Boys Don't Cook

RECIPE: Beef Biryani

2025-11-04T16:59:00.004+00:00

Beef and Chickpea Biryani:

Works very well with lamb as well

(Feeds 4-6)

This really isn’t a ‘Back Pocket’ recipe, it’s quite involved, but it’s one of my favourite dishes, and It also is a great way to use up leftover mixed grill Turkish/Lebanese Kebab meat.

(chicken & lamb shishes, or donner/Kofti - dice them up into small chunks and fry them in a little oil before adding them back in place of the cooked beef.)

Ingredients:

2x 500g packs of diced beef braising steak (or shoulder)

2x large onions

6x gloves of garlic or 3 tbls of garlic puree

150ml non-dairy (unsweetened) milk, or full fat cow’s kind

1 heaped tsp of tumeric (or safron if you’re feeling very posh)

2 tsp cumin (or seeds)

1 tsp coriander or (seeds)

½ tsp cinnamon (or about the same size stick)

12 cardamom pods worth of seeds (take them out the pods!)

2tsp of salt (adjust to taste)

2/4 nutmeg (it’s going to be ground, so chop it down)

140ml sunflower oil (not olive this time)

200ml dairy free unsweetened yoghurt (or the same Greek Natural)

25g ginger paste

3 bay leaves

3 green chillies - leave the seeds in unless you don’t like it spicy

1x 400g can of chickpeas - drained

355g basmati rice

Fist full of diced coriander leaves

50g butter in small spoon fulls

2 tsp brown caster sugar

2 handfuls of cooking sultanas

4 tbls crispy onions (you can buy them in the World Food section)
or stir fry finely sliced onion in a little onion over a high heat. Keep them moving, taking care not to burn them

Equipment:

1 large Dutch Oven/Crock Pot
1x large measuring jug, or mixing bowl
1x Rubber Spatula
Large Chef's Knife
Ninja Electric Food Chopper (no, not a sponsor, but these things are blummin’ genius)
Electric spice grinder (pestle and mortar if you’re doing it old-school)
Large saucepan (and just enough water to cover the rice later)
Small glass or mixing jug

Method:

Pour the milk into a small glass, add the turmeric, and stir very well until it’s a smooth yellow liquid. (if using saffron, steep the strands over night)
Heat two tablespoons of oil in the bottom of the dutch oven. Salt and pepper the beef, then brown on a medium-high heat (7/10).
Transfer to a bowl for later (throw out the scummy water that comes out of the beef)If you’re using up leftover grilled kebab, dice it up and fry it lightly in the dutch oven, dry, until it releases any extra oils. Put all of this aside.

Chop two of the onions into 8ths and put in the ninja with the garlic, ginger and chillies. Add 50 ml water and blend to as smooth a paste as you can manage.
Put the coriander, cumin, cloves, cinnamon, 2 teaspoons salt, seeds from the cardamom pods (not the whole pod!) and the pieces of nutmeg into a spice grinder. Grind until a fine powder.
Add the powder to the onion paste with plenty of black pepper and bung it all into the dutch oven.
Add some more oil and fry the onion and spice paste over a medium heat (7/10) for around 10 minutes until it starts to brown browned.
Add the beef (or mixed meat) back to the pot. Stir in the yoghurt, plus 450ml of water and then add the bay.
Mix up and bring to a gentle simmer. Pop the lid on and simmer gently for an hour and a half till the meat is tender and breaks up.
Stir in the sugar and the chickpeas. Bring the heat up to 6/10 and simmer till the sauce is reduced and thick. Season again to taste.
Preheat the oven to 180C
Fill a large pan with water till it will just cover the rice (probably about half the pot), add salt and bring to the boil.
Rince the rice in a sieve under lots of running water. Add to the boiling water. Simmer on high for just five minutes then drain the rice completely, you’ll be cooking it fully later.
Stir the chopped coriander into the rice.
Transfer half the meat and sauce into a large dish. Put that to one side.
Spoon over half of the par-boiled rice, smooth out, and drizzle about half the yellow turmeric-milk. Sprinkle over some dried fried onions and half the sultanas.
Add the rest of the meat and sauce, then once again top with the rice/milk/onion/sultanas layer again
Add spoonfuls of the butter to the top, cover the whole pot with plenty of foil so it seals when the lid goes back on (and steams!)
Bake in the oven for 30 minutes.
Once baked. Fluff the rice and combine so the meat/sauce/rice become one big old dish. Serve in bowls sprinkled with some of the leftover chopped coriander leaves.

RECIPE: Chili - Con Carne and Con Queso

2025-09-09T15:30:00.013+00:00

Chili for any Occasion!

Con Carne & Chili Con Queso

Chili* is a great big bowl of warmth and loveliness that can just tick every box, you can make it Veggie or Vegan, hide in lots of veg for picky eaters, and it makes a sharing snack or main meal with anything: Rice/Tacos/Nachos/Baked Spuds, even chips if you’re feeling filthy. This is the recipie for a great beef chilli ‘con carne’ (with meat), a great go-to to always have in your back pocket!

…but b b b bonus round! At the bottom I’ve included the way I make Chili con Queso (with cheese) - a spicy, rich cheesy dip that is amazing as a table sharer with chips and salsas!

To make this chili veggie, swap out the beef/beef stock with soy mince and vegetable stock, and/or more mixed beans.

* "Chilli", "Chile", whatever your 'chill'

Chili Con Carne

(For 3 to 4 people - served with rice)

Ingredients:

2 tbsp olive oil

3-4 cloves of garlic, minced (or equivalent lazy garlic puree)

1x onion diced

1x red pepper diced

2 red chilies, sliced into rings or diced or dried chipotle chili flakes (2-3 tsp)

150g white/chestnut mushrooms, peeled and diced

500g - beef mince (5-15% fat is ideal) or 300g

2x 400g (can of) chopped/crushed tomato

400g (can of) mixed beans (some come in spring water - drain that, some come in tomato sauce, stick that in)

350ml beef stock

2x tbsp tomato puree

1x tsp ground cumin

1x tsp oregano

1x tsp smokey or hot paprika

1x tsp ground coriander

½ tsp ground cinnamon (you can drop this if you have allergies)

3 good dashes of “wusta-sher-sher-sher-shi-yar” (Worcestershire sauce)

25g high coco dark chocolate, grated v fine

large bunch of fresh coriander, roughly chopped (for garnish, also great stirred through rice in a rice cooker!)

Equipment:

Large enameled-iron Dutch Oven/Crock pot
flexible rubber/plastic spatula
Measuring jug (for stock)
large serving spoon
Microplane grater
Chef’s knife and chopping board

Method:

Dice up your onion, peppers, and slice your chilies (keep the seeds if you’re feeling spicy)
Heat the oil in the bottom of a lidded iron pan or Dutch Over/Crock Pot
fry the veg and garlic, along with the herbs/spices/chili until the onion begins to soften (hob about 7/10)
Increase the heat (8/10) and add the mushrooms and mince, cook while breaking up the mince and stirring until browned.
Pour in the stock to de-glaze the pan, and bubble for a few minutes.
Stir in the tomatoes, tomato puree, mixed beans and Worcestershire. Season (to taste) with salt and pepper.
Bring to a simmer, pop the lid on, and let it bubble away for about 30 mins, check it and give it a stir, if it needs to thicken; simmer for 10-20 minutes with the lid off, or until thick. At this stage, stir the grated chocolate in for a rich Mole!

Serve atop a bed of long grain rice, a freshly baked spud, or in a bowl to fill tacos or dip nachos!

