Joy Leftow's Poetry Blog

What's it Like?

2025-06-22T14:54:00.002-04:00

What Is It Like

I’m a rightfully accused self hating bitch,
mistreated, abused, neglected, recused, ignored and unwanted—
never wanted – since my birth – told by my mother,
I didn’t want another child I couldn’t afford to feed.

Years wasted – never understanding, a child forced to be adult
yet have a child’s mind
With no escape from who they were and who I was –
Unliked all around, fat, unattractive,
recall feeling happy when two girls approached me
alone in the school yard, said would you like to come to a lollipop party –
my mouth open to reply – surprised two popular girls would talk to me –,
scorn uniting their eyes upon me, they laughed loudly – storming away
yelling “sucker” I never knew what they meant or even what they said
because it made no sense to me – or should I say slow sense

Relieve me of my memories that intrude on my soul –
trail me, refusing to let go – the worst remain the longest

What is it like to be alone with many around
To have a mother so sick, so miserable she couldn’t care
Could not see aloneness
Told me I was unplanned for, unwanted
A dad so lost in his own mind he could not see me
except to know he helped create me

What is it like to have a life so blessed with sadness
a little kindness can comfort

Lord, what is it like to be lost in a sea of mankind
to take the road you wish you’d taken
What’s it like to have kindness and graciousness combined
Bestowed upon you for its own sake
To have someone care for you the way you wish you’d been cared for
What’s it like to know love, to be loved, to have that connection
you long for but never had
Where do you find it Lord. Is love found through prayer
And where is the soulmate I seek?

Refugee in My Own Life

2025-06-02T18:36:00.007-04:00

Author's Note:

In a time when history is being rewritten, books are being banned, and voices silenced—I wrote this poem to push back. I don’t write for comfort. I write to remember, to call out, to testify. This piece is my reckoning—with the world, with injustice, and with myself.

Refugee in My Own Life

I’m a walking poem,
navigate the world with flair & intensity.
Combine it with swirled empathy,
mix in some fantasy, mind high density.
Lost in the immensity of sensitivity.

Creativity – diversity ignored,
difficult to withstand or understand animosity.
Lack of deniability or accountability.
Pray for solidarity in a world so complex.

Like a refugee in my own life,
can’t contain all the strife,
seek a perfect bite of life.

Equality is viewed as culpability.
Equanimity—a forgotten skill.
World a difficult pill to swallow.

The time is nigh to get up on high—
diversity now outlawed,
due to racism and fraud.

Maya Angelou, political activists, philosophers—excommunicated.
Passed 60 years outdated – filled with hatred.
Mein Kampf cultivated.

History teachings decimated, destroyed.
Banned books strive to erase what happened.
So many frustrated.
An imbalance of justice prevails.

This administration pales.
Live in a world where peace curtails.
Mind alive and rich, full of detail.
O’ ne’er will I fail or derail.

Must struggle forward to face
immortality ‘fore I turn to dust.

Woman is not less than man, yet treated so.
We are only human, not good and evil.

Rapacity controls men—
wonder how long before we’re all banned
from the grandstand,
live in a wasteland,
given the backhand
in a game we’re unfamiliar with.

Our great nation,
like an ablation of my mind—
need a vacation
from the aggravation of blaxploitation.

Not worth the energy I expend
as I extend myself.
Feel a stranger to myself
in a strange land.

Please Lord,
I need time to heal.

Comments: If this poem moved you, made you think, or stirred something inside—I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to share your reflections or how it resonates with your own experiences in the comments below.

New version Grow me a new spine

2024-06-24T11:35:00.003-04:00

Grow me a new spine

Oh Lord, won’t you please grow me a new spine

I’d feel oh so fine

My other spine’s a mess, no longer works fine

Give me cages with stem cells

a futuristic design

Be able to toe the line

It’d be all mine

Built to the nines

Surgery ain’t sweet like pine

Ok with a few glasses wine

Body climbing vines

Mix my DNA with some stem cells

I’ll be ok, aged like fine wine

build me a new spine

pain is the bane of my

Existence even a cane doesn’t help

abate the pain can’t feign my way through

exasperation coming through to a new view

hard to stay sane it’s all loss and no gain

Moving fast down the sane lane

I Need a New Spine

2024-06-13T09:24:00.016-04:00

Grow me a new spine

I’d feel ~oh so fine

Be able to toe the line

It’d be all mine

Built to the nines

Surgery ain’t sweet like pine

Ok with a few glasses wine

Body climbing vines

Mix my DNA with some stem cells

I’ll be ok, aged like fine wine

build me a new spine

pain is the bane of my

Existence, even a cane doesn’t help

abate the pain can’t feign my way through

exasperation coming through to a new view

hard to stay sane, it’s all loss and no gain

Moving fast down the sane lane

Note: I'm having extensive spinal surgery on Monday where 3 discs will be removed and 3 cages put in. Interestingly this poem was written before I knew about this possibility, where the spine regrows through the cages.

