scottparker.co

A House of Dynamite (2025)

Sat, 14 Mar 2026 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Kathryn Bigelow
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Yet again it feels like I watched a different movie. So many people read this as fetishizing and glorifying the US war machine. I see this as a movie about how all that fails and leaves only idiot meatbags who cannot save themselves.

I’ll grant that it has a few too many “people panickedly checking in on their loved ones” scenes, but the cast is so crazy good that even that mostly works.

The ending is a bit of a cheat, but then so would any other possible ending. There are no answers to this.

Beautifully shot. I want to go to whatever remote miserable place was used for the Alaska scenes and have my soul excoriated.

Baby Assassins (2021)

Sat, 28 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Yugo Sakamoto
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Came for the action which was great but too few and far between. But the friendship hangout vibes really got to me. I could have watched these two play Switch and watch YouTube all day.

One Battle After Another (2025)

Sat, 21 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson
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The music direction proves that you can have too much of a good thing.

A three star rating and probably my favorite PTA. I have no taste, sorry!

Each scene with Benecio Del Toro was a five star scene though.

Another Simple Favor (2025)

Sat, 14 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Paul Feig
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It could have been better, but that’s only because there are many, many scenes that do not have both Blake Lively and Anna Kendrick in them.

Chekov’s Drone, er, Gun was so heavily signaled throughout the movie that I’m shocked it was handled with such clumsiness at the end.

Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning (2025)

Sun, 08 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Christopher McQuarrie
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The Mission Impossible franchise was a major touchstone for how I run a tabletop RPG session. Final Reckoning reflected that in ways both predictable and unexpected:

At its best when all the players are working together but divided, each having to focus on unique problems.
At its worst when anyone goes solo
A plot that ends up being too hard to follow and an antagonist who is mildly forgettable despite my best efforts
Tremendous fun when it leans into that tone, but really struggles to find a somber tone that still entertains
Grand finales that bring back a bunch of side characters for great moments but I have to remind the players really blatantly how they know this person.

Anyway, one of the lesser outings for the crew - too long and dirge‐like. Maybe better than MI2 still? I suppose I would have to rewatch that one to say for sure.

No Sudden Move (2021)

Thu, 05 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Steven Soderbergh
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Sometimes all you need for a crime movie is a great cast and long shots. Every scene with Cheadle or Del Toro is a delight. I’d say they don’t make movies like this any more but clearly they do

Okja (2017)

Sat, 31 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Bong Joon Ho
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A masterpiece. Bong Joon Ho has always done a terrific job of blending tones but this is perhaps his best job yet. Sweet and sad, hilaripus and heartfelt, insane and grounded. Perhaps my favorite from one of my favorite directors

John Candy: I Like Me (2025)

Mon, 12 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Colin Hanks
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Macaulay Culkin was the unexpected GOAT of this sweet and gentle pic. I wish it explored John Candy’s legacy and impact more though.

Thank you Colin and Conan for introducing me to the Yellowbelly sketch. I apologize to everyone in earshot on the plane.

The Mastermind (2025)

Sun, 11 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Kelly Reichardt
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There are worse ways to spend 110 minutes than watching Josh O’Connor anxiously observe situations to a chill jazz soundtrack.

There are also better ways, though.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Thu, 01 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by James Cameron
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While there are perhaps superior “spiritual successors” in other IPs, this is the best true sequel ever made.

The writing is fantastic - clean and efficient while also soulful and charming. Linda Hamilton finally gets a worthy role as Sarah Connor is infinitely more interesting in this installment. But of course this is an Arnold movie - he would never get another showcase of his talents as good as this.

The stunts and action are amazing, and the special effects are still well-designed even if they seem basic today.

The Terminator (1984)

Sun, 28 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by James Cameron
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Hard to choose who is the bigger creep between Reese with his major stalker energy or John Connor out there giving out pictures of his mom to randos.

Cringe dialogue and wooden deliveries along with a rough synth score and a loooooong third act made this one a pretty tough watch. Shocked because I love this era of Schwarzenegger and adore the sequel.

Kudos to Linda Hamilton and Lance Henriksson for punching above their weight in this.

The Roses (2025)

Mon, 08 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Jay Roach
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The writing and especially the edit are not doing the main cast any favors, so it is really hard to tell if Benedict Cumberbatch was miscast in this. Probably?

Olivia Coleman and the supporting cast absolutely carry this though.

…

The movie goes so hard to telegraph all the Chekov’s guns when they are introduced. I’m surprised they didn’t have on-screen prompts for them, VH1 Pop-up Video style.

Wicked: For Good (2025)

Wed, 03 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Jon M. Chu
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Audibly gasped when I saw Fiyero’s name spelled out in the movie for the first time and saw that “y” in there, doing alphabetic violence.

It’s fine! I cannot think of a stage musical where I left thinking “wow, Act 2 ruled!” so it is unsurprising that this has fundamental story and song problems.

Wake Up Dead Man (2025)

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Rian Johnson
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Gorgeous, confident, fun film. Trades a little of Glass Onion’s fun or Knives Out’s mystery triumph for earnestness and heartfelt character arcs. It’s a worthy trade that helps this stand out in an absolutely terrific series of movies.

Too many great performances to recount. Daniel Craig is terrific and having the time of his life (as always), Josh O’Connor is a great choice to carry the main emotional weight of the story, and Josh Brolin’s casting is both a bold choice and yet a very Brolin-esque performance simultaneously.

Absolutely worth seeing in a theatre. It’s gorgeous on the big screen, even if the sound mix turned every on-screen cell phone vibration into the loudest, scariest, pants-fillingest sound you’ve ever heard.

The Running Man (2025)

Wed, 19 Nov 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Edgar Wright
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For sure this is one to see in theaters or not at all. A throwback to a certain kind of action movie they don’t make any more in ways both good and bad. Does a lot with nonstop frenetic plotting, fun world building, and some terrific supporting performances.

The writing is pretty paper-thin which leaves the characters mostly disappointing and the morals tiresome. The action itself is nothing remarkable aside from a couple of extremely brief delights. It’s mostly just your typical “people with extremely automatic weapons who can’t hit anything.”

The end result is a fun time at the movies which is already rapidly fading from my memory.

…

I don’t want a show like Speed the Wheel to exist, but I’m shocked it doesn’t already.

How I would have loved this movie to follow Laughlin out there, living her audacious life to the max.

Also, between this and Phoenician Scheme, I think Michael Cera is quietly becoming one of the greatest actors of his generation????

Death by Lightning

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Netflix, 2025
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Nominally this is about a president and his assassin, but really this is about a tortured clown vice president played brilliantly by Nick Offerman.

Mostly a paint by numbers production which is carried by a phenomenal cast.

The Prestige (2006)

Sun, 16 Nov 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Christopher Nolan
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Still the greatest Nolan for me by a mile. Come for the twists, stay for the brilliantly brooding slow burn. Great casting and direction, and easily one of the best scripts that Nolan wrote.

This was Christopher Nolan’s final collaboration with composer David Julyan. I miss the era of Nolan’s movies where Julyan’s music was a great fit for them. Julyan would be a poor fit for almost anything since, but that’s so much more about how Nolan’s movies have gotten louder and less delicate.

The Happening (2008)

Thu, 30 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
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Between the script and the casting of the two lead roles, this movie was doomed before it started shooting. The dialogue is conceptually thin (mathematician only talks about science! the wife is just kinda sad about life for reasons! the scientist is always talking about variables and hypotheses!) and each line so alien that anyone would struggle with this. But wow, we see that struggle in Mark Wahlberg’s and Zooey Deschanel’s performances.

But this movie is so tonally inconsistent and so blissfully short that it’s still kind of fun to watch. It is definitely not the worst M. Night production.

My favorite moments:

Wahlberg as the anti-science science teacher: “But whatever scientists decide is happening to bees will just be a story. Nobody can really know.” THANKS, TEACH!
The Jeep that keeps honking for several minutes at John Leguizamo to hurry it up only to start slooooowly rolling away as he finally shows up.
The line readings in the cafe. Man suddenly stands up and calmly announces to a strangely calm room: “We are all going to die if we stay here.” Another man, also calm and wooden: “Then we should all head west”
Wahlberg interrupting a woman’s final call with her dying daughter to rewind the conversation back a couple of minutes: “Wait, this is happening there too?!”
My involuntary shout “NOOOO! THE ONLY GOOD ACTOR IS LEAVING THIS MOVIE TOO EARLY” when REDACTED dies.
I will go to my grave without knowing whether Jeremy Strong’s character was supposed to be a simpleton or whether the actor realized (correctly) that this was the only sane interpretation of the script for most characters.

It's Pat (1994)

Tue, 28 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Adam Bernstein
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“You wanna know another thing I hate? Senseless evil.”

It’s Pat: The Movie - It’s Fine: The Review

Well before Letterboxd existed, this already earned a reputation as the worst, most despicable SNL byproduct ever created. I forget why I put this on my watchlist forever ago, but I was pleasantly surprised by It’s Pat.

Its worst crimes are an awful original score and several long, boring stretches. But each time I’m getting bored, Dave Foley or Charles Rocket comes in with an amazing line reading and I’m back. Yes, the jokes about people trying to decode Pat’s gender get tiresome, but they’re also interesting as a verbal precursor to the Austin Powers sight gags that would be so memorable a decade later.

I’m not the right person to weigh in on the debate between Letterboxd reviewers who see this as aggressively anti-queer and those raising it as a proto-pride document. I would be horrified to even kinda identify with Pat since they have odious personal habits and are so deeply annoying. But then Chris, the other indeterminably-gendered person in the movie, kind of slays. I really don’t know. Perhaps It’s Pat is a representational Rorschach test for viewers.

Alien³ (1992)

Sun, 26 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by David Fincher
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On this recent rewatch I am reminded of SUNSHINE, the movie which is 2/3rds of a great, thoughtful scifi epic with a bolted-on, out-of-nowhere ending.

I was shocked at how much I enjoyed the buildup this time around. Sigourney is always great at carrying the emotional burden of this series, but the two Charles are every bit her equal. It’s a delight to watch them bounce off each other on Fury 161.

And what a setting! The previous two movies created claustrophobic oppressive environments from metal and iconic, lived-in technology. The prison colony of Fury 161 is a shock in some ways, full of vast environments with hardly a screen in sight. Yet it feels just as lived-in as the Nostromo or Hadley’s Hope, and is beautifully shot throughout.

I have to wonder if they already knew this would be a wobblier, more desperate entry in the franchise when they landed on Elliot Goldenthal for the soundtrack. Each time the script can’t deliver the emotional heft it wants, the score swells in with stark choral arrangements to help out. I would hate it in any of the other Alien movies but it’s a treat here.

But if the first third of the movie is a delight, the film falls apart even faster than the fragile harmony of the prison colony. Too many side characters are completely interchangeable and so much of the movie boils down to screaming in dark spaces about closed doors that need to be opened, or open doors that need to be closed. It’s simultaneously too simple and yet so confusing to know where any character is at any given time. It quickly becomes a chore.

Weapons (2025)

Sun, 26 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Zach Cregger
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I’m glad y’all enjoyed this one.

So many great raw ingredients that suffer from a terrible edit and aimless script. Feels like when they adapt killer Oscar-winning short films into feature-length but you can plainly see the creators are stuck at a single short film’s worth of ideas and content.

The Phoenician Scheme (2025)

Sat, 18 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Wes Anderson
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Less heart than Moonrise Kingdom and its predecessors, less fun than French Dispatch. It’s beautiful of course and some great performances including what might be a career best from Michael Cera. I wish it had more than a single role for women - a shame that Scarlett Johansson ended up with nothing to do.

It’s zany but so repetitively deadpan that it wears out its welcome well before it wraps. I’m still on Team Wes Anderson for life but I can’t imagine coming back to this one.

28 Years Later (2025)

Sun, 12 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Danny Boyle
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I feel like I watched a different movie than the rest of y’all. The movie’s only meaningful female role is a complete waste of Jodie Comer’s talents with a tired and helpless plotline. There are frequent baffling music and editing choices which distract the audience anytime they’re at risk of getting immersed. The script is full of unfired Chekov’s guns which may only pay off in the two(!) successors to this. Worst of all, it’s just repetitive, as if it was not a sequel to two other movies that already did fast zombies chasing after the main characters.

It’s redeemed somewhat by the arrival of Ralph Fiennes and the general unpredictability of the plot. The cast did respectable work. A few scenes were well-shot. They could have made a lazy, generic sequel but instead they made this. These are all the nice words I have for 28 Years Later.

It’s hard to choose the single funniest highlight of the movie. It’s probably either the train scene or the ending, neither of which I would dare spoil. Instead I’ll talk about when Jamie finally broke down and told his son the terrifying madness of the fire in the distance. The thing this man was afraid to tell his son? He once saw a guy burning bodies out in the forest!

Somehow this was the craziest and most unsettling thing that ever happened to a guy who, just moments earlier, was headshotting rubbery crawling zombies and casually rolling up to grisly torture scenes.

Battle Royale (2000)

Wed, 08 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Kinji Fukasaku
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A rewatch, happy to say this definitely holds up. A fascinating rough draft that inspired so much culture to follow. Remix the melodrama and you get modern YA dystopia fiction. Remix the format and you get 1-2 genres of modern gaming.

Yet none of the larger successes this inspired have as much to say as this does. Society is rotten - the kids aren’t alright, but the adults aren’t either it seems.

Can’t help but wonder what would have happened if this was just a little tighter. If the flashbacks and buildup were more focused and the edit a bit tighter for the few cutaways from the action, this goes from rough draft to finished product.

Peanut Butter (2025)

Mon, 15 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Steve Smith
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Easily one of the best short films I’ve watched on a fashion ecommerce website.

Complaining that a three-minute advertisement goes on too long would be the dumbest Letterboxd review I could leave, so I won’t.

Friendship (2024)

Sat, 13 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Andrew DeYoung
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Super uneven script but each time I was getting bored, there’s a moment that just slays. The coffee, Afghanistan, the Black Forest Ham sandwich, smelly money and T-Boy, Jimp, every other sentence the son says.

Kate Mara criminally underused but I suppose this is a movie about certain types of men.

The Thursday Murder Club (2025)

Sat, 13 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Chris Columbus
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Such a stacked cast, they should have just tossed the script and let them improvise and it would have turned out better.

Kind of the equal and opposite of MICKEY 17. That movie took a very slipshod book and vastly improved it. This script removed all the joy and quirk from a great book until there was nothing left.

A Murder at the End of the World

Thu, 11 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)
Hulu, 2023
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I have showed up for other shows I would describe as…

slow, boring murder mysteries
clive owen
anything shot in an interesting locale

I couldn’t do this one, though. Painful pacing and sloppy writing kill this.

Inspector Ike (2020)

Sat, 30 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Graham Mason
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Once John Early leaves, it is mostly the same joke on repeat. But super well done - I would love for everyone involved to try again after this.

Well okay, not quite everyone but it would be petty to single anyone out in this low budget passion project.

Hot Rod (2007)

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Akiva Schaffer
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It’s like a rough draft of the greatest comedy of the 21st century. Long sequences that miss for me (Andy Samberg and Ian McShane are both all-time greats but I really hope I never see them on-screen together again) but the hits make it worthwhile.

Not quite a cult classic, but it holds up much better than some of the other early-stage “we’re still figuring out our shtick” comedies from this era.

Nobody 2 (2025)

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Timo Tjahjanto
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A solid, if unremarkable, action comedy movie that can’t quite decide what it wants to be. This leaves each element - the action, the comedy, the character beats - a little underbaked and tonally inconsistent.

Too frequently it substitutes style for substance - Christopher Lloyd makes faces but isn’t given anything to do, Sharon Stone is asked to give a mega acting performance which seems great but from a different movie. No actor or sequence is bad, but you can’t help but imagine what could have been.

But this is awfully negative review for a not-bad movie! It had a shootout as someone went down a water slide! I could have watched Colin Hanks and Bob Odenkirk bounce off each other forever. Very often, someone decided to shoot the hell out of this and it showed - the early fight montage and the arcade fight both stand out.

The Naked Gun (2025)

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Akiva Schaffer
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“Hi, Dad. It’s me, Frank Jr. I want to be just like you, but at the same time be completely different and original.”

Nailed it. What a triumph. Not every bit works for me, but it’s so rapid-fire that I hardly noticed the misses. Great variety between big setpiece jokes and wonderful little throwaway jokes like the evil executives who can’t ride motorcycles. The SPOILER_REDACTED montage should be hung up in the Comedy Louvre - I nearly fainted from laughing at that.

Also realizes that the great action-comedies also need to be great action movies. Shot beautifully and with a crazy good score from Lorne Balfa that… well, it’s just like some of his classic all-timer scores while also being completely different and original.

Nosferatu (2024)

Tue, 12 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Robert Eggers
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Nobody does dread like Robert Eggers. The first half hour is a masterpiece as Nicholas Hoult descends further into oblivion. He’s the best he’s ever been as he shows so many different shades and flavors of fear and hesitation. They shoot the hell out of this sequence. I never wanted it to end.

If that that journey was electric and novel, the concurrent events in Germany are anything but. Lily-Rose Depp isn’t given much to do, but if Oscars are given to people who do the most acting rather than the best acting then she should have swept. It’s hard to form an opinion of her performance when the writing just moves from one tired trope to the next.

Thankfully Willem Defoe shows up and it gets more tolerable, but only just.

But then the movie shifts into something I’ve never seen, horror-as-disaster movie, and we’re back to the races! It’s electric from this point onwards even if we spend more time with a few side characters than I’d like.

The highs of Nosferatu are better than anything I can remember from Eggers, but it lacks the tightness of THE WITCH and so it was a tougher watch for me.

7 Days in Hell (2015)

Mon, 04 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Jake Szymanski
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Tragic that there are only two Szymanski / Samberg… movies? specials? whatever they are?

I’ve never loved Kit Harrington more - he was perfect as a coddled, nearly mute doofus. Perhaps it runs out of gas a bit at the end, but it’s less than an hour and it’s actually immaculate, so haters can go wear some specialty Swedish underwear.

Blink Twice (2024)

Mon, 04 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Zoë Kravitz
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I heard it wasn’t great but it’s Channing Tatum and I’ll always show up for that guy sooner or later. No regrets even if I don’t recommend it. It’s extremely watchable but less than the sum of its parts.

A great cast is squandered in nearly every scene by either the script or directing. Great movies have scenes that serve multiple purposes at once like telling us something about the characters while moving the story forward. In Blink Twice each scene seems to only have one purpose - a scene about the two lead actress’ relationship to each other, then one about plot and foreshadowing, then one that’s just a pretty view.

Extremely workmanlike assembly that ends up wanting.

But great performances throughout and Adam Newport-Berra shot the hell out of this.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

Mon, 04 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Wes Anderson
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Perhaps it lost a little of its luster in this rewatch, but still a delight. In a talented roster of child actors, Kara Hayward absolutely shines as a proto femme fatale and the group scenes with Troop 55 are also just amazing.

I wish we got more from the adults in this, but I can’t complain too much when Edward Norton is GOING FOR IT with every scene and line reading. He makes this movie for me.

Adolescence

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Netflix, 2025
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First and third hours are just so compelling, conversations staged so simply and starkly that the personal stakes for each character are enormously high, complemented by beautiful cinematography.

I knew what this show was about and yet was still so surprised by it. What a delight.

Godzilla Minus One (2023)

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Takashi Yamazaki
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An amazing distillation and remix of the Godzilla formula that feels at once classic and modern, timeless and timely, luxe and low-budget. Perhaps it leans a bit too much on domestic drama in a slowish second act, but I can’t point to exactly what I’d cut.

It’s interesting to compare this to Top Gun: Maverick. Both are movies about wrestling with a country’s military history and identity, but they couldn’t be more dissimilar from there. Actions that are heroic in one movie are cowardly in the other, and vice-versa - neither hero’s story could even be told in the other format.

Black Bag (2025)

Wed, 02 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Steven Soderbergh
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Gets a fourth star because…

Cate Blanchett and Michael Fassbender were awesome
That moody David Holmes soundtrack. God bless Soderbergh for keeping him busy, always a banger
That first dinner scene was so gripping

KPop Demon Hunters (2025)

Wed, 02 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Chris Appelhans, Maggie Kang
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One of the best movies of 2025. Great songs that are catchy, funny, and often have dual meanings to the plot. Animation is spectacular and the movie is very careful to make this clearly Korean (an initial meet-cute is so clearly kdrama coded that I cracked up) and yet also for the entire world. I was very touched by the character turns in the third act, a time when I feel like many PG movies are just going through the motions of resolving plot lines. Spectacular.

SODA POP 4 LIFE!!!

Mickey 17 (2025)

Wed, 02 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Bong Joon Ho
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So many differences from the book, all improvements. A little much at times and not enough at others, but I will show up anytime this director and actor are doing their things.

Night Call (2024)

Wed, 11 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Michiel Blanchart
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Put Jonathan Feltre in more movies please, he was great.

Aside from Mady, this was pretty standard fare. I mostly didn’t mind it and there were a few surprising moments like seeing the hero work up the nerve to do something vicious or watching him take a cowardly way out. But for each of those moments, there’s a side character I don’t understand at all or bizarrely staged fight

Bottoms (2023)

Mon, 02 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Emma Seligman
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We came so close to turning this off after the first 15 minutes. There’s a lot of jokes that don’t quite work and the character beats are too hamfisted to matter.

But then we got to their classroom and met their teacher Marshawn Lynch, and the kid who was inexplicably caged in the back, and the 90 second long class, and we decided to give this movie another shot.

Bottoms takes place in a bizarre heightened world and it works best when it leans into it. It has the confidence not to justify the craziness but instead just lets its characters live in it, and it’s a blast when that’s happening. Like many comedies it stumbles when it has to deal with its plot and characters towards the third act, but after a wobbly 15 minutes it recovers for an insane, stellar ending.

I want Bottoms 2 to exist and to see whatever insane college these two end up attending.

Mountainhead (2025)

Mon, 02 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Jesse Armstrong
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I was promised Andy Daly. I spent the whole movie excited to see Andy Daly. But alas, I’m pretty sure Andy Daly is not actually in this movie.

Anyway, the non-Andy Daly parts were solid. The first half was tense and grim. I’m not sure the second half really works for me, but this movie had to go somewhere and it isn’t like any of these techbros will ever have a crisis of conscience.

Always great to hear a Nicholas Britell score - while this movie is very Succession-adjacent, his soundtrack is a whole different vibe which I loved.

The Perfect Couple

Mon, 02 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Hulu, 2024
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The casting is too great to make this a hate watch, but the script is all kinds of bad. Here’s a fun game to play while watching: anytime there’s a scene set at the police station, ask yourself “what question did the police just ask this suspect prior to this scene?” All possible answers are hilarious.

But like Pachinko, all shows are made 10% better when they open with a dance number.

The Residence

Mon, 02 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Apple TV, 2024
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What a great four-episode miniseries this could have been!

You know who would have been great in this series? Randall Park. They really should have cast him in a role that had lines and a character and stuff. But there just wasn’t time for that - we needed to cover the same five interactions for the millionth time.

Companion (2025)

Mon, 26 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Drew Hancock
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I hoped for more from the creator of beloved Channel 101 series Gregory Shitcock. It was fine and fun, a bit miscast in roles and felt much longer than 97 minutes due to some third act issues.

Still, solid for a first feature length outing. Want to see what he does next

Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes (2020)

Tue, 20 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Junta Yamaguchi
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The funniest, most believable, and perhaps best time travel movie I have ever seen. Great cast, surprisngly well shot, and such a fun premise. What a surprise.

Midnight Run (1988)

Fri, 16 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Martin Brest
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I was just getting into movies when Beethoven’s 2nd came out, so I am ashamed to admit that I’ve always thought of Charles Grodin as the guy from the awful dog comedies. But after hearing enough praise for this, I gave it a shot.

I am fully obsessed with Charles Grodin. I can’t say this is my favorite movie ever, but when this movie works it’s because Charles Grodin is carrying it. I’m amazed by how fluidly he changes from eccentric oddball to grounded, real moments. After a whole movie spent watching other characters play or impersonate FBI lawmen, seeing his turn was spellbinding.

I am so glad I checked this one out.

Last Bullet (2025)

Sat, 10 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Guillaume Pierret
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A somewhat lackluster ending to a very enjoyable trilogy. Anchored by an outstanding chase and fight sequence early in the movie, the remainder mostly resorts to driving straight ahead in the countryside. For some reason it needed 20 more minutes than either of the first two to do much less. The returning cast is mostly underutilized, but Quentin D’Hainaut puts in a great performance as a zealous second-in-command to the villain.

Still, an enjoyable time and proof that people are still making fun, creative action movies that aren’t pure CGI wirework. I can’t wait to see whatever this team does next (although please cast Nicolas Duvauchelle as the lead, he is so compelling on screen)

Murder Is Easy

Mon, 05 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
BBC, 2023
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First half is a terribly fun nonstop ride through fun setups, great character work, and a delightful premise. Fully onboard for that.

Then the second episode hits and it gets real wobbly as the leads just kind of fumble about and all the momentum from the first episode just evaporates.

Fantastic cast from top to bottom. David Jonsson and Morfydd Clark are standouts but there isn’t a weak link anywhere to be seen.

The Substance (2024)

Sat, 26 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)
Directed by Coralie Fargeat
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I hated this. Obvious, tonally incoherent, shot to look like shit, and so little respect for the viewer that it overexplains every shallow, underdeveloped idea.

It reminds me of the guy at every college who says “Actually, everyone is at least a bit racist” like it’s an original and profound thought, the kind of person you can shame into silence just by saying “Interesting, tell me more.”

Great set design and practical effects that gave me serious The Thing vibes. It’s difficult to appreciate because of the consistently atrocious camerawork but every other element of the visual design is just fantastic.

I have a lot of questions about the old man who was taking THE SUBSTANCE so he could have an alter ego who was a nurse practitioner. But then it made as much sense as the rest of the movie so why bother picking it apart? The movie didn’t trust the audience to do any thinking on their own so I won’t.

Someday I will learn not to watch any movie that did well at Cannes.

Iron Man 3 (2013)

Fri, 11 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Shane Black
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Avoided this for an extremely long time since I’ve always heard it was terrible and I’m not one for the MCU.

But there are only so many Shane Black / Robert Downey Jr / Guy Pearce movies that will ever exist. So I had to show up for this eventually.

It was pretty great!

Yes, it set the standard for the MCU ironic detachment tone. In other MCU movies it reads as unhinged psychopathy. Here, it is clearly grounded in trauma, a need for avoidance. Much to my surprise it works.

RDJ, Guy Pearce, and Ben Kingsley all know what kind of movie they are making and have a great time doing so. We get to see Tony Stark be more than just a rich guy in a suit. The fights were perhaps uninteresting but were at least surprisingly clear by MCU standards.

I didn’t have the issues with Act 3 that everyone else here seems to have. Perhaps because I was very tired of the Mandarin’s vaguely creepy ramblings and was ready for a vibe shift. Instead, I felt the movie shared the flaw of many other superhero movies – it was weakest when the heroes were piecing together the mystery of what’s going on. It’s incredibly basic and Tony basically unravels a giant conspiracy within 30 seconds of accessing a government computer, making his whole travelogue rather pointless.

But no one is here for that so the movie quickly loses interest in it too. They know the real reason everyone is watching - to see Tony Stark enter and exit an Iron Man suit roughly 500 times. Sometimes in pieces, sometimes the whole thing at once, really just about every variation on “guy puts on / takes off armor” that you can imagine.

Five Element Ninjas (1982)

Sat, 05 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Chang Cheh
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This is a little offcolor for my reviews but it is an undeniable truth - for a kung fu movie, this is pretty horny and coded for all kinds of sexualities. Everyone is fabulous and throwing off their cloaks dramatically, there’s some kind of fishnet-esque bodycon outfit, and there are some NINJA LOOKS.

I was not expecting that.

The movie opens with a title card about how all the weapons are grounded in historical texts. It didn’t register until about 15 minutes in when the wild ideas kick in and I realized it was the creators’ way of saying “I know this @&%# is wild, but some of this actually happened, maybe, kinda.”

The fights themselves are not as great as some of the other Shaw movies I’ve seen, but the audacity hooked me. It’s difficult to pick a favorite Ninja Element, but if forced I’d choose Water for a fight both ridiculous and awesome at the same time.

Nope (2022)

Sun, 30 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Jordan Peele
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I benefitted immensely from coming to this movie late and with few expectations. I suspect at its release, many people wanted Get Out 2: Get Outta Dodge and were pretty disappointed, but I had a great time

Yeah, there’s some bits from the start I would cut. And some bits from the end, and actually the middle too. In particular I wish Steven Yeun’s backstory mattered more than it ultimately did since we spent so much time on it.

But what a cast. What a great premise, executed so well. As we entered the third act with plans and diagrams and an elite team assembled, I was so hyped! And the movie largely delivered on that hype aside from some confusing logical leaps.

The full “Friday night encounter” sequence will stick with me for quite some time. A perfect 15 minutes of film.

Prey (2022)

Fri, 28 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Dan Trachtenberg
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The Predator franchise has never been my jam, but I’ve heard only good things about this installment and gave it a go.

The cast is fantastic. Amber Midthunder is particularly compelling and I was shocked to learn it was Dakota Beavers’ first film credit. Well shot throughout and the opening where it’s kind of a First Nations Revenant is great.

Then the big fella shows up in mostly very dark scenes and is defeated by misunderstanding how his own equipment works, which is not the most fun or satisfying.

Granted, if I was basically invulnerable and had a million different lethal devices on me I’d also forget a few. I’d be out there muttering in Predatorese “Uhhh… maybe this one would be good right now? Looks like it beeps and shreds and stuff… ” <presses button, accidentally kills 3 people>

But did I mention the great cast?

Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)

Wed, 26 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Tony Scott
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15 minutes into the movie, I almost thought Tony Scott, of all people, had managed to make a more restrained take on Beverly Hills Cop. But I was so mistaken.

A constant exhausting barrage of Eddie Murphy conning people with silly backstories for no reason. The theme song starts playing every 8 minutes and doesn’t let up. The plot devolves into complete nonsense.

About an hour in, the movie finally gives us a break. The cinematography is more beautiful than a Beverly Hills Cop sequel should merit. We get to see Eddie Murphy just be great and charming without the manic, pathological lying. We get some great “show, don’t tell” moments about how strange Judge Reinholdt’s character is. We get to see the two of them bounce off each other, each clearly having a blast, in what feels like a rough draft of a premise that the excellent 21 Jump Street movies would later perfect.

It doesn’t quite make up for the intolerable opening hour, though.

I don’t know what to think about the fact that Rosewood straight up kills 6-12 people who were running away and/or surrendering.

Also, this makes me wish Paul Reiser had never blown up with Mad About You and just kept popping up in odd supporting roles.

Emilia Pérez (2024)

Sat, 22 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)
Directed by Jacques Audiard
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Welp… um… so this… was…

…I guess?

Prey (2024)

Thu, 20 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)
Directed by Mukunda Michael Dewil
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Me, 15 min in: Boy, they are doing a lot of mediocre setup for this Predator tie-in. Kinda cool that they set it in Africa though; it will be fun to watch a Predator rip through so many unlikeable privileged white dudes.

25 min: Oh no, this is definitely the wrong PREY movie. But this is kind of okay and I generally enjoy wilderness survival flicks.

50 min: No, nevermind, this completely sucks. Nothing happens and yet it is also super confusing, but somehow it’s already almost over.

60 min: C’mon, you make a movie in 2024 that is set in Africa and you choose these two to be the last two survivors?

70 min: Man, that character turn makes zero sense even for this movie… unless… oh no…

75 min: Dammit, yeah, it’s one of those movies. I could have guessed at minute 60.

Alien: Romulus (2024)

Sat, 15 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Fede Álvarez
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If JJ Abrams made an Alien movie, it’d be a lot like this. True, JJ would have had fewer inventive scenes in favor of much more lens flare, but otherwise it is very The Xenomorph Awakens. They rehashed every quotable line and moment from the first two movies but for a power loader and a “game over man.”

Great design and more coherent than Prometheus / Covenant, but I’ll always prefer flawed movies that go for it and have something to say. If you really want a great back-to-basics Alien movie that still manages to be original and about something, play the videogame Alien: Isolation.

That David Jonsson tho. Cinema magic.

Giving a very deceased actor a major role, like 3rd / 4th on the call sheet, via CGI necromancy is the most Weyland-Yutani move in the franchise.

Force Majeure (2014)

Sat, 15 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Ruben Östlund
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Outstanding. Takes a simple premise - what if a husband displayed cowardice in a moment of peril - and examines it from every possible angle. The movie is confident to let this breathe, to let us watch these people slowly process what this means to them, trying and mostly failing to deal with this.

Outstanding performances across the board (perhaps none moreso than Lisa Loven Kongsli) and lovely cinematography that manages to create a grim brightnesses and comforting darknesses.

I wish it had a more confident ending. It felt like the movie had said all it had to say, but kept going for another 20 minutes to reach some kind of arch conclusion.

Easily my favorite Ruben Östlund movie. Shocked see this from the same person who made The Square.

I Saw the TV Glow (2024)

Wed, 05 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Jane Schoenbrun
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Lovely to look at and excellent first act. Felt a lot of vibes - about loving weird TV shows too much, about finding Dad really intense and scary even though you can’t point to anything sinister he does, and about feeling like the only thing you are sure of is how wrong you feel in the world and in your skin.

But then it’s like someone cast early Nathan Fielder in a feature-length adaptation of a single Godspeed You! Black Emperor song.

Bad Boys (1995)

Mon, 03 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)
Directed by Michael Bay
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This just sucks.

I mean, of COURSE it hasn’t aged well - the women’s dialogue and their roles, the ongoing subplot about the two main characters being mistaken for gay men.

But rewatching it now in 2025, it’s so painfully boring. Poor Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. They are capable of so much but are forced to slowly wring every possible comedic moment from each scene, struggling to turn small gags into extended, time-filling bits.

Martin Lawrence is nauseated by corpses? That’s a good 2 minutes of screentime. A dog makes a mess on Will Smith’s carpets? Definitely worthy of minutes AND a callback later.

Were they struggling to fill the runtime? Did they have zero trust in the audience to get a joke without signposting and repetition?

The action sequences are surprisingly few and poorly edited & produced, even relative to Michael Bay’s later movies. If anyone was triggered by Greedo missing Han Solo at point blank range, they will be enraged by the handful of gunfire exchanges in Bad Boys that were shot well enough to understand.

At least it’s often a looker, and Michael Bay can shoot the hell out of Will Smith. It’s easy to forget that he wasn’t a hollywood megastar before this.

I recall liking this when it came out but I can’t say why. I was right on the cusp of my film snob era and was already turning up my nose at much better genre movies. Did I just have no idea then of what a good action thriller could be? Was it just the novelty of seeing two very solid lead performances from black men in a mass market genre movie?

Strangely eager to rewatch Bad Boys II now - it has a very good chance of being the sequel that most improves upon the original.

A Real Pain (2024)

Sun, 23 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Jesse Eisenberg
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A brief, pleasant time. While I’m on the fence about Jesse Eisenberg as a director, I’d love to see what he writes next.

My favorite moment is real brief, the farewell between the boys and their tour guide. So much truth in what is remembered and what is forgotten by all parties.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

Sat, 22 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Joe Russo, Anthony Russo
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It’s peak Marvel ironic detachment to see Captain America, the Marvel epitome of decency and rightness, making jokes during a hostage rescue about how everyone he used to know and care about is dead.

The fights where it was just people punching and kicking each other were fantastic. Exciting moves, clearly shot long takes - thrilling stuff
The other fights were kind of drab and overwhelming in that typical Marvel way
Nothing about this plot will surprise you. For a spy thriller, it is short on thrills
But it has some moments - I could have watched Captain America talk to 50’s era AI Arnim Zola forever, and Anthony Mackie stole every scene he was in
The bodycount of this one is exceptional. Hundreds for sure, perhaps north of a thousand?

Aliens (1986)

Thu, 13 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by James Cameron
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I honestly think I could take a power loader in a fight

One of the all-time greats for sure. Great characters who can be richly realized in just a few lines, superb design that thoughtfully builds on the aesthetic vibe masterpiece that is ALIEN, and too many memorable sequences to count.

Guiding us through this is Sigourney Weaver who somehow tops her performance in the original, giving us someone who is believably broken and bombastic in turns. Watching her watch the chaos unfold is a delight.

I love the franchise and I’ve long debated internally which is the best between this and the original. I think I’ve finally decided that ALIENS is ever so slightly lesser. There are too many sequences where I’m left wondering why everyone acts like they do. It takes several hours of decimation and disaster before someone asks how they might get off the planet. Aliens show up in places where I struggle to understand how it could have happened, and there’s just a few too many action sequences that boil down to edits of aggressive screaming intermixed with random xenomorph explosions.

Don’t get me wrong - this is still one of the all-time greats and I’m finding faults only out of nitpicky fandom.

Conclave (2024)

Sat, 08 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Edward Berger
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Great acting and astounding cinematography keep me from getting too upset about the ending. Once that character was introduced I thought “it would be too much of a dumb hollywood thing to make them the new pope” and that was before the strange, almost non-sequitor final twist.

It occasionally had things to say about the role of faith in our lives, and I appreciated that. Would have loved more but I will take what I can get. Usually the discourse is either just “faith is for idiots, ah ha hah. I say!” or “THIS IS PROOF THAT GOD IS REAL AND HE LOVES WHAT I LOVE AND HATES WHAT I HATE but also he hates good writing and acting I guess”

It feels like an Argo kind of year at the Oscars.

The Way Back (2010)

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Peter Weir
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People are true to themselves. Some will not make the journey, some will stop early, some will suffer misfortune, and some will choose misfortune.

A sweeping epic full of great, understated performances. It perhaps lacks a bit of drama, but then again I was never bored so perhaps not.

Tour de Pharmacy (2017)

Sat, 01 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Jake Szymanski
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I don’t think I’ve ever laughed harder for 40 minutes straight. Maybe they go a little too hard on their actual cycling guest star, but it’s not even an hour - there’s no bit that overstays its welcome. Great casting, great writing, just great.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023)

Mon, 27 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Jeff Rowe
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Joyful, great cast of new and familiar voices alike, friendly characters throughout, and killer soundtrack. What’s not to love? (Okay, it goes on a little too long and drags it feet getting to an inciting event)

Step Up (2006)

Sat, 25 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Anne Fletcher
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This is a movie that knows what it is about - Channing Tatum dancing. It has the good sense to never go too long between dance scenes and to keep them all fresh and fantastic through varied choreography and locales.

Yeah, the side characters are weak and yet have too much screentime, and the writing for the lead actress gives her no agency whatsoever (her only hard choice, the one foreshadowed by almost all of the movie, is made for her by circumstances). But those are small complaints in a delightful, danceful movie.

They Live (1988)

Sat, 25 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by John Carpenter
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Driftless and struggles to fill its runtime. Doesn’t find a plot until the last 20 minutes of the movie. Great performances from Roddy Piper and Keith David though.

The Decameron

Fri, 17 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Netflix, 2024
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Wobbly writing early on but a great cast keeps it going until the writing catches up a couple episodes in and the show becomes superb. Zosia Mamet has never been better, Tony Hale is electric in showcasing a much wider range than he usually gets, and each supporting character threatens to steal their scene.

There’s a few extremely tiresome plot points early on, but this is a show about the upheaval caused by the Black Death - things change pretty quickly.

Six Shooter (2004)

Sun, 12 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Martin McDonagh
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Worth tracking down for McDonagh fans. Now with the benefit of seeing the rest of his work this feels a little uneven and strangely paced, but there’s so much to love in this short film that complaints seem petty.

The best moments are the quieter, unexpected ones - placing the photo next to his wife, the mirrored conversations with the attendant played by a future Weasley, and the understated horror of the first bit of violence.

The Fall Guy (2024)

Sun, 12 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by David Leitch
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I was pretty worried when these characters broke the fourth wall to allude to third-act problems with their movie-within-a-movie-but-also-this-movie. The first and second acts were wobbly so the thought of a worse third act almost caused me to bail.

I’m glad I didn’t! This movie finally figures out that it wants to be a fun, slightly campy escapade that leans hard into being a movie about a stuntman. It stops making a lot of sense but I was never here for that anyway.

A great time as long as you are committed to getting through the first half hour or so. If you make it to the Sydney Opera House, you’re golden for the rest of the movie.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)

Fri, 10 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Frank Oz
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This gets an extra star for being exactly what I needed after a grueling and disheartening day.

It perhaps peaks with the absolutely unhinged Ruprecht sequence, but everyone was so consistently great throughout that I still had a good time in its quieter moments. God bless Michael Caine and Glenne Headly who deliver great performances in serious and insane moments alike.

The Equalizer (2014)

Sat, 04 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Antoine Fuqua
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I want to enjoy any job as much as Robert enjoys working at the Home Mart

Okay, five stars for a movie that could easily be mistaken for a generic low-rent DTV is a hot take. But this is extremely well done and challenged my views on cinema.

In my other reviews, I often complain about predictable plots. The Equalizer has expanded my mind. Yes, you could write out the plot of this movie after about 10 minutes, and that’s even before you know Russian mobsters show up (but of course they do!). But the moments of this movie are such an unexpected delight.

A fantastic performance from Denzel Washington, a great supporting cast, clear & well-shot action sequences - this movie rocks. Furthermore, I’d love for everyone making superhero movies to watch this as it is a subtle origin story that doesn’t waste our time with the usual tropes of origin stories.

Fallen Angels (1995)

Wed, 01 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Wong Kar-Wai
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Everyone has a lit cigarette, no one smokes.

In my summers of my teens, I’d stay up as late as possible just for the sake of doing it. I’d be awake just to be awake. My life stopped having any narrative or purpose beyond just being.

This movie and these characters just are. It has its moments, but those are bookended by bizarre shooting styles and narrative deadends that were pretty brutal.

It’s telling that the cover here is a still from the very last scene of the movie. It spoils nothing at all because what is there to spoil?

Decision to Leave (2022)

Mon, 30 Dec 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Park Chan-wook
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Easily my favorite by Park Chan-wook. A hypnotic tale of broken people finding and breaking each other. Outstanding performances across the board - the two leads are fantastic and there are many smaller roles who steal each scene they’re in. The movie is just consistently gorgeous whether it’s stunning outdoor panoramas or foot chases through Korean back alleys.

I suspect we’re seeing the full Director’s Cut and boy this would have benefitted from a tighter theatrical cut, but that’s my only complaint

Duel (1971)

Mon, 30 Dec 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Steven Spielberg
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Some random notes:

anyone who orders a cheese sandwich and then asks for ketchup deserves to be chased by a vengeful semitruck
wow cars in the 70s just totally sucked. Going 65 in one of those is a terrifying experience worthy of cinema.

Some great moments that presage what Spielberg would become and very inventive with the many ways a semi could terrorize a lone driver. There’s also a lot of repetition though, narrative fat that the director would learn to trim from his all-time masterpiece JAWS.

Peninsula (2020)

Mon, 30 Dec 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Yeon Sang-ho
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I struggle with this one.

I really want to like it! I applaud a sequel that’s bold enough to open with “everything in the first one didn’t matter and all the survivors are probably dead, here’s a brand new vibe and premise.” It’s well acted and the first 45 minutes are terrifically fun. I definitely did not have “desperate mercenaries fighting zombies with guns while plucky kids ‘Home Alone’ them” on my Train to Busan 2 bingo card.

