http://www.paternitypodcast.com/ Tue, 25 Aug 2020 13:38:22 +0000 Tue, 25 Aug 2020 13:38:22 +0000 60 en All rights reserved feeds@soundcloud.com (SoundCloud Feeds) The podcast about three men diagnosed with chronic fatherhood. The podcast about three men diagnosed with chronic fatherhood. Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay no https://i1.sndcdn.com/avatars-000153337771-e80wya-original.png http://www.paternitypodcast.com/ dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcastThe podcast about three men diagnosed with chronic fatherhood.paternitypodcast@gmail.comMatt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/881756128 Tue, 25 Aug 2020 13:38:22 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-65-old-mister-buttwater 01:12:37 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Context alert!! This episode was originally recorded back in mid-June, during the height of the BLM protests. It's been held up in the works for various reasons, but we think it's pretty good and worth a listen. It involves diarrhea, so what's not to like! We want to hear from you!!! Send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Context alert!! This episode was originally recor… Context alert!! This episode was originally recorded back in mid-June, during the height of the BLM protests. It's been held up in the works for various reasons, but we think it's pretty good and worth a listen. It involves diarrhea, so what's not to like! We want to hear from you!!! Send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/840986113 Tue, 16 Jun 2020 04:50:24 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-64-part-2-artisanal-quarantine-caramel 00:52:36 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Episode 64 Part 2: Artesianal Quarantine Caramel The Dads continue to discuss their quarantine survival tactics, from moving woodpiles to Todd’s craft caramel and mask making. 80’s corporal punishment comes up - remember the paddle? Dave goes to the dump - perhaps to dig up some ET cartridges. Delicious Southern Restoration rat wrap recipes are shared, and tv gets so great that good isn’t worth watching anymore! Tune in now to the podcast where everyone generally knows some portion of your name! We want to hear from you!!! Send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Episode 64 Part 2: Artesianal Quarantine Caramel … Episode 64 Part 2: Artesianal Quarantine Caramel The Dads continue to discuss their quarantine survival tactics, from moving woodpiles to Todd’s craft caramel and mask making. 80’s corporal punishment comes up - remember the paddle? Dave goes to the dump - perhaps to dig up some ET cartridges. Delicious Southern Restoration rat wrap recipes are shared, and tv gets so great that good isn’t worth watching anymore! Tune in now to the podcast where everyone generally knows some portion of your name! We want to hear from you!!! Send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/828839236 Wed, 27 May 2020 03:03:00 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-64-part-1-people-or-no-people 01:05:47 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Episode 64 Part 1: People or No People All it took for us to bring back the podcast was having absolutely nothing else to do! Todd, Matt, AND Dave, AND special guest Joel all are all here, (You get Curly and Shemp!) and they’re trying to keep their broods occupied in the long quality time purgatory that is social distancing. Matt and Viva have a new game fit for the apocalypse, Joel antagonizes the other dads with good weather reports and bad death tolls, Dave tries not screw up in front of his wife when he’s ALWAYS in front of his wife, and Todd contemplates tuckering Ellie out by forcing her to dig an in-ground trampoline. You know, family stuff. We want to hear from you!!! Send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Episode 64 Part 1: People or No People All it to… Episode 64 Part 1: People or No People All it took for us to bring back the podcast was having absolutely nothing else to do! Todd, Matt, AND Dave, AND special guest Joel all are all here, (You get Curly and Shemp!) and they’re trying to keep their broods occupied in the long quality time purgatory that is social distancing. Matt and Viva have a new game fit for the apocalypse, Joel antagonizes the other dads with good weather reports and bad death tolls, Dave tries not screw up in front of his wife when he’s ALWAYS in front of his wife, and Todd contemplates tuckering Ellie out by forcing her to dig an in-ground trampoline. You know, family stuff. We want to hear from you!!! Send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/591909813 Mon, 18 Mar 2019 12:39:49 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-63-mover-scott 02:03:20 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no The Dads are back? The Dads are back! And they brought along a special friend - Scott Durbin from Imagination Movers! Todd and Matt talk about where they've been (Todd moving, Matt getting angry about airpods). They're older (Todd needs to hold onto furniture to stand up, and Matt looks like a tired Dr. Strange) but they're here. Todd has a teenage girl at home who is a sulking rage machine, and Matt has little kid who is very concerned about the health and welfare of former Beatles. And Mover Scott shares details on the making of "10-4", the Movers tenth album, his recent health scare, and the Movers concert March 30th in Chicago! Get the Movers new album on iTunes or wherever great music is sold, or through their web site, Where you can also get tickets to the concert tickets! Tickets also available at VittumTheatre.org. It's only a 300 seat house, with a nearly sold out performance at 1pm and a 4pm show going fast! E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. The Dads are back? The Dads are back! And they b… The Dads are back? The Dads are back! And they brought along a special friend - Scott Durbin from Imagination Movers! Todd and Matt talk about where they've been (Todd moving, Matt getting angry about airpods). They're older (Todd needs to hold onto furniture to stand up, and Matt looks like a tired Dr. Strange) but they're here. Todd has a teenage girl at home who is a sulking rage machine, and Matt has little kid who is very concerned about the health and welfare of former Beatles. And Mover Scott shares details on the making of "10-4", the Movers tenth album, his recent health scare, and the Movers concert March 30th in Chicago! Get the Movers new album on iTunes or wherever great music is sold, or through their web site, Where you can also get tickets to the concert tickets! Tickets also available at VittumTheatre.org. It's only a 300 seat house, with a nearly sold out performance at 1pm and a 4pm show going fast! E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/334924809 Wed, 26 Jul 2017 14:15:50 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-62-hack-my-thermostat 01:15:51 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Episode 62: Hack My Thermostat They Dads are back, farmer-tanned and ready for action. Todd is getting good at small talk in his old age, but is it a sign of cognitive decline? And Todd can’t convince his soulless wife to cry along with him to sappy Dad songs. Meanwhile, Matt debates bringing his daughter to a concert she’s gonna hate. The Dads ponder how much they want to tie their homes to “The Internet of Things” – especially their fancy Japanese toilets. And Matt emcees some cooking demonstrations that get upstaged by a dinosaur and his hammy kid. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. Episode 62: Hack My Thermostat They… Episode 62: Hack My Thermostat They Dads are back, farmer-tanned and ready for action. Todd is getting good at small talk in his old age, but is it a sign of cognitive decline? And Todd can’t convince his soulless wife to cry along with him to sappy Dad songs. Meanwhile, Matt debates bringing his daughter to a concert she’s gonna hate. The Dads ponder how much they want to tie their homes to “The Internet of Things” – especially their fancy Japanese toilets. And Matt emcees some cooking demonstrations that get upstaged by a dinosaur and his hammy kid. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/318493612 Wed, 19 Apr 2017 17:17:56 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-61-an-excessive-amount-of-magic 01:14:51 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Why do Todd and Matt smell like lamb chops and adrenaline? A trip to a Brazilian steakhouse – full of traps to destroy your sausage party, like biscuits and cheese. GET THEE BEHIND ME, BISCUITS! In a post-Easter, breakdown, Todd and Matt are skeptical of the recent poll of “top jelly bean flavors by state”. Are frying pans supposed to suck? And in “Holidont’s”, Todd has a rudderless Easter, and Matt overdoes it so hard the cops come. And so do ants. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. Coming to climb with us at Easter Time? Sign up at http://brooklynboulders.com/chicago/ Thanks for listening! Why do Todd and Matt smell like lamb chops and ad… Why do Todd and Matt smell like lamb chops and adrenaline? A trip to a Brazilian steakhouse – full of traps to destroy your sausage party, like biscuits and cheese. GET THEE BEHIND ME, BISCUITS! In a post-Easter, breakdown, Todd and Matt are skeptical of the recent poll of “top jelly bean flavors by state”. Are frying pans supposed to suck? And in “Holidont’s”, Todd has a rudderless Easter, and Matt overdoes it so hard the cops come. And so do ants. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. Coming to climb with us at Easter Time? Sign up at http://brooklynboulders.com/chicago/ Thanks for listening! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/315044315 Wed, 29 Mar 2017 14:04:51 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-60-natures-bounty 00:52:44 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no “Pony Up Daddy” is the new Dad saddle that allows your child to humiliate you in comfort. Did we need this invention? In “Health Beat”, Todd halves his Jube Gel intake and goes into weight loss freefall. But where to stop? Speaking of which, Todd bought some dubiously named workout drinks that he probably doesn’t need, but it does taste like watermelon Slurpee. And in “Scarred for Life”, Matt brings Viva to perform at Windy City LIVE! and has to balance between ruining showbiz for her forever and ruining her for real life forever. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. Coming to climb with us at Easter Time? Sign up at http://brooklynboulders.com/chicago/ Thanks for listening! “Pony Up Daddy” is the new Dad saddle that allows… “Pony Up Daddy” is the new Dad saddle that allows your child to humiliate you in comfort. Did we need this invention? In “Health Beat”, Todd halves his Jube Gel intake and goes into weight loss freefall. But where to stop? Speaking of which, Todd bought some dubiously named workout drinks that he probably doesn’t need, but it does taste like watermelon Slurpee. And in “Scarred for Life”, Matt brings Viva to perform at Windy City LIVE! and has to balance between ruining showbiz for her forever and ruining her for real life forever. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. Coming to climb with us at Easter Time? Sign up at http://brooklynboulders.com/chicago/ Thanks for listening! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/311551644 Thu, 09 Mar 2017 18:12:56 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-59-bacon-fire 01:02:46 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no The Dads clue into the next big teen sensation – sucking on Nintendo games! Watch out, jenkem and butt-chugging! In “How the Better Half Live”, Matt tried to figure out his wife's rubric for watching TV: How can Westworld not be good enough if Teen Wolf is??? Oh, and Matt goes full Todd and buys a decibel meter so he can see if he's justified in being grumpy at his HVAC system. That's some real dadcore stuff! And in “So, Now You're Old”, Todd can no longer put his children to bed nor enjoy TV by himself – because they can stay away longer than him. Paging Dr. Kevorkian! E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. The Dads clue into the next big teen sensation – … The Dads clue into the next big teen sensation – sucking on Nintendo games! Watch out, jenkem and butt-chugging! In “How the Better Half Live”, Matt tried to figure out his wife's rubric for watching TV: How can Westworld not be good enough if Teen Wolf is??? Oh, and Matt goes full Todd and buys a decibel meter so he can see if he's justified in being grumpy at his HVAC system. That's some real dadcore stuff! And in “So, Now You're Old”, Todd can no longer put his children to bed nor enjoy TV by himself – because they can stay away longer than him. Paging Dr. Kevorkian! E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/310348246 Thu, 02 Mar 2017 15:55:39 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-58-a-hot-cup-of-give-up 01:01:40 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no The Dads great up for Paczki Day 2017 (this was recorded last week) – but will Todd put his weight loss over his heritage?! I mean, he already drinks tea instead of having dessert. “Planes to Catch and Bills to Pay” is a big one today – as Todd goes to his LAST Daddy Daughter Dance. (sniff) And... it has a theme? On Amazon, Todd buys his OWN video game controller his kid can't touch. Smart move or monstrously selfish parenting? And in Health Beat – Matt tries self-tanner... what could possibly go wrong? E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. The Dads great up for Paczki Day 2017 (this was r… The Dads great up for Paczki Day 2017 (this was recorded last week) – but will Todd put his weight loss over his heritage?! I mean, he already drinks tea instead of having dessert. “Planes to Catch and Bills to Pay” is a big one today – as Todd goes to his LAST Daddy Daughter Dance. (sniff) And... it has a theme? On Amazon, Todd buys his OWN video game controller his kid can't touch. Smart move or monstrously selfish parenting? And in Health Beat – Matt tries self-tanner... what could possibly go wrong? E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/306725989 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 15:45:31 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-57-shelterinplace 00:53:36 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Todd and Matt reminisce about failed extreme football leagues past. Is there still a lingerie bowl? Matt's got an addendum to “Talking to Your Kids About Heaven”, as Viva worries about the soul of her stuffed puppy. Does Cool Pope Francis have a loophole? Then we turn to “Scary Clowns and Filthy Elmos” as the Dads learn with horror that Viva has a secret imaginary friend that's a whole