Empathy Series – Part 2: How to Develop Empathy

If we want to raise children who truly care about others—who can look beyond themselves and consider another person’s perspective—it starts with intentionally developing empathy. While empathy might seem like something we either have or don’t, research shows it’s a skill that can be taught, modeled, and strengthened over time.

Surprisingly, the first step in helping children develop empathy isn’t focused on others at all—it begins with understanding themselves.

The Foundation: Self-Awareness

According to Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence—and without emotional intelligence, empathy can't take root. Children must first be able to recognize and understand their own emotions before they can begin to connect with the emotions of others.

Michelle Borba, author of Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World, echoes this idea. She argues that developing a strong moral identity is crucial for nurturing empathy. “We generally behave in ways consistent with our self-image,” she writes. “So if we want our kids to be empathetic, they must see themselves as caring and learn to value the thoughts and feelings of others.”

In today’s fast-paced, screen-saturated world, building self-awareness and moral identity is increasingly difficult. When Unselfie was released in 2016, Borba reported that 75% of children under age 8 had access to a smart device—and that number has only grown. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, children aged 8–12 now spend 4–6 hours per day using screens; teens spend up to 9 hours daily. This overexposure is linked to poor body image, risky behavior, cyberbullying, and emotional disconnection—all of which hinder empathy.

What Is Self-Awareness for Kids?

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize, understand, and label one’s own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. It helps children:

• Build confidence

• Explore their identity

• Make values-based decisions

• Strengthen relationships

How to Cultivate Self-Awareness in Children

• Encourage emotional expression: Help children name their emotions and express them in healthy ways.

• Facilitate reflection: Ask thoughtful questions that guide kids to consider how their actions affect others.

• Promote mindfulness: Use breathing exercises, body scans, or observation activities to increase emotional awareness.

• Model self-awareness: Share your own emotions and how you navigate them.

• Reinforce values: Connect classroom expectations to character traits (kindness, responsibility, respect), not just rules.

Pro Tips for Educators: Practical Ways to Foster Empathy in the Classroom

Here are actionable strategies educators can use to build a classroom culture of empathy, self-awareness, and moral growth:

✅ Use Nouns Over Verbs When Praising

• Instead of: “That was kind.”

• Try: “You are a kind person.”
  This builds empathy into a student’s identity—not just a one-time behavior.

✅ Align Praise with Character and Correction with Behavior

Align praise with character traits and corrections with specific behaviors—this supports moral identity development.

• Praise: “You showed responsibility by turning in your work on time” or “You’re a responsible student.”

• Correction: “Yelling doesn’t solve problems. Let’s talk about a better way to handle frustration.”
  This reinforces that behavior can change while character remains a guiding compass.

✅ Incorporate “Feelings Check-Ins”
Start the day or class period with:

• A mood meter

• An emotion wheel

• A “How are you feeling today?” chart
  This helps normalize emotional expression and builds emotional vocabulary.

✅ Create a Class “Code of Values”
Co-create shared values like kindness, fairness, and respect.
Display them prominently and reference them during discussions or conflict resolution.

✅ Integrate Empathy-Focused Literature
Choose books and read-alouds that explore emotions and perspectives.
Ask questions like:

• “What do you think the character was feeling?”

• “Have you ever felt that way?”

• “What would you do in their shoes?”

✅ Use Restorative Practices Over Punishment
When conflict arises, ask:

• “Who was affected by what happened?”

• “How can we make things right?”
  This teaches empathy, accountability, and emotional repair.

✅ Model Empathy Daily
Students learn empathy best by observing it. Narrate your own emotions and coping strategies.
Example: “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a deep breath before we continue.”

✅ Encourage Perspective-Taking Activities
Try role plays, debates, or journaling prompts like:

• “Imagine you’re a new student—how would you want to be welcomed?”

• “Write a letter from someone who feels left out.”

✅ Celebrate Emotional Growth
Recognize moments of kindness, compassion, and emotional courage.
Start a “Kindness Wall” or “Student Shoutouts” to celebrate these moments alongside academic achievements.

Teaching Emotional Literacy: The Language of Empathy

Before children can empathize with others, they need vocabulary to understand emotions. Emotional literacy is the gateway to empathy—and it must be taught intentionally.

