1. Determine your motivation.

   If you don’t have a really strong reason for wanting to take your mornings back other than that you’ve been told it’s a good idea, you probably won’t fully commit. You need to determine HOW reclaiming your mornings will impact your life and WHY that is important to you. If you don’t have really strong reasons for waking up earlier, the rest of these steps won’t matter, so it’s important to get crystal clear about your goals and how an earlier wake-up time will help you achieve them.

2. Throw out your current narrative.

   Proclaiming that you just “aren’t a morning person” isn’t exactly opening up the space for you to become one, is it? Focusing on how much you hate mornings probably won’t help you in the process of learning how to enjoy them. Shift your mindset and visualize yourself enjoying your mornings every night before you go to bed. Focus on the aspects of morning that you enjoy rather than what you dread about them. When you wake up, replace complaints with gratitude and set positive and productive intentions for the day.

3. Develop a routine.

   We are creatures of habit, so developing a morning routine will make you more likely to be successful in your mission to wake up earlier. As you consistently do this routine, waking up earlier will feel like less of a chore and more of a normality (typically after the first month). Develop your routine by choosing tasks that are directly connected to your motivation and that will directly impact the reasons you’re deciding to make mornings a priority.

4. Sprinkle in things that you enjoy.

   Start by thinking about the things you love to do, but find yourself not having the time or energy for later in the day — exercise, reading, journaling and meditation are common morning practices that help people feel more fulfilled and productive throughout the day. Think about what things might make you feel that way and schedule them into your routine accordingly. Without some form of enjoyment in your morning routine, chances are you’ll feel more inclined to skip it.

5. Commit.

   One of the biggest reasons people fail to develop a new routine or habit is because they don’t ever fully mentally commit to it. They see it as optional, something they would like to do, instead of a requirement and something that they have to do to achieve their goals. This is often a defense mechanism we use to cope with our fear of failure. Try, instead, to think of your morning routine as a non-negotiable part of your day. If you do miss it, don’t let that be a perceived failure or an excuse to give up entirely. Instead, make a re-commitment to your morning routine every day with your WHY at the forefront of your mind.

Yes, that’s right – taking even as little as 15 minutes a day to practice self-care can, over time, lead to lower stress levels, increased focus and more positive thoughts – thus increasing our productivity levels, which in turn allows us to accomplish our usual tasks in a lesser amount of time.

People often think of self-care as a luxury that only people without kids, without busy jobs or with a lot of down time get to enjoy. The truth is that self-care is an experience available to everyone that is open to prioritizing it, which is where we need to take an honest look at lives.

Many of us don’t prioritize ourselves for a number of reasons. We don’t believe we deserve it, we think we’re being a hero by putting others’ needs before our own, it gives us anxiety to not keep busy or to be alone with ourselves for more than a few seconds, etc. So instead, we keep our plates full with things that help us escape from that and we claim we just ‘don’t have the time’.

If you’ve recognized that you don’t make self-care a priority and have used the excuse that you don’t have the time (and trust me, we’re all guilty of it!), I challenge you to look inward and explore the other reasons that you don’t MAKE the time.

Are these things you think you could implement once a day? Once a week? Once a month?

Self-care doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It doesn’t have to be a full day at the spa or nothing at all. But we often assume that it does, which is why we usually just throw in the towel on it altogether.

If we can open ourselves up to prioritizing self-care in small ways, it will allow us to see the effects that it can have on our lives and empower us to prioritize it in larger ways, too.

In what ways can you add a little self-care to your life without disrupting your usual routine? What’s holding you back from getting started?

Give yourself permission, start small, and embrace it. And above all else, remember: you deserve to make some time for you.

Individual Therapy Helps Us Identify Our Relationship Needs and Values

A big reason our relationships may struggle is due to a misalignment in each person’s needs and values. When we are unclear about or lacking confidence in our own, we might have a tendency to bend to align with someone else’s needs and values, which subconsciously creates tension and resentment. Because of this, we must get clear & confident about who we are, what we need and what is most important to us. Individual therapy can help us get to the root of our needs and desires and inspect how they are or aren’t aligning with our relationships.

Your therapist may do a needs & values assessment to gain a deeper understanding of your biggest relationship priorities, which are often shaped in some way by our upbringing or relationship history. Our needs and values are unique to us – and there are no right or wrong need or value to have. It is important that we identify them and non-judgmentally embrace them so we can confidently express them to the people in our lives. We can’t expect people to meet our needs if 1) we don’t know what they are or 2) we aren’t sharing them.

Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues Helps Us Work on Communication Skills

Communication is the foundation of any relationship. And while we can’t control how other people are communicating with us, we can look at and address our own communication patterns. Not only will the communication style with your therapist provide insight into your communication style with others, but you can also get feedback in real-time about language or thoughts that might be holding you back or keeping you stuck in your relationships.

In individual therapy, we can learn skills and techniques to practice more assertive communication if we struggle to be direct and honest. We can also learn how to approach conflict in a healthier way that minimizes defenses on all sides. Furthermore, individual therapy is a safe space to practice expressing yourself in your relationships and to get feedback before you put it into action.

Individual Therapy Helps Us Work Through Emotions Before Bringing Them Up in Our Relationships

Most of us can probably think of a time where we started an argument about something that wasn’t entirely important to us or that wasn’t necessarily fair or warranted. Perhaps we reacted in the moment and it took off from there. Maybe we didn’t really understand what upset us in the first place. Individual therapy provides a safe, non-judgmental space for us to work through frustrations and problems in our relationships prior to addressing them with the other person.

Your therapist might help you get to the root cause of your anger or sadness, which may have nothing to do with the other person. Perhaps, for example, you reacted based on something from your past. Recognizing and resolving this on your own, in therapy, will prevent you from bringing unnecessary stressors to your relationship. Alternatively, if you do find that your emotions were in response to the other person’s direct behavior, your therapist can help you decide how to intentionally and thoughtfully talk about it. Finally, your therapist can help you to learn emotional regulation skills so that you can take a beat to respond instead of impulsively react in future relationship interactions.

Individual Therapy Helps Us Gain Perspective & Insight on Our Relationship

Sometimes seeking perspective & insight from another person about our relationships can disconnect us further from ourselves and make us more confused. In therapy, however, your therapist will act as a mirror and bounce back to you what they sense you are thinking and feeling about the relationship. They’ll ask questions to help you further explore your feelings and dive deeper into the root cause of the issues you’re facing.

Your therapist may help you to identify ways that you are acting out of fear vs. desire. They might connect themes or patterns that you may not be consciously aware of. At other times they may ask a question or present a hypothetical scenario that can give you more insight about your own thoughts and feelings. This is important because they are an objective resources with no attachment to your relationship, like other people in your life may have. They will create a space and teach you skills to help you connect more deeply to your own intuition.

Individual Therapy Helps Us Become Better Connected to Ourselves & Therefore Better Connected to Others

There is no doubt that we cannot have a healthy relationship with others unless we have one with ourselves first. Individual therapy can help us heal our past wounds, identify healthier coping skills, learn to communicate better and take better care of ourselves. Doing all of these things will inevitably help our relationships in at least some capacity.

1. Maintain a Self-Care Routine – Our days throughout the winter months, especially if we are working from home, can start to feel monotonous and all begin to blend together. Furthermore, our work life bleeds into our home life making both feel deeply engrained and ultimately exhausting. We can challenge this by adding even a small block of structured, non-negotiable time for ourselves at the beginning and end of each day to transition into/out of work. Schedule a block of 30-60 minutes of time for yourself to engage in whatever self-care activities you need most on that particular day. Be flexible with what you do during this time, but make it a non-negotiable appointment.

   Ideas – stretching, a guided meditation, a walk around the block, reading, listening a podcast, writing affirmations, journaling, a written re-cap or check-in of your day, a gratitude practice, etc. (Check out the book Atomic Habits by James Clear for tips on ways to make your routine habitual if you have trouble sticking with things).

