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We have the first big race of the year. After which, the top horse on the planet will retire.
Will Bob Baffert ever go away? Churchill Downs Inc.: It’s just what they do. Dickie D. dead. Cliches can shape your biorhythms. Double-teaming justice. You look just like. We asked one person, me.

We have the 6th annual Pegasus World Cup Invitational (Grade I, nine furlongs Tapeta, 1-1/8 miles, $3,000,000) from goofy Gulfstream Park, Hallandale, Florida on Saturday.
Knicks Go, the super gray who humans have designated the world’s best racehorse will proceed directly to the retirement cake and coffee just after this race, which he won last year to kick off a sensational 2021.
Trained by Brad Cox and ridden by Joel Rosario, the 6-5 morning line favorite stumbled to fourth-place finishes in the Saudi Cup and next out in the Met Mile at Belmont. Seems like ancient history.
The six-year-old followed that up with triple-digit Beyer Speed Figures and wins in the Cornhusker Handicap, Whitney, Lukas Classic and the Breeders’ Cup Classic. He won the Breeders’ Cup Mile in 2020. His ace in the hole is that he plays, gets the lead usually right away, opens up, runs away and wins by daylight. He led at every call in his last four. Good cop-bad cop, is he that good, or is he just that much better than who he has faced?
He drew the one-post for the notoriously short run to the clubhouse turn, where many others figure to try severe lane changes, which could cut off Knicks’ and send him to the middle or back. Which he’s not used to. And, you read that right. They’re running on the Tapeta artificial surface, pronounced ta-PEE-ta, new to Gulfstream this season.
Will Knicks Go and the others even like the track? That could be a betting angle as you try to beat him.
Todd Pletcher’s Life Is Good (7-5) is Knicks’ chief competition in what some writers are stupidly calling a virtual match race, although it could be.
He comes in off wins in the Kelso Handicap and the Breeders’ Cup Dirt Mile. Irad Ortiz Jr. rode those two races after Mike Smith pulled his usual “no sweat, I got this” in the Jerkens Mile last August and was taken off the mount. Mike, Zenyatta was a long time ago. The Jerkens was a big key race as the top three all went on to win their next. LIG also won the San Felipe and the Sham at Santa Anita early last year.
It is tough to see any of the others winning this, as we scan and see mid-90s Beyers, or worse. so I’ll be relegated to perhaps picking a bomber for Place, and that’s not much fun.
Take a look at Always Shopping, 7-5, in the La Prevoyante. Regal Glory is the 2-1 favorite in the Pegasus Filly and Mare Turf. Colonel Liam, 3-1, leads the Pegasus Turf. And what’s with Channel Cat, 12-1, who takes a cutback in distance for this?
Bob’s Due
I’m not optimistic.
As we speak, the New York Racing Association is holding hearings on the suspension of trainer Bob Baffert.
As he has a right to do, he and his lawyers are nitpicking. You’ll recall Baffert was banned from New York racing after news of his Medina Spirit’s positive test for the corticosteroid betamethasone after last year’s Kentucky Derby. Baffert sought and got injunctive relief after arguing that. as NYRA is basically a New York state government agency, he was denied due process. Now he’s getting it.
And the Kentucky Horse Racing board has finally scheduled a hearing into Medina Spirit, which will ostensibly determine if the horse should be taken down from his Derby win and the purse, and if Baffert should be banned there.
The importance of this is that if any state racing authority bans a trainer or jockey, other racing jurisdictions most often honor that suspension.
We can hope.
Arlington’s Audacity
Thank goodness the Illinois Racing Board told Churchill Downs Inc. to get that shit outta here. You never know.
CDI argued recently that even though it has abandoned horse racing in Illinois, it should still be allowed to operate its off-track betting parlors “while it searches for another site in the state for a new racetrack.”
Arlington president Tony Petrillo had the audacity to say its request was in keeping with its “commitment to thoroughbred racing in the state.”
Aptly, board commissioner Alan Henry called a horseshoe a horseshoe: “What I see in these requests seems an awful lot like the farmer who sells his prized Holstein, then expects to still get paid for some of the milk it produces.”
The board voted 5-5 to reject the request.
Why five votes in favor?! Probably because IRB staff recommended the request be granted, and you know how politicians like to say “Our lawyers told us . . . ”
Luckily, Hawthorne Race Course will be acquiring four of Arlington’s OTB sites; they will need IRB approval to take in the other five.
Sadly, there is no indication of any OTBs being established within the City of Chicago.
But wait, the Louisville Larcenists are also happy with just stealing the money.
CDI has more than $750k in recapture money it has accumulated. Recapture is the deal Illinois race tracks have to distribute percentages of account deposit wagering and off-track handle depending on which track is running live and which track is dark through the year.
Traditionally, that money is funneled back into purse accounts for all.