Ways to Teach Emotional Literacy:

• Identify and Label Emotions

• Use visuals like emotion charts or faces

• Expand vocabulary beyond “happy” or “mad”

• Model labeling emotions in real time: “I’m feeling a little anxious today.”

• Relate Emotions to Situations

• Use books or scenarios to ask, “How do you think they felt—and why?”

• Pose “How would you feel if...?” questions to foster perspective-taking.

• Use Play and Storytelling

• Try emotion charades or matching games

• Create short stories based on facial expressions or social scenes

• Create a Safe Space for Expression

• Encourage journaling, drawing, or class meetings to process emotions

• Validate all feelings without judgment: “It’s okay to feel upset. Let’s talk about it.”

Final Thoughts: A Path Worth Walking

Helping children develop empathy isn’t a one-time lesson—it’s a long-term investment in their emotional, social, and moral development. When we begin with self-awareness and emotional literacy, we equip students with the tools they need to connect, care, and contribute to a kinder world.

✨ Stay tuned for the next post in this series: How to Practice Empathy—where we’ll explore ways students can put empathy into action.

If you’ve ever wondered why a student who clearly knows the material still forgets to turn in the assignment, loses every worksheet, or melts down during transitions—you’re not alone. The likely culprit? Executive functioning skills, the brain’s behind-the-scenes management team.

These mental skills help us plan, focus, remember instructions, manage time, and juggle multiple tasks. In other words, they’re the skills every student needs to succeed—but not every student naturally develops.

As educators and school counselors, we can’t assume these skills are already in place. But the good news? Executive functioning can be taught—with consistency, modeling, and intentional practice.

🧠 Executive Functioning in the Classroom: What It Looks Like

Think of executive skills as the “how” behind the “what.” Students may understand the content but still struggle with:

• Starting tasks (Initiation)

• Keeping materials organized (Organization)

• Managing time effectively (Time Management)

• Thinking before acting (Impulse Control)

• Shifting gears when plans change (Cognitive Flexibility)

• Staying focused in noisy or distracting environments (Attention)

Rather than blaming laziness, what if we saw these as skills to build?

🛠 Practical Exercises to Strengthen Executive Skills

Here are quick, age-appropriate ways to build executive functioning skills at every grade level:

1. Start with Routines (All Levels)

• Use visual schedules for younger students; written agendas for older ones.

• Make transitions predictable and give time warnings (e.g., “You have 3 minutes to finish…”).

• Model and practice morning or class-startup routines.

🧩 Why it works: Routines reduce cognitive load and increase student independence.

2. “Time It Together” Activities (K–12)

• Set timers for short tasks. Challenge students to estimate how long something will take.

• For older students: Use planners, Google Calendar, or digital task apps.

• For younger ones: Use sand timers or songs to guide tasks.

⏳ Why it works: It builds awareness of time, a major executive skill many students lack.

3. Checklists & Break-it-Down Thinking (Upper Elementary–High School)

• Teach students to break assignments into smaller steps and check them off.

• Use graphic organizers for writing or project planning.

• Have students reflect: “What’s the first thing I need to do?”

📋 Why it works: Planning and prioritizing improve with visual structure.

4. "What’s My Plan?" Question (All Ages)

• Before starting a task, ask: “What’s your plan?” or “What will you do first?”

• Pair this with think-aloud modeling from the teacher.

🧠 Why it works: It encourages metacognition—thinking about how we think and act.

5. Impulse Pause Practices (K–5)

• Use games like “Freeze Dance” or “Red Light, Green Light” to build inhibitory control.

• Teach “Stop, Think, Choose” routines for handling conflict or decisions.

🧘 Why it works: Self-control is foundational for learning and peer relationships.

6. Weekly Reflection Routines (Middle–High School)

• Encourage students to ask:

• What worked for me this week?

• What got in my way?

• What can I try differently next time?

🗂️ Why it works: Builds self-monitoring and promotes a growth mindset.

👥 How School Counselors Can Support

• Provide small-group interventions for students struggling with organization, attention, or emotional regulation.

• Collaborate with teachers to integrate EF-friendly strategies into academic content.

• Offer parent workshops on supporting executive functioning at home.
  

Final Thought: Progress Over Perfection

Just like math or reading, executive functioning improves with explicit teaching, regular practice, and patience. Students won’t master these skills overnight—but over time, with your support, they’ll learn how to take control of their learning, behavior, and emotional world.