But after that, it kinda runs out of ideas and plays a mashup of “Zombie cinema’s greatest hits” combined with “Oops, we forgot this was a sequel so here’s a bunch of melodramatic allusions to the first one.” The action gets a bit stale and there’s a lot of frantic running and crying.

Sabrina (1954)

Sat, 28 Dec 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Billy Wilder
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Why on earth is Humphrey Bogart in this movie? The rest of the cast manages to breathe life into their one dimensional characters but then Humphrey shows up and… well whatever the opposite of stealing a scene is, he does that.

Wicked (2024)

Fri, 27 Dec 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Jon M. Chu
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Great cast and design make for a fun time despite a languid final 45 minutes that gradually loses interest in being a musical.

I learned afterwards that they extended several of the songs and boy was that unsurprising.

The People's Joker (2022)

Thu, 19 Dec 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Vera Drew
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I wrote a personal essay in college that was extremely, intensely personal and sincere. It was essentially a raw first draft and was all over the place to the point of incoherence. It had jokey asides that didn’t work and random anger at misdirected targets that I wasn’t expressing well or uniquely. In retrospect I feel bad for the reader, but boy I sure didn’t at the time.

The professor simply wrote “very heartfelt” before giving me a D.

She was right. What else was there to say?

Seoul Station (2016)

Tue, 17 Dec 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Yeon Sang-ho
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Ooof. I’m guessing 40-50 pages of this script were just “the main character continues running and/or crying.” The few decisions she makes are all groaners.

This movie definitely has Things To Say about homelessness and class in Korea, but it does not have Characters To Say Them.

You got me with that plot twist though! It further undermined the characters but I can’t deny my surprise. (not an endorsement of that hamfisted turn, though)

Halloween Ends (2022)

Mon, 09 Dec 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by David Gordon Green
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What a bummer! The first two entries of the latest Halloween entries punched above their weight - great production, great casting, and a unique point of view.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t live up to the legacy of Halloween and Halloween Kills. It flirts with some interesting ideas about how we’ve lost a shared sense of reality and truth, but then the plot feels like a retread of the themes of Halloween Kills. You could pause the movie 25 minutes in and accurately sketch out every major & minor story beat remaining in the movie, but it’s in no hurry to get there.

Still, it’s a treat to see Jamie Lee Curtis in the spotlight and I enjoyed my time with the rest of the cast too.

I’m glad this trilogy exists - it reminds me a bit of Restoration Games from the boardgaming world, a company that does remakes of old boardgames that aren’t faithful to the mechanics but instead the feel. They remember the IDEA of playing Fireball Island! and made a game to capture that idea.

These people loved the idea of Halloween and they did great by it.

Hot Frosty (2024)

Sat, 30 Nov 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Jerry Ciccoritti
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How it started: OMG YOU GUYS WE ARE WATCHING HOT FROSTY! LOLOLOL

How it ended, about 25 minutes later: … okay though for real why are we still watching hot frosty?

Gladiator II

Fri, 29 Nov 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Ridley Scott
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Sometimes it is enough to watch Denzel Washington have an amazing time for a couple of hours.

Boy, Russell Crowe and Joaquin Phoenix sure did a great job in the last one, right?

The Pistol Shrimps (2016)

Fri, 15 Nov 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Brent Hodge
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Came for the Pistol Shrimps, stayed for the Municipal Dance Squad. They are pure magic.

Challengers (2024)

Sun, 10 Nov 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Luca Guadagnino
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Great performances can’t hold this mess together. I couldn’t tell you anything about the characters. Edited like they just had a bingo card of every technique & shot in cinema. Insane overuse of a techno score that made me think I owned some weird music-only remote whose unmute button I sat on. Scene transitions are 3x longer than necessary for no clear reason, except the slo-mo zoomins which are instead 6x longer.

But those performances!

Also why is Art a torrential downpour of sweat at the end when he has been standing motionless for like eight serves. Gotta be some CG sweat.

Eternals (2021)

Tue, 29 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Chloé Zhao
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Despite everyone talking about how bad this is, I watched this because sooner or later I’ll always show up for Ma Dong-seok.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t worth it.

It lives down to the hype - miscast leads, several languid dark muddy action sequences, endless exposition which only answers questions I didn’t have, excessive runtime, very low stakes. I had a bad time but also, it doesn’t seem much different from the other late-era Marvel movies I’ve stumbled into. I’m left wondering what was so much worse about this?

But enough negativity, let’s talk about why I gave it two stars instead of one. Of course, Barry Keoghan is crazy good but every other review mentions him too so let’s talk about the valet Karun, played by Harish Patel. Absolutely steals the scene with every moment his small part is given. His character is just delighted to be here but also provides the only grounding in reality for this movie.

Trap (2024)

Sun, 27 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
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I have been an M Night apologist but I have some soul searching to do after this. A fun, fast-paced first act is tragically followed by the rest of this movie. God bless Josh Hartnett though.

A Spy Among Friends

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
ITVX, 2022
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The only reason to show up for this is if you’re excited for Guy Pearce and Damian Lewis to talk to each other for awhile.

If you’re into that, it’s great! You’ll find some other fabulous performances, too.

But it doesn’t work as a drama. The miniseries hinges on two central mysteries. Halfway through the first episode you’ll have a very good guess on the first. The second is only introduced near the end and the stakes for it could not be lower.

It’s a snooze, but sometimes a good nap is exactly what you need.

BlackBerry (2023)

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Matt Johnson
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Watching BlackBerry is like walking into one of those hole-in-the-wall restaurants where they take a dish no one has strong feelings about either way like meatloaf, but then they just make the hell out of it. You are left asking not just how this is so good, but why - what inspired this gifted team to take on this particular subject?

From the outside it’s easy to assume this is midgrade made-for-TV fare about the rise and fall of a company that many may not even remember. However, this is great and surprising from start to finish. The writers clearly figured out the most important story and character beats and waste little time between them. The movie is anchored by three performances that are somehow both simultaneously wild and exaggerated but also easy to miss, understated in a kind of classically Canadian way.

It struggles occasionally with side characters that come and go without much purpose, but even then the performances are great so it’s hard to get too bothered by it.

Lately, business tales have been locked into a Sorkin-esque form of storytelling which are entertaining but unsurprising. This is a delightful, gentle alternative. A great time and a great surprise.

Extraction 2 (2023)

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Sam Hargrave
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This might be the most faithful sequel I’ve ever watched, so I’ll just use the same review I wrote for the original Extraction.

Fantastic action scenes and great performances make up for the lackluster writing. The plot is a snooze, the actors aren't given much to work with, and the movie is so monochromatic that it would look like a lowbudget VOD production if the action scenes themselves weren't so well-done.
Now I need to watch everything Golshifteh Farahani has ever done.

Okay, that’s probably not totally fair. The movie is more of a looker, but that’s at the expense of an even worse script.

Extraction (2020)

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Sam Hargrave
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Fantastic action scenes and great performances make up for the lackluster writing. The plot is a snooze, the actors aren’t given much to work with, and the movie is so monochromatic that it would look like a lowbudget VOD production if the action scenes themselves weren’t so well-done.

Now I need to watch everything Golshifteh Farahani has ever done.

Get Carter (1971)

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Mike Hodges
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I’m not sure I get Get Carter. The gritty cinematography and Michael Caine’s fantastic performance were worth the price of admission, but it was hindered by frequent detours and a plot that seems like it should be simple but was quite hard to follow at times.

I wanted to feel more tension, either for Carter himself or for his foes/victims. The movie didn’t establish major stakes for either side. I ended up watching this with an idly curious detachment.

Definitely want to know more about those ore carts that just dump things into the sea, though. And I have questions about that restaurant development at the top of what looked like a perpetually empty parking garage.

Gilda (1946)

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Charles Vidor
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For a movie called “Gilda,” this needed way more Gilda. The opening focus on Johnny seems interminable – an unlikable, dull character in a hammy, overdone performance.

This makes Rita Hayworth’s arrival and performance all the more exciting as the movie finally becomes something. As great as her performance is though, it is still a performance in this movie .

The pacing and plotting is bizarre, at times incredibly languid only to then barrel through crazy offscreen plot developments with strange exposition.

And then she just forgives him for years of psychological abuse and everyone lives happily ever after, I guess. Gilda, you truly are a mystery.

Halloween (1978)

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by John Carpenter
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It feels criminal to say this was merely solid when there are so many fantastic elements.

Of course Jamie Lee Curtis is amazing and deserved to become a star, but the rest of the supporting cast is full of actors making the most of smaller parts. I could have just watched the three women talk for the entire movie and been perfectly contented.

Likewise, the movie is a low-budget looker - Midwestern suburbia feels equally cozy and terrifying. There’s the iconic synth score which is used well without being overdone – compare to Beverly Hills Cop, a movie with another iconic, simple electronic score that can’t help but play it every three minutes.

But so much of this movie is buildup, a process that didn’t work for me. The movie seems interminable when Laurie is babysitting or when we’re watching Dr. Loomis wander around.

It also suffers in comparison to one of the all-time horror classics, John Carpenter’s THE THING a few years later. The foreshadowing and buildup is so well executed there that it made this feel more like a prototype or warmup.

Lady Vengeance (2005)

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Park Chan-wook
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A movie in two halves that was less than the sum of its parts. Frequently beautiful and often confusing. Long stretches where I sat thinking “I don’t know what’s happening but I hope whatever it is ends.”

Peeping Tom (1960)

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Michael Powell
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What a peculiar, fascinating movie. Many other movies since have reused and remixed many of its plot elements, but the strong performances and occasional detours into a Lynch-esque surreality make this stand out even 60 years later.

We’ve seen serial killers and learned about their tragic origin stories many times since, but Karlheinz Böhm’s understated and endearing performance makes this character still stand out. The movie is simultaneously rooted in a real-world griminess but also makes room for dance sequences and bizarre side characters to shine.

Like many movies of this era, it has some pacing problems and it was always interesting but rarely gripping. But these are minor complaints against such a memorable, unique movie.

Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance (2002)

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Park Chan-wook
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A difficult movie to like, especially viewing it only after many movies it later inspired. The violence shocks a little less these 20 years later, but without that shock value there’s not a lot left to this movie. It’s just slowly escalating violence between two rather amoral and unmoving characters.

The Foot Fist Way (2006)

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Jody Hill
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If The Foot Fist Way is your first encounter Danny McBride or Jody Hill, this is probably a four-star movie. It’s great fun and exciting to see how they made this movie with such a limited budget.

My issue is that I came to this after watching all of Eastbound & Down. Twice. I adore that filthy, unhinged show and The Foot Fist Way feels more like a dress rehearsal for that. So many of the same ideas are repeated between the two, but with Eastbound & Down the showmakers had more time, experience, and budget to do it well.

I’m on Team McBride & Hill for life and I’m so glad this movie got made, but I couldn’t quite enjoy it.

Hereditary (2018)

Sat, 19 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)
Directed by Ari Aster
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Feels like it takes about 3 hours for this movie to decide to be about something more than just miscellaneous spooky vibes, but by then it was too late. The ending reminds me of the nonsequitor declaration at the end of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie.

Toni Collette was great but there was no saving this mess.

Love Lies Bleeding (2024)

Sun, 08 Sep 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Rose Glass
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There’s a number of movies that I liked but I didn’t enjoy watching. This was kind of the opposite, a significantly flawed movie that was great fun because of its pacing and ambition.

I really dug the early Lynch vibes from when he still cared about plot. Solid performances throughout even though the cast didn’t have much to work with.

I would love to see a reunion of all the creative folks involved in making this. This movie feels like an unfinished rough draft of something I’d really enjoy.

Confess, Fletch (2022)

Fri, 06 Sep 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Greg Mottola
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I usually loathe movies & shows that substitute “fun” for “funny,” as if smiling and breaking character can take the place of actual jokes and punchlines. So I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this fun, if not funny, movie. Sometimes Jon Hamm having a blast is all you need.

Glad I watched this with quality headphones so I could catch the all-time slayer joke “Hi, I’m calling about your listing on OnlyVans…” I laughed so hard I needed a little breather.

Drunken Master (1978)

Wed, 14 Aug 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Yuen Woo-Ping
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This was a hard watch for me, something I admired without loving.

I came to this already a big Jackie Chan fan so I have seen him do many crazy and thrilling things. This felt more like a prototype of what was to come and seemed so very repetitive.

There were some fantastic fights - the match against his aunt, the restaurant melee, or the first Thunderleg fight where he gets humiliated. But that’s maybe 15% of the action in this?

You could make a 85 minute cut of this movie that would make film buffs weep but that I would love.

Burning (2018)

Tue, 13 Aug 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Lee Chang-dong
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Why did they have to put an amazing Steven Yuen performance into this otherwise very mid movie? It isn’t fair.

I should have bailed when I realized it was a Murakami adaptation. I know this means I have no taste but this very slow and ponderous movie has stripped me bare, free to be the toxicly masculine monster I am.

Falling Down (1993)

Thu, 01 Aug 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Joel Schumacher
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There is a seed of a fascinating thoughtful movie here, the idea of white rage, provoked by feeling cast aside by society and a mixture of injustices real and imagined, that believes itself to be righteous and good when it clearly isn’t.

But this seed bore such bitter fruit. This movie is much more racist than it thinks it is and seems to hate women pretty thoroughly. Michael Douglas’ performance is great but the movie is a real chore to get through.

No one in their right mind would remake this, but I would love such a thing to exist anyway.

Grosse Pointe Blank (1997)

Thu, 01 Aug 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by George Armitage
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Debi, you make some terrible life choices. You can get it! You can and will do better than Martin.

I can’t stop imagining a version of this movie where they cast Joan Cusack as the lead. Her performance is incredible and she steals every scene she’s in, despite spending the movie in a room by herself.

Keep everything else the same and it just works, but 1000x better. She falls in love with Debi! She has anti-union conflicts with Dan Aykroyd! She and Jeremy Piven dispose of a corpse together!

Joan, you are a treasure and we don’t deserve you, but I’m glad you were in this.

Date Night (2010)

Sat, 06 Jul 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Shawn Levy
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One of the greatest supporting / small-role casts of all time. I found great joy in spotting Jon Bernthal and Gal Gadot in these small blink-and-you-miss-it moments.

There are a few moments of this that got me but they were mostly asides. Steve Carell’s reading of “Okay, see you later!” when his passenger dove from a moving car absolutely killed me.

But everything they set up as a major bit was pretty by-the-numbers. Tina Fey has been so poorly served by Hollywood.

The Bourne Identity (2002)

Tue, 25 Jun 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Doug Liman
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A thrilling car chase, a somber sniper-vs-shotgun battle with Clive Owen that’s unlike anything I’ve seen before or since, and a grounded performance from Matt Damon make this movie.

Poor Things (2023)

Sat, 22 Jun 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Yorgos Lanthimos
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I don’t want to watch other movies now.

The amazing set design! The incredible performances! The fabulous dialogue where each line was more zingy than the last! THAT DANCE SEQUENCE YOU GUYS!

Point: The movie was 30 minutes too long and the lack of subtlety was monotonically increasing throughout.

Counterpoint: Are you kidding me with those complaints? Who cares when a movie is this good.

Accident Man: Hitman's Holiday (2022)

Thu, 20 Jun 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Harry Kirby, George Kirby
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Alright, I’m officially on the Accident Man hype train now. Compared to the first one, this is much more character-driven and fun. Mike’s character is more nuanced and Scott Adkins proves his leading man bona fides in his performance. The cast of supporting characters is just outstanding and really brought this crazy little world to life. Some of the fights still leave me a little wanting but the movie was too fun to care.

I want a full oral history of how this DTV project ended up with an original song about the joy of bromances. Incredible.

The Lego Batman Movie (2017)

Sun, 16 Jun 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Chris McKay
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A movie that underscores how difficult it is to make a spinoff about the funny side character. Still had plenty of chuckles.

I knew which characters were voiced by Conan and Mantzoukas and I still managed to completely miss them.

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)

Sat, 15 Jun 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Jonathan Goldstein, John Francis Daley
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There should be an award for making a movie watchable and Michelle Rodriguez should win it.

um according to the rules, the tiefling must be a level 20 archdruid which is epic tier; she should be out there slaying gods and not mucking about with lowly red wizards that are threats merely to a few nation states

Gosford Park (2001)

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Robert Altman
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It’s a shame they couldn’t fit in another dozen near-identical characters that I couldn’t tell apart. Feels like they weren’t really trying with this small cast.

The hour a half before the murder is bewildering. I really struggled to tell any characters apart between the rapid cuts and seemingly interchangeable melodrama. I honestly can’t remember if there were two characters is financial distress or just one. Some other new guests arrive a half hour in and I am unsure if we ever saw them again.

And then the murder happens and the movie radically changes! Nah, just kidding - it isn’t too interested in being a murder mystery and neither are the characters. It kind of gets solved by half-hearted accident.

Of course this is really a commentary on class structure. Maybe that would have hit harder if I watched this before a couple of Downton Abbey seasons, but Gosford Park ended up just feeling like a lecture on well-trod topics.

Sometimes we’ll say we love an actor so much that we could watch them read a phone book. This was kind of true for this movie - the cast was crazy stacked and I enjoyed watching them even if I couldn’t tell who was who most of time, so their words just ended up as a kind of noise. But it was a pleasant noise to enjoy for a couple of hours.

Dune (2021)

Tue, 28 May 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Denis Villeneuve
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Denis Villeneuve is perhaps my favorite director working today and I am a sadist who enjoyed the old Lynch take on DUNE, so I remain bummed that I didn’t like this. An absolutely gorgeous movie which is devoid of soul or plot and hamstrung by a monotonous lead performance. Just dreadfully dull whenever there wasn’t a Harkonnen on-screen. Instead of emotions or an ending, they just had Hans Zimmer on the keys doing generic electro-swoons when we’re supposed to feel something. An incredible non-ending even when judged against other “Part I” movies.

Enemy (2013)

Tue, 28 May 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Denis Villeneuve
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A great dual performance from Jake Gyllenhaal anchors this subdued, puzzling mystery. I don’t think Toronto has ever looked more hellish or dystopian - a preview of the even more unsettling cinematography from Villeneuve’s Sicario a few years later.

I would have loved this if it was a little more paranoid and tense, a mashup of Villeneuve’s style and Pi-era Aronofsky. As it was, it was a little too languid to be more than a curiosity for me.

Sidenote - how do I keep choosing films for our film club that feature bizarre, uncomfortable sex clubs? I’m tempted to pick a guaranteed normal movie next, but I’m afraid I’m cursed and I’ll pick something like Zootopia 2 only to find it has one weird scene in an underground S&M dungeon.

Oldboy (2003)

Tue, 28 May 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Park Chan-wook
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Rewatched this recently after seeing it in theaters 20 years ago in college. It mostly holds up thanks to an incredible lead performance and fabulous cinematography.

Now in my forties, it’s hard to overlook the portrayal of women in this as mostly helpless and ignorant. This causes the dramatic twist ending to whiff with me when before it was a gut punch. It’s just hard to suddenly find more sympathy for the main character when they have treated women as disposable and interchangeable for the entire movie.

However, the bleak, relentless pursuit of the mystery up until that ending is still a great journey and makes me eager to finally finish the Vengeance Trilogy soon.

Under the Silver Lake (2018)

Tue, 28 May 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by David Robert Mitchell
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The biggest mystery of this neo noir is how this mumbling, skunk-sprayed near-homeless man has such incredible pull with the ladies.

Both subdued and incredibly unsubtle, I had a good time looking at this movie even if I didn’t often enjoy its writing or score. But I chuckled at a scene of a grown man assaulting some tween miscreants and shoving eggs in their mouths, and I’m pretty sure that’s a sentence I’ve never written before. And I appreciate any movie that has the confidence to end without overexplaining everything to the audience

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)

Sun, 26 May 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by George Miller
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A quieter, more subdued journey into the wasteland this time out. I came in expecting that it couldn’t compete with Fury Road on spectacle, but I think I expected more from the cast and performances to compensate. The character arcs were meaty & fascinating but the moments that comprised them often didn’t interest me. I would have loved more from Chris Hemsworth, and Anya Taylor-Joy had too few opportunities to step out of the shadow of Charlize Theron’s all-time great performance in this role.

It was occasionally great, rarely bad, and mostly okay. Both quite unique and yet something I am not sure will stick with me.

Fury Road could inspire a sequel like Furiosa, but it is hard to imagine this inspiring any kind of successor with how little it sparks the imagination.

Muriel's Wedding (1994)

Sat, 27 Apr 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by P.J. Hogan
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That “sex” scene is incredible and worth the price of admission. Otherwise, this movie is tonally fragmented with a real mean streak towards its own characters. It was awfully difficult to understand most characters’ motivations.

But it just reinforced how awesome it was to work at a video store back in the day. I’m glad I had a chance while that was a thing.

Perfect Blue (1997)

Sat, 27 Apr 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Satoshi Kon
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Not the most fun watch. In some ways incredibly ahead of its time in predicting just how weird the internet was going to make everything, but it was too unrelentingly bleak to appreciate.

I think I would have been crazy about this if I had seen it in my 20’s, but in my 40’s I’d love a little more nuance and depth.

But that CHAM! song about just wearing sweatpants and laying around because of a broken heart deserves to be a #1 global sensation. I am Team CHAM! for life.

The Castle (1997)

Sat, 27 Apr 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Rob Sitch
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The strange thing about this movie is that I didn’t laugh much during it, but it has a dozen quotable, memorable scenes that make me smile. Like many 90’s comedies, it’s the best when it’s disregarding the plot and letting us spend time with this earnest, dimwitted husband played so well by Michael Caton.

The moments where the movie’s focus drifts from him are its weakest and the buildup to a triumphant ending in court seemed hamfisted and rushed.

But who cares? If someone wants this movie to be more than it is, well, tell him he’s dreamin’

Triangle of Sadness (2022)

Fri, 05 Apr 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Ruben Östlund
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I would have adored an alternate cut of this movie that compressed Act 1 and Act 3 into 10 mimutes each, giving that time to the delightful second act on the boat.

But that isn’t the movie I watched. This one opens slowly and disjointed and has a prolonged ending which overstays its welcome.

Still, a tremendous improvement from The Square.

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Thu, 21 Mar 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by John Carpenter
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What a joy. Jack Burton is the hero we deserve, hilarious and mostly useless without becoming an over-the-top parody ala Naked Gun. A plot that moves and terrific supporting cast.

I wish the women had more to do, but moreso I just wish there were more Carpenter/Russell movies being made.

Polite Society (2023)

Thu, 21 Mar 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Nida Manzoor
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Great premise and fabulous acting, but the plot is a real let-down. No one believes the main character until the last 20 minutes, which means we don’t really get any drama or action until far too late into the movie.

I believe women, doubly so if it means we get to see them do awesome stunts.

Mary and Max (2009)

Mon, 18 Mar 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Adam Elliot
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A super okay movie, right at the peak of okay-ness.

The correspondence had many moments that tugged at my heartstrings. Some were perhaps a little too on-the-nose but I can’t begrudge a sweet movie for its sweetness.

But the gaps between the correspondence were narratively drab, visually off-putting, and lacked any subtlety or nuance.

The Dry (2020)

Mon, 18 Mar 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Robert Connolly
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A mystery about a detective who doesn’t actually detect all that much. It’s gentle and slow-paced, perhaps even dry, and yet the final 15 minutes left me confused. I guess we didn’t need a detective for this after all?

But I enjoyed the small town setting and the performances were on-point.

“Please let this be the last flashback” I said about 30 minutes into the movie.

It was not.

My favorite things from 2023

Sun, 10 Mar 2024 00:00:00 GMT

Each year I eagerly anticipate my friends’ “Best Of” lists, but I rarely contribute my own. Pitiful! So here I am, making amends just a little bit into the new year.

LIES! There’s “a little bit into the new year” and then there’s whatever this is

Fine, you win - this is quite late. Now let’s move on, please.

Scott is doubly bad at time – most of these weren’t released in 2023!

It’s true! I am terrible at keeping up with the zeitgeist so I mostly play catch-up. Instead, these are merely things that I encountered for the first time in 2023.

This format is shamelessly adapted from Noel Rappin. He’s a great writer - do me a favor and go read his blog, then buy his books so he won’t get upset about this flagrant style heist.

Movies

Banshees of Inisherin (2022)

Summary: Two men struggle with the challenges of friendship in increasingly extreme ways.

I try to be friendly but I have few friends. Friendship is hard for me in many subtle, hard-to-articulate ways. It feels like an extraordinary commitment and significant cost, but also I just feel so bad at it. So I tend to cultivate acquaintances rather than friends.

I thought I was alone with these feelings but Banshees of Inisherin is a study of weirdos like me. It’s a wonderfully told story of two men who were friends and now aren’t. Maybe. Like friendship itself, it’s simple and yet complicated.

It’s directed by and stars the principal players of In Bruges, another of my favorite movies. Banshees of Inisherin holds up to that high standard.

Swiss Army Man (2016)

Summary: Two people learn how to be human. Oh, but one of them is a farting corpse.

Swiss Army Man is perhaps the hardest movie sales pitch ever. There is no way to make it sound appealing. I had it recommended to me at least five times before I finally gave it a shot, and even then it wasn’t totally voluntary.

Don’t be stupid like me. Don’t see “farting corpse” and write this movie off. It’s fun, sweet, and has two incredible performances from Paul Dano and Daniel Radcliffe. THEY EVEN SING ON THE SOUNDTRACK! And they don’t make a big deal about it!

It’s from the Daniels who you may know from Everything Everywhere All at Once, or perhaps from the delightful Turn Down for What video. This is just as good as either of those amazing films.

The Rover (2014)

Summary: Guy Pearce in a grim modern western set in a post-semiapocalyptic Australia.

The Rover is a western stripped bare. You learn little about the characters and less about the setting. What remains is a vivid performance from Guy Pearce, playing an unnamed character in the remote stretches of a desolate Australia. He seethes with quiet rage, a violent man in a violent world.

I especially loved the setting. It’s never made clear what happened to Australia and the movie trusts the audience to be okay with that.

Also, I think I’m the last person to figure this out, but Robert Pattinson is kind of amazing, right? He’s fantastic in this and did yeoman’s work in making Tenet watchable.

Night is Short, Walk on Girl (2017)

Summary: A comedic journey of two people wandering through an increasingly surreal night, seeing the many strange ways we’re interconnected.

Every other movie on this list is a short, focused tale that is almost too simple. Not this. I spent the first half-hour of this anime thinking it was a beautiful, well-intentioned mess. An amusement without direction or purpose. Later-era David Lynch if he was inclined to make anime instead of… whatever he’s been doing lately.

However, Night is Short, Walk on Girl then starts to come together by somehow getting stranger. Mysterious trains that run on phantom tracks, a whole segment of raunchy jokes, walking into a random stage performance - the movie gets more unhinged and yet comes together, bringing characters back to show that we’re all stumbling through life with each other’s help.

Okay, I take back what I said about Swiss Army Man - this might be the most difficult movie in this list to pitch.

Lone Star (1996)

Summary: Nominally a mystery, it’s really a tapestry of interconnected stories about life and race in a small Texas town.

Lone Star could easily have been a moralizing tale with one dimensional characters all imparting Very Important Messages. It could have been the 2005 movie Crash but in 1996. It’s too smart for that though, and besides, 1996 already had a different movie called Crash that was an extremely different thing. But I digress.

Chris Cooper delivers a fantastic performance as a small town sheriff investigating what might be a crime and which might be committed by his father when he was sheriff. He’s joined by great supporting performances as side characters repeatedly reveal unexpected depths. The joy is just seeing how deep that goes.

It also probably has the wildest ending of anything on this list.

Everything Else - Movies

(movies I enjoyed but can’t recommend quite as strongly)

C’mon C’mon - A sweet story and incredible performance by Joaquin Phoenix.
Athena - The first 40 minutes are a single-shot masterpiece of frantic action. Worth watching for that alone.
Three Thousand Years of Longing - Tilda Swinton and Idris Elba are the romantic pairing I never knew I needed.
Let the Bullets Fly - I can’t say I understood every twist and joke in this frantic action comedy, but the direction and acting is good enough that I didn’t care.
Prospect - Incredible art direction creates a new scifi aesthetic I’ve never seen before. Have y’all heard about this Pedro Pascal guy? He’s good.
Crippled Avengers - A classic Shaw Brothers kung-fu movie. It has some of the best fight choreography I’ve ever seen.
Lars and the Real Girl - I’ve found Ryan Gosling perplexing in every other movie. Now I get it. Ryan, I’m sorry. You’re amazing; I was the problem.

Video Games

Cobalt Core

Summary: A cute, deep deckbuilding game with a clever one-dimensional combat system.

Cobalt Core joins the crowded space of the zillion games framed as “Slay the Spire, but…” Most of these games forget that the genius of Slay the Spire is clear, evocative effects and complexity through combining very simple mechanics. Instead, they just add complex base mechanics and quickly overwhelm me.

Not so with Cobalt Core. The game cleverly models dogfighting as a one-dimensional affair. You control only your ship’s left-to-right position relative to your foe. It’s simple and immediately clear but creates a very interesting mechanical space.

Also, it’s adorable! Each deck is a combination of three different pilots with their own charming animations, lines, and cards. It’s the first game since Slay the Spire that hooks me in similar –but novel– ways.

Polimines

Summary: Minesweeper but awesome, a game of pure logic without guessing.

Polimines is a simple, inexpensive set of 30 logic puzzles based on Minesweeper. In each puzzle, you must determine which squares are empty and which are filled, based on clues that are increasingly open-ended as the game progresses.

Later puzzles introduce new types of clues, and the magic of the game is in deducing paradoxes and impossibilities from overlapping clues to determine what must be filled.

This is the first game since the masterpiece Hexcells that compares. It’s a great game and a bargain.

Steam

Circuit Superstars

Summary: A racing game with adorable graphics and approachable controls that reveals a great deal of depth.

I love racing games but I’m hard to please. I have no patience for simulations - ask me to select tires or think about my car’s aerial dynamics and I’m out. However, most arcade racers are so simple that they can’t maintain my interest.

Circuit Superstars seems made for me then. You can jump straight into the action but there’s still a rich depth to each race. I fell in love after my first endurance race that required me to carefully plan my pit stops and avoid being too rough on my car in-between.

Pit stops! Tire wear and grip issues! It’s easy to look at screenshots and be fooled into thinking this is some slight game. It rewards patience and a light touch though. And for a cheap price, it offers a wealth of cars and races. What a gem.

Shadows of Doubt

Summary: A procedurally-generated, film noir take on Deus Ex.

These lists aren’t ranked and I don’t pick “Best of the Year” in anything. But disregard that: Shadows of Doubt is my game of the year for 2023 and easily the best game I’ve played this decade.

Shadows of Doubt has you play as a private detective in a grimy, randomly generated urban painscape set in a 1980’s gone terribly wrong. You choose your own cases – maybe you specialize in tracking people, finding stolen items, or even “finding” “stolen” items. Perhaps you even get a little rough with people. Oh, and every so often you’ll need to solve a murder of course.

Shadows of Doubt gives you tools and toys but then lets you solve these cases as you see fit. You may start a case with a name; if so, lucky you. Other times you’ll work from as little as an age and handwriting sample. Murders are especially open-ended. I’ve cracked cases on call logs, eye-witness testimonies, and CCTV footage.

It’s an amazing experience but I must warn you it’s very much an Early Access game. I fell through the bottom of the world a few times. Janitors seem to get stuck opening and closing the same doors frequently. Once, I loaded a saved game to find myself in a totally unfamiliar location. The difficulty is wrong, with the game getting progressively easier after your first few hours.

Bad bugs are rare however, and if you’re not afraid of some rough edges then I heartily encourage you to check it out.

Steam

Everything Else - Games

(games I enjoyed but can’t recommend quite as strongly)

Synthetik - An action roguelike that comes closer than anything else to making me feel like John Wick.
Cryptark - Choose your own risks as you scavenge derelict ships. Would be higher in my esteem if only it weren’t so short.
Hero’s Hour - A charming take on the strategy classic Heroes of Might and Magic. It’s a bit obtuse which makes finding the right difficulty level a pain.
System Shock: Enhanced Edition - If you can come to grips with the funky control scheme, this classic still holds up today.
Golftopia - Comes closer than any other game to capturing the magic of SimGolf.
Bloody Rally Show - A violent arcade rally racer that’s a clear labor of love.

TV

The History of the Seattle Mariners

Summary: A funny and moving documentary series on YouTube that answers the question “What if Ken Burns loved charts, had a sense of humor, and a budget of about 500 dollars?”

I don’t follow sports and have no particular interest in baseball or Seattle teams. However, I’m a sucker for great stories and moving heroics, especially those found beyond the headlines.

This Youtube series seamlessly alternates between hilarious, random asides told with droll narration and riveting sports stories I never knew of. All of this is done with a new, lo-fi form of documentary filmmaking unlike anything else I’ve ever seen.

A still image of a player’s glove gave me goosebumps. How is that possible?!

I know a multi-hour, data-heavy docu-series is a hard sell so I’ll just leave you with this quote from the show’s first few moments:

“This story begins the only way it ever could have begun: with 140 acts of arson.”

Eat that, Ken Burns.

The Diplomat

Summary: West Wing meets Gilmore Girls meets 24, but somehow it comes together.

Any given episode of The Diplomat alternates between comedy, romantic drama, and fast-paced international affairs. It requires a certain suspension of disbelief. Strong writing and even better performances from Keri Russell and Rufus Sewell make that a very easy pill to swallow.

The Diplomat doesn’t moralize or engage in hero worship like some of its inspirations. While the show touches upon some international affairs with expertise, clean heroic victories are rare in this series.

But it could be half as smart and I still wouldn’t care because it’s such a joy to watch the entire cast bounce off each other. Keri Russell is particularly delightful and it’s great to see her finally get a meaty, worthy project after The Americans wrapped.

Beef

Summary: A dramedy about petty revenge escalates into… a thoughtful, introspective and surprisingly relatable show?

Beef’s framing device is a road rage incident that escalates to increasingly unhinged acts of petty revenge. The show is brilliant in many ways, but I particularly loved seeing the complicated, messy lives of these characters (portrayed brilliantly by Stephen Yeun and Ali Wong).

Ultimately Beef is about people who are trapped within their fixed worldviews, and how that influences everything from the role of church in their lives to how they choose a spouse. I felt these characters deeply despite how little their lives resemble my own life at first glance.

Everything Else - TV

(shows I enjoyed but can’t recommend quite as strongly)

Succession Season 4 - Does anyone really need my recommendation of the fourth season of this extremely popular show? If you do, here it is: it was very good. I don’t have anything to say about the fantastic writing or cast that hasn’t already been said by the entire rest of the internet.
Bachelor in Paradise Season 7 - Mainline Bachelor(ette) gets all the attention but I maintain that Paradise is the better show. S7, despite its wonky hosting situation, is the second-best season of the franchise. The jubilant shout of “BOYS, I GOT DUMPED!” will live on forever in my head.

Books

Elder Race by Adrian Tchaikovsky

Summary: A two-character, Rashomon-esque novella with fascinating takes on the quote “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”

A road trip with your average scientist from any space opera and a heroine who could have been plucked from any fantasy novel. These two share a language but lack any shared culture, context, or mutual understanding. The adventure itself is fine (candidly, I’ve already forgotten most of it) but the real draw is seeing key events from each character’s wildly different perspective.

Great, fun concept that is perfect for the novella format - doesn’t overstay its welcome at all.

Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky

Summary: Simultaneously a thrilling adventure and a deep, thinky scifi tale spanning thousands of years (and light-years).

Let’s get this out of the way. “Sentient spiders.”

I rejected this book so many times because of those two words. It’s not the ick factor – working from my basement requires some level of spider tolerance. I just immediately fall into a unwakeable slumber when a scifi writer goes deep on some truly alien species with a different mode of cognition.

But I liked Elder Race by this same author, so I decided to get over myself and give this a shot.

Once again I was being dumb - this book series is great! It has big ideas about how we choose our tribes and how we have (and haven’t) overcome our evolutionary biases. But also, it’s a rollicking good time full of adventure and conflict and derring-do and wild AI personalities.

Most smart scifi books are boring. Many exciting scifi books are shallow. I really don’t know how Adrian Tchaikovsky managed to be both deep and thrilling with Children of Time.

The third and final book in the series, Children of Memory, was also quite good. It skews more towards “smart” than “exciting” but there’s a few passages that will stick with me forever.

Over the Edge of the World by Laurence Bergreen

Summary: Did you know that Magellan didn’t actually circumnavigate the world? That’s only, like, the seventh-most interesting fact about his voyage.

I only stumbled into this because of a strangely named achievement in Civilization 6 that I found. Then I read the summary of this voyage and thought “no way, that’s crazy” and needed to learn more.

YOU GUYS THIS WAS WILD.

I loved this book. The author peppers the story with historical context and does a reasonable job of balancing the remarkable achievement of Magellan & his crew against their horrible actions. You can see why some celebrate his accomplishments and others celebrate his final end.

I enjoyed The Wager too but if you’re only going to read one book about naval disasters in the Age of Sail, pick this.

Everything Else - Books

(books I enjoyed but can’t recommend quite as strongly)

Mister Mammoth by Matt Kindt - a strange graphic novel about a great detective’s greatest case. Reading it feels like a half-remembered dream.
Chaos Terminal by Mur Lafferty - it’s the first scifi murder mystery I’ve read! By definition, that makes it the best even if it takes awhile to get going.
House of X / Powers of X by Jonathan Hickman - I don’t often go for comics, but these were terrifically fun time loop stories. You need to make peace with not understanding everything that happens though since this sprawls into approximately 1,400 other comics lines.
Long Way to a Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers - a cozy little scifi story where nothing much happens. Sometimes that’s what you need.

Everything Else - Everything Else

Random things I enjoyed that don’t fit in anywhere else.

The Initiative (Board Game)

We love puzzles and escape rooms, so this riddle-focused legacy board game was a major hit with us. It’s wild that this simple, focused game is from the same designer as another of my favorites, the sprawling and unwieldy board game Star Wars: Rebellion.

Hey Randy! (Podcast)

This is perhaps my most pointless recommendation since it’s a podcast behind the paywall of a different podcast that it spun out of. There’s no sane person who would bite at that. But you’re missing out - each episode is a hilarious, free-wheeling conversation between improvisers playing unhinged characters and leaning hard into every mistake they make.

The end of RPG Seeker and the future of RPG marketplaces

Tue, 05 Mar 2024 00:00:00 GMT

This past weekend I emailed the following to all registered users of RPG Seeker:

I’m shutting down RPG Seeker on March 23rd, 2024. I’ve had a great time building and operating this site, but doing so costs me time & money on a project that frankly hasn’t found traction.

To provide some context, the site has been running for two years but this email is going to fewer than a hundred people. Of that small group, I’m guessing most people reading this are thinking “Wait, I have an account at whatever this site is?” :)

Regardless, whether you’re a power user or signed up in a long-forgotten drunken stupor, please accept my sincere gratitude for using the site. I had a blast and you have made it a joy to get this far on this project. Thanks for going on this journey with me.

I want to be clear to any users reading this - rpgseeker.com as it exists today is indeed over. It will be gone in a month’s time.

But I want to talk further about the bigger picture and my hopes & dreams for the roleplaying market.

The state of online RPG shopping

Finding and buying roleplaying games digitally is just as frustrating in 2024 as it was when I started RPG Seeker in 2020.

DriveThruRPG is the leading option. It has received a fresh coat of paint recently but underneath it’s still an antiquated, difficult experience. It has an enormous userbase though, and many of them are comfortable enough with the experience to browse DTRPG for new titles. This creates light network effects that DTRPG uses to justify an enormous take rate from RPG creators unless they agree to sell exclusively on DTRPG.
Itch.io is the second-most popular option. It’s far kinder to creators and allows an unrivaled level of personalization. However, creators are on their own – almost no one is browsing Itch to find new roleplaying games. Furthermore, their catalog of RPGs is so much smaller than the rest of their inventory that it seems destined to remain an afterthought to Itch.
Some creators turn to running their own storefronts. Shopify, LeanPub, Gumroad, and similar platforms are all popular options but carry very similar pros & cons to Itch. They can be great experiences but creators get very little to help boost discovery.

Most creators end up begrudgingly listing their games on both DTRPG and Itch, pushing Itch to their fanbase but relying on DTRPG for discovery.

There have been a few attempts at creating a competing RPG-focused marketplace, notably Indie Press Revolution, but they’ve remained niche and difficult to use.

We deserve better. I want better experiences as a player, creators deserve a better option for their livelihoods, and the community as a whole would benefit from another choice.

Okay, but what does this have to do with RPG Seeker and the future?

I hoped RPG Seeker would appeal to gamers who wanted a better search experience and improved sale notifications.

But that was just step one in my previously unannounced secret plan. This is from my personal journal, written in early 2021:

Get a critical mass of users by helping them find good sales on great games

Use that critical mass to solve one of the classic problems of bootstrapping a new marketplace: you won’t get sellers offering their products without users, but you won’t get users without sellers.

Turn RPG Seeker into a better marketplace for buying RPGs

I couldn’t talk about this dream openly as RPG Seeker existed only through the good graces of the awesome DriveThruRPG marketing & engineering teams. We spoke every so often, they are lovely people, and if they had decided to shut down my access then I would have pulled the plug on RPG Seeker much earlier.

So if there’s an upside to calling it quits on this incarnation of RPG Seeker, it’s that I can finally talk openly about how much I’d love to build a better marketplace for roleplayers that directly competes with the existing players.

And here’s the main point I want to make:

Building a platform for finding sales across Itch & DTRPG was not the right way to attract users. However, I’m not abandoning my goal to build a better marketplace someday.¹

In the meantime, if you’re a creator or publisher reading this and have thoughts, get in touch - scott at rpgseeker.com or on BlueSky. I’d love to connect with folks in the industry to get more perspectives on this.

Until next time.

I am taking an extended break from pursuing that goal, however. My life has changed from when I started RPG Seeker – notably, I enjoy what I’m doing professionally unlike ever before in my career. Choosing to do something means choosing not to do 10,000 other things. ↩

Doctor Strange (2016)

Wed, 21 Feb 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Scott Derrickson
View on Letterboxd

While I’m tired of origin stories, this is one of the better ones in the MCU that I’ve seen. Once he’s done originating though, there’s not much left to this.

Fire of Love (2022)

Wed, 21 Feb 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Sara Dosa
View on Letterboxd

Lovely and charming. I think it runs short of points to make in places, but that’s to be expected with a documentary made of footage that was never intended to make this particular movie.

Still, a lovely and gentle movie that I enjoyed spending some time with, even if I don’t get quite all the hype.

Police Story (1985)

Wed, 21 Feb 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Jackie Chan
View on Letterboxd

A masterpiece of action comedy. The opening section in the faux-favela is incredible as it seamlessly transitions from martial arts action to chases to outrunning a car to that all-time great bus stunt spectacular.

The movie drags a little here and there before it reaches its epic conclusion at the mall, but even when it drags, it does so with a lovable charm that you just don’t see in movies any longer.

PLUS JACKIE CHAN SINGS ON THE SOUNDTRACK!!!

This movie really has it all.

A Haunting in Venice (2023)

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Kenneth Branagh
View on Letterboxd

Sad Poirot isn’t an especially compelling Poirot, and while I adore Tina Fey, she seemed far more out of place than in Only Murders.

Still, it’s a well-made murder mystery and beggars can’t be choosers

But I'm a Cheerleader (1998)

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Jamie Babbit
View on Letterboxd

A movie that can’t quite decide whether it’s a parody or somewhat serious romance / coming-of-age movie. One element routinely undermined the other and made me question whether it was committed to the bit.

