How To Sex

The New Joy of Sex: Part 4

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Sat, 17 Jan 2026 18:52:00 -0800

The New Joy of Sex: Part 4.

The allure of any size and shape.

2008, based on the works of Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex.

Breasts.

“In our maturer years,” wrote Erasmus Darwin, “when an object of vision is presented to us which bears any similitude to the form of the female bosom; we feel a general glow of delight, which seems to influence all our senses, and if the object be not too large we experience an attraction to embrace it with our lips as we did in early infancy the bosom of our mothers.”

Breasts are the natural second target, but often the first one we reach. Just how sensitive they are, in men as well as in women, varies enormously, and according to physical state and mood. As with other sexual organs, size is unimportant in relation to sensitivity; if it still creates insecurity, however, fascinated attention is a more effective cure than surgery. Some breasts don’t answer at all, even in the emphatically non-frigid; some answer to extremely gentle touches, some to very rough handling (but they are sensitive

structures; don’t let a need for forceful contact get the better of sound common sense.)

Going round and round the nipple with the tongue tip or the glans, soft kneading with both hands, gentle biting, and sucking gently like a baby are the best gambits; she can do the same for him. (While there, both can occasionally check for suspicious lumps.)

If her breasts are big enough to meet, one can get a surprising degree of mutuality from inter-mammary intercourse. This is a good expedient on occasions

when she doesn’t feel like vaginal intercourse. She lies half flat on pillows, he kneels astride (big toe to her clitoris if she needs helping) with his foreskin, if he has one, fully retracted. Either he or she can hold the breasts together; wrap them around the shaft rather than rub the glans with them. It should protrude clear, just below her chin. Intercourse between the breasts is equally good in other positions; head to tail, or with her on top (especially if she has small breasts), or man sitting, woman kneeling; experiment accordingly. An orgasm from this position, if she

gets one, is “round” like a full coital orgasm, and she feels it inside. Breast orgasms from licking and handling are “in between” in feel. His ejaculation this way gives her what’s known as a “pearl necklace”; he should rub the semen well into her breasts when he has finished (see semen.)

Breasts, vagina, and clitoris all at once make the fastest and most concentrated buildup of sensation once intercourse has begun, for some women at least. Many easily stimulated women can also experience a rather special pleasure from suckling a baby.

Nipples.

a direct hotline to her most sensitive parts.

She says: “Unlike a man’s nipples, a woman’s can have a direct hotline to her clitoris and vagina. A man who can dial this correctly and will only take the time can do anything. Palm-brushing, eyelash-brushing, licking, and loud sucking like a baby can work wonders; the orgasms one gets from these are mind-blowing without detracting a jot from intercourse to come after. Please take time.” He, meanwhile, can get a very special jolt from this, made more intense still if she is actually lactating; male suckling is more of a majority interest than you might think.

On him, rather than by him, stimulation is less likely to have an effect; few men can get a nipple orgasm, but try a stiff pair of feathers (see feathers) or very gentle fingertip friction; men’s nipples easily get sore.

If the effect seems lacking, assiduous attention over time may help; try gentle circles with a toothbrush. There is no proof in the theory that caffeine creates temporary nipple sensitivity, but it’s still worth a try. Fluctuating hormones before her period can turn sensitivity into discomfort, and if there is itching, swelling, bleeding, or discharge, get it checked out. This applies to him as well as to her.

If a partner likes pain, or to test the possibility without putting the question direct, pinch nipples lightly, then harder (never when sore, lactating, or newly pierced.) The aim is a balance of pleasure and pain; after, once pressure is released, the whole body will be achingly sensitive for hours. If this appeals, move to nipple clamps (not clothes pegs, which aren’t adjustable); a linked pair with one on each of his and her breasts also provides a neat accompaniment to any movements that create a gentle tug. When taken off, pinch with fingers, then release slowly to allow the blood to flow back in comfortably. Limit time on such play; 15 minutes is enough.

Buttocks.

a turn-on in almost equal measure far both sexes.

Next in line after breasts, buttocks alternate with them as visual sex stimuli for different cultures and individuals. Actually the original primate focus, being brightly colored in most apes; apparently equally fancied by the Neanderthals, who produced some of the best Stone Age figurines.

The buttocks are a major erogenous zone in both sexes, though less sensitive than breasts because they have fewer nerves and a layer of fat, and so need stronger stimulation (holding, kneading, slapping, or even harder beating; see discipline.)

Intercourse from behind (see rear entry) is a pleasure in itself, but be careful if she has a weak back. In any position the muscular movements of coitus stimulate the buttocks in both sexes, particularly if each holds the partner’s rear fairly tightly, one cheek in each hand. These extra sensations are well worth cultivating deliberately. Visually, good buttocks are a turn on in almost equal measure for both sexes.

Penis.

while the penis is emphatically his, it also belongs to both of them.

Not only the essential piece of male equipment, even if it is often and expressively described as a “tool,” the penis has more symbolic importance than any other human organ, as a dominance signal and, by reason of having a will of its own, generally a “personality.” No point in reading all this symbolism back here, except to say that lovers will experience it, and find themselves treating the penis as something very like a third party.

At one moment it’s a weapon or a threat, at another something they share, like a child. Without going into psychoanalysis or biology, it’s not a bad test of a love relationship if, while the penis is emphatically his, it also belongs to both of them. In any case, its texture, erectility, and so on are fascinating to both sexes, and its apparent autonomy, a little alarming.

Like the vagina, the penis collects anxieties and folklore, and is a focus for all sorts of magical manipulations. Male self-esteem and sense of identity tend to be located in it, as Samson’s energy was in his hair. If it won’t work, or worse, if she sends it up, or down, the results will be disastrous. This explains the irrational male preoccupation with penile size. Size has absolutely nothing to do with physical serviceability in intercourse, or; since female orgasm doesn’t depend on getting deeply into the pelvis; with capacity to satisfy a partner, though many women are turned on by the idea of a large one, and a few say that they feel more (see size.) If anything, thickness matters more than length. Nor has flaccid size anything to do with erect size; a penis that is large when at rest simply enlarges less with erection. There is no way of artificially “enlarging” a penis.

Nor, except in very rare cases, is a penis too big for a woman; widthwise, the vagina will take a full-term baby. If his penis, whatever its length, knocks an ovary and hurts her, he shouldn’t go in so far. A woman who says she is “too small” or “too tight” is usually making a statement about her arousal levels; she needs time, understanding, and foreplay. Shape also varies; the glans can be blunt or conical. This matters only in that the conical shape can make receptacle-tipped condoms uncomfortable through getting jammed in the tip.

Women who have really learned to enjoy sex are usually as fascinated by their lover’s penis, size included, as men are by women’s breasts, shape, odor, and feel, and learn to play with it fully and skillfully. Circumcised or not (see foreskin), it’s a fascinating toy quite apart from its main use. There is a whole play scene connected with uncapping, stiffening, and handling it, making it pulsate or ejaculate, that is a major part of togetherness. This is equally important for the man; not only is it ego-boosting, but good hand- and mouth work practically guarantee a good sexual partner.

Care and maintenance: if he isn’t circumcised, he will need to retract the foreskin fully for cleaning purposes, and if it won’t retract beyond the corona all round the glans except at the front, get it seen to (correcting it involves a trifling operation with a blunt probe and doesn’t necessarily mean that he needs circumcising.) If it won’t retract properly or is over-tight and gets stuck, get that attended to as well.

Slight asymmetry often develops with time; this does no harm unless it’s pronounced or painful, in which case see a doctor. On the other hand, don’t bend an erect penis or use a position in which it could get violently bent by accident. (This usually happens with the woman on top if she is careless near orgasm, or in putting him in, and he is just short of fully stiff; keep a little control here.) It is possible, though difficult, to fracture one of the two hydraulics contained in the shaft. This is very painful and can lead to pain or kinking on subsequent erection. The normal organ will stand up to extremely hard use, but not to these. (Avoid also silly tricks with suction and so on; see inflators.)

Sores, discharge, lumps, bumps, bleeding, and so on signal illnesses and need treatment. Even if you both have proof that you are free of all sexually transmitted diseases; if you aren’t, condoms are mandatory; don’t have oral intercourse with someone who has a herpes on the mouth; you can get recurrent herpes of the penis or the vulva, which is a nuisance.

If the foreskin is dry from masturbation or long retraction, saliva is the recommended lubricant. Commercial equivalents are now sold that make things more comfortable and add sensation, but steer clear of the ones that claim to slow down or speed up response; they can anesthetize or irritate him and, by association, her. If he has problems in this department, it’s best to use less “quick-fix” methods (see hair-trigger trouble, and performance.)

Size.

Preoccupation with the size of their genitals is about as common in men (it is a “dominance signal,” like a deer’s antlers) as sensitivity about their breasts and figure is in women. That, however, is its only importance in matters sexual. The “average” penis is just over five inches overall when erect and between three and four inches round, but penises come in all sizes; larger ones may be spectacular, but no more effective except as visual stimuli. Smaller ones work equally well in most positions; and may, as only the first few inches of the vagina are sensitive, actually work better than larger examples. In any case, she will almost always report that what matters is how it’s used, not how big it is.

Non-erect size in the male is equally unimportant; some men before erection show no penile shaft at all, but extend to full size easily. The same applies to testicle weight; it varies, as does nose or mouth size, but has little to do with function. Small genitals are usually due to active muscles in the layer beneath the skin; a cold bath will shrink the best-endowed male down to Greek-statue proportions.

Accordingly, excessive preoccupation with size is an irrational anxiety, often created by the fact that men see their own penises as small because they are seen from above and other men’s penises as large because they are seen from the front. Don’t fall for the hype on lotions, potions, stretching exercises, or surgery; one can’t reliably and safely increase size, any more than one can increase stature. She should learn not to comment on it except favorably; he should learn not to give it a second thought. The few cases where male genitalia are really infantile occur in conjunction with major gland disturbances and are treatable but rare.

All the above reassurance also applies to vaginal size. Few women are too small; lubricate, add lots of foreplay, wait until she has “ballooned” through arousal before penetrating. So long as she isn’t hurting; in which case stop instantly; a tight woman gives the man extra-intense feelings. Nor is any vagina too large: if it seems a loose fit, switch to a posture in which her thighs are pressed together; from behind for best effect. Long term, do Kegel exercises (see pompoir ) to keep muscles toned; though lots of sex works just as well and she will enjoy it more. Apart from postpartum stitching, surgery to tighten the vagina is usually a reflection of lack of confidence on her part or inappropriate demands on his.

Genital anatomy probably fixes which postures work best for a given couple, but no more than that. With rare exceptions, men and women are universally adapted. The only practical exception is in the case of a very big penis and a very small woman, in which case she should be careful on top, or she will knock an ovary (which feels very much like accidentally knocking a testicle does for a man), and he should avoid thrusting too hard until he knows he won’t hurt her. As to the size of other structures, such as breasts, these may be individual turn-ons, but every build has its sexual opportunities built in: use them.

Foreskin.

Cutting off this structure is possibly the oldest human sexual ritual. It still persists; for cultural as well as supposed health reasons. Some believe that cancer of the penis and cervix is rarer when it’s done (a myth) or that it slows down orgasm (for which there is no evidence.) It probably doesn’t make very much difference, either to masturbation or to intercourse; one normally retracts it anyway for all these purposes; though if he doesn’t have one, there is a whole range of covered-glans nuances he can’t recapture. Holding the skin back hard with the hand (her hand) during intercourse works for both the circumcised and uncircumcised as an accelerator, and offers a sensation of its own.

Women who have experienced both are divided; as they are over which looks sexier. Some find the circumcised glans “neater” and are even turned off by an unretracted prepuce as looking “feminine,” while others love the sense of discovery that goes with retraction. If he is uncircumcised and she prefers the other, he can retract it; if vice versa, simply find other amusements. In terms of function, it’s probably there for immunological protection and helpful for lubrication; the high density of nerve endings doesn’t harm either.

While in the area, a word about the frenulum, the “little bridle” that connects the underside of the glans to the shaft. It is sensitive to stretching; it’s probably this that creates the sensation during up-and-down hand work; and circumcision may tighten it or sometimes remove it altogether. If it’s intact, try lubricating with your thumb, massaging frenulum and little finger directly on it circling smaller and smaller. Flick across with the tongue and apply sustained pressure while he simply relaxes. Reserve this technique, however, until he is ready to come more or less instantly.

In sum, the circumcised man isn’t at any important disadvantage (or advantage), but many people prefer to be able to choose their egg with or without salt, and let their children do likewise.

Scrotum.

Basically, a sperm factory. The testes produce sperm; the scrotum is the control device to keep them producing it at the right temperature, moving up when he is cold and down when he is warm. No need to panic at asymmetry; it’s normal for one testicle to be smaller and for the left one to hang slightly lower; though extraneous lumps or pain should be checked out immediately. It’s also a highly sensitive skin area, and needs careful handling, since pressure on a testis is highly painful to its proprietor. Gentle tongue and finger work or cupping in the hand is about right, or try a fingertip along the visible center line and gentle teasing on the perineum between scrotum and anus. She can take it right into her mouth.

Semen.

There is no lovemaking without spilling this, on occasions at least. You can get it out of clothing or furnishings either with a stiff brush, when the stain has dried, or with a dedicated cleanser designed to remove blood. If you spill it over each other, massage it gently in. If you want a very copious ejaculate, he can masturbate nearly, but not quite, to orgasm about an hour beforehand to increase prostate secretion. If his semen tastes bad, try altering his diet, and if that

makes no difference, get a checkup; it can indicate health problems. She may like to know that an average ejaculation delivers about five calories and a dose of vitamin C.

Skin.

its coolness, texture, and tightness are triggers far a whole range of sexual feelings.

This is our chief extragenital sexual organ; underrated by men, who concentrate on the penis and clitoris; better understood by women. She says: “The smell and feel of a man’s skin probably has more to do with sexual attraction (or the opposite) than any other single feature, even though you may not be conscious of it.”

Skin stimulation is a major component of all sex. Not only its feel when touched, but its coolness, texture, and tightness are triggers for a whole range of sexual feelings. Built in; the so-called erogenous zones are the ones most rich in nerve endings; lips, earlobes, feet, buttocks, breasts as well as genitals. Sensitivity will vary; for both according to mood and for her according to menstrual cycle. But it can be boosted in some people by emphasis, and by adding other textures, especially fur, rubber, leather, or tight clothing. Much underrated part of human sexual response, to be played to the full if it turns you on (see friction rub, pattes d’araignee, and tongue bath; use these to educate your own and your partner’s skin.)

Lubrication.

Most natural lubrication comes from her; the male equivalent kicks in only just before orgasm, which is far too late. The normal excited vagina is correctly set for friction; if she is too wet, dry gently with a handkerchief-wrapped finger (not tissues; you will never stop finding the bits.) But don’t try to de-lubricate with lotions or potions; they can lacerate the vagina.

If she is too dry; it’s normal for many women; it’s likely because she is not sufficiently aroused; simply take the time and put in the effort. More lasting dryness can be due to stress, infections, medication, depression, hormonal ups and downs, and some medical conditions; see a doctor.

If more lubrication is needed, saliva is the best natural one. There is also much to be said for the many commercial possibilities offering added sensation, smells, and tastes, though note that oil-based ones destroy latex condoms, silicone-based ones destroy silicone sex toys, and some anesthetize. Be particularly sure to use lubricant if

he is penetrating anywhere that doesn’t naturally oblige; breasts, armpit, anus.

To be continued. based on the works of Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam, for The New Joy of Sex.

The New Joy of Sex: Part 3

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Mon, 12 Jan 2026 18:51:00 -0800

The New Joy of Sex: Part 3.

A Lover's State of Mind and Soul.

2008, based on the works of Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex.

Hormones.

The fuel in the sex machine, keeping desire, arousal, and performance ticking over, as well as driving affection and love. For the most part, they form a constant underpinning of mood, supporting though never replacing the honest-to-goodness sexual diesel generated by enthusiastic lovers.

A peak or a valley, on the other hand, can impact. Sexually, the crucial fuel is testosterone, for her as well as for him. His will peak during his twenties, then settle into a more or less consistent pattern, dipping over the course of a long term relationship and rising in a new one; no excuse for straying, but a possible explanation of the temptation to do so. With age, it will gently decline; but rarely enough to cause problems; if his erection is failing, that’s reason for action, not resignation.

In her, testosterone has the same effect, raising desire, demand, and energy; in the last third of her menstrual month, when levels of the hormone are high, try more urgent, fighting sex. Around the menopause, as estrogen drops away and testosterone levels stay high, she may find to her delight a lust that lasts for months or years; a second adolescence of which she can take full advantage.

Oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” both bonds partners in affection and makes them less likely to want to be sexual; one reason why the postorgasmic default is to hug rather than go for a second bout. Add in prolactin, the “done that, time to rest” hormone also released at orgasm, to explain why, for him in particular, the default may well be to sleep. Prolactin is released when breast-feeding too, another reason why postpartum she may be utterly turned off all things sexual; just as the contraceptive pill, breast-feeding, and stress may imbalance her general hormone levels, with the same low-desire result. But never be held hostage; hormones may affect mood, but they can’t overrule action; clear thinking, reassuring communication, and making love regardless are often enough to offset imbalances.

These notes are mainly included here for interest and understanding; all genuine lovers will want to know what’s under the hood in order to make the car purr more sweetly; but largely there are no bedroom applications. If the machine falters, however, science is increasingly able to supply an answer; see your doctor.

Preferences.

More of us than we may think have a wide sexual range; that is to say, are able to respond sexually to either gender. Yes, many recognize who they are early in life and never shift. But adolescents often experiment before settling, and adults dream; same-sex relationships are in the top three sexual fantasies for heterosexuals, and some of the most surprising people; like Hans Christian Andersen; live out such dreams in real life. Preferences are not a choice that can be overridden in the long term; you may like both sexes, but if you don’t, the irrelevant one simply doesn’t smell right and there is no negotiating that.

If you occasionally wonder; as opposed to having strong and clear desires in a particular direction; you are probably not gay but curious. If you have strong, clear desires, don’t agonize but talk it through; ringing a gay or lesbian help line won’t mean you are persuaded or presupposed into it, but will mean you speak to someone who has asked themselves the same questions as you have and found appropriate answers. Your own answer, once found, could transform your sex life and also your life in general; passion can flow and activities that seemed off-putting with one gender can, with the other, feel natural and fulfilling. Surely it doesn’t need saying that the joy of sex is rooted in knowing who you really are.

As to the whole political agenda, happily in most countries all of the above is not the “problem” it was when this book was first written, though in most cultures it’s still a challenge and in others it’s still actively against the law, either secular or religious. We, however, believe that one person’s flavor of sexuality is no one else’s business; everyone should be free to follow their inclinations without fear or favor. If you don’t, you not only waste your own life pretending to be someone you aren’t, you also potentially waste the life of a partner who knows there is something not quite right but can’t pinpoint it. Whatever your preferences, be honest with yourself and your beloved, and never think you can “cure” a partner of their own preference by imposing yours upon them.

This book is written for the straight reader but, within the context of a loving relationship, behaviors borrowed from the whole range of possible preferences can have their uses. Don’t dismiss (or judge) anything until you have tried it at least once.

Confidence.

It is, surely, a self-fulfilling prophecy that the more confident you are, the more you will enjoy sex. This is not about arrogance; the assumption that one is God’s gift will be an instant turnoff, particularly to women, if only because they know with that sort of mental map a man won’t have bothered to learn enough to be even moderately useful. At the other end of the extreme, a partner who starts off lacking in confidence only proves delightful if they ultimately benefit from care and feeding; lasting and insistent insecurity is draining in bed and out of it.

But true sexual confidence; being relaxed, knowledgeable about oneself, willing to learn about another, ready to ask for what’s needed, happy to take charge, and unwobbled by either failure or rejection; makes for that ultimate in sexual partners, one who is able both to give and receive with an equal abundance of pleasure.

This has nothing to do with looks. Nowadays, almost all women; and an increasing number of men; are scared of being spurned on that count, but this is because the media manipulates body image. If you don’t love your body, change your mind; if your partner doesn’t love your body, change your partner. Note to her: men are almost always more focused on sensation and the feelings of acceptance that sex gives than on your size, shape, or degree of firmness. If he has ever hugged you clothed, he already knows your shape; if when you are unclothed he has an erection, then he not only accepts but lusts after it. Note to him: women care hardly at all about shape, so relax please.

He, however, may have other insecurities. He is asked to demonstrate potency in much more obvious ways than she is, and the men’s magazines may have convinced him that unless he can do so he will be rejected. But in terms of pure erection, there are always other ways; and for most women those ways are just as acceptable, certainly on an occasional basis. If generally nervous, the answer is to end up in bed only with a partner one is relaxed with and then try things out. As with all human activities, the way to mastery is through play.

Whatever one’s size, experience, and ability; or disability; good sex is one of the most powerful confidence-builders because it places each partner right in the center of the other’s attention; beyond that, genuine compliments, demonstrated affection, and a total lack of comparison will complete the magic spell. She says: “Show me that you think I’m beautiful and everything else follows.” His words may be different, but the essential message will be the same.

Cassolette;

her greatest sexual asset alter her beauty.

French for perfume box. The natural perfume of a clean woman: her greatest sexual asset after her beauty (some would say greater than that.) It comes from the whole of her; hair, skin, breasts, armpits, genitals, and the clothing she has worn: it is her own signature scent and no two women are the same in this respect. Men have a natural perfume too, which women are aware of, but while a man can be infatuated with a woman’s personal perfume, women on the whole simply tend to notice if a man smells right or wrong. Wrong means not so much unpleasant as intangibly not for them. Often their awareness of a man includes conditioned extras such as work odors or aftershave.

Because it’s so important, she needs to guard her own personal perfume carefully and learn to use it as part of her powers of attraction as skillfully as she uses the rest of her body. (We now know the science behind all this; pheromones, a kind of biological speed-bonding, making one attractive, relaxing a potential partner, creating mood. They say, “I’m interested; I’m interesting.”) In particular, a woman’s personal perfume can be a long-range weapon (nothing seduces a man more reliably, and this can happen subliminally), but at the same time a skillful man can read it, if he is an olfactory type, and if he knows her, to determine when she is sexually excited.

Susceptibility and consciousness of human clean perfumes vary in both sexes. Women have the keener sense of smell, but men respond to it more as an attractant. Whether these are inborn differences, like inability to smell asparagus, or whether they are due to unconscious blocking-out, we don’t know. Some children can’t understand the point of blind man’s buff because they know by smell who is touching them: some women can smell that they are pregnant. Men can’t smell some chemicals related to musk unless they have a shot of female sex hormone. Far more human loves and antipathies are based on smell than our deodorant-and-aftershave culture admits. Many people, especially women, say that when it’s a question of bed or not-bed, they let their noses lead them.

Which means it’s sad that, culturally, we are conditioned to deodorize and perfume. Better by far would be soap and water, although the unfortunates who sweat profusely may well have problems. A mouthful of aluminum chloride in an armpit is one of the biggest disappointments bed can afford, and a truly deodorized partner would be another. If smell (and taste) do become unpleasant, it’s probably a shift of diet or an infection; both can be cleared up, and should be done so in short order. There is no excuse for bad breath or the unilateral eating of garlic. Where lovemaking regularly happens at the end of a long, hot, or hard day, create a ritual of showering together beforehand. If you find each other’s perfume becoming distasteful long term, however, it may be a reflection of a more emotional distaste. Take it seriously.

Many women shave their armpit hair, conditioned as they are by the idea that hairlessness is sexy. Opinions are divided on this one; fashion dictates armpits should be bare, but hairs catch our pheromonal scent. This could be played as an argument for more body hair in general, but men’s facial hair doesn’t have the day-to-day importance of a woman’s little tufts. These are antennae and powder puffs to introduce herself in a room, or in lovemaking. They are there to brush the man’s lips with; he can do the same more circumspectly. Kissing deeply in the armpit leaves a partner’s perfume with you.

In the genital kiss, start with the lips covered, then brush the closed lips, then open her; when she gives the kiss to a man, she proceeds in the same order. It’s the fullest way to become aware of each other, even before you start to touch. She will feel much more at ease with this if he says clearly that he likes her scent and taste. Many women labor under the belief that their natural odor, particularly the pussy scent, is too strong. He can reverse this more or less instantly by showing enthusiasm.

Vulva;

can be stroked, sucked, squeezed, licked, softly stimulated with a vibrator.

Her external parts, the equivalent of scrotum and penile skin for him, and beautifully immortalized in feminist artist Judy Chicago’s exhibition The Dinner Party; thirty-nine vulval images symbolizing thirty-nine inspirational women. Can be stroked, sucked, squeezed, licked, softly stimulated with a vibrator; go up one side and down the other. Her perineum; between vagina and anus; is as sensitive as his; tease gently with a fingertip.

The U-spot (see trigger points), between clitoris and vagina, can also be gently pressed in circular movements; use a careful knuckle or the tip of his penis; an unerect penis will give different sensations from an erect one. If she is sensitive post-climax, this will help her scale the peak again.

She may be insecure about the way she looks here; color, thickness, and size; but this is just one more reflection of the fact that most genital images we see have been doctored. New or growing lumps or bumps, however, like rashes or pain, need attention. The

current fashion for “tidying” labia surgically is a mutilation; in cultures less primitive than ours, women do the opposite, actively stretching their labia, then proudly folding them into origami shapes.

Vagina.

As magic as the penis, and to some males slightly scary: luckily, few anxieties survive closer acquaintance, but they are involved in certain male hang-ups. Prudes treat it as if it was radioactive; “All magic,” said a Papuan wizard, “radiates from it as fingers do from a hand”; and a lot of put-downs of women throughout history grew from this kind of Freudian undergrowth.

This is sad, for the vagina to her is as powerful yet vulnerable as the penis is to him, the source of reassuring menstrual blood, thudding orgasms, longed-for birth. Theoretically, only the first third of the vagina is truly sensitive; as a symbol of her openness and femininity, however, the whole of it is at the heart of her sexuality.

Normally slightly moist, or women would squeak when they walk, the vagina wets more or less copiously with sexual excitement; some women also ejaculate at orgasm, though that’s certainly not universal (see trigger points.) Apart from this, any staining, discharge, rash, bleeding, or pain indicates infection and needs checking out; have regular Pap smears and a vaccination too, please, to protect against cervical cancer. The normal vaginal odor varies greatly between women and between times, but should always be pleasant and sexually exciting. For care and maintenance, don’t douche; it destroys not only healthy secretions but also the pheromones that attract him. A healthy vagina self-cleans.

Whether or not he has ever explored a woman’s pussy in detail, with fingers, eyes, and tongue, he should make sure he explores hers. She should learn to kiss with it; she has two mouths to his one.

Clitoris.

The first edition of this book commented that “the phallic-minded male is inclined to make a reassuring rush for the clitoris.” We now know that such a male would be absolutely correct; the clitoris and the phallus are in fact gender-adapted equals. Australian urologist Helen O’Connell’s research shows that the average clitoris; both what’s above the surface and the much bigger section buried in the pelvis; is quite as big as a flaccid penis, is made of exactly the same erectile tissue, has a penis-like shaft, and displays a tiny glans with its own foreskin. Smugly, it also has twice the number of nerve endings as its male counterpart.

Whether because of too little knowledge or too much distrust, society has never given the clitoris the same weight of symbolism as the penis. Those more aware, however, know that its role is to set light to the vagina as “pine shavings can be kindled to set a log of; wood on fire” (Freud.) Comedienne Carol Leifer put it more succinctly: “Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location” (see clitoral pleasure.) It is regrettable that some cultures feel the need to excise it; though Western cultures too, until very recently, used circumcision as a cure for “female problems.”

As to its role in climax, there is surely no point in joining the “pro” or “con” debate; everyone has the right to experience an orgasm in as many ways as they want to and are able to. But it should be added that while many women don’t ever orgasm easily through intercourse, few fail to orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris. It is, of course, the only human organ designed purely for pleasure.

Mons pubis.

The decorative fat pad situated over the female pubic bone that acts as a buffer in face-to-face intercourse, and which, more importantly, incorporates a layer of nerve endings that serve to transmit sensation to the rest of the area when it moves or is moved.

Many men are not aware, if they are oversold on direct clitoris stimulation, that most women can be brought to orgasm simply by holding this gently in the cupped hand and kneading or shaking it, before, without, or as well as putting a finger in the vagina (see pubic hair.)

He can either grasp it (it exactly fits the palm) or rest the heel of his hand on it while using the fingers on the labia, or he can cup the whole area, mons and closed labia, in palm and fingers; he can then practice seeing how much sensation he can produce with her lying completely closed. In return, she can grasp his mons, circling his penis with her fingers, her other hand on his scrotum; though typically the effect is not the same; some men find that it simply tickles.

To be continued. based on the works of Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam, for The New Joy of Sex.

The New Joy of Sex: Part 2

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Wed, 7 Jan 2026 18:49:00 -0800

The New Joy of Sex: Part 2.

A private performance of fine arts.

2008, based on the works of Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex.

The antique idea of the woman as passive and the man as performer used to ensure that he would show off playing solos on her, and early marriage manuals perpetuated this idea. Today, she is herself the soloist par excellence, whether in getting him excited to start with, or in controlling him and showing off all her skills. Solo recitals are not, of course, necessarily separate from intercourse. Apart from leading into it, there are many coital solos; for the woman astride, for example; while mutual masturbation or genital kisses can be fully fledged duets. Solo response can be electrifyingly extreme in the quietest people. Skillfully handled by someone who doesn’t stop for yells of murder but does know when to stop, a woman can get orgasm after orgasm, and a man can be kept hanging just short of climax to the limit of human endurance. The solo-given orgasm, whether from her or from him, is unique; neither bigger nor smaller in either sex than a full duet but different; sharper but not so round. And most people who have experienced both like to alternate them. Trying to say how they differ is a little like describing wine. Differ they do, however, and much depends on cultivating and alternating them.

Top-level enjoyment doesn’t have to be varied, it just often is. In fact, being stuck rigidly with one sex technique usually means anxiety. In this book we have not, for example, focused on coital postures to the exclusion of all else.

The common positions are now familiar to most people from writing and pictures if not from trial; the more extreme ones, as a rule, should be spontaneous, but few of them have marked advantages. This explains the apparent emphasis in this book on extras; the “sauces and pickles.” That said, individuals who, through a knot in their psyche, are obliged to live on sauce and pickle only are unfortunate in missing the most sustaining part of the meal; exclusive obsessions in sex are very like living exclusively on horseradish sauce through allergy to beef; fear of horseradish sauce, however, as indigestible, unnecessary, and immature is another hang-up, namely puritanism.

One of the things still missing from the essence of sexual freedom is the unashamed ability to use sex as play. In the past, ideas of maturity were nearly as much to blame as old-style moralisms about what is normal or perverse. We are all immature, and have anxieties and aggressions. Coital play, like dreaming, may be a programmed way of dealing acceptably with these, just as children express their fears and aggressions in games. Adults are unfortunately afraid of playing games, dressing up, and acting scenes. It makes them self-conscious: something horrid might get out. In this regard, bed is the place to play all the games you have ever wanted to play; if adults could become less self-conscious about such “immature” needs, we should have fewer deeply anxious people. If we were able to transmit the sense of play that is essential to a full, enterprising, and healthily immature view of sex between committed people, we would be performing a mitzvah: playfulness is a part of love that could be a major contribution to human happiness.

But still the main dish is loving, un-self-conscious sexual pleasure of all kinds; long, frequent, varied, ending with both parties satisfied, but not so full they can’t face another light course, and another meal in a few hours. The piece de resistance is good old face-to-face matrimonial, the finishing-off position, with mutual orgasm, and starting with a full day or night of ordinary tenderness. Other ways of making love are special in various ways, and the changes of timbre are infinitely varied; complicated ones are for special occasions, or special uses like holding off an over-quick male orgasm, or are things that, like pepper steak, are stunning once a year, but not dietary staples.

There are, after all, only two “rules” in good sex, apart from the obvious one of not doing things that are silly, antisocial, or dangerous. One is: “Don’t do anything you don’t really enjoy,” and the other is: “Find out your partner’s needs and don’t balk at them if you can help it.” In other words, a good giving and taking relationship depends on a compromise (so does going to a show; if you both want the same thing, fine; if not, take turns and don’t let one partner always dictate.) This can be easier than it sounds, because unless their partner wants something they find actively off-putting, real lovers get a reward not only from their own satisfaction but also from seeing the other respond and become satisfied. Most wives who don’t like Chinese food, will eat it occasionally for the pleasure of seeing an Asian food loving husband enjoy it, and vice versa.

Partners who won’t do this over specific sex needs are usually balking not because they have tried it and it’s a turnoff (many experimental dishes are nicer than you expected), but through ignorance of the range of human needs, plus being scared if these include things like forcefulness, cultivating extragenital sensation, o r role-playing, which previous social mythology pretended weren’t there. Reading a full list of the unscheduled accessory sex behaviors that some normal people find helpful might be thought a necessary preliminary to any extended sexual relationship.

Repolishing.

Couples should match up their needs and preferences (though people don’t find these out at once); you won’t get to some of our suggestions or understand them until you have learned to respond. It’s a mistake to run so long as walking is such an enchanting and new experience, and you may be happy pedestrians who match automatically. Where a rethink really helps is at the point where you have gotten used to each other socially (sex needs aren’t the only ones that need matching up between people who live together), and feel that the surface needs repolishing. If you think that sexual relations are overrated, the surface does need repolishing, and you haven’t paid enough attention to the wider use of your sexual equipment as a way of communicating totally. The traditional expedient at the point where the surface gets dull is to trade in the relationship and start all over in an equally uninstructed attempt with someone else, on the off chance of getting a better match-up by random choice. This is emotionally wasteful, and you usually repeat the same mistakes; better by far to repolish.

As to practicalities, we suggest couples either read the book together or (perhaps even better) read it separately, marking passages for the other partner’s attention. This works wonders if; as is often the case; you don’t really talk easily about sexual needs, or are afraid of sounding tactless.

Finally, if you don’t like the repertoire or if it doesn’t square with yours, never mind; the aim of The Joy of Sex is to stimulate your creative imagination. Sex books can only suggest techniques in order to encourage you to experiment. You can preface your own ideas with “this is how we play it,” and play it your own way. But by that time, when you will have tried all your own creative sexual fantasies, you won’t need books.

Ingredients.

Tenderness.

a constant awareness of what your partner is feeling, plus the knowledge ol how to heighten that feeling, gently, toughly, slowly, or last.

This, in fact, is what the whole book is about. It doesn’t exclude extremely forceful games (though many people neither need nor want these), but it does exclude clumsiness, heavy-handedness, lack of feedback, spitefulness, and non rapport generally. Tenderness is shown fully in the way you touch each other. What it implies at root is a constant awareness of what your partner is feeling, plus the knowledge of how to heighten that feeling, gently, toughly, slowly, or fast, and this can only come from an inner state of mind between the two of you. No really tender person can simply turn over and go to sleep afterwards.

Many if not most inexperienced men, and some women, are just naturally clumsy; either through haste, anxiety, or lack of sensing how the other sex feels; so don’t grab breasts, stick fingers into the vagina, bend the penis, or (and this goes for both sexes) misplace bony parts of your anatomy. More women respond to very light than to very heavy stimulation; just brushing pubic or skin hairs will usually do far more than a whole-hand grab. At the same time, don’t be frightened; neither of you is made of glass. Women, by contrast, often fail to use enough pressure, especially in hand work, though the light, light variety is a sensation on its own.

Start very gently, making full use of the skin surface, and work up. Stimulus toleration in any case increases with sexual excitement and even hard blows can become excitants (though not for everyone.) This loss of pain sense disappears almost instantly with orgasm, so don’t go on too long, and be extra gentle as soon as he or she has come.

If we could teach tenderness, most of this book would be superseded. If you are really heavy-handed, a little practice with inanimate surfaces, dress fastenings, and so on will help. Strength is a turn-on in sex, but it isn’t expressed in clumsy hand work, bear hugs, and brute force; at least not as starters. If there is a problem here, remember you both can talk.

Few people want to be in bed on any terms with a person who isn’t basically tender, and most people are delighted to be in bed with the right person who is. The ultimate test is whether you can bear to find the person there when you wake up. If you are actually pleased, then you can be sure that you are onto the right thing.

Nakedness.

The normal state for lovers who take their work at all seriously, at least as a basic requisite. They don’t so much start clothed, and shed what they must, as start naked, and add any extras they need.

Nakedness doesn’t mean lack of ornament. A woman may take off all her clothes, but put on all her jewels; the only practical need, as with wristwatches, is to see they don’t catch or scratch. This is for daylight; it is difficult to sleep in them. For night, an increase in the value put on lovemaking is probably the main reason that many people now sleep naked. The only exception may be after; warm bodies tend to stick, and a blotter worn by one or other can add to comfort.

Nudists used to be associated with health fanatics enjoying a strict regime of cold showers and vigorous sports. Now, thank goodness, a more relaxed attitude prevails. Today, nudity is natural, not a ritual.

Organized “nudism” in most countries is a family affair. This is probably a good idea; the nudity of one’s own parents can be worrying to some children, and shouldn’t be overdone. There is, however, a lot to be said for the opportunity to look at men and women in general under unforced conditions; it is the discharge of residual anxiety of this sort about our body acceptability that probably makes group nudity so relaxing, rather than the opportunity to get an all-over tan. There is also evidence that children brought up in a naturist environment may be more responsible when faced with sexual opportunities and asked to make sexual choices. You should be able to pick a naturist club to taste; they offer facilities for open-air nakedness, which are hard to organize at home, and are universally tough on sexual advances, which makes for an almost uniquely relaxed atmosphere.

Women (by her for him.)

Women, like men, have direct physical responses, sure; science proves that we get turned on just as much as you and as quickly; it’s simply that traditionally we have been discouraged. But our triggers are different (breasts and skin first, please, not a direct grab at the clitoris), and can’t be short-circuited. It matters to us who is doing what, far more than it does to most men. The fact that, unlike you, we can’t be visibly turned off and lose erection often confuses men into hurrying things or missing major resources. It isn’t true that nudity, erotica, and so on; don’t excite us. Probably the difference is that they aren’t overriding things and that we don’t separate them from emotions as easily as you do. Is it fair, I wonder, to give a simple instance? You, sir, can make orgiastically satisfactory love with a near stranger in half an hour flat. But please don’t think for that reason that you can do the same for a woman who loves you personally if, at the end of the half-hour, you turn over and go straight to sleep. Granted this however, there are common reactions. Granted this difference, however, there are common reactions.

We seem to be less heavily programmed than you for specific turn-ons, but once we see one of these working on a man we care about, we soon program it into our own response, and can be less rigid and more experimental because of this ability.

Often, if women seem under-active, it’s because we are wary of doing the wrong thing with that particular man, like touching up his penis when, in fact, he is trying not to ejaculate; tell us if you see us at a loss. The penis isn’t a “weapon” for us so much as a shared possession; it’s less the size than its personality, unpredictable movements, and moods that make up the turn-on. We like penetration because it makes us feel close to you; but don’t feel put down if we don’t then necessarily climax through it alone (see her orgasm); work with that rather than being discouraged by it.

Another important thing is the tough-tender mixture: obviously strength is a turn-on, but clumsiness (elbows in eyes, twisted fingers, for instance) is the dead opposite. You never get anywhere by clumsy brutality; however brutal good lovemaking sometimes looks, the turn-on is strength-skill-control, not large bruises, and the ability to be tender with it. Some people ask “tough or tender?” but the mood shifts so fast that you have got to be able to sense it. Surely it’s possible; because some lovers do it; to read this balance from the feel of the woman. No obsessive views about reciprocity; who comes on top and so on evens out during the passing of time: there can be long spells when we are happy to let you do the work, and others when we need to control everything ourselves and get an extra kick from seeing how we make you respond.

Women aren’t “submissive” any more than men; if we have knuckled under in the past, it’s only through social pressures. If we are dominant, we don’t always act it out in bed by wearing spurs and cracking a whip. Men have a real advantage here in the constructive use of play (and can help women to act it out too.) Since we all have some aggressions, good sex can be wildly forceful, but still never cruel.

As for sexual equality, nobody can possibly be a good lover without regarding their partner as a person and an equal. That is really all there is to be said on the matter.

Our sense of smell is the keener. Don’t over-saturate early on with masculine odors; just before orgasm is probably the time for full odor contact. Our own smell excites us as well as yours.

We learn, over a period of time, that the sort of hand and mouth work that men like varies enormously. Some like it very rough, some hate it anything but extremely gentle, others in between. There is no way for us to tell except by asking and being told; therefore it’s up to you to say what you like or you may get the opposite; remember that we love to know how to be good for you.

Some men are extraordinarily passive, or unimaginative, or inhibited, and; oddly; when they are any of these things, we don’t become correspondingly forceful. We may long to do things and feel thoroughly frustrated, but we won’t show it in most cases. So a woman’s lovemaking will only be as good as her partner’s and, more important, she will resent any man who is unexciting, not only because he is unexciting, but also because she will know she has been unexciting too.

Finally, you should never presume that what excites one woman sexually will work just as well on another woman. Women probably do differ sexually rather more than men, because of the greater complexity of our sexual apparatus (breasts, skin, and so on as well as pussy.) Never assume that you don’t need to relearn for each person. This is also true for a woman with a new man, but perhaps a little less so.

Men (by him for her.)

The most valued thing in lovemaking is "the divine gift of lechery.”

We often wish that women’s sexuality was like ours, even though we know it isn’t. Our sexual response is far brisker and more automatic: it’s triggered easily by things, like putting a coin in a vending machine. Consequently, women and parts of women provide automatic sexual stimulus for us; your clothes, breasts, odor, and so on aren’t what we love instead of you; simply the things we need in order to set sex in motion and express love. You seem to find this hard to understand.

Secondly, most though not all male feeling is ultimately centered in the last inch of the penis (though you can, if you start intelligently, teach us female-type sensitivity all over the surface of our skin.) And unlike yours, our sexuality depends on a positive performance; we have to be turned on to achieve an erection, and not turned off, in order to function; we can’t be passively “taken.” This matters intensely to men at both a biological and a personal level; sexual success is what makes us feel worthwhile. It explains why we are emphatically penis-centered and tend to open the proceedings with genital play, probably before you are ready and when you would much rather wait to get in the mood. Genital approach is how we get into the mood.

You need to understand these reactions, as we need to understand yours. A woman’s concern about being a sex object misses the point; sure, the woman and the various parts of her are sex objects, but most men ideally would wish to be treated piecemeal in the same way. Thus, the most valued thing, from you, in actual lovemaking, is intuition of these object reactions, and direct initiative; starting the play, taking hold of the penis, giving genital kisses ahead of being asked; being an initiator, a user of your stimulatory equipment. This is hard to put in simple terms; it is what is meant by “the divine gift of lechery”; the art of sensing turn ons and going along with them for the partner’s response. It isn’t the same for the two sexes because male turn-ons are concrete, while many female turn-ons are situational and atmospheric. Remember too that we may simply be tired of having to deliver, in life as well as in bed, and your taking over doesn’t just offer us the ultimate compliment, it also gives us the opportunity to relax and enjoy. Sex may be about the only place in our lives where we get to be held and nurtured.

Personal folklore apart, what the male turn-on equipment requires is the exact reverse of a virgin or a passively recipient instrument; not a demand situation, because that in itself can threaten a turnoff due to feelings of inadequacy, but a skill situation; I can turn you on, and turn myself on in doing so, and from that point we play it both ways and together. You can’t, of course, control your turn-ons any more than we can, but it helps if you have some male-type object reactions, like being excited by the sight of a penis, or hairy skin, or by the man stripping, or by physical kinds of play (just as it helps if we have some sense of atmosphere.) It’s the active woman who understands our reactions, plays on them, and leads them out while keeping her own who is the ideal lover.

To be continued. based on the works of Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam, for The New Joy of Sex.

The New Joy of Sex: Part 1

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Fri, 2 Jan 2026 18:49:00 -0800

The New Joy of Sex: Part 1.

The art of gourmet lovemaking.

2008, based on the works of Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex.

Preface 1.

I first wrote this book nearly 20 years and over 8 million copies ago. I am a physician and human biologist for whom the natural history of human sexuality is of as much interest as the rest of human natural history. I had notes on it. My wife encouraged me to bring biology into medicine, and my old medical school had no decent textbook to teach a human sexuality course.

Joy was compiled and very importantly, illustrated, just after the end of that daft and extraordinary non-statute in Western society, the Sexual Official Secrets Act. For at least two hundred years, the description, and above all the depiction, of this most familiar and domestic group of activities, and of almost everything associated with them, had been classified. When, in the sixteenth century, Giulio Romano engraved his weightily classical pictures showing sixteen ways of making love, and Aretino wrote poems to go with them, a leading ecclesiastic opined that the artist deserved to be crucified. The public, apparently, thought otherwise (“Why”, said Aretino, “should we not look upon that which pleases us most?”) and Are tin’s Postures have circulated surreptitiously ever since, but even in 1950s Britain pubic hair had to be airbrushed out to provide a smooth and featureless surface.

People today, who never experienced the freeze on sexual information, won’t appreciate the propositions of the transformation when it ended; it was like ripping down the Iron Curtain. My immediate predecessor in writing about domestic sex, Dr. Eustace Chesser, was (unsuccessfully) prosecuted for his low-key, unillustrated book Love Without Fear, and even in 1972 there was still some remaining doubt about whether Joy would be banned by the Thought Police.

The main aim of “sexual bibliotherapy” (writing books like this one) was to undo some of the mischief caused by the guilt, misinformation, and lack of information.

That kind of reassurance is still needed. I have asked various people; chiefly older couples; whether The Joy of Sex told them things they didn’t know, or reassured them about things they knew and already did or would like to do. I have had both answers. One can now read books and see pictures devoted to sexual behavior almost without limitation in democratic countries, but it takes more than a few decades and a turnover of generations to undo centuries of misinformation; and of this material, much is anxious or hostile or over the top. People who worried, when the book first came out, if they did some of the things described in it may now worry if they don’t do all of them. That we can’t help, nor the fact that the same people who went to doctors because of sexual fear and inhibition under the old dispensation now go complaining of sexual indigestion under the new.

Sexual behavior probably changes remarkably little over the years; sexual revolutions and moral backlashes chiefly affect the degree of frankness or reticence about what people do in private; the main contributor to any sexual revolution in our own time, insofar as it affects behavior, has not been frankness but the advent of reliable contraception, which makes it possible to separate the reproductive and recreational uses of sexuality. Where un-anxious books dealing as accurately as possible with the range of sexual behaviors are most valuable is in encouraging the sexually active reader; who both wants to enjoy sex and to be responsible about it; and in aiding the helping professions to avoid causing problems to their clients. It is only recently, as ethology has replaced psychoanalytic theory, that counselors have come to realize that sex, besides being a serious interpersonal matter, is a deeply rewarding form of play. Children are not encouraged to be embarrassed about their play; adults often have been and are still. So long as play is not hostile, cruel, unhappy, or limiting, they need not be.

One of the most important uses of play is in expressing a healthy awareness of sexual equality. This involves letting both sexes take turns in controlling the game; sex is no longer what men do to women and women are supposed to enjoy. Sexual interaction is sometimes a loving fusion, sometimes a situation where each is a “sex object”; maturity in sexual relationships involves balancing, rather than denying, the personal and impersonal aspects of arousal. Both are essential and built-in to humans. For anyone who is short on either of these elements, play is the way to learn: men learn to stop domineering and trying to perform; women discover that they can take control in the give-and-take of the game rather than by nay-saying. If they achieve this, Man and Woman are one another’s best friends in the very sparks they strike from one another.

This book has changed considerably since its first edition and it will be revised again in the future as knowledge increases. What will not change is the central importance of un-anxious, responsible, and happy sexuality in the lives of normal people. For what they need; in a culture that does not learn skills and comparisons in this area of living by watching; is accurate and unbothered information. The availability of this, and public resistance to the minority of disturbed people who for so long limited it, is an excellent test of the degree of liberty and concern in a society, reflected in the now-old injunction to make love, not war. It is a socially relevant test today.

Alex Comfort, MB, D Sc, 1991

Preface 2.

I am a relationships psychologist and sexologist whose lifetime aim, through a variety of expert roles, has been to help people enhance their emotional and sexual partnerships. So when the publishers of The Joy of Sex approached me to “reinvent” the book for the twenty-first century, it seemed to me the fulfillment of everything I have been working for.

I well remember the original publication of Joy, and the awed giggles with which I and my friends read, discussed, and then put into practice its suggestions. So I know firsthand what over the decades proved to be true: Joy is an astonishing and inspirational child of its age, born not only out of social but also political changes that irreversibly altered the sexual landscape for individuals, couples, and society. Barely a decade before the book’s 1972 publication, the contraceptive pill had, for the first time in history, enabled women to have control over their own fertility. In its wake came increased female education, emancipation, and self-belief, as well as a whole host of liberalizations, sexual and social; increasing permissiveness, more frequent cohabitation, easier divorce, more available erotica, and gay rights.

