That simple announcement carries more weight because Govinda was speaking about a career he has seen rise, slow down and restart over more than three decades. He said the new film is especially for younger viewers, and he made clear that Roopa is not just a one-off appearance: he is stepping in as both lead actor and producer.

Govinda Says He Was “Written Off” Many Times

Govinda framed the comeback as the latest chapter in a career that has already gone through long stretches of uncertainty. He said people had told him that he would not appear in films again, but he pushed back on that idea and said he was starting over on his own terms. In the same conversation, he tied the film to his belief in numerology, saying the number 14 has been lucky for him since he was 14 years old.

He laid out that personal connection in detail. Govinda said he signed 14 films in a week, enjoyed 14 years of superstardom, later spent 14 years struggling, and then returned to films. He also noted that this is the first time he has not waited more than five years before deciding to begin again. That timeline gives Roopa a clearer meaning than a routine casting update: for Govinda, it is another reset after a long pause.

Rani Swarnkar Joins Govinda in Roopa

Roopa pairs Govinda with newcomer Rani Swarnkar, and that casting detail is central to the announcement. The film also marks Govinda’s return as a producer, which means the project is tied directly to his own decisions rather than to a separate studio rollout. The press conference made that clear by putting Govinda, not the film title, at the center of the story.

The actor’s wording about younger audiences also suggests the tone he wants for this return. He said the film is especially for youngsters and expressed hope that it would work its magic in theatres. It is a straightforward line, but it helps define the comeback as a deliberate move rather than a nostalgic guest appearance.

Govinda’s history gives that statement real context. He first became a major Hindi-film name in the 1980s and 1990s, and over the years he has moved between film work, public life and reality-TV appearances. His last major public reset came when he appeared on Lock Upp Season 2, where he spoke playfully about difficult phases in his life and his wife Sunita Ahuja’s participation on the show. That makes the Roopa announcement feel like a more formal return to the big screen than a casual media moment.

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I told my dad that I got caught giving oral pleasure to my ex-girlfriend's mom. He proceeded to have a conversation with a coworker that went like this.

Dad: My son was caught going down on his girlfriend by her mom.

Coworker: Wow, what did the mom say?

Dad: I think she told him that he needed to leave.

Coworker: What did your son say?

Dad: I'm not sure. He should have asked her if he could finish his lunch first.

Dirty Bastard

Had a good, not great, conversation with my stepson about his future. I learned either why he wants to be a bio-chemist or that he's a dirty bastard. I asked what he wants to do in the future. He said "I want to make a hormone."

Tommy was dying. His wife was with him, standing next to his bed…

As he was drawing his last few breaths, he gasped, "Helen, I have one last request." "Of course, Tommy, what is it?" Helen asked softly.

"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Louis." "But I thought you hated Louis," said Helen.

With his final breath, Tommy said, "I do."

I have a wallet made out of foreskin.

If I rub it vigorously, it turns into a suitcase.

How do you know if you're a redneck?

If you go to a cousin's wedding looking for a girlfriend.

Nice Hotel

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk explains that $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.

The manager enters the conversation and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains that they could have taken in one of the shows which the hotel is famous for. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager.

No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"

The manager is unmoved. Eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and hands it to the manager. "But sir," the managers says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," replies the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"What! I didn't sleep with your wife!" exclaims the manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire…

The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive.

He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage:

The Spaniard will be in charge of food. The American will be in charge of shelter. And the Japanese man will be in charge of supplies.

A year passes on the island and the billionaire returns to find only the Spaniard and American left.

"What happened?! Where is the Japanese man?" he asks.

"We're not sure! As soon as we got here he took off into the forest and we haven't seen him since."

Worried for the Japanese man, they decide to search the island.

After a few minutes of walking, all of the sudden, the Japanese man leaps out from the bushes and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up…

she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?""You'll know tonight." he said.That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.Delighted, she opened it-only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

I argued constantly with my boss: in the end I got the sack

And put him in it.

Chuck Norris once urinated in the gas tank of a semi-truck as a joke…

That semi-truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over "Ebonics," has…

decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

Hire yew – noun. Greeting – How are you – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Howdy. How are you."

Bard – verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

Jawjuh – noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Atlanta. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

Munts – noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

Ignert – adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

Ranch – noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

All – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

Far – noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

Bahs – noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"

Tar – noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

Tire – noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

Retard – Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

Tarred – adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

Fat – noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.

Ar – pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.

Rats – noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

Farn – adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed… must be from some farn country."

Did – adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

Ear – noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He cain't breath… give 'im some ear!"

Bob war – noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

Jew – Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

Haze – a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah… haze ignert."

Saw – verb, past tense.

View – contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City… view?"

Heavy dew – phrase. A request for action. Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

Gummit – noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."

Why Didn't The Skeleton Go To The Party?

Because he had no body to go with

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer

It's too bad Chuck Norris never cries

The Top Three things for Halloween you can do now in North Carolina…

#3 Swim with the sharks, #2 Have an account on Ashley Madison, #1 riding a street car in Charlotte NC.

What do you call an Italian Cop?

Guinea Pig

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So he gives her one.

A man walks into a bar.

The impact gave him a concussion.

A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a midget.

He sits down at the bar with the ostrich and orders a drink while the midget walks over to the piano and begins playing some tunes. The bartender pours the drink and the man pulls out the exact change from his pocket. This continues for a few rounds until the bartenders curiosity gets the better of him. BT – How do you have the exact change for each round of drinks? M – I was granted 3 wishes by a genie, I asked to be able to pull the exact amount of money from my pocket for whatever I wanted to purchase. BT – Okay, so what about the ostrich? M – The next thing I asked for was a chick with long legs. BT – So how does the midget on the piano fit into it? M – Well, I certainly didn't ask for a 12 inch pianist.

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder…

The bartender says "What a strange pet, what's his name?"

"Tiny." the man replies.

"What an odd name, why do you call him tiny?"

"Because he's my newt."

Little Piano Player

A man walks into a bar. He looks at the counter and see a tiny man, no more than a foot tall, playing a piano just as small. So the man walks up to the bartender and asks him about the tiny piano player.

The bartender say "I got him from the genie in the mens bathroom"

So the man goes into the bathroom and see a woman inside talking to the genie

"I wish for world peace" she said

Then suddenly the room is flooded with geese. The man walks out of the bathroom and goes back to the bartender.

"I think your genie is a little hard of hearing" he says

"Yeah I know" the bartender replies "Do you really think I would wish for a 12 inch pianist"

A drunk man and a priest

A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, Say Father, what causes arthritis? The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath." The drunk muttered in response, Well, I'll be damned. Then he returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

So a very depressed man named Mike walks into a bar…

He sits at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks him what's wrong. " You see that huge suspension bridge?" "Yes," the bartender replied. "I designed that. It's the most sturdy bridge in the western hemisphere, but they don't call me the best bridge builder." "Why not?" The bartender said. Mike, not listening continued, " You know that huge house down the street? I placed the foundation myself. That house won't move for a thousand years, but they don't call me the best foundation layer. You can do all these great things and nobody ever remembers the good accomplishments about you." The bartender looks at him sadly and asks, "That's a huge shame, my friend. So what do they call you?" At that moment a new patron walks in and looks at Mike. His eyes widen and he shouts, " Look the goat – fucker is here!"

The Jokers Club

Jake and his buddy Dave are having a beer together one Friday night. Jake checks his watch and says he has to be going. Dave is puzzled and asks why. Jake explains he is a member of a joke telling club, and tonight is their monthly meeting.

Dave is curious about this club, and after a few questions Jake invites him to come along. They take a cab across town and arrive at the meeting hall. Inside are dozens of tables with people drinking and eating, and generally having a good time.

Jake a Dave settle in at a table and order another beer. At the front of the hall is a podium with a man standing behind it, and the man announces that is it now time to bring the meeting to order. He discusses club business for a few moments, and finally asks who would like to be first tonight.

A man at another table volunteers and heads for the podium. He clears his throat, leans down to the microphone, and whispers "783!".

The crowd laughs hysterically!

A woman then steps behind the podium, smiles, and says "159?".

Again, the crowd breaks into laughter.

This goes on for a while, until Dave turns to Jake and asks what is going on. Jake explains that this is an old club. Many of the members have been here for years, and most have the jokes have been told time and again. So, to make things a little easier, and to move things along a little bit, all the jokes have been numbered.

Dave is astounded. He has never heard of such a thing. Jake assures him it is true, and suggest Dave try telling a joke. Dave is reluctant, but Jake convinces him to try number 232.

Dave steps up to the podium. He looks up at the crowd nervously. He grins and says "232!".

The hall is dead quiet. Dave sheepishly heads back to his table, and another person heads to the podium to tell a joke.

Dave quietly whispers to Jake "What happened?" Jake whispers back "You told it wrong!".

A superposition walks into a bar…

… or *did* it?

A Russian, an Irishman, and a Chinese guy all walk into a bar.

The 3 planned to take a taxi back to their homes, but they realized they couldn't get enough money for a taxi after they were done. The Russian and Irishman fight over who should be the designated driver, until the Chinese man steps in. "It's ok guys, I'll be the designated driver for tonight." The Russian guy says, "what difference does it make? You'll just crash anyway!"

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gorilla cookies.

I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he's had.

He started counting and fell asleep.

First Class Blonde

A direct flight from New York to San Francisco was getting ready for departure and loading the passengers when a stunning 20-something blonde boards the plane. She wordlessly bypasses the flight attendant waiting near the door and heads straight to first class. The flight attendant catches a glimpse of the ticket as she passes by and notices that it is in fact an economy ticket.

"Excuse me" The flight attendant says. "That's an economy ticket, so I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to find your seat in the back. Our first class cabin is reserved for folks who have paid the first class fare in full."

The blonde woman turns around and fires back "I'm a young beautiful blonde. There are empty seats, no one sitting up here will be disappointed to have me nearby, so what are you gonna do about it? If the seat is empty, is this really worth the argument?"

The flight attendant is flabbergasted and can barely respond let alone stop the woman from taking a first class seat. Still, she knew that it would be wrong to let this woman sit with passengers who paid considerably more for the tickets. She decides to seek help from the cockpit, and explains the situation to the captain and the co-pilot.

The co-pilot, upset by the nerve of the blonde volunteers to handle it, and goes back to the woman who was now enjoying champagne in her stolen seat and explains:

"Miss, that's an economy ticket, so I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to find your seat in the back. Our first class cabin is reserved for folks who have paid the first class fare in full."

The blonde gives the same response as she did to the flight attendant, and her nerve shakes the co-pilot. Dumbfounded, a little smitten by her beauty, and unable to respond, he returns to the captain and the flight attendant to report the situation.

The captain, looks back at the woman and turns to the co-pilot and flight attendant saying, "No worries guys. My wife's a blonde, I can handle this."

The flight attendant and co-pilot watch from the cockpit as the captain casually saunters up to the blonde, leans over and whispers something to her. The blonde looks stunned, collects her things, downs the champagne and scurries sheepishly back into the economy cabin. The captain cooly returns to the cockpit and takes his seat again.

The co-pilot asks the captain: "Sir, what did you say to convince her to go back?"

The captain chuckles and responds, "It was easy. I just told her first class doesn't go all the way to San Francisco."

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something…

exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period,'' said the little boy. "Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?'' " I don't know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.

A guy went on a date with a girl and it went so well that they ended up back…

at HER place.They went up stairs and they started having sex,after giving it to her 5 times the guy's bellend was red raw so when she was sleeping he went downstairs to find some vaseline but couldn't find any.Then he saw a glass of milk sitting on the table so he dunked his bellend and the rest of his bollocks in the glass,the girl came downstairs behind him, saw him dunk his balls in the milk and said " oh, so that's how you refill it "

Where did the pirate go to college?

Yale. He was rejected from H**arrrr**vard.

Tribal Experiment!

A blonde couple was watching a documentary on the TV Channel about an African tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When a male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and a weight is attached to the other end. After a while, the weight stretches the length of the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked down at him and said, "What do you say, we try that African string-and-weight procedure?"

Her husband agreed and they tied and string and weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our tribal experiment coming along?"

"Well, it looks like we're half-way there," he replied.

"You've grown to 12 inches?!" she said, astonished.

"No… it's turned black," he answered.

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy…

replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

What concert is worth 45 cents?

50 cent with Nickelback

What do you get when you drop a baby into a wood chipper?

Well an erection of course.

This is the last time you will ever hear this joke and have it make sense

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Yourself: I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

Happy new year everyone. I'm sorry to all those who are in the future right now who can't enjoy this joke.

What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?

A love call.

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a…

genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

Your momma's teeth are so yellow, that when she opened her mouth…

a black guy said "nice grillz!"

Your momma's so fat 'n hairy that when she went to the mueseum someone yelled "the mammoth's alive!"

Your momma's so hairy that when she was on the set of king kong, the director said "I thought I only ordered 1 gorrila!"

Your momma's so old and gassy that when she farted the dinasours became extinct!

Your momma's so stupid that they invented the books for dummys just for her!

Your momma's so skinny that god used her to clean his teeth!

Your momma's so ugly that when she stepped out of her house, people ran away saying "I didn't know they were shooting a horror movie here!"

Your momma's so ugly that when walked down her street someone said "lady, halloween was yesterday!"

I know the secret to leaving a casino with a small fortune

Walk in with a big fortune. Happy new year

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The challenge

The puzzle asks how a woman could be 600 times older than a relative. In years, that sounds impossible, so the key is to check whether the ages are being compared in a different unit.

One valid setup is:

• the woman is 50 years old
• the relative is 1 month old

How to check the pattern

Convert the woman’s age from years to months:

50 × 12 = 600 months

Now compare both ages in months:

600 months ÷ 1 month = 600

That makes the woman 600 times older than the 1-month-old relative, as long as the comparison is made in months rather than years.

A common mistake is comparing one age in years and the other in months. Once both are converted to the same unit, the riddle’s logic becomes straightforward.

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The challenge

A husband accuses his wife of cheating, but she denies it and says he was the one who had an affair. The task is to decide who is lying based on a single visible detail in their home.

At first glance, there does not seem to be enough information to settle the argument. The key is to inspect the room carefully rather than focus on what either person says.

How to check the pattern

The useful clue is not in their expressions or in the accusation itself. It is in the furniture and the surrounding area of the room. A closer look at the sofa reveals whether someone else is present.

Once that small detail is spotted, the dispute is no longer ambiguous.

The solution

The husband is telling the truth, and the wife was unfaithful. Her lover is hiding under the sofa, which gives away the answer.

The hidden person under the sofa confirms the solution.

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What do you call her

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7 "Are!you!a!lawyer?"

"Yes."

"How!much!do!you!charge?"

"A!hundred!dollars!for!four!questions."

"Isn't!that!awfully!expensive?"

"Yes.!What!is!your!fourth!question?"

A bishop, a judge, and a conductor were discussing their careers and got into…

an argument about which of them was the greatest.

The judge said, "When I step into the courtroom, everyone stands to pay me respect."

The bishop said, "They stand? I have people kneel before me and kiss my ring."

To which the conductor replied, "Ha! I got you both beat. When I step on the podium people look down, cover their eyes, and say 'Oh my God!'"

There once was a set of twin alligators that grew up in the same bayou. One…

however, was much larger and stronger than the other.

One day the twins were sitting there talking, and trying to figure out why one was so much bigger – since they were the same age, had the same genes, and grew up in the same place. The bigger alligator asked his smaller brother where he had been feeding. The smaller said, "down in that parking lot at the end of the bayou, why?". The bigger said, "well, thats where I feed too, what's your technique?"

The smaller then looked at him and said "well, I go over to one of those lawyers cars, and hide up under it, when he comes out, I grab him, shake the shit out of him, and then eat him."

The larger then exclaimed, "that's it! by the time you shake the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but the briefcase!"

A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife…

She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?"He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort. He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left. The wife was curious, so she asked, "What are you doing, honey?""I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Why didn't the circus clown feel so bad about his career?

At least he wasn't a lawyer.

What does a prostitute and a lawyer have in common?

They both screw you for $300 per hour.

What's the difference? Most prostitutes have standards.

…and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says…

"Hi there, good lookin'. How's it going?" Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door,back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on,dirty, clean… It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-ass love it." Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"

Judge to the thief: “Since there is no witness to your stealing…

I am releasing you. Otherwise you would have got at least 6 months.”

Thief: "Your honor, kindly punish me for at least a week in jail. I have to collect money from a few inmates who borrowed money from me last time."

A pregnant woman gets on a bus

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied… "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..

..I just lost it……."CASE DISMISSED!"

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I can't handle this!

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# #OfficeHumor #coffeetime

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Timmy took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

I forgot to capitalize Bubbles. Whoops.

Did you hear about the marsupial who was rejected at his job interview?

He didn't meet any of the *koala*fications

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are walking along their island beach when…

one sees a bottle lying on the ground.It turns out there's a genie in it so they each get one wish.The brunette says: "I miss my family, I wish i was home again."With a puff of smoke she disappeared. The redhead wished for the same thing.There the blonde stood, all alone on the beach. She started to cry and said "I wish my friends would come back"

"Describe yourself in one word."

"Indecisive, maybe. I'm not sure."

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love sent to me

12- Pack of Bud 11 Rasslin' Tickets 10 tins of Copenhagen 9 Years Probation 8 Holey vests 7 Kissing Cousins 6 Cans of Spam 5 Hunting Hounds 4 Mudgrip tyres 3 Shot Gun Shells 2 more Gaps in Teeth And some parts to a Mustang GT

The little cowboy, Shorty, was leaving the bar to get on his horse for the…

ride back to the ranch, when he noted that someone had painted his horse's balls blue.

Totally pissed, he went back into the bar and shouted, "Who's the dirty son of a bitch that painted my horse's balls blue?!"

A big burly guy stood up and said, "I did. Got a problem with that?"

"None," says Shorty, "just wanted to let you know he was dry and ready for the 2nd coat."

I have some bad news about my uncle Ziti…

He pasta way…

He sure was a pizza work…

At least he's with the angel hairs right now…

Please say a prayer for him on parm Sunday…

………… Spaghetti.

What happened to the Marine that took a laxative?

He was relieved of doodie.

Why did the blonde become a big basketball fan?

Because every time they stopped the clock, she thought that she had stopped aging.

Want to hear a clean joke?

A boy takes a bath with bubbles.

Want to hear a dirty joke?

Bubbles was the name of the girl next door.

(Told by my pastor)

My wife never quite got the hang of the 24-hour military clock…

One day she called the base orderly room to speak with me. The person who answered told her to call me at the extension in the band rehearsal hall.

"He can be reached at 4700, Ma'am," the soldier advised.

With a sigh of exasperation, my wife responded, "And just what time is that?"

Q. What do you call a redneck family reunion?

A. An orgy!

Australians

An Australian turist came to America and rented a motorcycle. He drives in the speed of 100MPH in a 70MPH speed limit road, when a police officer tells him to pull over. The cup yells at the turist: "What is wrong with you, did you came here to die?!?!" "No," answer the turist, "I came here today"

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner…

After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart. "Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"

Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. The other half end in death.

———

Marriage involves three rings: The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-*ring*.

——–

In the first month of marriage, couples fuck on average 5 times a week. In the first year, the average goes down to 3 fucks a week. In the first 2 years, newlyweds fuck once a week on average. And in the first 10 years, twice a month. Surprisingly, at 20 years, married couples fuck several times a day. Every time they pass each other in the hallway, "fuck you…" "fuck you too!"

———

Susan makes a gourmet candle lit home-cooked meal for her husband Joe on their 25th wedding anniversary. Joe walks in and says, "what's this whole thing for?" S: "Its our 25th wedding anniversary, Joe…" Joe slumps into his chair and begins to sob. "Why are you crying, Joe?"

Joe: "Remember when we got married, 25 years ago? We were 19, you told your pa, the town sheriff, you were pregnant, and he got his shotgun and said if we didn't get married he'd throw me in jail for 25 years?"

Susan: "Yes, Joe… How could I forget that fateful night…"

Joe: "Well, tonight I'd be a free man!"

———

On her 50th wedding anniversary, Sandy slips into the lingerie Patrick gave her on their wedding night. She beckons Pat to the bedroom as she does a little dance and strips off the lingerie. "Pat, do you remember what you told me on our wedding night 50 years ago?" "Yes, dear, of course I remember! I said I was going to fuck your brains out, suck your tits dry and pound you til you couldn't walk straight!" "And…?" "I'd say I did a pretty good job!"

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turn this picture upside down

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There were appreciative murmurs from the crowd.

"Not a stone in it has been touched," the guide continued, "nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years."

"Wow," piped up one woman from the rear of the group. "They must have the same landlord I do."

Two guys were walkin' down a grassy road, houses to the left…

houses to the right. Soon, they came across a strange lookin' pile o' somethin' on the ground.

First dude: "Hey, I wonder what this is" Second dude: "It's smelly and awful" 1st: "It's brown and nasty" 2nd: "Why don't you taste it?"

So the first dude sticked his finger in it, tasted it, and made a face.

1st: "Argh…I think it's dog poop" 2nd: "Well, at least we didn't step in it"

While reading a post about someone asking for "short clean jokes" this one…

came to my mind and I can't believe I remember it entirely after such a long time… I do not remember having read it here but if it's a repeat ~ I'm sorry…

So here goes…

_____________________

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

*Correct Answer:* Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.

*This question tested whether you tend to do simple things in complicated way.*

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer!

*Correct Answer:* Open the fridge, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and then close the door.

*This tested your ability to think about repercussions of your previous actions.*

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animal are attending except one. Which animal did not attend?

*Correct Answer:* The Elephant. The elephant is still in the fridge. Don't you remember that you just put him in there?

*This tested your memory.*

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly,

Now, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities…

4. There is a river that you must cross but it is used by big crocodiles. You do not have a boat. What do you do?

*Correct Answer:* You just jump in river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.

And tha… tha… tha… that's all folks!

Why are chemists bad at playing pranks?

They lack the element of surprise.

You know why the fiscal year ends in March and not December?

Because the next year starts with April Fools' day.

Wanna hear a clean joke?

Johnny took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Bubbles was the girl next door.

1. Fireflies are asking you to put them out.

2. Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

3. Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.

4. Your sweatpants are sweating and you're not even wearing them!

5. The thermometer resigned.

6. The National Weather Service says its too hot to declare a heat advisory.

At the Airport

Customs: Where is your passport Me: *hands credit card* Customs: You can't bribe me Me: It's my visa

Mom, come quick, daddy hanged himself in the attic!

Gotcha, April fools day! He hanged himself in the garage.

Yesterday, I saw a sign at the university that read…

"The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people…."

There were 3 friends stranded on an island. Exploring the island…

the 3 men found a bottle so they opened it. A genie came out, and she said that she would grant them 3 wishes.

The first man said, "I wish I was with my family" and *poof* he was with his family.

The second guy said "I wish I was in a bar with my friends" and *poof* he was gone.

The third guy was feeling bad and the genie asked, "What's wrong?" "The man said, I'm lonely I wish my friends were here."

Poof, his two friends were back on the island.

There was an M&M in my spaghetti..

He was an M Pasta

"Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant.

"Well that's not an crime", said the judge! "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened", answered the prisoner.

Owner of a aircraft manufacturing company stopped by the aircraft testing…

airfield to check on the newest test pilot.

He asked the supervisor how the new guy was doing. "Terrible! He has already crashed four planes this week!"

Owner replied, "How is this possible? Where did he work before coming here?"

Supervisor said, "He designed Windows software for Microsoft."

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling…

"Read all about it! Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!"

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and said, "Hey kid, this is an old paper, where’s the story about the big swindle?”

The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read all about it! Fifty-one people swindled!”

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