Bonus round!

Chili Con Queso

Ingredients:

2 tbsp butter/dairy free spread (melted)

2 tbsp plain flour

150-200g grated cheese blend (Mature Cheddar, Mozzarella, Red Leicester, Double Gloucester or Monterey Jack)

packets of pre-grated mix cheese work even better, as they have anti-caking agents in them that keeps things melty and smooth

250ml milk/dairy free unsweetened alternative

2 cloves of garlic, minced (or equivalent lazy garlic puree)

1 tsp onion powder

1x tsp ground cumin

1x tsp ground coriander

1x tsp smokey or hot Paprika

Chili powder (which is a combo of the above anyway, but this is a great way to fine-tune flavour)

Handful (~8) fresh baby plum tomatoes diced

2 green chilies, sliced into rings (de-seeded)

large bunch of fresh coriander, roughly chopped

Equipment:

Large non-stick saucepan
plastic/rubber baboon whisk
Cheese grater
Chef’s knife and chopping board
Measuring jug

Method:

Melt the butter in the saucepan along with the garlic, once melted, sprinkle in the flour, and mix very well with the whisk to make sure there’s no lumps!*
Add the milk and continue to whisk until smooth, turn the heat down (5/10) and simmer gently to thicken.
Stir in the spices combined with the whisk.
Once smooth and combined, add the chopped chillies & tomatoes.
Gradually add the cheese, sprinkling in a handful at a time till it’s all melted in, rich and thick. The sauce will thin a little as the veg releases acids, but if it’s still too thick, thin it with a little more milk, a dribble at a time.

Serve in a bowl, topped with chopped coriander to dip nachos!

*this may need tweaking with more butter flour to get it smooth and lump free

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RECIPE: The Cheats Frittata

2025-08-29T13:39:00.001+00:00

Frittata - but the Cheat’s way!

The fast, simple, and tasty breakfast take on the Spanish staple that I’m sure I’ll get comments about - but this one is definitely something to have in your Back Pocket, especially of comfy PJ’s, after a lot of fun the night before. Serve it with slowly stewed baked beans* for the ultimate brunch!

*mana of the gods, I’ll take no argument here…

Cheat’s Frittata:

(Feeds 2-3 in need of Brunch)

Ingredients:

4-5x high quality large, British Free-Range Hens eggs, (be nice to the chickens)

(try it with other eggs and let me know!)

~50-70ml Milk (or unsweetened Non-Dairy alternative)

Glug of olive oil ( ~ 1tbsp)

Salt and Pepper (to taste)

2tsp Paprika, 1tsp Oregano

4x frozen (or defrosted) ‘Hash Browns’*

6x rashers, good quality Back Bacon (you can use Streaky/American, but it will be greasier)

Good handful (~20g) of grated Mature Cheddar Cheese

2x spring onions (sliced, white and greens - as you like)

1x400g Baked Beans (optional - to serve - go’wan!)

Equipment:

1x medium non-stick frying pan (ideally with a detachable handle!)

Cooking foil (to wrap your pan handle, if it doesn’t come off)

Grill (no, not a BBQ, definitely not a 'broiler', the thing at the top of your oven that cooks with direct heat) - pre-heat on high.
1x large measuring jug, or mixing bowl
1x Baboon whisk**, or fork
1x Rubber Spatula
Knife/scissors

Method:

Add your frozen Hash Browns* to a dry non-stick frying pan and put on a gentle heat (6/10) - you’re not trying to cook them here, just defrost.

As soon as they can be broken up with a spatula, add the oil and turn the heat up to 7/10 while you prepare the eggs

Carefully break 4 eggs into the bowl/jug (fish out any bits of shell, it’s the morning, be honest…)
Add salt/pepper, paprika and herbs, and all the (not-)milk to the bowl/jug, Whisk it like it owes you money
De-fat, and cut your bacon into 2cm strips (or how you like it), Add to the pan and fry for ~2 minuets
Once your now-chopped-hash browns and bacon are just starting to get colour, pour over the egg mix.
Quick as you can, gently mix it up - you can skip this, but it helps make the frittata more even.
Turn the heat up to 8/10 and fry for 2-4 minutes, just enough time to grate some cheese…
…and sprinkle it evenly over the top of the frittata, along with the chopped spring onions
Now… Transfer your Frittata to under the grill, placing it high in the oven but not so close it burns - if you have a fancy pan with a detectable handle, this is exactly what those things were made for! If not, wrap your pan handle in foil (even if it’s not plastic) because it will get HOT !
Grill for 2-4 minutes, keep an eye on it! - the top should be golden-brown.
Return to the hob if you think the base needs a little more love, but if it’s spongy-but-solid it’s likely done

Slice into quarters, drop briefly onto kitchen (paper) towel to remove any unwanted oil. Serve to hungry non-morning people!

Try adding chopped bell peppers and chilly to this, and swap out the bacon for Chorizo, with a whack of garlic - and this becomes a little bit like a proper savoury Spanish Tortilla/Frittata

*‘Hash Browns’ - Like these. Partially cooked and frozen chopped potato and onion. Hey! We did say it’s a Cheat’s Frittata.

You should totally peel your own onions and potatoes, grate them on a box grater into an old tea-towel, squeeze the ever-living heck out of the result, to get rid of ALL the starchy water (or they won’t fry), and then fry them up. They will taste much better, and take ages to do. Trust me. I love to try new breakfast things, but just save yourself a whole heap load of time and buy good quality pre-made ones.

**Balloon wisk… it’s a running gag I can’t let go in my kitchen, as a child I imagined it was the type of whisk monkeys used.

RECIPE: Sausage Casserole

2025-08-20T18:16:00.005+00:00

One Pot Sausage Casserole!

Just like mum used to make! one pot, and an absolute crowdpleaser of a recipe to have in your back pocket. Full of veg and sausages two ways, Serve with roast potatoes (I really must put up a recipe for those!)

Spot the Dutch Oven again! Oh yes, I love this thing!

Sausage Casserole:

(Feeds 2, easily double for 4+)

Ingredients:

6x high quality British pork sausage (Cumberland or Lancashire)

Glug of olive oil ( ~ 1tbsp)

Salt and Pepper (to taste)

2tsp Smoked Paprika, 2tsp Ground Cumin, 1tsp Thyme, 1tsp Oregano

4 Cloves minced garlic (or puree)

1 x Large bell pepper

1 x Large Red Onion

150g Chorizo Ring (sliced)

1x400g Mixed Beans (can of, in water or tomato sauce)

2x400g Chopped Tomatoes (cans of)

200ml Chicken Stock or 100ml Stock + 100ml dry white wine

Equipment:

1x Dutch Oven (Enameled Iron crock pot)
1x Rubber Spatula
Knife/Board

Method:

Peel your onion, slice it in half then slice the halves into ribbons.
Slice your Pepper(s) and discard the seeds/core (we’ll have a tip on that!) - then slice that into ribbons
Score a line down your Chorizo ring, carefully peel off the skin/paper, slice into rounds.
Cut your sausage links (if they come like that)
Add the garlic, onions, and chorizo with a glug of olive oil*, cook on a medium high heat (7/10) for a few minutes till the onions start to take on colour
Add your dry spice mix and allow to infuse with the oil for 30 seconds
Clear a space at the bottom of the pan so they can go on it, and add your sausages, cook until browned
Deglaze (use liquid to free up cooked-on loveliness from the bottom of the pan) with stock (and wine if you’re using it), cook down for a few mins.
Add your cans of tomatoes and stir the whole thing up!
Add salt and pepper to taste
Bring to a high simmer for a few minutes, then pop the lid on and bang it in the oven 180ºC for and hour!