Joy was not only a product of this revolution, it also helped create it. Dr. Alex Comfort’s aim was to write the first book that gave readers accurate knowledge about sexuality, and permission to use that knowledge. The text and illustrations were designed to both reassure the reader that their sexuality was normal and to offer further possibilities with which to expand their sexual menu. He was hugely effective in his intention; 8.5 million copies of The Joy of Sex have been sold to date and it has been translated into fourteen languages. More than that, it was a key influence on the social changes of the late twentieth century and has been a byword for sexual vision ever since.

Why, then, reinvent? There have already been content revisions, in the author’s lifetime and after his death in 2000, the most recent being the highly successful thirtieth-anniversary edition by Alex’s son Nicholas Comfort. But the very changes that Joy itself wrought in society have meant that the book has come to need updating in a more fundamental way. This was my task; to re create The Joy of Sex for the contemporary world; to do what Alex Comfort would have done had he been writing today.

The majority of the text remains the same, but substantial additions have been made. Many of these are informational; there have been countless key scientific discoveries in recent years in the fields of physiology, psychology, psychotherapy, and medicine, while the advent of sexology; the specialist study of sexual matters; has resulted in both rigorous academic research and a more widespread public awareness of, and skill in, sex.

Alongside these informational updates, a great deal of refocusing has been necessary to reflect social shifts. An intimate relationship is a very different animal from what it was in 1972. It’s now largely expected that sex will be part of every love partnership, that bedroom activity will include practices previously considered outrageous, and that these practices will be informed and often suggested via a new raft of technological advances. It’s acknowledged that a woman can lead just as much as a man, both in bed and out of it; one reason why the publisher chose a woman to reinvent the book. And it is, albeit slowly, now acknowledged that a couple’s sex life lasts well into their later years and increases, rather than decreases, in quality.

Yet along with all these positive developments has come a flurry of problems that weren’t predicted in the heady days of 1972. Pressure to have sex; regret that one has had sex; worry that one isn’t sufficiently beautiful to deserve sex; worry that one isn’t having enough sex or enough good sex. And all that is set beside high rates of pregnancy, abortion, and sexually transmitted infections. In the twenty-first century, as we hastily adapt to a society arguably more sexualized than any previous one, it’s a wild world out there.

All of which is why the many changes made to Joy have been underpinned by what remains the same; an absolute yet pragmatic optimism around sexuality and its place in our lives. Running throughout the original book was a rock-solid seam of positivity that sex is a good thing and that mature adults, given the right information and inspiration, can be trusted to treat it as such. Despite the headlines and scare stories, I still deeply believe in what Alex Comfort proposed; that sex should be and can be a total joy.

I have loved reinventing the book because Alex Comfort’s values and aims are also mine. I too want to present knowledge in an accessible form. To encourage mature decision-making and offer the skills and strategies to do it. To protest attempts to enforce inhibitions on human sexuality. To see sex as the ultimate in human play, but at the same time a developmental essential that helps us grow as people and partners. Above all, to give people not just the technicalities, the fripperies, or the “junk food” of sexual literature, but an intelligent, thoughtful, and “gourmet” treatment of the topic.

In the end I return to, and repeat in my own voice, Alex Comfort’s words from his first preface. My intention and my hope is that this book will “benefit the ordinary, sexually active reader; eager to both enjoy sexuality and to be tender and responsible with it.” True in 1972. Just as true today.

Susan Quilliam, 2008

With Your Body.

i like my body when it is with your

body. It is so quite new a thing.

Muscles better and nerves more.

i like your body, i like what it does,

i like its hows, i like to feel the spine

of your body and its bones, and the trembling

firm smoothness and which i will

again and again and again

kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,

i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz

of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes

over parting flesh.; And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

e. e. cummings

On gourmet lovemaking.

All of us, barring any physical limitations, are able to dance and sing; after a fashion. This, if you think about it, summarizes the justification for learning to make love. Love, in the same way as singing, is something to be taken spontaneously. On the other hand, the difference between Pavlova and the Palais de Danse, or opera and barbershop singing, is much less than the difference between sex as our recent ancestors came to accept it and sex as it can be.

At least we recognize this now (so that instead of worrying if sex is sinful, most people now worry whether they are “getting satisfaction”; one can worry about anything, given the determination.) And there are now enough books about the basics; we are largely past the point of people worrying about the normality, possibility, and variety of sexual experience. This book is slightly different, in that there are now enough people who have those basics and want more depth of understanding, solid ideas, and inspiration.

To draw a parallel, chef-grade cooking doesn’t happen naturally: it starts at the point where people know how to prepare and enjoy food, are curious about it and willing to take trouble preparing it, read recipe hints, and find they are helped by one or two techniques. It’s hard to make mayonnaise by trial and error, for instance.

Gourmet sex, as we define it, is the same; the extra one can get from comparing notes, using some imagination, trying way-out or new experiences, when one already is making satisfying love and wants to go on from there.

This book will likely attract four sorts of readers. First, there are those who don’t fancy it, find it disturbing, and would rather stay the way they are; these should put it down, accept our apologies, and stay the way they are. Second, there are those who are with the idea, but don’t like our choice of techniques; remember, it’s a menu, not a rule book.

Third, most people will use our notes as a personal one-couple notebook from which they might get ideas. In this respect we have tried to stay wide open. One of the original aims of this book was to cure the notion, born of non discussion, that common sex needs are odd or weird; the whole joy of sex-with-love is that there are no rules, so long as you enjoy, and the choice is practically unlimited. We have, however, left out long discussion of very specialized sexual preferences; people who like these know already what they want to try.

The final group of readers are the hardy experimentalists, bent on trying absolutely everything. They too will do best to read this exactly like a cookbook; except that sex is safer in this respect, between lovers, in that you can’t get obese or atherosclerotic on it, or give yourself ulcers. The worst you can get, given sensible safety precautions, is sore, anxious, or disappointed. However, one needs a steady basic diet of quiet, loving, night-and-morning intercourse to stand this experimentation on, simply because, contrary to popular ideas, the more regular sex a couple has, the higher the deliberately contrived peaks; just as the more you cook routinely, the better and the more reliable banquets you can stage.

One specific group of readers deserves special note. If you are disabled in any way, don’t stop reading. A physical disability is not an obstacle to fulfilling sex. In counseling disabled people, one repeatedly finds that the real disability isn’t a mechanical problem but a mistaken idea that there is only one “right”; or enjoyable; way to have sex. The best approach is probably to go through the book with your partner, marking off the things you can do. Then pick something appealing that you think you can’t quite do, and see if there is a strategy you can develop together. Talking to other couples where one partner has a problem similar to yours is another resource.

In sum, the people we are addressing are the adventurous and uninhibited lovers who want to find the limits of their ability to enjoy sex. That means we take some things for granted; having intercourse naked and spending time over it; being able and willing to make it last, up to a whole afternoon on occasion; having privacy; not being scared of things like genital kisses; not being obsessed with one sexual trick to the exclusion of all others; and, of course, loving each other.

As the title implies, this book is about love as well as sex: you don’t get high-quality sex on any other basis; either you love each other before you come to want it, or, if you happen to get it, you love each other because of it, or both. Just as you can’t cook without heat, you can’t make love without feedback. By feedback, we mean the right mixture of stop and go, tough and tender, exertion and affection. This comes by empathy and long mutual knowledge. Anyone who expects to get this in a first attempt with a stranger is an optimist, or a neurotic; if they do, it’s what used to be called love at first sight, and isn’t expendable: “skill,” or variety, is no substitute. Also, one can’t teach tenderness.

The starting point of all lovemaking is close bodily contact; love has been defined as the harmony of two souls, and the contact of two epidermis. At the same time, we might as well plan our menu so that we learn to use the rest of our equipment. That includes our feelings of identity, forcefulness, and so on, and all of our fantasy needs. Luckily, sex behavior in humans is enormously elastic (it has had to be, or we wouldn’t be here), and also nicely geared to help us express most of the needs that society or our upbringing have corked up.

Elaboration in sex is something we need rather specially and it has the advantage that if we really make it work, it makes us more, not less, receptive to each other as people. This is the answer to anyone who thinks that conscious effort to increase our sex range is “mechanical” or a substitute for real human relationship; we may start that way, but it’s an excellent entry to learning that we are people and relating to each other as such. There may be other places we can learn to express all of ourselves, and do it mutually, but there aren’t many.

Those are the assumptions on which this book is based. Granted this, there are two modes of sex; the duet and the solo; and a good concert alternates between the two. The duet is a cooperative effort aiming at simultaneous orgasm, or at least one orgasm each, and complete, untechnically planned release. This, in fact, needs skill, and can be built up from more calculated “love-play” until doing the right thing for both of you becomes fully automatic. This is the basic sexual meal.

The solo, by contrast, is when one partner is the player and the other the instrument. The aim of the player is to produce results on the other’s pleasure experience as extensive, unexpected, and generally wild as his or her skill allows; to blow them out of themselves. The player doesn’t lose control, though he or she can get wildly excited by what is happening to the other. The instrument does lose control – in fact, with a responsive instrument and a skillful performer, this is the concerto situation; and if it ends in an uncontrollable ensemble, so much the better. All the elements of music and dance are involved; rhythm, mounting tension, tantalization, even forcefulness: “I’m like the executioner,” said the lady in the Persian poem, “but where he inflicts intolerable pain I will only make you die of pleasure.” There is indeed an element of infliction in the solo mode, which is why some lovers dislike it and others overdo it, but no major lovemaking is complete without some solo passages.

To be continued. based on the works of Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam, for The New Joy of Sex.

Preventions: Part 2

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Wed, 1 Oct 2025 09:10:00 -0700

STDs: What Are They and How Do You [not] Get Them?

By Everyday Health. Listen to the ► Podcast at How To Sex.

This episode deals with the following STD concerns:

Chlamydia, Genital Herpes, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis B, HIV, HPV, Molluscum Contagiosum, Syphilis, Trichomoniasis, Chlamydia, Genital Herpes, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis B, HIV, HPV, Molluscum Contagiosum, Syphilis, Trichomoniasis.

The number of cases of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), now more commonly referred to as sexually transmitted infections (STI), in the United States hit an all-time high in 2019, according to data released on April 13, 2021, by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The CDC’s surveillance report shows that nearly 2.5 million new cases of gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia were reported that year.

Chlamydia remained the most common condition reported to the CDC, with close to 1.8 million cases, up 19 percent since 2015. Gonorrhea diagnoses reached 616,392, up 56 percent since 2015. And primary and secondary syphilis diagnoses reached 129,813, up 74 percent since 2015.

Of high concern is that congenital syphilis cases, that is, syphilis in newborns, nearly quadrupled between 2015 and 2019, reaching 1,870 cases. From 2018 to 2019 the number of stillbirths caused by syphilis increased from 79 to 94, and the number of congenital syphilis-related infant deaths rose from 15 to 34 deaths.

While the 2019 STD statistics reflect pre-COVID-19 pandemic numbers, preliminary data from 2020 suggests many of the same trends continued during the pandemic. Experts attribute some of the growth in STDs in 2020 to disruptions in STD testing and treatment programs caused by the pandemic.

While 2.5 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis may sound like a lot, it’s likely an undercount: Many people with these and other STDs, formerly known as venereal diseases, go undiagnosed and untreated. The CDC estimates that nearly 20 million new sexually transmitted infections occur every year, accounting for almost $16 billion in healthcare costs annually.

Inequities in STD Burdens

The numbers of STDs increased in all age groups and among all racial and ethnic groups in 2019, according to CDC statistics. However, some groups saw higher rates of STDs than others:People ages 15 to 24 accounted for 61 percent of chlamydia cases and 42 percent of gonorrhea cases.
Gay and bisexual men accounted for nearly half of all primary and secondary syphilis cases.

Here’s what you need to know about how to spot, treat, and prevent STDs.

What Is the Definition of an STD?

“STDs are diseases that are passed from one person to another through sexual contact,” a representative of the CDC says.

According to the CDC, some of the common STDs are chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2), human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), human papillomavirus (HPV), and syphilis. "Many of these STDs do not show symptoms for a long time," per the CDC, "but they can still be harmful and passed on during sex.”

Virtually all STDs can be transmitted through anal, vaginal, or oral sex. In addition, some STDs can also be transmitted through close skin-to-skin contact, even if no intercourse occurs.

HPV, for example, can be spread through skin-to-skin touching. In addition, “Molluscum contagiosum, a viral skin disease, can be spread through sexual or casual contact, as can scabies, an itchy skin condition caused by a mite infestation. It is also possible to get scabies from an infected sleeping bag or bed,” says Edward W. Hook III, MD, an endowed professor of infectious disease translational research in the departments of medicine, epidemiology, and microbiology at the University of Alabama in Birmingham, who works with the CDC.

STDs don’t just affect the genital regions: “Oral herpes can be transmitted through oral and genital sex,” says Dr. Hook.

It is important to remember that STDs may have no symptoms. However, new vaginal or urethral discharge or a new rash after sexual contact should be evaluated by a medical professional.

When symptoms do occur, they can include the following:

Chlamydia Symptoms of chlamydia can include vaginal discharge in women, penile discharge in men, and burning during urination in men and women.

Gonorrhea Gonorrhea can cause thick, cloudy, or bloody discharge from the vagina or urethra, and pain or burning when peeing. If you have gonorrhea in your anus, it may cause itching in and around the anus, discharge from the anus, and pain when defecating. Gonorrhea in the throat may cause a sore throat.

Hepatitis B Acute hepatitis B can cause fever, fatigue, loss of appetite, nausea or vomiting, abdominal pain, dark urine, clay-colored bowel movements, joint pain, and jaundice (yellowing of the skin and whites of the eyes). Symptoms can appear anywhere from six weeks to six months following exposure to the hepatitis B virus. Chronic hepatitis B sometimes causes symptoms similar to acute disease.

Genital Herpes Signs of genital herpes typically include red bumps that develop into blisterlike sores in the genital area and sometimes on the buttocks or thighs. A new infection with HSV-2, the virus that causes most cases of genital herpes, may also cause flulike symptoms, including fever, headache, feeling tired and achy, and swollen glands.

Oral Herpes Symptoms of oral herpes can include itching of the mouth or lips, sores or blisters on the lips or inside the mouth, and flulike symptoms such as fever, headache, body aches, and swollen glands.

HIV Early symptoms of HIV infection can resemble those of the flu: fever, headache, muscle aches, and sore throat. They may also include swollen lymph nodes, diarrhea, nausea and vomiting, a fungal infection of the mouth, and a rash on the abdomen, arms, legs, or face. If HIV goes untreated, later symptoms can include fatigue, weight loss, night sweats, joint pain, short-term memory loss, and recurrent infections.

HPV Most strains of HPV cause no symptoms and are detected only after abnormal cells are discovered during a Pap smear. However, some types of HPV cause genital warts, which appear as skin-colored or whitish growths on the genitals or anus.

Molluscum Contagiosum Often the only sign of this skin disease is pink or flesh-colored bumps with a dimple (indentation) in the center. It is most common in children, who typically get it from skin-to-skin contact or from shared towels or similar items. In adults, it can be sexually transmitted.

Pubic Lice Symptoms of pubic lice include itching in the genital area, tiny bugs in your pubic hair, and visible nits (eggs) on hair shafts. Pubic lice can also infest the hair on legs, armpits, eyebrows, eyelashes, and other facial hair such as mustaches and beards.

More on Scabies and Pubic Lice

How to Know If That Rash Is Scabies

Scabies This skin infestation causes intense itching that is typically worse at night. It can also cause small red bumps or a rash and raised lines on the skin where the mites have burrowed.

Syphilis In the primary stage, syphilis causes a painless sore, or ulcer, at the location the bacteria entered the body, often in the genital area. In the secondary stage of syphilis, a rash may occur on the torso and elsewhere on the body.

Trichomoniasis Another common STD, trichomoniasis is a parasitic infection that can cause burning and itching in the genital area for men and women as well as painful intercourse. Trich can also cause a smelly discharge and painful or frequent peeing.

Can I Have an STD and Not Know It?

Yes. Many STDs don’t cause any symptoms, especially during the early stages, so the only way to know for sure if you have one is to get tested. Keep in mind that you can get an STD from having sex with someone who has no symptoms and may not know they have an STD.

Are Adolescents Disproportionately Affected?

The CDC reports that half of newly reported cases of STDs occur in people between the ages of 15 and 24, noting that young women’s bodies are biologically more susceptible to STDs.

“Chlamydia and HPV are common as soon as you become sexually active,” Hook says. “Gonorrhea and genital herpes peak in the late twenties to thirties.”

All STDs, though, including HIV, can and do occur at any age.

When and How Often Should I Get Tested?

“Women should be tested for chlamydia on a regular basis. Some gynecologists test for it automatically, but not all do,” Hook says.

Chlamydia Treatment and Prevention

Testing for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and trichomoniasis involves collecting either a urine sample or a swab from the vagina or penis.

For other STDs, including HIV, syphilis, and genital herpes, blood testing is most accurate.

To test for HPV, a sample of cervical or anal cells must be collected.

How often an individual needs to be tested for STDs depends on their level of risk for infection.

The CDC recommends the following for testing for chlamydia:Annual screening in sexually active women age 25 and younger and in older women who are at an increased risk for infection because of a new sex partner or multiple sex partners
Annual screening in men who have sex with men, based on exposure history, with more frequent screening in people at the highest risk
Screening in all pregnant women at their first prenatal visit
Annual screening in sexually active people living with HIV

The CDC's recommendations for gonorrhea testing include the following:Annual screening in sexually active women who are at risk for infection, which includes women ages 25 and younger
Annual screening in men who have sex with men, based on exposure history, with more frequent screening in people at the highest risk
Screening in all pregnant women under age 25 and older women who are at an increased risk
Annual screening in sexually active people living with HIV

The CDC's recommendations regarding screening for syphilis include these guidelines:Screening in all pregnant women at their first prenatal visit
Annual screening in men who have sex with men
Annual screening in sexually active people living with HIV

The CDC has additional recommendations for other STDs.

In all cases, more frequent screening or screening for additional STDs may be appropriate for certain individuals, depending on their risk factors, including sexual behavior and how common a particular disease is in their area.

Where Can I Get Tested for STDs?

Your family doctor or ob-gyn should be able to do STD testing. In some areas, other options include specialized STD or sexual health clinics.

You can find locations in your area that offer fast, free, and confidential testing using the CDC’s Get Tested tool.

How Can I Protect Myself From Getting an STD?

Abstaining from all sexual contact is the only way to reduce your risk of STDs to zero. But the following measures can also help:Having only one sexual partner, and ensuring that person is monogamous too, lowers your risk of STDs.
Proper use of a condom every time you have sex greatly reduces the risk of all STDs.
Getting vaccinated against hepatitis B is the best way to avoid this viral infection. The hepatitis B vaccine can be given to people of any age.
Getting the HPV vaccine protects you against strains of the virus that cause genital warts and cervical and other cancers. The HPV vaccine is routinely available to people ages 9 through 26. It is additionally approved for adults ages 27 through 45 but not routinely recommended. Adults age 27 or older who believe they would benefit from HPV vaccination should discuss it with their doctors.

What Are the Treatment Options for Common STDs?

Some STDs are curable with medical treatment, while others can be managed to control symptoms and reduce the risk of transmission.

These STDs can be cured with antibiotics:Chlamydia
Gonorrhea
Syphilis
Trichomoniasis

STDs that can be cured with insecticides include the following:Pubic lice
Scabies

Minor surgical procedures such as cryosurgery (freezing) or laser surgery can treat certain STDs:Genital warts caused by HPV
Molluscum contagiosum

STDs that can be managed with antiviral medication include these infections:Chronic hepatitis B
Genital herpes
HIV

When precancerous cells caused by HPV are found on the cervix, treatment may include watchful waiting or surgery to remove the abnormal tissue.

Does Having One STD Make You More Likely to Get Another?

“Having one STD does not predispose you to others, aside from the behavioral risks shared by all STDs,” says H. Hunter Handsfield, MD, a professor emeritus of medicine at the University of Washington Center for AIDS and STD in Seattle, who also served on the board of the American Sexual Health Association.

“However,” says Dr. Handsfield, “having genital herpes due to HSV-2, but not HSV-1, roughly doubles the risk of HIV if sexually exposed to the virus.”

What Happens If STDs Are Left Untreated?

“The longer something goes untreated, the more likely it is to cause complications,” Hook says. “Left untreated, infections from gonorrhea and chlamydia can travel from a woman’s cervix to her uterus and fallopian tubes, which may cause infertility.”

Untreated syphilis "can become neurosyphilis, causing neurological disease,” says Suzanne Fenske, MD, an assistant professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive science at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City. Late-stage complications of syphilis also include aortic aneurysm and other cardiovascular problems.

Untreated HIV can impair the immune system’s ability to fight off infections and diseases, leading to so-called opportunistic infections, neurological complications, and sometimes cancer.

Untreated chronic hepatitis B can lead to liver failure, cirrhosis, liver cancer, and death.

Failing to treat STDs can have risks for future generations as well. Women who have herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, or syphilis can transmit the infection to their baby at birth, which is why testing for STDs; and following safer sex recommendations; during pregnancy is so important.

HIV can also be passed from mother to child during pregnancy, labor, or delivery, but the risk of transmission can be reduced if the mother takes antiretroviral drugs throughout her pregnancy and the baby receives HIV medicines for several weeks after birth.

Complications of STDs

Does the Number of Sexual Partners Affect My Chances of Getting an STD?

“As a broad rule, more partners means higher risk,” Handsfield says. “However, there are innumerable exceptions. Some people have 100 or more partners per year and remain free of most if not all STDs. Others have one or two partners and multiple infections over time.”

The bottom line is to use condoms or dental dams (small sheets of latex) to lower your risk and discuss STD testing with your medical provider if you are sexually active.

Can STDs Recur?

A curable STD that has been treated correctly will not recur, but it is possible to get the same STD again. In fact, it’s fairly common. To avoid getting the same STD again, your sexual partner, or partners, must also be treated. And to avoid getting the same or other STDs after treatment, practice safer sex, including using condoms each time you have sex.

The good news is that getting infected more than once does not appear to cause more long-term complications.

“In women, a second or third infection with chlamydia may raise the risk of complications like pelvic inflammatory disease,” says Handsfield. “But for the most part, people with multiple episodes of STDs do not fare any worse than after the first infection.”

Chlamydia: Often a Silent Disease

Many people don't realize they have chlamydia because they don't experience symptoms. That's why the condition is often called a silent infection. But untreated chlamydia can cause serious complications in both men and women, including ectopic pregnancy in women. To prevent such complications, young women and men at high risk of chlamydia are advised to get tested for it yearly.

Genital Herpes: A Lifelong Infection

An easily transmitted disease, genital herpes is caused by a virus that stays in the body for life. The infection can cause painful sores to form on the genitals, thighs, or buttocks, but the severity of symptoms ranges widely from no symptoms at all to recurring sores, painful urination, and flulike symptoms. Medication can prevent or shorten outbreaks, as well as lower the chance of passing the virus to a sexual partner.

Gonorrhea: Still Curable, but Antibiotic Resistance Is a Problem

Gonorrhea is highly contagious and, like chlamydia, may cause mild or no symptoms. If left untreated, though, it can cause serious complications, including pelvic inflammatory disease in women and epididymitis in men. While gonorrhea is curable, some strains of the bacteria that cause it have become resistant to most antibiotics.

As of December 2020, the CDC recommends a single 500-milligram (mg) intramuscular dose of the antibiotic Rocephin (ceftriaxone) for uncomplicated gonorrhea. Treatment for coinfection with Chlamydia trachomatis with oral doxycycline (100 mg twice daily for seven days) should be administered when chlamydial infection has not been excluded.

Hepatitis B: Disease of the Liver

Hepatitis is an inflammation of the liver, and the hepatitis B virus is one of several viral causes of hepatitis. There are also nonviral causes. In the United States, infants have been routinely vaccinated against hepatitis B since 1991, and the rate of acute hepatitis B in the United States has plummeted since then. Worldwide, however, chronic hepatitis B infection is common.

HIV: Incurable but Preventable

HIV is a virus that attacks the body's immune system, impairing its ability to fight off infections and diseases over time. The final stage of HIV infection is called acquired immunodeficiency syndrome, or AIDS. AIDS is a life-threatening disease. You can reduce your risk of getting sexually transmitted HIV by using condoms correctly and consistently.

Just about everyone who is or has been sexually active has had HPV at some point. In most cases, the virus clears up on its own, but when it doesn’t, it can cause genital warts and a variety of types of cancers, depending on which strain of the virus you have. The Gardasil 9 (HPV 9-valent) vaccine protects against both warts and cancer and is approved for adolescents and young adults.

Molluscum Contagiosum: May Clear on Its Own

This viral infection can be sexually transmitted or spread through contact with infected skin or contaminated objects, such as towels and toys. It can also be spread from one area of the body to another by touching a lesion then an unaffected area of skin. In many cases it goes away on its own, but treatments are available if it doesn’t.

Syphilis: Life-Threatening if Not Treated

Syphilis is a bacterial infection that is growing more common in the United States, particularly among men who have sex with men. It can be cured with penicillin or, in the case of a penicillin allergy, other antibiotics. Left untreated, syphilis can affect the heart and brain and be life-threatening. Syphilis that is passed from mother to infant (congenital syphilis) is also a severe, life-threatening condition.

Trichomoniasis: A Parasitic Infection

Trichomoniasis is more common in women, particularly young women, than men. The parasite that causes trichomoniasis can infect the penis or vagina but not the mouth, anus, or other body parts. While symptoms of trichomoniasis may raise a medical provider’s suspicions, a definitive diagnosis requires a laboratory test.

By Everyday Health. Listen to the ► Podcast at How To Sex.

Preventions: Part 1

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Mon, 29 Sep 2025 08:51:00 -0700

The Many Pregnancy Prevention Options

By Everyday Health. Listen to the ► Podcast at How To Sex.

Contraception Options 101: Everything You Need to Know About Birth Control

Here’s the lowdown on pregnancy prevention with pills, patches, implants, and other types of birth control, plus information on effectiveness, availability, cost, and more.

By Cheryl Alkon; By John Paul McHugh, MD courtesy of American College of Lifestyle Medicine

Updated on August 28, 2023

It’s a fact: If you’re a woman, and you have sex with a man, it’s possible you’ll get pregnant. But if you don’t want to have a baby, there are many forms of birth control to help prevent pregnancy.

Birth Control: A Definition and Overview

While abstinence, or refraining from intercourse, is the only way to prevent pregnancy with 100 percent certainty, contraception, or birth control, comes in several different forms, both non-hormonal and hormonal.

Non-hormonal methods generally create a physical barrier between the sperm and the egg; a notable exception is the copper IUD, which changes the uterine environment but does not actually present a physical barrier. Two permanent contraception methods require surgery: sterilization, or tubal ligation, for women and vasectomy for men.

Hormonal methods generally prevent ovulation (the release of an egg), make it more difficult for sperm to enter the uterus, or prevent a fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus.

What’s the Best Birth Control Method?

“It varies, and it depends on you and your lifestyle,” says Keosha T. Bond, an assistant medical professor at The City University of New York School of Medicine in New York City. “I try to explain there’s no one-size-fits-all. It’s more, ‘What can I do, and how does my body react?’ There are so many contraceptive methods out there, but not every one will fit every person.”

How Effective Is Birth Control?

The effectiveness rate of various birth control methods is based on perfect use; meaning the method is used consistently and correctly every single time, and typical use, which includes people who use the method inconsistently or incorrectly.

Knowing what all your birth control options are will help you and your partner choose what works best for you. “I think it’s awesome to be talking about it. A lot of people just don’t know” about birth control, says Christine Carlan Greves, MD, an obstetrician and gynecologist with Orlando Health in Florida.

Birth Control Methods: All Your Contraception Options

Here’s a look at the various kinds of birth control available today.

Hormonal Birth Control

Contraceptive methods that use hormones alter how your body works in order to prevent pregnancy. These range from daily-use options, such as birth control pills, to long-term-use approaches, such as hormonal IUDs, which can stay in place for several years, says Dr. Bond.

Hormonal Contraception Option: Birth Control Pills

There are two types of birth control pills: combination pills that contain both estrogen and a form of progesterone called progestin, as well as progestin-only pills (also known as the mini pill).

The pills work by preventing ovulation, so there is no egg for sperm to fertilize, or by thickening cervical mucus so sperm cannot travel to an egg.

Birth control pills need to be taken every day as directed. Most types of progestin-only pills must be taken within the same three-hour time window every day. Some pills can also be used to stop your period.

How effective are birth control pills? Combined and progestin-only birth control pills are more than 99 percent effective if used perfectly and 93 percent effective if used typically.

How much do they cost? You need a prescription to get birth control pills. They may cost nothing or up to $50 a month and can be free or low-cost with most types of health insurance, Medicaid, or other government programs.

Hormonal Birth Control Side Effects

Some people don’t do well on hormonal contraception. “Each woman is different, and you have to understand your body,” says Bond. If you notice one or more of these side effects, let your doctor know:

Nausea
Weight gain
Changed menstrual cycles, including spotting

Some women like the effect of ‘the pill’ on their breast size. They are glad to have that kind of ‘weight gain’.

Who Shouldn’t Take Hormonal Birth Control?

For some people, the use of hormones is not recommended. “The pill is easy and awesome, but if you have migraines with aura (vision changes during a bad headache) or have a history of deep vein thrombosis, stroke, or other cardiac changes,” talk to your doctor to learn if you should consider another birth control option, says Dr. Greves. Moreover, if you have a blood-clotting disorder, you don’t want to take estrogen, and if you have breast cancer, you don’t want to take estrogen or progestin. Smokers and those considered overweight or obese should talk to their doctors about which contraceptives are recommended for them.

Hormonal Contraception Option: The Shot, Depo, or Depo-Provera

An injection of medroxyprogesterone (Depo-Provera) (also known as the birth control shot) can prevent pregnancy for three months.

The shot contains high-dose progestin to prevent ovulation, and it also makes cervical mucus thicker to prevent sperm from reaching the egg.

In most cases, your doctor or nurse will give you the shot every quarter, but in some cases, you may be able to bring the shot home to give it to yourself.

How effective is the shot? Injectables are more than 99 percent effective with perfect use and 96 percent effective with typical use.

How much does it cost? It can cost nothing or up to $150, and it can be free or low-cost with many health insurance plans, Medicaid, and some government programs.

Hormonal Contraception Option: Birth Control Implant, or Nexplanon

The birth control implant, also called Nexplanon, is a small rod about the size of a matchstick that is placed into the upper arm. It releases progestin to prevent pregnancy for up to three years.

The implant must be inserted by a trained healthcare provider and can be removed at any time if you want to get pregnant.

How effective is the implant? The implant is more than 99 percent effective.

How much does it cost? It can cost anywhere between $0 and $1,300, but it’s totally free with most health insurance plans, Medicaid, and some government programs.

Hormonal Birth Control Option: Vaginal Ring (NuvaRing or Annovera)

Like combination birth control pills, the vaginal ring contains both progestin and estrogen.

It’s a small ring that a woman wears inside her vagina, and the hormones work to prevent ovulation and pregnancy.

There are two types of vaginal rings: ethinyl estradiol and etonogestrel (NuvaRing) and ethinyl estradiol and segesterone (Annovera). Each NuvaRing lasts for up to five weeks. You take the old one out and put in a new one about once a month, and it can be used to safely skip your period. Each Annovera ring lasts for one year, but you must put it in your vagina for three weeks, then take it out for one week every month, during which time you’ll typically have a period.

How effective is the vaginal ring? Vaginal rings are more than 99 percent effective if used perfectly and 93 percent effective if used typically.

How much does it cost? You need a prescription to get the vaginal ring. NuvaRing can cost anywhere from $0 to $200, and Annovera can cost anywhere from $0 to $2,200. But vaginal rings can be free or low-cost with most health insurance plans, Medicaid, and some government programs.

Hormonal Birth Control Option: The Patch (Xulane or Twirla)

Like the vaginal ring, the patch (brand names Xulane or Twirla) also releases estrogen and progestin, but through a patch worn on your stomach, buttocks, or back.

The patch must be changed once a week for three weeks, and then you skip a week and have your period. Xulane can also be used to prevent your period if you add a new patch on the fourth week instead of skipping a week.

How effective is the patch? The patch is more than 99 percent effective if used perfectly and 93 percent effective if used typically.

How much does it cost? You need a prescription to get the patch. One pack of three patches lasts for up to one month and can cost from $0 to $150. It is free with most health insurance plans, Medicaid, and some government programs.

Note: Hormonal treatments may also prevent a conception from securely attaching to the mother’s womb (nidation), resulting in a very early miscarriage which often appears to be a normal menstruation.

Intrauterine Devices (IUDs)

Intrauterine devices (IUDs) are one of the most effective forms of birth control. IUDs are inserted into the uterus by a trained healthcare professional and can work for up to 10 years, depending on which type you choose. They can also be removed any time if you want to get pregnant.

Copper (Nonhormonal) IUD

The Paragard copper IUD (also called the copper IUD) is the only nonhormonal IUD on the market. It’s a small piece of flexible plastic shaped like a T that has copper wrapped around it, which prevents sperm from reaching an egg because sperm are repelled by copper.

The copper IUD can be used as a regular form of birth control or as a form of emergency contraception (see more information about emergency contraception below). Paragard IUDs are the most effective form of emergency contraception. If you have one inserted within five days after having unprotected sex, it’s more than 99.9 percent effective against pregnancy and then provides very reliable contraception for up to 10 years.

Hormonal IUDs

Like the nonhormonal IUD, hormonal IUDs are a small piece of flexible plastic shaped like a T. They release a tiny amount of progestin into your body over several years, which helps prevent pregnancy.

There are four brands of hormonal IUDs available in the United States: Mirena, Kyleena, Liletta, and Skyla. Different brands last for different lengths of time. Whichever you choose, you can have your IUD removed whenever you want.

An IUD must be inserted and removed by a doctor, nurse, or another trained healthcare provider.

How effective is the IUD? All IUDs are more than 99 percent effective both for perfect and typical use.

How much do they cost? Anywhere from $0 to $1,300; they are free or low-cost with many health insurance plans, Medicaid, and other government programs.

Note: IUD devices may also prevent a conception from securely attaching to the mother’s womb (nidation), resulting in a very early miscarriage which often appears to be a normal menstruation.

Barrier Methods

Other than condoms, these older methods of contraception typically aren’t as effective. “Sponges or a diaphragm? I don’t want to say they are outdated, but they aren’t talked about as much today by healthcare providers,” says Bond. Most barrier methods need to be inserted into the vagina before sex, so “they take away from the romance aspect of engaging in sex,” she adds.

Similarly, “a diaphragm doesn’t work that great,” says Greves. “It’s better than nothing, but I don’t remember the last time I recommended it to someone.”

On the other hand, male condoms and internal condoms remain effective forms of contraception that can also help prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Barrier Method Option: Diaphragm

A diaphragm is a shallow, flexible cup made of silicone that you put inside your vagina. It covers the cervix and acts as a barrier so sperm can’t reach an egg.

Diaphragms are most effective when they’re used with spermicide (a cream or gel that kills sperm).

Your doctor must fit you for a diaphragm and give you a prescription, and then you can get one at a pharmacy, drugstore, or health center. After that, you can insert it and remove it yourself.

How effective is the diaphragm? If used perfectly with spermicide, the diaphragm is 84 percent effective. With typical use, it’s 83 percent effective.

How much does it cost? Anywhere from $0 to $250. You can probably get a free or inexpensive diaphragm with most types of health insurance, Medicaid, and some government programs. Spermicide, which is available over-the-counter at the drugstore, costs about $5 to $15 per kit.

Barrier Method Option: Sponge

The sponge is small and round and made of soft, squishy plastic.

You insert it deep inside your vagina up to 24 hours before you have sex. It covers your cervix and contains spermicide to help prevent pregnancy. The Today sponge, the only brand of sponge available in the United States; is sold at pharmacies, drugstores, and some supermarkets.

How effective is the sponge? With perfect use, the sponge is 80 to 91 percent effective (it’s more effective if you’ve never given birth); with typical use, it’s 73 to 86 percent effective.

How much does it cost? It costs about $15 for a pack of three. You may be able to get low-cost or free sponges at Planned Parenthood or another health center.

Barrier Method Option: Cervical Cap

Like the diaphragm, the cervical cap is a silicone cup, but it’s smaller. You insert the cap deep in your vagina to cover the cervix and prevent sperm from reaching an egg. It’s also more effective when used with spermicide.

FemCap is the only type of cervical cap available in the United States.

Cervical caps are sold in pharmacies, drugstores, and health centers, but you need a prescription. A nurse or doctor will need to examine you to determine which size cervical cap is best for you.

How effective is the cervical cap? Like the sponge, the cervical cap is more effective if you’ve never given birth. If you’ve never given birth, the cervical cap is 86 percent effective. If you have given birth, the cap is 71 percent effective.

How much does it cost? The cap costs between $0 and $275, not including spermicide. You can probably get a cervical cap for free or low-cost with most types of health insurance, Medicaid, and other government programs.

Barrier Method Option: Male Condoms

Male condoms are worn as a sheath over the penis during sex. They prevent pregnancy by stopping sperm from getting into the vagina, so it can’t reach and fertilize an egg.

Male condoms are used to avoid pregnancy, and they can also reduce the transmission of STIs. Most male condoms are made of latex, but some are made of plastics like polyurethane, polyisoprene, and nitrile for those who are allergic to latex. Lambskin and other animal membrane condoms also prevent pregnancy, but they don’t protect you from STIs.

How effective are condoms? If used perfectly, male condoms are 98 percent effective, or 87 percent effective if used typically.

How much do they cost? Male condoms are available in most drugstores, grocery stores, convenience stores, health clinics, online, and vending machines. A box of three usually costs between $2 and $6. Lower-cost or free condoms are available at various health centers.

Barrier Method Option: Internal Condoms

Internal condoms are soft plastic pouches that you put inside your vagina or anus before you have sex. They prevent pregnancy by covering the inside of your vagina, creating a barrier that stops sperm from reaching an egg. They also help prevent transmission of STIs if worn in the vagina or anus.

Internal condoms were once known as “female” condoms, but they can be used by people of any gender. The only brand of internal condom that’s available in the United States is the FC2 Female Condom. It’s available online, at many health centers, and by prescription in drugstores.

How effective are internal condoms? If used perfectly, internal condoms are 95 percent effective. If used typically, they are 79 percent effective.

How much do they cost? They usually cost about $2 or $3 each, but they are covered by most types of health insurance if you have a prescription. Some health centers may offer them for free.

Natural Family Planning and Fertility Awareness Methods

Natural family planning or fertility awareness methods,(FAM); generally involve a woman taking note of the most fertile days of her menstrual cycle and avoiding sex during these days.

They include the Billings ovulation method, in which a woman looks at the consistency of her cervical mucus (long and stringy just before ovulation), and tracking basal body temperature (which rises a small amount during ovulation) to predict the time with the lowest odds of pregnancy.

FAM takes a lot of dedication, both to track changes over several months and to avoid vaginal sex (or use condoms) when most fertile. “I don’t think FAM is reliable,” says Bond. “There is pre-ejaculation that can contain sperm that you can become pregnant by. If you are not sure about taking some kind of pill, or other hormonal contraception, you should consider using condoms, because they are easy and don’t require that much change in the body.”

How effective is FAM? The effectiveness of fertility awareness methods including the Billings method varies widely, with a failure rate of less than 1 percent to up to 12 percent with perfect use, and from 2 percent all the way up to 34 percent with typical use.

How much does it cost? About $10 for a thermometer.

Pulling Out, or Withdrawal

Pulling out, also known as withdrawal, is when a man removes his penis from the vagina just before ejaculating. It’s tricky, because pre-ejaculate can form before withdrawal. Avoiding pregnancy means keeping all sperm away from the vagina, and with this method, even a small amount of sperm can get into the vagina and lead to pregnancy. This method is best used when combined with another birth control method, such as condoms.

How effective is withdrawal? The withdrawal method is 96 percent effective with perfect use and 80 percent effective with typical use.

How much does it cost? Nothing, but condoms are recommended.
Abstinence and Outercourse

Avoiding any kind of vaginal, anal, or oral sex is called abstinence, and activities such as kissing, dry-humping, masturbating, massage, and talking about fantasies are considered outercourse. The idea is to keep sperm away from the vagina to avoid pregnancy, but these methods require a lot of dedication and willpower.

Terms like ‘titty fucking’, ‘crotch fucking’, ‘jerking off’, and anal copulation; as well as fellatio (oral-induced male ejaculation), cunnilingus (oral-induce female climax), or nipple stimulation; are the most common outercourse options for a pleasurable climax without vagina penetration by the penis.

How effective are abstinence and outercourse? 100 percent.

How much does it cost? Nothing.

Vasectomy: The Ultimate Birth Control?

Considering a vasectomy? Learn about its effectiveness, risks, and impact on sexual performance. Make an informed choice!

Permanent Methods of Contraception: Tubal Ligation and Vasectomy

For women, sterilization or tubal ligation is a way to permanently prevent pregnancy. It requires surgery to seal off the fallopian tubes so that an egg can never reach a sperm and be fertilized.

Learn More About How to Get Your Tubes Tied: What to Know About Permanent Birth Control

For men, vasectomy is the option for permanent birth control. A vasectomy is a simple surgery in which the small tubes in the scrotum that carry sperm are cut or blocked off, so sperm can’t leave the body and cause pregnancy.

Permanent sterilization methods do not protect against sexually transmitted infections; condoms are still necessary to reduce the chances of contracting an STI. While vasectomy and tubal ligation reversal procedures exist, they are pricey and not always effective. Choose these options if you are sure you don’t want to have children (or more children).

How effective is permanent contraception? Tubal sterilization and vasectomy both have a failure rate close to 0 percent.

How much does it cost? Tubal ligation can cost anywhere from $0 to $6,000.

A vasectomy costs between $0 and $1,000.

Both tubal ligation and vasectomies may be totally free (or low-cost) with some health insurance plans, Medicaid, and other government programs.

Emergency Contraception

If used as soon as possible after unprotected sex, emergency contraception (EC) is a safe way to prevent pregnancy. Methods are more or less effective depending on a few variables, such as your weight and how long it has been since you had unprotected sex.

EC comes in several forms:

The Progestin (Levonorgestrel) Pill, or Plan B One-Step

The progestin (levonorgestrel) pill, also known as the “morning-after pill” and by the leading brand name, Plan B One-Step, must be taken within 72 hours (three days) of unprotected sex.

How effective is the progestin (levonorgestrel) pill? Levonorgestrel pills can lower your chance of getting pregnant by 75 to 89 percent if you take them within three days after unprotected sex.

How much does it cost? Plan B usually retails for approximately $40 to $50 nationwide. Generic versions usually cost about $11 to $45. If you have health insurance or Medicaid, it’s likely that you can get the progestin pill for free, you just have to ask your nurse or doctor for a prescription (even though you don’t need a prescription to buy these types of pills over-the-counter). You may also be able to get the morning-after pill for free or low-cost from a health center or family planning clinic.

Ella

A pill that contains ulipristal acetate, also known by the brand-name Ella, must be taken within five days of unprotected sex. You need a prescription to get Ella, either by seeing your doctor or getting a prescription online.

How effective is Ella? Ella reduces your chances of getting pregnant by 85 percent if you take it within five days after unprotected sex.

How much does it cost? Ella usually costs about $50 at a pharmacy or drugstore, but it might be free if you have health insurance or Medicaid. You may also be able to get Ella for free or low-cost from a health center or family planning clinic. Depending on which state you live in, you may be able to get a prescription for Ella directly from your pharmacist.

The Yuzpe method

The Yuzpe method involves taking higher than usual doses of combination birth control pills that have both estrogen and progestin. This method is most effective within three days of unprotected sex, and it must be done under the supervision of a physician (the number of pills you would take depends on the brand of birth control you use).

How effective is the Yuzpe method? The Yuzpe method is thought to be about 75 percent effective at preventing pregnancy.

How much does it cost? It costs the same as combination birth control pills, which you would usually already have on hand if you are using this method.

The Copper IUD

The copper Paragard IUD is a non-hormonal IUD. Once the IUD is inserted into the uterus, it makes it hard for sperm to fertilize an egg. When used as a form of EC, the copper IUD is most effective if used within five days after unprotected sex

How effective is the copper IUD? It’s more than 99.9 percent effective against pregnancy and then provides very reliable contraception for up to 10 years.

How much does it cost? It costs the same as when it’s used for regular contraception, anywhere from $0 to $1,300, but it is often free or low-cost with many health insurance plans, Medicaid, and other government programs.

Note: IUD devices may also prevent a conception from securely attaching to the mother’s womb (nidation), resulting in a very early miscarriage which often appears to be a normal menstruation. Some liken it to a ‘coat-hanger abortion’ device, but inserted by a medical professional, to limit damage to the woman’s body, while effectively puncturing any amniotic sack in the uterus.

By Everyday Health. Listen to the ► Podcast at How To Sex.

Broken Cock

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Sat, 27 Sep 2025 08:48:00 -0700

Recklessness ruptured my plumbing, and permanently curtailed my sex life.

By Anonymous. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

I Fucked up.

I am writing this mainly because there is not a lot of information about this particular injury

Around October of last year I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I thrust too hard at the wrong angle and tore my Urethra and two blood vessels in my penis.

When the injury first occurred I was close to climaxing. Because of this, when the injury happened and the blood vessels and urethra were torn, blood started mixing into my urethra. I was cumming blood

I was not in pain but I could feel that my dick was not pointing in the right direction and turned on the lights, blood was everywhere and pouring out of me at an alarming rate (think you’re cumming but it doesn’t stop and its blood)

At this point I’m panicking and yell out that I need to go to the hospital immediately.

I throw on loose pants without zipping them up, a hoodie, and grab a towel to soak the blood that’s coming out. Then me and my girl go to the hospital.

The hospital near me specialized in bodily injury and doesn’t have the type of urologist doctor that I need to see, so I have to drive 30 minutes away to the closest hospital that has a Urology department.

Once I get to this secondary hospital, I am immediately taken in and put into a room of my own once they see my dick; and about an hour later I see a Urologist who runs some tests and tells me about the ruptured urethra and blood vessels.

I need surgery.

The surgery is a process called “de gloving” where they “de-glove” the skin around your penis, roll it down, and make an incision into the underside of the skin and go in and stitch up the torn vessels and urethra, these are dissolvable stitches and they stay in your penis until they go away on their own.

About 8 hours later I actually went into surgery, I don’t remember anything. I was wheeled into the operating room and the anesthesiologist cracked a dumb joke, and then I was out.

I woke up with my penis wrapped up in bandages and a catheter in me. If you have never had to use a catheter, count yourself lucky. I was told I needed to keep the catheter in for 10 days.

These were the longest 10 days of my life. If you asked me what the pain was on a scale of 1-10, it was 7 with the opioids, and 11 without them.

Any little movement with my penis and I got searing pain. Wearing any type of clothes was out because I just could not take it, I was pretty much naked during those ten days. Anytime the catheter twisted? Pain. Anytime I had to roll out of bed to go get something from the fridge? Pain.

Worst of all? Erections.

As the men reading this will know, erections are not really voluntary, we just get them sometimes. Morning wood is a real thing and its not controllable.

Want to know what getting an erection feels like when you have stitches in your dick and a catheter? Worse than words could ever explain.

I woke up screaming three times a night. I would tear something and I could see the stale blood along the catheter as my erections came and went. The blood became crispy, and if I didn’t clean it when it happened, the next erection would be 5 times as painful because it would grow along the stale, sharp leftover blood on the catheter.

I quickly learned how to kill erections, but it was still really bad. I’m actually leaving out some details because I’m not fully recovered yet and the phantom pain comes back as I’m trying to recall it.

As of today, I have the catheter out and can walk around again, but erections are still painful, I imagine that will go away in the next few weeks.

Yes, You Really Can Fracture a Penis shaft — Here's What That Means

Proceed with caution if you're squeamish.

BY SOPHIE SAINT THOMAS - 2018

There are a lot of sexual myths out there, but doctors confirm that broken penises aren't one of them. Remember when Lexie Grey supposedly broke Mark Sloan's penis back when all our favorite characters on Grey's Anatomy were still alive? Nope, Shonda Rhimes wasn't making that up. While there aren't actually bones in the penis, a penile fracture is a real-life injury. We spoke to several urologists to learn how it happens, what a broken penis looks like, and how to treat one.

What exactly is a fractured penis (often known as a "broken dick")?

First, a quick refresher on what inside a penis can break in the first place: A penis contains two chambers of tissue called the corpus cavernosum, which fill with blood when the penis becomes erect.

