This wasn’t the most stunning part of the sunrise, but it was still very pretty. The day started out with this beauty that fascinated me. I became obsessed with capturing that beauty, even if only a piece of it, to look back and remember.

It’s hard to believe that with such a beautiful start to the day it would just hours later turn to grief and heartache for the community of Newtown, Connecticut. The sun no doubt rose over Sandy Hook Elementary in similar brilliant fashion. But I’ll never understand what drove a young man to murder his mother, eight of her colleagues and 18 children. There is no doubt in my mind that he was a very troubled young man. 

This mass shooting - a horrendous tragedy - has had a profound effect on me. I’ve never cried before. I did today. I cried because my own little boy is in school and I know I would be devastated if he witnessed or was injured or even killed through similar circumstances.

All afternoon, I fought tears in my effort to maintain a professional front. All I wanted to do was go pick Brandon up from daycare and hold him close. Though I ended up working late, that’s exactly what I did. I gave him a big hug and then we just hung out together. 

He helped me smile again, despite the sadness of the day.

The best part of the day was bedtime. I lay in his bed snuggled with him where he told me he loves me very much. And I cried, because I love him so much too, but also because hearing those words out of my little guy’s mouth is one of the sweetest things I could ever receive. I can count on my hands how many times I’ve heard those three words pass his lips, but tonight he said it three times. 

It’s almost like he knew I needed to hear it. He let me snuggle with him and hug him close and tell him I love him back. And I stayed with him until he dropped off to sleep.

My heart aches for the parents and loved ones who won’t ever hear their children say they love them or get to hug and snuggle with them again. I hope and pray that they have beautiful memories to cherish. Most of all, I hope they find peace. The Sandy Hook children and faculty will not be forgotten. 

Photo Credit: Kym Shumsky (Relishing.ca)

Snow. I miss our Indian Summer and winter has barely even begun.

Late nights, though they do contribute to my current blogging binge. (Goal for 2013: a little consistency in frequency.)

Paperwork. I can’t think of anything, other than going to the dentist, that I procrastinate on more than paperwork.

My bed. Okay, so I don’t really want to give up my bed entirely, but the current one is not in great shape, due in part to the human sized ruts on either side of it. Supposedly, the non-flipping mattresses are better than the ones that you flip. Could’ve fooled me. 

That’s five things I could live without. I’m off to book a massage for my neck and shoulders now.

When I see stories of families who are raising children with special needs (of any kind) there is almost always some amazing hook to the story.

Maybe the mom is teaching her kids the alphabet thru cooking with whole foods that have no sugar or any preservatives.

Maybe the dad has taught his kids to sing and all six children are learning different instruments to become the next Von Trap family.

I, however, feel very average. I’m not crafty or artistic. (Matt will tell you. I draw a frog and it looks like a deformed cat.)

What can I do to help Brandon discover the best parts of himself? How can I facilitate that which I don’t yet even know myself?

One thing I know without a doubt: Brandon is the child of my dreams. I longed to hold him in my arms for six long years. He’s brought so much joy to our lives.

I will make him laugh.

I will teach him interesting (and occasionally boring) things.

I will be silly with him.

I will guide him.

Somehow, what I have to offer will be enough.

Photo Credit: Kym Shumsky (Relishing.ca)

I’m starting to regret the impulsive decision I made two years ago to do this list. Questions like this one irk me because, apart from the necessities of life, there is nothing and no one I can’t live without. 

There are, however, people I wouldn’t want to live without. Matt is one of them. And yes, I have tried to live without him. I survived, but it wasn’t fun. I’m glad I have him. 

I knew for most of my adult life that I would likely lose my mother early, but losing her at 28 was a shock. It would be too soon at 40 or 50, too. I’ve survived without her and I’ve chosen to find joy in what I have rather than focus on what I’m missing out on. 

I’m not even going to think about the possibility of living without Brandon. 

Life just doesn’t give us the option to choose the path we want. Feeling sorry for not having things a certain way accomplishes nothing. I’ve grieved my losses and I won’t ever forget. I can’t move on and experience the fullness of life if I’m caught up in the past.

For me, there is no greater torture in life than being tied to a desk, reading instructions on how to fill out a form or gathering up supporting documentation. I generally do whatever I can to avoid such tasks. 

Most of the time, people like me are prone to missing application deadlines or letting documentation expire. Like my permanent resident card, which expired in December 2009 and my passport, which expired in January 2010. 

