It’s almost Valentine’s Day. And you know what that means. For couples, forget about it until the actual day and then panic buy some limp flowers or cologne at Marshall’s. For the newly single, it’s a time of angst and woe. When CVS is decked out in pink M&Ms and giant red teddy bears, consumerism makes it hard to ignore that you’re alone this year because of your stupid ex. Rather than mope at the bar or slash the tires of a Toyota Camry, why not inscribe their name on a cat’s toilet? An Ohio animal shelter offers this service to fundraise and, more importantly, help the heartbroken by letting them be petty!

If you feel like you’ve been scorned, dedicating a litter box to an ex is not a bad way to go AND it helps dogs and cats. It’s a win-win! But you gotta do it before Valentine’s Day. via UPI:

An animal shelter in Hamilton, Ohio, is holding a unique fundraiser as a lead-up to Valentine’s Day.

The Animal Friends Humane Society said Wednesday it will name a cat litter box after an ex romantic partner.

The gesture will cost $5 per box, while the promotion will run until Feb. 12.

The shelter will then reveal all the sponsored litter boxes, names included, in a Facebook post on Valentine’s Day.

$5 is cheaper than a therapist, and you’d be helping a cat pee in peace. I know it’s for Valentine’s Day, but does it have to be an ex? I currently have some beef with the Xfinity customer service lady who has been blowing me off when it comes to issues with my internet service. I was supposed to get a call back last week! If anyone deserves to be immortalized on a litter box, it definitely should be DONNA!

Pic: Axel Bueckert/iStock

Did you hear the story of how Prince Harry lost his virginity to an older woman behind a pub in 2001? Oh, you didn’t. Well, then I guess you haven’t been keeping up with the daring tales found in Harry’s hit memoir Spare (a.k.a I got more where that came from, Will and Kate!). Amongst the stories of brotherly brawls and weird war boasting, there was the tender tale of how Harry lost it. Everyone speculated that the “older woman” was someone famous while others like Rupert Everett declared for some reason that Harry was lying about the details and he knows who Harry lost his V-Card to. We can finally rest easy because the mystery woman has come out! And she’s a digger driver and former stable girl named Sasha Walpole.

According to Harry, the incident took place between two friends in a field behind a pub where Harry was treated “not unlike a young stallion.” This is why we buy memoirs, people. To discover the cringey details of how famous people lost their v-cards. Anyway, social media lit up with everyone’s guesses and speculations. If you had an office pool about this, then I guarantee that everyone lost. Sasha came forward to The Daily Mail to reveal herself and pretty much back Harry’s telling about the escapade.

Now, that woman has come forward to share her version of what the Duke of Sussex, 38, memorably called an ‘inglorious episode’. She is Sasha Walpole, 40, who had known the Prince since her days as a groom at the future King Charles’ Gloucestershire estate, Highgrove.

At just over two years the Prince’s senior, she is much younger than most of the women whose names were suggested in the frenzy of speculation about her identity.

Today Sasha reveals it was Harry who made the first move, leading to their ‘spontaneous and sparky’ sex in a field behind The Vine Tree pub in the Wiltshire village of Norton. And, in a touch of farce, that his bodyguard was out hunting for him in a borrowed Ford Fiesta at the time.

Sasha, now a mother of two who drives diggers for a living, had invited Harry, then a 16-year-old Eton schoolboy – not 17 as suggested in Spare – to the pub to celebrate her 19th birthday.

Here’s Sasha bravely coming forward to The Daily Mail:

'I kept our secret for 21 years': Sasha Walpole reveals secret teenage romp with Prince Harry https://t.co/s2IQSXXNw5

— Daily Mail Online (@MailOnline) February 5, 2023

Harry bought Sasha a farting birthday card (ah, young love) and then ended up getting sloshed on shots. The two went out back for a cigarette which quickly turned into a “passionate, intense” kissing session. If I know anything about making out as a teenager, it probably was more sloppy than passionate. Five minutes later, the deed was done and capped off with an ass slap.

