I'm a checklist person. Whether it's tapping a virtual checkbox on my phone, erasing a line on my deskside whiteboard, or crossing off a legal pad with my favorite gel pen, my brain delights not just in completing a task, but also in noting its completion. Science confirms that the post-check burst of dopamine in our brain's reward center reinforces the feeling of satisfaction and inspires us to move on to the next checklist task. If you have ever written down a completed item just for the sake of marking it done (Wake up? Check!), you understand what I mean.

From square checkboxes to circular cycles

Projects are great, but home life often moves not in discardable lists, but in cycles. Fill the gas tank, drive the car, refuel. Prepare a meal, eat the meal, clean it up, and—especially in this house of small people with big appetites—do it again in a few hours. Lather, rinse, repeat. (Side note: Following that advice will double your shampoo costs. Best to save the repeat lather for another day.) A daily checklist would read more like a preschool chore chart: a list of things we do, and once the effects have worn off, we do them again. And again.

The endlessness of household chores, meal preparation, and personal care—multiplied by the number of toenails we're responsible for clipping—can feel overwhelming. Yet in the midst of these rhythms, I have realized that I find joy in the cycles. In my mind, an empty dishwasher or hamper is full of possibilities; all the clothes and dishes are clean. I run the dishwasher every night so that I know I will have clean dishes in the morning, plus room to fit all the day's plates and bowls without excessive rearranging, which frees me to use any plate I choose for my nighttime snack. I anticipate Thursday's trash pickup, when we can part ways with the worst-smelling garbage and the most oversized recyclables (read: 17 Christmas-related Amazon boxes). At bedtime, I look forward to waking up to a new day and a hot breakfast. I love using up the last of the leftovers and fresh produce just in time for our weekly grocery run. And when my toddler's pants are covered in a mix of mud and lunch leftovers, I'm happy to swap them out for a fresh pair, as long as I know tomorrow is laundry day. There is something satisfying, even mildly invigorating, in the renewal stage of the routine.

Relish, refresh, and reignite

Maybe this is why January 1 is one of my favorite holidays. Whatever the past year held, the new year is a clean slate, a literally open calendar, ready to be filled with good things. Leave the disappointments, the messes, the failures, and the bad news behind. The year ahead beckons with dreams of grand adventures, vocational victories, deepened relationships, community contributions, and organized closets. There are parks to explore, books to read, work projects to accomplish—and yes, checklists to make and mark as we go.

Sure, the calendar year is arbitrary. We can mark time and break out the new resolutions by our birthdays or the Church year (which starts the fourth Sunday before Christmas) or by the anniversary of our marriage/graduation/house purchase/first day of work. But anywhere we start it, a new year is an opportunity to be more intentional; to sort out the trash from the treasure, the sources of exhausting friction from those of empowering fulfillment. 

A new year is an opportunity to be more intentional, to refresh our checklists, and to discover joy in the rhythms of life.

As we roll into this year ahead, I invite you to relish the rhythms of life, and to thoughtfully use this time to refresh, revise, and reignite the flames of inspiration that may have suffocated in the past. What habits can we change or start to become the people we want to be? What can we toss into our metaphorical trash can to make room for better things? What relationships, causes, or projects will we pour ourselves into to create meaning in the next 365 days? 

New year resolutions don't have to be cliche failed attempts to improve our diet and exercise habits. Maybe we just update our checklists to include what matters most. And for the uninspiring but necessary (I'm looking at you, dishwashing), maybe we resolve to savor those moments, however rare and fleeting, when we feel caught up and ready to start again. (Or maybe we just make ourselves a daily list and enjoy the thrill of checking off "get dressed" and "eat dinner" every day purely for the predictable dopamine hits.)

A new year’s wish for you

May your year ahead be full of all the joy of a completed checklist, the peace of a home where every surface is clean and every sock has a mate, and the hope that renews with each cycle of possibility.

- MJ

Life of You

What intentions are driving your new year's checklist? Where can you find more joy this year in the cycles and rhythms of life?

I've been spending my days with my little ones lately, deeply vested in parenting operations while contemplating both the state of the (un)employment market and the vocation of motherhood. As an HR professional (or as I prefer to call it, a Talent and People Operations professional), I am sensitive to the contrasts between full-time employment and full-time parenting: in salary ($0), paid time off (none), and even bio breaks (minimal, and be prepared to have at least one person pounding on the bathroom door). At the same time, I am noticing where my professional and parenting skills overlap, with ample opportunities to apply the lessons from one domain to the other.

Onboarding

Take onboarding, for example. As a People Ops professional, I have designed and implemented comprehensive onboarding programs that introduced new employees to our organization's processes, policies, vision, and values. Every reading recommendation was intentionally curated to align with our company values and provide guidance on how we communicated. I used the project management tools at hand to create checklists that kept everyone organized. Our onboarding teams knew that positive first experiences translate into productive, engaged employees and higher retention rates, so we pursued continual improvement to make our new hire programs the best they could be.

As parents, we're also involved in onboarding—this time, by introducing small humans to life outside the womb.

We're tasked with teaching people who don't yet speak English almost everything there is to know about the world. By the way we interact with our little ones, we shape their earliest concepts of love, security, and how interpersonal relationships work. Those same people eventually learn our language (quite literally—nothing makes you so aware of your grammar and word choice as hearing it echoed by a toddler), and then, the questions begin.

Why do we have to sleep?
Where was I before I was born?
Does ground beef grow in the dirt?
What color is pain?

(Thanks to my little man for the examples.) Every day of parenthood, we're defining words, explaining science concepts (like what happens to our food after we eat it), teaching rudimentary geography (England is too far to drive there; it’s cold in Canada), curating media influences, and teaching values-aligned social skills.

New employees might be fully onboarded in 90 days, but even 10 or 15 years in, our children still need guidance to navigate the nuances of school, friendships, social media, and impending adulthood. Checklists can help us stay organized, but the work is ongoing.

So if you're a new employee and you need to ask me twice about where to find the health insurance plan documents, don't worry; I'm happy to help. Your orientation-related inquiries are far easier to answer than my three-year-old's deep meaning-of-life questions.

Recruiting

Selection is also a regular part of parenting. As parents, we research and compare pediatricians, car seats, and summer camps, reading an exhausting number of reviews before choosing the best one (or at least, the best one in our budget). We interview nannies, babysitters, and preschool directors, searching for indicators of responsibility, kindness, and good handwashing technique. On any random grocery day, we're reading the label on three different brands of "organic veggie puffs" to see if any of them are a legitimate source of vegetables for our picky toddlers (and what exactly "puff" is made from, anyway).

In HR and People Operations, talent acquisition (i.e. recruiting) is sometimes treated as a separate function, but for many of us in HR, recruiting and hiring is part of the people experience we're here to create. Parenting skills in locating suitable options, comparing the strengths of each possibility, and making a data-informed, budget-conscious decision are all applicable in corporate recruiting. We can even learn something from our preschoolers' insatiable curiosity; asking good questions—and actually listening to the answers—is a component of successful interviewing.

