I knew the lineup was made up of some of the researchers I admire most: Allison Daminger, whose research on cognitive labor has shaped how we understand invisible work and Leah Ruppanner from the University of Melbourne, whose data connects mental load to workforce outcomes globally. I had frequently quoted both of their work prior to meeting them and couldn't wait to dig in.

But here is what I did not expect. How incredible the rest of the room would be.

Sitting alongside the academics were content creators with massive social media audiences who have been making mental load visible to millions of families every single day. There were coaches, applied practitioners and consultants like myself, AI builders exploring how technology might help redistribute cognitive labor, and every one of us was in it to solve it.

The room was deliberately, beautifully diverse in perspective, not just in identity, but in how each person encounters and teaches about mental load in different ways.

I have been to a lot of conferences and webinars. This was a collaborative. And the difference matters.

THE APPRECIATIVE INQUIRY DIFFERENCE

The Mental Load Collaborative used an Appreciative Inquiry summit model, which means we did not spend the day cataloging problems (thank goodness). We listed challenges, and imagined dream states as a unified team. Then we talked as a full room about how to achieve a better state for all people. Finally we broke into smaller working groups, self-selecting into the solutions that we felt emotionally drawn to. Here's what really stood out to me the most:

It had been a long time since I had been in a room where open discourse and disagreement not only happened, but were encouraged.

There is no way to put three generations side by side to solve a problem and not expect there to be some cognitive dissonance. Case in point, I went in blissfully unaware that I had an implicit bias towards content creation as a teaching tool, and quickly came to realize I needed to face that bias head on to avoid change resistance.

Growth like that doesn't happen in echo chambers, but neither does sustainable change.

If you are wondering what workstream I chose in the end, I am sure it is no surprise that I wanted to lead workplace redesign. I cannot share the specifics of what we built in that room, because the work is still developing and it belongs to the group and not to me. But I can tell you that the energy of building something, rather than just naming something, changes the quality of the conversation entirely.

When you move from "here is what is broken" to "here is what we are going to do about it," people show up differently. The ideas get braver. The commitments get real.

MY PRIMARY CONTRIBUTION: THE MIDLIFE COLLISION

I was one of the only participants approaching mental load from the midlife perspective, and I brought a concept I have been teaching for several years in my Burnout to Breakthrough sessions: 'The Midlife Collision™'

Here's how I like to explain the 'Midlife Collision.' Think of two container ships traveling toward each other at full speed, both stacked to the hilt. One is the work ship: peak career responsibilities, leadership demands, financial pressures, strategic complexity. The other is the home ship: aging parents, teenagers or young adults who still need you, partnership maintenance, health management, household operations.

In midlife, both home and work are often at maximum capacity. And underneath them (at least for women), hormonal fluctuations are churning the water, bouncing the containers, making everything harder to hold in place.

The tossing and turning is confusing, and most midlife women can't compartmentalize the ensuing chaos and figure out that which is caused by hormones, other factors, or a mix of both. Where peak career demands, caregiving responsibilities, and hormonal changes crash together, that is 'The Midlife Collision.' And for millions of people navigating this intersection, the mental load is not just heavy. It is compounding.

THE INVISIBLE LAYER: MENOPAUSE MASKING

There is another dimension to midlife mental load that rarely enters the conversation.When you are experiencing menopause at work, you are carrying an additional cognitive burden that has no name in most organizations: the work of hiding it. It takes effort to mask brain fog in a meeting so your leaders don't think you've lost competence. It takes energy to disguise irritability with a difficult coworker or to cover a hot flash without anyone noticing.

‘Menopause masking’ is the constant calculation of whether to disclose symptoms or stay silent, and mental load is the cost of having to navigate either option.

This complex decision-making framework is often happening on autopilot, running in the back of our minds. And it sits on top of a mental load that has likely already passed capacity. Fears of stigma and negative career repercussions mean that most midlife women are suffering in silence.

OUT OF THE ECHO CHAMBER

The mental load conversation, like the menopause at work conversation, needs to break out of the echo chamber. Before the collaborative many of us, the people who understand mental load most deeply, and teach on the subject were doing so in isolation. The researchers published largely for academic audiences, the content creators were speaking to audiences that relate directly to the shared lived experiences, and as applied workplace consultants we were primarily sharing this information with organizations bought in.

The Mental Load Collaborative is trying to change that and brought all of these big beautiful voices into one room, not to agree, but to build. As Adam Grant recently stated:

"Only following people who agree with you is a recipe for confirmation bias and groupthink. Critical thinking depends on listening to people who question your assumptions and challenge your conclusions. Learning is the product of engaging with a range of thoughtful views."

And I am so grateful that I was able to be part of these conversations and to represent the midlife perspective.

Opening up the conversation about menopause at work is something I am working on with The Fuchsia Tent LLC and Society for Women's Health Research (SWHR). Our national study, "Menopause at Work: From Echo Chamber to Mainstream Practice," is surveying people experiencing menopause alongside the decision-makers who control benefits, budgets, and culture. The goal is to move these conversations from niche advocacy to standard business practice.

WHAT THIS MEANS FOR EMPLOYERS

If you lead an organization and you have been watching the mental load conversation from the sidelines, here is what I want you to understand.

Mental load is likely affecting much of your workforce, and it is not a personal problem. Mental load is a business problem.