Illinois Thoroughbred Horsemen’s Association president Chris Block is now trying to correct another injustice in the serpentine corridors of Springfield. Chris, look out for that bag of money CDI’s lobbyists left outside the boardroom!
Dick Dead
BULLETIN! BULLETIN!
Arlington Park grand poobah Richard Duchossois has died.
The BloodHorse praised the dead guy’s “commitment to quality.” Yes, the physical plant was immaculate, enchanting, wondrous. But he never, ever brought top-quality racing to Arlington Park on any consistent basis, even to the point of isolating the track from the prevailing emphasis on dirt racing in America. The greatest horses ran on Arlington’s dirt before he got there.
He sold much of it to CDI in 2000, and then completely cashed out in 2017. He always seems to get his, as Neil Milbert writes. But in the world of Thoroughbred horse racing, he’s no hero of mine.
Beam Bears Up
I heard a rumor, and the Tribune has practically confirmed it.
I heard that immediately when the rear tires of the plane carrying new Bears coach Matt Eberflus touched the runway, the hatch flew open and the momentum carried Eberflus all the way to Lake Forest.
HEY, it says so right in the headline! He hit the ground running!
Bears fans’ biorhythms are already highly tuned. Like in training camp. “Bears rookie feels like a veteran.” “Justin Fields’ favorite breakfast.” “Johnny Emcee-El healed, explosive, ready.”
In this article, you think well, that’s just the headline writer. OK, fine, but c’mon.
“They’re detail-oriented and communicate well,” Brad Biggs writes of the new Ryan and Matt – hey, even Mousketeers get replaced. How does Biggs know? Didn’t Pace and Nagy also collaborate so supremely?
And look at the second part of the headline: “That will make changes easier as they work to reboot the franchise.”
We learned this from Star Trek Scotty in the ’60s. A reboot is a restart of the same old operating software. It’s a good thing for computers – until the OS is so obsolete you’re forced to upgrade.
Maybe the second part of that headline is right, in a way the booster Trib didn’t intend!
DUI Danimal
I’m not a lawyer, or a Hall of Fame football player.
But why did Dan Hampton get off so easy after what some reports say was his fourth alcohol- and driving-related bust, this time in Indiana.
Was it the idea the prosecutor got a guilty plea? Hampton promised to be a good boy? They felt bad for him because he couldn’t find a better vintage than a gallon of Carlo Rossi red, which isn’t too bad as long as it’s cold? Well, it is Indiana.
I’m not pounding my chest here. I speak from personal experience. How in hell did Hampton not lose his driver’s license altogether? Because his offenses were in different states?
They pulled my license so fast my head is still spinning after 34 years. I got lucky. First, I didn’t get killed and didn’t hurt anybody else. Then, I made my way to Manhattan and then back here to downtown Chicago. I don’t need a car, don’t want a car, and a car would ruin my finances. I adjusted. If I wanted a license now in Illinois or any other state, the first thing any DMV would do is call Illinois and check me out. And I’d have to jump through some hoops, including insurance.
Hampton got off easy because he’s a former football superstar? What about his sponsor, Chevrolet?
Hey, Danimal, if your agent has the brains, he’ll ask Chevy to strike that line “Put on your big boy pants and tell ’em Danimal sent ya” from your macho truck commercials.
Your big boy pants don’t fit anymore.
Waddle Radio
In the After Awhile People Look Just Like Their Dogs Department, why do all the on-air personalities WMVP AM 1000 sound exactly like Tom Waddle?
I’m serious. Reminds me of a guy in college who, after a few drinks, talked like that to be cool. Hard to describe – it’s a fanboy lilting, meaning-to-be-authoritative, weak-timbre. Then they start talking about Back to the Future. “You haven’t seen Back to the Future XX: We Ran Out of Future?” Waddle-esque! Matt Nagy had a lot of that, especially after a Bears win.
But Waddle played the game, so he gets a pass.
I do have to give one of the early evening boys credit. After the Bears announced their coach, he complained that people like him will no longer have the 50 tons of candidate speculation to talk about anymore.
Full disclosure, I can’t get The Score on my AM-FM radio-cassette in my house. And I’m not going to hassle with the stream.
Games People Play
Speaking of game shows, a sport in my mind. Why does the team of the contestant on Family Feud who wins the qualifying question always choose to play?
I’d like to see the analytics. When there is anywhere from six to eight answers, it seems like they never get them all and all the other family has to do is answer one question to steal.
It’s like Bears. They need eight yards, they’re only capable of five, but they’re still on the show.
I enjoyed the brilliance of Amy Schneider on Jeopardy!, but it got boring. She usually lapped the others by the first round and Final Jeopardy was always anticlimactic. But if she’s as savvy as Ken Jennings, she might make a career out of this.
I knew that guy was going to get beat the next day.
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Tom Chambers is our man on the rail. He welcomes your comments.