If, as parents, we can find someone who makes us feel okay about leaving our firstborn with a complete stranger, then as recruiters, we can find you the best product manager or sales account executive (or at least, the best one in our company's budget)—no problem.

Employee Relations

We can keep this section short. If you have ever settled a tug-of-war over the green toy when the identical-but-orange one is wide open, or handled a "He's touching meee!" complaint issued from the backseat of the car, you have already mastered the ultimate in conflict resolution: sibling relations. This is not to minimize the gravity of workplace employee relations, which can be complex, nuanced, and even have legal implications—and "Because I said so" isn't a viable justification for a proposed solution. But generally, as HR professionals, we are working with rational adults who want to reach a resolution. If we can gracefully de-escalate daily squabbles between siblings, we can bring a fair and professional approach to workplace issues.

Policy Creation and Enforcement

Your house might have standard rules like mine does. We try to phrase them in the positive when possible:

• Use your walking feet. (No running in the house.)

• Stay in bed during rest time. (Go to sleep. It's not playtime.)

• Say please and thank you. (Be kind, not rude.)

But then there are the policies you never imagined creating until a small human creates the situation. Sometimes these need more direct wording.

• The couch is for sitting. (Not for races, wrestling, or assembling a pillow fort with a slide exit.)

• No cars in the kitchen. (I don't want to step on a Hot Wheels toy with a hot pan in hand—or lose your favorite racecar under the stove.)

• Don't lick the floor. (Seriously, just don't.)

In comparison, writing up 2020's never-before-needed remote work procedure and company illness policy was simple. Company policies sometimes state what seems obvious to most employees ("Do not come into the office with a high fever and share your germs with all of your coworkers."), and even the more restrictive policies are usually met with more understanding than you'll get from a child who has just been told not to sing at the dinner table. To make work even easier, now we can have AI do the initial drafting, whether it's an expense reimbursement policy or a compensation philosophy (though I question the wisdom of using AI to write policies that govern the use of AI).

Both household rules and HR handbooks require communication, creativity, and adaptability to address new challenges as they arise. But at home, there is no threat of termination for noncompliance; family is forever. And while office workers are adults responsible for their own actions, we parents must balance the right and responsibility of shaping our children's conceptions about appropriate conduct. The structure we put in place creates the environment that nurtures or discourages behaviors—which leads right into our next point.

Inclusion

Even without a diagnosed special need in the family, parenting kids at varying ages and stages of life is a constant exercise in making reasonable accommodations. When we go to church, my teenager gets a notebook and pen to take notes; during a long car ride or a wait at the doctor's office, she's allowed to play games on her phone. In contrast, my preschooler gets a fidget popper, a travel-size doodle board, and probably a snack. The baby gets something to chew, or in a pinch, some distracting item he's never seen before from the bottom of the diaper bag—and we readily excuse the spitting and shrieking noises that would be unacceptable from the older kids.

As parents and caregivers, we maintain an ever-evolving awareness of what supports our children need in order to thrive. So in the corporate environment, if you need to work remotely in order to cope with your chronic health condition or care for an aging parent, we get it. If the office chaos makes it hard for you to focus, noise-canceling headphones are the least we can do. (At least you don't burst into tears at the sound of a trash bag being opened like one of my babies did.) And navigating new cities and shopping malls with a stroller—which I suspect is far easier to jump up over a curb compared to maneuvering a wheelchair—makes us realize that accessibility is critical. Without adequate ramps and elevators, or even wide-enough store aisles, we get a glimpse of how challenging life can be without the right accommodations in place.

The people we love need unique supports in order to be at their best. Intentionally creating an environment that honors each individual's needs fundamentally benefits the family, yielding more peace and joy in our day-to-day experience. Similarly, for those of us HR leaders who care, we want every person on our teams to feel valued, included, and empowered to contribute—and we're here to advocate for you.

Real HR

Human Resources and human-raising each bring their own challenges, but it turns out, there is significant overlap in the skills required for success. The capabilities we hone in the crucible of parenthood make us more competent HR leaders, ready to show up with compassion, correction, a birthday cake, or a box of tissues as the situation warrants. And good news for any HR professionals who may be expecting: the People skills you've practiced in recruiting, onboarding, relations, policy, and inclusion will equip you to show up as a more effective parent.

Leading HR, People, and Talent—and doing it well—is far from easy. It takes skill, care, empathy, humility, and a willingness to learn—all qualities that also serve us well in parenting. At times, parenting can seem harder than any HR job, but it has one undeniable advantage. No matter how great our coworkers are, our children are actually family—and raising them is a privilege worth every unpaid minute.

- MJ

Life of You

How do the skills you practice at work relate to your home life? How does parenthood shape the way you show up at work?

Where Memories Are Made

We're making memories.

As parents, that's what we say when we spend the day at the beach with our children, building sandcastles and digging holes and jumping in the waves. Or we pack up everything-but-the-kitchen-sink and travel across state lines to visit relatives, making memories with our loved ones while we can. Or we plan and save and finally take the family trip we've been dreaming about, trading our savings for restaurant meals and hotel rooms and souvenirs. As the vacation fund dwindles like the melting ice cream in our cones, we see the investment of time, energy, and dollars, and we trust that it's worthwhile. We're making memories.

But memories aren't just made on vacation. Difficult days can stick with us in vivid detail: moments of loss, of fear, of injury and illness. Other memories are just snippets of everyday life at a particular point in time. Any day, any moment of consciousness, has the potential to become a memory. 

Any moment has the potential to become a memory.

In our busy lives, and especially with children at home, it's easy to get caught up in the noise, the messes, and the issues of the minute. Each day is so filled with activities, conversations, and routines, it can seem to go by in a blur. I sometimes step back, look at my children, and wonder: What will they remember from this time? What will I remember? Which of these specific moments in their little lives will form a lasting impression? 

Reflections on Remembering

When I was young, I was known for my "good memory," but even my own childhood memories—some vague and others distinct—are sparse and seemingly random. I can picture my dad coming home from work when I was three or four years old, walking up the stairs with his briefcase and foil-wrapped "Bernie bread"—a quick loaf baked by his coworker, Bernie—in hand. But is that a memory of one specific evening? A collage of impressions formed over the course of months? Or maybe just a dream that muddled with reality and imagination over the years? More importantly: Why can I easily return to that mental picture, but so few other moments from my early life?