If you like it a little thicker, pop it back on the stove top for 15 mins on a high simmer to reduce

* but not too much, as the chorizo will release its own lovely flavoursome oil,

Swerve with warm crusty bread, roasties, or even rice/couscous.

RECIPE: Simple Fajitas

2025-08-15T16:06:00.001+00:00

Back Pocket Fajitas!

This quick, one pan dinner is the very definition of a recipe to have in your back pocket. It uses things you should always have in your kitchen, takes about 30 minutes to feed 2+, and goes down well with even the pickiest eaters (ie: me!) - and it includes a cheat mode, which we do like around these parts!

Now the main part of this dish is the Fajita Seasoning. A wonderful blend of South American style flavours, that in a British Kitchen looks something like this… or… cheat, and buy a pot of it, I won’t tell anyone! Honestly the results will both be delicious, and you can have fun inventing your own blend on a day when you’re not just pressed to get dinner on the table!

Back Pocket Fajitas:

(Feeds 2, easily double for 4+)

Ingredients:

3tbs Fajita Seasoning

Salt and Pepper (to taste)

2 x Chicken Breast (400g)

1 x Large bell pepper

1 x Large Red/Brown Onion

115g Chorizo Ring

3 Cloves minced garlic (or puree)

200g Refried Beans* (pouch of)

8x wheat flour tortilla wraps (you can use corn if you prefer)

*Cans of refried beans tend to end up as just a can of bean paste, I find the pouches have a bit more texture

Equipment:

1x Large Saute pan
1x Rubber Spatula

Method:

If you’re making your own fajita seasoning, mix all the dry ingredients together in a small bowl and set aside.
Peel your onion, slice it in half then slice the halves into ribbons.
Slice your Pepper(s) and discard the seeds/core (we’ll have a tip on that!) - then slice that into ribbons
Score a line down your Chorizo ring, carefully peel off the skin/paper, slice into rounds, then into short batons
With slice your chicken into chunky lengths, or use scissors
Add the garlic, onions, and chorizo with a glug of olive oil, cook on a medium high heat (7/10) for a few minutes till the onions start to take on colour
Add your dry spice mix and allow to infuse with the oil for 30 seconds, then add your chicken
Cook till the chicken starts to brown, stirring constantly to make sure everything is coated in the seasoning.
Add salt and pepper to taste
Meanwhile, heat your beans in a saucepan or in the microwave, according to their instructions, and your wraps for 30 seconds

* but not to much, as the chorizo will release its own lovely flavoursome oil,

Spoon your filing in a line down the center of a tortilla, top with beans (cheese if you like!) - fold up a lip from the bottom of the wrap, then the side from the right and left leaving the top open.

RECIPE: Jambalaya

2025-07-28T13:20:00.003+00:00

Jambalaya style One Pot

Before I even get started here I want to make it very clear I have no claim to Creole/Cajun-American, African, French, Spanish or any other cuisine that this dish has its colourful roots in. I just know it tastes great, is moderately healthy, and is a quick and hassle-free dish to always have in your back pocket!

The name literally means mix up or ‘jumble’ - the dish has culinary historians connecting it with Jolof Rice, Stews, and even Paella, and as such the ingredients vary wildly.

My take uses ingredients you would also find in Valencia style Paella, simply because that’s the things I most often have in the fridge, but you can swap and change things as you like. Most sausages could replace the chorizo (although add the paprika back), and garden peas could be swapped for black beans , or okra.

Oh - I’m going to say “Dutch oven” in this one, maybe, this is an Americanism I think that I’ve started using, I mean a Crock Pot, or large heavy-based, enameled, iron cooking pot with a lid. I don’t know why I can never stick to one name for this thing, but they’re amazing things to have in your kitchen!

Jambalaya

(For 2 to 3 people -plus the leftovers reheat great!)

Ingredients:

1 tbsp olive oil

3-4 cloves of garlic, minced (or equivalent lazy garlic puree)

1 onion diced or sliced in strips, to taste

1 red pepper sliced in strips

2 chicken breasts - chopped into chunks (food scissors work too here!)

100g chorizo, sliced how you like (slice down the length of the casing and peel it off)

~2 tbsp Cajun seasoning*

250g long grain rice

400g (can of) chopped/crushed tomato

350ml chicken stock

Equipment:

Large enameled-iron Dutch Oven/Crock pot
flexible rubber/plastic spatula
Measuring jug (for stock)
large serving spoon
Chef’s knife and chopping board(s)

Method:

On a separate chopping board, cut up your chicken breasts into chunks (use a knife or scissors here, but keep them separate from everything else, and wash well!)
Peel the casing off your Chorizo and slice (or crumble, if you’re using the soft cooking kind) how you like it.
Slice the pepper into strips, (discarding the seeds and core), slice your onion either into similar length strips, or dice, however you prefer it.
Heat the olive oil in the bottom of the pot, on the stove, at a medium-high heat (7/10)
Fry up your onions, peppers, and chorizo along with the garlic and about one tbsp (half) of the spice blend until soft and just starting to catch.
Reduce the heat one ‘stop’. Add your chicken to the pot, frying until all opaque and browning, adding the rest of the spice mix. Keep it moving so the veggies don’t catch, they should all soften up once the chicken is cooked.
Add in the rice, tomatoes, and stock (use the stock to wash out your tomato can!) - Stir it all up!
Pop the lid on, knock the heat down to about 5/10 and cook for 20-25minutes (you probably want to stir every 10 mins so it doesn’t burn to the bottom of the pot)
If you’re adding frozen garden peas, these can go straight in the pot 10 minutes before the end of the cooking time and cook in with everything else.

RECIPE: Carbonara

2025-07-28T11:29:00.001+00:00

Carbonara!

I have it on good authority, from literally every Italian I have ever asked the question of (or taken to a UK based pasta restaurant for that matter!) Italian Carbonara sauce should NOT contain cream, milk, or any of the stuff that supermarkets put in the suspiciously chalk-white ‘carbonara’ sauce.

In fact it should have four ingredients: pasta, eggs, parmigiano cheese, bacon

I had absolutely no idea about this, I turned my nose up at carbonara as a child because I didn’t like creamy sauces (I was a real problem eater, maybe because I didn’t know what went into food?) I didn’t like eggs, I didn’t like… well you get the idea.)

It was actually the wonderful folks over at Two Chubby Cubs that opened my eyes to a real Carbonara. When I was trying to lose weight by sticking to the Slimming World diet. I swear I wouldn’t have even been able to even start that program without their brilliant blog, and I did lose a little weight as a result, but you can’t diet forever!

This is not their recipe, largely because I couldn’t stop adding tasty fattening things to it, and also because I’ve been cooking it so long from memory I have no idea if it’s even close anymore.

I also break the rules and use more ingredients than a proper Nona-made dish, but then I don’t claim to be Italian or be any kind of authority on the cooking!

No scrambled eggs here! It’s as quick as it takes to boil the pasta, and you can adapt it into other dishes like Cacio e Pepe

Penne Carbonara

(For 2 hungry people - doesn’t reheat well, so half everything and do 2x yolk and 1xwhole egg for 1 person)

Ingredients:

300g dry penne* pasta (if you use wholemeal you’ll need to adjust cooking times)
5 free range hens eggs

(4 as yolks, 1 whole, you can buy pre-separated eggs if they sell those local to you, but I recommend learning how to separate eggs manually it’s a brilliant basic skill to learn!)

