This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Vincent Van Gogh:

“The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.“

Whenever we embark on a new course, we never know just what adventure we will have and what lasting effects the journey will have on us. When we ponder what’s next for our lives, it helps to take stock of what we’ve learned from our previous experience so that we move forward with the best things we’ve gained.

Leary and Armin announced that this is the final episode of the Reinventure Me podcast. In early 2017, they will be launching a brand new show called the BoldIdea® Podcast. As they look toward “what’s next” for them, they review some show highlights to share what they’ve learned from Reinventure Me.

Quotes from the show:

• “When you try new things, they can bring joys, friends, challenges, and, in many ways, show you what you are able to accomplish and help you rise up…” —Leary
• “Nothing lasts forever, and it’s not necessarily intended to. […] For me, stopping something is much, much harder than starting something.” —Leary
• “You start not with the big idea—you start with just taking and embracing the smallest form [of the idea] that gets you there and moves you along.” —Leary
• “That’s the whole idea of walking by faith, […] it’s taking that first small step. It’s crazy how fast the other steps show up [after that].” —Armin
• “That one small step [is] a test. […] You then can find out [whether] you have momentum or you have monotony.” —Leary

Our main “what’s next in life” lessons from Reinventure Me:

• Challenge yourself to be a new beginner (episode 6, “How to be a better beginner“).
• Understand the importance of minimum effective dose (episode 29, “Are you frozen in place by linear thinking?“).
• Ignore the experts about expertise (episode 26,“Do your many interests hinder your next great beginning?“; episode 120, “Why being the best isn’t good enough“).
• Choose vulnerability and authenticity (episode 124, “The art of vulnerability“).

This week’s Challenge Me:

• While we work toward “what’s next” for us, we don’t want to lose touch with you. Please join the party at boldideapodcast.com where we will notify you when we release the next podcast early next year.

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

If you enjoyed the Reinventure Me podcast, please leave us a parting comment on our show notes below and leave a review in iTunes or Stitcher.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

Armin’s favorite episodes:

• Episode 041, “How to love the life you live with guest Amanda Carroll.”
• Episode 064, “The choice between legend or legacy with guest Dr. Chuck Stecker.”
• Episode 116 “Is the best part of your life behind you? (with guest Wes Yoder).”
• Episode 126, “How to be more disciplined.”
• Episode 124, “The art of vulnerability.”

Leary’s favorite episodes:

• Episode 039, “How to create a motivated lifestyle.”
• Episode 048, “The one thing guaranteed to hold you back.”
• Episode 061, “How to find your persistent resistance.”
• Episode 099, “The wound you didn’t want can be the gift the world needs.”
• Episode 102, “The self-talk survival guide.”

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Ken Gire:

“You are a success if, at the end of your life, the people who knew you the best are the ones who respect you the most.“

Whether we evaluate what success is by the media’s, our friends’, or even the dictionary’s definition, we often see that we tie money in with being successful. But is it the money that makes us truly happy? Or just the options it gives us? Many Americans would say that money = success, yet 67 percent of the population doesn’t meet the dollar threshold they say points to success. Does that mean most of us are destined to feel unsuccessful?

Take a look at other factors. Look at your marriage, your children, your spiritual walk, your health, your money management skills—does anything in those areas make you feel successful?

Quotes from the show:

• “People are so unique and so different. […] There’s a strong possibility that one person might define success very different from the next.” —Armin
• “That’s almost an equation we have in America. That success equals material wealth.” —Leary
• “We allow society, people, or whatever to define success for us, and we accept that. […] I’ve allowed society to tell me what I need to have and what I need to show for me to accept myself as successful because I have to be able to see it in their eyes, that they think I’m successful.” —Armin
• “Contentment is being satisfied with what you have. Being able to make the range of choices within that scope and saying, ‘I feel pretty good about my range of agency within the constraints that I have. And I’m managing that pretty well.’ That’s happiness. That’s contentment.” —Leary
• “Envy is internal bankruptcy.” —Leary
• “What would life look like for you to have that feeling of success?” —Armin
• “Success is in how well you keep doing the things that are important to you, how well you keep getting better at what you need to get better at.” —Leary
• “When you are able to impart something truly authentic to someone else, […] that is a measure of success.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Our challenge comes in two parts. First, process what success means by taking the time to define it for yourself. What in your life makes you feel successful? Second, involve your spouse (or the closest person to you, whom you don’t need to impress) and revise. Get the other person’s input on where you are successful already and gain some accountability for areas you can be successful in the future.

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Henri J. M. Nouwen’s book, Bread for the Journey.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Henry Ford:

“You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.“

Our minds get cluttered with ideas that we decide to save for later. We save them because we are waiting to process them more or to be personally ready for them or to dedicate specific time to them. If your mind is full of these shelved ideas, it’s time to take inventory and pitch the things that are pipe dreams. Clear the clutter so you can focus on the things you really want to do.

Clearing mind clutter works the same way as clearing garage clutter. Take each idea and decide whether to trash it, donate it, or find a home for it. The relief from this process will amaze you!

Quotes from the show:

• “You can’t wait for later to do [some things]. You need to do it now.” —Armin
• “We are doing our [necessary] thing today, and the thing that we want to do, we’ll push that off for [later]. Some might say it’s a deferred life. ‘We’ll get on with life later. Right now, we have to do our obligations.'” —Leary
• “Your [very] life could depend on how well you purposely plan your life. Maybe even ask [yourself] the simple question, ‘What is the purpose to my life?'” —Armin
• “I don’t want to cut down my ideas. […] But, at the same time, I can feel almost compelled […] to act on all of them. If I don’t act [on my ideas], […] I start feeling disappointed with myself when I’m not getting all the stuff that I really want to be working on done.” —Leary
• “Your mind already knows all this stuff. You can’t hide it from yourself. You’re already doing this internally. Putting it into a list quiets you down.” —Leary
• “Ask yourself what you can do now. What is the small step you can take now? […] If you can’t take an action step on [it] now, you may still have to do more spring cleaning.” —Leary
• “I wonder how many of us would be considered hoarders if we could actually see the number of thoughts inside […] our mental garage.” —Armin
• “If you are shelving [something on your heart] for later because you disqualified yourself, you are capable, you can do it, and you don’t have to save it for later.” —Armin

This week’s Challenge Me:

Take ten minutes and write down the things you are saving for later. Get that inventory going. Don’t save this challenge for later!

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Episode 070, “How to Beat Procrastination.”

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Isaac Asimov:

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won’t come in.“

As we take note of how life works and what patterns our lives seem to take on, we develop our critical life assumptions—how we see the world and our place in it. Four areas of our lives that we usually make these assumptions about are our vocational abilities, relational qualities, spiritual value, and physical limitations. Because our critical life assumptions can take us captive, we need to evaluate them periodically and make sure they line up with truth.

Quotes from the show:

• “We make assumptions, and they may not be right. And good business leaders always test their assumptions because […] they are trying to […] build value. Now take that same concept and apply it to our lives. The life assumptions that we have are largely built around value.” —Leary
• “Your experiences […] dictate your reality.” —Armin
• “Hurt people hurt people. Critical life assumptions that are unhealthy often come from where our hurt is.” —Leary
• “Unhealthy critical life assumptions keep us captive, and we need to know that we make decisions, even subconsciously, based on those we have.” —Leary
• “You don’t necessarily know which [critical life assumptions] are dominant [at any particular time].” —Leary
• “The whole point about critical life assumption[s] is that they largely stay hidden. They are a paradigm, and we accept [them] unchallenged. You have to step back and say ‘What assumptions are driving my life right now?’ It is a willingness to ask some tough questions because these critical life assumptions affect our behavior. We’ll see them in what we do and want to do. We’ll see it in what we do and don’t want to do.” —Leary
• “We’ve become a culture [with so much information available that] we have allowed it to misinform us and […] make critical life assumptions about wide variety of people […], and we just generalize them. Whether it’s true or false, we accept them as true.” —Armin
• “Part of my role here is to take it captive because of what Christ has done. That’s the obedience of Christ—He died on the cross for me to show He loves me. So my response to that love that He gave me is to change the way I think. If I am going to worship and give gratitude back for what what God has done for me (Christ’s obedience), my act of worship is, in fact, to change how I think and to take every thought captive.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

• Schedule a time to reflect on your critical life assumptions and rewrite any unhealthy ones. It’s not that difficult to do, but it does require an intentionality to sit down and do it. Once you are aware of your critical life assumptions, you can work on them appropriately.

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Episode 102, “Self-Talk Survival Guide.”

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Paula Poundstone:

“We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.“

Don’t write off an extrovert as an attention-seeker. While it may seem to an introvert that extroverts are an inch deep and a mile wide, extroverts easily have a handle on a group and its dynamic. Once they have talked their thoughts through, their information and perspective is valuable.

Quotes from the show:

• “It’s not about how sociable you are. It’s really, functionally, about how you get your energy.” —Leary
• “Extroversion itself doesn’t mean you’re not self-aware. However, it does mean [you] get [your] cues […] for how [you’re] doing from other people.” —Leary
• “When we have a choice […] of spending time with others or spending time diving into something, we will more likely choose time with others because that’s more fun, more spontaneous—that’s where the party is.” —Leary
• “If extroverts actually want to be good listener[s], they are. […] Extroverts […] are really good at pulling something out of someone. As much as you might think […] they are talking too much, they are actually asking a lot of good questions.” —Armin
• “Extroverts are naturally good at making rounds, meeting as many people as possible, shaking as many hands, and kissing as many babies. […] They are going to have a deeper understanding of the group, […] of all the people there. That ability to […] talk to as many people as possible brings them more perspective and more understanding than the introvert’s [talk with one person].” —Armin
• “Many times, you can tell when extrovert[s] [are] around because the noise volume [goes] up. […] They’re finding their energy in being with people. […] The energy in the room is shifting from a deep conversation to now this personality that is lighting up because they’re energetic, and people’s attention is drawn to that. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re seeking it. It’s how they are wired, and attention goes that way. It doesn’t necessarily mean they need it.” —Leary
• “Don’t respond to [the extrovert’s] first version of any idea they give you. They are extroverting.” —Armin
• “An introvert wouldn’t bring it up until they processed it. […] Extroverts are going to put a lot of stuff out there that is not yet fully baked. In fact, it’s probably not even partially baked. In fact, the oven may not even be warmed up yet. They don’t even know where the oven is.” —Leary
• “It’s not the extrovert’s job in a relationship to make you communicate, if you are an introvert.” —Armin

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Episode 026, “Do your many interests hinder your next great beginning?”
• David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates’ book, Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types.
• Susan Cain’s book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.
• Marti Olsen Laney’s book, The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Soren Kierkegaard:

“People understand me so poorly that they don’t even understand my complaint about them not understanding me.“

Everyone has some measure of extroversion and/or introversion (or even both). We tend to view others in comparison to where on the extroversion/introversion continuum we ourselves fall. Extroverts have to understand that introverts aren’t what the myths describe them as. Instead, introverts have their own strengths that stand out once they have quiet time to think and process and prepare.

Quotes from the show:

• “An extrovert is someone who is energized by people or social settings, and an introvert is someone who is energized or recharged by solitude.” —Armin
• “Sociologically, we really reinforce extroverted behavior and so introverts have grown up learning how to be extrovert-like in order to fit in.” —Leary
• “Even though [being left alone is] where they recharge, it’s not their preference to be lonesome, […] isolated, and not have people in their lives. They like to have six or [fewer] friends, and they like to have really deep relationships with them. […] They still want to engage with one other person they can ‘introvert’ with.” —Armin
• “When you do forge a relationship with an introvert, it usually does have some meaning because they don’t need a lot of people in their lives. That taxes their energy.” —Leary
• “[Being alone is] where [the introvert’s] creativity comes alive, that’s their inspiration. […] It’s not just their escape from people—it’s their way of dreaming and […] of creating vision […] and coming up with new ideas. […] It’s not to get away from people, but it’s to enter into something. It’s inspirational for them.” —Armin
• “If you want ideas from [introverts], […] give them time. They need time to think about it, and they need time to think about it on their own. […] Once they’re in a group setting, [they get] all [the group’s] ideas into their head where it makes it almost impossible for them to come up with their own thing.” —Armin
• “One of the biggest [helps] is to find a way for them to communicate to you that they’ve had enough [socially]. […] I need [my wife] to […] have a cue when she’s had enough extroversion, and [I need to] respect that.” —Leary
• If you work with an introvert or want to develop a relationship with an introvert, go deep water fishing, not fly fishing, because introverts are like the ocean. You have to ask deeper questions. Ask, “What have you been pondering this week?” and focus on them while they answer. —Leary

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Leary’s blog, “What I learned about leadership from an introvert.” 
• Keirsey & Bates, Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types.
• Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.
• Marti Olsen Laney, The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World.
• Liz Wiseman, Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Vincent Van Gogh:

“Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together.“

Discipline keeps you going toward your goals. We have to get past the negative associations we have with discipline in order to find the freedom it brings. In this episode, Leary and Armin discuss why we struggle with self-discipline and then provide some clear steps to develop more discipline in our lives.

