The challenge

The task is simple: scan through the field of B letters and spot the one character that is actually a number. The original challenge sets an 8-second limit, so the goal is to identify the different symbol quickly without any extra clues.

The solution

The hidden number is 8.

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Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store.

At the hardware store Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe to finish waiting on a customer.

When Joe was finished, Mary asked, "How much for the teapot?"

Joe replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"

"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary exclaimed.

She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to buy, and Joe went to the backroom to find a hinge.

From the backroom Joe Bob yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?'

To which Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."

Joke: A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and…

said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The programmer said, "Look, I'm a programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend — but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Joke: Apparently, independent studies have discovered that the internet is an…

addictive agent which, they say, is just as powerful as drugs or alcohol.

However, researchers go on to say that the internet is actually much more dangerous than these addictive substances, since it is a terminal addiction.

Joke: Yesterday I farted in an apple store and everyone got mad at me

Not my fault that they don't have windows.

How are Windows different from virgin?

You can spend many nights with Windows.

Bad E-mail Addresses

Many colleges and business's tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to either the beginning or end to make up an E-Mail address. For example, Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may happen when you have a large and diverse pool of people to choose from. Add to that a large database of company/college acronyms and you have some very funny addresses. Probably not funny to the individualinvolved, however:

TOP TEN Actual E-mail Addresses

10. Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) – eatonsht@dku.edu
9. Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) – cumminme@fu.edu
8. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.) – blowmegd@dropdrawers.com
7. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) – dickinme@iup.edu
6. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) – kissinfk@lvu.edu
5. Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) – beeranbj@myplace.com
4. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) – aspicker@pu.edu
3. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) – ibballin@bsu.edu
2. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton Canada) – btkisser@bendover.com
1. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us) – ihadcock@tru.com

A blonde walks into a store that makes curtains. She says to the clerk…

"I would like curtains the size of my computer screen. The clerk says, "Why the size of you computer screen?" The woman replies, "Because I've got windows!"

Computer genderA marketing director for a prominent computer manufacturer was…

devising a new advertising campaign for his company. While researching consumer response to his product, he asked "Naval ships are commonly referred to as 'she' or 'her'. What gender would you assign to your computer? Give four reasons to support your answer…"A large group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.The men, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Man Gets Fired For Prank Postcard Mailed To His Office

The story of Alan who was fired by his company from receiving a realistic prank postcard from an anonymous source can tell us that mail pranks can really ruin someone's life.

An anonymous person who bought one of the mail pranks from http://sendprankmail.com addressed to Alan at his work for revenge. After going through their website the person knew if he did something at Alan’s work place where the next issue with Alan comes up means suspension or no pay. So the person bought one of the products and had a mail sent to Alan’s office address. The website produced a realistic customized mail envelope and sent it to his work place.

Upon receiving this mail, his colleague staying in the same cubicle with him saw this and raised an alarm. This ugly incident was reported to the authority at his company and Alan was fired after they saw such envelope that they thought it was real. To a much great surprise, Alan is still trying to convince his work that it was prank mail, but who would believe Alan when he has been behaving badly. Good luck to Alan while he keeps trying to get his job back.

Alan also said he contacted SendPrankMail.com owners to get the information about sender however he is yet to receive a reply from them as it was anonymous mail.

A popular website for married men looking for secret affairs was hacked

The company which runs this website would like to assure everyone that they are doing everything they can to protect their users' personal information. In an effort to bring the hacking group which calls itself "Project Unicorn" to justice, they're coordinating with the Department of Homeland Security, the Ontario Provincial Police, the U.S Federal Bureau of Investigation, and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. When asked why the latter had to be involved a company spokesperson replied, "It's always good thing to have the mountees on the case when you're trying to hunt down a bunch of Unicorns."

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Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out the turtle was 6 feet tall and knew karate.

Joke: It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television…

when the phone rang.

"Hello?" I said.

A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?"

I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored.

I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"

"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.

"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."

Silence on the other end… a confused silence.

"Is this Steve?"

My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.

So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"

"Well… he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00."