65g Italian Parmigiano Reggiano Cheese

(Buy a wedge, grate it yourself, use the smallest side of your grater or a microplain. Whatever they put in the pre-grated stuff makes it stay grainy. You can use any other Italian hard cheese, but it won’t taste the same!)

200g Italian Cubetti Di Pancetta (you can chop up British (danish) back bacon, or even the streaky stuff, but you make Nonas cry)
1 heaped tsp ground black pepper (reduce this if you don’t like it peppery)
Pinch of salt for the pasta
2 cloves of garlic - minced/grated, (about 1 tsp lazy garlic puree)
½ tsp Dried italian herbs (oregano, basil, etc… not strictly supposed to be in a carbonara, but makes the flavours pop)

* you can use whatever shape pasta you have**, but you’ll want something that holds the creamy sauce! Penne, Tagliatelle, and Spaghetti/linguine are traditional

** maybe not lasagna!

Equipment:

Large saucepan with enough boiling water to cook the pasta+
Small non-stick frying pan (for the pancetta)
flexible rubber/plastic spatula
small plastic balloon whisk
Pasta spoon/large serving spoon
1x bowl for egg whites (save these, I’ll have a recipe for a killer cheat’s Frittata later!)
1x large mixing bowl
1x coffee mug (for retaining starchy water… a must!)

Method:

In the saucepan, weigh out your pasta, make a note of the cooking time (10-13 minutes usually) Boil enough water to cover the pasta +5cm extra depth - you’re going to want to have at least a mug of water left after the pasta is cooked. Get the pan boiling (without the pasta!) or stick the kettle on (make a cuppa while you’re at it?)
Get the pancetta into a small frying pan and on a medium high - high heat ( 7 or 8/10) you won’t need extra oil, it comes with its own - once it’s crispy fried how you like it and the fats rendered off, set it aside (you can skim the oil off its too much, but its all flavour, you know your diet)
Add a splash of olive oil to the pasta (it stops it sticking!) and a good pinch of salt, get the boiling water in the pan and get the pasta cooking.
Finely grate 65g of parmigiano into your mixing bowl, add the herbs, pepper, and garlic. Give it a mix with a (dry!) spatula just to keep it even.
Separate 4 egg yolks (learn the trick here!), add them to the mixing bowl, the whites can be saved in the smaller bowl. Add one whole egg.
Beat the ever loving heck out of the lot to create a thick, gloopy, peppery mess… trust me, it’ll all come good! (This is still raw egg - so no tasting yet, and practice good hygiene)

Once the pasta is boiled, carefully scoop out about a mug-full of the starchy white pasta water and put to one side
Drain the rest of the water off the pasta (use a wire sieve or colander) and then leave it in the pan for 2 minutes on a cool surface, steaming and cooling just a little.

You can add the pancetta and as much oil as you kept to the pasta here.

With a rubber spatula, scrape out all the yummy sauce onto the pasta/pancetta and combine - the residual heat of the pasta will cook the egg, but we let it cool off just long enough to not scramble it!
Mix until everything is evenly coated in sauce, don’t worry if it’s too thick and sticky!
Gradually, a splash at a time, add the starchy water from your mug, stir each time. Until the sauce is smooth and shiny. (You can do this after you’ve served up in bowls if your diners like different style sauce)

Serve into broad shallow bowls with more cheese/fresh pepper if you fancy - if you nuke the empty bowls in the microwave for 1min they’ll keep the pasta warm, since we had to cool it a little for the sake of the sauce`

The Holy Trinity - Mirepoix

2025-07-23T17:20:00.001+00:00

Three's a party!

One of the things I was very surprised to find when I started learning to cook, mad scientist style (throw things together, and inflict them on my long suffering wife/friends/family) is that behind a lot of global cuisine is a base of three basic ingredients, and that once you get started with these as a base, they drive almost everything you're cooking, from British stews, Italian ragu, Mexican Chili, even Indian cooking.

Most cultures have evolved some version of what I call the Holy Trinity (pardon my blasphemy vicar!) but is actually called --in French cuisine-- a Mirepoix (“mear-pwoh”, is how I say it, but don’t take my word for it).

This is a base of three* (sometimes more) diced vegetables that can form the starter for a huge range of dishes and sauces, and more interestingly; every culture has their own take on this principle (even if they don't have their roots in Cordon Bleu ideas), usually in a ratio as: twice as much of part A as parts B and C, but I encourage you to mix that up, especially if you aren’t fond of one part.

(side note: I’m not a fan of celery, you wouldn’t find me dipping it and munching it rabbit-style, but it’s worth shelving personal peeves at this stage of the cooking, as it’s going to form a great base for so many dishes and this base is proven in millions of dishes to work.

-- obviously if you have allergies to any of these, absolutely leave them the heck out! The dish will be just fine without.)

Understanding these flavours and vegetables are the basis of understanding the style of cooking you’re going to try, when I was learning to cook later in my years, it gave me a reassuring place to start from, and it starts to give you an understanding of the fundamentals you can grab before you even take out a chopping board, that you know are going to give you the flavour you want.

As a bonus these bases can all be prepped in advance and bagged up in zip-lock/press close freezer bags. Frozen on the day they were prepared, and then used straight out of the freezer. This saves you a ton of time later when you need to pull a dish - out of your back pocket!

Here are some basic (and by no means complete) examples of a nation's Mirepoix, Soffritto or, if you’ve always been told you “Don’t Cook:” Holy Trinity

* (spoiler: it’s not always a trinity)

France (mirepoix)

- Onion, Carrot, Celery

Italy (Soffritto)

- Onion, Carrot, Celery (similar idea but usually fried with Garlic, fennel and parsley - see herb section later)

Germany specialises

- Leeks, Carrots, and Celeriac

Spanish

- Onion, Peppers, Tomatoes and Garlic (which is interesting since 2 of these didn’t exist in early spanish cooking, and brings us on to:)

Cajun/Southern American

- (sometimes actually called the Holy Trinity) Onion, Celery, Green Pepper**

Mexican

- tomato, jalapeño, garlic, onion, (with additional herbs/spices)

Indian

- Onion, garlic and chilies (various) - these are usually cooked in Ghee, and cooking from this region is an enigmatic art form all to itself!

China

- Ginger, Garlic, and Shallots (again, a wide generalisation of a complex cuisine)

**When I say Pepper, I am referring to the English way of thinking of Bell or Sweet Peppers, used as a vegetable, if I want to add spice to a dish I will refer to them as Chillies (and I’ll do my best to give a type, lest anyone blow their heads off... as a ‘boy who didn’t cook’, I’ve done that one before!)

British

- isn’t on this list, not because I don’t think we have a diverse and amazing food culture (which i’ll certainly be getting to in later pages!) but because much of our food culture has been enriched by other European cultures and many of the basics of a mirepoix or a soffritto are just as sensible in anyone's cooking, so in the most British of ways we just kind of kept doing them, and the food tastes better for it.

The Thyme For Herbs

The herbs and vegetables mentioned in this section all work best when fried or roasted in the early part of cooking, meat with a generous helping of olive or vegetable oil (or a more modest one of meat fat), that’s because these flavours are primarily lipid-soluble. Fresh herbs, like mint / coriander leaves / parsley are better used at the latter or end stages of cooking, as these are better as water soluble, and the flavours are better experienced fresh from the leaf or fresh on the dish.