The research already shows that disproportionate cognitive labor at home drives emotional exhaustion, increases turnover intentions, and decreases career resilience. Gallup found that female manager engagement dropped seven points in a single year. Researchers are calling invisible domestic labor "the third shift." And in midlife, all of this intensifies. The people carrying the heaviest mental load are often your most experienced, most capable, most senior contributors. They are not burning out because they cannot handle the work. They are burning out because nobody sees the full picture of what they are carrying.

The Mental Load Collaborative is working on solutions. I am honored to be part of it. And I will share more as the work develops. In the meantime, if you want to understand how mental load, menopause, and midlife converge in your workforce, that is the work I do every day. Let's talk.

---

Thank you to friends, to the Mental Load Collaborative organizers, David Smith, Colleen Stuart, Leah Ruppanner, Molly Dickens, PhD, Kate Mangino, Katie Kitchens, and Haley Swenson, thank you for building the room where this work can happen.

Many of the researchers listed above already have a book or books published that you can read on the subject of mental load and Leah Ruppanner's new book Drained and David Smith and Brad Johnson's Book Fair Share are available for pre-order!

What Mental Load Actually Is (And Why It's So Hard to See)

The term "cognitive labor" was brought into the academic mainstream by sociologist Allison Daminger, whose research defines it as the work of anticipating needs, identifying options, making decisions, and monitoring outcomes in household and family life (Daminger, 2019, American Sociological Review). Her new book, What's on Her Mind: The Mental Workload of Family Life, draws on interviews with over 170 people and confirms what most women already know: “even in couples who believe they split things equally, the cognitive labor falls overwhelmingly on women.”

Here is what makes mental load different from mental busyness. As I stated in Forbes, mental load has three hallmarks: it is invisible, boundaryless, and enduring (Dean et al., 2022). Nobody sees the work, the thoughts travel from the desk to the kitchen to the pillow. And it never ends, because mental load is tied to caring for the people we love and the teams we lead.

Thinking alone doesn’t break us, but when added to constant processing that never stops, seeps into work, sleep, and leisure, and isn’t acknowledged or compensated, we are guaranteed a one way ticket to the “Island of Misfit Toys.”

The Research Is Catching Up to What Women Have Known for Years

The academic literature on household labor focused on physical tasks like driving to practice or doing the dishes. Physical labor can be demanding, but it isn’t even half of the story. A 2025 study published in Archives of Women's Mental Health (Aviv et al.) found that cognitive household labor is even more unequally distributed than physical chores, and is significantly associated with worse mental health outcomes for women, including higher rates of depression, anxiety, and psychological distress. Suddenly, all the antidepressant use in “Valley of the Dolls” is making a lot more sense.

Here is the research that should make every employer sit up and pay attention. A recent study found that women who shoulder a disproportionate amount of cognitive labor at home experience higher emotional exhaustion, which in turn increases their turnover intentions and decreases their career resilience (Krstić et al., 2025). These same researchers appropriately dubbed this phenomenon “the invisible third shift.” Said simply, the mental load your employees carry at home is spilling directly into your workplace, and that plus lack of understanding and systemic support, is driving some of your best employees toward the door. 

What's Happening Inside Your Organization Right Now

Let me connect the dots between the research and your poor engagement scores. Gallup's 2025 State of the Global Workplace report found that global employee engagement fell to 21% in 2024, matching the lowest levels since the pandemic. But the most alarming finding was the collapse of female manager engagement, which dropped seven percentage points in a single year, which is not a blip on the radar, but rather a signal flare.

McKinsey's Women in the Workplace 2024 report found that for every 100 men promoted to manager, only 81 women make that jump. One in three women surveyed said they had considered downshifting or leaving the workforce entirely. The broken rung and the mental load are not separate problems. We are not talking about “women problems;” we are talking about systems issues. 

And we have not even talked about what happens when you layer perimenopause and menopause on top of all of this. The midlife collision I often describe in my work is the convergence of peak career responsibility with hormonal fluctuations that affect sleep, cognition, and emotional regulation. Add an invisible cognitive load to that which was already unsustainable, and you have a recipe for attrition that no meditation app is going to fix.

Before Slapping Another Well-Being Initiative on Mental Load…

I have said it before and I will keep saying it: giving someone a meditation app while the structure that is burning them out remains unchanged is like handing someone a bucket of water and expecting it to extinguish a four-alarm fire. Sure, some well-designed individual well-being programs are table stakes in big organizations, but when they become the entire strategy, they actually make the problem worse.

What Actually Works: A Systems-Plus Approach

The path from burnout to breakthrough requires both individual support and structural change. Here is what that looks like in practice.

1. Make the invisible visible. Audit who is doing the cognitive and emotional labor on your teams. Who plans the offsites? Who remembers the birthdays? Who takes notes in meetings? Who checks in on struggling colleagues? If the answer is consistently the same people, and those people are consistently women, it is time to make some changes, not the least of which involves some serious recognition and some readjusting of work.

2. Stop siloing solutions and start integrating them. When we build or add separate programs for menopause, burnout, caregiving, and  mental health, we increase stigma and add to the very load we are trying to reduce. Human beings do not experience these challenges in silos and support systems should not operate in them either. A systems-plus approach means building an infrastructure of support that recognizes how mental load, midlife health transitions, and workplace demands converge, and addresses them together rather than sending employees on a scavenger hunt for help.

