Our brave girl has a name and a story that we are just starting to scratch the surface of.

You guys…she’s more beautiful and full of light and strength at her tender age of 23 months than we could have fathomed. We found out two weeks ago today and are still wrapping our heads and hearts around all that has happened. She is in an orphanage in India and she turns 2 at the end of the month. That will make her and Silas 6 weeks apart which will be hysterical and beautiful. I will share her picture as soon as I can, but until then I’ll share this gorgeous magnet (again) with this banner of truth that we pray and hope for over our girl. So many of you have loved and given and bought T-shirt’s and prayed.

Thank you.

I can’t wait for the rest of this story to unfold. We’d love prayers for the next few steps to go surprisingly fast as the first steps went by… unexpectedly slow. Yet now that we know who she is and see what had to be set in place for us to be “matched” with her, the waiting all seems purposeful and worth it. And isn’t that how He works, weaving all things for good?

To our brave girl, radiant with light, we are coming for you as fast as we can. We won’t leave any stone unturned and until then we pray and stare at your pictures and watch your videos every day. You are so loved. Though you have known sorrow and grief at your young age that I’ll never fully comprehend, we call you daughter and we will fight for you and run with you and laugh with you and love you all of your days. #bringingbravepaulrajhome

The post We know her name! first appeared on WE: Unformed.

Our family is adopting again from India!!!!!! We have been approved and are about 75% thru our homestudy process. We are adopting a DAUGHTER from India and hope to bring her home within the next 18 months.

You can read more at the link below:

https://adopttogether.org/families/?fundraiser=paulraj-family-adoption

We would love for you to join us on this journey. Your prayers, encouragement, and giving are greatly needed! We are raising a goal of $25,000 for this adoption and will also have a t-shirt sale in the future that I will be sure to share with you all!

To start off today, on March 19th 2018, we are having a giveaway!

We are having a giveaway for the first 19 donors. Because today is March 19th and our 7th anniversary is today, the first 19 people who give via the link provided (at Adopt Together) are eligible for a giveaway! We are giving away this gorgeous backpack that I purchased in January from my favorite market in Delhi, India. It is brand new and the detail is gorgeous. In order to qualify for the giveaway, email me (jess.paulraj@gmail.com) a picture/screenshot of the email you receive after donating to our family on Adopt Together. If you want your gift amount to be anonymous, you can cover the amount with your finger or in any other way you can think of. If you want your identity anonymous, maybe you can donate on the given website then have someone else submit your screenshot for the giveaway…? I don’t know really how to make that work but if you think of a way let me know! Please note, you must email me and the first 19 emails I get will be entered in drawing. I will not be able to keep track of it in any other way.

Our family is so excited to bring our DAUGHTER home and cannot wait to share the story with you along the way!

**All giving via Adopt Together is tax deductible and will ONLY go towards fees and expenses towards this adoption ONLY

The post Exciting news from the Paulraj family! first appeared on WE: Unformed.

Elisabeth Elliot said it best, “you do the next thing”.

The post Do the next thing… first appeared on WE: Unformed.

So I write because I serve a King who makes beauty from ashes and who crushed the curse of death so that it will not sting forever. Yes, it stings on this side of heaven. I cannot say that missing Adam does not sting. BUT GOD has made a way for it to not sting forever. As Andrew Peterson wrote “to lay down to die is to lay down to live”. My son is living and he is experiencing joy and healing and freedom beyond what my feeble, yet imaginative, mind can dare to comprehend.

I also think I can write again because my King is one who promises His once weary people that He will restore the years the locusts have eaten. He spoke those words to a hungry and broken people who had seen their crops destroyed by locust after locust. They looked behind them and saw only death and destruction, yet a thrill of hope was given to their aching bones that the future was going to be different. Their lost, hard years would be restored and rich restoration and redemption would be theirs!

So, I also write here again because I know this is not the end of the story. It is not the end of Adam’s story nor our family’s story because the bits and pieces we see in our day to day life are only glittering fragments of the greater narrative spoken over all mankind. And I know the story ends well, despite the current chapters we may find ourselves.