Some herbs you can get away with at any time, so don’t stress about it, but you’ll get better results with adding dry herbs to the cook and fresh herbs to the serve

RECIPE: Roux - Bechamel, and various white sauces

2025-07-23T13:08:00.002+00:00

Lets get saucy!

A lot of common 'white' sauces derive from a technique of combining liquid fats, with flour to form a Roux - then gradually stirring in liquid, to form a thick sauce.

Lets start with the Béchamel sauce, the jumping off point for a host of classic (read: French) sauces

Bechamel sauce, from a roux

An absolute MUST HAVE in your back pocket, a white sauce... this becomes a cheese sauce, a fish sauce, a bechamel sauce, a bread sauce, a garlic sauce...

The concept seems daunting, because you’re told the sauce will split (fats separate from other liquids), or it will go lumpy, or it will taste like flour. I

thought all of these things meant you shouldn’t even try it... till I did, and realised it’s not so scary:

Ingredients:

42.5g (about 3 tbsp) butter/margarine/dairy-free spread, (meat juices can also work here, but that really depends on the meat you have in the pan)

Warm/steeped Milk/Oat-milk - to be added by-eye, so have plenty too hand (do not use sugary soya drinks, the sugar will spoil)

15g (about 2 tbsp) all purpose flour

Aromatics for steeping: (such as garlic, onion, bay leaves, whole peppercorns, cloves* etc)

* go easy on cloves, they are strong, and make sure to remove before serving!

Equipment:

2 x Medium to large, deep non-stick sauce pan
non-metalic spoon/spatula (protect your non-stick!)
small plastic balloon whisk (optional - for lumps)

Method:

If using aromatics to flavour the sauce (known as steeping), add them to the milk and bring to a gentle heat, but don’t boil. Putting them in a sieve partially submerged in the liquid often helps keep a clear, flavoursome milk. You'll want to remove all these additives before using the flavoured milk

Add whatever spread you are using to the other non-stick pan (non-stick is going to really help here!)

slowly raise the heat until the fat is a liquid, but not browning. Sprinkle in the flour from a tablespoon across the whole of the liquid spread, and then use a rubber spatula to combine

You should see a pale yellow dough forming. If it’s too dry - add a little more spread, a half teaspoon at a time. If it’s too wet, sprinkle a little more flour,

This stage is a by-eye measure, you want a soft but consistent doughy texture.

Turn the heat down, but don’t turn it off. A little below half way will work for most hobs.

While stirring gently, but constantly; splash in a little milk/steeped milk (with additives removed).

Repeat this every few seconds, as you mix, the dough-like mix will start to dissolve into the milk and thicken it. This is unfortunately something you can’t always do with fixed amounts... it needs a judgement call as to how thick you want your white sauce and what you want to do with it (see below).

Switch too balloon whisk if you're finding the sauce is lumpy - and you might need to really work a thick sauce to bet it smooth.

Fish Sauce Version

Take your milk/dairy alternative, and steep/heat it gently with fish bones/heads - or just use a fish stock cube! + garlic / onions chopped in quarters / bay (3 leaves) / peppercorns for at least 30 minutes so that the flavour infuses the liquor.

(I like to put the solid ingredients into a fine food sieve and sit this in the liquid in the pan, as it gets all the flavour with none of the ‘ick how do I get this stuff out’ part.)

After infusing, and after you've removed all the solid additives, sprinkle 1-2tsp of finely chopped fresh, or dried, dill - and a little salt (to your taste)

Use the resulting milk as you would with the above white (bechamel) recipe and use for fish pies etc

Cheese Sauce Version

Making the white (bechamel) sauce above, once you have the sauce to a slightly more thin than usual consistency, add grated Cheddar, Red Leicester, Parmigiano, or other hard cheeses to the sauce, a little at a time, stirring gently until the cheese is part of the mixture. The cheese will thicken the sauce (sometimes a lot) so go in carefully, and judge as you add. You can use other cheeses, these should be too taste.

Although Lasagna uses a white sauce (we will have a recipe to have in your back pocket on that later, to be sure!) - you often don’t need to make it a cheese sauce, since we’ll be adding that separately.
Fish often does not pair well with cheese. There are totally exceptions to this (Tuna and Cheese for example), but you probably would be better going with the fish sauce above

Garlic Sauce Version

A garlic white (bechamel) sauce is different to a garlic aioli (or garlic mayonnaise), and is essentially the above sauce with the milk steeped/simmered in a LOT more whole garlic cloves to impart far more garlic flavour. You can also add lazy-garlic (garlic puree) paste into the melted fat when making the roux, but you get a more subtle and rich flavour steeping the milk in whole cloves.

Bread Sauce Version

Begin the above process in the same way but replace the flour with white bread crumbs. The best results will be from stale white bread blitzed up in a food processor, shop-bought maybe too small and dry, but this is another sauce where you need to measure and judge by eye for the thickness and consistency you want.

RECIPE: Gravy

2025-07-23T12:15:00.007+00:00

Ahhh B... Gravy!

Gravy is a staple of English cooking, but the basics aren't so much different from a "Roux" - you'll use to make the base of 'White' sauces, This method can even be adapted to make US style 'Biscuit' Gravy

Everyone told me I needed it, but no one showed me how to make gravy...

If you believe the adverts you put a popular stock cube into hot water and a 3-piece dinner appears by magic.

Surprisingly, it's not that simple, but it’s also not as hard as you’re made to think, as it turns out.

Gravy (at least as I understand it, and I'm a boy who doesn’t cook), is a rich meat sauce, served with a lot of British dishes, made of meat and vegetable juices.

My favourite way to make gravy is to make it AS YOU COOK... so while you have the veg, the meat, and anything else browning off in the pan that’s the best time to make magic happen:

English Savoury Gravy

Ingredients:

3 tbsp plain flour (corn flour will work but you will need about a spoon less)
400ml beef/chicken/veg/mix stock (made of boiling water and 2 cubes/pots of stock - to taste - or your own homemade bouillon if you’re feeling fancy)

Equipment:

The pan you're cooking in (high sided, for obvious reasons)
flexible rubber/plastic spatula
small plastic balloon whisk (optional - for lumps)

Method:

While the veg is cooking in a Saute pan, and you have added some meat (or meat alternative) and browned, sprinkle the pan with the flour (coat everything, don’t just pile in one place).
Mix through until the flour makes the mix sticky, but you can’t see any white flour (you may need to scatter a little more oil if everything gets very dry)
Add the stock gently/gradually.
Stir constantly, but gently, noting the thickening of the sauce. You will want your pan a little less than boil, but a little more than half way (judge to your hob type)
keep it moving to ensure a smooth, thick gravy (add boiling water if you want thin gravy, but also consider your life choices...).
Gravy will develop a film if left un-stirred for any length of time. It’s fine, it can be stirred in and melted back into a hot gravy, but it’s one of the reasons to leave the gravy till last, it’s best when it’s hot and fresh (and it’s a good cheat to warm up anything in a big roast dinner you’ve left a little too long on the side and it’s gotten cool)

Southern American style 'Biscuit' Gravy

Not something I’d generally say I have in my back pocket, but the recipe does seem to have a lot in common with the base method.

Cook your sausage or other ingredients as you would above (retaining the fat/juices), but after flouring with the same amount above, replace the stock with whole milk (or non-dairy & sugar free option).
Slowly cook down over a medium heat, stirring constantly, and with an eye to creating a thick almost Béchamel like sausage white sauce.
Serve over savoury scones, then call them biscuits for your American guests... do not serve over Chocolate Digestive Biscuits, or hobnobs, I know.. but this will not have the desired effect.