circle of hell down from her ghost friends Caleb! (CAAALEBB!!!) Are you doing your Amazon shopping through our support page at paternitypodcast.com? Matt is, as he integrates his favorite action figures into his daughter's games of “Princesses in Lava Land”. And finally, in the “Boop Bop Beat”, Todd succumbs to the siren's call of Twitter masochism, and “Trump Syndrome” turns him into a short tempered monster of a father, who conditions his kids to lie and hide things!!! E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. Todd and Matt reminisce about failed extreme foot… Todd and Matt reminisce about failed extreme football leagues past. Is there still a lingerie bowl? Matt's got an addendum to “Talking to Your Kids About Heaven”, as Viva worries about the soul of her stuffed puppy. Does Cool Pope Francis have a loophole? Then we turn to “Scary Clowns and Filthy Elmos” as the Dads learn with horror that Viva has a secret imaginary friend that's a whole circle of hell down from her ghost friends Caleb! (CAAALEBB!!!) Are you doing your Amazon shopping through our support page at paternitypodcast.com? Matt is, as he integrates his favorite action figures into his daughter's games of “Princesses in Lava Land”. And finally, in the “Boop Bop Beat”, Todd succumbs to the siren's call of Twitter masochism, and “Trump Syndrome” turns him into a short tempered monster of a father, who conditions his kids to lie and hide things!!! E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/304629695 Thu, 26 Jan 2017 15:11:45 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-56-the-wrong-side-of-40 00:47:23 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Criss-Cross Applesauce? Sitting like a W? A Paternity Test investigation into how kids sit today. In “Talking to Your Kids About Heaven” - Viva's heaven is a lot like a production of “Starlight Express”, and Matt and Professor Foster go to war with the gods. Matt buys some “Inside Out” toys, but Viva's feelings are too big to watch movies. And in “So, Now You're Old” - Todd goes right over the hill and lands at a beef stand. Did he waste all his ionic supreme? E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. Criss-Cross Applesauce? Sitting like a W? A Pater… Criss-Cross Applesauce? Sitting like a W? A Paternity Test investigation into how kids sit today. In “Talking to Your Kids About Heaven” - Viva's heaven is a lot like a production of “Starlight Express”, and Matt and Professor Foster go to war with the gods. Matt buys some “Inside Out” toys, but Viva's feelings are too big to watch movies. And in “So, Now You're Old” - Todd goes right over the hill and lands at a beef stand. Did he waste all his ionic supreme? E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/302391534 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 19:54:00 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-55-dirty-florida 00:59:43 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Happy New Year! Welcome to the start of another year of fake radio from Todd and Matt, the best friends you never met! New Year, New You for babies, who should now be eating... peanuts?! And Todd is dosing his dog with a peanut dust that would never make it through TSA. Speaking of Todd, he's back from a family vacation... is he the one who made the sign say, “Hollyweed”? Matt bought a very heavy vest – will it make him swole or just crippled? Say, how do you teach a kid to blow their nose? And who mops up afterwards? And Viva starts learning about religion... and creating her own! In queso troubles – should we all pray to “Cheesus”? E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. Thanks for listening! Happy New Year! Welcome to the start of another y… Happy New Year! Welcome to the start of another year of fake radio from Todd and Matt, the best friends you never met! New Year, New You for babies, who should now be eating... peanuts?! And Todd is dosing his dog with a peanut dust that would never make it through TSA. Speaking of Todd, he's back from a family vacation... is he the one who made the sign say, “Hollyweed”? Matt bought a very heavy vest – will it make him swole or just crippled? Say, how do you teach a kid to blow their nose? And who mops up afterwards? And Viva starts learning about religion... and creating her own! In queso troubles – should we all pray to “Cheesus”? E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. Thanks for listening! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/299059265 Wed, 21 Dec 2016 23:24:30 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-54-the-magic-of-scrimshaw 01:04:46 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no The Dads talk about last minute shopping, where Todd grabs whatever fits his price point, and Matt grabs appetizer platters. In Health Beat, Ellie starts getting sick just before the holiday trip, and the Jays start mainline uncut Colombian Caveman multivitamin. First you get the Barneys, then you get the vitamins, then you get fight the scurvy. Plus, a feverish Ellie gets in trouble, as does a pillow tossing Viva, and the Dads let guilt be their guide. We hope you're using the Amazon portal! We know we are – even though it shows our family banner ads of what we got them. Matt wants to talk stranger danger with Viva, but she doesn't want to hear about. Does the National Center for Don't Lose Your Kids really want your child to find an old Gypsy woman if they get lost in the store? E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. The Dads talk about last minute shopping, where T… The Dads talk about last minute shopping, where Todd grabs whatever fits his price point, and Matt grabs appetizer platters. In Health Beat, Ellie starts getting sick just before the holiday trip, and the Jays start mainline uncut Colombian Caveman multivitamin. First you get the Barneys, then you get the vitamins, then you get fight the scurvy. Plus, a feverish Ellie gets in trouble, as does a pillow tossing Viva, and the Dads let guilt be their guide. We hope you're using the Amazon portal! We know we are – even though it shows our family banner ads of what we got them. Matt wants to talk stranger danger with Viva, but she doesn't want to hear about. Does the National Center for Don't Lose Your Kids really want your child to find an old Gypsy woman if they get lost in the store? E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/298040783 Thu, 15 Dec 2016 16:08:35 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-53-wearable-yogurt 01:06:20 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Thought the "wet red bread" Facebook recipe videos were gross? The Dads just found the cocktail version, "Tipsy Bartender". Anyone for a Pokeymans Mudslide? Matt tries to watch some holiday TV but find "the Santa Paws" impossibly maudlin. At least he learned empathy for Christmas Frankensteins. Play-Doh – perfect snowman ingredient or winter nightmare fuel? Please don't forget to do your holiday shopping through our Amazon portal at paternitypodcast.com! Lazy gift givers, it is time to panic – Yankee Candle Recall! Michael from New York calls in and goes green with an advanced bird flipping technique. … And in the moment we all knew would come, Ellie gets "the talk" at school, and it was time for Todd to ask her what she knows about sperm and ayyyygs. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. Thought the "wet red bread" Facebook recipe video… Thought the "wet red bread" Facebook recipe videos were gross? The Dads just found the cocktail version, "Tipsy Bartender". Anyone for a Pokeymans Mudslide? Matt tries to watch some holiday TV but find "the Santa Paws" impossibly maudlin. At least he learned empathy for Christmas Frankensteins. Play-Doh – perfect snowman ingredient or winter nightmare fuel? Please don't forget to do your holiday shopping through our Amazon portal at paternitypodcast.com! Lazy gift givers, it is time to panic – Yankee Candle Recall! Michael from New York calls in and goes green with an advanced bird flipping technique. … And in the moment we all knew would come, Ellie gets "the talk" at school, and it was time for Todd to ask her what she knows about sperm and ayyyygs. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/296827942 Thu, 08 Dec 2016 14:09:07 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-52-shareable-bread 00:59:53 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Can you handle your Marijuana Gummies? Illinois teens sure can't. Let's hope they never touch the brown acid Gobstoppers. Ellie's history of being neglected for her brother's sporting events culminates in a bleacher birthday party, and adult coloring book, and a Jersey Mike's sub. Laser Tag in an empty dorm – awesome or a great way to get shot by security? The Dads explore the phenomenon of Facebook sped-up recipe videos and their shambling wet bread horrors. Open a tube of crescent rolls, grab a pail of ranch, and enjoy! ...and Matt realizes his Sr. Pre-K daughter is having her own life experiences – and he doesn't like it. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. Can you handle your Marijuana Gummies? Illinois t… Can you handle your Marijuana Gummies? Illinois teens sure can't. Let's hope they never touch the brown acid Gobstoppers. Ellie's history of being neglected for her brother's sporting events culminates in a bleacher birthday party, and adult coloring book, and a Jersey Mike's sub. Laser Tag in an empty dorm – awesome or a great way to get shot by security? The Dads explore the phenomenon of Facebook sped-up recipe videos and their shambling wet bread horrors. Open a tube of crescent rolls, grab a pail of ranch, and enjoy! ...and Matt realizes his Sr. Pre-K daughter is having her own life experiences – and he doesn't like it. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/295534888 Wed, 30 Nov 2016 15:14:57 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-51-yes-virginia-there-is-a-lobster-claws 00:46:52 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no In this festive episode, Todd decorates for Christmas, Halloween, and Thanksgiving at the same time – enjoy a cornucopia full of spooky peppermints! Meanwhile, Matt convinces some international students to put up his decorations to.. broaden their cultural horizons? Todd's wife leaves town for a week, and the wheels come off his domestic life. Is there an app for this? Speaking of Todd, he's considering becoming the Grabowski Gizmoduck on a mini-Segway. If not that, then he at least wants a Vespa to embarrass himself on. And reality weighs heavily on Matt's house, as Viva starts to wonder what is real and what is showbiz. Cartoons? Mermaids? Shellfish? Is anything real at all? E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. In this festive episode, Todd decorates for Chris… In this festive episode, Todd decorates for Christmas, Halloween, and Thanksgiving at the same time – enjoy a cornucopia full of spooky peppermints! Meanwhile, Matt convinces some international students to put up his decorations to.. broaden their cultural horizons? Todd's wife leaves town for a week, and the wheels come off his domestic life. Is there an app for this? Speaking of Todd, he's considering becoming the Grabowski Gizmoduck on a mini-Segway. If not that, then he at least wants a Vespa to embarrass himself on. And reality weighs heavily on Matt's house, as Viva starts to wonder what is real and what is showbiz. Cartoons? Mermaids? Shellfish? Is anything real at all? E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! And find us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/294254681 Tue, 22 Nov 2016 15:30:27 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-50-too-many-bits 01:12:32 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no It's out episode 50 Underwhelm-tacular! We can't get the NES classic and we'd be happy to sit in a parking lot all night watching the Godfather trilogy and waiting for it. Todd uncovers the cruel world of teenage Instagram curation and it is a harsh reality. Hey, how many hipster and geek dad t-shirts are too many hipster and geek dad t-shirts? Is there a Mad-Libs podcast? There is now. And we talk about Matt's butt. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! It's out episode 50 Underwhelm-tacular! We can't… It's out episode 50 Underwhelm-tacular! We can't get the NES classic and we'd be happy to sit in a parking lot all night watching the Godfather trilogy and waiting for it. Todd uncovers the cruel world of teenage Instagram curation and it is a harsh reality. Hey, how many hipster and geek dad t-shirts are too many hipster and geek dad t-shirts? Is there a Mad-Libs podcast? There is now. And we talk about Matt's butt. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/292420342 Thu, 10 Nov 2016 18:54:42 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-49-liquified-pumpkin 01:29:49 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no We're guessing you could use a laugh right now… Todd and Matt talk to you from the "before" side of the election with tales from Halloween – how do Todd's aging kids manage their transition into obnoxious trick or treating teens? And just how many Halloweens does Principessa Viva get to have?! Finally – Southsiders Todd and Matt break their silence over their shame and grief regarding the Cubs win. So. Much. Grief. Are you using our Amazon portal? This show is supported by viewers like you! (Thank you.) Matt is trying to buy new Barbies to replace the jank ones viva has – but is he slut-shaming inanimate objects? And in the paternity test kitchen – Todd, Matt, and special guest Alex Jay taste test some frozen food aisle abominations from the hoary depths of Walmart… The donut cheeseburger and the deep fried Twinkie! Are these culinary Chimeras palatable? Email us your thoughts to paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the paternity test hotline at 657-BAD-DADS! We're guessing you could use a laugh right now… … We're guessing you could use a laugh right now… Todd and Matt talk to you from the "before" side of the election with tales from Halloween – how do Todd's aging kids manage their transition into obnoxious trick or treating teens? And just how many Halloweens does Principessa Viva get to have?! Finally – Southsiders Todd and Matt break their silence over their shame and grief regarding the Cubs win. So. Much. Grief. Are you using our Amazon portal? This show is supported by viewers like you! (Thank you.) Matt is trying to buy new Barbies to replace the jank ones viva has – but is he slut-shaming inanimate objects? And in the paternity test kitchen – Todd, Matt, and special guest Alex Jay taste test some frozen food aisle abominations from the hoary depths of Walmart… The donut cheeseburger and the deep fried Twinkie! Are these culinary Chimeras palatable? Email us your thoughts to paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the paternity test hotline at 657-BAD-DADS! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/291136763 Wed, 02 Nov 2016 16:14:35 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-48-your-feelings-are-valid-charlie-brown 01:03:35 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no The Dads, along with Viva, parse the abusive language of “It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”, and examine the less popular entries into the series, like “Life Aboard the Mayflower Was Hell, Charlie Brown”, and “The Carter Era Was a National Malaise, Charlie Brown”. In “Scary Clowns”, the Dads announce the death of evangelical cartoonist Jack T. Chick, and do a dramatic re-enactment of the legendary “Dark Dungeons”. Plus, Alex's school issues a warning against would-be prairie clowns. In “School Days with a Z”, the Dads discuss the history of disaster drills at schools, and Todd wonders if he should Tiger down on his son, who is disappointing his Dad by merely getting straight As. Matt's browsing Amazon for a respectable doorstop – Todd suggest Matt lean towards Todd's favorite weight: complex maritime knots. And finally, in “Holidon'ts”, Matt shares his first (disastrous) corn maze experience with Todd, a famous hater of corn mazes, because mankind is not the master of water, nor space, nor corn. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! The Dads, along with Viva, parse the abusive lang… The Dads, along with Viva, parse the abusive language of “It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”, and examine the less popular entries into the series, like “Life Aboard the Mayflower Was Hell, Charlie Brown”, and “The Carter Era Was a National Malaise, Charlie Brown”. In “Scary Clowns”, the Dads announce the death of evangelical cartoonist Jack T. Chick, and do a dramatic re-enactment of the legendary “Dark Dungeons”. Plus, Alex's school issues a warning against would-be prairie clowns. In “School Days with a Z”, the Dads discuss the history of disaster drills at schools, and Todd wonders if he should Tiger down on his son, who is disappointing his Dad by merely getting straight As. Matt's browsing Amazon for a respectable doorstop – Todd suggest Matt lean towards Todd's favorite weight: complex maritime knots. And finally, in “Holidon'ts”, Matt shares his first (disastrous) corn maze experience with Todd, a famous hater of corn mazes, because mankind is not the master of water, nor space, nor corn. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/289209444 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 21:23:31 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-47-meat-jenga 00:52:33 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no If the meat tower topples, everyone loses. I hope you all realize that we were tracking Scary Clowns long before they were the new Shark Attacks. We have always been here for you, in our Clown Proof Bunker, waiting with open arms. Todd has lost 20 pounds on the “Overpriced Herb Capsule and Starvation” diet! Halloween means buying costume – buy yours on the Amazon portal and keep this show going! Matt continues his adventures on campus by placing his mouth under the soft serve spigot for three weeks. This can't end well. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! If the meat tower topples, everyone loses. I hop… If the meat tower topples, everyone loses. I hope you all realize that we were tracking Scary Clowns long before they were the new Shark Attacks. We have always been here for you, in our Clown Proof Bunker, waiting with open arms. Todd has lost 20 pounds on the “Overpriced Herb Capsule and Starvation” diet! Halloween means buying costume – buy yours on the Amazon portal and keep this show going! Matt continues his adventures on campus by placing his mouth under the soft serve spigot for three weeks. This can't end well. E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/287109442 Tue, 11 Oct 2016 05:42:13 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-46-scary-clown-heat-map 00:46:43 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no If the clowns haven't carved out your innards with a balloon sword yet, it's time for a new episode! Matt has moved onto a college campus and is deeply ashamed to have left the city. What's a metrosexual without the metro? Just a “sexual”? Todd watches the debates with his kids and becomes so deeply depressed he decides to start a third political party. Perhaps you'd like to join? E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! Thanks for listening! If the clowns haven't carved out your innards wit… If the clowns haven't carved out your innards with a balloon sword yet, it's time for a new episode! Matt has moved onto a college campus and is deeply ashamed to have left the city. What's a metrosexual without the metro? Just a “sexual”? Todd watches the debates with his kids and becomes so deeply depressed he decides to start a third political party. Perhaps you'd like to join? E-mail us your thoughts at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or call the Paternity Test hot line at 657-BAD-DADS! Thanks for listening! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/283950535 Wed, 21 Sep 2016 14:42:58 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/tpt-ep45-mymindsnose 01:19:32 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no The Paternity Podcast is the only podcast about brunch-flavored candy corn you'll ever need. It's an old bit but a good bit - Todd's up to Tooth Fairy business again – and stuff just got real with Ellie's investigations. Are Chicken Fries fries? Are Cheetohs toes? Are Cheetoh Chicken Fries gross? A TPT investigation – plus: brunch flavored candy corn? What fresh hell is this? Professor Foster is buying potpourri, and the supersmellers in the house are none too happy. And – Apple watches, do they make you even jerkier than phones? Like our page on Facebook, follow us @thedadtest on Twitter, and check out our Instagram! Call us on our hotline or e-mail a question or comment to paternitypodcast@gmail.com The Paternity Podcast is the only podcast about b… The Paternity Podcast is the only podcast about brunch-flavored candy corn you'll ever need. It's an old bit but a good bit - Todd's up to Tooth Fairy business again – and stuff just got real with Ellie's investigations. Are Chicken Fries fries? Are Cheetohs toes? Are Cheetoh Chicken Fries gross? A TPT investigation – plus: brunch flavored candy corn? What fresh hell is this? Professor Foster is buying potpourri, and the supersmellers in the house are none too happy. And – Apple watches, do they make you even jerkier than phones? Like our page on Facebook, follow us @thedadtest on Twitter, and check out our Instagram! Call us on our hotline or e-mail a question or comment to paternitypodcast@gmail.com paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/281896563 Thu, 08 Sep 2016 02:06:30 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-44-fat-level-red 00:56:49 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Is Yelp going to date itself by listing Pokestops and places which accept corrupt fake electronic currency? Todd’s cloister bell has gone off signaling he has surpassed his maximum acceptable level of obesity. Kelly has suggested he start taking her wildly expensive shakes full of pretend medicine. Clowns are luring children into the woods in the south. Well, clowns or persons dressed as clowns. One of the two. And Matt and Professor Foster have met their superior doppelgangers at Viva's new non-hippie, mostly-nerd fancy preschool, which crushes their massive and fragile egos. Like our Facebook, follow us on Twitter @thedadtest or on Instagram, and remind your friends that this is the best show ever. Thanks for listening! Is Yelp going to date itself by listing Pokestops… Is Yelp going to date itself by listing Pokestops and places which accept corrupt fake electronic currency? Todd’s cloister bell has gone off signaling he has surpassed his maximum acceptable level of obesity. Kelly has suggested he start taking her wildly expensive shakes full of pretend medicine. Clowns are luring children into the woods in the south. Well, clowns or persons dressed as clowns. One of the two. And Matt and Professor Foster have met their superior doppelgangers at Viva's new non-hippie, mostly-nerd fancy preschool, which crushes their massive and fragile egos. Like our Facebook, follow us on Twitter @thedadtest or on Instagram, and remind your friends that this is the best show ever. Thanks for listening! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/279695163 Wed, 24 Aug 2016 15:47:02 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-43-hot-veals 00:50:54 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no It's our first show officially a man down. We're sad about it – but we're funny clowns who only weep on the inside – so we think we've put together a funny episode for you! The Olympics are over, but not before the world got to enjoy a world-class walking-fast-while-wiggling-your-butt competitor soil himself on television. Watch our for that hurled sponge! Consumer alert: Whilst shopping for an iPad case, Matt discovers that scanning Happy Meal toys is a giant scam. Todd realizes that, with his kids growing older, this academic year will be naught but a gauntlet of sad goodbyes and ugly cries. It's enough to make Todd and Kelly ready for assisted living. The Fast Food Industrial complex has created some grotesque new golems to destroy us – including Burger King's pre-chewed Whopper wrap and Taco Bells' ground beef chicken pouch. Todd is decidedly pro “meat container”, though, and the Dads conceive new meat platforms. Speaking of greasy meat, Matt's naughty bits react poorly to his new shorty swimsuit, so the Dads do some Googling and learn that swimsuit lining is a clear and present danger to our nation's manhood. Join us, won't you? It's our first show officially a man down. We're … It's our first show officially a man down. We're sad about it – but we're funny clowns who only weep on the inside – so we think we've put together a funny episode for you! The Olympics are over, but not before the world got to enjoy a world-class walking-fast-while-wiggling-your-butt competitor soil himself on television. Watch our for that hurled sponge! Consumer alert: Whilst shopping for an iPad case, Matt discovers that scanning Happy Meal toys is a giant scam. Todd realizes that, with his kids growing older, this academic year will be naught but a gauntlet of sad goodbyes and ugly cries. It's enough to make Todd and Kelly ready for assisted living. The Fast Food Industrial complex has created some grotesque new golems to destroy us – including Burger King's pre-chewed Whopper wrap and Taco Bells' ground beef chicken pouch. Todd is decidedly pro “meat container”, though, and the Dads conceive new meat platforms. Speaking of greasy meat, Matt's naughty bits react poorly to his new shorty swimsuit, so the Dads do some Googling and learn that swimsuit lining is a clear and present danger to our nation's manhood. Join us, won't you? paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/277427228 Mon, 08 Aug 2016 23:47:55 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-42-the-amish-touchscreen 01:02:51 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! It’s been a while, but here we are, in all our middle-aged glory. Pokemon Go is sweeping the world. Except for Syracuse. And the Western Suburbs. And… Matt may have murdered a bird by climbing a tree. At 41. In climbing gear. He used climbing gear to climb a tree. Then all of the women at the house wept at the possibility of the bird’s demise, right before ingesting bird. Dave’s kitchen is in its second year of renovation. Enough said. Todd’s wife is spending a small fortune on a new diet and exercise regimen. Can his family sustain the monetary crunch, or will Todd have to pick his favorite child to send to college? Join us, won’t you? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! It’s been a while, but here we are,… Welcome back! It’s been a while, but here we are, in all our middle-aged glory. Pokemon Go is sweeping the world. Except for Syracuse. And the Western Suburbs. And… Matt may have murdered a bird by climbing a tree. At 41. In climbing gear. He used climbing gear to climb a tree. Then all of the women at the house wept at the possibility of the bird’s demise, right before ingesting bird. Dave’s kitchen is in its second year of renovation. Enough said. Todd’s wife is spending a small fortune on a new diet and exercise regimen. Can his family sustain the monetary crunch, or will Todd have to pick his favorite child to send to college? Join us, won’t you? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/274218980 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 13:19:20 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-41-live-from-first-ascent-chicago 01:05:47 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no This week Matt podcasts live from First Ascent Chicago with special guest Taylor Wood, a fellow blogger for Chicago Parent. Join them as the discuss the corporatization of Lemonade stands, the cut throat underbelly of parking in Chicago neighborhoods and don't miss the on-air epic battle between two tiny superheros! This week Matt podcasts live from First Ascent Ch… This week Matt podcasts live from First Ascent Chicago with special guest Taylor Wood, a fellow blogger for Chicago Parent. Join them as the discuss the corporatization of Lemonade stands, the cut throat underbelly of parking in Chicago neighborhoods and don't miss the on-air epic battle between two tiny superheros! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/270601915 Fri, 24 Jun 2016 03:41:59 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-40-blister-cream 00:59:56 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Dave's asleep again. Somehow, Matt and Todd pick up the pieces and move forward. Todd swears by Menthol Gold Bond on his inner thighs. He just can't seem to find the best angle by which to powder his groin. America's love affair with Hamilton has probably reached its half-life, but that didn't stop the Brookfield Zoo from naming a camel after the musical. Matt found a bunny hutch (nest?) in the garden of his daughter's pre-school. It was adorable, until God filled their home with water and drowned the bunnies. After sixteen years of use, Matt decided to throw out his swimsuit and buy a new pair on Amazon. Next he deals with angry comments about a recent blog post. Summer has begun, and Todd is beginning to lament how busy his children are. Michael Rice calls in and shares the saddest Howard Johnson's dining story ever. Michael also contracted coxsackie from his kid, which is disgusting. Join us, won't you? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! Dave's asleep again. Somehow, Matt … Welcome back! Dave's asleep again. Somehow, Matt and Todd pick up the pieces and move forward. Todd swears by Menthol Gold Bond on his inner thighs. He just can't seem to find the best angle by which to powder his groin. America's love affair with Hamilton has probably reached its half-life, but that didn't stop the Brookfield Zoo from naming a camel after the musical. Matt found a bunny hutch (nest?) in the garden of his daughter's pre-school. It was adorable, until God filled their home with water and drowned the bunnies. After sixteen years of use, Matt decided to throw out his swimsuit and buy a new pair on Amazon. Next he deals with angry comments about a recent blog post. Summer has begun, and Todd is beginning to lament how busy his children are. Michael Rice calls in and shares the saddest Howard Johnson's dining story ever. Michael also contracted coxsackie from his kid, which is disgusting. Join us, won't you? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/267105026 Thu, 02 Jun 2016 13:36:27 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/tpt-ep39-liveatbrooklynboulders 00:51:29 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Matt and Todd record live at Brooklyn Boulders Chicago while their daughters preview Brooklyn Boulders Summer Camps and the Dads contemplate what they'll break first. Will it be their harness, the wall or their legs? They also explore other types of summer camp offerings, including one that will teach your children how to kill you in your sleep! Finally the dads get on the walls and recap their experience for you and try and figure out how their going to drive home now that they can't move their fingers. Join us, won't you? ​ We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. ​ Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Matt and Todd record live at Brooklyn Boulders Ch… Matt and Todd record live at Brooklyn Boulders Chicago while their daughters preview Brooklyn Boulders Summer Camps and the Dads contemplate what they'll break first. Will it be their harness, the wall or their legs? They also explore other types of summer camp offerings, including one that will teach your children how to kill you in your sleep! Finally the dads get on the walls and recap their experience for you and try and figure out how their going to drive home now that they can't move their fingers. Join us, won't you? ​ We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. ​ Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/265791407 Wed, 25 May 2016 03:04:04 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-38-mistress-todds-basement-of-pain 01:07:49 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! ​ Matt's got a man crush on broasted chicken. He finds a new broasted place by Todd's house, which happens to be the home of...a burger? Matt goes to an auction for his kid's Pre-K. Cue drunk bidding and keys in the fishbowl. Dave defends the existence of margaritas. Todd's vertebrae is decomposing in real time, which has led him to purchase countless traction devices that he demonstrates for Matt. Dave wants Car Talk to stop. Now. He can't stand the idea of listening to a dead host tell jokes. People keep hitting Dave's new car and it's slowly breaking his heart. Todd and his wife both fell asleep while sitting up in the middle of the day. The stroke center has been called.... ​ Join us, won't you? ​ We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. ​ Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! ​ Matt's got a man crush on broaste… Welcome back! ​ Matt's got a man crush on broasted chicken. He finds a new broasted place by Todd's house, which happens to be the home of...a burger? Matt goes to an auction for his kid's Pre-K. Cue drunk bidding and keys in the fishbowl. Dave defends the existence of margaritas. Todd's vertebrae is decomposing in real time, which has led him to purchase countless traction devices that he demonstrates for Matt. Dave wants Car Talk to stop. Now. He can't stand the idea of listening to a dead host tell jokes. People keep hitting Dave's new car and it's slowly breaking his heart. Todd and his wife both fell asleep while sitting up in the middle of the day. The stroke center has been called.... ​ Join us, won't you? ​ We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. ​ Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/264311968 Mon, 16 May 2016 00:44:08 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-37-mars-cheese-castle 01:11:07 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! It's been a while. Matt hates New York-style pizza, but all the dads admit that the Brooklyn pizza box made out of pizza isn't the worst idea ever. Matt took his daughter to the Rainforest Cafe and Mars Cheese Castle in the same day. Tons of kitsch, tons of crayons, and, because of their seating, not nearly enough robot dinosaurs. Dave tells a tale of the saddest Friendly's ever. Amazon keeps recommending that Todd buys Kuba Kickz, which are basically brass knuckles that attach to your shoes. Between this and the Strike Spike, Todd's commute through suburbia will finally be safe. Dave is on Facebook again, but only to create pseudo-posts to troll for the lulz. A fan from London writes in and tells Matt to stop crying about Pre-K, as UK child care and Pre-K makes Chicago's look like its free. Todd's moving! Down the street. Next year. The best part is, he's only moving to be closer to his kids' schools. Join us, won't you? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! It's been a while. Matt hates New Y… Welcome back! It's been a while. Matt hates New York-style pizza, but all the dads admit that the Brooklyn pizza box made out of pizza isn't the worst idea ever. Matt took his daughter to the Rainforest Cafe and Mars Cheese Castle in the same day. Tons of kitsch, tons of crayons, and, because of their seating, not nearly enough robot dinosaurs. Dave tells a tale of the saddest Friendly's ever. Amazon keeps recommending that Todd buys Kuba Kickz, which are basically brass knuckles that attach to your shoes. Between this and the Strike Spike, Todd's commute through suburbia will finally be safe. Dave is on Facebook again, but only to create pseudo-posts to troll for the lulz. A fan from London writes in and tells Matt to stop crying about Pre-K, as UK child care and Pre-K makes Chicago's look like its free. Todd's moving! Down the street. Next year. The best part is, he's only moving to be closer to his kids' schools. Join us, won't you? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/261890644 Mon, 02 May 2016 01:47:50 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-36-victoria-secrets-rapture 01:08:35 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Suzy Qs are back, and they're even bigger garbage than the ones from your childhood. Dave saw Magic Leap augmented reality, and realized that it and nothing else is the future. Then he threw his Oculus Rift in the toilet, because really, what's the point? Todd bought his wife perfume, like a seventeen-year-old looking for a prom date. Matt's looking at several schools for his daughter, Viva. One's locked down like a prison because it's in Chicago. One is Catholic, so the steeple bursts into flames every time Matt walks in. The third is for billionaires, and made Matt sad to realize that rich people always win. Todd's daughter will not under any circumstances allow her loose teeth to be pulled out of her head. Thus, we have another great story about suffering in a dentist's chair. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Suzy Qs are back, and they're even bigger garbage… Suzy Qs are back, and they're even bigger garbage than the ones from your childhood. Dave saw Magic Leap augmented reality, and realized that it and nothing else is the future. Then he threw his Oculus Rift in the toilet, because really, what's the point? Todd bought his wife perfume, like a seventeen-year-old looking for a prom date. Matt's looking at several schools for his daughter, Viva. One's locked down like a prison because it's in Chicago. One is Catholic, so the steeple bursts into flames every time Matt walks in. The third is for billionaires, and made Matt sad to realize that rich people always win. Todd's daughter will not under any circumstances allow her loose teeth to be pulled out of her head. Thus, we have another great story about suffering in a dentist's chair. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/260653963 Sun, 24 Apr 2016 16:09:32 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-35-come-play-with-us-danny 01:05:44 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Long time, no talk. It's been so long, Todd forgot Dave was on the show. Todd just got back from Italy, where he had a delightful lunch in Sienna where people abuse horses. And out of 70 kids who went with him, he only had to leave one behind! Aside from the lighter trip back to the states, Todd also discusses the "pay as you go" bathrooms. Dave talks of a fake Darth Maul Netflix trailer that looked amazing, and then discusses the mean practical jokes he used to play on his parents. The new Star Wars (Rogue One) teaser looks amazing, but the diminishing returns of happiness are already being felt by all. Dave's kids don't know how to act at parties. In hindsight, this is probably because their father doesn't either. Matt's daughter's art abilities are de-escalating, reverting back to the talents of a toddler. Matt turns to the dads to help turn his shame into triumph. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! Long time, no talk. It's been so lo… Welcome back! Long time, no talk. It's been so long, Todd forgot Dave was on the show. Todd just got back from Italy, where he had a delightful lunch in Sienna where people abuse horses. And out of 70 kids who went with him, he only had to leave one behind! Aside from the lighter trip back to the states, Todd also discusses the "pay as you go" bathrooms. Dave talks of a fake Darth Maul Netflix trailer that looked amazing, and then discusses the mean practical jokes he used to play on his parents. The new Star Wars (Rogue One) teaser looks amazing, but the diminishing returns of happiness are already being felt by all. Dave's kids don't know how to act at parties. In hindsight, this is probably because their father doesn't either. Matt's daughter's art abilities are de-escalating, reverting back to the talents of a toddler. Matt turns to the dads to help turn his shame into triumph. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/257150019 Sun, 03 Apr 2016 21:09:32 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-34-emotionally-violent-sushi 00:52:11 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Wow. Hulk Hogan got a massive settlement from Gawker. Too bad Death has no other 80s wrestlers to visit. He better spend it soon. Dave doesn't yell at strangers anymore. This leads to a great story about Matt and a steak knife. Speaking of Matt and eating utensils. Matt can't handle how good Quaker Instant Oatmeal is. He has sworn off goose liver and caged lamb. Todd used to play on roofs as a child. Now he only goes up there to install missing shingles. This leads to Todd's hardware store grading system, based on their artisanal grape sodas. Matt's daughter has a new paddle at school that is used to tell children when you feel left out. It can also be used to appropriately beat the child who wields it. Lastly, Matt took his daughter to an enormous Cos Play event in Chicago, allowing Matt to pretend that he was dressing up as Luke Skywalker for his kid. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! Wow. Hulk Hogan got a massive settl… Welcome back! Wow. Hulk Hogan got a massive settlement from Gawker. Too bad Death has no other 80s wrestlers to visit. He better spend it soon. Dave doesn't yell at strangers anymore. This leads to a great story about Matt and a steak knife. Speaking of Matt and eating utensils. Matt can't handle how good Quaker Instant Oatmeal is. He has sworn off goose liver and caged lamb. Todd used to play on roofs as a child. Now he only goes up there to install missing shingles. This leads to Todd's hardware store grading system, based on their artisanal grape sodas. Matt's daughter has a new paddle at school that is used to tell children when you feel left out. It can also be used to appropriately beat the child who wields it. Lastly, Matt took his daughter to an enormous Cos Play event in Chicago, allowing Matt to pretend that he was dressing up as Luke Skywalker for his kid. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/253302223 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 22:23:40 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-33-reagan-wasnt-shot-1 01:13:16 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Kids today don't know the difference between the 80s and 90s. To them, Michael J. Fox and David Spade are the same person. Lionel Richie should relax. You can't copyright the word used to answer a phone. Todd's family communes with Fuller House. Matt had to turn it off. Dave canceled his Netflix subscription so he didn't have to see the ads. Elvis is really, really dead. So dead that no one knows he existed. Matt's daughter wants to see his manhood. Matt said "no", but this raised larger questions of how to deal with anatomy lessons for Pre-K kids. Moms everywhere: It's your job to take your daughter to the public restroom. Time to get in line. Inside Out is dark. So, so dark. Dave doesn't see his kids anymore. To make up for it, he took them to paint expensive, cheap clay pots. Dave didn't take pictures, because he never takes pictures of his kids. Next he describes a ridiculous conspiracy theory about Reagan's shooting. The press sucks. So much that Trump is still running for president. Todd's son needs to bring one of his grades up. Todd tosses around ideas on how to get him back on track.   We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! Kids today don't know the differenc… Welcome back! Kids today don't know the difference between the 80s and 90s. To them, Michael J. Fox and David Spade are the same person. Lionel Richie should relax. You can't copyright the word used to answer a phone. Todd's family communes with Fuller House. Matt had to turn it off. Dave canceled his Netflix subscription so he didn't have to see the ads. Elvis is really, really dead. So dead that no one knows he existed. Matt's daughter wants to see his manhood. Matt said "no", but this raised larger questions of how to deal with anatomy lessons for Pre-K kids. Moms everywhere: It's your job to take your daughter to the public restroom. Time to get in line. Inside Out is dark. So, so dark. Dave doesn't see his kids anymore. To make up for it, he took them to paint expensive, cheap clay pots. Dave didn't take pictures, because he never takes pictures of his kids. Next he describes a ridiculous conspiracy theory about Reagan's shooting. The press sucks. So much that Trump is still running for president. Todd's son needs to bring one of his grades up. Todd tosses around ideas on how to get him back on track.   