Friends have been asking me for over two years if I’m going to BlogHer. My answer for the last two years has been no - I need to visit my family before I go to any conferences in the U.S. That was followed quickly by, “Besides, all my travel documents have expired.”

Then Lara and I started talking very seriously about going to Blogworld in Las Vegas in January 2013 for business. This was right around the same time that I decided that Brandon and I would be driving down to spend this Christmas in Florida. 

I found that I could keep my commitment of not going to any major blog conferences in the U.S. before visiting the family. Just barely. I’ll get back to Ottawa on December 30th or 31st and I fly out to Vegas on January 5th. 

Of course, when the decisions were all made, the only worry I had was getting my passport and permanent resident card renewed (with my married name on my passport this time!) in time to make both trips. I put Matt in charge of Brandon’s passport. I could only handle so much paperwork.

Then I got busy procrastinating. I said I was going to get the paperwork all completed by the end of Labour Day week. Every time I looked at it, I let the little details bog me down. By mid-October, I’d only completed a few small tasks related to both applications. At this point, I was risking both trips if there were any delays processing my applications. Buying my conference ticket, then plane ticket and booking the hotel were great motivators, though.

You see, when I first applied for a Permanent Resident card back in 2004, I submitted my application over four months prior to my planned trip - just as the site advised. I would have sent it eight months early had I known they wouldn’t look at it for four months. I finally called to check the status just three weeks before I was to fly down to Florida and was told that the day before the entire application had been returned to me to resolve an error. 

There’s a good chance I cried when they told me that. I know I was really stressed. I was going to spend Christmas with my family for the first time since I’d moved to Canada and 2004 was one of my mom’s worst years for hospitalizations. 

The error? One of the certified copies, signed by a P.Eng, had the year 1973 in the date, which was clearly a case of the person looking at Matt’s birthdate and just putting that year down by mistake. We had our P.Eng friend re-sign, date and couriered the whole package back right away.

The day before my flight was to leave, I received a call that my PR card was ready and I could pick it up between 9:00am and 2:00pm. The call came at 2:30. My flight was leaving the next morning before 9:00.

I got on my flight without the card. And 10 days later, when I nervously went through customs, the officer didn’t even blink when I handed him my passport sans PR card. 

I would be lying if I said that I was relieved. No, I was actually kind of ticked that I’d jumped through so many hoops and stressed so much about this card that, apparently, didn’t matter as much as they said it did.

But life goes on and that silly card expired a short five years later.

I did the paperwork this time so carefully. I didn’t want any issues cropping up that would cause them to send back my application. Everything I copied was checked and double-checked to be sure that the copy was good and the date of certification was correct. All my ducks were in a nice, neat little row.

I was sure this time would go more smoothly.

I finally sent my application off exactly 90 days before I was to leave for Las Vegas, which also happened to be how long they said apps would take to process. I only need the PR card for commercial travel, so I don’t need it for Florida since I’m driving. I sent off an inch thick package of paper to the Government of Canada for this PR card and I sent a slim little envelope to the U.S. State Department with all original documents for my Passport. (Guess which application was WAY easier? Yes, the passport, which makes exactly zero sense to me.) 

Two weeks after sending off my applications, my entire PR card app was returned to me. AGAIN.

Why?

After I double, triple (and possibly quadruple) checking that everything was done and ready and in the right order, I FORGOT TO SIGN IT!

We sent it back right away by courier (again) and just two weeks later, on the same day, my passport and PR card arrived in the mail. I was beyond thrilled.

Aren’t those unsmiling pictures on IDs just awesome!?

Ten more years of not worrying about my passport and ideally, by the time the PR card is expired again I’ll no longer need it at all. After all, I’ve been eligible for Canadian citizenship for 9 years now.

Unfortunately, applying for citizenship requires me to do more paperwork.

Black Friday used to be more commonly known as “the day after Thanksgiving”. For as long as I can remember, that day has marked the official kick off to Christmas shopping. I have personally gone shopping on the day after Thanksgiving to take advantage of the sales as I completed my shopping lists for Christmas.

I once worked 14 hours on the day after Thanksgiving. I was absolutely exhausted by the end of the day. The atmosphere was happy, energetic, excited. People were gearing up for my personal favorite holiday of the year - Christmas. Working that day was actually fun. I was even interviewed for the local news.

Though the term “Black Friday” has been around for decades, it became a marketing ploy only in the last decade.

As with most things, the press has taken isolated yet extreme incidents and created an impression of rampant violence fueled by the greed of American consumers. 