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We end the podcast much as we started it. Including: Same Process, Same Results; Bulls Eye; Blackhawks Down; Soccer, You Bet; and much, much more.

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SHOW NOTES
* 388.
3:24: Same Process, Same Results.

George McCaskey still doesn’t think he does his job badly.

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) January 27, 2022

Matt Everflub.

(just getting a start on things)

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) January 27, 2022

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50:30: Bulls Eye.

The worst signing of the offseason pic.twitter.com/cl9zc2EjH6

— Bulls Talk (@NBCSBulls) January 28, 2022

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57:31: Blackhawks Down.

At the very least the Blackhawks should have to be audited about policies in place to report sexual assault before they can continue operations. Are we just going to forget about this?

— Jashvina Shah (@icehockeystick) January 27, 2022

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59:27: Soccer, You Bet.
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STOPPAGE: 8:01
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For archives and other Beachwood shows, see The Beachwood Radio Network.
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Comments welcome.

The post The Beachwood Radio Sports Show #388: More McCaskey Malpractice appeared first on The Beachwood Reporter.

The irked and the amused from around the country and across the world sent that mock-serious message in their entries for Lake Superior State University’s annual tongue-in-cheek Banished Words List. LSSU announces the results of the yearly compendium on Dec. 31 to start the New Year on the right foot, er, tongue.
Common parlance dominated submissions for the past 12 months. More than 1,000 of the 1,250-plus nominations of words and terms for banishment for misuse, overuse, and uselessness for 2022 were colloquial.
The No. 1 offender: “Wait, what?” These two four-letter words should not go together under any circumstances, according to many nominators and the contest judges from the LSSU English Department, because the two-part halting interrogative is disingenuous, divergent, deflective, and other damning words that begin with the letter d.
“Most people speak through informal discourse. Most people shouldn’t misspeak through informal discourse. That’s the distinction nominators far and wide made, and our judges agreed with them,” said Peter Szatmary, executive director of marketing and communications at LSSU.
“Also, seven of the 10 words and terms that LSSU banished last year reflected real-world concerns about COVID-19, while three could be categorized as quotidian. This year, as the global pandemic persists along with adaptations to it, the inverse occurred. Seven of the 10 words and terms to be banished are more conversational-based, with the other three applying to the coronavirus,” he added. “One possible takeaway from all this about the act and art and science of disclosing something is the more things change, the more things stay the same. At the very least, it’s complicated.”
LSSU has compiled an annual Banished Words List since 1976 to uphold, protect, and support excellence in language by encouraging avoidance of words and terms that are overworked, redundant, oxymoronic, clichéd, illogical, nonsensical–and otherwise ineffective, baffling, or irritating. Over the decades, LSSU has received tens of thousands of nominations for the list, which now totals more than 1,000 entries. Examples of the winners (or should that be losers?) to make the yearly compilation: “detente,” “surely,” “classic,” “bromance,” and “COVID-19,” plus “wrap my head around,” “user friendly,” “at this point in time,” “not so much,” and “viable alternative.” The Banished Words List has become such a cultural phenomenon that comedian George Carlin submitted an entry that made the annals in 1994: “baddaboom, baddabing.”
This year, nominations came from most major U.S. cities and many U.S. states, on top of Norway, Belgium, England, Scotland, Australia, and numerous provinces in Canada. Here are the list of the banished words and terms for 2022 and the reasons for their banishment:
1. Wait, what?
Most frequently found in text or on social media, this ubiquitous imperative question is a failed “response to a statement to express astonishment, misunderstanding, or disbelief,” explained a wordsmith. “I hate it,” added another, because the command query is an inexact method to convey the utterer’s uncertainty or surprise. “I don’t want to wait,” either, continued the second impassioned nominator. Misuse and overuse.
2. No worries
Nominated by writers nationwide for misuse and overuse, this phrase incorrectly substitutes for “You’re welcome” when someone says “Thank you.” A further bungling relates to insensitivity. “If I’m not worried, I don’t want anyone telling me not to worry,” a contributor explicated. “If I am upset, I want to discuss being upset.” Despite its meaninglessness, the term is recommended to emailers by Google Assistant.
3. At the end of the day
Twenty-plus years after original banishment of this phrase in 1999, the day still isn’t over for this misused, overused, and useless expression. “Many times things don’t end at the end of the day–or even the ramifications of whatever is happening,” observed a sage. Others consider “day” an imprecise measure. Today? Present times? Banishment in 1999: overused synopsis of a conversation or debate, often by politicians and pundits.
4. That being said
Nominators cited this phrase as verbal filler, redundant justification, and pompous posturing. For instance, “however” or “but–even “that said”–does the job as a transition instead of the wordiness. “Go ahead and say what you want already!” demanded one entrant. That being said, its usefulness is certainly in doubt. As a commentator philosophized, “At the end of the day, if you will, it already has been.”
5. Asking for a friend
Misuse and overuse through deceit–because the friend is a ruse. This cutesy phrase, often deployed in social media posts in a coy attempt to deter self-identification, isn’t fooling anyone. Paraphrasing one sage, “Once used to avoid embarrassment, as in, ‘Do you know a good proctologist? I’m asking for a friend.’ Sometimes an occasional sitcom joke. Now an overused tag with absolutely no relationship to its antecedent.”
6. Circle back
Treats colloquy like an ice skating rink, as if we must circle back to our previous location to return to a prior subject. Let’s circle back about why to banish this jargon. It’s a conversation, not the Winter Olympics. Opined a grammarian, “The most overused phrase in business, government, or other organization since ‘synergy'”–which we banished in 2002 as evasive blanket terminology and smarty-pants puffery.
7. Deep dive
“The only time to dive into something is when entering a body of water, not going more in-depth into a particular subject or book,” admonished a petitioner. Another stipulated that people who float the phrase aren’t near pool, lake, ocean, or sea; thus, rather than dive deeply, they flounder shallowly. An editing whiz wondered, “Do we need ‘deep’? I mean, does anyone dive into the shallow end?”
2022 Banished Words and Terms Deriving from COVID-19 Matters:
8. New normal
Overused catchall for ways COVID-19 affects humankind–and banishment finalist last year for similar reasons. “Those clamoring for the days of old, circa 2019, use this to signal unintentionally that they haven’t come to terms with what ‘normal’ means,” a monitor elucidated. “After a couple of years, is any of this really ‘new’?” another speculated. Banished in 2012 for imprudence, defeatism, and apathy stemming from societal missteps.
9. You’re on mute
People switched from in-person exchanges to virtual meetings to follow the social distancing protocol of COVID-19, and the unwitting deafening silence happens on both sides of the camera. Overuse and uselessness, then, due to ineptitude. A discerning submitter encapsulated the issue: “We’re two years into remote working and visiting. It’s time for everyone to figure out where the mute button is.” Or as a quipster summarized, “Hello? Hello?”
10. Supply chain
Word-watchers noticed the frequent, unfortunate appearance of this phrase toward the end of this year as the coronavirus persisted. “It’s become automatically included in reporting of consumer goods shortages or perceived shortages. In other words, a buzzword,” concluded one analyst. “Supply chain issues have become the scapegoat of everything that doesn’t happen or arrive on time and of every shortage,” noticed another. The adverse result: overuse ad nauseam.
“Say what you mean and mean what you say. Can’t get any easier, or harder, than that,” said LSSU President Dr. Rodney S. Hanley. “Every year submitters play hard at suggesting what words and terms to banish by paying close attention to what humanity utters and writes. Taking a deep dive at the end of the day and then circling back make perfect sense. Wait, what?”
Past Press Releases
Posters Archive

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New Era Pinstripe Bowl
Maryland Terrapins (6-6) vs. Virginia Tech Hokies (6-6)
December 29, 1:15 p.m.
Yankee Stadium
Bronx, New York
The game has potential but the Pinstripe Bowl never delivers much of note. Since its inception in 2010, the Pinstripe Bowl has been affiliated with a number of conferences but now has a simpler tie-in: two mediocre teams from the Atlantic Coast Conference and the Big Ten.
Some intrigue does kick in when the Big Ten team is a powerhouse down on its luck. Recent Big Ten conference reps have included Iowa, Wisconsin and Michigan State, names we associate with New Year’s Day, not the Wednesday after Christmas. (The ACC has sent the likes of Duke, Miami, Boston College, and Wake Forest. Not exactly a murderer’s row.)