Amen and Amazing!

Big Mess

2024-06-11T09:59:00.016-04:00

The Mess of My Life

Is it my life’s purpose to participate in the unmitigatedness

of this entire mess, less of life than I desired

The older I get, the more stuff gets crammed inside my head

Nothing I can do, live with the dread

process the grief, the stress depresses me to see

underhandedness of people who surround me

in for a penny – in for a pound

lose my mind, in an abyss of fear

lose ground all around

like a throwaway thingamajig

each day past means one day less than the rest

each day less of me remains

new campaigns seek re-election every day

seek relief and see none

Life a very, very, long dry run

Used for sex, thrown away afterward

Relationships sought and denied

In lieu of instinctual, reciprocal sexual favors

Craved for more complex relationships too

a joke on two, who do you say did the dirty deed of wanting all of me

more than my dream come true, different nightmares

invade my space, my hullabaloo, my valuable time

I wonder if this mess, this less sunshine every day

See what’s left of the unmitigated mess

Done with tests although always tried for more

Did the best I could. It was never enough to see me through

to better days desired

Make my way through the door, seek that more and

realize time is brief

Here’s the rub -heroes of our own lives, we grind our way

a life confined

prisoners assigned to our demise

Blind and spellbound, stumble through days

A throwaway and stowaway in my own life

I gotta make it through – to the rainbow ridge

Wish I could streamline, unwind the process of this mess

Take a different test, rewind the tape

Do anew the test of fate thrown in my face

Blind and spellbound, stumble through days

Too sick for the nightlife, don’t miss it

Always someone’s wife, always avoid lowlife,

live with stress of the mess

A throwaway, a stowaway in my own life

Peace to the Planet

2024-06-10T09:45:00.000-04:00

PEACE TO ALL SENTIENT BEINGS

Summer’s here but living’s not easy

Humidity abates here and there,

The air’s pretty hazy

Times Square is still pretty sleazy

Closed public seating there

Get all our food – from who knows where

When I think about it, get scared

Easy times are rare

Life’s very unfair

Especially for animals on factory farms

Want us to think our meat is here by charm

Nothing’s very clear

If we were to witness animal’s suffering,

Their atmosphere, no space, no air,

Living in their excrement

How many of us could bear

The suffering, does anyone care?

I sit here in my chair waiting

For the rain to come to clean

Dirty city air

While wild horses are corralled

by helicopters in the air

Taken to slaughterhouses in Mexico

Denied food or water, hundreds of thousands

By our inhumane society and made into dog food

Marilyn Monroe, a humanist through and through

Exposed this in her last film, the Misfits, in 1961

Look it up online at American Wild Horse Preservation

Trying to deal with so much cruelty

Horrors, animals’ torment

The world’s not what it’s meant to be

Take a deep breath,

Ask who cares?

How do us humans dare?

I’ve Got Too Much To Do To Constantly Look Out For U

2024-05-25T09:00:00.005-04:00

I’ve Got Too Much To Do To Constantly Look Out For U

The ACLU needs to look out for U

I can’t do it all, there’s too much on my plate

Events redefine themselves

Replay inside my head

I want to re-possess my thoughts

while I obsess about U &

U wait for me to go out so U can watch porno

Ur best friend at work wrote U up for killing a mouse

For challenging a student who dissed U

In my eyes, she set herself apart

As another Dubble X hoe

The last straw to get U off-track

Ur best friend stabbed U in the back

Her pursuit of a married chocolate-skinned supervisor

Forced her to write a report against U

Lil’ C kept a proprietary view towards U

A subterfuge of friendship when really

All U shared were Ur sexual obsessions

She bragged during our 1^st phone conversation that U gave her money

And that she did that to make Ur ex jealous

Lil’ C made it clear to me she could have U if she wanted to

Confident U were all up in her shit

I wanted to ask her Y’d she'd take Ur money if she’s Ur friend

but stayed quiet at Ur unspoken request

U said U had to have one friend @ work

She texted U at 5:30 am, weekend

After weekends – while I shared Ur bed

“R U awake,” she texts eager to share

The lurid details of her most recent sexual conquest

Confides in Mr. Porno-head about her nights of drunken’ love & lust

how she awoke on the bathroom floor in her own vomit

After her pussy was sucked & fucked

Texts U B-4 she falls asleep

R U awake, I kicked them out

Kicks out the dicks who fucked her pussy on the bathroom floor

U know what’s in store

Except for Pernet, her Indian lover

Who is the only one who does what he wants to do with her

And when he’s through fucking her he kicks himself out immediately

Mr. Porno-head is so enticed

Tells U how Ur ex-girlfriend's large breasts excite her

U took vicarious pleasure in her marvelous sexual descriptions

She outlines in detail the various sexual positions

Pernet roughly shoves her into

Tells you she really digs the roughness you see

all the other men R in such awe

they can’t excite her sexually

Mr. Porno head Ur so enticed

U said her motives were platonic

She never lusted after U

never wanted to fuck U - never wanted to be Ur lover

U tell me there’s something repulsive,

dark & ugly beneath her exotic beauty –

Said last time U saw her she draped a silk scarf around Ur neck

Pulling Ur face closer

And when you pulled away and said you had to leave

She said, “let’s take it from the top.”