I write again because my brave was broken but I let God in. Because God is the one who restored the years the locusts have eaten & He is the Author of the narrative that I know ends better that we could ever ask or imagine.

How did I learn to let God into these broken places? By truth spoken thru the ones I still have here with me. I have those two sweet boys who were nearly 4 and 2 when Adam breathed his last and I also have (surprise to you blog readers who have not known what is going on in my life) an energetic 13 month old boy who keeps us all laughing as we chase after him every day. Those two sweet brothers who had to say goodbye to their “baya” (older brother) went thru a lot of grief stricken days these past 20 months. They have cried and acted out and questioned a lot. But those emotions have also been met with some of the most tender God moments I have witnessed on this earth. Some of those conversations are what penned that phrase in my mind for the last year

“when your brave is broken you let God in”

I still remember walking them home from a playground last summer when one of the boys cried and moaned about a fall he had taken at the park. Instead of the typical play by play explanation he whimpered “moooom, my brave was broken” as he sat atop my shoulders. I stopped walking and asked him to repeat it because that was poetry and I wanted to write it down.

A few months prior I remember his brother who was so upset before an afternoon quiet time. He was in a stage of being afraid of quiet time and wanting all the lights on and all the doors open. But on this particular afternoon, he firmly shut his door and sprinted to his bed. I opened the door and asked him why he had shut it so firmly and why it needed to be closed. He said because he was angry.

I asked why he was angry and he responded “because I miss Adam”
I said I understood and could come sit with him.
“No”, he said.
I asked if his dad could come
“No”, he responded tearfully.
“what about your brother, can he come in with you?”
Another “no” from his little body.
“Well, who can come with you?”

Still tearfully, he responded “God can come with me”.

Pindrop silence.

No wonder He said he has hidden things from the wise and learned and revealed them to little children.  Because when I sense a loss of courage thru the death of a child, I became cynical and full of doubt.

I shut my door to the Name above all names and meanwhile scroll thru everyone else’s names to find an answer.

I close my mind to hearing his truths and instead ask everyone else for wisdom.

I get lost on crooked roads in the wild places of my mind and forget a grand Author who makes straight a way in the wilderness.

BUT GOD.

He who works in paradoxical ways turns my wisdom into foolishness thru the words of my grieving sons. He will make what seems foolish in my eyes to be deep wisdom and a means of grace to me and this grieving world.

He will let me sit on His shoulders and confess that my brave is broken. And when no words of man will satisfy and I want to shut the door on everyone, I can let Him in. In fact, I should let Him in. He is my safe place.

This world seems so very disoriented these days and it often feels like it may seize right off its axis with all the tremors and aches and suffering it holds. May we let Him in. Because the world my seem splayed open but there was One who came from Heaven, all on His own, to be splayed open and to be blood poured out on our behalf. And He did it so that these aching days would not seize the world off its axis. Because He breathed life into it and He holds it in his hands. He breathes courage and grace into all of us who will receive it. And we all, if we are honest, need courage and grace to get thru these days. So let him in.

Even when your brave is broken, let God in.

__________________________________________________

Dear ones, we have seen glory and power even in these hard months. I hope to share with you all on this space some of those glimpses. We let God in and He has shown us that this is not the end of the story.

*

The post When your BRAVE is BROKEN first appeared on WE: Unformed.

Adam Peniel Paulraj
Sep 18th 2011 – June 12th 2016

In memory of our dear son Adam Paulraj, we are holding a memorial service. It is an open invitation and all are welcome to join us in celebrating his memory. He was blessed by many friends, family, and well-wishers from all over the world. We hope for this service to be a time of worship and thanksgiving as we celebrate Adams life and encourage one another in how to keep on going as we miss him so.