RECIPE: Eggs - the basics

2025-07-23T11:42:00.004+00:00

There are several basic ways to cook eggs,
and the very same amount of ways to do them wrong. Trust me, I've made every mistake in the book.
Here are some in your back pocket ways to cook good eggs, every time. Basic eggs, we'll get on to 'yer fancy eggs later! - Keep scrolling for Scrambled eggs (UK and US) and a perfect Poached! (at the bottom)

Fried Eggs

I mean, you crack it into a pan of hot oil and watch it... that’s it, right?
Well there are some tweaks:
When you fry an egg you do want a small pan of hot fat, at least 3 tbs of good vegetable oil (olive oil isn’t good at very high temperatures). You want the oil hot so the white of the egg starts to take solid form as it hits the pan. Your hob will vary, but just above mid level heat should do it without burning anything straight away.
A useful trick is to tilt the pan once the egg had started to hold together, and spoon some off the hot oil across the top of the egg, especially if you are cooking it ‘sunny side up’ (cooked on one side with a runny yoke) this means the hot oil will will cook the egg white, but leave a soft center (for those that like that sort of thing).
‘Over easy’ involves (depending where you eat) in flipping the egg to lightly cook the yoke as well, this all speaks to taste. I tend to order my eggs ‘over hard’ - I am fairly certain this is not an actual cooking style, but it generally gets me an egg cooked through completely.
Ingredients:
3 tbs of good vegetable oil
1 (or more) large free range hen's eggs
Equipment:
small non-stick frying pan
flexible rubber/plastic spatula (you can use a rigid, or wooden on if that's all you've got, but the angled flexible ones make it super easy. Never use metal utensils on non-stick/enamel pans!)
Method:

Pour or spoon the oil into a small frying pan firmly tap the egg on the lip of the pan.
Close to the surface of the pan: place both thumbs at the side of the crack, and fingers on the whole side of the egg, gently tease the shell apart - avoid pressing your thumbs in, as this will break shell pieces into the egg.As above, but break the egg into a small shallow glass (like a brandy glass or child's tumbler) first, this way you can make sure no shell has gotten into the egg (or fish it out with a teaspoon -not your fingers!- if it has)
Fry on a medium-high heat for 3-4 minutes, checking to make sure the edges are firming up (maybe going a little golden brown) but not burning, reduce the heat as needed.
For over-easy eggs, slide a flexible plastic/rubber spatula full under the egg, gently rotate with your wrist to slip the egg - try and stay as close to the pan surface as possible, placing the yoke down (with practice you can do this without breaking it, but if you're flipping your eggs anyway, it won't affect the flavor if the yoke cooks flat.)

Scrambled EGGS - English style

Ingredients:
3 tbsp of good vegetable oil
2-4 (or more!) large free range hen's eggs
Salt and Pepper (to taste)
- 1 tsp dried parsley/oregano (not necessary but adds a hint of distinct flavour)
3 tbsp (one good 'glug') - Milk (how you like it, or Unsweetened Oat/Soy*)
Equipment:
small non-stick frying pan
ridged spatula
(Never use metal utensils on non-stick/enamel pans!)
Method:
Add all items to a small mixing jug (you can use a pint glass if your kitchen doesn’t have a mixing jug, mine didn’t for the longest time) - whisk with a fork or a balloon whisk (or baboon whisk**, if you’re in my kitchen)
Make sure all are combined into a consistent light yellow colour. If you have areas that look clear you haven't combined enough - it will cook just fine, but it won’t be a nice even scrambled egg, so give it another thrashing!
Heat a saute pan (it’s like a frying pan but with raised sides - you can use a high sided saucepan, but in my experience it’s more work to clean later) with a tbsp of olive oil, and set it to one above the mid range for your hob (I use induction, your mileage may vary). Once you can hold a hand 10cm above the pan and feel heat, you’re good to cook:
Pour the mixed egg in and stir gently with a wooden spoon (but preferably a rubber spatula) creating a lovely tasty lumpy mess. The British scrambled egg, that goes wonderfully next some some baked beans and Cumberland sausages.:
* again - use unsweetened as the extra sugar doesn’t cook right, and sometimes caramelises ** This is how boys told they "don't cook", cook. We’ll get technical when its food safety, but for the time being, no one taught us, so we made it up as we heard it.

Scrambled EGGS - American style

(I didn’t know this was a thing until I lived with an American lady, who responded with horror to what I was doing to some eggs when I cooked her a Full English... I have to say I much prefer this method she showed me, just for the look on the plate)

Ingredients:
3 tbsp of good vegetable oil 2-4 large free range hen's eggs (any type works, but we’re still being nice to the chickens) Salt and Pepper (to taste)
- 1 tsp dried paprika/oregano (not necessary but adds a hint of distinct flavour)
3 tbsp (one good 'glug') - Milk (how you like it, or Unsweetened Oat/Soy*)
Equipment:
small non-stick frying pan
ridged spatula
(Never use metal utensils on non-stick/enamel pans!)
Method:
Add all items to a small mixing jug (yep - you can still use that pint glass, we won’t judge) - whisk with a fork or a balloon whisk, you’ve got to give this one the full welly, because it needs to be a smoooooth yellow colour!
Heat a non-stick flat or saute pan with 1tbsp olive oil, to one stop higher than the mid on your hob, and once it feels warm to a hand 10cm above the pan, add the mix in a smooth motion.
Push the cooking egg to the back of the pan in gentle folds, the rawer mix will flow to the front of the pan (tip it to encourage it if it isn’t behaving).
As the egg (almost omelette) cooks, slide it backwards with the spatula, encouraging the uncooked egg to flow to the front and the cooked egg to the back.
Once you’re happy most of the egg has some amount of cooking, flip it. This will likely break up the egg (unless you’re that darn good!) but this isn’t an omelette, it’s scrambled eggs, so officially no one is allowed to judge!
It’s alright not to cook the egg totally-through on the first pass, once you flip it, and even after that, the egg will cook in the reschedule heat. Depending on your tastes, some people like scrambled eggs a little creamier than solid.
You’ll be left with a few larger pillows of fluffy egg, perfect for serving with american style pancakes.

Perfectly Passable Poached.... Egg

(OK, I ran out of alliteration)

Ingredients:
1 large free-range egg 2 tbsp white wine vinegar Salt and pepper to taste
Equipment:
small(!) non-stick sauce pan
ridged spatula
(Never use metal utensils on non-stick/enamel pans!)
Method:
Heat a SMALL pan of boiling water, salt it with a pinch (ground or the posh flaky one, I dare say it will make no difference here, but salt raises the boiling point slightly, so the water is extra hot) Once you have an energetic rolling boil (big bubbles), drop the heat one 'stop' of your hob (I use induction, your hob may vary)
Splash in a little white wine vinegar (honestly, this is a VITAL key, don’t skip it), I have said 2tbsp, you might only need one. What you are looking for is an obvious change in the bubbles - the bubbles should go from a big blobby surface, to a constant fizz of small bubbles.
Break an egg into a small glass (not a tall tumbler, a short whiskey or brandy glass or similar with a very short pour distance is ideal)
At this point, stir in a constant gentle circular motion with a flat slotted spoon (not a spaghetti spoon with the pointy bits, but slotted so you can drain the water off later) - you want a steady stir of small fizzy bubbles in a gentle whirl.
Once your water is swirling gently, pour the whole egg into the centre of the whirl in once smooth motion. At this point I like to use my broad slotted spoon to guide the white of the egg to curl up small, but in theory the whirl of the water can do it for you.
In your head, count two minutes. I say in your head, because if you get distracted and miss Siri nagging you, you’ll go over, and it’s very time sensitive.
You know your guests better than I do, so check the cook of the egg to their taste. 2 mins will often do for a very soft poach. My wife likes about 4 mins, and I am obviously lacking in all good taste and judgement, because I like mine fully cooked to 7+ mins, but you don’t need to be as uncouth as me!
(That's 100℃ - use a kettle or get the pan bubbling with big bubbles, don't mess about with hot water from the hot tap or tea/coffee makers, boiling water - so be careful)

Some things they don't tell you...