3. Train your leaders in compassionate dialogue so they have language that stops silent suffering (both theirs and their teams). Stop the 30-minute webinars on "resilience," or the 6-month training on menopause. Train ALL leaders to recognize the signs of cognitive overload in themselves and their teams. Teach them to redistribute invisible labor by encouraging compassionate, honest conversations about what their people need to perform at their best. The 3Cs Method of Compassionate Leadership exists because I watched too many well-meaning managers default to "let me know if you need anything" when what their employees needed was someone to notice without being asked.

4. Redesign your performance reviews to capture and credit invisible labor. Right now, the woman who plans the offsite, mentors the new hire, and holds the team together emotionally gets the same rating as the person who showed up and participated. If your review process does not account for cognitive and emotional contributions, you are systematically undervaluing the people who keep your culture functional. McKinsey's data shows that women are still less likely to receive high "potential" ratings despite strong performance. That gap does not close until the work women disproportionately do becomes visible, measured, and rewarded. What you measure matters and what you reward gets repeated.

   The Business Case Is Already Made

   Gallup estimates that a fully engaged global workforce could add $9.6 trillion in productivity, while McKinsey's research has shown that advancing women's equality could add $12 trillion to global GDP. We have the data, but we keep using it to treat organizational dysfunction like the recurrent failings of individual women. Mental load is not a women's issue, but rather a business issue that disproportionately affects women. And until employers start designing systems that account for the full weight of what their people carry, top talent will keep walking out the door wondering. We need to stop asking women to be more resilient, and start building workplaces that do not require superhuman endurance to survive.

   ————————————————————————————————————————

   On March 25, I will be at a research symposium bringing together leading researchers who study mental load to align on shared definitions, identify research gaps, and bridge the distance between what the science says and what employers actually do about it. That bridge is exactly where Kacy Fleming Consulting thrives, and I cannot wait to share my learnings with you.

   If you are ready to move your organization from burnout to breakthrough, book a consultation to discuss how “Burnout to Breakthrough” can equip your leaders to recognize, redistribute, and reduce the invisible load that helps you keep top talent.

When I formally entered the “Menoverse” (as I like to call it), in March of 2024, it was filled with glittery parties, celebrity sightings, and an onslaught of media attention. After 22 years climbing the ladder in corporate pharmaceuticals, this new world was equal parts terrifying and intoxicating. It felt like everywhere I turned, people were talking about menopause and I felt so lucky to be a part of this conversation, with my brand new community and wide-eyed excitement. After a super intense Spring of learning and listening, I came back to Massachusetts ready to launch the online community everyone said they needed.

The Fuchsia Tent Community is Born

June 13, 2024, I gave birth to the red, angry, crying toddler that I’ve come to love, The Fuchsia Tent Community. That day, I learned a powerful lesson that will stay with me throughout my days:

Do NOT, under any circumstances launch a business on your birthday, unless you enjoy celebrating with a side of insecurity and a twinge of depression.

With that said, I eventually got more members and started getting into a content creating rhythm. There were additional lessons to be learned. The main lesson being: most women want community until they figure out what they need to feel better during menopause. Once we have a working formula, we just want to get back to living a full and healthy life. The majority of us don’t want to sit around talking about once debilitating, but mostly gone symptoms for the rest of our lives (myself and fellow menoverse dwellers being an exception).

Because, that which was true about workplace wellbeing, or mental health, is also true about menopause support…If you get healthy outside a sick system, and go back in, you will likely experience illness again.

Put more succinctly: lost productivity and poor symptom management during menopause are not individual failings, but rather the echoes of broken workplace and healthcare system design.

Suddenly, I found myself called back into the rooms where I had spent the previous 22 years duking out drug formulary access with payers and heading global wellbeing for 50,000 employees. Difficult conversations in a corporate setting, especially stigmatized topics like menopause require an understanding of organizational culture and design. I was asked by former colleagues in the wellbeing/total rewards space to advise on the business case for workplace menopause support, and soon after began sharing best practices on thriving through menopause at work, and tools for holding compassionate dialogue. Before I knew it, Fuchsia@Work was up and running.

The Workplace Menopause Support Pivot

After a few months research, building talks, and working with clients, a framework began to emerge. There were three things that surveyed working women consistently asked for that we now call: The 3H Framework™ of The Fuchsia Tent.

The 3H Framework™ of The Fuchsia Tent:

1. Healthcare: The best benefits (medical and pharmacy) a company can afford.

2. Help: Compassionate leaders who understand active listening frameworks, and are aware of and willing to provide available resources to employees in need.

3. HRT/Non-Hormonal Therapy Access: Generic HRT and access to newly approved FDA alternatives for vasomotor symptoms (hot flashes and night sweats)

The 3H Framework™ is what best-in-class workplace menopause support looks like. Organizational support isn’t rocket science. Organizations don’t need complex menopause frameworks, manager menopause training, excessive programming, or menopause coaching. Individuals may elect to participate in the above offerings, but widespread in depth training is more likely to make midlife women an outgroup.