U pretended nothing was said

Refused to dip Ur sweet dick into her wet hole

I was there beside U in bed the morning she

Called at 6 am after Pernet had left

She saw him on her subway ride with a pure-blooded Indian beauty

Told U she intended to go back to him

U warned her against this

Told her U were disturbed & worried

She’s got so many men

Chillin & waiting to get laid every day at her place

“Yes,” I responded, “I know, U became part of her entourage.”

U laughed, agreed it happened for a minute

“She’s so promiscuous,” U say, U “worry for her safety”

I say “U can’t take care of her 24 – 7, U can’t take care of Urself.”

U continue telling me the story

“She says I use my son as an excuse not to chill with her on the weekend

She told me the elevator man at work threatened to rape her

The maintenance man too,” U worry

U were homesick when she called @ 10:00 pm to have a 25-minute phone conversation

about some Mexican on the train who jerked off to her as she walked by

Mr. Machismo, Ur other alter ego, vowed to protect her

The same way U vowed to protect me

U’d said U’d kill anyone who came near us

Mr. Porno-head Ur so enticed

Her stories R so interesting

So innocent U didn’t see what was crystal clear to me

Until she stabbed U in the back

U said U never saw the knife coming

Mr. Porno-head is in despair

he’s taken flight for a minute

Did she become jealous when U became my Romeo alone

Was it then she became Ur Mercutio instead

U said U never saw the knife coming

Despite Ur many requests that she visit during Ur illness

U kept telling her she should meet me

& she agreed but never came once; I was here

My energy is my essence it’s alive strong - powerful

U feel me burning & I burn U in return

Ouch feel me, U’ve felt the power within

Who else could or would take care of U like that?

I’m the real thing not the fake conqueror of men

Mr. Porno – head is insensate, blind

I memorize Ur face with my eyes

Because it changes instant to instant

I have to recall the many U’s existent

Ur beauty overtakes me

She saw U’d become addicted to me

Already knew I’m addicted to U

U became addicted to my charms

As U stayed within my arms

I’ve become Ur drug of choice

Off Key Dreams

2024-05-21T12:21:00.007-04:00

Specificity is not the answer

Hard to stay focused, too many things to focus on

my mind swept up in strong currents

Some things matter more than money monarchies

Make my dreams reality

Love integrity lost in melodies of pageantry,

Empathy dissolved in a legacy of zealotry

There’s a fatality of sanctity

Set the sky on fire, bring souls out of mire,

Heart is a siren, beats with desire

Tired of infighting, stir the fire of love

Israel’s religious history is here for all mankind

should search to find their way out of a bind

Stay on the peace grind at the center of mindfulness,

All religion winds down to similar precepts

my life seems an open book

I say it’s written in an ancient language translated by my soul

Stop thinking it’s so simple to define me

A midnight blue sky filled with silver stars amidst fuchsia blossoms

Leaves fall from dogwood trees

A white turtle dove flew into my hand, came from above,

hovered a second or two

Do you think I’m in love again?

Trees (written in 1980, while studying at Columbia U)

2024-05-20T08:43:00.000-04:00

I am a tree receiving light

Or perhaps just an image of delight

I follow through on life's extensions

resulting in awareness of different dimensions

Where are the remnants of my rational power?

Perhaps I lost them as I ascended the tower

There I became imprisoned by tension

while I pondered, was logic my pension?

Now, I may feel alive and free

Or sometimes as rooted as a tree

three hundred years old in all its splendor,

While I look at my heart and search for its mender

Do I truly love desire or care?

Is it only that I feel my cupboard base is bare?

When I dwell on spiritual elements compounded;

I remember that God has created men well-rounded.

Then reason declares desires and fears well-founded:

And I know everything is previously included and far ahead accounted.

Life's round of births and deaths, and beginnings do deceive some,

But the question remains, despite all, ... Is there an end to receive one?