2025-07-22T17:45:00.019+00:00

The Basics

Check back here, bookmark it, whatever you need to do. This page will probably get updated with more little tips that don't need a post all to themselves!

There are hundreds, I’d guess thousands, of cookery basics that the nations of the world have. The point of this blog is you probably have a basic idea about some of them, no one probably knows all of them anyway, but importantly; no one here is expected too (unless you already have a star or two, in which case, go teach someone new!).

Some of this may be ‘teaching mother to suck eggs’

(a description that works perfectly well here, but I have no blinking idea how it ever came to be!).

So if some of these basics are stuff you are already on top of, jump ahead! We’ll have recipes for some of the best go-to meals for every occasion, and things to keep in your back pocket but, first we need to be able to do all those things everyone else just seems to just... do…

As much as this isn’t the cooking or recipe part, if you’re hungry, and you just want to get to the making food bit; give this a look later, but I would always recommend understanding the tools of your kitchen before you start out

MISE EN PLACE:

The French have a term Mise En Place - everything in its place, or: your setup. Having read the recipe (twice), portion out your ingredients, place out your tea/table and serving spoons, find those rarely used herbs and bottles of sauce from the back of the cupboard. Put a heat proof mat down and make that space for the hot thing you’re going to have your hands full with later. Have everything in arms reach in whatever space you have, and your kitchen won’t feel quite so chaotic, you will be free to focus totally on your food (and it’s a lot easier to shove in the sink later!).

KNIFE SKILLS: (I'm no safety expert, these are simply things I've learnt the hard way, with cuts and scrapes, that I wish I'd known before I started messing around with whatever hand-me-down I found in shared flat kitchens.) My father drilled into me for DIY tools, but applies everywhere and has become a mantra when using any kitchen tools, and this applies to knives especially:

"Three fingers, One finger, Thumb"

I got so fed up with him keep saying it, that now it rings in my head every time I pick up a potentially dangerous tool. Feel free to bore anyone learning to cook to death with it!

Hold the knife right where the handle meet the blade, so you have maximum control of the business end! Three fingers are wrapped around the handle, close to the blade - the heavy weighted part should sit against your wrist point, so the knife is weighted to pivot where you do. The Index Finger rests along the blade, pointing in the direction of the cut, you slice as if the knife is an extension of this finger-tip, pointing where you want to cut. The thumb opposes the fingers on the other side of the handle, pressed against the handle.
The second lesson I learned (the hard way) is ALWAYS cut away from yourself! Yes it’s awkward, but if you slip and the knife is coming toward you, it’s going to be far more awkward!
When cutting, let the weight of the knife do the cutting, (that's why you keep them sharp). Large chef's knives (see above) are weighted in the handle to slice thick root-vegetables, and keep the hand safely back away from the edge. If you have to apply more pressure, use the heel of your other hand on he back of the blade, gripping with your fingertips tucked in where your palm meets the metal, well clear of the edge and even then apply your body weight over the cut, so the effort is directed down, not across (which pushes everything around)
To chop finely (dice) with a chef’s knife, use the heel of your secondary hand on the back of the blade, right where the tip meets the chopping board. Fingers spread and hand flat, so nothing is near the sharp edge. Use this hand and a little pressure to make the tip into a pivot point of a lever, then you can use the back of the blade and the weight of the handle to chop down, rotating around the tip to dice the food evenly.
Don’t worry about going quickly! Go carefully, and you’ll naturally speed up like they do on the teley as you get more used to it.

In a reverse of what you might think is safe; always keep your chef's knives (and by these I mean the 10cm+ long serious butchery knives and choppers) razor sharp… Believe it or not a blunt knife can do more harm than a sharp one as it can fail to cut and skip unexpectedly. It doesn’t sound sensible, but trust me it is always worth taking good care of your knives. Used properly, and maintained well, they will do you far less risk than sawing at something with a small, blunt, paring-knife where you have to use lots of pressure and effort to do the work of one clean cut. You can pick up a basic hand-held kitchen knife and scissors sharpener from dozens of online retailers or your favorite high-street catering shop. One of these days I'll have an affiliate link to plug, but in the meantime if you get stuck ask in the comments and I'll link to mine. Now we have the tools, and the bits no one told us, it’s time to actually pick up some food, and start with the first thing someone who doesn’t think they can cook will start with: “I can’t even...”

DICING ONIONS/VEG TV Chefs, even the amateur contestants, break out a freshly peeled onion, sans roots and all, and in a rapid fire sequence of finger-risking chops, render it a pile of finely diced chunks How do you do that without risking your digits, and is everyone supposed to go at it like a food processor?

No, to the later question, and there is a great trick to the former which will have you dicing onions and prepping that Mirepoix in no time!

Peel the skin and any browning layers off your onion

(If this is a red onion you’ll want to take it back to the first softer and shinier layer, discarding any thin membrane layers in between)

Holding you onion in your off-hand, thumb on one half, fingers on the other, knife on the centerline of your onion - slice through the whole onion from root-to-knot, cutting both in half, and leaving half of both the root and the knot at the top and bottom of both halves - This is the key trick that will keep the structure of the onion together while you dice instead of the layers falling apart!

Slice from about 1cm short of the root/knot back long the whole length of the half. The root/knot will hold the slices together, but it doesn’t hurt to lightly pinch it all together as you come to the edge.

TIP: turn your fingernails toward the blade to protect your fingertips, if the blade skips, it’ll hit the hard protective nail (of course it helps if you don’t bite your nails like me… oops!)

Turn the onion 90o so the root/knot is now closest to you and cut across the whole onion, cutting across the slices you already made (held together by the root you left on)
The Layers of the onions have done a huge chunk of the slicing for you

Slice across the cuts you already made, cutting back toward the root/knot, which -handily- you can hold (and then throw away)

This will give you 0.5-1cm square chunks of eye-watering root vegetables.

Go at your own speed (you’ll find you get into your own rhythm with a little practice and there’s no point paying £’s more for a bag of pre-chopped onions).

By keeping the root/knot attached and working with the layers of the onion it keeps its shape right up to the point where it’s ready to fall into a finely diced pile. Of course you’ll need a sharp knife for this, see above

SEPARATING AN EGG:

Looks clever as heck when the chefs do it, not nearly as hard as it looks with a little care.

Take a free-range hens egg* and a small bow - one with thin edges work better* (this trick presumably works with any eggs, but I’ve only tried it with chicken eggs. Also, free-range, because be nice to the chucks!)
With the larger part of the egg (bottom) in your preferred hand palm, tap the side of the egg on the edge of the bowl, firmly enough to make a crack about ⅓ of the way through the egg.
Take the two soon-to-be halves of the egg in the fingertips of each hand, gently!
Press your two thumbs into the crack, and pull the egg apart, using the opposite side of the egg (where the rest of your fingers meet) as a hinge point, so that both halves end up in your hands with the open side facing up (see picture)
Allow the yolk to fall into the largest part of the shell, most of the egg-white will now fall away into the bowl (yes, you’re fingers are going to get a bit messy, remember to wash them straight after before touching anything else)
Tipping both halves of the shell toward each other, allow the yolk to slip into the small half of the shell, being careful not to break the yolk, letting the rest of the white to fall away into the bowl

Repeating the step above, transfer the yolk back and forward between the two halves of the shell, until all of the white has fallen into the bowl.