It had moments though, mostly due to the great cast.

Indiscreet (1958)

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Stanley Donen
View on Letterboxd

The costumes and set design doing a lot of work here.

Paddington 2 (2017)

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Paul King
View on Letterboxd

Charming and elevated by fantastic supporting performances. Maybe a little too melancholic or dawdling in places, but who cares when Hugh Grant is having this much fun?

The Beaches of Agnès (2008)

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Agnès Varda
View on Letterboxd

A pleasant, gentle movie. I think I enjoyed Agnes’ photography more than her films (including this one), but it was frequently sweet and I didn’t mind it very much.

The Flash (2023)

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Andy Muschietti
View on Letterboxd

I loved Ezra Miller in Justice League and almost everything I’ve seen Michael Keaton do, so I was surprisingly eager to watch this.

It’s not good. Once you see the instigating event, The Flash follows the standard time travel script relentlessly. Michael Keaton’s screentime is mostly CGI, stunt doubles, or straight-ahead takes to the camera while operating Bat-machinery. Meanwhile, we’re saddled with a second Flash who is so scatterbrained and annoying that it hindered everything I loved about Ezra’s performance in Justice League.

The action sequences are either too dark to appreciate or set in a featureless… desert? plain? I couldn’t tell.

Kudos to all involved for the final scene though. I laughed very hard.

Tombstone (1993)

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by George P. Cosmatos
View on Letterboxd

This movie was mostly just okay. Kurt Russell is much of the reason why this is watchable.

But my goodness, Val Kilmer’s amazing, committed performance is incredible. Pure joy. I’ve never seen a character like this on screen before or since.

Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Zack Snyder
View on Letterboxd

Proof that the Speed Force is real, because The Flash steals each of his scenes before you even know what happened.

I find the idea that superheroes are the shared myths of our new age to be a bit underbaked, but this movie is the first superhero film to do justice to that idea. Rather than follow the Marvel cookie cutter approach of wisecracking heroes who seem to know they are in a movie with inconsequential stakes, the heroes of the Justice League are ponderous and much larger than life. They are removed from our reality not because they can’t take it seriously, but perhaps because they take it SO seriously.

I’ve never seen a superhero movie like this and I liked that. It probably didn’t need to be four+ hours long, but then again that just makes it stand out more. I don’t want more of this, wish a number of scenes were cut, and really found the epilogues needless… but I kind of enjoyed the rest of it?

Aquaman (2018)

Mon, 22 Jan 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by James Wan
View on Letterboxd

If we are consigned to a future where action adventure movies are only allowed to be endless low-stakes CGI action sequences with aloof wisecracking throughout, then please make mine Aquaman.

Seahorse knights! Crazy underwater CGI fantasias! An incredibly charismatic lead performance! A kaiju voiced by Julie Andrews! Magic fish powers! Light on origin story and interleaves it throughout the movie instead of frontloading it.

Perhaps most importantly, I didn’t have to watch five other interconnected movies first in order to understand what was happening.

AQUAMAN!

May December (2023)

Sun, 14 Jan 2024 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Todd Haynes
View on Letterboxd

Three heroic lead performances carry this odd movie past some clunky editing and horrible musical score

Four Aunties and a Wedding

Mon, 11 Dec 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
By Jesse Q. Sutanto (Aunties, #2)
View on Goodreads

DNF

I love the aunties but I didn’t love this. The first book was akin to Die Hard - the right person finds herself at the wrong place at the wrong time and has to persevere. The second book is very similar to Die Hard 2 in structure and quality - it strains belief to find this same person at the epicenter of a far more elaborate and hamfisted assassination plot before it devolves into just inexplicable hijinx.

Barbie (2023)

Sun, 10 Dec 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Greta Gerwig
View on Letterboxd

Great style and amazing choreography more than make up for the boring bits that stray too far from Barbie. Someone should make a supercut that doesn’t feature any Mattel or Allan and only gives Kens about 10 lines total.

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)

Sat, 02 Dec 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Justin K. Thompson, Kemp Powers, and Joaquim Dos Santos
View on Letterboxd

Relentless animation that starts out remarkable but becomes repetitive and punishing. This is paired with classics from the Marvel plotline bingo card: it’s hard to have a secret identity, tragedy can define a hero, and multiverses.

The only time the plot surprised me was when it revealed itself as only a Part I. It has so little to say that it’s hard to believe they couldn’t find room for the excess.

Great soundtrack though and the Mumbattan sequence was delightful in every way.

Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning (2023)

Mon, 27 Nov 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Christopher McQuarrie
View on Letterboxd

A fun and exciting 4-way chase through Rome elevates an otherwise turgid installment for the franchise. The IMF team is reduced to the Keystone Kops while poor Ving Rhames only gets to repeat what other characters are saying.

Past Lives (2023)

Mon, 20 Nov 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Celine Song
View on Letterboxd

A sweet, gentle breeze of a movie. A few moments and phrases will stay with me, but most were fading away as the credits rolled. Restrained and understated, perhaps to a fault.

The Batman (2022)

Sun, 19 Nov 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Matt Reeves
View on Letterboxd

Easily the fourth-greatest Batman movie behind the two Burton installments (yes, Batman Returns is great) and The Dark Knight. The design and cast elevate a fizzling, overlong Batman story. It is flawed and original in equal measures – the best kind of three-star movie.

Gotham is once again a stylized central character. The city is a cramped, choking, brooding amalgam of America. It as if a glorious art deco utopia was left to rot for fifty years as it transitioned from beacon to prison. Every shot is beautiful and decrepit.

Each member of the stellar cast inhabits this hellscape in their own way. Zoë Kravitz prowls, Pattinson broods & lurks, Paul Dano is everywhere and nowhere, Colin Farrell is barely able to move, and John Turturro is the only person to walk with ease. It’s a detective mystery you might solve just from body language.

However, the movie started losing me just as Batman, who was already a mediocre-at-best detective, inexplicably spraypainted some very basic facts about the case on the floor. For the remaining hour, the movie flails about in search of an ending. Villains abandon motives in favor of unhinged violence while Batman goes from punching his way through the city… to punching his way through the city. At the end, Batman has basically lost but both he and the movie seem unaware of this. Meanwhile the Riddler basically won but is personally devastated by what seems like only a marginally lower bodycount.

It’s both anti-climactic and confusing.

While the plotting is the major issue, the movie is also weighed down by a original score that was all of four different notes and editing that left 30 needless seconds in each scene. All are fixable issues for Batman’s next outing with this crew - I hope they nail it.

Athena (2022)

Mon, 13 Nov 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Romain Gavras
View on Letterboxd

The opening 40 minutes is perhaps the best short film ever made - amazing practical camera effects, fantastic acting, and an immediately gripping plot.

The rest of the movie loses its way and becomes a real slog of speeches and dark, drab shots. Yes, the ending that everyone hates is very hateable, but I’d already started doing the dishes and half-watching by that point so I wasn’t very bothered by it.

But who cares about those flaws when the first half is so astonishing? I sure don’t.

Lars and the Real Girl (2007)

Fri, 10 Nov 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Craig Gillespie
View on Letterboxd

Ryan Gosling finally makes sense to me. I never understood the appeal outside of when he played an emotionless robot in Blade Runner 2049.

But what a gem this was! In the first act his woodenness totally makes sense, and then watching him come alive was a true joy. I can’t imagine many other actors who could really shine when acting opposite a love doll.

This was a revelation. I need to revisit his performances that I didn’t connect with (Drive, Nice Guys, La La Land) now that my eyes have been opened to the Gosling magic.

The Punisher (2004)

Fri, 10 Nov 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Jonathan Hensleigh
View on Letterboxd

In college, a major history paper asked me to defend an opinion on a subject that I had no opinions about whatsoever. I couldn’t disguise that fact so I tried to compensate by making it the most extensively researched and footnoted paper in the history of history. My professor gave me a middling grade and simply wrote “workmanlike.” Fair.

The performances and production of The Punisher are mostly workmanlike. Not inspired, but mostly unobjectionable once you get past the torpid opening. I found the two most memorable and outstanding choices are the ones that other folks on here seem to loathe:

I have no idea why they set this story in Tampa, but what an interesting choice. While the Punisher will always feel to me like the personification of the “tough on crime” era of New York, it was so refreshing to see an action movie set in an unexpected locale.
You know whose work wasn’t boring and workmanlike? JOHN TRAVOLTA. I think I would have loved a version of the movie from his perspective, a frightened and bizarre crime weirdo being stalked on the periphery by a vengeful force of nature.

It’s an interesting artifact from a time that’s hard to imagine now. We didn’t know what to do with Marvel heroes and weren’t sure what a blockbuster action movie was supposed to be.

Asteroid City (2023)

Sun, 05 Nov 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Wes Anderson
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I can’t say I understood it, but it was lovely and featured an exceptional cast.

A Deepness in the Sky

Wed, 01 Nov 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
By Vernor Vinge (Zones of Thought, #2)
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I normally hate sequels and sci-fi/fantasy “series,” instead preferring works that can stand alone. I’m terribly glad I made an exception for A Deepness in the Sky, however. While set in the same universe as A Fire Upon the Deep, this book explores very different topics and themes. What are the acceptable human costs of progress? What are the implications of technologies we cease to be able to understand? This is classic high-concept science fiction, a work that makes us question our present-day reality by presenting it as an unknown future instead. My only complaint, and it’s a minor one, is that in places the narrative drags. Not to worry, as the bevy of interesting ideas throughout the book kept my interest nonetheless.

The Lies of Locke Lamora

Fri, 27 Oct 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
By Scott Lynch (Gentleman Bastard, #1)
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DNF

I find most fantasy books are very slow starts as there is an ironclad rule that they must frontload their setting’s new terminology and lore. Usually if I can just endure the first 40 pages, the author will have gotten it out of their system and the fun can begin.

I didn’t find that to be true here. On the other side of that wall of jargon (this world can reuse our curse words, but it needs a whole aside about its special term for “dusk” ?) is a slight, slow story. It doesn’t offend but I kept waiting for the characters to be more than “the big one who eats” or “the twins who are twins.” I gave up about a fourth of the way through. I’m sure from all my friends’ glowing reviews that it gets better, but I lack the constitution to find out.

The story is centered in a dark, rich setting that gave me great vibes of Duskvol or Dunwall but after so much care in building it, I just wanted it to be put to better use.

M3GAN (2022)

Sat, 21 Oct 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Gerard Johnstone
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While it isn’t the scariest horror movie ever, this sure punched above it’s weight and surprised me. An interestingly flawed lead character, two great performances, and a surprising amount of humor made it a fun watch.

The History of the Minnesota Vikings (2023)

Sat, 21 Oct 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Jon Bois
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It doesn’t reach quite the same geights as History of the Seattle Mariners, but still a very enjoyable miniseries. I wish it could fine more of the unexpected humor I have loved in other Jon Bois documentaries, but who can resist falling in love with Bud Grant, Fran Tarkenton, and all these other great Vikings?

The History of the Seattle Mariners (2020)

Sun, 08 Oct 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Jon Bois
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An outstanding documentary miniseries, amazing given that it was a subject I believed I had no interest in.

Jon Bois’ style is such a fresh take on documentary storytelling. It’s both high-concept and deliberately lo-fi. The series can be reduced to 4-5 hours of zooming in and out of a single calendar, but this approach heightens the storytelling, making a documentary style unlike anything I’ve ever seen. A single still image of a player’s glove can become thrilling foreshadowing.

Bois’ storytelling is phenomenal. This series alternates between hilarious details and moving sports stories. Both gripped me, and I’m not sure whether I’ll remember Ichiro or the triple blurp more.

This kind of ruins other documentaries for me.

Children of Time

Mon, 25 Sep 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Adrian Tchaikovsky (Children of Time, #1)
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Because I am foolish, I needed to have this book recommended to me a zillion times. My problems with it were many. It looked too long, I prefer one-off stories over the first books of series, and I immediately fell into a deep, dreamless sleep when someone described half the book as an evolutionary tale about spiders.

I finally knuckled down and read it and now I am angry. Angry at myself for waiting this long and angry at Adrian Tchaikovsky for perhaps ruining all other space operas. This is one of the best books I’ve read in ages.

This is a book about so many things that it’s hard to summarize how I feel about it. Instead, here’s just a short, random list of things I appreciate about it:

Let’s talk about those spiders. I struggle with aliens in sci-fi as I find there’s a tension between relatability and believability. Usually aliens are either too human, being relatable but not at all believable, or too alien, becoming quite believable but without any way for me to care about them. Tchaikovsky neatly avoids both traps. Chapters focusing on the spiders allow us to see the world through their eyes, becoming at once both believable and relatable.
I loved how this book plays with time. Without going into details, this book goes beyond “relativistic time is wacky” and deals with some very interesting ramifications of the extreme time lengths of deep space travel. We share the characters’ confusion at times, trying to piece together what has happened and why.
The pacing is fantastic. I really wasn’t expecting to say that of a near-infinitely long book about evolutionary science fiction, but it was a real page turner that I couldn’t put down.
While it’s the first in a series, it does a great job of wrapping up with a great, satisfying conclusion. I didn’t feel like I was merely reading a prolonged Act I.

The book has a few minor flaws - I wasn’t invested in the spiders’ story until about a third of the way through the book, and a number of the human characters seemed a little thin. But there’s so much wonder in this book that I can’t be bothered to care.

Down in the Valley (2005)

Sat, 23 Sep 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by David Jacobson
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An odd, mostly unsatisfying movie that gradually unravels as it progresses. The story of a strange cowboy and a definitely-underage teen girl is filled with so many curious details that the movie is content not to explore. What happened to the parents? Why do people pray to antennas? How did cops turn up so much information so quickly? What is going through the kid’s head in the third act that causes him to behave that way?

Instead of exploring these ideas, we have time for long shots of highways and to watch Edward Norton smush a donut hole into the center of a donut. That is its own kind of cinematic gold, but it doesn’t make for a coherent whole (hole?)

Lone Star (1996)

Sat, 23 Sep 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by John Sayles
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I have to admit that I really wasn’t looking forward to watching this. The poster is a snooze and the short description makes it sound like the kind of aimless slow burn that is entirely not my vibe.

I WAS WRONG! TEAM LONE STAR FOR LIFE!

Lone Star uses a murder mystery as the backdrop to explore the connections and contradictions of a small town struggling with multiculturalism, with history, and with progress. For a movie with so many characters, I was surprised at how much depth each is given. Hardly a line or a scene goes to waste without revealing something new about the people of this small town.

There’s not a bad performance in the whole thing, but Chris Cooper shines as the Sheriff in an understated but rich performance.

That ending though! Good endings resolve the plot or character threads in an unexpected but satisfying way. A great ending does both, and Lone Star has a great ending.

If I had to complain, the two montages in this movie are pretty dull. The first, a montage of Sheriff Deeds taking notes, is particularly exhausting. You almost sense the filmmakers knew this as they use these montages to experiment with strange new edits and scores, none of which feel at home in this otherwise perfect movie.

Near Dark (1987)

Sat, 23 Sep 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Kathryn Bigelow
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Boy these vampires sure make life difficult for themselves. They routinely seemed shocked by the arrival of sunrise, desperately trying to outrun its rays day after day.

Bill Paxton steals the show with a mega performance, the kind of performance that Nicolas Cage would later refine to an art.

Aside from that, it’s hard to say much about this movie. The story is so slight and main characters so thin that it doesn’t leave much of an impression. It was occasionally well shot - the motel shootout and the sensual biting scenes stand out in my memory. Aside from that, it just was.

Prospect (2018)

Sat, 23 Sep 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Zeek Earl, Christopher Caldwell
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What an unexpected joy. A father and daughter are living a hard-scrabble life out on the frontier when their plans go astray.

Pedro Pascal steals the show with his performance with a character that speaks as if Shakespeare had written a spaghetti western. The set design was phenomenal as well. This carves out a new lane of scifi, imagining the Apollo 11 era of spaceflight mixed with the lived-in aesthetic of the Alien franchise. The result is a believably crap futurism unlike anything I’ve seen before.

My only complaint is that the plot itself is overly familiar and won’t hold many surprises after the first act. But who cares when it’s this fun and lovely?

A Psalm for the Wild-Built

Wed, 20 Sep 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
By Becky Chambers (Monk & Robot, #1)
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I started my review of Chambers’ The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet with “Usually I bounce right off of stories that are almost entirely without plot…”

So I couldn’t recall why I put this one on my reading list when I saw it recently. I wondered that again, book in hand, reading the dust jacket and thinking “man, this really doesn’t sound like anything I’m going to enjoy.”

Well here I am on the other side, still confused why I put this on my to-read list. But that’s entirely on me. This book is incredibly clear about what it is and isn’t. I’m sure folks who just want a cozy cup of tea in a new place will dig the heck out of it.

My two-star review is more a review of my book-selecting skills than a commentary on this. This was fine; I’m the problem.

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet

Wed, 20 Sep 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
By Becky Chambers (Wayfarers, #1)
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Usually I bounce right off of stories that are almost entirely without plot, but I really dug this one. I appreciated just getting to spend some time with these spacefarers, seeing how their lives were shaped by the minor details of their daily routines and co-habitation. The characters were charming, if a bit one-dimensional (especially the alien characters - I wish they had any flaws at all or something that made them more than unbelievably enlightened beings to help our flawed humans ascend).

Not exactly a page-turner or the kind of thing I want to read often, but I had a fun and very cozy trip.

Fast X (2023)

Fri, 08 Sep 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Louis Leterrier
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The best of the post-Walker era of Fast & Furious.

Humans tend to remember endings more than beginnings, so this movie is wise to frontload all the bad, boring parts. It opens with a retcon and replay of the ending of Fast Five, a much better action sequence than you’ll see in this movie’s first 45 minutes. It then cuts to an interminable action sequence in Rome that features many characters doing nothing, a seemingly endless chase, and a really clumsy introduction of Momoa as the villain.

I love this series but I started doing the dishes at this point.

But! After some wobbly exposition (too many Nobodies to count), it finally starts turning around! Someone remembered that John Cena is a great comedic actor and put him to much better use than last time around. Instead of going bigger, the movie highlights some thrilling and smaller action sequences that really sing (the Han/Shaw fight, the Cipher/Letty grudge match). Momoa’s villain was given space to breathe as a character, and Alan Ritchson turns in one of the series’ best supporting performances. They even gave Roman an extremely brief break from nonstop comic relief, although they still hold up their tradition of really overdoing how stupid Roman suddenly became after part II.

I still have my complaints (why cast Charlize Theron but never let her do anything!), but I’m excited to see this wrap up in the next installment.

Blade (1998)

Mon, 31 Jul 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Stephen Norrington
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I need to rewatch this in order to decide whether BLADE or BLADE II is the best Marvel movie of all time, but that’s my review for now. It’s amazing, Snipes has never been better, and they better approach the remake VERY THOUGHTFULLY.

Touching the Void (2003)

Sun, 30 Jul 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Kevin Macdonald
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A solidly enjoyable documentary about a mountain climbing expedition that goes horribly wrong. The story is told in two contrasting styles - interviews with the people who lived the experience, and recreations of key events with actors/mountain climbers. This makes for plenty of thrilling shots where you wonder “how on earth did they film this” as well as very human moments in the interviews.

However, it’s clear that the movie had to cast climbers first and actors second. The sequences that rely more on the actor’s emotions instead of mountainous derring-do lose my interest. Since a good portion of the final third takes place more or less on land without climbing, it becomes a real chore to get through.

While one climber’s experience is definitely more harrowing than the other, I would have loved our time to be spent a little more evenly. We even get a postscript at the movie’s end to explain how one soon got back to mountain climbing; the PTSD and abandonment of the sport by the other goes unmentioned. I think the story loses a little richness as a result.

Still, it’s a great, unique documentary and the first half is an amazing, tense ride.

I struggled with the review a bit. This movie made a major impression on me when I first watched in 2003. Twenty years later, it’s not as good as I remember it being but that could simply be my memory playing tricks on me.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow

Thu, 27 Jul 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
By Gabrielle Zevin
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I couldn’t finish this, gave up about a third of the way through. I love video games and have even tried my hand at building them (no). Several people whose taste I generally vibe with have recommended this to me. I was sure I was going to like this.

I just couldn’t. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to feel about these characters - they felt flat and one-dimensional. I persevered through the development of their first big game, hoping at least that the plot would capture me, the characters would evolve in some exciting direction, or the detailed minutiae of game development would resonate with me. It didn’t.

It’s probably just as much a commentary on me as it is the book. I don’t often read coming-of-age stories or works set in the modern day, so I’m probably not the target audience.

OKAY, MY TERRIBLE, INCOMPLETE REVIEW IS DONE, WHEW! NOW HERE’S A DIGRESSION I KEPT WONDERING ABOUT THROUGH THE BOOK:

I kept trying to place Ichigo somewhere in the history of video games and failing. I vaguely recall they built it sometime in the late 90’s - Nintendo 64 is mentioned (late `96) but not Dreamcast (late ‘98, a groovy console which these auteurs would have been super duper into). So let’s say sometime between 1997 - 1999.

It was a challenge to suspend disbelief that a 2D, art-inspired game would be a breakout hit around that time. This was the peak of our early obsession with 3D visuals at all costs, even when it resulted in 85% of N64/PS1 games being jagged brown messes. Jump forward a decade and sure, you’re starting to see the resurgence of 2D indie darlings that Ichigo resembles (the Ori games definitely bear a resemblance), but I had trouble figuring out how Ichigo would have been a hit in its contemporary gaming landscape.

There are some earlier artsy 3D games that kinda feel like Ichigo if you squint - Jet Set Radio’s super stylized skating hit in 2000 and Parappa in 1996 has some charming cartoon vibes. But I cannot think of much from this timeframe that is anything like Ichigo. Is it based on something I’m not thinking of or never played?

What an incredibly silly thing to get hung up on! Trying to place a fictional work in fictional history is factually stupid - history is made by unexpected breakout hits and I have no problem with this book being set in an alternate reality where Ichigo bucked the prevailing PS1-era 3D hellscape trends and was a breakout 2D hit.

Anyway, if someone sees this and is thinking “Oh, Ichigo is clearly inspired by insert-game-I’m-forgetting-here”, holler!

Gerry (2002)

Sun, 23 Jul 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Gus Van Sant
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A story about a hike that goes very wrong. So very little happens that I’m surprised to see three people share the writing credit - did they each write two pages of script and then decide to start rolling film?

I was mostly bored and relieved that someone else’s pick for our film club was as bad as my own. It wasn’t absolutely terrible though. Here’s some random things I liked:

The Gerrys (Gerries?) have a peculiar way with language, seeming to impart instant meaning to strange phrases on-the-spot so casually, as if they have always been saying them to each other. They suddenly talk about “mating grounds” or”dirt mattresses” or “succumbing” as if they were Scientologists immersed in their own custom vocabulary.
Sorry Matt Damon, but you weren’t the best actor in this. While ideally the camera would never linger on anyone’s unmoving face for 3-5 minutes at a time, I much preferred it when the camera chose Casey Affleck instead of Matt Damon. He brought as much dimension and nuance as one could to this sterile, stark script.
I loved the final, surreal early morning walking scene at first (until it went on 4x longer than it ought to have, of course). It had some strong experimental 70s film vibes.
While none of the few other humans were credited, Luke Wilson was in this, right? RIGHT?! The internet has nothing to say on this matter, perhaps I too am delusional after this long walk in the desert.

Also, I wanted to exclaim “Blue Screen of Death!” at the movie’s end but no one would have appreciated that joke so instead I’m telling it here. Was that joke worth reading or writing? No, not at all, but then that’s GERRY for you.

Lost Bullet 2 (2022)

Thu, 20 Jul 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Guillaume Pierret
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A friend in college loved the movie Reindeer Games, and the only rationale he could provide was “Man, you can NOT beat a triple-cross!”

I was thinking of that friend when I landed on a four-star review for this.

Yes, Lost Bullet 2 probably hews too close to the first one. The original had a bananas melee with a bunch of cops? This one does too! What about those crazy just-this-side-of-post-apocalyptic car mods? This one ups the ante!

What’s amazing about Lost Bullet 2 is the number of factions in this movie and how they weave in and out. There’s 4-6 groups with competing agendas, and every few minutes we’re treated to a new combination of 2-3 of these groups facing off against one another. This makes the action scenes dynamic; even if we’ve seen some of these stunts before, we have no idea what the outcome will be. It’s triple-crosses all the way down.

That a movie can do all this clearly, simply, and in just over 90 minutes is remarkable.

Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives (2010)

Mon, 17 Jul 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Apichatpong Weerasethakul
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This movie was both too much and too little all at once. There were magical moments unlike anything else I’ve seen in movies, confusing moments that had me in uneasy laughter (that pond scene), and parts of this will stick with me forever.

However, all of that is found within a movie that is extremely slow and doesn’t seem to have a lot to say. Many of the movie’s scenes are homages to earlier forms of cinema, meaning that it takes beautiful locales and shoots them in boxy, static, straight-on shots with deliberately wooden acting and pacing.

There’s a journey through the jungle into a cave. I was spellbound by this sequence, and was ready to talk to my wife about how I came around on this movie and kind of liked it. What an amazing ending for this movie!

Except the perfect ending wasn’t the ending. Instead it kept going for a slow and surreal ending that returned to static, boxy shots.

I appreciate the vibes of mid-career David Lynch, around the time he started getting real weird but before he seemed to lose all interest in coherent narratives.

I regret picking this for our film club.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010)

Fri, 14 Jul 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Jiang Wen
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A comic, frantic take on crime sagas in the vein early Coen brothers movies. I cannot say I totally understood all of the plot’s innumerable turns or got many of the jokes, but nonetheless this was a blast to watch.

A gangster comes to town posing as the new governor only to run into the local crime lord. Except that he may not be a gangster, or may not be posing as the new govenor, or may not be up against a local crime lord.

The movie is carried by solid cinematography, great pacing, and too many outstanding performances to list, but especially Chow Yun Fat and and Jiang Wen. This made it easy to overlook the fact that I stopped following who was doublecrossing who for the last 30 minutes.

Magic Mike's Last Dance (2023)

Sat, 08 Jul 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Steven Soderbergh
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Ways in which Magic Mike’s Last Dance is like So You Think You Can Dance:

Great dancing and choreography
The dancing is rarely very sexy
Occasionally boring solo dances and audition scenes that don’t seem to end
Success is often determined by some old crotchety Brit
In-between dances, there is no overarching plot
Too many aimless montages that just seem to kill the time between dances
British host who isn’t super essential to the proceedings but we love her energy anyway

This works for SYTYCD, but it is a real drag here. Channing Tatum and Salma Hayek are amazing and it’s beautiful to watch, but it’s my least favorite of the Magic Mike-iverse. It just doesn’t make much sense, but it’s largely a character drama. The lack of coherence becomes a much bigger problem than when XXL’s lighthearted funtimes road trip also didn’t hold together.

I have no idea what the cats intermission was about, but I want that retroactively edited into all previous Soderbergh movies.

Crippled Avengers (1978)

Thu, 06 Jul 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Chang Cheh
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What a triumph! The choreography of the fights was stunning - crazy acrobatics, long takes, and practical effects. The heroes are a delight to watch with Lo Meng stealing the show with an incredible physical performance as the mute and deaf blacksmith.

The plot is a trip - we start with the origin story of the villain who returns home to find his wife slain and son maimed. Not allowing himself to kill, instead he takes out his revenge by maiming the villagers unfortunate enough to cross him. In time, four of these maimed villagers team up, turning their disabilities into strengths. However, our “heroes” have a bloody single-mindedness, having no qualms killing anyone who stands in the way of their quest for revenge.

I thought the training montages were spectacular - Chiang Shang’s particularly impressive stunts were a thrill. I thought this couldn’t be topped and indeed a few of the subsequent battles were lackluster in comparison. Stick with it and be rewarded though - the movie very consciously tops it’s own highs in the final 20 minutes.

Accident Man (2018)

Tue, 04 Jul 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Jesse V. Johnson
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Every Scott Adkins movie demonstrates his fighting abilities, but few also highlight his acting chops. To the extent this movie succeeds, it does so on his performance and narration. He does an admirable job, playing a assassin anti-hero who has to fight his way to the truth of his ex-girlfriend’s demise.

I can’t say I loved the movie though. Of the many fights, only those between Adkins and Michael Jai White held my interest, and that made the last 30 minutes really drag. Amy Johnston seemed either saddled with clunky dialogue or had little idea how to deliver it. As the Accident Man regains some of his humanity, the movie loses its fun and steam.

Still, some great fights and a fun first 40 minutes! Recommended to any action fans, probably a pass for others though.

Stoked to know it has a sequel, eager to dip back into this world.

Midsommar (2019)

Sun, 02 Jul 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Ari Aster
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Spectacular set design and a great performance from Florence Pugh weren’t enough to salvage an otherwise languid and repetitive movie. I felt no dramatic tension - the characters seemingly lacked any desires or fears and spent most of the movie waiting for things to happen, just like the audience. It’s hard for me to care about events that no characters care about, especially when anything horrifying happens far offscreen.

Furie (2019)

Tue, 27 Jun 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Le Van Kiet
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I think a lot of Taken-alikes don’t get what made that movie awesome. It wasn’t the general plot or action, it was that phone call with Liam Neeson where you learn just what kind of person he is. It foreshadows in a way that builds our excitement and gives a unique context to his actions.

Furie’s main character has an interesting background that’s revealed slowly over time, but unfortunately that’s all it is - things that happened before the movie started and don’t have much bearing on what’s to come. It’s such a waste when Veronica Ngô did such a great job with what little she was given.

It still had its moments - the opening 30 minutes are great and had me excited to see a Taken-alike in a unique setting, rural Vietnam. (Then the action moves to Saigon, everything becomes incredibly dark, and the movie loses much of its charm). The first fight between protagonist and main villain has an amazing “just how badass is this villain” moment that I won’t dare spoil and the few moments of the final fight that you can actually see are fun.

Lost Bullet (2020)

Tue, 27 Jun 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Guillaume Pierret
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Bookended by great action sequences and supported by fantastic performances, this thriller punched above its weight. The main character is a little generic and the middle of this movie sags, but I happily overlooked that when I got to see such clear, inventive action sequences. Bonus points for not overstaying its welcome.

Women Talking (2022)

Tue, 27 Jun 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Sarah Polley
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“I would like to tell another story about my horses”

This movie feels like someone made a play out of their junior-year Women’s Studies class and then adapted that play into a movie. Forced dialogue and thin characterization throughout a nonsensical plot that oscillates between urgency and languid detours.

An important topic deserves a better movie than this.

Elder Race

Tue, 20 Jun 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Adrian Tchaikovsky (Elder Race #1)
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A princess and a wizard go on a quest to defeat demons, except that every word of that is wrong in some sense. The delight of reading this is seeing the different ways in which this is wrong and for whom.

What a joy to read, perhaps the best book I’ve read so far this year. It’s so many things all at once:

An classic fantasy tale of unlikely comrades on a perilous journey and quest
A commentary on how unrealistic stories like that can be without being painfully “meta” or breaking the fourth wall
A galaxy-spanning space saga coming to a bittersweet end
A delightful series of misunderstandings caused by entirely different viewpoints and contexts

This novella has so much more to say than so many other ponderous lengthy books, it seems like magic (or at least, it’s indistinguishable from magic, whatever it is)

The Skeleton Twins (2014)

Mon, 05 Jun 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Craig Johnson
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A very okay example of very okay indie movies. It’s gentle and not unpleasant, but it doesn’t have much to say. Some parts seem very stretched out to give it a 90 minute runtime; other portions feel like a rush of exposition they couldn’t fit in anywhere else.

Bill Hader says he couldn’t have made Barry without people seeing this first. Thank you Skeleton Twins, please have an extra star.

Turning Red (2022)

Wed, 31 May 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Domee Shi
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A game of Pixar bingo played while watching this would only last about 10 minutes. It’s so full of the familiar tropes and flourishes that you’ll quickly fill up your card.

It’s a shame though - I didn’t have “giant kaiju attack” on my bingo card! That woke me out of my slumber for a few minutes towards the end!

Three Thousand Years of Longing (2022)

Mon, 29 May 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by George Miller
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A lush, classically romantic, imaginative set of stories. Each was a sumptuous visual feast and I never wanted it to end. I especially never wanted it to go to boring old London, but that was brief and I’ll forgive it for the somewhat fizzle of an ending.

Man, narratology seems like a lucrative field! Tilda lives a life of comparable luxury! I was a fool to get into tech.

The Gangster, the Cop, the Devil (2019)

Tue, 23 May 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Lee Won-tae
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An amazing premise and a terrific performance from Ma Dong-seok make this very uneven crime thriller a lot of fun. The first and third acts don’t really make a lot of sense, but I still had a great time just watching the physicality of the lead performance.

I guess now I need to watch everything else Ma Dong-seok has ever done

Mister Mammoth

Thu, 18 May 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
By Matt Kindt
View on Goodreads

I’ve left so many negative reviews on here lately that I feared that I either didn’t like books any more or had become the world’s biggest grump.

So I was delighted to stumble across this! It’s got the look and feel of a half-remembered dream. It’s about the world’s greatest detective except when it’s about the star of a soap opera. It’s about this detective’s greatest case yet except when it’s about the challenges of memory. It’s set in Paris except when it’s suddenly in New York or the Mediterranean. Maybe it’s set in the modern day, or maybe 50 years ago? It’s hard to say.

It’s awash in lovely illustrations that drew me in while also leaving me unsure where I was at any time. It reminds me of Dark City in the way that it creates a setting that is full of familiar elements while being completely alien in its totality.

But now I’m getting haughty. It’s good and I dug its vibes. There are perhaps a few too many parts that were obtuse for the sake of being obtuse, but who cares when it’s this well done?

Comedy Bang! Bang! The Podcast: Absurd oral history, photos, and bits from the long-running Comedy Bang! Bang! podcast.

Wed, 17 May 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
By Scott Aukerman
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Most of the book is line-for-line repeats from the show. If you’d like show transcripts with great graphic design, or if you’re a huge Bob Ducca or Fourvel fan (who are both repeatedly featured throughout the book), then this is for you!

Neither describes me so I didn’t really connect with this. There are a few notable exceptions though that hit me so hard that I still must give this a three-star review:

Harris Wittels’ Foam Corner in print is worth the price of admission alone. I was really happy to see these silly jokes one more time.
The “Hollywood Facts” song is… not my favorite bit from the podcast. I think I audibly groaned when I saw it made the CBB book. So it’s amazing that it turned into one of my favorite sections. The Hollywood facts collected herein are hilarious. I’m now a believer and 100% on Team Hollywood Facts.
A few bits expand their characters’ weird universes in unexpected directions which I really dug. I could have read an entire book of Werner Herzog’s Yelp reviews, Margery Kershaw’s earnest park diaries, or Memphis Kansas Breeze’s bizarre tour schedule.
Of the book’s many forewards and prefaces, Weird Al’s is just so good – I had to immediately re-read when I finished the book.

Mickey7

Tue, 16 May 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
By Edward Ashton (Mickey7 #1)
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Mickey7 is a clone who is bred to die, and die, and die. When Mickey7 accidentally ends up coexisting with Mickey8, mild shenanigans eventually ensue.

I don’t understand the buzz for this book. Mickey is a bland character, seemingly without character traits or any particular desires except to find his next meal. I could overlook that except the book is mostly plotless as well, with a dramatic conflict only surfacing in the last few chapters of the book. He inexplicably has friends and a romantic interest – I’d love for the next entry to be from their perspectives so we can learn what they found interesting or noteworthy about this guy.

Station Eternity

Tue, 16 May 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
By Mur Lafferty (The Midsolar Murders, #1)
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What would it be like to actually be the main character of something like Murder, She Wrote – someone who is constantly surrounded by murder & mayhem through no fault of their own? Oh, and also they go into space and meet aliens and stuff.

That combination is a very ambitious premise so I am willing to forgive the book for not doing much with it when you have to fit it in alongside a murder mystery, an overview of a milieu of spacefaring species, the story of mankind’s first contact, and a frankly overwhelming amount of backstories. There’s enough going on that, even when many of those plotlines weren’t working for me, there was usually something to keep my interest.

After an underwhelming first half though, the book moves from staid exposition into mystery, and I enjoyed it much more. The seemingly pedestrian alien archetypes (rock people! insect people!) found depth and the plot found momentum.

I hope that a number of the side characters don’t return for the next installment, but I’ll be looking forward to reading it regardless as now the universe is established and the author can (hopefully!) spend less time establishing.

The Kaiju Preservation Society

Tue, 16 May 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
By John Scalzi
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Every Scalzi book has that character, the fun smart-aleck whose interjections and jokes keep the plot fun and whimsical.

This book has a lot of characters, but really it has only that character. It’s very hard to tell characters apart since it’s all interjections and cracking jokes at each other. I think one was a little tougher and another was a little more egotistical?

It was a lot.

The rest of the book is primarily worldbuilding as the characters observe giant creatures going about their business. Many chapters focus on telling the reader about the fictional science that allows these kaiju to exist - I didn’t need help suspending my disbelief so they fell flat for me.

The actual plot of the book is late, brief, and quickly resolved.

I wanted to like this, but I just couldn’t. Maybe I was in a terrible mood, maybe it’s just because I’m not that into Godzilla, or maybe I have rotten taste.

The Rover (2014)

Fri, 21 Apr 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by David Michôd
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A lovely, grim, desolate story. Folks have described this as “post-apocalyptic” but it’s more that humanity seems to have given up on civilization, and perhaps even given up on humanity itself.

Two outstanding, very physical performances from Guy Pearce and Robert Pattinson carry a simple story of the dogged pursuit of what seems like doom. Along the way, questions are asked but rarely answered amidst an incredible, bleak landscape that reflects the people surviving in it.

It’s like a coherent, non-verbal take on The Counselor.

East of Eden (1955)

Sun, 16 Apr 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Elia Kazan
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This movie wasn’t my favorite, but it was also fascinating and hypnotic to watch at times. The movie feels frequently languid and unfocused, so there are lots of scenes that go on too long or aren’t super related to anything else in the movie.

But James Dean really is something else. His performance is almost alien to the rest of the cast. While everyone else has perfect, just-barely-English diction, he mutters and growls half of his lines. Everyone else is statically facing the camera while Dean prowls like an animal and can’t seem to focus his vision on any single place too long.

I’ve seen movies that pre-date method acting and those that come afterwards - I’ve never seen one squarely in-between, where one actor is almost from the future while everyone else is from the past. It makes an already great performance really stand out.

Night Is Short, Walk On Girl (2017)

Mon, 10 Apr 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Masaaki Yuasa
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I spent the first 30 minutes of this movie thinking that it was a lovely, well-intentioned mess. An amusement without direction or purpose.

Then it comes together! By somehow getting stranger! I loved it. What seems like a random collection of surreal interludes finds its purpose, becoming sweet and hilarious and intentionally stupid and meaningful and beautiful all at the same time.

I almost always go for subtitles but I’m glad we did the dub on this one - there are so many great visuals while dialogue just flys at you, I would have missed so much.

This movie is so much, it’s hard for me to articulate how I feel about it. But I definitely feel about it.

Spin Me Round (2022)

Mon, 06 Mar 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Jeff Baena
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Never before has a director and script asked so little of a cast capable of so much.

Swiss Army Man (2016)

Thu, 02 Mar 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert
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What if you made a movie that was equal parts E.T. and THE SCIENCE OF SLEEP and it was better than both of them?

My only real complaint is minor, the opening drags on too long before Daniel Radcliffe is allowed in on the fun.

The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)

Mon, 13 Feb 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Martin McDonagh
View on Letterboxd

I didn’t know that anyone else was thinking about these challenges in maintaining friendships. Am I too dull to be someone’s friend? How do people find the time to be a friend? This would be the movie I’d make if I just had time, talent, ambition, capital, and was about twice as smart. (but those are the only things holding me back)

Can we start giving Oscars to animals? Jenny’s performance was better than the majority of the human performance I’ve seen. In life, not just in movies.

What's Good: February 11th, 2023

Sat, 11 Feb 2023 00:00:00 GMT

With no particular order or structure, these are random things I’ve been enjoying lately

Working at Deku Deals

In case you missed the detail I buried at the tail end of my last update, I’ve been part of the team at Deku Deals for about two weeks now. It’s great! Working with Michael is a joy, and it’s a delight to work on a product I love and use every day. As I get more up to speed I’m sure I’ll have more to say about my experience there.

Escape Academy (Steam)

Couch co-op games used to be a regular feature in the Parker household but no more - too often they demand excessive time, focus, or ability. So Escape Academy is a delightful return to form for my wife and I to play together.

The idea is simple - you and a partner run through increasingly fantastical and expansive escape rooms. The “rooms” are clever without being obscure, the controls are incredibly approachable, and the art style is bright and colorful. It’s perfect for us - we’re obsessed. It’s ideal for sporadic 20-30 minute gaming sessions too.

”Slow Horses” by Mick Herron (the book)

I can be a pop book snob, turning up my nose when a book is extended into a long-running series or adapted into a television show. Slow Horses is both, so I had to hear about this book a stupid number of times to get over myself and read it.

I am obsessed, now anxious that there are only eight books in the series. I have to parcel these out carefully lest I spend too much of my lifetime without another Slough House book to read.

I don’t care about spies and I’ve never been able to finish a Le Carre book (a major character flaw, I know). However, Mick Herron made me forget I don’t like spy novels through his delight in language and his touch with characters. Each chapter revels in a different subset of oddball spies who despise each other and themselves in equal parts. Funny, exciting, and surprisingly relatable.

This lemon-garlic sautéed asparagus recipe (Link)

We cook asparagus all the time. I’ve tried a number of techniques but I always come back to roasting them with olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic. Everything else just gets in the way.

So I was recently surprised to love this dish so much. Lemon and shallot I understand, but does asparagus really need cheese? YES – and roasted red peppers and za’atar. Absolutely delicious and something I’d happily serve to company, the highest praise I can give a recipe.

Will it replace simply roasting them, one of the all-time great recipes? I have no idea but it will definitely be in our regular rotation.

”Over the Edge of the World” by Laurence Bergree

I only stumbled into this book about Magellan’s circumnavigation because of a strangely named achievement in Civilization 6 that I achieved by accident. Then I read a brief summary of his expedition and thought “no way, that’s crazy” and had to learn more.

THIS WAS WILD. Five boats set out on this journey; only one makes it, with only about 18 of the 270 original sailors surviving. None of the captains–including Magellan–survived the circumnavigation.

One of the better histories I’ve read in awhile.

Everything Else

a few things I’ve recently enjoyed, with caveats

The movie “C’mon C’mon” overstayed its welcome but what great performances from the two leads. I have been sleeping on Joaquin Phoenix – I need to go back and check out what else he’s been up to.

Like most Games Workshop properties, Mordheim: City of the Damned is both deeply interesting and deeply flawed. I love evolving my little haggard war band through the campaign. Tactical encounters have occasionally brilliant details like the risk of bringing your best equipment - enemies will routinely loot your KO’d squadmates if they fall in battle, so caution is warranted.

However, battles are often anticlimactic and poorly designed with an AI that doesn’t know how the game works. I doubt I’ll finish it but I suppose I got my $4 worth?

I finally watched “Top Gun: Maverick” and mostly didn’t get the hype, but it was still worth it for the scene with Val Kilmer. It was inherently dramatic considering the struggle it was for him to even act, but lifted by two fantastic performances. More differently abled folks in movies, please!