Blunt force to an erect penis can tear the sheath surrounding these chambers (and even rupture the erectile tissue inside) so that the blood inside leaks out to other areas of the penis. If you need another visual, Alex Shteynshlyuger, a urologist in New York City, says to think of this covering less like a bone and "more like a sausage casing." (Doctors, however, call the covering of the corpus cavernosum the "tunica albuginea.")

How do penile fractures happen?

A penis can be broken during vigorous penetrative sex or through masturbation. When this happens during partnered sex involving a penis and vagina, "generally speaking, the penis will come out of the vagina and strike against the pubic bone," says Leslie Deane, an associate professor of urology at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago.

While a penis can fracture during sex in any position, research suggests that Female on top, or rear-entry positions such as ‘reverse cowgirl’ or ‘doggy style’ may lead to penile fractures more often than ‘missionary’ or ‘spooning.’ A penis may be more likely to exit a vagina or anus entirely when thrusting from behind and then, instead of reentering, bang against something hard like the perineum. (If you're an anal sex beginner, it's important to take things slow. Deane says penile fractures aren't uncommon, and that he sees several cases a year. He adds that he observes higher rates of the injury around Valentine's Day and that alcohol is sometimes involved.

What does a broken dick look like?

According to Stacy Loeb, an assistant professor of urology and population health at New York University, a penile fracture may be accompanied by a popping noise, a rapid loss of erection, and acute pain. "The penis may develop swelling and bruising, referred to as an 'eggplant deformity,'" Loeb says. This means that the eggplant emoji isn't totally off-base as a representation of dicks: It just looks like a broken one. Shteynshlyuger adds that some penile fractures lead to bleeding from the tip of the urethra and that patients may notice blood in their urine. If you're having fun with a penis that suddenly "pops," goes soft, and causes its owner immense pain, seek medical attention immediately. You might have a broken dick on your hands.

How is a broken penis treated?

Still reading? Good, because there's some positive news: If treated, broken dicks stand a great chance of making a full recovery. Unfortunately, Deane says, surgery is required in most cases. While there are less severe penile injuries that can occur during sex, such as a tear of one of the superficial veins, the only way to know for sure what's going on is to head to the emergency room.

It's also important to do it fast: "Surgical repair of the tear usually results in good outcomes," Shteynshlyuger emphasizes. However, "If a penile fracture is severe and not treated in a timely manner, it can lead to problems with obtaining or maintaining erections, [or] it may also cause scar formation in the penis and a condition called Peyronie's disease, which causes curvature and deformity of the penis."

After surgery to repair the ruptured "sausage casing" inside the penis, the recovering patient should be able to have sex again in about six to eight weeks, although Deane advises going slow at first. This doesn't mean that wild, headboard-rattling sex is off the table after a penile fracture, but it's not a bad idea for patients to ease their way back in.

Hard Flaccid Syndrome

A rare condition that affects some men, is called Hard Flaccid. They have a stiff, but smaller-than-erect cock. It’s painful, inhibits real erection, prevents ejaculation, and has constant pain which increases during urination.

Our best investigations conclude that it comes from a likely combination of muscle injury coupled with an anxiety or stress disorder. Many people manifest stiff muscles under stress. More often it’s neck, back, or chest muscles. But rarely it’s the pelvic floor muscles which connect the pelvic bone to the tailbone. When women do Kegal exercises for better vagina constriction, they are working those same pelvic floor muscle groups.

But when a physical injury leads to muscle spasms, like common back injuries cause, The spasms can lead to a precipitous chain of other ‘self preservation’ conditions.

The Hard Flaccid Syndrome is believed to be just such a ‘perfect storm’ chain of events.

Let’s hear from a few men who are dealing with this, and what their progress entails.

‘Old Will’ said;

“I had Hard-Flaccid for about two years. Low labido, cold penis, glands sometimes had white spots. Then for about 8 months I practiced relaxing, worked on my anxiety and anger issues and it all over time went away.

I started off on anxiety meds and that's when I noticed hard-flaccid getting better. Suddenly it hit me that the only thing I hadn't thought of was managing my anxiety. I was on that for about 2 months. Then when I got off the meds it started to get a little worse but I figured, if it was really anxiety that caused it, then I needed to calm down, and stop obsessing over it. I mean, I was absolutely obsessed with curing my hard flaccid. So, I just stopped looking into it. I stopped looking for cures online. I made the decision to just enjoy life for a change, better myself and not think about all this all day. And slowly, it just returned to normal.

When I first really started taking my mental health seriously, which was about 8 months ago, and the true beginning of my recovery process I lifted weights about 5 days a week. I wouldn't call myself heavyweight lifter. I did light moderate weight lifting. But I haven't been to the gym since November. I plan on going back. I'm a firm believer of exercise improving body and mind.

I masturbated during my healing process. I do think it would have made things move along a little faster, if I didn't masturbate at all, but I figured it was worse if I stressed over it. So, if I was gonna masturbate, I was going to enjoy it and have no regrets about it.

I know how difficult this is for people so I wanted to share my story and hope it helps many of you.”

‘Whirl Mind’ responded;

“Mine likely developed from a lot of sitting, possibly bad diet for a few days or spicy food that led to minor constipation/difficult bowel movements, and general stress that increased clenching. Who knew I could injury myself by crapping too hard?

Not totally sure though and I’m still in a minor flare, softer down there today though.

Mine also went away pretty much completely for about 2 weeks recently, without sticking to any routine. I’m noticing some pelvic floor inflammation and extra pain at the base as of a few days ago and the HF has returned but in a more minor way. Hoping I can get over this again and also trying to work on my anxiety.

My condition had suddenly turned into the thin & weightless “long flaccid” and it freaked me out at first, but after 5 days or so of that I pretty much just accepted any variance in that as good and got myself into a positive feedback loop. Note that I am an extremely high-strung person and this wasn’t easy but I was so desperate that it was imperative that I just let go. So pushing everything surrounding this shit to the back of my mind but also staying afloat on any positive changes like better hang, better fullness temporarily etc. I think this mental state was and is a huge part of the condition to focus on for most people but also a big reason why it is so fickle.

I don’t know if something in particular in terms of lifestyle or diet caused this recent return to HF but I do know that my anxiety surrounding the condition was a little worse for a few days this week. I can clearly feel the issue of dysfunction at the base which seems to stem from my IC and BC muscles, because when the both the Hard-Flaccid and Long-Flaccid states leveled out and I was feeling good and much closer to normal I still dealt with many of the muscular symptoms, or what I’m assuming are muscular.

Anxiety can be so hidden in our psyche and I’ve literally watched it, like a switch going on and off, effect at least the peripheral symptoms of this condition. I’ve practiced no-fap, which means abstaining from jerking off; mainly as an experiment but my erection quality is astounding at this point in time.

As anxiety is dealt with, libido should increase as well as Erection Quality in the absence of a more severe issue. The uncertainty of this condition is so hard to deal with, and with some firmness & tightness down there, now present again.

I’m seriously trying to get a grip on my anxiety and will probably do some light stretches. For me personally I found that sometimes getting into a routine all to fix HF would make things worse since I was so fixated on it, so if anything I’m trying to find a balance with everything.

Keep in mind I never stuck to any routine and was somewhat inconsistent, the change to Long-Flaccid happened so suddenly while I was just trying to sleep, and in pain; and the improvements that followed seemed to only come with time, working on anxiety and trying to live without thinking about this condition.”

Gunz GotBunz added his encouragement;

“Your symptoms are my symptoms, and I found that after being completely calm, and using the relaxation & mindfulness techniques every day, it was so easy for my wife to stimulate me my penis was so long and hard! I felt the glory of Rome that day!

But alas that was but once. Anxiety always takes a toll on the body, and the more I achieve mindfulness the better and bigger my erection gets!”

Numb Penis: What’s Going on and How to Fix It!

By Dugan

You’re watching a hot sex scene, getting it on in your backseat, or you’re taking a little “me time” with your favorite website, and, well, you notice things aren’t happening down there. What’s going on? It could be something called penis numbness. There are quite a few reasons a man can be the bewildered owner of a numb penis. Read on to learn how penis numbness reached you and then how to get him back up and at ’em!

1) Penile Injury – Known also as penile traumas, penis injuries can cause penis numbness . A penile injury damages the blood vessels, which are essential to a healthy penis because they bring the blood that produces an erection. Lots of things can hurt a penis, such as rough sex, too much masturbating, using a too-tight grip for self-pleasure, sexual aids, and group sports.

2) Neuropathy – Neuropathy is when a limb or appendage goes numb. This numb penis is often the effect of an illness or condition but can also be the result of the regular pinching of a nerve (say in the hip area). Neuropathy wears 2 masks. One time it feels like a cold numbness, and the next time it feels like pins-and-needles or lightning shooting through the penis. Medical conditions such as diabetes, obesity, lupus, multiple sclerosis, and some cancers can cause neuropathy.

3) Peyronie’s Disease – Peyronie’s disease is a condition in which the penis has a curve of more than 20 percent. In addition to being a painful disease, Peyronie’s disease has been associated with loss of penile sensation in some men. The scar tissue that causes Peyronie’s can be less sensitive than regular tissue, resulting in loss of genital sensation.

4) Lifestyle – Lifestyle is a big part of health, but it’s often the thing people are most reticent to change. Diet and exercise are significant factors that need to be addressed if there aren’t already healthy behaviors in practice. Stress can also make the problem worse, so be sure to incorporate stress-reduction techniques into each day. Changes in lifestyle have been shown time and time again to yield big results.

Penis Power: How to Get It Back!

Want a more-sensitive penis? In most cases, a man can regain sensitivity with a little dedication and a little help. Here are a few ways to breathe life back into a man’s boner.

Address the root disease if it’s the cause. Work with doctors and therapists to first treat the disease and then treat the symptom, not vice versa. Whole-body health should always be the number one focus.

Wear looser pants and underwear to give the big guy some space and not have to spend the day hugging fabric, which desensitizes it.

Spend some time each day letting it all hang out in a personal space. A little air also prevents too much contact for the penis.

More movement – sitting all day can deaden the nerves in the pelvic basin. Get up every hour or two to give them some freedom.

Don’t go too hard, or too often, when sexing it up.

For men who cycle, get a padded bicycle seat cover and padded shorts to reduce the hard compression against the nerves for prolonged rides.

Proper penis care can also preserve sensation and decrease the chances of penis numbness. Lightly, but thoroughly, wash it with a gentle cleanser and warm water, then rinse and air dry.

Use a reliable skin treatment oil, like Shea Butter, Almond oil, or other safe moisturizer. Avoid lotions with harmful ingredients. All of it gets absorbed into your organs, and can be toxic.

Sex lubricants that might be fine for a woman’s internal organs, may be terrible for a man’s external organ. Water-based lubes evaporate very quickly, especially with rapid stroking. If your lover is stroking you hard, and the once-viscos lube, is now a tar-like glue, It can not only tear your very thin cock skin, but it can also lead to bursting internal cells inside your shaft or glans.

This post is part of the How To SexPodcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.

An Intro To 'Tease & Denial'

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Thu, 25 Sep 2025 08:46:00 -0700

Tie up your man and go to town.

By alf_2712. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

Bondage sex is often associated with Sado Masochism. But that vaste generalization does a great disservice to a wide range of sexual proclivities. Each part of this grouping ought to be understood on it’s own attributes.

Bondage is simply adding real or perceived restrictions in a sexual encounter. It’s the fantasy of lost control over a situation which thrills many lovers. It often incorporates a fantasy scenario and some role-playing.

Sadism is the infliction of discomfort to a lover.

Masochism is a self-inflicted discomfort.

Today we’re hearing from Alfie, about her lover’s favorite kink. He allows himself to be restrained and subjected to sexual frustration, in the form of a very delayed ejaculation.

Healthy lovemaking of this sort may include switching roles, or may remain in fixed roles of a dominant & a submissive.

Sometimes it’s only a fantasy desired by one of them, yet the other lover plays a role simply to satisfy the other’s sexual sesires. Here’s Alfie.

My favorite Tease & Denial plot.

Spread eagle is my definitely my favorite bondage position. I love it. Tying at the feet is not always necessary, but the hands, absolutely. Even though a pair of cuffs in the middle do have their place, I’m a firm believer in hands at the corners. Some sort of strapping under the bed, whatever; we just want his arms out. Face up, of course.

You will need:

n a bed big enough for both of you

n some kind of restraint system already attached at all four corners of the bed frame, to tie his limbs outward, toward the four corners of the bed

n a bowl or basket containing:

A: a bottle of tasty massage oil,

B: a cock ring, and

C: a feather, furry mitt, or something which is very ticklish.

Besides these, the following are preferred;

n big tits If you’ve got them

n and minty gum can be nice.

No need for a blindfold. believe me, his eyes are your friend. You might also keep a glass of water, gotta keep those spit and sweat glands pumping. Ice water if you’re a bitch.

And a word on gagging. it’s up to you! But if you’re gonna gag, gag properly (i.e. rubber is better than your thong). Let’s get started! But let him breathe freely. His muffled voice is more for your experience of domination.

Get your man on your bed. Your face and hairdo should be impeccable and sultry, with lipstick mascara, and whatever else makes you look like a high-class slut. But somehow keep your hair from falling into your face on onto his oily body.

You want his to see your impeccable face and styled hair for the entire event.

If there’s a clock in the room, hide it.

Get him on his back and give him a kiss. A pillow under his head is good. And he’s naked, right? Completely naked? Dote on him and ask if he likes the position of the pillow. This doting just camouflages the torment you have planned for today.

You don’t have to be also naked, yet; but let your clothing help set a sensual mood. A Silky robe or his favorite lingerie is a good choice to start with.

Make focused attention on his comfort before you gently attach the restraints. Adjust the wrist restraints so you can fit one finger between the material and his skin. You want barely any wiggle room in his arms.

And his legs? Well, that’s up to you. Being bound on the bed and all accessible is going to make him squirm whether his legs are forced straight or not. I say leave em. But he might accidently hurt you if he suddenly flinches his legs.

Once all restraints are attached, extend each of his limbs and tighten the length up, so he’s truly spread-eagle and limited from squirming around during the event.

Tease and denial is the name of the game here. Or “edging” if you like. And edging it is.

We’ll be taking him right to the edge of an orgasm, more than a few times.

You know you’re doing well if you lose count. I hope your blowjob skills are up to date, ‘cause tongue is king here. Not to say it’s your only asset (it’s not). but subjecting him to excruciating pussy-torture can come a bit later.

In case it’s not clear already, this guide is written from a woman’s perspective; so if you’re not one, some parts of it may not be applicable.

Set the scene:

So! Your man-slave is bound and the fun can begin.

What’s first? Well, “what’s first” is the part that I don’t really know about. I hope the setting is nice, the light not too bright; the room not too cold. Sensual music or nature sounds can be nice.

I like to get on top for a moment after the restraints are on, & give him a hickey, then slither down to his knees.

Scratch his stomach and sides on the way down (good nails are good to have; nothing like a French manicure at your man’s balls). Yeah, scratch his balls a little.

Sensual disrobing:

By now it’s time to take something off. Make it a sensual performance for his enjoyment. I let my g string panties stay on a little longer, but you ain’t got a smooth stomach for nothing.

Apply the Massage Oil:

Now it’s time to bring out the massage oil. I Hope you taste tested it first. Sweet Almond or olive oil is reliable. Sweet Almond unscented oil has a very neutral taste. Artificial scents might smell nice, but usually are bitter tasting, and might upset your stomach. Plan on lots of tasting.

Mmm, oil. Again, don’t use any water-base lubricant for this event. Whatever oil it is you use, it’ll warm up in your hand and be a little more liquidy. We don’t need to let it yet, though.

So kneel facing him, right up between his thighs; & get yourself all slippery; it’s easy to start with your own arms, and then your chest and beyond. Show him how slippery. Cover yourself from your neck down to your thighs.

Now straddle over his waist as you coat his arms, shoulders, neck, chest, and armpits. It’ll make little suction noises when you dump it on your hands and on to his body. Cover everything in front of you, down to his knees, up to his nipples, only enough on his cock to get it shiny. Don’t put oil on his head, or yours. Take a minute to lightly rub his armpits, flanks, and nipples.

Now slowly slide your panties down each hip, then shift off him as you draw a leg out of the thong. Then get up and stand over him, facing his feet, with your ass and cunt in his full view. Now slowly descend to your knees, and apply oil on your ass, once coated sufficiently, lean over with a hand resting on the mattress right next to his crotch, so he can see you further rub the oil slowly over your anus and labia.

Add some more oil on his pelvis, thighs, hips, just make sure you’re carefully supporting your own weight as you slide your hands over his oily body. We don’t need any cracked ribs ruining the event.

When you’re both coated, rotate around and kneel between his thighs.

Now slowly lean over and give one of his nipples a lick, then lay flat on top of him again.

Let your tits make first body contact to his chest, and pause to oscillate a bit, before fully landing your entire torso onto his, with your thighs along the inside of his.

You can probably feel gravity pulling you towards his feet. You can position your breasts nicely between his thighs on the slide down stroke, then slide back up to his face and do it again. Maybe lick his balls.

Get up on your knees and rotate to straddle his stomach now, on your knees again, his eyes facing your ass. Pour or squirt some oil into your palm and hold it for, oh, ten seconds. Then cup your hand with it up under his balls, and drag the liquid up to his belly button.

Massage his entire scrotum sack, gently fondling each of his balls as you go.

Finally, drip a bit of oil over his cock tip, then use an open palm to very gently rub just his glans, the top cap of his cock.

Add some more oil on his cock tip, and sensually spread the oil down his entire cock shaft.

Ooh, all slippery, all of a sudden. Grasp his cock below the head and slide your hand back down again, and massage his balls some more, It’s amazing if the sack is trimmed or shaven.

Put your thumb and forefinger in an ‘okay’ circle position around the base of his cock, above the balls, and squeeze. Draw your hand up a little and see that cock head bulge; every nerve ending standing at attention. You can hold the tight grasp about 15 seconds, then release him now, because it’s time for the cock ring.

I prefer and recommend the simple stretchy rubber O ring that leaves his balls free. Have him take a deep breathe in, then have him completely relax his body as he exhales. While he exhales, roll the cock ring on down his oily shaft, right to the base. Now maybe give him a minute to cool down first if you have to. While your ass is in his face, rub your labia and anus slowly, some more, then crawl back down between his thighs and look at his eyes.

Next, it’s time for part one of I don’t know how many:

This is the slow, grueling handjob. It’s going to be very tasty indeed. I have a big smile on my face, perched inside his spread knees, looking into his eyes and licking my teeth.

What a view he has: my face, my hair, tits, neck, bare shoulders, and his big, helpless cock wrapped in my slick fingers. A nice little exclamation point.

With the cock ring on properly, his cock is; hard. Don’t forget it. The cock ring is a must-have for 90% of the time. The cock ring’s doing some work for you in keeping his penis bigger, harder, more sensitive and for longer. It also prolongs cumming, which is nice. Would you like to prolong cumming?

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. I’d say for now stay at his knees. Have one hand by his stomach and the other around his dick. Tickle, rub, caress and massage the head. Your fingertips have a little texture and it’s good for this.

Make a fist above the head and slide the cock through your liberally lubricated hand, and then the next above it. Keep one hand working his balls while the other is up and down the shaft, getting just high enough to touch the head.

But this isn’t really a handjob guide; it’s up to you to know how to get him real worked up in your hands, but just shy of cumming. Pay very close attention to his facial expressions. You should have learned these clues from all the previous sex you’ve had with your lover.

And I mean real just shy of cumming. Don’t take any chances if he’s looking ready bust a nut 'cause game’s over if he does, unless you’re both into a little Post orgasmic torture.

After the third or fourth almost-orgasm, just stop. Release his cock (I didn’t say take the ring off) and take a break.

Lie down next to him, ask him how he’s doing. He’s probably a mess already.

If he’s been talking a lot and annoying you, feel free to gag him. Ball gags are best. You can also shut him up with some tongue and a little gravity-biased spit swapping. Reach down and stroke his cock. I say gag him. If he doesn’t he’s never getting out. Hehe, look at those eyes. You need him to be able to breathe freely, because it’s one of the clues of his impending ejaculation.

Get back on top of him, looking away. Sit on his chest; or his neck. Don’t worry, he can breathe. Get out your oil. He’s likely to groan at the click of the bottle closing. That’s right, slow grueling handjob part two. Drip some lube on his cock and get busy again. It should take less than five minutes to get him to orgasm, so go for four and a half. Give it a couple minutes cool down period each time.

Take off his gag for a minute. Don’t worry, you’ll get it back on. Lie flat on top of his body, with your cunt barely rubbing the side of his cock shaft. Kiss him on the lips, and tell him you’re going to suck his cock a little; maybe a lot? See the slightly pained expression.

Tell him you’re going to eat him alive. I like to tell him; “Kiss me if you want to cum, suck my lips off.”

Save your saliva, put the gag back and reverse yourself. Apply some fresh oil and get into the 69 position. Depending on how tall you both are your thighs may be right past his face, but likely not (unless on purpose). Licky licky, sucky sucky.

Ooh, the blowjob, about the most vindictive instrument of torture at your disposal; pleasure-torture, of course, but torturous none the less.

Have your hands intertwined around his balls and the base of his cock, and point the thing at your lips. Tell him it’s just inches away. He can feel your hands, your breath and your tits on his stomach, but is looking at your spread ass. Told you a blindfold wasn’t necessary. That said, presentation isn’t as important now, either.

Press his cock against his stomach and give his balls a lick. In fact, give his balls the whole hog all over again. Lap away like a dog on peanut butter.

Tongue, tongue, tongue. Not the best from this angle though, so back to the shaft. Do a sloppy harmonica slide kiss up its length and back down the other side. Do it again; then let the tip of your tongue wander along the base of the head, all around; you’ll probably have been introduced to precum by now. Precum is the bomb. In fact, precum is a reward, and you want more of it. And god knows his dick wants more of your saliva.

Yes, saliva, the wonderful renewable fluid of many useful and interesting applications. Put it on his dick. Lots of it. Big, long, flat licks are good for applying the stuff. So is outright drooling. It’s also recyclable; anyway, coat it.

Purse your lips in the Marilyn Monroe “prune” shape and plant them on the head. Lower your own head, slowly, keeping them pressed, sliding your lips over the head so he breaks firmly through your kiss. I like to call this move “crowning” the dick.

Mmm, cocksucking. In this context of extremely erotic tease and denial, this is where the head of his cock gets a good workout. Get both hands around the shaft and your mouth on the head for the full engulfing effect, or take him to your tonsils while he’s gasping. He should be gasping.

He’s definitely feeling the restraints, for he really wants his hands on your ass. Or your head, or something, anything. Helpless as a little duckling.

So employ to whatever effect you choose. Your lips, tongue, teeth, the cavity at the back of your mouth…the roof of your mouth, cheeks, did I say lips? Teeth are special. The mouth’s real power, there to tease and delight, nibble and horrify, perhaps making a gentle introduction as his cock glides past your cool, wet lips for the umpteenth time.

His cock, still, sealed inside the tight, wet and very hot prison of your mouth, with your tongue the interrogator and no escape in sight. I’m sure it’s ecstasy, and ecstasy should last. For a real treat, squirt some (edible) oil in your mouth, let it sit for a moment, and suck him in. Loudly. Unseal your lips to allow some of the goo to dribble out. They call cum-swapping snowballing because of the accumulation; keep slurping. No need for lip gloss with this kind of action.

Instead of popping him out of your mouth when he’s about to cum again, if you think he can handle it just keep him there, suspended in your mouth (oxygen free). In the 69 position your mouth and throat are positioned excellently for sucking cock. Deepthroat him if you can. You want him to really feel and experience the depth and unrelenting cock-ministering power of your body.

Give him a real tour of the orgasm factory, so to speak. With the cock ring, one merely needs a hand and the lightest touch at the base of his cock in order to point it about.

You are his queen tonight, so continue to make the most of it. Give him the most lascivious tongue lashing of his life. Snake it up, down and around the shaft, his belly button, his thighs (no substitute for tits though), and all over the head.

Pointed tongue, flat tongue, slurpy dripping loving tongue; he can feel your every taste bud. Stop intermittently of course. One thing you’ll have to get used to is the sound of breathless disappointment.

I’ve described so far you being flat on his stomach, like a half of 69. If you are, after a good bit of luxury cocksucking, flip around, get your ass in the air, and; continue it. If you thought there was some spit content before, well. Give him a real working over all over again.

Noticed you haven’t used any artificial lubricant in a while? Yeah. Look into his eyes, stick your tongue out all the way, and give him a big snail trail from under his balls to the tip of his cock. You probably know how to swish your tongue around with your mouth closed to stimulate more production.

Have him watch you do this. Then, leave his cock flat on his stomach, lean over and, slowly, let a big fat string drip down past your lips and all over his cock and balls. Drool it. You’ll probably have to break it off at your chin, afterwards. Rub it in (to his dick, I mean), run your tongue up to the head again, hold it vertical, and do your best to make him squeal.

“What, you don’t want your dick sucked?”

You should be at least an hour in. That cock’s been wet for a while. It’s had quite a bit of tongue. If you’re good at blowjobs, he’ll have done some work. And having been licked all over, he ain’t nothing but cock now.

Reapply some oil and remind him. He’s probably moaning, panting, and unsure. Give his balls a scratch. The gag in his mouth will have been suppressing his complaints nicely, to say nothing of the feeling of helplessness it contributes. If this is his first time he’ll have never wanted to cum so badly in his life.

Slow, drawn out, deliberate and agonizing tease and denial is a kind of extreme erotic frustration that in the process of inducing is, well, quite delicious.

You can give your mouth a break now. Sit back at his knees, facing him, and produce your feather, fur, or strip of silk. Wiggle the point of the feather under and around his balls, maliciously target the head, and run it up to his neck. Aw, it’s just a little feather. Drape your piece of fabric on his dick and trace it over and around, or hold it at length and have it dance around his balls.

Set them aside. Did you bring some condoms? I hope so. Oil him up again and slip one on. Dribble a little oil on top, and put another one on! And one or two more, depending on their thickness (you probably don’t need to lube up the last one). Hoo boy. You’re going to fuck him like this. He’ll feel the heat but not your pussy.

So with a glint in your eye, release his leg restraints and have him slide his thighs together, then climb on cowgirl facing him.. Take him right to the hilt; I don’t want to know the noises he’s making. Grind away your clot on his pelvis, but keep the vertical strokes to a minimum. Is it unbearable? Of course not. So let’s turn the torture up to 11.

After you’ve had enough of this, take the condoms off, all at once, release his cock, and have your pussy sit at the base of his shaft. Tell him you want to polish his lovely shaft, and ‘this is gonna suck.’ Put your hands down on the bed beside him, and slide your pussy up the length of the shaft, till your clit is just past the head. Slide back down. Groaning, muffled moaning and heavy breathing are all to be expected. He’s not penetrating your cunt, but your labia & clit are enjoying his shaft.

Be agonizing. Wet pussy sliding on a cock in this state is a deadly, twisted move. You can be a little bit sadistic. Make his cock shine. I needn’t point out it’s the more sensitive underside of his cock you’re working with. So go extra slowly and ignore the whimpering. After a few minutes of this, get off, stand his cock up and plunge the whole thing deep into your pussy. Not too fast though. If you think he can keep still and you aren’t reverse cowgirl, lean forward and kiss his neck. Lick some of the sweat off your victim’s face. Then lean back, keeping his dick confined the whole time. Then crawl up and bury his face in your ass, and purr while he struggles, his cock twitching, getting nothing but air.

“What now? You want some cum soon?”

That can be obliged, if he isn’t ready for another slow, grueling handjob or getting sucked again. But he probably is; and how he gets off is, of course, up to you. Should he orgasm deep in your pussy? I say no. Having him cum all over somewhere visible is more rewarding. You could take the gag off now too, but he might bite you. Get your tongue at the ready, and prepare for an extra large spoonful of hot, sticky cum.

You know how to get him there; when he’s finally ready. I recommend the sloppy cum in mouth finish. Work him. This should be at least the 15th time he approaches a volcanic cum pop.

So either get a hand on there and tongue him to the first squirt, or jerk him with Oily Hand. A hand around his balls either way. Right when he starts ejaculating, pop that bulging cock head in your mouth and get on the receiving end. Smile while it oozes past your lips and down to his balls, like so much spit before it. Cum play is where it’s at. I’d say make sure to get all the cum out, for a giggle during cleanup.

By alf_2712

Intro To BDSM

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Tue, 23 Sep 2025 08:33:00 -0700

Fundamentals, Types and Roles, Safety Rules, and More

By Nuna Alberts, LCSW. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

If you’ve ever fantasized about getting kinky in the bedroom, you’re not alone. The runaway success of E. L. James’s Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy of books; the three top-selling print and e-books in the United States between 2010 and 2019; not to mention the sales of the movies they generated, prove that interest in BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism) is anything but rare.

BDSM can involve role playing, sensory manipulation, and more. Here are a few popular ways enthusiasts like to get kinky!

Prevalence: How Many People Practice BDSM?

Further proof: Nearly 47 percent of women and 60 percent of men have fantasized about dominating someone sexually, while slightly more women and less men are aroused by the idea of being dominated, according to a 2016 study. The same study also found that almost 47 percent adults would like to participate in at least one nontraditional type of sexual activity, and 34 percent said that they’d done so at least once in the past. No wonder if you search the phrase “BDSM” on Google it will return more than 500 million results. By comparison, the phrase “missionary sex” returns about 163 million results.

The History of BDSM: Not So New

Explore a little more and you’ll also discover that BDSM is nothing new. Among BDSM’s historical high points:

Art and texts from ancient Greece and Rome show physical pain being used as an erotic stimulus, per the book An Illustrated History of the Rod, by William M. Cooper, first published in 1868.
The Kama Sutra, the revered Sanskrit text on sexuality written in India about 2,000 years ago, describes six appropriate places to strike a person with passion and four ways to do it. It also has chapters titled “Scratching,” “Biting,” and “Reversing Roles.”
The Marquis de Sade, a French aristocrat who lived from 1740 to 1814, wrote a variety of erotic novels and short stories involving being beaten and beating others. Eventually the author’s name gave rise to the term “sadism.”
Similarly, the term “masochism” is derived from the name of Austrian nobleman and author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose 1870 novel Venus in Furs describes a dominant-submissive relationship.
Back in 1953, a Kinsey Institute study found that 55 percent of women and 50 percent of men were aroused by being bitten.
And even pre-Fifty Shades of Grey, 36 percent of U.S. adults reported having had sex using masks, blindfolds, or other forms of bondage.

Is BDSM Still Considered a Medical Disorder?

At one time, mental health experts were dubious about whether those who practiced BDSM were mentally healthy. But the American Psychiatric Association took a huge step in destigmatizing kink with the release of the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) in 2013. For the first time ever, the guidelines drew a clear distinction between consenting adults who engage in sexual behaviors outside the mainstream, such as BDSM, and those who force others to engage in those behaviors without consent.

That means simply experimenting with, say, whips and chains, is no longer a sign of mental illness that by itself “justifies or requires clinical intervention,” the manual states.

There are true sexual disorders that are similar in theme. Sexual sadism disorder, for instance, involves inflicting physical or psychological pain on another for the purpose of sexual pleasure. And sexual masochism disorder involves deliberately involving yourself in a situation in which you are humiliated, beaten, or abused for the purpose of sexual excitement.

The difference between these two disorders and BDSM is consent, in the case of sexual sadism disorder, and that BDSM does not go to the degree of causing significant distress or impairing function, in the case of sexual masochism disorder.

The Psychology of BDSM: Why Are People Drawn to It?

Most of the available evidence shows that the majority of BDSM enthusiasts are mentally healthy and typical in every respect except that they find traditional (“vanilla”) intimacy unfulfilling and want something more intense.

“People always ask if it’s normal to be interested in BDSM,” says Michal Daveed, a spokeswoman for The Eulenspiegal Society, a nonprofit organization in New York City that describes itself as the “oldest and largest BDSM support and education group” in the country.

“Normal is a funny word to describe a really widespread and diverse humanity. If your definition of normal is how many people are doing this, it’s way more people than you may think,” says Daveed. “And if your definition of normal is ordinary, the BDSM world is full of ordinary people whose sexuality happens to be hardwired a particular way.”

One landmark 2008 study backs Daveed up. It found that people who engaged in BDSM were more likely to have experienced oral sex or anal sex, to have had more than one partner in the previous year, to have had sex with someone other than their regular partner, and to have taken part in phone sex, visited an internet sex site, viewed an X-rated film or video, used a sex toy, had group sex, or taken part in manual stimulation of the anus, fisting, or rimming.

However, they were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were not significantly more likely to be unhappy or anxious. Indeed, men who had engaged in BDSM scored significantly lower on a scale of psychological distress than other men.

“Our findings support the idea that BDSM is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, and for most participants not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with ‘normal’ sex,” the researchers concluded.

“BDSM is a healthy expression of sexuality,” says Filippo M. Nimbi, PhD, a researcher at the Institute of Clinical Sexology and in the department of dynamic and clinical psychology at Sapienza University, both in Rome.

Dr. Nimbi is also the coauthor of a study that compared 266 consensual BDSM practitioners to 200 control subjects who described their sex lives as traditional. (10) Echoing the earlier study, the researchers found that the BDSM group tended to report fewer sexual problems than the general population.

“People engaging in BDSM are usually people who have thought a lot about their sexuality,” Nimbi said. “They have explored and faced their sexual boundaries. Basically, they know what they like, and they do it. This has a positive outcome on their sexual experiences and on the overall quality of their lives.”

Many people think it’s a pathology or a perversion to, say, want to be spanked hard and to be happy about that, he added. “We each develop our erotic fantasies from our different tastes, experiences, and curiosities, beginning in childhood and lasting until the end of our lives. Everyone is different. We can develop the same fantasy from different stories, and we can develop different fantasies from the same stories. Some people find in BDSM a way to be free, to get wild, to let go, and to play a different role from their everyday lives. And if they get satisfaction and respect the ‘rules,’ why should it be abnormal?”

The Physicality of BDSM: Why Does It Feel Good?

Patti Britton, PhD, MPH, cofounder of the credentialing and training institute Sex Coach U and a past president of the American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), as well as other experts are quick to point out that seeking the pain-pleasure connection is not unique to the BDSM community. Think of athletes who push past physical comfort to experience a “runner’s high,” or people who chase thrills by engaging in dangerous extreme sports, like skydiving. Think of the bliss that aficionados of super spicy food experience when biting into a pepper sets their mouth on fire, or the rush of fear that riding a roller-coaster or watching a horror movie can bring.

“The same chemical cocktail of endorphins, dopamine, and other hormones that make those experiences pleasurable to some makes BDSM actually quite wonderful to others,” says clinical sexologist Francesca Gentille, coeditor of The Marriage of Sex & Spirit, and host of the podcast Sex: Tantra & Kama Sutra. “I like to compare sexual preferences to taste in food. Most of us don’t like bland food, but we have a range of how spicy we like it.”

Common Questions & Answers

What does BDSM stand for?

BDSM is an acronym that stands for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism.

Why do people like BDSM?

In the past, it was thought that BDSM might be a sign of unhealthy sexuality. But increasingly, even medical professionals say that BDSM is a healthy expression of sexuality. Erotic fantasies that fall into this category develop from different tastes, experiences, and curiosities that develop in childhood.

What is a rigger in BDSM?

A rigger is someone who, in engaging in BDSM play, ties rope for bondage purposes.

What is a brat in BDSM?

A brat, in the context of BDSM, is someone who misbehaves toward the dominant party in the BDSM scene being played out.

Is BDSM illegal?

BDSM occupies murky territory, legally. The foundation of BDSM “play” is consent between the parties engaging in it. However, you cannot legally consent to be tortured or assaulted. And what seems to be “play” to some may appear differently to others.

Roleplaying and BDSM: The Variety Is Endless

Doctor and patient. Teacher and student. Roleplaying is a common aspect of BDSM “play.” It may involve two or more people who “act out” a particular scene or fantasy. BDSM roleplay can happen in person or virtually. It almost always involves at least one individual being dominant and another being submissive. It may be simple, or it may be complicated enough to require a script. And actual sex is not the focus.

“The core of BDSM is the psychological part,” explains Mistress Damiana Chi, a dominatrix in Los Angeles who holds a PhD in clinical psychology. (She asked that her real name not be used, citing privacy concerns.) “For BDSM to be real, it has to involve an exchange of power with a lot of trust and respect. The couple has to decide which role they want to play, the dominant one or the submissive, and it’s that dynamic that creates erotic intensity.”

Common themes for BDSM role play include:

Kidnapper and victim
Law enforcement and prisoner
Owner and pet
Royal and commoner

Most Recent

While chains and whips might excite Rihanna (as she proclaims in the hit song ”S&M”), it’s wrong to think all manifestations of BDSM involve inflicting extreme pain. The range of erotic expressions that fit under its umbrella is huge.

At one end there’s “light” BDSM, which includes activities like tickling, using a blindfold, tying your partner to the bedposts with silk scarves, slapping their rear playfully, and making verbal demands, such as “Call me Sir” or “Call me Madam.” No pain. No force. Just playful and pleasurable.

At the other end of the spectrum is “hardcore” BDSM. This can include whipping, caning, binding with ropes, dripping hot wax directly on the skin, and hundreds more forms of erotic expression, many of which you might find impossible to imagine.

“There are universal themes, but I’ve seen things that have shocked even me, not because they were unsafe, but because they were so infinitely creative,” says Dr. Britton.

Asking to have clothespins attached to your tongue. Being mummified with plastic wrap so that you’re completely immobilized. Living as a submissive wearing a leather collar while serving a dominant partner. Yes, there are people who choose these activities — the key word being “choose.”

“There are two essential things to know about BDSM,” explains Britton. “It is always voluntary, and the reason people do it is because it feels good. There’s something about transcending pain that can be almost a spiritual experience,” she adds. “It releases the self from the body. I’ve had people tell me, ‘the more my body is restrained, the freer I feel.’”

Common forms of BDSM play include:

Bondage (restraint or restriction)
Wax (dripping hot wax on the skin)
Impact (spanking, slapping, caning, flogging)
Sensation (using tools such as feathers, a paddle, burlap, on the skin)
Sensory deprivation (blindfolds, earmuffs, ear plugs)

The Importance of Communication, Consent, and Using Safe Words

How can having someone strike you, perhaps to the point that you cry out in pain, not be abuse? “Consent is the magic word,” says Nimbi.

“While mainstream sexual encounters also stress the importance of consent, consent often takes the form of an unstated, implicit assumption based on perceived behavioral displays of interest or willingness,” note University of British Columbia psychologists Cara Dunkley, PhD, and Lori A. Brotto, PhD in a 2019 paper. “The BDSM community takes consent further, demanding explicit rather than tacit consent.”

In a dominant-submissive “scene,” for instance one in which one person is going to be flogged, it’s standard practice for the “dom” or “top” and the “sub” or “bottom” to first negotiate at length and then contract, often in writing, what the sub is definitely willing to do, what he or she might be willing to do, and what is absolutely off-limits before they begin to “play.”

They also must agree on a safe word or gesture that the sub can use at any time to stop the action. That means that if there’s any potential for pain, both players are aware of the rules and of their own limits. Ironically, it also means that the sub actually has more control of the scene than the dom, since he or she defines the parameters and has the power to stop the action at any time, for any reason.

“There is no community on the planet more committed to the concept of consent than the BDSM community,” says Valerie White, a lawyer and founder of the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund, a nonprofit advocacy and education group based in Sharon, Massachusetts. “Of course, you can come across a rogue, just as you can in any group. But if anyone crosses the line, they are cast out so quickly it would make your head spin to see it.”

Common safe words include:

Red
Pineapple
Banana
Peach

Safe and Risk-Aware Kink: How to Try It Safely at Home

If you’re planning on trying kink at home, experts advise going to a class, reading a book, listening to a podcast, or checking out informational videos on YouTube before trying anything other than light BDSM at home to see and learn how to engage in this type of erotic expression safely.

“You have to learn this,” says Britton. “You don’t just go to Home Depot and buy a rope and tie your husband up. BDSM play is not random. It’s not built on spontaneity. It’s built on anticipating a set of behaviors that are negotiated beforehand.”

“People playing at home without training is dangerous,” says Gentille, who spent four years as a collared submissive at home with a dominant partner in a relationship. “You can’t, for example, just leave a person alone in a room, tied up and gagged, and expect it to go well.”

Social Etiquette and BDSM

It might sound contrary, but there’s most definitely a code of behavior with regard to practicing BDSM properly. If you’re thinking about trying BDSM at a social gathering, often dubbed a “play party,” which can be an informal gathering hosted by someone or an organized event, you’ll need to do some prepping beforehand about the social mores. Can you touch someone else’s toys? How do you handle consent? Can everybody play? Learning the ropes before you go will ensure that you have a good time.

The BDSM Terms You Need to Know

BDSM also has its own language to describe who takes part, how they take part, and how things work. Among common terms you’ll encounter in this world are:

Bondage and discipline
Dominance and submission
Male dominance
Male submission
Female dominance
Female submission
Sadism and masochism

BDSM and the Law: What You Need to Know

The legality behind BDSM is murky. Legally, for instance, you cannot consent to be tortured or assaulted. And, to the outside eye, some BDSM activities can appear to fall into that category. So, for example, if police raid a BDSM event and see activities that they object to, they can charge the participants even if there is consent. While it’s unlikely you’ll encounter a problem, especially in the confines of your own home, it’s good to know the lay of the land, legally. And there are special cases — like custody battles — where people need to know how this kind of information can be used in court.

BDSM: Beyond Taboo

Of course, while BDSM is not for everyone (Britton herself identifies more as vanilla than kink), there is more and more recognition that it is 100 percent normal to fantasize about it. What’s more, given the reclassification of BDSM and related behaviors in the DSM-V and the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon, it’s easier than ever to explore those fantasies in real life without shame, if one desires to.

One sure sign that kink is becoming less and less taboo: The Harvard College Munch, which brings together students with interested in kinky sex, is now recognized by the university as an official campus group. (12)

“It’s very out in the culture right now, but it’s not fully out of the shadows yet,” says Gentille. “People are still embarrassed to talk about sex. What they discover when they dive a little deeper into it is that in BDSM you actually get to talk about what you like, what you’re curious about, and what is a definite ’No.’ It’s clear, overt, and collaborative and that can feel delightful. And if you like it, if you have control over what happens, it’s all good fun.”

Speaking BDSM: A Glossary of Terms Used to Describe BDSM

Curious about BDSM? Here’s the lowdown on the vocabulary you’ll need to ask questions and learn about it.

By Julie Lynn Marks

BDSM enthusiasts have created an entire vocabulary around their lifestyle.

If you’re interested in exploring BDSM (bondage/discipline, domination/submission, sadism/masochism), you’ll need to understand BDSM terms. The glossary below will make it easier for you to parse the technical terminology as well as the not-so-scientific vernacular — aka, slang — you’ll need to speak BDSM.

Aftercare

When a scene is over, aftercare is the emotional and physical care that’s administered, usually by a top. Proper aftercare may be used to prevent a drop.

Age Play

When participants take on an older or younger role.

BDSM

An umbrella term used to describe a sexual practice that involves the use of physical control, psychological power, or pain. It typically includes the components of bondage and discipline, domination and submission, or sadism or masochism.

Bondage and Discipline

A type of BDSM practice that incorporates bondage (tying, binding, or restraining someone) and discipline (punishing a submissive partner when they break a rule).

Bottom

The person in a scene who follows the orders and receives the sensations.

Breath Play

A form of play when one participant controls their breath. This may include choking or holding the breath.

Consent

Agreeing to certain acts in a BDSM scene or relationship. Practitioners believe that consent is what separates BDSM from assault.

Contract

An arrangement that outlines the rules and structures of a BDSM relationship. It may be written or oral.

Dom

A dominant role, often referring to a male.

Domina

A dominant who is female and embraces a feminine gender role — sometimes called a Domme or Dominatrix.

Dominance and Submission (D/S)

A term for the behaviors or rituals that a submissive person follows in a BDSM relationship. In D/S, one person usually has power over another.

Dominant

A person who has the authority in a BDSM relationship or scene.

Drop

The physical or emotional exhaustion that takes place after a scene. Both tops and bottoms may experience a drop. Crying, feeling sad, and physical shaking are all signs of a drop.

Dungeon

A location where BDSM play takes place (usually in a person’s home or at a club).

Dungeon Monitor

A person (or group of people) who supervises BDSM activities at a club or play party to make sure the acts are safe and consensual.

Edge Play

BDSM acts that are considered more intense or dangerous, such as breath play.

Female Dominance

When a woman takes the dominant role in a BDSM relationship or scene.

Female Submission

BDSM activity in which a woman submits to a sexual partner.

Fetish

An obsession with a specific experience, body part, or object.

Fetish Wear

The clothing worn by those who practice BDSM (usually leather attire or other role-playing costumes).

Gender Play

A type of BDSM play when an individual in a scene takes on the role of the opposite gender.

Hard Limits

An activity that a person in a BDSM relationship absolutely won’t do. A hard limit can’t be negotiated.

Impact Play

A type of BDSM play that involves striking the body. This can be done with a hand, paddle, cane, whip, flogger, or other instrument.

Kink

Nonconventional sexual practices. BDSM is often referred to as kink.

Master

The person who has control over a slave in a consensual master-slave relationship.

Male Dominance

BDSM acts when the dominant partner is a man, also called maledom.

Male Submission

BDSM activities when the submissive participant is a man, also referred to as malesub.

Masochist

An individual who likes or becomes sexually gratified by their own pain or humiliation.

Munch

An informal meeting or party, often at a public place, where people interested in BDSM can mingle.

Play

A term used to describe the BDSM acts themselves.

Play Party

A social gathering where guests can engage in BDSM activity.

Pro Domme

A woman who is a professional top and dominant.

Protocol

A rule or rules that people practicing BDSM agree to follow.

Role Play

When one or more people take on a different identity during a scene. Examples may include teacher-student, doctor-patient, or boss-employee role plays.

Sadism and Masochism

This subset of BDSM involves inflicting pain or humiliation for the purpose of pleasure or sexual gratification.

Sadist

A person who enjoys or becomes sexually aroused by inflicting pain or humiliation on someone else.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC)

This phrase describes what the BDSM community considers ethical behavior. Kink enthusiasts stress that activities must always be safe, sane, and consensual.

Safe Word

An agreed upon word or phrase that a bottom, sub, or slave can say during a scene to stop the activity or session immediately. Some common safe words are “red,” “red light,” “pineapple,” and “banana.”

Soft Limits

A limit that’s more flexible than a hard limit. It might be an act that a person is hesitant to perform but may be willing to try.

Scene

The actual BDSM activities or encounters that take place.

Slave

A person who gives up total control of one or more parts of their life to a master.

Submissive

Someone who submits to a dominant person in a BDSM relationship or scene. Submissive can be shortened to sub.

Switch

A person who sometimes plays a top and sometimes plays a bottom in a BDSM scene.

Top

The person who performs the BDSM acts in a scene.

Topping From the Bottom

When a bottom tries to control a scene even though it was agreed that the top would be in charge.

24-7s

When individuals in a relationship engage in some form of BDSM at all times (24 hours a day, 7 days a week).

Vanilla Sex

Used by people in the BDSM community to label sexual behavior that doesn’t involve kink.

This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.

Sexy Seniors

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Sun, 21 Sep 2025 08:24:00 -0700

A discussion of Advanced Maturity and Sexuality

By Mark Stibich, PhD. Listen to the ► podcast at How To Sex.

Many people in their 70s and 80s are not only sexually active, but satisfied with their senior sex lives.

University of Michigan Institute for Healthcare Policy and Innovation. Let’s talk about sex. Though the frequency or ability to perform sexually may decline with age due to physiological changes, these don't necessarily affect how a person experiences or enjoys sex.

Aging-related problems like erectile dysfunction (ED), vaginal dryness, or urinary incontinence can affect sex. But their impact can also be minimized by using medication, managing chronic conditions, seeking individual or couples counseling, and changing sexual practices.

This article explores the sex lives of adults 65 and over and the problems that can interfere with sex as the body ages. It also discusses the various treatment options and ways to maintain—or even jumpstart—your senior sex life.

Studies suggest that men are almost twice as likely as women to still have sex or masturbate in their later years. A British study found close to 60% of men ages 70 to 80 and 31% of men ages 80 to 90 are still sexually active. In women, those figures drop to 34% and 14%, respectively.

This lower rate of sexual activity in older women may be due to a lack of opportunity rather than a lack of desire. Research shows that older women are less likely to have partners (due in large part to the fact that they often outlive their partners). This is sometimes referred to as "the partner gap."

It is common for men to experience sexual problems after age 40. Reasons include a natural decline in testosterone levels, heart disease, and prostate problems. The inability to achieve or sustain an erection or reach orgasm or ejaculation are common concerns.

Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction (ED), formerly known as impotence, is the inability to achieve or maintain an erection firm enough for sexual penetration and long enough to achieve orgasm.