And that’s a lifelong win.

Empathy has gotten a bad rap lately.

In a headline-making appearance on The Joe Rogan Experience, tech titan Elon Musk called empathy the “fundamental weakness of Western civilization,” going so far as to claim it’s pushing us toward “civilizational suicide.” That kind of claim sparks a lot of reaction—and perhaps that’s the point. But it also raises an important question: Is empathy truly a liability, or could it be our greatest strength?

In this first installment of a four-part blog series on empathy, we’ll explore why teaching empathy through social-emotional learning (SEL) is not just important, but essential—for our children, for our communities, and for the future of humanity.

The Case for Empathy

Empathy is the capacity to share and comprehend what another person is feeling. It’s fundamental to how we relate to one another, build trust, solve problems, and create compassionate communities. Though often viewed as a uniquely human trait, research in neuroscience and primatology suggests that other mammals—like elephants, dolphins, and chimpanzees—also display empathetic behaviors. Read more on animal empathy here.

So, if empathy is something we share with other mammals, what sets humans apart?

Unlike animals, humans possess the cognitive capacity to choose how we respond emotionally. This ability allows us to engage in moral reasoning, consider the needs of others, and act in alignment with our values. Choosing empathy is not a sign of weakness—it’s an act of courage and emotional intelligence.

As historian Susan Lanzoni puts it, “Empathy marks a relation between the self and the other that draws a border but also builds a bridge.” To disparage empathy is to build walls where we most need bridges.

Empathy in the Classroom

Research clearly supports the idea that empathy is not just a "soft skill"—it’s a core competency for success in school and in life. Students who are emotionally literate and capable of understanding the perspectives of others:

• Build stronger relationships

• Experience less conflict

• Make more thoughtful decisions

• Show greater resilience in the face of adversity

In contrast, students who lack empathy are more likely to:

• Feel isolated or lonely

• Engage in risky behaviors (including substance use)

• Struggle with depression and emotional regulation

• Exhibit antisocial or aggressive behaviors

Studies have even shown that empathetic children exposed to conflict at home fare better emotionally and physically than their less empathetic peers.

As Michelle Borba, educational psychologist and author of UnSelfie, explains:

“It turns out that kids schooled in feelings are smarter, nicer, happier, and more resilient than children who are less literate in their Emotion ABCs... Emotionally attuned kids are also physically healthier and score higher academically.”

In short: Empathy makes kids better humans. And better humans make better schools—and a better world.

Why SEL Matters More Than Ever

Social-emotional learning is how we teach these essential skills. SEL helps students identify their own emotions, manage stress, show empathy for others, build healthy relationships, and make responsible decisions. Without SEL, students may struggle to make sense of their feelings or understand the experiences of others.

Initiatives like Harvard’s Making Caring Common Project and the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley emphasize that cultivating empathy is foundational to a safe, supportive school culture. Teachers who model and teach empathy create classrooms where students feel seen, valued, and ready to learn.

Educator Lauren Owen, writing for Edutopia, says it best:

“Empathy contributes to building a positive classroom culture, strengthening community, and preparing students to be leaders in their communities.”

The Bigger Picture

So, whether you're a parent, educator, or simply a concerned citizen, ask yourself this: What kind of society do we want to create?

If we choose empathy—not just as a feeling, but as a daily practice—we empower students to grow into compassionate leaders and thoughtful problem-solvers. We build bridges in a world full of barriers.

In the coming posts, we’ll take a deeper dive into the how:

• How to develop empathy in children and students

• How to practice empathy daily

• How to live empathy as a way of being

For now, know this: Empathy is not a weakness. It’s a strength—and one we cannot afford to lose.

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]]>The Power of Empathy: Creating a Brighter Future Through UnderstandingSEL StrategiesMental HealthClassroom Culture and ClimateWellnessMalynda ZuckMon, 05 May 2025 21:00:00 +0000https://www.awbeducation.org/school-counseling/do-you-have-ants-in-your-classroom67a55e8719e11a7afa92cacb:67d6d5096d3eb84615e58506:6818df365e4576034f4ceca6 How Educators Can Recognize and Reframe Automatic Negative Thoughts—for Themselves and Their Students

Let’s be honest—there’s no pest quite like the kind that shows up uninvited, ruins your day, and refuses to leave. And no, I’m not talking about the six-legged kind that invades your picnic, but something equally annoying: Automatic Negative Thoughts. Coined by psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen in Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, ANTs are those uninvited mental pests that crawl into your thoughts, sabotage your peace, and multiply if left unchecked. They whisper things like:

• “I’m failing my students.”