The ACC-Big Ten match-up has only featured a ranked team once – in the 2016 edition, #23 Pittsburgh lost to Northwestern in a fitting conclusion to a bizarre season for the Wildcats. If we had a larger staff, we could list all the teams to start a season by dropping two games at home including a loss to an FCS team and yet still go on to win a bowl game against a ranked team, but the intern quit. Let’s just all agree that it would be a short list. A very short list.
This year doesn’t bring much razzle-dazzle apart from the setting. Yankee Stadium is a tight squeeze for a football field. The endzone corners are treacherous (note the seating map) but the setting is spectacular nonetheless.
The Pinstripe Bowl is also only one of four bowl games played outdoors in what’s considered a “cold weather” stadium. Wednesday looks rainy in New York with temps in the mid-40s and a steady drizzle, which would make for an awful commute if anyone commuted anywhere beyond downstairs but sounds like good football weather.
Between the weather and the baggage both teams drag into New York, the game could get messy. The Terrapins broke out of the gate fast in 2021, going undefeated in its first four, but didn’t beat a team with a winning record after September. The Hokies stumbled to 5-5 before turfing head coach Justin Fuente.
In firing Fuente, Virginia Tech jumped into what became a fierce competition among power conference schools seeking new leadership. Openings at flagship programs like Notre Dame, USC, Florida and LSU made for a hot market. The craze exposed more cracks in hiring and recruiting practices in what became a land grab for transfer portal talent, early recruiting season commitments, signing and re-signing big-name coaches. The first-mover advantage to fast-acting schools proved valuable enough to even make outbidding NFL teams for coaches a possibility. Like Christmas, firing season in college is creeping up the calendar. Schools have realized that retaining early commitments and enticing new prospects means putting on a show, with new coaching hires at center stage.
The Hokies took defensive coordinator Brent Fry from Penn State in a nice bit of karma. Fry served as an assistant under the architect of Virginia Tech’s famous “Lunch Pail Defense.” Coordinator Bud Foster ran the defense for over 30 years, retiring at the time as the longest-serving college assistant head coach. That may make for a brighter future, but it’s going to be a long night in the Bronx. The Hokies lost both its starting and back-up quarterbacks to the transfer portal along with numerous others, plus several starters will be sitting out in advance of the NFL draft. Maryland’s passing attack puts up big numbers, good for 13th in the country, which should bring the Hokies season to a merciful end.
Maybe Fry will bring back the Lunch Pail for the game to fire up the defense. Virginia Tech, seemingly ignorant of the power of pageantry in college football, announced plans in 2020 to phase out the battered bucket. Bring back the bucket, Brent!
Our pick: in a toss-up between playing Maryland (-3) or the under, we will bet on the total falling short. Under 55.
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Cheez-It Bowl
#19 Clemson Tigers (9-3) vs. Iowa State Cyclones (7-5)
December 29, 4:45 p.m.
Camping World Stadium
Orlando, FL
The Cheez-It Bowl embodies the beautiful simplicity of bowl season. What game is it? The Cheez-It Bowl. Who sponsors the game? Cheez-It. Does the game have anything to do with anything? No. Pass the Cheez-Its.
The Cheez-It Bowl began life as the Sunshine Classic but took on the lead sponsor’s name beginning with Blockbuster in 1990 to Cheez-It as of 2020. The utter lack of identity and continuity fits with the corporate element of bowl season. Finally, the location is perfect. Of course, it’s in Orlando. There is no better place for the Sponsor’s Name Here Bowl.
Perhaps Cheez-It will mark a new beginning. Can the snackmakers of America unite behind a single idea? An annual bowl game treating viewers to the latest in snacking innovation is what we need as a country. Tell us all about Snap’d®, Duoz® and Grooves®. Cheddar comes in Scorchin’ Hot now? Cheez-It has mashed up Caramel Popcorn and Cheddar? How are we going to choose from the 21 different flavors of Cheez-It without this information?
(That said, there will have to be transparency measures put into place. Fans should know which company makes the snacks, for example. For those of you keeping your boycott lists current, note that the Kellogg Company makes Cheez-It under its Sunshine Biscuits division.)
Thanks to Clemson head coach Dabo Swinney, we might see a new tradition emerging to give the build-up to gameday some flair. Swinney threw down the gauntlet in what was apparently the inaugural Worst Press Conference Look Face-Off. Dabo debuted his Highway Mowing Guy Orange onesie for the occasion and Tigers Twitter about lost its mind.

Getting ready for the prom pic.twitter.com/TNGcLEf0xu

— Grace Raynor (@gmraynor) December 28, 2021

Onesies aside, this isn’t the Clemson of last season. The departure of star QB and #1 overall draft pick Trevor Lawrence left a huge hole his replacement has struggled to fill. The Tigers eventually pulled it together after a choppy start beginning with a brutal 10-3 loss to Georgia to kick off the year. Clemson comes in riding a five-game winning streak with a combined score of 152-58 while Iowa State will be trying to replace All-American running back Breece Hall. Rather than focus, at least for the moment, on the wave of stars like Hall sitting out the postseason, let’s watch for players like Iowa State junior running back Jirehl Brock. After watching Hall take almost all the snaps this year, Brock has a chance to prove why he merited a Top 20 position ranking nationally in his class as a recruit.
Our pick: We will be rooting for Brock to shine but Clemson (-2.5) has too much talent and depth.
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Valero Alamo Bowl
#14 Oregon (10-3) vs. #16 Oklahoma (10-2)
December 29, 8:15 p.m.
Alamodome
San Antonio, TX
Now here is a proper bowl game: the Alamo Bowl, played in the Alamodome in San Antonio, home of the Alamo. San Antonio likes to promote the River Walk as a tourist destination. This is true, but only if you’re looking for a shallow trickle of water running through a concrete culvert choked with tangled bead necklaces and plastic cups for Margaritas By The Yard. It might not be so bad if the River Walk wasn’t in Texas, which is so broken people were scooping up water from the river during the utility collapse earlier this year. But here we are!
Oregon wised up for this one and picked special uniforms that won’t, in contrast to many worn by the Ducks, sear your retinas.

Adversity leads to opportunity.

White and Green for the @ValeroAlamoBowl. #GoDucks pic.twitter.com/wvdk32fhhr

— GoDucks (@GoDucks) December 29, 2021

The rest of the product on the field for Oregon isn’t so bad either. In typical fashion for the Webfoots, the team seemed destined for the playoffs after beating favorite Ohio State early. Two losses to #23 Utah, in the regular season and again in the Pac-12 championship game, torpedoed any chance of the playoffs leaving a short-staffed OU to sort out its own coaching situation after HC Mario Cristobal took his talents to the ‘Canes in South Beach.
The best storyline for the Alamo Bowl involves former Oklahoma head coach and legend Bob Stoops, who took the Sooners to a BCS National Championship in 1999 in only his second season. Stoops finished his career in 2016 with a 190-48 record overall, including dominant seasons in-conference (eight years with only one loss at most) in what used to be the highly competitive Big 12. Hot young head coach Lincoln Riley peaced out for Southern California (and a big payday) abruptly in November leaving the stunned Sooners rudderless. The sky was falling for OU fans.
A few days later, Stoops shared the stage in a presser announcing his return, albeit only for this bowl, as head ballcoach. In stark contrast to the hysteria from a whirling coaching carousel, Stoops’ comments on the matter hearken back to an earlier age: “You guys win and lose. You’re OU football. He isn’t. I’m not. And any other coach who comes here isn’t. OU football has been here a long time. And it isn’t going anywhere else.” Hot damn. Just reading quotes from Stoops is enough to give you goosebumps. Here’s to seeing his trademark visor on the sideline Wednesday.
Our pick: Boomer Sooner to cover the number (-7) in a throwback game.
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The COVID Toteboard
With the cancellation of today’s Wasabi Fenway Bowl, the tally of games scratched due to COVID has reached five. (Also including the Holiday, Arizona, Military, and Hawaii Bowls.) For tomorrow’s games, we have the odds of cancellation at:
Duke’s Mayo Bowl: 20-1
The game matches up North Carolina against South Carolina, not the best combo for CDC compliance.
TransPerfect Music City Bowl: 50-1
People will riot if the Music City Bowl is canceled. There is literally nothing else to do for tourists in Nashville this time of year. Or ever, really, outside of live music. The other highly rated attractions include a Parthenon knock-off, someplace called Andrew Jackson’s Hermitage, and God protect you, the Grand Ol’ Opry.
Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl: 100-1
This is a goodie: #12 Pitt squares off against #10 Michigan State in what should be an interesting match-up between two good, not great, but good, squads. Plus, it’s the Peach Bowl. Lots of history here.
SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl: 10-1
Mouth-breathing Badgers fans have descended on Sin City, and if the team hotel isn’t already a giant petri dish, it will be by kickoff.
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Mike Luce is the world’s greatest college football writer. He welcomes your comments.