While ED is more common in older men, aging itself does not cause the problem. ED is related to conditions, sometimes several at once, that directly or indirectly interfere with erections.

Risk factors include high blood pressure, diabetic nerve damage, smoking, obesity, Peyronie's disease, depression, and even certain medications. An accurate diagnosis is needed to ensure the right treatment.

ED drugs like Viagra (sildenafil), Levitra (vardenafil), and Cialis (tadalafil) are often the first-line treatments for ED. Lifestyle changes and counseling can also help. For some men, hormonal therapy, penis pumps, and penile implants may be recommended.

Is There a Female Viagra?

Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia

Benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) is a non-cancerous enlarged prostate and one of the most common health problems in older males.6 BPH can cause symptoms like difficulty urinating, frequent urination, or waking up in the middle of the night to urinate (nocturia).

On top of this, BPH can cause sexual problems like low libido (low sex drive) and delayed ejaculation (difficulty reaching orgasm).

Among the treatment options, testosterone therapy may help restore libido. There are also certain drugs used off-label that may help with delayed ejaculation, including cabergoline (originally marketed as Dostinex) and Wellbutrin (bupropion).7

Because some BPH medications can also cause sexual dysfunction, a change in the dose may help resolve these concerns.

Lifestyle Changes to Treat Erectile Dysfunction

Sexual Health Problems in Older Women

More than a third of older women experience sexual problems. These are typically due to menopause, when estrogen levels steeply decline. Hormonal changes can lessen sexual desire and make it harder to become aroused.

Sexual organs also change as a person gets older. A woman's vagina will shorten and narrow. The vaginal walls become thinner and less flexible, tearing more easily. Vaginal lubrication decreases, making vaginal intercourse more painful.

Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder

Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) is diagnosed when an absence of sexual fantasies, thoughts, and desires causes personal distress. It is a problem that is common among many older women.

A medication known as Addyi (flibanserin) is used to treat HSDD in women. It is currently only approved for premenopausal women, but research shows that it can also improve libido in older women as well.

Risk of Low Libido After Menopause

Vaginal Dryness

Vaginal dryness is uncomfortable and can make sex painful. Over-the-counter (OTC) remedies that can help relieve irritation and itching from vaginal dryness include lubricants such as K-Y Jelly or vaginal suppositories like Replens.

If OTC remedies don’t help, your doctor may prescribe estrogen cream as well as estrogen-containing vaginal rings and vaginal suppositories.

There are also plant-based products, like black cohosh, that have estrogen-like effects. These should be used with caution in women who have had or are at risk of breast cancer.

Pain With Sex

Painful intercourse is more likely in older women as vaginal tissue tends to thin and tear easily after menopause. Standard treatments for vaginal dryness can often help ease pain during sex.

If that is not effective, prescription drugs like Osphena (ospemifene) and Intrarosa (prasterone) can treat thinning vaginal tissues and help relieve moderate to severe vaginal dryness.

Dealing With Painful Intercourse After Menopause

Pelvic Organ Prolapse

The pelvic floor muscles and tissues hold the bladder, uterus, cervix, vagina, and rectum in place. Pelvic organ prolapse (POP) occurs when the pelvic floor weakens, causing the pelvic organs to drop and bulge (prolapse) in the vagina. This can cause pelvic pain and pressure, pain with sex, and urinary incontinence.

POP is often treated with pelvic floor physical therapy to strengthen the supporting muscles. In some cases, surgery may be needed.

What Is Uterine Prolapse?

Other Health Concerns

Chronic medical conditions become more common as a person ages. Many of these can interfere with an older person's sex life.

Arthritis and Chronic Pain

Arthritis and other chronic pain conditions are common among older adults and can make sex very difficult. Depending on the cause, doctors may recommend physical therapy to strengthen muscles and improve flexibility.

Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), both over-the-counter and prescription, can be taken before sex to help ease the pain. Opioid drugs, while effective as a pain reliever, can cause a drop in testosterone and contribute to ED.

If the pain only occurs in certain sexual positions, let your partner know and try different positions. Bolstering your bodies with pillows and cushions can also help.

Best Positions for Sex With Back Pain

Diabetes

In the United States, almost one-third of adults over 65 have diabetes. Approximately half of these are undiagnosed.

Diabetes can cause sexual dysfunction in both men and women. This can be due to circulation problems, medication side effects, or nerve damage. Problems include:

Low libido
Difficulty with arousal
Erectile dysfunction
Painful intercourse
Reduced genital sensation
Urinary tract infections
Yeast infections

The best way to reduce the impact of diabetes is to gain control of your blood sugar. Speak with your doctor if you have difficulty managing your blood sugar, and be sure to mention any sexual health problems you may be having. It's important for your doctor to know.

Heart Disease

Older age is the greatest risk factor for heart disease. Heart disease causes problems as arteries start to narrow and harden (referred to as atherosclerosis). This reduces blood flow throughout the body, including the pelvis and genitals, resulting in sexual dysfunction in both men and women.

Heart disease is one of the leading causes of erectile dysfunction in men. It can also cause women to have difficulty achieving orgasm due to the decreased blood flow to the genitals.

There is no one way to resolve these issues, but there is evidence that statin drugs used to reduce the risk of heart disease can improve erectile dysfunction in some men.19 Some studies suggest that similar approaches may improve sexual function in women with heart disease.

People with heart disease may also be nervous about sex due to fear of a heart attack. While sexual activity is generally safe, talk to your health provider if you are concerned.

Navigating Sex After a Heart Attack

Obesity

Today, more than 40% of adults over 65 meet the definition of obesity. Research shows that women who are obese are more likely to experience sexual dysfunction than non-obese women. In addition, obesity increases the odds of erectile dysfunction in men.

These issues may be directly related to higher rates of diabetes among people who are obese as well as reduced blood circulation due to atherosclerosis.

Weight loss, achieved with a healthy diet and routine exercise, is considered the best strategy to overcome obesity. It may also improve a person's self-image and sense of well-being while making sex easier to navigate.

Urinary Incontinence

Urinary incontinence is the loss of bladder control. This becomes more common with age, especially in women.

Incontinence can be embarrassing and make sex awkward. Women who experience stress incontinence may be afraid to orgasm. Extra pressure on the abdomen during intercourse can also cause urinary leakage.

If you have incontinence, empty your bladder before sex. Changing sexual positions can help prevent urinary leakage by avoiding the compression of the bladder. Pelvic floor exercises can also help strengthen the muscles that aid with urine control.

Medications

Some medications used in older adults can cause sexual dysfunction in both men and women. These include:

Antidepressants
Antihistamines
Chemotherapy
Diuretics ("water pills")
High blood pressure medicines
Opioid painkillers

If you are having sexual difficulties, let your doctor know and advise them of any drugs you are taking, including over-the-counter, prescription, or recreational.

Lifestyle and Mental Health

Lifestyle and mental health issues can also contribute to sexual problems in older adults. These issues can be just as difficult—and sometimes even more difficult—to overcome than physical ones. If you are faced with any of these issues, there are things you can do to turn them around.

Alcohol

For some people, drinking a glass of wine helps them relax and get in the mood. However, too much alcohol can end up impairing sexual function. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, alcohol is the most-used drug among older adults, with 65% of people 65 and older reporting high-risk drinking.

Alcohol can impair a man's ability to get an erection, cause premature ejaculation, or delay orgasm. In women, too much alcohol can make it difficult to climax.

Reducing the amount you drink can help, but if you are unable to control your alcohol use, speak to your doctor about treatment options.

Depression

In the United States, between 5% and 10% of adults over 65 are estimated to be depressed. This can lead to many health concerns, including sexual dysfunction.

In people with depression, neurotransmitters—chemical messengers that send signals between the brain and body—are out of balance. This can affect sexual desire, arousal, and orgasm. Ironically, medications used to treat depression can have the same effects.

While the benefits of antidepressants often outweigh the risks, therapy and counseling may offer a reasonable option for those with mild depression.

Stress

Stress can be a contributing factor to sexual dysfunction. Financial worries and health concerns are just some of the common stresses affecting older adults.

To relieve stress (and the effect it has on your sex life), consider stress management techniques like mindful breathing, tai chi, yoga, and meditation. Research shows practicing mindfulness and meditation can ease the effects of stress and improve overall feelings of well-being. This alone may help improve sex.

In addition, seek professional assistance from financial advisors, health advocates, and social workers to help better deal with the other stresses in your life.

Relationship Issues

Lack of sexual intimacy is often related to relationship problems. If you are and your partner are not connecting emotionally, it can lessen your desire to be intimate.

On the flip side, studies show that older couples who engage in sexual intercourse with their partner are likely to share a closer relationship. Moreover, closeness to one’s partner has been shown to increase overall well-being.

While this issue is not unique to older couples, many people find talking to a marriage counselor can help them work through relationship issues and rekindle sexual feelings and attraction.

Self-Image

With age can come weight gain and other body changes that may affect one's sense of physical attractiveness. Self-consciousness can spill over into the bedroom and affect a person's confidence during sex.

A 2019 study among older women found that those who were self-conscious about their bodies reported less sexual satisfaction. By contrast, those who had greater self-acceptance of their bodies irrespective of weight or aging-related changes had a more satisfying sex life.

Self-acceptance is ultimately the key. Working with a therapist, either alone or as a couple, can help you discuss your feelings openly and find a way to embrace a more positive self-image.

How to Maintain a Healthy Sex Life

The benefits of maintaining your sex life as you age are physical and emotional. Being sexually active is associated with a lower risk of medical conditions and a longer life. It's also associated with a greater sense of happiness and overall well-being.

If your sex life has become stagnant and you'd like to rev it back up, here are a few things you can do.

Communicate

Good sex begins with good communication. Couples who have been together a long time often think they know what the other is thinking. But no one is a mind reader.

Talk to your partner about any concerns you have. You may feel as though your mate is no longer attracted to you because sex has become infrequent, when in fact they are experiencing a decline in sexual interest.

In addition, as sex organs change with age, what felt good before may no longer feel good or may even be painful. Be open with your partner about these changes.

Communicating about sex can be challenging at any age, however. If you and your partner struggle to talk about sex, consider seeing a sex therapist.

Redefine Sex

Sex, as you get older, may need to change. But different can still be good, if not better. With an empty nest and possibly retirement, there’s more time and privacy to explore.

Research shows older adults have a broader definition of sexual activity than younger adults. In other words, they better understand that there is more to sex than just intercourse. Foreplay on its own can be quite satisfying.

Be creative and willing to try new things.

Rethink Intimacy

Sex isn't just physical. It’s an emotional expression of intimacy. As you grow older, sexual intimacy changes. What this means to you and your partner may need to be redefined.

Emotional intimacy can be expressed through non-sexual physical touch. Examples of non-sexual physical touch include:

Back rubs
Cuddling
Holding hands
Hugging
Placing your hand on your partner's shoulder or arm
Playful nudges
Sitting next to each other
Touching feet under the table

Another non-sexual way to build emotional intimacy is spending quality time together. Things you can do:

Go out on dates with other couples.
Look through old photos and reminisce.
Play cards, board games, or word games.
Read aloud to each other.
Play music together.
Travel, explore new places.
Visit with friends or family.

Just Do It

Instead of waiting for the desire to strike, experts recommend that older adults just go for it. This is because sex has physical and emotional benefits. Orgasms release oxytocin, a hormone that induces a state of calm and improves sleep.

Even if you’re not in the mood, having sex can set the stage for more sex in the future. This is especially true for women. Having sex regularly helps increase natural lubrication and vaginal elasticity. It may also improve erections in men.

Summary

Older age can lead to sexual problems in different ways. Age alone increases the risk of erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, low libido, vaginal dryness, and pelvic organ prolapse. Medical conditions like arthritis, diabetes, heart disease, obesity, and incontinence can also directly or indirectly interfere with sex.

Lifestyle and emotional issues that can impair sexual function in all ages can become even more profound in adults 65 years and older. These include stress, depression, negative self-image, relationship problems, and alcohol abuse.

By working with a doctor or therapist, you can overcome many of these concerns and improve not only your quality of life but your sex life as well. Keeping open lines of communication and embracing change as a natural part of life can also help keep your sex life fresh as you approach your later years.

By Mark Stibich, PhD for Very Well Health

This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.

Wild Pregnancy Sex

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Fri, 19 Sep 2025 08:22:00 -0700

Weird Hormones and suppressed fetishes can make expecting, a delight.

By various parents. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex.

A young and frisky married couple is contemplating having a baby. They’re seeking advice on lots of things, but the question that came to us is;

“What is sex like, during pregnancy and after?

Some details are straight-forward and answers are easy. Like;

It’s rare for an obstetrician to recommend any limits on sexual intercourse, and in those rare situations, Couples can utilize their other means of sexually satisfying each other’s cravings.

What a medical professional can’t tell you, is how your morning sickness and late term discomfort will take a toll on your libido. And then there are other hang-ups, like knowing your child is fractions of an inch from where daddy’s parts are rubbing mommy’s parts.

Pregnancy does amazing things to a woman’s complexion, and bustline. That usually draws her man’s attention. But the last weeks of pregnancy have common discomforts. But after delivery, her vagina needs a break for about 6 weeks. Couples sometimes have to put effort into getting back in the grove of sexual intimacy, only this time a baby can interrupt anything.

So it’s especially important to have great sex before a seasonal post-partum drought hits your sex life.

Well, we’re going to give you lots of perspectives, for couples who’ve been through this unique phase. Enjoy! Here’s what some experienced folks said;

First trimester it sucked. I was chronically sick, didn’t feel sexy, couldn’t orgasm , it was horrible. Second trimester a switch flipped , my vagina became engorged with blood , I feel tighter , hornier , wetter. I want my man now. I’m just blessed I have a homey who goes through this crazy cycle with me because now it feels so good and I can’t get enough of him but the first trimester sucked

InternalLevel

Fun. It forced my wife and me to explore a lot of new positions and techniques. I also got a lot better at oral because toward the end of pregnancy that was the easiest way for her to have an orgasm due to being limited to only a few positions.

Adventurous_Mind

With my first pregnancy it was great. I wanted to do it a lot of the time and could climax with just penetration what until that point had never happened before. Eventually, by week 34, PGP kicked in and there was nothing until 6-8 weeks after my c-section.

My third pregnancy was the opposite, I had severe morning sickness/nausea till week 15-16, then hardly had any sex drive till week 25 when I had a persistant pelvic pain and it was physically impossible to do it anymore. I can count on one hand how many times we had sex between finding out I was pregnant at 3 weeks gestation till 20 weeks after my c-section.

Complete Honesty

When my woman was pregnant - it was top tier sex. I Would recommend, if you’re partner is down for it!

Raven heart

I was in the mood all the time with all 5 of my pregnancies. The drawback is, after I had each one; my libido went on an extended vacation for a years or so, so I’d have to fake it, fake interest, fake the orgasms, all of it.

Then with pregnancies 4 and 5, each orgasm would cause my uterus to contract, even at 6 weeks pregnant it happened, making me not really want the orgasms. Odd shit

boys mom

I was in Japan for much of the pregnancy of our first son. I was home for our 2nd son’s pregnancy. I think I'd rather have been back in Japan! The wifey was insatiable! Monday thru Friday, at 5am, wham bam thank you ma'am!

5 Pm, wham bam thank you ma'am. On the weekends, it was thrice per day. Same with our third, a baby girl!

done good

I Dunno. I guess I was too gross for my hubby to even want it. He never tried. But the do-it-yourself release was epic.

Automatic_Plant

It was Tiring when she got a high sex drive spell. Oh, God! She had a honey spell for a whole week. I was right tired all week

Prairie Chocolate

Didn’t have it, husband stayed the fuck away from me, we only did it a few times during pregnancy and it was awful, especially at the end when trying to go into labor, I felt like a beached whale

Creep in cupcake

Best sex of our marriage, her sex drive finally matched mine, she gets a little thicker, her breast are engorged and plump, and I could leave it in and fall asleep. Its probably why we had 4 kids, now that I think about it.

Definition Primary

Once I hit the second trimester, I was a total horn dog!

Plenty_Trouble

Pretty bad honestly. We tried once or twice but I had this mental block that I could hurt her or the baby, even though I know it's very unlikely. Some people have a pregnancy fetish or aren't bothered by it at all; but I'm not one of those people. Made me feel super guilty whenever my wife was horny.

neil

Some of the best sex I’ve had. The only time I’ve ever gushed.

spagooter and mash

My wife and I were going at it constantly, almost every day!

Anonymous

My libido is a little higher. Although during the later months of pregnancy some positions are off the table.

Boog Tot

You can nut in her as much as you want!

Fire

Much, much better until that last trimester. Then it was a struggle, uncomfortable, and orgasms gave me terrible Braxton hicks. But yeah, for those first two trimesters; cannot get enough.

almost always except

Wife is pregnant with twins. She's more horny than she's ever been. Amazing sex!

mario z

It Depends.

With the First pregnancy, first trimester sucked, second one was great, third, I was horny as hell but sex hurt so bad. So I basically kept dragging my husband into the bedroom, convincing him I would be ok, and then regretting it once we started .

With the Second pregnancy, first trimester was ok, but second and third were phenomenal. I dunno what happened, but all the stars aligned and my libido was only beaten by my newfound sensitivity. Husband had a blast too.

Goose G

Unfortunately, almost non-existent with my partner. Lots of masturbation

One Curious Yogi

The positions were hard but it honestly feels so much better after I got pregnant and had the baby.

Couldn't understand what the hype was about before.

Not that it didn't feel good before either, just wasn't nearly as good as it is now.

Flat worm

Absolutely best! She had this extra blood flow down there and as a result all the labia and all that were way more puffy than usual. The sensation was phenomenal!

mg macius

Non existent. He refused to do it.

And then would lay next to me when he thought I was asleep and jerk off.

I was so huge I couldn't even touch myself so I was just miserable both pregnancies.

Chemical_Reality

My wife is always really shy and would tell me the next day that she wanted to wake me up in the middle of the night and make love. I kept saying “why didn’t you?”

mighty jor

It was great, and I swear having sex like every day, or every other day throughout the pregnancy, is what kept me from having any tearing when I gave birth both times.

Until the last two weeks before I gave birth, then it got super painful so we had to stop then. But otherwise it’s wonderful. I also was not a squirter before I ever got pregnant. And then after I got pregnant with my first baby, I started squirting and I’m thankful that was something that stuck around after the pregnancy.

Capital_Search

I loved it. I already like curvy women which my wife is. So all the extra curves that come with pregnancy, drove me wild. Super sweet as well.

norml enough

I considered myself to have a higher-than-average sex drive prior to pregnancy, so my husband and I were curious just how horny I’d be once I was pregnant given what I’d heard from other women.

Turns out: not horny at all. Libido went back to baseline within a month postpartum, thank god, but I had less than no interest in sex during pregnancy. My husband also thought my pregnant body was super sexy, so that was a pretty big bummer for him

c dubs b

During my wife's first pregnancy, I wanted nothing to do with it once she got a bigger belly, not because she wasn't attractive, more just fear. She basically had to pin me down a few times and beg me to do it.

tim 28

I always felt like I had to pee. Even if I just peed. It’s like my bladder was being squeezed from both sides. Honestly not ideal.

Human 420

From a man’s perspective; it was weird, but for some reason my woman was 10 times more beautiful when she was pregnant, almost like her skin had a certain glow, hard to explain.

I was very happy about becoming a father, but regarding sex; I wasn't exactly thrilled all the time, when she wanted it.

But with her hormones going amok i didn't mind too much, plus getting her to the point of orgasm was a lot easier when she wasn't pregnant. I barely had to do anything.

Well Okay

I was super horny during my third pregnancy. Around month 3-4 we were going at it and I started bleeding. After a call into the doc she said get to the er and get checked out. They did an internal ultrasound and it took forever to find the heartbeat. We thought we’d lost the baby. It traumatized my husband a lot. They found the heartbeat thankfully and all was well, but we had to take a break from sex for a while.

Once I was given the all clear to go ahead again by my doctor, husband didn’t want to have sex at all during pregnancy. The final 5 months of pregnancy and the 6-8 weeks after, waiting for my post-partum check-up and birth control to kick in was fucking torture for me.

It took a year and a half after she was born to get our sex routine back to normal.

Paranormal_Shithole

Yea, my wife was super horny all the time. While it was awesome, it actually almost broke my penis. I had to ask my Commanding Officer if we were going to the field anytime soon, so I could give my Peter a rest.

I was gone two weeks for field exercises, (I’m a Marine) worst mistake of my life.

She jumped my bones not even 10 secs into getting home from 2 weeks out in the desert of California. I had to wrestle her off me so I could at least go shower first. She joined me in the shower.

Then I didn't get any electrolytes for the next 6 hrs. My tummy was rumbling, and she didn't care. I swear by the next morning I looked like a corpse.

Don’t let a heavy pregnant woman ride cowgirl at high-speed, bucking bronco fury! One slip on the drop and Peter goes to E R.

Papa Marine

It varied each pregnancy. We had amazing ones with lots of orgasms.

And one pregnancy where it hurt literally so bad that we had to stop doing it all together, for like 4 months in a row!

Oh, and in the end, I had one position; the ‘stranded whale’ position. Ya know, where you’re so big you can’t do any positions other than looking like a stranded whale!

Bubbly-Butterfly

My ex-wife was not interested in sex while pregnant with both of our kids.

After a while she just wasn’t into sex at all; So maybe it wasn’t the pregnancy’s fault?

I think I could count the times we had pregnant sex on one hand. I took care of myself a lot during that time.

I’m not trying to get anyone else pregnant, these days

flock-of-bagels

I ended up with an even higher sex drive than usual. Amazing until I got to 36 weeks; and then overnight, everything got so uncomfortable, it became a complete impossibility to have penatrative sex.

Key-Statistician

First pregnancy my wife was super horny and I wasn't really. Second pregnancy was the opposite.

Sad story.

francesco

I’m currently 7 months along. In my 1st trimester, I didn’t want much sex because of the nausea.

But from roughly 14 weeks or so to the present, I crave my hubby constantly. The sex is amazing!

I happen to want it more in the middle of the night, or mornings, or both!

Hubby had to set a time limit of acceptable times to wake him up during the night though; so he is able to go back to sleep before work. Which I respect .

Palpitation Future

My wife was a sex maniac. Plus, I didn't have to pull out before the blast of jizz. Best 9 months of my life!

ian j

At 39 weeks, I miss sex but I have no drive, which is just as well because the last time we did (like, a month or two ago), it was so uncomfortable I couldn't get there. And I'm even more swollen and sore now.

I can't wait for this to be over, I keep telling the baby, "Get out!"

lynn

It was amazing. Preggo boobs are the best! Pregnancy with my girlfriend enhanced our sex life. Her hormones were all fucked up so she wanted it a lot and I was thinking; “Hey, I don't have to pull out anymore.” Life was good.

Mortico

With my first pregnancy, sex was great. The hormones made everything more intense and certain positions worked easily until quite late in the pregnancy.

I was hoping to repeat the experience in my second pregnancy; but having a toddler to care for while growing a second one, made me so tired that my husband barely ever saw me awake after the first kid fell asleep.

I don't have many memories from my third pregnancy, to be honest.

jan in am

For some reason my wife wanted it all the time while pregnant. I think more for “I’m still sexy validation than anything.”

Another thing, sex was fine but her cunt had a different smell, not bad but different. Sorta like I had a ‘fill-in’ sex kitten.

bemest

We're about 6 months along at this point, and my husband hasn't been able to even contemplate sex since we found out. He's a bit over-protective of the fetus. He doesn't like it when I poke my belly because the baby mightn't like that. I'll occassionally admit to him I'm sexually frustrated, and he agrees he is a bit, too. But he just can't. He explains he knows everyone says it's safe, but what if? Would you ever forgive yourself if something happened to the baby because of sex? Just not worth it.

HaveFetusNotSex

My wife is pregnant right now. The sex is great other than dodging the baby bump.

Most men find their wife to be just as, or even more beautiful when they are pregnant.

Plus it’s always amazing to not have to, ah, pull out.

Boose

Sucks, to be honest. My orgasms caused immense pain, Braxton Hicks and a very hard stomach from a very angry baby in my uterus.

Worst thing is, I'm so fucking horny all the time, but I have no interest in dealing with all the suffering during and afterwards.

It's hard to find an angle that doesn't hurt, and the gunk that comes out over the next few days is absolutely disgusting and worrisome.

Plus, I’m too heavy and bulky. I can't find the right position. I get tired and sore too quickly.

Pristine Princess

My wife was super horny up until 3rd trimester.

5 stars, Product surpassed expectations, service was amazing, and she came faster than expected! Yes, I would reorder, and recommend to others!

Maleficent-Lion

I think we actually triggered labor. I was full term, as it all started about 6 hours post coitus.

I'm sure I read somewhere that women who have had frequent orgasms while pregnant, tend to have more efficient labors, as it gives the uterus a bit of a contraction workout. Not to mention the strengthening of your pelvic floor muscles, to help with labor and the recovery.

Anonymous

I’m the guy, and my girlfriend is preggers with #2.

Man! Her fucking is absolutely amazing. Her cunt has always been wet, don't get me wrong; but as I'm fucking her now. She will literally spurt her female juices all over me, and the bed. Her orgasms are so much more intense.

2Leauxkey

I had zero interest in sex while pregnant. My body honestly didn’t feel like my own, and being pregnant felt terrible for 99% of the pregnancy.

We did it when I was trying to naturally induce labor, but it felt kinda like a chore. My man also felt a little weird about poking baby even though he knows it’s irrational. So neither of us were really revving to go.

hopefully romantic

With my ex-wife, after the morning sickness passed, we were in the bedroom the moment that I got home from work everyday. Into the 3rd trimester, I couldn’t keep her off of me. Although, I did have to switch my deodorant, because it was making her nauseous.

Sadly, we split up. Now she’s with another guy and in her 2nd pregnancy.

She told me that the guy she’s with won’t touch her. He called her fat and ugly. His loss, I guess.

Rude_Device

My husband just hates preggo sex. it was HELL on us for our first baby. I was ravingly hormonal and my sex drive was insane. and he basically ran and hid whenever he knew i was in the mood, or turned me down. I was distraught a lot.

He never could really explain it; muttered stuff like he didn’t like the belly in the way, or he was not attracted to the shape, or I was heavy.

He admitted that even though he knew it was safe, it was just too weird for him.

I think stress kills his sex drive and he was stressed about becoming a dad in his own nonverbal way. He also flipped out if i mentioned my cervix hurt, or if I had a tiny bit of cervical bleeding from sex, which is normal and not harmful. Despite that we did do it at least once or twice a month, though it was more him grudgingly doing it at my behest, to avoid a fallout.

I was pretty much livid with him all the time and took the whole no sex thing personally, and we fought all the time, mainly with that being the underlying issue.

I was worried it was going to last past pregnancy and that he wouldn’t be able to connect with me as a mother and wife; or worse, not connect with his child.

Anyway, after baby was born, all that stuff didn’t happen, and we got back to having sex 2 weeks after baby was born, and it was good. I had no tears or other trauma, and I pretty much recovered early.

Good luck, if your man has hang-ups like mine did. Maybe buy vibrators and other toys, and tell him about your sexual arousal without him. Show him the monster life-like dildo that fucks your cunt and ask him if his lovely cock is more dangerous than the monster rubber dildo you’ve been slamming into your cunt every afternoon.

dionysian

It almost killed me.

From about three months ,along right up until our daughter was born, my wife was ravenous. Morning and night, weekend nooners, she could not get enough.

It took all of my strength and will, to barely keep up. I seriously wondered sometimes if I was going to survive it.

Five stars and would recommend! I would choose death by cowgirl, all over again.

punks mostly dead

During my first pregnancy, we both were worried it could cause a miscarriage or premature labor. Where we came up with that notion I can’t remember. We did have sex but it was slower and not as often.

The second time around the pregnancy was high risk and I was sick all during the first trimester, so we didn’t have sex at all, in those weeks.

But by the second trimester I was insatiable. I was never really uncomfortable because we tried different positions and improved our rhythms to make it pleasurable for both of us.

Anonymous

My wife is just in her 1st trimester with our 1st baby. We have had sex once in the past month. She's pretty nauseous, but I am crossing my fingers that once she feels better, she might be more interested.

I always hoped she would be a horny pregnant person, and not an uncomfortable pregnant person.

Mood Shoes

Pregnancy sex was the absolute best sex ever, during my first pregnancy.

My second pregnancy, I was pregnant with twins and threw up nonstop for 34 weeks. I was definitely not feeling the heat that pregnancy.

orange star

It was bad. I always felt like I was making my baby have sex.

Zarphod

My ‘ex’ refused to have sex with me when I was pregnant.

up your bum chum

The Mrs. completely turned off sex. I think we only did it twice the entire pregnancy.

crush_gold

I Don't know if you worry about this as well, but my husband's distaste for pregnancy really kind of kept him from doing anything like even rubbing my belly, feeling kicks, spooning with me while holding my belly. He didnt even like me spooning him with my belly pressed to him, talking to baby thru my belly, or any of those gushy things i really HOPED for him to do.

Basically I freaked out that if he couldn't connect to baby while I was pregnant he would not be able to connect when she was there, or be there for me in labor.

Luckily he was a fabulous labor partner, and was a true rock for me for the 24 hours of my misery, and he was the best daddy ever! From the start, he and our daughter are inseparable and it’s ridiculous how devoted he is to her.

dionysian

With my ex it was great! she was constantly in the mood, anytime we weren’t working, we were in our apartment having sex in every room.

In my new marriage, we didn’t really have frequent sex before this pregnancy; and now during it, sex went down even further so.

tay wil

It was like my genitals turned off. They just didn't get aroused, didn't respond to touch; nothing.

I was worried I'd lost the ability to orgasm forever. Thankfully, it did come back, a few months after giving birth.

High Fives For Dayz

Sexy and amazing.

A lot of incredible anal stuff that she initiated, and so many her-initiated two-a-days.

Very happy penis, very happy testicles, and a very happy wife.

Daniel In frangible

Fucking amazing. I’m stunned I didn’t get pregnant again during the pregnancies. I’m preggo now, and despite the morning sickness it’s great.

Also zero worries about pulling out or condoms.

My only gripe is I don’t think I look as good, I’m plump and my face has gone dark this time. But well, I don’t have to look at me and my partner looks as good as ever.

Also sex after the birth (after all the bleeding is over), is pretty good too. I haven’t asked my current man how he feels about the changes because he is a bit reserved about discussing sexual topics. My ex-husband though, felt preggo sex was the best, both with me and his current wife.

The dude just had to tell me.

One more thing, ladies, if you’re making your guy wait weeks before fucking (post-partum), you can still use your hands and mouth to keep him content and attentive.

And he can find creative ways to pleasure you, too.

Technical_Image

Me and my ex were expecting a baby boy in July 2021. She was a quite different animal when it came to sex. She wanted to do it every minute of the day, and I kept up with her for the most part.

But after she had our baby, she wanted it more than I could handle. Somewhere down the line she lost feelings and we broke up.

But yeah that's how it was when she was pregnant. Latinas be tripping!

deadly scone

There’s three moods during pregnancy for me:

· Horny

· Hungry

· Exhausted

Anonymous

When my wife was told in the 9th month; that sex and orgasms were a sure fire way to get induce labor, I couldn’t keep her off of me. It was wonderful. A little extra discharge but nothing gross.

Magickal Fuck Frog

I remember my wife’s Obstetrician was always insisting we have sex. She said something about it being good for the pregnancy. But we never did. Can’t do sex in front of a kid, you know.

Anonymous

Both times I was pregnant, I became unable to orgasm around the second trimester, and that lasted through weaning.

Sex was still enjoyable, but my drive was also way down.

Oh, and first trimester I was too pukey for sex anyhow.

When my drive came back, though, it came back with a vengeance.

sane dragon

My ex-wife loved it. Her orgasms were multiple as well.

But fucking was limited to cowgirl or from the side.

It was nice, knowing that there's no more trying for a kid.

unbiased asian

My husband had a real pregnancy fetish; that is, until I got pregnant .

I guess he loved the glow of a pregnant woman, and the thought of sex with a pregnant woman, but he didn't really enjoy it when the time came.

He was creeped out by his baby being right there. For both pregnancies, once I started really showing, we pretty much stopped having sex.

Stunning_Attention

I loved it, & would recommend lotsa great sex, if you plan on having children.

Oh, and it’s just so care-free! We went from that phase of being careful trying to prevent pregnancy. Then to that phase where we had a task to accomplish and sex started feeling like a mandate.

But pregnancy sex with a glowing hot wife carrying your child and loving on your cock twice as often, after the nausea stage ends.

Neighborhood No

My ex-wife tried to break me every day for the last six months.

Independent Ok

Golly. After my 1st trimester, when I could actually hold down water and food, I was horny as hell. All I wanted was spicy food, and spicy bedroom action.

fresh_momma

After the first trimester, it was amazing. My wife felt sexy (which she was!), with the raging hormones and it made the whole experience great

silver fire

I Got lightly sprayed with breast milk during the latter stages. Hormones be cray!

Imaginary_Moose

So good! And I swear it kept me from going past my due date. We had sex within hours of my water breaking for both of my babies.

Print Own

From a man’s perspective, it was great. The hormones she was releasing (is that called pheromones?) it made me go primal. I’ve never been hornier and have wanted her as much as I did when she was pregnant.

that_bearded_guy

My guy was reluctant, so I told him that after the baby is born he'll be lucky if he gets laid once a month, if at all, so he better get it while he can.

Besides, do you have to have intercourse? Does he think oral is dangerous too? Do something sexual together, so you can stay connected.

Merrickan Girl

My wife’s last trimester for our third/last baby girl, she was down-right forcing me at times to make daily deposits every morning before I left for work.

She was so serious, she wanted that baby out yesterday. At least that’s the urgent reason she always gave me!

Anonymous

It was nice during first pregnancy. Second pregnancy, it was good up until 3rd trimester.

Lightning crotch made it so that if we did have sex, any movement would be severely painful for the next 2-3 days.

Wut Smith is This

Sex was Frequent. My wife was prego with twins and we’d have sex a lot more than when we didn’t have kids. There weren’t much options for positions though.

Poor boy was wedged into her pelvis. Luckily my dicks not long, or he would have came out with black eyes.

Health Ok

Sex was great. Pregnancy hormones sure did a number on me. I was horny 24 7, and we stayed sexually active daily until the day before labor, with both kids.

Ok-Preparation

God I miss those days. Makes me want to knock her up again.

Big Thisty Beast

Nothing to brag about during the pregnancy. I had early complications, so no intercourse. Just stimulation is aggravating for 20 weeks.

But the first time after that post 6 week appointment. I needed a bottle of wine, first ;cause I was not prepared at all. But I NEEDED that dick.

We both finished, and he was so happy and out of breath. I just started sobbing so bad. Crying like a crocodile because it was so good after like a year of blah.

Tears of joy. Such a weird experience. Fucking hormones.

rosebud

Male here, and I loved it . Her tits were big and full, and she had a really healthy “glow“ to her.

Best of all there was no worries about getting her pregnant any more. No rubbers or birth control of any kind; just all out natural sex . Wonderful!

Dead Red

Perfect!

My Husband was super super into it, and made me feel so sexy! Even though it was obvious I was huge.

Perfect.

Beatrix Kidd

Pretty crazy. Some ,then none, then more than I could take.

In the last month she was insatiable.

Afterwards it was quite a few months before she resumed.

planet 1

My wife was huge and beautiful and I could not keep my hands off her.

spokey man

I was on an antidepressant called Venlafaxine, the year before getting pregnant, and was unable to have orgasms because of it.

Six months after no longer taking it, I still couldn't enjoy sex.

I somehow still became pregnant and all of a sudden I could feel again. So it was quite lovely.

I had lots of catching up to do.

Holub

Been a long time for me but my wife was always craving it and the further along she got, the wilder it was.

She even wanted it as she began labor, before going to the hospital.

The nurses were laughing because she didn’t get ‘cleaned up’ time before getting to the hospital.

I was absolutely delighted every time she told me she was pregnant, cause well you can guess.

Mental-Pitch

It was great! I was a lot more confident about my body, actually.

I generally really enjoyed it.

It’s after the baby is born that it’s not so great, due to delivery recovery, and hormones, and a kid cock-blocking all the time.

Educational_Boot

Fucking awesome!

With kid #5 I was a sex slave for nearly the whole time.

She was always so hot so we kept the window open during the winter. It was the coldest winter in decades where we live.

I never thought I would enjoy freezing my ass of so much. She was ravenous; at all hours.

nuclear_pickle

I was reluctant to do it. I Found my wife really attractive while she was pregnant, but I was genuinely worried about hitting the baby with my cock; despite it being scientifically impossible.

Mysterious

It was weird. Not bad weird but the body does some crazy things. The bigger I got, the more I could feel my uterus contracting after an orgasm. It was unsettling until I called my OB and was like “Excuse me but what the fuck” or something like that. She told me it was normal and not to worry. Stay hydrated and it won’t be as noticeable.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was so desperate to get my daughter out. Semen can start the dilation process, so sex was just a way to evacuate her from the hot tub party that was my uterus.

G_Ram

My wife and I remember this fondly.

Her hormones were absolutely raging and she was horny pretty much all the time. I've never had more sex than when my wife was pregnant. She was insatiable and wetter than I've ever seen her.

We had to do this sideways maneuver when she got way pregnant because she couldn't breathe if she was on her back and obviously she couldn't lay on her stomach. But it worked for us.

Then you can't do it for at least 6 weeks after your kid is born and you go into sex withdrawal. And my wife had postpartum pretty severely, so it was even longer after that.

Cosmic Pope

I’m Currently pregnant. My hormones are raging and I feel like I'm constantly pulling my partner in the bedroom.

Physically & emotionally, the hormones are going on all circuitry, so I'm loving it.

Running_zombie_

I absolutely loved it. She was so physically, hormonally and emotionally into it that the sex itself was great.

Plus, a pregnant woman is just a beautiful thing, like a damn sunset. So, all around, five stars

Edith Whart

Awesome. She was horned up all the time. She would wake me up in the middle of the night, ride me like a Harley, and then we’d have a midnight snack.

Stupid Old

My doctor encouraged us! It's great stress relief, because being pregnant wasn't easy (at least for me). I was pretty much assured it was pretty darn impossible to harm the fetus with sex. Also, it works pretty great to bring on labor when you're 5 days overdue. So if the doc is telling me to have sex when I'm 10 months preggers, I'm pretty sure it was okay at 6 months.

My sex life didn't ramp up during pregnancy; it definitely slowed down, but we still were pretty regular! And yes, you need to let your body heal after having the baby (6-8 weeks is generally the recommendation) but we got back on track after week 6 (and I had a C-Section).

The only difference is, now there is a kid in the mix so trying to find the time is so much harder (and can be frustrating when you're planning on some exciting festivities and about 5 mins in, a little someone decides to wake up early and scream until picked up). To solve this, we now plan for sex (sounds so unromantic but it really isn't).

We try for at least one night a week (kiddo now sleeps 12 hours and has since 3 months - he's 9 months now) where we spend the entire evening on each other. Any other chances we get during the week are bonus - showers, early morning quickies, etc.

Have faith! And seriously, if your man rejects your advances, citing fears about the baby, have a real professional talk to your husband about his fears - they are totally unfounded and it would be interested to see where he has formed them.

Sofiira

The truth is that I was never much in the mood when she was pregnant. Not because she was about twice as big as usual, but because she was a fucking bitch for nine months, not that I can blame her.

nalf

This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.

The Ten Best Positions For 'Anal-ysis'

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Wed, 17 Sep 2025 08:16:00 -0700

The Ten Best Positions For Anal.

By Daniel Fucking Davis. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

All you faithful readers know I’m a big fan of knocking on a girl’s back door. It feels great. It’s naughty. What’s not to like about it?

Nothing… for the guy.

For the girl, anal can often be traumatic. I’ve posted a bunch of times on how to prepare for anal sex. You can type “anal” in my search bar and get a ton of info. But let me highlight some things:Anal sex requires preparation to keep it from being messy.

Anal sex requires relaxation and trust. If the girl isn’t relaxed… if she tenses up… that’s when it hurts.
Anal sex requires a lot of lube. Lots of lube.
Anal sex requires you to begin small. A finger in the ass. Then two fingers. Then your cock.
Anal sex requires you to start slow. Slide it in and pump with short, slow strokes.
Anal sex requires foreplay. Because again, a woman needs to be really relaxed and into it before her ass will open.

What I haven’t written about in much detail is good positions for anal. I’ve said, “If it hurts, try the woman on top.” But beyond that, nothing much. That changes with this post.

“I want to share with you ten positions that can be great for anal.” They’re great for a variety of reasons: intimacy, pleasure for him, pleasure for her, comfort, etc. I’ll spell out the benefits of each one. They are listed in no particular order. But if you read the articles about preparing for anal that I have written and then learn these ten positions, I guarantee you that you can comfortably (and erotically!) add this very enjoyable aspect to your sex life.

1. “The Reverse Cowgirl Rump Rider”

He lies on his back, legs together. She straddles him, facing away and bounces with his dong-a-long in her bonk-a-donk.

This position is great for her, not only because it lets her control how deep and fast her ass is being fucked, but also because it provides a great angle. He’s going straight in, with a slight upward press. Should be comfortable.

It’s a great position for him because of the view - her bulbous back pillows being split by his love meat.

2. “The Sphincter Spoon”

The key to this spooning technique is that the girl pulls her legs up close to her chest, maybe using her arms behind her knees to hold them. When the legs are pulled up like that, the external spincter muscle (i.e. the asshole) loosens some.

When the guy slides in, he goes as deep as possible. But motion is limited.

This position is all about intimacy. There is a ton of body contact. He can whisper in her ear or kiss her neck. Guys, you also can play with her nipples or even reach between her legs and rub gently.

This is a great starter position for the first anal of the night, precisely because there isn’t much motion. It lets her slowly relax her booty.

3. “The Super Sodomy Side Slide”

In this position, the girl lies face-down, then pulls one leg up some. So her one leg is straight down. With her other leg, she’s pulled her knee up close to even with her waist. This tilts her slightly onto her side. The guy then straddles the one leg that is straight down. He spreads her cheeks, and slides in.

What makes this position great for her is how relaxing it is. He can rub her back while he’s fucking her ass. It also doesn’t allow for very deep penetration.

For him there are two pleasures. First, as he pumps, his scrotum is going to be rubbing against the smooth skin on the back of her leg. It feels amazing. Secondly, each time he thrusts in, her one butt cheek - the one of the leg that is straight out - is going to hit him right in what is sometimes called the “inguinal canal” area, where the guy’s leg meets his torso. The firm but soft tush pressing in there… fuck! Feel so good!

Guys, an added little treat for her… She she first gets in this position, get down there, slide a finger in her vay-jay-jay, palm facing down, curling the finger slightly. That will place your fingertip on her g-spot. While you work the finger in and out, let your tongue press on her asshole, just causing it to spread a little. She’ll love it.

4. “The Dallying In Her Derriere”

This is a lovely, slow, lazy way to pump her rump. You are on her side. She is on her back, with her legs hitched over you. She can keep them together or spread them apart, depending on what she finds more comfortable.

This is also a very intimate position, as it allows you to see each other’s faces. Motion is limited, as her legs hooked over him prevent him from pumping too hard. He can play with her chest or her clit. She can reach down and rub his balls while he fucks her.

5. “The Ass-n-Clitty”

Another variation of women-on top. The girl straddles the guy, cowgirl style, facing him, her knees wide apart. She puts his hotdog in her buns, then leans back, using her hands for support. And she bounces and bounces and bounces.

The plus for her is that she gets to control tempo and depth. And again, it’s a great angle - straight up her dark tunnel.

In addition, in that position her guy has clear access to her clitty-cat. He can pet it. Guys, in this position, I recommend using your thumb. Lick it so it’s slick. Then press it down on top of her clit and roll it, like a pea bring rolled under your finger.

Or you can take a finger and curl it in, making a “come here” motion. That puts your finger on her g-spot. Again, roll it around like a pea under your fingertip.

For guys, not only do you have an amazing view, but it actually is a very tight fit. With her knees apart like that, her glute muscles get pushed together. Thus, your shaft is cradled in soft butt cheek. Feels amazing.

True story. I have had a girlfriend squirt all over my abs in this position while I was in her ass.

6. “The Catholic Birth Control”

You wouldn’t think missionary position would be great for anal, but it really, really is. However, you probably need to have her hips tilted up. You can do this simply by placing a few pillows under her hips.

This is another position aimed at intimacy. The couple can kiss and caress even as he’s tapping her tushie.

This position also allows for only shallow penetration, thus it’s great for a girl who, try as she might, believes she can only take the tip. It’s also great for a guy who is well endowed, as maybe only the first two or three inches will get in.

Guys, be careful in this position. It’s easy to slip out. And what can really hurt a girl is when you slip out and then don’t aim carefully when you slide back in. It forces her anus to stretch in funny ways! No bueno.

7. “The Hero, Pooter-Pounder Style”

In the kamasutra, “the Hero” position is woman on her back, with her legs pulled up to the degree that her pelvis tilts up. This can be done a variety of ways. She can grab under her knees and pull them back. He can grab her ankles and push them back. The point is, her legs are in the air, spread apart, and her hips are tilted up. This gives him a straight shot to her pooter-palace!

After six positions which were more gentle, we now get to the ones which will be a bit harder. Thus, it requires a bit more experience. These are anal positions you might try after you have being doing one of the first six for awhile. So your rump is all relaxed and ready for a good ramming. ;)

For the girls, the fun part of this position is that as well as any of them, you have access to your sugared almond. While your man drills your dumper, rub that thing like you are a DJ and it’s god-damned New Years Eve. You might cum.

Guys, you need to understand that with her hips tilted and legs spread, you could go really, really deep. That’s great, if she says it’s great. If not, then this is a position where you have to exercise self control and only use the first four inches or so.

8. “The Doggy In the Donk”

I don’t want to exaggerate here, so I’ll say it carefully. This is the biggest fantasy of every man on earth. There is nothing like getting a hot girl face down, ass up, and smashing her onion.

What does this give to the guys? The best site on earth. When you can see your cock sliding in and out, wedged between those breathtaking cheeks… when that booty meet shakes with each thrust, a slight ripple working through each one… wow. I have a tear in my eye just thinking about it.

In addition to the view, if the girl has warmed up to anal and can handle it, this is the position in which the guy can go his hardest. The angle of his cock in her ass, especially if she puts her chest down on the bed, is such that it is a very, very smooth fit. Her rectum is in its natural position. So he can grab her hips and pound away.

For the girl, doggystyle anal can be either heaven or purgatory. He’s going to be deep in your ass. But in this position, he stimulates some of the nerves that are actually located in the vaginal wall. If a girl is going to cum during anal, this position will probably be it. While the guy is reaming her from behind, she’ll reach down and play with her clit. If she can cum this way, it will be so intense her back might break.

This is one position where a couple of well-placed mirrors can really add to the experience for both of you. She will be able to see your activities and the joy on your face. You’ll bet to see the full impact on her body. Watch her tits ripple and sway. See the look on her face when you give her her first anal climax.

9. “The Best Lap Dance Ever”

This is yet another woman on top position. The man sits in a chair. Guys, use a kitchen chair, not a big ass recliner. It gives you more range of motion. The woman come and sits on his lap, with his man-meat in her moneymaker.

There are two variations to this. The woman can put her legs between his legs. If she does this, she can put her hands on his knees and bounce. Or the woman can put her legs outside his. Unless she has really long legs, she might not be able to bounce as well. But she can grind and rock. It’s a amazing sensation when you grind in that position, ladies! It’s like you are trying to break our cock off inside your can.

Guys, if she goes with her legs outside yours, why not reach around and flick her on-off switch lightly. It’s ether that your you make it rain!

10. “The 3am At Daniel’s House”

This is a variation on doggy-style; doing it while standing, with the woman bent over something. It’s one of my favorites, hence the name. (Back off! When you get your own blog, you can name sex positions after yourself too!)

It’s a really comfortable position for the woman. She’s braced on a chair or couch. She might even be able to rest on it. A variation is if she picks up one leg and rests her knee on the object. A good example of that is a bathroom counter. She leans over it and puts one knee up on it while I explore her third-entry.

It’s great for the guy for the same reason doggy-style is. It’s a nice view. He can grab the hips and go hard. Because it’s a comfortable position, it’s also great for prolonged anal. There’s no need to pound out your nut in 30 seconds. Get her in this position and spend a good 20 minutes working her bubble over.

This position can also be very pleasurable for the woman too. There is a muscle cluster that starts in your lower back, runs through the glutes, and down the back of the legs to the heel. That’s why if you walk funny in a bad shoe, it can hurt your back. It’s the longest muscle cluster in the human body. When a girl is bent over like this, that muscle cluster is tight. And so as she tenses her anus slightly (which is natural to do as your ass is being fucked), she’ll feel that through her entire lower body. And guys, if you can reach around and play with her clit and make her cum in this position, she can collapse. The shudder it sends through her legs literally floors her.