We do need basic awareness of the symptoms and challenges associated with a life transition that is marked by vast hormonal fluctuations — that happens to 51% of the workforce. We need benefits and resources that help us get the medical and emotional support we need, which includes leaders who know how to listen without judgment, get clarity on our needs, and take supportive action on our behalf. This action may look like providing the number for our employee assistance program, an additional check in, a list of company sponsored resources, etc…

Because, here’s the thing, US companies alone, are losing $1.8B in lost productivity (attrition, and sick time) and an additional $26.6B due to increased healthcare costs from failing to support midlife women (Mayo Clinic, 2023). We still have very few solid studies that show us what happens when we actually support midlife women in the workplace.

Where to Next

So here's where we are a year in: We know what works. The 3H Framework™ isn't complicated, and that's the point. We know companies are hemorrhaging billions. We know women are suffering in silence. And we know that the UK is already ahead of us on preventative care. The BBC reports that the UK National Health Services will now be adding menopause questions to their health checks for women (every 5 years between 40-74). “The aim is to identify women who may benefit from advice and support, including treatment, such as hormone replacement therapy (HRT), drugs to combat hot-flushes, and counselling.”

What we need now is momentum. More companies stepping up to offer basic support (we're at less than 15%, people). Organizations I advise, like Reproductive & Maternal Health Compass, are offering standards for what good, better, and best menopause support look like. Check out their linked page above for more information. Our goal at The Fuchsia Tent is to help each organization figure out the best resource mix and programming based on the unique makeup of their employee population.

More rigorous research to prove what we already know anecdotally — that supporting menopausal employees isn't charity, it's strategy. We need better studies designed with scientific rigor to evaluate the effects of best-in-class support on menopausal employees — not just one cherry picked intervention with subjective employee reported data. At The Fuchsia Tent we are working with partners to provide that data, though truly good data generation takes time. More to come.

And more awareness across the board, because menopause doesn't just affect menopausal women. It affects teams, productivity, culture, and the bottom line. That's why at The Fuchsia Tent, we're focused on making implementation simple, data collection rigorous, and education accessible to everyone — yes, including the men. (Check out our Man-O-Pause Mondays if you're male-identifying and want free education without the awkwardness.)

A year ago, I pivoted when I was reminded that menopause, like other health challenges requires systems change. We can’t out program outdated systems, like US work culture and healthcare, but we can be a catalyst in their redesign. And that's exactly what we're doing — one compassionate conversation, one benefits package, one workplace policy at a time.

Here's to Year Two.

—————————————————————

Ready to transform how your organization approaches menopause support?

Book a consultation with me to discuss how to build workplace systems that support both human wellbeing and business performance.

Permalink

]]>Year One Reflections: Building Workplace Menopause SupportKacy FlemingSat, 26 Jul 2025 15:37:21 +0000https://kacyfleming.com/blog/the-hidden-crisis-in-high-performing-women-why-your-burnout-isnt-your-fault651ed382fb3fe01a91cc08b9:651f02fb820a730236345c41:6882b12d12d9c84d8fa116d9And why adding “self-care” to your to-do list is making everything worse.

Here's what I know for sure: if you're a high-performing woman reading this at 11 PM because it's the first quiet moment you've had all day, you're not broken. The system is. And, you are not alone.

PS-I’ve never met a woman who wasn’t high-performing.

Today, I asked a room full of women to raise their hand if they’ve been exhausted. Every hand shot up.

Then I asked them to raise their hands if they are ashamed of their exhaustion and the majority of hands stayed up.

We're exhausted, overwhelmed, and carrying voices in our heads that whisper “you should be more resilient, better at boundaries, more grateful for your success.”

That voice? It's not yours. It's the sound of a system that's designed to make you believe your burnout is a personal failing.

The Data Doesn't Lie

The headlines read “Leader engagement plummets by 3 points, largely powered by female leader disengagement.” It’s true female leaders did have the steepest decline of any demographic group. What they fail to discuss is why. We will talk about the why throughout this blog post, and we will keep talking about it until we build systems that support women.

The burnout gap between women and men has doubled since 2019. Only 36% of women feel empowered to perform their best work. When women leave the workforce, companies lose an average of $15,000 per departing employee in replacement costs alone—not counting the institutional knowledge, client relationships, and innovation that walks out the door with them. McKinsey estimates that advancing women's equality in the workplace could add $12 trillion to global GDP by 2025. But here's the part that should make us furious: we keep getting individual solutions to systemic problems.

Listen, I'm not here to bash wellness programs. Research shows they can help with specific health behaviors. But here's what the wellness industrial complex won't tell you: giving you a meditation app while the structure that's burning you out remains unchanged is like handing someone a band-aid for a bullet hole (thank you to Taylor Swift for that indelible image).

The truth? We need both. Individual support AND systemic change. A systems-plus approach to well-being that doesn't make you responsible for fixing what you didn't break.

The Shame Spiral That Keeps Women Trapped

You want to know the real genius of this broken system? It's convinced us that our exhaustion is evidence of our inadequacy.

Brené Brown's research revealed something devastating: shame for women is "a web of layered, conflicting and competing expectations and messages." Men face one primary expectation: don't appear weak. Women? We're supposed to be everything to everyone while making it look effortless. We are already assumed to be weak, so we can “never let them see us sweat.”