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Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl
Missouri Tigers (6-6) vs. Army Black Knights (8-4)
December 22, 7 p.m.
Fort Worth, Texas
Contractual arrangements for The Armed Forces Bowl nearly guarantee at least one service academy makes an appearance in Fort Worth. Contractual tie-ins with the American Athletic Conference (Navy), the Mountain West Conference (Air Force) and Army (independent) open a slot for at least one of those schools unless each falls short of bowl eligibility. The bowl uses the Amon G. Carter Stadium, home field of TCU and fondly referred to by Horned Frogs fans as “Hell’s Half Acre.” The nickname speaks to TCU’s home-field advantage. It’s a thing. There are tapestries.

Sitting on the campus of Texas Christian University makes Hell’s Half Acre an awkward nickname. In the 19th Century, as Fort Worth boomed from a frontier cowtown to a rowdy metropolis. The lower end of town became known as a den of “gunmen, highway robbers, card sharks, con men, and shady ladies.” The rapscallions of the Half Acre preyed on cowpokes stopping for a rest from the trails across Texas and Kansas, fleecing the noobs at the tables and in the brothels. If plain vanilla robbery didn’t cut it, gunfights and murders sufficed. The 20th Century brought Prohibition and crackdowns on good times but the name persists in local lore.
Our pick: The Black Knights return to this den of iniquity again after wrecking Houston 70-14 in 2018. While the Tigers limp into Fort Worth with a middling .500 record, Army only lost the games you’d expect. Apart from a hiccup against Ball State and the toss-out-the-records loss in the Army-Navy game, the Cadets posted a solid record and rightly merit the -6.5 edge. Mizzou’s uphill slog against Army’s stout defense (ranked 13th nationally) won’t be any easier now that starting ‘backer and SEC-leading rusher Tyler Badie is out. Missouri head coach Eli Drinkwitz made the tough call to sit Badie for the game, citing his concern for protecting the future of his players. In another questionable roster move, redshirt freshman quarterback will get the nod for his first career start. Vegas took note, to say the least. After opening with Army as a four-point favorite, the line has skyrocketed and even so looks a little soft.
Army Black Knights in a rout (-6.5)
Google searches for today’s game included, among others:

• “closest casino to forth worth texas“
• “2627 Gravel Dr, Fort Worth, TX 76118“
• “tcu code of conduct” (35 pages of CYA)
• “roadrunner mistakes” (Yielding the best result of the bunch.)

Still obsessed with Chuck Jones’ coyote/roadrunner rules. Awesome to so clearly, concisely define your characters. pic.twitter.com/MRd4zguD93

— Amos Posner (@AmosPosner) March 4, 2015

Correction: The signature call of the Road Runner is “Beep-Beep!” not “Meep Meep!” as previously reported. We regret the error.
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Mike Luce is the world’s greatest college football writer. He welcomes your comments.

The post The World’s Greatest College Football Report Bowl Series 2021 Pt. 4: Hell’s Half Acre appeared first on The Beachwood Reporter.

Here is a look back at Tuesday’s action. Next up: some orb pondering for a few upcoming bowls on the remaining slate of 44 games. Forty-four games. To watch all 44 bowl games you would need to put in about three weeks’ worth of work. Not as in the bowls will span three weeks, but as in it will take 17 days of watching nine hours per day to watch every hour of every bowl game.
(As it happens, we modeled the Watching Two Hogsheads Of College Football requirement in the College Football Report syllabus around the bowl season. How people treat a syllabus should be a defining characteristic. Is it buried in early strata at the bottom of a backpack? Coffee stained? Folded neatly, placed into a coursebook and never seen again? Hole-punched and laminated? As for the College Football Report syllabus, it is posted online. The URL is broken but that is fine because nobody reads those things now anyway.)
The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl
Kent State Golden Flashes (7-6) vs Wyoming (6-6) Cowboys
December 21
Boise, ID
Final: Wyoming 52, Kent State 38
ATS: Wyoming -3, O/U: Over (60.5)
This year’s edition of the Potato Bowl featured two teams with underwhelming records but intriguing pedigrees. Kent State took its lumps but went home with the cash: before conference play began, the Flashes went on the road three of four weeks to visit #6 Texas A&M, #5 Iowa, and Maryland. Forged from the fires of College Station, Iowa City, and College Park, and flush with $5.25 million in payouts, Kent State went on a tear: the Flashes won six of eight in the remainder.

The championship game loss to NIU for the MAC title must have taken some air out because the Wyoming Cowboys ran away with the Potato Bowl. But what could Kent State have expected? Big signs reading “Welcome, sonny?” “Make yourself at home?” and “Marry my daughter?” The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl is played in Boise, Idaho, which is the capital city in the state of Idaho. Do you know the state dance of Idaho? It’s the square dance. Do you know who enjoys a good square dance? Cowboys.
And enjoy it they did. Entering the second half leading 28-24, the Cowboys reeled off three straight touchdowns to pull away. A wild fourth quarter saw both teams combine for touchdown plays of 80, 71, 62 and 73 yards. Despite racking up a bowl-record 656 yards of offense, Kent State just couldn’t keep up. Sadly, the visual nightmare of the Potato Bowl likely had most flipping to pretty much anything else. Both teams sported gold uniforms which wildly clashed with the Smurf Turf of Albertson’s Field.

Who approved the uniform combinations for the Kent State vs. Wyoming Idaho Potatoe Bowl? It’s a mess! Can’t tell who’s who. So much yellow. pic.twitter.com/YzKPnNtl3O

— Jared Tokarz (@JaredNFLDraft) December 21, 2021

Thus few took in the victorious Cowboys dumping a Gatorade tub of french fries onto head coach Craig Bohl. Wyoming is now 2-0 in the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. The Cowboys defeated Central Michigan in a 2017 match-up that was also hard to watch.