When: Monday, June 27th @ 5 pm
Where: Lakewood United Methodist Church
Address: 6133 San Jose Blvd, Jacksonville, FL 32217

In spite of his physical limitations, Adam’s life blessed many people. We want to continue that blessing to other children like Adam. In lieu of flowers for Adam’s memorial, you are welcome to donate to benefit disability projects for children in India. Please consider giving to Adam’s Memorial Fund at the following link. The donations are tax deductible.

http://www.helpingindiatogether.org
1. On the first page click “give online.”
2. Enter in the amount you would like to give in the area marked Memorial for Baby Adam: Disability Projects in India
or
You can also send checks made out to “Helping India Together” with a memo of “Memorial for Baby Adam”. Mail checks to:
Helping India Together
500 General Patterson Drive
Glenside, PA 19038

The post Upcoming memorial Service for Adam: Jacksonville, FL first appeared on WE: Unformed.

Details for memorial services
#1 in Glenside, PA
When: Wed 6/22 @ 6pm
Where: Van Til Hall
Westminster Theological Seminary 
2960 church Rd.
Glenside, PA 19038

The post Details for Adam’s Memorial Services first appeared on WE: Unformed.

Adam Peniel Paulraj.
9.18.2011-6.12.2016

Our little bird met his Maker and Sustainer…the Shepherd of his soul early this morning.
There was incredible peace that enveloped his fragile, swollen body.
He will be missed by so many. It’s indescribable to explain this ache.
Yet to imagine his body restored and to imagine him surrounded by glory and welcomed by his Father…it’s a pretty good balm to our weary souls. “My heart and my flesh may fail…
BUT GOD
remains the strength of my heart.
He is mine forever.

But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
I have made the sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do” Psalm 73. 26, 28

The post meeting his Maker first appeared on WE: Unformed.

Well today did not go as expected. Adam went into respiratory failure and was resuscitated for 2 hours before somewhat stabilizing. He is currently on full support from the ventilator. He is now in a private room requiring 1 on 1 care rather than a double room earlier. So things are pretty critical. (This is not what they meant when they said he may get worse before better.) So I continue to ask you to pray for Adam and his little body. I pray the Father is speaking to His l…ittle Adam under sedation in tender ways we could never understand. I pray Adam is not feeling all this discomfort. I pray for wisdom for us as parents in making decisions and caring for adam. And for the amazing team who is caring for him tirelessly. Adam is so loved and it is so powerful to behold.
In regards to continuing to ask for prayer…it feels silly sometimes. The Lord already knows how we long for Adams healing and for relief from this trial. Sometimes it aches to keep praying and may even feel in vain. A friend wrote me though from C.s. Lewis Chronicles of Narnia. I love this… “Wouldn’t he know without being asked?” Said Polly. “I’ve no doubt he would’, said the Horse (still with his mouth full). But I’ve sort of an idea HE LIKES TO BE ASKED”

The post continued prayer needs from ICU first appeared on WE: Unformed.

So we have an answer to all this madness. Adenovirus Pneumonia is its name. Respiratory distress is it’s game.

So Adenovirus is a nasty virus that can be really severe in all kids. Adam seems to have gotten a pretty tough run of it. The best treatment for it is time…let it pass and respiratory support along with managing the fever spikes. So they are taking him off of all the antibiotics except what he is still receiving for the osteomyelitis. He is also on a ventilator right now at a low setting…mainly to receive cpap (continuous positive airway pressure).

The infectious disease doctors say that he may get worse before he gets better…meaning he may require more extensive respiratory support than he is receiving right now. He also may continue to spike really high fevers before he improves.

So we are thankful to have an answer to this chaos…a little nervous for what the next few days may look like for him respiratory wise…but mostly filled with gratitude and peace that the God who spoke Light into existence is the Maker of Adam and knows all the details of his complicated, unformed body. He has begun the good work in Adam and will be faithful to bring it to completion.

I don’t know that Adam has ever been this sick. He has had a lot of complicated surgeries and difficult recoveries but never an acute infection this bad. We are thankful for amazing care at CHOP and thousands of prayers from all of you.

Also, another amazing gift is that my mom is in town this week! She has graciously extended her flight home to Friday instead of Wednesday to help us out. I work a few shifts this week and next week and having her here will definitely help balancing work/adam/home with elliot and rohan. Another gift is that Raja is not taking classes this summer. We went back and forth on whether or not he should for a while…I am really really thankful we decided not to. So we have 3.5 months of him being home full time so that makes this a lot less stressful.