Is The World Going Crazy

2024-05-11T23:16:00.002-04:00

IS THE WORLD GOING CRAZY OR IS IT ME

Stop asking so many questions or

I could begin to think you’re a cop

I can’t think up the answers that fast

Are you the prosecution or what

Stop looking into my eyes so deep

Like if you look real hard you’ll see what you wanna see

Like you can see through me

Crinkling like cellophane my body withers before you

You want answers to your questions or what

What are you trying to see

Is it the I in you

Or the I in I

Please see I’m only trying to bring the situation to fruition

It just takes a little more preparation

Forever searching for direction

It’s making a huge impression on me

How many decisions do I have to make

No, I’m a grown woman I don’t need permission

I don’t care about your trepidation

I’m searching for liberation

Haven’t found it anywhere

It’s not as clear as it used to be

I thought I was so aware

It isn’t always fair either

Too many discussions

Deliberations on the same old themes

Wars & losses, poverty, and gasoline prices

Dresses & designers, writers & artists

Vacations & lives, returning home again

Our time and space is limited,

We’re here on this earth to enjoy life do

What we can, our minds so full of clutter

the glimmer the shimmer outside

draws into the glow

mostly it’s all show

sometimes we can’t see what’s right in front of us

I couldn’t see that book that’s clearly right

there on the bookshelf where you left it before

after we looked and looked;

neither of us could see that book right there on the shelf

right there on the shelf

looked once then twice we saw nothing

Looking through the glass pane window

Should I should go in or wait out here

Alone in the rain of my life

The drops glistening on my skin

Should I join the crowd inside

Watching diamonds in the rough

Watching is never enough

give me a moment or two

I’ma go rearrange the universe

Reinvent The Universe

2024-05-04T09:38:00.016-04:00

Need alone downtime

To survive threatening circumstances

Need to listen to the hurt, hear the cries

Regrets I try to forget, leave behind

I turn a blind eye to the answer

Vow to leave doubt out of the question to my answer

Lies survive, my lips deny my heart

Fear a mishap on the horizon

An angel forsaking our great nation on the verge of denial

Does Gehinnom exist? - Jew’s purgatory

Refuse to accommodate doubts about heaven or hell:

Gehinnom

Intensification exists no doubt

Fingertips feel my heart beat with passion

Sensation alive in my drive

Pain sears through my womb

Pain rips my soul from a concentration camp

Revive a better nation based on the assumption

That they do what they want to and we do what we’re told

Secrets we hold near, they hurt but they stay there

I deny what we live through

Live outside my head in the grip of a constant illusion

Hear conversations that never occur

Survive the delusion I live inside my head

Rich imaginings of what was said

What never was nor will be

Die and I never said what I meant to say to you and now I never will

The pain never stops

I keep moving my feet to a beat only I hear,

I try to help someone hear,

Please hear, but no one hears but my fear

Standing alone in a grim bleak reality, coming and going alone

Solutions flash by and are slashed off by reality as

I follow the path of Dorothy unafraid of what precedes me, lies in wait

In a roughened bush burning by the side of an elegant brook

In a forest of deceit, I wander hearing innocent animals slaughtered

Cries calling out in my head instead

Reality frozen in a time frame

Waiting for a way out of the underflow

I call to every passerby I see

Please, I beg, a hand please, I beg, don’t hurt me

I’m only a first-time offender

I didn’t mean to raise my hand,

Absolution for the abortion,

Please stop the pollution,

I hear the cries of an ancient race of animals now all dead,

There’s no more of them to kill, only a lab created animal exists

Please Father, a benediction before I go and leave this universe

Can you give me a calculation of where you think I’ll be?

Father I have sinned, 10 hail Marys and go your way and sin no more

I promise, Father I have sinned

Afraid there’s another life waiting somewhere to find me

Explore, seeking to find my way out of mischief into a glance of an inner richer universe

No exsanguination please

Try not to cry and the tears build in my eyes betray me

Water builds but doesn’t flow, yet you see me

I explode into another me - who is she?

I don’t know

I didn’t make her

She is I bubbling beneath the blood

Warm, ready to burst forth in flames fires

Burst forth from my mouth like a dragon breathing fire I

Explode into a new me

Once more, a reinvention of whom I want to be

PRAY THE WORLD LET LOVE WIN ~ LET'S LOVE IN

2024-05-03T08:19:00.015-04:00

Only way to overcome hate

Desire to pray overtakes me

Rub melted pure organic coconut oil

On my skin

Desire to pray overtakes me

All type prayers invade me at once,

can’t figure what’s wrong with me

Praying in tongues

Words escape me, call on Jesus

Call on God

Pray there’s really one,

To answer the call

Bring peace and love to all

Pray to Jesus, please help me heal me from this pain

This misery that becomes me

My brother, my brethren, his blood is where I came from

Tribes nearby where he was born, is where my blood is from

I pray,

Recall how you told me, pray to Mother and Father Coconut to heal you

while you massage coconut oil into your skin and they will hear you, they will heal you