In honor of the Idaho Famous Potato Bowl, let us never forget the worst uniform and field combinations in the history of football. pic.twitter.com/pGzJkyg8LZ

— Drew Nelson (@CoachDrewNelson) December 22, 2020

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Tropical Smoothie Cafe Frisco Bowl
University of Texas San Antonio Roadrunners (12-1) vs San Diego State Aztecs (11-2)
December 21
Frisco, TX
Final: San Diego State 38, UTSA 24
ATS: San Diego State -3, O/U: Over (48.5)
The Frisco Bowl went down in Frisco this year, brought to us by Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Why Tropical? Why not just Smoothie Cafe? Who isn’t sold on plain old smoothie cafes but goes buck wild over a Tropical Smoothie Cafe? Is the reference to the tropics supposed to stir a sense of the exotic? Something forbidden? Here’s a better idea for a differentiated brand: Taboo Smoothie Cafe. Imagine the possibilities.
Why another smoothie chain at all? What happened to Jamba Juice? Isn’t Jamba fulfilling our craving for blended food?
Perhaps Jamba lost some of its je ne sais quoi following its acquisition by Focus Brands in 2018. Jamba joined the Focus portfolio of mediocre-to-bad chain restaurants alongside Schlotzsky’s, Carvel, Cinnabon, Moe’s Southwest Grill, McAlister’s Deli, and Auntie Anne’s. But the real problem with Jamba is more subtle. The chain lacks a signature scent. Anyone who has stepped off the plane in the United Terminal of La Guardia to be assaulted by the aroma of Auntie Anne’s can testify. Something about the swirl of stale sweat, spilled coffee and warming pretzels make for a mix that can’t be described and must be experienced.
Others in the Focus family can pump out wafts of sticky cinnamon, Tex-Mex and toasted sandwiches. What connotes tropical smoothies? Mushy bananas?
Whatever it is, the Aztecs dig it. UTSA was the sexy pick, boasting a 9-4 record against the spread and a scrappy Little Guy attitude. But the bloom came off fast. Five Roadrunners opted out of the game, including the conference Offensive Player of the Year. Stud junior RB Sincere McCormick was among the no-shows. His presence was missed.
What Could Have Been:

San Diego State led the way in every category, including first downs, rushing and passing yards, time of possession, turnovers and penalties. The latter is not the way you want to lead the game in penalties. It’s a minor miracle the Aztecs pulled off the win while drawing 14 penalties for 124 yards. SDSU committed two unnecessary roughness penalties and a personal foul which is -45 yards alone. Typically racking up penalty yards in the triple digits costs you a W but not in this case as the Roadrunners were close behind with nine for 80 yards. Maybe next year, UTSA. “Meep, meep!”
Google searches for Tuesday’s action included, among others:

• “is the transitive property math“
• “is the plural of is the plural of syllabus syllabi” (Answer: Yes. Nailed it.)
• “buttload measurement wikipedia“
• “jamba juice“

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Mike Luce is the world’s greatest college football writer. He welcomes your comments.

The post The World’s Greatest College Football Report Bowl Series 2021 Pt 3: Victory Fries & Mushy Bananas appeared first on The Beachwood Reporter.

RoofClaim.com Boca Raton Bowl
Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (8-5) vs. Appalachian State Mountaineers (10-3)
December 18, 10 a.m.
Boca Raton, FL
RoofClaim.com is among the more boring sponsors this year. (“We Handle Your Roof Replacement From Start To Finish And We Will Do A Great Job Scamming Your Insurance Company!”) But give the organizers credit for an awesome website. There are pictures of Appalachian State players frolicking in the surf! There is a menu! (Complete with recipes.)
A beatdown by FAU on the Akron Zips in the 2017 Cheribundi Tart Cherry edition of the Boca Raton Bowl earned the Owls a signature appetizer: the “FAU Signature Talon Sliders.” The Talon Sliders recipe does double-duty because you also get instructions for making Crispy Onions and Tomato Jam. Mmm, tomato jam.

As for the game, we love the Hilltoppers. Our unabashed affection for the ‘Toppers starts and ends with team mascot Big Red. For those unfamiliar, picture a bright red sporty version of Grimace. The two must share a bloodline.
Buzzkills slam Big Red for all manner of reasons. He (it?) doesn’t have anything to do with football, has no relation to Western Kentucky in particular, and doesn’t better our understanding of what “Hilltopper” means. These killjoys are missing the point. The pageantry and traditions of college football follow no rules. In large part, the utter chaos of team names, nicknames, mascots and battle cries stems from days long gone.
For example, look at Georgia Tech. The mascot – the Ramblin’ Wreck – is an old car. Time permitting, we’ll unravel the weird backstory behind the nickname and mascot. An engineering project in the 19th Century features prominently.
Our pick: Let’s not overlook the landform battle Boca has teed up for us: Which is a mightier, a hill or a mountain? Or, more precisely, who is tougher, mountain climbers or people who top hills?
Here’s the thing: Mountain climbers use safety gear. Topping a hill only requires shoes. And, Kentucky being Kentucky, shoes are optional. Not only for topping hills, as Louisville law firm and DUI defense specialists Suhre & Associates point out, but also for driving – there is no statute on the books in the Commonwealth State prohibiting an individual from driving while barefoot. We expect the confidence of donning both shoes and protective equipment will propel Big Red to victory.
Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (+2.5)
*
Google searches for this pick included:

• “What is a Cheribundi“
• “fattest college football mascot“
• “wearing shoes driving kentucky“

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PUBG Mobile New Mexico Bowl
University of Texas El Paso Miners vs. Fresno State Bulldogs (9-3)
December 18, 1:15 p.m.
Albuquerque, NM
“Player Unknown Battlegrounds” should be abbreviated PUB. Why PUBG? Our guess is trolls, sensing an opportunity to do what trolls do, would otherwise shorten Player Unknown Battlegrounds to PÜBs.
The victors in this one will claim a homemade hand-painted piece of pottery commemorating the win – a vase or jar or urn or something – which features the PUBs logo. So that’s a little bit of unique flair but not enough to pique our curiosity.

We can’t stop staring pic.twitter.com/RQT3zYX3jz

— PUBG MOBILE New Mexico Bowl (@NMBowl) December 17, 2021

Our pick: We are giving the UTEP Miners an edge because New Mexico borders Texas and the New Mexico Bowl will be played in New Mexico.
University of Texas El Paso Miners +11.5
Google searches for this item included:

• “u with an umlaut“
• “california new mexico“
• “What is a native american jar called” (Answer: pottery. That’s it.)