A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"

"The girl he went out with."

"I know that! I mean… who is she?"

"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?"

"Yes… please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."

She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"

She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?"

Apparently she wasn't.

"Well… he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry… it was an honest mistake."

"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home."

I smiled and said, "Okay, I will… but Becky isn't going to like this…"

*Click*

Joke: Daughter wants to know about acting.

Seventeen years old aughter: I want to be an actor. But I don't know alot about acting

Dad: I'm a pretty successul actor myself, what would you like to know?

Seventeen year old daughter: What? I didn't know that you're an actor. Let alone succesful.

Dad: Really? I've been acting for about seventeen years now. And I act so well that even you wouldn't recognize me if i stopped.

Seventeen year old daughter: Stopped?

Dad: You're adopted

Joke: One day in 2014 three guys went up to a black man sitting alone at a…

theatrical production of Cats.

Ben Carson? They asked.

Yes? The man said.

We want you to run for president. We have chosen you from a list of qualified candidates.

That's great!, the man says, and stuffs their business card in his pants pocket. They leave to let him watch the performance because intermission is coming to a close and the bells are ringing for people to take their seats.

When the theater is dark another man comes up and says: Thanks for holding my place, George, I am lucky to have such a convincing body double. I am lucky you look just like me!

Yes, says George, and under his breath he mutters: I am lucky to look like you. Enjoy the rest of the show Ben.

He walks out of the theater and takes out the business card when he is on the street. He reaches for his cell phone in his other pocket.

Armed forces camp fire

An Army Ranger, a Navy SEAL, a Green Beret, and a Marine are all sitting around a camp fire telling stories.

The Army Ranger says the are the best because they parachute in, hump 20 miles and then kill everyone in sight.

The Navy SEAL states the are the best for parachuting in, humping 30 miles and killing everyone in sight.

The Green Beret finally bursts out and exclaims that they are the best for parachuting in, humping 40 miles and killing everyone in sight.

When they ask the Marine he is silent. Stirring the coals of the fire with his dick.

I'm not saying I hate you, what I'm saying is that you are literally the…

Monday of my life.

A guy goes into a store and says to the clerk, "I"d like some Polish Sausage."

The clerk looks at him and says "Are you Polish?"

The guy says "Well, yes I am. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian, or if I had asked for German sausage, would you ask me if I was German? If I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?"

The clerk says "Well, no."

The guy says "Then, why do you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"

The clerk says "Because this is a hardware store."

On New Year's Eve, a boy asked his dad if it was okay to go out and celebrate…

the New Years with friends.

His dad said okay and that he could go. Right before the boy left, his dad reminded him to not stay out too late and to be back home before midnight.

Three friends were backpacking through europe and found out about a magical…

mountain near the coast, so they decided to check it out. When they finally reached the top of the mountain they saw a man jump straight off the edge and screamed that he wanted to be an eagle then poof he turned into an eagle and flew away. After seeing that the three friends got really excited and decided to go for it.The first thought for a second and then dashed straight off and yelled "I want to be a hawk" then poof he turned into a hawk and flew away. The second friend thought for a second and finally decided and jumped off and yelled "I want to be a a mountain goat" then poof he turned into a mountain goat and ran away. The third friend thought about for a long while and then finally decided, he ran as fast as he could ready to jump but then slipped on loose rocks and fell off the yelling "ohh crrraaappp" SPLAT!

The football players were doing very well in their games…

but when it came to academics, they were failing. So the administrater of the school, who desired all of his students to graduate, talked to the coach of the football team and said, "Coach, if ONE of your football players can answer a single math problem, I will not get rid of the football team, but if he gets it wrong, I'm afraid I will have to throw out the team. When the team was gathered up and a player was selected to answer the problem, the administrator asked him, "Okay, what is 3 + 4?" The football player thought and thought and thought and thought. After five hours and multiple countings on his fingers, the player said, "Seven!" The coach raised his arms and pleaded, "Give him another chance, please!"