The shame cycle works like this: You burn out. You're told it's a personal resilience problem. You add self-care to your already overwhelming mental load. You inevitably fail at self-care too because it's just another item on a NEVER-ENDING to do list. You feel more shame. The cycle continues while the root causes remain completely untouched.

We start to lose self-efficacy.

I mean, if we are burning out, clearly we aren’t cut out for this work right?

We work harder. We take promotions into meaningless leadership roles, where we end up doing nothing that brings us joy. Roles where we sit in meeting after meeting, hour after hour. We get talked over. Our decision making power exists in name only, and each new day is a rinse and repeat.

We aren’t burnout from overwork, but rather meaningless work that deprives us of purpose and leads to cynicism. Burnout that results in turnover is more closely tied to cynicism than it is to overwork.

READ THAT LAST BIT AGAIN!

The Mental Load No One Considers

Let's talk about the thing no one wants to talk about—the invisible labor that's following us everywhere, even into our sleep.

Here's what researchers have figured out: there's this thing called "mental load"—the invisible, cognitive work that has three brutal characteristics. It's invisible (nobody sees us doing it), boundaryless (it follows us everywhere), and enduring (it never ends).

Even when household chores appear split 50/50, guess who's still responsible for remembering that the detergent is running low, that soccer uniforms need to be clean by Tuesday, that the washing machine has been making that weird noise? Research consistently shows women do more of the "anticipating needs, identifying options, deciding among options, and monitoring results." These lists run endlessly in our minds, taking up critical cognitive space, and leaving us depleted.

And, this invisible burden doesn't stay home when we go to work. Think back to the last team meeting, in your breakout group, who was the note taker? Oh, but women have nicer handwriting…PLEASE.

Or think about the last company social event. Who researched the restaurant options, checked for dietary restrictions, coordinated calendars, bought the farewell gift, and made sure everyone felt included in the conversation? I'll give you one guess. Meanwhile, the person who shows up and enjoys the event gets the same 'team building' credit on their performance review.

And here's where it gets really insidious: emotional labor depletes cognitive energy. We make more mistakes, take longer to complete tasks, then get judged for not performing at our peak while carrying an invisible load nobody acknowledges.

We're not just tired. We're cognitively overloaded by a system that pretends this labor doesn't exist.

The Midlife Collision Nobody Prepared Us For

If you're in your 40s or 50s, you're living through what I call the midlife collision. Two freight trains heading toward each other at full speed.

On one side: peak career success, highest earning potential, leadership responsibilities. All the things you've worked decades to achieve, only to find out they aren’t filling your cup.

On the other side: hormone fluctuations affecting everything from sleep to cognitive function, aging parents needing support, children who still need you, partnerships requiring attention, financial pressures from every direction.

Pretty traumatic, right?! Did you realize you were taking on so much?

Then we get the real slap in the face at work. The data shows only 81 women get promoted for every 100 men, despite equal qualifications. Don’t get me started on our outdated performance management systems (I think of them as performative management). Women earn lower "potential" ratings despite higher performance. Meanwhile, chronic workplace stress creates actual trauma responses that high performers mask to protect their careers.

We're asking superhuman performance from human beings carrying an invisible load, then wondering why they're burning out. Then we shame them for not having better boundaries—as if adding "get better at self-care" to their mental load is the solution.

Band-Aids Don’t Fix Bullet Holes (or broken systems)

Here's my hot take on wellness programs: Individual wellness programs can absolutely help with stress management and healthy behaviors. The problem isn't that they don't work—it's that they're being used as the entire solution to a systemic problem.

It's like this: if your entire house is on fire, a fire extinguisher may be useful. But if someone hands you a fire extinguisher and says "this should fix your house fire" while refusing to call the fire department, you're going to be pretty pissed when your house burns down. That’s a well-being program implemented without actual system change.

Research confirms that burnout is primarily the result of psychologically hazardous workplace factors—not personal deficits. Yet women are carrying unnecessary guilt and shame, assuming we’re somehow at fault for our own work-related stress.

The programs themselves can become another source of shame for women who feel they should be taking advantage of offerings they don't have time for, or that weren't designed with their experiences in mind. If when I was Heading Global Well-Being, I had received a dollar for every woman who told me how great are offerings were, but followed up with not having the time to take advantage of them, I’d have a small island. Companies make huge investments in these programs, and then fail to embed them into the corporate culture.

It’s a multi-billion dollar system failure.

What Actually Works: Systems-Plus Well-Being

Supporting women isn't charity. It's a competitive advantage that requires both individual support and structural change.

The individual piece: Yes, stress management skills matter. Mindfulness can help. Exercise is important. But these work best when they're not treated as the cure for systemic dysfunction.

The systems piece: We need healthcare that covers life transitions, not just emergencies. Leadership training that teaches managers to recognize and redistribute invisible labor. Infrastructure that makes mental load visible, valued, and equitably distributed.

Here's what this looks like in practice: A company added mindfulness training for stressed employees (individual solution). Great start. But they also added manager accountability—tracking and measuring how well managers support their teams' well-being, with real consequences for poor scores. Now the mindfulness training actually works because employees aren't getting stressed messages from their boss at 8PM when they should be recharging. That's systems-plus thinking—pairing individual support with manager accountability so the two don't cancel each other out.

Companies that figure out this systems-plus approach see real results: reduced healthcare costs, increased profitability, and access to untapped productivity potential. More importantly, they stop perpetuating a system that's systematically destroying women's health and well-being.