We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/251409596 Fri, 11 Mar 2016 21:27:00 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-32-thunder-cone 01:04:05 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Dave's ex-girlfriend taught him early that divorce is never the answer. Better to live in misery. Matt can't handle boys. Also, his daughter wanders onto a merry-go-round of the future, where every child on it can be crushed at once. Todd's going to Italy. Will the food there be safe? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! Dave's ex-girlfriend taught him e… Welcome back! Dave's ex-girlfriend taught him early that divorce is never the answer. Better to live in misery. Matt can't handle boys. Also, his daughter wanders onto a merry-go-round of the future, where every child on it can be crushed at once. Todd's going to Italy. Will the food there be safe? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/250565392 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 23:52:50 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-31-baseball-knife-shoes 01:15:27 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Literary figures are dropping like flies. Where are the new literary heroes? It's youth baseball season, which means that it's time for Todd to buy shoe knives for his son. Hide your shins. Todd discusses his latest daddy-daughter dance. Chaos reigns as a teenage dunce DJ does everything he can to ruin the evening. Todd saves humanity by fixing the photo line. Matt's daughter refuses to listen to him. Ever.  Dave's daughter refuses to wear underwear. Ever. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! Literary figures are dropping lik… Welcome back! Literary figures are dropping like flies. Where are the new literary heroes? It's youth baseball season, which means that it's time for Todd to buy shoe knives for his son. Hide your shins. Todd discusses his latest daddy-daughter dance. Chaos reigns as a teenage dunce DJ does everything he can to ruin the evening. Todd saves humanity by fixing the photo line. Matt's daughter refuses to listen to him. Ever.  Dave's daughter refuses to wear underwear. Ever. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/248994576 Fri, 26 Feb 2016 11:44:24 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-30-the-one-where-george-gains-dies 00:44:12 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! George Gaynes died! Who will save us from our refrigerators? Dave's house is cold. Matt must destroy a handsome, younger dad at his school. Todd goes to a daddy-daughter dance with his...daughter. Join us, won't you? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! George Gaynes died! Who will save … Welcome back! George Gaynes died! Who will save us from our refrigerators? Dave's house is cold. Matt must destroy a handsome, younger dad at his school. Todd goes to a daddy-daughter dance with his...daughter. Join us, won't you? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/247688198 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 14:29:39 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-29-butterfly-kisses 01:16:19 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Todd decided to save money and skipped getting a Valentine's Day card for his wife. Now he can afford go the movies. By himself. Maybe he'll go see Deadpool with Matt, since that's where he spent Love Day with his wife. Dave went to his first Daddy-Daughter dance with his two four-year-old daughters. It went exactly how you would expect an evening centered around forced sentimentality to go. Todd broke his daughter's arm. And by that, we mean that Todd's family allowed his daughter to roller skate, wherein she broke her arm. Matt took his daughter to Disney World. Everything he does for her from now on will seem somehow less caring and joyful. Join us, won't you? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! Todd decided to save money and ski… Welcome back! Todd decided to save money and skipped getting a Valentine's Day card for his wife. Now he can afford go the movies. By himself. Maybe he'll go see Deadpool with Matt, since that's where he spent Love Day with his wife. Dave went to his first Daddy-Daughter dance with his two four-year-old daughters. It went exactly how you would expect an evening centered around forced sentimentality to go. Todd broke his daughter's arm. And by that, we mean that Todd's family allowed his daughter to roller skate, wherein she broke her arm. Matt took his daughter to Disney World. Everything he does for her from now on will seem somehow less caring and joyful. Join us, won't you? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/246617735 Fri, 12 Feb 2016 00:40:24 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-28-the-apaches 01:00:01 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! The dads discuss the Zika virus, and what it means for filthy, filthy Rio. Also, the Olympics are ridiculous. Dave and his wife have known each other for ten long, long years.  He has a hard time fathoming how he has gone from bartender/actor to respected educator and mini van owner. Todd wears a bib now to shave his face. This allows him to collect the hair and throw it practically anywhere he wants. Todd then realizes that he didn't actually  have fun cutting his grandfather's toenails. Matt and Professor Foster are taking their daughter to Disney World for a week. This will insure that no matter what happens, she'll have a happy childhood. The Dads watch scenes from The Apaches, a violent public service film for Britains of the 70s so that they don't play on farms. It's heinous. Todd allows his kids to watch filthy television like Family Feud, which apparently is chock-full of sexual innuendo and drug references. And Steve Harvey. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! The dads discuss the Zika virus, an… Welcome back! The dads discuss the Zika virus, and what it means for filthy, filthy Rio. Also, the Olympics are ridiculous. Dave and his wife have known each other for ten long, long years.  He has a hard time fathoming how he has gone from bartender/actor to respected educator and mini van owner. Todd wears a bib now to shave his face. This allows him to collect the hair and throw it practically anywhere he wants. Todd then realizes that he didn't actually  have fun cutting his grandfather's toenails. Matt and Professor Foster are taking their daughter to Disney World for a week. This will insure that no matter what happens, she'll have a happy childhood. The Dads watch scenes from The Apaches, a violent public service film for Britains of the 70s so that they don't play on farms. It's heinous. Todd allows his kids to watch filthy television like Family Feud, which apparently is chock-full of sexual innuendo and drug references. And Steve Harvey. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/245342386 Thu, 04 Feb 2016 02:07:47 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-27-son-of-beastmaster 00:59:47 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Dave and Todd love COPS. What's not to like? Matt needs help fixing his house. He spends most of his update asking Todd and Dave how to feel like a man in his own home. They're interrupted by Matt's daughter, Viva, who is having a heart attack because Matt hasn't bought her enough iPad apps. The Dads listen to the new H. John Benjamin album. It's awful and wonderful. Todd bought Google Cardboard, which is way cooler than it sounds (Especially if you don't know what Google Cardboard is). His wife is out of town, so Todd has Matt and Dave interview his kids. Dave and his wife get a babysitter for the first time in four years.  He can't wait to do it again when his kids are eight. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! Dave and Todd love COPS. What's not… Welcome back! Dave and Todd love COPS. What's not to like? Matt needs help fixing his house. He spends most of his update asking Todd and Dave how to feel like a man in his own home. They're interrupted by Matt's daughter, Viva, who is having a heart attack because Matt hasn't bought her enough iPad apps. The Dads listen to the new H. John Benjamin album. It's awful and wonderful. Todd bought Google Cardboard, which is way cooler than it sounds (Especially if you don't know what Google Cardboard is). His wife is out of town, so Todd has Matt and Dave interview his kids. Dave and his wife get a babysitter for the first time in four years.  He can't wait to do it again when his kids are eight. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/244343303 Fri, 29 Jan 2016 03:07:23 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-26-nippleback 01:01:18 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Sesame Street is moving to HBO. Finally they'll be able to explore the adult themes that PBS was so vehemently against.  The dads then discuss how, no matter the channel, Sesame Street's segments are unwatchable. Dave's kids won't wipe themselves. Todd does some research to find that child deaths by toilet have been greatly exaggerated. Dave bought an electric toothbrush on Amazon, and has no gums left. Matt wants to expose his child to disturbing images in order to toughen her up like Gen-X'er. Todd gets a huge mole cut off of his back. Now there's a red scar instead of a brown one.  We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! Sesame Street is moving to HBO. Fi… Welcome back! Sesame Street is moving to HBO. Finally they'll be able to explore the adult themes that PBS was so vehemently against.  The dads then discuss how, no matter the channel, Sesame Street's segments are unwatchable. Dave's kids won't wipe themselves. Todd does some research to find that child deaths by toilet have been greatly exaggerated. Dave bought an electric toothbrush on Amazon, and has no gums left. Matt wants to expose his child to disturbing images in order to toughen her up like Gen-X'er. Todd gets a huge mole cut off of his back. Now there's a red scar instead of a brown one.  We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/242827167 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 01:54:46 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-25-the-sperm-switch 00:56:43 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back to our humble show. The dads stumble upon a baby-making light switch that's supposed to be surgically inserted into your body. It's hilarious at parties.  Matt's daughter is being taught to share her feelings by tattling on her peers. So now, Matt is being humiliated at parties as his daughter narks out other kids for hurting her feelings.  Todd bought a new bat for his son. It's made from space-age technology, just like the bat he got last year, and the year before that. Bat technology is changing so fast, there's no way to use a bat more than three times. Just ask his daughter. All she wants is a cat, and it's never going to happen. Dave upgraded to an iPhone 5. Not a 5C. Not a 5S. A 5. He's in love with Instagram, which is good news for no one but him. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back to our humble show. The dads stumble… Welcome back to our humble show. The dads stumble upon a baby-making light switch that's supposed to be surgically inserted into your body. It's hilarious at parties.  Matt's daughter is being taught to share her feelings by tattling on her peers. So now, Matt is being humiliated at parties as his daughter narks out other kids for hurting her feelings.  Todd bought a new bat for his son. It's made from space-age technology, just like the bat he got last year, and the year before that. Bat technology is changing so fast, there's no way to use a bat more than three times. Just ask his daughter. All she wants is a cat, and it's never going to happen. Dave upgraded to an iPhone 5. Not a 5C. Not a 5S. A 5. He's in love with Instagram, which is good news for no one but him. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/241697985 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 01:41:01 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-24-google-garbage 00:53:40 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back. Oculus Rift is on its way, and if we put our money on anything, it's that life will become a compilation of headaches from constantly standing one inch from the television. Too bad for Oculus Rift that Google found a way to do it for free... It's winter in Chicago, and that means long commutes through barren gray wastelands. Todd heads to a hotel spa with strawberry water and Matt plans a trip to Florida for February. This is great, but it still leaves five months of winter misery. Matt is planning on taking his daughter to a low-rent Chuck-E-Cheese, complete with tattooed ticket vendors and animatronic mice with broken off appendages. Dave just takes his kids to look at animals in Pet Smart instead. Dave loves his new iPhone 5. It has 32 gigs of storage space, so he plans on using it to orbit an Apollo mission next month. Todd buys a new bat for his son that costs $150 more than you think the bat would cost. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back. Oculus Rift is on its way, and if w… Welcome back. Oculus Rift is on its way, and if we put our money on anything, it's that life will become a compilation of headaches from constantly standing one inch from the television. Too bad for Oculus Rift that Google found a way to do it for free... It's winter in Chicago, and that means long commutes through barren gray wastelands. Todd heads to a hotel spa with strawberry water and Matt plans a trip to Florida for February. This is great, but it still leaves five months of winter misery. Matt is planning on taking his daughter to a low-rent Chuck-E-Cheese, complete with tattooed ticket vendors and animatronic mice with broken off appendages. Dave just takes his kids to look at animals in Pet Smart instead. Dave loves his new iPhone 5. It has 32 gigs of storage space, so he plans on using it to orbit an Apollo mission next month. Todd buys a new bat for his son that costs $150 more than you think the bat would cost. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/240799646 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 12:14:26 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-23-the-doll-houses 00:58:09 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back!  