Quotes from the show:

• “Most of the mistakes we make in our life […] are made […] on impulse.” —Leary
• “Once I started seeing discipline as an enabler to the things that I want, then it became a tool rather than an overlord. […] The problem [had been that] I was seeing […] self-discipline as taking something away from me rather than […] giving something to me.” —Leary
• “There seems to be a process. 1. You have to know why—your greater, deeper why—as to why you want to do this, and 2. […] you have to have a tangible goal.” —Armin
• “You literally could be the person [who] breaks the chain and causes a tremendous contribution to the world based on what you choose to do today.” —Leary
• “With so many distractions, it is hard to stay disciplined because you’re always just like a gerbil on a wheel, jumping from one thing to the next.” —Leary
• “Structure is the way in which you put something together that you’re going to be disciplined about. […] The discipline is […] staying with it […] and getting closer to what [you] want to do.” —Leary
• “You get better at discipline all the time. […] When we feel out of control and not disciplined in every area, we almost think [we] need […] a whole do-over. […] We say ‘I need to get more disciplined.’ […] Just pick one thing that you [will] develop a habit around.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Pick an area of your life that you want to be more disciplined. Choose something small and manageable. Then, decide a minimum non-negotiable starting point and just do it.

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Episode 21: How to create habits for your next great beginning
• Episode 70: How to beat procrastination
• The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains, Nicholas Carr

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Mark Twain:

“It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.“

The five things audiences ask of presenters are reasonable. The audience wants to see that your information is valuable, credible, relevant, beneficial, and actionable. All five work together for the audience to come away with the message you intend. In this episode, Leary and Armin discuss the following five questions:

1. Why should I listen?
2. What’s your role in this? (Are you a guide, a guru, or a greenie?)
3. What you have in common with me? (Are you relatable?)
4. What’s the benefit to me?
5. What are you asking me to do?

Quotes from the show:

• “We’re not going to talk about technique, but how you need to think about and prepare for and [give] yourself a mental game plan [for public speaking].” —Leary
• “We often spend a lot of time […] thinking about what we want to say, but we don’t necessarily think about where the audience is coming from.” —Leary
• “Worry less about the technique. Worry more about what you’re trying to accomplish.” —Leary
• “The challenge is that we need to show not only why they should listen, establishing that up front, but that ought to be a recurrent theme in what your message is about. […] These are not sequential, […] this is what your whole presentation needs to continually answer ‘Why should I still be listening?'” —Leary
• “Be honest. Be you. Be authentic. And don’t try to be something you are not. […] Something I’ve seen […] is someone trying to act like they are an expert when they are not. […] Unless they come across as a guru, [they think] people won’t listen.” —Armin
• “We have been talking about this level of relatability between me the audience and you the speaker. That honesty, that vulnerability […] is really engaging for [many] because you can set yourself up as the expert, but a lot of people can’t relate to you [though] they still want to learn from you.” —Armin
• “If you want to share something with me, I want to […] know that we have some area of commonality, some way in which I can relate to you that then becomes the vehicle that your passion transfers over to mine.” —Leary
• “Getting people to do something is much easier when you ask them. […] Putting the question out there in a very clear way gives them the opportunity to say, ‘Yeah, I can do that’ or ‘No, I won’t,’ but at least you put it out there.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Before your next presentation, take fifteen minutes to write out your answers to the five questions. Keep those answers in mind while you present to maximize your rapport with your audience.

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Episode 124, The art of vulnerability.
• Andy Stanley, Communicating for a Change.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Elihu (as quoted in Job 33:6):

“I am just like you before God; I too have been taken from clay.“

Authentic vulnerability connects us with one another as we share our weaknesses, intending to provide empathy and help. In this episode, Leary and Armin discuss what we risk when we are vulnerable, why vulnerability is important, why we choose not to be vulnerable, and how to tell whether a situation is appropriate for vulnerability.

Quotes from the show:

• “We all have our vulnerabilities. We all have our soft spots. We all have things within us that are broken. And…vulnerability is really an admission of that, an acceptance of that.” —Leary
• “Vulnerability comes when you…say something about your brokenness or mistake or some [personal] flaw, but there’s a risk in doing it. You risk more when you say it.” —Leary
• “Vulnerability occurs when we have no good answer to the question, ‘Why?'” —Leary
• “I don’t think you can have vulnerability and not have empathy come as a consequence of it. The big benefit of vulnerability is the empathy it creates. When you have empathy, [its] outgrowth…is trust.” —Leary
• “[People] willing to put themselves out first in terms of being vulnerable, more often than not,…[become] the catalyst to [create] a culture of honesty [and] of vulnerability where people actually open up. It becomes a culture that almost sucks people into it.” —Armin
• “Vulnerability is the ultimate way to connect, to lead, to speak.” —Armin
• “[The Jews and disciples] all got it wrong about who [Jesus] was. Who are we to think that we can control the narrative well enough that everyone will get it right about us? That’s what allows for true vulnerability—the recognition that everyone is going to get it wrong anyway so you might as well be who you are.” —Leary
• “Vulnerability should come from a shared sense of loss, when there is something that someone else will gain by your being vulnerable. Otherwise, you end up being that person no one wants to hang around because they are high maintenance, they are always needy and telling you something about themselves that is broken [or]defective, and you get the sense that they’re inviting you to fix it.” —Leary
• “The most common mistake with vulnerability is not going first. [It is also a mistake to share] without regard for someone else [or] sharing information that should be private.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Go out and be vulnerable. There is an opportunity this week to take a risk and open up something that’s going on with you with another person. Start with your family, your spouse or parent or sibling. Disclose something that you aren’t looking for a solution for and that will help the other person.

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Episode 114, “How to Regain Trust.”
• Brené Brown’s book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.
• Dancing guy video.
• The movie, Finding Forester.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Steve Jobs:

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.”

John Warder, the original voice of the Reinventure Me podcast, joins us for a conversation about strengths and suggests a new way that we can look at them. John is the Principal coach and trainer for the Top Ten Talents Group, has been a StrengthsFinder coach, personal trainer, and self-proclaimed “assessment junkie” for 30 years, has given thousands of keynote speeches and training sessions to professional groups on staff and career development—including every MLB team and dozens of NFL teams. And, to cap it off, John is a triathaloner—he’s participated in 25 triathlons!

Familiar with StrengthsFinder? Know your top five strengths? John suggests we look at our strengths in a new way by integrating our StrengthsFinder results with another approach, the Color Profile.

Developed by CoreClarity, the Color Profile assessment organizes top StrengthsFinder strengths into a “color chart” or “color dashboard”—four color-coded quadrants labeled “relating,” “influencing,” “thinking,” and “achieving”—and identifies the two colors or quadrants that are strongest. Color profiles add value to the StrengthsFinder approach by highlighting a person’s strength quadrant and his or her strength personality based on the person’s top five StrengthsFinder results.

Key quotes from the show:

• “The measurement of talent is not there, nor is the measurement of the increments between the talents. What I like to call this is your top five preferences. If you have to choose something, you said you prefer a strategic talent area.” —John Warder
• “One of the best questions to ask in an interview is, ‘Leary, describe to me an accomplishment that you did that you felt you did really well and you had a sense of enjoyment in it.’ As the person describes it, they would use descriptive verbs and nouns, and I would get a sense of what this person prefers to do.” —John Warder

This week’s Challenge Me:

If you’ve taken StrengthsFinder and know your top five strengths, email them to John and he will send you a personalized color chart. If you haven’t taken StrengthsFinder, do that first, then send your top five results to John.

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• John’s website: TopTenTalents.com.
• John’s email: john@toptentalents.com
• Gallup Strengths Center website: GallupStrengthsCenter.com.
• StrengthsFinder 2.0.
• CoreClarity’s website: CoreClarity.net.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“It is not the length of life, but the depth.”

Depth of conversation is important. It builds rapport and shared experiences, and provides support during life transitions. In this episode, Leary and Armin talk about the two errors of conversational depth, the value of small talk, and why it’s hard to move beyond small talk. They offer strategies to help us connect with others by diving into deeper conversations.

Quotes from the show:

• “[Small talk] is the basic way we make connection and we can’t dismiss that. We live in a culture and society that is predominately small talk. It being a form of connection is one thing, but it being the form of conversation is another thing—that’s what we do and we just stay there.” —Armin
• “If you want to go deeper in relationship, vulnerability is a requirement of that, [as is] the ability to ask good questions.” —Leary
• “We’re stuck in this mindset of canned replies. If someone asks a question, you already know the response to it before you th[ink] about it because you think that’s the way you’re supposed to respond. I think one of the greatest things we could ever do is take those canned responses out of our minds and think about something maybe completely weird to say in response—be bold.” —Armin
• “Say something that opens up the conversation rather than ending it with an exclamation point.” —Armin
• “When you have an open question given to you by somebody else, take that as an [opportunity] to step through the door, being a little bit vulnerable to see where it goes. If they take it up and they carry it further, then you know you have an active, engaged partner [who] wants to have a deeper conversation.” —Leary
• “But if you’re on the asking questions side, the key here is to enter into it with a sense of trying to gain their opinion about something and to ask them a question that leads them along in an area of mutual interest or an area you know they have an interest in.” —Leary
• “Rather than having it be right or wrong, or your opinion, or being understood, what if your goal—even if their opinion is offensive and completely different—what if your goal was to learn more?” —Armin
• “What if your goal is to understand just their perspective? It moves you into relationship with somebody where the purpose is for you to demonstrate empathy. Even if you don’t agree with them, you’re at least willing to explore what they believe.” —Leary
• “Questions are inviting. They create the opportunity to explore.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

The next time you find yourself tempted to respond with small talk, try taking the conversation deeper instead by asking good, creative questions (covering how they think and feel, and what they’re doing) and by being vulnerable. 

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Mark Goulston’s book, Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.
• Episode 5, “How change affects identity.”

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from 2 Peter 1:3:

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness.”

For 23 years, Roger Thompson led a dynamic, growing, and complex church in the Twin Cities. Six years ago, he felt prompted to do the next right thing and transition out of that role as Senior Pastor to write the book, Do the Next Right Thing: Eight Strong Handholds for Every Man. In this episode of Reinventure Me, Leary talks with Roger Thompson about what exactly it means to just do the next right thing.

Quotes from the show:

• “Let’s determine what the next right thing is. Because if you do the next right thing, and then the next right thing…. It’s amazing to me how the horizon opens up.” —Roger Thompson
• “Is there a phone call you need to make today that you could go and do? Well, then go do that. Is there a person you need to meet with? Is there something you need to do at the bank? Is there a confession you need to make to somebody that you’ve hurt? Is there a conflict that’s alive in your life that you need to move toward restoration? Well, let’s do the next right thing and see how God opens up opportunity. Let’s not try to fix the whole snarled ball of twine all at once. We don’t have the wisdom for that.” —Roger Thompson
• “A lot of people get stuck because they feel like they need the whole road map.” —Leary
• “If I do the next right thing according to God’s prompting, His Word, and wisdom, and then tomorrow I do the next right thing after that, and the next right thing after that, I think it’s another way of saying, this is how you walk in the Spirit of God.” —Roger Thompson
• “If you know that you have everything that you need, then you can make the decision that you need to make.” —Leary
• “I define endurance as doing something very, very hard. It takes a lot of endurance and energy, but you know where the finish line is. I define perseverance as something that demands just as much energy, but you don’t know where the finish line is.” —Roger Thompson
• “The key thing there isn’t so much about outcomes; it’s more about attitude.” —Roger Thompson
• “Perseverance is a biblical virtue. We so often feel defective if we feel like, ‘Hey, I’ve prayed and God hasn’t gotten me out of this, what’s wrong with me? He hasn’t sent me the answer, what’s wrong with me?'” —Roger Thompson
• “Many of us are looking for a some kind of magic pill when God is saying, ‘I haven’t answered yet, but you still have an option, and that is to persevere. Wake up every morning and do your preparations, take care of the things you need to do. But remember I’m with you and have given you all the things you need.'” —Roger Thompson
• “The issue is more what are you becoming in the crisis more than how you get out of it.” —Roger Thompson
• “Just take a small step, leaning into the challenges that you have. Do what you can. Trust God for the rest and see where that takes you.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Think about something that you have in your life that is complex—it might be your health, employment, spouse, son or daughter, or extended family member. Ask, ‘What’s the next right thing I can do in that context?’ Is there a phone call that can be made? An environment you can help set? A principle you can teach? Tough love you need to give?

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Roger Thompson’s book, Do the Next Right Thing: Eight Strong Handholds for Every Man.
• Episode 25, “When it’s your turn to move on as a leader (with guest Roger Thompson).”

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from a Garmin ad:

“Beat Yesterday.“

In this episode, Leary and Armin propose that trying to be the best isn’t good enough—that it’s actually detrimental. That’s because the idea of “best”:

• Is subjective.
• Is relative.
• Builds resentment.
• Is not sustainable.

They suggest a better alternative: be better. And they offer tips on how to do exactly that.

Quotes from the show:

• “When we are looking to get recognized for our performance rather than living out of our mastery, we are living from a fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset.” —Leary
• “When we focus on other people’s grade—and that’s often subjective—we’re gonna lose motivation because really all we’re doing is seeking validation. And when we don’t get validation, what we’re trying to get at is diminished.” —Leary
• “Instead of winning the respect of other people, why not maintain your own self-respect and continue to relish the respect that you have with the family.” —Leary
• “You can’t really truly be respected for who you are unless you love yourself first.” —Armin
• “And you can’t even really love yourself without first understanding that God loves you.” —Leary
• “There’s only one Best who has lived forever.” —Leary
• “When you taste the possibility of being first and you’re not, you feel like you lost something that you rightfully should have had. And when you’re third, you don’t feel that way—[you’re just glad to be] on the platform!” —Leary
• “Forget best. Be better.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Reflect on whether there are areas in your life you’re looking for a grade from someone else. Whose validation is important to you? Why?