I count it as a blessing of modern technology that my more recent memories are augmented by digital photography. When I want to remember something—the size of my baby's hand in mine, the craft project my creative daughter constructed, or the time we spontaneously dipped our toes in the ocean on a weekend adventure—I take a picture. My phone's warning that "your memory is running out of storage space" rings true for more than my hard drive. There are only so many moments we can distinctly hold on to in our conscious mind. But when I look at a photo from five or ten years ago, even twenty years ago, I can often picture being in that place in time. Writing helps, too; the daily moments of my older children's preschool days would have been lost if I hadn't documented them with journal entries, messages to extended family, photographs, and video clips.

Making Memories with Intention

Realizing that everything has the potential to form a memory, but nothing is guaranteed, can drive us to approach the days with a little more intention. Thinking about our words and actions, we can ask: Is this the memory I want to create? Am I being the person—right now, in this moment— that I want my family to remember? We can’t decide which moments will be cemented in our children’s minds, but we can choose the positive attitudes, the encouraging affirmations, and the deliberate acts of kindness that add color and warmth to the memories we create.

We aren’t powerless over what we or others remember; there are actions we can take to influence memory formation. We can document the highlights; we can tell our favorite "Remember that time...?" stories; we can plan the big adventures and celebrations that set the stage for happy impressions. As your own experience might validate, vacations and birthday parties and holidays are often where memories are made.

But sometimes, it's just coming home from work with a special snack. Or building a marshmallow-and-toothpick structure while talking about the best and worst parts of school.

Maybe part of making good memories is just showing up: eating dinner together, singing silly songs, cheerfully driving to soccer practice, listening to their stories, admiring their doodles, snuggling at bedtime and kissing them goodnight. 

Every day with our children is a potential memory, for them and for us. One great day might stick, but it might just as easily be forgotten. More likely, it's a series of moments over days over years that show our children they are loved. And since we can only live each moment one time, let's make good memories every day—whether we remember them or not.

- MJ

Life of You

What are your best childhood memories? What do you hope your family will remember about this time in your life right now?

My baby is seven months old, and it’s so much fun to watch him learn about the world. Since he hit the half-year mark, he has gained an exciting freedom that many adults take for granted: the ability to move. No longer is he restricted to looking at and feeling (and tasting!) the immediate environment we’ve curated for him. Now he can roll, slide, pivot, and scoot his way to explore new places that he never knew existed, and every day, he gets a little better at it.

Although most humans eventually settle on the same style of locomotion—walking upright on two legs—the path that infants take to get there can vary. Some babies master the traditional crawl, while others do a bear crawl, shuffle on their bottoms, or roll. My little guy has even experimented with sliding across the floors on his back, head first, pushing off with one foot until he quite literally hits a wall.

But I characterize my baby's main motion as “flopping.” It’s not quite a crawl. He pushes up into a plank position, straight arms, then pushes off his feet, flops down to his belly, and pulls his arms back around as though he’s speed-rowing his way out to sea.

It's kind of hilarious. Kind of adorable. And it's also kind of inspiring, because it’s such a fitting picture of life.

Careers can look like this. Far from a smooth, coordinated motion, my work life—and maybe yours, too—has been as awkwardly productive as my infant’s gross motor skills. 

I decided on a career goal. Eyes on the prize. I got the certification I needed. Push up. I got the entry-level job. Lean into it. 

Then I realized that the path I had chosen wasn’t leading where I wanted to go. Flop. 

But that isn’t the end.

Pivot. Turn around and start back in a different path. Find a new career goal. Start small and grow it. Push forward. Lean into it. Hold steady, like my seven-month-old in a plank position. Flop down. Lift your arms. Take a deep breath. Call out in excitement. Gain momentum. 

Eventually you get there.

Love life can be like this too. You get in a rhythm—your relationship. Your stride. Then there's a bump. Lose your balance. Flop. But you can't just stay there on your belly. Push back up. Look up. Find a new target—a toy to chew, or a partner worth pursuing. Struggle with all your might. Dig in your toes. (Digging in your heels is for people who don't want to go anywhere.) Keep going until you find it.

The struggle is real in the moment. But when you step back outside the situation, the frustrations and setbacks and the awkward motions are almost funny.  

If you flop forward often enough, fast enough, you'll get there.

You just have to choose a direction. The baby chooses: the rattle, the ball, Mumma’s foot, or the shiny metal water bottle that Daddy left on the floor. He's determined. Place something particularly enticing in his sight—say, a delicate drinking glass or my cell phone—and he’ll flop forward with all his might until he reaches the goal.

If my little man can flop his way to his destination, you can get to yours too. 

- MJ

Life of You

What does flopping forward look like in your life?

It’s open enrollment season at many companies, and it’s the final quarter of the calendar year for everyone, which means many organizations—mine included—are planning their total rewards for the coming year. Tasked with comparing an array of health plans and insurance brokers, I’m reminded of Michael Scott and Dwight Shrute in the third episode of The Office, trying to find the most comprehensive coverage for all of our employees’ needs at a corporate-budget-friendly price.

It might be safe to conclude that none of our colleagues are afflicted with Count Choculitis, as Office pranksters Jim and Pam claimed to be, but the variety of individual needs in any organization does mean that the best employers will offer inclusive benefits that are meaningful to their employees. In addition to competitive salaries and robust health care coverage–which are nearly universally important to all U.S. workers–employees with children tend to value benefits that support their role as parents and which help them find balance between work and family responsibilities.

Paid Parental Leave

Paid parental leave is a norm in many countries, but a lack of mandates in the United States means policies are left to employers. In many situations, new parents can take up to twelve unpaid weeks off work for the birth or adoption of a child under the Family Medical Leave Act, but for many families, three months without income—combined with the expenses that tend to accompany birth and babies—isn’t a financially feasible option. Employers who want to attract workers with expanding families will offer both paid maternity and paternity leave, often categorized together as parental leave.

In some ways, the length of paid parental leave can be seen as an indicator of how supportive an employer is of family life in general. Many organizations offer six weeks of paid maternity leave, but six weeks is also the minimum amount of time suggested to recover from an uncomplicated childbirth, leaving little or no time to transition to new parent life and line up reliable childcare. Eight weeks is better, but many moms I’ve known weren’t physically or emotionally ready to leave their two-month-old at daycare and return to full-time work. And while dads, adoptive parents, and parenting partners might not have to recover from the physical toll of pregnancy and birth, paid time off allows them to bond with their child, help their partner,  contribute to childcare responsibilities, and maybe even get some much-needed sleep. Hopefully, in the coming years we will see more U.S. organizations offering three, four, six months, or even longer paid parental leave policies so that employees no longer have to choose between their career and caregiving in the early days of parenthood.

Offering a gradual return-to-work program is another way to support new parents. Whether it involves shorter days, fewer work days per week, or more remote work days, a flexible transition from parenting back to full-time work can make this challenging time more feasible for parents returning from leave.