• “That parent email means I’m in trouble.”

• “No one appreciates what I do.”

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. In fact, most of us have experienced an ANT infestation in our minds at some point. The key is recognizing them before they take over the whole school (or at least our emotional state). Let’s identify those mental pests and learn how to reclaim your power!

What Are ANTs?

Dr. Amen describes ANTs as those automatic, habitual thoughts that lean negative—especially under stress. For educators, stress is part of the job description. Add to that our perfectionist tendencies and big hearts, and it’s no surprise ANTs find fertile ground.

These thoughts often feel true, but they’re usually irrational and self-defeating. The good news? Just like you wouldn’t tolerate a real ant trail in your classroom, you don’t have to tolerate these mental invaders either. You can learn to squash them- metaphorically, of course- I’m not promoting violence. 

The 9 Types of ANTs (Know Thy Enemy)

Dr. Amen breaks down ANTs into 9 categories. Maybe you’ve experienced some of these ANTs in the teacher’s lounge…

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking ANT
   “This lesson bombed. I’m a terrible teacher.” / “My students never listen.” / “I’m always behind.”
     Everything is black or white, success or failure. All good or all bad with no middle ground. Spoiler: That’s not how teaching (or life) works. Look for words like always, never, every time. These exaggerations are emotional, not factual.

2. Less-Than ANT
   “Mrs. Perfect is the favorite teacher. I’ll never be as good as her.”
   This ANT looks outside of itself and compares itself to others, seeing itself as less than others. It’s important to remember we all have different strengths and teaching styles. You don’t have to be like someone else to be amazing- be YOU!

3. Just the Bad ANT
   “Twenty-five kids were engaged, but I can’t stop thinking about the one who wasn't.”
   This ANT scans for what’s wrong and ignores what’s right. It’s a spotlight on failure, even in the middle of success.

4. If-Only and I’ll-Be-Happy-When ANTs
   “If only COVID hadn’t happened, my students wouldn’t be behind.” / “I can’t wait till summer break!”
     This ANT often argues with the past, or longs for the future rather than taking control of the present.

5. Guilt-Beating ANT
   “I should’ve graded those essays last night.” / “I must do more.”
   These thoughts use should, must, or ought—and usually leave you feeling guilty, inadequate, or overworked.

6. Labeling ANT
   “I’m such a bad teacher.” / “He’s just lazy.”
   When we reduce ourselves (or others) to a single negative label, we miss the full picture—and growth becomes harder.

7. Fortune-Telling ANT
   “This class is going to be a disaster.”
   Predicting the worst before anything happens. Hello, anxiety! This ANT is notorious for ruining mornings and creating a self-fulfilled prophecy!

8. Mind-Reading ANT
   “The principal thinks I’m not doing enough.” / “That parent is judging me.”
   Unless you’re psychic (and if so, let’s talk), you can’t know what others are thinking. This ANT makes assumptions with no evidence.

9. Blaming ANT
   “I’d be fine if the admin actually supported us.”
   It’s tempting to point fingers, but blaming strips us of our power to respond and grow. It puts control outside of ourselves.

These thoughts feel real, but they’re rarely true. They distort our perception and rob us of the resilience we need to thrive—especially in a profession where every day is unpredictable and emotionally charged.

Why ANTs Matter in the Classroom

The way we think affects the way we teach. When ANTs are running wild, we can become discouraged, reactive, or disconnected. Even worse, our students—who are always watching—start to adopt the same toxic thinking patterns.

But here’s the empowering part: when we catch and challenge our ANTs, we model resilience, reflection, and emotional regulation. These aren’t just life skills—they’re survival tools for today’s kids.

Pest Control: 5 Steps to Kick Out the ANTs

1. Name It to Tame It
   Start by noticing the thought. Give it a name: “Oh, hey, Fortune-Telling ANT!”

2. Ask: Is It True?
   Dr. Amen suggests interrogating the thought like a suspicious package. Is it 100% true? What evidence do you have?