Fix the systems AND provide individual support. That's how you create sustainable change.

The Truth About Resilience (It's Not What We Think)

Full disclosure: I've fallen into this trap more times than I care to admit. I spent years believing that if I could just get better at self-care, manage my time more efficiently, or develop stronger boundaries, I could somehow make an unsustainable system work for me.

What I learned the hard way is that you can't gratitude your way out of systemic dysfunction. You can't meditate away workplace inequity. And you definitely can't self-care your way out of a system that rewards your suffering with more responsibility.

Brené Brown's research shows that shame resilience happens through "acknowledged vulnerability, critical awareness, and mutually empathic relationships"—not through individual grit and better time management. True resilience isn't about enduring more; it's about refusing to accept systems that require superhuman endurance in the first place.

Be the Change...Start Where You Are

The question isn't whether we can afford to change. It's whether we can afford not to.

If you're experiencing this crisis:

• Name it: You're not broken, the system is

• Find your advocates: You don't have to fix this alone

• Document everything: Your experience matters for those coming behind you

If you're a leader:

• Ask one woman on your team: "What support do you need right now?"

• Audit your benefits: Do they cover life transitions?

• Train your managers: 70% of engagement comes from direct supervisors

If you're designing systems:

• Center women's experiences in your policies

• Measure what matters: Track engagement by demographic

• Build bridges, don't just offer band-aids

Every woman who leaves her career because the mental load is unsustainable represents not just individual loss, but collective failure. Every high performer operating in survival mode instead of innovation mode represents untapped potential that could transform industries.

We're not asking for special treatment. We're asking for systems that recognize our full humanity while honoring our professional capabilities. We're asking workplaces to stop making us responsible for fixing problems we didn't create.

And yes, take the yoga class if it helps you. Use the meditation app if it brings you peace. But don't let anyone convince you that your burnout is your fault or that individual wellness is the complete solution to a systemic crisis.

It doesn't have to be this way. Here's where we start: by refusing to accept that shame about not being resilient enough is the price women pay for participation in the workforce.

If this resonates with you, know you're not alone. And you're definitely not the problem.

At all stages of my career, from corporate senior leader to fledgling entrepreneur, I felt utterly powerless more times than I care to admit. And if you'd told me five years ago that I'd be teaching Fortune 500 companies about power dynamics, I would have laughed until my sides hurt.

This is the story of how I learned that power isn't what we think it is. And more importantly, it's about the profound shift that happens every single time I teach "Mastering Workplace Dynamics: Power & Influence" workshop. In this co-designed workshop, 90% of participants walk in believing power comes from formal titles and is synonymous with coercion and individual gain — and leave understanding all the forms of power already available to them.

The Real Talk About Feeling Powerless

Let me paint you a picture. Six years into my corporate career, I was sitting in yet another meeting where decisions were being made about my work without including me. You know, the meetings where you feel like you are having an out of body experience, watching colleagues with big titles talk over each other while the rest of us sit there like furniture. Try as I might to hold my own, I often felt invisible, voiceless, and completely at the mercy of the powers that be.

Sound familiar?

Fast forward, and after nearly three decades of work in some pretty giant corporations, I know one thing for sure: Most of us have been sold a lie about what power actually is.

We think power is:

• Having a corner office

• Being able to fire people

• Making the big decisions

• Having your name on the org chart

And sure, those things can be forms of power. But they're just the tip of the iceberg, and rarely as effective as the other types of power at our disposal.

The Workshop That Changes Everything (for me and you)

About a year ago, my fabulous colleagues Dr. Shonna Waters and Dr. Erin Eatough asked me to facilitate a session on politics and power in the workplace for a large banking client. Boy did my imposter syndrome come roaring back. Sure, I held legitimate power after years of working in pharmaceuticals, but what did I know about this subject?! I should have realized that these brilliant humans had a method to their madness and this workshop became an absolute favorite to teach.

Every time I facilitate the power and influence workshop, the same thing happens. I start with a simple question: "What comes up for you when you hear 'workplace power and politics'?"

The answers are always some variation of:

• "Ugh, office politics"

• "People playing games"

• "Having to kiss up to get ahead"

• "Something I'm bad at"

• "Manipulation"

Next comes my favorite part… I watch unbelievable transformations occur the further we dive into the research.

The project manager who thought she had no power suddenly realizes she's the go-to expert on the new software system (Expert Power), people constantly come to her for advice (Referent Power), and she has connections across three departments (Connection Power).

The individual contributor who felt stuck discovers he's been sharing critical market insights with leadership (Informational Power), mentoring new hires (Reward Power), and building trust through consistent delivery (Referent Power).

This is the shift. It's not about gaining power — it's about recognizing the power you already have.

The Science of Power (It's Not What You Think)

Here's where it gets interesting. Social psychologists John French and Bertram Raven identified that power actually comes in seven distinct forms (known as power bases), and most of them have absolutely nothing to do with your job title.

Let me break this down for you:

1. Legitimate Power - Yes, this is the title thing. But it's just one slice of the pie.

2. Expert Power - What you know, your skills, your experience. If you want to influence others in your organization, one of the surest methods is to develop expertise in your discipline. That thing you're really good at? That's power.