2. Stay Socially Connected – Many of us have a tendency to isolate and “hibernate” in the winter months. However this isolation can exacerbate the mental & emotional struggles many of us already face during this period. Additionally, the more we isolate, the more difficult it becomes to re-connect with others again in the future, creating a feedback loop that can be challenging to break. If you know you’re prone to isolate in the winter, get some systems in place to stay socially connected – even if it’s just remotely. Identify socialization that feels realistic and comfortable to you and create a schedule around it. When we schedule things, we are more likely to be accountable.

   Ideas – plan a local trip, schedule weekly phone chats with friends or family, join a book club, make a weekly ‘to text/check-in with’ list, volunteer, plan virtual or in-person movie nights, take an online class with a friend, etc.

3. Choose a New, Indoor Hobby – While socialization is important, it can be equally important to embrace spending time by ourselves – particularly if doing so leads to discomfort, heightened anxiety or negative thoughts. One way to change our association with spending time alone is by embracing a new hobby that feels fun, expressive, interesting or fulfilling. Is there a skill you’ve been wanting to practice? An activity you’ve been wanting to try? With more time indoors ahead, there’s no better time to get started. Hobbies are great for providing a sense of purpose and accomplishment outside of your regular routine, so this is a good strategy to implement especially if you are not feeling entirely fulfilled in other areas of your life right now (work, relationships, etc.). They can also be a productive way to channel stress and anxiety and are known to positively impact our mood.

   Ideas – cooking, baking, knitting, learning a language, photography, coding, writing, learning how to play an instrument, volunteering, starting a blog, starting a small business, etc.

4. Make Plans for Warmer Months – While we can’t change the fact that it’s colder/darker, we can start making (loose, flexible) plans for & visualizing warmer-weather months, which can help us to cope. Start by making a bucket list of things you want to do once it’s warmer or even consider making a vision board to hang somewhere in your space. Think about local, smaller-scale things as well as your dream list. While it won’t change the season or the circumstances, having a future you’re excited about will make the process of getting there feel less dreadful & will help you remember that this season is just a temporary one (even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes).

   Ideas – plan some local trips/getaways, make a list of places/activities in your area you want to visit/do, cut out photos from magazines and hang them around your house, set your screen savers to future/warmer destinations, create a cozy space in your home that makes you forget it’s dark or cold outside.

5. Use a Light Box or Supplements – While everyone’s body is different and there is no one-size-fits-all guarantee for what will/won’t be helpful to each person, there is a lot of research to support that light box therapy, vitamin D supplements and CBD are helpful for combating the symptoms of seasonal affective disorder. Additionally, antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications can often be useful during this period, even in low doses or taken as needed (and only if recommended by a doctor). The thought here is to replace the boost of serotonin (the “happy hormone”) that our brains usually releases in response to exposure to sunlight with other modalities found to stimulate the same hormone. Always consult with your doctor first, but sometimes our mood/energy levels are a result of a physiological or hormonal imbalance that cannot be treated solely through mental exercises or activities.

   Ideas – do some research about the impact of sunlight on our mood and talk to a psychiatrist or doctor if you think you could benefit from medication; you can also purchase light therapy boxes, vitamin D or CBD over-the-counter or online (just make sure you educate yourself about them first)

6. Get Outdoors When Possible – While there are added challenges to getting outside during the winter, it’s still encouraged to do so whenever possible so that our bodies can get access to sunlight, natural vitamin D, which increases our brain’s release of serotonin and ultimately makes us happier. Even a short amount of time outside or sitting near a window with natural light can have a positive impact on our mood. The challenge with this catch 22 is that we need sunlight to improve our mood/energy levels and we sometimes need improved mood/energy levels to get ourselves outdoors, so it can be helpful to create a structured, automatic habit of getting outside once per day and/or to have someone else to hold you accountable.

   Ideas – take a short walk around your neighborhood each morning, take a walk around the block every few hours, step outside and breath in fresh air, open the windows for a bit, set up your work space near a window with natural light, take advantage of unseasonably warm days, etc.

7. Start Working With a Therapist – There is nothing wrong with leaning into supports during a period of time that has either historically been a challenge for you or that is presenting a ton of new ones you’ve never navigated before. Even if you are still functioning okay or aren’t experiencing severe symptoms, it can be helpful to learn coping skills and strategies to implement before things do get worse. Having a space that is 100% yours to sit with and talk about your challenges, feelings, thoughts, triggers, etc. (vs. numbing or suppressing them) with someone non-judgmental and objective can be incredibly refreshing. It doesn’t mean you can’t handle this period on your own (you obviously can!); it just means that you’re intelligent, self-aware and courageous enough to be able to use all of the available resources to you to your advantage.

   Ideas – while you can gladly book a session with one of our therapists if you’re in NY or FL, you can also filter by your zip code, insurance plan or issue on www.psychologytoday.com and www.helloalma.com to find therapists in your area with availability. Most therapists are offering online therapy so that you can have sessions from the comfort of your home or office, making it that much more accessible and flexible.

Get Rid of Distractions to Connect to Your Intuition

Life is full of constant distractions that take us further and further away from our instincts and ourselves. Our true desires & needs can easily get confused with society’s beliefs and expectations and the subconscious messaging of those around us. Furthermore, we often try to ask other people for their opinions to get clearer about our own, which in actuality only makes things blurrier.

Try doing a cleanse of social media and other things you may use to distract yourself, like TV, video games, gambling, shopping, drinking alcohol or smoking. Also try, as much as possible, to avoid asking for other people’s opinion or feedback. The less distractions we have, the more space we create for our instincts to become clearer.

Sit in Silence to Connect to Your Intuition

Time spent sitting in silence might feel uncomfortable & boring at first, but, as we know, the everyday distractions around us can make us feel more disconnected from ourselves and our intuition. We must become comfortable with the discomfort of sitting with ourselves in order to get better connected to ourselves.

Try starting small with just a few minutes a day of sitting in silence with no distractions and work your way up from there. Notice and write down any strong feelings or thoughts that come up during this time, but just observe – don’t try to make meaning of them. Use a guided meditation app, like Headspace or Calm, if you need.

Observe Your Feeling States to Connect to Your Intuition

When we are disconnected from ourselves, physically and/or emotionally, it is inevitably more difficult to connect with our intuition. However, identifying how we feel can give us insight into what our instincts are trying to tell us.

Try labeling your feeling states throughout the day. Set a series of alarms on your phone to go off periodically and, when they do, check in with yourself and write down how you physically and emotionally feel in that moment. You can also note any important information about the context that’s contributing to the feelings. The more we do this intentionally, the more we’ll begin to do it automatically, and the easier it’ll be to attune to and connect with our feelings over time.

Take Small Actions to Connect to Your Intuition

As humans, we have a tendency to get stuck in our thoughts – and when it comes to our instincts, we aren’t going to access them there. Our instincts are all about our feeling states and our inner knowing, so unfortunately we can’t *think* our way to them. We CAN, however, take actions that help us gather more information and therefore lead us closer to them.

The next time you’re trying to access your intuition in regard to a particular decision or issue, think about a small, actionable step you can take in one direction or the other. Make note of what comes up for you and how it feels in your body when you do. Each action we take gives us more data, which leads us closer and closer to connecting with our instincts.

Pay Attention to Dreams & Creativity to Connect to Your Intuition

Our subconscious mind has a chance to shine when we are dreaming and/or in a creative state of flow while our cognitive mind, which often drives us away from our intuition, is a bit quieter. Pay attention to themes that re-emerge when you’re dreaming or in a creative state as this can lend important insight into your intuitive needs and desires. Write them down so you can track them over time and identify any patterns.

It can be so confusing to access our true, authentic desires, instincts & gut feelings when we also have anxiety & fear in the mix. But the way these two things physically FEEL in our body is entirely different.

When we aren’t feeling connected to our bodies, it becomes difficult to connect to our instincts – and more challenging to trust ourselves as a result. This often leads to us being driven by anxiety and fear and veering further away from our authentic selves.

All in all, connecting with our instincts requires trust in ourselves, so if this is a general challenge for you, be sure to sort through it with a therapist.

Setting boundaries is hard for many of us (in general), but it tends to be extra difficulty in the workplace because:

• we’re unsure about how to communicate boundaries professionally

• we have a general tendency to people please that extends to the workplace

• we have limiting beliefs about boundaries

• our company’s work culture doesn’t support it or model it

• we’re new or otherwise feel like we haven’t “earned” the right to

• we’re afraid of how it may be perceived and/or the potential consequences it may have

I’m not encouraging setting boundaries that contradict your job functions or would result in losing your job, but we often hold back from setting ANY out of fear of potential consequences, which sometimes even subconsciously creates the consequences we fear. For example, allowing yourself to get so burned out that you snap at your boss and get reprimanded anyway. Or over-committing to more than you can realistically handle and under-performing as a result.

If you’re not sure where to start with setting boundaries at work, here are some strategies.

Start Small When Setting Work Boundaries

It might be hard to think about setting boundaries at work when you haven’t done it before and/or aren’t sure how people will respond to it, so instead of going from 0 to 100, choose a small, low-risk boundary to test the waters. Instead of responding to an email immediately, wait an hour or until you finish up the task you’re working on before you do. Try letting a call go to voicemail and calling back when you’re available and undistracted. Take work apps off your phone & don’t check/respond to emails after work hours. Put an out-of-office message up when you’re away. Practice boundary-setting with someone you know will be receptive so you can build up confidence and momentum.

Write or Practice Expressing the Work Boundary

Sometimes, when we internalize, we overanalyze, catastrophize and make things bigger/harder in our minds. Try writing out the boundary you want to set or verbalizing it to a friend, partner or therapist. You’ll often find that it doesn’t seem that scary after you read it or say it out loud – and you can get some validation and/or feedback from the person you’re sharing it with, which can make it less intimidating. Moving from a thinking state to an action state gives us more confidence & control and this is one small way to do that.

Be Consistent With Work Boundaries

One of the most important strategies to keep in mind when you’re trying to implement a new boundary is to be as consistent as possible. If we say we’re not going to answer emails after 7pm, but then we do so more times than not, the boundary becomes blurred and people don’t take it as seriously. Once you’ve decided what boundaries are necessary and within reason, stick to them unless it’s an emergency or one-off occasion.

Set Boundaries by Pausing Before Responding to Requests

We’re allowed to take a beat before answering/responding to a request. If you have a tendency to be a ‘yes’ person (and often over-commit to things as a result), challenge yourself to respond with ‘let me get back to you about that’ first. Giving yourself an opportunity to look at what else you’ve got on your plate and to determine whether or not you can realistically commit first can save you from burning out later. You can still say ‘yes’, but it will be a more intentional yes vs. one that you felt forced or cornered into.

Set Boundaries by Offering an Alternative

Boundaries don’t always have to be a harsh ‘no’. They’re about finding a way to meet your colleague/employer’s needs without sacrificing your own. And there ARE ways to meet in the middle. If a request comes in that you cannot realistically commit to without sacrificing your own needs/sanity, offer an alternative instead. For example, renegotiating a deadline or asking for extra support or seeking clarify about priorities can still get your boss’s needs met without over-extending yourself.

Highlights & Standout Features —

Considerations to Know Before You Go —

Tips & Recommendations —

• Get the cornflake chicken tenders! While most of the bites we tried were just okay, this was a standout. Everyone at our table ordered and loved them.

  I feel like this is becoming a repeat tip, but get there early if you want to watch a specific game to ensure the best view!

With a 4.9 rating on Google, it appears I’m not alone in my love for Red Palm. This was a noteworthy and memorable spot, and I’ll definitely be heading back soon! This whole neighborhood is a great one to visit on football Sunday, as you can bop around and change up your scenery as you please—maybe even partake in a little Sunday football food crawl!

Where should I head to next?

Highlights & Stand-Out Features —

Considerations to Know Before You Go —

Tips & Recommendations —

While I’m excited to get back into the Charleston football-watching challenge this week, I was glad for a week off to reflect on my favorite spots from last season. This was definitely a standout, and my taste buds are tingling as I write this just thinking about those spicy tuna bites! This post served as a much-needed reminder that I need to get myself back to Locals—and so do you!

A monthly self-reflection practice can help us us to:

• stay connected to ourselves

• acknowledge & appreciate what’s going well in our lives

• give ourselves credit for our accomplishments

• be honest with ourselves about ways we may not be acting in alignment with our goals

• address areas of our life that are unsatisfactory

• be more intentional and self-aware

While it might sound daunting, a monthly self-reflection ritual doesn’t need to be an elaborate event or dreadful task. It can be 20-30 minutes at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee or tea. It can even be a shared experience with a loved one. And while you can answer these questions in your head or say them out loud, writing your answers down will:

• help you track your progress

• help you identify patterns

• hold you more accountable

While you can certainly create your own based on what applies or resonates with you, here are 9 examples of monthly self-reflection prompts you can use.

What went well this month?

We tend to overlook and/or discount the good in our lives, so this is an important one. Acknowledge anything that went well – however big or small. Did you show up in ways that were aligned with how you wanted to? Are you feeling good about certain areas of your life? Did you take a step toward a goal? Did you accomplish something you’ve been working toward? Give yourself credit where credit is due.

What were my biggest challenges this month and how did I overcome them?

While we don’t want to dwell on them or beat ourselves up, it’s important to acknowledge our challenges so that we can course-correct for the month ahead. Identify anything that was difficult this month or that didn’t go exactly as you had planned or hoped. Once you’ve made note of your challenges, identify the coping skills, supports and resources you used to overcome them. This will come in handy when anticipating and/or managing future obstacles.

What did I learn this month?

More important than focusing on what went right or wrong for you, try and identify what you learned. What new information did you gain this month – about yourself or your life – that you can apply to the month ahead? It could be a tangible skill, a surprising insight or a general life lesson. Pin-pointing our learnings helps us remember that even when things are difficult, there is still useful information to be gained.

What distractions, excuses or limitations prevented me from meeting certain goals?

When identifying your challenges and/or areas of life that didn’t go as planned, what obstacles got in the way? This can be unexpected life stuff – like a death or a breakup – or general avoidance, poor planning, laziness, anxiety or depression. Getting to the root cause of why we might not have fully aligned our actions with our goals or values can help us address the underlying issue and shift gears accordingly.

What were all of my happy moments from this month?

We tend to overlook the good stuff due to negativity bias, so write it all down! Take yourself back to each feel-good moment of the previous month so that you can 1) identify that good did happen, 2) visualize and re-live it, 3) keep it in mind when it feels like nothing’s going right and 4) try to re-create it.

What would I rate my motivation, energy, mood and mindset this month on a scale of 1-10?

Putting a number to our motivation, energy, mood and mindset helps to give us a more accurate reflection of how we’re doing. It also helps us to compare it over time to previous and future months. While it’s a subjective rating, it helps us remain connected to ourselves so that we are fully aware of and attuned to both our highs and lows.

What is my most important area of focus or intention for the upcoming month?

While we all strive to have a balanced life where we pour into each bucket equally, that isn’t always realistic. Which one area of life is most important for you to focus on over the month ahead? Maybe it’s an area that you’ve been neglecting. Or perhaps it’s an area of life that you have a particular goal or timeline for. Whatever the reason, setting an intention will help you to align your future action with it.

What do I need to change or do different this upcoming month?

Based on what you’ve learned during this self-reflection, what needs to change this month? The key here is not to beat yourself up for what hasn’t been going well but to use that information to propel you forward. What tweaks do you need to make to set yourself up for success?

What are all the things I’m looking forward to this upcoming month?

Make note of every single thing you have to look forward to over the month ahead – from big events to small moments. Visualizing and having things to look forward to has many benefits for our mental well-being. Whether it’s a vacation, warmer weather or cooking a new meal – get specific and thorough!

Not only is this ritual an act of self-love, but it ascertains that you’re living your life in alignment with your goals and values and that you’re practicing self-compassion and course-correcting when you aren’t. Once you write your answers, use your self check-in as a guide for the month ahead. Read it once a week to help you maintain connection to yourself and your intentions.

My husband and I have been together for over five years now, and while our relationship is currently very solid, that hasn’t always been the case. We’ve experienced our fair share of disconnection, disagreements, and misalignment over the years, made more complicated by our anxious-avoidant (me-him) dynamic. Through couples therapy, open communication, and some trial and error, we have found tools that help us to both feel secure on a consistent basis.

Here are five strategies we started implementing that have helped us remain connected through the busiest of times — me owning a business, him going to grad school, us moving to a totally new place, etc.

As a therapist for anxiously-attached millennial women, I’ve also assisted numerous clients in finding improvement in their relationships through these same strategies. Not only do they report a greater sense of connectedness to their partners, but they also experience better communication, increased confidence, and a greater sense of security overall.

Start Each Day With a ‘Launch’ & End Each Day with a ‘Landing’

A simple way to stay connected to one another is to establish a consistent ritual or routine that you do daily—no matter what—to bookend your days together. It can be something very simple, but the key is having a consistent connection point regardless of what else is happening in your lives or your relationship. It’s a small gesture that says, “Hey, we might be going through it right now, but we’re still on the same team.”

My husband and I start each day with a long hug, which we call our “launch.” We end each day by sharing a high and a low from the day, which we call our “landing.” Other examples might include drinking coffee or tea together, expressing something you’re appreciative of, or simply saying “I love you.”

Occasionally, we’ll also ask for a “re-launch” if one of us is feeling disconnected or if we’ve had a moment of tension. It’s a simple gesture that offers us a sense of security and realignment no matter what.

Use a Shared Calendar

Using a shared calendar can significantly improve communication and alignment with one another, especially during busy times. While we can certainly verbalize what our schedules look like, I’ve learned that we can’t (and shouldn’t) expect our partner to memorize it. For those who lead busy lives, a shared calendar can minimize communication mishaps and make planning activities together easier. It also helps both you and your partner be aware of what the other has on their plate, allowing you to recognize days when one of you might feel overwhelmed, stressed, or in need of support.

My husband and I share a car at the moment, so being mindful of each other’s schedules is especially important. We usually keep a dry-erase calendar on the refrigerator where we note weekly appointments and events. We also use a shared Google Calendar for more specific, day-to-day activities. Find a system that works for you and your partner to stay informed about what the other has going on, helping you remain on the same page.

Have Weekly, Bi-Weekly or Monthly ‘Check-Ins’

A check-in is a scheduled meeting that you and your partner have to discuss the relationship and address any outstanding issues, concerns, or topics. Think about it: we have check-ins or “meetings” for every other area of our lives—work meetings, physical check-ups, and many of us even have therapy sessions for a weekly “check-in” with ourselves. Our relationships deserve the same attention and care.

First, decide on a frequency. If you’re in a newer relationship and still working to understand each other better, or if you’re going through a particularly difficult time, you may want to have these weekly. However, if you’re in a good rhythm and don’t have much to address, a monthly cadence may suffice. Set a timer for an agreed-upon amount of time (i.e. 30 minutes, 45 minutes, or an hour). Start by sharing moments of connection or appreciation for each other and discussing things that are going well. Next, share any concerns you have or issues you want to discuss. My husband and I also use this time to talk about upcoming plans and discuss whatever book we’re reading together. Use the time in a way that makes the most sense for you as a couple.

A common misconception is that we should only implement something like this if our relationship is in crisis. However, this practice can actually serve as a preventative measure to minimize the likelihood of a small issue becoming a bigger problem down the road. Additionally, if you tend to be emotionally reactive, knowing you have designated space to intentionally address issues in these check-ins may help reduce the urge to react to every big or small issue that arises in between.

Read a Book Together

Any shared experience can bring us closer and help us feel more connected. Reading is a simple option that can be done at each person’s own pace. By choosing a book to read together and discussing our thoughts, perspectives, and takeaways, we can gain a deeper understanding of each other’s values and needs.

While you may opt for fiction if you both share the same taste, you might also consider reading a relationship-focused book that provides new insights, considerations, or discussion points. Some of my favorites include Attached, The 5 Love Languages, and The 7 Principles for Making a Marriage Work. There are also some great couples workbooks if you prefer something a little more hands-on.

Schedule Both Date Nights & Solo Time

Scheduling date nights is probably the most common piece of advice you’ll hear for staying connected—and for good reason. Even if you’re around each other all day, planning intentional time for one another is very different from just going through the daily motions. It provides a shared experience, an opportunity to do something new or different, and a chance to focus on each other amid our busy lives.

In my relationship, I’m often the planner—and sometimes I don’t want to be. One strategy that has worked for us is alternating who plans the date night. I’m usually more inclined to go out and do something, while my husband prefers to stay in and engage in activities at home. This alternating approach allows us both to enjoy experiences that align with our differing needs.

It may sound counterintuitive that I included the scheduling of "solo time" in a post about how to stay connected, but I truly believe that the balance of time together and apart is crucial. If we spend so much time together that we neglect to reconnect with ourselves, it becomes impossible to be fully present for and connected to each other. My husband and I have a designated day or night of the week for solo time and of course find other pockets of time for ourselves as we need it.

Toward the end of summer, I found myself feeling a bit misaligned. I was burned out—not from having too much on my plate, but from having too many things on it that weren’t aligned with my priorities, needs, or values. I was staying in bed more than I’d like to admit, saying ‘yes’ on autopilot and regretting it later, not listening to my body, and feeling exhausted as a result. With this in mind, and because I like structure and alliteration, I set out on an ‘ALIGNED AUGUST’ at the start of the month.

Here, I’m sharing some strategies for getting started on your own journey of alignment, as well as what I learned over the course of that month (and since). The mission? Fall into a routine that you love, add color & joy back into your life where it may be lacking, change the ways you’re spending your time and energy to align with the life you want, and cozy up with your true, authentic self as much as possible.

Tips for Creating an Aligned Autumn—

1. Reflect: What’s Working? What’s Not?

Take out a piece of paper and make a list of every area of life that’s important to you — work/career, friends, family, romance, hobbies, finances, fun/play, physical health, mental health, etc. Next, go through each area and assess what is and isn’t working. Write down recent wins & challenges in each area and anything you’d like to change.

Reflecting on our recent past provides us with a clear structure for the direction we want to go next, even if we’re not sure exactly how to go about it.

2. Energy Alignment: Tune Into Your Vibes

Next, start to make note of your day-to-day activities and assess which ones GIVE energy to you, like being in nature, making a new recipe or singing in the shower - and which ones are TAKING energy away, like mindlessly scrolling on social media or spending time around negative people.

Knowing what fuels us and what drains us is a crucial part of becoming more aligned.

3. Set Intentions (Not Resolutions!)

Instead of making rigid resolutions that often aren’t sustainable, set some gentle intentions. Write down a few intentions for how you want to feel as the year winds down - or what you’d like to change or accomplish by the end of it. Maybe you want to gossip less, move your body more more or be more present.

Whatever it may be, write your intentions down and keep them visible to serve as little reminders throughout the season.

4. Embrace Seasonal Self-Care

If you’re prone to seasonal depression (or even if you’re not), it’s extra important to find small ways to embrace and lean into this time of year rather than resisting it. With Autumn comes an invitation for us to cozy up, making it the perfect cue to ramp up your self-care routine.

Create a list of self-care activities that you enjoy and that align with the season. Think bubble baths, hot tea, taking a walk in nature or indulging in a good book by the fire. Prioritize these activities—your mind and body will thank you!

5. Create a Schedule

Let’s face it: life can get hectic, especially as the holiday season approaches. Getting organized with a schedule is a way to ‘clean up’ our mental space, making it easier to assess what we can or want to say yes or no to when invitations come our way. Having a routine and some structure also helps ensure we’re spending our time and energy in the ways that truly matter to us.

Block off time for work, relaxation, and the energizing activities you’ve identified. Before adding anything to your schedule, ask yourself: Is this aligned with a need, a desire, a value, or a goal I have? This simple question can help you stay focused and intentional, allowing you to create a more fulfilling and balanced life.

6. Connect with Energy-Giving People

Nurturing the right relationships can elevate our spirits and help us regain alignment. Conversely, spending too much time and energy on the wrong relationships can drain us.

Take a moment to assess the relationships in your life. Identify which ones add value, joy, fun, and positive energy, and which ones do not. Consider who you’ve been spending the most time with or giving your energy to. Does anything need to shift? Reflecting on these connections can provide clarity and guide you toward fostering relationships that truly support your well-being.

7. Gratitude, Gratitude, Gratitude

Gratitude is an act of being present and accepting our lives as they are, even when things aren’t perfect. It helps us cultivate a more positive mindset and, ultimately, align ourselves with our true selves. By practicing gratitude, we meet ourselves where we are rather than resisting our current reality. This mindset allows us to be in a state of acceptance regarding where we are, rather than where we think we ‘should’ be.

Consider implementing a gratitude practice in your daily routine, whether it’s a quick recap at the end of the day of a few good things that happened or a ritual to start each morning with gratitude. The more specific you are in your reflections, the more impactful this practice will be, helping you to fully appreciate the positive moments in your life.

What I Learned During My Aligned August—

1. Progress Over Perfection: New Habits Take Time

   Go into the challenge realistically and understand that there will be periods of misalignment. Once we accept and expect this, we create room to bounce back from those periods much more easily. It’s when we expect perfection or hold a rigid idea of how things ‘should’ go that we spiral into shame when they don’t, which keeps us stuck and paralyzed in misalignment.

2. The FOMO Is Never As Bad As We Think It’ll Be

   Sometimes, the fear of missing out is worse than the actual experience of missing out. I can’t think of a single thing I said no to in the last two months (and there were many!) that I regret missing. Try to remember that when you’re making decisions from a place of alignment, the FOMO is minimal. Which leads to #3…

3. Alignment & Authenticity Feel Better Than Anything Else We Might Sacrifice It For

   When we sacrifice our alignment and authenticity for anything else—whether it be other people’s needs, the desire to be well-liked, or a difficulty in saying no—there will always be an internal conflict within us. Prioritizing our authentic needs first may bring some discomfort, but it’s not nearly as overwhelming as sacrificing our true selves.

4. Every Day is a New Opportunity: We Really DON’T Need a Whole New Season to Have a Fresh Start

   As mentioned in lesson #1, things will veer off course. That doesn’t mean we have to wait for the next season, week, month, or year to realign. We can wake up to a new day with a fresh perspective and simply try again.

5. Re-connecting With Ourselves is As Serious & Important As We Treat Charging Our Cell Phones

   Most of us would never let our cell phone battery die, yet we often neglect our mental and emotional batteries. Reconnecting with ourselves is essential fuel; the more connected we are to ourselves, the more present we can be for others.

The last three months of the year are often the busiest and typically involve a lot of time spent with others. With this in mind, it’s crucial to enter this season feeling aligned and connected to ourselves so we can show up intentionally, be present, and connect more fully and authentically with the people we care about. By nurturing our own well-being, we create a stronger foundation for meaningful interactions and experiences, allowing us to fully embrace the joy and warmth that this time of year brings.

Highlights & Stand-Out Features

Considerations to Know Before You Go

Tips & Recommendations

The Natural will remain to be a go-to for us on weekends when we don’t feel like traveling very far or just want a quick, easy option that we know will give great value. If you’re on Johns Island, this is a must-visit. And even if you’re not, it’s a great option if you want to try somewhere new or check out other spots in the area. Feel free to contact me if you want more Johns Island recommendations to check out while you’re here!

The Space at Marbled & Fin

Upon entering, we were warmly greeted by several staff members and given the choice between a high-top table near the bar area or corner seats at the bar. We opted for the latter. The bar, which is U-shaped with a beautiful light fixture hanging above it, is separated from the rest of the restaurant with an aisle of tall ‘birds of paradise’ plants. It’s surrounded by high-top tables and cozy, intimate semi-circle booths and is the perfect spot to enjoy dinner or a quick bite & drink. The large, main dining area when you walk in consumes most of the restaurant with a smaller, more intimate dining area in the back, which would be perfect for a private party.

In the middle of the restaurant, you'll find a stunning glass-enclosed wine cellar featuring an expansive selection of top bourbons and wines. The entire restaurant boasts high ceilings, modern fixtures, mood lighting, and plenty of greenery (including full-size trees!), creating the ‘steakhouse-but-make-it-hip’ vibe they aim for.

The Service at Marbled & Fin

From the moment we arrived, we felt welcomed and attended to. The evening started with a complimentary welcome cocktail, an amuse-bouche and a glass of champagne to celebrate my wonderful friend Meredith’s engagement (she surprised me with the news upon being seated!). We took our time getting started as we sipped our bubbles and gushed about all the details of the proposal. The staff accommodated our pace, checking in on us but not going over the menu until we were ready to dive in.

Once we were, our server, Ryan, went through every section of the menu with us—offering insights into almost every item, including popular choices and his personal favorites. His thoughtful guidance was much more helpful than simply reading through the menu on our own and contributed to some unexpected decisions.

Ryan was attentive throughout the evening, checking on us frequently and patiently allowing us to savor each course at our own pace, which was perfectly timed. The managers were also very accommodating, both checking in on us throughout the evening & taking the time to show us around the space. The sommelier gave us a tour of the wine cellar and shared a bit about their expansive wine and bourbon selections. To top it off, the chef came out to meet us and offered insights from behind the scenes.

Needless to say, the entire staff made us feel at home throughout our visit. Although it was known (by some) that we were there for media purposes, I observed that every guest was treated with the same level of attentiveness and hospitality. It’s clear that exceptional service is a top priority here, and that they have assembled a strong and dedicated team.

The Food at Marbled & Fin

Marbled & Fin’s menu is expansive and well-rounded, offering something for everyone, whether you have a big or small appetite or a complex or simple palate. Here’s a look at each menu section, including standouts, highlights, and recommendations from our visit:

Specialty Cocktails

We only sampled their signature welcome cocktail, which was delicious. On a future visit, I’d definitely try the ‘Much Appreciated’ cocktail, featuring kiwi, matcha, yuzu, and sea salt. I love that each cocktail comes with an inspiration guide; for example, this one’s inspiration is ‘Margaritas & Japanese Ceremonies’ - aka, right up my alley! A little extra touch in guiding your selection.

Luxury Bites

The luxury bites are perfect if you want to try some fancier nibbles in a more afforable way. While we skipped these this time, I would definitely opt for trying the A5 Miyazaki Wagyu with crispy rice, soy, and yuzu kosho on a return visit. They also have a Kuluga Caviar Tart & King Crab Lettuce Cup, which sound delicious as well.

Raw Bar

The raw bar includes a selection of caviar, oysters, and seafood towers meant to share. The “#1 Tuna Tartare” was one of our top bites of the night and a must-try in my opinion. The mango jam and tempura crunch topped with Serrano created a perfect balance of texture and flavor. The Hamachi Crudo is another popular item that I’ll be sure to try next time!

Starters & Salads

Mae’s Milk Bread with salted butter was unexpectedly one of our favorite bites of the night. Perfectly warm, fluffy and flavorful, it’s a must-try!

We also chose the broiled oysters and bone marrow, as recommended by many others. This dish came with a side of bread and a suggestion to top it with bone marrow and an oyster, then eat it all in one bite. While we enjoyed the bone marrow on its own, we found the full combo a bit rich for our tastes. Still, it was a memorable and unique dish, and no bite was left behind.

Marbled Steak Selections

The menu offers a variety of wet-aged, dry-aged, japanese wagyu & austrailian wagyu options. We opted for a wet-aged ribeye, cooked medium-rare, which was seasoned beautifully and topped with a garlic-butter glaze upon arrival. It was probably the best steak I’ve ever had, and I’m confident you can’t go wrong with any of the options in this section.

Additional Entrees

If you aren’t in the mood for steak, they offer a variety of other meat, seafood and pasta options. We skipped the other entrees this time, but I’ve heard great things about the pork chop.

Potato Offerings

Yes, that’s right - a whole section dedicated to potatoes! We chose the roasted fingerling potatoes with chimichurri. While good, they weren’t a stand-out bite for us. I’d love to try the triple cooked steak fries or robuchon potato puree next time.

Sides

If you get one thing aside from steak, make it the creamed corn with mozzarella on a cornbread crust. This new menu item is a must-try—think spicy Mexican street corn atop delicious cornbread with a touch of cheesiness. Pure perfection!

We also tried the carrots, which were very good as well.

Desserts

We indulged in the Baked Alaska and it was not only fun to watch them set on fire, but also tasted delicious, with hints of key lime, graham cracker, and a raspberry sorbet center. They have several options along with wine pairings, so make sure you save some room for dessert!

Dessert Cocktails and Nightcaps

To end the evening, we had an espresso martini cleverly named ‘That’s That Me Espresso.’ It was Meredith’s 39th espresso martini in Charleston (!!!), and we both loved it. Classic, made with real espresso and topped with a sugar-cream foam and the signature three beans then poured into an unusually tall, beautiful martini glass, this is a must-try.

• Not Drinking Tonight by Amanda White 

• Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker 

• Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle

Anxiety

• Perfectionists Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler

• Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty 

• Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Fourleo 

• The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein 

• A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis, Ph.D & Robert Harper, Ph.D

Body Image

• Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle

• Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D

• Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

• Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini

Career/Work 

• The 10X Rule by Grant Cardone

• You Are a Badass At Making Money by Jen Sincero 

• The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Anchor 

• How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age by Dale Carnegie 

• The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod

• High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard 

• How to Get Shit Done by Erin Falconer 

• The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy 

• Burnout by Emilia & Amelia Nagoski

Communication

• Boundary Boss by Terri Cole

Emotions 

• Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown

• Daring Greatly by Brene Brown 

• Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini 

• A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis, Ph.D & Robert Harper, Ph.D

• The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D

• The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Anchor 

• Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty 

• Toxic Positivity by Whitney Goodman 

• UNFU*K YOURSELF by Gary John Bishop 

Entrepeneurship & Leadership

• Dare to Lead by Brene Brown

• Financial Feminist by Tori Dunlap

• Burnout by Emily & Amelia Nagoski

• You Are a Badass At Making Money by Jen Sincero 

• Profit First by Mike Michalowicz

• Perfectionists Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler

Family 

• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson 

• Boundary Boss by Terri Cole

Finances

• You Are a Badass At Making Money by Jen Sincero 

• Financial Feminist by Tori Dunlap

• Profit First by Mike Michalowicz

• Financial Feminist by Tori Dunlap

Grief & Loss

• Didn’t See That Coming by Rachel Hollis

• Rising Strong by Brené Brown 

Infidelity 

• The State of Affairs - Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel

• Infidelity Recovery Workbook by Dr. Monique Thompson

Life Transitions 

• Rising Strong by Brené Brown 

• Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Fourleo 

Motivation 

• Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Fourleo 

• The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks 

• You Are a Badass Everyday by Jen Sincero 

• The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod

• How to Get Shit Done by Erin Falconer 

Mindfulness

• Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty 

• Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist

Perfectionism 

• The Gifts of Imperfection by Berné Brown 

• Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert 

• Perfectionists Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler

• Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist

Procrastination 

• High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard 

• How to Get Shit Done by Erin Falconer 

• The 5-Second Rule by Mel Robbins 

• Perfectionists Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler

Romantic Relationships 

• The 5 Love Languages - The Secrets to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

• Getting the Love you Want - A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D

• Mating in Captivity by Ester Perel 

• Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D

• Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin

• Boundary Boss by Terri Cole

• The 7 Principals for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

• The Ultimate Relationship Workbook for Couples by Dr. Ari Sytner

• The Enneagram for Relationships by Ashton Whitmoyer-Ober, MA

• Attached by Amir Levine, M.D. & Rachel Heller, M.A. 

• Daring Greatly by Brene Brown 

Self-Esteem 

• I Am That Girl by Alexis Jones

• Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini 

• Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

• You are a Badass by Jen Sincero 

• Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown

• Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes 

• Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

• How to Meet Yourself by Dr. Nicole LePera

• Untamed by Glennon Doyle

• The High 5 Habit by Mel Robbins 

• I Thought it Was Just Me by Brené Brown 

Sex

• Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D

• Mating in Captivity by Ester Perel 

Therapists/Therapy

• Sometimes Therapy is Awkward by Nicole Arzt 

• Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

• The Gift of Therapy by Irvin Yalom

Trauma 

• The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk 

• How to Do the Work by Nicole Lepera

Vulnerability 

• Daring Greatly by Brene Brown 

• I Thought it Was Just Me by Brené Brown 

• Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown

• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown 

• Rising Strong by Brené Brown 

Some of us have an inner critic that is pretty tame. It may pop up when we make a mistake or say/do something embarrassing, but otherwise it’s a subtle, quiet voice that usually doesn’t control our behavior. However some of us have an inner critic that we use to define ourselves and that drives the course of our lives. We make decisions based on what our inner critic thinks and says – and because of this we may stay stuck in unhealthy patterns of behavior that result in shame, thus making our inner critic even stronger. 

So how do we break the cycle? How do we shift from an inner critic that causes us to self-sabotage to an inner critic that is just along for the ride? Notice that I didn’t say how do we get rid of our inner critic. Eliminating our inner critic entirely isn’t possible and it shouldn’t be the goal. This keeps us stuck in black-and-white thinking, which is equally damaging. However following the steps below can help us to co-exist with our inner critic without being defined or driven by it.

Create space for your inner critic

The problem many people make when trying to overcome self-critical or negative thinking is attempting to go from 0 to 100. They make the goal to eliminate self-critical thinking completely. Trying to resist our inner critic is actually counterproductive because it is impossible to change a way of thinking completely over night. Instead, if we create space for our inner critic to co-exist with all the other parts of us, we are less likely to take actions based on it – the same actions that create more shame and self-critical thinking.

This may sound strange, but try thinking of your inner critic as a separate entity. Give it a name if you need to. This will help you identify your inner critic as a PART of you – without perceiving it to be ALL of you. Creating space for your inner critic might look like: “Hey, Trixie – I see you and I hear you. You make some interesting points. You can sit next to me in the passenger seat and share your opinion, but you’re not driving the car. I will listen to what you have to say, but I’m not going to assume that you are right or let you make decisions about where we go”.

Be compassionate toward your inner critic

We tend to get hard on ourselves about being hard on ourselves, which results in a never-ending feedback loop. We actually make our inner critic even louder when we are harsh with it. Instead, we must show it compassion and be non-judgmental toward it. We must understand that it’s trying to protect us (even if we might not need protecting) and that it doesn’t mean to cause us harm.

Thinking of your inner critic as a small child who might be acting out simply because it wants love & care might help you be more patient and compassionate toward this part of yourself. If we think about it logically, our inner critic is just trying to keep us safe. And even though it might end up hurting us sometimes, this isn’t it’s intent. Being compassionate with our inner critic gives us the space and opportunity to heal it.

Reality test your inner critic

Most of the time our inner critic has things to say that aren’t entirely factual. When our inner critic is the loudest of our internal dialogues, we are going to subconsciously seek out the information to prove it right. If our inner critic has a core belief that we’re bad at our job, for example, we’ll be more likely to focus on evidence to support that and to ignore evidence that contradicts it. We’ll ignore positive feedback from our boss and focus only on the negative.

When a critical thought pops up try asking if that is actually objectively true. Try to consciously look for and find other evidence that contradicts the inner critic – because most of the time, you will find it. Most situations are subjective. Start to look for another potential reality or alternative story. And start weaving that evidence into your narrative too.

Identify other inner dialogues 

As mentioned previously, we all have different parts of ourselves and different internal dialogues. That being said, there IS a confident dialogue inside of us as well. It’s okay if you aren’t feeling connected to it – and you can’t force yourself to be. Self-love can’t and shouldn’t be forced. However you CAN identify what that self-affirming or confident voice would say if they were part of the conversation.

When your inner critic is speaking up, instead of blindly listening, try to think about what your confident, self-affirming self would say if they were asked. Often this can look like what you would say to a friend or someone you love if they were struggling with the same self-critical thoughts or feelings. Even if you don’t resonate or fully believe/identify with the more confident thought right away, giving it a space to be heard too is an important way of eventually shifting the internal dialogue.

Don’t let your inner critic call the shots

As we’ve learned, it’s okay to have an inner critic. We all do. And the goal should not be to erase it completely. The goal is to simply not let our inner critic drive our decision making. By creating space and compassion for our inner critic, we can allow it to co-exist along side of us without letting it drive the metaphorical car of our lives.

When faced with a decision, however big or small, simply ask: what would my inner critic tell me to do and what would my confident self tell me to do? And make a commitment to make decisions based on the latter. It’s okay to have self-critical thoughts and feelings sometimes. In fact, it’s human. But it’s not okay to make big decisions about your life based on them. You deserve more.

This past week, we kicked the season off with a very rainy Sunday at Home Team BBQ’s downtown location. Home Team has been at the top of my list of must-visit spots since moving to Charleston, but something has gone wrong each time I’ve tried to go. So even though it was down-pouring, I was determined to make it there this week to finally experience what all the hype was about.

Word on the street was to get there early - around 12pm for the 1pm games - so I followed suit and was glad that I did. There was still plenty of space when we arrived, including a perfect seat facing the outdoor bar area where the TV playing the Giants game was displayed. By 12:45pm most tables & bar seats were full - and by 1:30pm it became standing room only.

Keep in mind that this was on a particularly rainy day. If the weather had been better, their expansive outdoor patio with picnic tables and multiple TVs would have been in full use, likely making the place even busier than it was indoors. Despite the crowds, I never once felt overwhelmed or inconvenienced. The space is well-designed to handle a large number of guests, ensuring a comfortable experience even during peak times.

Highlights

• Multiple TVs marked with the games being played - As a fantasy football player (and 4x champ!!), I often like to keep an eye on multiple games when I’m out and about. This is definitely a good spot for that. This past Sunday, every NFL game was accounted for and the TVs were clearly marked to indicate which games were being shown on each screen. This thoughtful set-up allows guests to easily select the best spot to sit without having to hassle the staff to switch channels. Whether you’re tracking your fantasy team’s performance or just trying to catch various matchups, this arrangement makes it straightforward and enjoyable to follow multiple games simultaneously.

• Large indoor/outdoor space - Pictures don’t do this spot justice. Home Team’s downtown location features a spacious & inviting indoor area featuring a long bar and a variety of table tops and booths, which extends into a sun room with additional seating. Beyond the indoor space, there’s also a covered patio area with additional TVs and barstools that provides another comfy area to watch the games. Finally, there is a large yard with picnic tables, another bar & even more TVs. There’s almost a guaranteed spot for everyone here, though it’s recommended to show up early if you want to sit somewhere specific.

• Football snacks - Home Team BBQ is ‘home’ to some of my favorite football snacks in Charleston. While they offer a wide variety of traditional, plate-style BBQ selections, their menu also features many of the game-day classics you crave - think nachos, wings, buffalo chicken dip, burgers and the like. They also have an expansive selection of beers to compliment their game-day bites, including my favorite, Aloha Beaches, from Low Tide Brewing. The diverse beer selection pairs perfectly with their menu to enhance an already great game-day experience.

• Service - The high volume of customers did not impact the quality of our service whatsoever. Whenever we needed something, our server was available to grab it within minutes and checked on us several times throughout our visit. Food & drinks came out promptly and service was welcoming & friendly. Even when I overlooked a TV that was playing my team’s game upon arrival, they were very accommodating and offered to put the game on another TV if I needed.

Considerations

• First Come, First Serve - Unfortunately you are unable to make reservations and seats are only available on a first-come, first-serve basis. With plenty of seating options, this isn’t too much of an issue unless you’re trying to be seated in a specific area or near a certain TV. However you’ll want to get there early in that case or prepare to stand until something opens up.

• Some TVs are a bit spread out - Depending on what time you get there & what remaining seats are available, it’s possible you may be pretty far away from the TV that’s showing your game of interest. Or if you’re trying to catch a couple different games at once, the TVs showing them might be spread out across the venue. This layout could make it challenging to keep an eye on multiple games if you’re not seated strategically, which is all the more reason to get there early to select a prime-time spot that meets your viewing needs.

• Parking - Parking at Home Team BBQ can be a bit of a challenge, as there is limited on-site parking available. During our visit, we had to circle the area once before finding a spot on the street. While we managed to find parking without too much trouble, I’d anticipate that it could become more difficult on busier days or when the weather is nicer, given the increased demand for parking. If you’re planning to visit during peak times, it might be wise to arrive early or consider taking an Uber to ensure a smooth start to your visit.

Tips

• Arrive Early: If you have a specific game you’re eager to watch, getting there early will help you secure a good seat with a clear view of the TV.

• Ask the Staff: If you don’t immediately see a TV showing the game you want, don’t hesitate to ask the staff. They’re usually more than willing to help you find it, especially if you’re there early.

• Try the Wings, Nachos, & a Game Changer: For a winning combination of snacks, order the wings and nachos—they’re favorites for a reason. And definitely try a “Game Changer”; you can thank me later!

While I’m excited to check out some other game day spots in the Charleston area, I found Home Team BBQ’s downtown location to be well worth the hype & have a feeling it’ll remain toward the top of my list. I’ll be dreaming about those wings & nachos - until next time…

Dare to Lead

The Perfectionists Guide to Losing Control

Financial Feminist

Burnout

Profit First

Regardless of which one you start with, these books combined offer such well-rounded perspective, wisdom and strategies for all aspects of the business world - from mental & emotional wellness to financial health to leadership and beyond. I strongly believe that women should collectively come together to resource-share & lift each other up, so there’s no gatekeeping here! Let me know if you read any of these and/or if you have any other recommendations I should check out.

Happy reading!

Times When We Need More Self-Compassion:

• When we’re…. Sad/Grieving

  Simply put, sadness and loss can flip our lives upside down. It can be disorienting, deregulating and emotionally disruptive. During these emotionally heightened states, we cannot expect ourselves to perform at our best or be at our peak. Our only real ‘job’ in these periods, is to tend to our emotions with kindness, patience and intentional care. Tuning into what we need in each moment — acknowledging that our needs will vary — and honoring that completely, will eventually help us to heal. It is crucial during these times not to impose pressure, expectations, or “shoulds” on ourselves, as this can make our sadness and grief heavier and more prolonged.

• When we’re… Shifting/Transitioning

  When we’re shifting or transitioning—whether adjusting to a new job, relationship, living environment, or a significant change in life such as parenthood or a recent breakup—we should avoid placing too many expectations on ourselves. During these periods, our nervous system is often overstimulated, and most of our energy goes into regulating it. This leaves little space for productivity, so it’s important to be kind and patient with ourselves as we navigate this phase.

  It can be helpful to set a timeframe for this adjustment period to check in with ourselves, ensuring we’re not using the transition as an excuse long after the change has occurred and our nervous system has re-regulated. For instance, if we’re still struggling after 6-12 months, it may be time to re-evaluate whether we are still in transition or if we’ve become ‘stuck’ and could benefit from additional self-discipline.

• When we’re… Shaming Ourselves

  When we’re shaming ourselves, it creates a toxic cycle that ultimately keeps us stuck. We cannot shame ourselves—or others—into change. If we find ourselves trapped in a cycle of negative self-talk or self-judgment, it is especially important to practice self-compassion. Self-compassion does not mean letting yourself off the hook; rather, it means accepting all parts of yourself and your current circumstances to create space for the change you’re seeking, rather than staying stuck because you feel like a lost cause. Self-compassion in the face of shame looks like this: “I’m unhappy with how I’ve handled things so far, but those choices don’t define me as a person. I will focus on what I can control and do differently moving forward.”

• When we’re… Sick

  When we’re sick, our body’s energy is focused on healing itself, leaving us with much less energy for other activities such as work, social commitments, household chores, and errands. Being sick is an ideal time to practice self-compassion for the things we’re unable to accomplish or attend to. It’s important to be gentle with ourselves and recognize that taking care of our health is a priority.

Times When We Need More Self-Discipline:

• When we’re… Self-Sabotaging

  When we consistently act in ways that are misaligned with our goals, needs, and values, some self-discipline may be necessary. It’s normal to veer off course and show up imperfectly from time to time, but we usually know when we’ve allowed bad habits and unhealthy coping skills to go too far. At such moments, self-discipline can help us recalibrate and refocus, bringing us back to a path that better supports our long-term well-being. Recognizing these patterns and taking intentional steps to address them can lead to meaningful growth and progress.

• When we’re… Stuck

  When we’ve been stuck in a prolonged period of stagnation and our current routine is no longer effective in moving us forward, some self-discipline may be required to create an energetic shift. This often involves changing aspects of our routine or habits to uncover new sources of motivation and energy. Instead of continuing to spin our wheels and repeating the same actions while hoping for different results, making intentional adjustments can help break the cycle and spark the change we seek.

• When we’re… Spiraling

  Rumination and thought spirals rarely serve us well. If we find ourselves caught in cognitive distortions such as thought spiraling, black-and-white thinking, or catastrophizing, thoughtful self-discipline may be necessary to implement mindfulness techniques that can help us break free from these states. By practicing intentional mindfulness and applying strategies to challenge and reframe these distorted thoughts, we can regain a healthier perspective and reduce the impact of negative thinking.

• When we’re… Self-Pitying

  There’s nothing quite like feeling sorry for ourselves or believing that the world is against us to keep us stuck and unmotivated. When we see ourselves as victims with no control over our lives, it’s easy to lose motivation. If you find yourself in a state of self-pity, it’s likely that you’ve taken self-compassion a bit too far. While it’s important to be kind to yourself, acknowledge your feelings, and grieve what needs to be grieved, it’s equally crucial to exercise self-discipline in the areas of your life where you still have control. Without this balance, you risk remaining stuck in a cycle of inaction and despair.

Subscribe to my blog & stay tuned for a future post on tangible tips & practices for implementing more self-compassion and/or more self-discipline.

Here are 3 whiskey cocktails to try this fall, featuring the Steel Feathers collection, whether you’re a new or experienced whiskey drinker.

Spiced Espresso Martini

2 oz Steel Feathers Espresso Whiskey

1 oz espresso 

.5 oz coffee liquor 

.5 oz cinnamon simple syrup

Nutmeg & coffee beans for garnish 

Add ice to a martini glass and set aside. In a cocktail shaker, combine the Steel Feathers Espresso Whiskey, espresso, coffee liqueur, and cinnamon simple syrup. Fill the shaker with ice and shake well. Discard the ice from the martini glass and strain the mixture into the chilled glass. Garnish with a sprinkle of nutmeg and a few coffee beans.

Southern Sunset

2 oz Steel Feathers Southern Tea Whiskey

.5 oz peach + mint simple syrup infused with ginger 

4 oz fresh lemonade

2 dashes bitters

Lemon & mint for garnish

In a cocktail shaker, combine the Steel Feathers Southern Tea Whiskey, peach and mint simple syrup infused with ginger, lemonade, and bitters. Shake well, then pour the mixture into a glass filled with ice. Garnish with lemon wedges and fresh mint.

Blackberry Steel

2 oz Steel Feathers Blackberry Whiskey

3 oz fresh lemonade

2 dashes orange bitters

Fresh blackberries & mint sprig for garnish 

In a cocktail shaker, muddle two blackberries and two mint leaves. Add the Steel Feathers Blackberry Whiskey, lemonade, and bitters. Shake well, then pour the mixture into a glass filled with ice. Garnish with additional blackberries and a sprig of mint.

I was pleasantly surprised with how each one of these turned out. Both me (new to whiskey) and my husband (an experienced whiskey drinker) enjoyed each cocktail equally. The cinnamon-infused simple syrup really added a nice twist to the Espresso Martini, while the Southern Sunset was a little on the sweeter side and incredibly refreshing. The Blackberry Steel was a show-stopper, offering a perfect balance of flavors and sweetness.

If you’re not quite ready to purchase the products or make them at home, you can go for a tour & tasting at Firefly Distillery to test out Tom & Huck Distillers’ Steel Feathers collection yourself. Use code ‘CHOWINGDOWN10’ for $10 off your tasting & tour, making it only $5 per person for a tasting flight of 6 spirits and a souvenir shot glass.

The Space

When I first walked into The Archer, my immediate thought was that the space was a bit smaller than I had anticipated. However, it managed to strike a perfect balance—cozy without feeling cramped. The decor is a visual delight, featuring a mix of charming elements like a large clock perched atop the bar, an open kitchen where you can watch the culinary magic unfold, and walls adorned with intriguing art pieces. The front of the restaurant is lined with floor-to-ceiling windows, which let in a generous amount of natural light. This creates a warm, inviting atmosphere that blends beautifully with the lodge-like, tavern vibes of the interior.

The Food

Now, let’s talk about the menu. The Archer serves up a fantastic selection of classic comfort foods, each with its own unique twist. You’ll find lighter options like crispy grilled shrimp and G&T salmon, perfect for those who prefer a fresh and vibrant meal. On the other end of the spectrum, there are heartier dishes such as beef stroganoff and seared duck frites that will satisfy even the most ravenous of appetites. Whether you’re in the mood for something comforting and familiar or eager to explore a new culinary creation, The Archer has got you covered.

During my visit, the stand-outs were the Crispy Grilled Shrimp and the Duck Frites. Would happily order these delicious dishes again in a heartbeat!

The Drinks

The drink menu at The Archer was another pleasant surprise. With an impressive array of cocktail options, I managed to taste-test four of them—one of the many perks of dining with fellow foodies who are just as adventurous! The cocktails were crafted with unique ingredients like lemon pepper tonic from Sweatman’s Garden, brown butter hazelnut tequila, and roasted bell pepper, among others. The creativity and quality in each drink were evident and made the tasting experience all the more enjoyable.

If cocktails aren’t your thing, no worries—The Archer also offers a solid selection of beers, wines, and non-alcoholic beverages.

The 7 Year Spritz was the star of our cocktail lineup. The combination of watermelon shrub and lemon pepper tonic was out of this world and has definitely earned a spot in my top 10 cocktails in Charleston so far!

The Service

The service at The Archer was easygoing, yet attentive. We were a bit indecisive at times, but our server was more than happy to step in with thoughtful suggestions and her own favorites. It was clear that the staff was not only well-versed in the menu but had also sampled much of what’s offered. This kind of informed service always enhances the dining experience and makes you feel like you’re in good hands.