Main prayer right now: That Adam’s lungs clear up, the virus flees, and that he can sleep. He is having a hard time sleeping with being on the ventilator. But I don’t see him healing very quickly without resting. So pray that he can sleep and breathe and heal;) As always, thank you.

As far as life at home…Elliot and Rohan are doing their thing…carrying on as wild ones do. Elliot asks about Adam and wants to see him and we stop what we are doing throughout the day and pray for him. It is pretty amazing to see the impact of Adam’s life on Elliot and Rohan’s. Though they are fierce little boys and can be particularly naughty at times…there is fierce compassion in them and Elliot things of things eternal a lot of times.

For example, the other night on the couch he was touching Adam’s hands then looking at his own. Elliot said “Adam doesn’t have fingers like me”

I responded “thats true, elliot”

Elliot: “but one day He will”

I responded “when?”

Elliot: “after this place when He goes to Jesus”

HE has surely placed eternity in the hearts of all. May we have ears to hear His voice today. I remember fretting about having more children after Adam…I would imagine worst case scenarios and assumed Adam would only bring them “issues” and problems and jealousy. In reality, their brotherhood has surpassed my expectations and become breathtakingly beautiful. Elliot wants to sleep with Adam, pray for Adam, talk about Adam, and just hang out with him all day. And rohan is starting to do the same…touching Adam softly, kissing him on the head, etc.

I reckon hospital hallways aren’t anyone’s goals for their children. Just as we do not have goals of pain, hardship, or suffering for our children. But the thing is, all of the above exist. Hospitals, pain, and suffering. There are shadow lands all over this earth. And while we are here on our pilgrim way, instead of keeping our children as far as possible from the shadowed places, let us walk with them thru it hand in hand. Is it not better to let them know of it now, while we are by their sides…rather than later when they are grown and on their own? For surely they will walk thru shadowed places. Let us teach them that He who said “let there by Light” is with them every step of the way. And no shadow can squelch His Light and Goodness and Mercy and Truth.

Because even though this world is shadowed and hard at times…we are not alone.

Let there be Light.

Light is often intertwined with darkness, this side of Heaven. As Sally Lloyd Jones of says, our Father is making all the bad things come untrue. He is saying again and again “let there be Light”. Let us profess to our children that they are not alone. For the Maker of the Heavens is on their side thru all the shadowed places until we reach glory.

The video below is from earlier this week when Adam was feeling a lot better. Just a day at the park laughing at who knows what;))

The post An Update from the ICU first appeared on WE: Unformed.

So this afternoon went a little more differently than planned and ended with our first call to 911 thus far. After finishing lunch and naps….our nurse went to wake up Adam to check on him (he’s been very slowly recovering from that last admission which includes 6 weeks of antibiotics that have irritated his stomach a lot…and his continued to spike fevers this past week. Infectious disease saw him last week and suspected a virus but it keeps getting worse). So when he woke up from his nap his nurse voiced what I was scared to say “his color is off”. We hooked him up to his machine that tells us his heart rate and oxygen and it his O2 was very low. He normally is at 99% and we never even feel a need to monitor him so that was concerning.

So sirens filled the neighborhood and he was whisked away. He was taken to a nearby hospital but has now been transferred by the pediatric transport team to CHOP. And he is in the ICU. On admission they put him on cpap (continuous positive airway pressure)…and are trying to figure out the cause of his respiratory distress.

We haven’t been in an ICU since he was 6 months old so this is a bit scary for us. The fact that he so willingly let them strap him down in more straps that I wore skydiving (wink) is evidence to how weak and weary he was…he would normally be finding a way out of all those straps.

We would love prayers. Raja is at the hospital with Adam and I am home with Elliot and Rohan. My mom is in town thru Wednesday which is a huge gift. We are so thankful for that. Thank you for your prayers.

The post Prayers needed for Adam tonight first appeared on WE: Unformed.