Also there was a Danger Zone and they definitely took a highway to it to do Danger Zone stuff, I guess.

Hello Again, World

Sat, 04 Feb 2023 00:00:00 GMT

Cracking the case of “Who killed scottparker.co ?” is not particularly hard - it was Scott Parker, at his desk, with inactivity.

“Why?” is perhaps more interesting. Why did I largely stop writing here? Sure, it’s a navel-gazing topic of limited interest, but it’s not like I’m using this site for anything else right now.

The heyday of this blog began in 2005 when my soon-to-be-wife said “every nerd I’ve ever met has a half-built website that’s perpetually ‘coming soon’.” That was all I needed to finish coding it in PHP the next weekend. A torrent of posts followed, starting a golden age that lasted for about a decade.

Starting around 2015, posts gradually slowed from a stream, to a trickle, to what is now, if I’m generous, an occasional drip. Why is that?

The usual suspects

Much has been made of social media’s impact on blogging but Twitter was only a minor factor. Tweeting never took the place of blogging but I think my brain became accustomed to thinking in 140 characters. Blog posts started feeling like so much work whereas they used to be a relaxing, natural outlet.

Aging also played a role. Words take more effort now, forcing me to spend more time with each sentence. Age also cooled some of the fires that inspired me to write in the first place. Early posts were frequently borne from playful frustration, outrages I felt, or outrages I wanted to instigate. Now I’m an old, boring man – things are fine and people are fine but no one wants to read a post entitled “Hey, everything is fine and I guess that’s fine.”

With very little power comes great, possibly imaginary responsibility

Both of the factors above pale in comparison to the impact of my career. Since 2015, I’ve held increasingly senior management roles. Before, I ran small teams that I would have called “an organization” only in my most pompous moments. For the past seven years though, I’ve ranged from being someone’s boss’ boss to being someone’s boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss, the latter being a nightmare of both organizational complexity and possessive nouns.

My folder of unfinished blog drafts became as unruly as my org charts. I’d write for a few moments and then wonder “Could someone in my organization take offense? Could someone take this out of context?” In large organizations, the answer is “yes.” Always. I’d abandon the draft shortly after this inevitable realization and decide yet another topic was off-limits.

Sidebar: There’s a reason that your VP probably doesn’t open up much. It is often just an opportunity for unforced errors, a way to create problems where none previously existed. Make a mistake and people will get hurt, or they’ll think you’re playing favorites, or minor omissions will balloon into major problems after people inevitably compare notes. The odds of a mistake are very low in any single interaction but you talk all day so it’s bound to happen sooner or later. Eventually it’s just easier to be boring.

(I’m not complaining - being boring came to me very naturally)

There’s other career baggage too - the pressure to be some kind of inspirational thought leader or the fear that my words could bring shame upon my employer. Occasionally a job seeker would mention they looked at my blog and I would think “shit, I wonder what stupid shit they found that I should take down or whether they found me using words like ‘shit’ on my blog.”

I’m sure much of this was self-inflicted, products of an anxious imagination. Nonetheless, these forces combined to make this site a ghost town where the only posts are sporadic, silly takes on games. It’s not that those posts are unauthentic – Edge of the Empire really is just a so-so roleplaying game and I still have mixed feelings about the board game Here I Stand – but these represent a single and increasingly small part of my life.

Okay Great, We Get It. So What?

For a variety of reasons that are topics for another time, I’m delighted to have stepped out of senior management roles and start a new gig at DekuDeals as a… well, I don’t really know what to call my job and I have zero interest in sorting that out. But I know what it isn’t – it’s not Vice President of anything and I am delighted to lead an organization of zero direct reports.

I know myself too well to pretend this means the floodgates have now opened. Every other factor above remains true and I have no desire to add to the vast number of blogs where the latest post is ancient and says merely “I have so much to say! Watch this space!”

But I look forward to writing solely for my own pleasure once again at some irregular pace.

Dial A for Aunties

Mon, 30 Jan 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
By Jesse Q. Sutanto (Aunties, #1)
View on Goodreads

Back when Facebook groups were a thing, I used to be a member of ”… And Then I Found $5,” a group of people who knew they couldn’t tell stories effectively because of random details.

I suspect the author could have been one of our ranks. I liked the style of this and I’ll read the second in this series someday, but the substance was more “here’s a collection of random things that happened one time” rather than a coherent story with plot or meaning.

No one found five dollars though, so perhaps I’m not giving the author enough credit.

Over the Edge of the World: Magellan's Terrifying Circumnavigation of the Globe

Mon, 30 Jan 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Laurence Bergreen
View on Goodreads

I only stumbled into this book because of a strangely named achievement in Civilization 6 that I accidentally achieved. Then I read the summary of this voyage and thought “no way, that’s crazy” and had to learn more.

YOU GUYS THIS WAS WILD.

One of the better histories I’ve read in awhile.

Slow Horses

Mon, 30 Jan 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Mick Herron (Slough House #1)
View on Goodreads

If I was a person of character or work ethic, I’d go back to all my other five-star Goodreads reviews and bump most of them down just so I can show how deeply I loved this book. I suffer from no such flaws though.

I don’t care about spies and I’ve never been able to finish a Le Carre book. The plot of this was secondary for me - it was just an opportunity to revel in these oddball characters who despise in equal parts each other and themselves. Funny, exciting, and surprisingly relatable.

The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie

Mon, 30 Jan 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
By Alan Bradley (Flavia de Luce, #1)
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A fun read. Flavia is a borderline-sociopathic girl, brilliant in some ways but still young & naive in others. It makes for a wonderfully unique mystery as she, if not quite an unreliable narrator, at least an inexperienced one.

My only gripe is that the substance of Flavia’s character seemed to bend to the story’s needs in the moment. Sometimes she could be ruthless only to be saccarine-sweet moments later. Perhaps that’s just part of being a teenage girl though?

C'mon C'mon (2021)

Mon, 23 Jan 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Mike Mills
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Two great performances elevate this movie. I wish it was shorter (I’m now set for several lifetimes on interviews of children, thanks) but there’s something about this understated, gentle waft-in-the-breeze of a movie that sticks with me.

I think this Joaquin Phoenix kid has a bright future in the pictures.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

Fri, 13 Jan 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Joseph Kosinski
View on Letterboxd

Look, this is a super okay movie, almost completely unobjectionable in every way. It is not a 4-star movie. I watched it today and I will probably struggle to tell you anything about it tomorrow.

BUT THAT VAL KILMER SCENE

Bullet Train (2022)

Sun, 01 Jan 2023 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by David Leitch
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Bullet Train is the Tonight Show of action movies - great cast and a hope that constant fun helps you overlook the lack of substance or entertainment value.

I didn’t turn it off so it mostly worked on me.

Also, it is easily the second-best Tatum-Bullock-Pitt movie of 2022

Glass Onion (2022)

Tue, 27 Dec 2022 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Rian Johnson
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Perhaps the ending doesn’t totally work, but everything else is so dang great that I cannot be bothered to care.

More Knives Outs until I decease, please and thank you.

Old (2021)

Mon, 19 Dec 2022 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
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When David Lynch makes a high-concept movie that’s too long with bizarre dialogue delivered in tonally strange ways and character behaviors that rarely make sense, we call it high art and lose our minds over it.

When M. Night Shyamalan does it though, we all look down on it. Why?! I don’t get it. In the same way I have a soft spot for early Lynch movies like Dune that were both super-flawed and super-interesting, I think I enjoy M. Night movies in a similar way.

ALTHOUGH WHEN IS THAT NEW MIDSIZED SEDAN SINGLE GOING TO DROP?! One of the all-time great character names in cinema.

Orlando (1992)

Fri, 16 Dec 2022 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
Directed by Sally Potter
View on Letterboxd

Our pandemic film club watched over 60 movies together, then we all picked our single most and least favorite movies.

ORLANDO was the only movie to appear on both the “best of” and “worst of” lists.

It’s five stars, it’s best of, g’doi. There is nothing like it, there will never be anything else like it, and it’s one of the all-time greats even if I cannot tell you exactly what it’s about or what it’s saying.

ORLANDO!

The Lost City (2022)

Sat, 01 Oct 2022 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Aaron Nee, Adam Nee
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There should be an Oscar for Best Punch Ups to an Existing Script. A superb cast and a seemingly nonstop supply of side jokes elevate what would have been otherwise unremarkable.

I knew I was in for a good time once Channing Tatum was scrolling through the contacts on his phone.

Licorice Pizza (2021)

Mon, 22 Aug 2022 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson
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It’s amazing how carefully people avoid mentioning what this is about

Like most PT Anderson movies, I wish this was about an hour shorter. Nearly every man on screen chewed through their lines and dominated their scenes. Doubly true for poor Gary - the kid put in a heroic effort but nearly every Gary-centric scene is a snooze. Gary talking to Bradley Cooper especially felt like it was seemingly without beginning or end, a scene that gradually expands to consume the rest of the film until there is nothing left but blank reaction shots to an infinite staccato monologue.

I suspect I would have greatly enjoyed a version which was exclusively from Alana’s point of view.

Best inappropriately rom-com movie I have seen in awhile.

The Widows of Malabar Hill

Sat, 06 Aug 2022 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
By Sujata Massey (Perveen Mistry, #1)
View on Goodreads

I watched the movie Casino Royale in a theater, seated next to a Bond superfan. Late in the movie, Bond enters a sportscar as the music swells. “Aw yeah, FINALLY!” the superfan exclaimed as the movie was signaling a car chase. I smiled because I had seen the movie once before, so I knew that Bond immediately crashes – there is no car chase in Casino Royale.

The Widows of Malabar Hill is the Casino Royale of mysteries. It is a richly told and well-researched story which sits at the intersection of so many different cultures, all carefully and thoughtfully represented. However, the actually mystery of this mystery book is a bit like the superfan’s movie experience. It comes late in the book and the tale really doesn’t have much interest in it – the mystery finally starts at page 120, only for the subsequent 50 pages to focus upon an unrelated flashback. It was my “Aw yeah, FINALLY” moment.

If a good mystery is full of twists & turns, then this book is more like the lazy curves of a gentle country road. This is less of a whodunnit and more a journey to understand the culprit’s motives, perhaps a whydunnit? I knew where this road was going long before the end, but it was a pleasant journey nonetheless.

Let’s hope the next one has a proper car chase though.

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965)

Mon, 25 Jul 2022 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Russ Meyer
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2 / 5 - more accurately, “Lunch, Pussycat! Chill! Chill!”

While I appreciate this as a historical artifact, I found it very dull. Very little happens and yet it is a pretty confusing movie to watch.

Have there been three less dirty people in cinema who spent so much time showering or found such joy in it?

The Ministry for the Future

Tue, 05 Jul 2022 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
By Kim Stanley Robinson
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Utopias are rare in fiction because they lack dramatic tension. Ministry for the Future serves as proof of this: after a harrowing opening, it’s 550 pages of life going very well for everyone in general but no one in particular. The book is largely devoid of characters or a traditional plot. Anything that might be interesting to the reader happens offscreen so that we can focus on extremely detailed descriptions of rewilding efforts as observed by dirigibles, brief meeting notes of government committees, or first-person accounts of the life experiences of a photon.

Here’s a short list of the book’s events which sound captivating but are unfortunately handwaved past in a few sentences:

Terrorists use drones and swarm missiles to basically end standard air travel, shipping, traditional armed conflicts between nation states, consumption of animal products, and coal power.
An open-source, distributed social media platform emerges that rapidly displaces all existing social media companies and allows users to monetize their own data.
The world collectively agrees to a de facto individual wealth cap of $50mil / person and uses a variety of legal and extra-legal means to enforce it.
Refugees are granted global citizenship and universal free travel.
Fiat currencies are replaced by a single blockchain-based carbon coin which doesn’t have power consumption issues and just works.

Each of these would face incredible resistance from individuals, organizations, and nations. Unfortunately, the book either has no interest in exploring that resistance or assumes that everyone would come around quickly.

As a result, the world presented in this book is extremely hard to relate to even though it begins here & now.

Saving Jesus from the Church: How to Stop Worshiping Christ and Start Following Jesus

Mon, 06 Jun 2022 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
By Robin R. Meyers
View on Goodreads

While much of this book’s message resonates with me, I didn’t find it particularly scholarly and didn’t see new insights beyond what Borg has contributed to this field. This felt like reading one of those academic papers which just summarize other academic papers

American War

Thu, 26 May 2022 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
By Omar El Akkad
View on Goodreads

After a vivid opening about life in a Louisiana devastated by climate change, the rest of the book is filled with dry, workmanlike prose that reads like much nonfiction journalism. It is a factual accounting of many action-packed events but I really struggled to find any character or soul.

Outside of the climate fiction, I also really struggled with the world building. The structure and battle lines of this second American civil war were very confusing in an era where red states have grown so much beyond the deepest south. It was hard for me to see the path from the world when this book was written into the one that it describes.

Tony Robbins: I Am Not Your Guru (2016)

Fri, 23 Jul 2021 00:00:00 GMT

★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)
Directed by Joe Berlinger
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I would have swore my Netflix tier didn’t have ads

A Bride's Story, Vol. 1

Sat, 17 Jul 2021 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Kaoru Mori (A Bride's Story, #1)
View on Goodreads

My first manga! When I heard this was about a 20 year old woman who is married off to a 12 year old boy in the 19th centur Silk Road, I had many preconceived notions of what this would mean. They were all wrong in the best of ways. Charming and incredibly human story written with detail and care. Absolutely lovely as well.

Building Successful Communities of Practice: Discover How Connecting People Makes Better Organisations

Wed, 07 Jul 2021 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
By Emily Webber
View on Goodreads

Short and sweet overview of how to create practice groups in an organization. Provides some great specific frameworks on how to kick them off but everything else is pretty general. I am still unsure about how to keep these groups going through the seemingly inevitable doldrums that happen once the initial excitement wears off though.

The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth

Mon, 05 Jul 2021 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
By Beth Allison Barr
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Dr. Barr is forthright that she is a historian, not a theologian. It is no surprise then that her theological arguments are a little thin but her historical arguments are compelling. Dr. Barr argues convincingly that gender neutral readings of key passages are not a new fad but instead are a return to a tradition that predates the KJV. As a result, the case to exclude women from church leadership must heavily lean on both a particular view on inerrancy in conjunction with a very specific reading of select translations of New Testament. As a result, it is hard to view complementarity as anything but a modern construct created to defend and enshrine the patriarchy.

Gods of Jade and Shadow

Mon, 12 Apr 2021 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
By Silvia Moreno-Garcia
View on Goodreads

What a refreshing spin on a very standard heroic journey plot structure! The setting, structure, and characters blend a rich set of ancestries which are horribly underrepresented in this genre. I also loved the fact that the plot moved 100mph while still giving the main characters space to breathe and connect with one another.

The plot has few surprises in store, however. After the first 20 pages, most readers will be able to sketch out how the rest of the book unfolds. Don’t let that stop you from a fantastic, unique, and fast read though - I loved it.

A Re-Review of Edge of the Empire in One Player Aid

Mon, 27 Jul 2020 00:00:00 GMT

Lately it seems I can only express my concerns in images. I suppose that is some classic Pisces energy.

Here is my final take on the Star Wars: Edge of the Empire roleplaying game after five years of play as expressed in an actual players’ aid on how to roll.

For best results, I recommend printing on an architectural plotter and rolling into a scroll

It is not my favorite roleplaying system.

A Non-Review of Fantasy Strike in Two Images

Sun, 26 Jul 2020 00:00:00 GMT

This is not a review of Fantasy Strike since I played all of about 15 minutes of it. It’s billed as the fighting game for people who cannot play fighting games - simple moves which don’t rely on dexterous combinations of arcane inputs.

That sounds like my jam. It is not.

BUTTONS ARE CONFUSE

The tutorial insists on its own labels for buttons. It’s easy as long as you remember that C means A and A means Y. Maybe this attempt to redefine your gamepad is normal for fighting games? I have no idea.

I found the rest of the tutorial similarly awkward in lesser ways which are harder to express as fake levels from Baba is You.

Cast of characters from the Fantasy Strike Steam store page

Once I powered through the tutorial, I was greeted with a generic¹ cast of characters where the male gaze is rampant and closest thing to representation is a gambling panda bear with no pants.

I get that the fighting genre is rife with problems of representation and that worse offenders like Dead or Alive exist. However, we can do better and those other games don’t set out to be for everyone.

This was enough to make me call it a day.

Sirlin once wrote a detailed analysis of why HBO should remake the last season of Game of Thrones. He did this because he was a fan who loved the show it might have been.

I’m not half as clever as Sirlin so you just get two images and some lame jokes to make a similar point. I love what Fantasy Strike might have been if it was tested with people who fall outside the typical pro fighting circuit demographic. As it stands, I’m not sure who this game is for.

I’ll keep rooting for Fantasy Strike to become more truly diverse and noob-friendly over time.

One likely reason the characters are problematic is that no one appears to care too much. They are defined in promotional material by generic descriptors like “fire,” “martial arts,” and “sword.” Also note how the last two characters in the roster are drawn in a different art style. These minor quibbles stand out because Fantasy Strike’s design is otherwise so precise - you can read all about the frame-by-frame animation and netcode here for instance. ↩

Sparker the Eighth - A Review / AAR of Here I Stand

Sat, 16 May 2020 00:00:00 GMT

i can never un-see the different text alignments on this card

There’s an annual tradition with some old friends where we take a full day in May to play through the GMT game of war / religion / marriage / divorce / exploration / piracy / everything, Here I Stand. The game is beloved by many for reasons that I have never totally understood, but I like my friends and they like Here I Stand.

The upside of the current pandemic is that this was our first virtual installment so it was easy to take notes as I played. So here is an annotated transcript of my game of Here I Stand. Just like the game, it is too long and could use editing.

There’s a few closing thoughts on the game at the very end for the few who make it through the pages of recap or want to skip straight to that section.

[8:36 AM]
sparker joined #sparker-the-eighth.
sparker set the channel description: wherein I document my Here I Stand game because it is long with lots of downtime

It’s 1517 and I’m Henry the Eighth, I am I am. My goals are…

invade Scotland
produce a male heir
annoy either France or the Hapsburgs endlessly

[8:40 AM] - Turn 1, English Impulse 1
For some reason only England may conduct diplomacy on turn one. I made a deal with France to keep them out of my war with Scotland. They get a free card out of my hand this turn and a free card draw the next. This is a pretty solid deal - I could have tried to barter that down to 1 draw + 2 mercs but then again France could have pushed for steeper terms.

With this deal in hand, it’s time to invade Scotland. With my home card I declare war and build up a mercenary horde.

[8:41 AM]
The best players in the game seems like the Ottoman, Hapsburgs, and Protestants. France sounds rusty on the rules but then again they won last year, so they belong on the list too. Basically everyone but me and the Pope. There’s not much I can do about Suleiman and Martin Luther, but I can definitely attack the Hapsburgs or French once I’ve (hopefully) taken Scotland.

But for now, we take a long pause for the debates between the Pope and the Protestants. My capsule review of that mechanic – it’s too drawn out and and the decisions too limited for the players involved. It’s more tolerable for the other players since I know when I can take my coffee and bathroom breaks.

[8:47 AM]
Also, I should mention I got a 2cp card from the Hapsburgs due to their play of Cloth Prices Fluctuate. This was great news for me - one more card helps me ensure a capture of Edinburgh.

[8:53 AM] - Turn 1, English Impulse 2
I play Shipbuilding for the event, placing a fleet each in London and Calais. The London fleet will allow me to siege Edinburgh next impulse while the Calais fleet makes Calais much harder to siege should France or Hapsburgs get up to no good

[8:56 AM]
FRANCE PLAYS “MERCENARIES BRIBED” AGAINST THE HAPSBURGS! My deal with France is now pretty good in retrospect - that card would have wrecked my game had France come in as Scotland’s ally and played it against me.

It would have turned a 7v3 fight in Edinburgh into a 5v5, awful.

[9:02 AM]
Also I’m listening to this on repeat in the background today and it really works as a HIS soundtrack: The Guard on the Battlement. The music is technically anachronistic but it suits the mood.

Anyway, I’m talking nonsense which means it’s the Papacy and Protestant turns. Time for another coffee break.

[9:06 AM]
The Pope excommunicates France because… well, I’m not sure why. Maybe I missed a beat. Anyway, I was a terrible Pope when I played that faction a few years ago so I’m not one to judge. Remind me not to get on the Pope’s bad side.

[9:13 AM]
Barbary Pirates comes in as a mandatory event - that’s pretty early and makes things look bad for the Hapsburgs.

[9:19 AM] - Turn 1, English Impulse 3
I play “Mercenaries Grow Restless” for 2CP. I move the London fleets into the North Sea and begin the siege of Edinburgh. I deal 2 hits and take one - a good result and makes me very likely to take Edinburgh next turn w/ minimal losses at 6 v 1.

In retrospect there was no need to bring both leaders up to Scotland - if France had betrayed me, that would have put one at pointless risk.

[9:26 AM]
The Papacy / Protestant impulses begin, so I get a long break to consider the rest of my turn. My last card is Unpaid Mercenaries - would love to save a card for next turn but I absolutely positively have to take Edinburgh before the Winter Retreat. I can’t afford to march back to Scotland again next turn.

[9:32 AM]
In other news…

Ottomans continue to ascend - sitting at 12 VP and will start pirating in earnest next turn.
Hapsburgs are in real trouble - somehow France captured Charles V when I wasn’t looking, so that + Ottoman piracy is trouble.
Protestants are very close to translating the New Testament into German already. This feels early so Martin Luther could be an issue.

[9:42 AM] - Turn 1, English Impulse 4
Siege of Edinburgh takes out another 2 mercs – more costly than I’d like – but I take the key. This gives me another card draw next turn and 2 VP. With the other 2 CP, I decide to launch an exploration. I have never done this in HIS before and I don’t really know how this works. TO BE CONTINUED AT THE END OF THE TURN!

[10:01 AM]
We are officially two hours away from Jet’s Pizza for lunch

[10:12 AM] - End of Turn 1
We’re exploring - my hot streak runs cold as I draw my worst explorer, Hugh Willoughby. France gets to double dip and then Hapsburgs. We’ll see if there’s anything after that for my doofus Hugh.

[10:14 AM]
BLARGH! France discovers both the Pacific Strait AND circumnavigates on his first explorer, a cool 4 VP. I told him Cabot wasn’t a bad draw from my hand. Brutal.

Meanwhile, Hugh gets lost at sea after Hapsburgs and France both get extra discoveries. Bye Hugh, I’m glad I’ll draw better explorers after you

[10:18 AM]
France just pulled 5 VP off exploration and is sitting at 20 VP. This is a 25 pt game, so it could possibly all be over before my pizza arrives

DID I SAY PIZZA SINGULAR?! Cause that is incorrect.

[10:53 AM] - Turn 2 diplomacy
Turn 2 starts - I am gifting Hapsburgs a merc and letting them borrow my navy. My hope is that they can delay or deter France for a turn while I move along the marriage track. I may have to change course and use my home card instead to DOW England. (editor’s note – of course I meant France but what a neat alternate history that implies)

I uphold my deal to France as much as it stings. They take Mercenaries Depart(?) which clears mercs out of a space. I announce this card to the rest of the table as petty revenge on the vile French.

I really hope I don’t have to DOW on France this turn. I’m going to prepare for war and see what France does in response. I hope to pull enough French attention away from the Hapsburgs that the Holy Roman Emperor can make a dent in the French.

[11:05 AM] - Turn 2, English Impulse 1
I cash in Knights of St John for 2CP . I move fleets into the Channel and buy a merc in Calais. I’m trying to signal a siege on Rouen or Paris – hopefully France remembers my home card lets me DOW mid-turn and takes the bait.

[11:09 AM]
Meanwhile, Hapsburgs advanced on Metz to counter the French there. France buys mercs in Paris - that’s what I hoped, but it wasn’t many.

[11:14 AM]
Reformationy things happen. I have run out of things to say during this long part of the game. It is no fault of the players - both our Pope and Luther are played by Bills and the Bills are moving right along. It’s the game which is at fault - the math for religious actions is complicated, slow, and involves MANY dice each impulse.

[11:27 AM] - Turn 2, English Impulse 2
I play Sale of Moluccas for 3CP. I’m delighted that France didn’t snag this card since they circumnavigated. Instead I use it to start a colony. This also helps delay playing my home card. Using it to move to “Ask for Divorce” stinks but is also critical to winning.

[11:38 AM]
France plays Patron of the Arts - +1 point for France and 4 cards left in his hand. I’m seriously considering using my home card to DOW instead of pursuing marriage. If I do, that means Edward VI is unlikely to happen this game.

[11:47 AM]
Hapsburgs begin their siege of Metz. They are unlikely to take it this turn.

Indeed, the siege continues - they lose 3 units and are now 9 to 4 I think. In a siege, those aren’t great odds.

[11:52 AM] - Turn 2, English Impulse 3
I use my homecard to advance my marriage counter after all. I’m pretty sure that France cannot win this turn and so I can play to win instead of playing not to lose.

[11:58 AM]
As Turn 2 winds down into the popes and prots, it is clear that my gambit to throw off the French failed. France actually invaded Italy, so confident is he about the Hapsburg / English front. Let us hope that I can turn up the heat against the vile French next turn.

If there is any silver lining, it is that France used Unpaid Mercenaries (the card they drew from me) to invade Italy. This means we can buy mercs once again.

[12:09 PM]
The protestant turn alone has allowed me to get pizza, eat pizza, get a second round of pizza and a beer, and eat that too

All of this just so I can pass my turn.

[12:13 PM]
Hapsburgs draw and play Cloth Prices Fluctuate again - this time, they don’t want the card draw + mercs though.

I was momentarily delighted that I might get to do something.

But instead they use that to capture Metz after much bloodshed. This takes France down by 2 VP so I can’t be too mad.

[12:17 PM]
Thanks to France, the Schmalkaldic League is formed on Turn 2! The prots just barely qualify and this means they get some maths during someone else’s turn.

Since I passed, it’s now time to see if I can clean my basement before the end of this turn. I’m pretty sure I can - Papacy and Prots have 5 cards between them and the League will take awhile to resolve.

[12:46 PM]
Unsurprisingly, I finished cleaning with plenty of time to spare.

[12:55 PM] - End of Turn 2
The turn ends! Hapsburgs conquer the Aztec for 2 bonus VP. Otherwise the new world is quiet since the French explored all the good stuff.

[1:20 PM]
Fates be praised, I got a hand which should allow me to march on Paris this turn. I’m guessing France isn’t expecting that - I have my weaker leader Brandon in Calais instead of Henry (oops, too cautious) so I can only go in with 6 troops. However, I got Field Artillery, Landsrechts, and Mercenaries Bribed. It’ll be close.

[1:51 PM] - Turn 3, English Impulse 1
Post diplomacy I have even better odds. This great hand and the Pope’s intransigence to help out another player in last place means I can’t get a divorce this turn though – I can’t give up cards right now.

However, the Haps were willing to offer me a card draw in exchange for an alliance (something for nothing!). My plan remains - march to Paris and crush the damn French. I played the new pope in exchange for 2CP which I spent on mercs. I can’t take them with me (Brandon, I curse your name!) but they’ll be useful to hold the LOC behind me for the siege

[2:06 PM] Turn 3, English Impulse 2
15 minutes between turns is crazy fast for this game, feels like I just went! I use my home card to declare war on the French and go all-in on Paris. I march with 6 regs & Brandon. Initially it looks like a fair fight but I play an insane three combat cards to get 2 mercs (Landsrechkts), 2 dice (Field Artillery) and steal 2 mercs from France (Mercenaries Rebel) to make it 13 v 6.

I deal 4 hits to France’s 0. I’m frustratingly 1 hit shy of taking Paris right out (I would have a 64% chance to make up that hit had I brought Henry). Instead they fall into fortifications and the siege of Paris begins.

France has card advantage and can likely reinforce, but also has to defend against the Haps - let’s hope they keep the pressure up.

Greetings from beautiful Paris

[2:07 PM]
The French buildup at Rouen for a counterattack - will they be able to retake Paris?

Opposition update - Hapsburgs and Ottomans are tied for 2nd at 19 with the French at 22. Game ends at 25 so its tight. Ottomans are poised to clean up on piracy. English pose no threat of winning.

[2:20 PM]
Well that was unfortunate! France plays Haley’s Comet so I miss my next turn. I would have assaulted Paris and almost certainly taken it otherwise - not happy about this at all.

[2:40 PM]
France pulls in the Rouen forces and kicks me out of Paris at the cost of a few mercs. I retreat to Boulougne with Brandon and a large force. Paris is off the table for this turn but Rouen is basically undefended as a result. We won’t go home empty-handed.

[2:41 PM] - Turn 3, English Impulse 3 (4 for everyone else because France is the worst)
I play Charles Bourbon for 4CP. I would have loved to play him for the event but I have too many rules questions about LOC etc. Instead, I move fleets into the Channel and put Rouen under siege. I am determined to leave this turn with some French key, and I’m willing to accept Rouen as a consolation prize

In unrelated news, we’re entering hour 7 of Here I Stand and I must admit, the long stretches of inactivity are making me go a little crazy here. One of the other players note that I’m zooming in and out for no reason.

[2:48 PM]
Shoot! The Ottomans play Master of Italy, granting France a card draw. They will get to counter whatever I do next - tempo was the only upside of being skipped.

[2:49 PM] - Turn 3, English Impulse 4
I use Colonial Governor to continue my conquest - I take Rouen handily and then recruit a merc. France will continue to pass this turn but will respond eventually…

This takes France down to 20 and puts me at 13, just between the two religious powers. I am still very likely to lose but France likely won’t win this turn.

[2:56 PM]
Sigh… France plays Revolt in Ireland. Perhaps he thinks this will make me sue for peace? I want peace anyway cause I GOTTA START THAT MARRIAGE TRAIN A-MOVIN!

Henry and 4 English troops are tied up in Ireland until this is resolved.

[3:08 PM]
Mark’s “YOU’RE STILL COMPLAINING ABOUT ONE CARD I PLAYED IN TURN TWO” is the quote of the game so far.

[3:35 PM] - Start of Turn 4
Turn 4 starts and I give 1 merc to France in return for their suing for peace. It’s a weird deal - I get nothing (I’ll get 2 war winner VP but lose Rouen so it’s a net zero) and I give up a merc (I can’t do anything with it if I’m not at war, and I suspect France can’t either so I don’t care). I need to use my home card for other things though, so I need this war to end.

My deal with the Haps is better. I agree to I play Diplomatic Marriage to give Hapsburgs Foul Weather (which I would have used against the Ottoman anyway), and he guarantees to play Cloth Prices Fluctuate in my favor (also perhaps what he would have done anyway? maybe we both just think we’re getting deals?)

[4:04 PM] - Turn 4, English Impulse 1
I play Diplomatic Overture and it turns out great - I get Copernicus (6CP!) and Shipbuilding (2CP) now as well as a future TBD draw in exchange for giving up Diplomatic Overture (5CP) and Foul Weather (2CP).

[4:33 PM] - Turn 4, English Impulse 2
I divorce Catherine to marry Anne Boleyn and Edward VI is born! That’s 5VP for me even though he’s a sickly boy. In theory Edward VI being sickly is bad - he’ll die on turn 6 at which point I’ll get my worst ruler, Mary. In practice, who cares! The game definitely won’t last that long.

Now I set my sights on winning the stupid Irish Revolt.

[4:49 PM]
Good news! Hapsburgs FINALLY play their card that gives me a card. Bad news - it’s a 2CP card. I’m still happy with how that played out though.

[4:50 PM] - Turn 4, English Impulse 3
I cash that card in to fight the Irish (2 down, 2 to go) and buy a merc with the other (very unlikely I’ll put that to use, may as well set that CP on fire)

If I can clear the Irish War, that’s 1VP and another card in the unlikely event we go to Turn 5.

[4:54 PM]
Technically gin doesn’t enter the scene in England for another 200-ish years. That isn’t stopping me from enjoying the most English drink in our household.

It’s not like I need my mental faculties for this game at this point.

[5:04 PM] - Turn 4, English Impulse 4
I expend Arquebusiers for the 1CP of the card instead of the pretty decent combat effect. This gets some murmurs from the table but I know I’m saving Copernicus for next turn in case we get there. I finish off the Irish, but at the cost of three(!) units. Have I mentioned lately that I hate the French?

For no reason other than I haven

[5:06 PM]
You’ll note a LOT of fleets in the North African Coast - Ottomans have been cleaning up on Piracy. Their version of this log would just be pure “YAAARGH, MATEYS!”

I haven’t noted much of that in this log because there is nothing I can do about it. I’ve already been going pretty easy on the Hapsburgs, and only the Haps and the Pope can mitigate the pirates.

Piracy also explains why the Ottomans are vying with the French for the win. French 24, Ottoman 23, everyone else except the Pope is tied at 19 VP (sorry Pope, you lost but that seems inevitable if the game goes this far anyway).

[5:08 PM]
As we enter hour 9 of HIS, I think it’s time to switch up the soundtrack finally after 8 full rotations of the chamber music album. My “Fantasy!” playlist is the next closest thing to historical.

[5:15 PM] - Turn 4, English Impulse 5
I spend my last card (La Foret’s Embassy) for Exploration. Since the French put out an explorer and there’s 1 exploration VP left, I have no other option. However, thanks to Hugh getting lost at sea and the French exploring the heck out of the New World already, all my explorers are 1’s and all his are 0’s. This means I’ll go first with a 72% shot at getting St Lawrence River and leaving France with nothing.

[5:21 PM]
Here’s a dilemma in that scenario - if I miss my exploration, France has a 58% chance of getting 1VP and immediately winning. If I wan to stop France, I should encourage the Haps to explore too. But their explorers are mostly better than mine and are likely to take my 1 VP.

Do I play to win or do I play not to lose? This is a classic conundrum of most 3 player+ wargames late in the game.

For me though, it’s easy – HENRY PLAYS TO WIN!

[5:30 PM]
Well Hapsburgs figured it out on their own with a little prodding from the table. There’s still a chance that they could draw their zero or -1 explorers, but there’s a 60% chance they’ll go before me.

I AM REALLY STARTING TO GET THE CRAZIES

[5:37 PM]
Ottomans played Revolt in Egypt on themselves, hoping to gain 1VP in short order. Not a bad play and will make them certain to get 25 VP the next turn.

[5:50 PM] - End of Turn 4
Hapsburgs indeed draw their worst explorer, so England is up first and rolls…

SNAKE EYES! 72% to get the VP and I blow it!

France has slightly better than coin toss odds, and of course they get it. They discover the St. Lawrence River, netting 1 VP and the victory.

France wins the 16th century by finding a river

A few closing thoughts on my gameplay.

I never mentioned my colony again because it never mattered. Nothing interesting happened to Roanoke the entire game - I rolled No Effect each turn. Turns out the New World was an entirely bad idea for England.

After most losses I ask myself if there was anything I could have done to win. I only see two major mistakes - I should have brought Henry, not Brandon, into France and I should have offered the Pope almost anything he wanted for a divorce (I especially should have offered mercs up in earnest, they were basically useless to me at that point).

A possible third mistake is not saber-rattling with France during our Turn 4 Diplomacy phase to get a better deal to end our war. On one hand, it seems unlikely that I could have gotten a card draw out of France in exchange for ending the war, and nothing else would have helped. On the other, I was definitely losing in VP so I should have been more risk-seeking. Extending the war with France would have been very bad for England (no Edward so no 5 VP) but it would have also been very bad for France.

However, I don’t think correcting any of these mistakes would have changed my game. Several of these would have helped me hurt France but the die was cast at that point – if France didn’t win, the Ottomans would have.

And that’s the problem I have with Here I Stand. There are things I love - choosing how to spend cards is wonderful agony, and all games are improved by negotiation mechanics. However, there are long stretches where two sides play their own game which is long and impossible for you to influence.

It’s a fascinating game and one I might adore if I were passionate about this time period. I’m not though, so it’s hard to overlook the flaws. There’s discussion of trying Virgin Queen or another similar game next time around - I’m thrilled and eager.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Sun, 09 Feb 2020 00:00:00 GMT

★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)
View on Letterboxd

Even the poster for this is all over the place and a total mess.

Hard to beat qntm’s take on this qntm.org/rise

SWSheets - A New Hope

Mon, 06 Jan 2020 00:00:00 GMT

and a hero was found

After years of operating swsheets.com, I finally found someone with the ability and enthusiasm to add new features. As of today, I’ve handed over all assets and ownership of the servers and domain. I posted a full announcement over on the FFG Forums and the SWRPG subreddit. I just wanted to capture some more personal thoughts here on my blog.

I started swsheets.com at a time when I had both enthusiasm for FFG’s Star Wars RPG system as well as a fair amount of free time on my hands. Both waned over the years, and by the time I joined Reverb in 2017 I had lost both my enthusiasm for the game and much of my free time.

I kept paying the bills but the site languished. Annoyingly, FFG has a habit of making small rules changes in supplements with no fanfare. While I deliberately avoided some parts of the rules (the site does not track XP spending, for instance), I always made sure that any rules I implemented were correct. Watching these changes happen was as frustrating to me as it was the site users who couldn’t build their characters correctly.

Despite that frustration and despite the fact that I’ve found a fantastic person to carry the project forward, it’s still hard to pass the site onwards. 7,800 people have signed up for swsheets.com accounts. Even the password reset feature is more widely used than any of my other side projects have ever been. People like a thing I made - letting go of that is hard.

But then the internet happens. The first response to my announcement on the FFG Forums is someone telling me why they don’t use swsheets.com, that they find the idea of it “exhausting.”

That’s hilarious, maddening, and kind of what I need to read right now.

To the site’s users and to anyone who ever provided honest feedback on it - a sincere thank you. I had a real blast and I wish I didn’t have to make hard choices about the increasingly few hours of free time I get.

To Nick, the person who is taking on ownership of the site, I’m incredibly grateful for your work and I cannot wait to see where you take it.

I hope I get the free time to make another “exhausting” roleplaying tool someday. This one was a lot of fun.

Lest I be totally unfair to the internet, the responses over on the Reddit post have all been heartwarming. I rarely received thanks for swsheets.com over the years so those small kindnesses mean a great deal.

The End is Always Near: Apocalyptic Moments, from the Bronze Age Collapse to Nuclear Near Misses

Thu, 26 Dec 2019 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
By Dan Carlin
View on Goodreads

I love the author’s podcast, Hardcore History - Carlin goes amazingly deep on varied historical subjects, but always through the lens of making it personal. So I was very excited to read this book.

This book is fine. Many chapters are abbreviated stories from the podcast*. Chapters vary wildly in their scope** and include frequent footnotes of varying interest***. Portions of the book are fascinating like the Bronze Age collapse, but many others left me scratching my head as to their inclusion.

I enjoyed it and if you’re curious about the grim possible fates of humanity, it’s a great read. Otherwise, start with his podcast Hardcore History and then perhaps come back to this if you love it like I do.

- at least he chose great episodes like Fall of the Roman Empire or Logical Insanity.

** - a general history of plagues in one, a personal retelling of the Cuban Missile Crisis in another.

*** - his podcast is heavy on tangents just like this. It’s one of the ways he makes it personal, but these tangents translate to book form as many, many footnotes. Some are interesting but the sheer quantity makes it distracting in a way the podcast isn’t.

Sam

Tue, 24 Dec 2019 00:00:00 GMT

This past May, we bade farewell to our beloved dog Samwise, aka Sam. I have been putting off this post for, well, a very long time now. But it is time to memorialize this sweet creature. These are some of my favorite Sam moments.

I truly think she felt responsible for the safety of everyone in our house. Here she is on the day we moved in, already on alert.

When she was taking a rare break from guard duty, she was a pro at snuggling into blankets. This grey blanket was amongst her favorites.

That dog was serious about her comfort. I swear there’s a dog in this photo.

My wife developed a bizarre game with Sam where she would lay on her back, wait for you to touch her paws, and then gently growl at you. Strange but true.

Her favorite game though was tug-of-war, but in all our time together I never managed one decent photo of it. Chewing on bones was a close runner-up.

She was inseparable from her brother Frodo when he was with us. They were together since birth and were a package deal from Midwest Boston Terrier Rescue.

However, it was clear that Sam was the more dominant of the pair.

My favorite video of the two. You can see Sam’s independence at work here – while she was immensely fond of us, “come” was never very high on her list of priorities (unlike her brother)

I would have loved more time with her, but our eight years with Sam were a gift. So many more moments than I can capture here. I miss you so much, Sammo. I’m glad life brought us together.

“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” -Will Rogers

Thinking, Fast and Slow

Mon, 25 Nov 2019 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Daniel Kahneman
View on Goodreads

If you believe in yourself or others as perfectly (or even mostly) rational beings, this book will demolish such beliefs. It took me the better part of six months to read. Here’s an abridged list of what it changed about me in those six months:

My interviewing practices and interview design (since humans are objectively terrible at subjective assessments)
How I evaluate risk (since I’m too risk averse, even when I think I’m not)
How I feel about my happiness (since regression to the mean is a thing, bad times are inevitable and have to follow good times by definition)
How I make regret-based decisions (since we regret far fewer things than we believe we will regret)

It’s a heavy, dense book that has changed my life. I’ll have to return to it in 5-10 years for another pass - I’m sure I’m missing more lessons to be learned.

Empires of Eve: A History of the Great Empires of Eve Online

Mon, 11 Nov 2019 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
By Andrew Groen
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EVE Online has fascinated me from the sidelines. I was able to endure about 20 minutes of it before I grew bored, but I have followed the game from afar ever since. The stories that come out of EVE are unlike anything else in gaming (and perhaps even human history). It’s a fascinating and under-covered subject.

I struggle with this book, though. It’s a bit clumsily written, but my bigger issue is that the book’s ambition (covering the great wars of EVE Online for the first 6 years of the game’s existence) is so vast that there is little room left for personalities. Great alliances rise up and bash one another, but there is little drama to it as the factions tend to be faceless and the reasons for wars are typically “because this corporation needed to declare war on someone and this was the best target.”

I would have loved a take that was less comprehensive and more focused on smaller stories and individuals. However, this book and the story within are still unlike any other and has offered me the best insight yet on what makes EVE so different than other online worlds.

All Systems Red

Sun, 08 Sep 2019 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Martha Wells (The Murderbot Diaries, #1)
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Who would have guessed that a book about a robot that just wants to be left alone would be full of such heart, excitement, and hilarity? I related to Murderbot deeply despite not having a small arsenal surgically implanted in my body. This robot is one of the most original and yet relatable characters I’ve encountered in science fiction. I absolutely adored this teensy little book.

I’d write a longer review, but the 700 episodes of TV I’ve been downloading while writing this aren’t going to watch themselves, you know.

The Gone World

Thu, 22 Aug 2019 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
By Tom Sweterlitsch
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I am tempted to describe The Gone World as “Tom Clancy’s 12 Monkeys” and leave it there. That does Tom Clancy a disservice though - while his books were stuffed with military minutiae that bordered on fetishism, he filled the gaps inbetween with characters of personality and spirit.

The Gone World lacks any of that. Central characters are defined by single personality traits and based on easily recognized tropes. The dialogue is painfully clunky, unintentionally providing this book’s few moments of levity.

The book redeems itself in the last third as the plot kicks into high gear. What had seemed like languid True Detective fan fiction evolves into an original and thrilling take on time travel. I flew through the final hundred pages in a single sitting, even if I didn’t quite understand what was happening.