Flexible Remote Work

On that note, remote work is a benefit for many types of workers, including those with families. When they have a sick child at home for the day, or need to be present when their elementary school kids get off the bus, or have an elderly adult in the family who can’t be left alone, remote work gives employees the flexibility to care for their family’s needs while continuing to get things done. In contrast, some families, such as those with a full-time caregiver parent and one or more toddlers in the house, may find working from home too distracting. For these employees, providing a local corporate office or a membership to a coworking space can create the separation of home and work that they need.

Flexible work hours are another family-friendly perk that can apply to remote, on-site, or hybrid workers. When employees are allowed to create their own schedules that may flow outside of the traditional 9-5 hours, it becomes feasible to balance morning medical appointments, afternoon pickups, and early evening activities without missing work. Fostering this kind of work-life harmony helps keep employees engaged during their office hours and leads to increased retention over time.

Fostering work-life harmony helps keep employees engaged during their office hours and leads to increased retention over time.

Breastfeeding Support

Decades of research has shown that breastfeeding has significant short- and long-term health benefits for both infants and their mothers. But hear it from a mom who has spent at least seven years of her life lactating: the time and effort required for successful breastfeeding can feel like a job in and of itself. On top of broken sleep, adjusting to new routines, and a potentially demanding little person requiring constant care, expressing milk for baby to drink while mom is at work can add an additional layer of stress. Employers may not be able to directly ease a mother’s worries about milk quality and quantity, finding the right bottle, or constantly washing pump parts, but they can offer benefits that remove some barriers to successful breastfeeding. Besides helping ease the transition back to work for breastfeeding mothers, offering breastfeeding support has the potential to pay off financially with decreased absenteeism and reduced turnover among working mothers.

Most health insurance companies now provide breast pumps or reimburse the cost, so resources for pregnant members should include guidance on how to utilize this benefit. (Shoutout to my coworker who shared our insurance’s step-by-step guide to getting a free breast pump with her fellow pregnant employees!) Federal law requires employers to provide “reasonable break time” for an employee to express milk for her infant, and on-site employers must also provide a private, non-restroom space for such employees to use while pumping. Some state laws have additional requirements for breastfeeding accommodations. Creating a dedicated Mothers’ Room with a refrigerator and sink for on-site milk expression, allowing flexible schedules for pumping breaks, providing assistance with finding a certified lactation consultant, and even allowing remote workers to join a meeting by phone instead of a video call are subtle ways to show support for employees who choose to breastfeed.

Child Care Assistance

With the rising costs of care eating up a significant portion of a working parent’s take-home pay, tax breaks and employer-subsidized child care can help offset the feeling that work is just to pay for daycare.  

Dependent care flexible spending accounts (DCFSAs) allow working parents to set aside funds on a pre-tax basis for qualified childcare expenses, such as preschool tuition or after-school babysitter fees. Qualified dependents must be under the age of 13 or adults deemed incapable of self-care by the IRS, and the annual contribution limits are set by the government. Employers can offer these accounts through their benefits broker and may even choose to subsidize DCFSAs with employer-contributed funds. Working parents should consult their tax advisor to determine whether contributing to a DCFSA, claiming the dependent care tax credit, or a combination of both will be the best option for their family.

For large organizations with hybrid or local workers, many parents appreciate the convenience of on-site childcare facilities that allow them to see their child during the work day and save valuable time at pick-up and drop-off. A discounted partnership with high-quality childcare center close to the office can achieve a similar goal. And for companies hoping to cut down on worker sick days that parents take when their child has a mild illness or when their regular caregiver is unavailable, providing a membership to a backup babysitting service option can reduce absenteeism, increase productivity, and alleviate the stress of searching for last-minute care.

Virtual Support

From talk therapy for teens to on-demand pediatric telemedicine to expert advice on toddler nutrition, myriad apps are available to support all kinds of families. Some vendors partner with health insurance companies or market their services to employers who want to offer these ancillary benefits to their employees and their families. Personally, I have appreciated having access to Maven, a women’s healthcare app, through my health insurance. It is beyond the scope of this article to offer specific recommendations, but if you’re an employer or benefits administrator, I recommend looking into ways that you can provide, reimburse, or subsidize resources that help families thrive, and virtual support apps are an easy, inclusive way to do that.

At my company, we also have a Slack discussion group for parents. What started as a channel for showing off cute kid photos has evolved to offer support—sometimes in words of encouragement; sometimes with helpful article links; sometimes simply in heartfelt (and heart-shaped) emojis. Creating an employee resource group like this costs the employer nothing, but it provides a valuable forum for coworkers to connect. Comprehensive insurance, flexible leave, and free baby gear are great benefits, and wise workers will seek out employers who offer them. But sometimes what parents and others raising children need most is just to know that they aren’t alone. And with intentionality, building an inclusive work community for all kinds of families can fit into any organization’s benefits budget.

- MJ

Life of You

What employer-sponsored benefits are most meaningful to you and your family?

I recently returned to work after enjoying twelve precious weeks of maternity leave. The first few months of my baby’s life went by way too quickly, but I am grateful to have a job to return to, and happy to be back in the virtual office. As I sort through three months of emails and prioritize Q4 projects, I find myself glad that I took time before my baby’s arrival to make sure my work team was prepared for my absence.

One of the nice things about parental leave, especially compared with other occasions to miss work such as illness or bereavement, is being able to plan in advance. I didn’t know the exact day when my baby would arrive and my leave would begin, but I knew it would be no later than the end of July. To err on the side of being too prepared rather than surprised—especially after a coworker’s baby arrived four weeks before the due date—my internal deadline to be ready for handoff was the end of June. By Independence Day, I was feeling confident that my team would be able to cover for me while I was out. It worked out that spending the spring preparing for my summer off ended up easing my transition back to work this fall.

If you’re a manager, team leader, project point-person, or subject matter expert with an upcoming extended leave, there are a few simple ways you can set up your team for success during your absence. These ideas are especially relevant in a smaller organization where you might be the only person who does what you do. To make work life easier for everyone, including your future post-leave self, it’s worth taking the time to delegate, educate, and communicate with your team.

Delegate

The first step in planning for a leave of absence is identifying the work that needs to be done. It helps to make a few lists: one of all your day-to-day job responsibilities and current projects, and then if you have direct reports, make a separate list of anything out of the ordinary that you would like them to do while you’re out.

Looking at your own list, cross off anything that doesn’t actually need to be done. Your side projects or deep-dive research will probably be waiting for you when you get back. For anything left on the “important” list, think through (possibly in a brainstorm session with your direct reports or your leadership team) who could temporarily cover your responsibilities. Make sure that there is at least one name next to every must-do task or essential project.

Resource planning is an important step in delegation: Does your team have the capacity (Time? Aptitude? Attitude?) to cover for you, or will they need to hire a contractor to help cover some of the department’s work? If you’re responsible for decision-making, think about who will make the call while you’re gone. (Your manager? The team lead? Maybe you right now so that the decision is already made before the question is asked?) 

