Dive Aid Blog

Thanks from Jo Dixie

2006-11-29T13:10:00.000Z

Dive Aid was able to replace Jo Dixie's gear very recently and she has just been back to Khao Lak. It was quite a journey for her in many ways so it was nice to be able to help make it a tiny bit easier.

Thanks to all who helped make the cycle ride possible

2006-10-06T21:40:00.000Z

These include (in no particular order):

First Great Western Trains for getting my bike and I down to Penzance
BMI for the offer of a flight home from Aberdeen - wish I'd needed it!
The Cycle Centre in Penzance for the work on the bike rack and Tavistock Cycles for the route across the moors.
Katherine Boyle at Three Counties Radio for spreading the word about Dive Aid and for never failing to raise my spirits.
Opps Training for their financial support. Thanks Vince and Barbara.
Stephanie Sergeant PR for invaluable advice and moral support.
Mix 96 for the interview.
David Price - http://www.myosteo.com/ for helping me back on my feet
Liscombe Park Health Club staff and members for their donations and encouragement when things got tough.
All the locals at The Swan Inn, Northall for donations and support.
Theo Gray for all his work - yet again - on the website.

Thank you all. Your help made a huge difference to me when I needed it most. I hope to have the chance to thank you all individually and face to face.

Guy: 6.10.06

Bad News

2006-09-23T15:36:00.000Z

Well, it's bad news I'm afraid - I'm too injured to carry on so here's the story...

After the last bulletin and the day off in Tavistock - I needed very little excuse to hang around with mates I hadn't seen in years - I set off for Okehampton, Tiverton and Taunton. Despite avoiding the frankly ludicrous route straight across the moors to Moretonhampstead, I did find myself going a long way uphill past Mary Tavy until I was somewhere near the top of Dartmoor.

The scenery was amazing and I shall put the relative ease of the climb down to the 4 pints of Kronenbourg I drank with John and Mark Hillier the night before. A few extra calories always help. On the moor I was greeted with an anachronistic sight; a helicpoter flying below me. Quite impressive I can tell you.

I made it to the Okehampton turn off but there was another surprise in store for me; one of the drop bars on the pannier rack broke - I've no idea how. This called for a level head and some of the by now famous Venner ingenuity. I panicked. 20 minutes later I grabbed hold of myself enough to realise that the bungee cords I'd bought in Penzance were perfect for the job. It was ugly but I simply stuck the panniers to the top of the rack as tightly as possible. The added advantage here was that I punctured one of the energy drinks I'd bought in Tavistock and could leave the smelly mess to soak through all my newly-cleaned clothes.

Back in the saddle once again, my left pedal almost immediately fell off. It remained cleated to my foot however so I just slotted it back in place and rode on. Fields of red earth greeted me through Tiverton and although the climbs weren't as bad as before there were still more than a few of them which kept my average speed low. I followed the path of a stream towards Taunton and I'd probably call this the most pleasant day of all in terms of cycling. Open fields full of grazing cows vied with tranquil glades for my attention and just as I was thinking how much some of the properties along the road would cost, an obviously well-off chappie in a classic white, open-topped sports car drove past me on the other side of the road. It was Michael Caine. Or Eddy Murphy - I get them mixed up all the time.

Taunton arrived just in the nick of time. 80 miles and I was spent. The pain in the leg had been bad but by essentially admitting to myself that it was useless I was able to concentrate on pedalling with the left leg and leaving the right to spin. I guess I was hoping it would get better.

Unfortunately, once I got off the bike and my legs cooled, I was to understand just what a painful condition I had. Again the pain was right down the leg and even rolling the limb from side to side on the bed proved too much. I'd worried I wouldn't find a B&B, get a room for the right price, and finally, that I wouldn't be able to carry on. I tucked myself in and watched Runaway Bride on ITV1. It soon sent me to sleep.

The next day I crammed in a full breakfast of the English variety, refused the landlady's pears (they looked lovely and full of vitamins but I just didn't have room for them) and waved goodbye as I set off for Bristol and thence to Stroud. The leg hurt but I was buoyed up by a very strong wind at my back thanks to Hurricane Gordon in the Azores. I made cracking time until I got lost in Bristol and topped things off nicely with a puncture. From there on up to Stroud I was almost exclusively on cycle tracks on the side of the A38 and they kept trucks and crap motorists at a safe distance at last. Traffic had been getting way too close up till then so this was a welcome relief.