Dave has never, in forty years, found a good time to sit down and watch It's a Wonderful Life. Who has two hours to kill on Christmas afternoon, really? Matt and Professor Foster decided that their daughter wanted a doll house for Christmas, and so they bought five of them.  Dave got his family out of Baltimore alive, but not before a six hour trip home, in which Josephine asked 9,359 questions and Cecilia barfed into a blanket.  Todd denied his daughter a kitten for Christmas, and has been waiting for four years to break the news to her that Santa is a myth. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back!  Dave has never, in forty years, f… Welcome back!  Dave has never, in forty years, found a good time to sit down and watch It's a Wonderful Life. Who has two hours to kill on Christmas afternoon, really? Matt and Professor Foster decided that their daughter wanted a doll house for Christmas, and so they bought five of them.  Dave got his family out of Baltimore alive, but not before a six hour trip home, in which Josephine asked 9,359 questions and Cecilia barfed into a blanket.  Todd denied his daughter a kitten for Christmas, and has been waiting for four years to break the news to her that Santa is a myth. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail atpaternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/239984221 Fri, 01 Jan 2016 20:07:05 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/happy-new-year 00:03:13 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no The dads are taking the week off to enjoy the unseasonably warm...wait. Oh, it's snowing now. Never mind. Well, we didn't record, so here's a New Year's message just for you! The dads are taking the week off to enjoy the uns… The dads are taking the week off to enjoy the unseasonably warm...wait. Oh, it's snowing now. Never mind. Well, we didn't record, so here's a New Year's message just for you! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/238763242 Wed, 23 Dec 2015 04:23:01 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-22-christmas-kitten 00:52:02 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Matt brings back action figures from the 80s that no one wanted. Micronauts. ROM Space Night. No idea? Then you get the idea. Dave's turning forty, which means he'll finally have to start spelling forty without a "u".  He doesn't know how he's supposed to feel, but how he feels is miserable. Matt looks like Jesus. Meanwhile, he interviews Dylan Lauren about her new candy shop in Chicago, and Viva got so much swag she developed Type-2 diabetes instantly. Also, Viva can't get enough of toilet talk, and it's driving Matt insane. Todd's daughter wants a cat, and she won't stop talking about it. It turns out she checkmated Todd by asking Santa for a cat and refusing to request anything else. No matter what, Christmas will be ruined for one of them. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it!  Matt brings back action figures from the 80s that… Matt brings back action figures from the 80s that no one wanted. Micronauts. ROM Space Night. No idea? Then you get the idea. Dave's turning forty, which means he'll finally have to start spelling forty without a "u".  He doesn't know how he's supposed to feel, but how he feels is miserable. Matt looks like Jesus. Meanwhile, he interviews Dylan Lauren about her new candy shop in Chicago, and Viva got so much swag she developed Type-2 diabetes instantly. Also, Viva can't get enough of toilet talk, and it's driving Matt insane. Todd's daughter wants a cat, and she won't stop talking about it. It turns out she checkmated Todd by asking Santa for a cat and refusing to request anything else. No matter what, Christmas will be ruined for one of them. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it!  paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/237908677 Thu, 17 Dec 2015 01:20:18 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-21-bijou-sauce 01:20:37 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Holy crap this is a good episode. Matt can't handle the White Castle Turkey Dinner Slider. Mainly because White Castle's are a time portal to planet filth. Butterball meat smothered in Bijou Sauce...what could make your mouth water more..for a glass of water. Todd can't figure out how to use Facebook in a way that isn't inherently Facebooky. He just wants to post a picture of his kid winning an award, but no matter how he posts it, he looks like a braggart jerk. Thanks Obama. Matt buys some lucky kid a Star Wars pancake mold. Or a waffle iron. Or a pancake mold. Or a waffle iron. Or... Matt killed it on Windy City Live. Todd came through in the clutch with glass-carrying skillz. Matt betrayed his own cool with a thousand-yard-stare into his beer glass on live television. Dave doesn't know what to do with his children now that it's December and there's no snow. Running on dry grass just doesn't seem like an option. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! Holy crap this is a good episode. … Welcome back! Holy crap this is a good episode. Matt can't handle the White Castle Turkey Dinner Slider. Mainly because White Castle's are a time portal to planet filth. Butterball meat smothered in Bijou Sauce...what could make your mouth water more..for a glass of water. Todd can't figure out how to use Facebook in a way that isn't inherently Facebooky. He just wants to post a picture of his kid winning an award, but no matter how he posts it, he looks like a braggart jerk. Thanks Obama. Matt buys some lucky kid a Star Wars pancake mold. Or a waffle iron. Or a pancake mold. Or a waffle iron. Or... Matt killed it on Windy City Live. Todd came through in the clutch with glass-carrying skillz. Matt betrayed his own cool with a thousand-yard-stare into his beer glass on live television. Dave doesn't know what to do with his children now that it's December and there's no snow. Running on dry grass just doesn't seem like an option. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/236736381 Wed, 09 Dec 2015 04:14:53 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-20-love-ya-dad 01:12:58 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no This week, Todd and the dads remember Todd's father, Bob. This week, Todd and the dads remember Todd's fath… This week, Todd and the dads remember Todd's father, Bob. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/235329490 Mon, 30 Nov 2015 02:29:13 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-19-liam-neeson-macaroni 00:43:34 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome to Episode 19, and not a moment too soon. The dads discuss collectible mac and cheese boxes, and the idea that now there are dead Star Wars characters on the box. Dave regales the dads with a cautionary tale on not getting your '99 Honda tuned up. Matt figures out how the mom from Signs could have lived a long, happy life. Dave doesn't know why cops drive SUVs. The dads find the missing link between cavemen and the Commodores. It's a sculpture made by a blind girl in an 80s music video. Todd can't use gel deodorant. He hates the slime. Matt can't get enough of it, but he quickly moves on to the failure of his Italian IKEA bench. Welcome to Episode 19, and not a moment too soon.… Welcome to Episode 19, and not a moment too soon. The dads discuss collectible mac and cheese boxes, and the idea that now there are dead Star Wars characters on the box. Dave regales the dads with a cautionary tale on not getting your '99 Honda tuned up. Matt figures out how the mom from Signs could have lived a long, happy life. Dave doesn't know why cops drive SUVs. The dads find the missing link between cavemen and the Commodores. It's a sculpture made by a blind girl in an 80s music video. Todd can't use gel deodorant. He hates the slime. Matt can't get enough of it, but he quickly moves on to the failure of his Italian IKEA bench. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/233721431 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 03:35:57 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-18-deep-fried-dreams 00:58:02 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Taco Bell now offers you their croissant taco. Good Lord. Daylight Savings Time is horrible, and Matt wastes that precious hour every year. He did catch an infomercial in the middle of the night for Butterball's indoor turkey frier. It's like fireworks, but for inside your house. Todd buys a ladder. For his house. A house he's owned for a decade. His first ladder.  Matt rearranges the federal holidays so that Americans get some breathing room between Thanksgiving and New Years. Finally, Todd redeems himself as a father by leading his family out of an intermediate corn maze. The problem is, his kids are too old to care. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com.   And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest.   Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back! Taco Bell now offers you their croi… Welcome back! Taco Bell now offers you their croissant taco. Good Lord. Daylight Savings Time is horrible, and Matt wastes that precious hour every year. He did catch an infomercial in the middle of the night for Butterball's indoor turkey frier. It's like fireworks, but for inside your house. Todd buys a ladder. For his house. A house he's owned for a decade. His first ladder.  Matt rearranges the federal holidays so that Americans get some breathing room between Thanksgiving and New Years. Finally, Todd redeems himself as a father by leading his family out of an intermediate corn maze. The problem is, his kids are too old to care. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com.   And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest.   Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/231473828 Wed, 04 Nov 2015 05:11:14 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-17-morph-suit-madness 00:55:57 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome to Episode 17! Todd's garage is haunted by a toy that no one has played with for a decade. And it's angry. Todd's son is wearing a morph suit for Halloween this year with an orange wig. He's too young to date anyone or drive. He's too old to be cute and eat candy. So he decided to embody the awkwardness of junior high by covering his entire body in Spandex. Matt goes to too many parties for four-year-olds. He's purchased a stack of the same gift and created a rubric to meet the challenge. Dave regales the fathers with a tale of the worst pre-K birthday party ever. PSA's about forest fires used to be jacked up. Dave's kids now have their mattresses on the floor of his room. There is no worse failure. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome to Episode 17! Todd's garage is haunted b… Welcome to Episode 17! Todd's garage is haunted by a toy that no one has played with for a decade. And it's angry. Todd's son is wearing a morph suit for Halloween this year with an orange wig. He's too young to date anyone or drive. He's too old to be cute and eat candy. So he decided to embody the awkwardness of junior high by covering his entire body in Spandex. Matt goes to too many parties for four-year-olds. He's purchased a stack of the same gift and created a rubric to meet the challenge. Dave regales the fathers with a tale of the worst pre-K birthday party ever. PSA's about forest fires used to be jacked up. Dave's kids now have their mattresses on the floor of his room. There is no worse failure. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/230743155 Fri, 30 Oct 2015 04:53:58 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-16-styrofoam-lung 01:02:48 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Thank God we can finally stop talking about Back to the Future II!! Matt found something to occupy Viva while he assembled furniture and she manages to destroy the house and her health at the same time. Dave is all In when it comes to the new Star Wars movie. It's time to strap on your blaster and buy your tickets!! Todd's son has turned thirteen and Todd doesn't think he gets in enough trouble. Careful what you wish for, old man! Matt and Viva enter a chili cook off and Matt loads it up with fatty meat, insanity peppers, and rare beer. Naturally, it wins. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Thank God we can finally stop talking about Back … Thank God we can finally stop talking about Back to the Future II!! Matt found something to occupy Viva while he assembled furniture and she manages to destroy the house and her health at the same time. Dave is all In when it comes to the new Star Wars movie. It's time to strap on your blaster and buy your tickets!! Todd's son has turned thirteen and Todd doesn't think he gets in enough trouble. Careful what you wish for, old man! Matt and Viva enter a chili cook off and Matt loads it up with fatty meat, insanity peppers, and rare beer. Naturally, it wins. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/229516760 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 03:17:04 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-15-two-headed-ghost 00:48:31 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Stop crying, did you really think a crummy 80's sequel could predict a baseball outcome? Speaking of the 80's, look, disturbing PSAs are back: Check it out! Good news, teens... armpit wipes are here! Todd hates all holidays, but Halloween has scarred him the worst, probably because of his youthful attempts at thrifty creativity. Matt want those pesky kids to get off his lawn with their 3D movies and their somber space opera and bad wigs. And in a cross-cultural feat of public humiliation and preschool Italian, Dave's daughters destroy social etiquette and a bystander's humanity. The sit-down afterwards must have looked like the Peanuts gang at Yalta. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Stop crying, did you really think a crummy 80's s… Stop crying, did you really think a crummy 80's sequel could predict a baseball outcome? Speaking of the 80's, look, disturbing PSAs are back: Check it out! Good news, teens... armpit wipes are here! Todd hates all holidays, but Halloween has scarred him the worst, probably because of his youthful attempts at thrifty creativity. Matt want those pesky kids to get off his lawn with their 3D movies and their somber space opera and bad wigs. And in a cross-cultural feat of public humiliation and preschool Italian, Dave's daughters destroy social etiquette and a bystander's humanity. The sit-down afterwards must have looked like the Peanuts gang at Yalta. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/228301986 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 01:52:11 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-14-corn-maze-death-march 00:59:58 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back to the show! All day breakfast at McDonald's means never having to say you're sorry. Dave watched Boogie Nights again, and it really holds up. Matt hates apple festivals and pumpkin spice. He also hates people who complain about pumpkin spice. Which sort of means he hates himself. He also wants to pick apples at a grocery store so that it's cheaper. Todd blows his dad off to go to a haunted house. Not recently. Decades ago, the day his grandfather died. Hungry Hungry Hippos is a cheap, crappy version of its 1980s self. Toddler potties are awesome, and 2015 public bathrooms are inexplicably clean. Dave is living a slow groundhog's day, and he doesn't want to buy two of everything even though he has twins. 80s tv was the best. Todd's kids won't hug him. Matt reveals the absolute worst (WORST!!!!) selfie ever taken by someone on life support. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! Welcome back to the show! All day breakfast at M… Welcome back to the show! All day breakfast at McDonald's means never having to say you're sorry. Dave watched Boogie Nights again, and it really holds up. Matt hates apple festivals and pumpkin spice. He also hates people who complain about pumpkin spice. Which sort of means he hates himself. He also wants to pick apples at a grocery store so that it's cheaper. Todd blows his dad off to go to a haunted house. Not recently. Decades ago, the day his grandfather died. Hungry Hungry Hippos is a cheap, crappy version of its 1980s self. Toddler potties are awesome, and 2015 public bathrooms are inexplicably clean. Dave is living a slow groundhog's day, and he doesn't want to buy two of everything even though he has twins. 80s tv was the best. Todd's kids won't hug him. Matt reveals the absolute worst (WORST!!!!) selfie ever taken by someone on life support. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. And tell a friend while you're at it! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/227436287 Thu, 08 Oct 2015 03:41:41 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-13-death-by-pasta 00:56:25 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome to lucky Episode 13! This week, the Olive Garden Pasta Pass is back, and ready to take down your entire family. Todd's hearing is headed downhill a tad prematurely, and his doctor insists that he get a hearing aid before dementia sets in. Dave still has tinnitus, but only until he dies. Shopkins are worthless, but not as worthless as you'll feel if you don't buy them for your children. Dave's kids are very comfortable with the idea of death. A Shark Tale doesn't help the situation. Matt and Dave make fun of Todd's pronunciation of "eggs".  Then the dads lament the world-wide existence of the costumed panhandler. Lastly, Matt's daughter's Pre-K is full of hipster and hippie parents, and for once Matt is surrounded by the artistic parents he's always desired to know. Unfortunately, he's an egotistical narcissist and can't handle not being the standout father.  We want to hear from you!!!Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest,and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! Welcome to lucky Episode 13! This week, the Olive… Welcome to lucky Episode 13! This week, the Olive Garden Pasta Pass is back, and ready to take down your entire family. Todd's hearing is headed downhill a tad prematurely, and his doctor insists that he get a hearing aid before dementia sets in. Dave still has tinnitus, but only until he dies. Shopkins are worthless, but not as worthless as you'll feel if you don't buy them for your children. Dave's kids are very comfortable with the idea of death. A Shark Tale doesn't help the situation. Matt and Dave make fun of Todd's pronunciation of "eggs".  Then the dads lament the world-wide existence of the costumed panhandler. Lastly, Matt's daughter's Pre-K is full of hipster and hippie parents, and for once Matt is surrounded by the artistic parents he's always desired to know. Unfortunately, he's an egotistical narcissist and can't handle not being the standout father.  We want to hear from you!!!Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest,and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/226199607 Wed, 30 Sep 2015 01:27:16 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-12-the-saliva-sundae-trough 00:47:02 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Matt starts us off by explaining the benefits of "hot desking".  This leads to "hot neglecting" your kids, which sounds worse than it actually would be. Matt then paints a terrifying picture of children and ice cream and troughs. Disgusting. Dave wants alone time with his wife so that they can talk about how much better they are than everyone else. Shark attacks are down and death by selfie is up, so Todd watches terrifying PSAs  about texting and driving, sending his daughter into her own personal Viet Nam flashback. The Happy Birthday Song now belongs to the people! Mama Say Mama Sa Mama Coosa! Mama Say Mama Sa Mama Coosa! Mama Say Mama Sa Mama Coosa! Mama Say Mama Sa Mama Coosa! Mama Say Mama Sa Mama Coosa! Mama Say Mama Sa Mama Coosa!  We want to hear from you!!!Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest,and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! Welcome back! Matt starts us off by explaining th… Welcome back! Matt starts us off by explaining the benefits of "hot desking".  This leads to "hot neglecting" your kids, which sounds worse than it actually would be. Matt then paints a terrifying picture of children and ice cream and troughs. Disgusting. Dave wants alone time with his wife so that they can talk about how much better they are than everyone else. Shark attacks are down and death by selfie is up, so Todd watches terrifying PSAs  about texting and driving, sending his daughter into her own personal Viet Nam flashback. The Happy Birthday Song now belongs to the people! Mama Say Mama Sa Mama Coosa! Mama Say Mama Sa Mama Coosa! Mama Say Mama Sa Mama Coosa! Mama Say Mama Sa Mama Coosa! Mama Say Mama Sa Mama Coosa! Mama Say Mama Sa Mama Coosa!  We want to hear from you!!!Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest,and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/225241998 Wed, 23 Sep 2015 18:05:24 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-11-mouthful-of-poo-water 00:58:32 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back to the show! This week, Todd offers up the idea of the bedtime pass for the other dads' kids. It's backed up by hard core stats, so there's no way Matt and Dave can refute its effectiveness.  Todd has a sinus infection, which is gross, and he should be ashamed of himself. Speaking of shame, his son just dropped an iPhone in the toilet, and all three dads have different ideas on the type of punishment that must commence. Matt takes us back into the Paternity Test Kitchen, and offers up a Frankenberry Crunch Shortcake, which incidentally is the ugliest of the Strawberry Shortcake friends. Dave seeks quiet, quality time without his children, and feels guilty for wanting fifteen minutes of freedom.  We want to hear from you!!!Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest,and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! Welcome back to the show! This week, Todd offers … Welcome back to the show! This week, Todd offers up the idea of the bedtime pass for the other dads' kids. It's backed up by hard core stats, so there's no way Matt and Dave can refute its effectiveness.  Todd has a sinus infection, which is gross, and he should be ashamed of himself. Speaking of shame, his son just dropped an iPhone in the toilet, and all three dads have different ideas on the type of punishment that must commence. Matt takes us back into the Paternity Test Kitchen, and offers up a Frankenberry Crunch Shortcake, which incidentally is the ugliest of the Strawberry Shortcake friends. Dave seeks quiet, quality time without his children, and feels guilty for wanting fifteen minutes of freedom.  We want to hear from you!!!Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest,and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/224055040 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 00:49:08 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-10-they-just-cant-handle-the-corndog 00:52:42 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back to the show! Dave is resting his voice, and he'll be back next week. In the meantime, Matt and Todd discuss the announcement that The Weather Channel is going to finally go back to focusing on weather rather than vague, insulting half-references to unimportant events. Matt regales Todd with a story of how he almost became a big reality TV star. Matt reads Viva a book where animals punch each other, which may have backfired. Matt's daughter then sings about hitting other people. The problem is, she's doing it when she's alone in her room and doesn't think anyone is listening. Matt buys his daughter a storage locker full of ballet clothes on Amazon. She'll take her first class any day now, and Matt is terrified because all of his hopes and dreams depend on Viva loving ballet with her entire soul. Matt hates figure skating. Todd loves cargo shorts, and has no memory of ever buying a different style of shorts in his life. Todd lives for concession stand food, and his heart is broken when his daughter's corn dogs come to the table inedible. Matt creates the baked Italian corn dog for all to behold. Ted Nugent is apparently the only musician willing to share his music with the Republican party. Todd's son is going through puberty, and he seems to be getting jolts of estrogen rather than testosterone. We want to hear from you!!!Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest,and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! Welcome back to the show! Dave is resting his voi… Welcome back to the show! Dave is resting his voice, and he'll be back next week. In the meantime, Matt and Todd discuss the announcement that The Weather Channel is going to finally go back to focusing on weather rather than vague, insulting half-references to unimportant events. Matt regales Todd with a story of how he almost became a big reality TV star. Matt reads Viva a book where animals punch each other, which may have backfired. Matt's daughter then sings about hitting other people. The problem is, she's doing it when she's alone in her room and doesn't think anyone is listening. Matt buys his daughter a storage locker full of ballet clothes on Amazon. She'll take her first class any day now, and Matt is terrified because all of his hopes and dreams depend on Viva loving ballet with her entire soul. Matt hates figure skating. Todd loves cargo shorts, and has no memory of ever buying a different style of shorts in his life. Todd lives for concession stand food, and his heart is broken when his daughter's corn dogs come to the table inedible. Matt creates the baked Italian corn dog for all to behold. Ted Nugent is apparently the only musician willing to share his music with the Republican party. Todd's son is going through puberty, and he seems to be getting jolts of estrogen rather than testosterone. We want to hear from you!!!Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook,on Twitter at @thedadtest,and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/223013454 Wed, 09 Sep 2015 03:27:25 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-9-wet-white-scab 00:59:03 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back to the podcast that would gladly go to jail for the right to love its listeners. Hell opens up and tries to cover the earth in snakes and meat druids. The Dads are there. David is back, neutered and muted. Seriously, he can barely talk and might die. You'll get, like, 15% Dave on this episode. Todd gets into the Drone Wars, and will soon be stopping wildfire fighters from responding to calamity. Speaking of Todd, his daughter wants to punch his face. Ah, filial love. Callers tell horror stories of botched vasectomies! (At this point it seems like more are botched than not.) And Matt's daughter wants an impossible birthday filled with celebrities and cartoons sprung to life. This is Matt's fault. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! Welcome back to the podcast that would gladly go … Welcome back to the podcast that would gladly go to jail for the right to love its listeners. Hell opens up and tries to cover the earth in snakes and meat druids. The Dads are there. David is back, neutered and muted. Seriously, he can barely talk and might die. You'll get, like, 15% Dave on this episode. Todd gets into the Drone Wars, and will soon be stopping wildfire fighters from responding to calamity. Speaking of Todd, his daughter wants to punch his face. Ah, filial love. Callers tell horror stories of botched vasectomies! (At this point it seems like more are botched than not.) And Matt's daughter wants an impossible birthday filled with celebrities and cartoons sprung to life. This is Matt's fault. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/221965306 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 03:26:41 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-8-sweaty-jungle-cheese 00:53:33 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back to that same old place you used to laugh about. David got his vocal chords sand blasted and he's still off – but we take a moment to play tape of him wheezing and make fun of his misfortune. Then we talk about our favorite discontinued pastries. Todd's obsession with credit card points has led him, sooner than we thought, into unessecary capital expenditures. Moustrap sucks. The world is coming to pieces, with poisonous snakes in Todd's neighborhood and druids dropping meat on children in the Carolinas. We get great listener mail and voice mail – and keep that stuff coming, wouldja? And Viva has a birthday coming, but Matt and Melissa can't decide where. Can a black Italian toddler have an ABBA themed party? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! Welcome back to that same old place you used to l… Welcome back to that same old place you used to laugh about. David got his vocal chords sand blasted and he's still off – but we take a moment to play tape of him wheezing and make fun of his misfortune. Then we talk about our favorite discontinued pastries. Todd's obsession with credit card points has led him, sooner than we thought, into unessecary capital expenditures. Moustrap sucks. The world is coming to pieces, with poisonous snakes in Todd's neighborhood and druids dropping meat on children in the Carolinas. We get great listener mail and voice mail – and keep that stuff coming, wouldja? And Viva has a birthday coming, but Matt and Melissa can't decide where. Can a black Italian toddler have an ABBA themed party? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/220915699 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 02:10:09 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-7-milk-brothers 00:49:29 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome to our seventh episode! We begin with Star Wars, and everyone's jealous that Todd's son is old enough to see Episode VII. Todd has a problem with breastfeeding; or, to be more specific, Todd has a problem with women who breastfeed other people's children. He then references The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, a movie that only Todd saw. Next, Todd buys an apple core peeler. It's an appliance that looks like you'd buy it at Cracker Barrel. Dave has mouse problems, but if you listen to the show, you'll hear about the best mouse trap ever. Finally, Matt embarks on a journey to turn his daughter into a human ATM machine by introducing her to the world of commercial acting. But with no tattoos or a body full of HGH, can he live up to his role as a Chicago stage father? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! Welcome to our seventh episode! We begin with Sta… Welcome to our seventh episode! We begin with Star Wars, and everyone's jealous that Todd's son is old enough to see Episode VII. Todd has a problem with breastfeeding; or, to be more specific, Todd has a problem with women who breastfeed other people's children. He then references The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, a movie that only Todd saw. Next, Todd buys an apple core peeler. It's an appliance that looks like you'd buy it at Cracker Barrel. Dave has mouse problems, but if you listen to the show, you'll hear about the best mouse trap ever. Finally, Matt embarks on a journey to turn his daughter into a human ATM machine by introducing her to the world of commercial acting. But with no tattoos or a body full of HGH, can he live up to his role as a Chicago stage father? We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/219934892 Wed, 19 Aug 2015 13:10:19 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/tpt-episode-6 00:45:34 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back to what the Internet was invented for. An Iowa Rep thinks gay marriage is like marrying lawn mowers – the Dads thinks he is protesting just a LITTLE TOO MUCH about marrying lawn mowers. Then the Dads discuss the mysterious new fangled appeal of really, really depressing horror films that are more Requiem for a Dream than Nightmare on Elm Street. Todd talks Matt into buying “Hi Ho Cherry O”, which immediately turns his daughter into a tyrant and a cheater. Speaking of Todd – no longer content with just bilking Columbia House Record Club out of Blind Melon cds, he is now trying to win a most dangerous game of credit card rewards points shuffle. The Dads get an e-mail about finger avulsions and talk about fingertip amputation stories of their youths. And finally, Dave gets ready for surgery on both his throat cancer voice AND his twin-producing genitals. Both surgeries are expected to be botched horribly. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! Welcome back to what the Internet was invented fo… Welcome back to what the Internet was invented for. An Iowa Rep thinks gay marriage is like marrying lawn mowers – the Dads thinks he is protesting just a LITTLE TOO MUCH about marrying lawn mowers. Then the Dads discuss the mysterious new fangled appeal of really, really depressing horror films that are more Requiem for a Dream than Nightmare on Elm Street. Todd talks Matt into buying “Hi Ho Cherry O”, which immediately turns his daughter into a tyrant and a cheater. Speaking of Todd – no longer content with just bilking Columbia House Record Club out of Blind Melon cds, he is now trying to win a most dangerous game of credit card rewards points shuffle. The Dads get an e-mail about finger avulsions and talk about fingertip amputation stories of their youths. And finally, Dave gets ready for surgery on both his throat cancer voice AND his twin-producing genitals. Both surgeries are expected to be botched horribly. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/218854417 Wed, 12 Aug 2015 03:22:19 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-5-serial-season-2 00:38:50 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back to the king daddy of dad shows. Season two of "Serial" is apparently in the can, but Matt doesn't believe it. He tends to think Sarah Koenig is sweating it out with a waste basket full of crumpled up empty notebook pages. Dave is sweating his daughters' third year on Earth, and hates the big lie: That the "terrible twos" are terrible at all. Dave and Matt also share their stories of the first night at home with their newborns. It didn't go well. Amazon Prime Day stunk. Thanks, Amazon. The dads then discuss the piercings that say, "I hate you, dad." Todd then gets closer to meeting his Maker by eating Taco Bell's Captain Crunch Ball on the air. It's mouth abuse, pure and simple. Lastly, Matt reads his daughter a Sesame Street book that hates Italians.  We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! Welcome back to the king daddy of dad shows. Seas… Welcome back to the king daddy of dad shows. Season two of "Serial" is apparently in the can, but Matt doesn't believe it. He tends to think Sarah Koenig is sweating it out with a waste basket full of crumpled up empty notebook pages. Dave is sweating his daughters' third year on Earth, and hates the big lie: That the "terrible twos" are terrible at all. Dave and Matt also share their stories of the first night at home with their newborns. It didn't go well. Amazon Prime Day stunk. Thanks, Amazon. The dads then discuss the piercings that say, "I hate you, dad." Todd then gets closer to meeting his Maker by eating Taco Bell's Captain Crunch Ball on the air. It's mouth abuse, pure and simple. Lastly, Matt reads his daughter a Sesame Street book that hates Italians.  We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/217843935 Wed, 05 Aug 2015 03:23:39 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-4-babies-not-in-car-seats 00:42:18 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome to Episode 4! The dads discover the new Dr. Seuss book that's gonna make someone other than Dr. Seuss a boat load of cash. Matt takes his daughter to a Chicago Park District Camp (read: Toddler Jail). She pays him back by burying her face in stagnant water fountain chum. Todd's son can't hit a golf ball, but he can break a driver like a pro. Dave's been seeing lots of cars in New York lately with kids out of their car seats. He's terrified, but recognizes that he finds the very same thing charming in Europe. Did you know kids can be in car seats until they're twelve? Neither did we. Next, Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future might have been the TV show that we all missed out on. It had everything: CGI, interactive Laser Tag, and adult themes. Lastly, Todd discovers how people in Georgia teach their four year olds to talk in aquariums. It isn't pretty. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! Welcome to Episode 4! The dads discover the new D… Welcome to Episode 4! The dads discover the new Dr. Seuss book that's gonna make someone other than Dr. Seuss a boat load of cash. Matt takes his daughter to a Chicago Park District Camp (read: Toddler Jail). She pays him back by burying her face in stagnant water fountain chum. Todd's son can't hit a golf ball, but he can break a driver like a pro. Dave's been seeing lots of cars in New York lately with kids out of their car seats. He's terrified, but recognizes that he finds the very same thing charming in Europe. Did you know kids can be in car seats until they're twelve? Neither did we. Next, Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future might have been the TV show that we all missed out on. It had everything: CGI, interactive Laser Tag, and adult themes. Lastly, Todd discovers how people in Georgia teach their four year olds to talk in aquariums. It isn't pretty. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/216973486 Thu, 30 Jul 2015 02:19:59 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-3-skip-the-tooth-fairy 00:52:01 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! A Lion prowls the streets of Milwaukee. Quick, someone call a Minnesotan denstist! In “So Now You're Old”, Dave and his brother learn that the big apple is much tamer on the wrong side of 35 – there's far fewer chili dog dust-ups. And speaking of safaris, Dave's wife just bought an elephant head on Amazon. More Scary Clowns and Filthy Elmos, as a creepy clown invades a Chicago cemetary. In “Animal Crack-Ups”, Matt struts on a stray cat. Listeners write in to talk e-mail urban legends and Grape Nuts. And Todd muffs his Tooth Fairy duty yet again! We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! Welcome back! A Lion prowls the streets of Milwau… Welcome back! A Lion prowls the streets of Milwaukee. Quick, someone call a Minnesotan denstist! In “So Now You're Old”, Dave and his brother learn that the big apple is much tamer on the wrong side of 35 – there's far fewer chili dog dust-ups. And speaking of safaris, Dave's wife just bought an elephant head on Amazon. More Scary Clowns and Filthy Elmos, as a creepy clown invades a Chicago cemetary. In “Animal Crack-Ups”, Matt struts on a stray cat. Listeners write in to talk e-mail urban legends and Grape Nuts. And Todd muffs his Tooth Fairy duty yet again! We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/215786617 Wed, 22 Jul 2015 02:50:40 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/tpt-episode-2-carol-channing-fear-jam 00:55:54 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome back! Matt used to be a dead ringer for Jimmy Fallon until the late night host nearly ripped his finger off. The dads Google Image Fallon’s medical condition, which was a mistake. Matt buys his daughter a sandbox for their deck...which is just above the deck of their neighbor. Guess what happens next. Dave tells a story of a family friend’s kid who asked his mother the toughest question ever about STDs. Ever. Todd’s kids won’t commune with him over his childhood cereal: Cookie Crisp. They seem to love Honey Bunches of Oats and shredded wheat, which is still listed as poison by the FDA. Harper Lee doesn’t know what day it is, but we’re supposed to believe she wanted to publish a book. A listener schools the dads on SpongeBob. The dads then lament the dark, dark 80s. Along with this Matt receives a Carol Channing ventriloquist dummy. Dave’s twin daughters keep pulling their dresses over their heads, which leads to a discussion on inappropriately short and skinny clothing for young girls. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! Welcome back! Matt used to be a dead ringer for J… Welcome back! Matt used to be a dead ringer for Jimmy Fallon until the late night host nearly ripped his finger off. The dads Google Image Fallon’s medical condition, which was a mistake. Matt buys his daughter a sandbox for their deck...which is just above the deck of their neighbor. Guess what happens next. Dave tells a story of a family friend’s kid who asked his mother the toughest question ever about STDs. Ever. Todd’s kids won’t commune with him over his childhood cereal: Cookie Crisp. They seem to love Honey Bunches of Oats and shredded wheat, which is still listed as poison by the FDA. Harper Lee doesn’t know what day it is, but we’re supposed to believe she wanted to publish a book. A listener schools the dads on SpongeBob. The dads then lament the dark, dark 80s. Along with this Matt receives a Carol Channing ventriloquist dummy. Dave’s twin daughters keep pulling their dresses over their heads, which leads to a discussion on inappropriately short and skinny clothing for young girls. We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/214466888 Mon, 13 Jul 2015 03:25:24 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/episode-1-dad-bod-batman 00:44:05 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no On the first episode of The Paternity Test: The Dads discuss the dissolution of Bennifer and what it means to have a middle aged Caped Crusader who just want to throw the ol' batarang around with his estranged kids. Matt and Professor Foster give up on marriage and buy two coffee pots. In “How the Better Half Lives”, Todd decides his ghost will discourage his wife from moving on after his (imminent) death. In “Talking Your Kids”, DM talks to his kids about death when Fonzie the poodle massacres some chipmunks in front of the wins. And in “Awkward Moments”, Matt is so Italian he sweats through OTHER PEOPLE's shirts! We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! On the first episode of The Paternity Test: The D… On the first episode of The Paternity Test: The Dads discuss the dissolution of Bennifer and what it means to have a middle aged Caped Crusader who just want to throw the ol' batarang around with his estranged kids. Matt and Professor Foster give up on marriage and buy two coffee pots. In “How the Better Half Lives”, Todd decides his ghost will discourage his wife from moving on after his (imminent) death. In “Talking Your Kids”, DM talks to his kids about death when Fonzie the poodle massacres some chipmunks in front of the wins. And in “Awkward Moments”, Matt is so Italian he sweats through OTHER PEOPLE's shirts! We want to hear from you!!! Call us at (657) BAD DADS or send us an e-mail at paternitypodcast@gmail.com. And follow us on Facebook, on Twitter at @thedadtest, and on Instagram at thepaternitytest. Please Subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review and tell your friends... this podcast is all we have! paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/213917761 Thu, 09 Jul 2015 04:58:08 +0000 https://soundcloud.com/thepaternitytest/tpt-episodezero-thisisus 00:04:10 featuring Matt Boresi, Dave Engel, and Todd Jay no Welcome to our new podcast, The Paternity Test. Learn what we're about in this special Episode Zero. Then subscribe so you don't miss our first episode, coming soon! Visit us at paternitypodcast.com, follow us on twitter @thedadtest and like our Facebook page. You can email us at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or leave a voice mail at 657-BAD-DADS. Welcome to our new podcast, The Paternity Test. L… Welcome to our new podcast, The Paternity Test. Learn what we're about in this special Episode Zero. Then subscribe so you don't miss our first episode, coming soon! Visit us at paternitypodcast.com, follow us on twitter @thedadtest and like our Facebook page. You can email us at paternitypodcast@gmail.com or leave a voice mail at 657-BAD-DADS. paternitypodcast@gmail.com (Matt Boresi, Dave Engel and Todd Jay)dads,parenting,comedy,kids,parents,podcast