‘We didn’t set out to do it – it wasn’t premeditated and I didn’t know he was a virgin. There were no virgin vibes – he seemed to know what he was doing. It was quick, wild, exciting. We were both drunk. It wouldn’t have happened if we weren’t.’

‘Afterwards I did grab his bum and give him a slap. I gave him a little squeeze as well. He had a peachy bum. I don’t know about the stallion thing; I think that was more to do with the fact that I worked with horses.

So, it turns out that Harry DOES have a peachy bum and Rupert Everett is just a messy liar because Sasha has corroborated Harry’s fumbly sex story. Now that the big mystery central to Spare has been solved, Harry’s going to have to write a follow-up piece. The detective novel The Secret Behind the #PrinceofPegging is just begging to be written!

Pic: INSTARimages

Apparently, the world is teeming with very old dogs! If you recall, about two weeks ago, Spike the chihuahua was officially declared the world’s oldest dog at the age of 23. Spike is old enough to drink around the world legally. However, this announcement brought every ancient canine out of the woodwork to declare that THEY were actually the most geriatric of them all. Well, Spike has had to cede his throne because we’ve got a new world’s oldest dog: Bobi, who is a whopping 30 years old! Bobi is as old as My Cousin Vinny!

Bobi is not just the oldest pup currently roaming the earth. Because he’s reached 30, he’s officially the oldest dog ever. He beats out Bluey who died in 1939 at the age of 29 (and 5 months). Bobi was born in Portugal on May 11, 1992 and has lived in a rural village his whole life. His breed typically lives 12-14 years which is pretty good for larger dogs, but Bobi doesn’t settle for average! His age has been confirmed by the Portuguese government. However, if you still don’t believe it, here’s a picture of the pooch in 1997.

Look at the quality of that photo. That’s clearly been taken with a 90s disposable camera. You can practically hear Barbie Girl playing in the background! The old dog almost didn’t make it to 30. He escaped death as a puppy and has outlived all his haters. Bobi’s human Leonel explained how the dog is living out his golden years.

Leonel thinks that one of the biggest contributing factors is the “calm, peaceful environment” Bobi lives in, “far from the cities.”

Bobi has never been chained up nor attached to a leash, and has always enjoyed free roam of the forests and farmland surrounding the Costa family house.

Leonel describes Bobi as “very sociable” as he grew up with many other animals.

Bobi is less adventurous now in his old age; walking is difficult so he mostly spends his time hanging out in the backyard with his four feline friends.

Due to his age, Bobi rests more than used to, and he likes to lie in bed after meals. On colder days he prefers to relax by the fire.

You can see his life story here:

The record-breaking dog’s humans were surprised to learn that their pooch was the oldest but not too surprised. Another one of their pups lived to 22, so there must be something in the water in Portugal. Congrats to Bobi! I wish Bobi, Spike, and all the other old pets many more years!

Pic: Instagram / YouTube

Oscar nominee and Vanessa Hudgen’s best friend, Austin Butler, is getting rave reviews and ovations for his performance in Elvis. He’s already won a Golden Globe, so now he’s got to campaign campaign CAMPAIGN to win the fight against Brendan Fraser, Colin Farrell, Bill Nighy, and Paul Mescal. We already heard from Austin’s singing coach that he probably shook up his vocal cords with his Elvis voice so much that it might stick with him FOREVER. And now Austin’s talking, and well, Elvis (or his accent, anyway) will be leaving the building (Austin’s vocal cords) soon.

While on The Graham Norton Show last night, Austin said that he’s “getting rid of the accent” but went on to talk more about how all his Elvis singing probably fucked up his vocal cords and that his voice changes depending on who he’s talking to:

So if Austin’s accent really is leaving, then Vanessa Hudgens will have to find a new way to troll him. And it doesn’t seem like Austin’s Elvis accent made its way to Arrakis. Austin is part of the cast of Dune: Part II, which was filmed late last year. His co-star, Dave Bautista, says that he’s actually got his boring-ass voice back. Also, don’t make fun of Austin because he’s super scary! via Variety:

Austin Butler’s Elvis voice has taken awards season by storm, but don’t expect Elvis’ deep, sultry drawl to make its way onto Arrakis. “Dune” star Dave Bautista confirmed to USA Today that Butler sounds nothing like himself or Elvis in Denis Villeneuve’s upcoming “Dune: Part Two.” Butler is joining the franchise in the sequel as Feyd-Rautha, the evil nephew of Baron Harkonnen (Stellan Skarsgård) who is his family’s planned successor on Arrakis. Feyd-Rautha is also the brother of Bautista’s character, the sadistic Glossu Rabban.