3. Flip the Script
   Replace “I’m a terrible teacher” with “Today was hard, but I’m learning and adjusting.”

4. Make It a Habit
   Consider a daily “ANT Check.” Journal, reflect, or take 60 seconds during your commute to review your thoughts.

5. Teach the Strategy to Students
   Kids have ANTs too! Help them identify, name, and challenge negative thoughts. Make it fun—use drawings, thought journals, or role-plays.

For Staffrooms and Classrooms Alike

• Create an “ANT Bulletin Board” in your break room. Invite staff to anonymously post their ANTs and reframe them.

• Use “Thought Detective” activities with students—searching for clues to challenge negative beliefs.

• Normalize it: “We all have ANTs sometimes. What matters is what we do next.”

Final Thoughts

You might not control what shows up in your inbox, but you can control how you talk to yourself about it. You’re not your thoughts. You’re the observer of them. When you start identifying and evicting your ANTs, you open the door for more accurate, kind, and empowering thoughts. By doing so, you create a space for compassion, growth, and resilience- for yourself and your students. As Dr. Amen puts it, “ You don’t have to believe every stupid thought you have.”

So the next time you’re spiraling over a less-than-perfect lesson, remember: it might just be an ANT. Step on it, smile, and keep moving forward.

Understanding Self-Harm in Students: A Trauma-Informed Lens

Self-harm is a complex and often misunderstood behavior, particularly among students who may be experiencing trauma or emotional dysregulation. It’s easy to feel alarmed or overwhelmed when a student shares that they’re hurting themselves—but we must look beyond the behavior to understand what’s really going on. Self-harm is not necessarily a suicide attempt; rather, it's often a coping strategy.

For many students, these behaviors are not about seeking attention, but about expressing distress in the only way they know how. It’s a method of managing emotional pain that has become too intense or too difficult to articulate. It may help them gain a sense of control when life feels overwhelming or relieve a sense of numbness. In some cases, it may be the only way they know how to “feel” anything at all. Self-harm becomes a form of expression and regulation.

In The Body Keeps the Score, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains how trauma is stored not only in the mind but in the body itself. He notes that trauma disrupts the brain’s ability to regulate emotions and often causes individuals to disconnect from their physical and emotional selves. As a result of this disconnection, they may use self-injury to feel in control, to punish themselves when shame and guilt are overwhelming, or simply to “feel” when everything else feels numb. According to van der Kolk, healing begins by restoring a sense of safety and trust in the body. For students, this starts with having adults respond with compassion and understanding, rather than fear or judgment. It’s not about “fixing” the student, but providing a space where they feel heard, seen, and supported.

Helping Students Heal: Reconnecting with the Body

Students who self-harm are often dealing with far more than what we can see. For those who have experienced trauma, the body can feel like an unsafe place. When there is an ongoing threat—or even the memory of one—the nervous system remains on high alert. Traumatized individuals often feel disconnected or detached from their physical selves. For some, self-harm becomes a way to either feel something or release overwhelming emotional pain that has no words.

One of the most important steps in supporting these students is helping them develop a sense of safety and agency in their own bodies. We must guide them toward recognizing their sensations and emotions in a non-threatening way. This begins by creating calm, predictable environments where they can start to notice what they are feeling—without judgment. Mindfulness practices such as grounding techniques, breathing exercises, and body scans provide students with simple, concrete ways to begin feeling safe again. Even small actions like noticing their breath or identifying where they feel tension can help rebuild a sense of control.

It’s also important to recognize that physical touch can be complicated. While it can offer comfort, for many trauma survivors—especially those who have experienced physical or sexual abuse—touch is both something they crave and fear. That’s why educators and counselors must honor boundaries and create consistent, nurturing spaces where students feel emotionally connected and safe.

Ultimately, healing from self-harm is a process. It starts with helping students learn to listen to their bodies, recognize emotions as they arise, and build coping tools that don’t involve self-injury. When they can respond to their physical and emotional states with curiosity instead of fear, they begin to reclaim control—and healing becomes possible.

How School Counselors Can Support Students Who Self-Harm

When a student reveals that they are self-harming, it’s essential to respond with calm, care, and connection. Our reactions set the tone for whether students continue to seek support or retreat into shame and secrecy.

Approach with Empathy, Not Alarm
Stay grounded and nonjudgmental. Reacting with fear or shock can heighten a student’s sense of shame. Instead, offer a compassionate presence: “I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. You’re not alone, and I’m here to help.”