Your LOA can be a great opportunity to let a high-achieving individual contributor step into a leadership role. And with some thoughtful delegation, teaching others how to cover your work can increase the cross-functional skills on your team.

Educate

Once you have figured out what the work is and who will do it, it’s time to identify and address any gaps in knowledge or skills. When I realized that I was the only person at the company aware of the nuances of how to post a properly formatted job listing, or that I was the only remaining admin able to approve benefits enrollments, I prioritized these areas for training my team.

With all the research available on adult learning, the topic of team training could be a post of its own, so we will cover just a few ideas here. What works best for you will depend on the type of training needed and on the individuals you’re teaching. One of the best uses of your time is to document processes, ideally in your organization’s online knowledge base or a shared company drive. For software skills, you can add screenshots to help your learners confirm they are landing on the right page or clicking the correct box. (Side note: Learning the keyboard shortcut for copying a screenshot to the clipboard on my Macbook was a game-changer for me. Command + shift + fn + 4 = screenshots pasted in seconds!) My team appreciated having this step-by-step guide to follow along while I demonstrated, and it also served as a resource to refer to later. In fact, accessible documentation is a gift to your organization that often impacts more than just your leave of absence. If you get promoted out of your role, or leave the company, or need to train a new hire, or have a family emergency and have to miss work, the time you have invested in documentation will pay off.

To supplement the how-to-do-my-job playbook, I like to use the magic of screenshare to walk through processes together. I invited my direct reports to a video call and showed them some of the more complicated tasks, narrating each step while they followed along in the documentation. Next, I let my team members go through the process themselves while I watched on video, commenting as needed. Most of my coworkers felt that actually doing the action themselves was the most effective way for them to learn and remember. For more strategic items, I documented some of my thought process (“Here are some things we think about when selecting an interview panel…”) and added a quick meeting to discuss it with my team and answer their questions. Whether you’re working remotely or in-person, you can use these skills of documenting, demonstrating, and shadowing to pass on whatever knowledge others will need to carry on without you.

Communicate

Successful communication will look different for different roles, different work environments, and different individuals. Many new parents are offline completely for the duration of their leave, and that’s completely valid; the birth or adoption of a child is a special and demanding time of life with priorities that trump checking office emails. Like vacation time, as a benefit of employment, parental leave is most valuable when employees are truly given freedom to be off work completely. Many companies actually freezes employee accounts during parental leave or FMLA so that there is no possibility of logging in during that time. And if you’re a non-exempt employee who is paid by the hour, or you’re taking unpaid leave of any kind, you are definitely not obligated to work during your scheduled time off.

But if, like me, you have a little FOMO on department decisions, or a little drive for make sure no important requests are ignored by your out-of-office autoresponder, or a little time to low-key scroll through Slack with a newborn asleep on your lap, there are ways to communicate that won’t monopolize your baby-bonding time.

One working mother of two whom I respect told me that she used a Google doc to keep in touch with her direct reports during maternity leave, and this idea was perfect for me since my team knows, despite having access to Microsoft Word at an organizational level, that I am a committed user of the Google Workspace. A Google doc (or yes, a shared Word doc) allows asynchronous communication free of distracting alerts (side note: be sure to snooze your Slack notifications or delete the app completely), and doubles as a record of what decisions were made and projects were completed during your leave period. 

Using a separate document for each of my direct reports, I included a quick template list dated for each week I was gone that had space for Highlights & Accomplishments, Challenges, Questions, Notes, and Action Items. If my reports had something to share for any of the categories that week, they filled it in. If not, they left it blank; the idea was to create a communication channel, not to assign homework. They knew they could text me with anything pressing, but the shared document was perfect for recording wins and jotting notes about low-priority issues.

When it comes to communicating with others in or outside of your organization, the key is to find what works for you and set appropriate expectations with your team. Instead of committing to a calendar meeting at a set time, I was able to make an occasional work call while my newborn was napping. When I didn’t want to miss out on a product demo with a new software vendor, I joined the web session with my camera and microphone off so that my little one’s grunty baby sounds wouldn’t distract anyone else. 

Really, communication is a fitting one-word summary for this post.

Communicate about what needs to be done. Communicate about how to do the work effectively and excellently. Communicate about your availability and your expectations. Tell others how they can best communicate with you during your leave.

And then, focus on enjoying your new child. (Or your vacation. Or your couch. Whatever the reason for your leave, don’t get so caught up in work that you lose it.) Time off goes by quickly, and before you know it, your team will be welcoming you back to work. 

- MJ

Life of You

How have you set your team up for success while you’re out of the office? What have your co-workers done to prepare that helped you succeed in their absence?

Last week, I wrote about how hiring teams can build more diverse, inclusive teams by disrupting job title bias. But what about when you’re the job seeker, aspiring to a position that isn’t listed in your work history? There is no magic solution, but for many jobs, there are a few strategies you can apply to move past job title bias into the job of your dreams.

1. Get promoted.

To hire you for a job you’ve never done at a company you’ve never worked for, a new employer takes twice the risk that your current company would by promoting you. At your current job, they (hopefully!) already know your work ethic, your transferable skills, your personality, and the kind of projects you’ve completed. (If they don’t, that’s a topic for another day.)

While you continue to shine in your current role, you can look for ways to add value to your organization that would qualify you for the job title you want. If there isn’t a current opening, is there a possibility of creating a new position? Would management consider adding “Senior” to your job title when you reach a certain goal? Could the team use two project managers instead of just one?

Instead of pouring energy into job hunting, pour it into getting—and excelling at—the job you want where you already are. If you decide to move on in the future, you’ll have a ticket past the “they’ve never had this job title” bias that my previous article describes. And by trying out the role with your current employer, you’ll have an opportunity to find out if this really is what you want to do—and what it takes to succeed—without the hassle of changing jobs.

2. Get referred.

One of the best-known ways to get out of the virtual resume pile, especially as a non-traditional candidate, is to be referred. Most companies offer some kind of employee referral program, but even if you’re applying to a company that doesn’t have anything formalized, having someone on the inside to put in a good word for you can go a long way.

If you’re shooting for a job title that seems just out of reach, see if anyone among your friends and professional network is hiring. Check in with connections, former colleagues, and LinkedIn's suggestions of people you might know who work at companies of interest. Then, once you have a conversation scheduled, use the suggestions in option three to nail the interview. 

3. Get creative.

If you haven’t held the job title before, how do you know you’ll be successful? Answering that question for yourself is the key to updating your resume highlights. Instead of listing out your [potentially irrelevant] job responsibilities, use your resume bullet points to showcase the transferrable skills and specific areas of impact that could be applicable to the job you want. 