“He’s just the sweetest guy you’ll ever meet,” Bautista said of Butler, who is currently Oscar-nominated for his “Elvis” performance. “I don’t know who this guy was, but it’s not Austin Butler. It’s not Elvis. His voice is different, his look is different. Everything about his demeanor is terrifying.”

I’ve got to hand it to the would-be Elvis’s PR team. They got the biggest, strongest dude on set to publicly declare that the guy from the CW’s Arrow intimidates him. Not only are they scrubbing the story of Austin’s incredible disappearing accent, but they’re also subtly threatening the other Oscar nominees. Paul Mescal better watch out. There’s only room for one late 20s-early 30s pretty boy in the Best Actor category. If anyone else takes the win, Austin’s coming for you!

Pic: INSTARImages

Today in When Being Fashionably Late Goes Wrong: Lourdes Leon showed up to last night’s Marc Jacobs show a few minutes late. And when she tried to get in, she heard the word that Madonna screams whenever her social media intern suggests that they should post a pic without filters, “DEE-NIED!” Security wouldn’t let Lourdes in, and in her defense, she didn’t let out the nepo baby battle cry of, “Do you know who I am?!” But the paps did and chanted at the security guard to let her in before Lourdes gave up and left. But well, compared to her mom, Lourdes was extra, extra early, because if Madge was invited to last night’s show, she’d arrive for it tomorrow – Insider

Welcome to another round of Harpo, Who Dis Woman? Is it Shania Twain, Jenna Dewan in lazy Donatella Versace drag, or Erika Jayne on Ozempic? – Lainey Gossip

While seeing all the attention that Pamela Anderson’s memoir and documentary is getting, Tommy Lee’s latest wife, Brittany Furlan, thought to herself, “How can I make this all about ME?” – InTouch Weekly

Steven Tyler has been formally named in a lawsuit against him from a woman who says that he groomed her, sexually assaulted her, and coerced her into getting an abortion when she was a minor in the 70s – Entertainment Weekly

As many expected, the messy fight between Priscilla Presley and Lisa Marie Presley’s estate has gotten messier. A former lawsuit has shown that Priscilla was getting $900,000 a year from Elvis Enterprises even though she had no stake in the company – Celebitchy

The Roz-and-Bull-less Night Court revival got a second season – Pajiba

Vanessa Hudgens is engaged to pro sportsball player Cole Tucker, and suddenly, I have visions of her guests throwing Molly at her instead of rice because she’s so getting married at Coachella – People

Meanwhile, on a street in Paris, Noah Cyrus served ribbed butt plug ridiculousness – SOW

Pics: TikTok, Twitter

Back in April 2022, Nicola Peltz became Mrs. Wifey Peltz-Beckham when she married the untrained aspiring master chef/son of David and Victoria “Posh” Beckham, Brooklyn Beckham. It was obviously an obscene display of extreme wealth and pretension when 2 (rich as hell families) Becomes 1 (insufferable unit of hoity-toity twats). And because accused nanny-knocker Nicola was involved, dramatics ensued. First, It was reported that Posh was upset because Nicola didn’t wear a Victoria Beckham wedding dress, while Nicola argued she chose another designer because the VB atelier couldn’t get the job done. But family members weren’t the only poor souls in Nicola’s crosshairs. Would you please think of the revolving door of traumatized wedding planners? Her billionaire dad, Nelson Peltz, is now going after the second of three separate wedding planners Nicola ran through to get back the $159,000 deposit he paid and the legal fees he’s spending to sue them.

