this before and I needed to hear some encouragement as that's what got me through my last labor. Alhamdulelah, my nurse did it well!

She put her hand on my tummy when I felt the next contraction and said to me so soothingly, "Relax and breathe. It's going to peak soon and it will last for 10 seconds." Then she would let me know when I was peaking; count the seconds with me and let me know when it was over. Alhamdulillaah! So I kept this in mind for the rest of contractions to come, at least for those I could even think through.

The time soon came where I was all out of being able to recite anything so I begged my husband to recite for me. He started saying a different dua. This was no time for me to school him (even though he knew the dua I was saying because he helped me learn it). I just couldn't think straight. Oh the pain!

The contractions were coming hard and fast. There was hardly any time in between them, until the pain just never went away. It was like contractions within a contraction if that's even possible. No one ever told me about this! I was beginning to totally lose it. I asked the nurse to come hold my hand again (even though my husband was still holding my hand). I found comfort in her Alhamdulillaah.

But she couldn't stay beside me because she was really busy preparing the room for when the birth. BUT she did keep reassuring me that she was right there and she coached me through each contraction, mashaaAllaah. I was groaning louder and she didn't mind at all. In fact she told me I'm giving birth and I'm allowed to scream! I didn't scream, but I did make it known that I was in labor! It's kind of like when you're exercising, it helps to shout or let out grunts as you work harder and push yourself.

Maybe it's self motivation? Yes, that's it, self motivation! Soon the time came and I got the feeling to push. I quickly told her and rolled onto my back to start pushing. She told me I was only 9 cm and tried to get me to stop pushing. But the baby was coming!

She hurriedly called the doctor and the doctor barged in saying, "If she wants to push, let her! She knows when she's ready." I believe she said this because she read that this is my fourth baby. I guess she assumed I was experienced. I wanted to laugh at that thought, but I was too busy screaming.

The baby was crowning and the pain was unbearable! The burning sensation was crazy and I quickly thought, "So that's the ring of fire!" Huh, another first! MashaaAllaah.

Right after that thought I found myself literally kicking and screaming, only to be yelled at by the doctor. She said, "This is your fourth baby! You know you're not supposed to scream!"

Yes, I did know, but the PAIN!!! And BURNING! My screams were actually gibberish for, "GET IT OUT!"

So the doctor told me to pull my knees back and start pushing and I complied. I couldn't hold my knees though; my arms were weak. So I begged someone to help me. Alhamdulelah, my husband did along with the nurse on the other side. I had actually forgotten he was there! I forgot everything!

Then after another big push the head came! I continued pushing and they told me to stop. What? Stop? Now? You had to be joking! The burning hadn't stopped, I just wanted it out!

It turns out that his arm was stuck and she needed to ease it out. I felt everything and even though it was painful, it was an amazing experience, mashaaAllaah. Baby's arm was free and now was the time to push him into the world. I was so happy it was over! I lay back and closed my eyes, finally pain-free!

"Look at him!" my husband cried, just like he did not too long ago when Yahya was born. "He's beautiful!"

I looked; he was white and big and all wrinkly in the face, like a teddy bear, exactly like my second daughter. "How's that beautiful?" I thought to myself.

I looked at the time and saw it was 9 pm. I had a 2 hour labor! That's something I had silently wished for every time I heard a friend's stories of short and fast labors. But I never thought I'd experience it. "There goes my prediction about the length of this labor!" I thought.

I closed my eyes again, with thoughts of my loving, sweet husband who truly believes all babies are beautiful, masha'allah. I smiled at the many blessings in my life at that moment, alhamdulelah.

I love how my husband says, "Sure!" with both hesitation and excitement, each and every time he's been asked if he wanted to cut the cord. He is part Arab part Baluchi and I know how men of his culture normally leave women to their "women business," as he would say. But for each birth he was there to witness it and cut the cord; he knew how important this is to me and he did this for me. I know too that he also wanted to be there for his children. He loves ALL children so these experiences mean something to him. He never said it, but his eyes and his actions shout it!

Anyway, remember my 15 minute rest/composure time allowance after birth for myself? Yeah, that didn't change. I refused to hold the baby at first. So they weighed and wrapped him and gave him to my husband who recited the adhaan in his ear, alhamdulelah.

He weighed 9lbs 2oz! That confirmed how well I knew my baby and my body. If only Dr. Hew, my Obstetrician, could hear that now! He wasn't my biggest baby though; my second daughter was 2oz heavier than him.

By the time my husband was done admiring him, I was ready to start nursing him.

Want to hear another great piece of news i was waiting for?... I didn't have any tears! Allaahu akbar! No stitches from this big baby, Alhamdulillaah! How great were the bounties of my Lord?! Countless! My Lord never ceases to amaze me! There I was with so many things to be thankful for, but I couldn't begin or end listing them.

Alhamdulillaah, this time we ordered a private room because I wanted my "hospital day" (equivalent to most women's spa day). A day to relax and enjoy my baby with no other babies crying except mine and no uninteresting conversations between other women and their husbands to listen to. I wanted peace and quiet.

However, there were no private rooms available. But I got to stay in the delivery room, which was much bigger than a private room anyway. Yay! Blessing number...I lost count! Allaahu akbar!

My husband had to leave, per hospital policy. Baby was bathed a while later and dressed right next to me. Since baby was on the big side, the nurses had to keep checking his blood sugar every 3 hours as well as my bleeding. Alhamdulillaah, everything was great.

The next day, my friend came to the hospital to see me and my husband brought the children to see their new baby brother. My first son was shy; he didn't want to come near us. But he behaved wonderfully, Alhamdulillaah (and to this day he is loving and wonderful, mashaaAllaah).

We were able to leave the hospital after the 24 hours. My friend offered to keep the kids for the rest of the weekend so that my husband and I could rest. I was so grateful, especially she had to work on Monday! Another huge blessing, May Allaah bless her with Jannatul Firdous...Ameen!

My in-laws went back to their country as they had completed their purpose here and my husband and I had no relatives to help out. My friend cooked food for me to keep for one week. Allaah knows I needed those days! So did my husband, because the days to follow were the hardest we ever endured!

All in all, the birth was exhilarating. Even though I was disappointed in myself for not handling it calmly and collectively at the end, I am most happy that Allaah granted me my unsopken desires.

All though my children are all below the age of 5 right now, and i am tired of running behind them, I want to have those eleven children I've imagined for myself. I want to be pregnant over and over again just so that I can experience natural childbirth! It sounds crazy but I'm sure it trumps skydiving! I am a woman, hear me roar!

And even if We had sent down unto them angels, and the dead had spoken unto them, and We had gathered together all things before their very eyes, they would not have believed, unless Allah willed, but most of them behave ignorantly. Surah Al-An'aam:111.