3. Referent Power - This is about trust and relationships. When people seek you out for advice, when your opinion matters to others — that's referent power in action.

4. Reward Power - Your ability to recognize others, provide opportunities, or connect people to resources. You don't need a promotion budget to have this.

5. Informational Power - Access to and ability to share valuable information. In our data-driven world, this is huge.

6. Connection Power - Your network, your ability to make introductions, your relationships across the organization.

7. Coercive Power - The ability to enforce standards or consequences. This one gets overused and abused, but it has its place.

We walk into the workshop thinking only of legitimate power and coercion, and learn about the five other, far more influential forms of power. Think about it. We all do what the enforcer tells us to, but will run through walls for the leader who appreciates and rewards us. I know which leader I’d rather be!

The Influence Game-Changer

Power is just half the equation. The other half is knowing how to use it — and this is where most people get it wrong.

We tend to default to either "hard" influence (setting deadlines, assigning tasks, upholding standards) or "soft" influence (listening, encouraging, building consensus). But the research is clear: ambidextrous influence — using both approaches — increases your predictability of success.

You start with relationship building, then set clear expectations. You pair strong standards with continuous encouragement. You combine direct task assignment with listening to concerns.

I too have laughed at anyone who has referred to me as an “Influencer.” A word which immediately conjures images of the Kardashians. The truth: We all have influence and it is critical that we know how to use it correctly. First-line leaders often have the most influence on direct reports and a few in my career had the ability to make me believe in myself in ways I never thought possible. They weren’t easy on me. They set a high bar and let me know I was capable of exceeding their expectations. They were ambidextrous in their influence and I won’t soon forget them.

The Permission You've Been Waiting For

Here's the thing we don't talk about enough: You don't need to wait for permission to use your power.

You don't need a promotion to share your expertise. You don't need a management title to build relationships. You don't need approval to connect people or recognize good work. You don't need a corner office to influence outcomes. Start. Right. Now.

Audit your power sources. Reflect on where you are strongest and where you can grow. Think through all the people you know who excel at owning their power and ask them for help. Personal coaches are great for helping us to identify and grow our power sources. This work is some of the most impactful work I do with my clients.

What This Means for You (The Real Stuff)

Look, I'm not here to hand you a five-step formula for workplace domination. But I am here to tell you that recognizing and ethically using your power isn't just good for your career — it's good for everyone around you.

When we understand our power:

• We stop waiting for others to make things happen

• We start advocating for ourselves and others more effectively

• We build stronger relationships based on mutual respect

• We become the person others turn to when they need to get things done

• We create the kind of workplace culture you actually want to be part of

• We stop being passengers in our careers and start driving.

And here's the beautiful part — it's contagious. When you start operating from a place of recognized power, you give others permission to do the same.

Your Power Inventory Starts Now

I see you, showing up every day, doing good work, caring about outcomes, supporting your colleagues. That's not powerlessness — that's power in action.

The only difference between you and the "powerful" people you admire? They recognize what they're already doing and do it more intentionally (and perhaps have the title and the corner office already). You start recognizing your personal power and the sky’s the limit.

So here's my challenge: For the next week, notice your power. Notice when people come to you for advice. Notice when you have information others need. Notice when you make connections or recognize good work. Notice when you set boundaries or uphold standards.

You're more powerful than you think. It's time to start acting like it.

———————————————-

Looking for a way to boost your team’s efficacy, engagement, and performance? Connect with me 1:1 to discuss bringing this information to your organization!

If you are reading this article, your hand likely shot up faster than a thoroughbred runs at the Kentucky Derby.

According to the World Health Organization, Burnout isn't a disease, but rather “a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.” It's a state of chronic stress leading to physical exhaustion, cognitive weariness, and emotional depletion. And for women in midlife, the evidence shows we go from on fire to crispy critters in no time flat.

As a multi-episode burnout thriver, I've seen how the unique confluence of biology, home life, and workplace factors can create what I call the "perfect storm" for women in their 40s and 50s. Turns out, I am in great company, but chronically stressed company.

What the Research Reveals

The numbers paint a clear picture. According to Deloitte's Women @ Work Report 2023, 46% of women report feeling burned out, and 53% say their stress levels are higher than they were in 2022. The American Psychological Association's 2023 Work and Well-being Survey found that women were more likely than men to report physical fatigue (44% vs. 33%), cognitive weariness (46% vs. 35%), and emotional exhaustion (41% vs. 32%). That is a whole lot of tired women, yet thanks to perimenopause symptoms many of us cannot sleep.

These aren't just statistics—they represent millions of women struggling silently while trying to maintain careers, relationships, and our sanity. In almost every room where I discuss the menopausal transition, there are at least three women who tell me that when the symptoms started, they thought they were losing their minds.

Why Midlife Women Feel Like We Are Losing It.

1. The Caregiving Squeeze

Aging parents, children, and pets…Oh My!

Data from McKinsey shows that women are significantly more likely than men to have a partner who works full-time, creating an uneven distribution of domestic responsibilities. This imbalance becomes particularly painful during midlife, when about 47% of adults in their 40s and 50s have a parent age 65 or older while simultaneously raising or financially supporting children (Pew Research). Welcome to what is fondly referred to as the “sandwich” or “panini” generation.