So, I do this too

Please hear my prayers and heal me

Pray to all who may hear me

Speak no Hebrew except in tongues unknown that overtake me

Can’t escape being a Jew

Stop the thunder, hurt and pain

Pain like a runaway train

Hurts to watch humanity

Be so cold unto itself

Like a runaway train

Pain inside me grows to implode, explode

Pain inside and out ~ sit & watch

Something’s got a hold o’ me, I know it must be love

A treasure trove, need to relieve the pain of humanity

Love is life send it to your home from mine

Spread the word,

Escape the thunder

So scared the thunder will win

Pray, say, hear the lord’s words

Feel love – so scared love does lose

Young people must show the way

The world, unleased, has lost its way

This runaway train can only be stopped by love

The hurt and the pain can only be stopped by love

Stand in the way, hey Father, hey

let love stop world’s craziness

let humanity be what it should be,

what it could be if only love is all we need

MY HEART GOES ASTRAY

2022-08-17T08:55:00.007-04:00

Static in my heart sings a ring so strong

like an episode of sesame street gone wrong,

the world gone awry in a single cry awoke

evoked clouds linger in the pre-reminiscent pregnant air

five seconds ago on the web, I watched

Yellow red purple smoke rings cascade up from Cape Canaveral

Choked on enzymes fumes

in absence of love invades hate on the abyss a trend in fate,

an alias to convert a feather stroke to abuse with a lavender candle invoked

Skyrocket in sight with a socket in my cap.

Didn’t say it wasn’t love

The rhythm of the music moves my hands

Heros dead in a flash of smoke one last glare

Great curls of white smoke rise eyes tear

Life throws so many darts no way to know

Step smack middle in the midst watch them go

Lost glares silence stares me in the eye,

life isn’t fair you cry,

I never told you it was

an old theme renewed reneged turn your back,

go away little girl though that cunt tastes so sweet to eat

keep it away from me,

cause I’m dangerous.

I lie, cheat and go to war to get to eat what I want.

I’m so aware, King of the State of affairs between me and Britain.

Jews are lucky, we have a soul with an afterlife, not a hell.

Eat your sins for the glory shall be mine.

Got the fine for double parking, ate that too, a mighty tasty lugubrious morsel of time,

paid only one dime, was worth every cent, a one-of-a-kind find

white, pure, shiny granules of hope runs

Gotta meet fate at the corner of Doomston and Outta control genetic traits boulevard

The station gate at eight don’t be late, I set my heart on this chart.

I’m the bait. Worth the wait, good rate, not hatin’ I’m chillin'.

A breath of fresh mint, double-mint peppermint gum

Repressed a breeze in Iceland emigrated to USA,

reject from Liverpool, traded in Halvah for a day,

lost in the fleshiness of the moment I give my life away

Smoke that dream before I cream you

2022-08-16T09:52:00.001-04:00

Smoke that dream before I cream you

I’ve got all my own mishigas too sufficient to sort through. Memories a life’s sake, a backache, earache filibuster, Monroe birthday zone, a black hole, don’t know where to go. A vagabond review, a Scarsdale Hebrew cemetery, morsel of dainty tastiness nastiness a black hole of madness no home to go to, a Hebrew Jew.

Stuck inside my head, a poet’s world, inspired to drive down dirty get high on some Thai stick, trying to get skinny on the sly, sounds tinny, the words stuck in my eardrums, tum de dum

Exhale poetry with scarlet U2 embolism demolishes dents an entire world out there me capsized in the cave in a mountain dew bats flapping in my head I breathe new scents for a few sense amillia, vanilla will do me fine.

Inhale Exhale, a little cheech and chong, put it in a little pill for me. I want to kill that roach, don’t encroach on my spot, shit I see you got your eyes on a brand new spanking spaldine, bounce da ballie, brand new – higher than that kite you want to make take flight.

Fire your ass off stop sass saw me in half. I wanna make some war in cognito infinito, vagabond report retort a torte a flamingo of golden gal glimmer if I offer you a drizzle of Acapulco gold.

If you only got sensimilla, with nice big blue green buds, a thai joint will bend me fine, ven aqui, pasa lo, share it, … please.

Don’t do me like that. My hand’s open – greed.

Give me some of that weed, I need some time to digest the rest but so far will take I'm not a lawyer. I’m a voyeur, not a destroyer, not part of the choir, I live in a temple excoriate licorice on my breath, a little violet lipstick, blissful Babel bagel babe of a comet a carnal cattle pick up your bustle and hustle along. Mazel Tov!

Damask cilantro, don’t ask, another whiff of that smoke, floating up from all that patchouli incense I use to mask the scent of that hashish oil mixed with opium.

Up in smoke it went, again and again.