I would have loved a novella version of this book.

Ancillary Sword

Fri, 16 Aug 2019 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
By Ann Leckie (Imperial Radch #2)
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A recurring theme in Ancillary Sword is that truth and fairness are relative to perspective, that one person’s truth may be hard for another to even conceive. In that spirit, here’s a couple of truths about this book - choose whichever you like.

—Option 1—

Ancillary Sword is a profound book about race and culture. Leckie examines the forces that create and sustain prejudice and stereotyping from all parties involved. You see how hard these prejudices are to dislodge because they are so prevalent, lurking deep in the subcontext behind even banal small talk.

—Option 2—

Ancillary Sword is about a godlike being with dictatorial levels of authority who is sent to a planet to prevent political instability. Upon arrival, it seems politically stable and that turns out to be mostly correct. There are a few minor events very late in the book to challenge that, but they are brief and without suspense against the main character’s near omniscience and omnipotence.

One of these books is profound, timely, and remarkable, with much more to say than Ancillary Justice. One of them is painfully boring. I suspect both books would have benefitted from providing real challenges to the main character. I’m glad I read it, but it’s hard to imagine revisiting it.

Killing Gravity

Mon, 24 Jun 2019 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Corey J. White (The Voidwitch Saga, #1)
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Killing Gravity is a short novella that feels like reading a comic. It features strong worldbuilding and a great lead character who feels torn between either using her amazing spacewitch powers to make her life easier or trying to be a better, gentler person.

The plot moves quickly but still takes a backseat to the characters and the setting. A great, quick summer read.

Summerland

Mon, 17 Jun 2019 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
By Hannu Rajaniemi
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The author creates an amazingly detailed and inventive world all stemming from the core conceit of the British Empire gaining a foothold in the afterlife. Unfortunately, it was hard to find any characters with personality or depth between that detailed world and the Le Carre-esque espionage tale that drives the plot.

Stumbling on Happiness

Sun, 02 Jun 2019 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
By Daniel Todd Gilbert
View on Goodreads

This is the first book I’ve read that sets out to convince me that I’m terrible. It succeeds, pointing out all the ways our imagination fails us in predicting happiness and how we continue using it nonetheless. My only complaint is that the book spends a bit too much time convincing us to trust it rather than diving into details.

Tales Designed to Thrizzle, Volume One

Sun, 02 Jun 2019 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
By Michael Kupperman
View on Goodreads

“Hey Barbara! What does Sue got that I don’t got?”

“Haven’t you noticed? Her breasts are oddly lumpy and smell like nuts! You should try the FABULOUS NUT BRA!”

Tales Designed to Thrizzle is a remarkably silly book. Ostensibly an homage to the golden age of comics, each page is filled with incredible non-sequiturs, sight gags, and random fits of rage. Guaranteed to tickle your funny bone. Print off this page and mail it in with $19.95 to receive your own wonderful copy.

PLEASE CIRCLE ONE:

YES - Enclosed is my $19.95 for a delightful copy of Tales Designed to Thrizzle printed especially for me! Complementary FABULOUS NUT BRA not included!

NO - I do not enjoy humor and laughter and would rather not read this book. I am strangely okay with printing off webpages and writing on them, however.

Emotional Decision Making

Thu, 02 May 2019 00:00:00 GMT

I’ve been reading THINKING FAST AND SLOW by Daniel Kahneman. There is a real risk this blog temporarily becomes flooded by small bits from this fascinating work.

It includes this really interesting tangent on the possible role of emotion in making good decisions. From the author:

Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio proposed that people’s emotional evaluations of outcomes, and the bodily states and the approach and avoidance tendancies associated with them, all play a central role in guiding decision making. Damasio and his colleagues have observed that people who do not display the appropriate emotions before they decide, sometimes because of brain damage, also have an impaired ability to make good decisions. An inability to be guided by a “healthy fear” of bad consequences is a disastrous flaw.

(emphasis mine)

I really need to dig into this further. This correlates with a number of software engineers I’ve worked with who often try to discount or deny the role of emotion in their work. As a result they make sub-optimal decisions, often because they can’t rationalize how that decision will impact the humans who intersect with these decisions.

When coaching leaders on big decisions, I often say something like “If you’re not scared, you’re crazy.” Usually this is meant to reassure and build confidence. Perhaps there is a deeper truth here though.

Dungeon Fate

Tue, 14 Aug 2018 00:00:00 GMT

It’s a GenCon tradition in our group that we play a pretty half-baked, ill-prepared roleplaying game. This was the origin of such classic adventures as “Journey Through The Mud Mines” and “Take a Train to Go Turn Off a Radio.” This past GenCon was no exception, but we used a different system that I wanted to share.

Inspired by Rob Donoghue’s Blades of Fate writeup, I hacked together a mashup of Dungeon World and Fate Accelerated. This is mostly Rob’s writeup with a few tweaks. Here’s how it works.

This probably won’t make any sense if you’re not already familiar with Fate Accelerated. If you aren’t, good news – it’s a great $5 RPG that you should check out.

Goals

I love the core conceit of Dungeon World - failure is frequent and interesting. However, I wanted to graft that onto Fate’s narratively impactful aspects and a system that didn’t assume any particular setting. Dungeon World’s magic is in how well it evokes classic fantasy roleplaying. By contrast, we knew nothing about our setting until we sat down to talk about our characters and start playing.

Dice Rolling

I used the following ladder and corresponding numbers of dice:

Terrible - 2df, take worst
Poor - 1df
Okay - 2df
Great - 3df
Superb - 4df

This is slightly condensed from Rob’s version. Just like he’s struggled with articulating the difference between “Average” and “Mediocre,” I struggle with the difference between “Mediocre” and “Fair.” Thus, one tighter scale.

When you roll, you toss the corresponding number of Fudge dice and take the best result. That’s why the scale is so abbreviated - there’s no point when you are higher than Superb or worse than Terrible since the result is a foregone conclusion.

Die results are basically Dungeon World’s Defy Danger (that is, what Rob outlined in his article too).

+ - Success. You succeed
(blank) - The GM offers a worse outcome, hard bargain, or ugly choice
– - You fail. Things are about to get interesting.

Approaches & Characters

I kept the six Approaches from Fate Accelerated as-is. The players were mostly new roleplayers and the six Approaches are a fantastic way to help new players not worry too much about the rules and instead narrate their intents.

With a condensed ladder I had to rethink what skills characters get at what levels. I kept the same rough distribution of skills from Fate Accelerated but mapped them to this adjusted ladder (1 at Great, 3 at Okay, 2 at Poor).

Aspects & Fate Points

In this world, invoking an aspect moves you one step up or down the scale as desired. For positive invokes, this is relatively easy since you can add another die to the roll before or after without too much difficulty. However, this means that negative invokes only happen pre-roll. I like to run Fate with mostly pre-roll invokes anyway, but this runs against Fate orthodoxy.

Characters started with two fate points apiece. Since we were a pretty sizeable group, that was a plenty sizeable pool.

Everything Else

Otherwise it was mostly rules-as-written Fate Accelerated. We ditched stunts entirely but I’ve done that in basic FAE before without incident. We experimented briefly with stealing Dungeon World’s “only players roll” ethos but abandoned that midway through when we found the challenge lacking.

For dice rolls, we didn’t use the explicit system that Rob grafted in from Blades in the Dark. The spirit of those was still intact and is a useful way to counteract one of Fate Accelerated’s biggest problems, letting players lean too hard on a single approach. For example, we tried to make it clear that a Forceful solution was not going to be equally effective in all situations or equally safe either.

Thoughts

This played out pretty close to how I hoped, so I’m pretty happy with this hack. For players this was a incredibly fast system to learn. Spending aspect points just adds dice to a pool, and more dice is obviously better. Taking away the option to add +2, reroll, etc from FAE really helped.¹

GMing this system is also a breeze - everything has the same fixed difficulty and if you don’t like that, you spend some fate points to make it harder for narratively interesting reasons. This was an end run around one of my only problems with Dungeon World’s fixed difficulties - new characters are too challenged by everything, experienced characters breeze through everything.

That said, I need to spend some time playing with AnyDice probabilities before I return this to the table. It was a little too easy most of the time - I saw fewer failures and blanks than I wanted to. Classic Dungeon World leans hard on the middle “7 to 9” results to generate narrative and we felt the absence of those complications in our game. It was mostly a story of things going to plan with the exception of our terribly unlucky warrior princess.

I may also take a look at adding some simple stunts back if I can figure out a way to do it that doesn’t require players to spend a bunch of time brainstorming how they mechanically work. That’s always been my challenge with stunts in Fate but that’s a topic for another time.

This has an interesting unintended consequence - adding new dice to a roll isn’t guaranteed to make it better. If you failed, you have a 66% chance of improving it somehow. If you got mixed results, you have only a 33% chance of turning that into a success. It adds a little uncertainty into spending a Fate point. However, if you spend enough to go beyond Superb, you still just succeed regardless of roll. This allows players who really want to pass a particular check to creatively do so. ↩

GenCon 2018 Mini-Reviews

Mon, 13 Aug 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Oink Games games really are teensy.

Recently I returned from the Best Four Days in Gaming, GenCon. In between roleplaying games of demon battling, cyberhacking, and union negotiating, I managed to fit in a fair number of board games. In no particular order, here’s some micro-reviews.

Before you get too excited about the prospect of hot takes on the latest GenCon releases, you should know that these are mostly games that I happened to play for the first time at this GenCon rather than new hotness. In other words, do not set expectations to Stun.

FIVE MINUTE DUNGEON

Fast-paced cooperative game that has players leveraging five unique decks to clear a dungeon in five minutes or less. Easy to learn and fast to play, great game to kick an evening off with. A lack of depth means it is not something I’d return to over and over, but then I feel that way about most cooperative board games.

DECRYPTO

A team game of providing clues to your teammates that help them guess words without providing so much information that your rivals can also guess them. This game rewards clever left brain thinking and I quite enjoyed it. However, it only shines if you play it with the perfect group of friends - a single bad cluegiver can ruin the game. As a result, I’m more likely to stick with Codenames instead of playing this.

REEF

A mostly solitaire game of building coral reefs by trying to make patterns. I only needed to look at another player’s board twice despite a few mechanics which try to promote interaction. That leaves me with just the puzzle in front of me, but it isn’t a terribly satisfying or difficult one. As a result, Reef is a completely unobjectionable but equally unmemorable game.

SMILE

A lightweight, mostly themeless auction game for 3-5 players. Over ten rounds, you bid on cards with a color and a point value between -5 and 5. If you collect two cards of the same color, you lose both. This makes card values unpredictable for better and for worse. Not bad, but there are better auction games (see below).

DEEP SEA ADVENTURE

A fun push-your-luck game for 3-6 players about divers with a shared air supply who are diving for sunken treasure. The air runs out faster as divers carry more and more treasure, so you have to constantly watch your other players to make sure they don’t ruin your plans. Which they will anyway. A fast game you can fit in your pocket. It’s a great choice when I have too few people for Diamant or want a more thoughtful approach.

A FAKE ARTIST GOES TO NEW YORK

Fascinating game about drawing a shared picture with one catch – one person has no idea what they are drawing. Real artists try to guess who the fake is while the fake artist tries to not get caught or guess what they are drawing. It creates an interesting tension for all players since real artists can’t be too obvious in their work. This is the game that Spyfall wants to be and feels like it would be equally good for all player counts. Bonus points for being another ultra-tiny game you can put in your pocket.

THE TEA DRAGON SOCIETY CARD GAME

A fine deckbuilder about raising dragons so that others can drink magic tea that can pass along your memories (read the book - it makes more sense). This is a pleasant game with an interesting push-your-luck model of spending cards that I haven’t seen in other deckbuilders. Aside from that and the adorable art, the remainder of this game is very generic. If you’re a fan of the source material then this is a very fine licensed game, but otherwise pass on this.

LOST CITIES: RIVALS

It’s Lost Cities as an auction game. On your turn you either draw a card and add it to a shared auction pile or begin an auction for that pile. This plays like a streamlined version of classic auction game Ra with an added twist of getting new cash reserves at several checkpoints in the game. This twist makes sure that you have interesting choices even when you’re cash poor. You’ll often have to decide between triggering small auctions (hoping to win them) and forcing larger pots (hoping to get your cash back sooner). Probably not my favorite auction game ever, but almost certainly my favorite one for under $20.

FIREFLY ADVENTURES

The core idea is admirable. Firefly Adventures tries to incorporate a variety of non-combat options into a traditional combat-centric miniatures game. The rules for this are simultaneously convoluted but also too simple. Non-combat characters will spend a lot of time thinking about their character’s “mode” or the specifics of initiative order so that they can finally… open a door. More action-oriented characters have to struggle against these added mechanics as well to play a fairly traditional combat game. Even Whedon fans should avoid.

Culture-Driven Onboarding

Tue, 07 Aug 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Friends know that I endlessly talk about team values. They’ve made a huge difference in my career - I still have a framed copy of Obtiva’s values next to my desk (complete with our Big Hairy Audacious Goal courtesy of Dave Hoover).

Many organizations capture their values in fancy signage and slide decks. Typically they become something of a joke, a bar bet to see if anyone can name more than 1 or 2. How do you make these values stick in a way that helps new hires understand what it means to be successful in your team though?

Your onboarding process is the ideal way to start that journey.

Values-Based Onboarding in Action

I love this description of Toyota’s onboarding from Kim Scott’s Radical Candor:

Wanting to combat Japanese cultural taboos against criticizing management, Toyota’s leaders painted a big red square on the assembly line floor. New employees had to stand in it at the end of their first week, and were not allowed to leave until they had criticized at least three things on the line.

Toyota combines two powerful learning techniques to make sure employees learn this critical value:

The best time to instill values in a new hire is before they built their own impression of what the company is.
We learn best by doing.

You can imagine an alternate universe where new Toyota hires sit through a presentation with a slick graphic encouraging them to “question everything.” I’m guessing these employees don’t need such a presentation though - they’ve already lived it.

Another example from a totally different company: one of Reverb’s biggest competitive advantages is a culture that expects everyone to care about the product deeply. To that end, they developed what they called “The Contest” - all new hires are given a budget and told to buy and resell as much inventory on the site as they possibly can. By the end of your five weeks in The Contest, you understand the product’s strengths and weaknesses firsthand. They even hand out bonuses to people who make suggestions on how to improve the product from the contest.

In both cases, employers have identified what they value most in their employees and have incorporated those values into an engaging, hands-on onboarding processes. New employees have no choice but to learn and demonstrate the company’s core values.

If your team isn’t finding a way to turn your values into action through your new hires, you’re missing a huge and early opportunity to convert good hires into good hires for your company.

Five Minute Checkins

Mon, 16 Jul 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Let’s say you only have 5 minutes with one of your teammates to answer the question “How satisfied is this person with their job?” What do you ask and what do you look for?

Of course many readers immediately reject the premise at this point. I know – ideally you get more than 5 minutes for these kinds of checkins because you’re proactively scheduling skiplevels and other forms of soliciting feedback. Let’s just hypothetically assume that perhaps your planning and scheduling don’t quite go to plan. I know this definitely never happens to you but it certainly happens to me on a regular basis.

So what do you do with those five minutes? What do you look for?

The Trifecta of Job Satisfaction

When I have only a few moments to check in with someone, I look for indicators of what I consider the three pillars of job satisfaction:

Utilization
Growth
Impact

In a deeper conversation like a skiplevel, there are many other things I look for about their career and their relationship with their manager. When I don’t have much time though, these three qualities are often a leading indicator of all sorts of problems.

Utilization

I define utilization as “the mapping of your job to your skills and interests.” While this isn’t always the same as utilization from the business’ perspective, it’s a useful proxy to gauge how motivating an individual finds their work.

I list utilization first because the other pillars take a backseat when there are problems. If I value myself as a designer but most of what I do is backend coding, I won’t feel well-utilized regardless of how much I’m growing or making a difference.

Utilization can also swing too far in the other direction, feeling over utilized. This generally means someone has a work-life balance issue or has to juggle too many competing demands for their time at work. For most people this is just as serious a problem as under utilization.

Growth

If someone’s skills are well-utilized, the next pillar of satisfaction is growth, the rate at which they acquire more skills. This should be a key motivator for virtually all members of the team. If it isn’t, you have a deeper problem than someone’s satisfaction.

Growth is also a reasonable proxy measurement for challenge. This is particularly important for high-performers - they often report a lack of growth when they aren’t feeling appropriately challenged.

Impact

The last metric I look for is impact – whether they feel their work makes a difference. Even if you are growing and well-utilized, feeling like your work has no impact is a sure path towards burnout. The root causes of this can be everything from organizational communication problems to challenges outside of work. Finding an impact problem rarely presents an immediate solution, but it directs you where to keep digging.

Assessing impact can be particularly important for spotting burnout in newer engineering managers. These folks are often still coming to terms with the transition from maker to manager. They can feel like their new workload lacks the same visible impact as shipping code to production.

Digging into impact can also reveal problems even when someone believes their work makes a difference. Sometimes, an underperformer will still believe their work is making an outsized contribution. This is a sign that feedback mechanisms are broken - perhaps they aren’t getting enough feedback or aren’t interpreting it correctly.

Everything Else

I would hazard a completely unscientific guess that these three factors cover about 75% of the typical satisfaction problems in an engineering organization. The remaining 25% is a myriad of issues which are specific to the individual and the organization. Typically those are only uncovered by deeper conversations though.

In time you’ll find your own ways to dig into these pillars and perhaps come up with a different three. My set has evolved several times until I landed on the three here. Regardless, it’s important to have a consistent gauge for happiness and to make sure you have the opportunity to dig into each team member’s satisfaction whenever you can.

The Missing One-on-One

Mon, 09 Jul 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Many new managers define 1:1 meetings as something like “a regular opportunity for a manager and their direct report to check in.” That’s a fine starting point but it misses out on a significant learning opportunity for leaders of all skill levels: the peer one-on-one.

Used effectively, these conversations can be a catalyst of growth for you and your organization.

What is it and why does it matter?

Let’s start with a totally incomplete list of what an effective manager covers in a typical 1:1

Challenges and how to get past them
Giving and receiving feedback
Expectation setting
Strategic planning beyond the day-to-day
Career growth

When you’re still a full-time maker, limiting these conversations to you and your manager is very effective. Your manager has a high degree of impact on your challenges and context on your work.

This degrades as your scope grows within your organization. Your manager’s context decreases as they delegate more and more to you. The onus for solutions falls increasingly on your shoulders just as your key ally is less able to help.

If this sounds familiar, you need a peer one-on-one. These are periodic checkins with the closest person you have to a peer. In a large organization that might be an actual organizational peer. In a smaller organizations that might be a senior engineer on another team, a manager in another department, or a management coach.

“What Do I Talk About?”

This is easily the most common question when I suggest these checkins. The answer might seem counterintuitive, but it’s the exact same list of topics I outlined for “normal” one-on-one meetings.

While your peer might not have the same context and assistance that your manager can provide, there’s a few other benefits that your manager can’t provide so easily.

The biggest is that these meetings can be a safe space for a variety of topics you may not feel comfortable bringing to even the most supportive managers. This might include getting feedback on half-baked ideas or asking “how would you solve this” questions of your peer. If you share the same manager, these peers can be an invaluable asset in helping you understand your manager and “manage up” to them.

Peer one-on-ones have also addressed one of my biggest challenges of leadership: finding safe opportunities to vent. Leadership can be a lonely and isolating job - it’s inappropriate to vent to your direct reports and it can be dangerous to vent too much to your own manager. This leads to keeping your frustrations and challenges bottled up. This allows them to build over time into major problems for you and your team. Peer one-on-ones create the space to talk about these frustrations with someone who understands (and perhaps even shares them.)

Your first one-on-one

Starting these checkins can be intimidating - you have to make yourself vulnerable to a coworker in a way which feels like asking someone out on that first date. Just like that though, the best way to ask someone is just to ask them.

Until you’ve had enough of these meetings to find your rhythm, it can feel a little awkward at first. Push through that - learning to be vulnerable as a leader is a huge skill that pays dividends over the long-term.

Just like all one-on-one meetings, the cadence and structure will vary as you find what works. Having these conversations offsite can help reinforce the idea of a safe space separate from work, but find what works for you.

An example

When I moved into director-level management at Braintree, I did so with one other person, Pedro. We started these checkins out of necessity as we each went through the journey of figuring out what our jobs actually were.

Pedro and I kept these meetings long past the point where we understood our new roles. They became opportunities to get feedback on our plans, discuss performance issues in our organization, and sanity check reactions from our teams or stakeholders. Without intending it, these meetings were catalysts for each of us.

It also had other unexpected benefits. When a crisis came up in Pedro’s organization while he was on paternity leave and his manager out, I had the context from these conversations to drop everything and cover for him for a week. This would have been a rough transition for all involved if we hadn’t been spending an hour every other week comparing notes.

These checkins aren’t just for peers in the traditional sense as well. I’m a huge fan of these 1:1’s with my product partners as well. At Reverb, these checkins helped Engineering & Product stay aligned and keep our people unified as one product delivery team.

Get started!

I hope this has convinced you to start these checkins of your own. If you have any questions or concerns about finding the right partner or starting these conversations, let me know in the comments below. If you have additional tips or insights from these checkins, I’d love to hear about that as well!

Monoliths Built to Last

Mon, 02 Jul 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Here’s a fun fact about my career: in almost a decade of working in Ruby, I’ve never been paid to write rails new into a console.

At Groupon and Braintree I’ve helped build some of the largest and longest-lived Rails monoliths in the world. As such, I’m sometimes asked for advice on writing Rails code that lasts.

Someday I’ll write more on this subject. For now my definitive answer is my last talk at Ancient City Ruby, “Ancient Rails”

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t link to this excellent series on the topic from Braintree’s original CTO, Dan Manges, who had a major role in many of the things we got right.

Leading by Example Isn't Enough

Mon, 25 Jun 2018 00:00:00 GMT

In a recent coaching session, a manager said of a teammate “Why can’t they follow my example and act more like me?” It’s a natural desire but an effective manager has to recognize a hard truth: leading by example doesn’t work, at least not the way we expect. That’s not to say we shouldn’t use it, but as managers we shouldn’t expect any behavioral changes in others based solely on how we conduct ourselves.

Bummer, right? Why is that?

Not Everyone Wants to Be Like You

Leading by example leans hard on the assumption that your audience actively wants to emulate you. Even if I admire your work, there’s countless reasons why I may not want to mimick the way you work. This is true even of my direct reports who also manage - just because we have similar roles, not all of them want my job or ask themselves “what would Scott do in this situation” at every turn.

Noisy Signal

Communication and observation is hard. We’re raised on fables and parables which cut out all the extraneous information so that a lesson is made obvious. These have nothing to do with the real world though. Consider this simple story:

Taylor takes a breath before speaking in a flat voice. “Production is hard down - we haven’t had any 200-level responses in the last two minutes. I need someone to dig into our stack and see what’s wrong while someone else reaches out to Customer Service and makes sure they’re aware.”

Ask yourself this: if you want to do one thing to be more like Taylor, what behavior should you emulate?

Here’s an incomplete list of possible answers:

staying calm in an emergency
speaking with specifics about production incidents
including the rest of the business when something is wrong
delegation

If Taylor is trying to lead by example then it’s anyone’s guess what we’re supposed to pick up.

Even if you cheat and say “all of the above,” you’re still relying on others to make detailed observations of you in the middle of your interactions. On a good day I’m just about able to walk and talk at the same time, let alone get all the subtleties from the above. That’s a big ask and one that is unlikely to pay off.

No Mechanism for Feedback

Let’s say you get lucky – someone wants to emulate your behavior and even picks the right one. In the lack of explicit conversations about these behaviors, there’s no way for this individual to get feedback on how well they’re doing. The only hope is that you notice their mimicry and are able to give them further guidance. Otherwise, you are just hoping they figure it out themselves.

How to Make Leading by Example Work Anyway

Leading by example is still an effective management technique despite all these issues, particularly with other managers. To make it work, you have to employ one of the most important tools in the managerial toolkit: explicit expectations. In other words, you have to have a detailed conversation about the behavior you want someone to emulate in detail.

Using yourself as an example can be awkward the first few times you do it. You also have to be careful about how often you do this - if each 1:1 drifts into a conversation about your own behaviors and challenges, you risk becoming a narcissistic leader. When these conversations are used thoughtfully, it can be a powerful way to mentor your team and bond through shared challenges.

Going back to the earlier example, imagine if Taylor had said something like this in a 1:1 prior to that moment:

“The next time there’s a production outage, I want you to focus on making fast decisions and communicating them concisely.”

Now Taylor has framed their behavior in a whole new light. The extraneous details can be ignored and Taylor can provide quality followup feedback as someone does or does not emulate this behavior.

What do you think though? Have you found other ways to make leading by example work for you? I’d love to hear them if so.

The Four Levels of Autonomy

Mon, 18 Jun 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Engineers crave explicit feedback and expectations, and yet it’s often hard to provide these when coaching on ownership and leadership. It’s frustrating for all involved - as managers, we want to provide goals but oftentimes struggle to go beyond “I want you to handle problems like I do.” To solve this, I’ve found the following tool super helpful for this - the Four Levels of Autonomy. I’ll outline them briefly and then explain how I use them.

From highest to lowest autonomy:

Take action and inform later.
Identify solutions with a recommendation for action.
Identify problems.
Wait for instructions (AKA “The Danger Zone”).

In general, I coach leaders to work at those top two tiers depending on the domain, its risks, and their expertise. In both cases, the individual is responsible for identifying opportunities, the top skill I need leaders to develop. It allows me to throw increasingly big problems at them without devoting significant time to getting into the details of their expertise.

The third tier, “Identify problems” is generally a good starting place for juniors or those learning a new role/domain. I’ll typically provide gentle coaching to get to that next step, identifying and recommending solutions, but it’s okay if that skill is still developing. Ultimately though, I want teammates to grow out of this level for two reasons. It requires an inordinate amount of time since their manager has to have most of the same context as the individual so that they can design solutions instead. It also robs the team of the creativity and insight that this person would otherwise bring by working on solutions.

The last tier, “Wait for instructions,” is a dangerous spot to be in for very long at any skill level. The challenge of waiting for instructions is that it requires another person to develop enough context and detail on their teammates’s responsibilities in order to provide detailed instructions and identify problems. It’s a colossal waste of time and is usually only acceptable at the very beginning of someone’s tenure.

Of course this framework doesn’t cover all leadership gaps and still varies on a case-by-case basis. Still it’s been a great way to take feedback like “I need you to take better ownership of problems” and distill that into specific outcomes which are or aren’t happening. If you end up using this framework, I’d love to hear how it goes.

Drafting RoboRosewater

Sat, 16 Jul 2016 00:00:00 GMT

I love, love, love the RoboRosewater Twitter account. It brought me back into Magic after a 18 year hiatus. Most of the cards are hilarious gibberish, some are playable or near-playable, and some few are both playable and novel cards. After following the RoboRosewater account for a long time, I decided to build a draft set out of the cards from or derived from RoboRosewater cards. How hard could that be?

Read on to find out.

FIRST, A GIANT DISCLAIMER

I don’t know Magic particularly well. This is my third ever Magic draft. I would rate my skill somewhere between “RTFM” and “lol.” I still get confused about simple things like when you declare blockers vs assign damage. I still say “interrupt” all the time. If you are reading this to follow in my footsteps, be warned: here be dragons, lots of derp, and a bit of hherp too.

HOW ABOUT A SECOND DISCLAIMER?

It’s misleading to call this a RoboRosewater draft due to how many changes I made. The more accurate way to describe this is a set heavily influenced by RoboRosewater. When I made changes, I kept the title of the card and tried my best to keep the spirit of the card intact. This draft set probably isn’t as wild or fun as a pure RoboRosewater draft set. If you want that, I highly recommend this instead:

Album's here: https://t.co/Msi6eqraDL and a pdf w/ correct scale: https://t.co/dZm2WF2TEB
— μ (@mu_is_a_letter) July 6, 2016

Goals

My goal in building this draft set was pretty simple. I wanted to make a set of cards that could be used in a mock draft (not a cube of singletons) under the following constraints:

Incorporate cards from RoboRosewater, staying as faithful as possible.
Avoid cards that completely disregard the color pie like white counterspells.
Make sure each color is playable - has a good mix of powerful cards and generally adheres to a sane mana curve.
Make sure each game is playable - there shouldn’t be any cards so horribly broken that the opponent has no chance to respond before the game ends.
Generally respects rarities - bad-to-solid cards at common, solid-to-great cards at uncommon, and good-to-bomb cards at rare.

My purpose with these constraints was to simulate a proper set, but also to allow people to unleash their inner planeswalkers. In a set with no deliberately designed archetypes or stragies, who in our group would be able to discover and exploit the most powerful synergies and decks?

Process

I ended up having to make a number of tweaks as I went through this process. The primary cause is that not all cards are created equally. RoboRosewater makes green cards almost twice as often as black cards for instance - 39 total playable green cards vs 22 black cards when I last looked. It’s a similar story for types - 117 creatures vs just 51 sorceries, instants, and enchantments.

Because I wanted this to be a draft simulation, I also had to make costing changes to smooth out the mana curve for each color. I used the draft frequencies of Shadows over Innistrad as a starting point and came up with the following rough frequencies by rarity:

A given common should appear 2-4 times
A given uncommon should appear twice
A given rare should appear once
A given mythic garbage should appear once

Furthermore I went with the following per-pack distributions:

Common: 9.67 cards
Uncommon: 3 cards
Rare: 1 card
Mythic Garbage: 0.33 cards

Wait, Mythic Garbage?

A RoboRosewater draft wouldn’t be complete without a few playable but totally useless cards. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving out good ol’ Racka Rornoshy for instance:

Since the power level of RoboRosewater seemed higher than “average” Magic, I repurposed mythic rares as mythic garbage instead.

Changes

Most changes were limited to costing, color changes, or cleaning up the text to conform to modern templating and fix minor illegalities/misunderstandings. I removed or altered mana abilities on creatures and permanents to ensure that any two-color combination was equally draftable. This meant that a creature or artifact never generates a color of mana that wasn’t required to cast it.

RoboRosewater loves to refer to tribal themes where it doesn’t generate many creatures within the tribe. I made every effort to fix those references so that no participant in the draft felt misled and every tribal power has a least a few members of that tribe in the draft.

I had to heavily edit a number of lands. RoboRosewater loves to generate lands that are pretty bonkers. For instance, here’s the original Wulder of Boon and Fire Sheap:

Neither is very compelling or sensible on their own, so I combined the spirit of Fire Sheap (land with consumable counters) and Wulder of Boon (land that can adjust p/t or generate mana) to create the final versions of those two cards that made the draft:

Finally, I made changes to extrapolate interesting keywords and effects that weren’t defined by the cards themselves. Joto of Same Uftine is a good example - Hherp is interesting enough that it should do something related to casting from hand…

After thinking a lot about what it meant to “cast a card from hand”, Joto became this:

(Joto also gained reach because green was desperately short of ways to deal with fliers)

Manduj Masthorow is another good example - what is “borest strike” exactly?

The idea for this definition didn’t even come from me but from one of the Twitter responses:

@RoboRosewater Borest Strike (this creature deals damage after creatures without borest strike)
— 马塞洛·乾酪 (@Lil_cheez) November 27, 2015

Thus, Manduj’s final form:

Enough Already, Spoil Me!

Thanks for bearing with me. I just wanted to make sure you understood the intent and constraints behind some of the cards that were changed.

All Commons, Uncommons, and Rares (imgur)

All Mythic Garbages (imgur)

What Happens Next?

We are currently playtesting this draft set. I do not recommend putting together a draft of these cards at this time. Even just the initial draft revealed a few problems - Hydrobow Sunchaser is unintentionally overpowered as it can return itself from the graveyard. On the flipside, I took the original Fortigang Tramber and made it even worse, creating the least liked card in the draft.

At Braintree we turn drafts into “draft leagues” that run over the course of a couple of weeks. When this league finishes, I’ll post…

A revised set of cards that include balance tweaks we’ve discovered like the above.
The two decklists of the participants in the championship match
Exact card distributions for an eight-person mock draft of this set and a Magic Set Editor file for printing or modifying them.

Finally, let me again express my gratitude to RoboRosewater by paraphrasing one of my favorite quotes:

If anything in this set brings you joy or fun, all of the credit is due to RoboRosewater. Only the mistakes are mine.

Please feel free to ask any questions you have about this via Twitter.

Frodo

Wed, 18 May 2016 00:00:00 GMT

Two weeks ago our dog Frodo passed away. It is a wound I still carry with me. While he will never return, by sharing his memory he is never completely gone either. These are some of my favorite Frodo moments.

Frodo loved humans intensely and indiscriminately. Sit still for a moment and Frodo was likely to plop against you with violent force. Virtually everyone loved him right back immediately. Our youngest niece particularly adored him.

Frodo dressed up as Frodo for Halloween. He was a tremendously good sport about it.

Frodo and his sister Sam were inseparable. We bought multiple dog beds - they usually went to waste as the dogs would rather be near one another whenever possible.

Seriously, they were inseparable.

This is one of their first car trips after we adopted them from Midwest Boston Terrier Rescue. It would take Sam awhile to adapt to a new home with new people, but Frodo was loving and welcoming from day one.

Anytime I was on video conference at home, as I was in this photo, Frodo was very likely just out of the camera. Apologies if you saw his ears or heard his snoring.

This is how I will always remember Frodo. For him, “come” was an easy command. “Stay” was the challenge - it meant being far from Allison and me.

I miss you so much, buddy. I am glad to have had the time together that we did. I am all the better for it.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

Fri, 25 Dec 2015 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by J.J. Abrams
View on Letterboxd

JJ Abrams proves to have a deft touch with homages to other original directors, always taking great care not to add anything new or personal. A loving, nearly shot-for-shot remake of A New Hope.

you are the best

Mon, 24 Aug 2015 00:00:00 GMT

Mark Kanemura is amazing for choreographing and performing this. Still cannot believe that Jenna was cut for this performance - democracy stinks sometimes.

The All Fur

Mon, 22 Jun 2015 00:00:00 GMT

Dead Authors Podcast Chapter 13 - Paul F. Tompkins as H.G. Wells, Matt Gourley and Jeremy Carter as the Brothers Grimm who are discussing their fairy tale, The All Fur.

via tumblr

Grimm Brother 1: He is lying on the death bed of his wife and she says, ‘Never marry again.’ And he promises, ‘I will not, unless I find someone as beautiful as you and that’s the one loophole okay?’ And she says, ‘Oh yeah that seems fair.’ And so he goes, ‘Well, no one is as beautiful as her except for my daughter, so that seems okay. I will marry her.’ And she says ‘Hold on a minute, girlfriend.’ She was smart and said, ‘Not unless you give me three gowns. One must be gold as the sun and silver as the moon and the other as the bright as the stars. Oh, and also I need fur from every animal that ever existed.’

H.G. Wells: That ever existed?

Grimm Brother 2: Ya. It’s like a Noah’s ark dress.

Grimm Brother 1: Yes it is. That’s exactly it.

H.G Wells: So this is one giant fur, it’s not that she just wants one of each?

Grimm Brother 2: Yeah, it’s not like this is my dinner stole and this is my breakfast fox. It’s all one thing.

Grimm Brother 1: Yeah, get it done. The whole thing. So long story short, he says okay, I’ll do it and he does. All right? And she’s like-

H.G Wells: Wait, I’m sorry how does he do that?

Grimm Brother 1: Well, we don’t include that part.

Grimm Brother 2: It seemed like too many set pieces. So we just went simpler.

Grimm Brother 1: Nobody likes exposition, you know.

Star Wars Cantina Music

Thu, 11 Jun 2015 00:00:00 GMT

An interesting question came up on the SWRPG subreddit - what music do you use for a cantina beyond just the Star Wars classics? I actually keep such a playlist of fun and wierd music that I can see playing in the restaurants and clubs of Star Wars.

Additionally, I have a “clubs” playlist for places that are a bit rougher than your average cantina. My “Clubs” playlist:

It’s worth noting that I don’t actually play these all that often at the table (I usually have some music playing, but worrying about switching playlists is just a distration). These are tremendous when it comes to game preparation though. I can put on the right playlist and jump straight into the mood.

FFG Star Wars Compact Vehicle Sheet

Thu, 11 Jun 2015 00:00:00 GMT

As I said when introducing my compact NPC character sheet, I hate clutter at the table. The FFG vehicle sheet is fantastic for my players’ ship as they want to track everything at a fair level of detail. Not only is that overkill for most NPC vehicles, but I also don’t want to have to remember “Okay, now which NPC sheet is the driver of this vehicle again?”

I made an combined sheet that condenses the most critical information on NPC vehicles and their crew. You can see it in action with the stats for a “CSA TAST-A”, a somewhat crap airspeeder used by CorpSec planetside police in my campaign:

Download Link

A few notes about this sheet:

This sheet makes pretty extensive use of scripts to calculate die rolls. You’ll probably want to open it in Adobe Reader to make use of them.
If your printer doesn’t support half-sheets, these also print nicely two to a page. What I usually do on my Mac OSX is:
- Select all the NPCs I want to print for a session in Finder
- Open them in Preview (this opens all the separate PDFs as one document)
- Print, and under “Layout” select “Pages per Sheet: 2”

Changes or suggestions are welcome! All the tools I used to make this are free to use, and all the original materials are available for download or modification in the Github repository. Pull requests are welcome!

Happy GMing!

Edge of the Empire Review

Thu, 11 Jun 2015 00:00:00 GMT

The Edge of the Empire roleplaying game by Fantasy Flight Games, much like its oft-discussed dice, is a mix of success and failure. Its ideas are simultaneously brilliant and half-baked. It’s a system that will help players and GMs collaborate on exciting and unexpected adventures. It’s also a system that requires extensive house ruling and often contradicts itself. After two years of playing I can’t exactly recommend it, but I also won’t stop playing it anytime soon.

The rules are simple enough at a high level. Characters have “characteristics” which represent your natural abilities and derived skills that they can train. When you’re doing something exciting and challenging, you combine characteristics, skills, talents, and gear to build dice pools via FFG’s signature design flourish, custom dice.

Each type of dice that goes into a dice pool represents a different aspect of the current situation which helps or hinders your efforts. Two kinds of positive dice represent natural ability or additional training, and two kinds of negative dice represent inherent and exceptional difficulty. The GM calls for additional, smaller dice to represent situational modifiers like poor light, helpful gear, or adverse conditions.

Each die has different symbols representing Success, Failure, Advantage, and Threat. Success and Failure cancel each other out and determine whether or not the character succeeds in their task. Advantage and Threat also cancel each other out and dictate whether the character creates complications or advantageous side effects in the process.

Baking concepts into the dice results like “success with complications” and “failure with advantages” makes it easy to keep the narrative moving and exciting. The system allows players to pick the effects of positive advantages which helps players contribute to the story without being overwhelmed. Adding dice to represent situational difficulties is an extremely clever workaround for the endless tables of modifiers that have plagued GMs for ages. For each different complicating factor, just add a “setback die.” For each helpful factor, add a “boost die.” An entire category of bargaining and discussion that dominates checks in so many other games is entirely removed.

With Edge of the Empire though, the devil’s in the details. Each skill has specific rules for interpreting success, failure, advantage, and threat. These rules are obtuse and often contradictory. Sometimes Successes grant time reduction, other times Advantage grants that. Some skills treat Threat as a secondary failure condition while others create side effects with them. The skills themselves are also often confusing with overlapping or vague descriptions. Exciting moments frequently lose momentum in order to debate Cool vs. Vigilance vs. Discipline or Athletics vs. Coordination.

This becomes ludicrous with the addition of gear. A fair amount of gear comes with varying options between “low end” and “high end” models that are rarely spelled out in terms of mechanical impact to gameplay. When gear actually gets mechanical rules, they also contradict one another. After two years I still forget whether to upgrade or downgrade Medicine or Computers checks based on the presence or lack thereof of the associated tools (for the record, Medicine checks without a kit are downgraded — Computers checks with a kit are upgraded). And don’t get me started on the bonkers rules around first aid kits, stimpaks and emergency repair patches…

Edge often feels like an unfinished project despite three different versions of the core rules and countless sourcebooks for expansions. The high level ideas are great and help create an atmosphere of swashbuckling adventure as long as you do the legwork of deciding what subset of its’ confusing rules you’ll be playing with. Each of the three core rulebooks went through an extension “beta testing” process, so I am baffled at the inconsistencies that run throughout this game.

If you are gung-ho for Star Wars, by all means pick up one of the generous beginner boxes and try it out. Despite all my complaints, it’s a system I will keep running and keep hacking. Once you find your group’s version of Edge of the Empire, you’ll still have a grand adventure.

SWSheets - Out of Beta!

Thu, 04 Jun 2015 00:00:00 GMT

I’m happy to announce that SWSheets.com has officially left Beta. No terribly serious issues were found by the first round users. The most severe were that I totally forgot about the Medicine skill and that I had an ordering issue with large sets of talents or attacks on a character.

I was really happy to see the enthusiastic reception from users on both the FFG forums and the SWRPG subreddit. They’ve been super helpful in ironing out the issues on the site as well as determining the next steps.

Over the weekend I’ll be putting together the list of features for the next release (codenamed “Mynock”). This is your last chance to weigh in on the SWSheets issues page for what matters to you.

Changelog from this last milestone:

Eight bugfixes including password reset issues, display issues when rendering errors, and some HTML bugs.
Reworked the Character URLs (sorry for breaking all the existing ones, figured it was better to do that sooner than later)
Split the “Gear” field into three breakouts in keeping with the original EotE charsheet.
Added author profile pages and a thanks page for the volunteers who have helped thus far.

The full list of changes from the Beta period is here.

Beta Statistics:

84 users
29 users who have created at least one character (this was surprising, figured it would be lower)
34 total characters
1 character deleted for inappropriate content (also surprising, figured it would be higher!)

Announcing SWSheets

Tue, 26 May 2015 00:00:00 GMT

I’m proud to share something I’ve been working on for the past few months, swsheets.com.

Right now this is in Beta mode. I’m making every effort not to do anything dumb that would cause me to wipe all the data or something equally catastrophic, but I don’t make any promises. I expect to be out of beta in 1-2 weeks.

swsheets.com is a website for creating and sharing characters for Fantasy Flight Games’ Star Wars: Edge of the Empire RPG. Right now it’s rather basic and only allows you to create, edit, and delete characters. I hope to add in printing to PDF next, but that’s a rather complicated task.

Please take a look and let me know if you have any feedback or thoughts. You can add bug reports to the Github Issue page and you are welcome to give me any other feedback you have by commenting below.

SWSheets is completely open source and I happily accept pull requests. Check it out on Github.

Thanks!

40K – Safe, Sane, and Consensual

Sun, 03 May 2015 00:00:00 GMT

40K: Safe, Sane and Consensual, or The Arrogance of Unacknowledged Playstyles

For gamers of any variety, this article is a great read. Nominally about the Warhammer 40,000 wargaming community, it’s much more about the consequences of mixmatched expectations of play.

These mismatched expectations led to the effective end of the board game club I used to organize, and they were a major component in the end of my torrid Netrunner love affair as well.

Thankfully this has been avoided in our Star Wars RPG group without much conscious thought given to it. We all seem to be there for a mix of Narrative and Casual reasons - beating the bad guys is great, but having a laugh about the attempt is even better.

Anyway, enough rambling from me. This is a great article - go read it.

