Humor Me: Fly on the Wall

2026-05-22T08:00:00.408-05:00

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh!

Don't you just hate when people try to finish your sentence before you can get your point across? Well, now we have electronics for that.

I thought I'd heard something mentioned about a holiday on a Saturday in the middle of May. I didn't know of one, but I wouldn't want to miss a reason to celebrate.

I know Mother's Day was on a Sunday, and Memorial Day is on a Monday. What was I missing?

So I decided to google the rest of the Saturdays in May starting with tomorrow.

I googled "Sat May 23"

And before I could even finish my sentence with "holidays," google comes back with:

"do you mean what is Barack Obama's SAT score?"

Ummm, no.

And another one:

I don't use the cloud, I find it difficult to even figure out how to pick one since my laptop is not an Apple and my iPad is.

But my laptop had been acting a little wonky and I do need to be sure I don't lose all of my files and documents and pictures. For now, I keep everything important on a memory stick PurDude moved everything to for me a year ago.

My older son uses an external hard drive. I decided to look into that as an option for me. So I googled: "does an external"

and before I even finished my sentence, Google made suggestions as to how I might finish that inquiry:

"hemorrhoid ever go away?"

Nope, not what I was going for. Not even close.

I think poor Hubs is getting senile. I'm not saying having to deal with me isn't a factor in his confusion, but still.

We have a VPN that we have to use on all electronics or we'll get hacked. Older Son had updated the VPN and it asked him to sign back in. He didn't know the log-in, so he called me over. I called Hubs over.

I gave College Boy the email account used for the login, it's Hubs' email, and the password.

Then I turned to Hubs:

Me: You'll have to check your email, see if there's one from our VPN provider, see if a confirmation is required.

Hubs: Well, I was on my email about an hour ago and there was nothing from them.

Me (rolling my eyes): They wouldn't have emailed you an hour ago unless they have ESP.

Oy.

And later the same day:

I had tried out a new dessert recipe, using nectarines.

Me: Do you want to try out this recipe.

Hubs: What is it?

Me (showing it to him): It's a Nectarine Crumble.

Hubs: Yeah, I'll try it.

Me: Do you want me to heat it up or at room temperature?
Him: Heat it up.

Me: Do you want ice cream or whipped cream and/or caramel syrup?
Hubs: I'll have just whipped cream.

I place the bowl in front of him:

Hubs (looking down at the crumble): Now nectarines, those are oranges?

Me: No, that would be tangerines.

Oy.

I missed National Pistachio Day, it was in February, but I'm bringing out the pistachios today because you know what season we're heading into?

No-bake dessert season.

Yes, that's a thing.

Cookouts, potlucks, graduation parties, block parties and soon (I hope) pool parties.

And I've just come up with a new favorite. Try my Orange Pistachio No-Bake Bars for your next party occasion.

You can pretend it's February if it makes you happy. But personally? I'd think you're nuts.

Stop rolling your eyes, that was at least a little funny. Come on, humor me.

Orange Pistachio No-Bake Bars

There was a time when commercials were amusing, laugh out loud funny, even. Not any more. Or not deliberately, anyway.

I found myself laughing at a cell phone commercial the other day. Laughing at them, not with them.

The ad was for a Galaxy phone and was being marketed as having the world's first privacy display. Turns out, if you turn it away from the person next to you (the commercial had 2 women on their phones while on an elevator, one sort of looking over at the other), the screen goes dark so the other person can't see what you're doing.

Who wants to tell Galaxy that although it doesn't go dark, I could always just turn my phone away and no one else could see it.

Duh. LOL.

Hubs was at work and texted me to let me know he was coming home. When he walked in the door, he told me that there was something wrong with his phone and he could text but not call.

He showed me, standing next to me and trying to call my cell. He could not, and his phone said that he could make emergency calls only, he is not connected to a carrier. I tried calling him and my cell works, but I could not get through to him.

When we googled it, the suggestion was to power the phone off and then back on. If that didn't work, it could be a SIM card issue.

He pressed and held his power off button, but it wouldn't power off. Fortunately, Older Son was outside, and he came in to show us an alternate way to shut down the cell (who knew?). It worked. He called me and the call went through.

Next thing I know, he's downstairs calling my cell. He never does that, always just comes up. So I answered:

Me: Hello.

