Have you ever wondered why we at Laura Gatien & Associates have a slogan known as “We are real so you can be too?” We have it on our email signatures and on the walls within the clinic. It’s how we show up as therapists. Allow me to explain where this came from….

When I first opened my private practice in 2018, as a one woman show on Waterloo St., I learned quickly that showing up to my sessions with clients as my true, sometimes messy self led to the best connection with them. They told me I was relatable and that it felt easier to trust me because “I was real” and it reduced the power imbalance that traditionally existed between therapists and their clients.

As someone who is so passionate about ending the stigma that accompanies mental health, this approach seemed like a very easy way to practice what I was preaching. We are all human and we all struggle, and if clients could see the humanness in me, their therapist, they felt less shame about it themselves.

Therapist’s openness helps normalize the human experience of facing difficulties and led to a much more collaborative approach to therapy.

I also noticed that my transparency allowed my clients to explore their own feelings, insecurities and challenges deeper than ever before. If you are talking to someone who seems to have it all together, who you don’t feel has any of their own issues, poor decisions or insecurities, it's much harder to experience and work through your own.

Being “real” as a therapist has to be done with care, as it must maintain focus on the client. Showing up with genuineness and authenticity does not mean oversharing, it's a delicate balance of self disclosure that reinforces trust and support. Clients tell us that when this is done well, they feel much less alone and better understood.

Our decision to embrace being “real” as therapists is a huge factor in meaningful and lasting change and it's a testament to the transformative potential that a genuine and vulnerable approach has on those we work with. It’s the LGA way.

Reach out to us if you would like to see one of our Clinical Therapists who embodies the LGA way. Let's ,BE REAL TOGETHER

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist Call (506) 651-1239 or BOOK ONLINE

As a mental health therapist, I've been noticing more financial anxiety in our clients presumably from the growing inflation, coupled with the holidays soon approaching, a notoriously expensive time of year. The insecurities stemming from our economic uncertainty seem to be having a profound impact on people's mental well-being and I have noticed that there's a core ingredient making this worse, shame. Shame is tied into the beliefs we have about ourselves and our identity. This is an internal feeling. Financial challenges trigger feelings of inadequacy, frustration and shame.

Sometimes these feelings then lead a cycle where their shame leads them to avoid their financial issues and their growing financial issues lead to more shame and the cycle repeats. We judge ourselves and we feel judged by society.

The thing is though, you are not alone. So many people feel insecure financially, even the people who have a lot of money. How we feel about money and about ourselves in terms of how much money we have, goes way back. The actual amount of money doesn't usually matter.

I want people to know that they are normal and this is something that can be worked on, core beliefs can be challenged and worked through. We help people understand themselves, their beliefs, and their money related behaviours such as overspending, avoiding signing into your banking, or hiding purchases from a loved one, to name only a few.

Financial anxiety often spills over into personal relationships, leading to conflicts and strain on family dynamics.Sometimes this anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms like insomnia, headaches, and even more severe health issues.

If you find yourself experiencing constant worry about finances and or feeling shame, making it challenging to relax or focus on other aspects of life it might be something to consider bringing up with someone you love and trust to speak to.

Reach out to us if you would like to see a therapist who can help you to navigate financial distress and shame. BOOK APPOINTMENT HERE, we offer virtual as well

~Laura, Clinical Therapist

Triggers are subtle yet sometimes strong things that spark negative emotions within us. They can be events or conversations that have the power to set off emotional responses within us and cause us to be dysregulated (aka upset). Common triggers I see in myself and my clients seem to happen when seeing someone angry and/or upset, being criticized, feeling controlled, feeling powerless, someone very upset, crying etc. Sometimes we don’t even know why we feel upset and the response can feel out of proportion to the event. We can lose access to the rational part of our brain as we go into fight or flight mode.

It is part of the normal human experience to get triggered. These triggers are often connected to past experiences we have had, particularly distressing ones and it opens a core wound we may still have. Recognizing and learning how to cope when you're being triggered is vital for emotional well-being.

Coping with triggers is a multi-step process that involves Self-Awareness: The first step is acknowledging when a trigger is at play. Understand that you are really experiencing the past in the present moment and this is why your body and mind's reaction may feel intense in proportion to what's happened. Sometimes we react like a child when this happens and we revert back to the time in our life when this unhealed wound occurred.

I encourage clients to get curious about their triggers, what's happening to them and why this might be. Slow down and recognize the lack of access to the rational part of your brain and see the need and benefit to using Breathing and Grounding Techniques. This helps to regulate your nervous system and reduce physical reactions so you are able to respond appropriately rather than as a result of being triggered. Practice self soothing until you know you are back in your wise rational mind

If you need help recognizing, understanding or coping with your triggers we can help.