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Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl
The University of Alabama at Birmingham (8-4) vs. Brigham Young University (10-2)
December 18, 2:30 p.m.
Shreveport, LA
Once the infamous Weed Eater Bowl, and later the Duck Commander Bowl, the Independence Bowl has been in Shreveport since 1976, while Radiance Technologies has only been around since 1999, so score one for freedom. On the other hand, Radiance is 100% employee-owned, which is more than we can say for America. Shreveport is also a lot closer to Birmingham than BYU (though the Cougars “travel well”), so it’s more of a homeish game for the Blazers (yes, Birmingham is named after a style of coat, though the school claims its mascot is a dragon named Blazer, presumably for the alliteration. (Bulls was taken.)
Our pick: Radiance Technologies features Concepts to Capabilities, which is also what BYU’s offense does. Unfortunately for the Cougars, this is also what Birmingham’s defense does.
Sophomore running back Tyler Allgeier is the X Factor for the Cougars and the man we’re betting on to win the war for independence by not only sealing the game in the fourth quarter but declaring for the NFL draft shortly thereafter.
Brigham Young Cougars (+6.5)
Google searches for this pick included:

• “is america independent“
• “is radiance dangerous“
• “was brigham young a child molester“

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LendingTree Bowl
Eastern Michigan Eagles (7-5) vs. Liberty Flames (7-5)
December 18, 4:45 p.m.
Mobile, AL
All the jokes are taken by now, but our first instinct was to wonder if the winner of the LendingTree Bowl gets to foreclose on the loser. And foreclosing on Liberty seems apt these days, both figuratively and literally. Or vice versa. (Previous sponsors of this bowl form a nice arc of recent American economic history: GMAC, GoDaddy, and Dollar General.)
Liberty University, of course, is one of America’s most noxious institutions of higher learning. It’s almost impossible to root for the Flames to win anything anywhere – almost, because we’re open to exploiting opportunity in the betting lines anywhere we can find it, no matter how hard Eastern Michigan makes it for us
Our pick: The Flames come into this bowl on a 3-game losing streak while the Eagles struggle to score and struggle to not get scored upon. Turnovers keep the game close, which is bad for Liberty but good for us.
Eastern Michigan Eagles -10
Google searches for this pick included:

• “liberty university insurrection“
• “liberty university vaccine policy“
• “liberty university bullshit“

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Jimmy Kimmel LA Bowl Presented by Stifel
Utah State Aggies (10-3) vs. Oregon State Beavers (7-5)
December 18, 6:30 p.m.
Inglewood, CA
This game sounds like fun until you find out that Stifel “is a diversified global wealth management and investment banking company.” Really, Jimmy?
“The iconic image of the bull and bear shows the dedication and spirit of each member of our firm. We are individually and collectively committed to using the forces of the market to benefit our clients.”
Oh, the end of that last sentence accidentally got clipped off on their website. It went “at the expense of everyone else.”
Our pick: This will be a fun game to watch: Two quality teams with quality offenses, though the Beavers feature the run game of B.J. Baylor while the Aggies feature the arm of Logan Bonner. In today’s game, arms beat legs.
Utah State Aggies -7.5

• “is jimmy kimmel really funny“
• “sarah silverman nude“
• “did jay leno ever have a bowl game“

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R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
#23 University of Louisiana at Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns (12-1) vs. Marshall Thundering Herd (7-5)
December 18, 8:15 p.m.
New Orleans, LA
Ah, the good old-fashioned R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl, featuring good old-fashioned Ragin’ Cajuns against a Thundering Herd you can’t help but hope rises up and knocks those crackers on their ass. After all, when this is your mascot, you’re despicable.
Our pick: Unfortunately, the Cajuns are clearly the superior team, though the line is a surprisingly slim four points. Hold your nose and bet the house on those Cajun dudes, who come in having won 12 straight including five on the road. The Herd lost two of their last three and have a defense vulnerable to the rolling, balanced offense of Lafayette. This could get ugly.
Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns (-4)
Google searches for this pick included:

• “how much does james carville suck“
• “why are cajuns so mad“
• “thundering herd stomping james carville“

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Mike Luce is the world’s greatest college football writer. Steve Rhodes is not. They welcome your comments.

The post The World’s Greatest College Football Report, Bowl Series Pt. 2: Stomping James Carville appeared first on The Beachwood Reporter.

Organization a highly transmissible laughingstock. Including: Think Of The Gambling Community; Breaking: Illinois Has A Bowl Team; Blackhawks & Beach; Bulls Back; Arismendy!; and State Of Basketball.

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SHOW NOTES
* 387.
:12: Breaking: Illinois Has A Bowl Team!
* Thomas Hammock.
* Luce: The World’s Greatest College Football Report, Special Edition: Rockets & Roosters.
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18:52: Think Of The Gambling Community!
* COVID makes mockery of games’ integrity.

Thank you @BernsteinRahimi for being the first (that I’ve seen/heard) to mention how Fields was apparently playing quite hurt last night! His balls were not only floaty, but wobbly and ducky! #Bears

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) December 13, 2021

Matt Nagy reiterates that it’s a pain tolerance issue for Justin Fields.

“Medically, we’re never going to put him at risk medically. Never.”

— Adam Hoge (@AdamHoge) December 6, 2021

Bears CB Jaylon Johnson calls out parts of locker room for quitting https://t.co/BG8aD1RnZH

— Alyssa Barbieri (@AlyssaBarbieri) December 17, 2021

Lowest PFF run-blocking grades thru Week 14:

1) Tytus Howard, 42.0
2) Jawaan Taylor, 43.2
3) Calvin Throckmorton, 44.1
4) Charlie Heck, 44.2
5) Austin Reiter, 45.9
6) Cam Robinson, 46.8
7) John Simpson, 49.1
Sam Mustipher, 49.1
Trey Hopkins, 49.1

(min. 400 snaps)

— Mike Kennedy (@MikeKennedyNFL) December 15, 2021

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53:39: Blackhawks & Beach.

New: Kyle Beach and the Chicago Blackhawks have reached a settlement in Beach’s negligence lawsuit against the team. pic.twitter.com/Lqwc6zgein

— Rick Westhead (@rwesthead) December 16, 2021

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57:27: Bulls Back.

This dynamic was reported and written about earlier this week. But this quote from Donovan directly distills one of the competitive disadvantages the Bulls felt while waiting for postponements. pic.twitter.com/vzUnCXbmQ7

— K.C. Johnson (@KCJHoop) December 16, 2021

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1:00:46: Arismendy!

NPB’s Nippon-Ham Fighters Sign Arismendy Alcantara https://t.co/wOZS8t0QnC pic.twitter.com/LCrh3bavbI

— MLB Trade Rumors (@mlbtraderumors) December 10, 2021

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1:01:26: State Of Basketball.
* DePaul, Loyola, Northwestern, Illini.
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STOPPAGE: 6:09
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For archives and other Beachwood shows, see The Beachwood Radio Network.
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Comments welcome.

The post The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #387: Bears A Variant Of Concern appeared first on The Beachwood Reporter.