Marijuana Escape from Blues

2022-02-10T08:54:00.012-05:00

So very hard to face each day when so much sad

Engulfs me, makes me face my bad

My meds provide a space for peace

To feel some glad

Escape from being had

Raised in a bad way, rad I’m alive

Caught between my mom and dad

Born into a world of fate, hate surrounded me

Smoked at 14 laughed my ass off

Mary Jane helped me collect myself off the pavement

Days of wine and roses

Live in dreams – a haze of beauty made more magnificent with medicine

Wish I could do more, but I do all I can do and more

I’m a tad behind because of so much sad I’ve endured

A child badly clad, woe was me, carry the sad inside of me

Hard to let go of all the pain, now mental plus physical anguish

Relish Sativa, she helps vanquish my heartache

Heartbreak, tenderness, fear that runs through me

Dissipates my heartbreak, helps me deal with fatigue

Pain consumes me, seek respite with Mary Jane

Live inside my head my brain seeks wisdom delight

Seek relief from my condition in my flight of heavenly visions

Some call me an addict others call me sane, reliable, trustworthy,

I’m not a label, I’m human imperfect, not excuses

Weatherman said rain should flood today

Drown my sorrows, feel light

Feel together in my head

Wish I had a gravy train

Instead of a childhood disdained full of pain

Feel the Godhead in my head

Watch streams of rain pour down

Through my open windowpane

Smell the scent of rain,

Cannabis washes away my pain

The scent of rain

Drifts through my windowpane

Wash away my pain

God Bless

2021-12-06T20:12:00.006-05:00

God Bless the day my mother was born

She birthed me to this life

God bless her cruelty taught me to survive

God bless the day my father was born

God bless my sisters though they refused to love me

Contrived to deprive love

God bless the stories they told to justify their hate

God blessed me to survive rape and abuse

God blessed me to strive to revive

Bruises and blues of my soul

God bless the day I was born in March of 49

Been in overdrive, overactive sex drive

All the drivel of conniving men

Who fooled me, jive as the shrine I’m in

God bless the universe

God bless the world

God bless the death of those passed

The births of those yet born

God bless my friends

God bless this virus that has killed so many and has so many more lives to take

God bless this planet where Covid 19 virus has thrived and survived

because of all our wrongs and rights

God bless that humanity has survived

God bless the animals that survive this cruel world and God bless the ones who suffer cruelty and deprivation at the hands of those God has already chosen to bless

Blessed to be alive, to arrive to survive,

Bless my grandfather and grandmother who foresaw the 2^nd world war,

Who came to this crazy country for freedom WE stood for

At least Jews were not put in ovens over here

If not for them I would have never been born

Bless the Jewish race from which I was born

God Bless Native Americans, newcomers took their land, abused & misused them

Bought slaves all the way from Africa to work for free

Rich pay no taxes

Money calls to money

Entitlement’s here to stay, they have their say – they get their way plus don’t have to pay their way

We pay their way

Money only cares for more money

money doesn’t care about the suffering it causes

National genocide for Native Americans was irrational, ok for monied folk

They seek to divide to keep themselves in charge with all the money

Men seek control, domination – hurt innocent beings

Dominated by greed, Money can’t control the weather

Can it ever be different?

I hope for more

God Bless humanity’s fate!

Have faith in our youth is all I can say, let’s pray.

DRUGS ON THE RISE

2021-08-03T10:06:00.006-04:00

DRUG PHASE

Living life in a daze

So many drugs create a haze

By now I know it’s not a phase

After all these years it shouldn’t faze me

Someone said, “It’s over a dozen years,

going through the same fears.”

Put your life in arrears

you should know it’s not a phase

“After all these years,

you should know it’s a way of life”