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist

Call (506) 651-1239 or ,BOOK ONLINE

Sign up for my weekly mental health checks ,HERE

To the reader who submitted this question, Thank You. I love writing directly to my audience and answering your questions. To submit a question anonymously click the button "Ask Laura a Sex Question" at the bottom of this email.

Transitioning from a monogamous relationship is something I have seen go well and not so well. I would first say that embarking on this journey requires very open communication, trust, and mutual consent between you and your husband.This sounds easy but it's actually very challenging and many people are not ready at the time they embark on it. It is something to discuss with him first, how do both of you feel you are doing on this front, how comfortable does he feel being open, honest and vulnerable.

I would suggest having candid conversations about your desires, boundaries, and concerns, actively listening to each other without judgment. It's important to understand why you both want to explore a more open relationship and if you have specific preferences. you can talk about the underlying emotions and motivations behind your desires, as this can provide insight into your individual needs. This often being up many emotions for people, so expecting and understanding that jealousy and insecurities will likely arise can help.

Understand the difference between the two things you mentioned:

Swinging: Swinging is when a couple, like you and your husband, decides to have sexual experiences with other people together. It's often about adding excitement and variety to your sex life while both of you are present and consent to it. It's like going on a romantic adventure as a team.

Polyamory: Polyamory is when people have multiple romantic or emotional relationships at the same time, with everyone involved knowing and agreeing to it. It's like having more than one loving partner, and it doesn't necessarily involve sexual experiences. In your case, you'd like to explore loving connections with others, even when your husband is not directly involved.

Both swinging and polyamory are about exploring different ways of connecting with others outside your main relationship, but they have different focuses. Swinging is usually more about physical experiences, while polyamory involves emotional connections with more than one person. It's important to understand what works best for both of you and what you're comfortable with. Knowledge is power in navigating these uncharted waters.

The next step if you decide to proceed is to set clear boundaries: Determine what is acceptable including scenarios, rules, and limits that make both of you feel secure and respected. Transitioning into a more open relationship should be gradual. Start with what both of you are comfortable with. If your husband is not ready for polyamory, respect his feelings and only engage in activities that involve both of you, like swinging, for now.

Continuously check in with each other about how you're feeling, what's working, and what isn't. Regular discussions can help you both navigate this transition more effectively.

Revisit and Adjust: Be open to revisiting your boundaries and arrangements over time. People change, and your feelings or desires may evolve as well. Be prepared to adapt as needed. I always remind people to also prioritize their core relationship, ensure that your connection remains strong, and that you continue to invest time and energy in nurturing it.

Need to talk? Start your mental wellness journey with us today

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist

Call (506) 651-1239 or BOOK ONLINE

Human relationships are so complex, many of us want closeness with others, especially with our partners, yet it can be very scary if you have an insecure attachment style. Sometimes we don't even realize that we feel unsafe in relationships because it can be unconscious. When we feel unsafe in relationships it can be challenging to be vulnerable, the exact ingredient to feel the closeness we seek.

Humans are very social beings yet have a desire for autonomy and safety. There exists a healthy balance between the two, where we have freedom to grow and experience the world but can trust that we have certain people who have our backs, people who get us, know us and accept and love us regardless of our flaws.

Healthy and safe relationships are a huge component of positive mental health and a very important ingredient to resilience. Often a strong support system is what gets us through some of our toughest days and times in life and can help us manage our mental health and not feel so alone. Stronger relationships that are built on emotional intimacy and vulnerability are something money can’t buy and is something material things can't bring you, these feelings of connection are built through self awareness and understanding of our needs, triggers, reactions and experiences.

Feeling close to someone requires openness, vulnerability, and a willingness to show the raw and messy parts of ourselves to another person, even if sometimes this means the other person will get triggered or feel threatened. Moments of rejection like this are opportunities to work through things in the relationship holding you back from the closeness you want.

Find someone who will do this work alongside you so you can have the relationship you have always wanted.

We help couples and individuals take emotional risks, work through their own stuff and create bonds that last. If you need the support of a therapist we can help.

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist

Call (506) 651-1239 or BOOK ONLINE

Another guest blog post by Tobi, our former intern. Thank you Tobi for sharing with us ~ Laura

This is a question that so many people ponder while reflecting upon situations that were troublesome or hurtful. So, why do we smile or even apologize when people don’t treat us well? Smiling can have many purposes, such as being used as an external façade serving as a protective mechanism.

You may have heard of other protective mechanisms or trauma responses, such as fight, flight, or freeze. Think about it… if someone yells, "Look out! "what do you do? You might move out of the way quickly or freeze so they can maneuver around you. Makes sense. You are keeping yourself safe.

However, if you have experienced something called complex trauma or complex PTSD (C-PTSD for short), you may also have a fourth trauma response called fawning, which could explain why you smile when it may not feel like an appropriate response to a threat. Let me explain.

Complex PTSD is caused by negative experiences creating a prolonged sense of threat that occur over time, often when we are young, but not always. Perpetrators can be people close to us, such as family or friends. The events or experiences are repetitive, and escaping from the situation is impossible or dangerous.

Chronic trauma includes long-term child physical or sexual abuse, long-term domestic violence or other violent acts. It can also include parents or caregivers who are not tending to your feelings, such as continually threatening for you to “stop crying, or I will give you something to cry about,” or who may be physically abusive. Basically, if you feel or felt scared or threatened often, you may be experiencing symptoms of C-PTSD.

Over time, your trauma can manifest in stress-related responses that may include anxiety, flashbacks that are emotional or memories, hypervigilance (always on guard), frequent negative thoughts and emotions like persistent feelings of shame, guilt, failure and worthlessness, and difficulty in forming and maintaining meaningful relationships. You may also have trouble with self-regulation and/or issues with identity and self-worth.

You are probably still wondering… why do I smile during threatening situations? Or, why do we continually say YES, when we really want to say NO. When we are young and continually afraid, we learn that we might not be hurt if we are perfect or behave perfectly. So, we FAWN, which means: to act servily; cringe and flatter.

It is important to note that C-PTSD is a relatively new disorder still being researched and scrutinized. However, experts estimate it may affect 1% to 8% of the world population. You are not alone. The good news is that C-PTSD can be successfully treated by psychotherapy (talk therapy). Your therapist may work with you to help you understand why you respond with a smile or a YES instead of anger or NO. They can also help you manage emotional flashbacks, learn about boundaries, learn how your body responds to trauma and stress, and identify and reframe problematic thinking patterns that arise from feeling that you need to be perfect to decrease feelings of being threatened. Another type of supportive trauma-focused therapy is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). During this treatment, you focus on specific sounds or movements your therapist introduces while you think about the traumatic event(s) that will decrease reactions and negative thoughts and/or emotions over time.

Reach out to us if you would like to see a therapist who can help you to learn more about C-PTSD

~ Tobi,

Call (506) 651-1239 or BOOK ONLINE

Sign up ,HERE for weekly mental wellness emails from Laura

“On the 9th October 2023, The World Health Organisation and United Nations collaboratively published their new practical guidelines to move away from the biomedical model of mental health, and instead, focus on the social determinants, oppression, poverty, abuse, violence, and other contextual factors that caused trauma and distress in humans.”

As a structural social worker the owner of a mental health practiced from a non pathologizing lens. This simply means that We believe that everything makes sense in the context of someone's life. There is nothing inherently wrong with someone if they are struggling, their feelings and behaviours make perfect sense. While working in the healthcare system, I became very critical of the medical model of diagnosis because I could see people in a holistic way, taking in consideration many factors that accompany their mental health symptoms and behaviors. The model can lead to diagnosing half the world with disorders when what they are experiencing is part of regular life. We wanted to label any uncomfortable emotion, making people feel like they are "messed up"

It is my core belief that the human experience is messy, if you are struggling you are actually very normal. Anyone facing stressful events would likely have similar emotions. Many things we experience are normal reactions to a difficult human experience. Everyday life can be tough. When difficult life events happen, things like breakups, illness, or job loss – we typically find it difficult to cope. What's most important is that you can allow yourself to feel these feelings as they come up and learn to navigate them in a healthy way. You should not feel shame or like you are broken or flawed. Because you aren't, regardless of what people may have told you in the past.

When I was working within the medical model, I was fighting this battle daily, of trying to help others see that there was a lot more below the surface of the symptoms someone was presenting with, both physical and mental. I remember trying to help treat someone's anxiety symptoms when they didn't have stable housing and were in an abusive relationship. This person isn't inherently anxious, they were trying to survive and their anxiety was serving a protective function for them. Meeting this person's need for housing and a secure relationship base was the natural first goal.

We know that there are many factors that influence mental health and wellbeing and these can't be ignored. It is so encouraging to see this significant shift away from the biomedical model of mental health, finally seeing things with a much broader lens, as I meet too many people in my practice who deeply believe something is wrong with them, when often they are simply experiencing appropriate reactions to difficult experiences.

Reach out to us if you would like to see a therapist to help you navigate difficult human experiences

~ Laura

Call (506) 651-1239 or ,BOOK ONLINE

Do you feel like you are doing all the right things, yet you feel overwhelmed, burned out and exhausted? Strangely, the more you do the less happy you become, which is a direct contradiction to the message we are sold in society. If we meet the expectations set out for us we will be happy, healthy and blissful. In the process of this pursuit, we can lose ourselves.

The truth is, these feelings don’t come from not working hard enough but from being too selfless.

There are a lot of societal expectations placed on us with very little support. We receive messages every day (and then communicate these messages to those around us in subtle ways) to be thin, eat healthy, age gracefully, perform academically, be a patient parent, work hard but not too hard, find a work life balance. We are expected to show up as good mothers, fathers, partners, bosses, co workers, friends, neighbors with little support to do so. We're drowning in a hustle culture that glorifies pushing through even when we're falling apart

Society teaches that if we meet the expectations set out for us we will be happy, healthy and blissful. In the process of this pursuit, we can lose ourselves.

It's time we changed things for the generations to come. It's okay to say "no," to prioritize your own desires, and to go against the flow of society's expectations. Many of my clients struggle with letting other people feel upset. They believe their role is to make others happy. Its self neglect and it leads to exhaustion and resentment. It harms relationships.

After the resentment, then what often happens is people feel ashamed of how they feel. Let's think about this for a moment, what happens when we continuously shut down our own needs, always overgiving and under-receiving? It blows up, falls apart. Feelings are hurt, people are let down. Relationships end. But it doesn't need to be this way.

If you want to be part of the change for your kids and grandkids and a healthier society, teach them to say no often by modelling it. Show good boundary setting even when it's hard. For the record, it's almost never easy to set limits and almost always requires a trade off of something good. Help them to understand and acknowledge their own needs by doing this yourself. There is not a nobel prize for self neglect.

Prioritize what you want for your life. It's ok to not want to go along with what other people expect of you. It’s ok to advocate for your own needs. We are not trained to be compassionate towards ourselves, in fact this is taught to be selfish, narcissistic even. If you need help recognizing your own needs and setting limits without anxiety, reach out to us, we can help.

,Book Appointment Here

~Laura, Clinical Therapist

It’s Suicide Prevention Month so it felt appropriate to re share one of my very first blogs from 2019, pre pandemic even! This was written after several suicides happened in our community. People are still disconnected, likely increasingly so as we are still picking up the pieces from covid.

A recent tragedy in our community has left many people wondering, are there more people struggling with mental health issues or are we just hearing more about it?

It certainly feels like there is an epidemic of mental health issues in our city, but I am not sure if this is necessarily true across all ages and populations. I think we have made significant strides in reducing stigma and increasing acceptance of mental health challenges, which is why we hear a lot more about it; people are finally starting to treat mental health like physical health. There are also a lot more things “medicalized” these days than in previous decades. Research would say there are slight increases in mental health issues since the 1990s, but this is a difficult problem to measure, as it relies on self-reporting feelings.

I personally feel we are seeing more issues of mental health concerns arise among teens and young adults specifically. Numerous studies have shown increased distress among this population. Most people relate this to social media and the impacts of technology on our society. I recently heard on a podcast that we touch our phones 2600 times per day, we are on call 24/7, have poor boundaries from school and work and we have hundreds of “friends” on Facebook. We are living in a culture of disconnection, for people of all ages. Disconnection between partners, between children and their parents, among neighbors and coworkers.

Adults and children are spending much less time face to face with their peers, they are also spending less time sleeping and less time building and nurturing social connections. This certainly does not lead to improved mental health. Social isolation is a risk factor that needs to be taken seriously, it is a huge predictor of physical health, life expectancy and resilience. Positive social connections are relationships that carry no judgment and provide a place where we can be brutally honest.

Many people tell me they do not have time for building social connections. This is often not the true barrier; it is not making it a priority. Having healthy connections require time and energy as well as opening up and sharing what you are facing in your life (aka being vulnerable)

If you want to feel better mentally, reconnect with old friends or put yourself in places where you can make new friends. Be creative and make it happen.

My challenge to you this week is to look at yourself in social context, can you do a better job at connecting with those around you?

We can help reach out and Book an Appointment

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist

This blog is written in response to a readers question. Thank you for asking questions and please keep them coming. They are anonymous!

Everyone says it’s important to know what you want sexually, but for someone with less experience, how do I know?

Discovering your sexual desires and preferences is a personal and often evolving journey and can be tied to exposure and how much you can accept yourself in other areas. It's essential to throw away the script you have been given by society on how sex should go or what you “should” enjoy sexually. Everyone's body is different and everyone is aroused by different things.

Self Reflection: You could start by reflecting on your feelings and experiences related to sexuality with curiosity. What aspects of sexuality or intimacy excite you? What are your concerns or questions? Exposing yourself to different things is important, explore various mediums such as pornogphphy, books, websites, erotica while paying attention to how these feel in your body without judgment. Challenge your own assumptions about what is “sexy” or not. Masturbation is a natural way to explore your own body and learn about what feels pleasurable to you. It can help you discover your own sexual responses and preferences. Another important element is embracing your body… Positive body image can contribute to a more satisfying and confident sexual experience.

Fantasies and Fantasizing: Reflect on your fantasies and what they entailed, remembering that fantasies are not always a reflection of real-life desires or actions.

Learn from Experience: Your sexual preferences may evolve over time as you gain more experience with new and different things and insight on how they feel for you. Be open to learning from your experiences and adjusting your desires accordingly, with honesty and acceptance. You might try something by yourself or partnered and it does not go the way you imagined and that's ok, that's expected actually.

Remember that there is no rush or pressure to know everything about your sexual desires immediately. It's a journey of self-discovery that will take time and trial and error.

~ Laura, Clinical Sex Therapist

Got a sex question to ask me? You can ask anonymously right here. I’ll answer as many as I can in my upcoming emails.

Have you ever noticed when you are not in control you feel anxious? Recently, a conversation with a close friend led me to an interesting realization..they said to me, Laura, As long as you are in control, you feel safe. It made me think back to and revisit a blog I wrote a few years ago, where I referred to myself as a "former" member of the control seeking club. This brought me to what I often notice in my clients: change is rarely a straightforward path; it's more like a winding river with unexpected twists.I then dove into the role control plays for me in my life and why it feels like such a good strategy (but really isn't)...

Control as a Safety Blanket

For many of us, the need to control lies in the sense of security it provides. It often traces back to our early years, if we experienced the world as unpredictable and chaotic. In response, we sought control as a way to anchor ourselves in the storm. It's an instinctive human response.

Empowerment Through Control

Control offers a tangible benefit—it empowers us. When we steer the ship of our lives, making decisions and taking actions aligned with our goals and values, we feel a sense of empowerment. This autonomy fosters self-determination and personal agency and when I believe in my capacity to handle life's challenges I am more resilient.

Safety as the Foundation

Let's flip the coin: safety equals trust, whereas fear often equals the need for control. When fear grips us, our instinct is to search for something to control—anything that can restore order to our world. Conversely, when we feel safe, trust blossoms, and the need for control diminishes. So in summary we don't need to control when we trust.

Turning Inward for Safety

The key to meaningful change lies in awareness. Rather than seeking to control external circumstances, we need to go inward, trusting we can handle what comes and tapping into inner resources—a skill that many of us were never taught.Learning how to regulate your emotions and find security within can be transformative.

Awareness is the key to change. Instead of trying to control what's outside of you, how can you turn inwards and find safety within yourself. If you are struggling to manage fear and find safety....Reach out to us today. Call 506-651-1239

Or BOOK ONLINE

Sign up for my weekly Mental Health Check In

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist

A quick search of the term “Covid hangover” reveals many different meanings, such as the pandemic’s lingering adverse effects on physical and mental health, education, finances, and the economy, to name a few. But, more literally, Covid seems to have significantly affected the amount we are drinking. Sound about right?

Covid was hard on many of us. Being locked up at home without face-to-face interactions or a regular schedule created stress, boredom, and isolation that was very challenging. So, many people turned to alcohol or drug use to self-medicate and numb their unmet emotional and mental health needs. As a result, research says that alcohol consumption increased by 24% during the COVID-19 pandemic, and 34% reported increased consumption of cannabis. Self-stigma exacerbated the problem because many felt embarrassed or uncomfortable about asking for help or treatment.

So, how much alcohol is too much? To minimize the risk associated with drinking, the Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction (CCSA) recently decreased the recommended weekly alcohol consumption limits from 15 drinks for men and 10 drinks for women down to no more than two alcoholic drinks per week for everyone. Research suggests that decreasing your alcohol consumption will help provide sleep and overall health benefits and decrease your risk of developing certain cancers. Too much alcohol can also increase the risk of heart disease and stroke.

Another factor to consider is what we consider as “a drink.” According to the CCSA, a standard drink in Canada is defined as:

• A 12-oz. (341 ml) bottle of 5 per cent alcohol beer or cider
• A 5-oz. (142 ml) glass of 12 per cent alcohol wine
• A 1.5-oz. (43 ml) shot glass of 40 per cent alcohol spirits

So, that means the limit for your weekly recommended consumption is the 9oz glass of wine or margharita at the restaurant or the second beer while watching the game.

Where do we go from here?? If this concerns you, it is important to note that these numbers suggest you are not alone. Talk to someone close to you and share your concerns. Here is a great link for support in Canada:

,https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/substance-use/get-help-with-substance-use.html

We are also here for you. We provide online, phone, or in-person counselling. Contact us today: 506-651-1239 or book online at ,https://www.lauragatien.com/.

Here are some links if you want to read more:

,https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/publications/healthy-living/infographic-examining-changes-alcohol-cannabis-consumption-stigma-covid-pandemic.html

,https://www.ccsa.ca/covid-19-and-increased-alcohol-consumption-nanos-poll-summary-report

,https://ccsa.ca/canadas-guidance-alcohol-and-health

Love,

Laura, Clinical Therapist

A big Thank You to Toby, my colleague for writing this blog!!!

An email full of tips and strategies on mental health topics just for you,

even if you feel you don't have mental health issues.

Throw out the labels and embrace the spectrum of human attraction and arousal.

Our most popular blog post ever since 2019 when I began writing this blog was my reply to a question from a reader about whether fantasizing about a same-sex encounter during sex with her husband meant she is a lesbian. This made me reflect on how differently we understand humans and their behavior than we have in the past and how doing so has led to increased acceptance and fulfillment.

When it comes to sexual attraction, it is way more broad than people realize, it is a spectrum that isn't as rigid as we were once taught. I grew up believing that people were either gay or straight, like a light switch, however we now understand that almost no one is entirely gay or straight and this fluctuates over time, as we learn more about ourselves and feel more comfortable with our emotions.

The truth is, many individuals of all genders find themselves drawn to a variety of people and sexually explicit imagery that often goes beyond what we would think or assume we would be attracted to. This fluidity is natural and normal and really speaks to the complexity of humans and their desires. I explain it like this, imagine a straight line that represents people's feelings of who they're attracted to. At one end of the line, you have people who are mostly attracted to the opposite gender. At the other end, you have people who are mostly attracted to the same gender. And in between, there are all sorts of different feelings of attraction. You move and and down this line, sometimes a little or sometimes a lot. This is expected and very normal.

When I was training in sex therapy, we were shown various types of explicit content and I was surprised by the impact on my own arousal. I learned and now teach my clients that you can explore your desires by being curious about them rather than judging them. That's how you will feel most sexually fulfilled throughout your life. By not fixating on labels and embracing what's true for you at that specific time. Be curious about things that resonate with you rather than connect it with the meaning of something larger. All feelings are valid.

I have learned personally & professionally that the people who feel most fulfilled sexually, keep an open mind and don’t judge themselves for what turns them on. Fantasies often go far beyond the confines of real life experiences, that's part of what makes them arousing. Embracing our sexuality is about being on a journey of self exploration and feeling safe enough to be honest with yourself and trusted others.

The older I get the more I learn that almost nothing is black and white, there is complexity in all things involving humans and two opposing things can be true at once. Much like how we understand mental health is a spectrum, at various points we move up and down when we are more or less well, sexuality is the same, at times we are more fluid and other times we can feel very straight. That's human nature and life. We no longer need to fit ourselves into rigid boxes around anything. You can feel aroused by something without it meaning anything concrete about yourself, your identity or your relationship.

If you need a partner in your self improvement journey, reach out to us!

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist

Call (506) 651-1239 or BOOK ONLINE

Hi, my name is Tobi, and I recently did my counselling therapy internship at Laura Gatien and Associates. During my time internship I really fell in love with the practice of Mindfulness and the impact it can have in someones day to day life.

~ Thank You

Jon Kabat-Zinn is considered to be the grandfather of the North American mindfulness movement, which is rooted in rich Buddhist traditions. He defines mindfulness as: “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally.” Through mindful practice, we learn to focus on the breath and let life’s challenges and struggles come and go… as they do. This can be achieved through meditation but does not have to be in a formal meditative or yoga setting. Basically, you can do it anywhere, anytime. As we learn this skill, we are able to accept what is in front of us for what it is, which decreases resistance, and, therefore, suffering.

Research tells us that practicing mindfulness for just a few minutes a day can have positive mental and physical health benefits, such as improving one’s quality of sleep, being more compassionate and empathetic, reducing stress and anxiety, and helping to manage pain… to name a few. For students, it can even increase grades and decrease stress associated with tests and school.

But, like anything, it takes knowledge and practice. If you like to read, a great place to start is to check out Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book called Full Catastrophe Living. If you prefer to learn from a teacher, his 8-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program (or versions of it) are taught now in New Brunswick through:

The Iris Center in Fredericton, with online options offered as well as in-person.

Nicole Leblanc MSW in the Saint John and surrounding area.

Or online through Palouse Mindfulness

You could just try some of these simple mindful exercises:

Stop and pay attention to your life as it unfolds. Notice and pay attention to your senses — touch, sound, sight, smell and taste. For example, when you eat your favourite food or hear a bird sing, take the time to absorb it fully and truly enjoy it.

Live in the present moment without being pulled to thoughts of the past or worries about the future. Intentionally bring an open and accepting attention to life’s events as they unfold. This will help you to find joy in everyday life’s simple pleasures.

Practice acceptance and start with yourself. Talk to yourself and treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend or loved one.

Focus on your breath. When you have negative or troublesome thoughts, take a deep breath and close your eyes if that is comfortable for you. If you need some guidance, try this: Watch this video Guide. Try an experiment… rate how you feel, before and after the video, out of ten. Do you notice any changes?

There are also more structured mindfulness exercises and practices. Give this one a try:

Body scan meditation. Lie on your back or find a comfortable place to sit. Focus your attention slowly and deliberately on each part of your body, starting from the top of your head all the way to the tips of your toes. Be aware of any sensations, emotions or thoughts associated with each part of your body. Notice how they come and they go.

Mindful, How to Mediate also provides some great advice and additional videos.

Please book an appointment below if you would like to learn more about mindfulness Love, Tobi

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist

We're here if you want to talk :) Take the first step and call us for an appointment ...(506) 651-1239

If you have a personal goal that you want to achieve, like reducing your anxiety, ending cycles of unfulfilling relationships, quitting a bad habit, becoming more resilient, or even improving your self-love, you need to work on yourself in order to better yourself and improve yourself.

Unfortunately, we can’t just snap our fingers and be better versions of ourselves, we need to take the steps and put in the work and effort towards your goal and self-improvement. I know for me personally, it was and is way harder than I imagined.

Growing requires changing your typical “move”. Reacting to a situation differently than you have in the past. It involves processing past hurts and pain we have stored away that impact our behaviour now.

As you go on your journey to growth, change and less suffering remember:

Take the time to rest. Go in and out of doing the work…you can’t do it all at once. Part of self-improvement is knowing when to take a break and relax. Let yourself reset and focus on yourself.

Surround yourself with people who are also doing their own work.

Ask yourself the tough questions. Get to know yourself better and become more self-aware. What do you want to change about yourself, your life or your choices? What do you want to inspire other people to do? How do you want others to see you? Once you’ve figured out the answers to these questions, what are you going to do about your answers? Hold yourself accountable. Make sure you stay on track to meet your goals. If you have trouble holding yourself accountable, consider having an accountability partner, like a friend or family member.

Focus on the positive aspects of your life and celebrate your successes. This process is not about shaming yourself into change.

On the way to self-improvement, there will be bends, detours, and even moments of temporary defeat, but as you progress, it is important to celebrate every step forward, no matter how small.

Trust in the process, trust in the world. Trust the change will be worth it.

If you need a partner in your self improvement journey, reach out to us! ~ Laura, Clinical Therapist Call (506) 651-1239 or BOOK ONLINE

We all go through highs and lows in our lives that we can't predict or control. What we can control is how we react to these challenges and how we overcome them. The key to it is resilience. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity and difficult life events. It empowers us to endure, adapt, and thrive during the tough times, transforming obstacles into opportunities for growth. It begins with the belief that setbacks are not dead-ends.

Building resilience isn’t a superhuman skill. It’s something we can all do and something that we can all benefit from. We can all build resilience with strategies and habits that help us face challenges with optimism and strength. Here are five ways that anyone can use to help build their resilience when faced with surprise challenges.

Develop strong interpersonal relationships. Build strong relationships and support systems with family and friends that you can lean on during difficult times.

Be flexible. It’s important to understand that things change unexpectedly and being flexible and accepting the changes you can’t control helps build resilience. Be open to adjusting plans where you need to. Set goals. Break challenges into smaller, more manageable goals. Be realistic with what you want to achieve. Each small accomplishment helps contribute to your resilience.

Learn from the past. Reflect on your past experiences and challenges. How did you deal with them? Could it apply to challenges? What could you do differently this time?

Choose how you respond. Try to focus on the positive sides of the situation. Train yourself to see challenges as opportunities to grow instead of impossible to overcome. Be kind to yourself, It's okay to struggle and to make mistakes.If you find yourself struggling to cope with significant challenges or traumatic experiences, don’t hesitate to reach out to us and book an appointment. We’re here if you want to talk (506) 651-1239 ~ Laura, Clinical Therapist

When people hear the term “couples therapy” they may think of images or scenes from movies

of a distressed couple sitting on a couch, arms crossed, trying to salvage a collapsing marriage as a last resort. Usually by this point it is too late. Actually, many couples come to therapy way too late. A proactive approach goes a long way here, coming in before the hurts pile up and needs continue to go unmet.

Here are some things that people may not realize about couples therapy.

It’s not just for couples in crisis. Your relationship doesn’t need to be in crisis or failing to

benefit from couples therapy. It can help you improve their communication skills, build or

rebuild trust, strengthen your bond, and find a better dynamic in your relationship.

You don’t need to be married to try couples counselling. Couples therapy can be for couples at any stage of a relationship and any type of relational dynamic.

Your therapist won’t make you or your partner change. Any change that you want to happen, happens because of the effort that you are putting in. It takes work and effort to implement new patterns and habits that benefit your relationship.

You’ll explore your own issues. Knowing your triggers like words or situations that

provoke aggression or defensiveness can help you and your partner prevent and resolve

conflict in a more productive way.

You will grow, no matter what happens. Going to couples therapy isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a testament to the strength of a couple’s commitment to growth.

Couples therapy offers a safe space for partners to explore their emotions, learn effective communication techniques (sometimes we don’t even know we aren't an effective communicator), and rediscover the joy in their relationship. It provides a space

where partners can gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their significant other,

leading to emotional intimacy and enhancing the overall quality of their relationship.

If you and your partner are having difficulties in your intimate relationship and your efforts to resolve them, aren’t working, you may want to consider couples therapy. The sooner you reach out, the sooner a therapist can help you find common ground and end up in a stronger position to move forward together in your relationship.

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist

We're here if you want to talk :) Take the first step and call us for an appointment ...(506) 651-1239

We have all heard the saying: “The sickness is in the secrets.” When we are stuck because we feel alone in our suffering, mental health concerns can snowball into mental illness. But how do you know when it’s time to get help?? It may be time to reach out when your thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and/or bodily sensations become troublesome enough to impact your daily life and routines. You may also notice that you need to “self-medicate” with alcohol or drugs to relax, or those close to you may share that they are worried about the changes that they are seeing.

Joining a group may not be the first stage of your recovery, though. Finding a mental health clinician who specializes in trauma might be the first step. Your therapist can apply many empirically supported types of treatment depending on your specific needs and their training. Having said this, remember that it is not human nature to click with every person you encounter in life, so give yourself permission to try out a few therapists before you find the one best suited for you and your needs.

And have hope. Research tells us that therapy, whether it be group or individual, can help you heal. I know it can be hard to ask for help and talk about your trauma, but you are brave and strong… that’s how you emotionally and mentally morph from a victim to a survivor.

We’re here when you feel ready to talk either in person, on the phone, or online. We have several therapists taking on new clients. We also offer free and low-cost options with our interns. Book your appointment ,here or call 506-651-1239.

Many people do not trust their intuition and carry on thinking you are the problem, maybe your needs are too much or perhaps it takes a long time to notice when your relational needs aren't being met. Maybe you don’t know anything else exists. You stay because you are more scared of the unknown than the unfulfilling relationship you are living day in and day out.

And then the day comes, you want more for yourself, you DESERVE more for yourself. Enough is enough. You are free. Leaving an unsatisfying or unhealthy relationship can be a very difficult, but a very brave and courageous decision. You feel the invisible weight lift off your shoulders.

It’s ok to end a relationship. Becoming self aware of your needs as well as your patterns of behaviour is part of growing and learning. Here are some steps to support your healing so that you can find love in the future that’s healthy and fulfilling

1. Recognize and acknowledge unhealthy behaviours in your relationship: Unhealthy behaviours in relationships could include physical harm, but are most often more subtle, things like disrespect, lack of support, maybe even name-calling when things get really heated. Frequent arguments, controlling behaviours, shutting down regularly, jealousy, pressure to do things you don’t want to or aren’t comfortable doing, downplaying your interests, gaslighting you, trying to make you feel as if your feelings aren't valid
2. Find a support system who can help you see your role in the pattern as well as provide support to you in the struggle
3. Make it a clean break: It’s very hard to not get pulled back in after ending a relationship as often our attachment needs are threatened in these situations and our body is in fight or flight. A trusted therapist and or friends can help provide that secure base for you to feel safe as you move forward.

Remember, you are allowed to be sad, scared, embarrassed etc after ending the relationship, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t the right decision. All emotions are valid and will reduce in time.

We’re here if you want to talk, individually or as a couple. Sometimes relationships are unhealthy due to a lack of open and honest communication. If you and your partner struggle to openly express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment or retaliation, talking to a therapist can help. We have several therapists taking on new clients, book your appt here or call 506-651-1239

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist

1. Practice Self-Care:

The foundation of emotional control begins with taking care of yourself. Recognize that you need time to recharge to feel calm yourself. Set aside moments each day for self-care activities that you enjoy, such as reading, exercising, or pursuing a hobby for yourself. By prioritizing your own well-being, you'll be better equipped to handle the inevitable challenges of parenting during summer break.

2. Set Realistic Expectations:

Summer break often comes with increased demands on parents' time and energy. Understand that it's not possible to plan and execute a perfect summer every day. Setting realistic expectations with yourself and your kids will help you maintain perspective and avoid unnecessary stress. Embrace flexibility and remember that it's okay to have unstructured days and downtime for everyone to unwind.

3. Communicate Openly with Your Children:

Encourage your kiddos to share their expectations and desires for summer break, and collaborate on a plan that incorporates everyone's ideas, one that is also realistic.

4. Establish Routines and Boundaries:

Structure and routine are important for both children and parents. Establish a flexible daily routine that provides a sense of predictability while allowing for spontaneity. Clear boundaries and expectations help children understand what is acceptable behavior and can reduce friction. Communicate these boundaries calmly and consistently, and remember to enforce them with love and understanding.

5. Seek Support and Community:

Reach out to other parents or join online communities to share experiences, tips, and challenges. Connecting with others who are going through similar situations can provide validation and reassurance. Share your concerns, seek advice, and offer support to build a network of understanding individuals who can provide a sense of camaraderie during summer break.

Parenting during summer break can be a rollercoaster of emotions, but by allowing some room to breathe you can better control and manage your own emotional well-being. Remember to prioritize self-care, set realistic expectations, communicate openly with your children, establish routines and boundaries, and seek support!

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist

We're here if you want to talk :) Take the first step and call us for an appointment ...(506) 651-1239