I’m not a fan of what Black Friday has become. I think many of the “deals” are suspect and it saddens me to see shoppers worked into a frenzy to spend money in order to save a few dollars. If I lived in the US, I would no longer participate in any way with what it has become. I also won’t participate in the burgeoning Black Friday sales that have made their way into Canada. (And, for the record, we avoid Boxing Day as well.)

There’s been a lot of disturbing criticism of Black Friday that hits home to me, because it comes across as judgmental, uses generalizations or makes accusations of hypocrisy. 

The judgmental criticism is usually centered around the idea that Thanksgiving is a time to spend with family. And I totally agree. The Black Friday sales that are creeping into Thanksgiving Day (Black Thursday) - ugh. I just hope people boycott those retailers. However, the day after Thanksgiving sales really aren’t any different than Boxing Day in Canada. And though there haven’t been the same reports of the kinds of crazed shoppers that have happened in the US, it doesn’t mean that can’t or won’t happen here. 

I’ve seen a lot of generalizations that lump all Americans into various unflattering categories (both implied and explicit) - selfish, materialistic, greedy, etc. Sometimes generalizations can be used to make a point and recognizing that they are generalizations can soften the impact. But there are a lot of people in the US who are really good people. Some of them choose not to participate in Black Friday. Others do participate. The vast majority of the shopping that goes on happens with long waits, but customers remain civilized. Unfortunately, that’s boring, so it doesn’t make the news or internet memes. 

Finally there’s the hypocrisy claims. Suddenly it’s bad to be thankful Thursday and then go out and buy things Friday. I could probably come up with a list of dozens of reasons that people might be out shopping that don’t have anything to do with acquiring more posessions. One happens to be the original purpose of Black Friday - Christmas shopping (presumably for others). And so what if I go out and buy something new for myself? Does doing so the day after Thanksgiving make me somehow less thankful?

Instead of questioning the motivations of those who are going out on Black Friday to shop, perhaps it’s more productive to think about the reasons we’ve gotten to the point of frenzied shopping in the first place.

1. We have had years of downturn in the economy, workers who can’t find jobs, etc. 
2. There is more pressure than ever before to keep up with all the latest and greatest stuff - affordable or not.
3. People want to save money wherever they can to live up to a certain standard.
4. Some people think they will feel better if they go shopping (retail therapy).

I’m not so naive that I think everyone is out there due to misfortune or for altruistic reasons. However, I know that not everyone is out there for the negative reasons that are being thrown about on social media lately. 

There are over 300 million imperfect humans in the US. There are over 30 million imperfect humans in Canada. Both countries have their pros and cons. Both countries have awesome people and not-so-awesome people. Neither country is better than the other. 

In my opinion, it is foolish to think that Canada is immune to these kinds of incidents, especially as they’ve already happened here before. So, perhaps it’s time to stop being critical and start speaking with your feet by walking away from Black Friday. That’s the only way retailers are ever going to tone it down.

Source: USA Federal Holidays

I miss it.

The last time I truly celebrated Thanksgiving with my family was 12 years ago. It was the same week I left Florida to move to Canada. 

Thanksgiving was always a special time. My mom and I stayed up ridiculously late nearly every year mixing fillings and rolling out pie crusts. We always made about seven pies. Two to three pumpkin, one cherry (for me), one mincemeat, one-two pecan, sometimes apple. We packed them up in our two big Tupperware pie carriers and loaded them in the car for the trek to my great uncle and aunt’s house. They lived on a river and we drove three hours every Thanksgiving morning with the whole family in tow to bring our contribution to the annual family gathering.

We always stopped in the same diner in Perry, Florida. I always tried to avoid breathing in the putrid smell of the paper mill. Eventually I gave up and tried to get used to it. Both attempts were futile - it’s too pungent to block or get used to in a short one-hour visit.

By the time we got to my great uncle and aunt’s house, some family had already arrived and lunch preparations were well underway. Thankfully, there was time for a lengthy trip in the canoe or a lively croquet match amongst the trees in the front yard. Sometimes some of the family would even go fishing. The adults enjoyed time together visiting and catching up on the news of the year. My brothers and I, along with our cousins, scattered to the places we were most interested in on that particular day. 

I don’t think I went a single year without heading out in the canoe. Or the motorboat if my cousin was up to it. I even enjoyed playing croquet. We found ways to make a seemingly boring game fun. (Hint: It is incredibly satisfying to send your brother’s or father’s formerly-in-the-lead ball flying well off the course.)