So should I stop trying now

After all these years

AMBER

2021-08-02T14:20:00.005-04:00

AMBER

She melts in your mouth

like the hot resin of a ripened tree

The m's roll off your tongue poetically

Amber absorbs sunlight and reflects moonlight

She has her own glow

Amber comes in many colors like a rainbow

Sometimes cloudy, sometimes clear

the color of honey

The ones with fossils are worth the most; it makes sense

Because skeletons are a big expense

Sometimes you see straight through her

A connoisseur of fragile glass

Shades of golden yellow to fern green to lime or orange

Amber is diffuse, her energy attracts

her words interact, it’s a fact

mellow yellow amber golden mellow tones

color range from orange peel to bittersweet to tangerine

controls your senses

Releases chemicals into your brain

every woman’s dream

Amber grounds your energies

Rules your naval chakra

using golden orange tools

she draws disease from your wounds

Cleanses your organs of poisons

Revitalizes your organs

The ancient gods burned her

The 3 holy ones revered Amber

Used in all holy and spiritual rituals

Her incense & jewels persist

And are still renown today

… How can you go wrong

if you choose her once she’s chosen you…

ONE WRONG STEP AFTER ANOTHER

2021-04-20T11:03:00.003-04:00

My body follows my life like one big misstep

misstep physically and fall on my hip

Literally act out my psychological ailments

Overstretch my foot so much, it hurts I can’t walk

I lie on my ass, sit around and talk

On the phone – balk

at all the empty phone talk

makes me feel dead instead of alive

Words are my bedrock, my life

Numerous iPhone chats,

Facetimes,

leaves me unsatisfied

No human caress causes distress,

loss of eye contact, response is less

No touch,

No hugs, nor kisses, just guesses of what we’re doing here

Most of what we humans discuss

Encompass the squareness of our universe

Inspire, aspire to learn a new word today

To describe what I’d rather do

The new word is eumoirous,

Someone who is lucky and happy as a result of being good

Unfortunately goodness doesn’t assure luckiness though I wish it did,

can’t do anything without you

Talking is so boring when you can find something to do

We wouldn’t miss nary a thing if we didn’t spend so much time

Chatting about useless things

When we spend our energy talking – we prevent our doing –

Get stuck, life is a trap of especially

Unimportant time spent on inconsequential things

TV, radio,

Talk is cheap

Phone talk is contrived, minimizes

Items in our daily life

Has nothing to do with anything

If anything, assists with our living less

Not more, I confess, my life’s a big mess

Prefer to focus on doing more not less

Observe, obsess, process and reassess

Spending Blues

2021-04-04T10:37:00.006-04:00

I GOT THE SPENDING BLUES DISEASE

PLEASE, please, I need to be at ease

I got the buy, buy, buy, disease

Like to put it on a freeze

Turn around like a sneeze

Got a hold on me like trustees

Need to find another release

I know it’s not that old song,

somethings got a hold of me,

I know it must be love

It’s this buy, buy, buy, disease

My self-control destroyed, spoiled by my unease,

Commands originated in my mind’s badlands,

quell the urge please

I got the spending blues

So easy to do

Swipe out a card

Got the distribution blues

Buy things I don’t need

Then got to give them away

Swimming in shit, like all greed

Buy shit I don’t need

What’s it all for?

Easy to give away everything I buy

Need money to eat and pay the rent

Not much more I need to buy

2020 Presidential Election Year

2021-01-08T23:35:00.001-05:00

2020 Presidential Election Year

This coronavirus is making me insane

Feel like I’m on another plane

Nothing left to gain and a lot to lose

Living like this the bane of my existence

Trump running a chain gang on our nation

Tough guy bully guy macho man image

Not charging social security taxes

Means social security at 65 out the door

Maybe they’ll see what they can’t see now

Chaos

It’s plain to see, lying in wait in society

Need the key to unlock the gates

We’re heading from heaven to hell

It’s no game, president man forgot about democracy

Love and hate, not fate

Trap people play reality TV

Play acting a banshee

Hey Joe

I aint got no birth serf-i-ticket on me now

United States of fucking America, is

A new Trump Hitler Regime

Keeping my dream alive

Get rid of that National Security Act and our

Patriot Act

Give our nation a new theme

The vote is actual and factual but Trump can’t see

Where we can learn and be aware of the facts

Our government ransacked for the wealthy

While the poor remain unhealthy

Corporations stealthy

Hey Joe

Make a motion to not be so emotional

Scared to have premonitions

Want Joe to win

It’s a sin the way they abuse him

Can’t see Trump’s a has been who belongs in the loony bin

Keep myself busy listening to Beethoven’s violin symphony

Hope the lynch pin doesn’t win

This aint mother fucking Berlin with a fucking wall

And don’t tell me Obama built the gate

He didn’t take children from their families

Losing our sanity on a fallacy

I aint got no birth serf-i-ticket on me now

Please God, don’t allow

Need to survive this somehow

SEARCH FOR AN ENCORE

2020-09-21T14:23:00.010-04:00

SEARCH FOR AN ENCORE

My heart hits the sky for a wonderful guy

Want to live in my dream

Let off steam, ride that moonbeam

Watch my love while we watch stars who strive to extreme,

Love trees feed on earth and water

Feel like lamb to slaughter

New world’s just begun under one sun

Redwood forest, lakes, rivers run

No babe, I no have no fun

Weak knees pervade,

transcend dreams glide

I’m along for the ride

Economy, parsimony,

Slide into fear of this and that

World where dictators rule

my land and that land make the

world what is has become

not a race to create except this situation demands

My life cut in two, can’t figure out where to go or what to do

Pray from far away - pray for ourselves, pray for me, pray for you too,

Will prayers help or is it an illusion to feed my ego?

Search for hope, only nightmares come

Despots worldwide care only about money,

honey, listen; root of all evil

Sell they soul to the devil - to the devil they do

And all around us, who paid suffer

for the devil, they pay, to do us this misery

Everywhere on earth suffer this malady.

Download synergy to keep up my energy

Synapses flicker, slicker than an unsolved nightmare

Behind a hidden door, no splitting hairs

Born to be me, you’re born to be you

None of us born free

So unwell, hurts to be me

Wish you could see how it feels to me

Wish you could be me, feel me the way I feel you

We all desire prosperity, fame, acclaim, money

Mostly to survive and thrive

speak truth in poetry, fascism far and widespread

Money don’t mean joy, sorry to say

Like rivers run to their source

Blood runs cold, not yet, my lord, not time to fold

Times running out, getting old, need others to carry on

Carry on, work for free; try to help humanity

Make our earth the sanctity, earths meant to be

Hallelujah for you, hallelujah for me if only we

can build something to hope for,

we want to live our dream, just once before we leave

Please, Please, Please

THE WORLD THROUGH DAVIE’S EYES

2020-08-20T10:53:00.004-04:00

THE WORLD THROUGH DAVIE’S EYES

Lying peacefully on my bed,

In his bed which is atop of mine

Lay Davie, my Peterbald Sphinx

Buried beneath his blankets

Davie suddenly perked up,

threw this blanket off,

put his head up and kept it up,

totally mesmerized

watching Michelle on TV

Listened to her entire speech,

Never resting his head down

Acts like he magically

understands how important it all is.