If the job application you’re completing has space for a cover letter, write a concise note about your interest and how your past experience has prepared you for this role. A creative, well-written application just might pique the hiring team’s interest enough to land an interview. If you get to that point, you can prepare by researching problems that you might encounter at your dream job (because problems do exist at every job; that’s why they need to hire you) and consider how you would solve them. For bonus points, be ready to describe any past work experience that informs your decision-making. 

Creative confidence, when executed well, can bridge the gap that job title bias creates.

Creative confidence, when executed well, can bridge the gap that job title bias creates. As a hiring manager, I consider myself pretty open-minded in the resume stage, but when candidates appear distinctly unqualified, I’m looking for them to fill in the blanks for me about why they’re applying. Once, when I was hiring a Technical Recruiter, a few candidates listed job responsibilities that respectively included: operate the Zamboni, firearm floor sales, and completes urine specimen collection. I’m still unsure why these candidates applied for a Technical Recruiter role, but they could have come a little closer to consideration by replacing the above with something like followed standard procedures to ensure an immaculate environment, displayed expert product knowledge to close sales, or responsibly handled assigned tasks with discretion. It’s still true, but much more relevant to the job opening than Zamboni-operating prowess.

Note: This isn’t about making things up. If you exaggerate on your resume, claiming to have job titles or responsibilities you didn’t have, you will eventually find yourself caught in a lie that could permanently damage your professional credibility. I’m suggesting a reframe that applies your actual experience to the job title you’re seeking, not a fictitious or falsified application. In other words, support your case with truth.

It’s also worth noting that these strategies won’t work in every scenario. Many jobs require specific degrees or certifications; no amount of creative resume writing will get you a position as a pediatrician if you haven’t completed medical school, and you’ll need to be a licensed electrician before you apply to rewire city hall. But in the tech world and startup community, especially, new roles are constantly developing and changing, potentially creating opportunities to take your career to a new level. 

- MJ

Life of You

Have you been hired for a role when your work history wasn’t a perfect match?
Share how you disrupted job title bias in the comments, and keep moving onward and upward!

In business and especially in hiring, we're all talking about diversity, equity, and inclusion. Companies set affirmative action goals. Job postings include equal opportunity statements that encourage candidates from minority groups to apply. Hiring teams can even utilize software that masks personal data to avoid any unconscious bias or assumptions based on the candidate's name or address. And for the most part, these are all good things. 

But although DEI in hiring has come a long way in recent years, there are still untapped areas of diversity such as job history. Varying the gender and ethnicity of the people we interview can be an obvious, visible way to combat uniformity in the hiring process, but it isn’t the only area where traditional biases have created a barrier to diversity. If we really want our teams to be different —and not just look different—we need to do something different. 

For recruiters and hiring managers, we can challenge ourselves to add this dimension of diversity by looking beyond a candidate’s years of experience tied to a particular job title. 

Three specific steps that talent acquisition teams can apply include:

1. Review resumes with human eyes.

Applicant tracking software is a helpful tool, but without a highly sophisticated level of DEI-conscious programming, using it to set up automatic rejection workflows can set our diverse hiring efforts up for failure. Instead of relying on AI to decide which candidates are worthy of consideration, let’s challenge hiring teams to designate an open-minded human to review all resumes. Yes, this is time-consuming, and there might be a dozen applications that absolutely should be screened out for every one that’s worth a second look. But just as you can’t hire the person you don’t interview, you’re unlikely to interview that diverse candidate if no one has even looked at their resume.

2. Look for transferable skills.

Transferable skills, a phrase that’s been gaining traction in diversity hiring, refers to skills and experience that can be applied to a job or role that isn’t a perfect 1:1 match—and these skills might be hiding in the bullet points below a seemingly unrelated job title. A former retail store cashier can bring customer service skills and attention to detail to an office administrator position. An elementary school teacher has a passion for education, creative problem solving skills, and an understanding of classroom teachers’ needs that can be highly valuable for a variety of roles at an edtech company. An expert user of a digital product could be the ideal salesperson or implementation specialist for the software they used daily in their last role. And if you’re hiring to fill one of many equivalent positions on a team (sales staff, customer service reps, widget designers?), you’ll add greater depth and diversity to your team by selecting candidates with a variety of previous job experience.

3. Be authentic. 

This advice really applies to anyone, anywhere, and can improve all areas of the hiring process. Specific to job title bias, authenticity requires hiring teams to be honest about what they’re really looking for and what the candidate can expect. Don’t put a footnote on your job posts that says “Even if you only meet 75% of the qualifications, we want to talk to you” unless someone from the hiring team really will talk to a job applicant who only checks three quarters of the qualification boxes. Don’t schedule a dozen interviews with diverse individuals when you already know the job is going to an internal candidate; it’s inconsiderate of the candidates’ and the interviewers’ time. And if the leadership at your company looks homogenous, causing hesitation for traditionally diverse candidates, be authentic about some of the invisible differences that give your team strength, as well as about the efforts you’re making to broaden the perspectives that are represented on the team.

Another bonus of authenticity: it underscores that regardless of differences or sameness, we are all imperfect humans, and one thing we have in common is that we don’t always get it right. But by being intentional in our efforts to overcome bias, we can work towards a deeper level of diversity in the hiring process.

- MJ

Life of You

What are some other “invisible differences” that can add diversity to your team, and how do you find qualified candidates who reflect that diversity?

High-Rise Bottoms

I’m normally a low-rise person when it comes to pants and undies, but when recovering from a C-section, I don’t want clothes rubbing against my incision. Once we’ve moved beyond the disposable mesh underwear that the hospital provides (and feel free to keep using those if that’s what works for you), high-waisted panties are more comfortable than bikini cuts. I mostly wear dresses and nightgowns in these early postpartum days, but some loose-fitting, high-waisted lounge pants or shorts are a good idea. I’ve been in love with Old Navy’s maternity pajamas—they’re super soft, lightweight, and flowy.

Functional Dresses

While we’re updating our wardrobe, I also recommend long, comfortable dresses to eliminate the need for pants or shorts. If you’re breastfeeding, make sure you can nurse comfortably in your dresses: front buttons, wrap-styles, or low cut necklines are all possibilities, and may be more readily available (and budget-friendly) than dresses specifically designed for nursing. I bought a few flowy summer dresses at Bealls that fit over my baby bump during pregnancy, and I’m getting plenty of use out of them in the postpartum period too.

Breastfeeding Basics

A nursing pillow such as a Boppy is always helpful for nursing, and even more so when our abdomens could use a layer of protection. It's also important to have a comfortable chair or nursing nook where we can use (relatively) good posture.

Pantry Power-Ups

After abdominal surgery, the pressure is on to get your bowels moving again. Your hospital may provide or recommend stool softeners or even a laxative to help, but you can also stock your pantry with high-fiber foods to encourage your body to get back to normal. Oatmeal, dried fruit, applesauce, and chia and flax seeds sprinkled into oatmeal or applesauce are easy and tasty ways to increase your fiber intake—and hopefully, your output. Drinking plenty of water is essential, too, so a refillable water bottle or straw cup can be helpful.