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D.’s book, Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals.
• Leary’s review of Succeed.
• Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset.
• Leary Gates’ review of Mindset.
• Episode 4, “How your mindset affects your next great beginning.”

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Psalm 5:3:

“In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.“

In this episode, Leary and Armin talk about self-expectation, how it affects us, and how to know if we have great self-expectations. They suggest that the best way to determine the health of our self-expectations is to ask the following core questions:

1. What things didn’t go as I had planned or hoped? What was I able to control? Am I able to look at this as a learner?
2. Does this failure cause me to increase my efforts to make up lost ground? Does the goal remain desirable independent of my self-identity or past performance?
3. How do I honestly judge my ability to achieve the goals I set for myself? What’s my internal dialogue like when I create a goal? What do I say to myself when I don’t achieve it?

The key question? What’s the right level of self-expectation to have? Leary and Armin offer that it’s just enough expectation to give us slightly more losses than wins. Too many losses and we don’t trust ourselves; too few and we become complacent or arrogant—and less grateful. Slightly more losses than wins keeps us humble and also motivated.

Quotes from the show:

• “There’s no one in your life [who] breaks more of your expectations than you. So, on the scale, you should probably put your trust in others before yourself.” —Armin
• “If we’re not careful with that ANT—that Automatic, Negative Thought—it’s gonna eat away at the wood fabric of our own building, as well, to use that metaphor, and will leave us unhappy.” —Leary
• “Expectations are related to control or trust.” —Leary
• “It’s the difference between saying ‘I’m no good at this’ vs. ‘I’m learning to get better at this.'” —Leary
• “What ends up happening, when we set those expectations for ourselves, is that emotions get in the way—we color our view of ourselves based on our perceptions and our emotions about what has happened to us in the past.” —Leary
• “If you want to achieve a goal, you have to actually write a plan—because when you write a plan it gets it out of this emotional area [so] you can see there’s a way of actually doing it.” —Leary
• “The only day or time you become a failure is when you accept that you are [one].” —Armin
• “The very best definition of success is: when those who know you the best respect you the most.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Score yourself on a scale from 1-10: How happy are you with yourself? Then, consider: what would it take to be one point more satisfied?

Comments? Questions? Stories of how you’ve pursued having great self-expectations? Share them in the comments section below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Episode 114, “How to regain trust.”
• Episode 118, “How to have great expectations of others.”
• Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset.
• Leary Gates’ review of Mindset.
• Episode 113, “How to grow your abundance mindset.”
• Episode 4, “How your mindset affects your next great beginning.”
• Episode 112, “Can drive and contentment coexist?“

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Leo Tolstoy:

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.“

In this episode, Leary and Armin talk about expectations, conflict, and empathy. They share that what we expect of others is shaped by several things, including:

• Our circumstances.
• Assumed values.
• Assumed skills.
• Our inner narrative.

They suggest that the best way to determine the health of our expectations is to look at the relationships that disappoint us most and ask the following core questions:

1. In what way am I disappointed? What did he/she do or fail to do that created the disappointment?
2. How has that disappointment affected the way I deal with that person? Is it different than how I would treat a stranger?
3. What would it take to earn back my trust? If I were in there shoes, what would I have to do to restore the relationship?
4. Have I communicated that to the person? If not, why not? Would I want to know if the tables were turned?

Quotes from the show:

• “We don’t often ask ourselves, ‘What is the proper degree of expectation that I should have with another party?’ and ‘How do we adjust that?'” —Leary
• “The key to having healthy expectations of others is this concept that we’ve talked about called grace.” —Leary
• “Grace fills the gap between the expectations we have of someone and their performance.” —Leary
• “When we can trust in something, we should have high expectations of it.” —Leary
• “We assume that other people have the same skills [as us] or that they should.” —Leary
• “The proper expectation to set with someone is in keeping with what you have observed of their skills and accounting for the level of emotional maturity, relational maturity, [and] vocational maturity in the area you’re expecting them to be strong in.” —Leary
• “What we’re trying to do through gossip is crowdsource our anger.” —Leary
• “We set ourselves up as the hero of our own narrative and then we evaluate others in that light—’How important are they in allowing us to achieve our herodom?’ If they aren’t important to us achieving our herodom, then we might just be dismissive of them and not spend time with them. But if they are important to us and they let us down, it really does affect how we then deal with the expectations we have with them.” —Leary
• “What says to each of us that we’re valued and important is when other people confirm for us the thing we want them to confirm without us having to tell them.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Great Expectations challenge: Ask the core questions about the relationships that have disappointed you and decide what action you will take.

Comments? Questions? Stories of how you’ve pursued having great expectations of others? Share them in the comments section below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Episode 114, “How to regain trust.”
• David S. Rose’s book, The Startup Checklist: 25 Steps to a Scalable, High-Growth Business.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Psalm 127:3–4:

“Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!”

In this episode, Leary and Armin talk with Jay Payleitner about his life, his reinventions, his journey to becoming a father advocate, and some of the challenges he frequently hears from other dads.

Jay is one of the top freelance producers for Christian radio, having produced shows like Josh McDowell Radio, Today’s Father, Jesus Freaks Radio, and Project Angel Tree with Chuck Colson. He is the author of more than 20 books, including bestselling 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad, What If God Wrote Your Bucket List? and 52 Ways to Connect as a Couple. Jay is a nationally-known speaker for Iron Sharpens Iron and the National Center for Fathering. Jay and his wife Rita have five kids and four grandkids and have loved on 10 foster babies.

One of Jay’s suggestions for being a better dad? Make small, intentional memories with your kids—turn what would otherwise be ordinary and mundane moments into a magical ones. He shares a vivid example and several other valuable suggestions and reminders.

Quotes from the show:

• “Throw yourself into [fathering].” —Jay
• “If you try to balance work and family—impossible. But if you give yourself 100% to all of those, looking for the small moments, it’s the great verse from Psalm 127: ‘Children are a burden from the Lord.’ No! ‘Children are a gift from the Lord’—they are a reward from Him.” —Jay
• “Are your kids—when they first see you and say goodbye to you—are they drawn to you or walking away from you?” —Jay
• “The best you can do there is to say, ‘What am I doing to maintain the bridge and maintain the positive conversation [with my teenagers]?'” —Leary
• “Your best resource is hanging out with your wife and asking, ‘Hey, how am I doing as a dad?'” —Jay
• “Our job as dads is to open doors for our kids—let them try stuff—[…]they’ll discover things about themselves. […]And don’t stress out if they don’t try stuff.” —Jay
• “Follow your instincts. What do you want to do? That kid is crying? […] You pick up the crying baby. If that baby is crying, [he/she] is crying for a reason.” —Jay
• “If lack of skin-to-skin contact leads to Failure to Thrive [Syndrome], then […] lots of skin-to-skin contact leads to thriving.” —Jay
• “[Like an archer shooting an arrow,] pull them close to your heart, then you let them go.” —Jay

This week’s Challenge Me:

Kiss your wife in the kitchen. Say something good about your children’s mom in front of your child(ren).

Comments or questions for Jay, Leary, or Armin? Be sure to share them in the comments section below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Jay Payleitner’s website.
• Jay Payleitner’s book, 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad.
• Jay Payleitner’s book, What If God Wrote Your Bucket List?
• Jay Payleitner’s book, 52 Ways to Connect as a Couple.
• Jay Payleitner’s book, The Dad Book.
• Walter Trobisch’s book, The Misunderstood Man: Why Men Suffer & What Can Be Done About It.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from George MacDonald:

“Where a man would make a machine, or a picture, or a book, God makes the man that makes the book, or the picture, or the machine. Would God give us a drama? He makes a Shakespeare.“

In this episode, Leary and Armin talk with Wes Yoder, about his life and the challenges his clients—speakers and authors—often face. Wes is the CEO and Founder of Ambassador Agency Inc., a Christian-based literary agency and speakers bureau, and the author of the book, Bond of Brothers. They talk about life, successes, and what we should remember about the present moment and the future.

Quotes from the show:

• “I started waking up to the reality that what God was choosing for me was far better than anything I ever chose for myself.” —Wes Yoder
• “We’re afraid of discomfort, afraid of pain, afraid of suffering, afraid of losing.” —Wes Yoder
• “There’s a slow life transformation that happens every time you go through a testing time or a suffering time. Something in you changes, either for better or for worse.” —Wes Yoder
• “Or you can learn to forgive those who have hurt you. You can learn to say, ‘In my suffering and in my sorrow, I met the Man of Sorrow who is acquainted with my grief, who—oh by the way—promises to make my joy complete.’ I can live in that space or I can live in a place of bitterness.” —Wes Yoder
• “As long as my life is not over here, there’s still more to come, […] the best part of life is ahead of me.” —Wes Yoder
• “I don’t care where you are in life, as long as you are alive, […] this is the spring time of [y]our life—not only because there is eternity ahead, but because the years we have left are meant to be important because we still have them being given to us year after year as gifts from God.” —Wes Yoder
• “Tomorrow can be incredible.” —Wes Yoder
• “The question I have for myself literally on a day-[to]-day basis—and for anyone who will actually listen—[… is], ‘God, put into my hands whatever you want there. And take out of my hands anything that is not good for me, isn’t pleasing to you, is just getting in the way. And I don’t care what the results are.'” —Wes Yoder
• “Ultimately, contentment is connected somehow to knowing that you’ve not missed the purpose of your life.” —Wes Yoder
• “When you’re really alive, you can look, with a cheshire grin on your face, and say, ‘The best part of my life is this moment here with you.'” —Wes Yoder

This week’s Challenge Me:

Get a 3×5 card and write down the greatest sorrow of your life and your greatest fear right now. What are three things you would do if you had no fear? Look at what you write down and talk with God about it. 

Comments or questions for Wes Yoder, Leary, or Armin? Be sure to share them in the comments section below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Wes Yoder’s book, Bond of Brothers.
• Wes Yoder’s website.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Dallas Willard:

“Understanding is the basis of care. What you would take care of you must first understand, whether it be a petunia or a nation.“

In this energy-packed episode, Leary and Armin talk about burnout, what it is, its symptoms, questions to ask to learn if you have it, and the difference between burnout and fatigue. They also give us hope that we can recover from the cul-de-sac of burnout. Here’s how:

1. Recognize it. Admit your condition. 
2. Accept a long recovery. Burnout doesn’t happen instantly—it won’t fix quickly.
3. Don’t make immediate life decisions. Things feel more charged than they are.
4. Schedule self-care time. Take control of your schedule—set boundaries.
5. Limit the number of changes you make. Any change can absorb mental energy and add stress.
6. Ask for support from a friend. It gives you motivation, provides encouragement, and invites vulnerability.
7. Evaluate the cause of burnout. Really understand what’s causing burnout so you can adapt to avoid it from happening again.

Quotes from the show:

• “The earliest warning sign for me that I’m approaching exhaustion and burnout [is…] when I feel like the people I love the most are encroaching upon me and what I’m trying to do.” —Leary
• “Burnout is extended, chronic fatigue that gets to this point where you feel like there’s nothing you can do. Your options are limited, you have no real controls over your life.” —Leary
• “If you are in denial about all of the broken promises you’ve made, then it’s time to admit that, hey, ‘I probably am in burnout right now.’ It’s not like you’re a failure if you’re in burnout. It’s better for you to admit it and work on a proactive recovery plan than for you to take it further and do significant damage to yourself and your life.” —Leary
• “You don’t make good decisions when you’re fatigued.” —Leary
• “People who burnout are really good at scheduling their burnouts [by] making sure [their] schedule[s] [are] full. The opposite of that is to schedule self-care time.” —Armin
• “Occupation—it’s the thing that occupies us. If we don’t set boundaries to it, that thing becomes like a camel in a tent and it takes over. Pretty soon, we have to vacate because our occupation has killed us.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

If you’re in burnout or the early stages of burnout, what one change will you make to your schedule to create a boundary for self-care? Make it specific and actionable so you can apply it today.

Comments? Questions? Stories of how you’ve overcome burnout? Share them in the comments section below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• The Mayo Clinic’s burnout question list, as published in their article, “Job burnout: How to spot it and take action.”
• Episode 73, “How to set personal boundaries.”
• Episode 112, “Can drive and contentment coexist?“
• Episode 24, “Why now is the best time to start journaling.”
• Toolbox episode 1, “How to journal more consistently.”

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from David Horsager:

“The single uniqueness of the greatest leaders and organizations of all time is trust.”

In this episode, Leary and Armin talk about why trust is important, what it is made of, how it gets broken, and how we can regain it when it is. Here are the steps they suggest to regain trust:

1. Identify how you broke trust. 
2. Acknowledge the damage done and how the other may have felt. 
3. Apologize for breaking the trust. 
4. Create a plan to regain their trust.
5. Solicit feedback and check in along the way.
6. Deliver and ask for the other’s thoughts on what you delivered. 