And there you have it, faithful readers. Is this every anal position I know? This is the tip of the iceberg. But hopefully if you like these, you can put your own spins and variances on them, and have plenty of variety to your hot, hot booty sex!

Cause let’s face it. This is good advice.

Credit for all the illustrations goes to wewomen.com. They have their own take on “best of” positions.

Anal Sex: What's the Big Deal?

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Mon, 15 Sep 2025 07:44:00 -0700

Fred Requests a woman's point of view to help him understand.

Then Maye weighs in with good memories and advice.

By BOSTON FICTION WRITER & MayhemLass Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

Fred’s Question

Dear BFW;

I've never tried anal sex before. It never appealed to me. Actually, I never have given it much thought until I perused the anal sex category here at Literotica and found it so popular.

I am a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I have never even had sex doggie style either. Yes, I realize that doggie style sex is an overwhelming favorite for hordes of people but not for me. It is not that I did not try having sex doggie style, it just did not work for me; my cock did not reach far enough for me to feel like I was fucking her. I mean, really fucking her. Okay, it reached but it would not go in far enough for me to feel that feeling of deep and satisfying penetration. It felt weird. I mean, I do not have a small cock. My cock is a little bigger than average at 7". Yeah, she seemed to enjoy it, but I was not receiving the same feeling that I receive when doing it missionary style and being able to really pound her.

"Sorry, Honey, scoot down so that your head doesn't bang the wall."

Moreover, although all the women who I have ever been with were clean, having just showered, shaved, douched, and flossed, whenever I tried having sex with them doggie style, I always received an aroma of excrement, which is a total turn off. I mean, I really do not want to smell shit when I am boning someone, and I am not even having sex with them anally; I am just trying to do it doggie style. Yet, when you start pounding away, pumping your pelvic area against her hips, you are going to get a whiff of poopies. And even if she is the most beautiful chick, that is gross.

"Geez, Beyonce, what the Hell did you eat last night? You smell like a 3-day-old Taco Bell."

I remember growing up and that was one of the worse ranks you could say to someone about their mother.

"Shut up Carl! Your mother takes it up the ass."

Way worse than saying that your mother wears combat boots, taking a cock up the ass was a big insult. That is, until a Greek kid moved into the neighborhood and we were playing; and then we started arguing over something stupid and one kid said to the Greek kid.

"You mother takes it up the ass."

The Greek kid, Nick, I think his name was, shrugged and walked away because, apparently, she did take it up the ass. He probably thought the kid was complimenting his mother instead of insulting her.

I remember that movie back in the late '70's, Midnight Express with Billy Hayes. He played a college student who went through Turkey hoping to score some drugs, Hashish, and deliver them back to the United States, only he was caught. Boy, those Turks fucked everybody up the ass; it did not matter if you were a man or a woman. What did he call Turkey, a country of pigs? Anyway, any time you dropped anything in that country, you were best just to walk away from it and pretend that it was not yours rather than to bend over and pick it up only to find a Turkish cock up your ass.

"Fred, Is that your money clip?"

"Hasad, I don't know who that money clip belongs to but it is not mine."

"It has your name engraved on it, Fred."

"Hey, Hasad, do you think that I am the only person in Turkey named Freddie?"

"Yes."

"Okay Hasad, then, kick it over here and I'll lie on the ground with my ass to the pavement to pick it up."

Anyway, call me ignorant and I am sure that I will piss off a lot of people who are into anal sex but I always thought of anal sex as a gay thing or as a Greek thing and never as a another choice selection to my sexual menu.

"Honey, can I fuck you up the ass tonight?"

"Gee, Sweetie, wouldn't you rather have a blow job?"

"Okay, Honey."

Now that I think of it, that movie with Burt Reynolds, Deliverance, I can hear the banjo music, now, showed those mountain men fucking anything that moved up the ass.

"Look, Darryl, a deer. Shoot it."

"Nah, let's track it and catch it. Then, we'll fuck it up the ass before we kill it and bring the meat home to Maw."

Oh, and that scene in Quentin Tarantino's, Pulp Fiction where that shopkeeper takes the black dude down the cellar and he calls his friend, a cop, and they are both ready to bone this poor guy up the ass until Butch Coolidge, Bruce Willis, saved his ass with a Samari's sword. Man that was a violent movie. I betcha when Vincent Vega, John Travolta, emerged from the bathroom after taking a shit, he would have preferred taking it up the ass instead of being blown away with that sawed off shotgun by Butch. They just don't make good family movies like that anymore (lol).

Actually, don't the Eskimos like anal sex? Still, they have a reason; it is fucking cold in those igloos. Who wants to take off your clothes to have sex when it is so cold that the penguins are trying to get in bed with you to keep warm? This way, the Eskimo women just inch down their seal line pajama bottoms and bang go, you are getting off. How they rub noses while having anal sex is something that I'd like to see, well...maybe not.

Presently, sex to me includes intercourse, of course, oral sex, and foreplay. I can see Bubba in prison chomping at the bit not being able to wait until he can get a good behavior pass to go out of his jail cell and to use the computer in the library so that he can write me a nasty comment to this story. Yet, you know, Bubba, if you hadn't been a criminal and dumb enough to have been caught and have your sorry ass thrown in jail, then you would not have to be boning some other convict up the ass while sniffing their poopies. Matter of fact, once you are a free man and out on the street, you cannot tell me that you would rather bone a hussy up the ass instead of fucking them missionary style.

I asked my girlfriend if she ever had anal sex and she said that she had it once and did not care for it. Then, I asked my sister-in-law (I have to be careful writing about my sister-in-law otherwise this piece can easily become an incest, okay taboo piece, rather than an anal piece) if she had anal sex and she said that she had. My sister-in-law was the one who wanted me to have sex doggie style with her. She liked doing it doggie style but I could not satisfy her that way. Hey, call me old fashioned. To me, fucking someone up the ass is just sex and not making love. I'd rather face the woman when I am making love to her; so that I can kiss her and suck her tits. Maybe, that's it. I'm a tit man rather than an ass man and it's rather hard trying to suck nipples when they are way on the other side while you have your cock behind her instead of in front of her where God intended Adam to bone Eve.

"Freddie, you're hurting me and stretching my tits all out of shape trying to pull them back to suck them while you are fucking me up the ass."

Now, all the religious freaks will be coming out of the woodwork to make nasty comments to this story. Hey, if you zealots are so full of religion then you shouldn't be doing anal sex anyway. Doesn't the Bible tell you that the only time you people are suppose to have sex is when you are making babies?

"Honey, can I have sex with you, tonight?"

"I'm sorry, Jacob, but I am already pregnant. Give me 9 months and we'll have sex again, then."

Yeah, try telling that to Moses. He had like 100 kids. He must have thought he was a Mormon instead of a Jew and it was okay to have more than one wife. Can you just see Mrs. Moses, now?

"Hey, Moses. Why don't you bone me up the ass once in a while instead of fucking me missionary style? I'm tired of having all these kids and with you going up to the mountaintop waiting for Jesus to talk to you and not being around to help change diapers. Moses! Where are you going with all those animals? It's raining."

Okay, for a brief period, 4 years, I was in the swinging lifestyle and I took an unofficial survey of the women who I partied with (they call it party with instead of saying had sex with) and everyone one of them said that she has had anal sex. Yet, I did not find one woman who preferred anal sex to penis to vagina intercourse. Now, that's an interesting discovery, don't you think? Allow me to repeat that. There was not one woman who would rather have anal sex to having regular penis to vagina intercourse, not one.

"You look lovely tonight; I cannot wait to make love to you."

"Why don't I just drop my panty and bend over. Then, you can fuck me up the ass and we can continue our evening without all of the sexual anticipation?"

"But, Honey, we are in the elevator."

"So, you say that like there is something wrong with that."

My friend, Bill, who was a swinger, met this woman who wanted him to fuck her up the ass. She had never had anal sex before and had always wanted to try it. Her husband, the only other guy, apparently, like me who does not like anal sex, would not accommodate her so Bill said, "Sure," he'd fuck her up the ass. Only, and apparently, this woman did not know the rules to anal sex. How could she? She never had it before. Well, before attending this house party where the swingers gathered, the woman had gone to dinner with her husband and had a big meal.

Well, you guessed it. Bill was fucking her up the ass. Let me tell you about Bill. He is one horny guy and can fuck better than anyone half his age and he is 60. And he has this huge cock. Anyway, he's fucking this woman up the ass and she is enjoying herself until, suddenly...Bill is covered from his neck to his knees in her shit. She shit all over him and all over the sheets. There was shit on the carpet and on the walls. This woman must have been saving this shit up because it was everywhere. There was so much shit. The woman was so embarrassed that she hauled ass out of there with her husband and left poor Bill covered in shit. He showered and returned to the room to help the hostess clean up the mess. Now, that is a true story and you can ask Bill if you don't believe me. Bill, get in here and tell the readers about that woman who shit all over you when you were fucking her up the ass and that it is a true story.

"It's true."

"Thanks, Bill."

Now, let me end this story by writing that it was not my intention to pass judgment or to insult or to criticize anyone's sexual lifestyle. I embrace everyone's right to float their own boat so long as it is between two consenting adults. Sorry, Darryl. I am only trying to understand.

So, I ask you, what is the big deal about anal sex? I'd especially like to hear a woman's point of view, a woman who not only enjoys it and looks forward to it but also who prefers it to penis to vagina intercourse, and one who is not Greek, Turkish or an Eskimo; l o l.

"Sorry, Paris Hilton, you are just a slut and your opinion does not count. What's that? You have a story to tell me that you want me to write about you and Britney Spears and you want me to tell everyone the real reason why Britney shaved her head? Okay. Well, I have to take off with Paris, everyone. Ciao!"
How To Enjoy Anal Sex

One woman's suggestions.
MayhemLass answers Fred.

Judging from the popularity of this category and the myriad of responses I received, I have come to the conclusion that the misconceptions and preconceived notions respecting anal sex are legendary. My impression is for the most part that a lot of men want it and a lot of women are horrified at the very thought. Generally, society has frowned on this type of sex, as reflected in derogatory remarks such as "asshole". Unfortunately, a lot of people are missing out on a great addition to their sexual repertoire.

Before I go any further, I want to VERY clearly urge anyone with ANY concerns about their health to USE a condom. Even the gentlest anal sex can cause tiny nicks and scratches that could easily conduct any organisms straight into your body.

The anus has a multitude of nerves and muscles which when stimulated correctly, can provide enormous pleasure. Two sphincters are obvious when a finger is inserted – the first which provides the 'pucker" with which everyone is familiar, the other, about half an inch in. The first is controlled by the individual consciously – thus you can tighten or loosen it at will. The second is controlled by the part of the brain that controls bodily functions such as heartbeat, breathing etc – i.e. you cannot control its reactions directly. Proper and gentle manipulation can be equally enjoyable for men – whose prostrate can be stimulated from the insertion of a finger in the rectum – and for women, whose G spot is readily massaged through this form of lovemaking.

I would highly recommend that each individual familiarize themselves with their own bodies, exploring their own fundaments first to gauge the feeling and reactions that the insertion of a finger or object engenders.

As an aficionado myself, and female, I thought it would be helpful to address the issue and give my own suggestions/recommendations respecting the introduction and enjoyment of this unique form of lovemaking. I will deal with male penetration of a female's rectum as that is what I can recommend and am familiar with.

Anal sex is not something that should be introduced on a whim, nor thrust upon someone who is unfamiliar with this very arousing form of lovemaking. Ultimately, I believe that preparation and patience are the two primary ingredients of a successful introduction to anal sex.

A subtle yet honest form of behaviour modification works very well in this regard. Introducing your lover by attempting to push a stiff penis up a very small area unused to intrusions from that side of the body is a guarantee of failure. Rather, start gently and carefully.
Preparing Her Desire

1. First, begin with oral sex – an excellent starting point as you not only have intimate access to the desired area but as your lover's arousal increases, you are provided with the opportunity to gently and subtly introduce a finger; for instance, just tickling the fundament as your tongue takes care to keep her attention focused on the main event. As your lover starts to peak, push your finger very gently within the rim – do not go too deep or you will not only most likely derail her orgasm (thus creating a very frustrated and angry lover), you will also overstep the first steps to successful seduction.

Do this frequently and often, allowing her to slowly get accustomed to the feel of something tickling her anus, and in turn, linking an orgasm with the sensation of a foreign object around her anus. Done correctly, she will unconsciously begin to enjoy the extra stimulation provided by a careful finger or a warm tongue.

My strongest advice – DO NOT rush it! Most of us have been taught from a young age that anything to do with the very natural functions conversant with an anus are "dirty", that anything to do with the butt is "hands off". So not only do most people have to deal with the startling reality of accustoming themselves to something foreign in their anus – even more importantly, they have to overcome societal imperatives and parental restrictions.

2. Second, after your lover has become accustomed to – and learned to enjoy – non-threatening anal play, slowly begin to increase the level of your insertion. The anus does not self-lubricate, so unless your finger is sufficiently lubricated with your partner's own juices, then use a proper lubricant such as KY jelly or something similar. Providing oral sex while gently thrusting your finger in and out of her anus after she has learned to enjoy anal play is guaranteed to provide a very satisfactory and intense orgasm – thus continuing your gentle behaviour modification.

At this stage, it can also be stimulating and encouraging to gently insert a finger during intercourse. This can be done in a variety of positions, the easiest being the female kneeling and the male penetrating from the back. He then has easy access to her rectum and although it can be tricky, the sensation engendered by double penetration can be seductive and immensely exciting.

3. Third. After a sufficient period of time has elapsed and your lover has become accustomed to and enjoys her anus being stimulated, then you can begin preparations for actual anal intercourse.

There are some basic rules and preparation that I would highly recommend if you want an enjoyable and satisfying experience with anal sex. I will list them below:

• Be healthy – ensure there is plenty of fibre in your diet so that your natural functions are normal and healthy. Some individuals prefer to have an enema to ensure no fecal matter is present, but if your diet is healthy and you have emptied your bowels, I do not believe this is necessary.

• Have a recommended lubricant on hand, such as KY jelly.

• Be conscious at all times of your lover's responses – being aware and responsive to her reactions is crucial if both parties are to enjoy the process.

4. Next, it is probably most helpful to introduce anal sex when your lover is already open, relaxed and aroused – i.e. don't START with it but consider it the culmination of a sexy, fun and enthusiastic session of lovemaking. This is also advised because due to matters of hygiene and possible cross-contamination, it is highly recommended than the penis is washed thoroughly and carefully with soap and water after anal sex. The penis must be washed both to avoid any bacteria that might cause infection in the penis, but also to avoid giving your lover any issues.
Preparing Her Anus

Thus, assuming that you are now ready to introduce the penis, I suggest the following:

1. Lots of lubrication – particularly the first few times – play with your partner's anus with lubricated fingers and warm tongue until the rectum is relaxed and open. You can lubricate her rectum during play. Then, ensure that your penis is similarly coated with a safe lubricant.

2. Choosing a position which is comfortable for both of you – spoon fashion works very well especially for the first few times as it gives the woman more control – holding your penis firmly, push it gently – and I mean gently, against the lubricated rectum. A lubricated anus together with a lubricated penis almost guarantees that the spongy head of the penis will slowly push in. JUST as you enter – STOP!

It should be noted at this point, that the two sphincter muscles I mentioned above now become relevant. The woman can help with the first muscle by pushing out as if having a bowel movement - that flares the anus open and gives egress to the penis. BUT, once the head of the penis has entered, the man must stop and allow the inner sphincter muscles to accommodate themselves to the intrusion. However, eager and open she is, the woman cannot control that inner muscle and must wait for her body to accommodate – forcing it at this point could damage and tear the muscles.

3. Let the woman take the initiative at this point. She has to accustom herself to the feel of the penis in her butt – the sensation when first experienced can feel quite uncomfortable, as if you need to have a bowel movement. Allow her the time to relax both physically (given time, the inner ring of muscles will loosen) and emotionally, to the feel of a penis in her rectum. Allow her to take the lead, to indicate either verbally or through her body that she is ready for you to push a little more of your penis up. Again, Go Slow! As the penis is thrust up the fundament, that ring of muscles will once again tighten; allow them the time to loosen and relax as they accommodate the girth of the penis.

Once the entire penis is inserted to the groin, relax and enjoy the sensation before actually beginning to thrust. The woman can flex and constrict the outer ring of muscles as she becomes used to the feel. By slowing wiggling her bottom, she can control the rhythm and make the decision when she wants her partner to push in or out.

4. The feel of a penis up your rectum is immensely arousing once you have been properly prepared. There is the physical reality that the anus has a multitude of nerve endings and muscles that signal pleasure, the feel of a thrusting penis against the G spot can induce a sensation unlike any other (and can actually eventually lead to female ejaculation which will be the subject of another essay) and then the emotional reality that you are engaging in a "forbidden" pleasure can be in itself stimulating and exciting.
Enjoying Anal

From that point on, keeping hyper aware of your partner's response, you can engage in an increasingly enthusiastic bout of anal intercourse. As the intercourse continues, while the anus itself doesn't self-lubricate, the sensation and intense pleasure will ensure that the woman's natural lubrication together with the male's pre-cum mingle to form a very satisfactory and slippery lubricant which adds to the pleasure and allows intercourse to become more enthusiastic.

The man, at this point, may want to reach around and stimulate the woman's clitoris manually as it is quite common for women to require a little extra stimulation.

The only drawback to anal sex at this point occurs when the very exciting session has culminated and both partners have orgasmed. While it is tempting to loll in bed and enjoy the aftermath, it is crucial to wash within a reasonably quick period after sex – both the male and the female – to avoid the possibility of any infections.

I would add at this point that once you and your partner have a little more experience, some may prefer to use less lubricant or dispense with it altogether. Many females such as myself prefer the rougher stimulus provided by an unlubricated penis.

All in all, anal sex can be an exciting, arousing and fun addition to lovemaking.

By BOSTON FICTION WRITER & MayhemLass

What Are Sex Toys?

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Sat, 13 Sep 2025 07:36:00 -0700

Can a device make it better for us?

By Anonymous. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

A battery-charged vibrator

Sex toys — also called adult toys or “marital aids” — are objects people use to have more pleasure during sex or masturbation. Sometimes sex toys can also have medical uses if you have a sexual dysfunction or medical condition. There are many different types of sex toys, and people use them for lots of different reasons.

It’s totally normal to use sex toys, but it’s also totally normal not to — it’s a personal decision, and everyone’s different. As long as you’re using sex toys safely, there’s nothing harmful about it.
Why do people use sex toys?

All kinds of people may choose to use sex toys, for many different reasons. For some, using sex toys is the easiest (or only) way they can have an orgasm — this is especially common for women. Sometimes people use sex toys to help them masturbate. People also use sex toys during sex with their lovers.

Some people with disabilities or limited mobility use sex toys to make it easier to masturbate, have sex, or do sexual activities or positions that would otherwise be harder or not possible for them.

Sex toys can also help treat the symptoms of certain disorders, like erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder, hypoactive sexual disorder, and orgasm disorder. And some people find that sex toys help them deal with the sexual side effects of certain medications, health conditions, or menopause — like a low sex drive or decreased sensation in their genitals.

What are the different types of sex toys?

There are thousands of different sex toys out there. Some of the most common ones include:

Vibrators (aka vibes, personal massagers) — Objects that vibrate (move continuously/buzz) to stimulate your genitals. It’s very common for people to use vibrators to stimulate their clitoris and other parts of their vulva and vagina. But vibrators can also stimulate the penis, scrotum and testicles, nipples, and anus. Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes. Some can go inside a vagina or anus, and others are meant to be used outside the body.
Dildos (Objects that go inside a vagina, anus, or mouth.) Dildos come in many shapes and sizes, but they’re often shaped like a penis. Some look like realistic penises, and others are more abstract. They can also be slightly curved, to help stimulate your g-spot or prostate. Dildos can be made out of lots of different materials, like silicone, rubber, plastic, metal, or, break-resistant glass.
Anal toys Sex toys made specifically to stimulate and/or go inside your anus. Anal toys include plugs (usually called butt plugs), anal beads, prostate massagers, and dildos with a wide base. You need to use lube to use anal toys safely. And it’s very important that any toy you put in your butt has a flared base (meaning it’s wider at the bottom) or some other way to pull the toy out, so it can’t accidentally slip all the way in. If a sex toy goes all the way inside your butt, it could get stuck and you may have to go to the doctor to get it out.
Sleeves (aka masturbation sleeves, penis sleeves, or strokers) — Soft tubes that you put your penis into. Sleeves come in all shapes and sizes, and often have different textures on the inside for more sensation. Some even have vibration or suction. There are also strokers that are specially designed for a larger clitoris or smaller penis, particularly for intersex people or trans men on hormone therapy.
Penis rings (aka cock rings, erectile dysfunction rings, or constriction rings) — rings that go around your scrotum and/or penis. Penis rings slow blood flow out of the penis when it’s erect (hard), which can increase sensation, or make your erection harder and longer-lasting. The safest penis rings are made from soft, flexible materials that you can easily remove, like silicone, rubber, or leather with snaps. Some penis rings have little vibrators on them, to stimulate you and/or your partner. Because penis rings restrict your blood flow, don’t wear one for longer than 10-30 minutes, and take it off right away if you feel any pain or discomfort. And talk to your nurse or doctor before using penis rings if you have a bleeding disorder or are on blood-thinning medicine.
Pumps (aka penis pumps, vacuum pumps, or vacuum erection pumps) — Vacuum-like devices that use a hand or battery-powered pump to create suction around your penis, clitoris, vulva, or nipples. Pumps used negative air pressure to create a vacuum, which drives blood flow to the area, which helps increase sensitivity and sensation. Some people also like the feeling of the suction. Penis pumps can help you get an erection, but they won’t make your penis permanently bigger. Some pumps are designed to help treat erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder, and orgasm disorder — you can get more information about these pumps from a nurse or doctor. But most of the pumps you buy in sex stores or adult shops are not medical devices, they’re just meant to enhance pleasure during sex and masturbation. Make sure to follow the instructions, and don’t pump for longer than the instructions say. And talk to your healthcare team before using a pump if you have a blood disorder, or are on blood-thinning medication.
Ben Wa balls (aka Kegel balls, Kegel trainers, vagina balls, orgasm balls) — Round objects that you put inside your vagina. They can help you do exercises that tone and strengthen your Kegel muscles (aka pelvic floor muscles). Kegel balls are usually weighted so you have to squeeze your vagina to keep them inside your body. Some are hollow with smaller balls inside that roll and bounce when you move, making a jiggling sensation. You don’t need these balls to do Kegel exercises, and not everyone uses them for that purpose — many people just like the way they feel inside their vagina.
Packers (a k a prosthetics) — objects that look and feel like a realistic penis (usually soft) that create a “bulge” in your underwear or clothes. Some packers also let you pee standing up (called stand-to-pee or STP packers). Like with anyone’s genitals, packers aren’t always sexual or used for sex. But some packers can be worn bent down or sticking up, so they can resemble both a non-erect (soft) penis and an erect (hard) penis, and can be used for sex.
Harnesses (aka straps or strap-on harnesses) — garments that hold a packer, dildo, or other sex toy against your body. Some are worn like underwear or jock straps, and others may go around other parts of your body, like your thigh.

There are so many different kinds of sex toys and ways to use them that figuring out where to start can feel a little overwhelming. Going to a sex toy shop and asking someone who works there about different products can be a great way to learn more about sex toys and what might work well for you. You can also just try something that seems interesting and go from there. Or you may decide sex toys aren’t for you, and that’s totally Okay too. The point is that there are lots of options for different bodies and different kinds of sex — so no matter who you are or what kinds of sex you have, sex toys can be an option for you.

How do I use sex toys safely?

Sharing sex toys with other people can spread a sexually transmitted disease; referred to as an STD.

If someone who has an STD uses a sex toy, the body fluids on that toy can spread the infection to the next person who uses that toy. So if you’re using a sex toy with a partner, it’s important to take steps to help prevent STDs.

Wash your sex toys with mild soap and water after you use them, and before they touch another person’s genitals.

Putting condoms on sex toys can help keep them clean and prevent the spread of STDs. Just make sure you change condoms before the toy touches another person’s genitals.

If you’re using a sex toy in your anus, make sure you use lots of lube.

The anus doesn’t lubricate itself (get wet) the way a vagina does, so putting something in your butt without adding lube can be painful, uncomfortable, and even unsafe. And never put a sex toy that’s been in an anus into a vagina without washing it or changing the condom first. If germs from your anus get into your vagina, it can lead to vaginitis. It’s also important to make sure that any sex toy you use in your anus has a wide base or some other way to keep it from going all the way in. If a sex toy goes so far into your anus that you can’t reach it, you may need to see a nurse or doctor to get it out. (You can’t lose a sex toy in your vagina because your cervix blocks the end of it.)

Don’t use silicone lube with silicone sex toys, unless you put condoms on them.

Silicone lube can react with the solid silicone in your toy and damage it. Water-based lube is a safe bet to use with any sex toy (and any condom).

Only allow non-porous toys inside you.

If you’re putting a sex toy inside your body (mouth, vagina, or anus), it’s best to use one made of a body-safe, non-porous material — like 100% silicone (not silicone blends), hard plastic, stainless steel, aluminum, and break-resistant glass. Toys made from non-porous materials don’t absorb germs and are easier to keep clean. Sex toys made from materials that may be porous, but you can always use a condom on your toy to help it stay clean and keep any possible germs on it out of your body.

It’s always best to use sex toys that are specifically made to be sex toys.

This is especially if you’re putting them inside your body. DIY sex toys might not be safe, especially if they can break, have rough, sharp, or loose parts, or are made of materials that are unsanitary or can cause a reaction.

Where can I buy sex toys?

You can buy sex toys at specialty stores, usually called sex shops, sex stores, or adult stores. Some pharmacies, drug stores, or large retail stores sell a small variety of the more common sex toys, like vibrators.

Many sex stores and sex toy brands have websites where you can buy products online (they usually mail them in plain packaging for privacy).

Now, let’s hear from a knowledgeable connoisseur of various sex toys.

Sex Toys 101

Things to consider when buying a new toy.

By X xene

My new sex toys arrived in the mail a couple of weeks ago and as I tentatively opened the packages, I hoped I had made the right decision. For me, shopping money is very limited and it always pisses me off beyond belief when I order something that turns out to be a dud. Over the last few years, I have amassed quite a collection…one worthy of a full size toy chest if I were to store them all together. So when it comes to picking out toys, the wrong ones and the right ones, I definitely have the experience behind me to make wiser decisions than when I was first starting out.

So, because I am such a nice person, I thought I’d put together a list of things every girl, and guy, should consider when buying a new toy. I want to break it down into separate criteria, Price, Function, Size, & Product Maintenance.

Price:

You have to make sure you know what you’re looking for before you ever venture into a store, or onto a site. Now, I know you won’t have a particular product in mind, but ask yourself this question, “Am I looking for something to use everyday, every week, or just on special occasions?” The answer to that question that indicative of how much you should expect to spend.

If you just want something to ‘try out’ or use for one night of kink, don’t waste a lot of money on it. Chances are, you can find a cheap version of whatever it is somewhere online…but if it’s not going to be used that often, you really don’t have to worry too much about the quality of it. Cheap is fine. Most likely, the thrill will come from the psychological aspect of using the toy…not the physical sensations it gives.

If it’s a toy you plan to use weekly, like with a partner, I’d go for the upgrade…but not for the top of the line model. However, if you are not in a relationship, are in a long distance relationship, or are a chronic masturbator (which I could probably head up the support group on that one), go for quality. Otherwise, you’re just going to spend more money in the long run because you’re gonna break it, wear it out, or get tired of it. You get what you pay for and quality sex toys are rarely cheap. Although, I do luck up sometimes with a discount coupon or something manufactured by a company still trying to make a name for itself. If you are lucky enough to encounter any of these bargains, jump on them. Just because you’ve never heard of the company doesn’t mean the product won’t be quality. Actually, Doc Johnson, one of the most famous sex toy manufacturers puts out a lot of toys of questionable quality. Just check out what you’re getting first and you should be fine.

Function:

In order to get a product, whether cheap or expensive, that does what you want it to do for you, you have to ask yourself, “What gets me off?” The vague terms, clitoral stimulation, anal stimulation, g-spot stimulation will be terms you find plastered on nearly all toys. Taking their word for it will most likely end with you laying in your bed frustrated that it isn’t working and eventually getting tired and throwing whatever you’re playing with across the room only to fall back on your fingers or an old reliable toy.

If vibration does it for you, there is something you should take into consideration. Anything wrapped with a jelly sleeve (or any other soft covering) is going to be lacking in the vibration department. No matter how powerful the vibrator inside is, the vibrations just don’t travel through soft matter easily. If you want something heavy on vibration, you need a toy made of hard plastic or metal.

If you want something that stimulates the g-spot, you first have to know exactly where yours is located (and it differs in depth from woman to woman). You also need to know what kind of stimulation you need. Some women prefer a gentle rubbing type stimulation, whereas others prefer thumping or tapping. And for some, it is as simple as steady hard pressure. Know what feels good to your body before tackling the sex toy store.

Size:

Yeah, I said it. Size matters. Just probably not in the way most men seem to think it does. Granted there are some size queens out there, but most of us couldn’t accommodate more than 7 inches comfortably anyway…so what’s the point?

For some reason, the manufacturing companies have decided that if it doesn’t vibrate, thrust, gyrate or sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” that in order to sell it must be the size of a tanker truck. But they couldn’t be more wrong. Unless it’s a double header, there is no reason to have so many foot long dildos on the market.

And what’s up with all of them having bulbous heads the size of a softball? I don’t know about anyone else, but just because my body was designed to push out a child doesn’t mean I want to experience myself being stretched out like that just for the hell of it!

With the anal stuff…be careful. I have fallen prey to this more times than one by buying over the internet. If you just want a little backdoor teasing, make sure you get specific measurements of the plug/vibe before you get it. Most of these seem to be made for porn stars and gay men who are used to having something large up their ass. But, if it’s not something you do often, go for a smaller model. I promise, it will feel three times as big once inside you.

Cleaning and Storage:

I have to say that these are things I never really thought about for a long time. I guess I had been buying sex toys for about three or four years before I even thought to check out the cleaning/storage instructions on the box before purchase. But this can be a very time consuming and expensive part of the ordeal. Trust me, wait until you have to pay twelve dollars for a special cleaning solution for a toy that’s not that great…it finds the bottom of the box (no pun intended unfortunately) very quickly.

Hard plastic, metal and glass toys can all be cleaned with warm soapy water. They don’t really have to be wrapped up or stored in any special way. They’re easy…and, as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, my preference.

Jelly coated toys fall into different categories depending on how porous they are. But some take special cleaners. Some require boiling water. And all of them should be wrapped in clear plastic wrap before storing. And every piece of lint or dust will stick to them. Think about where it’s going…do you really want dust inside you? Kinda gives new meaning to the “it’s been so long I’m growing cobwebs” saying, doesn’t it?

Then there are the cyberskin toys…just avoid these at all costs. I believe Hustler or Penthouse puts them out. But these things are a dandy. Sure, they feel as close to real as any toy I’ve ever used, but it’s not worth the pain in the ass of cleaning them. In order to clean them, you first use warm soapy water (and they only come clean if you jump out of bed and get them to the sink while the stuff you’re trying to wash off is still wet). Then, you have to set up a system of some sort where you suspend them to let them air-dry. But none of the cyber-skin material can be touching anything or it leaves weird permanent indentures and slick spots. After they’re dry, you have to sprinkle them with talcum powder to keep the 'skin’ from getting all sticky and nasty feeling. They’re a real pain in the ass and I would say just avoid them altogether.

By X xene for Literotica
This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.

10 Ways To Female Climax.

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Thu, 11 Sep 2025 10:38:00 -0700

10 Ways To Female Climax.

What Kind Of Sex Does Your Woman Want?

based on a post by Arse Gratia Artis. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

The Female Orgasm

Being a man, I'm obviously an expert on what women experience. Although I have never had a female orgasm, I have caused quite a few, and have some observations. I'm going to make a generalization here, and that is that most women, probably excluding committed lesbians, like cum and feel some thrill at getting a guy off. But this isn't about that; it's about what gets women off. And what they say when they're cumming is a whole different topic.

What follows is not based upon a random sample nor a scientific study. It isn't random since it includes only women I have enjoyed, and it isn't scientific because it's just observations without analysis. Women's response is highly varied, much more so than men. Here are a few types, although they are not rigid categories; there is overlap.

The Inside Girl.

She likes foreplay, her clit is sensitive, but if you really want to get her off, you have to fuck her good and hard. Sometimes she cums quickly, sometimes it takes a while, but she always cums from having a cock in her. Like most women, she wants your cum inside, too, and sometimes that makes her cum.

The Clit Girl.

You could fuck her all day but she won't cum unless you play with her clit. If she says, "I've never had an orgasm with a man inside me," don't take it as a challenge if you ever want to do it again. Just play with her clit or do whatever she needs to get off and you can fill her with cum to your balls' content.

Oral Annie.

She says, and you can verify if you get close enough, that she only cums from oral. If you're into it, she can be a lot of fun and she'll usually return the favor, or at least let you fill her while she stares at the ceiling.

The Sucker.

She gets off on getting you off. While these women are rare, they can be a lot of fun. You may get to fuck her sometimes, but mostly she wants to make you cum in her mouth. She usually swallows, and some like facials. Beware, though, that if she won't let you see her naked she may have a good reason.

Hard to Please.

She takes forever to cum, sometimes to the point of, "Just cum in me." Do it. She's probably tired and needs her rest. But if necessary use a vibrator on her clit, or suck her, or whatever it takes. One variation on this is the girl who gets close, then you either stop or don't do something exactly right and she needs to start over as if nothing has happened. She tends to be demanding.

The Analist.

You might think a girl who likes taking it in her ass is every man's dream, and I won't deny that I enjoy it. Some women can cum from anal even without other stimulation, which is very hot. However, women are only tight there for the first couple of inches, so a deep anal fuck isn't necessarily as hot as vaginal from a purely physical point of view. Some women use this as a form of birth control.

One and Done.

She's worse than most men in that once she cums she loses all interest in sex. You need to cum first, then be able to make her cum or you won't get another chance. She can be fun of you're young and stay hard after you cum. While rare, these women are out there.

The Squirter.

For some women, squirting orgasms are the most amazing and sought-after. Not every woman experiences them, and some not very often. Others require that you keep a supply of towels handy if you get them into your bed. They're usually extremely sexual, and once you're in a relationship with one she'll probably want sex more than you.

Nipplegasms.

There are a few women who can cum just from nipple play. It takes a while, but from what I hear it can be amazing. One woman explained it thus: "There's a direct line from my nipples to my clit." But I didn't touch her clit until she came from nipple play. Another observation: If a woman lets you play with her breasts, she'll probably let you fuck her.

The Normal Woman.

My favorite, and I use the term "normal" because a lot of women seem to be in this category. She'll do it all. Suck your cock and swallow. Cum from you giving her oral. Sometimes let you (or ask you to) fuck her ass. She enjoys talking about sex, too. But what she really likes is a good long fuck that gets her off several times, and getting her pussy full of your hot cum. If you're a guy who can cum multiple times in an evening, she'll love you forever.

I'm sure there are more, so feel free (so to speak) to add your comments and observations.

Sex Positions: Part 2

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Tue, 9 Sep 2025 07:26:00 -0700

Prone Positions for intimacy

BY THE EDITORS OF MEN’S HEALTH. Listen to the ► Podcast at How To Sex.

Guys, if you and your woman are looking for positions to help her orgasm, then you want to look for sex positions where you can manually stimulate her clitoris during penetration. “Most women are not going to be able to get highly aroused or have an orgasm unless there’s some kind of clitoral stimulation happening,” Kerner says.
Or perhaps you want to explore elements of BDSM (an umbrella term encompassing Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism, and Masochism) with new sex positions. “Some of these positions are great for power play, where you can feel dominant or submissive,” Kerner says.
Some of these sex positions are fun to try for novelty’s sake, but not necessarily ideal from start to finish. “You will likely want to mix and match positions,” Kerner says. “You can start in some of the more adventurous and highly athletic positions, but then transition into a less demanding position, where you can fully relax and feel present in the sex you’re having.”
If a sex position feels uncomfortable, don’t overdo it. This isn’t a “push through the pain” situation. Just switch to something else! There are plenty of positions here to choose from.
These positions are detailed in no particular order, but we’ll need to split this topic into two parts, because of the great variety of expressions on the list. And if we’re just not descriptive enough for those listening to the audio podcast, be sure to pull up the transcript with detailed illustrations of all 56 positions.
And now, let’s continue with the next position.

Chapter 4: Man On Top

27. Missionary

Also known as: The Matrimonial, Male Dominant

Benefits: We know this one isn't necessarily new to lots of guys, but there's something sort of kinky about doin' it in the most vanilla position of all. Plus, you get lots of eye and body contact.

Technique: Men, Your woman lies down on her back, her legs spread enough for you to lay upon her, facing her; with your legs between hers, and your penis penetrating her vagina. The massive skin-to-skin contact triggers oxytocin for both partners and aids deeper sexual arousal. Kissing enhances intimacy and bonding. Her hands are free to stimulate him, why he shifts his weight occasionally from one arm to the other, giving his a free hand for pleasuring her breasts, and other intimate touches. The most commonly used position in the world, the missionary, is an especially intimate position allowing for face-to-face contact. You like it because you can control penetration depth and speed of thrusting. Your woman enjoys feeling your weight on her body, and the maximum skin-to-skin contact.
Note that this position can make it more difficult to hold off ejaculation because of the intense friction and deep thrusting. To lengthen lovemaking, start with this, then switch to a position that maintains clitoral pressure without so much pelvic back and forth.

Also try: Push up to create space in between you to sneak a small vibrator down for buzzing the top of her mound.

Hot tip for him: Raise one of her legs so her knee is level with your right shoulder. Keep her other leg flat on the bed. Thrust toward the inner thigh of her raised leg. This adjustment forces tighter penetration and more clitoral pressure.

28. Quicker Picker Upper

Also known as: The Pillow Driver

Benefits: A little bit of variety if missionary begins to feel stale; good upper body exercise.

Technique: Men, Place a pillow under the small of her back or her buttocks to tilt her pelvis and change the angle of your penetration for different sensations. Bracing yourself with your hands on the bed as in a push-up position, you take your weight off her body.

Hot Tip: Some women love the passionate hammering of her cunt. By adding lumbar support, it give a man more direct impact for vaginal thrusting. It's also helpful for when a woman's belly is larger, such as during the 3rd trimester of pregnancy.

Note: Pregnancy often brings out the sexual animal in a woman. Some are insatiable.

29. David Copperfield

Also known as: Trick and Treat

Benefits: This sex position is the “pièce de résistance” for women who prefer a strong, upward stroking motion.

Technique: Men, Place a pillow under her hips to tilt her pelvis up. Bend her knees so she can place her feet on your shoulder blades. This experience is all about using both hands and your mouth, drawing out the hidden clitoris from its nest, and lavishing it with tender affection and intense stimulation.

Also try: Amplify your oral efforts with a simple sleight-of-hand trick: While you lap away, try using your hands to push gently upward on her abdomen, stretching her skin away from her pubic bone, and helping to coax the head of the clitoris out from beneath the hood.

Hot tip: Let your tongue rest firmly and flat against the full length of the vaginal entrance, then have her move and grind against your tongue.

30. Closed For Business

Benefits: A variation of One Up that allows for slow buildup. Some women who struggle with hyper-sensitive genitals, and who reach orgasm faster than they prefer, will want to regulate the lovemaking foreplay.

Technique: Some women find direct clitoral stimulation uncomfortable. Having here close her legs during oral sex may help. The man places his hand above her public mound, applying light pressure, and then rubs his tongue on the area around the clitoris to add indirect stimulation.

Hot tip: The man can also try keeping his tongue still while the woman rocks her pelvis back and forth.

31. Magic Mountain

Benefits: Think the deep penetration of Doggy, with the closeness of Flatiron (great for dirty talk). Women who love anal fun, enjoy the intimacy of her man's heavy breathing and sexy talk in her ear.

Technique: Find a low-lying piece of furniture, like an ottoman or a bed. Kneel over it so it provides a bend at the waist (this can also be done with a stack of pillows on the bed). The man kneels behind the woman, entering from behind. He then forms his body to that of the woman’s.

Hot tip: Slow. It. Down. Instead of quick thrusting, aim for a slow and steady flow.

32. The Seashell

Benefits: This position will provide just about the deepest penetration you can get in a forward-facing position.

Technique: Men, You'll need some flexibility for this one. The seashell is very similar to Happy Baby, except a bit more... folded. Start in missionary, and have the woman bring both her legs up by her head. The man then enters facing them, leaning into the woman's legs.

Also try: If the stretch becomes a bit too much for the woman, take a break with Happy Baby—where they bend her knees up to 90 degrees. You will both still get the deep penetration that Seashell provides, without the woman feeling like they're tearing up her hamstrings.

Hot tip: Place a pillow underneath the woman's hips for more lift—it'll make the bend for the receiving woman a bit more comfortable.

33. The Captain
Also known as: V is for Victory

Benefits: Deep penetration, G-spot stimulation, and access to the clitoris.

Technique: Men, The woman lies on her back and raises her legs in the air. Kneeling, hold her ankles and spread her legs into a V shape before entering her.

Also try: Making sure she stretches her hamstrings first.

Hot tip: Since your hands are busy holding her legs in place, she should hold a vibrator if she wants to add some added clit stimulation to this position.

34. Doggy Style

Also known as: Man's Best Friend

Benefits: Deep penetration and an erotic view.

Technique: Men, This could be your next move after starting in The Flatiron sex position. Entering your kneeling woman from behind, you'll be able to thrust deep, so the tip of your penis touches her cervix, an often-neglected pleasure zone. But you should do this slowly and gently. Some women find it painful.

Hot tip for her: She may be able to increase the intensity of your orgasm by pushing her pelvic floor muscles outward, as if trying to squeeze something out of her vagina. This causes the vaginal walls to lower, making the G-spot more accessible.

Hot tip for him: Your hands are free to roam her body. Try leaning over her back and reaching her dangling, drooping breasts. Her nipples may become very firm aroused, and engorged. Try stroking her hair, shoulders and back. Reach around her hips to stroke her clit while penetrating her. Hang onto her hips and get aggressive if she likes a rougher pounding. Have some oil or lube handy to massage her anus while you have an excellent view and access. She may want you to explore further in her anus if she’s in the mood for it.

35. The Flatiron

Also known as: Downward Dog, The Belly Flop

Benefits: Intensifies vaginal pleasure.

Technique: Men, Your woman lies face down on the bed, knees slightly bent and hips slightly raised. For comfort, and to increase the angle of her hips, she can place a pillow under her lower abs. You enter her from behind and keep your weight off her body by propping yourself up with your arms. This position creates a snug fit, making you feel larger to your woman. Many men find this position very convenient when they come home late to their sleeping woman. But be advised to use lube on your penis first, and go slow if you’re surprising your woman. Her vagina probably hasn’t had time to respond sexually with sufficient natural lubrication.

Also try: You'll last longer in this position if you switch to shallower thrusts and begin deep breathing.

Hot tip: Less friction means less stimulation—and can help you last longer. Try using a very slippery silicon-based lubricant, which may allow you to thrust longer before reaching orgasm.

36. The G-Whiz

Also known as: The Shoulder Holder, The Anvil

Benefits: Allows deep penetration and targeting the G-spot

Technique: Men, Your woman lies on her back. You kneel between her legs and raise them, resting her calves over each of your shoulders. Rock them in a side-to-side and up-and-down motion to bring the head and shaft of your penis in direct contact with the front wall of her vagina. Because this angle allows for deep penetration, thrust slowly at first, to avoid causing discomfort.

Also try: Bring her legs down and have her place her feet on your chest in front of your shoulders. This allows your woman to control the tempo and depth of thrusts.

Hot tip: Notice when your woman is nearing orgasm. You do that by listening for her breath to become short and shallow. Flushed skin and slightly engorged breasts also indicate she’s nearing the peak of her arousal.

37. Happy Baby

Benefits: Ideal for vaginal and anal penetration. This one's great for her G-spot stimulation. And it's a comfortable option if the woman experiences lower back pain.

Technique: Men, The woman assumes the happy baby pose, a popular yoga position where you lie on your back, bend your knees into your chest, grip the outer edges of your feet, and roll side to side like, well, a happy baby. In this case, instead of rolling around, the woman stays put so you can enter her from a kneeling position.

Also try: Tweaking your angles by sliding a sex pillow underneath her hips.

38. The Face Sitter

Also known as: Hovering Dragonfly

Benefits: A comfortable position for your woman An erotic one for you. It accommodates long sessions of orally pleasuring the man.

Technique: Men, Rest a pillow behind her head, then straddle below her shoulders. Support yourself by holding the bed's headboard or the wall.

Hot tip for her: If your woman's mouth becomes dry after a while, she can add some mint- or fruit-flavored lube to your shaft.

39. Pretzel

Also known as: The Pretzel Dip, The Camel Ride

Benefits: The deep penetration of doggy-style while face to face.

Technique: Men, Kneel and straddle her lower leg while she’s lying on her side. Your woman will bend her upper leg around the side of your waist, which will give you access to enter her vagina. For many women, rear entry hurts their backs. This sex position allows them to lounge comfortably while enjoying deep penetration. This position is ideal for women who are healing from physical setbacks, because the man can better avoid rough agitation while copulating.

Also try: Manually stimulate her using your fingers. Or withdraw your penis and, holding the shaft with your left hand, rub the head against her clitoris to bring her to the brink of orgasm. You can reinsert when she wants you back inside.

Hot tip: Be gentle with her clitoris. It's more sensitive than your penis, so touch lightly at first. Some women even prefer gentle pressure around it rather than direct stimulation. Go soft, then increase speed and pressure.

Hot tip for him: And ask her to direct you, faster, slower, lighter, harder.

40. Mountain Climber

Also known as: The Pushup

Benefits: Creates great eye-to-eye contact. Keeps your weight off her body.

Technique: Men, Begin in the ‘Missionary’ position, then show her your skills. There's a reason people swoon when they see a six pack. They know a man with strong abs is going to be great in the sack. The mountain climber position shows off your strength and hard abs (if you have them). While penetrating between your woman’s legs, assume the standard "push up" position. This gives you a great live porno view, and you’re the porn star! You can watch her body react to a building orgasm.

Also try: Lower yourself to kiss your woman teasingly while thrusting with your shoulders as well as your pelvis.

Hot tip: Tease her with a series of moves: by entering with just the tip; thrusting just halfway in; then removing yourself and stroking her outside with your rigid penis. She can reach down and grab your shaft and rub her clitoris with it.

41. Spork
Also known as: Spoon and Fork Combo, Scissoring.
Benefits: Offers a natural bridge to more creative positions.

Technique: Men, Your woman lies on her back, and raises her right leg so you can position yourself between her legs at a 90-degree angle and enter. Her legs will form the tines of a spork (a spoon-and-fork utensil). She can do this with you facing her or facing her back.
Also try: If your woman is limber, lift her left leg up to increase the depth of penetration.

Hot tip for her: From the Spork position, have her lift her top leg and support it by resting it on your shoulder. From here, she can easily stimulate her clitoris using her fingers while you're inside her.

42. Coital Alignment Technique

Also known as: The CAT

Benefits: Strong clitoral stimulation.

In a study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, women who were unable to have an orgasm in the missionary position reported a 56 percent increase in orgasm frequency using the coital alignment technique. Other studies suggest even greater success, with up to 73 percent of women achieving orgasm with CAT.

Technique: Men, The CAT is very similar to the missionary position except your body is positioned farther up and to one side. Instead of being chest to chest, your chest is near your woman's shoulders. Have her bend her legs about 45 degrees to tilt her hips up. This causes the base of your shaft to maintain constant contact with the clitoris.

Also try: Ask your woman to straighten her legs. Push your pelvis down a few inches while she pushes up.

Hot tip: Instead of thrusting up and down, rock forward and back to (hopefully) provide enough stimulation for your woman to orgasm. Make this position even better by grinding your pelvis in a circular motion.

43. Snow Angel
Also known as: Bottom's Up

Benefits: She gets a prime view of your derriere.

Technique: Men, This is challenging: Your woman lies on her back while you straddle her facing away. She lift her legs and wraps them around your back to elevate her pelvis so you can enter. she then grabs your butt to help you slide up and back. She can add a little massage action to her grip also.

Hot tip: Spin around into missionary style to face her while trying to stay inserted. Then switch positions, this time with her on top and facing away.

44. The X Position
Also known as: Crisscross

Benefits: Prolonged slow sex to build arousal. Shallow thrusts stimulate the nerve endings in the head of your penis.