My Hero’s Journey of GMing

Wed, 29 Apr 2015 00:00:00 GMT

I run a Star Wars role playing group that meets every three weeks. Ten sessions in, I have a good grasp on how I react to this emotionally. Here’s a timeline of how that 21-day cycle invariably plays out:

Day 0

IT’S STAR WARS NIGHT! I AM SO EXCITED!

Days 1-3

Intense period of reflection on what I did as GM during the game. Inevitably this leads to self-loathing for mistakes and intense doubt whether I should continue to GM. My spiritual desolation.

Days 4-6

Intense emotions have subsided into a gentle bit of burnout. I think about other things.

Days 7-8

I realize I need to write a recap while I can still recall the events clearly. It’s a bit of a slog. I am reminded that not everything went horribly and there were some highlights and fun times for most people at the table, most of the time.

Days 9-16

Random thoughts collide about what I’d like to do for the next session. Vague ideas for following sessions float around too, but I don’t worry about it much. Usually I find a few pieces of music that embody the mood I want to capture in the next session. I will listen to this music over and over until I can hardly stand it.

Days 17-19

Write down a sparse outline of what will happen if the players do nothing and a few one-sentence descriptions of new characters. At this point I’m very eager for the next session. I briefly entertain crazy thoughts like “If only we met every two weeks” or “If only I could run a second group.”

Day 20

Almost inevitably I’m scrambling to make NPC and vehicle specs, track down reference art, flesh out any remaining major gaps in the plot, etc. Gradually I’m cutting down on this scramble as I learn what kinds of prep pay the most dividends, though.

Day 21/0

IT’S STAR WARS NIGHT! I AM SO EXCITED!

FFG Star Wars Compact NPC Character Sheet

Tue, 21 Apr 2015 00:00:00 GMT

I hate to clutter up my tabletop with more than I absolutely must. Making full, two-page character sheets for each NPC drove me mad as a new Edge of the Empire GM. Much of the information on a character sheet is irrelevant to an NPC (no one cares about your obligations, CSA Viceprex). All of this just makes for wasted tabletop space.

To fix this problem, I made a compact NPC sheet: just the critical information I needed on NPCs that I could print on half of an 8.5x11 sheet of paper. In addition to displaying information more compactly, it also calculates skill and attack rolls as well as displaying a small reference on opposed social skill checks (I always forget that Charm is opposed by Cool, unlike most other social skills which are opposed by Discipline).

Here it is in action with the stats for a lowly droid my players encountered awhile back:

Download Link.

A few notes about this sheet:

This sheet makes pretty extensive use of scripts to calculate die rolls. You’ll probably want to open it in Adobe Reader to make use of them.
If your printer doesn’t support half-sheets, these also print nicely two to a page. What I usually do on my Mac OSX is:
- Select all the NPCs I want to print for a session in Finder
- Open them in Preview (this opens all the separate PDFs as one document)
- Print, and under “Layout” select “Pages per Sheet: 2”

I’m working on something similar for NPC Vehicles. I’ll post it on this blog when it’s ready.

Happy GMing!

leverage

Tue, 21 Apr 2015 00:00:00 GMT

Citizen: How do you know so much about crimes?!

Parker: I… read… blogs?

A great moment from Leverage where Parker is forced to pretend she’s not a master thief.

I have to find a way to steal this for my RPG campaign. So many of my favorite roleplaying moments come from when a character is forced to go far outside their comfort zones. It’s hard because that oftentimes means taking actions that the characters are bad at.

The times I’ve done this around inexperienced or goal-focused rleplayers, I’ve nearly caused riots. (the time at GenCon where my character was offered any weapon in the modern world I could ask for and he picked a taser was a great example).

The Phoenix Project: A Novel About IT, DevOps, and Helping Your Business Win

Thu, 01 Jan 2015 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Gene Kim
View on Goodreads

This was good and I read it forever ago and don’t actually remember that much aside from “people need to have honest, hard conversations about how & where they spend their time at work.” Instead, here’s a couple of stories about it.

First, this book was originally recommended to me by someone I managed, who framed it as “I think this will help with some of your management challenges.” He said this as if my management challenges were a regular topic of discussion rather than an out-of-the-blue declaration of fact. I wasn’t super eager to read it, but when YOUR DIRECT REPORT is telling you to read a book on the subject of how you are managing them, there’s no clear way to say “nah, I’m good.” So that’s how I “decided” to read it.

Years later, I saw it on the bookshelves of a CEO. I was newly hired junior senior management - important enough to meet regularly with the CEO 1:1 but unimportant enough that I could quietly cancel many installments without him noticing. He didn’t have a large bookshelf, only five or six books in an office where everything was just so. In an early conversation, I took a swing and told him it was exciting to work for a CEO who had read and enjoyed The Phoenix Project. He looked at it, smiled, and very casually said “Oh, that? It’s just for show, I don’t know anything about it.”

I would soon realize that this was a microcosm of working for that charlatan - everything we did was only for appearances, no substance. It’s no longer a business, sold in a fire sale after playing a Price is Right-style game of “how close to fraud can you get without going over the line?”

PRETTY CLOSE IT TURNS OUT.

Good book. Highly recommend.

Netrunner Drafting Guide & Deckbuilding Basics

Fri, 26 Dec 2014 00:00:00 GMT

We’re doing a Netrunner draft at Braintree soon after the New Year. I wanted to send the new drafters a cheatsheet on their first draft. Since I couldn’t find any online, I wrote my own.

What follows is one person’s opinion on Netrunner drafting after having gone through a few drafts. I have yet to win a draft tournament so take with a grain of salt.

How does the Netrunner draft work?

When the draft starts, all players will pick up the first set of 10 cards in front of them. They will each pick one card and pass the rest of the cards to their right. This means that each player will now receive the 9 cards the person on their left didn’t pick. Each player will pick one card from that 9, and pass the remaining cards to the right again. This continues until you are passed one card. When you receive one card from the player on your left, you will keep that card automatically and this round of the draft is over.

We will do this 4 times for Corporation cards and 4 times for Runner cards. This means you will draft 40 cards for each side. When you add these to your starter pack, you’ll have about 50 cards total for each side. Of these you will put roughly 30 (for Runner) or 34 (for Corp) into your deck. You can make changes to your deck from this pool of 50 between games.

Corp-side Drafting Tips

There are three pillars to the Corp Draft - Agendas, ICE, and Econ. There are other powerful cards that you should consider grabbing but you’ll be in trouble if you don’t cover these bases.

Agendas

The corp is required to have a certain number of “agenda points” based on how many total cards you have in your deck including agendas. If you have 30-34 cards total in your deck, you must have agendas worth a total of 14-15 points. If you have 35-39 cards, you must have 16-17 points of agendas. Conventional wisdom is that you want as few agenda points as possible in your deck while having the most cards total (to minimize the odds of a runner stealing agendas), so shoot for a 34-card deck with 14-15 points of agendas.

Your starter pack will contain about 17 points of agendas, but this doesn’t mean you should avoid choosing agendas in the draft! A diverse set of agendas gives you many options in how and when you score, not to mention the effects of each agenda. 3/2 agendas (that is, agendas that require three advancements to score and are worth 2 points) and 2/1 agendas are particularly powerful weapons for the corp to sneak out quick advancements!

ICE

ICE should generally make up about 30-45% of the cards in your deck. Usually you’ll want at least half of that ICE to have an “End the Run” subroutine and you’ll want at least half to be less than 5 credits to rez (not necessarily the same half though). Doing this ensures you have ICE you can rez in the early game and that makes a good defense.

Assuming you have a 34 card deck, this means that you want 11-16 pieces of ICE in it with at least 6 “End the Run” ICE. This isn’t a hard rule, but it’s a good starting point.

Diversity is often the key to a great ICE lineup. You’ll want a good mixture of Sentry, Barrier, and Code Gate ICE to prevent one kind of icebreaker from ruining your game. The same goes for ICE strengths. A variety of strengths creates a variety of challenges to the runner - higher strength isn’t always better.

“End the Run” ICE can be surprisingly rare in the draft. It’s not wrong to take “boring” ICE like Wall of Static or Ice Wall as an early-round draft pick. Aside from that, draft what seems interesting to you while keeping your ICE diversity and card synergy in mind. it’s no good to have a ton of tag-the-runner ICE if you lack the other cards to capitalize on it.

Econ Cards

Great cards are only great when you can afford them. You’ll want a number of cards that generate credits in your deck. These cards can take a variety of forms - agendas like Geothermal Fracking or Hostile Takeover that provide credits when scored, assets like PAD Campaign or Adonis Campaign that provide a steady stream of credits each turn, or operations like Hedge Fund or Medical Fundraiser that provide an instant influx of cash.

Usually having 15-33% of your deck generate income is good, but this isn’t as hard a rule as with agendas and ICE. Your starter pack will contain some solid econ cards, but you’ll likely want more. If you have a 34-card deck, you’ll want about 6-11 econ cards.

One thing to keep in mind with these: the more your economic strategy relies on assets or scoring agendas, the more end-the-run ICE you’ll need to keep the runner out or else you run the risk of easily being credit-starved.

Everything Else

At this point you may have a deck that looks something like this:

7 Agendas
12 ICE
5 Assets
3 Operations

That leaves 9 cards to do with as you please, and this is where the flavor and strategy of your corp deck comes from. This depends entirely on what you see in the draft. Look for cards that seem powerful when combined with the assets/agendas/ICE you have already picked for the deck or that have a number of potential uses.

Runner Drafting

In general you want your Runner deck to be as small as possible so that you are more likely to get the cards you need. 30 is the minimum in the draft - you should probably plan on having about that many cards.

We draft the Runner second so you should already have some idea of the Corp cards you’ll be up against. In particular, when you see a bunch of ICE that has some specific strength of vulnerability then you can use that to your advantage as the Runner when drafting. Don’t go overboard though - as your draft group is larger, the likelihood that there are great Corp cards in the pool that you didn’t see increases.

Econ

At least 25-33% of your deck should be econ cards. In a 30 card deck, this means about 7-11 cards for econ. Like the corp, diversity is good. Resource cards are often powerful credit generators but can be destroyed by any tag-heavy Corp deck.

Icebreakers

The number of Icebreakers in a Runner deck varies wildly but you should consider having at least 6-7 in your deck and no more than 15-16. The runner starter kit will include some number of AI Icebreakers (icebreakers that apply to any kind of ICE) but you shouldn’t rely on these alone without a backup plan. Some ICE are particularly strong against AI icebreakers or even immune to them.

On the flipside, you may not need an icebreaker for every kind of ICE either. A strong set of universal/AI icebreakers combined with some powerful “niche” icebreakers like Ninja or Corroder is often sufficient for a draft runner deck. These niche icebreakers are usually the most credit-efficient way past ICE of their type.

Everything Else

There’s much more freedom in building a Runner deck than a Corp deck which means there’s less advice to provide. If you want to go program-heavy (say, a bunch of viruses or exotic utility programs like Sneakdoor Beta), make sure you have the memory unit cards to install them. Don’t underestimate events either - just one play of Maker’s Eye or Inside Job can swing a game in your favor.

Runners have an easier time of connecting combos in the draft than the corp does since they have more flexibility in card draw. Since you’re unlikely to get more than two copies of any great card, favor combo cards that can create many solid-to-good synergies rather than a single, powerful combination.

Card draw is generally more important for the Runner than the Corp. Cards like Test Run that let you search your stack for an icebreaker or program can be very powerful for the Runner - these cards mean you can find the right tool just as you need it. Other cards that provide a boost to card drawing like Diesel (event: draw three cards) provide similar benefits for the runner.

Go Forth and Draft!

One last tip: as soon as the drafting begins, a smart drafter is observing their opponents for any clues about the decks others are building. For instance, invariably people at the table will complain about seeing many copies of a few “underpowered” cards. This means that if you can think of a way to make that card work, it will be easy to draft 3+ copies of it. In our first such draft, everyone bemoaned the excess numbers of Underworld Contacts they were passed only for someone to steal a horde of them and make a monster econ, untraceable Runner deck with them.

If you have any feedback or tips from your own draft experiences, please get in touch and share them! Happy hacking!

Ludum Dare 31 Concept - “Combined Arms”

Sat, 06 Dec 2014 00:00:00 GMT

Unfortunately I didn’t have enough time this weekend to participate in this round of Ludum Dare so I’m sketching out what I would have attempted given the chance.

The theme is “Entire Game on One Screen.” I thought about screens for awhile and how they are just a simplified view of an underlying system, similar in nature to Plato’s allegory of the Cave. I wanted to make something that really exploited that and provided imperfect information to the player.

COMBINED ARMS is a two-player co-operative mini-RTS that simulates the ground invasion of a city supported by a fleet of ships in orbit.

The View from Space

One player is the Fleet Admiral and sees an interface like so:

This player can see the entire map and the current status of all objectives. A number of control points have to be held before the capital (large building in top left) can be taken by friendly troops. The orbital commander can also take various strategic actions on a time delay (simulating the delay between launching something from orbit and seeing its effects). These actions include:

Getting a city-wide scan that indicates troop density
Getting a smaller scan that indicates unit position and type
Launching a number of different kinds of orbital strikes doing general area damage, targeting buildings, or targeting specific types of units

Except for the moments after a scan, the Fleet Admiral lives in fog of war. The player can see the theatre of battle but doesn’t really understand any specific situation on the ground except as relayed by the ground commander.

The View from the Ground

The other player is the Ground Commander. The ground commander has a more typical third-person view of a small squad of units.

The Ground Commander is massively outnumbered by hostile troops and must use the power of the orbital fleet to even the odds. The Ground Commander has an almost perfect understanding of their immediate surroundings, but no strategic view of the city or objectives.

The Commander controls 4-6 units at a time. As units are lost, the Admiral can send in replacements but they are slow to arrive, and the fleet is otherwise useless while preparing them.

The war on the ground is relatively simple - units come in three flavors: tanks, walkers, and fliers. Tanks are slow, strong, excellent versus walkers, and can slowly destroy buildings. Fliers are fast, frail, excellent versus tanks, and ignore all but the tallest buildings. Walkers are a middle-of-the-road choice which are excellent versus fliers and can slowly move through buildings.

The “game” of Combined Arms is as much a game of memory and communication as it is tactics and strategy. It blatantly steals some of my favorite bits of Wargame, World in Conflict, and Full Spectrum Warrior and I make no claim of it being original (indeed, you could say it’s just a strategy take on Clandestine).

While I don’t have time this LD to do much more than make fake screenshots, this might be an idea I visit in the future.

Chasing Swatch

Wed, 03 Sep 2014 00:00:00 GMT

I’ve claimed to have several spirit animals in the past, but in reality it’s definitely Tim Gunn.

Making an Asynchronous Turn-based Game in Unity, Part II

Wed, 30 Jul 2014 00:00:00 GMT

Now that I have a basic prototype that adheres to the plan outlined in Part I-A, it’s time to build a server to support this game.

A longstanding (and totally hilarious) joke of mine is that I’ll play any game with a “Next Turn” button. As such, I plan to build a server that can support not just Clans but any future turn-based strategy games I build. Ideally I’d even love to open-source the server portion and allow other, less technical developers to start making this kind of game so that I can start playing them. =)

As such, here are my design goals for this:

Support multiple different “Games”
Support multiple users
Support users having multiple “sessions” in multiple “games” (a session is basically an instance of a game. In other words, “Clans” would be the game while my 1v1 game against Gourmand would be a “session”)
Support asynchronous chat within a session

So then, architecture: I initially plan to build this out as a rails-api application that primarily exists to persist game and chat state. The server will authenticate users and apps via OAuth2 password grants with each game as a different client.

While I’d be tempted to store game states on disk, serializing them to Postgres is the easiest solution for now since I plan to deploy to Heroku. I reserve the right to introduce a more sensible document store down the road however.

I haven’t found a way to incorporate Redis into this solution yet so let’s fix that. I’ll probably use it to store in-game chats as sorted sets per-user. Initially chat will only be global within a session so chats per-user is overkill. Eventually I’d love to support user-to-user chat as well though. Even if this turns out to be YAGNI¹, it will be YAGNIBIIF?²

Next Time on the Making of “Clans”

This wraps up most of my planning materials. Once I have a Trello board for Clans, I’ll add a link to it here. (edit: here is that Trello board)

Next up, I’ll share what are becoming my current “best practices” for code organization in Unity. This has long been a sticking point for me as projects grow, but I’ve come across a style that seems to be the least painful.

You Ain’t Gonna Need It, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_aren’t_gonna_need_it (ignore anyone who says that stands for aren’t, by the way) ↩
You Ain’t Gonna Need It, But Isn’t It Fun? (citation needed) ↩

Making an Asynchronous Turn-based Game in Unity, Part I-A

Sat, 14 Jun 2014 00:00:00 GMT

The nice thing about working with a bunch of friendly and clever folk at Braintree is that they are always willing to brainstorm on better ways of building software. “Clans” is no exception, and within 20 minutes of posting Part I we¹ had come up with a simpler way to build it.

In our last thrilling installment…

I left off in Part I talking about running Unity on the server. It consisted of two parts:

Clients (our players) submit orders to the server that represent what they wanted to do on their turn.
When the server has all orders for all players, it processes those orders on the server and sends back to clients the new game state that results from it.

Turns out that Step #2 is overkill². Instead, once we have all players’ orders, we just have to send back to each client that collection of all players’ orders and let each client simulate what happened. As long as the simulation is deterministic, clients should end up with the same game state that the server would have generated. This avoids any kind of Unity/Mono running on the server at all.

This introduces the possibility of clients accidentally generating different ideas of the “current state” of the game and getting out-of-sync from one another. This is hardly a novel problem or indeed solution. The original Warcraft used a similar scheme in multiplayer albeit to solve very different problems than what I’m solving. There is a fascinating analysis of the Warcraft out-of-sync problem and its solution by one of Warcraft’s creators, Patrick Wyatt.

My solution will be a slight variation on the first step above. When clients send the server their orders, they’ll also send their understanding of the current game state. Specifically, each client will serialize the current state of the game as they understand it and produce an MD5 sum of the result. If any client sends an MD5 sum that differs from the others, the game is out-of-sync and is dealt with³.

The New Plan ⁴

Clients (our players) submit orders to the server that represent what they want to do on their turn. In addition they submit an MD5 checksum of the current game state.
When the server has all orders for all players, it verifies all clients had the same game state. It then sends back to clients all other clients’ orders.
Each client verifies and simulates orders on their own to determine the next game state.

Next Time, on “Clans!”

Scott outlines how the server will work, something he promised to do in Part I! Enriquela discovers a terrible secret about sharks! Captain Boontz makes a decision that will change OMEGA GOGO SQUADRON forever.

TUNE IN NEXT TIME!

Credit specifically goes to Michael Fairley who did the lion’s share of the critical thinking so I didn’t have to. ↩
The server-side simulation approach has a couple of advantages still. In particular, it’s rather hard to cheat in that scenario. While “Clans” won’t have much hidden information, it will have some. A technically skilled cheater could reverse-engineer the client to provide omniscience within the state of the game. If Clans is popular enough to have that problem, I will be only too happy to revisit this scheme to simulate the game server-side and send partial state to clients. ↩
“Dealt with” is a euphemism for “game over.” This won’t be a Civilization-style game where someone would lose 30 hours of gameplay if a game terminates. Additionally, this should be an extremely rare occurrence. You could send out the previous game state and keep the game “paused” until you get consistent states back from all clients, but I don’t care enough about this problem to bother. ↩
Until my clever coworkers come up with something else, that is. ↩

Making an Asynchronous Turn-based Game in Unity, Part I

Fri, 13 Jun 2014 00:00:00 GMT

In my previous post on my next game project “Clans” I outlined the kind of asynchronous turn-based strategy game I want to make. I didn’t discuss the implementation details though.

An asynchronous game implies there are persistent servers available to coordinate game state between players. I want to leave the option of an offline mode available, and I also need to make this easy to develop without having to run a server locally.

I experimented with a few options but it came down to two: build my game logic in a separate assembly and reference that from Unity, or take the compiled DLLs Unity creates of my custom code and find a way to run them without most of Unity.

Option 1: Separate Project

While building my game logic as a separate assembly is more logical and definitely cleaner, I ran into a few issues. While I don’t need most of what Unity provides in classes like MonoBehavior for my game logic, the utility classes around math and vectors would be a big help. Furthermore, Unity periodically likes to rebuild your solution files which forces me to periodically re-add my GameLogic project.

Option 2: Headless Unity

When you build & run your Unity game, Unity compiles all of the custom code you’ve written for your game into a DLL named “Assembly-.dll” (in my case, Assembly-CSharp.dll). This won’t work on it’s own though - you’ll need to pull in a few additional DLLs from core Unity to make it work.

After I tracked down those DLLs though, I was able to make a simple command-line application that used those DLLs to process some simple game logic. I’ll have to be diligent in separating my logic code from anything that requires Unity’s “MonoBehavior” components as anything that references any of their event lifecycle hooks like Start() and Update() won’t work. This shouldn’t be a problem for turn-based strategy games, as they shouldn’t be making use of Unity’s game physics or other logical components for any important bits of game state.

In the next installment I’ll show how all of this is going to come together. I may even make a diagram! GET READY

Another Game in the Works – "Clans"

Sun, 08 Jun 2014 00:00:00 GMT

After a period of game-making hibernation, today I found the time to get back into shape. Previously I had teased about a strategy game called MUTANT OVERLORDS. As my design doc hit the 4,500th word for that game, I realized that perhaps it was beyond the scope of my current skills. I’d like to tackle it someday, but it’s prudent to start on something less ambitious.

“Clans” (very much a working title) is a simple asynchronous turn-based strategy game of hidden information. Drawing inspiration from the board game Sekigahara, victory in “Clans” will be achieved by surprising your enemy by your unit composition and choosing the right time to play “tactics” cards that can change the nature of battles:

Armies are composed of stacks of units and used to take key parts of a point-to-point map. On your turn, you’ll queue up movement orders for your armies. When you opponent has done the same, the orders will be resolved simultaneously.

Choosing and ordering the individual units of an army is the key mechanic of “Clans.” While your opponent will see your armies and the number of units in them at all times, they won’t know the composition of your army. Perhaps you’ve filled it with a number of cheap, fast units to give the impression of strength where there is none. Perhaps you have an elite few heavy hitters. Perhaps you have a mix:

Each type of unit will have an ability it grants to its army when it is the topmost “lead” unit in the army. In the above screenshot, a “shield” unit is atop the army which makes it both harder to kill and harder to move.

I have some further ideas on how this mechanic will work to offset the obvious “kitchen sink” army composition strategy that this otherwise lends itself to. I don’t want to say too much more until I have more than a simple mockup though.

No Conclusion in No Hire Lawsuit?

Mon, 21 Apr 2014 00:00:00 GMT

The New York Times is reporting this morning that a settlement is close in the class-action lawsuit brought against Google, Apple, Intel, and Adobe for their discriminatory and illegal no-hire, no-solicit agreements amongst one another.

For those who haven’t been watching this case, those four companies (and previously also Intuit, Lucasfilm, Pixar, and eBay, who have since settled for pittances) have been accused by potential employees as having an agreement not to hire employees from the other companies. The proceedings have already led to the discovery of numerous emails documenting the process

I’d be very sorry to see this settled rather than set a precedent. I am fanatic about retaining employee mobility as society transitions further towards employees as disposable, transient resources. With the high-profile companies involved, this was a fantastic opportunity to clearly make this an illegal act for others considering the same.

This isn’t just theoretical either - I was nearly the victim of such an agreement back in 2009. A number of CEOs from bootstrapped Chicago companies and consultancies formed a networking group. The cost to entry was, amongst other things, an agreement not to solicit employees from any of the members of this group. When I reached out to Obtiva to work there in 2009, I was unlucky enough to work for one of the other members of this group.

I may have been rejected outright if it weren’t for the fact I found out about this and had a very lively conversation with my soon-to-be former employer. I was one of the fortunate ones though - I learned this was happening. Usually this unfair labor practice manifests itself in the form rejection letter, the unanswered email, or the strangely reticent recruiter. This isn’t even to mention the other victims like the Google recruiter that Steve Jobs had fired for daring to do his job in the face of these illegal agreements.

I’ll be crossing my fingers that this article is inaccurate, but I suspect not with the number of other companies that have already settled similar claims. It’s a shame - when a case like this settles for such small amounts, the only legal precedent becomes “don’t get caught.”

(On a side note - The New York Times has been fantastic in covering this case - virtually every meaningful update has been on page one of either their National or Business section. If you care about these things too, you might consider throwing them a few nickels)

Gattaca

Sat, 19 Apr 2014 00:00:00 GMT

It pleases me immensely that GATTACA has aged like a fine wine.

Hurt Locker

Sat, 12 Apr 2014 00:00:00 GMT

This week ends in approximately 22 minutes and counting.

FLASH BOYS, Employment Agreements, and Market Fairness

Fri, 11 Apr 2014 00:00:00 GMT

Michael Lewis’ new book on high-frequency trading, FLASH BOYS, is stunning. While free markets are based on the relatively fair flow of information between players, FLASH BOYS shows how profitable it can be to obfuscate and restrain that information.

Lewis describes one small group’s efforts to restore the fairness of information in the market. It’s a story that couldn’t happen in the traditional web of non-solicits and non-competes that decorate contracts like ornaments at Christmas. Thankfully the major actors in FLASH BOYS weren’t bound by them and worked to improve the market. Otherwise it would have been a short book - a few key people had an idea on how to restore fairness to the market but couldn’t.

These other, more common restrictions on the free flow of information within a market trouble me¹. I understand and respect intellectual property but I cry foul when companies claim IP within their employees. It clearly hurts the market, but also wreaks havoc on the individuals caught up in it as well.

If a company can’t lazily leverage legalese for retention, they are forced to invest in their employees and in their culture. If each employee feels valued and empowered there is no incentive to leave the company to follow ideas and passions. Employers must make it absurd to consider leaving to compete against them. It’s a scenario where all parties benefit but it isn’t easy.

If you get the chance, FLASH BOYS is filled with insights like these and I can’t recommend it enough. A number of ideas have stuck with me from it and I continue to mull them over. You’re likely to see more of them within this space.

particularly as I am currently bound by them. ↩

Monopoly

Mon, 31 Mar 2014 00:00:00 GMT

via brucesterling

Braindump on the Next Game

Wed, 19 Mar 2014 00:00:00 GMT

I’ve started work on another game, title officially TBD but let’s call it MO for now. The goal is to build an asynchronous multiplayer turn-based strategy game that takes about 30-60 turns with about 3-5 “actions” per turn.

I’m still fleshing out the mechanics, but I want to share my principles / constraints so far:

Hex-based game where war is a factor, but not the only path to victory. Likely based on victory points where conquest is only one route to that goal, but other options may include economic, diplomatic, or intrigue paths.
Terrain influences tactics, but there is no such thing as a “bad start” or “good start” - all terrain under your control can be put to use.
Hexes are also essentially “slots” for you to build a single upgrade or improvement. In a game like Civilization, you are constructing cities which are bundles of upgrades and improvements on one location hidden behind menus. No. In MO each tile can sustain one and only one construction. All players can see the improvement and can get a tooltip for more information, but there is no concept of “drilling down into” a tile to see what’s really there.
Different tiles provide different kinds of currencies, but each kind can be used to pay for the same things. The kind of currency you use determines small variations in the capabilities of that thing, but not in your ability to purchase it.
Each player controls at most between 1-3 units total. To achieve this, units should be expensive, meaningful, and somewhat difficult to kill.

Ten the Hard Way - A Netrunner Love Letter

Tue, 11 Mar 2014 00:00:00 GMT

My megacorporation is on the wrong side of a wealthy Criminal playing a nasty Account Siphon. Not only would would that steal nearly half my credits, but it would boost his level of wealth from “Jay-Z” to “Scrooge McDuck.” A single trace is my only chance to stop him and we both know it. If the trace succeeds then he’s forced to end his run against my servers. My money would be safe, but for the trace to succeed I’d have to spend more credits then I stand to lose.

Netrunner overflows with these dilemmas. How much pain do I endure to guarantee my foe doesn’t profit? Did he know going into this that I could stop him at great cost, and just wants me to waste the credits? There’s rarely an answer that’s always correct regardless of the circumstances. While I try to win, I play to wrestle with these dilemmas of the moment.

A few people have gathered around the table. As I announce my decision about the trace, one of these watchers openly asks “WHAT! Are you INSANE?”

Hmmm.

Hard Decisions

“WHAT! Are you INSANE?”

Same sentiment but this is nearly five years earlier at approximately 1 A.M. I’m at the final table of a friendly poker tournament, playing against the final two others when I fold a hand that bring jeers, howls, and even a stern rebuke from the onlookers.

I smile nervously but say nothing. My hands tremble when I’m extremely excited - they’re my tell and so I hide them under the table. Moments later, the round ends, the crowd cheers, and this became a hand we still talk about today. It isn’t because another player was knocked out despite a good hand, but because I’d have been knocked out despite an amazing hand. I read the state of the entire table, figured the leader had a truly phenomenal hand, and played accordingly.

Folding may be losing but that play still feels better than winning. In poker I maybe get one or two of those moments every few games, moments when you see through the Matrix and really are playing the person across the table from you rather than just the cards in your hand. It’s rare though. I spent a lot of time in poker chasing that dragon.

Netrunner is full of those moments. With so many public, discrete bits of information, every turn matters and there are continuous revelations about the state of the game and players. There’s enough mechanical complexity to make a puzzle to ponder, but still enough ambiguity to play the players and not just the mechanics.

There are many reasons I am having a torrid love affair with Netrunner lately but this may be chief amongst them.

Back to the Future

“WHAT! Are you INSANE?”

Back to the dystopian future of Netrunner. I do nothing. I let the trace fail, presenting no challenge to the runner whatsoever and leaving the door wide open to the Account Siphon. I could have shut it down entirely for just one more credit than I lose to it. Instead I left our corporate bank account numbers and a nice glass of tea in our reception area.

Like me, the runner now faces a choice: continue and steal my money, or end the run now and reap no rewards or consequences. It looks like a trap. It looks like a bluff. It looks like an amateur mistake.

I think to myself “Please don’t end the run. Please steal my credits.” I remain silent, doing my best to act annoyed and resigned. I hide my hands beneath the table - they’re my tell.

Thankfully, my opponent’s greed gets the better of him. He finishes the run and takes his ten credits. He also suffers the side effects of an Account Siphon. The runner is automatically tagged, an effect that basically means my giant, powerful megacorporation knows where this little hacker lives.

I use this tag to kill him immediately on the next turn. The game ends and he is a corpse, albeit a fabulously rich one.

I don’t particularly care about the win. That’s not what I’ll remember. I’ll remember the pivotal moment of two decisions - my decision not to resist, and the runner’s decision to continue. Netrunner provides so many of these choices and opportunities to react that I can’t help but love the game even when I’m on the losing side of these decisions.

Our Man Dragon – Complete!

Fri, 28 Feb 2014 00:00:00 GMT

My goal was to finish Our Man Dragon in February, and I did so with 52 minutes to spare!

Obviously it’s still rough around the edges and isn’t the most attractive thing, but I completed all the major features I planned.

My goal in finishing this was to learn the ropes in each major feature of making a game. Short of sound effects, visuals, and controller input, I did just that.

What’s Next

In order to make a complete game I am proud of, it isn’t enough to have interesting gameplay. I need to at least hack together compelling music or visuals. If I am ever to make something I am proud of, I can probably afford a professional for one of those two, but not both.

Our Game “Our Man Dragon”

Sat, 15 Feb 2014 00:00:00 GMT

It’s been awhile since I’ve provided an update on Our Man Dragon, so allow me to rectify that.

It’s not uncommon for software projects to spend just as much time going from “start” to “basically done” as they do to go from “basically done” to “done.” Our Man Dragon is no different - the basic gameplay was hammered out in a day while I am on month two of “finishing up.”

However, it’s dramatically more challenging to stay motivated towards the end of this game than the many non-game software projects in my career. The crux is that all of my work is now towards making sure a new player knows what they are supposed to do as well as I do. This means GUIs, intro screens, etc.

It feels tedious, but this is important work. Even though this is not a particularly fun game, I want it to be a complete game so that I have experienced each part of releasing a game. This has always been a learning project so I am determined to finish this before moving on to something more interesting.

For the curious, you can track my remaining work on the Our Man Dragon Trello board.

My Formula for Fun

Sun, 09 Feb 2014 00:00:00 GMT

Here’s roughly where I start in determining how much I like a game:

(average number of hard decisions per minute) / (number of pages in rulebook * number of times that players ask "Whose turn is it right now?”)

This metric favors a few types of games quite strongly:

Light Tactical Games (Colossal Arena, Ticket to Ride) - these games are typically extremely easy to explain and do well on the rulebook metric. Additionally, a focus on tactics that support simple strategies (“Keep the Titan Alive” or “Dominate Western Europe’s Railroads”) result in fast turns that can drastically change other player’s tactics. As a result it’s rare to see players check out of the game when it isn’t their turn.
Heavyweight, High Interaction Games with Simultaneous Actions (A Game of Thrones, Twilight Imperium 3) - While these games tend to ship with thesis-length rulebooks, they are saved by interaction-rich turns with a large number of discrete decisions. High-level strategies can become complex, but your ability to plan many turns in advance is constrained by the high player interaction.
“Constrained” Cooperative Games (Escape: The Curse of the Temple, Hanabi) - Cooperative games that constrain or regulate player interaction also do extremely well. Traditionally, co-operative games are dominated by the most experienced or analytical member of the group who proceeds to “solve” the puzzle and direct the other players towards a solution. Relatively recent cooperative games have found creative ways around this. Hanabi heavily restricts the kind of information that can be shared between players, while Escape heavily limits the amount of time players have to play the game and thus solve the puzzle. When you factor in the simple rules for both and the mutual investment in each other’s turns that comes naturally to board games, these games do extremely well by the above metric.

There’s also a number of mechanics and genres that do extremely poorly. Random, chaotic games like Munchkin and Fluxx tend to provide few hard decisions. Interaction-light Euro-style board games like Agricola and Puerto Rico often result in an extraordinary number of “Whose turn is it?” questions because of the analysis required of players. Most wargames fail spectacularly because of their many rules and long turns.

If you have a similar rule of thumb or common theme in your gaming interests, I’d love to hear it.

Digital Memories - Snapshots of Geocities Research

Fri, 07 Feb 2014 00:00:00 GMT

The Tumblr One Terabyte of Kilobyte Age is my new obsession. The Tumblr is a snapshot of archived Geocities pages in chronological order. I’ve posted some of the more interesting below.

The blog of the research project taking these screenshots is fascinating as well. It captures a time when hordes of new users were trying to create on the internet. What strikes me is not how many are clearly unfamiliar with the “how” of creating their own homepages, but also with the “why”. This archive is littered with people writing statements to the effect of “I don’t know why I am doing this and don’t have anything to say, but…”

Definitely check it out.

Keythoughts on Keyflower

Sat, 01 Feb 2014 00:00:00 GMT

“Worker Placement” in board gaming dates back to roughly the turn of the century, but recently there has been a second wave of games experimenting within the mechanic. Keyflower is the most ambitious of these that I have played. While I found the whole lesser than the sum of its parts, it has some rather clever ideas that I want to celebrate.

A Keymicroreview of Keyflower

Keyflower is a game of building villages using workers to acquire and use a number of different building tiles. Your workers are both what you spend to activate buildings (placing them on a tile) as well as acquire buildings (placing them next to a tile). Each building is unique and provides its own unique, mathy perk.

It’s a clever game, but is burdensome to play. The sheer number of options demands careful analysis at all times, but the high degree of randomness in the draw of tiles and the play of others means it is challenging to most to do most of that analysis in advance of your turn.

That’s all nerd talk for saying it’s slow. Very slow. “People leaving the table entirely between their turns” slow. The slogan (slowgan?) of this game should be “Whose turn is it again?”

HOWEVER, that doesn’t make the game any less clever, and I want to call out a couple of the most cleverest bits.

Keyvictory

In the game’s final round, you are buying tiles not because they do anything (they largely don’t), but because they establish victory conditions for you alone if you win the bid. This itself is immensely clever, but it gets better.

Each player is dealt a number of these tiles at the start of the game. Before the final round, they choose how many to make available for bidding. If I see Fred has a ton of ore on his tiles, then I may choose to keep the “5 VP for each 3 Resources” tile off the board at the end. However, perhaps I’ve also invested heavily in resources as well, at which point I have a tough (but unfortunately math-intense) decision ahead of me.

This ability to change the rules of victory is extremely clever, something I haven’t seen before in a game. Hidden information in games isn’t particularly new, but the uncertainty involved in it with Keyflower turns this concept on its head. It was absolutely thrilling to see this play out.

Keymoney

Workers come in four different colors. In of themselves, the colors are meaningless. A yellow worker can mine ore just as well as a red or green one. BUT WAIT! As with most things in Keyflower, there’s a twist.

Once I bid on a tile with a particular color, only workers of that color can be used to outbid me. Similarly, when I activate a tile, only workers of that same color can re-activate it. So while these workers have no absolute difference between them, they take on stark relative differences between each other.

It’s a very interesting way to play with the idea of currency. It’s as if I could place the first bid on an eBay auction in Confederate scrip and block anyone else from bidding against me. I’ve never seen a game that divorced the concept of currencies from cost in such a way.

Keyconclusion

Keyflower isn’t my favorite game and it isn’t one I will bring to the table often. Don’t think you shouldn’t try it though. It’s like a David Lynch movie - I’m glad I saw it even if I didn’t enjoy watching it.

Anyone truly interested in new board gaming concepts should play through a game of Keyflower - there’s several more I am sure I’ve missed. It may not be the greatest, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t end the game with my head spinning of ways those mechanics could be reused and reimagined.

10 Days

Sat, 25 Jan 2014 00:00:00 GMT

Cover of the 1922 German edition of John Reed’s “10 Days That Shook The World”

We Shall See

Wed, 22 Jan 2014 00:00:00 GMT

This is an old story that you can find throughout the internet. I forget where I first heard it, but it has stuck with me. -SP

A farmer was tending to his crops when his beloved horse escaped and ran away. “Such misfortune,” his neighbors said. “We shall see,” the farmer replied.

The horse returned, bringing with it several wild horses. “What a blessing,” the neighbors said. “We shall see,” the farmer replied.

As the farmer’s son was tending to the wild horses, one kicked back and broke the son’s legs. “What tragedy,” the neighbors said. “We shall see,” the farmer replied.

Soon after the local magistrate came to enlist young men into the war. Upon seeing the farmer’s son was crippled, he moved on. “Such wonderful news,” the neighbors said.

“We shall see,” the farmer replied.

LD28 Postmortem

Mon, 30 Dec 2013 00:00:00 GMT

When I last submitted an Ludum Dare game, I gave myself an MS Paint trophy. I submitted another game, one I daresay is a bit better than the last, so here’s my reward.

that’s some CGI right there in case you can’t tell.

This LD was a blast. I spent the weekend hacking with four colleagues from Braintree and we had ourselves a hootenanny.

The game is more or less as I had imagined, albeit with a few missing bells and whistles. The last big gameplay feature where villagers build huts is still in-progress, and it could really use a GUI to tell you what’s going on. Still, remarkably complete, especially when compared to how very far short I fell last time.

What Worked Well

Knowing Unity - this time around, I knew the tools somewhat before going in. I have yet to finish a game in Unity, but I have banged out a couple of rough prototypes prior to this. In particular, the Catlike Coding tutorials were very helpful.
Comradery - While I remain a fan of the solo format, leaving home to gather with like-minded hackers was extremely helpful. Just as in my daily work, my colleagues inspire me to be better than I am.
One Fun Thing - I took Tom Francis’ advice and made a game around one fun mechanic and prototyped that mechanic immediately. I spent a lot of time making sure the fire-breathing looked and felt just so, but I think that was time extremely well spent. It’s still fun to fly around and set things on fire, even if you don’t understand what the game is really about.

What Didn’t Go Well

3D Modeling - I realized I needed better tooling to make the ork fortresses, which is where I started to spin my wheels. Google Sketchup is a straightforward enough tool, but I really found it hard to navigate. I have a license to Blender somewhere - I need to dig it up and rediscover that tool.
Visuals - These aren’t my strong suit. I cheated by going for a very basic look (one commenter compared it to Darwinia), but even then I spent more time on them than I ought to have. I don’t know what the solution is here though.

Other Miscellaneous Thoughts

I really had fun with this. One of my 2014 New Year’s Resolutions is to try and make a game every quarter. I have a few things I’d like to experiment with - in particular, I want to see how hard it is to make an online multiplayer game. I am going to finish up Our Man Dragon first though.

As always, thanks to the organizers for making this happen. LD is a very special event for me.

LD28 – The Rejected Ideas

Sun, 15 Dec 2013 00:00:00 GMT

A number of ideas come and go for these competition, but there can ultimately be only one. A few of the nearly-games

A lone fighter and a lone destroyer have to take out a massive fleet of resistance. The job of the fighter is to go annoy individual parts of that fleet such that they follow it back to the destroyer and are annihilated
A multiplayer Tropico-like city management game where you’re all managing the same city but with different, hidden agendas. The communists may want more production and mining while the capitalists just want hotels and beachline. You have to undermine your fellow’s efforts without straight-up destroying them (all improvements are probably permanent).
RTS-style game where you are building a giant death robot piece by piece. How do you arm it, and when do you send it into battle against your rivals?
You are the only lander for an outpost on a hostile alien civilization. You have to scrounge for resources to keep it alive, and it in return fuels and occasionally upgrades you. (This is more or less what turned into my dragon game)

whiteboard

Sun, 15 Dec 2013 00:00:00 GMT

Making progress, but now my enemy is time

burn

Sat, 14 Dec 2013 00:00:00 GMT

Burn orks burn

Ludum Dare 28 - Day One Wrapup

Sat, 14 Dec 2013 00:00:00 GMT

13 hours of work come and gone, minus a game of Tobago and some insane CS humans-vs-bot action.

The latest state of the game is playable. You can burn down the evil ork, or you can choose to turn on the innocent villagers and burn down the hut.

So far so good. Tomorrow is all going to be about the two I’s - AI and UI. The eventual game idea is to have ork lairs that spawn and gather orks for raids on the village. You have to go out and hunt these lairs to keep the village safe. Over time, more and more lairs spawn, and if enough are active at once, a great WAAAAUGH will form and they’ll all rush the village. Not good.

I will be a happy man if an ork can throw a spear into the dragon by day’s end tomorrow.

I’m thinking about a new title though. Perhaps “Our Hero, Dragon” ? What do you think?

Ludum Dare 28 - You Only Have One

Sat, 14 Dec 2013 00:00:00 GMT

Hello friends! I’m going to be writing a few posts here about my Ludum Dare entry and process. For the unfamiliar, Ludum Dare is a 48-hour game making competition around a particular theme, in this case “You Only Have One” I haven’t had the time to make an entry in ages, not since my last failed attempt. My goal this time is to have a completish game, something that doesn’t raise an exception to exit the game =).

After some stumblin’ and bumblin’ I decided to have a game around a lone dragon protecting a little village of hapless tribespeople. As you protect the village, they grow and do more stuff, but also become more dependent on you to keep them safe and content.

Now that I am writing this down, this is sounding like some Randian screed on the virtue of self-reliance. It’s not. It’s just that dragons are cool, and Twitter agrees.