This year I’m thankful that in a few short weeks I’m going to have the absolute pleasure of introducing my family to my most amazing little boy for the very first time. I’m going to meet my two youngest nieces that I have only known in pictures since their births. 

Every time I think about it, I want to whoop for joy and do cartwheels (except I never learned how). It’s way past time for a visit and I sincerely hope I never go this long without seeing my family ever again.

Whether you’re in the U.S. today or not - be thankful for the people who make up your family. Whether you’ve chosen them, they’ve chosen you or you were thrown together by forces of nature. And if you’re close enough, give them a hug.

What I know is that we have a teacher who genuinely cares about our son. She is the quintessential kindergarten teacher - incredibly smart, creative, energetic, attuned to the needs and readiness of all of the children to receive what she has to offer. 

We had our very first parent-teacher interview tonight and Brandon’s teacher proved she’s worth her weight in gold first by scheduling us last in the day, knowing there would be a need for extra time. Interviews were booked in 20 minute increments. She spent twice that amount of time with us. 

She focused on the positive, showing us example after example of progress Brandon has made and how he’s growing in his interactions with his peers. It’s wonderful to hear that the other children are understanding - and even supportive - of his special needs. 

I remember years ago that my mom told me that my kindergarten teacher was not one of her favorite teachers of mine. This is significant as they were not only in a parent-student relationship, but they were colleagues since I attended the school where my mother taught. I feel quite certain that my mom would not only like, but genuinely respect Brandon’s teacher. 

I know I do.

It’s fairly surreal to have a child who is attending school. I’m just so very glad that it’s going so well. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I couldn’t have asked for a better group to entrust my son’s education and well-being to. 

Brandon’s school’s teachers will be in a position to strike in December. I realized tonight that I haven’t asked about the potential impact this may have on his daycare arrangements. I’m going to choose not to think about that part for now. 

I will say this, though: As a parent, I’m concerned. As a parent of a child who has special needs, I’m extremely concerned. Disruption of Brandon’s routine can be upsetting for him to the point that he can’t function. He loved being at his daycare all summer, but he’s become used to the routine and stimulation that being in school provides. The first professional development (PD) day of the year, I had to leave work early to pick Brandon up. The change in routine was so drastic and even with preparation, he didn’t understand why he wasn’t going to school. Even though he was doing fun activities with his friends at daycare and the daycare staff that he absolutely adores, the change in his routine was too much to process.

Parents have known this entire school year that a strike is possible. I don’t know all the issues that the unions are discussing and I am not qualified to make a judgment as to the union’s motivation. I have no comment on any of that. All I know is that if a strike happens, the losers will be our children. They will miss days or weeks of established routines. Days or weeks of learning. Days or weeks with the social environment. Days or weeks of progress. There’s probably a million things I could name that they’ll miss out on. 

I have no doubt that the Province of Ontario could do a better job with education. 

I remember being horrified the first time I heard about teachers going on strike after I moved to Canada. In Florida, the state constitution doesn’t allow teachers to strike. I’m sure there’s a comprehensive list of pros and cons that can be debated, but I can’t help but think that it’s a good thing that school goes on. In my entire life, I never had to miss a day of school because teachers went on strike.

For me, I don’t think a strike would have been a great hardship. For my son, it could be devastating until he gets used to a new routine. Once school resumes, he’d have to return to his school routine and that would inevitably be a difficult transition.

I have nothing but respect for the job that teachers do. I was a music education major and had to drop out when I realized that it wasn’t the right field for me. It’s unbelievably hard to teach. Good teachers should be valued far more than they are.It may sound as if I am anti-teachers, but I’m not. The gratitude I feel toward Brandon’s teacher - who is a lovely, sweet, wonderful woman - cannot be easily expressed in words. I can’t find the words to tell you how much I appreciate what she’s done for him. It seriously brings tears of gratitude nearly every time I think about it. Here’s just a few examples of why she’s worth at least twice her weight in gold:

• A one-hour call before the start of school to get to know Brandon’s special needs.
• Regular emails advising us on how he’s doing.
• Permission for him to bring a special toy to school while he acclimates to the new routine.
• Booking us at the end of the day of parent-teacher interviews to allow extra time for discussion about how to help Brandon.
• Telling us how much she loves having him in her class.
• Willingness to implement suggestions from Brandon’s therapists.

That last one is huge for us and I have a story about it: I am not a dollar store shopper. I rarely go into them and, in fact, generally dislike their existence. However, at Brandon’s age and since we need to buy supplies for some of the suggestions we get from the therapists, the dollar store is the best option. One evening, I took Brandon with me and let him wander looking for something he wanted to get while I browsed craft supplies. It was after 6pm, just down the road from Brandon’s school - well after school was out for the day.