Technique: Men, Sit on the bed facing each other with legs forward. Lift your right leg over her left, and she lifts her right leg over your left. Come together so you can enter. Now both of you lie back, with your legs forming an X. Slow, leisurely gyrations replace thrusting.

Also try: Reach out and hold hands to pull together for pelvic thrusting. Also, take turns alternatively sitting up and lying back without changing the rhythm.
Chapter 5: Woman On Top

45. Cowgirl

Also known as: Woman On Top

Benefits: “There's going to be G-spot stimulation, clitoral stimulation, and cervical stimulation,” says Kerner. “It’s a nice position for her to really control her orgasm. It also gives you a great view of everything that’s happening.”

Technique: Men, Cowgirl is one of the best sex positions because it allows for a variety of interesting sights and sensations, and offers your woman the psychological advantage of taking charge of pace and depth of penetration. Alternate between shallow and deep thrusts. "Shallow will stimulate the front third of the vagina, which is the most sensitive," says sex therapist Rebecca Rosenblat, author of Seducing Your Man.

Also try: Lie chest to chest, with your woman, stretching her legs out on top of your legs. Your woman should brace her feet on the tops of yours and push off to create a rocking motion that will rub the vulva and clitoral area against your pubic bone for greater pleasure.

Hot tip: It will be easier for your woman to climax if you stimulate her manually and orally until she’s extremely aroused. From the cowgirl position, have her squat over your face so you can pull off some oral stimulation.

46. Reverse Cowgirl

Also known as: Rodeo Drive, Half Way Around the World

Benefits: With a pillow under your head, you get an awesome view of your woman’s backside. She can control depth of penetration and pace with this sex position.

Technique: Men, Lie on your back with your legs outstretched. Your woman kneels next to you, then turns and spreads her legs, straddling your hips and facing your feet. Kneeling, she lowers down onto your penis and begins riding you.

Also try: Have your woman lean forward or back to change the angle of the penis for greater stimulation.

Hot tip for her: From this position, she can easily reach down to touch herself or direct your penis to where it feels best. She can also fondle your scrotum or massage your prostate, or anus.

Hot tip for him: You can easily add anal massaging to heighten her arousal. Have anal lube available if she wants your fingers to venture farther in, back there.

47. Pole Position

Also known as: Thighmaster

Benefits: Dual stimulation for your woman; for you—a great view of her rear and your penis entering her.

Technique: Men, Lie on your back and bend one of your legs so the knee is up in the air, keeping the other outstretched horizontally. Your woman straddles the raised leg with a thigh on either side and lowers herself onto your vertical penis(the pole), so that her backside is somewhat facing you. She should hold your knee and use it for support as she rocks up and down. She can have her knees down, or one leg swatted between your legs.

Also try: she can press her vulva hard against your upper thigh, rubbing as the feeling dictates.

Hot tip for her: From Pole Position, your woman can massage your raised leg during the action. Or reach down and touch your perineum.

Hot tip for him: Your eyes may be admiring the view of her arse, but she may really want a gentle sphincter massage. Have some anal lube within reach, as she may decide she wants you to explore her anal region farther in, as her climax builds.

48. '69'

Also known as: Inverted 69, Over and Under.

Benefits: Simultaneous oral pleasure.

Technique: When she’s on top in 69, she can control the intensity of oral stimulation on her clitoris by lifting or pressing her pelvis. From this position, it's easy to work her finger magic on your perineum, the sensitive area just below your testicles. Also try the man-on-top position.

Also try: Roll over onto your sides in the 69 sex position.

Hot tip for her: Place a cup of warm tea and an ice cube on the nightstand near the bed. When she gives you oral sex, she can alternate placing the ice cube then the tea in her mouth.

49. Lazy Man

Also known as: The Squat Thrust

Benefits: Puts her in control, maintains intimacy. Provides a frisky woman some sexual activities when you have little energy or physical limitations. As long as she can get you hard, she has all she needs to ‘scratch her deepest itches’.

Technique: Men, Place pillows behind your back and sit on the bed with legs outstretched. Your woman straddles your waist, feet on the bed. She then bends her knees to lower herself onto you, using one hand to direct your penis in. Just by pressing on the balls of her feet and releasing, she can raise and lower herself on your shaft as slowly or quickly as she pleases.

Also try: From this position, you both lie back into the Spider position or its more challenging variation, The X.

50.The Spider

Benefits: You both can still maintain eye contact while viewing the action at center stage.

Technique: Men, Both of you are seated on the bed with legs toward one another, arms back to support yourselves. Now you both move together as she places her legs over yours. Her hips will be between your spread legs, Her knees bent and feet outside of your hips and flat on the bed. Now align the genitals and enter, then rock back and forth.

Also try: She grabs your hands and pulls herself up into a squatting position while you lie back. Or you can remain seated upright and pull her against your chest into the Lazy Man position.

Hot tip: Help turn her on by straddling her bottom and massaging her back. While you're busy with your hands, She can wiggle, grind, and move her mons pubis in a circular motion against the sheets to stimulate the clitoris.

51. Waterfall

Also known as: Head Rush

Benefits: The blood will rush to your other head too.

Technique: Men, move to the edge of the bed and lie back with his head and shoulders on the floor as his woman straddles his pelvis. The blood will rush to your head, creating mind-blowing sensations upon orgasm.

52. The Socket

Benefits: “This looks like it's a nice position to fantasize a little and get a new view of your woman’s behind,” says Kerner. “It's a chance to get absorbed in the sensations.”

Technique: Men, From reverse cowgirl, have her bend all the way forward, extending her legs all the way back. She should be supporting her body by resting on her elbows, as if she was holding a plank.

Hot tip: Your woman can easily stimulate her own clitoris while you penetrate her. If the two of you are into spanking, go for it.

53. Pearly Gates

Benefits: Great for G-spot stimulation.

Technique: Men, You lie on your back. Your woman can straddles you in a reverse cowgirl position before carefully leaning backward until her back is on your chest.

Hot tip: You can reach around and play with her nipples or clitoris. (She can also use a vibrator in this position.) A chaise lounge is an ideal piece of furniture for this position. It also facilitates anal adventures. But be careful not to break a cock, with a wrong move or other accident.

54. The Fusion

Also known as: Getting a Leg Up

Benefits: Quicker orgasms for your woman; easier motions.

Technique: Men, From The Spider, your woman can lift her legs onto your shoulders, which increases the muscular tension that advances the orgasm sequence. By elevating her butt off the bed, it'll be easier for her to thrust and grind in circles.

55. Hovering Butterfly

Also known as: The Face Sitter

Benefits: She can direct the position of your tongue and the pressure against her by rising up or pressing down.

Technique: Men, Your woman straddles you, placing her knees at your ears. She can hold onto a wall or headboard for support. While you're doing your thing, she can use her fingers to graze her nipples or rub the top of her vulva.

Also try: Hold your tongue firm as she gyrates her hips, pressing her clitoris against it.

56. The ‘69′ Bridge

Also known as: Golden Gate

FYI: If your woman can do this, she may have been a Russian ballerina in a past life.

It’s the ultimate test of a woman’s limits.

Technique: Men, “This just looks impossible to me,” says Kerner. “But if your woman is able to do it, go for it. I think it’s just a victory in being able to pull this position off.” Add an incentive reward if she needs encouragement. A small, slender woman will have an easier time trying.

Hot tip: You may need to help out your woman by thrusting your pelvis up, so her mouth can actually reach your genitals.

Sex Positions: Part 1

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Sun, 7 Sep 2025 07:16:00 -0700

Creative positions for intimacy: Standing or Sitting

BY THE EDITORS OF MEN’S HEALTH. Listen to the ► Podcast at How To Sex.

If you suddenly have an itch to try some new sex positions, we’re not surprised. When we recently surveyed 1,229 American men about their sex lives, a third of respondents said they’re feeling more sexually experimental now than before the pandemic began.

According to Justin Lehmiller, Kinsey Institute researcher and member of the Men’s Health Advisory Panel, stress could have something to do with the widespread craving for sexual novelty. “When we’re stressed, it’s often harder to feel desire or to stay in the moment, because our mind is distracted and wandering,” Lehmiller says. “Trying something new can create this immersive experience that lets us be in the moment and raises sexual arousal.”

A fun, new sex position is an easy way to immerse yourself in a sexual experience. Take a much-needed break from stressing about work or the state of the world by attempting something adventurous in the bedroom, like the many sex positions you’ll find on this list. (Don’t worry, we also included fan favorites like missionary, cowgirl, spooning, and doggy style.)
Which positions should you try first? Start by asking yourself what you’re hoping to achieve by changing up your usual routine. This will guide how you approach this list of 56 sex positions, explains Ian Kerner, sex therapist, and author of; She Comes First; and, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.

If you are looking for positions to help with female orgasm, then you want to look for sex positions where he can manually stimulate her clitoris during penetration. “Most women are not going to be able to get highly aroused or have an orgasm unless there’s some kind of clitoral stimulation happening,” Kerner says.
Or perhaps you want to explore elements of BDSM (an umbrella term encompassing Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism, and Masochism) with new sex positions. “Some of these positions are great for power play, where you can feel dominant or submissive,” Kerner says.
Some of these sex positions are fun to try for novelty’s sake, but not necessarily ideal from start to finish. “You will likely want to mix and match positions,” Kerner says. “You can start in some of the more adventurous and highly athletic positions, but then transition into a less demanding position, where you can fully relax and feel present in the sex you’re having.”
If a sex position feels uncomfortable, don’t overdo it. This isn’t a “push through the pain” situation. Just switch to something else! There are plenty of positions here to choose from.
These positions are detailed in 5 chapters, which include standing, sitting, sideways, man-on-top, and woman-on-top.

And we’ll need to split this topic into two episodes, because of the great variety of expressions on the list. And if we’re just not descriptive enough for those listening to the audio podcast, be sure to pull up the transcripts with detailed illustrations of all 54 positions.
And now, let’s get started with the first position.
Chapter 1: Standing Positions

The next several positions don't even require a mattress. Often our spontaneous desires won't wait until bedtime. Let's get started.

1. Stand and Deliver

Also known as: The Bicycle

Benefits: You can enjoy the view of your penis thrusting.

Technique: Men, Stand at the edge of a bed or desk while your woman lies back and raises her legs to her chest. Her knees are bent as if she’s doing a "bicycling" exercise. Grab her ankles and enter her. Thrust slowly, as the deep penetration may be painful for her.

Also try: Have your woman place her heels on your shoulders, which will open her hips so her labia press against you

Hot tip: Encourage your woman to play with her clitoris manually. Also, show her that she can control your penetration by flexing her thighs.

2. Standing Dragon

Also known as: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Serpent

Benefits: An ideal position for G-spot stimulation. Seeing the round curves of your woman’s rear tends to be highly erotic for you.

Technique: Men, Stand and enter your woman from behind as she poses on all fours on the edge of the bed and arches her back to lift her buttocks.

Also try: You can move your legs outside of hers, then use your thighs to squeeze her knees together, which tightens her vagina around your penis. The tightness often enhances the response for both of you.

Tip for him: This position also allows you to keep both hands free for pleasuring her backside. Keep some lube handy in case she wants deep anal massaging.

3. Standing O

Benefits: Ideal position for all things cunnilingus: clit sucking, rubbing, digital penetration, G-spot stimulation.

Technique: Men, While on your knees, have your woman stand up-right. She should then drape one of her legs around your shoulder while you eat her out.

Hot tip: Ideally, you want your woman's hands above your head. This can be accomplished through the use of some BDSM restraints. If restraints aren’t her thing, see if you can find an anchored bar or beam for her to grasp.

4. Restroom Attendant

Also known as: Drop the Soap

Benefits: Good for a quickie at the workplace, a party, or mid-flight.

Technique: Men, Slip into a bathroom and ask her to look into the mirror while you enter her from behind. It lets you have eye contact during the G-spot-targeting rear-entry sex position.

FYI: Women fantasize about this scenario.

5. Butter Churner

Also known as: Squat Thruster

Benefits: An extra rush of blood to your woman’s head to increase her ecstasy.

Technique: Men, Have your woman lie on her back with her legs raised over her head. This is not a plain Jane position! Squat over her, holding her upraised legs steady; and dip your penis in and out of her vagina. Be extra careful to thrust lightly to avoid stressing her neck—Kerner warns this position could potentially result in a neck injury. The side armrest of a sofa might help create a position similar to this with less physical exertion.

Warning: Most men’s erect penises have limits to how much they can bend downward. If this position is painful, stop before your penis ruptures internally and needs emergency surgery.

Also try: By removing yourself fully, you'll give your woman the extremely pleasurable feeling of you first entering her over and over again.

Hot tip: Novelty ignites passion by increasing your brain's levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to romance and sex drive, says biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD. The Butter Churner qualifies for novelty, but you don't need to go to such extremes to sustain romance. Anything that's new and different will do the trick.

6. Couch Surfer

Also known as: The Lazy Susan

Benefits: Convenient for a quickie and adds spice outside the bedroom.

Technique: Men, Ask your woman to bend her body over the arm of a couch as you enter her from behind. She can grind on the firm but cushy arm for multiple stimulation with minimal effort.

Also try: Have her cross her ankles. This will squeeze her vaginal and gluteal muscles tightly around your penis.

FYI: This is safer than the Butter Churner, but similar.

7. Yourself on the Shelf

Also known as: The Bicycle

Benefits: “You can enjoy the view of your penis thrusting inside of your woman, and this position really allows for direct clitoral stimulation,” says Kerner.

FYI: This position requires a man with enough strength to hold his woman safely, while she gyrates up and down on his penis.

Technique: Men, Have your woman perch her butt right on the edge of a bed, chair, counter, or table. With you standing in front, you can enter her. Then have her wrap her legs around you. From there, stand up-right, placing your hands firmly around her back to support your woman without injuring your penis.

Also Try: If you don’t have the quad and glute muscles to pull this position off, just keep your woman on the edge of a counter, table, or other furnishing, penetrating her there.

Hot Tip: It’s a great way to finish having sex. Since the position is strenuous, try moving to it 30-60 seconds before you and your woman are about to orgasm.

Caution: Have a safe emergency landing spot near you(bed or sofa), in case you have an injury or lose your balance.

8. Ballerina

Also called Ballet Dancer

Benefits: Erotic move for quickies in tight quarters. Good option for outdoor sex. Allows for easier penetration. Your woman has control of thrusting, depth, and angle.

Technique: Men, You stand facing one another. Your woman raises one of her legs up and wraps it around your buttocks or thigh and pulls you into her with her leg.

Also try: If that wrapped leg gets tired, cradle it with your arm. If your woman is very flexible, lift her leg over your shoulder.

Hot tip: Try this standing position in a hot shower, if you have something to hang onto. During the steamy foreplay, rub each other's entire body with a coarse scrub to stimulate nerve endings and blood flow.

9. Iron Chef

Also known as: Kitchen Confidential

Benefits: Good sex position for a quickie with deep penetration.

Technique: Men, Help your woman up on the counter, seated facing you, with her panties removed. She sits on the edge of the counter and wraps her arms around you while you enter her from in front. Bathrooms and kitchens are the two most popular locations for this coupling, but Dining tables and workbenches are also a thrill.

A variation between The Ballet Dancer and Yourself on a Shelf; in which your woman raises her legs up and wraps them around your butt or thighs. Your kitchen counter is often the perfect height for this standing-to-seated appetizer.

Tip for him: Women often fantasize about being ravaged by her man while preparing him a special meal. Watch for signals, like a scantily dressed, or suggestive-talking woman in the kitchen. Kissing keeps her cooking!

10. H2 Oh Yeah

Also known as: Aquaman's Delight, Water Sex

Benefits: Good for an outdoors quickie, while still avoiding prying eyes.

Technique: Men, Another variation of The Ballet Dancer. Your woman's buoyancy in the water makes this sex position easier to hold. And all you need to do is shift some bathing suit material out of the way of certain body parts; the lifeguards will be none the wiser.

Tip for her: Cold water can hamper a man’s sexual response, so she needs to be especially attentive to arousing him in a cold pool or lake. On the positive side, men don’t ejaculate as quickly when their genitals are cold, so she gets to take her time and enjoy the ride longer. Shoulder deep water is best for minimizing the weight of the woman getting a ride on her man.

11. Wheelbarrow, Standing

Also known as: The Hoover Maneuver

Benefits: Calorie burner because it's so athletic. You can stroll around the house in this position, but draw the shades first. She may also experience a heightened climax from blood rushing to her head.

Technique: Men, You enter your woman as you would in doggy, or standing, rear entry; but lift her up by the pelvis and have her grip your waist with her legs. Stand up to invert her body, while thrusting rhythmically. Summer camp wheelbarrow races were never this much fun!

Also try: Ask her to rhythmically squeeze her pelvic floor muscles, to help her climax.

12. The Elevator

Also known as: The Bees Knees

Benefits: Great for out-of-bedroom fellatio.

Technique: Men, Your woman kneels in front of you, covering her teeth with her lips and encircling your glans with her mouth. She then slowly pistons her lips up and down on your shaft, alternating speeds and occasionally stopping to move her tongue over and around your glans.

Also try: Lean a dressing mirror against a wall to the side of your body so you can enjoy the view of your woman going down on you from the side versus top down.

Hot tip for her: For variation, she can take one of your testicles into her mouth as she strokes the shaft with her hand.

13. Quickie-Fix

Also known as: The Bends

Benefits: Greater thrusting power, and good for quickie sex in your kitchen, especially if your woman is wearing a skirt.

Technique: Men, Ask her to bend at the waist and rest her hands on a piece of furniture, her knees or the floor for support. You enter her from behind and hold her hips for support as you thrust.

Also try: Reach below to caress her clitoris for extra stimulation. This is a great ‘shower sex’ position.

Hot tip: Massage her shoulders or stimulate her breasts by bending over her.
Chapter 2: Seated Positions

In the next several positions, we'll discuss ways to intimacy in a seated position. These options accommodate pleasure in situations where a bed is not an immediate option, or perhaps it's just time for some variety.

Let's continue.

14. Face Off

Also known as: The Lap Dance

Benefits: Allows for face-to-face intimacy; cozy for long sessions.

Technique: Men, Sit on a chair or the edge of the bed. Your woman then faces you, wraps her arms around your back, climbs on top, and sits on your lap. Once in the saddle, she can ride up and down on your penis by rising with her legs or knees. Want to go faster? Assist by grabbing her buttocks and lifting and bouncing.

Also try: Your woman can sit astride facing you on a rocking chair. Old wooden rockers on hardwood or stone floors provide the greatest variety of good vibes.

Hot tip: There's lots of room for creativity in this position for stimulating erogenous areas of the upper body, head, neck, and face. If she likes to have her nipples licked, go for it!

15. Hot Seat

Also known as: The Love Seat, The Man Chair

Benefits: Good G-spot stimulation.

Technique: Men, Sit on the edge of the bed or on a chair with your feet on the floor. Your woman turns away and backs up onto you, sitting between your legs. She can ride back and forth by pushing off the chair arms or pressing up with her feet. She can control the angle of entry by arching her back and pressing her buttocks into your groin. While doggy style is about your dominance, The Hot Seat puts your woman in the driver's seat. And that makes it one of the best sex positions for both of you.

Also try: Your woman can reach under and stimulate the base of your penis, scrotum, and perineum. Meanwhile, you can reach around and stimulate her nipples.

16. The Little Dipper

Benefits: “A great position that allows for clitoral stimulation with both your mouth and fingers,” says Kerner.

Technique: Men, For the Little Dipper, the woman is on top and uses either a bed, couch, or chair to hoist herself over you. You then insert your penis into her vagina or anus. She then does tricep dips to move up and down on your penis. If done correctly, you should be in a T-shape formation.

Hot tip: Play with the man’s penis, or the woman's clitoris, for extra stimulation.

FYI, the woman will have sore triceps once you both finish.

17. One Up

Also known as: Over Your Shoulder, The Hamstring Stretch

Benefits: This is the best sex position for people who are particularly sensitive along one side of the clitoris.

Technique: Men, Kneel on the floor with your woman sitting, reclining, or lying on the edge of the elevated chair, sofa, bed or swing. Raise one of her legs and ask her to support it by wrapping her hands around her hamstring just below the knee. With one hip raised, she will be able to add some movement to aid in your stroking or to help move you to the perfect spot.

Also try: Encourage your woman to wriggle a little to help you get the rhythm right.

Hot tip: During oral sex, allow the knuckle of your finger to trail behind your tongue. The contrast between soft flesh of the tongue and hard bone of the finger will create a pleasing sensation. (For more oral pleasure positions, check out Your Ultimate Guide to Oral Sex.)

Hot tip for her: She can let you know the tongue pressure and technique she prefers by demonstrating with her mouth on your earlobe.

18. Spin Cycle

Also known as: Maytag Repair Man
Benefits: Extra vibes. It's true that women in the nineteen sixties fell in love with the automatic washing machine. But she seldom talked about all the benefits received from the modern convenience.

It seems that when a woman puts all her weight on the rapidly spinning machine, the vibrations pulse and overwhelm her nearby clitoral vaginal nerves.

Some brave women shared this little detail with her receptive man. This sometimes resulted in men utilizing the sturdy machine to enhance their woman's pleasure and perhaps even their own?

Technique: Men, This is a variation on the Hot Seat with your woman sitting in your lap, but this time planting yourselves on top of a washing machine, set at the highest agitator cycle.

Tip: Throw some heavy rugs in the machine ahead of time, and interrupt the process until the two of you are ready for some intimacy. Once you're both mounted and ready, Pull the knob and let the tremors begin.

19. Stairway to Heaven

Also known as: Step Lively

Benefits: Good hand holds for your woman, and you don't have to wait until reaching the bedroom.

Technique: Men, This is a variation on the Hot Seat with your woman sitting on top of you while you sit on one of the stairs of a staircase. Stairs offer good seating possibilities, and a handrail for extra support and lifting leverage for her.

Tip: This unique incline provides ways to gently support the woman's weight as she descends the shaft, gently. Either the upper steps or the hand rails can give her a safe and supportive aid.

Caution: the lower steps of a flight are perhaps a safer option, if orgasm intensity impacts consciousness, leading to a tumble down the flight.

20. Heir to the Throne

Also known as: Lazy Girl

Benefits: The ultimate sex position for oral on the go, use this to get your woman in the mood and help her cut loose.

Technique: Men, Have your woman sit on a chair with her legs wide open. You take it from there. This is a good sex position for either beginning the slow build-up with loose, broad, strokes, or ending with strong suction. Your woman is able to easily guide you, and she’s able to get a full view of you between her legs, which is a turn-on for many women.

Also try: Switch to a swivel chair and turn it left and right as you hold your tongue stationary.

Hot tip: Insert your index and ring fingers and stroke in a "come hither" motion to wake up her G-spot using this sex position. With either your tongue or other hand, apply pressure to her pubic bone. This dual stimulation executed just right will send your woman over the edge.

21. Seated Wheelbarrow

Also known as: Wheelbarrow at Rest

Benefits: Less strenuous than the standing varieties of this sex position, while still offering intense sensation. With less ability to thrust, this position allows a guy to last longer before blowing his load.

Technique: Men, A recliner or the edge of a bed will be handy for this. The man is seated and lays back. The woman straddles over him, facing away from him, and moves her vagina down his erect penis (as in Reverse Cowgirl.) He begins to sit up and firmly holds her around her hips as she leans down over his legs. The man firmly keeps his hold around her waist while she extends her legs backward along either side of him. She continues letting her torso lower down to the floor, while he’s holding her hips firmly planted against his penis. She sets the motion while he enjoys a great view and access to her anal assets. Try the wheelbarrow while sitting on the edge of a bed or chair. Movement is limited, but penetration is deep.

A nearby ottoman or other sturdy footrest can be helpful when the woman wants to transition her torso to facing down on his legs. She's then free to express tender affection to his feet and toes.

If the woman is aroused by spanking or anal probing, this position easily accommodates the lovers. A woman's orgasm may become more intense, if her head is declining to lower altitude than her hips.

Hot tips for him: Make some noise. Explore the deeper sexual response and energy by letting loose with powerful sounds, a roar, perhaps? Have some oil or lube nearby to give her a special anal massage and/or exploration.

22. Swiss Ball Blitz

Also known as: Romper Room

Benefits: See The Hot Seat. Also, adds bounce to your thrusts.

Technique: Men, Have a big exercise ball in your workout room? Use a stability ball to add some bounce to The Hot Seat. Sit on the ball with your feet on the floor. Have your woman back up onto you, sitting between your legs. Roll and bounce to it.
Let her do the grinding and pumping. Even the slightest energy exerted with bring an amplified response, and the thrill will exceed your biggest amusement ride fantasies.

Tips for him: She’ll have a great time, but your attention to her breasts with make it even more memorable.

Tips for her: Tuck the big ball in the corner of the room if you want it to stay securely put. It’ll allow you to focus on the pleasure and avoid an injury visit to the ER. The nurses there just love to hear your titillating red-faced explanations, but you’ll never live it down.
Chapter 3 Sideways Loving

23. Spoon, Facing

Also known as: Sidewinder

Benefits: A very intimate face-to-face position that encourages hugging and kissing.

Technique: Men, This is an ideal position if your woman is pregnant or either one of you had a knee injury because it keeps weight off the body. To get into the position, begin by lying on your sides and facing one another. Your woman spreads her legs slightly to allow you to enter her, then closes her legs so the part of your shaft that's outside can press against her clitoris. It's easy to kiss from this intimate face-to-face position.

Also try: Because thrusting is more difficult in this position, use different techniques such as grinding, circular, and up-and-down motions for added stimulation.

Hot tip: Hug each other for 20 seconds before getting busy. Hugging raises your levels of oxytocin, a bonding hormone your body produces naturally, and that will enhance your connection.

24. Spoon

Also known as: The Sleeper Hold

Benefits: Comfortable sex position if your woman is pregnant or you're heavy. Also ideal for long lovemaking. Good one for falling asleep afterward.

Technique: Men, You both lie on your sides facing the same direction, you in back. Your woman bends her knees and pushes her butt back toward you for easier access to her vagina. Adjusting the lean of your bodies will vary the angle of entry and help with rocking and thrusting.

Also try: Synchronize your breathing. One of you takes the lead and the other follows so that you inhale and exhale together. The coordinated rhythm opens an unspoken dialogue of intimacy.

Hot tip: To give her the sensation of greater width inside her, from the Spoon position, have her bend and lift her top leg to her breasts. Adjust your position, so you are more on top of her hip than behind her.

25. Gift Wrapped

Also known as: The Horny Mantis

Benefits: Relaxing position with deeper penetration and increased intimacy.

Technique: Men, Both of you lie on your sides facing one another. Your woman bends and spreads her legs, and angles her vagina toward you. You lift your legs between hers to enter while she wraps her legs around your back.

Also try: She can use her legs and feet to pull you close during thrusts for deeper penetration.

26. Open-Legged Spoon

Benefits: It's everything you love about the classic spoon position, with the added opportunity for clitoris access.

Technique: Men, From the spoon position above, the woman lifts her top leg and drapes it backward over her penetrating man’s hips.

Hot tip: The open-legged element of this position means the man in back can reach around and play with his woman's clit—either with his hand or a vibrator.

Concluding

In part two, we’ll discuss option for horizontal intimacy, with thirty variations in which men and women take turns being on top.
Join us next time, and enjoy some fun imagination; then plan on when & where to start mastering new coupling expressions.

Creepy In The Swingers Club

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Fri, 5 Sep 2025 07:10:00 -0700

Why creepy guys often don't get laid, even at a swingers’ club

By Hord Holm. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

I've been to a Swinger Club on roughly a dozen occasions, so perhaps not enough to count myself as an expert. But perhaps enough to have observed some common behaviors, and these are what I want to address here, particularly in relation to single guys who go to Swinger Clubs.

The Swinger Club Scenario

What usually happens is that my husband suggests that we go to our preferred club about a week ahead of time (or further out, if there is an enticing theme advertised for a particular night.)

We make our reservation, and then I wonder: what kind of night will it be? It will either be a great night, lots of fun with amiable strangers, or it will be a night for just me and my hubby because of a Plague of Creepy Guys, who we will have to spend at least part of the evening avoiding.

But what, pray, does this Plague of Creepy Guys look like?

I need to start by outlining how a Swinger Club will usually be laid out. The Club is most likely divided into three zones.

The first zone is the Bar and Social Zone. Sex might happen there, but the main purpose of this zone is for patrons to relax, buy expensive drinks, which brings in one half of the Club's profit margin, and get to know each other.

The second zone is the Spa Zone, with a sauna, massage area, perhaps a hot tub or even an indoor pool. Sex might happen here, too, but often the Club regulations will prohibit sex in the hot tub or pool, if there is one, for hygiene reasons.

The third zone is the 'Action Zone,' which is where most of the fucking will occur. There will be separate rooms offering greater or lesser privacy, perhaps with themes or pieces of equipment, mirrored walls and ceilings, etc.

On arriving at the Club, the average patron will head for one of the first two areas until they feel like heading for the Action Zone. And it's then that the Plague of Creepy Guys will be encountered. This Plague will most likely be really off-putting to the first couples who enter the Action Zone, though they may be less of an issue once a greater number of couples, or perhaps even threesomes & groups, are scattered about.

But we have to ask a question: why is everyone at the Club?

Well, to get laid, of course! Though there may be the occasional patron who is there more as a voyeur; in which case, the following isn't really addressed to them. And if that's you, then have fun and don't be too creepy about it. Those patrons looking to get laid are divided into three groups; couples, single men, and single women.

However, single women are generally rarer than hen's teeth! I have seen one in the times I've attended clubs, and talking to more regular attendees one in twelve visits is actually better than average. And when we consider it, that's hardly a surprise as it must take some pretty tough chops as a single woman to walk into a Swinger Club and put oneself in that situation without anyone on one's 'side'. Hell, I’m adventurous, but I would never go without my man!

This leaves us with a clientele divided between couples and single guys, and thus there are, by definition, pretty much always more men than women in the Club; unless it's a couples-only night. And this factor, the outnumbering of women by men, is the basis of the Plague of Creepy Guys.

Describing the ‘Creepy Guy’

For the purposes of this piece, the Creepy Guy can be defined as follows: he can be young or old, handsome or a broken-down old wreck, or anything in between, but his defining characteristics are his silence and an air of desperation. He wanders around the Action Zone seeking to interpose himself on couples (or threesomes, or occasionally groups), with his cock in his hand and his mouth hanging half open, and at no point does he say anything.

Now, I get it. Single guys are the bread and butter of Swinger Clubs (indeed, they are the other half of the Club's profit margin). They pay a premium to get in and they want to get their money's worth. Single guys aren't necessarily Creepy Guys, either, but if they are they can be absolute pests.

Perhaps the Creepy guy is proud that he doesn’t spend the money on a cheap hooker or a lap dance. But he sees this entry charge as something which entitles him to a return on investment. Yet the women guests don’t owe Creepy Guy nothing!

On his own, the Creepy Guy; unless particularly persistent, can be largely ignored. But when they start prowling around the Action Zone in packs?

What usually happens is that a couple feels like getting it on, they go into the Action Zone and find a place to get jiggy, a Creepy Guy spots them, and through some weird telepathic process all the other Creepy Guys activate, and as a group they mob the couple, at a distance, thankfully; and become an off-putting crowd staring, hoping, wanking, gazing at the woman like dying men in the Sahara who've seen the promised oasis.

At this point, many of the couples retreat back to the Bar, and let someone else deal with the Plague instead.

So then the Creepy Guys go into standby mode, waiting for the next couple to enter the Action Zone, activating when they do, and following them around like a bunch of stalkers, waiting for the outside chance that they might be invited to join in. This is, after all, their ultimate aim.

Finally, when enough couples are enjoying one other; the Plague becomes less noticeable, and the atmosphere usually improves a notch or two.

But you see the problem here? The Creepy Guys are self-defeating, by and large.

There is the occasional woman who is fine with beckoning one of these horny lurkers to spread her legs, and sometimes there might be a particular themed night designed for such women to avail themselves of numbers of such men.

In truth, the Gangbang Night, or whatever other name might be accorded to it; is probably the best night for single men to attend the Swinger Club and get lucky. But even then, success is not a given.

Thus, there are many men who pay a large entrance fee, and find themselves with an expensive bar bill, which is due upon his departure. He pays, but he’s not had any action. They can be naturally disappointed, and sometimes they even take to forums to complain that they haven't been laid despite the money they've spent.

And so to the point: how can one minimize the chances of being one of those men?

A side note here: down at the Swinger Club we understand that other folks are going to ogle at us while we're getting it on. We might even welcome it, and often we do. Though, if we don't welcome oglers, and we try to find a more discreet corner; then perhaps it might be better to just let us get busy in peace. Please. If my man and I do decide to enlarge our circle, it’s usually to connect with another couple, not some out-of-town sales rep.

Porn Star Looks

So, you want to get lucky? Well, the first thing to note is that, as alluded to above, you can wander around a Swinger Club looking buff and tanned, as if you've stepped out of an expensive production, but that doesn't guarantee you success, and if you believe it does; then prepare yourself for disappointment.

It should also be noted that us women in a Swinger Club are likely not to be America's Next Top Model either: swingers are, basically, ordinary people. We are your neighbors, who just happen to have a sexual interest in people other than our regular partners.

So, 'Mr. Buff and Tanned and God's Gift to Phillies', if you do make contact with a woman in the Club don't turn her down merely because she doesn't meet your exacting standards. Of course, if you don't fancy someone that's perfectly fine, but don't go in expecting the impossible.

One problem is, that you may have got your image of what a Swinger Club looks like from PornHub, or from reading stories on this or other sites. Don't assume that either the films you've seen or the stories you've read reflect reality.

When a writer crafts a story about a Swinger Club there's no guarantee they've ever been to one, and even if they go week-in, week-out that doesn't mean they are writing reality -- by and large they are creating a fantasy. Don't fall into the trap of believing that an author's fantasy is anything more than, at its most realistic, an exaggeration.

The same goes for video: when a production company rocks up at a Swinger Club they will either ask for volunteers from the clientele who want to feature in their production (they will have done this some time in advance), or they will have hired talent to pretend to be swingers. Usually, it will be some combination of hired talent and genuine swingers. When it comes to the genuine swingers, though, it must be assumed that the production company will do what they can to pick the better-looking ones from those who have agreed to participate. Thus, what one sees in the final production doesn't necessarily reflect what an average group of swingers might look like, and it's best to assume that the group on film are generally better-looking than the swingers in the Club on the night you attend.

That isn't to say that swingers look like the back end of a bus, and I don't want to suggest that they do. But it is to point out that the likelihood is that the swingers you will see in a "Swingers' Report" or "Real Swingers' Club" type of production have been hired and selected. Fantasy stories on Lit, and videos on PornHub or its ilk are not reality.

The bottom line that I'm trying to get to is that looks mean little. Well, no, actually that's not true... The real bottom line is that looks mean nothing if you don't:

Communicate

Remember up above, when we examined what the average Swinger Club is likely to look like? There are usually three zones and the first one is a Bar and Social Zone. This is where Creepy Guy often makes his most basic mistake. The number of guys I've seen who take up position in the Bar and Social Zone, beer in hand, and then simply stare at any woman who happens to be there.

Of course, they never actually talk to said woman. No! That would be too obvious, surely! But they will sit (or stand) and stare, and make the woman feel uncomfortable, and when she doesn't pay attention to them and actively avoids eye contact, they stare at the next woman, and then go to the Action Zone after they've had a couple of drinks and congregate with the other single guys, and once a woman and her chosen partner enter the Action Zone they flock around in a group hoping to get laid. And mostly, they don't.

Please, if you are a single guy going to a Swinger Club, don't be that single guy, don't be Creepy Guy. I know it can be hard to talk to strangers, to be the one to break the ice, but I can vouch for the fact that the guys who do best aren't necessarily the ones with the buff muscles and the sock down their boxer-briefs. The guys who do best are the ones who take the time to introduce themselves to the women (and their partners) at the bar, who take the time to be pleasant and interesting, and who don't assume that they deserve to stick their cock in whoever they want just because they've paid their entrance fee.

Silently staring at a woman and making her feel uncomfortable are not winning tactics in this situation. And just because she is in a Swinger Club and thus, pretty much by definition, wants to get laid, it doesn't mean she automatically wants to get laid by you if you've been following her with your staring eyes, and then with your tongue hanging out and your cock in your hand. Yes, there are some women who might like that, who might feel flattered by that, but it's tactically better to assume that the woman you've spotted across the bar is going to feel far more willing to go to the Action Zone with you if you've taken the time and effort to go up to her and say, "Hi, my name is John. What's yours?"

Her Partner

And say hello to her partner, too. As we've already noted, single women are rare in Swinger Clubs, thus virtually every woman you meet will be with her partner. And here we encounter the next lie; (sorry, 'exaggeration') that porn and fantasy fiction feeds us: most guys who are in a Swinger Club with their wives/girlfriends are not into a humiliation kink. Some might be, and good luck to them if they are, but again it's best to assume that they very definitely aren't until you know otherwise. So, if you go up to a woman at the bar or in the social area, and she is sitting or standing next to a man, pretending he doesn't exist or treating him like some 'soy-boy' cuck is likely to piss off not only him, but also the woman, who doesn't want to see her man treated like shit thank you very much, no matter how much of a steak-eating alpha you might consider yourself to be.

Men who are in a Swinger Club with their partners have almost certainly had some in-depth discussions with their wives, and they are generally also keen to partner up with a woman they didn't arrive with. They are also probably happy, or even keen, for their wife to fuck about. But they will be leaving with the same woman they arrived with, and both halves of the couple view the other as their primary responsibility. So treat him with respect, talk to him as well as her, and if she's interested in going to the Action Zone with you; your respect towards her partner is, at the very least, unlikely to weaken her desire and indeed, may well reinforce it. You'll soon know.

And it's also worth remembering that some couples give each other vetoes. So, if you act like my husband doesn't exist, barging between us and showing him your back, you might find that I can see him shaking his head over your shoulder and buddy, you've been declined!

One should, however, be wary of one type of swinger couple: the first-time swingers. They've talked about it, they think they've covered all the bases, but the truth is that neither of them really knows how they will react to seeing their partner being chatted up/chatting up someone else at the bar. Or even more to the point, how they will react when she has a stranger's cock in her mouth or has his fingers in a stranger's pussy, as she moans in his ear.

If you find yourself talking to a couple who've never swung before, treat them carefully, take it slowly, and read the room before. In your eagerness, you suggest that she gets it on with you. Most importantly, check that he's on board with it, and be ready to back off if the vibe is wrong.

There is one last thing to consider on the issue of looks, and that is single men and how they dress. Very often Creepy Guys have one other thing in common other than silence and an air of desperation; they seem to believe that they only need throw on any old t-shirt and jeans. Swinger Clubs have dress codes, but the reality is that they want single guys' money, so they will often turn a blind eye to a guy who falls (or even plummets) below expected sartorial standards.

But we women, for example, notice. If a man has made the effort to wear a shirt (ironed), and shave, and put on deodorant, it doesn't mean I will fuck him. But it does mean I won't be repelled by him, which is better than the way we feels about the roughly ten percent of the men in the Club every time we go; who can't be bothered to do these things. And for the love of God, wash your cock and balls!

Dutch Courage

It's hard to walk into a bar and not order a drink, especially if you know that you need to make contact with strangers if you're going to get what you really want. But booze can be a problem in the Swinger Club, and in particular, too much booze. How tragic it is to see a guy downing three or four beers and getting cheerful and chatty, and yet to know that he runs the real risk that Mr Happy will soon be Mr Floppy. Indeed, I have told my husband and others, on more than one occasion that, "he couldn't get it up," and when I point out which poor chap couldn't, I smile gently at the memory of him ordering yet another drink at the bar an hour earlier.

Of course, it might not be the drink: we're already in a pressured situation for any but the most confident of single guys. All that money spent just getting in, the realization that just being there is no guarantee of getting any action, seeing many more men than women and doing that mental arithmetic that tells us that failure is more likely than success. Hell, it's enough to drive a man to drink! And so, one drink becomes two becomes four, but then Hallelujah! A woman wants us to fuck. Followed, minutes later by gloom, as 'Tiger' doesn't want to come out to play.

So, as a general piece of advice, don't magnify the possibility of performance anxiety with an alcohol-based erectile difficulty: save the drink for afters. Yes, yes! I know you're the type of guy who can drain a keg and still service an entire cheerleading team, sure, but why take the risk?

Consent

We've dealt with the main issues that I have noticed with single guys in Swinger Clubs, but. Actually, no, scrub that. We haven't. Here's a hugely important one: consent. By this I don't mean the obvious consent of asking someone before attempting to fuck them. Or actually, I do mean that, which is just incredibly disheartening to have to put down on paper. As a rough rule of thumb some guy is ejected from the preferred Club I attend every third visit, and the Club I go to with my husband isn't seedy in the slightest. But every three nights or so there seems to be some knucklehead who doesn't get it, who doesn't understand that even in the midst of half a dozen couples swapping and passing and doing everything and more, there is still positive consent.

I remember seeing this for the first time, on my first visit to a Swinger Club, and being impressed. The gaining of consent by experienced swingers is not a great production, but instead is a simple, "can I?" or "do you want me to?" followed by indicating the act the person has in mind. It's done with the minimum of fuss, and often the consent is a simple nod. Alternatively, the 'receiver' can ask for what they want the other person to do with them, which can be difficult for a novice but is something soon learned as the most effective way of getting what one wants (and is, let's face it, rarely turned down when it's a woman asking a guy to do something with her).

It needn't be more than this to get consent, but it does need to be at least this, and consent must be positive. It is not good enough when a person (and let's be honest here, it's almost always a woman) is put into a position where they have to say 'no' to stop a guy doing something: that guy should never have begun to do what he is doing without first securing the consent of the woman.

So, single guys, positive consent, at all times. If a woman tells you to do what you want with her, then huzzah! Have a ball! But until then, every step of the journey needs to be assented to by her. If consent isn't given, watch the experienced swingers take it on the chin and move on without getting their knickers in a twist, and emulate.

And a note here for any women reading this who might frequent swinger establishments: if you want a guy to do something, tell him, don't simply assume he's telepathic and then get disappointed when you find out he isn't.

Condoms

The last issue that needs to be mentioned here is condoms. Of course, you've seen the Swinger Club videos on the interweb and those hot'n'horny folks all go bareback, don't they? What's more, you're in the Club and you've had a couple or four beers and that latex sheath you're being pressed to wear is only going to ruin your performance. Tough!

The better Swinger Clubs will tell you that they can't, of course, demand you put a condom on, but they will recommend it to the end of time. The others will give you a false sense of security by saying they insist on them; but how? They won't have Swinger Club 'police' wandering around enforcing the rule; it's up to you. And it must be accepted that there are times when a couple in a club might well go bareback. You might even see it with your own eyes, and wonder why, if it's good enough for them, the woman you are about to slide into is insisting you put one of those pesky condoms on.

But here's the thing. That couple is probably a married or long term couple. They are regular partners. You just don't know that because you've never seen them before.

I canl attest that, when it comes to condoms, there are two types of guys. The first type is reaching for a condom before I’ve even got my panties off: it is an automatic reaction for him, in the environment of the Club to reach for a condom. I don't regard him as a saint for doing this, by the way, and he doesn't gain browny points.

But the second type of guy certainly loses points. His common request goes something like, "but I have a long-term partner, so we don't really need to use condoms, do we?"

Er; let's think about this, shall we? I (or indeed, anyone else) have just met Guy No. 2, and he expects me to take what he says on trust? And where the fuck are we, for pity's sake?! Oh yes, a Swinger Club where you, Guy No. 2, may well have had your cock, unprotected for all anyone knows, inside another person not thirty minutes before. Let alone what you might have been doing yesterday, or last week, or whenever/wherever you were able to convince someone else that bareback is the way. And no, it doesn't matter that you've had (or claim to have had) a vasectomy.

So, use condoms. Swallow your entitlement and stick that health-saving bit of latex on your manhood, and don't be a jerk.

Entitlement

And so, to summarize, with a lovely little segue from the end of the last point into my final sub-heading.

Swinger Clubs are, by and large, a whole kaboodle of fun. But there is, as always, a 'but'. The 'but' generally being the attitudes and actions of those single guys who believe that, once inside a Swinger Club, they are entitled to the sexual attentions of a woman, any woman.

This short piece was inspired by a Forum thread begun by someone who came across very much as if they felt entitled to sex because, hey, it's a Swinger Club and I'm horny and paid my hard-earned money to get in, damn it! Now, to be fair, the person who began that thread did modify their position once they had engaged with other posters, and they did admit that their initial position was unreasonably entitled. So, kudos, and they deserve only respect for questioning their initial position and coming to the conclusion that it was unjustified.

However, reading the beginning of that thread sadly chimed with some of the behaviour of single guys that I have witnessed with my own eyes. These are the Creepy Guys, and whilst they might sometimes get what they want, they often don't and they often bring the whole atmosphere down, down, down. However, there are other single guys in Swinger Clubs that I've met, and they've been the opposite: they've been pleasant, conversational and humorous, and who'd have thunk it, but they've had far more success than their counterparts who wander around with glaring eyes and their cock in their hands, unable to comprehend why they are failing.

At this point I must also hat doff a particular article by Isabella Emily. It summed up much of what I have noted here, only more succinctly, and perhaps more kindly. So, kudos there, too. Isabella Emily, in particular, correctly noted that just because a woman is in a Swinger Club, she is not obliged to fuck any guy who happens to want her, and this point is the key to it all: just because you want her, it doesn't mean she wants you.

So, if you, as a single guy, are in a Swinger Club and feeling horny and you've seen someone you want to hook up with, please follow these simple suggestions:

1: Do Look as if you've made an effort.

2: Don't get drunk. Drunk people can be an annoyance, and are less likely to be able to perform.

3: Don't hang about with the other single guys in a little swarm, descending as a squadron whenever a couple look like they are about to have sex. In fact, try not to go to the Action Zone at all unless you are going with someone you already spoke to in the bar and who has agreed to a hook-up. Or simply to briefly check out the action in a non-creepy kind of way.

4: Do engage with people in the bar, saying, "Hello," and other similar social niceties rather than simply staring like a stalker. Smiling helps, too. And if someone doesn't seem that keen on you, accept their decision with good grace and move on.

5: If she is with a partner, as she almost certainly will be, don't pretend he doesn't exist. At least he got a woman to come here, Did you?

6: Do Get positive consent.

7: If you do get lucky, don't whine about condoms: just use one.

8: And if nothing works, and you strike out, Do accept your failure with humor. Because you are not guaranteed anything, you are not owed anything. And sorry if your time and money feels wasted but that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

And the final don't? That should be obvious by now. Don't be the creepy stalker type guy who walks around expecting to get laid without needing to do anything as inconvenient as actually conversing with anyone, and getting clearly more frustrated as the evening wears on and he's getting nowhere. Basically, check your entitlement at the door.

Finally, if you really want to boost your chances in a Swinger Club, don't go on your own. I realize that isn't always possible, but if you can take a partner then you'll almost certainly hook up, even if it's 'only' with the person you came with!

Plus, I and other women may assume you’re more desirable, if another decent woman came with you.

By Hord Holm

Guidance For 'Hot Wives'

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Wed, 3 Sep 2025 07:07:00 -0700

Ms. Evangelina Vargas advises wives who want to be “hot.”

By vargas 1 1 1. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

This topic comes up more often than our society is comfortable with. To illustrate the matter, imagine the scenario of a couple of 50 year old English gentlemen down at the corner pub; when one of them says; “Nigel, I don’t know how to say this, but I have it on reliable certitude that your wife has been shagging a younger bloke from church.”
To which Nigel responds with a relaxed breath; “Well, at least someone is shagging her.”

Some men just lack the libido of their spouse, especially decades after the peak of a man’s virility of the early twenties.

More than a few marriages dissolve in a painful betrayal and severe disruption of a cohesive home. It’s even more traumatic when kids lose a 2-parent cohesion, because mom and dad couldn’t work out a satisfying sexual arrangement.
We’re presenting the expert advice of well-known ‘hot wife,’ Evangelina Vargas, to weigh in on the issue, for those of you who relate to the conundrum.

Guidelines for Happily Married Hot Wives

By Evangelina Vargas, with contributions from Dawn MWF 4 Blk

Okay, you have heard about being a “hot wife.” It sounds sexy but a little scary, too. You have lots of questions and uncertainties and many women have written my brother, Homer Vargas, for advice. Well, he has asked me to reply because this is something better handled between us girls. With two grown daughters, one kid in kindergarten, one in nursery school, and a bun in the oven, I’ve “been there, done that.”

Why?

Probably your first question is “Why should I become a ‘hot wife?’” There are many reasons but the most important one is, love. You have a wonderful husband whom you love more than anything in the world. You want to please him, to make him happy. You think that he might like a hot wife, but maybe you are not sure. What if he thinks you are a slut? Put that out of your mind, sweetie. Take it from me; if your husband is a heterosexual male, he wants a hot wife. If he is not heterosexual (or is a little underpowered sexually), there may be other reasons for you to become a hot wife, but I will not deal with those here. Men want hot wives; therefore you want to become the woman he wants.