Here’s a screenshot of what I have so far. Next thing is to get the dragon in motion and breathing fire, then we’re talkin!

the impermanence of pleasure

Tue, 30 Jul 2013 00:00:00 GMT

via voidmachine

Herzog Goes Bananas

Tue, 09 Jul 2013 00:00:00 GMT

Paul F. Tompkins as Werner Herzog on Comedy Bang! Bang!

via tumblr

Scott Aukerman: What’s your favorite movie Werner?

Werner Herzog: Probably… Herbie Goes Bananas.

Ben Schwartz: Is that the sequel to Herbie Fully Loaded?

Werner Herzog: This is the original Herbie series.

Scott Aukerman: Ah yes. How many films in that series?

Werner Herzog: Four.

Scott Aukerman: Okay, and let’s name them. Of course, Herbie the Love Bug.

Werner Herzog: Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo, Herbie Goes Bananas…

Ben Schwartz: And then?

Werner Herzog: Herbie: Portrait of a Serial Killer.

Elegance Road

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 00:00:00 GMT

via dynamicafrica

“Elegance Road” is a photo series by Belgian photographer Alexandre Van Enst that captures the non-conformist style and dandy attitudes of a Kinshasa-based fashion and lifestyle SAPE collective.

The African Society of Elegant People, the “SAPE” was born in the years after the independences of Congo-Brazzaville and Zaire.

Today there are two major schools of “SAPE”, respectively inspired by the French and Japanese aristocracy. They clash with high fashion brands, millimetered steps and gestures, from Paris to Kinshasa, during parades in honor of their founding masters, or simply at the Mass of Sunday.

Codified art of sham, glamor and “hast thou seen” for some, for others the SAPE is a metaphysic, a special relation with the question of being and appearance. Sassy, narcissistic and rebellious, the “sapeur” is a romantic.

“Elegance Road” showcases these heroes of modern times. In the decadent sceneries of the city of Kinshasa, from Lemba to Bandal through Ndjili, Matete and Limete, the “sapeurs” of the “War of hundred years” defy the power in place: the Leopards.

Led by the great masters such as Tshikose, Sesele and Kadhitoza, the Congolese dandies constantly reinvent themselves to shine.

city of anarchy

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 00:00:00 GMT

via studiox-nyc

highly curious

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 00:00:00 GMT

via jamesadomian (the dialogue for this really is worth a clickthrough)

great wall

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 00:00:00 GMT

via carlosbaila

Marina Abramovic and Ulay started an intense love story in the 70s, performing art out of the van they lived in. When they felt the relationship had run its course, they decided to walk the Great Wall of China, each from one end, meeting for one last big hug in the middle and never seeing each other again. at her 2010 MoMa retrospective Marina performed ‘The Artist Is Present’ as part of the show, a minute of silence with each stranger who sat in front of her. Ulay arrived without her knowing it and this is what happened.

Tales of Maj'Eyal

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 00:00:00 GMT

I am a sucker for roguelikes. Most roguelikes fall into a very standard template - the very name of the genre describes derivative works inspired by an old classic, “Rogue.” New games may change the theme or improve the graphics but few fundamentally deviate from the norms established long ago in classics like NetHack, Ancient Domains of Mystery, or Angband.

Despite some strong recommendations, I initially wrote off Tales of Maj’Eyal (ToME) as another such clone, albeit one designed for newcomers to the genre. After a few playthroughs I see the differences though - interesting design decisions throughout the game kept me wondering “what if” and coming back. Take inscriptions, for example, ToME’s response to healing/mana potions. From their own documentation:

… inscriptions (infusions and runes) replace potions and scrolls. The design goal behind inscriptions is to eliminate the time spent by the player “farming” potions and scrolls in weak zones, in order to make a run at a tougher zone. They are unlimited in use, but have cooldowns attached, so you must carefully time your use of them to survive. Unlike many other RPGs you cannot rely on a large stack of potions to get you through a tough battle.

That level of care in design permeates the game. Classes are designed to be familiar, and yet each one has unique mechanics that keep me coming back. Many of the standard or monotonous aspects of roguelikes have been streamlined (no cursed items for example, yay!) so that you can focus on the interesting bits.

Great games are a continued series of interesting decisions. In that light, Tales of Maj’Eyal is a great game. If you like roleplaying games new or old, I recommend you check it out. ToME is a free, open-source project, and you can download it for virtually any operating system at http://te4.org/download.

And remember, as with any roguelike game: dying is fun.

-SP

Accelerando

Mon, 04 Feb 2013 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Charles Stross
View on Goodreads

I don’t say many books are truly “must read” books. If you have any interest in the future of technology, humanity, and capitalism, you have to read Accelerando.

At least it will make me seem less crazy.

space capsule

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 00:00:00 GMT

via afrikanspaceprogram

stand

Wed, 12 Dec 2012 00:00:00 GMT

via warrenellis

marvel

Wed, 12 Dec 2012 00:00:00 GMT

via philnoto

stealing

Fri, 02 Nov 2012 00:00:00 GMT

via fosslien

Ludum Dare 24 – L-System of a Down

Sun, 26 Aug 2012 00:00:00 GMT

Haven’t posted yet this Ludum Dare. Kept hoping to have some better progress to show, but with < 30 minutes before the deadline, it ain’t happening. Ah well, I’ve learned a heck of a lot, probably more than last time around.

When we last spoke, I was pondering a rioting game based on traversing the edges of voronoi diagrams. I ultimately abandoned this midway through on Saturday for two reasons:

I hacked together a really simple prototype on pre-generated Voronoi paths and it was incredibly not fun, even by my meager requirements for this project
Voronoi diagrams can make semi-suitable roadways for medieval towns, hamlets, etc, but they really aren’t believable as the basis of a city.

I decided that ultimately procedurally generating a city was a more interesting problem to me than making a game at the moment, and switched gears. In particular, making an open-sourced Clojure implementation of the “CityEngine” as described in the paper Procedural Modeling of Cities (PDF). The basis of this is what the authors call an “Extended L-System.” Basically, an L-system is a context-free grammar where all the rules are applied in parallel as successive generations of change.

Progress is slow (somewhat faster now that I switched to Quil from Seesaw as my UI library) but here’s what I have so far.

The basis for directing road growth in the paper is an externally supplied topography (basically boundaries for where roads can exist) and a population heatmap. I’ve combined the two into one image where black is “no one at all lives here because it is water. DO NOT GO HERE”.

This is a few generations into my roadways. Right now they’re very dumb in that they exclusively target population centers without taking into account other nearby roads. Making them road-aware is probably the next step.

Anyway, I suppose technically this is mission failed since I have nothing to submit, but I’m happy with my progress and and I plan on seeing this through. There’s no open-source implementation of this in any language that I can find and the paper leaves much to the reader (as any good academic paper should) so I feel like I’m doing some real trailblazing!

Now if I can just find a way to work on Quil in the REPL without crashing it every 20 minutes, I’ll be happy.

Ludum Dare 24 – Riot Control

Sat, 25 Aug 2012 00:00:00 GMT

After a couple of hours of thinking and drinking, I’ve finally hit upon an idea that I think is feasible and interesting for the Ludum Dare theme “Evolution.”

I’m a mild ochlophobe, which means I have difficulty with large, densely populated crowds. As such, reading the research paper Crowd Disasters as Systemic Failures: Analysis of the Love Parade Disaster was terrifying and it has remained lodged in my mind ever since.

All of this is a long winded way of saying I’ve had crowds on my mind lately. So when Evolution was announced, a thousand ideas came and went (“Lemmings + Genetic Algorithms!”, “Temple of Doom and Speciation!”) until I settled on something interesting, but also simple enough I stand a chance of implementing it in a weekend: selecting paths through a city for rioters such that they pick up new and diverse elements from the city while avoiding cops and opposing elements.

Still vague and high level, but the idea will be to trace a path through the lines of a Voronoi diagram (which should theoretically resemble the winding streets of an old European city)so that a cloud of dots can traverse it and “absorb” some of the elements of the Voronoi polygons it walks adjacent to.

The Fear Index

Wed, 30 May 2012 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
By Robert Harris
View on Goodreads

I generally love Harris’ work, but this is definitely one to avoid. All the characters aside from the protagonist are very thin, and little happens in the way of plot until nearly 2/3 of the book is complete. The main motivator is unraveling the mystery behind the story. It’s ultimately unsatisfying to find out it’s a plotline that has already been explored by major works of fiction repeatedly throughout the last 25 years.

A Fire Upon The Deep

Fri, 25 May 2012 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Vernor Vinge (Zones of Thought, #1)
View on Goodreads

A Fire Upon the Deep is still incredibly relevant almost 20 years after it was published. This book explores the many possible consequences of singularities in the face of a largely uncaring and unmoved universe where the rise and fall of entire civilizations is a non-event. The book is one of the rare treats that presents an intellectual exploration of the consequences of technology and human nature while simultaneously providing a compelling tale of survival and intrigue.

A Storm of Swords

Fri, 25 May 2012 00:00:00 GMT

★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)
By George R.R. Martin (A Song of Ice and Fire, #3)
View on Goodreads

Book three of this series quickly devolves into senseless savagery against the characters. Unless you are deeply curious about the future of the kingdom and Iron Throne, there is little reason to read this book. While there is character growth, each character changes along a predictable and nearly identical path.

Incognito, Vol. 1

Fri, 25 May 2012 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Ed Brubaker
View on Goodreads

It’s more than a bit disturbing to find myself identifying with a super villain, and yet that’s the trick repeatedly played by Incognito. A super villain goes into witness protection, and has to deal with his incredible abilities going to waste. Brubaker is at his best here, weaving a tale that is half pulp thriller, half human interest tale. Highly recommended.

The Reformation: A History

Fri, 25 May 2012 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
By Diarmaid MacCulloch
View on Goodreads

The Reformation sets out to provide a comprehensive history of the Reformation in Europe, and largely succeeds. While many of the characters you know like Martin Luther get plenty of coverage, lesser known but equally-fascinating people like Zwingli and Erasmus get their due as well. What’s more, Diarmaid is careful to balance the individual human stories of the Reformation against the history and evolution of Christain thought in this time. You emerge from the book understanding both the people and the thinking behind these times.

The book suffers in a few places, however. The book starts in the middle, providing the reader with an information overload with little context. The book also includes a less compelling final segment on sexual and cultural mores of the Christian world to wrap the book up. However, neither of these should stop you from reading this if you have any interest in the subject at all.

The Well-Grounded Rubyist

Fri, 25 May 2012 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By David A. Black
View on Goodreads

The Well-Grounded Rubyist is one of my all-time favorite programming books. I normally loathe books focused on learning the particulars of a programming language, instead preferring blogs and experimentation. Well-Grounded Rubyist is a huge exception, though. The book is aimed at experienced programmers new to Ruby, and thoughtfully walks you through the features of the language. I read the book twice cover to cover, and have given several copies to programmers looking to learn Ruby. The informal style of the book combined with the deep, comprehensive overview of the language is just magic and was key to landing my first Ruby gig.

Transmetropolitan V. 0-10

Fri, 25 May 2012 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
By Warren Ellis
View on Goodreads

Transmetropolitan explores a future where self-centered consumerism has become the norm, and where everything and nothing are simultaneously sacred. Our tour of this world is through Spider Jerusalem, clearly an imagining of Hunter S. Thompson if his liver was surgically enhanced to withstand far more punishment than Thompson was ever able to dish out.

Like all good sci-fi, this series is very much about our modern world and the frustrations Warren Ellis has with it. At times, all notion of plot and character are thrown aside so that Ellis can rant. These few moments are the only weak spots in Transmetropolitan - otherwise, its a powerful work with both compelling characters as well as relevant reflections on modern society.

History of the Byzantine State

Thu, 24 May 2012 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
By George Ostrogorsky
View on Goodreads

Three stars is just an average - if you’re interested at all in the history of this part of the world, this is a five-star book. If not, well, you should read something else.

Byzantium was an empire carved out of a rock and a hard place. Constantly bordered by rival states that basically wanted it gone, its history is tumultuous. Yet its impact on the region was huge and can be seen throughout the Mediterranean. Viewed as an Eastern state by Europe and as a European state by its Middle-Eastern neighbors, Byzantium maintained an uneasy balance between these two worlds that you can still see today in modern-day Turkey.

This book covers much of this history and has plenty of interesting details about the people of this empire. The book is VERY dry, however, and will probably test your endurance in a few places.

NextWave, Agents of H.A.T.E.: Ultimate Collection

Wed, 23 May 2012 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★★ (5/5)
By Warren Ellis
View on Goodreads

It’s an often hilarious tale of a team of superheroes being superheroic in a self-parody of the Marvel universe. If you aren’t grinning when the flying airborne submarines called the “H.A.T.E. Aeromarine” appears, something is wrong with you.

NEXTWAVE calls out every ridiculous element of modern comics that we take for granted, but it does so from a place of deep love. You simultaneously realize that this stuff is absurd and awesome all while being massively entertained. It’s almost lie WATCHMEN through the lens of Hunter S. Thompson, but I’m pretty sure the characters of Nextwave would kick/shoot you until you explode for saying that.

Ludum Dare 23 - It’s Over! (A Postmortem)

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 00:00:00 GMT

I had a marvelously fun time at my first Ludum Dare. To say I fell short of my goal is the kind of breathtaking understatement not seen since the Bush era. But I WILL BE DAMNED IF THAT WILL KEEP ME FROM SUBMITTING THIS AND CALLING MYSELF A WINNER!

PARTICIPATION!

Rather than a blow-by-blow recounting of the events of the past 48 hours (see the end for that), I’m just going to have some general thoughts.

TOP MISTAKES I DIDN’T INTEND TO MAKE (as there were many I intentionally made like learning my tools during the competition)

Not coming up with an abstraction for game states early on. This basically prevented me from adding any kind of explanatory text / game over screen towards the end of the project.
Waiting too long for fun. I often had the joy of “Oh, I made this happen!” during development, but I didn’t actually have fun playing the game until nearly the end.
Using no one particular abstraction for time. Some portions of the game are tuned to the system clock, some to physics cycles, and a couple to FPS. As such, I basically can’t guarantee the game will play the same on any other computer or do things like slow the game down for testing (it plays pretty damn fast)

TOP SUCCESSES I DIDN’T INTEND TO HAVE

Using minimalist abstract art for placeholders. Sure the game looks like an angry gun battle between Pez dispensers, but I find that rather charming and don’t regret it one bit.
Incorporating a physics engine. At first I thought I could hack together the physics I needed and was just using Chipmunk for fun, but I discovered unexpected joys from this. (I LOVE the way enemies get toppled by bullets)

Other miscellaneous insights.

GAME DEVELOPMENT IN RUBY IS REALLY, REALLY FUN

Ruby allows me to go incredibly fast (by my standards anyway, shut up thanks) and change the hell out of my code with very few impediments. The fact that it is mostly geared to OO lends itself extremely well to the problem domain. Definitely far more pleasurable than my old games from 6-7 years ago written in Java and C++.

I WANT TO WRITE SOME DOCS FOR INTEGRATING GOSU AND CHIPMUNK

I really enjoyed working with Gosu and Chipmunk in Ruby and want to contribute back to both projects. I lost a ton of time to bugs in integrating the two and trying to understand the concepts behind them (lost a great deal of time stumbling towards CP::Shape#rehash_static_shapes alone). While there’s great reference documentation for both projects and incredibly responsive maintainers, there’s precious little in the way of quick-start / conceptual overview.

I’M MORE INTERESTED IN ALTERNATIVE FRAMEWORKS

While I really like Gosu and Chipmunk, it feels as if they’re a bit of a dead-end for the kinds of projects I’m interested in. Gosu in particular is an awkward fit for pixel-perfect drawing and the resulting blur in my project still bugs me. Not to mention that packaging my project would have been a pain. In particular, I want to give EaselJS and Play4N a look, as well as perhaps just using my own pixel drawing with something like LWJGL.

Thanks to the organizers for making this happen, and I look forward to the next time!

Ludum Dare 23 - And You Will Know Me By The Trail of (one) Dead

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 00:00:00 GMT

Here’s a shot of me gloating over my victim!

Woohoo! Not only did I resolve my aforementioned issues with the box models (primary problem is that Chipmunk always describes position by the center of an object - Gosu typically does top-left corner), but now you can shoot things at things. Exciting, er, things!

In addition to shooting your enemies, you can jump into their faces to knock them over and kill them. Since they are basically Pez dispensers a rather satisfying toppling takes place.

Now I’m at a cross-roads. I’ve ticked off most of the features I had listed before, but I’m far from a completed game. I think from here I go in one of two directions in order to have something I can call a “game” without resorting to this definition:

game (n.): a trick or joke.

One way towards gamedom would be turning this into a little two-player deathmatch game. That is a tiny world, after all. The other fast alternative would be to gradually flood the small arena with more and more enemies and basically see how long the player can hold out against the masses in an effort to thin the crowd (back towards my original idea of “This world is too small for the both of us, everyone else and me.”)

I’m going to clean this up a bit for the rest of the evening and sleep on it.

Ludum Dare 23 - Bullet Time

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 00:00:00 GMT

With my jumping bug put to rest, on to shooting things! With this, I got my first amusing bug (aside from that brief time I had people jumping off the screen)

Shoot to the right, all is well. Shoot to the left, though, and you hit yourself before quickly launching yourself off the screen.

Suicidal tendencies aside, this has revealed a few issues in my program. I almost certainly have some disconnects between the box models of my physics model of the world, and the display thereof. That bullet shouldn’t be so high on the player model (people don’t generally fire guns by holding them at face-level, as far as I know)

One of the fun parts of using decoupled libraries for display vs physics.

gate

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 00:00:00 GMT

Tianmen Shan (Heaven’s Gate Mountain). Hunan Province, China.

Someday, I will see this personally.

Ludum Dare 23 - Final Features

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 00:00:00 GMT

Rather than worry too much about making something a “game” under any definition, I spent most of today hacking around on whatever interested me. Primarily this has been map support, allowing me to take this:

… and turn that into this:

Tiling of the surface turns out to be a major problem for movement, though. Between each square tile is an invisible seam that will still trip up your movement. Solving this would be conceptually-simple - simply join these blocks together and output them as large rectangles rather than squares. However, that sounds like an opportunity to introduce more bugs and problems, so I’ll let this sleeping dragon lie.

Really, I’m just about done with the “game” parts. I want to add in the concept of player death and give the motionless agents the ability to shoot bullets every so often, but both of these should be easy enough. After that, I only want to do some cleanup (sound effects, music if I’m so inclined, and an intro screen on game launch.)

Ludum Dare 23 - The First Twelve Hours

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 00:00:00 GMT

tl;dr - screenshot at end, code at github.com/citizenparker/the-two-of-us

More like my first four hours, as I really enjoy sleep. =)

As you may know, I’ve been participating in this weekend’s Ludum Dare competition. I say competition, but I should really say “quote” “competition” (quote quote quote) as I am really only competing against my inability to make games and personal inertia. It’s largely inspire by the “Punk’s Not Dead” entries at Rock Paper Shotgun.

In other words, this:

sparker: I don’t anticipate getting anywhere or building anything great. At most I plan on being able to look back on my work, sigh, and say “Well, that happened.”

sean Lofty goal. You can also treat it more as a kickstart to your game

sparker: Bah

sparker: I can 100% guarantee completely abandoning whatever I build, almost on principle

sparker: Also, I pledge to provide no more than 60-90 seconds of content that a jury of peers would consider “fun”

So, a recap on the few twelve hours then, yeah?

This year’s theme is “Tiny World.” I struggled a bit coming up with a theme I liked. For creativity, I always follow the rule “Write down 5 things immediately and then throw them away.” This turned out to be a struggle and I lost the first 90 minutes to this. However, I’ve landed on something I like, a silly platformer where you set out to destroy the world with increasingly destructive weapons because “this world is too small for the two of us. Sorry, everyone else, but you have to go.”

I’m violating the first rule of Game Jams by learning my tools on the fly, but so far it’s going well-ish. Gosu has been refreshingly easy to pick up and run with. I have some viewport and scaling issues I need to resolve today, but I have bullish confidence. Chipmunk has been a bit more challenging only because documentation on the Ruby bindings is largely lacking, incomplete, or out-of-date. Brian Marick’s quote “An example would be handy right about now” keeps running through my head.

I think my goal post-LD may be writing a tutorial on building a platformer in Ruby with Chipmunk. I’ll have to land on a coding style and structure for this that I’m pleased with. Currently that’s not the case.

Anyway, that’s it for now. Goals for the next four hours are as follows:

Movement
Shooting a basic gun
Killing and being killed

Code at github.com/citizenparker/the-two-of-us, and screenshot below!

drawception

Sat, 10 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT

This is pretty much the best thing I’ve ever drawn. Thanks, Drawception, for the inspiration.

Great Presentations

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I spent some quality time this weekend digging into a few presentations that I thought I’d share with you.

Let’s start with the Shibuya Rubyist Lunch lightning talk from RubyConf 2011. It’s short, about three minutes, and will set the right tone for what’s to come. You can’t help but feel joy when you see the enthusiasm of the audience and speaker for one another. This video encapsulates why I love the Ruby community dearly.

Rich Hickey’s talk from Strange Loop 2011, “Simple Made Easy,” is the best presentation I’ve seen in years. Rich makes the case that we have abandoned the concept of “simple” entirely in a slavish pursuit of “easy.” It’s incredibly thought-provoking - see Uncle Bob’s follow-up, for instance. It also gives the best context yet for Rich’s disregard for testing. Definitely have to watch this sometime - it’s already given us a new word, “complect.”

Also from this year’s Strange Loop is Nathan Marz with an overview of the new Storm framework. This platform for distributed real-time computation looks incredibly promising. I need to dig into this further, but this could potentially solve many different problems I’m looking at today. It’s not quite the brain-burner that Rich’s talk can be, so it makes a wonderful “cool-down.”

MadisonRuby Miscellanea

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Just wanted to take a moment and capture some random thoughts about MadisonRuby.

Thanks everyone who came to Dan’s and my talk today at MadisonRuby. This has been a tremendous conference so far and I’m honored to be a part of it. If you have any follow-up questions, I’d love to continue the conversation. Feel free to contact me or find me on Twitter.

Madison is perhaps the loveliest town I’ve ever been to. Although I’m not sure I get the whole cheese thing. I’ve spent a fair amount of time elsewhere in Wisconsin and so I’m familiar with cheesemania. However, Madison takes this to a whole new level. My heart no longer pumps but instead goes “squelch” every so often.

Special moments abound at this conference. It’s an incredible conference with a special ethos - lots of hugs and affection everywhere. Sometimes I forget there’s special connections everywhere in the Ruby community. It’s such a marvelous experience, thanks guys. Big Tiger in particular, you’ve been totally awesome. I am in your debt for these moments.

I’ve included some of my favorite MadisonRuby moments below courtesy of twip.us - you can view their entire MadisonRuby collection here.

Keeping the Lights On

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

A hundred years ago, lighting lamps was a great way to earn a living. You’d carry around a giant pole and go from lamp to lamp lighting them up. See the city while starting fires, I can see the appeal. Many others did too and created a rich set of traditions, practices, and quirks.

Things changed without advance warning though. We figured out how to make gas lamps light themselves and a profession was extinct. A dedicated few kept it alive through sheer force of will but by and large lamplighting was dead even before the advent of electricity.

Such is the danger of specialization, a horribly easy trap to fall into. It’s tempting to focus your energies on improving the process of using long sticks to ignite lamps. However, it’s career suicide to forget that your customers want light, not sticks.

Bringers of light will never go out of fashion, but the demand for people with sticks is always a time-limited affair¹. Be very careful about tying yourself to just one way to set things on fire.

-SP

Especially for my friends who call their stick Silverlight, but others have written about that topic better than I can. ↩

obtiva

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

People who practice various forms of agile software development often make distinctions between capital-A “Agile” as a set of defined practices and methodologies, and “agile” as a broader philosophy of how to approach software. Bill Pietri sums it up best:

It’s important to note that they weren’t saying that they had an exclusive lock on agility, or even what made software development agile. As with the naming of Grand Rapids, they were pointing at a particular spot in the landscape of ideas and naming it. The word agile has a variety of meanings, and there are a lot of aspects to software development to which you could apply those meanings. They weren’t trying to lay claim to agility as a whole, any more than Grand Rapids is claiming all the rapids in the world, especially the grand ones.

Yesterday, the organization called Obtiva by those who worked there was acquired by Groupon. Just as agile practitioners differentiate between “Agile” and “agile” though, a similar distinction must be made here. While it’s true that this chapter in the history of Obtiva ends, it’s equally true that lowercase-o “obtiva” will continue to exist beyond this organization and even the people who comprised it.

This obtiva is present each time we build software with an empathetic view towards those in need of it. When one developer invests in another at the cost of their personal time and productivity, this obtiva is at work. Engaging with the larger community when there’s no personal gain is totally obtiva.

While I will stop calling myself an Obtivian, I have been extremely fortunate to practice obtiva daily with my friends and colleagues for nearly two years, and I look forward to many more. This is an opportunity to create and find much more obtiva in the world, and I am certain I will continue to share in obtiva with friends both old and new.

It has always been and will always be a great time to be obtiva.

Thank you to everyone who made it possible for me to share in all things Obtiva. I especially appreciate Kevin Taylor, Kat Nelson-Reid, Dave Hoover, and Todd Webb for deciding to take a chance on me and my “top-secret plan” to join them. This company has been a second family to me in times both tremendous and terrible, and I will always value that.

-SP

ChiSC Meeting - 7/20 - "Processes & Patterns"

Mon, 11 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

We’re in need of a venue for this meeting - if you know of a place in the Loop that could help, please contact me

We’re all familiar with words like “process” and “patterns” - in this meeting, we’ll look at different ways to think about and apply those terms in ways you may not expect.

Groupon’s Blake Smith will begin by examining why design patterns lead to good designs at the small-scale program level, why they often get ignored at the macro large-scale system level, and the impacts of doing so on your applications.

Then we’ll switch gears and go through a group exercise on understanding why your employer, (yes, your employer) has the process it does and how that impacts you. As with the previous exercises, this could be a huge success or huge failure but should be entertaining either way.

As always, anyone of any experience level and any background is welcome to come and participate.

Food and socialization will begin at 6PM on Wednesday, July 20th, and we’ll the start the meeting a bit after that. Once we’re done, we’ll wander on down the street to socialize and intoxify.

If you’re interested, please RSVP here.

Both portions be interactive, so please come ready to participate.

To stay informed on what’s happening with ChiSC, please join the mailing list at http://groups.google.com/group/chisc

See you there! -SP

Spray-and-Pray Developer Resumes

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I interview a fair amount of software developers (although not as often as I used to, sadly), and so I have people ask me about a variety of issues related to finding programming gigs. What certifications, what schools, what questions to ask, and even what attire to wear.

I really thought interview attire was something of a solved problem, but apparently not.

I digress. When I’m asked one of those questions, I usually try to stress that it’s hard to hurt yourself when answering any of the above questions. Yeah, some schools are better than others, but that doesn’t matter too much for programmers, especially once they have a year or so of experience. Certifications usually don’t hurt or help too much unless it helps you meet a job’s requirements (although an XML Master Certification is resume poison).

However, there is one particular brand of resume that, regardless of talent, really irks me and makes it difficult to get on my good side, let alone get a recommendation from me. I hate, hate, HATE finding a “spray and pray” resume. This is the kind of resume that is two pages long for every year of experience and is absolutely crammed with a wide range of unrelated technical terms. It’s the kind of resume where someone has liberally sprayed the document with verbiage and prayed that some of it tricked someone into interviewing them.

It doesn’t work.

Telltale signs you’ve written a Spray and Pray Resume

Under “Programming Languages,” you list every single programming language you have ever encountered.
You list every job, ever.
For each job, you list an insane number of different, unrelated responsibilities.
You have the world’s most vague Objective Statement.
You list at least one OS for which you don’t know how to navigate the file system from a command prompt.
You list any UI framework for which you cannot instantly tell me the base class/method/approach for displaying a “Hello world” window.

What’s so bad about that, huh?

Many people would say these resumes looks desperate, and you generally want to avoid looking desperate in an interview. I don’t really care too much about that however, as Lord knows I have been desperate for work before and lucked out to find a job despite it.

A more significant problem with this kind of resume is that is just looks lazy. If you can’t make the time to trim your resume down to only those things the interviewer has a chance of caring about, then why should the interviewer make the time to talk to you? Just 2-3 minutes spent making a specific objective statement, removing irrelevant items (or moving them to a Hobbies/Interest section if you really, really want them on your resume) and tightening the resume up in general can work wonders.

Worse than looking lazy is looking dishonest. If you are confident enough in some skill that you put it on a resume, then you’d damn well better be at least at an intermediate level in it. If you haven’t touched that programming language since high school, leave it off your resume. Otherwise, as soon as you have to tell an interviewer you don’t know much about something on your resume, you bring everything into question. It reflects poorly upon you, and the interviewer will subsequently devote a fair amount of time fact-checking your resume rather than really engaging with you.

Even if you don’t look lazy (which you might), and even if you don’t seem dishonest (which you will), you’re still doing yourself a disservice. Why? Because your strengths will be lost in the “noise” you create with unrelated terms and bullet-points. I promise you, even if you are just graduating from school, you already have strengths that are worth showcasing on a resume. It’s many times more effective to have three bullet points that prominently highlight things you excel at than to hide those amongst umpteen other areas where you aren’t so hot. By paring down your resume and saying less, you can let your strengths shine that much more and seem stronger.

Almost all of those problems listed earlier can be solved by simply going over your resume, and asking yourself “Could I answer a simple question about this?” If the answer is no, leave it off your resume. Otherwise, you might just be sitting across from someone like me who ALWAYS picks one of the programming languages you put at the end of your list and asks you to compare and contrast it against a language from the front of your list.

Oh, and never list XML as a programming language. (Although if anyone ever says that they really meant XSLT and that XSLT is Turing complete, I’ll be suitably impressed to overlook the mistake. Throw in a “Duh” for good measure though)

Codeapalooza Tomorrow!

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

So I know this guy who knew about this one event months in advance, and yet didn’t think to post a blog about it until roughly 24 hours before.

What a dolt, huh? Sucks to be him.

Anyway, in totally unrelated news, Codeapalooza is tomorrow! It promises a day full of totally free .NET goodness and interesting workshops. There’s a full slate of pretty interesting sessions.

In particular, there’s a tasty-looking treat on rich, reusable user controls with MVC that I’m looking forward to pretty intensely. If we’re going to adopt MVC at the office, feature-rich reusable controls will be a must. But there’s also some lovely XNA exotica, Silverlight salaciousness, a slew of Sharepoint stuff (gag, vomit, WHY HELLO MICROSOFT YES I LOVE SHAREPOINT OKAY THANK YOU) and much more miscellanea.

If you attend, I’ll be the guy in the Chicago Public Radio hat who asks a zillion questions. Hope to see you there. -Scott

How Much Longer Until It's Good?

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I have a bit of an ~~insecurity~~ obsession with the quality of my code given how long I’ve been at this programming thing. I know that must seem like an awfully vain thing to wonder about, the technological equivalent of thinking about every passerby “Am I hotter than that guy?”

That’s not quite it though. Rather than blather on about it for paragraphs before getting to my point, I’ll let Ira Glass (definitely hotter than me) explain in this wonderful video passed to me via my dear friend Nwokedi

Ira may be talking about storytelling, but I think it definitely applies to nearly any endeavor you care about. I’m at a point where I can recognize the qualities of good code, but the code I’m writing isn’t at all legendary, and I think a good number of junior-to-mid level developers have much this same problem.

It’s made worse in software since many of our heroes are chaps like Linus Torvalds and Sergey Brin - people who were extremely good right away, who seem like “naturals” to us mortals. We read things like Great Hackers and get the impression that if we haven’t developed groundbreaking technology by the time we’ve left college, we’re doomed to obscurity and mediocrity.

It’s no small comfort then to know that Ira was still churning out less-than-stellar copy after 8 years of making radio professionally.

Does this really apply to software development, though? Facts are hard to come by, not least because “Man develops amazing software after 15 years in the industry” doesn’t make for as great a headline as “Kid Doctor Can’t Buy Beer… Can Prescribe Drugs.” So rather than do all that horrible research and come up with a nice general overview, let’s just blow one example out of proportion: SubSonic lead developer and .Net guru Rob Conery.

It just so happens that Rob posted a brief bit about his programming background recently. Thanks to a bit of back-of-the-napkin math, Rob must have been programming for a living around 7-10 years before he first publicly released SubSonic to the world. That seems about right for a bright and motivated person, even quite a bit ahead of the “Ira curve,” if you’ll allow me to compare software to NPR stories.

By that metric, I’m pretty happy with where I’m at. I’m not writing any earth shattering code at the moment, but I’ll get there.

Dependency Injection is 10 million billion times easier than you think

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Eyes glazed over yet? Don’t do it! Stay with me!

I was like you once, in a more innocent time we all knew as “one hour ago.” I heard words like Dependency Injection (a technique of making software super-loosely coupled, in a somewhat inaccurate nutshell) and reached for the closest sharp edge to find sweet, sweet oblivion. The little I’ve read on the subject and the ever-intimidating XML Files Spawned By Satan didn’t really help.

Thankfully, Rob Conery was like me too, once. Unlike me though, he spent some time with the lead man behind the DI tool StructureMap, and he saw the light. You will too, once you watch his screencast on Depency Injection with StructureMap. No nasty XML, no major “OH NO MUCH CRAZINESS - BRAIN GOING INTO EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN” moments, just tasty data goodness.

I know that “screencast” can be another of those homicidal-mania-inducing phrases. However, Rob’s really good at making them interesting and at packing an English tonne of information into small chunks. If you don’t believe me, spend a brief five minutes with him learning how to use SubSonic. It will end and you will be stunned at how much you already know about setting up SubSonic.

It’s good. It’s “Matthew McConaughey and Christian Bale fighting dragons¹ ” good. It’s “Who eats yogurt at a wedding?” good.

Watching these is way better than going to that Lollapalooza thing this weekend, trust me. -Scott

Why am I referencing Reign of Fire? BECAUSE IT IS CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED. ↩

More Books on Games Than You Have Any Interest in Reading

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

In a loose worst-to-best order, here are some random thoughts about books on video games I’ve been reading recently. Most are worth reading but if you can only read one, the best of them, “My Tiny Life,” is also the most free.

Synthetic Worlds by Edward Castronova

Synopsis: A professor examines the social and economic impact of MMOs.

An entire book about the economic impact of online games? I was keyed up to read this. He then proceeds to spend the first half of the book introducing online gaming (or as he inexplicably renames them, “synthetic worlds”) in much the same way you might carefully introduce pride parades to that uncle of yours keeps talking about about starting a KKK chapter.

His insights? That people use real money in video games, and that violence is widespread in online worlds but different in context than real world violence.

In other words, the kinds of things that would only be news to the kind of people who refer to Second Life as a “synthetic world.”

Game On! by Simon Byron, Ste Curran, and David McCarthy

Synopsis: Three authors highlight their favorite games

Two-thirds of this book’s authors host two-thirds of the world’s greatest video game podcast that doesn’t talk about video games all that often, One Life Left. Unfortunately the magic of their shows doesn’t really translate into an engaging book.

It’s interesting mostly to see what games they like you may never have played (I need to play Animal Crossing sometime) and what games you agree are unfairly overlooked (Bangai-O is indeed genius).

However, the book fails to really convey anything meaningful for those in-between games. For example, when I saw they devoted several pages to the joys of Super Mario 64 I was thrilled as I was hoping someone could explain what it was I missed in this game everyone else seems to adore. But instead they describe it in generic terms of freedom, authenticity, and the likes. Sadly, that’s the same style that most of the book takes.

Masters of Doom by David Kushner

Synopsis: A surprisingly frank look at the history of id Software.

If you can stop worrying about the historical accuracy of this book long enough, you’ll discover a great read inside. Written as a novel detailing the histories of John Carmack and John Romero, the creators of classics like Wolfenstein 3D and DOOM, it tells a pretty interesting tale. Sure, it’s the standard themes of young talent turning into over-inflated egos, but Carmack and Romero are unique enough characters to keep things engaging.

My only gripe about the book would be the large amount of time devoted to the Romero meltdown, but he still generates such an amount of controversy even today that I can understand why it dominates the second half of the book. Nonetheless Masters of Doom is a quick, entertaining, and surprisingly personal look at the birth of modern video gaming.

Trigger Happy by Steven Poole

Synopsis: Games are important.

“Games are worth paying serious attention to.” This is the central thesis of Poole’s ground-breaking 2004 work. Yes, four years later and already bits of it haven’t aged so well. Yes, he talks about Tomb Raider. All. The. Time. But these are minor complaints in comparison to the wealth of new ideas contained within.

In 240 pages, he touches upon questions of gender identity, gets a rough understanding of how 3-D rendering works, and tries to identify the common elements that make both Resident Evil and Defender effective games. All while keeping it light, understandable, and engaging.

This Gaming Life by Jim Rossignol

Synopsis: Gaming is changing our world in unexpected ways.

Full disclosure: I am a Rossignol fanboy. That said though, I was still caught of guard by how much I enjoyed this book. Ostensibly divided into tales of three cities (London, Seoul, and Rekyjavik), Rossignol covers the spectrum of current trends in gaming. He examines the many (and surprising) ways that games can go from entertainment to employment as well as really delves into ethics and behaviors of online gaming.

Perhaps most telling is his experience in South Korea. Everyone likes to write about how big games are there, how unbelievably huge Starcraft is there, blah blah blah, and so as soon as I saw “Seoul” I rolled my eyes. However, he really digs into the gaming culture there and investigates not just the professional gaming we hear so much about, but each step of the way between that point and the “baangs” or internet cafe that dominate youth culture.

Each of these stories within is told in terms of the human impact upon the gamers, and reading it, you’ll be left with new thoughts and questions regarding their impact upon you too.

My Tiny Life: Crime and Passion in a Virtual World by Julian Dibbell

Synopsis: A year in the life of the vanguard of online gaming in `93.

Before there was Second Life and EverQuest and even DOOM, there were online text-based worlds that allowed people to be anyone and create anything, as long as they could describe it in words. Worlds were created, love was found, and friends made.

Then someone was publicly assaulted in one of these worlds. Or maybe they weren’t, depending on where you stand. In response there was mob justice, or actual justice, or the deletion of a simple record in some database far away. I’m still not sure what I think, it’s tough to sort out.

Years before most people even heard of the Internet, Julian Dibbell was exploring one particular online world in depth. He chronicled his own personal friendships as well as the larger problems of the world. This means you’re right there with him as anarchists and socialists have to come to uneasy settlements on how much virtual government they need, as well the first time he explores the meaning of cybersex and its impact upon his real-world relationship.

It’s heartbreaking, enthralling, and unlike anything else you’re likely to read. And thanks to the magic of expiring copyright, it’s also free, although there’s a marvelous print version available for purchase as well.

EXTRA BONUS!

Soon I Will Be Invincible is a work of fiction that has nothing to do with video games other than the author used to make them. But it’s quite good and it recently came out in paperback. If you ever wanted to be a super-villain, check it out.

Chicago Alt.Net - August 2008 Meeting

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

The August 2008 meeting of the Chicago Alt.Net group has been announced by fearless leader Sergio Pereira. It will be on August 13th, 2008 at 6:00 PM (or 6:30P if you don’t want pizza, but c’mon, pizza!) in the Chicago ThoughtWorks office at 200 E. Randolph St, Chicago, IL 60611.

It’s free to attend, but if you’re interested in attending you should register for the event. Otherwise you’ll have trouble getting in the building.

The topic will be Continuous Integration (CI). The meeting will start off with a talk from the lead developer of Cruise, a soon-to-be-released commercial continuous integration tool from the makers of open-source CI darling CruiseControl.Net, and then branch out into general discussion of CI best practices / whatever-the-crap-else-comes-up.

It should be interesting, as according to the developer, “CC.Net is deprecated.” Big words.

If you’re new to Alt.Net (or .Net in general), you’re absolutely welcome to attend. For more information on what the whole Alt.Net thing is about, please visit the Alt.Net Community.

July Braindump

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

NPR API OMG

If you’ve seen me in person even once, odds are you’ve seen my Chicago Public Radio hat. I’m just a bit of a fanboy.

Imagine my surprise when I saw NPR come up in the ProgrammableWeb “New Programming APIs” RSS feed. But strewth, it’s true! So take a moment (if you are so inclined) and check out the NPR API Overview.

Some initial thoughts:

”The default format of the results is NPRML…” - Seriously? Your results are so different that they need their own markup language? Granted, it’s a subset of XML so it doesn’t sound too crazy, but that’s alarming.
It has a lot of features to return queries against their story database as RSS feeds. That means you could theoretically set up some crazy feed that just gets stories that involve Barack Obama, oranges, and the movie Homeward Bound.
“… audio from most NPR programs dating back to 1995.” Hot damn, thank you technology.

Another Reason I’m Not Playing WoW

Level 70 = 480 hours. At my probable rate of about three hours a week, I would make L70 in 37 months, with a total subscription fee of about $480 USD.

I think I’ll stick with Rescue: The Beagles.

On a side note, that blog, We Can Fix That With Data, is great. It combines interesting MMO facts with interesting statistical facts. It’s enjoyable if you enjoy either, a must-read if you enjoy both.

FlySpy v1.0 Released!

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

The first full version of FlySpy, “the world’s premiere GameFly queue management tool” that can monitor and manage your GameFly account, has been released.

The name has changed in order to protect the innocent, and also to avoid any potential copyright infringements. Inside however, it still has all the same goodness that my one brave downloader has come to expect, as well as the following new features:

Supports all game systems in the GameFly library. This means that you can get a list of all 5,000+ GameFly games in one convenient location.
Includes an options screen that allows you to specify what systems you want to monitor, and which systems you want to automatically add new games from.
Includes a “Welcome to FlySpy!” screen for new users.

As always, you can visit the FlySpy project homepage or go straight to the newest release.

So until a 2.0, FlySpy, I kiss you goodnight and wish you a sweet (and hopefully critical-bug-free) rest. -Scott

Programmer’s Bookshelf

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Jeff Atwood has long maintained an “Essential Reading” list of books for developers. I’ve been chugging my way along it dutifully, and as I continue to do so, I remain stunned that he hasn’t mentioned the most important development book I have yet read.

UPDATE: He’s mentioned it before, just not added it to the list. He includes it along with another excellent book by Weinberg in his post “Leading by Example.” Plus he one-ups me by including the timeless R. Lee Ermey. Damn!

Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People is an incredibly great read. If you’ve never opened it, I know what you’re probably thinking after reading that title - it’s either awfully Machiavellian or awfully self-help sappy. I’ve recommended this book a bazillion times, and I hear that kind of response almost every time.

You’d be wrong on both accounts though. Once you start reading the book, it becomes clear that Carnegie really is interested in making you a nicer person. That’s pretty much his whole “win friends” philosophy in a nutshell: be nice and be considerate. That’s what he’s saying when he tells you to smile, or when he tells you to be genuinely interested in other people.

What about influencing people? There again, Carnegie writes from that same place, from trying to make people better human beings. His methods of “influencing” include such sinister motives as “Avoid arguments” and “Praise every improvement.” It’s all great, seemingly common-sense advice that I never would have realized but for his book.

So if this is great, general advice, why developers in particular then?

There’s a plethora of stereotypes about us nerds, almost all of them true. For instance, the development team here at the office recently went out for lunch, and a bystander saw this horde and said “You guys must be tech people, no one else dresses for work like they’re heading out to play softball.” Sure enough, we were all decked out in shorts and ironic and/or shabby t-shirts. No argument there.