Q. why did the chicken cross the road? A: for a totally legitimate reason

Now start fucking laughing

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Fridayevening with…

a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for hisgirlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring andshowed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something veryspecial." At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and broughtanother ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The younglady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, bycheck. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write itnow and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pickthe ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's nomoney in that account." "I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?" Don't mess with Old People.

How did the Greek army separate the men from the boys?

With a crowbar

If he had been real, he would've come here and probably smash my head on my…

keyboarjfjcjcndndjxucbfjdi oejebhh jdudyehsbsj

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because that's what you do when you are walking and you come upon a road, you cross it.

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he got up and shouted "YAHOO!" the man was fired immediately.

Joke: A PlentyOfFish employee walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bartender and asks for the manager. The manager comes down and the PlentyOfFish employee asks, "Can we set up a singles night here in your bar?"

The manager replies, "Sorry, we don't do karaoke nights here."

Joke: He finally saw an add in a local newspaper for a position at a zoo.

In the interview, the manager told him that their only gorilla, which had been a star attraction, had recently been shot (some freak accident with a kid) and it would be sometime before they could replace it. Meanwhile, they needed someone to dress up as a gorilla, or the zoo could shut down.

The biologist was quite embarrassed, but, being desperate for money, he accepted the job. The next day, the biologist put on a gorilla skin and headgear and entered a cage from a rear entrance.

Visitors smiled at him and threw bananas and such. After a while, the biologist really got into the act. He jumped up and down, beat his chest and roared as people cheered.

The following day, the biologist entered the wrong cage by accident and found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared and rushed toward him. The scared biologist turned and ran, while screaming, “Help! Help!”

The lion leaped onto the gorilla, knocked him to the ground and whispered in his ear, “Hey, it’s me Leonard, your former co-worker. Shut up or we’ll both lose our jobs!”

Joke: On my first day working at the gas station…

I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under-ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them.

"What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked.

"It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly.

"Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?"

"No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match."

I climbed on a tree with a suitcase.

My aim is to become a branch manager.

"Sorry sir, but unless you put a shirt on we can't provide you service," the…

manager says from behind the counter.

Incredulous, the man draws himself up and gestures grandiosely to his chin. "I am wearing a goatee!"

Politicians Play Marbles

The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

Conclusion: The higher you go in the social power structure, the smaller your balls become.

(Old but still true.) (Please note: NO sexist reference to Hillary was made here. Nor was there any reference to Donald playing with BB's.)

Service man!

So my stove broke and I ordered a service man to come out and fix it.

He turned out to be german. This is how the conversation went.

Service man: Hulu, I'm here to fix the stove. Can you Shomi where it is?

Me: Great, come in. It's right over there.

Service man: Can you help me Sling this stove so we can pull it out?

Service man turns it on to see the problem.

Service man: Oh I see, it makes a Crackle when I turn it on.

So he tries to fix it, but its not working so he calls his boss and you can tell that his boss is giving him grief and they start arguing.

Service man on the phone: I cannot fix it……………Well what Vudu to fix it…………Bah fine?

When he hangs up the phone

Me: What was that all about?

Service man: That was my boss. He is having a big Hoopla about this job. I don't know what he wants me to do. I can Netflix it. Its toast.

Me: Is your boss always that angry?

Service man: Yes, he gets this weird Twitch when he's mad.

Me: It's alright man, do you want anything to drink?

Service man: Viewster are a kind host.

So I tried to pay him for his services.

Service man: Oh no! You don't have to Vimeo money. I couldn't fix it.

So he packs up his tools and heads for the door.

Me: Oh it looks like its raining outside.

Service man: Yes there is a Torrent outside. You can see the water Streaming down the road.

Service man as he steps onto my porch: Oh look you have a package from Amazon Prime here.

Me: Oh thankyou.

Me: Ok bye, thanks for coming.

Service man: Veoh later.

An employee texts his boss "What's the difference between this morning and…

your daughter…?" (Slightly nsfw)

His boss answers "I don't know."

The employee replies "I'm not coming in this morning!"

One guy tries to get a job: HR specialist: – OK…

You successfully passed job interview. And the final question, what is your hobby?