Validate Their Experience
Let the student know their feelings are real and worthy of attention. Often, the act of being seen and heard begins the healing process.

Provide a Safe, Regulated Space
Students in distress need an environment that feels physically and emotionally safe. Use calming tools like sensory objects, journaling prompts, or breathing exercises to help them manage difficult emotions.

Assess for Safety
It’s critical to gently assess whether the student is in immediate danger or experiencing suicidal thoughts. Follow your school’s protocol for risk assessments and crisis response.

Connect to a Support Network
When appropriate, involve caregivers and collaborate with school-based mental health professionals such as social workers or psychologists. Ongoing support may also include outside counseling services.

Teach Emotional Regulation Skills
Students who engage in self-harm often lack tools to express or manage their feelings. Counselors can introduce mindfulness strategies, grounding techniques, and emotional vocabulary to help build these essential skills.

Follow Up and Stay Present
Regular check-ins help build trust and show students they are not facing their challenges alone. Consistency and presence are powerful tools in promoting healing and resilience.

Promote a Trauma-Informed School Culture
When schools actively teach emotional wellness, empathy, and coping strategies, students are better equipped to handle adversity. Ongoing professional development in trauma-informed care is essential to this mission.

Important Note

Counselors should always follow school protocols for reporting and intervention. If a student’s self-harm is severe or potentially life-threatening, immediate action should be taken to ensure their safety, including possible emergency referral.

Sources:

van der Kolk, Bessel A. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking, 2014.

Building Strong Relationships to Foster Positive Student Behavior

As school counselors, we are more than just problem-solvers—we are champions for our students. One of the most powerful ways we support behavior, connection, and growth is by implementing interventions that offer structure, encouragement, and a deep sense of belonging. One such intervention, Check-In/Check-Out (CICO), stands out as a highly effective Tier 2 strategy that centers relationships at its core.

CICO Intervention Overview

Check-In/Check-Out (CICO), also known as the Behavior Education Program (BEP), is a proactive behavioral support designed to provide students with structured daily interactions with a trusted adult mentor. These check-ins offer consistent opportunities for feedback, reflection, and encouragement.

The CICO framework supports students by:

• Increasing adherence to school-wide behavior expectations

• Reducing office discipline referrals

• Minimizing mild disruptive behaviors

• Enhancing academic engagement and prosocial behaviors

Research shows that students who seek connection or struggle with low-level disruptive behaviors benefit immensely from the consistency and connection CICO provides.

The Counselor’s Role: Leading with Heart

Counselors aren’t just implementers of CICO—we are the heart behind it. We are in a unique position to build trust, cultivate hope, and empower students to grow. Below are key ways counselors lead CICO with intention and impact.

1. Relationship Building: The Foundation of Success

At the core of every effective CICO plan is a strong, trusting relationship between the student and their CICO champion. Counselors are especially equipped to build these authentic connections—making students feel seen, heard, and valued.

The morning check-in sets a positive tone for the day, while the afternoon check-out creates space for reflection and reinforcement. To deepen these connections, I include two simple but powerful questions on students’ CICO forms:

1. What is something you are grateful for today?

2. What is something you are looking forward to today?

These questions help students maintain a positive mindset and allow me to learn more about who they are—beyond their behavior.

2. Encouraging Students by Highlighting Their Strengths

CICO isn’t just about correcting misbehavior—it’s about recognizing and amplifying what students do well. Each interaction should include behavior-specific praise to reinforce effort and improvement. When we highlight students’ strengths, we empower them to take ownership of their growth and build long-lasting self-confidence.

Inviting students to set personal daily goals helps them approach the day with purpose. When those goals are based on their strengths, students begin to view themselves as capable, resilient, and in control of their future.

3. Identifying Meaningful Incentives to Foster Intrinsic Motivation

For CICO to succeed, students must feel motivated to participate. As counselors, we help students identify incentives that are meaningful to them—rewards that align with their interests and values. While external rewards like stickers or privileges can be helpful in the short term, our goal is to move students toward intrinsic motivation.

Helping students connect behavior expectations with their vision for the future creates a sense of purpose. When they see that their actions today shape the life they want tomorrow, behavior change becomes personal and powerful.