They also caution that regaining trust takes time and cannot happen until the other overcomes three doubts: the doubt of sincerity, the doubt of ability, and the doubt of durability. One plan and deliverable will not usually restore trust to where it was, so be prepared to repeat steps 4–6 as many times as needed. Remember, too, that, unfortunately, there are times when it will be impossible to regain someone’s trust. 

Quotes from the show:

• “The trusted leader is the leader [who’s] actually followed. A lack of trust is your biggest expense.” —Armin
• “If you want a high-performance relationship, it’s gotta be built on trust, too.” —Leary
• “There’s a fundamental, psychological need for trust and trusted relationships.” —Leary
• “Trust is comprised of clarity.” —Leary
• “If you commit, deliver. If you can’t deliver, don’t commit.” —Armin
• “Trust is one of those things that gets strengthened only through testing. Trust is not a static thing. It’s either growing or eroding. The way it grows is by showing that it’s stable. You almost have to test it in some ways to know that you got the trust there because trust holds up under the test.” —Leary
• “Trust is broken when someone’s expectation is not met.” —Leary
• “When we don’t take what we say seriously, we don’t take what we do seriously, and we don’t consider the impact of what we say or do on other people, it’s a recipe for distrust or for broken trust.” —Leary
• “Until you get through those three doubts, […] the other party will not respond with renewed trust.” —Leary
• “I don’t think you should apologize until you understand, first of all, what you are clearly apologizing for and how it affected them. If you don’t know those two things, then you can’t form an adequate apology.” —Leary
• “If you’re creating a plan, the most important question is not ‘Why?,’ […] it’s ‘How?’ You can’t ask that question once, you can’t ask that question twice, you need to ask that question three times.” —Armin

This week’s Challenge Me:

Identify someone whose trust you broke. Identify how you broke trust with him or her, then follow the simple plan suggested in this episode and let us know how it works for you.

If you’ve been on the other end as someone hurt by another person not proving trustworthy, do us a favor and, in the comments below, tell us about any stories and principles you think our listeners would find helpful.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• David Horsager’s book, The Trust Edge: How Top Leaders Gain Faster Results, Deeper Relationships, and a Stronger Bottom Line
• Earl D. Wilson’s book, Restoring the Fallen: A Team Approach to Caring, Confronting & Reconciling

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Winston Churchill:

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.”

In this episode, Leary and Armin talk about what an abundance mindset is, how to know if you have one or not, and its benefits. They offer several suggestions on how to grow an abundance mindset:

1. Affirm that what you have is enough. 
2. Get with others who will inspire you in your vision and the value of it. 
3. Be a cheerleader or a spotlight for someone else. 

Quotes from the show:

• “An abundance mindset is a bias, or a choice you might have, to see an opportunity and growth rather than scarcity and loss—especially when confronting challenges.” —Leary
• “An abundance mindset… is more about seeing yourself as someone who has something valuable to offer to the world.” —Leary
• “We don’t have an abundant mindset that comes from us. It comes from another source—the source where True Abundance comes from. That’s really what God does: He provides all that we need in order to do the next act of obedience.” —Leary
• “I have all that I need to do the next thing.” —Leary
• “An abundance mindset helps us have less stress and anxiety. When we are able to see the world as someplace that has more than enough for [us], we have a way of just letting go of the anxiety of needing to get more.” —Leary
• “In an abundance mindset, you see competitors as having value. They can validate a market.” —Leary
• “The risk is always worth it.” —Armin
• “How often do we shut down other people and relationship with them because we feel threatened by them? All that does—that threat—is just creating stress of us. Get rid of that stress!” —Leary
• “It’s this win-lose kind of thinking that’s evidence of a poverty mindset.” —Leary
• “You can’t afford not to [invest in others].” —Armin

This week’s Challenge Me:

Take on one of the steps Leary and Armin suggest or leave one of your own in the comments below.

What do you think of this topic and episode? Share your comments or questions below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Reinventure Me’s Poverty/Abundance Mindset Assessment.
• Episode 4, “How your mindset affects your next great beginning.”
• Episode 112, “Can drive and contentment coexist?“
• Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset.
• Leary Gates’ review of Mindset.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from the Apostle Paul (Philippians 4:12-13):

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

In this episode, Leary and Armin talk about the causes of discontent and suggest we identify it in our own lives by:

• Asking ourselves, “What is persistently dissatisfying?” and “What am I thinking when I’m dissatisfied?”
• For each, asking, “Am I happy when the opposite is true?” 
• For each, identifying what could be reframed or what actions could be taken.

Leary and Armin also offer three steps that we can take to strengthen contentment:

1. Play our part. Keep in mind that we are a part of something bigger.
2. Inventory our blessings. Increase our awareness of what we’ve already been given.
3. Cultivate our patience.  Take the long view.

Quotes from the show:

• “A lot of times, [discontent] comes from a lack of recognition and you want the recognition.” —Armin
• “Where it goes sideways is when that desire for recognition subtly morphs into a need for validation—when we need other people to say we’re okay or we’ve got it or we’re somebody.” —Leary
• “The Apostle Paul demonstrates yes, you can have that energy and at the same time be at peace.” —Leary
• “Never stop asking that question—’What are you going to be when you grow up?’—otherwise you stop listening and you stop asking.” —Leary
• “[The difference] between someone who is ambitious and driven is: [a driven person is] willing to put it on paper and bring people around them and let the world know, ‘This is what I’m striving for.’” —Armin
• “[Discontentment] makes everything really big. […] It makes our problems appear larger than they really are and it makes us feel worse than we really are.” —Leary
• “Contentment is a sense of satisfaction.” —Armin
• “You have a part to play, but yours isn’t the lead role.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Be honest with yourself: are you more ambitious or driven? If you’re ambitious, ask yourself the hard question: What validation am I seeking from others? If you’re driven and discontent, examine your discontent and take a small step in each area.

What do you think of this topic and episode? Share your comments or questions below.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Robert Fritz:

“The way people choose reveals where they see the power in a situation residing and how that power is activated and used.” 

In this episode, Leary and Armin explore the eight ways Robert Fritz says we choose to avoid effective choice. Fritz says we give up our power to choose when we make a choice by:

1. Limitation: choosing only what seems possible or reasonable.
2. Indirectness: choosing the process instead of the result.
3. Elimination: choosing to eliminate all other possibilities so that only one choice remains.
4. Default: choosing not to make a choice, so that whatever results seems to occur without choice.
5. Condition: choosing to impose preconditions on choices.
6. Reaction: choosing in order to overcome a conflict.
7. Consensus: choosing by finding out what everyone else recommends and following the results of that poll.
8. Adverse possession: choosing based on a hazy metaphysical notion about the nature of the universe.

Quotes from the show:

• “If you love something enough, it’ll exist.” —Leary
• “When we surrender our effective choice—our decision to choose for ourselves—we’ve given up our power. In other words, we’ve given in to something that’s not us. And we might resent it…. but frankly, the choice comes back to us.” —Leary
• “Recogniz[e] where the power lies—otherwise, we’ll follow the path of least resistance.” —Leary
• “Unsubscribe from all of those feeds offering to solve your problem…. Sometimes we need to disconnect from all of the things that are process, in order for us to get silent and think about what result are we trying to create.” —Leary
• “What’s your end-goal? …. What is your aspiration?” —Armin
• “Simply make a conscious choice.” —Leary paraphrasing Fritz

This week’s Challenge Me:

Which one of the eight avoidance choices do you deal with most often?

What do you think of this topic and episode? Share your comments or questions below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• The Path of Least Resistance by Robert Fritz
• The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

In this seven-minute toolbox episode, Leary shares how to interrogate our goals to make sure they are the best they can be. He suggests asking three key questions:

• So that…?
• So what…?
• So how…?

Take a few minutes to listen to this episode and then ask these questions to get clarity around your own goal. You’ll establish a purpose, identify your points of resistance, and develop a plan to pursue your goal. Then, share your thoughts or questions with us in the comments section below. We always love to hear from our listeners.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Janine Ogg and Jo Foster, two moms who help other moms become entrepreneurs:

“Just one great partnership with the right person can have an incredible impact on your business success.” 

In this episode, Leary and Armin discuss how partnerships can benefit us and our ventures—if they involve the right people and are set up well. They also talk about how taxing partnerships can become if certain things are overlooked, and share strategies and tools to help avoid those partnership pitfalls.

Quotes from the show:

• “A good reason to bring in a partner [is] to complement your skill set and allow the business to be more successful.” —Leary
• “One of the biggest mistakes people make is to think that a good friendship translates into a good partnership. But partnerships are very different from any other kind of relationship.” —Armin
• “You can make friends out of partnerships, but you often lose friends in partnerships.” —Leary
• “Even if the business is successful, it doesn’t mean that the partnership will be…. You can have a healthy, successful business, but you can lose a lot of your sanity in the process…. A successful lifestyle is contingent upon a healthy partnership, regardless of whether the business is successful.” —Armin
• “One of the biggest mistakes that is made in partnerships is that early enthusiasm is never codified in a written document. If you start a partnership, you really need to think through it—especially while everyone is in agreement.” —Leary
• “Do they bring a necessary core competency to this partnership or are they just another you?” —Armin
• “Are they complementing you? Are they bringing something that I can’t outsource? ….If they don’t bring something that’s core—that you couldn’t just outsource and get, that’s more or less commodity—I think you’d be foolish to enter into a partnership.” —Leary
• “Bring someone in who is core and central to your business, who will advance your business. If you don’t know who that is yet, then wait.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Have a pre-partnership meeting with your prospective partner. Cover all of the key questions (see below resource) before you get into an official partnership. Do not wait to have this conversation until after money, sacrifice, assumptions, and other commitments have been made.

What do you think of this topic and episode? Share your comments or questions below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• “Questions to Evaluate Fit of Prospective Partners” by Armin Assadi.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Ambrose Redmoon:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” 

In this episode, Leary and Armin discuss fear and how it impacts us and our ventures. They suggest four steps we can take to help us live courageously:

1. Write down the fears that come to mind when you contemplate your project or venture. 
2. Identify the reverse pointers for those fears.
3. Consider what actions you can take now to support your goals.
4. Think about how you can involve others.

Quotes from the show:

• “Sometimes, courage is really just being willing to get up the next day and start over.” —Leary
• “Fear is a natural response. And, yet, we can choose how we deal with it when it comes.” —Leary
• “Fear is really a reverse pointer to something else—to something that’s greater.” —Leary
• “Fear naturally drives us to self-protection…. Usually, fear is there to prevent something from happening. Often, it prevents action.” —Leary
• “[Fear forces us to] either sacrifice doing our best work or doing our own work.” —Leary
• “The key here is to get fear to work for you by understanding what it’s pointing to and understanding your higher purpose.” —Leary
• “Our greatest regret is always what we [don’t] do.” —Armin
• “Community sharpens our venture and the choices we make.” —Leary
• “Community is one of the greatest tools anyone can have for just about anything.” —Armin
• “It’s really difficult for a lot of people to do because you have to get vulnerable and the issue with vulnerability is the fear of rejection.” —Armin

This week’s Challenge Me:

What goal do you want to achieve? Write down the fears that you have around that goal and identify what you stand to lose or gain—those higher-order objectives the fears point to. Then, consider what next steps you can take to support that goal.

What do you think of this topic and episode? Share your comments or questions below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• “What it takes to be a writer (with guest Jerry B. Jenkins),” Episode 107 of the Reinventure Me podcast 
• “How to beat procrastination,” Episode 70 of the Reinventure Me podcast

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Soren Kierkegaard:

“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” 

In this episode, Leary and Armin discuss those bad day blues and how to keep a bad day from getting worse. They suggest taking five steps:

1. Express. Acknowledge what’s happened by talking it out with a good listener; or journal about it. What’s your blocked goal?
2. Lesson. Find what the situation might teach you.
3. Reframe. Identify and reframe your expectations.
4. Protect. Protect your most important relationships from a bad-day spillover.
5. Redeem. Determine what steps you can take to redeem a bad day.

Quotes from the show:

• “A bad day can affect your mindset about every single aspect of life.” —Armin Assadi
• “Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.” —Lily Tomlin
• “Embrace your bad day as an experience rather than something that is wrong with you.” —Armin Assadi
• “The key is to understand, ‘What was my blocked goal? What was the thing that I couldn’t control?'” —Leary Gates
• “It’s important to be prepared to say, ‘If I have a bad day, this is how I’m going to respond.'” —Armin Assadi
• “When I have a bad day, I like to ask, ‘Will I remember this day a year from now?'” —Leary Gates
• “No one deserves a good day every day.” —Leary Gates

This week’s Challenge Me:

If you’re having a bad day, identify what your blocked goal was? How can you reframe it?

What do you think of this topic and episode? Share your comments or questions below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast:

• The job cleanse: 5 strategies for detoxifying form your former employer, Episode 3 of the Reinventure Me podcast.