Guy took stuffed polecat out of his jacket: – Taxidermy

Polecat: – And ventriloquism

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# #OfficeHumor #JobSearch

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You can hide your own Easter eggs.

Joke: What does the Easter Bunny get for making a basket?

Two points, just like everyone else!

Joke: Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school…

Her marks were good…mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."

Joke: A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead are sitting at a bar.

They are discussing how many fingers they can fit into their pussy.

The Redhead says, "I can fit 2 fingers!"

The then Brunette replies, "I can fit 3 fingers!"

Then the Blonde began to laugh as she slid down the bar stool.

The rich guy and the poor guy.

A rich guy and a poor guy are having a pint down at the pub. They discover their wives have the same birthday. The poor guy asks "What will you give your wife for her birthday?". The rich guy responds " a Porsche and a diamond ring". His friend asks, "but why?" The rich guy: "Simple. If she doesn't like the ring, she can just drive down to the jewellers in the Porsche and exchange it".

So the rich guy says, "How about you?". The poor guy: "I'm going to get her a pair of slippers and a dildo". The rich guy scratches his head and asks "why?". The poor guy responds "Well, if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself!"

Taipei, Taiwan (AP) – Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal…

can now go a step further – eat the plate. Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers. Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail at about 7 cents each. Diners who don't want to eat the items – which taste like unsalted popcorn – can boil them for a nutritious meal for animals, he said. Chen said this can help reduce pollution caused by discarded crockery. The only disadvantage, he said, is his crockery cannot be washed and reused.

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast."You aren't so…

good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work.By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone."What took you so long to answer?""I was in bed.""What were you doing in bed this late?""Getting a second opinion."

Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?

Because they have blond boyfriends.

Three guys, a Polish guy, a Jewish guy and an Italian guy sign up for the…

police academy. The Jewish guy goes in first and the Captain says to him, "We have to ask you one question before we admit you in to the academy, Who killed Jesus?"

The Jewish guy says "The Romans did it."

The Captain says, "Right, you're admitted."

The Italian guy goes in next. The Captain asks him the same thing. "We have to ask you one question first before you're admitted to the Police Academy. Who killed Jesus?"

The Italian guy says "The Romans did it."

The Captain says, "Right, you're admitted."

The Polish guy goes in and the Captain repeats the question. The Polish guy says "Gee, I don't know." The Captain tells him to go home and think about it for a week and come back and tell him.

The Polish guy goes home and his wife asked him how his first day went at the academy, and he says to her, "You won't believe it! My first day on the job and they assigned me to a murder case!"

A priest was assigned a small church in the Alaskan backwoods.

After a couple of years, the bishop stopped by to see how he was doing.

"Ah, Bishop, it's really lonely here. I couldn't have made it without my Rosary and two martinis a day."

The bishop replied, "You know, a martini would taste good right now."

The priest agreed and yelled into the kitchen, "Hey, Rosary! Fix us a couple of martinis, will ya!?"

Why did the chicken cross the road twice?

Because it was a double-crosser

What do you call the Pope when he is sleepwalking?

A Roamin' Catholic.

In the gutter

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

Texas A&M offers a new degree!

In recent news, Texas A&M has decided to drop its Liberal Arts degree in favor of a "Conservative Arts" program. This unprecedented academic reform comes at the behest of parents who are concerned about what their children are learning at the school.

One parent is quoted as saying, "We thought we'd taught our kids all they needed to know to become adults. They were good kids, you know? They went to church every Sunday, they did their homework, believed in the values of hard work and pulling yourself up by their bootstrap. Then they went off to college, and we weren't impressed. John came home talking about drug and prison reform, and Mary got seriously into feminism! Since they both graduated with Liberal Arts degrees, we figured that's what did it."

Another parent stated, "My kid went off to school and came home asking why it's wrong for the government to get into my gun safe, but not wrong for it to be in people's bedrooms! Started talkin' about how gay people are entitled to marriage too! It's bull! The Bible says Adam and EVE, not Adam and STEVE!"