How to Implement CICO Effectively

Identify Students Who Will Benefit

• Use behavior data to identify students with frequent low-level disruptions.

• Collaborate with teachers and student support teams to select appropriate candidates.

Develop an Individualized Plan

• Assign a trusted adult champion.

• Set clear behavior goals and tracking methods.

Execute Daily Check-Ins and Check-Outs

• Morning Check-In: Review goals, offer encouragement, and set the tone.

• Throughout the Day: Teachers provide behavior feedback.

• Afternoon Check-Out: Reflect, celebrate wins, and discuss areas of improvement.

Monitor Progress and Make Adjustments

• Use data to assess growth.

• Adjust goals or supports as needed for continued progress.

CICO in Your School District

Many districts incorporate CICO into their PBIS and MTSS frameworks as a relationship-based tool for behavior support. As school counselors, we have the responsibility—and the privilege—to advocate for its thoughtful, widespread implementation.

But our influence goes beyond planning and paperwork. We must lead with empathy, heart, and high expectations. When we step up as champions for our students—especially those who feel disconnected or discouraged—we model what it means to believe in someone. And that belief can change everything.

Final Thoughts

Check-In/Check-Out is more than a behavior strategy—it’s a relationship-building opportunity that allows students to feel supported, encouraged, and capable of change. When counselors serve as champions and cheerleaders, we help students reframe how they see themselves and what they’re capable of achieving. With consistency, compassion, and connection, CICO becomes a powerful bridge between where students are and where they’re going.

If I had a dime for every time a student walked into my office and asked, “Am I in trouble?”—I could have retired by now. Many people assume school counselors are primarily responsible for scheduling classes or handling discipline. While those tasks may be part of the job, they only scratch the surface of what school counselors do.

School counselors are the heart of student support, working behind the scenes to help students thrive academically, emotionally, and socially. Our role is not just about problem-solving in the moment but about empowering students to navigate challenges, build resilience, and reach their full potential.

Advocates for Student Success

One of the reasons I became a school counselor was my desire to help all students recognize their strengths and grow into their best selves. Counselors serve as student advocates, ensuring every child receives the support they need—whether they're struggling with academics, facing social conflicts, or managing anxiety.

By collaborating with teachers, administrators, and families, counselors help create a school environment where every student has the opportunity to succeed.

Supporting Mental Health and Emotional Well-Being

While society has made progress in recognizing mental health as a priority, there is still a critical need for meaningful social-emotional instruction in schools. According to the Teen Nation Health Interview Survey, about 1 in 5 adolescents report experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression (KFF, 2024).

School counselors are often the first point of support for students facing these challenges. Through individual and group counseling, they help students develop coping skills, build resilience, and gain confidence to overcome obstacles. When needed, they also connect students and families with outside mental health resources to ensure they receive the necessary care.

Academic and Career Guidance

Beyond emotional and social support, school counselors play a vital role in shaping students' academic and career paths. They assist with:

• Setting academic goals

• Developing study habits and test-taking strategies

• Exploring career options

• Navigating college applications and scholarship opportunities

By providing guidance on course selection and future planning, counselors equip students with the tools they need to succeed beyond the classroom.

Teaching Conflict Resolution and Social Skills

Success in life extends beyond academics. School counselors help students develop critical life skills, including conflict resolution, communication, and emotional regulation. Whether mediating a disagreement between friends or addressing bullying concerns, they play an essential role in fostering a supportive and inclusive school culture.

A Bridge Between Home and School

Communication between home and school is key to student success, and counselors often serve as liaisons between parents and educators. They help families understand their child's academic progress, emotional well-being, and social development, offering guidance on how to navigate challenges together.

While counselors may not be in the classroom every day, they provide valuable insights into class expectations and serve as unbiased mediators when needed, helping to strengthen the partnership between families and schools.

Final Thoughts

School counselors wear many hats, but at their core, they are dedicated to helping students grow into confident, capable individuals. As education continues to evolve, their role remains more critical than ever in shaping the future of young learners.

Has a school counselor made a difference in your life or your child’s? Share your experience in the comments!

Sources:

Kaiser Family Foundation. (2024). Roughly 1 in 5 adolescents report experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression. Retrieved from https://www.kff.org/coronavirus-covid-19/press-release/roughly-1-in-5-adolescents-report-experiencing-symptoms-of-anxiety-or-depression