Page Six says Nelson, who is reportedly worth $1.4 billion, filed a suit to recoup the deposit he paid the pair planners in March 2022 for Nicola and Brooklyn’s April 2022 wedding. Yes, that close to the big day.

According to the Daily Mail, the “Bates Motel” alum’s billionaire father, Nelson Peltz, filed a lawsuit against wedding planners Nicole Braghin and Arianna Grijalba for refusing to give back the $159,000 deposit he gave them.

In the lawsuit, Nelson, 80, is claiming that he and his wife, Claudia Peltz, hired Grijalba and Braghin in March 2022 through their firm, Plan Design Events.

It’s pertinent to know that Nicole and Arianna were hired so close to the big day because the first planner the Peltzes hired either left or got the boot. But when they signed on, it was just one Victoria Beckham leg extension away from the big day arriving, and they had trouble managing the over 500-person guest list. So they ran for the hills after only nine days due to their inability to handle an event associated with her and Brooklyn’s “celebrity” and took the deposit with them.

However, after only nine days on the job, Grijalba and Braghin decided not to move forward with Nicola and Beckham because they could not handle the couple’s guest list, which included more than 500 people.

“The celebrity of the wedding couple combined with the anticipated attendance of many high-profile guests required that the wedding planner have the expertise and staffing to plan, coordinate and execute a wedding event of the expected caliber and complexity,” the lawsuit reads, per the Daily Mail.

And Daddy Peltz even gave everyone a taste of what those poor planners had to deal with by including screenshots of text conversations between them and Nicola! Nicola was tired of having to correct things.

Nelson also included some of the text messages his daughter allegedly sent the wedding planners in the lawsuit, including one where the actress said she was “tired” of fixing their mistakes after they said Lewis Hamilton RSVP’d “yes” although he told the couple he could not attend the wedding.

The “Transformers: Age of Extinction” actress allegedly wrote, “Lewis Hamilton did NOT RSVP. So explain why his names [sic] on the list please.”

“We spoke to him. He can’t come so explain why you said he rsvpd yes,” she added.

Grijalba tried to explain that she needed more time to get familiar with the app that the virtual guest list was on.

“I need time to do this,” she allegedly wrote. “I’m going to take a moment to learn the app and send you the information, I hate looking like a fool but I hate the most not giving you what you need ASAP. I will be back soon.”

Nicola, who was seemingly upset, allegedly replied, “That’s not true. He didn’t rsvp AT ALL.”

And Daddy didn’t like the planners’ references to having to drink their faces off to be able to put up with this shit.

One week before the RSVP exchange, Grijalba allegedly posted in the group chat that she was “going for a tequila before her head exploded,” to which the “Last Airbender” actress allegedly replied, “Yes queen!!!!”

A third planner took over after their departure and got the job done. Oof, not the “yes, queen! though. That’s a sure kiss of death when you’re dealing with an upper-crust hellion who has no business using “yes, queen!” Perhaps “wedding planner” can be Brooklyn’s next career du jour! I’m sure he probably got to observe all of the inner workings of the profession as he observed the tumult from the inside of Nicola’s handbag. 

Pic: KOI SOJER/startraksphoto.com/Cover Images

Bam Margera has battled mental health and addiction issues for a long time. The last year has been an especially dark one for the 43-year-old Jackass star: he was in and out of court-ordered rehab, relapsed big time after being egged on by fans who mistakenly thought he was under a conservatorship and was hospitalized on a ventilator after an unfortunate pneumonia/COVID one-two punch in December. Later, Bam revealed he was pronounced dead in the hospital but managed to recover. Then, last month, Steve-O announced he’d thrown Bam a bone and hired him as the opening act for nine dates on his comedy tour. Over the last couple of weeks, both men have been posting selfies together, and things looked like they were going well. Until a couple days ago, that is. Yahoo! reports that 48-year-old Steve-O called out Bam on Instagram, revealing this his buddy is still getting loaded and won’t choose recovery. Warning: SAD.