Hubs: Hello.

Me: Why are you calling me?
Hubs: Because I can.

When it comes to banking, I do it the old fashioned way. I keep a check register. I don't know of any other way to keep track of where we stand. I do go into the bank app weekly, mostly to be sure I don't see any debits that shouldn't be going out, and to add any credits that I know are being direct deposited, but the amounts vary. But there are auto debits, pending payments, and the rare check written that don't yet show up in the bank app, the check register being the best place to see the most comprehensive picture.

I had gone into the bank app last Friday and saw that there was a huge discrepancy between what I showed we had and what the bank showed. Yikes. And not in our favor (is it ever?) either. I ended up going back through the bank account line by line, and the check register line by line.

Turns out that the ending balance of a check register from 6 months ago showed one amount. And the number Hubs started the next check register was different. Very different.

Me: What did you do when you started this new check register, just pick out a number in your head?
Hubs: Oh, is that a bad thing?

Me: That depends, how dependent are you on the lights coming on when you flip the switch, and water being available when you're standing in the shower?

I've talked before about being infuriated with the lack of privacy when online. How, if I look at an item, I get tons of ads for that same item across social media.

You can also see it in recommendations for who I should follow on different social media platforms. Usually they are stores, often they are food related.

And as angry as I am at how those recommendations make it clear I'm being watched, I also get to laugh when they get it so very wrong.

Like this week, twitter (no, I don't call it X), just suggested that I might like to follow Burger King Indonesia.

Yeah, you may need to work on that algorithm. You could not be any further off base.

I started this post with a little humor about Google's suggested ending to some of my queries. I'm going to end today with some suggestions to made up questions. I picked a few random questions, just to see what might pop up. Could be funny, right?

I asked: What time does . . . Google answered: McDonald's breakfast end?

McDonald's? I thought I was supposed to be a fan of Burger King Indonesia.

I asked: How many times . . . Google answered: should I poop a day?

Don't want to know, but is there a number? Maybe I should know.

I asked: Where are . . . Google answered: the rams from?

Seems these bighorn sheep originally came from Siberia. So, if I'm ever on Jeopardy and it comes up . . .

I asked: Could I do . . . Google answered: one more immediately?

We're not talking about poops again, are we?

I asked: Can a call . . . Google answered: duck be potty trained?

Apparently not, seems they don't have a sphincter muscle.

OK, I may have too much time on my hands, but at least I'm not obsessed with a certain body function (I'm looking at you, Google).

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother

On the Border

Orange Pistachio No-Bake Bars

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1 1/4 cups graham cracker crumbs, divided

5 TBSP butter, melted

1 box (3 oz) orange jello mix

1/4 cup orange juice

1/3 cup canned mandarin oranges, drained, patted dry, chopped

1 box (3.4 oz) pistachio pudding mix

1 3/4 cups milk

8 oz cream cheese, softened

3/4 cup powdered sugar, divided

3/4 cup heavy cream

3/4 cup pistachios, peeled and finely chopped

Directions:

*Grease an 8 X 11 baking dish.

*Dissolve orange jello mix in 1 cup of boiling water, mix in the orange juice, and refrigerate.

*Mix the graham cracker crumbs with the melted butter and press into the bottom of the prepared baking dish. Refrigerate.

*Whisk together the milk and the pistachio pudding. Set aside.

*Beat the cream cheese with 1/2 cup of powdered sugar, then beat in 1 1/4 cups of the pudding, reserving the remaining pudding for another layer.

*Separately, beat the remaining powdered sugar and the heavy cream until stiff peaks hold. Fold 1 cup of the whipped cream into the cream cheese/pudding mixture. Carefully spread evenly over the crust, top with half of the chopped pistachios, and refrigerate for 15 minutes.

*When set, sprinkle the mandarin orange pieces onto the pistachios, then whisk 1/4 cup of the whipped cream into the jello. Carefully pour evenly into the pan (the pistachios and oranges will mix into the jello) and refrigerate for 10 minutes.

*Fold the remaining whipped cream into the remaining pudding and layer into the pan. Decorate the top with the remaining chopped pistachios.

*Refrigerate for at least 3 hours before slicing. Store leftovers, covered, in the refrigerator.

Baking in a Tornado

Humor Me: Fly on the Wall