Besides wanting to please your man, it’s also a matter of elementary justice. Your husband deserves a hot wife. He has made a commitment to you. He loves you above all other women. He has promised to be faithful to you, giving up pussy from all those other little hotties he was fucking before he met you. You owe him at least the sexual satisfaction he could be getting from those other women if he were still “on the loose.”

In addition, being a hot wife should be a matter of personal fulfillment. You are a woman and you want to be the best, the sexiest, the most feminine woman possible. Becoming a hot wife; an ever hotter hot wife; will give meaning and purpose to your life, releasing you from self-centeredness and ennui.

Then, too, being a hot wife is a very healthy lifestyle. To become and remain a hot wife, you will have to exercise daily, watch what you eat, maintain your body in top form. Dieting and physical fitness will not seem like a chore when you keep in mind that you are honing your body for your adored husband’s sexual gratification. You are not just a “sex object”; and proud of being a damn good one, you are a sex object d'art!

Moreover, being a hot wife is to your material advantage. You want the good things of life: a nice house, fancy clothes, travel, fine food. So how does being a hot wife get you these things? Simple, honey. To acquire the material possessions you want, you need a financially successful husband. And nothing contributes to a man’s success more than having a hot wife.

For one thing, a hot wife at home does wonders for a man’s self-confidence. After a night with you, he walks into that boardroom or law office or shop floor and looks around knowing that no other man in that room has a wife as hot as his! No one else, only a few hours ago, had a woman riding his cock, screaming his name in ecstasy as she orgasmed over and over, begging him to fuck her longer, harder. A man with a couple of good early-morning fucks like that under his belt can kick ass and get other men to do things his way.

But in addition to his self-confidence, the reputation of having a hot wife will give your husband leg up in any encounter with other men. Remember, men are competitive, always measuring themselves against other men. When his rivals and co-workers know your husband has a hot wife, it gives him prestige and allows him to get his way. He’ll be the one chosen for the highest bonus, the promotion, the challenging assignment that leads to advancement. And of every dollar he earns, 75% to 80% will be spent on YOU, his loving hot wife. (Of course if you are a hot high income professional that will further boost your husband’s career.)

There is another reason as well that must be mentioned, girls, even though it’s not too pleasant. You need to be a hot wife in self-defense. Knowledge that your man is married immediately makes him a much more attractive target for other women. For some women, knowing a man is able to make a commitment causes their claws to grow. Tired of boyfriends whom they have screwed for months or years only to see them slip from their clutches; these women may figure that here is a man who has proven catchable.

For others, it’s just the opposite. They know you have your guy well tied down and he’s not likely to get serious when all a girl wants is sex. And the way you look and act indicates that at least one other woman (you) has found him highly satisfactory in the sex department. Yummy!

Still other women seek out married men because they know that married men are likely to be sexually unsatisfied. Sad to say, most women (you are going to be a glorious exception) cut back on the frequency and nastiness of sex once they have “landed” a guy, leaving the poor schmuck flopping around in frustration like a fish out of water.

Finally, and this is paradoxical, the very success that your husband achieves thanks to your being his hot wife, makes him a more desirable prey. There are hundreds of sexy, slutty women out there wanting to take your husband from you and you have to be sexier and sluttier than they are, to keep him!

How?

Now that you understand the reasons to become a hot wife, the important question is, “how.” First, and this is almost too elementary for me to have to mention but many women miss this point: SEX. Yes! You will want to make love, have sex, fuck, screw, boink, shag, get it on, “do it” with your husband every time he can get it hard. Any woman can out-fuck any number of men; so there is no reason for your husband ever to be horny if your cunt is around. The key to a happy, successful, faithful husband is enough sex to keep his eyes crossed.

Almost more important than the frequency and nastiness (we’ll get to that later) of sex is to make sure he understands that you want sex it because HE is a macho sexy Neanderthal stud. You are not doing him a favor (although you are!). These are not just frequent mercy fucks. You are fucking him because he turns you on. He makes you hot. He makes you want sex. He makes you NEED sex! With such a man, you are a sex slave!

Now let’s talk about what kind of sex to have with your husband starting with what kind not to have. It will NOT be once a week, in the bedroom, missionary position, lights out, “think of England” while he empties his balls in you. No! You are so burning with lust for your husband that you will want him to take you on the shag rug in the living room, on the dining table, bending over in the kitchen, draped over the back of the sofa in the family room, in the shower. You have a totally irresistible desire to let him eat you and an almost irresistible desire to give him blowjobs (you swallow greedily), tempered only by the thought that each load of cum in your mouth is one less in your needy cunt. You are multi-orgasmic, or will fake it until you train yourself to become so. You are a moaner and a groaner and a squealer and a screamer. You claw his back in ecstasy. You like it doggie style, riding his cock, legs bent behind you head or heels (6" stilettos) in the air. He can call you every filthy name in the book if it gets you a harder cock and a more cum pumped into your needy cunt. You put every porn movie he’s ever seen to shame.

Because you want to fuck your husband so desperately, all the time, you are constantly looking for ways to excite him, to entice him, to make him want to fuck you. This means taking the initiative, seducing him! You will want to have a collection of sexy nightwear and scandalous casual wear for around the house that signal your constant horniness. Seldom is total nudity best. Always keep on a necklace, bracelets, and your heels during sex. Cleanliness is good and perfume is great, but never wash off or cover up the womanly scent of an aroused cunt. Be proud of how wet he makes you and put up with the mess.

Of course you do not stop being a hot wife when your hubby is off making money for you to spend. A true hot wife would not be able to go through a long day without her man if she did not have toys to keep her sane. Dildos and vibrators will keep you simmering and ready for his return. Masturbation is also important to help you become or remain multi-orgasmic. And of course he likes to know that while he is away, you are missing him so badly you need a large cylindrical object up your twat.

As you get into being a hot wife, seeing how proud and happy your husband is, you will gain self-confidence about displaying your body. You may decide to start taking out the trash early in the morning wearing only a flimsy nightie. You may want to shop for groceries in a short shift that lets anyone see you have nothing on beneath it but your stockings and heels. If you work, you will occasionally “forget” to wear bra and panties to the office.

Now the next point is not for everyone and not absolutely necessary to be a hot wife, but many hot wives are strongly bi-sexual. Girl-girl sex is a great way to pass the long horny hours when hubby is away but it’s also a great way to find women to bring to his bed for a threesome. (Husbands love threesomes with two women.) I have found nothing turns my husband on faster than seeing another little honey and me with our tongues buried in each other’s cunts. And later I let him show me how grateful he is.

Your looks

Hair is also important. You want a hairstyle that is attractive to your husband, not something that is convenient or easy to manage. Generally men like longer, curly or wavy hair. Variety is nice. If you are brunet, go blonde. If you are blond, try red or darker, perhaps darker with highlights. You have to find what works for you, but the important thing, is you are doing this for him. Don’t ask him how he likes your new style; ask him if it makes you look sexier. When he says yes, make him prove it.

Finally a word on body type. Any “body” can be hot as long as you are neither anorexic nor seriously obese. In general men like rounder and fuller women than other women do. Before you decided to become a hot wife, you were probably keeping your weight down because of the expectations of other women, so it’s likely you will can to put on a few pounds. On the other hand taking off a few pounds can say, “I want to be sexy for you.”

So far we have discussed what you need to do in private. Being a hot wife, however, is as much or more about how you behave in public as it is about what you do when you are alone with your husband (or with him and one or two other women). If there is one golden rule of hot wife public behavior it is: DRESS THE PART. When you go out, remember you are NOT dressing for yourself. You are no longer dressing for other women as most women are prone to do. You are not even dressing just for your husband. You are dressing to show off for and tease your husband’s friends, co-workers and rivals. You are dressing to attract and please other men.

Dressing to please and attract other men takes more time and work but take it from me, it will pay off tremendously in amount of attention you receive and how it affects your own “hot wife attitude.” You should always keep in mind what the men you are trying to attract will probably like but in general follow this simple rule when choosing what to wear: "Think dress first, skirt second, and pants only as a last resort.” This will be a radical change for many women but it’s important to remember that most men prefer their women in dresses as opposed to pants. Short dresses and skirts are sexier to most men and they provide easier access in erotic situations. Any skirt or dress that’s more than barely hiding your cookies should have a slit to show more flesh. Even a long gown can be sexy if slit nearly to the waist. You never know when you will have the opportunity to attract that certain man and you need to be dressed for the opportunity when it comes. The good news is that the hot wife lifestyle will probably make you feel like dressing up more and the more you wear dresses and skirts, the more you will find yourself wanting to.

Now I can already hear the objections. “Oh, Evangelina, I could never wear clothes like that. I’m too [fill in the blank] short-tall-round-thin-dark-light.” Nonsense. The point is not to have women (skinny supermodels) make clothes look sexy; it’s to have clothes make women (of all sizes and shapes) look sexy. Believe me, girlfriend, any woman looks good in a miniskirt and a top that shows the rounded top of your boobs.

Wardrobe

What you wear under your dress or skirt is as important as the outfit itself. All men love women in sexy lingerie. The colors and styles you may want wear will vary but in general, here are some suggestions and rules to follow:

1: Always wear matching or at least coordinated lingerie.

2: Bras & blouses should maximize your bust size and display as much cleavage as possible.

3. Choose thongs or French cut panties (crotch-less) are best. Avoid white cotton unless you are going for the “Catholic Schoolgirl” look. If you are with men who know you, no panties is the best option.

4. Always wear hosiery. High tops and thigh highs are great for casual wear but stocking held up by corsets or garter belt are best for formal occasion. No pantyhose. If you are like me, you probably have worn pantyhose your whole life, but they are death to your image as a hot wife. It is practically impossible get fucked on short notice if you are wearing pantyhose. Men understand this and detest them. Pantyhose say “I’m off limits”; not the message you want to send. Besides, it’s pretty difficult even to finger yourself or let a man finger you, in the damned things. End of sermon. Stockings, on the other hand, will make you feel far sexier and more feminine and they provide your husband easier access as well as a sexier sight. Once you get used to wearing them, you will probably have no trouble giving up pantyhose. Seamed stockings are the ultimate for attracting men. You will always get a lot of attention in clubs if you wear them and if you dare to wear them in public in the daytime, men will drool.

The only shoes you should ever wear in public are high heels. This will take some getting used to as well, but men love them. Three-four inches are fine for casual entertaining, but try for four-five inches for nights out. High heel, spaghetti strap, open toe sandals are the ultimate “fuck me” shoes.

Jewelry is a must! It should be flashy, designed to attract the attention you deserve. Earrings should be large, loopy or dangling. Necklaces should draw wandering eyes to your cleavage. Always wear your wedding ring. Men love to think the might be getting a shot at another man’s wife! Anklets and toe rings are a good sign that you are a willing hot wife looking to attract men. Bracelet’s and anklets show you are a happy member of your husband’s one-woman harem. A pierced navel below your tank top makes a sexy statement: “I’ll do anything to keep my husband fucking me.” Long highly polished nails in dark, daring colors help draw attention to you. And this goes for toes in those high-heel sandals.

13 ‘Fuck Me’ Signals

Being a hot wife is more than just looks, however; it’s also how you act.

1: In a situation where you are trying to catch a man’s eye; make sure to make plenty of eye contact with him and smile.

2: Show lots of leg. Cross and uncross your legs and bounce the top leg on the lower one, perhaps pointing the toe of your shoe. If you find that you are very attracted to him, eventually let the skirt ride high enough so that he can see that you are wearing stockings and garters. In clubs a woman wearing stockings and garters is taken as a sign that she is there to get fucked. And of course you are, by your husband that night, but no one else knows that.

3: Apply and reapply lipstick. Men want to see signs that you can’t wait to suck a cock and lipstick is a great way to send that signal.

4: Never miss the opportunity to drop something and bend over, from the waist, never bend your knees. (That’s what those expensive sessions in the gym are for.)

5: When dancing (probably the closest you can get to having sex in public), move your husband’s hands to your ass and press close to him during slow dances. If you can feel his cock, he can feel your tits. Don’t be shy about letting everyone see you come on his finger. With other guys, let them handle the merchandise knowing just exactly what they can’t have. Fast dances give you the opportunity to whirl and twirl and flash your pretty panties or your prettier cunt if you’re not wearing any.

6: If a man puts his hand up your dress; whisper in his ear and ask if him if he would like you to remove your panties.

7: If he compliments your dress; tell him you wore it hoping to meet a man like him.

8: Never miss an opportunity to tell him how sexy he is and how sexy and feminine he makes you feel.

9: However much you flirt with other guys, hang on your husband. Rub up against him. Squeeze his arm. Nibble his ear. Gaze into his eyes adoringly. Demonstrate to onlookers how eager you are for him to fuck you.

10: Do not hesitate to sneak off with your husband to do the dirty during a public event. Sex in public will probably not help his career, but for a man to be seen being dragged away by a hot wife who can’t endure another minute without his cock in her, is a real plus.

11: When you depart early from a social event, make sure everyone knows it’s because you are horny and need your husband to take you home and fuck your little brains out before you rape one of the guests.

12: If your husband travels, meet him at the airport dressed to kill: heels, see-through blouse, cunni-skirt, the works. When you see him, fling yourself into his arms and start a stand-up make out session that will shame other wives and drive other husbands mad with jealousy. Make sure the other passengers know what you and he are going to be doing as soon as you get home (if not in the taxi). Leave the men shaking their heads thinking, “What the Hell does he put in her water?”

13: Take your husband shopping for sexy clothes and underwear; modeling them is lots of fun. Husband love to say, “No” to wives who ask them, “Does this show off my titties too much?” “Do you think this skirt is too short?”

Hot & Pregnant

All of the above are fundamental to being a hot wife, but there is one thing that tops it all. Pregnancy! A hot wife wants to make babies for her husband. His genes deserve to have as many copies poured into the gene pool as possible and hey, as a hottie, yours do too. If knowing he has a hot wife at home is good for a guy’s ego (and earning potential) how much more is knowing he got his hot wife pregnant! By the same token, if other men are envious knowing your husband is fucking the shit out of his little hottie, they’ll become comatose when they find out you let him knock you up. And all those sexy things you wear: skirts, heels, stockings; and the sexy things you do: dancing, teasing, flashing; are twice as exciting when done by a woman with a bulging tummy.

There are ways to flaunt it in, however. Start wearing maternity clothes; outrageously sexy, revealing maternity clothes, as soon as the rabbit dies. There is nothing sexier than a pregnant woman and you are letting everybody see it. Hint to your friends that you had intended to wait longer before getting pregnant, but your sexy husband got you so wound up one night you had an “accident.” Alternatively, you might let them think this was your surprise gift to him. Always say “this baby” or refer to it by number, implying that this is just the most recent offspring of many; your husband may be planning to keep you in maternity clothes until you are 60. Hold, pat, and rub your belly at every opportunity. Show off in public with his hands proudly on his wife’s baby-filled tummy. Cultivate a dopey, fucked-out-of-it expression. Tell the wives of your husband’s friends how your libido has just gone through the roof. It will get back to their men who will want to shoot themselves in frustration. None will be able to look your husband in the eye.

Aged To Perfection

A final word on age. You are never too old to become a hot wife. It’s even more important, in fact, if you have taken a younger man as your husband. Although your dresses may not be quite as short now as when you were in Jr. High fucking the football squad, a hot woman of thirty five or forty or fifty is hotter than any twenty year old in full slutwear. And this goes in spades when you are pregnant. Imagine your gray-at-the-temples husband in the middle of a multimillion dollar negotiation when he says, “Can we roll this up pretty soon, TJ? My wife’s about to pop with our seventh kid and I need to get home to give her a good fuck!”

Wishing you every happiness as a hot wife,

Evangelina

By vargas 1 1 1 for Literotica

from How-To Sex Podcast

Swinging vs Naturism

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Mon, 1 Sep 2025 07:05:00 -0700

Do you seek to be comfortable in your body, or be just a piece of meat?

By Zahra Barnes & Dr Nikki Goldstein. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex.

Getting naked with a mixed social group might be a tantalizing item on your bucket list, but the options can be radically different, and lead to disappointment, even betrayal and abandonment. To the person who’s never seriously considered getting naked in a large mixed group, perhaps all the options seem the same. But where some groups, like swingers clubs; gather with the intent of openly sexual interactions; Naturist and nudist clubs specifically ban public sexuality. Even an innocent erection might be frowned upon and the guy might be asked to step apart from the women while he’s turgid.

Some naturists clubs have an unspoken bias against any male arousal. They even tend to blame an erect man for proliferating a ‘rape culture’.

But at the swingers club, the turgid male; especially if heavily endowed; is almost revered. A man or woman whose physique is rather ‘unremarkable’ may end the event feeling disappointed and inferior. It’s perhaps that ‘meat-market’ culture which diverts many people to the non-sexual naturist clubs. A man with a considerably small cock, hidden in a thick pubic bush, has little to fear at a Naturist club.

You might see more women than men at a naturist club, but you’ll definitely see way more men at a swinger club. That’s what leads a modestly-endowed man to give up on the swingers club, unless he’s there with his devoted female life partner.

But let’s hear from a young woman who has created a naturist society for younger adults. Zahra Barnes shares her report on the club that Felicity Jones started.

Naturism Liberated Me

This Is What It's Like To Live Most of Your Life Naked

I firmly believe that if you want to experience euphoria sans drugs, all you have to do is take off your bra after a long workday. And post-shower, you can often find me wrestling my freshly-lotioned legs into a pair of jeans, muttering questions like, "Why can't I just live my life naked?" The thing is, I can. And some people do. Nudists and naturists participate in plenty of normal activities like swimming, camping, and karaoke without clothes. The degrees of nudity vary; some people are naked pretty much all the time, while others reserve it for social events every so often. But to hear them tell it, life is much better in the nude.

While you may have heard of nudists, chances are you're a little less familiar with naturists. Although the terms are often used interchangeably, some people believe certain nuances classify them as two different bodies. "We define nudism as being more about the actual nudity, while naturism has more of a philosophy behind it," Felicity Jones, 27, a resident of Long Island City, N.Y. and co-founder of Young Naturists America, YNA, tells SELF. "It’s about accepting people as they are, and also promoting the values of respecting other people and the environment." Of course, most naturists can't be naked all the time, because laws exist and being naked in jail doesn't sound particularly comfortable. But when they can, they do, and they enjoy the hell out of it.

Let's clear one thing up: Naturism's not about sex.

Sometimes it's easiest to define naturism by describing what it's not. "A lot of people imagine that it’s this amped up sexual environment, like people are having sex in the open or having orgies," says Felicity. "It’s not like that at all. There’s a time and place for everything," she says, while noting that YNA has "very rarely" had to kick people out of events because they're acting inappropriately.

Stateside nudism and naturism have their roots in the American Association for Nude Recreation, which was founded in 1931. With an spotlight on "wholesome nude family recreation," the organization's mission is "to advocate nudity and nude recreation in appropriate settings while educating and informing society of their value and enjoyment," according to their website. Similar institutions cropped up after, like The Naturist Society, which was founded in 1980.

If you're like, wait, record scratch, people are advocating me getting naked with my family? You're not alone. But as someone who grew up in a home where bodies weren't a thing to be hidden; we weren't naturists by any stretch of the imagination, but I wasn't taught to fear or shame nudity; I can see why this is worthwhile. So can Felicity, who grew up with a nudity-embracing family in New Jersey, and laughingly calls herself a "third-generation naturist." She co-founded YNA in 2010, and to date, they have around 400 members in the States and internationally. In addition to raising awareness about naturism, they put on events like the nude, public Bodypainting Day this coming July 9th, in New York and Amsterdam.

Misconceptions about the naturist lifestyle can have far-reaching implications. "When I post naked photos of myself online, I have to deal with sexual harassment, cock pics, and people assuming that because I’m naked I must be looking for sex," says Felicity. And while running YNA is her full-time job, her partner and co-founder works in sales. "His boss and coworkers all know [he's a naturist], but his boss wasn’t comfortable with him using his real name because people will Google before doing business with him," she says. Even though naturism's intentions are innocent, it can be hard for people to see it that way.

So, no, naturism isn't a cover for massive, wild orgies. Felicity and her co-founder started it in the hopes of filling a void in modern nudity-focused communities. "We didn’t want it to be just about getting naked, but creating a body-positive environment and combatting body shame," she says.

Lose the clothes, gain self-esteem?

Naturism fits beautifully into a society that's increasingly open to the idea that "perfection" doesn't exist. "Being a naturist forces you to accept who you see in the mirror," Serenity Hart, 26, a naturist and nude model in New York, tells SELF. Growing up as a black girl, she loathed the color of her skin and the texture of her hair. "I wished I could change who I was every day, until I found nude modeling," she says. "It challenged me to look past the things I couldn't change, but also learn how to embrace them. Nudity has changed my life." A big fan of naturism's confidence-boosting effects, Serenity wants to spread the message. Like basically everything else in the 21st century, she's using the Internet to do it.

Serenity offers Naked Skype Sessions for $30 an hour, or a package deal of $120 for five sessions. She stumbled upon the idea when she answered a friend's Skype call while in the nude. "At first she was uncomfortable and embarrassed for me even apologized and covered her eyes," says Serenity. Then, they got to talking about where this deeply ingrained negative reaction to nudity comes from. "I asked her to join me in being naked, and she did. So, Naked Skype was born," Serenity explains. "There is nothing more vulnerable than being completely present with a friend or stranger in the nude. No labels, no facade, no judgments, just openness and embracing your true self." She currently has 10 sessions per week with men and women around the world, usually talking about self-love and how to foster positive body image. "The sense of empowerment makes it all worth it for me," she says.

That emphasis on healthy self-image is a cornerstone of YNA's philosophy. That's largely because Felicity realized how beneficial nudity had been to her growing up when she and her family attended the Rock Lodge Nudist Club in northern New Jersey. "I saw the human body in so many different forms," she says. "I wasn’t so influenced by this culture that says if you don’t have a certain body type, you shouldn’t be taking off your clothes."

This is especially important for women. "A lot of the nudity taboo is about female breasts and genitals. People don’t see those parts on actual average bodies, so they can have a lot of anxiety," says Felicity. Growing up as a naturist, she was able to appreciate how broad the private-part spectrum is. "You see that they come in all shapes and sizes and can be as unique as a person’s face. That alleviates a lot of body shame and anxiety," she says. Given that American teenagers are more frequently asking for their labia to be trimmed, this message is more crucial than ever; especially because in general, women's labia are perfect just the way they are.

Another essential part of naturism is bonding with the environment. "For me, it's about being able to connect with nature in a way that is impossible while bound in material," Sheila, a 31 year old naturist in Northampton, tells SELF. "It's a chance to be wild and forget all the artificial day-to-day things that people fill their lives with." But one of her other favorite parts of naturism is that she can engage in recreational activities with people who hold the same feelings about how restrictive clothing can be. "My first time playing at a pool table without a top was interesting," she says. "I never knew how boobs can get in the way when trying to play!"

Even before talking to these women, I considered myself extremely accepting of nudity. But after digging deeper and discovering the lifestyle's confidence-related benefits, I see that nudity can solve so much more than the fact that pants can feel like leg prisons. I have to admit that when Felicity invited me to participate in the upcoming Bodypainting Day event, the opportunity sparked some temptation. But in the end, I had to say no. Even though my self-esteem is quite solid, I'm not brave enough to show the world everything I've got. Although I'll be keeping the rest of my clothes on, my hat's off to anyone who is.

Now let’s hear from Dr. Nikki Goldstein, about the real culture of many swinger clubs.

The danger of turning your swinging fantasy into a reality

Many fantasize about swinging, but few can make it work. Nikki Goldstein has been in sex clubs and seen what really goes down.

Standing on the side of the road at 1:30am with the rain pelting down, I was shielded from the wet weather but drenched from tears of the woman in my arms.

I was consoling her because her boyfriend had just walked off in a fit of anger after witnessing her erotically massaged by another man at a private sex club.

Ill-prepared couples often jump into this world of swinging, where there are many misconceptions and false fantasies and a high risk of someone ending up in tears. Sometimes hearts, sexual confidence, egos and relationships are broken.

It is still taboo to talk about sex and the subject of swinging or attending sex clubs is probably not one discussed at the office water cooler. It is a world protected by privacy and anonymity, something that is also responsible for those eager to check it out first hand.

However many party goers do not understand what really happens — it’s not all a scene from Fifty Shades of Grey.

If we were more open about sex, maybe we would make our decisions from a more informed place rather than a desire to explore unknown taboos for all the wrong reasons.

The problem is, how will you ever know what it feels like to watch your partner with someone else until you see it? The catch is that once you enter this environment, even if it’s just for a look, you might be faced with a reality you are not equipped to handle or ready to deal with. This is why preparation, communication and education are a must.

It’s a great fantasy, but would you really be OK watching your loved one with another person?

So, what actually happens in these clubs?

Most clubs in Australia are exclusive but still open to the general public and are either for couples or single females with some having all singles nights. They are hidden and off the beaten track and are BYO.

When you enter there is often a room with lockers where you can safely store your possessions and clothes and nearby there might be a hot tub or spa where you can meet some couples you want to “mingle” with.

There are also common areas where you can hang out and chat with others and areas such as dance, bondage and “play” rooms where the real action take place. Some have rooms full of mattresses and swings and others couches or beds. Some even look like hotel rooms with showers.

Many of these places from the outside would seem to be just normal apartments, town houses or factories and you might not even know if one was next door to you.

At best they can be great places to explore your sexuality, but it also takes a special type of couple to be able to survive it.

Inside, there can be a lack of seduction and people are often treated like a piece of meat with sexual play being done as easily as you would shake hands. You can see people going through the motions of sex like it’s mechanical. There are of course some scenes which can be sexy and entertaining but I am often disheartened on how sex no longer seems to be special at these clubs and is viewed as just another thing to do on a Saturday night.

I have also found at times a lack of respect for the people that have engaged in “play” together. When the fantasy bubble is bust and the tears come out, sometimes those involved back away very quickly.

I have been encouraged to explore these clubs and have been greeted by all personality types from the experienced swingers who love everyone and sex with everyone to the ego males using this as an excuse to bed more women and the poor partners going along out of fear their partner will cheat behind their back if they don’t agree.

The reality doesn’t often look like this.

There are the exhibitionists and those wanting to have their sexual desirability validated by the multitude of wondering hands and advances. There are also just the people that really want to play and engage in sexy fun.

But there is also a culture that surrounds these clubs that is one of severe alcohol and drug usage. In order to stay up all night having sex with strangers or people you have just met, some often feel their inhibitions need to be lowered chemically.

I personally find sex itself a high and my inhibitions are there as a common sense barrier to protect me, but unfortunately that is not the case for everyone. And with increased alcohol and drug usage comes the decrease chance of protection being used. Condoms, lubricant and wet whips line the walls but at the end of the day, no one can make you use them. (One day I will invent the condom police).

I might seem negative, but while there are many couples for whom this lifestyle has worked and is still working for them, I want to give a warning. These clubs are not for everyone and I only hope people can work that out before they enter the doors and play.

How To Do It Right

But if this is a strong sexual desire or something on your sexual bucket list, here is my checklist for what you need to know before to entering a world that can be exciting, sexual but also relationships suicide.

1. Ask yourself and your partner why you want to do this. Is it a sexual fantasy or relationships rescue? If it’s the first, then proceed, but if this is an attempt to patch things up in the bedroom, you could be putting yourself at a higher risk.

2. Communicate with your partner and discuss this situation A LOT. What would your boundaries be if you did this and what would it look like? You might just want to go for a watch or lightly play with someone else. Just being there doesn’t mean you have to have penetrative sex with other people. It’s also vital to discuss signs and signals for when you are not comfortable

3. Be creative with labels. If you want to explore this world it doesn’t mean you have to call yourself swingers or fit into a category of what you think this looks like. You create your own label (if you even want one) and your own rules.

4. Do your research. It’s good to look online and find out what clubs are in your area and how they work

5. Talk to other people. If you don’t know someone who is in this lifestyle jump on various chat rooms and ask what it is all about and maybe some tips for how other couples make rules and boundaries.

6. Use fantasy to test it out. When you are next having an intimate moment with your partner, talk as though you were in a club and what you might see around you. It’s good to gauge how you feel about the presence of others around you being sexual and wanting to be sexual with you. How would you feel?

7. Just go have a look first. Sometimes go and have a look one night to see how you feel. Make the rule that you will not participate that night no matter how much you want to and discuss what you saw and how you felt when you return home.

8. If at any time you feel uncomfortable leave.

By Zahra Barnes & Dr Nikki Goldstein.

This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.

A Coitus Bucket List

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Sat, 30 Aug 2025 08:55:00 -0700

How Many Positions Have You Tried?

By silk stockings lover. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

Several classic books detail the dozens of positions for fucking. In the 70’s, The Joy of Sex was a big hit.

It inspired great fucking, and some occasional trips to the emergency room, with some embarrassing admissions, especially at the Catholic hospitals where nuns circulated and prayed for injured patients.

But most couples fell deeper in love with each other, and late night tv ratings dropped, as couples turned in earlier.

Today we’re inviting silk stockings lover to talk to us about sexual variety, particularly sex positions. Her many presentations have helped many couples turn boredom and monotony into exciting new adventures in coupling. Her she is.

Sex Positions

Most couples end up using one, two or three positions over and over.

Which, by the way, makes sense.

They work.

But sticking to the variety is the spice of life concept of this essay; the best way to do that is to explore the hundreds of positions you can try.

Some new ones you will love.

Some new ones you will not.

Some will be like how the fuck would that even work.

But just trying something new together is fun.

Don't take it seriously.

Have fun.

Laugh.

Communicate.

Know when to give up if a position isn't working or isn't comfortable for one of you. Don't keep doing it if you are uncomfortable; sex should be enjoyable for both parties.

Acknowledge that this will be a lengthier encounter likely and if all goes to hell in a handbasket you can always go back to three go-to positions or do oral.

No reason you both shouldn't get off regardless of how well or how bad a new position goes.

While you can buy entire books on positions (I have a position per day book which has some great positions, you can find positions online and even on apps, I will offer you ten that I think are great ones to both enjoy and mixed it up a little without getting too wild.

A. The Corkscrew

This is one of our now go to positions. For one, he likes standing up during sex for some reason; I don't really.

But I do like being on my side for sex; so this one is a great compromise for what we both like.

I position myself at the edge the bed. I bend my ass so my cunt is easily accessible while I usually grab a pillow for my head. He stands on the side of the bed and slides into me.

For some reason, he tells me I feel tighter this way.

Also, I should note, he comes faster this way.

Fun variation: I will put my vibrator pressing against my clit during this position to really experience intense pleasure inside and out.

B. The Piledriver

Now I'm not sure if there is a better name for it; or an official name; but this is without a doubt my husband's favourite position and can be done pretty easily in a variety of places. Like the corkscrew he is usually standing, although not always, and I am usually at the edge of the bed.

He grabs me by the ankles, pulls my legs and feet together and then simply penetrates from this position. Because my legs are together sliding inside can be more challenging so I recommend either penetrating the vagina first or having some lube generously lathered on the penis.

Once in, he can control the depth and angle and I am his submissive fuck toy. The stimulation in this position is great for me as well.

A major bonus is he can rest his body against my nylon-clad legs, caress them and even kiss, lick and smell my stocking-clad toes.

Fun variation: he can continue to hold my ankles, spread me wide and pile drive me that way.

C. The Dragon

I love this position. For one, it is a very submissive position. I used to call it the pile driver part two; although they are very different positions and stimulations.

In this position, I lay on my stomach on a bed (this position you definitely need to be on a bed), and he lies on top of me and penetrates me from the top. (Obviously, this would be a great position for anal as well, but we are discussing vaginal penetration here).

My man will start slow, actually even moving his body in slight circular motions that find a way to stimulate my entire vagina. While doing this he is usually kissing my neck and this begins as a very intimate encounter.

Eventually, once I am begging for him to fuck me, to give it to me, to pound me, to pile drive me, the encounter shifts from sweet and sensual to raw intense fucking.

As he pounds me, his body slamming into mine with each deep thrust by body meets him as he has me bouncing around like a raggedy Ann doll. It is exhilarating and always leads to great orgasms for both of us.

Fun variation: be careful with this one as I knocked the wind out of myself when my man shifted from slow to fast; but a small vibrator or one of those new tiny clit focused toys (I need to get one of those) directly on your clit will enhance the pleasure and have you talking nasty and going ballistic when you reach orgasm.

D. Magic Mountain

This one takes a little work to get into the right position, but the rewards are great. This is one of the most intimate positions as you can admire each other's bodies or make sweet eye contact.

The man sits on his ass, bends his legs, leans back in his hands and forearms. The woman does the same thing. Each person then moves closer to each other until the penis slides inside the vagina.

This position can be slow and sensual. More a making love than a fucking. Eventually, the encounter shifts from sensual to raw as the woman can grind her clitoris on the lover's pelvis. We have tried this a couple of times; but my lack of coordination makes it never get overly smooth; as does his impatience to fuck hard. That said, it is a great position; especially for women.

E. Doggy style

I know what you are thinking? Doggy style? Not really overly interesting. Point taken. Yet, this position is overly underrated for its simplicity, and yet that is why it is such a damn good position.

I'll explain it in case we have some rare virgins reading here, but I simply get on all fours, sometimes I have a pillow before me to bury my face in when he really is giving it to me and I'm near eruption. He simply moves behind me on his knees, although he often moves to one knee when he really begins to fuck me and slides in my cunt (yes, this is also one of the best anal positions and the one we use the most the rare time I allow myself to be sodomized; I like that word. This position again puts me in the submissive position as a receiver and his cock can get incredibly deep in my cunt stimulating every erogenous touch point.

Fun variation 1: I can take some control by bouncing back and fucking him. I don't do this much and if I do not for long, but it is a nice variation and gives him a brief rest while showing him just how hungry I am for his cock.

Fun variation 2: as always, a toy can greatly assist the woman when it is placed against her clit as she is fucked.

Fun variation 3: while already mentioned, I'll repeat this is a good anal position.

F. The Wheelbarrow

Now this is a real workout for both; especially the woman. Last time we did this I only lasted thirty seconds as I just don't have a lot of upper body strength. That said, if you can do this one, even for a brief amount of time, it is worth it. Although I suggest you google it for a better image, the basic concept is the female gets on all fours on the floor. The person doing the fucking then lifts up the person on all fours by the pelvis. This position allows the penis to go incredibly deep and at angles that stimulate unlike almost any other position. Or you can do this position besides an intense satisfying fucking, you will get a great arm workout.

G. The Seashell

God, I miss being flexible. This used to be my favorite position back in my youth although I called it the pretzel for obvious reasons (apparently there is another position called pretzel). The woman lays in her back with her legs rises way up so the ankles cross behind her head (which is something I can no longer do). The man then can slide in easily and go so deep; I mean really fucking deep.

Fun Variation: use a toy on the clit to make the orgasm come quick and intense.

H. Face-Off

This one is quite intimate and the control is in the hands, or more accurately, the cunt of the woman. The male sits on the edge of the bed or a chair. The woman sits on his lap facing him and wrapping her arms around him. Besides the fact that you can kiss him, he can kiss your neck, the woman has the control. She can choose the angle the cock goes in, she can choose the depth of entry and the part of the ride.

Fun variation: As mentioned you can make out, look deep into each other's eyes, have your hands roam.

I. Butter churned

Now I should say I have never tried this one, and alas never will at my age, body shape and lack of flexibility; alas to be young again. But described as a must in a female orgasm stimulation site this one looks amazing and I imagine would give the lady amazing orgasms.

The woman lies on her back her legs raised and folded over so that their ankles are on the side of her head (you can likely see this would be challenging for many women). The man straddling her legs slides in.

This one is also very submissive and the giver is in complete control. He can quickly change angles to stimulate the woman's cunt differently and completely controls the depth; and I imagine this position the cock can go so fucking deep.

Another bonus you can get great eye contact and watch this one throughout for an intimate or raw experience.

Fun variation: Not my idea, but I will be trying this in another position soon, have the giver pour something delicious into your mouth like chocolate syrup, whip cream or even fruit. Apparently this will get more senses involved and increase the intensity of the experience. (Currently added to my sex fuck-it list).

J. 69

Surprised?

Not all sexual positions have to include penetration.

And, for me, a 69, is one of the most romantic and intimate positions.

Also, one of the rare positions where both are equals in the giving and receiving of pleasure.

Also, there is more than one way to do this.

Version 1: the woman lies on her back and the man straddles her. The male bends down and dines on her cunt while the woman leans up to suck that cock.

Version 2: reverse positions, with the man on the bottom his hard cock saluting the woman while the woman straddles her man's face. Of the three this is likely my favorite version although I like the third one as well. The first version kinks my neck pretty fast. I also like I can just sit on his face when I get close. Ladies if you have not grinded your cunt on another person's face you have not lived (a rare moment where I am in charge).

it is without a doubt my favorite oral position; even if it occurs very rarely.

Men: allow a woman to sit on your face. The position lets the woman be in charge and you get the amazing sensation of being engulfed by her scent and also able to easily dine on her cunt; or even just have your face used for her to get off.

Version 3: lie side by side; with each person's face staring at the other's private area. The pro to this one is both can be comfortable in ways the first two can't. It also has the positive of when things get more intense the man can fuck your mouth pretty smoothly and you can grind your cunt on his face.

Fun variations:

Women: play with his balls.

Men: use your fingers.

Either: use a sex toy.

It is eventually the universal language of oral pleasure.

One more recommendation; less position based and more variety based:

Play, around the house.

Sex can get predictable. We have already established that and will add how to change that even more with number eleven. That said, one easy way to mix it up is simply to have sex in other places besides on your bed.

For one, if you have not had your cunt eaten or fucked while on top or bent over a working washing machine, you have not lived.

Regardless, you bought a house to live in; live in it.

Go down on her in the kitchen while she is cutting a salad, go down on him in the living room while he is watching a game, be intimate in the shower, and have sex against a wall in the hallway.

Mix it up.

Want to be really kinky, have sex in your children's bedroom (Ps: we have not done that).

And while I wouldn't consider myself completely a free-use woman (a popular porn thing of late. Although the scenes never have any actual plot to set up the free-use concept), I was kind of a free-use woman way before that was a thing.

My husband has flipped up my dress or skirt, pulled my panties aside and fucked me in various rooms in the house and while I was doing a variety of chores (dishes, laundry, vacuuming, taking a nap).

Occasionally this annoys me, as I'm not in the mood, but usually it temporarily stops what I was doing and we have sex. By the way, he is smart enough to always say something flattering as he is flipping up my dress or skirt.

The point being the more variety the more likely neither of you ever get bored.

By silk stockings lover for Literotica

Avoiding Toxic Life Partners

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Thu, 28 Aug 2025 05:42:00 -0700

Identify the 18 worst traits, early.

Based on posts by Emma Mills and Sinitta Weston. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

Dating can be a thrilling adventure, full of exciting possibilities. But it’s important to be aware of potential red flags that might signal a less-than-ideal partner. While everyone has their quirks, some behaviors can be toxic and detrimental to a healthy relationship.
You may have a great sexual chemistry, but partnership is a bonding of your souls. To that end, finding emotional intimacy is a bigger challenge than sexual intimacy.

Relationships are hard enough without choosing a partner who adds unnecessary drama and toxicity. It’s good to have standards and protect your own peace!

18 Types Of Women Who Make Terrible Partners

By Emma Mills

Let’s break down some of the types of women who are likely to create more headaches than happiness in the long run.

1. The woman who plays the victim in every situation.

Nothing is ever her fault. She constantly blames her problems on bad luck, other people, or circumstances outside her control. This lack of accountability makes growth and healthy conflict resolution impossible in a relationship, Esther Perel points out.

2. The woman who refuses to compromise.

Relationships take compromise, but she’s a “my way or the highway” kind of person. Her needs and desires always come first, and if you don’t bend over backwards to accommodate them, you’re labeled selfish or uncaring.

3. The chronically jealous and insecure woman.

Some jealousy is normal, but she takes it to an extreme. She constantly needs reassurance, accuses you of being interested in others, checks your phone, and tries to isolate you from friends. A relationship built on distrust and possessiveness instead of mutual respect is doomed.

4. The woman who can’t be alone.

She rushes from one relationship to the next and hates being single. This often stems from insecurity and an inability to be alone with her own thoughts. These relationships tend to be intense, codependent, and lack healthy boundaries.

5. The emotionally manipulative woman.

She’s a master at using guilt trips, tears, or withholding affection to get what she wants. Healthy relationships are built on honest communication, not manipulation. It’s exhausting trying to navigate her ever-changing emotions to avoid upsetting her.

6. The woman who sees every past relationship as the “crazy ex.”

If a string of exes have all been “crazy,” “unreasonable,” or “total narcissists,” it’s likely not them – it’s her. She refuses to own her role in past relationship breakdowns, which is a recipe for repeating those same patterns with you.

7. The woman who needs to be the center of attention.

She thrives on drama and needs all eyes on her. She might interrupt conversations, make everything about herself, or even stir up conflict just to get a reaction. It’s impossible to feel like an equal partner with someone this self-absorbed.

8. The woman who refuses to apologize or admit when she’s wrong.

Mistakes happen, but she takes any admission of fault as a sign of weakness. She’ll twist situations to paint herself as the victim, even when clearly in the wrong. Relationships can’t grow without two people taking responsibility for their actions.

9. The woman who gossips and speaks badly about others.

If she gossips about others, she’ll likely gossip about you when you’re not around. She can’t be trusted, and creates a toxic atmosphere where you never feel completely safe. Constantly tearing others down is a major sign of insecurity, CNBC notes.

10. The woman who never has anything positive to say.

Some people are naturally more pessimistic, but there’s a difference between that and being chronically negative. If she complains about everything, nitpicks, and rarely seems genuinely happy, it’ll drain your own positivity. Relationships should uplift you, not drag you down.

11. The damsel in distress who always needs rescuing.

At first, it feels good to help someone, but if she’s constantly in some crisis – financial, emotional, etc. – it becomes exhausting. There’s a difference between supporting a partner through tough times and being their primary source of stability. She needs to learn to take responsibility for her own life.

12. The woman who never fully leaves her ex behind.

Maybe they’re still “close friends”, she constantly compares you to him, or she still harbors hopes of getting back together. This guarantees you’ll never feel like the priority, and is incredibly disrespectful of your relationship.

13. The woman with unresolved trauma she refuses to address.

We all carry baggage, but there’s a difference between working on healing and expecting a partner to be your therapist. Untreated trauma often causes unhealthy behaviors, making her difficult to be in a relationship with until she seeks professional help.

14. The woman with wildly different values or long-term goals.

Opposites can attract, but if your core values (about money, family, where you want to live, etc.) are wildly misaligned, it creates constant friction. It’s hard to build a life together with someone headed in an entirely different direction.

15. The woman who’s disrespectful towards you or others.

This includes rude comments, belittling your accomplishments, dismissiveness, or treating service workers or strangers poorly. Disrespect is a sign of low character and will poison the relationship over time.

16. The woman who doesn’t support your goals and ambitions.

Partners should be each other’s cheerleaders. If she’s dismissive of your dreams, makes fun of your hobbies, or becomes jealous of your success, it’s a sign she doesn’t value you as a whole person and resents your growth.

17. The woman who controls your life.

She might dictate who you can hang out with, what you wear, or how you spend your time and money. Relationships are partnerships, not dictatorships. Controlling behavior is a sign of deep insecurity and can easily escalate into abuse.

18. The woman who lies, even about small things.

White lies might seem harmless at first, but if she can’t be honest about little things, how can you trust her with the important stuff? Lying is corrosive to relationships and breeds distrust over time.

Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow PsychLove on MSN for more!

16 Toxic Traits In Men To Watch Out For.

By Sinitta Weston .

Here are some toxic traits in men that you should definitely watch out for. Remember, recognizing these signs early on can save you a lot of heartache down the road.

1. He constantly puts you down.

Whether it’s subtle digs at your appearance, career, or choices, or outright insults, a man who consistently belittles you is not a keeper. He might disguise it as “jokes” or “constructive criticism,” but if it leaves you feeling hurt and insecure, it’s not okay. A healthy relationship should build you up, not tear you down, the Cleveland Clinic notes.

2. He’s overly controlling.

He wants to know where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing at all times. He might try to isolate you from your friends and family or dictate how you dress and behave. This controlling behavior stems from insecurity and a desire for power, and it’s a major red flag for potential abuse.

3. He lacks empathy and emotional intelligence.

Does he dismiss your feelings or invalidate your experiences? Does he struggle to understand or express his own emotions? A lack of empathy and emotional intelligence can make it difficult to connect on a deeper level and resolve conflicts in a healthy way.

4. He’s always the victim.

No matter what goes wrong, it’s never his fault. He blames other people for his problems, refuses to take responsibility for his actions, and sees himself as a constant victim of circumstance. This self-pitying attitude can be exhausting and make it difficult to have a balanced and supportive relationship.

5. He has a history of disrespecting women.

Pay attention to how he talks about his exes or female friends. Does he speak of them with respect and kindness, or does he demean and belittle them? His past behavior can be a strong indicator of how he’ll treat you in the long run. If he has a history of disrespecting women, it’s unlikely he’ll change for you.

6. He’s overly jealous and possessive.

A little jealousy can be flattering, but excessive jealousy is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness. Does he get angry or suspicious when you talk to other men? Does he constantly check your phone or social media? This behavior can be suffocating and lead to controlling and abusive patterns.

7. He has anger management issues.

Does he have a short fuse and lash out easily? Does he break things, yell, or resort to physical violence when angry? Anger management issues are a serious red flag and can escalate into dangerous situations. Don’t make excuses for his behavior or try to “fix” him. Your safety and well-being should always come first.

8. He’s addicted to substances or has compulsive behaviors.

Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, gambling, or other addictive behaviors, these issues can strain a relationship and create a toxic environment. It’s important to consider whether you’re willing and able to support him through his struggles, or if it’s best to distance yourself for your own well-being.

9. He’s financially irresponsible.

Money matters can be a major source of stress in relationships. If he’s constantly in debt, has no savings, or makes impulsive purchases without considering the consequences, it can create financial instability and resentment. While everyone has different financial habits, it’s important to be with someone who shares your values and priorities when it comes to money.

10. He’s dishonest and manipulative.

As Verywell Mind points out (and you probably already know), trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If he lies, gaslights, or manipulates you to get his way, it’s a major red flag. He might twist your words, deny reality, or make you doubt your own sanity. This kind of emotional manipulation can be damaging and leave you feeling confused and insecure.

11. He doesn’t respect your boundaries.

Healthy relationships require mutual respect for each other’s boundaries. If he ignores your requests, pushes your limits, or makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s a sign that he doesn’t value your autonomy and well-being. Boundaries are essential for maintaining a healthy sense of self and ensuring that your needs are met.

12. He lacks ambition and motivation.

While everyone has different goals and aspirations, it’s important to be with someone who has a sense of purpose and direction in life. If he’s content with mediocrity, lacks ambition, and shows no interest in personal growth, it can be frustrating and demotivating for you. A healthy relationship involves mutual support and encouragement to reach your full potential.

13. He’s emotionally unavailable.

Does he shut down emotionally, avoid intimacy, or struggle to express his feelings? Emotional unavailability can make it difficult to build a deep and meaningful connection. While everyone has different communication styles, it’s important to be with someone who’s willing to open up and share their emotions with you.

14. He’s inconsistent and unreliable.

He cancels plans at the last minute, forgets important dates, and doesn’t follow through on his promises. This inconsistency and unreliability can create a sense of instability and leave you feeling undervalued and unimportant. A reliable partner is someone you can count on to be there for you, both in good times and bad.

15. He doesn’t support your dreams and goals.

A supportive partner should be your biggest cheerleader, encouraging you to pursue your passions and dreams. If he dismisses your ambitions, belittles your achievements, or tries to hold you back, it’s a major red flag. You deserve someone who believes in you and wants to see you succeed.

16. Your gut tells you something’s off.

Sometimes, the most reliable indicator of a toxic relationship is your own intuition. If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Trust your gut feeling and listen to the subtle red flags that your conscious mind might be trying to rationalize away. Your intuition is often a powerful tool for protecting yourself and making wise choices.

by Emma Mills and Sinitta Weston for PsychLove.

Reasons Men Are Choosing To Stay Single

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Tue, 26 Aug 2025 05:39:00 -0700

The dating world’s been flipping on its head.

With input by Blonde&Balanced and Dinsmore. Listen to the Podcast at How To sex.

Clearly, western culture has started failing to secure our survival. We saw it in western Europe, late in the last century. Plus, totalitarian Asian governments dictated it. We quit having enough babies to replace ourselves. We quit teaching our younger generations that a big part of existence is, creating more existence.

We delegated out so much of parenthood, that we quit associating with our roles in life.