For any postpartum period, we’ll want to save our energy for the things that matter: taking care of our own recovery and our babies. We can stock up on nutrient-dense snacks we can eat with one hand and easy-prep meals. A short-term switch to paper plates might save someone from having to wash dishes. (Opt for recycled and compostable plates for less of an environmental impact). And if you have older children, don’t stress if their dinners consist of cereal or peanut butter sandwiches for a few weeks: it’s temporary, and there will be plenty of time for balanced, home-cooked meals—if that’s your goal—when you recover. 

One thing I hadn’t anticipated is an aversion to carbonated drinks. I normally love Zevia soda (it’s sweetened with stevia, an herb, so there’s no sugar or artificial sweeteners), but anything bubbly isn’t helpful to an already gassy post-surgery stomach. Instead, I’ve been drinking hot or iced peppermint tea, which aids digestion, and isn't bubbling over with carbon dioxide.

Pain Protection

In my experience, the two most painful parts of C-section recovery are getting in and out of bed, and coughing or sneezing. It may be more comfortable to sleep in a recliner for the first few nights rather than getting into a horizontal position in bed. In the absence of a sleep-friendly chair, excess pillows are our friends.

We don’t often realize how much we use our abs when we cough until we have a healing incision in that area. When a need to cough or sneeze comes on, a small pillow pressed against the incision can help. Personally, I’ve become addicted to throat lozenges. I found my childhood favorite Pine Brothers drops on Amazon and have been keeping them in arms’ reach since the birth. Anytime I feel a tickle in my throat, I pop in a lozenge to prevent the need to cough.

Another one of my postpartum Amazon purchases was a heating pad. A little heat layered over the abdomen can be very soothing. Just remember to avoid overheating the baby by shutting the heating pad off before picking them up.

Belly Binders

Some cultures practice belly wrapping for postpartum healing, even with a traditional birth, and many mothers claim that belly-binding helped restore their abs after surgery. Opinions vary about their long-term effectiveness for postpartum healing, so check with your provider for advice, but in immediate days following a C-section, it can be comforting, and protective, to have something holding one's insides together. Your hospital may provide a basic Vel-cro style wrap, but there are many other options on the market if you'd like to expand your options for shrinking your waist.

A Place to Process

Finding peace will help our recovery more than anything else.

Some Cesareans are scheduled or even preferred, but for many mothers (myself included), a surgical birth wasn't how we wanted to welcome our child into the world. If our birth experience was not what we hoped for or imagined, it can be very helpful to write out or talk about our birth story to process the experience and the emotions that surround it. Whether it's with a journal, a therapist, or an understanding friend, we can help ourselves by working through our feelings and coming to a place of acceptance. 

We are fortunate to live in a time when we can schedule overnight deliveries of comfort items to ease our pain. But finding peace in the postpartum period will help our recovery more than anything else.

- MJ

Life of You

Have you given birth by C-section? What helped your recovery the most?

Being pregnant is such a unique and amazing experience. I have been wanting to stop and reflect on it, but with all of the life events of the past year, pregnancy itself has gone by in a blur. But now, with my due date less than three weeks away, I know that at any moment in the next month, I could be transitioning to the next stage of parenthood: the birth of our baby. In some ways I'm ready, but I'm also not in a hurry for pregnancy to end.

Everyone's pregnancy experience is different; some moms love it, some struggle through it, and for many of us, it's a mix of feelings. I won't glamourize the painful varicose veins, unsightly stretch marks, constant fatigue, and six-plus weeks of all-day sickness. But before I'm busy with diaper changes and sleepless nights (sleepless thanks to baby feedings instead of restroom trips, that is), here are a few things I've truly loved about this nine month season of life.

Feeling baby move

I'm starting at the end with what I suspect is many pregnant women's favorite part: baby kicks. How cool is it to experience a tiny person wiggling around inside you? I love feeling—and toward the end, seeing—the little kicks and stretches. It's fun to guess which knobby baby body part is protruding from my abdomen: Is that a foot? An elbow? A shoulder? And thanks to the wonder of ultrasound technology, we can peer inside and see those little parts taking shape. Even baby hiccups, which in my opinion are one of the most odd pregnancy sensations, are a reminder that there's a little person in there getting ready to break out into the world.

Showing up with a built-in shelf

The pregnant body isn't always convenient, especially if you're my height. Whenever I try to wash dishes or brush my teeth, the baby bump gets in the way. But cradled in the right maternity clothes, my baby belly is kinda cute, and can be a useful shelf for holding a pint of non-dairy ice cream or (with one hand to spot it) a cup of tea—at least until baby tries to kick it off. 

The bump also serves as an announcement to the world that I'm expecting, and most of the time (though certainly not all), that results in kindness from strangers. During the first trimester, when you're queasy and exhausted, no one knows the reason unless you tell them. But later in pregnancy, people see the bump and open the door for me. A restaurant hostess told me I'm the cutest pregnant lady she's ever seen. Older ladies stop me in the store to tell me about their grandbabies. Everyone asks how I'm feeling. Even after answering the questions of "Is it your first?" and "Is it a girl or a boy?" for the hundredth time, it's nice to be acknowledged and appreciated as a mother.

Positive body changes

Pregnancy takes a toll on the female body, but not all changes are bad. I certainly don't mind the 40-week break from monthly feminine discomforts and frequent migraines. Some women enjoy enhanced curves, softer skin, or an overall pregnancy glow. Pregnancy hormones cause hair to grow faster but fall out less, which in my house means the floors and shower drain are remarkably free from the long hairs I normally shed. And I don't feel cold as often as usual. Part of that could be that it's summer in Florida, but I'll take it.

Free entertainment thanks to crazy dreams

Okay, I don't really love this part, but it is interesting. I always have intense, vivid dreams when I'm pregnant, and waking up frequently during the night causes me to remember the odd scenes and sensations, at least for a little while. How is this dream-person a perfect mashup of my high school classmate and my current coworker, and why are we at my grandparents' house from my childhood? Does it mean anything that I dreamed about having a baby girl and her first spoken word was "Christmas tree"? (In real life, I'm expecting a boy who will probably say his first words in the summer.) My subconscious continues to intrigue me with its creativity.

Self-care isn't selfish

We know self-care is important, but there's a balance between caring for one's own physical, mental, and emotional health, and being straight-up self-indulgent. During pregnancy, I find it easier to make time and space for myself, guilt-free. Craving a diet high in gluten-free waffles and gingerale? Go for it; you're eating for two. Need a nap? Of course you do; here's a pillow and a blanket. Too queasy and tired to cook? No problem; I already picked up your favorite takeout meal. (Those are paraphrased quotes from my incredible husband. I'm blessed to have people in my life who support me in all seasons, but I'm especially appreciative of the extra level of care my loved ones give me when I'm carrying a plus-one.)