We'll have more to report as this story continues to develop.

Why did the Agnostic cross the road?

We don't have enough evidence to say for sure.

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A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried. Next morning,not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow.

Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed, dead and vultures circling overhead. The farmer runs out, looks down at the young roosters limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!" And the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, Shhhh!,they are about to land."

Joke: The farmer met his kin at the railroad station. “Uncle…

I’m mighty glad to see you, he greeted. “That crate of chickens you sent me bust open just as I was going to take ‘em out and they ran all over the place. I chase ‘em through my neighbor’s yard and only got back eleven.” “You did okay,” said uncle. “I only sent you six.”

Joke: How did the vegetable farmer fix his flat tire on his truck?

with asparagus…

Joke: Heard about the magic tractor?

It went down a road and turned into a field.

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.

There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.

The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a mob of kangaroos hopping through the field.

He asks, "And what are those?"

The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look, "What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

Why did the farmer take a bale of hay to bed?

He wanted to feed his nightmares.

And they come into a clearing with a huge hole in the middle…

The hole is very deep, the men can't see the bottom, it's just black. So one of the guys picks up a few rocks and tosses them in. They both wait to hear the rocks hit the bottom, but they never do. So the second guy picks up a pretty big rock, and heaves it into the hole. Again, they listen but never hear the rock hit the bottom. They're both amazed at how deep this hole must be. So the first guy sees a railroad tie at the edge of the woods. They both grab an end and lug it over to the hole, and toss it in. They're waiting to hear it hit, when out of nowhere a goat comes bounding out of the woods, ears pinned back, just running as fat as it can. The goat jumps into the hole. They're both stunned, and just stand there staring at one another for a couple of minutes. An old farmer walks out of the woods, and brings them back to reality. The old farmer asks if the men had seen a goat. They both start telling the farmer about how the goat had come running out, and jumped into the hole. The farmer stops them and says, "nah, that couldn't have been mine. I had my goat tied to a railroad tie".

Origin of Nacho Cheese

One day a poor Mexican farmer leaves to the market with the last dollars he had. Begging for a miracle the man walks takes a short cut to through the valley. As he is walking a yellow cheese wheel suddenly rolls right to his feet. Never seeing a cheese wheel like this he realizes his prayers were answered. He immediately runs home with the wheel to show his family.

That night as they are enjoying the fresh cheese his wife asks "José, what are we going to call this cheess, surely a gift this great deserves unique name."

To which the farmer simply says "Nacho, Nacho cheese."

Never hearing such a word the wife asks him to elaborate, he answers "The whole way I was running home a voice kept yelling 'that's nacho cheese!'"

Larry will be missed

So a penguin and a farmer walk into a bar,

After a while the penguin says: "Man I miss Larry he's been missing since last week"

Farmer says: " You mean that vegetable with those weird flaps you had in the basement? It was great with my grilled porterhouse"

And so the penguin says, "Dude, he's not an eggplant, he's retarded

The homeless man and the farmer.

A homeless man is traveling from town to town and sees a farm, he finds the farmer and asks if he can work for some money. The farmer being a nice and charitable man agrees. He says, "clean out the horse stables, feed the pigs, and collect the eggs from the hen coop, and I'll give you 50$ when you're done." The homeless man agrees, and gets to work. He cleans out the horse stables no problem, feeds the pigs in record time, and collects all the eggs without breaking a single one. As he's walking back to tell the farmer he had finished, he sees a cow tied to a tree. He decides to milk the cow to show how grateful he is to the farmer. The man has some trouble milking the cow, as he had never been on a farm or milked a cow before, but he finally succeeds and gets a bucket's worth. The man decides to try the milk, straight from the teat. he takes a drink, thinks it has a funky taste, but insists that's how it must taste straight from the source. So eggs and bucket in hand, the homeless man finds the farmer and says "I cleaned out the stables, fed the pigs, and collected all the eggs, and boy do you have a stubborn cow!" The farmer gives him a funny look and says "we don't have a cow… We have a *bull*…"

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The challenge

What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?