Four nights ago, Bam posted an old picture of him, Steve-O, and Johnny Knoxville. In the caption, he said Steve-O was “a best friend who had my fucking back all along”, but referred to Johnny as “a poser” and “a pro creation thief.” He also slagged off Jackass co-creator Jeff Tremaine, calling him greedy.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Bam Margera (@captiancreamstain)

Bam’s beef with Johnny and Jeff goes back to 2021, when the pair (and producer Spike Jonez) made him sign a wellness agreement to stay sober while filming Jackass Forever. Bam failed one of their required drug tests (he tested positive for Adderall) and was fired. He then proceeded to harass Johnny and Jeff on Instagram, and, in response, Jeff filed a temporary restraining order against him. Bam later sued Paramount Pictures, Johnny, Jeff, and Spike, alleging wrongful termination. They privately settled the lawsuit in April 2022.

Steve-O did not appreciate his friend coming for Johnny and Jeff on social media. So, he took to the comments to call Bam out for his actions, specifically his binge drinking and rough relationship with his 5-year-old son, Phoenix, with wife Nikki Boyd:

Bam, last night you had your five year old son with you on stage at my show, and you were blessed with the chance to spend another day or two with him — then as soon as you left my show, you stayed up all night getting loaded enough to think it was a good idea to post more vile nonsense like this. I hope you understand how awful that is.

You say you want to have a relationship with your son, but your actions guarantee the exact opposite will happen. I brought you on tour with me in hopes that I could get you to see what’s possible for you if you choose recovery. I’ve tried everything I can, but I can’t force you to get honest and do the work of recovery.

I wish you could know how much I’ve hated feeling braced for news of your death, but you’re making it clear that I have no other choice. You’re dying, brother, and it sucks that I can’t do anything to save you.

Damn. Here are both posts:

Steve-O's message to Bam Margera pic.twitter.com/cK3UZLxpKe

— Dexerto (@Dexerto) February 3, 2023

Steve-O struggled with cocaine and alcohol addiction until 2008, when he was involuntarily committed to a psych ward for two weeks following an intervention staged by his Jackass co-stars. He’s managed to stay sober for 15 years. Steve-O’s comment has since disappeared, but Bam still has his original Instagram post up. Meanwhile, Bam’s fans and followers have taken to the comments to encourage him to get clean. Please, Bam, choose recovery so you can go back to jumping into snake pits and getting branded on camera!

Pic: Instagram

Last summer’s sweetheart of Norway and the internet, Freya, is definitely lifting her head high with pride (or bowing it low in shame) while lounging on the boats of the angels in heaven, because she’s made it to 2022’s Hot Slut of the Year grand finals! Freya got 41% of the votes and is one step closer to the HSOTY crown! And now, let’s vote on who will be joining The Calm Librarian and Freya the final Hot Slut of 2022 showdown. Your choices for round three are:

September – Colin Mitchell, the UPS driver who quickly realized that something in the milk (read: above-ground pool) wasn’t clean (read: two dogs in ayúdame mode) while making a delivery to a home in Ireton, Iowa. Colin noticed two dogs swimming in the pool by themselves and it didn’t sit right with him. When he discovered that the dog’s humans weren’t home, he went to investigate and found that the pool’s solar cover trapped the dogs and they couldn’t get out. So he saved them, and became an instant hero as his hotness shot up 100000%. And now he’s probably got to deal with other “dogs” (read: thirsty hos in dog costumes) getting “trapped” in a pool while he’s making his deliveries.

October – Michael Ross, the man who was not going to be outdone by Colin Mitchell’s’s animal-saving skills and went into rising flood waters during Hurricane Ian’s wrath to save a cat trapped on an A/C.

November – Paula Abdul’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Performance, the acid trip that Paula Abdul took everyone on during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade when she tap-synched on a giant Jennie-O turkey before being carried by her chorus boys. Jennie definitely O’d that day from the sight of Paula Abdul’s fuckery-filled performance!

December – Waffle House Wendy, the (former) Waffle House employee who became the MVP of a Waffle House battle royale when she easily caught a flying chair that was meant to take her ass out.

Voting is below. The winner of round three will be announced when we start voting in THE FINAL ROUND on Tuesday, February 7th!

Pics: KTIV, Twitter, Instagram, Twitter