In this ten-minute toolbox episode, LinkedIn expert Viveka von Rosen shares with Leary why it’s important to manage LinkedIn settings and how to tune-up your profile. She walks through each of the following settings:

• Turning on/off your news mention broadcasts
• Turning on/off your profile activity updates
• Selecting who can see your activity feed
• Selecting what others see when you’ve viewed their profile
• Turning on/off How You Rank
• Selecting who can see your connections
• Choosing who can follow your updates
• Managing recommendations
• Editing your public profile URL

Take ten minutes to make sure your LinkedIn profile is working the best it can be for you. Then, share your thoughts or questions with us in the comments section below. We always love to hear from our listeners.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that you may find helpful:

• “LinkedIn Security: Who’s Watching You?,” Ebook from Viveka mentioned in this podcast. Free for a limited time.
• “Why you should use LinkedIn Publisher (with Viveka von Rosen),” Toolbox Episode 11, offers insight into how to use Publisher to make your profile stand out from others.
• “Cool tools on LinkedIn (with Viveka von Rosen),” Toolbox Episode 9, covers the fastest, most effective ways you can build your brand promise—that sense of “know, like, and trust”—using LinkedIn’s cool communication tools.
• “How to use recommendations to increase your credibility on LinkedIn (with Viveka von Rosen),” Toolbox Episode 6, offers tips on how to go about requesting recommendations on LinkedIn to bolster your credibility.
• “How to use media to increase your credibility on LinkedIn (with Viveka von Rosen),” Toolbox Episode 2, covers the three things that matter most when using media on your LinkedIn profile and preparing for your next great beginning.
• “How to use LinkedIn to supercharge your next transition with Viveka von Rosen,” Episode 31, provides practical tips, and a few cautions, as you prep your profile and gear up for change.
• How to Use LinkedIn Publisher to Get More Visibility, an article by Viveka von Rosen, offers insight on the elements of a good post, how to determine publishing frequency, sharing best practices, and more.
• B2B LinkedIn Launchpad Training Series, Viveka von Rosen’s comprehensive ebook to get you and your business off and running with using LinkedIn for B2B purposes.

Jerry B. Jenkins is a 21-time New York Times best-selling author, including the mega-hit, Left Behind series. His 187 books have sold more than 70 million copies. This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Jerry’s father:

“Make your goals intrinsic, not extrinsic. […] Make your goal to be the best writer you can be.” 

In this episode, Jerry talks with Leary and Armin about what it takes to be a writer. Join us for this conversation and consider how you can incorporate Jerry B. Jenkins’ advice as you approach writing your own book.

Quotes from the show:

• “This isn’t a hobby. It’s not a diversion[…]. Writing is a serious business and it takes a lot of years of training and work to do it right.” —Jerry B. Jenkins
• “Make sure you’re making three or four times your salary before you think you can go full-time freelance, because all of the expenses now will be yours.” —Jerry B. Jenkins
• “How do you write a mega-best-seller? Well, you don’t. You don’t sit down to do that. You write from your passions and what you care about.” —Jerry B. Jenkins
• “I don’t have any control over how something sells, how it will be received. The only thing I have control over is how much of myself I put into it and how disciplined I am. So all I can do is the best I can do and the market takes care of the rest.” —Jerry B. Jenkins
• “I maintain that fear of inadequacy and a little bit of low self-esteem[…]. Fear’s not a bad motivator. Let’s take whatever you need to keep you from short-cutting the process and short-selling yourself.” —Jerry B. Jenkins
• “My calling is that I have a message. I wasn’t necessarily called to be a writer. I’m called to spread the word and this is my vehicle to answer that call. So, I’m going to be obedient to that call. Success was never the point. Obedience was the point. Had I never had a book sell over 100,000 copies, I still would have been a success by answering the call and being obedient.” —Jerry B. Jenkins
• “If you want to be a writer, start with a blog, start with a small publication, start with a newspaper, do magazine work. Learn the craft. Get the quarter-of-a-million clichés out of your system. Learn to be edited. Learn that it’s collegial: every published piece of writing is a duet, not a solo. Learn that back-and-forth. As you become an expert in something […] then start learning the business, making the rounds, going to writers’ conferences, meeting editors and agents. Then it’s time to get involved in a writers’ group and try your hand at that book you want to take a shot at.” —Jerry B. Jenkins

This week’s Challenge Me:

It’s never too late—or early—to start writing. Don’t let anything stand in your way. If you want to be a writer, the important thing is what you want to say. Learn your craft, hone your skills, and get behind the keyboard.

What do you think of this topic and episode? Share your comments or questions below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast:

• JerryJenkins.com.
• Jerry B. Jenkin’s book, Left Behind.
• Jerry Jenkins Writer’s Guild.
• Eugene H. Peterson’s book, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Anonymous:

“Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.” 

In this episode, Leary and Armin discuss blind spots or biases—what they are and why they matter—and highlight five critical biases that can affect how we view the future and take advantage of opportunities. These five biases are:

1. Confirmation bias
2. Recency bias
3. Anchoring bias
4. Availability bias
5. Information bias

How did we select these five biases when there are hundreds out there to choose from? (Yes, we think we’re amusing when we use irony.) Listen in to find out, and consider how your own biases are shaping your decisions about your future.

Quotes from the show:

• “Whatever that decision is you might be thinking about, you need to think about how you’re influencing yourself and making your decisions.” —Leary
• “Just because something is hot right now doesn’t mean it’s going to stay hot. That’s the recency bias you need to look at. The old advice, just to sleep on it, is a big help. It helps you start to see if you change your opinion about something over time.” —Leary
• “Ask yourself, when you get new information, is there some reason that should invalidate the old assumptions you had and what is the reason for that?” —Leary
• “To overcome the anchoring bias, then, you have to start looking at the problem from different perspectives and assume that the position … you’re holding is false.” —Leary
• “When you’re seeking advice from someone, say as little as possible about how you view it—because, otherwise, you anchor them, and then what you get is an echo chamber, because they’re just gonna repeat back to you what you already thought.” —Leary
• “Just because it’s available and current doesn’t make it the best decision.” —Armin

This week’s Challenge Me:

Think about how these five blind spots or biases might be influencing a decision you’re contemplating.

What do you think of this topic and episode? Share your comments or questions below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast:

• “20 cognitive biases that screw up your decisions,” Business Insider (infographic mentioned in the podcast).
• Adobe Marketing Cloud ad.

In this toolbox episode, Leary shares techniques from Margaret Lobenstine’s book, The Renaissance Soul, to help you overcome stalling and get started on your dream:

1. Write down negative thoughts.
2. Identify the assumptions underlying each one.
3. Code each thought according to assumption type.

Leary elaborates on each of these steps in this brief seven-minute episode. Take a listen and consider giving this technique a try. The beauty of the exercise is that it helps you sort and reframe your thinking, and even gives you an immediate action plan!

Share your thoughts—including other strategies you’ve found helpful in overcoming stalling—with us in the comments section below. We always love to hear from our listeners.

Resources related to this episode that you might find helpful:

• Episode 104, “Are you a renaissance soul?“
• Episode 102, “The self-talk survival guide.”
• Leary’s review of the book discussed in this episode: “Recommended Reading: ‘The Renaissance Soul’ by Margaret Lobenstine.”
• Margaret Lobenstine’s book, The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Whitney Johnson—and is a flip on Winston Churchill’s famous “Never, never, never give up” quote:

“Always, always, always show up.” 

In this episode, Whitney Johnson joins Leary and Armin to talk about:

• Disruptive innovations.
• The “S-curve”—a mathematical equation that helps us understand how innovation is adopted.
• The signs of plateauing and knowing when to jump to the next “S-curve.”
• Seven variables that can affect our progress along the “S-curve.”
• Market vs. competitive risk.

Quotes from the show:

• “The more I read about these ideas, the more I realized that if I really wanted to get something done in life, then I was going to have to disrupt myself.” —Whitney Johnson
• “Disruption isn’t just about products and services and companies and countries. It actually starts with the individual.” —Whitney Johnson
• “A disruptive innovation distilled to its essence is a low-end or new market innovation that eventually upends an industry.” —Whitney Johnson
• “At the top of the curve, you’re starting to approach mastery […], but your brain is now no longer enjoying the feel-good effects of learning. […] You’re not learning as much as you were. If you don’t jump to a new curve, that plateau becomes a precipice because you start to become bored and you can actually precipitate your own demise.” —Whitney Johnson
• “If you can learn to surf these S-curve waves of disruption in an era when disruption is actually accelerating—this is a skill set you can bring to the table in managing your business as well as your life and career.” —Whitney Johnson
• “Seventy percent of all successful new businesses end up with a strategy other than the one they initially pursued.” —Whitney Johnson
• “Battling entitlement is a linchpin; it’s one of those things that can bite us and we don’t see it. But I think one of the most critical [variables] is developing your distinctive strengths.” —Whitney Johnson

This week’s Challenge Me:

Start paying attention to the complements that you’re getting. Write them down. Then ask yourself, “Am I bringing these complements, these strengths, these super powers to work? Am I bringing them to my relationships?”

Where are you at in your S-curve? What do you think of some of the suggestions and ideas we discussed in this episode? Share your comments or questions below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast:

• Leary’s review of Whitney Johnson’s book, Disrupt Yourself: Putting the Power of Disruptive Innovation to Work.
• Whitney’s book, Disrupt Yourself: Putting the Power of Disruptive Innovation to Work.
• Clayton Christensen’s The Innovator’s Dilemma: The Revolutionary Book That Will Change the Way You Do Business.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Margaret Lobenstine’s book, The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One:

“Now is only a part of your life.” 

In this episode, Leary and Armin discuss:

• The definition of a renaissance soul.
• The five signs that you’re a renaissance soul.
• The challenges and advantages of being a renaissance soul.

They conclude this show by offering some suggestions on how you can cultivate your renaissance soul.

Quotes from the show:

• “A true renaissance soul is a person who is lighted up by a variety of interests.” —Leary
• “Even if you’re not that person, it’s still worth listening to this episode, because you’re going to deal with this enigma of a person [at some point]. This might be the way for you to be able to empathize with this person, understand where they’re coming from, and how to communicate with them.” —Armin
• “Oftentimes, [having many interests is] accompanied by a lack of discipline. [….] If you’re not thinking intentionally about how you cultivate those interests, then you will be a scattered personality and, I think, subject more to the criticism that most of us as renaissance souls get.” —Leary
• “At first, a lot of us are scattered[…]. It sometimes takes someone, like you, to say: 1) No, it’s okay to be like that; 2) But there’s a way to handle it; 3) There’s a way to prioritize; and 4) There’s a way to make a decision—you create a process to help you eliminate the Scatter Brain Syndrome.” —Armin
• “The design of a renaissance soul is to enjoy and embrace the present interests that you have. […] If you recognize that, then you can say, ‘Look, I don’t have to do one thing forever, and I don’t have to be on this quest to find The One Thing. I can embrace what’s right in front of me—the things I’m enjoying right now[…].’ And that’s really liberating.” —Leary
• “Maybe you’re supposed to look at how you integrate a number of disciplines together rather than how you become the uber-master [of each discipline].” —Leary
• “You’re going to add value to others when you’re pursuing the things that are energizing and interesting to you.” —Leary
• “You are the only person who can be you. […] Embrace the fact that you are different. […] stop apologizing for it. You just have to say, ‘I have a whole variety of interests that I like to cultivate.’ That becomes your calling card, not your liability.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

If you’re a renaissance soul, identify your “now focus points”—the two or three things that capture your interest right now. Take some time to sit down and write out your game plan for cultivating each one.

What do you think of this topic? Share your comments or questions below. If you’re a renaissance soul, tell us what it’s been like for you: what are some of the challenges you’ve had and what are the strategies you’ve developed along the way?

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast:

• Leary’s review of the book discussed in this episode: “Recommended Reading: ‘The Renaissance Soul’ by Margaret Lobenstine.”
• Margaret Lobenstine’s book, The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One.
• Barbara Sher’s book, Refuse to Choose!: Use All of Your Interests, Passions, and Hobbies to Create the Life and Career of Your Dreams.
• Episode 26: “Do your many interests hinder your next great beginning?“

The three strategies Leary’s found effective in helping him become less distractible are:

1. Measure your “Push Away Impulse.”
2. Commit to a single task.
3. Guard your recovery time.

Leary elaborates on each of these points in this nine-minute toolbox episode. Take a listen and consider giving his ideas a try. Then share your thoughts—including other strategies you’ve found helpful in becoming less distractible—with us in the comments section below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this episode that you might find helpful:

• “Beating distraction and the Push Away Impulse,” an article by Leary Gates that further elaborates on this topic.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Don Shula:

“The start is what stops most people.” 

In this episode, Leary and Armin discuss how to start the ideas we resist—even if we don’t want to. They compare ideas to bumble bees, partitioned hard drives, and dying loved ones, and share some practical suggestions on how we can retrain the way we approach and activate ideas.

Quotes from the show:

• “The problem is, when you find yourself resisting the very idea you want to implement, it starts to make you question, ‘What’s wrong with me?'” —Leary
• “It’s so much easier to procrastinate and justify your procrastination on stuff that you don’t like doing.” —Leary
• “I have to mourn a loss [of an unfinished idea] to birth a new [idea]. Sometimes it’s hard to let something go.” —Armin
• “When I see how many things I’ve started and never finished, I eventually look at the next thing to start as another thing to fail at.” —Armin
• “I [often] find I may not want to start something because I’ve got so many other things that I’ve started and haven’t quite finished yet. What ends up happening, … is [I hold] an idea hostage because [I] haven’t finished other stuff.” —Leary
• “I’m not advocating that we not finish ideas; I am advocating that [we] not punish [ourselves] … and [realize our] next idea might be a better idea than the idea [we’ve] been working on. It could be worth trading up for.” —Leary
• “The question is, ‘In the idea that you want to pursue, what are [you] willing to guard and protect?'” —Leary
• “If you keep bombarding yourself with all those reasons not to do something, eventually, you stop being creative at all.” —Leary
• “Sometimes the idea that you write down needs time for your brain to think on it awhile before you act on it. And that allows you just to incubate it. If you still have the same energy to pursue the same idea several days later—then it’s worth pursuing.” —Leary
• “If you have a to-do list, you have a get-nothing-done list. That’s all a to-do list is. If you actually want to get something done, schedule it.” —Armin

This week’s Challenge Me:

Pick an idea. Write it down. Incubate it. Then post it somewhere where you’ll see it and start working it.