Isn’t that amazing? Davie, my cat,

Mesmerized by Michelle on TV

something in her manner, her tone

Stylized speech,

Beseeching America to be better,

her voice, pleading with America

“BE Better America,” she pleads with us, loud and clear

Somehow, Davie, my cat, understands her

Her tone, determination, her pleas

Trying to help us understand

Divisiveness increases pain and suffering

Not helped by clear acceptance of Racism

Attacking our citizens peacefully protesting

Failing to protect our most vulnerable citizens

Destroying access to clean water for money

Ignoring our country’s constitution to protect interests of big money

Michelle Obama demands America stand up

Show the world who we are

Show with our vote, our turn out,

Turn out even if you have to bring a blanket, food,

Even if you have to spend the night too.

Do it to ignite flames for justice and compassion

In our leadership

Please America, Leave chaos at the door

Michele’s voice captured David. She captured me too.

CNN says of First Lady, Michelle Obama’s speech, “…an appeal aimed at the heart and conscience of every American who has watched the chaos of the last four years and yearned to make things right.”

Our moral tale of woe.

Stand up Americans,

Show us your voices like you did in recent marches through the streets

Stand up American and show us who you want us to be

America showed who she was when innocent protesters were abused

Shot with rubber bullets, gassed in our streets

I thank and praise all the people who stood up in America’s streets, and streets everywhere else too,

Please America, I beg you too,

Even though I’m not Michelle Obama and never could be in her shoes,

I stand with Michelle and beg you too

– Stand up and be counted,

DO THE RIGHT THING AMERICA

Show ourselves and the world who America really is

I’m begging you, please

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Come one come all,

Let’ be the solution to the pollution, heal division, stop the degradation of our great nation and all its peoples, our principles, our people, who require compassion to survive, not division.

Forgive me for not knowing if this is a rant or a poem.

LIKE AN ISLAND

2020-08-06T20:08:00.047-04:00

LIKE AN ISLAND

I’m quarantined

Learning to love my aloneness

Not concerning ceremonious womanliness,

Maintain a harmonious

Fighting to survive intolerance, tight feistiness of ruin,

from wealthy brothers and sisters.

The poor give more than wealthy do

usually more generous of spirit

poor pay higher taxes

Trumped by a white house orange debacle

Citizens dying from streptococcal

symptoms - live in mass pandemonium

people blind like they’re on opium

sanctimonious created fraudulent-ness

intolerantness speaks loudly, devoutly, profoundly evil

worldly unrest and upheaval

quarantine inside my abode

carry a heavy load

my body bowed

inability to unload

keep a heavy workload

dreading the next episode

of color code, religious code, computer codes

hate showed –

snowed in about to implode

lifestyles eroding with each new foreboding

will we ever overcome

see what we can become

if to love and tolerance we succumb

Solve Problem: make humanity less dumb

Embrace love and tolerance

Together, overcome

Stop being overrun

beat my drum till that day comes

pray to raise awareness that love is everywhere

Love is everywhere

I FEEL

2020-06-04T07:45:00.003-04:00

Like a light bulb in a dark room, about to burn out,
Burn out in a fizz, or explosive moment puff of smoke,
Like a campfire built at sunset burns out at sunrise
Eastern sunlight rays appear;
Horizon alive with color’s flow
My heart skips a city girl beat
Nature grasps at my heart with special sounds she creates
Heartbreak hotel still a go to
Every day, survive a new threat
Today it’s the pandemic
Next day worldwide protests
Proclaim Black Lives Matter
when we see George Floyd murdered
because he had a fake twenty-dollar bill
culminate four centuries of wrongs
In the 90's shop owners slipped me fake twenties too
So if I were black I'd be dead
MD prescribes Miralax to cure my ills
Miralax made of plastic, don’t care to use
It about $, who can digest plastic
Plastic imagined good for intestines.
Prefer milk of magnesia to cure my ills
Holding all that shit in there really ain’t healthy
I’m surgeon of my own body and I know what suits my body’s needs
I’ve been living longer with my self than anybody else
So I think I know this body better n’most
Zonked out on fresh brewed coffee
Another poem births inside me
Feel another me emerging again
Anxiety spreads like a bloodstain
Who am I, am I who I want to be,
Reveling in who I am as opposed to who
I could be, hold me back or don’t, I won’t go,
I refuse to be who I am
Swallowed in a gumball,
Society beats reverberate in my head
A new manuscript divides me
Like a light bulb in a dark room, about to burn out
My heart skips a city girl beat