The College Football Report returns for this very special edition, which we hope is just the first in a good old-fashioned bowl series.
Bahamas Bowl
Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders (6-6) vs. Toledo Rockets (7-5)
December 17, 11 a.m.
Nassau, Bahamas
Sponsor: SERVPRO, “The #1 Choice in Cleanup and Restoration”
(Yes, the underline is correct. Why? We have no idea but the organizers better get that right on the bowl merch*.)
The question isn’t “Why is there a bowl game in the Bahamas?” but rather “How will two teams from the Middle of Nowhere get to the Bahamas?”

Who pays the transportation costs for bowl games? Unless the teams travel by rail and Royal Caribbean, someone will have to cover the flight. Let’s assume (wrongly, no doubt) that the two teams travel together. If all scholarship and walk-on players on the Toledo and MTSU rosters travel, over 200 people will need an international ticket. Tack on the staff from each school, and the total will push over 250 passengers.
You better believe the staff will be in attendance. Take Middle Tennessee. Twenty-one people make up the Blue Raiders coaching staff, including recent grad Blake Catlett. Defensive Quality Control duties fall to the fresh-faced Blake, along with dragging down the average age in staff meetings. Would you have the heart to tell Catlett he had to stay in the hinterlands while his compatriots lounged on the beach? No, no you wouldn’t.
Who pays for a chartered flight of 250 people? How much does the airline stand to make on the deal? Would it be cheaper to buy a plane? A gently used Airbus A300-200 could accommodate up to 253 passengers if seated in three classes. That arrangement works nicely, allowing for separate sections for Head Coaches and Mistresses, Starters and Scrubs. (Catlett will take responsibility for Dark ‘n Stormy Quality Control.) The winning team keeps the plane, of course.
Our pick: Should the teams make it onto the Celebration Bermudagrass of Thomas A. Robinson National Stadium (capacity 15,000), the heavily favored Rockets will count on dual-threat QB Dequan Finn. If blustering winds play a role, MTSU will focus on shutting down Finn’s passing attack. No matter. Quinn can either scamper or hand off to RB Bryant Koback, just off a 2-TD rampage over Akron to close out the season for Toledo.

As for Mountain Dew State, the outlook isn’t good. Vegas opened with the Rockets as 9-point favorites and the line has since jumped up to -10.5 at Caesar’s, the official sportsbook of the College Football Report. The Blue Raiders will field a stout run defense (ranked 32nd nationally) but likely won’t have enough to outlast Toledo. Mountain Dew lost to Old Dominion (Old Dominion!) while the Rockets gave the (perennially overrated) Irish of Notre Dame a run, losing by just a field goal in Week Two.
Toledo Rockets (-10.5)
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Google searches for the Bahama Bowl included, among others:

• “January weather in Nassau“
• “number of people on middle tennessee football staff“
• “wide-body aircraft“
• “Murfreesboro TN to Nashville TN,” and
• “are the bahamas in the caribbean“

Resources for more information:

• ‘Bangladeshi man’ in Malaysia obstructs traffic while naked, sent for mental evaluation
• ugly duck cruises chicago il (closed!)
• Eugene F. Kranz Toledo Express Airport, and
• Biman plane hits cows on Cox’s Bazar airport runway, passengers safe

* COVID forced the cancellation of the 2020 bowl. Where did the gear go? ESPN waited until October 2020 to make the announcement. Surely some “2020 Bahamas Bowl” shirts had been printed without the team names by then. Charitable organizations like Good360 distribute the merch of losing teams to places such as Haiti and El Salvador, perhaps the 2020 Bahamas Bowl made it to another troubled part of the world. Like Florida.
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Tailgreeter Cure Bowl
Northern Illinois Huskies (9-4) vs. Coastal Carolina Chanticleers (10-2)
December 17, 5 p.m.
Orlando, FL
Let’s just get this out of the way. A Chanticleer is a male vocal ensemble. Or, singularly, a Chanticleer could be a character from Chaucer, the Duke University yearbook, a rooster, or a race of angelic humanoids.
Huskies are dogs.
In the case of Coastal Carolina, the Chanticleer in question is a teal rooster named Chauncey. The belligerent fowl cheered on CCU this season to 10 wins and a runner-up finish in the Sun Belt. The Angry Roosters bring the heat on offense, ending the regular season 6th in scoring and rushing offense in the nation. The Huskie D gave up 50 points to Wyoming. This could get ugly.
This is a game people who know nothing about college football will point to and say, “Look at those numbers. These guys deserve to play against a big conference team.” That opinion is wrong. Coastal Carolina finished #113 in strength of schedule this season. The list ends at #130.
In contrast to our pooh-pooh take on the gallus gallus domesticus from the Low Country, NIU looks intriguing. The Huskies won eight of their last 10, culminating a comeback season with a 41-23 victory in the MAC Championship game. (For the curious, Northern Illinois finished at #97 in strength of schedule.) And yet . . . Wyoming.
Our pick: To make a selection in the Tailgreeter Bowl, look no further than the numbers put up by CCU’s redshirt sophomore quarterback. Despite missing three games over his two seasons, QB Grayson McCall has thrown for 5,071 yards, completed 71% of his passes, and has a 50:6 TD-INT ratio. That said, we’d be remiss to omit Rocky Lombardi from the conversation. The Michigan State transfer finished fourth in the conference in total yards and, if pressed, can run play action with tailback Jay Ducker who finished the season with 1,038 yards rushing.
Rocky is related to Vince Lombardi just not that Vince Lombardi. He does keep the Illinois football tradition alive in the family, following his grandfather and former University of Chicago football coach Bob Lombardi.
In other news, the University of Chicago has a football team.
All of this is set against the backdrop of one of the more virtuous themes of the bowl season. The Cure Bowl began as a means to “promote awareness and research of breast cancer, with proceeds going to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.”
In contrast, the sponsor, Tailgreeter, is in business to help you find the best tailgate. While tailgating doesn’t measure up to curing cancer, it is pretty awesome. Unless you are at a lame tailgate. Which is where Tailgreeter comes in. Plug in criteria ranging from Amenities, Type of Lot, Beverages, Accessibility of Bathrooms, to Atmosphere Of The Tailgate, and Tailgreeter will serve up a curated list of pre-parties. Feeling mellow? Pick “Classical” in Type of Music. Want to throw down on a budget? Select “Bring Your Own Booze” under Beverages. This is America.
Coastal Carolina Angry Roosters -10.5
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Mike Luce is the world’s greatest college football writer. He welcomes your comments.

The post The World’s Greatest College Football Report, Special Edition: Rockets & Roosters appeared first on The Beachwood Reporter.