Being a ‘panini’ caregiver amounts to a part-time job on top of full-time employment, with caregivers spending an average of 23.7 hours weekly providing care. With 61% of the caregivers being midlife women it makes sense that we show 50% higher rates of stress and anxiety symptoms compared to peers without dual caregiving responsibilities (Journal of Women & Aging, 2022). Leave work and/or reduce hours and you will soon be paying “The Menopause Penalty.” Or as a Metlife Study of Caregiving Costs, shows an estimated $304,000 in lifetime wages and benefits lost.

2. The Biological Reality

Over 73% of women report experiencing menopausal symptoms that have affected them at work. I was one of those women stripping down to a James Perse tank top in the boardroom, not caring who saw what! This isn't just about hot flashes. Hormonal fluctuations can affect sleep quality, cognition, emotional regulation, musculoskeletal function, energy levels and more—all crucial factors in workplace performance and resilience against burnout.

The 2024 State of Menopause data reveals that nearly half of all women say symptoms disrupt their daily lives, with 1 in 5 saying their symptoms are worse than they could ever imagine. Our mothers had no answers as improper interpretation of the Women’s Health Initiative Study took the possibility of hormone replacement therapy off the table. We (Generation X) came to the new realities of menopause completely unprepared. Unaddressed symptoms lead to career aspirations being affected, with 42% of women reporting their symptoms have impacted their ambition, while 48% believe menopausal women are seen as less productive or emotionally stable in the workplace (Bonafide Health, 2024).

3. The Workplace Double Bind

As women reach midlife, we're often hitting our career stride—bringing decades of hard-earned wisdom to the table. Yet McKinsey's research shows women leaders are leaving companies at unprecedented rates—for every woman promoted to director level, two women directors are walking out the door. This exodus isn't about capability; it's about burnout. McKinsey found that 41% of women leaders report being burned out compared to 35% of men leaders. Add increased burnout to unaddressed menopause symptoms and you have the perfect storm for both midlife women and employers

The economic impact is measurable. On average workplace healthcare costs for perimenopausal women increase by $2100 dollars annually vs. premenopausal colleagues. Conti et al., 2025 just proved that women who see their healthcare practitioners for menopause related symptoms experience a 10% reduction in earnings four years later. The cruel irony? Just as midlife women gain the experience to lead most effectively, the convergence of biological challenges, caregiving responsibilities, and workplace barriers creates a nearly impossible burden to shoulder.

Three Evidence-Based Approaches That Work

Beyond generic self-care advice (because who wants to hear that), research points to specific strategies that address the unique triple burden midlife women face. Here are evidence-based approaches that have been proven effective:

1. Implement Strategic Flexibility

The Journal of Occupational Health (2023) found that women who utilized flexible work arrangements reported 37% lower burnout scores than those without such options. This isn't just about working from home occasionally—it's about strategically designing your schedule around energy levels and caregiving responsibilities. For midlife women, this might mean scheduling meetings during peak energy hours, designating certain days for focused work, and creating buffer time between commitments to accommodate unpredictable symptoms or caregiving emergencies. Energy mapping and life auditing are two practices that set my soul on fire, so if you need support head to The Fuchsia Tent.

2. Build Targeted Support Networks

Generic networking isn't enough. BMC Women's Health (2021) found that peer support groups specifically for professional women in midlife reduced burnout symptoms by 48% over a 6-month period. These groups provide both practical strategies and emotional validation from others facing similar challenges. Consider joining an Employee Resource Group (ERG) at your company or seeking out external communities of women who can provide support during these often turbulent times. Individuals engaging in prosocial behaviors experience lower rates of burnout than those withdrawing from social experiences.

3. Create and Hold Digital Boundaries

I LOVE digital boundaries (sadly they elude me most weeks). The Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine (2021) reported that women who implemented structured digital boundaries, such as daily email cutoffs and designated offline periods, experienced a 28% reduction in work-related stress and improved sleep quality. For midlife women experiencing sleep disruption due to hormonal changes, these boundaries are even more critical. Try setting specific times when you'll check messages, using "do not disturb" settings during recovery periods, and communicating these boundaries clearly to colleagues. One of my favorite hacks is removing the ability for apps to notify. Try this suggestion, and change your life instantly.

Moving Forward Together

The World Economic Forum estimates that at the current rate of progress, it will take 131 years to reach full gender parity. We don't have that kind of time. By addressing burnout in midlife women directly and strategically, businesses can retain vital talent, wisdom, and leadership in their organizations, and women can use their hard won skills to seek promotions and plan next chapters!

If you're a midlife woman experiencing burnout, know that you're not alone, you're not imagining it, and there are evidence-based approaches that can help. In other words, I see you, and I am you! The research confirms what many of us have known intuitively—the challenges we face are real, significant, and more than worthy of attention and ACTION.

And if you're an organizational leader, understand that addressing these issues isn't just the right thing to do—it's a business imperative. With Gallup reporting a 10-year low in employee engagement with only 31% of employees globally engaged at work, we simply cannot afford to lose the experience, innovation, entrepreneurship and empathy that midlife women bring to the table.

Book Time with me! If you or your team are facing these challenges, I'm here to help. With evidence-based approaches tailored to the unique needs of midlife women, we can turn the tide on burnout and reclaim the energy, clarity, and joy you deserve.