The wording points away from a physical object. The phrase “always in front of you” suggests something ahead, while “can’t be seen” rules out anything visible or tangible.

How to check the pattern

A useful way to solve this riddle is to focus on the two key clues:

• Always in front of you — it is continually ahead.
• Can’t be seen — it is not something you can look at directly.

That combination fits an abstract idea rather than a person, place, or object.

The solution

The answer is the future.

The future is always ahead, but it cannot be seen. You can anticipate it, plan for it, or imagine it, yet you cannot literally view what has not happened yet.

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And she also had a gun.

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He wanted to give a shoutout to his peeps

Joke: Is there a Fourth of July in England?

Of course there is! There’s a Fourth of July in every country. It’s just only in America that it's a holiday.

Joke: rats have more bones than men parrot can see backwards without turning its head

HUMMING BIRD – (RUBY-THROATED) ——————————– MASS: About 3-4g (a nickel weighs about 5g).

LENGTH: About 8.5cm (3.5") from tip of bill to tip of tail

WING BEATS: About 60-80 times per second in normal flight, up to 200 times per second in courtship dives

SPEED: Normal flight about 25mph; up to 65kph (40mph) in a courtship dive HEARTBEATS: About 250 times per minute while at rest, about 1,220 per minute while flying

BREATHING: About 250 breaths per minute while at rest

BODY TEMPERATURE: 40.5 degrees C (105-108 degrees F)

FEATHERS: A typical Hum-bird has 940 feathers.

FEED RATE: Eats about its weight in nectar or sugar water each day.

AVERAGE AGE: Most hummingbirds die within their first year; those that don't probably live an average of 3 years or so

Joke: What did the Taliban soldier say to his buddy?

Afgan I pee… Stan he fer me a minute.

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket…

and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some idiot wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here."

"Where are you from, son?"

"Texas, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and football players down there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Texas."

"No kidding?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

Finnish joke where a competition between a finn…

a swede and a norwegian ends in a tie.

So a finn, a swede and a norwegian are drinking and boasting on a shore of a large lake. They decide that the way to decide who is strongest is for them to swim to the opposite shore somewhere behind the horizon and see who is the fastest.

The swede goes first but drowns after 1/3 of the way. The finn and the norwegian don't see the drowning so they decide that the norwegian shoud go next. The norwegian gets to 2/3 of the way but then, all his strenght depleted drowns like the swede. The finn waits on the shore for a while to see a sign of either of them but then decides that even though they have probably already on the opposite shore celebrating their victory he too will try to brave the distance. The finn swims and swims untill he is only 40 meters from the goal but then feeling tired and defeated, he decides that he can't do it and swims back to the start.

There was this guy named John that went to heaven…

He looked around and saw millions of clocks, some were slow and some were fast. He went to God to ask a question. ''What's the deal with all these clocks?'' John asked.

''Well,'' said God, ''these clocks tell how much a person masturbates.''

''Well, where's my clock?'' asked John.

''It's in the office,'' replied God. ''We use it as a fan.''

What's the Easter Bunny's favorite song?

"Don't you want some bunny to love"

A man phones home from his office and tells his wife…

"Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.A week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?" He says, "Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."His wife smiles and says, "Oh no, I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!"

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide…

The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?"

"No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The bartender looks at him and syas "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?"

"I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals."

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"

Two bumpkin chicks in the hen house are discussing about the bad feed they eat.

This shorter one is just listening, not answering to the talkative one. All of a sudden he stops and says: I have decided to go to College on a night course. Why is that, why such an urgent matter? My relatives, all of my folks, and my friends are been humiliated, they are all fed up with this lousy feed, but worse of all, to be called bumpkin and hick all the time, you silly. I will become an attorney and won’t be humiliated anymore.

A group of people were sitting and having coffee. Suddenly…

a friend of the mathematician of the group boomed in and said, Did you hear that? A mathematician has developed a theorem which says that every odd number higher than 2 is a prime. So, here are the thoughts of every person in the room.

The Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is not a prime. Theorem disproved!

The Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime,…

The Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is practically a prime, 11 is a prime,…

The Programmer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime,…

The Salesperson: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 — we'll do for you the best we can,…

The Computer Software Salesperson: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be prime in the next release,…

The Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 — results have not arrived yet,…

The Advertiser: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 11 is a prime,…

The Lawyer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 — there is not enough evidence to prove that it is not a prime,…

The Accountant: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, deducing 10% tax and 5% other obligations.

The Statistician: Let's try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime, 11 is a prime…

The Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.

The Computational linguist: 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime,…

The Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,…

I gave my son six pieces of cardboard last Christmas.

He asked, "What’s this?"

I replied, "It’s an ex box!"

How many frat brahs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None- it's already lit, fam

A bunch of Jokes told by trans women!

Hey all, I just wanted to share some self deprecating humor. Credit for these goes to the folks in /r/asktransgender.

Here we go:

my brother no longer has to put in an effort to be my parents' favourite son:)

You guys know what my favourite dinosaur is? The Trannysaurus Rex

You have to have balls to do what we are doing.

Man up and be a girl.

YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL, GOOD JOB!

You guys know what my favourite dinosaur is? The Trannysaurus Rex

"There's been a petition going around to strip Caitlyn Jenner of her olympic medals… the petition was of course started by the silver medalists." – Conan

What do you do when you see a 6 ft Transgender Woman with broad shoulders and stilletto heels?

Exactly what she tells you

I tell people I transitioned because I was REALLY curious about why girls used the bathroom in couples.

Getting ready to play a board game with a group Friend 1: "Should we split the teams into couples or do men vs. women? Let's do men vs. women" Me: "What team would I be on then?" Friend 1: Puts her head in her hands Friend 2: "You'd be on both teams. Just switch back and forth between them."

You know hormones have started working as mtf when gay guys start getting attracted to you. You know they're really working when they stop.

Once, when I was having an online drinking session with my friend, I went to go get a pack of cigarettes from the other room (Pre-hormones, and I've quit smoking since).

"Hey, I'll be right back, gotta get cigarettes." "I don't think you should drive in your condition." "Why? I'm only dressed like a woman."

How many trans people does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but before they change it, they have to sit in the dark for one year and think about it to make sure it needs changing then consult 2 electricians.

People ask me if taking T has made my sexuality more fluid, and whether I'm attracted to men or women. I tell them I'm on testosterone; I'm attracted to furniture.

I was being propositioned for a threesome by these two girls at the bar (I am not super attractive, just I managed the bar) and I turned them down. My buds were basically like "dude why the fuck did you turn that down!" my response was "what was I supposed to do, go for it and the. all of a sudden SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER I don't have a penis!"

My dad suffers from male pattern baldness, which also looms in the future of my brother. I (mtf) like to joke that I have a regimen that could solve all their hair loss problems with the teeensy tiny side effect of turning them into women.

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basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.

"An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.

"You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.

The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best ground beef. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.

The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.

"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"

Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.

The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog's owner screams at the dog.

"Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart dog you've got there," comments the butcher.

"He's a stupid dog–that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key."

Joke: A boy asks his father what a female chicken is called.

His dad answers "A hen, son." "And a male chicken?" asks the boy. "They're called a rooster." "How about a baby chicken?" to which his dad answers "A chick." "So dad, what's a chicken?"

Joke: What do you call a pig that does karate?

Pork Chop!

Joke: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

Because if it had four doors it'd be a chicken sedan.

How do you know Adam and Eve weren't Chinese?

They would have eaten the snake

How do cows talk to each other?

They cowmoonicate.

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty…

He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you."

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the rottweiller Jesus."

List of cheesy jokes

How do you organize a space party- you planet

What do you call a cow with no legs- ground beef

What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars- T Rex

What do you call an everyday potato- commentator

How do you put a baby alien to sleep- you rocket

A flea jumped into a restaurant, nibbled on a pizza and jumped out again.

He picked himself up from the dirt, dusted himself down and said, "OK, who moved my dog?"

What do you call a puppy with a camera?

A furtographer

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