If there is a thicker part of the white that doesn’t want to separate, use the half of the shell that doesn’t currently have the yolk in it :

Carefully use the edge of the empty shell-half to ‘cut’ the white from the yolk - scraping it against the shell that has the yolk in it where the stubborn white part hangs down between the halves

Save the egg whites, I’ve got a great cheat’s recipe for a fast Frittata coming!

Can't Even Boil An Egg

2025-07-22T15:43:00.006+00:00

"I can't even boil an egg"
Okay, this sounds like I'm taking the Michael, but the old joke “when I went to school I couldn’t even boil an egg” is actually not as nonsensical as it sounds. So let's start here:
Boiling the egg isn’t hard to work out, boiling water, egg, where’s the mystery?
To start with the question is how you like your egg. Most go for soft boiled, a cooked white (really, you don’t want less than a cooked white) and a runny yoke for the dipping of soldiers (more on them later). My personal preference is fully cooked, but I recognise I’m in the minority there.
As a rough guide I have learned that an egg boiled in the shell for 5 minutes will come out ‘runny’, and an egg boiled for 10 minutes will come out fully cooked. There is a method that involves bringing the water to the boil with the egg in from cold and then once it is bubbling, turning off the heat and letting the egg cook in the residual heat. This produces a nice soft boil, if that’s your thing.
Do not do what I have done a few times and get the water boiling -fear the spitting cauldron of scolding death on your hob- and drop the egg in sheepishly from too high a height, it will slightly crack, you will have wispy bits of white come out, it’s time to put the lot in the bin/sink and start again before your partner or mother comes in and tells you how disappointed your grandma would be with you.
NEVER PUT AN EGG IN THE MICROWAVE. IT WILL EXPLODE, YOU WILL SPEND THE NEXT DAY AND A HALF CLEANING THE MICROWAVE. Or you won’t, in which case you are more in need of this blog than you know!

Made To Measure

2025-07-22T15:21:00.011+00:00

Lets make sure we're all talking the same language!

You might notice that all* the measures in this book are in Metric milliliters, liters, grams, etc

(if I've gone into kilograms anywhere I’ve obviously got a family of twelve to feed!).

I’ve done this not because it’s my native system...

The UK native system being: grab whatever unit happens to be running by and hope someone knows what the heck you are talking about

...but because Metric is the measure of science, and cooking is a science!

(unlike baking, which is witchcraft and alchemy, and I will hear no argument!)

You can use online converters to switch to ℉, lbs and cups. It will all work out fine, maybe.

It would be useless to write in Imperial, since UK imperial is bigger than US imperial anyway, for which I blame a collective psionic-zeitgeist caused by UK drinkers looking at pints of beer and collectively thinking: I’ll have a wee lot more of that, thank you very much!

A cup is equally confusing in these pages, will you be meaning a cup of coffee (served in a mug) or a cup of tea (served with a saucer) not to be confused with your Tea Time (which is your evening meal**)

Since UK measuring systems seem to boil down*** too: “about 2 5’ths of that noun thingy I can’t remember, you know, the one your aunt had that time, yes, that one, some of that” ... we’ll be going with Metric and Centigrade - otherwise the explanation will be longer than the recipes and you'll have repetitive-scroll-injury before the end.

Cooking times are almost always for a fan over, and an electric/induction hob. If you have gas you should make sure you know how your appliances differ, because no two gas cookers seem to behave the same. As for Air-Fryer cooking times...? Put suggestions in the comments! I have just about every kitchen gadget except one of those lovely things, but I think for the purpose of this blog, it's best to learn to cook with the basics before breaking out the cheat-codes.

*(I reserve the right to use a standard coffee mug as a measure in a rice-cooker, because damn me if it isn’t the most useful way of using those wonderful machines!)

**(Now I've confused half the British readers as well)

***(Pun very-much intended!)

Your Back Pocket!

2025-07-22T11:43:00.007+00:00

Need to make a feed? Have something in your Back Pocket...

What am I talking about pockets for? Well, if you’ll indulge me; my first and only memory of, or being shown anything cookery related, was my father showing me how to use the back of a spoon on the mash potato to top a shepherds’ pie.

His reasoning behind this was that Shepard's Pie was the only thing he —as a uni graduate from the 1960's north of England— had any idea how to cook.

But! He could pull it off to such a degree that first-dates were a hit, so why break a good habit?
(...and since he’s been married to my mother now for nearly 50 years, obviously it’s a damn good pie).

I don't know that it was the point of his lesson, but it put in my head the idea that you keep a few best dishes ‘in your back pocket’, so that if needs be, whether or not you’re always been told “Boys Can’t Cook” you can pull something special out of... your back pocket.
(Yes, I started a sentence with 'But' back there... if this hurts you I'll try not to do it again.)

Boy’s (and everybody else) don’t cook

2025-07-21T23:00:00.049+00:00

“Boy’s don’t cook”

You probably guessed with a title like that, that that would be the opening line of something like this...
(—blimey— there were a lot of ‘that's’ in that sentence!)
This was the message I heard as a kid, anytime I asked... we’ll come back round to that in a second - I've come round to it thirty five years later.
First I want to make it clear that it’s not ‘boys can’t cook’ as in they are not able to. Nor that identifying male, or female, or wherever else you fit into; affects your ability too —or enjoyment of— cooking wonderful things. It’s actually embracing and dispelling, exactly that!
As a young boy I was barely taught anything about cooking. Despite growing up in a family that championed learning, when it came to meal times, I was better served ‘learning to cut the grass’ or ‘help dad with the car’ or ‘don’t let your uncle run with that, you know how he gets!”
(that last one is me being silly, my uncles are wonderful)

I don't think that's a hundred miles away from a lot of people's childhoods, and yet:
In the western world our premier Michelin Star kitchens are largely dominated by men. The industry has consciously or as a problematic 'norm' unconsciously, shaped itself that way. However; put that in context alongside the fact almost all of those high-achieving male chefs cite some great maternal influence on their cooking: A grandma at some point letting you lick the spoon, or a Nona - the font of famous family secret recipes.
They are the pillars of our Cusinereal education (is that a word? It is now!).

The perplexing thing is, in the '70, '80, '90s (at least as best I can point too...) we had, and maintained, this strange dichotomy with only the young women of the family being brought up by their mothers and Grandmothers, to cook. Girls were marketed pretend ovens and ‘household goods’ as toys, and expected to learn to provide the vital fuel for the family day to day... and yet, my own mum would still have said it was a dad's job to "put food on ' table".
(History: Mixing both its messages and its metaphors)

So this is where I find myself, in the English-speaking world (and culinary mileage definitely varies!). Being an adult who, until maybe ten years ago, would not trust himself to boil and egg, but —while not planning on launching himself into Master Chef* any time soon(!)— thinks he’s picked up a few tricks, a few staples, a few ‘can’t go wrongs’ along the way, that I wish someone had shown to me twenty years ago.

SO...

I’m putting them down here. I’m hoping to give you a few things to have ‘in your Back Pocket**’ so the next time you need a feed you’ve got something to hand.

(*assuming that reference has made it to you now)
(**more on that one, well... nowish!)