Who was there? Brandon’s teacher. And she was loading up her basket with all sorts of supplies. Every last thing she had, she pulled out to show me and and told me how she would be using it to implement one suggestion or another from his daycare or therapists. 

I’m pretty sure she didn’t use her school board credit card to pay for it either. 

Brandon’s teacher and principal worked with the school’s educational assistant (EA) staff to find one that could help assist him during his transitions from daycare to school and back. They did this to accommodate his needs, even though they hadn’t anticipated the necessity when budgeting for staff and alloting time for the year.

The school - and especially Brandon’s teacher and principal - have bent over backwards for him.

This is how school should be for every child, in my opinion. Their individual needs met by staff who are caring and concerned. 

So, while some are upset with teachers and perceive them as greedy and uncaring of the children, I know that this couldn’t be further from the truth - at least not all the time. I sincerely hope that a strike doesn’t happen. In truth, I wish that the government would find a way to ensure that a strike never happens again. However, I would not want them to do so in such a way that would suffocate the teachers’ and other education staff’s right to better working conditions and/or pay. 

As the daughter of a special education teacher, I can’t help but support teachers like Brandon’s who exemplify what I’ve always hoped my son would experience with his teachers. I’ve experienced first-hand, from watching my mom, just how hard teachers who care work for their students. I’ve felt the impact of having teachers who are passionate about helping kids learn. I value that contribution to the world at large and I’ll always be grateful when we are blessed with teachers like Brandon’s. 

My stand mixer isn’t one you’ll find on store shelves anymore. Shortly after we bought it (on eBay) we found out that the entire line of small appliances from this particular company was being discontinued. Initially, we were surprised, but then we thought about what had happened with our purchase and it made sense.

Gorgeous, aren’t they!? I would have bought the matching blender, but I was scared to. (Image Source)

It’s a shame, because the products are really gorgeous. In truth, the look puts even KitchenAid’s latest (incredible) colours to shame because the design is so beautiful. I am not overly concerned with how my small appliances look, but these stand mixers were too pretty to pass up. And they were from Jenn-Air - a high-end maker of appliances.

It just goes to show that the outside can be the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen, but if it’s not well-made inside, it’s not worth the materials used to make it.

This little beauty came to us from a Maytag store down in Arizona. It is one heavy beast, but even with $75 shipping, it was still less expensive than buying retail in Canada.

The day it arrived, we unpacked and immediately tried it out. Fortunately, I tried it without actually attempting to make anything because after turning it on and off once, then turning it back on, it wouldn’t work. Then a little piece of metal fell out of the stand mixer. Clearly it was broken. 

Matt contacted the seller and they told us it was under warranty, so we could contact Maytag Canada to have it fixed or get a new one. What neither of us knew yet was that shipping it across the border voided the warranty.

Yes, somehow having that thing go from Arizona to Ontario made it no longer okay to fix. That is seriously wrong, but you know what the guy in Arizona did? He sent us a new stand on his dime. Yep - $75 more in shipping. We unpacked it and there was no bowl or accessories (understandable - they were all fine) and we asked if we should ship the old one back. He said no.

Stand #2 didn’t work and something was wrong with the elbow. It wasn’t lining up correctly and it was really obvious. That’s not good when you’re going to have high speed spinning happening. So, we contacted the seller again, who was once again very gracious and sent us a third stand - and no, we didn’t have to send either of the first two back or pay for shipping.

Stand #3 still had problems. I don’t even remember what it was, but Matt’s pretty handy and we felt terrible about how this had all gone down for the poor guy down in Arizona. So, Matt cracked open those stands and figured out how to scavenge parts from them to make one of the stands operable.

It worked! We have been using that same mixer for the last 6 or 7 years we’ve had it. We also moved all three heavy beasts from our apartment to our new home so that we could continue scavenging for parts as required. So far, it hasn’t been required.

I still feel so bad for and grateful for the seller down in Arizona. He was wonderful and I doubt he made any money on that sale, but he sure went the extra mile for us. 

So, I can see why Jenn-Air took their small appliances off the market. They weren’t up to the Jenn-Air standard of quality and that’s not worth affecting your reputation on your main line of business, large appliances. I still really enjoy my stand mixer and I love that it has the gorgeous red bowl. I hope it lasts for a few more decades!

But if it doesn’t, I will have no problem with buying a KitchenAid stand mixer. :)