The genetics of love

Most of all, I'm grateful for the privilege of conceiving and carrying this child. Realizing the prevalence of miscarriages and fertility issues, it's not something I take for granted. No matter what discomforts my pregnant body might feel, knowing there's a small human growing in there—a unique person with a soul, and one who is somehow miraculously half me and half the person I love most in the world—is overwhelmingly joyful. 

I'm so excited to meet our baby, to see his tiny face in the light of the outside world, and to discover his personality as he grows into the little man he'll become. But I don't have to wait for that moment to love him. Being a pregnant mom is a gift in itself, and I'm finding joy in the experience.

- MJ

Life of You

If you have experienced pregnancy, what did you like most about it?

I'm sitting on my couch after logging out of a regular day of remote work, but I'm also celebrating, because today, I graduated. 

I hesitate to date myself, but my high school graduating class just announced our 20 year reunion. It's been 18 years since I graduated with an associate degree in Early Childhood Education. And it's been a little over 18 months since I started working on a bachelor’s degree. Thanks to summer and winter break classes, I was able to complete two years of college credits in just over a year and a half. And now, I'm finally finished.

In this moment, I'm a mix of feelings: personal satisfaction in my accomplishment, relief that the endless evenings of schoolwork are over, regretful twinges of perfectionism wishing I had taken better notes so I could retain more of what I learned, gratefulness for the opportunity to reach this milestone, and general exhaustion.

Commencement itself was anticlimactic. File this under Ways to make higher education more inclusive: online graduation. You would think—especially in this post-quarantine world where the past two years have seen incredible gains in virtual connectivity—that a public university offering fully online degrees and courses would have a virtual option to celebrate the completion of said degrees. But when I asked my advisor if I could attend the live ceremony virtually, I found out that online students only count if they travel to the campus for commencement. "Due to time restrictions, only those present at the ceremony will have their name announced. There are no other virtual options at this time," she wrote back. Remote graduation, apparently, means checking my mailbox for an envelope with my diploma in 4 to 6 weeks.

Originally, I wanted to attend commencement in person. Doing so would have allowed me to walk the campus that I've never seen. I could visit the university where I've served as President of Tau Sigma Honor Society. I could meet my professors face-to-face. I could invite my family to beam with pride at the sight of me achieving my goals, all symbolized by the conferment of a glorified piece of paper and my cap-and-gown-clad march.

But life had other plans. I just moved halfway across the country, and while I was never geographically close, I'm now 800 miles away from my college campus. Financially, we're figuring out the mortgage, utilities, and buying all the things we need to make the new house a home. I'm even busier than usual at work as I prepare to onboard some new team members. And oh, I'm also seven months pregnant. All that to say, it's not an ideal time to travel. 

If I had chosen to do so anyway, it would have been a much more exciting weekend: the commencement planning panel for the College of Letters, Arts, and Social Sciences (a.k.a. CLASS) invited me to be the class banner bearer, walking in front of the CLASS graduates and leading them into the stadium, carrying our college banner. I was honored, but I had to decline. With pregnancy-induced varicose veins and a watermelon-sized abdomen, walking and carrying things are not my strong suits at the moment. Thus, I'm sitting on my couch with my feet up and a laptop displaying my transcript, thinking back on the journey to get to this moment.

We never know how our words—positive or negative, uplifting or derogatory—can affect someone else's life. I distinctly remember two instances relevant to my education that influenced the emotions I feel today. I don't take it for granted that I grew up with parents who encouraged and supported me, both emotionally and financially. I know I'm fortunate that school came easily to me. With the possible exception of elementary school gym class, I was always a straight-A student. (Dodging Nerf balls was never an area of excellence for me.) I had good SAT scores and a healthy number of extra-curricular achievements. I could probably have gone on to a reasonably prestigious college.

And while I'm sure plenty of praise was sent my way, what I remember more distinctly is my high school AP English literature teacher— the one who handed me three different award certificates at Senior Awards night—essentially telling me that I was throwing my life away by choosing to live at home, commute to a local school, and get a two year degree in teaching preschool.

Despite my teacher's discouraging words, that was the right choice for me at the time. Unlike my peers who pursued more traditional higher education, I graduated in two years with no student loans or debt. I got married, had children, and had the opportunity to be a full-time mom for more than a decade—which was exactly what I wanted to do. Homemaking and homeschooling my children was my dream job, and simultaneously the hardest job I've done to date. It was a learning experience no college course could ever simulate.

Later in that chapter of my life, when I no longer had babies waking me up all night, I started to think about going back to school. I have always enjoyed writing and I’ve been told that I’m a good writer, so I planned to major in Communications. I researched a handful of undergraduate colleges, applied to the one that seemed like the best fit, and received my acceptance letter. My spouse of the time, however, wouldn’t agree to it. In his perspective, getting a degree would be the first step toward me finding work outside of the home and earning my own money so I wouldn't be reliant on him as a provider. He refused to pay the tuition, effectively ending my fleeting thoughts of continuing education. Note: the unhealthy relationship dynamic of my first marriage is not the purpose of this post; I mention that incident only because now, years later, when I'm paying for my own degree while working full-time and enjoying a loving marriage to an incredibly supportive husband, it makes me all the more grateful to be where I am today.

What I learned in college will have to be a topic for another day, as will the answer to whether or not it was worth it. For now, the headline is: I did it. By the grace of God, the encouragement of loved ones, and a stubborn persistence, I earned a four year degree. I didn’t overcome insurmountable odds, but I pushed forward even when it was challenging to reach this moment.

Looking back, I feel accomplished knowing that I maintained a 4.0 GPA while working full-time and hitting a half dozen life milestones. I independently studied for and tested out of a general education mathematics course when my transfer geometry credit didn’t count. I became a member of multiple honor societies, including Phi Kappa Phi, the most prestigious honor society available at my school. I led the Tau Sigma honor society for transfer students over Zoom to keep it alive during the tail end of pandemic-restrictions; I even attended a national conference with other student leaders. I tracked every minute that I spent on school work, so that at the end of my 19 months of online classes, I would know that it took no less than 703 hours of my life to get there.

And so, on this Friday the 13th, the undergraduate chapter of my life concludes. While I don’t yet have the official piece of paper to prove it, I graduated: summa cum laude, with a Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology and a concentration in Psychology of the Workplace. It’s time for the next chapter to commence, and I’m thankful.

When we evaluate our lives—whether it’s education, our careers, our family, or other life circumstances—we don’t have to let the past dictate our future. It’s (almost) never too late to pursue a new goal. Commencement means a new beginning; a fresh start. Today is my college commencement, but every day is an opportunity to begin something new.

- MJ

Life of You

Have you started a new career path, professional training, or education in a nontraditional way? What has your experience been like?