What are some other ways you have found helpful in motivating yourself to start working an idea you previously resisted? Share your thoughts and comments with us below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Episode 20: “3 Strategies to supercharge your productivity.”
• Episode 70: “How to beat procrastination.”
• Bob Newhart “stop it” video.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Søren Kierkegaard:

“Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts.” 

In this episode, Leary and Armin discuss self-talk and how it influences our beliefs about ourselves and others, our behaviors, and the results we see in our lives. They share some practical suggestions on how we can reshape destructive thinking into constructive thinking, and approach life’s challenges in healthy ways.

Quotes from the show:

• “We believe what we tell ourselves.” —Leary
• “Our brain is always working. Most of the time it’s wandering.” —Leary
• “We form self-perceptions that become limiting beliefs.” —Leary
• “And then they become limiting behaviors that create very limiting results.” —Armin
• “Researchers have speculated that about 80% of our internal dialogue is negative.” —Leary
• “Even if the interaction is positive from the other person, we might think it’s negative, if that’s what we’re looking for.” —Armin
• “We unconsciously are looking [for] things that fit our perception. We don’t see the things that don’t fit our perception. When we see the things that fit the perception… it reinforces that view.” —Leary
• “We often don’t give [ourselves] the time to re-think how we’ve re-wired our thinking.” —Leary
• “We have the ability to change. We’re volitional. We can change our thought processes, but we need an outside perspective to help us with that.” —Leary
• “We need other people to challenge our assumptions. We need to surround ourselves with good truth intake through what we read and by engaging with people who are healthier in their thinking than we might be.” —Leary
• “Carol Dweck said, ‘Add “yet” to your negative self-talk.’ …If you say, ‘Ugh, I can’t do this,’ she says, ‘change that mindset by adding one simple word to the end: “yet.” ‘I can’t do this, yet.'” —Armin
• “And here’s how I’m going to do it.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

When you experience a challenge that threatens to undo you, turn your thinking in an inquisitive direction. Ask yourself, “How can I make this happen?” Then list five ways you can tackle it.

So, what do you think? (Pun intended.) Share your thoughts and comments with us below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Dan Pink’s book, To Sell is Human.
• Leary Gates’ review of To Sell is Human.

In this 11-minute episode, Viveka shares the benefits of using LinkedIn’s Publisher feature. Publisher:

1. Makes your content searchable.
2. Positions you as an expert in your field.
3. Increases your visibility.
4. Increases engagement with your content.
5. Can lead you to more business.

She goes on to share the “must dos” for posting with Publisher. Take a listen. You’ll be surprised at how simple and straightforward it is.

If you aren’t currently using LinkedIn’s Publisher, consider giving it a try and let us know what you think in the comments section below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this episode that you might find helpful:

• How to Use LinkedIn Publisher to Get More Visibility, an article by Viveka von Rosen, offers insight on the elements of a good post, how to determine publishing frequency, sharing best practices, and more.
• How to use LinkedIn to supercharge your next transition with Viveka von Rosen, Episode 31, provides practical tips, and a few cautions, as you prep your profile and gear up for change.
• B2B LinkedIn Launchpad Training Series, Viveka von Rosen’s comprehensive ebook to get you and your business off and running with using LinkedIn for B2B purposes.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is a prayer from one of Dr. H. Norman Wright’s clients:

“Lord, You know my needs. All I ask is that You provide a single healing stitch to my heart once a day. I know that over time, while the scar in my heart will always remain, the healing can begin.”

How can we support someone who is grieving in a healthy, helpful way? Dr. H. Norman Wright suggests we take these simple, intentional actions:

1. Be there. Be physically present with the mourner. Be willing to sit with him or her in the pain of loss.
2. Ask how he or she is doing—really doing. Give him or her the time and space to answer honestly.
3. Be patient. Give him or her time to process, to share, to heal. Realize that healing will not happen quickly, but will occur gradually over many years.
4. Be okay with repetition. He or she needs to tell the story of loss over and over again to heal.
5. Listen. Don’t give advice. Not saying anything is often the best support.
6. Ask what you can do. Don’t assume he or she wants a tray of lasagna; ask what kind of support is most helpful (if it is providing food, ask about allergies).
7. Learn about grief. Take time to read about how it affects mourners and what kind of support is most helpful. Realize we will be exposed to more and more grief as we age.

Often, being around someone who is grieving can cause us to reflect on our own losses. One of Dr. H. Norman Wright’s clients once asked him: “What is the loss in your life that you have never fully grieved over?”

If there is unresolved grief in our own lives or if we are actively grieving losses, how do we go about grieving in a healthy way? Dr. H. Norman Wright encourages us to:

1. Face and acknowledge the loss. Losses impact our lives in profound ways. Acknowledging that helps.
2. Learn to say goodbye. If we have regrets or never had a chance to say goodbye, handwrite a letter of goodbye or of regrets and read it aloud. Doing so helps provide a sense of closure.
3. Ask “Why?” It’s a cry of protest and it’s a normal part of the grieving process. Just remember that most “Why” questions go unanswered.
4. Be patient. The pain will move from a present-emotional type of pain to a more historical pain. But it does take time.
5. Watch as God becomes more significant. It may not happen immediately, but eventually, those “Why” questions will turn into, “What can I learn through this?” And, finally, “How can God be glorified through this?”

Quotes from the show:

• “We live in a culture that does not teach us in advance about loss and grief. And, at the worst time in our lives, when we are in deep pain, not only do we have to deal with that, but we also have to try to figure out, ‘Am I going crazy, am I normal, what’s going on?'” — Dr. H. Norman Wright
• “When you’re in grief, your thinking patterns are different. There’s irrational thoughts, there’s a lot of fear. Part of the fear is that, ‘I will never, never get over this.’ And the second big fear we hear about is that, ‘The loved one that I lost is going to be forgotten.’ And that usually is true. People tend to forget. After about three months, where’s the casserole parade? Where’s everybody coming to help? They’re not around. And we feel isolated. That’s the time when we are in deep, deep pain.” — Dr. H. Norman Wright
• “You don’t get back to normal. You create a new normal, a new stability in your life.” — Dr. H. Norman Wright
• “When you’re in grief, watch your driving. This is the time when you’re most likely to get into an accident or get a ticket.” — Dr. H. Norman Wright
• “You have difficulty with your sleeping. You have dreams, you have nightmares. And you have shattered beliefs—about life, about the world, and even God. You begin to question. It’s alright to ask the question, ‘Why?’ It’s not just a question. It’s a cry of protest.” — Dr. H. Norman Wright
• “Eventually, your ‘Why?’ question is going to turn into, ‘What can I learn through this?’ ‘How can I grow through this?’ And, finally, ‘How can God be glorified through this?'” — Dr. H. Norman Wright
• “The more you can learn about grief, the more you will be able to handle it better.” — Dr. H. Norman Wright
• “Even if you’re not in grief, learn as much as you can so that God can use you to minister to that person you run into at the grocery market or the neighbor up the street.” — Dr. H. Norman Wright
• “Most people think, ‘Well, they’ll get over this in a few months.’ … There are certain things you have to keep in mind: at three months and the one year anniversary, the grief seems to intensify for some reason. Just like at significant dates.” — Dr. H. Norman Wright
• “Something else that is so important to realize: If you have any type of unresolved loss in your life, the loss that you now experience reaches back into your past, grabs ahold of that loss, and brings it forward so you’re dealing with not just what you experience this week or this month—you’re experiencing the past.” — Dr. H. Norman Wright
• “It’s normal to experience grief. It really is.” — Dr. H. Norman Wright

This week’s Challenge Me:

If you know someone who has suffered loss, take Dr. H. Norman Wright’s advice and write his or her name on your calendar every three months for the next two years. Then, when you see his or her name, pray for him or her and send a handwritten note (not a text or email) expressing that you’re thinking of him or her.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• HNormanWright.com sells material Dr. H. Norman Wright has written and additional materials he highly recommends.
• What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say by Dr. H. Norman Wright.
• Experiencing Grief by Dr. H. Norman Wright.
• Experiencing the Loss of a Family Member by Dr. H. Norman Wright.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Maxwell Maltz:

“Often the difference between a successful person and a failure is not one has better abilities or ideas, but the courage that one has to bet on one’s ideas, to take a calculated risk—and to act.”

It’s a good time to launch a new business. But, before you start your new venture, consider:

1. Are you prepared? Mentally? Emotionally? Financially? Relationally?
2. Are you being intentional and strategic? Don’t act simply on opportunity.
3. Is there an alignment between you and your market? In passion? In skills? In needs?
4. Do you have the mindset of a learner? You won’t get it right the first time.
5. Do you embrace others in your venture? Formally? Informally?
6. Are you willing to sell? Don’t go into business if selling makes you cringe.
7. Do you have the three Cs? You need calling, competence, and confidence to be successful.

If you’re currently in business for yourself, we invite you to chime in and share your story and wisdom in our show notes below.

Quotes from the show:

• “I will generally encourage people to start businesses because I have learned more about myself, I’ve learned more about trusting God, I’ve learned more about growing closer to Anna through this, and more about what’s important to me through starting my own business—I don’t think I’d trade that for anything, as tough as it was.” —Leary
• “There are all kinds of good reasons to start a business now.” —Leary
• “This is something where, if you don’t have a love and a passion for it, it’s gonna be hard and you’re gonna give up on it. So why expend the energy to start up something that you don’t love?” —Leary
• “If you’re married and your spouse is not ready for you to do this and is not on-board for you to take this type of risk, just don’t do it. It’s bad timing. No matter how much you think you’re doing this on your own and it doesn’t effect the other person—how do I say this—you’re wrong. The other person is going to be just as involved—if not more—emotionally.” —Armin
• “Be married to your purpose, but hold your approach with a light, delicate touch—because there might be a better approach.” —Leary
• “If you have an idea and you’re passionate about the idea, you’re a hundred times more likely to make that idea work than the guy who maybe heard the idea and is just being opportunistic.” —Leary
• “Don’t be so quick to propose an NDA before you’ve even had a conversation—let the other person at least get a feeling [for your idea].” —Armin
• “Lower the barriers for people to be able to help you in your business.” —Leary
• “Before I even give you my idea, before I even really know who you are, ‘Sign this NDA because I don’t trust you,’ you’ve already killed a potential opportunity before it became one, because you’re paranoid—why?!” —Armin
• “If you don’t love your idea enough, then how can you sell it?” —Leary
• “When you get toward the end of life, you will never look back and regret the things you did. You’ll regret the things you didn’t do.” —Armin

This week’s Challenge Me:

If you’re considering venturing out, first write or journal your responses to the above questions. Be honest with yourself. Self-deception is self-destruction.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Episode 2: “Is it time to give your job a shove?“
• Episode 6: “How to be a better beginner.“
• Episode 30: “The secret to getting great feedback.“
• Episode 16: “How to network like a pro.“
• Episode 7: “Why you should be a lifelong apprentice.“
• Episode 8: “How to be an intentional apprentice.“
• Episode 44: “The art of self-promotion.“
• Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges by Amy Cuddy.

In this toolbox episode, Leary talks about the things that are most helpful in habit tracker apps, and what he likes especially about Strides. The Strides app is:

1. Free to use (unless you want the more advanced version).
2. Easy to use.
3. Integrated with the Apple Watch.
4. Customizable.
5. Reminder-based, using notifications.

If you aren’t currently using a habit tracker app, give Strides a try and let us know what you think in the show notes below. And, if you are using a habit tracker app, let us know which one you use and what you like about it.

Resources mentioned in or related to this episode that you might find helpful:

• Episode 21, “How to create habits for your next great beginning.”
• Toolbox episode 8, “How to create habits that stick.”
• The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg (read Leary’s review of the book)
• Check out the Strides app for iPhone on iTunes or on the Strides developer website.
• Other habit tracker apps that you might want to try: Productive, Momentum, and Streaks.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Henri Nouwen:

“The great illusion of leadership is to think that man can be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there.”

The world needs people who’ve been there and who have overcome to show the way. People who are not so focused on their wounds—and motivated by them—that they miss out on the value healed wounds can offer to others.

How do we turn our wounds into scars of healing and our stories of pain into great stories of triumph? By taking the steps to change our motivation. There’s a difference between being motivated by our wounds and being motivated by the healing from our wounds. The first leads to self-validation; the second prompts us to help others heal.

Healing a wound means:

• Acknowledging the wound exists. You can’t treat something you don’t believe needs treatment.
• Giving grace to the person who caused the wound. Hurt people hurt people.
• Forgiving the person who caused the wound. You’ll always have the scar; that can’t be changed.
• Helping others heal from similar wounds. The scar is a reminder of vulnerability, but also of resilience and healing—and can inspire others with its strength.

Quotes from the show:

• “Randy Komisar said, ‘Passion pulls you toward something you cannot resist. Drive pushes you toward something you feel compelled or obligated to do. If you know nothing about yourself, you can’t tell the difference.'” —Leary
• “The motivation from the wound is self-validation. But the motivation from the healing is to help others heal. We can choose to work from our wound or to work from the healing from our wound.” —Leary
• “[When] we get healing [of] our wound, then we are also able to provide that healing and comfort to others, as well.” —Leary
• “The scars [are] a reminder of the battle we were in.” —Leary
• “[Scars] are a sign of victory, not a sign of defeat.” —Armin
• “My past, the issues that I had, [I felt]… disqualified me and every aspect of my dreams, and it limited me. I had this encounter and I realized, no, these past issues that I had don’t define who I am, don’t define my future. It was a new kind of perspective to have.” —Armin
• “It was God literally saying, ‘All those things that you think made you unworthy or disqualified you are the exact things I’m going to use to bring you into this new life, I’m going to bring you into this new future and give you everything you thought you couldn’t have.’ That’s when, all of a sudden, it took my wounds and turned them into scars, and said, ‘No, these aren’t things that take me out of life, these are the things that give me life, these are the things that will give other people life, these are the things that will make you stand with people who are dealing with the same challenges and make them listen to you.'” —Armin
• “The wound that we didn’t want is the gift the world needs. That is, if we can transform [it] into that.” —Leary
• “This whole topic—about understanding our wounds and our story and all the rest—can really help us think through: What’s motivating us today? How do we want to change? How might that even effect the vocation that we’re called to, because of it?” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

If you wrote the story of your life, what would be that recurring wound and how would the hero or heroine of your story overcome it?

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Episode 98, “The power of story.”

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Dan Allender:

“Too many people are missing their story because they’re watching the stories of others.”

Why is it important to pay attention to and learn to tell our own stories? Telling our own stories:

• Facilitates connection between us and our listener(s).
• Leaves an impression with our listener(s)—sometimes a lasting one.
• Provides context, reminding us that life is a story.
• Reframes challenges as essential plot points in our stories.
• Gives long-range perspective, reminding us that our stories aren’t over yet, and freeing us to act to change ours.
• Imbues everyday moments with value, helping us embrace them and make memories worth sharing.
• Fosters trust between us and our listener(s).

How do we tell our story? Think of life like a Pixar story:

“Once upon a time, _____. Every day, _______. One day, _________. Because of that, _______. Because of that, __________. Until, finally, _____________.”

Quotes from the show:

• “The struggle is what people relate to, but we never want to share our struggles because we might be judged.” —Armin
• “Every story is a succession of beginnings and endings.” —Leary
• “We tend to focus on the success aspect of a story, and yet the place you identify [with] is in the failure.” —Leary
• “There’s something about overcoming the negative things in our lives—we all have that, the triumphs over the things that hold us back.” —Leary
• “Life is a mixture of both defeat and triumph—and that’s where the power of story comes in to play.” —Leary
• “Everyone has a story and you should know how to share it, because there really is power behind your story.” —Armin
• “It’s not about ‘Just the facts ma’am,’ as Sergeant Joe Friday would say; it’s the story behind it.” —Leary
• “Even if you’re trying to get to the point or trying to have a matter-of-fact conversation, it’s the why behind the what that connects with people so you can get your point across.” —Armin
• “Once you learn how a story works—how to share a story—you realize it’s the struggle that people connect with. You realize the greatest challenges of your life become the greatest stories of your life.” —Armin
• “You want to create empathy with someone? Don’t tell them you understand. Talk about a time when you went through a similar thing.” —Leary
• “When we embrace the fact that we are not fully writing our story—we are, in fact, characters in a bigger story—we can let go of demandingness, we can let go of fear, we can be more trusting and more hopeful, and we can embrace something that’s even bigger and grander than ourselves and making our own little padded story as nice as we can. We can say, ‘We’re part of something that’s really, really good.'” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Pick the story you want to share and go share it with someone. Be intentional, tell your story, then listen to the stories around you.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Dan Pink’s book, To Sell is Human.
• Leary Gates’ review of To Sell is Human.

In this episode, LinkedIn expert Viveka von Rosen talks with Leary Gates about the fastest, most effective ways you can build your brand promise—that sense of “know, like, and trust”—using LinkedIn’s cool communication tools. Topics discussed include:

1. Increasing response rate with messages (rather than email).
2. Building brand presence by using filters to segment audiences for communication.
3. Expanding influence through introductions. 
4. Sending in-mail.

Give Viveka von Rosen’s tips a try and let us know how they work for you by sharing your thoughts in the comments below.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that you may find helpful:

• How to use LinkedIn to supercharge your next transition with Viveka von Rosen, Episode 31, provides practical tips, and a few cautions, as you prep your profile and gear up for change.
• How to Use LinkedIn Publisher to Get More Visibility, an article by Viveka von Rosen, offers insight on the elements of a good post, how to determine publishing frequency, sharing best practices, and more.
• B2B LinkedIn Launchpad Training Series, Viveka von Rosen’s comprehensive ebook to get you and your business off and running with using LinkedIn for B2B purposes.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Neal A. Maxwell:

“Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage.”

The start of a new year can prompt discouragement. Whether the discouragement is inspired by resolutions, reflections, or realizations, there are some key truths that, when we remember them, can help. Discouragement:

• Is natural.
• Is temporary.
• Is not the problem.
• Points to a loss.
• Is overcome by confidence.

Quotes from the show:

• “Circumstances change and you do, too. The key is, how do we grow in our resilience to circumstance.” —Leary
• “The problem is, for most of us… we think our circumstances indicate something about our value. …In some ways, that’s shame-based thinking.” —Leary
• “I often think, when I’m discouraged, that I need to fix my discouragement. And that isn’t the thing that needs to get fixed. What needs to get fixed is the understanding—what that’s leading to. Discouragement is like the dashboard indicator going off—the check engine light—saying, ‘There’s something wrong inside. Take a look.'” —Leary
• “Gaining courage comes from understanding something about the reason for your discouragement. Discouragement itself isn’t the problem; discouragement is the pointer that something underneath is going on.” —Leary
• “We tend to believe in the zero-sum game: if somebody else is winning, we are losing. That isn’t anywhere near truth. In fact, the truth is, when we can practice gratitude, for even somebody else’s win, we win—because it transforms our thinking and it reminds us that it’s not permanent… and there have been many blessings we have received along the way.” —Leary
• “[Discouragement] is overcome by confidence—confidence in God and not in yourself.” —Leary
• “‘A man who always stays on his hands and knees in prayer can’t fall a very long distance. If you stay there, no matter what you deal with, your fall is short.'” —Armin quoting his pastor

This week’s Challenge Me:

Pick one of the quick pick-me-ups below and do it:

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Episode 45: “Ten habits to create a lifestyle of gratitude.”
• BoldIdea Workshops in Denver, San Francisco, and Minneapolis.

Our favorite Inspire Me quote from 2015 is from Steven Pressfield, author of The Legend of Baggar Vance & The War of Art, as quoted in Episode 18: “Four things you need to know about resistance“:

“Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.”

As we look toward 2016 and the football playoffs, it only seems fitting to ask, “What’s your game plan for 2016?” The strongest game plan incorporates both effective offensive and defensive strategies.

Offensive strategies:

• Develop a growth-mindset.
• Become a good apprentice; cultivate a hunger to learn.
• Become a good mentor.
• Set goals and write them down.
• Have a vision.
• Cultivate good habits.
• Take time for self-reflection (journal, go on a planning retreats, seek great feedback, and practice gratitude).
• Gain confidence.

Defensive strategies:

• Keep proper perspective.
• Be aware of and deal with your limitations.
• Set personal boundaries.
• Address shame-based thinking.
• Remember the value of setbacks and failures.
• Beat the need for approval.
• Address resistance.

Quotes from the show:

• “You’re not likely to win games on defense.” —Leary
• “As helpful as defensive points are to a game, you can’t build your strategy just around a defensive game plan—what you’re going to resist or how you’re going to overcome the obstacles you have.” —Leary
• “The best way to win is to understand and have a clear offensive strategy, which largely is around what’s your personal purpose and vision, and what are you doing with your life.” —Leary
• “A defensive strategy is almost [always] where we default because we tend to move into survival mode. We think about, ‘What does it take to get from here to there?'” —Leary
• “There are certain things that we propose as offensive strategies that don’t have to consume each day of your life—[they] can be done once a year, once a quarter.” —Armin
• “Don’t focus all of your time and energy into what is limiting you. But at least be aware of your limiting factors, deal with them, attack them, take some kind of initiative or action, so you can give yourself a chance to put your energy where it belongs, your willpower and focus into your offensive strategy—the thing that, like Leary said, will allow you to put points on the board.” —Armin
• “Don’t try to do everything at once.” —Leary
• “Your future does not have to be overshadowed by the mistakes, failures, or the shortfalls that you’ve had in your past. It doesn’t have to overshadow your dreams, it doesn’t have to overshadow your future. Whatever is ahead of you, everything that’s happened—even if it’s been failure—is the exact thing you can use to create the exact kind of future that you want. You just have to believe in yourself.” —Armin
• “There is a way for you to revinenture your life and pursue the dreams that you have. You don’t have to be stopped—not by you, not by people, not by circumstance, or by anything else that can get in your way. There is hope and there is a way for you to have your dreams, and age is not a factor.” —Armin

This week’s Challenge Me:

Review the offensive and defensive strategies discussed in this episode and consider which one(s) you want to incorporate into your own life in 2016. Be realistic about what’s do-able and consider incorporating the strategies that will propel you the farthest toward your goals. Take a few minutes to write them down and reinforce them by sharing with a spouse or friend.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Episode 4: “How your mindset affects your next great beginning.”
• Episode 7: “Why you should be a lifelong apprentice.”
• Episode 8: “How to be an intentional apprentice.”
• Episode 10: “How to dream strategically.”
• Episode 21: “How to create habits for your new great beginning.”
• Toolbox Episode 8: “How to create habits that stick.”
• Episode 24: “Why now is the best time to start journaling.”
• Episode 46: “How to have a personal planning retreat.”
• Episode 30: “The secret to getting great feedback.”
• Episode 45: “Ten habits to create a lifestyle of gratitude.”
• Episode 32: “Why confidence matters.”
• Episode 73: “How to set personal boundaries.”
• Episode 48: “The one thing guaranteed to hold you back.”
• Episode 56: “The value of setbacks.”
• Episode 89: “Five skills you can learn through failure.”
• Episode 59: “How to beat the need for approval.”
• Episode 18: “Four things you need to know about resistance.”
• Episode 61: “How to find your persistent resistance.”

In this episode, Leary talks about the three key elements to creating habits that stick, and suggests some practical tips for each:

1. Focus: be specific, sequential, strong-willed, strategic, and right-sized.
2. Clarity: use precision, pairing, and planning.
3. Visibility: measure, monitor, and manage.

Quotes from this episode:

• “You’re more likely to engage in a positive habit—something that you really want to do—than you are a negative habit—something you want to stop doing.” —Leary
• “Find a keystone habit that’s important to you and that you can express in a positive [way].” —Leary
• “Habits are formed from repetition…. Find a minimum effective dose that you could do that increases your probability of repetition…. Repetition is the key to making a habit work.” —Leary
• “A good habit is linked to an event.” —Leary
• “When you find yourself asking the question, ‘What should I do next?’ that’s a good time to add a new habit.” —Leary
• “You can only manage what you can measure.” —Leary

Give these tips a try and let us know how they work for you by sharing your thoughts in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast:

• Episode 21: “How to create habits for your next great beginning“
• Episode 51: “What you need to know about willpower“
• The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Read Leary’s review of Duhigg’s book.
  
• iPhone Strides app 

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Luke 2:14, when the angels proclaimed to the shepherds:

“Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.” 

This podcast is all about finding our next great beginning. As we near the end of 2015 and start thinking about what 2016 might bring, it’s fitting to consider what lessons we might learn from Christmas, the greatest next beginning of all: when God became man.

Here’s what we can learn from that first Christmas about our next great beginning:

• It may be humble… or humbling.
• Our growth may depend on others.
• Our paths will be our own.

Quotes from the show:

• “How much do we need to have the recognition of others to feel good about the path that we’re on? … That path that we’re on might just call us to humility.” —Leary
• “Part of that humility … is you give up the demandingness of being in control.” —Leary
• “God put inside that Christ child everything that He needed in order to make that [His mission] happen. That’s true for us, as well. I believe that all of us have a gift that God has put inside of us for our own mission. And your path is yours alone. It isn’t anyone else’s.” —Leary
• “You’re the only one there is. Stop trying to be anyone else.” —Leary
• “We need to embrace what we are called to do. No one else can do that. No one else can run our race.” —Leary
• “What if God truly did design every single person with a significant divine purpose, to be just as influential as anyone else—only if you could truly tap into that and be who you are, rather than imitate someone you’re not.” —Armin
• “We don’t have a perfect life, but we have all of the resources that we need to do what pleases God with our lives. And that is enough.” —Leary

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Visit BoldIdeaWorks.com for more information on Leary’s upcoming BoldIdea workshops in Minneapolis, Denver, and San Francisco.
• Episode 6: “How to be a better beginner.”

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

Shame can prevent us from moving forward with confidence, hindering our ventures. Leaders are particularly prone to shame because leaders put themselves out there, are more susceptible to criticism, and have disproportionate influence on others.

Anything that holds us back from what we really want we need to understand.

So, why is shame bad, exactly?

• Shame distorts reality, amplifying criticism and muting praise.
• Shame lessens your voice. 
• Shame makes you less likely to build into others.
• Shame harbors grudges.
• Shame derails what’s best for the team.

What can we do about it? Remember “AAA”:

• Assess. Develop an awareness of when shame hits you.
• Accept. Accept yourself and your past. Remember: forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past.
• Ask. Take the posture of a learner; it increases shame-resiliency.

Quotes from the show:

• “When reality is distorted and you start hearing criticism where there isn’t, you start multiplying critics where there’s not. Where people are neutral toward you, you behave like they are your enemies.” —Leary
• “Shame distorts reality. They might not be a critic, but you think they are, so you role-play all the different ways they might criticize you, and, pretty soon, you hate them…. But it’s not them criticizing you; it’s your imagination about how they might be criticizing you.” —Leary
• “You put this lens on your eyes that says, ‘This person thinks this of me,’ without you having any other facts, and every time you see them, every eyebrow raised, anytime they look at you from the corner of their eye, ‘Oh, there it is.'” —Armin
• “When we are leading in shame, all of the focus is on ourselves and our needs, and we become ego-centric leaders.” —Leary
• “You can put parameters around asking…. You don’t have to just ask and stand there naked, waiting to be shot.” —Armin
• “Be vulnerable…. It’s worth it. You become a stronger, better person than you ever thought you could be.” —Armin

This week’s Challenge Me:

As you listened to this episode, what struck a chord with you? Ask yourself, “What matches my experience and why is this resonating?” Lean into that. You might discover shame-based thinking is holding you or your venture back. Then, throughout the rest of today, make it a point to practice the Triple As—Assess, Accept, and Ask—and watch what happens.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Visit BoldIdeaWorks.com for more information on Leary’s upcoming BoldIdea workshops in Minneapolis, Denver, and San Francisco.
• Episode 48: “The one thing guaranteed to hold you back“
• Episode 4: “How mindset affects your next great beginning“

In this episode, prospecting expert Steve Kloyda talks about how to handle others’ objections to our ideas. His tips:

1. Listen. Don’t get offensive when others object or don’t respond favorably to our inquiry or invitation.
2. Ask questions. Try to understand the other person’s point-of-view.
3. Remember the ABCs: Don’t argue, don’t battle, don’t contradict. You don’t have to fight to prove you’re right.
4. Get off of the objection. Refocus on the purpose of the call.

Quotes from this episode:

• “I’ve spent the last 35 years of my life teaching people how to, what I call, not to overcome the objection—because when you overcome, somebody wins and someone loses—how to work with the objection.” —Steve
• “It applies the classical Art of War training: where you work with them, rather than resist them. Because the more you resist, the more you create an argument and the less likely you break down the defenses.” —Leary
• “When we’re engaged with people we’ve never met before, we’re automatically on the defense…. Listening is the best way to bring a defense down because it creates empathy.” —Leary
• “The ABCs of working with objections: don’t argue with people, don’t do battle with them, don’t contradict everything that they say. Period. End of story.” —Steve

Have you found other ways to effectively handle objections? Share your tips in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast:

• Steve Kloyda’s website: theprospectingexpert.com
• Dan Pink’s book, To Sell is Human
• Leary Gates’ review of To Sell is Human

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Albert Einstein:

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.”

Guilt is often a good thing, but not when it comes to relaxing. Why do we feel guilty when we relax? It may be because we are avoiding something, we are over-functioning, or we haven’t accepted our limitations. How do we address these feelings of guilt?

1. Reframe relaxation as a renewal strategy vs. an escape.
2. Remember its importance. Relaxation accelerates learning, detoxifies stress, and increases focus and productivity.
3. Be intentional. Schedule relaxation, be fully present, and commit to the full time.
4. Affirm its value when returning to work: “I have just given myself a break and I’m in better shape than I was before” and “There are new ideas and energy that I have yet to unlock as I work on this project.”
5. Remember the why when disengaging and re-engaging. “This work is important because ___________.” 

Quotes from the show:

• “If we’re truly living, if we’re truly doing inspirational work, then we’re always going to have more than we can do—because we’ll always be thinking creatively about what it is that we are doing.” —Leary
• “The real work isn’t in creating the things to do, it’s in picking the the very best of the things that we have in front of us.” —Leary
• “Don’t shut down your idea factory. Use it to generate the best and pick from the best—not with the need that you have to do it all.” —Leary
• “We need relaxation in order to become revitalized.” —Leary
• “We need to think about it [relaxing] as a renewal strategy, not an escape.” —Leary
• “I don’t know that God needed rest. I think God rested because that’s what you do when you create. That’s part of the creative process. You create and you rest, you create and you rest. That’s part of the creative cycle.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Think about how you can intentionally build relaxation into your schedule. Then, schedule it in. Start practicing being fully present during these times of relaxation. Affirm the value of relaxing when you return to work. Then, observe what happens!

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Episode 40, “How to stop wasting time.”
• Leary’s blog post, “My good work and good rest checklist.”

In June 2009, Dr. Michelle Watson felt prompted by God to give up several activities near and dear to her heart: writing a book, publishing research on eating disorders, speaking, and adjunct teaching. Just about everything she had been pursuing was put on hold.

That December, Dr. Watson read Luke 1:17, where Zachariah is told that his son would turn fathers’ hearts to their children. At that moment, the Lord said, “Michelle, that’s what I want you to do.” But Dr. Watson wasn’t a man or a father—was she really the right person for this assignment?

Dr. Watson emailed 11 fathers, inviting them to participate in an experiment: they would meet together monthly to see if they saw healing or growth in their relationships with their daughters. All but one agreed, and they ended up meeting for a year, in awe of the restored relationships they witnessed. The father who declined to participate was so moved by the results he heard about, he joined a second group Dr. Watson started. That was the birth of The Abba Project.

What can we learn from Dr. Watson’s journey?

• God calls the unqualified. 
• Create margin. It makes room for something better.
• Make a list of crazy ideas. 
• Remember: God wastes nothing. 
• Act at the right time. Wait for God’s leading. Don’t overthink it.
• Avoid comparison. Your venture is not the same as another’s.

Quotes from Dr. Michelle Watson and Leary:

• “‘Aren’t you going to wait for God to confirm that?’ I said, ‘What are you talking about? He told me to give it up. Why wouldn’t I just do that?'” —Dr. Watson
• “I heard God say, ‘I want to blow you away with the doors I open for you, not the doors you open for you.'” —Dr. Watson
• “Pull back on the throttle. Enjoy the scenery because He’s always up to something.” —Dr. Watson
• “If God builds it. They will come.” —Dr. Watson
• “It’s easy to diminish your own value. One of the quickest ways to do that is to take inventory of everybody who’s doing something that you’re doing.” —Leary
• “Make a list of all of your crazy ideas and say, ‘God birthed this in me. You will carry it to completion.’ Don’t fight with the Almighty. He’s got something up His sleeves…. The Father loves giving good gifts.” —Dr. Watson
• “Nothing in your life is wasted. You might wonder why you’re doing things and why stuff has happened. But when you get down the road, things really start to bolt together.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Take 10 minutes to think about and write down some of the crazy ideas that have been inside you. Consider what God has given you—skills, resources, education, passion, etc. How might these play a role in making those crazy ideas come to life? Is there anything God is asking you to give up, to be able to make room for something better?

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• DrMichelleWatson.com: Dr. Watson’s website.
• The Abba Project: more information about Dr. Watson’s nine-month group forum to help fathers connect with their daughters’ hearts.
• Dad, Here’s What I Really Need From You: A Guide to Connecting with Your Daughter’s Heart
• “The question you should never stop asking,” Episode 1.

LinkedIn expert Viveka von Rosen shares the following recommendation-building strategies with Leary Gates:

1. Connect with people who have written you recommendations in the past. Send a message including their old recommendation and ask if they’d copy-and-paste it as a LinkedIn recommendation.
2. Recommend others first. LinkedIn will encourage them to write one for you in return.
3. Get 1–2 recommendations per job listed on your profile.
4. When asking for recommendations, remind people how they know you and give them some talking points. Let them know what you’re looking to have recommended: “Can you speak to my ability to….”

Endorsements are akin to Facebook “likes,” telling others that you are skilled, well-liked, and influential. Here’s how to use endorsements to increase your credibility on LinkedIn:

1. Keep all endorsements, but delete the skills you were improperly endorsed for.
2. Thank others for their endorsements. 
3. Think of endorsees as “warm leads” and ask how you can be of service to them. 

How else do you use LinkedIn recommendations and endorsements to increase your credibility? Share your tips in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast:

• LinkedIn.com/recs: LinkedIn’s direct URL for recommending someone.
• How to use use media to increase your credibility on LinkedIn with Viveka von Rosen, Toolbox Episode 2: provides three tips on how to use media to increase your credibility on LinkedIn.
• How to use LinkedIn to supercharge your next transition with Viveka von Rosen, Episode 31: provides practical tips, and a few cautions, as you prep your profile and gear up for change.
• How to Use LinkedIn Publisher to Get More Visibility, an article by Viveka von Rosen: offers insight on the elements of a good post, how to determine publishing frequency, sharing best practices, and more.
• B2B LinkedIn Launchpad Training Series, Viveka von Rosen’s comprehensive ebook: gets you and your business off and running with using LinkedIn for B2B purposes.

Since we won’t be with you today for a new episode, we thought you might enjoy listening to one or more of the five most popular episodes over the past year.

1. Episode 61: How to find your persistent resistance
2. Episode 48: The one thing guaranteed to hold you back
3. Episode 73: How to set personal boundaries
4. Episode 63: How to grow your emotional intelligence
5. Episode 47: How to be a person of deep influence with guest T.J. Addington

Let us know your favorite episode in the comments below.

When Bill and Stacy paused to ponder what they could do with what they have, it led to an adventure they never anticipated: housing and mentoring two young men. Eventually, this experience led them to exchanged their prized possessions—their house and their business—to sow into even more lives. Today, their ministry, Narrow Gate Foundation, has grown into 122-acre property just outside of Nashville, TN, where they welcome and disciple 36 young men every year.

What can we learn from Bill and Stacy?

• They committed to partnering well with each other and with God.
• They reviewed the resources they had, particularly those not being fully used.
• They considered how those resources could be put to better use, and weighed the cost.
• They chose sacrifice, stewardship, and service—and started using their resources differently, to bless others.

Quotes from Bill, Stacy, and Leary:

• “We weren’t planning to start a ministry. It was not our intention. …We were saying, ‘What do You want to do with our lives?’ ‘What do we have to offer?'” —Stacy
• “It’s not about figuring out, ‘What do You want me to do?’ but, ‘What do You want me to do with what we already have?'” —Leary
• “‘What have You already given me? How do You want to use that?’ It started with the physical reality. We had extra room in our home, so we invited some guys who needed a place to live to come live with us.” —Stacy
• “We had already said this prayer, ‘Anything, anytime, anywhere—we don’t care—You just use us until we’re used up.'” —Bill
• “Ephesians 5:15 says, ‘Make the most of every opportunity.’ It doesn’t say, ‘Make the most opportunities.'” —Leary
• “If I could give any piece of advice to husbands in America: Find the quality or qualities in your wife in her life that are the qualities of God. Call them out and call them up. Because you don’t actually add improvement in people’s lives primarily through correction; you add it through encouragement. People respond to esteem.” —Bill
• “Good leadership always says this, ‘If I have the right people on the team, all I have to do is inspire them with the vision, equip them with the resources, and then get out of their way.”” —Bill
• “If you haven’t practiced the art of admiring your spouse, you’re probably not ready to launch a ministry to serve others.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

There are so many things that we have that we don’t fully use. Think about the resources at your disposal. What do you have in your possession that you could use more fully? Take some time to jot down the things that come to mind and prayerfully consider ways you can start stewarding those resources better.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Narrow Gate Foundation website

Reinventure Me toolbox episodes offer quick tips and tools to help you excel in life and in your life ventures. In this week’s toolbox episode, Leary shares a tool he created to help evaluate his own venturing portfolio. 

Why is using a tool like this helpful? It makes it possible for us to:

1. Prioritize our time effectively.
2. Ensure that our ventures contribute toward our personal missions.
   
3. Understand why our ventures are important to us.
4. Determine important contributions we can make to our ventures in the next year.
5. Understand how our ventures benefit us.
6. Understand how our ventures tax us.
7. Determine how to best reallocate our time.

Leary says:

• “Time is the one investment that [we] don’t get any more of…. [H]ow we allocate it among all the things we want to do in our lives is a really important question.”
• “Whenever you’re looking at something that you’re doing, ask yourself, ‘Would I choose to do this if I weren’t already doing it?'”
• “The question for you to ask is: Is there something better that’s a better use of your time, and would you choose to do what you’re currently doing if you were presented with it for the first time?”

How else can we monitor and evaluate our ventures? