Maybe I’ll start reviewing books here since that’s how I’m currently spending most of my time: reading. I haven’t wanted to game much, and books have always been one of my favorite ways to escape. Plus, a bonus: BOOK CLUB! That’s actually one of the ways I am getting out and meeting folks now. My therapist approves. Mom too. :)

In fact, I’m sitting here fangirling hard right now over a book due out soon by Kresley Cole. I’ve long been a fan of her Immortals After Dark series, and the first of her new Immortals Untold series is dropping end of July.

I can’t wait!

:::fangirling intensifies:::

Maybe that’s what I’ll do, share my thoughts about my beloved books? I’ve been posting to a private forum for the last couple of years, but honestly I could share here too I guess?

This year so far has been a circus. And not the fun kind.

Oy.

Excuse me while I find a hammer … ;)

I had been resisting, until last night — I agreed to try Aion 2 when it releases for NA/West. I held out as long as I could. Really. Truly! :P

I’ve been looking over videos and snippets of the Korean and Taiwan developer live streams, and various articles about what’s been teased so far, and it looks interesting. I have a few thoughts to share on the matter:

Factions

After playing games where PvP is not based on factions, but rather by server or guild/clan membership, I much prefer those. I foresee balance in Aion 2 becoming an issue like it was for Aion 1. That’s one thing I love about Guild Wars 2 is that no matter what race/faction you play, you can play together with all of your friends in every mode.

Opposing factions is so last century, and I will absolutely die on this hill.

Open world

The play videos so far look a LOT like what Revelation Online was like when it first released. Yes, being able to fly everywhere will be nice. And it looks like we’ll have mounts from the start, so that will also be nice. Having to swap servers or channels constantly is annoying.

I do wonder how they are going to handle looting, gathering, and the like? These things were not shared in the original Aion like they are in other games. For example, in Revelation Online and Guild Wars 2, if you beat on the world boss, you got loots. No ifs, ands, or buts. There was no loot/boss/kill stealing. And gatherables in most open world games nowadays are open to all players (as opposed to whoever gets there first and snipes it).

I’m not looking forward to having to fight for resources and loots.

Underwater combat

If it works like it does in Guild Wars 2, that would be fantastic! But I won’t hold my breath. Will there be skills specific to water? I seriously doubt it, but definitely interested to see how this will work. And if not, then is fighting in the underwater environment any different to fighting on the ground or in the sky? (and if so, how?)

Gearing

In Aion 1, crafted gear was initially purported to be the best, but quickly became too difficult to acquire or make due to the output being soulbound only to the character crafting it rather than account bound or unbound for passing to the intended character (or selling for profit). Gearing up was mostly only via PvP and/or PvE, with the later being tedious AF.

I am NOT a fan of grinds!

The aspect of solo dungeons and the like with varying degrees of difficulty is interesting. Guild Wars 2 is good for solo play and it would be nice if Aion had a healthy balance of group vs solo content available as well.

Lore

One article I read said Aion 2 is a prequel set 200 years before the fall of the Tower of Eternity. But folks on Discord are telling me that it’s a sequel and it’s 200 years after the events of Aion 1. Either way, the whole factions thing doesn’t quite fit right IMO. Prior to the fall of the Tower, Daevas were neither Elyos nor Asmodian. We were all the same race. If memory serves me, following the Aion 1 v5.0 release, Asmodians experienced some sort of “fast evolution” and suddenly looked just like Elyos again.

BLEH No thank you.

I love lore and stories, so I am definitely interested in seeing what kind of lore is written for A2 and seeing where the story is going. It looks like PvE-wise we’re battling gods and dragons (much like Guild Wars 2).

Massively Monetization, aka “Pay to Win”

I’m not opposed to monetization and cash shops. I’m a ‘Fashion Wars’ player through and through, and love the Guild Wars 2 gem store for skins and ‘quality of life’ items. I can buy gems with real world money and convert to game currency via the gem store. Guild Wars 2has no gold seller spam that I’ve ever seen, and botting isn’t outwardly obvious. I mean, I know it goes on, but it’s not as easily seen or as blatant as in Aion 1 and other MMOs.

I don’t approve of true pay to win shops. Revelation Online NA took a massive drop in players within 30 days of their cash shop opening. The game was confirmed dead within mere months — which is a shame because it was beautiful and had some really promising lore. Plus, I loved how you could save character creation profiles and have the same look for all of your toons, or swap/trade those profiles with friends!

I may whale from time to time in a game for skins and pretty things, but if I have to pay out to even have a prayer of keeping up (much less getting ahead), I won’t stay.

Nostalgia

I remember how Aion 1 made me feel as a new player during the closed betas, then public betas, then release, subsequently followed by the first couple of years after release. SO much excitement. I want that feeling back. So I agreed to give Aion 2 a try when it drops. But my gut is telling me that I’m going to regret it. :/

Let’s hope I’m wrong…

Reggie has been in my thoughts non-stop. There are times I think I see him, and my heart breaks all over again when I remember that he’s gone. I’ve been thinking about Heather too. In fact, I had a dream about her; I was racing across town trying to get to her and warn her that she was about to die. Each time I tried, I failed. I awoke shaken and in tears.

I like my job at Hibbett. My recruiter, Shane, had convinced me to give them a try; and I’m glad that I did. My teammate, Jon is a good dude. My boss George is also a good dude. I’ve made a few friends. (so far no enemies that I’m aware of) The benefits are far better than my previous two jobs, so there’s that. The commute to/from work and being in the office is killing me. I can negate some traffic a bit by leaving earlier, but some days it still takes me an hour to get home. And, I like my users, but they drain me. Figuratively and literally. I come home exhausted and spend my weekends recovering (sometimes not even doing that). My migraines have increased ten-fold. My anxiety is through the roof, but I’ve avoided medicating to try and push myself. (and wonder if I’m harming myself more in the process)

Oh well. At least home is comfortable, and soon it will no longer be hotter than Satan’s ballsack outside. And football starts up again.

My book club is planning more excursions since cooler weather is coming, so I’m looking forward to those. I’ve been seeing Donna and Jennifer, and their husbands pretty regularly, so at least I’m getting out more. That at least gets my mother and my therapist off my back. :)

It’s the little things, right?

Here’s one I had the wherewithal to record on my phone on September 23rd, 2024:

Last night I had a dream that mostly I do not remember except for the very end. I was in my childhood home and I think dad was with me as well as my kid. I can’t remember if there was noise or not I just remember him pointing to the back door and looking out the window I saw these tall plumes. Kind of like nuclear mushroom clouds, but thinner. They were extremely bright yellow and red and white. They were racing towards the house and dad was trying to get me and my kid to go down into the basement. I knew we wouldn’t make it in time, nor would we be protected. I remember reaching out as if to hold them back with my hand, and feeling the heat. Then everything exploded, and I remember thinking “this is how I die.” I was burning and I think I screamed. Then I woke up.

I’ve been unhappy with workplace politics and (more things I can’t discuss). So now it is what it is. My team was gutted. As far as I know all other departments are ‘safe’ … for now. I will miss my team, they’re great guys.

I really hate job searching. Almost as much as I hate online dating, because the two are so similar.

Bleh, but it is what it is.

Subject: Title Accepted!

Message:

Hi there,

We’re pleased to inform you that your choice of custom title “Was left unsupervised during a full moon” has been approved, and has been added to your account.

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Staff

I’m drained, and still feeling like ass, but happy. I have to go into work in the morning but my team will be there, so I’m looking forward to our weekly fellowship. I’m still fight medical insurance for one of my prescriptions and now home owner’s over water damage to my house, but those battles will carry into the new year so I’m so over them right now. I’m just so tired, I’m probably going to go to bed early and curl up with yet another book. I’m devouring books like they’re chocolate. Right now that’s the only diversion that’s working for me. At least I’m getting to collect and spend Kindle points so some of them are free. :)

I’m looking forward to doing a little gaming this weekend and maybe a movie with my sister-in-law. We’ll see how I feel. I’m trying so hard to stay grounded and remember how blessed I am, no matter what my asshole brain tells me.

Here’s to hoping that you have love and warmth wherever you are.

That said, I cannot wait for the holidays to pass by as quickly as possible. The great thing about being with ibml so long was everyone knew why I hated the holidays and avoided it in discussions because they knew it was painful for me. No one knows that here. I’ve opened up to a few folks and said this time of year is difficult but left it at that. However, I’m unable to navigate most conversations away from holiday questions and discussions without being rude, standoffish, or even downright cold. I’m not that person. But at the same time, how do I eloquently, discreetly convey that I can’t talk about the why because I don’t know that person well enough to trust them with my pain?

Dare I share more about why I’m this way? How much do I tell? How much do I hold back? Who do I trust with this vulnerable part of myself?

Simplest path: trust no one, tell nothing.

Either way I’m still suffering …

All I really need is just someone to hug me and tell me that it will all be OK.