The hardest part of the day had been reserved for last though. Up a very long steep hill out of Uley to Stroud where the views were as incredible as they were fleetingly looked at by a shaking cyclist whose body had run out of food some time before. I was feeling rough, and my left Achilles tendon was starting to throb disconcertingly. At nearly 7pm I pulled in to the Bartlett family residence for much needed company and food. I'd covered 90 miles in a single day on my own and with luggage.

The route I was on seemed to follow a cycle of its own; main road one day, countryside the next, main road again etc... Thursday was a glorious but ever more painful ride through the cotswalds into Shropshire and up to Ironbridge. No panniers this time as crazy Lord Piers, my old matey from Thailand was back in the country and in charge of a rental car. Great views were enjoyed again along with an even stronger breeze at my back, and Piers even had the decency to pay for a twin room for us in Ironbridge.

That evening, my legs so painful I had to climb the stairs under the power of my upper body alone, we enjoyed a well-deserved meal of ribs and steak pie and a final couple of pints outside as the night was warm and balmy. A deranged local even stood behind me making threatening gestures and noises after I'd asked if Piers and I could slip on the end of his table. This, apparently, was asking too much.

Beating a hasty retreat we retired to bed at 10:30... and I was promptly wakened at 2am by the noise of Piers vomiting in the bathroom. He'd somehow developed a migraine, a condition I was unaware he suffered from and yet suffer he did. It was heart-wrenching hearing him chuck and not be able to do a thing about it. He really was in a bad way. The entire room soon smelled of his gastric jiuces and bile and still he was sick. By the time breakfast came round I could harldy eat. I was exhausted from cycling, pain and lack of sleep and worried about both Piers and myself. He had to get the car back to Heathrow and I had to carry on north.

We parted company in Ironbridge and I began the day with another hill and a dual carriageway. I was getting disorientated. The roads were difficult to follow not to mention downright dangerous. I was cold so I put on a jumper but completely forgot to close the pannier and began depositing my posessions all over the carriageway before I realised and turned back to collect them.

With the help of a local cyclist I made it out of Telford and took the country road to Warrington but by now I was beginning to fear the worst. I could only do around half my average speed due to my bad Achilles tendon and right knee. I enjoyed the countryside as much as I could but, on finally finding a country doctor's practice I hobbled in and begged for an appointment. A very obliging and sympathetic doctor soon looked at me but I was worried that he was taking almost too much of an interest in the sponsored aspect of the cycle ride. It looked as though he was trying to glean from me some snippet of information which would allow him to give me some bad news.

"Look," he finally said, "you ruptured your right iliotibial band (down the outside of the legs going into the knee) back in Cornwall and then you overloaded your left Achilles as a result and now that's torn."

"So is there any way you could patch me up?" I asked, a lump in my throat.

"I'm really sorry but you have to stop cycling or you will do yourself an even worse injury".

He could see how much the ride meant to me. He gave me the news in the kindest way possible, offering me water and asking if I had any accomodation where I could rest before heading home. I couldn't listen. What was I going to tell my friends and family? The people who had sponsored me? The families of the victims of the Dahab bombings? John and Mark who had been so very encouraging and a whole host of others who had wished me good luck along the way?

Training had been hard. Organising sponsorship, travel, accomodation, bloody everything in fact had been a nightmare and it all ended here with a rupture in one leg and a tear in the other.

An hour later I was hugging Steph. We'd arranged to meet up for the weekend and she was running bang on schedule as usual. I'd continued cycling until our routes coincided. Her very being there helped to soften the blow. I'd done over 400 miles on my own, it was beginning to piss it down with rain and I couldn't walk. If I'd been a horse they'd have f*cking shot me. It was time to go home. I sat in the car, watching the rain barely able to speak in case I just broke down.

Guy Home 23.9.06

PS. I'm going to give it a couple of days until I'm on my feet again and then publish a thank you note for all those who made this trip possible. Okay it wasn't to be, but I will do it one day soon and there won't be any stopping me.

Dive Aid Cycle Event - The story so far!

2006-09-18T17:15:00.000Z

I'm having a rest day in Tavistock where I'm catching up with some old mates. It's lovely but I'm worried about an injury I sustained yesterday.

The first day I did 76 miles over some really nasty hills but apart from a light head and smelling bad I was okay. That night my left knee stiffened up but was just about passable on the bike yesterday.

The problem came when I rode into Liskeard on day 2 and suddenly got shooting pains down my entire right leg. Despite trying to keep it moving and warm, the pain became excruciating over the next 20 miles and it was only the thought of seeing my mates that kept me going. In a place that began with a G about 5 miles from Tavistock I met a liar: he told me it was all downhill to my destination. 2 mighty hills later I finally made it.

The nausea and dizziness finally went when I managed something to eat but I woke up this morning really worried about the future of the ride. I went to the local bike shop - Tavistock Cycles - and they were great. Martin modified my cleats and the saddle and I stocked up on painkillers and Red Bull. He suggested a route around the moor for tomorrow which I'm going to have to take as I don't want to run the risk of not making it because of the pressure a steep climb will put on the leg. He reckons that despite the training I've put in, the combination of the panniers having to go on at the last minute and the gradient of the hills have caused a nerve in my back to become trapped. Now, every time I push down on the right pedal the pain hits me like a bolt.

I'd expected something like this but possibly not quite this bad! Still, I've been told I've done the worst part of the trip now - 125 miles on the computer (not bad for 2 days in the hills with luggage) and things should level out from Tiverton.

I must admit I'm nervous - have been from the start - but looking on the bright side my arse is holding out well and I'm having a good time counting all the funny colours my wee is turning.

A special mention must go to Will and Pete, 2 nice lads I caught up with between Truro and St. Austell. I wheel-sucked Will for a few miles and we finally stopped for a quick break in St. Austell. Will, despite a t-shirt that said "Feeling Great" collapsed on the grass looking very pasty. He'd had cramp in Truro and was feeling rough.

Pete said, "Have you done much training for this then?"

"A fair bit." I replied. "30 odd miles a day for a fair while but it wasn't enough! What about you."

"Well," he said as Will began to groan, "we've done about and hour between us in the last 2 years!!"

Boys, I hope you made it to Exeter for the footie on Sunday. I know I didn't!! And if you read this, take care and I hope we meet again.

Guy - 18.9.06

Ready to Go!!

2006-09-09T18:35:00.000Z

Well, the time has come and next Friday or Saturday I'll be off to Cornwall to begin the End to End cycle trip.

Daryl has followed up his non-existent training ritual by dropping out of the trip altogether, and unfortunately our support driver is also unable to come so I will be left to fend for myself when I get to the northern wastelands of Scotland where they eat Englishmen. Daryl did suggest doing the ride on a static bike at the gym but I ask you, what use is that??!!! (Sorry Porky - got to have that last pop at you!)

I must admit to a high state of nerves and agitation coupled with no little sadness and even fleeting depression when Daryl gave me the bad news. True enough looking at his rear end for 1000 miles wasn't going to be the highlight of my year but, as they say, a burden shared is a burden halved.

Nevertheless, thanks largely to a fantastic wedding in Denmark (always to be recommended), and a complete change of scenery, I'm filled with a renewed sense of hope and adventure. I'm sure to meet others doing the same as me and I'm looking forward to catching up with several friends along the way.

If anyone thinks they're anywhere near the route I'm taking to Scotland Up the western side of England, skirting Wales) and can offer me a place to kip, please drop me a line via this website. Also, if anyone's planning to get down to Cornwall this weekend or is driving back from Scotland in 2/3 weeks time, could I please have a lift?! Any money saved on transport will mean that more goes to the victims of the Dahab bombings.

Please do email and phone with support and sarky comments - it'll all help to keep my spirits up - and if anyone needs a multi-lingual dive instructor out in the Maldives this winter, I'm your man!! (You can only take so much time in the saddle after all. Feels like I've been sat on a razor blade for weeks as it is.)

Right, time to pack my panniers, pump up my tyres and, well, you can guess the rest.

Guy Venner 9.9.06

Dive Aid Sponsored Cycle Ride - John O Groats to Land's End

2006-08-23T13:16:00.000Z

Training: The Story so Far

Anyone who has checked out the Dive Aid website recently (address below) will know that Guy Venner (pictured left) and training partner Daryl Barnes are to set off on the so-called "End-to-End" cycle ride on September 15th. Guy fills us in on how things have been going.

Things have not been going well. May and the early stages of June were a washout. I've never liked cycling in thunderstorms but when in a violent downpour Daryl casually informed me he'd once been hit by lightning, I found the nearest bus shelter and told him to carry on or at least stand a good way from me. Fifty metres did the trick, "Don't worry mate, it's only rain. Be over soon." And when the storm passed I could have been forgiven for mistaking the steam coming off him for smoke. He's never smelled too good anyway.

If our fitness has improved slowly, our knowledge of cycling vocab' has increased dramatically. I've now considered EPO, Daryl and I have had several bonks in tight lycra and he's always sucking me off. EPO seems to be the drug "de choix" amongst professional cyclists and if I'm not entirely that way inclined myself I'm sure a box of Pro Plus and a couple of cans of Red Bull will help me over those gut-busting hills.

We have to keep fed and watered regularly; before we feel hungry and thirsty in fact, otherwise we "bonk". This appears to be the cycling equivalent of the marathon runner's "wall" and has so far given rise to wide-eyed, vacant stares and interesting hallucinations; fields full of levitating sheep, birds flying backwards, Daryl getting the drinks in on a rest stop.

And he's not the most gracious of training partners, it has to be said. He's developed a nasty habit of wheel-sucking me. Slipstreaming me saves him 20% effort but getting to within half a mile of my home - the start and end point for training runs - and cycling past with a casual "I'll take it from here mate", really has to be putting the cycling shoe in.

Not that it's happened for the last month or so. Whilst on a comfort break in a well-known department store he slipped on a freshly-washed, warning-deficient floor and dislocated his shoulder. Six weeks and the due process of the National Claims Hotline, "Had an accident? Not your fault? Bit of a fatty?" means he's now back in the saddle.

Meanwhile I've been lamenting the absence of a knowledgeable instructor with standards to adhere to. More Clueless than Reese Witherspoon I've just discovered the reason my back's gone out three times in two weeks is that to ride my bike in comfort you should be at least six foot two. I don't come anywhere near. So it's goodbye to the old girl and my video camera housing and hello new bike.

There are a couple of things we really need from readers however. Sponsorship of course (check details online at www.diveaid.org.uk) but if any divers/dive centres can offer us beds/food/massage/Savlon on the way our gratitude would be immense. Perhaps small events - barbecues etc… could tie in with our arrival (time permitting). Remember, all proceeds from the ride go to Dive Aid and then to those affected by the Dahab bombings, which is what it's all about.

And if anyone's ever registered a charity, please get in touch to help me make sense of these forms as it looks like what started as a reaction to the tsunami is going to become a more long-term project.

Thanks to all and please do make contact via the website as we need all the encouragement, good wishes or even heckling that we can get. Well it's time to grease up my perineum, shave my legs again and jump on the old girl...

I'm sure I left him around here somewhere

2006-05-31T19:23:00.000Z

Daryl's gone missing. The last time I saw him I was coveting his 100% waterproof running jacket shortly before we parted on the Aylesbury bypass. Yet again I was soaked to the skin (my feet were freezing) cold and miserable. My back light had broken in the rain and Daryl was light-hearted and smiling. My crappy nylon top clung to my crap-covered skin. Daryl went off down the bypass and I pounded some more tarmac through the villages.

I'd just made it back to what I thought was the safety of my lane when, Bang!! I hit a pothole with both wheels. Bloody thing was obscured by the rain. I'd phoned the council about these nearly 2 weeks ago. A torrent of abuse from me diffused into the torrent from above.

My back light lay smashed on the floor now, next to the treacherous pothole. More abuse. I got back on the bike. The rear tyre had been holed and the inner tube sliced. O Joy!

After a far more heroic and hilly ride home, Daryl chose to reward himself with retail therapy. It proved to be his undoing. Needing to relieve himself in a well-known department store he stepped onto a just-washed floor with no warning signs and went sizeable bottom over man-boob. He now has a strange bump on his collar bone and his right arm in a sling. Worse still he can't train so yet again the onus falls on me. The boy is such a let down! Rapateeti, come back to dadeeeeee!!!!!

So it's off into the hail, wind, rain, dirt and ubiquitous horsedung for me again. At least I hope it's horse...

Dive-aid Gig - 19 June 2006

2006-05-30T20:48:00.000Z

This event is raising money to help families in Dahab cope with their loss. It takes place on Monday 19th June at Joe Public's music lounge (underneath Habitat) A fundraising gig featuring 3 of Bristol's finest bands, plus DJ's. Tickets are £5.00 on the door or from the Bristol Ticket Shop.

For further details, please see the Dive-aid Flyer.

Daryl's back in the saddle

2006-05-24T21:11:00.000Z

Well I never, the impossible has happened and all through a little tinkering. Daryl's not just keeping up with me, he's shooting ahead.

A two inch raising of his saddle has led to a significant raising of his game. Previously, it seems, he was giving himself sore quads through pushing at completely the wrong pedal point. What a moron. Still, you know what they say - you can choose your friends but you can't choose who's going to do the 1000-mile trek from the north of Scotland with you.

It reminds me of a change I made in my own particular game. Whilst I have to admit sadly that it's been a long time since I had any "how's your father", I will say that a small change I made in my approach made a big difference. I took it out of my hand and put it in someone else. No, no! In order to make the whole thing last a bit longer, I started thinking of an old boss of mine. No kidding, she was so monumentally ugly - and she really made an effort bless her - that the mere memory of her face meant I could immediately double my time. I'm up to 30 seconds now.

Daryl put in a hard spurt midway through the run today but reached his peak too early. We'd been delayed in Eaton Bray by the rain. Owing to the soaking we got on Monday, we took refuge in a bus shelter when it started hammering it down and nearly caught the number 61. I got off the road the moment I heard thunder. It simply doesn't do to be attached to moving metal when there's lightning around, and given the piercings in my private areas I really don't want thousands of volts to enter my body that way.

After a brief respite we carried on, Daryl staying on my back wheel with ease now. We went up to Dunstable and headed down into Totternhoe against the wind.

With a wail of "Let's set the speed camera off"(I believe it's calibrated to 25mph) Daryl went hard for his target. He cycled past me at a high rate of knots... and completely wore himself out by the time he got there. Not wishing to blow my own horn (yeah, right) I kept some in the bank, hammered it at just the right moment and got flashed. You see Daryl, it's all about the timing.

Time to head off to work now but not before I make one final observstion. I've noticed a marked lack of comments on these articles. I was hoping for far more anti-Daryl invective (the only thing I've had is that he's not the porky cyclist I make him out to be from a bloke who drives a silver Clio) from other people besides myself so please feel free to click on "comments" below this write-up. TTFN

Were you the git in the silver Clio?

2006-05-22T20:09:00.000Z

The joy that is training for the "end-to-end" run continues. Today we had our first taste of the British summer - rain and bucket loads of it.

I didn't notice it at first. Daryl, aka South Park's Cartman, was berating me on the grounds that the articles I write for Dive Aid are one-sided. Of course they are you hapless gimp! Now, if you find any way of putting stuff on this website you're welcome to redress the balance.

In all truth my ire wasn't directed at slimboy fat Daryl today at all. Several of our road and pavement sharers were unappreciative of our efforts and give him his due Daryl was today "the Englishman who climbed a mountain and came down a hill" or however that goes.

Not that he didn't deserve a bit of piss-taking. My dad had to pull tight the gear cable that Daryl snapped on the spare bike in order for me to fasten it. The poor old boy with his arthritic hands, it was like wire cutting through cheese (or it would have been if he hadn't wrapped the cable round a wooden block). Shame on Daryl!

So we set out in the rain and Mother Nature chose the first 30 minutes of the ride to sling everything wet at us that she had in her arsenal. It was a deluge. I'd put on my lairy tights and fluorescent top in anticipation of just such an occurrence and Daryl hadn't.

We only had an hour to train as Daryl had to take his new puppy to the vets for its shots - brilliant excuse. We headed up Whipsnade hill, which I thought we could do with a following wind. I was wrong. It is very steep and I suffered heart palpitations as I waited at the top for Daryl. Walking his bike up the hill in the pouring rain, I realised I'd rarely, if ever, seen a more pathetic creature. Cars drove past us, splashing us without a care as now the road was covered and the camber had produced a mini-torrent that ran fast downhill, taking debris with it.

We made it up to the top of the Downs, the other way this time, without further incident and Daryl acquitted himself very well on the climb. By the time we reached Totternhoe and Eaton Bray, however, we could barely recognise the roads as the ones we'd cycled only 45 minutes before. Giant puddles stretching right across them obscured potholes, but luckily our bikes discovered each and every one of them.

Then, as we cycled through the largest puddle by far, a git in a silver Clio (on his mobile phone no less) floored his accelerator and tanked it, throwing a wave of water at each of us that any surfer would have been proud to ride. Wanker. Sodden became saturated and to add insult to injury a pedestrian in Eaton Bray made no attempt to cover up her laughter at my tights. Less than a mile from the house Daryl took the lead again in what has now become his customary not-sprint finish.

We got home. Poured rainwater out of our shoes and discussed what we'd like to do to the driver of the silver Clio. Then Daryl got me to inspect his dirty pants.

This Month's Competition

2006-05-22T07:25:00.000Z

Whose bottom is this?

Answers on a postcard to the "It's Guy Venner's Bum Competition", c/o Dive Aid.

Restless Snoozing

2006-05-19T18:30:00.000Z

I'm trying to enjoy a restless snooze. I dreamt that Daryl and I were just arriving in Landsend (which Daryl thinks is in Essex, the halfwit). He had a broad grin on his face and as my eyes take in the rest of his corpulent body I realise he's been wearing a pink tutu for the last 9 days on the road.

"Aaargh!" I wake up with a start, realising I've just missed Home and Away. It's my favourite soap opera.

Speaking of soap I realise I smell and I'm absolutely knackered. That training run was a toughie and I've got to make sure my legs are up to this evening's salsa class. I have a bootie like J-Lo's and 8pm is when I'm going to shake it.

We were worried about the wind today. It was blowing hard from the west. Not exactly gale force but certainly gusting up to about 35mph. I started the run heading straight into it and then from the time we hit Tring it was either blowing at our backs or across us. Having led most of the way, carving a path heroically through the wind for 33 miles, (2 miles to go) I was glad when Daryl cycled ahead of me selflessly to "give me a break". Well done him. Only 23 miles too late! It turned out he'd swallowed a fly and was experiencing a protein buzz.

"Just tell me if it's left or right," he shouted back. Left was straight into someone's garden wall so right (and the road) would have to do. We made it to the main Leighton Buzzard to Hemel Hempstead road by which time the "Deezer" would know where he was going as he has to travel down it to get to my place.

"You know which way we're going now don't you?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's left here, isn't it."

"It's right Daryl."

"Oh. Right. Er, yeah."

And so it was that the day's training run - the longest so far at 1 hour 45 minutes - ended; with me gazing from behind at my mate's very hairy legs and shorts that were stuck right up his sweaty bum crack.

We'd had an epiphany of sorts on the road though. We, well I, only knew which way to go because I live in the area and cycle these routes regularly. I want to keep off A and B roads to avoid cars tearing past us (most offputting) so how on earth are we going to manage that in the wastelands of Scotland. They eat Englishmen up there. Something to do with Braveheart I think.

Time to get ready for Salsa. Now where's that gold larmee outfit with the taffeta cuffs. Sure I left it around here somewhere.

Daryl gets a new bike

2006-05-17T13:00:00.000Z

Daryl is a "class A" c*nt.

Excuse the language. He's paid £15 for a Trek road bike. £15!! It's every bit as good as mine - not the one he broke - and he paid £200 less than me.

I wasn't happy to hear that so I made him pay dearly this session, although I notice that he didn't shag his own bike today.

We cycled through a large swarm of big, black flying insects that seemed to come from a B Grade 1950s horror film. And sweated lots.

Every day's a gift!

The End of Guy and Daryl's first training session together

2006-05-15T18:30:00.000Z

I'm not happy with Daryl!

Granted, he's a very nice chap, with a lovely wife and a gorgeous little girl (don't you hate losers like that?) Aged only 25 he's a mere snip of a lad and is in full health but he's just managed to do what I've never done in 10 years. He's broken my bike.

This bike and I go way back to my time courting Greek ladies (well, one) whilst lecturing at the University of Nottingham. It brings to mind some of the happiest days of my life - until the cow jilted me!

The trouble started as we were pedalling hard for the top of Dunstable Downs. The wind was against us and the road was very steep indeed. Suddenly I heard worrying noises from Daryl behind me. He started panting, then hawking up gobs of phlegm. Within seconds he was groaning loudly "Aaaah, ooooh!" It got louder and louder until I thought he was going into cardiac arrest - we were only 15 minutes into the training run.

"Euuurrrrgh, aaaaahhhhh!" He continued. It actually sounded like he was making love to my bike. My bike! My pride and joy. The only thing I still have that reminds me of Ioanna Palaiologu.

"Do you need a condom with that?" I shouted back helpfully but Daryl was in no mood to reply, apparently.

"God no! God!" No? I decided to let him carry on for a while and to check he was alive at the top of the hill.

Mercifully he had a pulse, albeit an extremely fast one, and we pedalled gently down the other side. I got into a tuck, enjoying the descent but had to slow down to let "Daryl The Snail" catch up. And why was he velocity-challenged? He'd snapped the gear cable. Sorry, my gear cable. On my bike. The only thing that still reminds me of... well, you get the idea. We carried on. Slowly.

We arrived back at Chateau Venner about 15 minutes later than planned, my spare bike, like its rider, a limping wreck.

We planned to meet again on the 17th. This time Daryl would have his own bike.

Dive Aid Cycle Trip

2006-05-14T21:32:00.000Z

Guy is busy training up for the cycle trip with my mate Daryl - who is not fit!!

Further entries to follow soon!

Dive Aid - Dahab Bombings

2006-04-27T23:31:00.000Z

As you are all no doubt aware by now, Dahab, Egypt, was targeted by bombers the other night. As a result I have decided to re-activate Dive Aid, to appeal for donations and to try to get information out to divers all over the world about their friends and loved ones.

An update from Paul

2005-04-26T21:14:00.000Z

Thanks go to Paul this month for an update from him for Dive Aid. We have titled this Happy New Year... Part 2 to follow on from Paul's original harrowing account.

What we've done so far

2005-03-17T21:29:00.000Z

The latest article to be added to the Dive Aid site is an update of what the team has managed to achieve so far with your help. This article - What we've done so far - is now on Dive Aid. A Dive Aid benefit gig will be held later this year. Please check the Events page in the future for details.

Kay leaves hospital at last

2005-02-16T19:16:00.000Z

The latest article to be added to the Dive Aid site is an update of Kay's news now he has left hospital. This article - Kay leaves hospital at last - is now on Dive Aid.

News of the Reef

2005-02-04T11:26:00.000Z

The latest article to be added to the Dive Aid site is news of damage caused by the tsunami to reefs at dive sites visited from Phuket. This article - News of the Reef has been written by Paul Foley, on behalf of the DOCT – Phuket.

News from Khao Lak

2005-01-25T20:12:00.000Z

Jamie has just returned to Khao Lak, and has sent Dive Aid news of what he found. See News from Khao Lak for the full story. We have also received updated information about the Kermadec Islands Marine Reserve - Underwater Photography Expedition, with a PDF download containing further details now available.

My most Liquid Adventure

2005-01-23T13:57:00.000Z

Today we have added Joakim's account to the Dive Aid website, entitled My most Liquid Adventure.

The Tsunami Onboard Queen Scuba

2005-01-16T11:11:00.000Z

Marcel Bruijs has sent Dive Aid his account of the tsunami from onboard Queen Scuba.

Matthew's account

2005-01-13T22:33:00.000Z

Today's Dive Aid news is from Matthew, who has written about his experiences in Khao Lak. See What happened to me on the 26th by Matthew Norman. In addition, we now have details of the 24 hour sponsored dive-athon being organised by Diving Leisure London on Sunday 6th February 2005 to raise funds for both the Disasters Emergency Committee and Dive Aid.

Koh Lanta Open for Business

2005-01-12T20:33:00.000Z

The latest on Dive Aid this evening is news from Stu in Koh Lanta. See Koh Lanta is Open for Business for the full story.