But while that stereotype is true and mostly harmless, the popular notion of the socially awkward developer is just as true but much more harmful. That’s where this book comes in, because no matter how good a programmer you are, no one will care if you can’t communicate effectively. This book helps defeat that whole spectrum of developer awkwardness, including such favorites as:

I am clearly so much smarter than you; there’s nearly no point in trying to explain myself. (The most common developer quirk that I’ve seen)
Ugh, let’s get this over with quickly because I just need X from you.
I want to make sure you understand me, so I will never stop talking. (my personal demon)
I don’t quite know what I want to say or how I want to say it, so I will never stop talking. (Also extremely common)
I’m going to sound dumb, so I’d rather not talk.

While I’m phrasing this in terms of conversation, Carnegie’s advice applies in nearly all forms of communication. There’s not a single email I start without considering how I can start it with something immediately relevant to the audience’s interest. “In order to complete that webpage you requested, I need to know XYZ” is so much better at getting a quick response than “I need to know XYZ.”

Unless you are such a staggering genius that you are paid to go away and think of things, your ideas and your needs are only as valid as they can be communicated. So if you haven’t read this one yet, I challenge you not to pick up something useful from this book and not to get your paltry eight dollars’ worth from it.

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by Louis Leterrier
View on Letterboxd

Hate it all you want, but this is still my favorite Hulk. I dig it’s paranoid thriller vibes and loved Norton’s performance. This downbeat movie doesn’t follow the MCU formula of exposition-joke-action-joke-repeat, but that’s part of why it stands out.

If they did an Across the Hulk Multiverse and brought back introverted, thoughtful Norton Hulk, I’d dip back into the MCU for that.

More Diablo than Diablo

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 00:00:00 GMT

A genre-defining game like Diablo II is tough to follow, and the demands of gamers can’t make that any easier.

We nerds decided that is not enough for an action RPG (or as a dear friend likes to call them, “Smash Quests”) to be a mere duplicate of that classic sequel. If so, then a game like Dungeon Siege would easily be twice as popular even if, as a clone, it lost attributes like a gripping setting and compelling archetypes.

A true successor must instead do everything the original got right as well as perform a few new tricks for our amusement. The long list of Diablo clones and also-runs demonstrates the surprising difficulty of duplicating a game I’ve heard described as “left-click; repeat.” Demonstates, that is, unless there’s any die-hard Darkstone or Nox fans that would like to debate me.

You would imagine then that the man behind Diablo II would know how to best it. Unfortunately for Bill Roper and Flagship Studios however, that’s just not the case. Hellgate: London does manage a few innovations (mainly to items and crafting), but as I mentioned we gamers are a prickly, demanding bunch.

We need new classics to be everything from the past and more. When I was fighting torpid, isolated enemies in endless ruined streets and tube tunnels, it was clear that this otherwise decent game was still far short of the mark.

This isn’t really about Bill Roper & Hellgate however; if you want more on that, he’s done so many interviews at this point that you can probably flip over your breakfast cereal to see a few choice words from the man.

Instead, I want to know this: Who really does get it? Who understands how to surpass Diablo II at what it does so very, very well? The answer, beyond possibly the City of Heroes team (which I’ll talk about another time), seems to be Surreal Games’ Patrick Lipo.

The proof is not just in Lipo’s inspired X-Men Legends game he helmed, but also in a very thought-provoking analysis of Diablo II.

It’s a thoroughly fascinating read. In it you can see just how carefully he must have considered this classic before working on Legends. It’s a stark contrast when Flagship’s summation of Diablo II seems to have been just the word “loot” written a few times on a whiteboard.

While Lipo has a fair bit of praise for his subject, he also takes the game to task for static environments. It’s an criticism you can see he definitely had in mind when creating X-Men Legends. While your Amazon or your Barbarian in Diablo 2 was known only by their trail of dead, the typical Legends level would end with an absolutely battered and immensely satisfying husk of a map behind you.

But enough of my rambling, go read it yourself. It’s a rare opportunity to get inside the mind of a careful, deliberate designer. This document serves as a brilliant reminder that there is still so much untapped promise in this genre, whatever you may think of the current Stuff Questing it-game.

Juno (2007)

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT

★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)
View on Letterboxd

2007 was a crazy good year for cinema with all-timers like Michael Clayton, No Country for Old Men, and There Will Be Blood.

But even if Juno came out in the comparatively awful years 2005-2006 it would have been the worst Oscar nominee of the year. Yes, I’d rather watch Crash again than this.

When Good Games Go Bad

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Once I was playing this RPG on my computer. The studio behind it had made a few other games about which I had extremely mixed opinions, but I loaded the game’s four CDs up and played.

The game certainly was interesting. You played a corpse in a world that looked like every architectural style from 2500 B.C. to 4140 A.D. had been forcefully combined into one cramped, sprawling city by a team of architects commissioned by Satan himself. Things were going really well.

And then I came across a cave full of rats. And died. And died. And died. Meanwhile, these rats kept getting more and more powerful until I was getting in one swipe, dying, and then winding my way back to this cave to repeat the process.

Fortunately, I tired of this process and uninstalled the game. Unfortunately, I never played Planescape: Torment again. Through the years, I’ve been reminded time and time again of just how great this game is supposed to be. It wasn’t until I read yet another article hailing Torment just this weekend that I realized I need to finish this game, especially since I discovered Torment is not by quite the same people behind Baldur’s “YOUR LIFE IS IN GRAVE PERIL!!! Now go out into the woods and kill bears for an hour” Gate.

But it started me thinking about all of the times I’ve come pretty close to not finishing an otherwise good game because of really inane, stupid segments. Exploding restaurants, forced single-player portions of multiplayer games, that kind of thing. Those are the moments that, when you recommend a game, you have to include a disclaimer for. “Just keep playing - I promise it gets better.” So with no further ado, I present my list of the Top 5 Worst Moments of Good Games:

Sokoban on Speed, God of War (PlayStation 2, SCE Studios. 2005)

I hope that every other development shop in the world was taking notes during the opening level of God of War. You start out pleasuring multiple people aboard an Athenian ship caught in a vicious sea storm and it keeps getting crazier from there. It’s only moments from that unforgettable introduction until you’re in the middle of a rainstorm reducing your foes to bloody heaps strewn about the deck. It’s so instantly stylized and fun that it’s easy to miss that you’re actually in a tutorial.

Wait, but now there’s this crate. All of this great action and pure joy is put on hold to protect a crate from archers. All my awesomeness from before disappeared, replaced by an innumerable attempts to push the damn thing far enough before it’s shattered by one stray arrow. More infuriating is that it is a sequence won not by skill but by luck. You can pull off every move without a single mistake in your timing, but you’ll still need to hope that one particular arrow towards the end probably misses.

This one totally bogus scene stands out vividly as the only bum note in an otherwise beautify symphony of destruction.

Don’t Bring a Gun to a Knife Fight, Bushido Blade (PlayStation, Lightweight. 1997)

Bushido Blade was famous for being a rather punishing fighter. Whereas you can be hit by a broadsword the size of a house in Soul Caliber and keep on fighting, it took just one well-timed swipe of a slim katana to finish a fight in Bushido Blade.

When you actually made it to the bosses, you felt downright godlike. You knew the timing of your death pole of choice well enough to wait for just the right opening to strike. If you followed the way of the Bushido to a fault, then you had an unrivaled level of self-discipline to make it this far. You were ready for anything, ANYTHING!

And then you get shot in the face. Seriously. Shot in the face. All because you square off against “Katze,” who wields a handgun and doesn’t hesitate to use it.

So what about everything you just spent seven fights and lord knows how many retries mastering? Well, unlearn it pretty damn fast because it takes every cheap trick you can muster (or a suitably fast character) to close in on Katze before he caps you.

Should bosses be difficult? Sure. But they should be difficult by cranking up the difficulty of what you’ve learned to 11, not by arbitrarily changing the rules of the game. Even then it’s be one thing for a frustrating change-all-the-rules character to appear in a game, but doing so when the game is nearly over is beyond frustrating.

Did Lightweight learn from this one? The fact that a revolver, an M-16, and bombs are all on the weapons list of Bushido Blade 2 answers that question. I wonder if they would even have bothered with swords if there had been a third game…

Don’t Fear The Reavers, System Shock 2 (PC, Irrational. 1999)

I feel bad commenting on this masterpiece. Anyone who hasn’t played System Shock 2 is wasting time doing whatever you’re doing with your life. It’s legendary in many ways that it’s spiritual successor Bioshock simply isn’t.

So much of this game is casually brilliant, from the gameplay to the backstory to even the minigames you could play on your “GamePig” device. I’ve beaten this game twice now and I still feel that I haven’t experienced all it has to offer. I still wouldn’t say I completely know the enigmatic character that becomes the greatest gaming villain of all time.

What keeps me from playing this game more often, especially in the outstanding multiplayer mode, is that I know I have to enter the Rickenbacker. Without giving away too much, the game up until this point has entirely been made so that you can tackle it however you like. Like machines? Hack the machines to do your bidding? Tend to sit in the shadows brooding instead? Use you psi powers to manipulate the environment around you.

Then, just like with our previous examples, the rules change. Enter the Rickenbacker’s last level and it abruptly becomes a game of delivering as much pure firepower as you can. Specialized in something else, have you? Too damn bad, because you’re going to have to deal with giant rooms chock full of enemies you can’t avoid, can’t hack, and can’t dissuade.

It just breaks my heart to think of that sequence. It stands out not because it is bad (as long as you’re prepared, it’s a decent if typical FPS level), but because everything else in the game is so pitch perfect, so brilliant in every decision.

Well, every other decision.

History Repeats Itself, Half-Life & Half-Life 2 (PC, Valve. 1998 / 2004)

Once upon a time, first-person games without “Ultima” or “Shock” in the title weren’t very interesting or innovative. Then in 1998 came Half-Life from Valve Software. It offered a bevy of elements like innovative combat, superb level design, and creative gameplay that was different than nearly everything else on the market. Gone were artificial, annoying levels that led up to arbitrary boss fights. Instead the challenges were of a more organic, free-flowing nature. You never felt like you were wandering down “just another corridor” like in so many other games.

Finally you make it to the last level, a throwback to innovative shooters circa 1995. My only guess is that Valve ran out of time and subcontracted the alien planet “Xen” to the same developers that made Blood 2. Gone was the great level design and the innovative gameplay. Instead we had stationary, brainless AI that killed you the moment you made it past the arbitrarily difficult platforming section.

The community cried out in agony. Many people didn’t even bother completing the game and instead filled up many an internet forum with their complaints. Valve listened, they said. Things would be different in the next go-round, they said.

They said.

True, the last level of Half-Life 2 wasn’t crazy platforming and instant death. Instead, it was the complete opposite - endless repetitions of drab, identical corridors and a pointlessly overpowered weapon. Hooray, the ending just went from frustrating to dull. The end result though is the same as yet another masterpiece ends on an incredibly bad note. Well done, Valve.

Don’t even get me started on the entirely lame final cut-scene in HL2 that makes the last moments of Halo 2 look like Hamlet by comparison.

And the worst is…

Truth in Advertising, Fallout 2 (PC, Black Isle. 1998)

Fallout 2 was everything a sequel should be. The game world was larger, the number of things you could do were greatly increased. Want to get married? Go for it! Want to then pimp out that loved one? Why not? Gamble away your savings, run drugs, and of course, get involved in the illicit “iguana” trade.

The shame of Fallout 2 is that many people will never know that it’s a great, brilliant sequel. Because the game starts off with the worst level I’ve ever played in any otherwise great game, the aptly-named “Temple of Trials.”

For a game that is based upon the freedom to do basically whatever you want, starting you off in a loooong tunnel poking scorpions with a stick is a peculiar choice. There’s some backstory justification for it, but does anyone honestly remember any of it once the Temple of Trials has sucked the will to live from you? Even without the absurd level of difficulty, this sequence is just so uninspired, so tedious.

However, everything so far falls within the realm of the merely annoying. To grasp why this is one of the worst design decisions ever made in a good game, you have to understand the character creation system of Fallout. Between your skills, perks, and traits you could make all kinds of crazy characters and specializations. The gameplay even encouraged this with most quests involving multiple solutions. However, you had to pick a few skills to specialize in at the onset of the game.

Since the Temple of Trials was literally the first thing you did after starting the game, you were forced to make one of your specializations either Unarmed or Melee Combat to stand a chance of living through the encounter. By forcing that decision, you take away a massive chunk of the customization options available to the player.

In other words, this one level changes the entire game. It’s like being forced to pick RSTLNE in Wheel of Fortune; it makes life easier but not interesting. If I want a pathetic fighter who can patch up his wounds without difficulty, spin lies with the best, and pick locks like a fiend, I should have that choice. I certainly did in the first Fallout.

Not in Fallout 2 however. A sequel that expanded upon the original in every other way actually took a step back, which is a real shame. It’s why the original Fallout will always be the better game without contest.

Lessons Learned

All of these examples have one common thread - create a level or moment which clearly violates the established “rules” of the game world. Yes, there are ways to tweak the rules and play with the formula, but have a damn good reason for doing so, please.

Making sure it’s still fun wouldn’t hurt either. It’s hard to playtest “fun” though.

Everyone Remembers Their First Time

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT

When I was sitting in a darkened movie theatre contemplating gouging my eyes out, I would never have guessed that I’d fall in love.

That’s just what happened during the Chicago Underground FIlm Festival when we recently went to “Galaxian,” a collection of experimental short films made with video games. We had just sat through a criminally boring video made from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. As far as I can tell, here’s what happened: someone hooked a VCR up to their TV and turned on GTA, hoping to make a totally sweet video. Then they got a phone call, went out to lunch, or engaged in some sort of high-speed pursuit, I don’t know. I just know we sat through about 10 minutes of Carl “CJ” Johnson staring at flowers as a result. It drained my will to continue.

So it was a disappointment when the next film turned out to be made with Second Life. I had tried it a long time ago, but didn’t find it particularly captivating. So if these auteurs could make GTA boring… well, I was having difficulty deciding between suicide or a murder-suicide to also save my date from such a cruel fate.

That was before I saw a three-way sex scene between a male, female, and bear where the woman’s neck forcefully spewed blood throughout the experience, courtesy of Valerie Brewer’s Untitled #2. As the camera switched from being an observer to shooting the scene from the hollow interior of the woman’s ever-flowing neck, I was gripped with a child-like wonder.

I never knew you could do this in Second Life.

While I have no desire to replicate that scene per se, the fact that such a thing is possible in SL made me beyond curious. So today I finally managed to find the time to try it out.

Apparently Second Life was bound and determined to give me bizarre semi-sexual experiences however, as my first sight upon entering the training world was two entirely gray women-oids doing, well, something to me and someone else. Or I to them, not entirely sure.

So far the game seemed like what would happen if David Lynch woke up one morning, decided he was tired of short films about rabbits, and instead started designing a video game.

Eventually though, my clothes and skin appeared and some help text popped up. True, I could only see every third or fourth help screen, so I’m certain I missed a few things. The charm was already wearing thin however, and the interface matched only by the retchedness that is Ultima Online was aggravating. Regardless, I guessed-and-checked my way to the last of the tutorials, the “what to do in Second Life” tutorial.

My hideous uber-blonde avatar looked on upon a stage, showing different “events” that I could partake in. Behind a stage was a slideshow of eHipsters just sitting around. In front of that was a rotating selection of avatar examples.

At this point, I feared I had only looking pretty and standing around in my future. Most people discover I’m phenomenally bad at both within the first 90 seconds of meeting me, so I was less than thrilled about the prospect. It was with a heavy heart that I left tutorial island and instead teleported to Welcome Island, the first “real” area for most SL players.

My first sight upon entering the “real” world was gently bouncing, flat images of Mario proclaiming “its-a-me, Mario!” before each one spawned several more which proceeded to do the same, ad infinitum.

I knew in an instant what I was seeing. Having played a variety of online games, this was clearly griefing. Normally it takes the form of team killing, spraypainting of pornography across every surface, or the typical stream of expletives yelled in the unmistakable high pitch of 10 year old boys that sends dogs running everywhere. Stills from the Super Mario Bros cartoon show? That’s entirely new. That’s almost clever.

I hunted after these flying Marios and Luigis with a childlike wonder, looking for their source. They would drift through the sky and I would fly with them, taking in the sights as I went. Finally I found their creator, a series of giant spinning cubes sending smaller versions shooting throughout the world. It was incredible, and incredibly creative for griefers. I followed them around for quite some time, seeing how these endless cubes and rectangles caused everyone to disperse in a hurry.

Despite watching two hours of “experimental” film in a theatre, some 14 year old in his parents’ basement came up with somethng more visually interesting, more beautiful than any machinima I’ve seen.

Once I saw that great rotating phantasmagoria of plumbers in the sky, I knew that I was going to love this place.

Games That Made Me - Castles II

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Played in a woefully-underused setting, 1992’s Castles II: Siege & Conquest supposes that a civil war breaks out in France in 1311, about a decade before the Hundred Years’ War was due to start. So rather than a century of grudge matches between the English and a unified French, we get a vicious battle between five claimants to the French throne: two internal powers (Valois & Anjou) and three mostly external agitators (Burgundy, Aragon / Spain, and Albion / England) who all have their own equally valid claims to the title.

They all start the game off roughly equal, but their starting positions on the map of France actually unbalance them quite a bit. Albion is generally the easiest to play, as a smart player can use diplomacy to focus on one target at a time. Burgundy and Anjou generally have it the worst, as they will always start the game off bordering too many opponents at once.

You play as an administrator-in-chief rather than the traditional micromanager-in-chief, making decisions and then waiting to see how they are carried out in a quite hands-off manner. Tasks are divided into three broad categories: Administrative, dealing with resources and castle construction; Military, directly related to all things aggresive; Political, or pretty much intelligence-gathering. You’ll combine all of these abilities to control territories that can produce one of four key resources. However, the goal is not neccessarily to control all of these territories, but to gain enough points (respect) to make a claim to the throne and then hold it for a period of about five months. Once you do so, you’ll be crowned King of France by that ever-blasted Pope.

What makes this game interesting is that all actions have a downside, and that you never have the time or ability to do all the things you would like to do. It’s rather like some of my favorite board games like Colossal Arena or Vinci in that way. It makes some definitely goofy design decisions (I have to send a scouting unit for a month just to see who owns the piece of land across the way?) and castles end up being kind of death traps for the defense if you run your own battles, but the game’s depth in other areas makes up for it. Consider the play session below, picking up about midway through a recent game…

The Tale of the Most Noble Poet-Warrior Count of Valois Here’s the situation: I’m facing the losing end of a three year war with the vile forces of Aragon. Early on, I found myself surrounded primarily by gold-producing territories and went a little nuts acquiring them. I let those other posers worry about territories that could produce crap like timber or even food.

As a result, I had a filthy-rich and filthy-tiny empire with a near-constant starvation problem. The constant invasions were only making us tinier and starving-er.

Even with a neverending Merchant mission to my only friend down in Burgundy (see earlier note about Burgundy being perpetually weak. VALOIS IS BEYOND REPROACH IN OUR DECISION MAKING, HOWEVER.), I scrounged up enough food to feed my peeps and build an army that could just barely hold the line. See, way back in the day, I had built a monstrously-large super-castle “Castle DeathEagle” well in my own territory, mostly in a bad-ass, Ozymandias sort of way.

Beyond impractical when it was built, Castle DeathEagle was now the only reason my empire continued. The stonemasons working on repairing the damage from the last seige would sigh and depart as they saw yet another advancing Aragon army pissed off about the latest messenger I had returned to them in pieces purely on principle. We’d then proceed to fight with the only serious losses being Castle DeathEagle itself. The stonemasons would return, looking ever more down-trodden, and continue their never-ending repair work.

I have to give it to those Spaniards though, they’re clever. Seeing the futility in further Super-Castle Super-Seiges, they then started pounding Burgundy. Normally I wouldn’t shed a tear over one less competitor, but seeing as all of my citizens’ food came stamped “Made in Burgundy,” this presented a teensy problem. I had at most a year to go from losing this war to re-entering it pretty aggressively if I wanted to avoid people feeding people to people.

There is one spy in the service of Valois who will have statues erected all over the good land of France for his discovery. Children will grow up knowing his legend to the point where Joan of Arc won’t mean shit next to this guy. Why, you ask? Well, it was right about then that he turns in a fairly standard report: Aragon has twice as many territories as you, about 2/3 more soldiers, and a Happiness of 4.

Wait.. a Happiness of 4?! You see, in Castles II each nation’s populace has a happiness rating from 2 to 9. It affects a variety of things like how difficult you are to sabotage as well as how effectively your men fight in battle. It turns out that even though I wasn’t making any kind of dent in Aragon’s army, each time I forced his army to retreat from the shattered hulk of Castle DeathEagle, his people grew increasingly despondant. It’s one of two things that will decrease the happiness of your land.

To make a long-story short, I spent the next year doing everything I could to make my people drunk with pleasure while the people of Aragon awoke to each day more sullen than the last. Constant saboteur raids meant that Aragon had to constantly and harshly police his own populace with his military. Meanwhile the people of Valois were having so many festivals and national celebrations (of what I can’t imagine. “Hooray We Have Food” Fest?) that it made Japan’s holiday calendar seem downright stingy by comparison. So when the food train from Burgundy finally did stop a-runnin, my people were near-euphoric with their fervent nationalistic glee.

“Zeal” was nothing to describe my 14-unit army when it finally took the field of battle against an army of 24, an army demoralized by a year of midnight raids and policing.

We stomped them. Burgundy may have been a fond memory by this point in time, but they were avenged by the sheer tonnage of Aragonian blood spilled that day. They entered with 24; they left with eight. By contrast, we lost two units.

The war would drag on, with Aragon even attempting to claim the throne of France at one point, but even the ever-blasted Pope had to eventually meet me at Castle DeathEagle to recognize my right to rule.

The Impact of Castles II Upon Me

Is Castles II even one of my favorite games of all time? No, not really. Only the midgame is really very interesting - the initial landgrab is always the same and the time difference between when you know you’ve won and when you actually win is far too long. Also, despite the story above, almost always the game turns solely upon army size and who you have as friends. For instance, if you’re Albion and you form both a decent army and a strong friendship with Valois, you’re pretty much going to win unless you’re playing on Impossible difficulty.

Additionally, the battle engine is pretty well broken. You can technically control your troops in battle, but it’s a death sentence to do so. If you want to win, you have to let the computer simulate the battles for you. So it’s definitely a game with flaws.

However, this idea of strategy games where you don’t have direct control over every action of the empire, but rather just what actions are being taken has stuck with me. While some games like Civilization have come close to this in certain regards, it still remains something I look for in many games.

The only game that really implements this is KOEI’s Romance of the Three Kingdoms IX, which is strange since KOEI isn’t really known for innovation (cough DYNASTY WARRIORS cough). It also remains one of the reasons I’m excited about playing some World in Conflict `ere long, as it seems to offer a similar level of abstraction over “uninteresting things” like resource gathering, etc. etc.

Paris Je T'aime (2006)

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

★★★☆☆ (3/5)
View on Letterboxd

A movie in 18 segments.

17 of them: paris is lovely, but that’s all I’m getting from this

The Alexander Payne / Margo Martindale one: I have to pause the movie because of how hard I’m crying.

(17 * 1 star + 1 * 37 stars) / 18 = 3 stars

Dead Man Typing

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT

I misspelled “your” today in a business email. I won’t go into the messy details; it’s too painful right now.

You may forgive me, but I’ll never forgive myself. I should add my name to the List o’ Shame I keep in my office.

I feel a self-loathing-fueled alcohol binge weekend coming on. Time to channel my inner Hunter S. Thompson.

Enter the Panda

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Panda Express: “You may not leave full, but you won’t leave hungry!”

Six brave men faced the Panda today. Their heat-lamped delicacies claimed three victims. A fourth is missing, presumed fed.

But man, Orange Chicken. We’re still not convinced there’s any meat in it, guessing rather that it may be just some Fried fried. I’d order more people to their doom in order to investigate but we’re running low on intrepid investigators. Besides, I can’t even order online groceries, let alone people.

To think one of the jobs I turned down was directly above a Chipotle! I wonder if I could have set up some sort of direct pre-tax burrito spending plan…

Lost the Loser?

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Day three of the One Month of Daily Writing pledge and I’m already feeling it. This has become my own personal Lost button. Writing an article on here just pushes back the clock to 24:00:00. Does existence wink out if I fail to write? Will that strange woman I left at the altar in the flashback I had last week suddenly awaken and start looking for me? I hope not; she crazy. Maybe I’ll get ice cream and a good nap instead. Who doesn’t want that?

That reminds me: Lost watchers, is there still a button at all? Or was this replaced by a strange Englishman walking around the jungle in a tophat, or maybe a coconut tree that is strangely dropping coconuts made of waffles. I don’t mean to be as condescending as I sound, but let’s review facts here.

Q: What’s out in the jungle?
A: A hatch.

Q: Oh, well that’s kind of interesting, I guess. What’s in the hatch?
A: A button.

Q: A button? Hmm. Well, okay, they can do neat things, right? Maybe a really cool, kick ass button. What’s it do?
A: Prevents a really bright light and the hatch collapsing.

Keep in mind that I just summarized some 44 episodes. Sure, there’s some other details thrown in around there too. People argue, a church is or is not built, drugs, babies, and flashbacks flashbacks FLASHBACKS! If Lost is a four-star meal (and given my appreciation of four-star dining, it may well be), then those details are kind of like the little fig leaves and tulip-shaped radish garnishes; while nice, they aren’t really the point.

Why do I keep beating up on Lost week after week on this site? Because I WANT IT TO BE GOOD. This show started with what is perhaps one of the best pilots in the history of pilots, and I think the gap between that inspired beginning and every subsequent episode has widened considerably and continues to do so. I want to tune in every week again, to have that eery opening sound effect get my psyched like it used to. In short, I WANT TO BELIEVE.

Hope is on the way though. Last week, our favorite island drama was beaten in ratings by CBS’ crime drama Criminal Minds. “What,” you say, “CBS is airing an overly-serious episodic crime drama about an elite unit that solves crimes single-handedly, ending each episode with a confession?” I know, contain your shock.

Anyhoo, Minds scored 16.7 million viewers to Lost’s 16.1 million. Certainly not a crushing blow, but considering the show has been down in ratings about 25% from last season, this is making more than a few people nervous. There’s rumour that there could be a shakeup coming for this show. Maybe it’s J.J. Abrams actually showing up on the set of his darling program once in awhile; maybe it’s something else entirely. But in an interesting twist, the more we aren’t watching this show, the more likely it is to get better.

This theory isn’t entirely without precedent. The West Wing began hemorrhaging viewers between its fourth and fifth seasons, and the abysmal ratings that led to its cancellation also led to what some call its best season. However, for every Mission Impossible (whose falling TV ratings also turned the quality around, at least quality by that show’s standards) you can cite an X-Files or Buffy whose rating woes led to fairly terrible dramatic changes, but I still hold out hope. What else can be done?

So do us all a favor, and tune into Criminal Minds on Wednesday. I hear they have this one about a bunch of people trapped in a hole and they have to kill one and it’s a desperate race against time and …

On Chicago

Tue, 30 May 2006 00:00:00 GMT

A recent journal entry:

Had an interview here in November. Saw the Best Buy and the Crate & Barrel next to the landfill & incinerator. Got stuck in 5:00 PM traffic. That’s Chicago.

Came to look for an apartment. Found one with no A/C, hardwood floors, and park view. Picked this over one across the street that had new everything and carpets. A park view is more Chicago. Hardwood floors are more Chicago. But I don’t live in a park view, and the mice that have apparently lived in this apartment for several winters have enjoyed the hardwood floors more than I have. That’s Chicago.

It’s 2 AM on a Tuesday in April. I’m riding the train home after a night out. More precisely, I’m taking the train to a bus to a street corner to walk to my apartment. I’m listening to two girls chat, one debating whether or not to sleep with someone she met tonight. She would, but she has class tomorrow. I think back to my own college days. A year earlier, I was a college student in a small town with no dreams or desires beyond remaining a college student in a small town for some time. My life has become so different, I think. It’s been a good night out with good people. I play with my phone, thinking of several people I’d like to call, but it’s pushing three A.M. now. So I listen to two girls discuss casual hookups instead and watch the city go by. That’s Chicago.

Cut to now. That’s why I don’t post journals online, I think to myself. Too melodramatic. You’d think I don’t like Chicago, which isn’t the case. There are so many great times to be had, and so many great people with which to do it with. But these fall into the category of “my personal life”, and one of my golden rules I’ve followed since I started writing online was to keep my personal life out of it as much as possible. Watching sunsets through skyscrapers on Lake Shore Drive, biking through Evanston at night, the iO, music, nightlife, rain on the beach, you get the idea. All reasons I love Chicago.

When I moved to Chicago, I knew one person in the area. I asked her “How long did it take you to get used to the city?” She sighed, and replied that she hadn’t. She had lived here for years. I had to think long and hard about that response, about whether or not I’d made the right decision to come here. Mornings at church and evenings with walks on the beach.

Moving to Chicago was no mistake. But I have to find a balance between activity and quiet. So far I haven’t been doing a good job of it. Evidence: I have to schedule phone calls; I laid down for a nap and woke up over 3 hours later; comments haven’t worked on this website since April. I’ve been an avid reader for some time, and I’ve been buying books in Chicago based upon my previous reading pace. The fact that I have 7 books I haven’t so much as opened should indicate how I’m handling this balance issue. I love Chicago and I love the activities here, but I’m realizing that I also need to have down time. Not neccessarily time alone, but just time not spent out on the town. Chicago isn’t going anywhere, and I’m not going anywhere for the immediate future at least, so there has to be balance then.

This is why I don’t post journals online. Too melodramatic. Sorry if you read this - I just had to ramble I guess. For something entertaining, try Patton Oswalt’s A One year full of Kick-Ass Movie Pitches by Erik Blevins.

Mission: Impossible III (2006)

Sat, 06 May 2006 00:00:00 GMT

★★★★☆ (4/5)
Directed by J.J. Abrams
View on Letterboxd

Easily the best movie JJ Abrams has ever made. It created the template for what every subsequent Mission: Impossible movie is.

JJ Abrams’ strength is casting and then letting those leads carry their scenes. This movie works because of the two amazing lead performances, especially Philip Seymour Hoffman in what was casting against the villain type at the time. They are supported by a phenomenal secondary cast as well.

I think in some ways, Mission: Impossible III helped us figure out what a modern, post-Matrix action movie blockbuster would be.

Edmond (2005)

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 00:00:00 GMT

★★☆☆☆ (2/5)
Directed by Stuart Gordon
View on Letterboxd

I went on a mostly blind date around the time this came out. We traded emails beforehand and it happened that we both liked David Mamet films, so we decided to go see this one and have dinner afterwards to discuss it. A great, nerdy idea for a date.

…

I remember nothing else about this dinner or person other than how terribly uncomfortable it was, just a man and woman chatting about a movie where a man savagely murders a woman immediately after their first date.

There was no second date.

But it wasn’t all bad - this movie helped me realize that maybe I don’t like David Mamet all that much after all.

The Power to Move You

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 00:00:00 GMT

I had the same problem on my Xanga site. There’s a great deal of pressure on that “first” article. (Apparently those first few articles don’t count. As well they shouldn’t. What’s more boring than a website about a computer nerd’s writing? A website about a computer nerd’s writing about his website)

So there were many, many failed articles I wrote to lead things off on a strong note. And just like my Xanga, I’m giving up and writing a craptastic first entry. Please accept my apologies if you are still reading.

It occured to me that I’ve never really wrote about my thoughts on relocating to Chicago. So let me jot down a few things that have run through my head since arriving here almost two months ago:

I miss the color green. I miss urban sprawl. Chicago is a dense concrete jungle that looks as if it would collapse and fall into Lake Michigan if a strong wind blew through.
Chicago has made me unapologetically pro-Walmart. Between the local grocery store and Home Depot, I get by alright. But goodness, I miss that place dearly.
There are a great many interesting things to do. I have less free time than I did when I was in Columbia, MO or West Lafayette, IN, but I find myself much, much busier than ever.
Speaking of those fine locales, I still keep in touch with about 2-3 people that I met from 5 years of college in Columbia, MO (I’m not counting the fairly significant number of people I met after graduation there). I keep in regular contact with almost a dozen that I met from 4 months of college at Purdue. I don’t quite know what this means

Okay, so I’m not doing so well at really articulating my thoughts on relocation. Luckily, someone out there is though. Ron “Aalgar” Watt writes Infinite Midlife Crisis, a blog about his recent relocation from Maryland to Seattle. He can tell you the details in a better and more entertaining fashion than can I; let me just say I found the blog via one of his many eBay auctions wherein he was selling nearly everything he had of value to fund this project.

To quote the most amazing and lovely person I know, I’ll steal from my own closing words on my first Xanga entry:

Okay, sooooooo, first entry, not all that interesting. Oh well, too bad. To paraphrase Mitch Hedberg, I’ll someday edit this entry, take out all the words, and add new interesting ones instead.

Cat Power

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Hi there, Scott from 2018 writing here. This is from my old Xanga account. I mostly post these because it makes me laugh at myself. I have no idea why you’d be reading this, but enjoy yourself. -SP

Every morning, my commute to work ends with a jaunt from my train stop straight to the office. Other than an unusually high spa to non-spa ratio along the street, it’s not particularly remarkable compared to any other Lincoln Park avenue. Occasionally I’ll see some headline in a newsstand that causes me to pause for a few moments or worse, do the double-take and suddenly com back to it. One example of this was last week, when the Sun-Times ran the front page headline “FAKE TRAIN COPS TAKE PASSENGER FOR A RIDE.” I saw this and stuck it in the “To Think About Later” portion of my brain, when I realized that I ride the train! Incidentally, it’s a good thing my daily commute takes just a little while as my brain isn’t necessarily sharp first thing in the morning. Realizing the potential danger I could be in, I turned around amidst other pedestrians to read more of that headline.

My head was filled with images of fake transit police absconding with me, forcing me to be an unwilling participant in an all-night frenzy of murder and debauchery. It didn’t occur to me that I’ve never even seen a transit cop on the train before, and so if I did see either the real thing or merely a fake, I’d probably flee the scene in alarm regardless. The story was far more tame than the headline suggested though, relating to merely some major, but entirely financial, fraud rather than a Judgment Night-esque tale of horror. Deviations such as these are usually about as varied as my trip gets.

As I lost myself in thought dreaming of fake cops though, I ended up passing quite a few shops I don’t normally see. There was the cafe with funky color scheme and kitchen the size of a smallish closet. There was the western wear store, which informed me that in the Old West, people wore denim almost to the exclusion of all other materials. Polyester and other fabrics must have been invented in the East I guess, since it looked like life was a veritable denimcopia west of the Mississippi. There was also the mattress store with many sofas, a small cat sleeping on one of them, and a few cardboard displays. I was looking at antiques as I passed by a window two stores down when I thought “Was that a cat I just saw?” So for the second time in as many weeks, I backtracked to the location to investigate.

Sure enough, there was what appeared to be a cat sleeping upon one of the front display mattresses. I watched it for a few moments, seeing it was breathing and thus a real cat rather than some kind of fake for advertising purposes. Apparently my still-sleepy brain thought it plausible that someone would get a very realistic, but fake, cat to place upon their display units. Passing wives would stop their husbands, saying “Wow, look how great that cat is sleeping! We need one of those!” However, if sane people actually thought things like this, then Serta would also manufacture human-sized cardboard boxes, computer monitors, and just the backs of sofas. As I watched, the sleeping cat took a breath, much to my astonishment that these sofa retailers got the real thing for their store.

While I walked on a few moments later, I spent the rest of my morning thinking about that cat. “What a lifestyle that cat must enjoy. Getting to live life amongst a variety of ever-changing and very comfortable places to sleep. That, in addition to Fancy Feast© of course, must be the equivalent of the good life for cats.” More so than dogs or other creatures, cats are pretty serious about their sleeping, and so I can’t imagine a better place to practice’s one’s passion. Of course, knowing cats, they are just as likely to spend 15 minutes kneading an open book just to fall right over onto the crease and into a deep sleep as they are to actually go to a mattress or anything. Still though, I can’t think of anything better if I were a cat. In fact, I can’t think of much better than that being a human either.

Some people say that pets don’t go to Heaven, despite the what popular culture may have to say about that. For every Fahrenheit 9/11 that comes out, someone seems to counter with a Michael Moore Hates America and vice versa from right to left. But Americans all seem to agree that All Dogs Go to Heaven, since there hasn’t been any countering film called God Hates Dogs or something to argue the other side. Regardless, if cats don’t get to enter their own pearly gates, perhaps the really, really good cats get to spend some time in a mattress store.

Jack Bauer Would Be Proud

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 00:00:00 GMT

In the past 24 hours, I have:

accepted a full-time job with Sonoma Partners
purchased the new season of 24 (complete with clip-on watch!)
worked on my Compilers project only to have a bizarre Deus Ex Machina save everyone involved, much like in crappy thriller movies where a minor character from the first Act returns in Act III to save the protagonist
turned down an admin position on the website NationStates
easily had my best night of improv ever.

Oh yeah, and this: I took my final presentation for my graphics class less than seriously

Quick Shots

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 00:00:00 GMT

Hi there, Scott from 2018 writing here. This is from my old Xanga account. I mostly post these because it makes me laugh at myself. I have no idea why you’d be reading this, but enjoy yourself. -SP

Since I don’t really have the time to write entries for the foreseeable future, I’ll write a few little bits about my life as of late.

I didn’t get the job in St. Louis. I interviewed on Monday for a job in Chicago. Should hear back about that one soon.
Allison recently signed me up for complimentary issues of magazines “they’re sure to enjoy” as the offer described it. As such, I’ve had the delight of getting free issues of the magazines *hild, 2 back-to-back issues of Golf Digest, ESPN: The Magazine, and the star of the collection, ELLEgirl. After giving the last zine a bad rap, where I may have called for the assassination of a 15-year-old actress for appearing on the cover, I’ve turned over a new leaf and have given the magazine a delightful second chance. While it lacks a proper teenie “Is he crushin’ on you? 15 questions to find out!” quiz, it still gets high marks for a variety of funny moments. A 13 year old girl writes: (note this is not edited or abridged in any way)

Thank you for “Wood You Rather?” I’ve liked Elijah Wood since the Lord of the Rings trilogy came out. He’s such a hot, awesome, and talented actor! I can’t wait for his new movie! I didn’t know he had 3,000 CDs… whoa, that’s a lot.

Somehow, the editors of the magazine failed to comment on this controversial viewpoint. My favorite though is when a 19 year old (And who over the age of 14 reads ELLEgirl? WHO?!) writes to ask a celebrity: “Do you watch The OC?” That’s it. A letter and months of waiting to get the answer to that. Anyhoo, it’s fun times.

On a mildly serious note, if I hear any more phrases like “You don’t understand this? It’s straightforward,” ”… always the model of the ideal grad student, you are,” or “You seem like a better fit for the business world,” , I think I’m going to start biting off heads. So be warned if you see me get out a file and start sharpening my teeth. Head-biting will be eminent.
On a whim, I applied with these people for a job teaching English as a Second Language in South Korea for a year, while I was applying for a rash of interesting jobs. Well, I heard back from them today, and they’re wanting an interview. Very interesting.
Finally, I can’t stop watching World Championship Sexy (low quality, but what can you do?). It reminds me of good ol’ Sprockets in its zaniness. I keep saying “Okay chubbies, your time is now,” and imagining John Leguizamo’s clown from Spawn saying “Sexual.”Also worth checking out is one of their older film school presentations that make me realize I wasted my previous time as an undergrad. Incidentally, the people behind this are also, along with my hero Bob Odenkirk, the people behind the new Adult Swim show Tom Goes to the Mayor, as well as my favorite all-digital phone service.

Going Into Hiding

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 00:00:00 GMT

First off, to live up to promises, the interview was so-so. I’ll find out next week whether I get the offer. That out of the way, T-Rex has some interesting haikus as away messages, and a recent event causes me to create my own.

The always-silent
office phone bleats. Fear. Panic.
Who has this number?!

The Greatest Entry in the World

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 00:00:00 GMT

Hi there, Scott from 2018 writing here. This is from my old Xanga account. I mostly post these because it makes me laugh at myself. I have no idea why you’d be reading this, but enjoy yourself. -SP

So I’ve been sitting on this Xanga thing for a nice long time, trying to come up with the perfect topic for the first entry. Xanga politely reminds me that I’ve been a member for 85 days and haven’t done anything yet. Thanks, Xanga.

I’ve been thinking about it, and I think I’m going to try and get involved with Purdue Improv. One of the things I realized over the summer was that I really missed my minimal high school involvement with theatre, and my favorite parts of that were always the sketches and other silliness we came up with. We’ll see how it goes I guess. I’m really jazzed about the idea now, but it’s anyone’s guess if I’ll have the courage to attend their meeting on Friday. (Yes, their meetings are on Friday evenings, eww.) Part of my hesitation comes from the fact that I had been convinced for a nice long time that I wasn’t all that funny. Not that my impression of myself has really changed all that dramatically, but there’s room for improvement. Another part of my hesitation comes from the fact that most college improv groups I’ve seen are simply not all that entertaining. It seems like most of them are still stuck on sex and penis jokes that I don’t recall ever finding funny. (Aren’t I snooty? You bet!) So if I do make it there, what does that say about me?

The kicker though is that I officially know absolutely no one here at Purdue. Before you say “Aww, you poor thing,” let me explain that’s kind of a good thing. (Incidentally, the person I thought I knew here also graduated when I did and, while I went from Missouri to Indiana for grad school, it turns out she did just the opposite. I keep wondering “What does Jamie know that I don’t,” the same thing I wonder about when someone randomly slows down on the interstate. In other news, I think too much). The knowledge that no one here knows who I am will let me be whoever I’d like to be. That’s part of what I liked so much about Austin; I was able to go bald and become little Sherman Socialite for a summer. So while I always thought about doing improv while at Mizzou, I guess I never felt entirely free to take that chance.

So then here’s a problem. This would bring the number of organizations I want to get involved with to four:

Computer Science Graduate Student Board (Been doing that kind of crap for almost 8 years now, can’t resist)
Tae Kwon Do (Did it for a semester back in the day, ran out of time to practice)
Ballroom Dance (I’ve wanted to do it for a long time, but other than one or two lessons never did)
Purdue Improv (refer to entire rest of entry)

That’s a lot of time to be spending, in addition to this whole “getting a PhD” thing. So right now the plan is to do it all while I can, and then make cuts as I have to. Oddly enough, I think the GSB would be the first to go. This is odd because I’ve been doing that kind of thing for years, and that’s why I think I would drop it and not be too sad about it. However, it doesn’t seem like it will be much of a time commitment, so then there wouldn’t be much to gain from dropping it.

Oooh, in other news today, I’m an official account-holder at the Purdue Employees’ Federal Credit Union. Despite the questionable entertainment value and security wisdom of discussing my bank in a public forum, I’m oddly excited about the whole thing. I even get a little wallet-sized account ledger, to keep track of the money in my account. This was by far the most amazing thing I’ve seen in a while other than some cool graphics software that would be far too boring to describe, and the account manager was noticeably amused at my delight in the trinket. I even asked if I could get a couple extra for when I fill it up. Now watch me put them in a drawer and forget I ever had them.

Okay, sooooooo, first entry, not all that interesting. Oh well, too bad. To paraphrase Mitch Hedberg, I’ll someday edit this entry, take out all the words, and add new interesting ones instead.