Then we quit finding our identity in marriage. That ancient blending of the two halves of humanity. Boys increasingly started pleasuring other boys, and girls started preferring a romp with another girl.

Hell, with internet porn and sex toys, even gay relationships started taking the hit.

People are increasingly alone, and getting lonely. But for many of our fellow humans, that’s more acceptable than all the potential disasters of trying to find a soulmate and life partner.

Here’s a report by Blonde&Balanced, about
28 of the possible reasons that men, in particular; are choosing to stay single.

The dating world’s been flipping on its head, with more men choosing to hit pause on the whole dating game. It’s not just a single problem causing this shift, but a variety of new challenges prompting guys to retreat.

Let’s delve into 28 reasons highlighting why some men are opting out of dating.
1: High Cost of Love.

The bill for playing the dating game can make some guys hit the brakes, especially when it’s on them to foot the bill for everything from fancy dinners to fun dates, all while balancing their budget.
2: Clash with Modern Women.

A rift between modern independence and traditional dating expectations has led to a disconnect, with men feeling sidelined by women’s dual demands for autonomy and special treatment.
3: Situationships.

This modern take on non-committal relationships allows for emotional and physical connection without the need to label or define the bond, making it a popular choice for many.
4: The Lost "Getting to Know You" Phase.

Ian Breslow, a 28-year-old high school teacher who lives in Astoria, shared his own personal experience that underscores a shift from casual dating to immediate, intense relationship probing, making casual encounters and light-hearted dating seem a thing of the past.
5: Impact of Pandemic.

Andrew Bruno’s account highlights how the pandemic has altered social behaviors, making in-person interactions less frequent and more guarded.
6: Goals over Dates.

Many men are putting love on the back burner to chase their career or academic dreams, driven by a mix of personal ambition, societal pressure, or the quest for financial security before settling down.
7: Past Pain.

Some guys are keeping their hearts off the market thanks to rough rides in past relationships, from betrayals to breakups, leaving them wary of round two.
8: High Expectations.

Feeling overwhelmed by the mountain of expectations in the dating world, some men think it’s just too much—whether it’s pressure from society, a string of bad dates, or those fairy-tale romances in movies.
9: Fear of Exploitation.

Past experiences of feeling used, whether for money, handyman services, or emotional support, have some men wary of dating again, fearing another round of exploitation.
10: The Age Gap.

For some, dating seems to cater exclusively to the young, leaving older individuals feeling out of place and questioning the worth of seeking love later in life.
11: Digital Dating.

The digital dating scene, with its endless swiping and focus on fleeting connections, has some dudes questioning if it’s all just a bit too shallow and overwhelming to bother with.
12: New Rules.

As the ground shifts beneath the traditional gender roles, a lot of men find themselves lost in the new norms of dating and relationships, unsure of their role.
13: Happy with Being Single.

With over half of single Americans content in their solo journey, the drive to seek out a partner is notably low, reflecting a broader acceptance of living life unattached.
14: Busy Life.

The modern dating marathon, with its initial virtual connections leading to real-life meetups, challenges even the best time managers, turning love-seeking into a logistical puzzle.
15: Low Sexual Desire.

Men experiencing a dip in sexual desire might find the dating scene less appealing, choosing instead to invest in friendships or other non-romantic relationships.
16: Emotional Barriers.

Struggling to forge deep emotional connections can act as a significant roadblock in the dating world, whether it’s a challenge with new partners or a deeper issue of emotional availability.
17: Fear of Rejection.

The potential for social rejection, with its emotional toll similar to physical pain, can lead men to steer clear of the dating scene to avoid the discomfort of being turned down.
18: Fear of Commitment.

For some, the idea of locking down with one person brings more panic than peace, driven by fears of lost freedom, past pains, or the weight of relationship responsibilities.
19: Mental Health Issues.

The stigma and challenges surrounding mental health can add layers of fear about judgment or rejection, making the dating scene appear unwelcoming for those struggling.
20: Dating Ambiguity.

The question of whether one is truly in a relationship, casually dating, or simply involved in a fling often goes unanswered, reflecting the widespread uncertainty in contemporary romance.
21: Single is More Acceptable.

Society has shifted from a focus on traditional milestones like marriage and parenthood to celebrating individual choice, making the single lifestyle more prevalent and accepted.
22: Self-Doubts.

Men battling low self-esteem may see the dating field as a minefield of potential rejections and embarrassments, choosing isolation over the risk of not being good enough.
23: Social Anxiety.

Social anxiety casts a long shadow over the dating experiences of many men, with the dread of judgment or rejection making even basic interactions seem daunting.
24: Questioning Love.

Men battling low self-esteem may see the dating field as a minefield of potential rejections and embarrassments, choosing isolation over the risk of not measuring up.
25: Too Lazy to Date.

It appears the bar has dropped, and men are finding shortcuts in the dating scene. The classic moves – shaving, dressing up, and traditional gestures like buying chocolates or flowers – seem too demanding for many today.
26: Pressure for Serious Commitment.

The societal push towards finding a serious relationship and the perceived loss of prime dating years during the pandemic have left some feeling caught between the desire for casual dating and the pressure to settle down. This conflict can lead to frustration and a sense of missing out on both fronts.
27: Expectation Gap.

Ronald Levant, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Akron, suggest that women’s dating motivations might be evolving, with an increasing focus on finding long-term partners, especially as the biological clock becomes a consideration. This shift can create a mismatch in expectations between men and women, particularly affecting men who prefer casual relationships.
28: Communication Gap.

For some men, the daunting task of articulating feelings or navigating conversations can turn dating into a high-stress ordeal. This struggle often stems from societal norms that stifle male emotional openness, personal insecurities, or simply not having enough practice.
In a Perfect World, Marriage Might Work

The ramblings of a perpetually horny aging male.

By Dinsmore

At the end of the day, no matter how many baubles and flowers he gives you, no matter how much he tells you he loves your mother, no matter how many times he cooks you dinner or does the laundry, no matter how often he treats you to a romantic evening and no matter how many times he tells you that you are his 'best friend'; it's all bullshit. If he wanted a best friend; it'd be a guy.

He wants to get laid; that's all he ever has wanted, and ever will want. It's been that way for thousands of years. Stop reading women's magazines and just accept it. He just wants to fuck you.

One would also expect that the more experienced male; the one with more experience, sexually; would be less inclined to ejaculate prematurely, more adept at making the experience pleasurable for the female; thus getting invited back. Other females observing the coupling; or getting the details from tribal gossip; would be more interested in the particularly 'talented' male.

Sociologists and psychologists have really clouded the water in the last one hundred years, looking for all sorts of hidden meaning in an effort to make things more 'human' and thus more complicated than they need to be. Their efforts have completely confused both sexes and sadly, resulted in an increase in homosexual activity among females and males whose view and understanding of human sexuality is inadequate; or at best, distorted. In essence it is those humans that have essentially 'dropped out of the game.'

I'm not saying that those factors are the sole cause of increased homosexuality but certainly they have had an impact. The whole feminist revolution hasn't helped normal male-female interaction; at least sexual interaction. Certainly some homosexuals of both sexes find themselves unable to compete, i.e., weaker males who are not found attractive by the opposite sex and unattractive females who find it almost impossible to find a suitable male to mate with.

Again, one has to assume that in the 'good old days' of an ancient, primitive culture, weaker males simply did not survive the hardships. Unattractive females without the support of a strong hunter/gatherer, left on their own to fend, simply perished. While it may sound cruel, we have to accept the fact that the mating of the strongest and most attractive of the species is what ensured its very survival.

So, in a perfect world.

One thing that screws up the perfect world; is clothing mandates.

We men can't go around with our dicks hanging out for female inspection; well, except on the beach. Clothing makes it impossible for the female to demonstrate her readiness to conceive. Stupid women's magazines with inane articles about 'how to show him you are interested' don't help matters. Still, female fashion of the day is certainly intended to accent; 'display'; the female posterior. It's latent and subconscious. It's like saying, 'I know you can't actually see my labia; but trust me, it's there, it's engorged and my vulva is open and ready for your cock.'

Think back to the number of times a woman becomes interested in a man and finds every excuse to 'show her ass' so to speak. Again; forget the tits. In the good old days they were seldom covered and there was little male fascination with them. Baby formula hadn't been invented. Young women frequently turn their backs on a dance partner; if they have decided that the male in question is prime mating material.

I can remember one time going to pick up my kids after my divorce; my exwife climbed the stairs back to her new apartment, just as I settled behind the wheel, swaying her posterior provocatively as she ascended. I wasn't sure if she was having second doubts about the divorce; or simply trying to be cruel, saying: 'see what you're missing.'

The first time I met my second wife; keep in mind, we've now been married for over twenty years; she unconsciously presented. We had talked on the phone a number of times but never actually met. We still laugh about the fact that she decided to bend over to retrieve a file from a lower file drawer just as I entered her office. She was wearing these hounds-tooth pants. She still has an amazing ass; and the bending over stretched the fabric alluringly over her butt. I distinctly remember my dick twitching; and deciding that I was going to nail that hot little babe.

A number of years ago a buddy and I were flying military aircraft across the country and ended up staying in a west Texas city for a few days awaiting repairs on our aircraft. We rented a car and drove around, finding an all-nude diner. Out of curiosity we went in. To our surprise the girls were almost universally young and attractive. While there were certainly food sanitation issues, it was a very interesting experience. As our young waitress bent over the counter to give the kitchen our order, my buddy and I were spell bound as she thrust her pert young cheeks back and her sweet little cunt was in full view.

"That's what I'm talking about!" he said with a leer. "In a perfect world, when a guy sees a sweet young thing bent over like that, he'd just go over and mount her; there'd be a law requiring him to do so." I've had more than one erotic dream about such a world.

Sadly, the closest I ever came to it was

Thailand many years ago.

Three of us had ferried some aircraft over from Vietnam and were staying over waiting on the aircraft we were going to fly back. Thanks to maintenance delays and a monsoon, we got stuck in Thailand's major city for a couple of days. We ended up procuring some female companionship; the sex business in those days was legal, regulated and 'clean' over there. It was also absurdly inexpensive. Our driver and guide procured four quite attractive young women for us. We had rented a suite for something less than ten dollars a night in a four star hotel. The girls were sweet and friendly and spoke reasonable broken English. They figured out what we had in mind and were all naked within minutes of closing the business side of the deal.

So, within a few minutes, I'm looking around and the debauchery is in full swing. One little hottie is riding one of my buddies on the floor, two others are double teaming another guy and eying me wondering when I'm going to jump in and the fourth one is on her knees sucking off my other buddy. Her ass is up in the air and her cheeks are spread. Her little hairless pussy is glistening. Her ass is moving in slow circles. My cock is bone hard. I walk over to them; my friend getting his knob polished wordlessly indicates that he doesn't care. She looks back at my hard cock and nods. I'm balls deep in that tight little Asian cunt in a flash.

She's cute enough that I don't need to close my eyes and picture some girl from back home. She's either into it, or a damned fine little actress; she's making all the appropriate noises. This isn't about love or marriage, it's just about fucking; servicing the alpha males. The alphas expect you to display and present; there aren't going to be any cocktails or long walks on the beach.

Sweet thing, you're just going to get cock; and lots of it. We were in our early twenties, perpetually horny and deprived, after too many months in a war zone. We ordered room service and fucked those sweet little Asian whores constantly for twenty-four hours and not once did we hear, 'not tonight, I have a headache.'

I was not trying to impress this girl; I'll never see her again, and if I suck in the fucking department she'll neither care nor let on. No dinner, no five dates with increasing activity and no long kissing sessions or sweet nothings in her ear. This is just primal shit. Mount the bitch and fuck her. It's all about me getting off and enjoying myself. No guilt, no touchy-feely bullshit. It's fucking prehistoric. She's receptive, I'm hard; she exists for one reason in the world; to make me feel good by getting me off.

I almost ended up going to Thailand for a full tour; unfortunately I ended up back in Vietnam for a second tour; but I did get back to Thailand a few times, if only for an overnight. Lots of guys actually stationed there had multiple, full time, live in babes who, in addition to cooking and cleaning for them, fucked them on demand any time of the day or night. I'm not sure any marriage could have survived a tour of duty in Thailand.

What Would I Do?

I often wonder what I would do, if something happened to my wife? I love her to death and she really is my closest friend. We do everything together. She travels; by air; too damned much. If something happened to her, I'm just not sure I'd have the patience to 'jump back in the game' and find another wife. I doubt that I could find one as perfect as my bride of the last twenty-some years. We're terribly set in our ways.

A foreign mail order bride might be an answer. I'm financially secure; I could certainly afford it. Then again, there are so many horror stories about mail order brides and then of course there is a certain stigma in this society; for both participants. Ultimately she would end up becoming westernized and completely fucked up and I'd probably have to replace her just about the time I had her trained to my liking. Mexico is becoming crime ridden and politically unstable. Asian mail order brides have their own issues and end up being corrupted by our society.

I haven't been to Thailand in decades but I suppose it would be worth a look although I've heard things have changed for the worse. I'd miss my friends and my kids; I'd miss the good old U S of A. Still the idea of posting on eHarmony and then sorting my way through a series of plastically rearranged gold diggers makes me nauseous.

Why does it have to be so damn complicated? I don't need a maid, I’m an excellent cook, and don't need taking care of. I'm not cruel or abusive and don't drink to excess, or do drugs. I can offer an above average quality of life; but! If, God forbid, something should happen to my wife; I'm positive I don't want another one!

I'm not excited about getting into the modern dating scene, and everything it involves. I'm just looking for a decent, regular and reasonably attractive piece of ass, preferably first thing in the morning, and again before nodding off; with an occasional blowjob at lunch.

You don't have to like my friends, and I don't even have to meet yours. Now sure, there's always the chance that we might actually develop a genuine affection, find out that we really enjoy each other's company outside of sex; and then, who knows? Marriage wouldn't be out of the question, I suppose. But don't be surprised at the prenuptial agreement.

Still, I was thinking; you'd keep your own house; and job. Dinner out, or a movie on occasion; why not. At the end of the day, all of that would be just window dressing. At my core I'm just prehistoric. I want a reasonably attractive female in close proximity; who will present her luscious rump at regular intervals and not give me a ration of shit when I pull down her drawers and/or flip up her skirt and drill her cunt with a stiff dick. I know, I know, you'd like to cum too; no problem. I'm not that prehistoric.

By Dinsmore for Literotica
This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.

Sex Therapies For Your Relationship

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Sun, 24 Aug 2025 07:02:00 -0700

Don’t give up on what used to be a good thing.

By Ashley Welch & Kara Leigh Smythe, MD. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

There was once a time when your relationship had magic. That spark of romance, anticipation, and bonding. You’ve invested so much, until things somehow went south. It might have been a major incident, or a slow drifting away from each other.

It might be a personal health issue, or a forced new environment for the two of you.

We’ll look at home treatments and try to reverse bad habits, But we’ll also discuss your options with a caring and competent professional therapist who specializes in identifying and reversing obstacles in your lives, in a gentle manner.

Let’s first look at the easier solutions you can do in the privacy of your home.

9 Natural Libido Therapies

Want more excitement? Stimulation? Satisfaction? There are several drug-free ways to spice up your sex life.

By Ashley Welch & Kara Leigh Smythe, MD

Exercise, say experts, is one of many natural tools you can use to improve sex.

If fooling around with your partner isn't all you'd like it to be, it might be time to think up new ways to make your sex life sizzle.

Having a date night with your partner — to remind yourself of all the reasons you adore each other — can be a great way to stimulate your libido, says Anita Sadaty, MD, a holistic gynecologist in Roslyn, New York.

This is one of many natural ways that experts say you can improve your sex life.

1. Make Getting in the Mood for Sex a Priority

Sometimes, having more and better sex simply requires clearing your schedule. “It's hard to be in the mood when you have a million things on your to-do list and not much time to do it,” Dr. Sadaty says.

Scheduling sex might sound unromantic, but you put most of your important plans in your calendar, so why not sex? It’s best to schedule enough time to do something relaxing first rather than hopping straight into bed, since women, especially, need to be relaxed before their libido kicks in, Sadaty says.

2. Avoid Negative Thoughts

If your brain is running a feedback loop of reasons you’ve picked up along the way — about how you should feel guilty about sex or maybe that your body is too fat or ugly or, well, whatever — it’s time to stop it in its tracks. Recognize the thought when it appears and change it to a more helpful one.

Practicing sex positivity — the idea that all consensual sexual activities are healthy and positive — can lead to improvements in sexual enjoyment, researchers say.

This means accepting that sex is an essential part of overall health and that you have the right to enjoy sexual activity free from judgment. Examples can include telling your partner what excites you, setting healthy sexual boundaries, and exploring sexual fantasies, which has been shown to improve sexual function and satisfaction.

3. Don’t Forget to Use Lubricants

Vaginal dryness can be common among women, affecting as many as 17 percent of females 18 to 50, according to the Cleveland Clinic.

A number of factors can contribute to vaginal dryness, including a drop in hormone levels due to menopause, breastfeeding, and certain medications. Sex can be more pleasurable if you add a lubricant, which cuts down on friction and irritation and, therefore, discomfort, gynecologists say. You can buy lubricant from the drugstore or use a household oil like coconut oil. (Be sure to use a non-latex condom if you DIY, because these oils can damage latex.)

Don’t try to hide your need for a lubricant from your partner. Make it part of your sexual routine and have fun with it.

4. Move Your Body

You may not think that the exercise you do for your heart and muscles is important for sex, but remember that blood flows to your genitals as much as to your heart.

Men with erectile dysfunction, for example, can often see improvements in this condition with healthy lifestyle changes such as exercise. A review of 10 studies concluded that 40 minutes of aerobic activity of moderate to vigorous intensity four times per week is associated with reducing erectile problems in men with ED.

In women, research shows that physical activity can also improve sexual function, and even a little can go a long way. One study found that women who engage in regular physical activity (one to six hours per week) have higher levels of sexual desire, arousal, and lubrication than women who are sedentary.

5. Get Enough Sleep

Not getting enough sleep can have negative impact on your sex drive. One reason is that hormone secretion is controlled by the body’s internal clock, and sleep patterns likely help the body determine when to release certain hormones related to sex.

For both men and women, feeling tired when you get into bed zaps whatever libido you may have had even moments earlier.

Plus, for women, research has found that sleeping longer is associated with greater next-day sexual desire, and an increase of one hour in sleep led to a 14 percent higher likelihood of engaging in sex with a partner.

6. Practice Mindfulness

It may seem like sex is the ultimate practice of mindfulness. And while orgasm pretty much is — likely no one has made their grocery list or planned a work report in that moment — you may become distracted by random thoughts in the time leading up to that orgasm.

Keeping your attention on what you’re doing and feeling is a powerful way to enhance your pleasure. Research has shown that women who practice meditation at any level experience improved sexual function associated with better overall mental health compared with those who never meditate.

Similarly, the mind-body practice of yoga can aid your libido. When a group of 40 women were instructed to practice an hour of yoga each day, their average scores on a sexual function questionnaire for desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, lower pain, and overall satisfaction increased, according to another study.

The yoga postures they did were basic poses believed to improve pelvic muscle tone, release tight hip joints, and boost mood, followed by breathing exercises and relaxation techniques.

7. Consider Acupuncture Treatments

The ancient Chinese practice of acupuncture, in which a practitioner strategically places needles in the body, can also enhance your sex life. Balancing and relaxing the body with acupuncture has long been used to boost libido, says Baljit Khamba, ND, a naturopathic doctor and an assistant professor of naturopathic medicine at Bastyr University California in San Diego.

Dr. Khamba coauthored a study in which 35 men and women with sexual dysfunction, likely caused by antidepressants they were taking, were treated with nine acupuncture sessions. At the end, libido had improved in women, while erection, timing of ejaculation, and ability to orgasm were enhanced in men.

In another study, a six-week course of acupuncture treatments with 18 sessions led to significant improvements in erectile dysfunction in men.

8. See What Some Herbs, Supplements, & Aphrodisiacs, Can Do for You

Some herbs are used by cultures around the world as aphrodisiacs. Some are believed to stimulate nerves in your genitals; others increase levels of nitric oxide, which increases blood flow to the genitals, and the feel-good chemicals in your brain.

Some of these herbs include Chinese ginseng, cordyceps, ginkgo, and muira puama.

Not many scientific studies have been done on these supplements, though some evidence suggests L-arginine, an amino acid, may be tied to increased sexual function. One study of 120 men with erectile dysfunction found that taking a combination of supplemental L-arginine (5 grams) and tadalafil (5 milligrams), a medication to treat erectile dysfunction, for six weeks led to more significant improvements in the condition than taking either the supplement or drug alone.

In another study that included 77 women, researchers found that taking ArginMax for Women, a supplement containing ginseng, ginkgo biloba, damiana, vitamins, minerals, and L-arginine, for four weeks was associated with increased sexual desire and overall satisfaction in women.

9. Masturbate or Self-Stimulate for Better Sex

By experimenting on yourself, you can come to better know what satisfies you sexually — information you can then convey to your partner.

For women, masturbation may have other benefits as well. Vaginal dryness and pain may be reduced when you spend time stimulating yourself, notes the Cleveland Clinic.

That’s why sex therapists often recommend masturbation as a tool for women having trouble reaching orgasm. You might want to add a vibrator for enhanced stimulation.

Medical Reasons May Be Behind Sexual Problems or Disinterest

Of course, there may be a medical reason why your sex life is flagging. Diabetes, thyroid issues, cancer treatments, and cardiac problems can lower sexual desire. Nerve issues, endometriosis, or other problems can cause sex to be painful for women. And certain medications — like some for blood pressure, depression, anxiety, and even birth control — may inhibit desire.

That’s why it’s important to get a medical checkup if you are experiencing symptoms that affect your sex life and get your condition properly treated. You can also ask your doctor if it’s possible to switch your medication to something without a sexual side effect.

But even if you have a medical cause, it doesn’t have to stop you from having satisfying sex.
Sex Therapy: What Men and Women Should Know

By Beth Levine & Allison Young, MD

Sex therapy can help both individuals and couples improve their sexual issues and their relationships.

Let’s talk about sex. Sexual health is an essential part of overall emotional and physical well-being. But if you’re experiencing a sexual problem, the last thing you probably want to do is talk about it. If shame is keeping you from seeking help, know this: 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men report some degree of sexual dysfunction. Sex therapy is designed to get to the bottom of sexual issues and reverse them.
Most Recent in Sexual Health
Working With a Therapist to Address Libido Problems and Other Sexual Health Issues

Whether you work with a psychiatrist, psychologist, or marriage or sex counselor, sex therapy can help with a variety of physical and emotional issues that can interfere with sexual satisfaction, such as erectile dysfunction, low libido, a history of abuse, and others. And it can help you and your partner work through these issues in a supportive and educational environment.

So what does sex therapy really entail? And who qualifies as a sex therapist? Read on to discover the truth about this type of therapy.

What Is Sex Therapy and How Can It Help?

Contrary to what some believe, there’s nothing strange, deviant, or kinky going on behind the door to a sex therapist’s office. Indeed, sex therapy is not very different from other forms of psychological counseling. “Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that also takes into account possible physical problems. When a couple comes in with a sexual problem, we try to figure out how each of them could be contributing to the issue. We examine behavior, gradually interpret that for them, and come up with solutions,” says Barbara Bartlik, MD, a psychiatrist and sex therapist at Weill Cornell Medicine in New York City.
What Happens in a Sex Therapy Session?

Your therapist will help you work through emotional issues that may be contributing to sexual issues, such as erectile dysfunction, according to Drogo Montague, MD, a urologist at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. If performance anxiety is an issue, sex therapy would typically begin with learning about performance anxiety, then move on to teaching a couple how to establish open lines of communication to discuss sexual wants and needs, Dr. Montague explains. The couple may also explore issues causing relationship stress, he adds.
When May Sex Therapy Be Recommended?

Sex therapy may be recommended in a variety of scenarios, says Michael Krychman, MD, executive director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine in Newport Beach and coauthor of The Sexual Spark. Here are some of the most common scenarios:

Personal Conflict Issues Related to Sexualit. This includes, for example, sexual trauma or assault. Dr. Krychman recommends seeking individual therapy first to cope with these issues, then gradually including your partner as needed.

Conflict About the Relationship. A common example here would be a partner experiencing sexual boredom. In this case, it’s better to seek therapy alone first so that you can better understand yourself and your own sexual concerns, then incorporate your partner, says Krychman.

Compulsive Sexual Behavior (CSB). Once again, in this scenario it’s better for the person with the compulsive behavior or the partner to see a therapist alone first, then bring in the partner. “Sometimes, personal emotions of betrayal, guilt, or fear may need to be explored before incorporating your partner,” explains Krychman. “The one suffering from CSB may also experience a wide range of emotions, such as fear, shame, and anxiety. Addressing your personal emotional experience is important prior to bringing and dealing with your partner — this may enhance communication.”

Couple, Marital, and Sexual Problems. For instance, with the infidelity of one partner, Krychman typically recommends that the couple tackle the concern or problem together from the start and address the roles they may have played with respect to the issue. “No one is blameless in a dysfunctional relationship, and couples can jointly work together to improve the quality of their experience,” he says.

Personal Coping Difficulties Related to Sexuality. This area might include if you’ve just been diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection and want to learn how to disclose your status to your partner or partners.
You’ll Learn to Be Mindful and More Aware

In mindfulness training, you learn to be present and focused on the here and now, rather than letting yourself get distracted by grocery lists and carpool plans. When using this concept in sex therapy, you learn to block out extraneous thoughts as well as negative thoughts you might have about your body or your performance. Instead, you are guided in thinking only about how your body is reacting to sexual stimulation.

Lori A. Brotto, PhD, executive director of the Women's Health Research Institute and Canada research chair in women's sexual health at the University of British Columbia in Canada, has done research on this topic, including a study published in November 2016 in Archives of Sexual Behavior. She has found that there's significant improvement in responsiveness in women suffering from anxiety-related sexual dysfunction. Dr. Brotto, also author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness, says that the hypothesis behind the results is that the mindfulness skills that the women acquired benefited their sexual motivation and response both directly, “by allowing them to nonjudgmentally focus on sexual sensations in their bodies before and during sexual encounters, and indirectly, by improving mood and decreasing stress and anxiety.”
Physical Issues Won’t Be Ignored in Sex Therapy

If there is a physical issue, such as vulvodynia or impotence due to radiation for prostate cancer, the therapist will refer you to a medical specialist who will work in tandem with the sex therapist.
Expect Some Sex Therapy Homework

While nothing sexual in nature will happen at the office, the therapist may offer some ideas to try out at home. “The therapist may suggest you try something called sensate focus exercises, which are designed to help you attune more to your partner,” says Montague. The exercises are typically done in stages, starting with touching or stroking anywhere on the body, except the breasts and genital areas. The goal is to experience the sensation of touching rather reach an orgasm. Eventually, the exercises can lead to intercourse.

Sex Therapy as an Individual vs. as a Couple

“Sex therapists can be very helpful in helping to guide one person to help themselves or their partner to overcome self-defeating behaviors. Or we can work one-on-one and then work with the couple together as a unit as well,” says Dr. Bartlik, coauthor of Integrative Sexual Health.

Traditionally, it’s better for people who are experiencing individual sexual issues to seek therapy alone, then gradually incorporate their partner (if they have a partner), says Krychman.

“If you are treating individuals, you are only seeing one side of the discussion,” he explains. “Partners who are counseled together will often interact and the counselor or therapist can assess communication styles in real time. If they are screaming at each other or using abusive language, interrupting, or disrespecting each other, the counselor can discern the communication style and what is happening in their intimate life.” In addition, during couples sex therapy, the therapist can assess the body language of the partners as they both disclose and discuss intimate sexual details, Krychman adds. “For example, if a couple seems angry or hostile, there might underlying reasons for this,” he says.
How Can Sex Therapy Help My Relationship?

Sex therapy can improve a couple’s relationship in a number of ways, Krychman says: Enhancing emotional and sexual communication
Enhancing sensuality and sexuality through sexual exercises that may help eliminate sexual boredom
Enhancing the understanding of each other’s sexual needs, wants, and desires
Enhancing fantasy exploration (a neutral third party could make it easier for an individual to disclose their sexual fantasies)

You Keep Your Clothes On When You Work With a Sex Therapist

One thing is certain: Under no circumstances should you have to take off your clothes in a sex therapist’s office or should the therapist be touching you. “Sex therapists don’t touch their patients unless they are gynecologists or urologists and a physical exam is involved,” explains Bartlik.
Do My Partner and I Need Sex Therapy?

Individuals and couples seek sex therapy for many different reasons. According to Krychman, these are some of the most common reasons: Mismatched libidos (one partner wants sex all the time; one partner wants it rarely)
Sexual boredom (one or both partners are bored by their sexual relationship)
A desire to change the paradigm (e.g., discussions about polyamory, or opening up the relationship to other partners)
Low libido (one or both partners are uninterested in sexual activity)

Coping with infidelity

The impact of compulsive sexual behaviors on the relationship and resulting in personal distress

“If you are troubled by your sexual relationship, [or] feel that there are barriers that may include physical, sensual, or sexual intimacy connections with your partner, you may need counseling or sex therapy,” he explains.
Be Picky When Shopping for a Sex Therapist

This person will help you with your most intimate secrets, so it has to be someone you trust. You will need to feel safe being vulnerable and taking risks. First, start by considering the gender of the therapist you and your partner feel most comfortable with. Environmental issues, such as the confidentiality of the therapy setting, were a factor, too.

“Usually, there will be some indication on the therapist’s website that they have experience in this area. I put on mine that I am inclusive so patients know that I am paying attention and know what to do,” says Bartlik.

Where to Find the Right Sex Therapist for You

Ask to see accreditation. A sex coach is not a sex therapist. Sex coaches may do more physical touching and demonstrating body parts. “They don’t have the same licensure that sex therapists do. Anyone can hang up a sex coach shingle,” says Bartlik. Compared with sex therapy, sex coaching is less stringent and not regulated, according to Bartlik.

Sex therapists often hold degrees in marriage and family therapy, social work, theology, psychology, or medicine. You can find licensed sex therapists in your area from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.

This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.

The Real Nymphomaniacs

steamystories.podcast@gmail.com (Steamy Stories) — Fri, 22 Aug 2025 17:05:00 -0700

What should a man know before he dates a nymphomaniac?

With Clint Jahn & Olivia Bury. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex.

Most people do not understand nymphomania. It’s real, but it’s not a mythological magic power. Nor is a Satyriasis. There is a vast difference between a woman who enjoys sex and has a high sex drive and a nymphomaniac. When referring to a man with the same obsessive sexual compulsion, the correct term is: satyriasis.

Nymphomania is reserved for females.

The overarching behavioral term is hyper-sexuality. Let’s look at what Wikipedia has to say;

Hypersexuality is extremely frequent or suddenly-increased sexual urges or sexual activity. Hyper-sexuality is typically associated with lowered sexual inhibitions. Hyper-sexuality can be caused by some medical conditions or medications. Medical conditions such as bipolar disorders can give rise to hyper-sexuality, and alcohol and some drugs can affect social and sexual inhibitions in some people. A number of theoretical models have been used to explain or treat hyper-sexuality. The most common one, especially in the popular media, is the sexual addiction approach, but sexologists have not reached any consensus. Alternative explanations for the condition include compulsive and impulsive behavioral models.
The International Classification of Diseases of the World Health Organization includes Excessive Sexual Drive, which is divided into satyriasis for males and nymphomania for females, and Excessive Masturbation.

But perhaps those mythological characters are tools of fantasy by people who’ve become obsessed and driven by inner psychiatric conditions.

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) considered and rejected a proposal to add sexual addiction to its list of psychiatric disorders, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). A proposal to include a diagnosis called hypersexual disorder, simply describing the symptom without implying any specific theory, is under consideration for inclusion in the appendix of the DSM, but not in the main list of official diagnoses. This means that the descriptives are not the illness, but manifested traits of the illness.

Some people call nymphomania ‘sex addiction’, because it can manifest as a destructive compulsion. These people will make unhealthy choices and engage in high risk behaviors to fulfill their desires, which are barely under control. In many ways it is similar to alcoholism, with the recklessness and shame and damage that goes along with that.

Okay, enough of the medical and psychological talk. Let’s talk about how to respond to a person whom you’re suspecting has a compulsive behavior.

C. R. Jahn was in a relationship with a college classmate.

It starts out absolutely thrilling. It can meet & surpass all of a virile 22 year old man’s fantasies; for a short while.

It is theoretically possible to have a healthy monogamous relationship with a nymphomaniac, as long as you engage in open honest communication about your mutual needs and expectations. You will be expected to have sexual relations with her at least three times a day and your cunnilingus skills need to be top tier, otherwise just forget about monogamy because that probably isn’t going to happen. Sorry.

I was engaged to a nymphomaniac for about a year and a half once. Everything was great for the first six month. but as soon as I started working over 40 hours a week, things went toxic and rapidly spiraled downhill. Like an alcoholic, they will lie and sneak and place blame on you for their mistakes.

I dated a few other nymphomaniacs. One was 100% loyal until I needed to leave the state for a few months. I do not blame her one bit. I expected it. It wasn’t her. It was her illness. She was the primary victim of a hideous and psychotic mental crisis.

Nymphomania is often the result of any of the following;

· long-term child sexual abuse and is frequently comorbid with

· borderline personality disorder,

· bipolar disorder, or

· addiction issues.

These are mentally ill or damaged people who struggle to maintain a facade of normalcy. Sometimes they have the willpower and fortitude to control their cravings. Usually, they end up destroying everything around them. Many of them end up losing their job, home, driver license, custody of their children, and any vestige of their reputation.

Bipolar Disorder can happen to anyone, at any stage of life, and the onset is most frequent in young adults.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex psychiatric condition marked by intense emotional reactivity, unstable relationships, and impulsivity. One manifestation of this impulsivity can be hypersexuality, a behavior characterized by a significantly increased interest in or engagement with sexual activity. A high occurance of BPD is observed in teens who were sexually abused at a young age. Some believe it is the one chronic mental ‘illness’ that a predator can inflict on a victim. It is also associated with post-traumatic stress from sexual abuse.

The Sex is perhaps great, but it should not be your primary objective. When your entire life revolves around satisfying your sexual urges you are going to make unhealthy decisions. Most of us know better than to engage in sexual relations with coworkers, neighbors, your partner’s friends, or random strangers. Often a nymphomaniac will not make these distinctions. A lot depends on their willpower and mental stability. Some have it under control, many do not.

A lot of women are wrongfully accused of being nymphomaniacs due to being openly sex positive and unashamed of it. Other women mistakenly self-identify as nymphomaniacs because they love sex. True nymphomania is an illness which negatively impacts their life. Fortunately, it is also somewhat rare. If a girl has never had public sex in front of strangers or had anonymous sex with a man she did not know, she probably is not a nymphomaniac. The girls I knew would think nothing of participating in a spontaneous gangbang or fucking someone’s dog, laughing the whole time like it was a big joke. In retrospect, I feel sorry for these women.
Famous Nymphs

Sir Laurence Olivier and his wife, Vivien Leigh, were Hollywood Royalty. They appeared to have it all; talent, beauty, status, awards, recognition. They were the top of the A-list.

Unfortunately, Vivien Leigh suffered from bipolar disorder, then known as being manic-depressive. Her costars often had difficulty working with her due to her manic episodes which created a great deal of tension on the set.

Vivien’s greatest fear were the bouts of depression. She was terrified of becoming suicidal. At some point, she came to the conclusion that the only way to prevent the depression was to have a great deal of sex. As long as she could continue to achieve release through sex she could keep the depression at bay.

In the brain, a sexual orgasm triggers the release of a chemical called dopamine. It’s a natural mood-enhancing part of being a healthy person. The other related chemicals in the brain are serotonin and norepinephrine. These are self-balancing in a healthy person, but can become radically imbalanced in a mood disorder. Sex can give a short term spike of contentment to a person suffering severe clinical depression. But a bipolar person can also be at the other extreme, having so much dopamine and feeling a rush similar to a cocaine trip. It’s beyond euphoric. The person will tell you they’ve never felt better. They will often lack all self-awareness and resent any suggestion that they need help, or need to change their behavior. Bipolar Disorder affects men and women in relatively equal numbers.

Vivian’s husband, Olivier, did his best but he has been quoted later, as saying, “You know, she was a nymphomaniac. And I’m a premature ejaculator. Not a good match-up.” In order for their marriage to continue, Olivier stood back while Vivien took on many lovers to help her condition.

Sadly, their arrangement took its toll and they ended their 20 year marriage in 1960. Vivien Leigh, the legendary star of stage and film, was branded a nymphomaniac, a derogatory word meaning sex addict. This brought her more condemnation than sympathy or real help.

In 1950, after a party at Director George Cukor’s home in the Hollywood Hills, all the celebs present entertained illicit passion for a price.

In a biography, “Reframing Vivien Leigh”, the author notes that Ms. Leigh had every social disease known to mankind at the time. Her list of conquests go from Robert Taylor thru Peter Finch.

To read her story is to be inspired with pity and terror. She fought a lifelong battle with bipolar. Evidence of her delicate condition surfaced long before that incident. An open secret throughout British and American film circles.

Actress Sarah Miles became a very close friend to Olivier, after his divorce from Vivian. Decades later, Miles described a crisis she later had to confide to Olivier.

Sarah says she got a chance to see Vivien’s seething jealousy and sexual appetite for young men up close in 1963 when she landed a bit part in "The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone" starring Leigh, then 48, and 24-year-old Tinsel Town hunk Warren Beatty.

When womanizing Beatty spied 20-year-old Sarah in her sex kitten leather costume, Beatty began firting with Sarah.

Suddenly Sarah found Vivien’s “vixen eyes glued to either Warren or me all day. It was obvious to me they were having an affair,” she recalls. “I found Vivien to be a distinctly brittle, dark and jealous woman.” Miles, says Olivier finally admitted Leigh was a nut job in 1963, when she was in a play he was directing in London’s old Vic theatre.

One morning, Sarah was looking exhausted when she arrived on set; and confessed to Olivier that she was having to deal with her young actress roommate, who was “a manic-depressive, schizophrenic nymphomaniac” and kept her up with mobs of men parading through their apartment.

“Well, well, what a coincidence,” Olivier said and told her, “Vivien had been diagnosed with exactly the same three conditions.“ The more we compared notes, the closer we became, for we both shared the utter despair, the unimaginable frustration and hopelessness of wrestling with such pitiable creatures.”
A Confession

Now let’s hear from a woman in recovery from her mental illness and resulting nymphomaniac behavior.

Olivia Bury tells us her personal story of coping and recovery.

I’ve been diagnosed for 5 years with Bipolar Type 1, the kind that has longer and deeper cycles with mania and even psychosis.

As someone with Bipolar 1, I have extreme difficulty recognizing when I'm in the thick of an episode. The disorder pretty much takes all my judgement, self-awareness, and general clarity from me and smashes it. It's why I rely rather heavily on friends, family, and professionals to help me recognize my prodromal symptoms so I can get help early.

The mania is often the most destructive aspect to my illness as it starts by giving me a false sense of wellbeing. Slowly, my energy builds and I find myself spending several nights at a time awake investing myself in learning new topics such as mathematics, physics, or technology to an obsessive degree. I feel oppressed by my medication and quickly stop taking it to get higher. I begin writing music and creating art that in these moments I honestly believe are revolutionary.

I exercise excessively with my intense energy and find myself rolling in euphoria. My budgets and finances are trashed as I take to getting piercing, tattoos, clothes, raves, alcohol, and drugs. I immerse myself in what I call ‘carnal rage’. My ultimate goal is to burn bright and fast by indulging almost any vice there is. Hyper-sexuality leaves me a hungry nymphomaniac, where I wake in the mornings with one or many people in my bed. Often times I wake up not even knowing where I am or how I got there with several strangers.

I stop going to work, and my random untold absences often lead to my getting fired which only serves to worsen my finances. As I crawl towards psychosis, I end up getting more irritable and chaotic. The world slows down while I speed up and I find myself frustrated with those that can't keep up. I am extremely vulnerable to being taken advantage of and pick up the most unsavory individuals that upon my return to stability torture me. I end up back in the realms of paranoia and delusion. I become a god or some escaped experimental subject or soldier on a mission to save the world. I am hunted by cults and evil scientists. I am swallowed by chaos, euphoria, irritation, and delusions of grandeur paired with magical thinking.
Porn Industry Exploits

Some people are fully aware of their disorder and behavior, but seek to direct it for their own benefit. Taylor & Tatiana Russo were interviewed for a publicity campaign in their pornography ventures.

The two talked about the driving hyper-sexuality which keeps them in the sex industry.

Taylor explains; “I shoot some fetish content for my boyfriend who owns a bondage company. Regardless of that, I always feel like a virgin about to get deflowered before every shoot. When I shoot with my sister, it's not about trying to compete against her. If that was the case, I would have just continued shooting on my own. “

Tatiana added; “I like doing things for shock value. She does whatever comes to her head at the moment. Once we made the decision to work together, we might as well do the best that we can. Teamwork! I mainly hope that our bipolar mood swings manage to hit the ‘get along’ mark, because those are the moments that we forget about morals and just go with the flow.”

When asked; “How did you arrive to the decision that making adult movies was the right choice for you?”

Taylor chuckled; “Ha, I'm a nymphomaniac. I’m narcissistic, love fucking, money. Seems to make sense to me.”
Satyriasis, or male counterparts of Nymphomaniacs

Now, to put the issue in an accurate context, let’s be clear. Men can also suffer conditions that manifest hyper-sexuality. Let’s hear from a man who wishes to remain anonymous.

Yes, I am, but I have slowed down somewhat in my older age. But for 42 years I was diagnosed with so many errant conditions, until I came to the happy diagnosis of hyper-sexuality.

I am male. I am not a mythical beast. I have been called an addict but, unlike the perception of a kind of sex addict ending up beaten and on the streets, a punk sub, I functioned. I was a participant - a wise and sly and manipulative director - in my hyper-sexuality.

I operated for the majority of my life in a manic state. A few of the people dealing with bipolar brain issues will become understood as ‘unipolar’. I happen to be one of those. No bipolar crap, as I have never been depressed; and I was seen as driven, happy, kind, witty, very smart, fun to be with, sympathetic, never overbearing, emphatic, even.

I subjected myself to psychiatry during all of those years. Manic Depressive was my first diagnosis, I think. I saw the same shrink for those first 12 years and we waited and waited and waited from the ‘depression’ to come; but it never did.

I lived a controlled manic existence; I felt the tightness and grip in my body, the need of release or death every hour, but I, well, stumbled upon a solution, or solutions, early and satisfied the urgency of my needs with no need for recourse to dangerous sexual practices.

By “dangerous” sexual practices, I don’t mean to imply that my appetites did not escalate into needs that furthered my homosexual & bisexual encounters. I do not know of anyone who is hypersexual who is not bisexual, usually beginning at a very young age. My needs escalated into multiple partners, Dom & Sub relationships and forays into bloody sadomasochist roles. I was Traveling through the U S and Europe to full-scale orgies.

If there is a spot of narcissism in hyper-sexuality, for me it was staying in shape, not so much to remain being attractive but in order to maintain the strength and stamina to enjoy eight to ten orgasms a day. Masturbation could not satisfy me, not at all. I needed others. There is the magic word, need.

I don’t believe in satyrs and nymph fantasies. I’m not ever certain than ‘mania’ is an illness any more than having the drive, and all that is entrenched in that word; to be successful, is an illness.

Some in the dark arts of psychiatry are uncertain that hyper-sexuality is an illness. Some in the dark arts of human sexuality are unable to pinpoint what is normal, what is a normal sexual drive, how many orgasms do normal men and women have in one day or one week!

A married couple, or two partners in a monogamous relationship? After two years of commitment, do they really only have sex three times in one week? That sounds monstrous to me. Sick and unsound.

Don’t think that we do not fall in love. Don’t think for one minute that we don’t appreciate higher, less base qualities in others. We simply have needs more urgent than discussions of 19th-century French literature.

Another questioner asked what it felt like to be hyper-sexual. My answer would be that it either feels how you want it to feel or, maybe, it feels like any life task in which you fail or succeed. More the latter, I guess. If you cannot earn enough money to feed your family I am guessing that you would feel that you have failed a task that you needed to succeed; and I suppose that you would feel some anxiety and sadness and a failure. So it is with hyper-sexuality - a singular life task of great need and if you are able to satisfy that need then you win, you are not a failure.

This society has no interest in male hyper-sexuality; but rather has a fascination with female hyper-sexuality: the nymphomaniac. Those failed whores who fuck their way into a bloody gutter because, well, that’s what happens to whores, right? The female porn models that grow old and advise younger women to stay away from porn because it destroys your heart. They are our public whores. Hypersexual males - we satyrs - are looked upon as lucky! Just a man who gets a lot of pussy.

I also think that the ‘what does it feel like to be hypersexual’, questioner, may have wanted to know about the sex. A little titillation, maybe. The sex? It is good, it fulfills needs. Of course the sex is good. Unshackled.

"Bipolar folks will understand, I'm sure. Will others? It's hard to know. Some will be inclined to want to understand. Others will think I'm making this up and I'm rationalizing bad behavior. What I really want, though, is to change the way psychiatry and psychology and society see this behavior."
Clarity on the Bipolar diagnosis

Diagnosing a mood disorder is based on a person’s departure from their own baseline behavior. It’s not based on whether it fits into a cultural or societal norm of the masses. If a person is always a sex fiend, It’s just a behavioral observation; a personality feature. But when a person who used to be reserved and discreet, becomes uninhibited, compulsive, and manifesting insatiable & risky behavior, It’s clear that they are ‘not themselves.’ That’s completely separate from the issue of whether they fit in with our societal expectations. They don’t fit in with their own established norms.

A bipolar person can be very persuasive and rationalize everything. They are truly the last person to know that they have a crisis.

A woman responded the account of the hypersexual man we just heard from.

I read this answer when it was first posted and sobbed. I cried because the majority of the post is dead-on . It's taken me a month to be able to address this question, and I can't, or won't fully explain everything that's happened in my life, but I am the female version of this person.

I wasn't diagnosed until pretty recently. I am 40-something. Yes, I needed intense connections with other people on every level: intellectually and spiritually, but especially sexually.

Hyper-sexuality is definitely about a different kind of intense connection, but it is definitely about the sex, too. Different bodies. Different needs. A different kind of fulfillment, or not. This behavior started in college; I held onto my cherished virginity until then. That was truly difficult.

The need to connect, to be stimulated by someone, is ever-present. A pattern emerged; serial monogamy. Onto the next long-term boyfriend. I would exhaust him, in every sense of the word, or find another who could try to be all things, all the time, to be several men at once.

But even during a relationship, pursuit of other men, their pursuit of me, or preferably, all of the above, was wonderfully explosive. Enough sex, seemingly. Then not. Never, ever enough.

The hyper-sexuality happens during the manic stage. If you're manic and you were seeking sex, the end of that relationship doesn't really affect you. The downside is, when a relationship goes awry, and he's someone more long term, or someone you were more attached to, it can trigger a depressive episode. And then, one of two things: Depression leading to complete avoidance of sex, or depression leading to sex to fuck away your depression. Sort of like the famed actress Vivian Leigh, who fucked random men as a desperate means of avoiding suicidal despair.

Guess which one is worse. The tailspin can be swift and the depression profound and prolonged. And living just seems like an impossibility, sometimes for months. How people survive this is beyond me. How I lived through this; I don't even know. I self-medicated and should be dead several times over. Street drugs, including booze.

To answer the question, why are bipolar people hypersexual? I guess the best analogy would be "Why do people eat?" It's biological and not something you can control. You just have a need; your body tells you what it needs, and you respond. Sometimes there are obsessive Compulsive manifestations, like over-eaters, going on spending sprees, workaholics, and other behaviors.

Fast forward some years to modern times and post-diagnosis: taking a few different kinds of meds. One of these meds impairs your memory, the other two deaden your libido. It's like I still have the drive but maybe not the impulsiveness to act out because the mania is controlled.

Not a controlled substance, but a substance that controls.

And then there’s the possible side effects of the psychotropic drugs that my doctor’s had me try. Eventually I found a combo that I’m content with, but it’s taken a lot of effort, patience, and teamwork. I need a competent healthcare and counseling team, and a supportive circle of friends and family, who provide the feedback that I and my medical team can rely on.

For people who see an opportunity for a great fuck with a hypersexual; Please look in the mirror first. If you’re going to exploit someone whose illness puts their life in danger; You might be a more pathetic person than they are. And they have an illness to blame. You don’t. Go pay a hooker for cheap sex, because at least the hooker has a business model.

If you’ve found yourself in what’s becoming more clearly an unhealthy sexual hookup, Offer your partner the most valuable gift you can offer. Your honest perspective and deepest caring assistance, if they will avail themselves of your offer. Trust me, sex will become even more fulfilling, when a hypersexual regains full control of their sex drive.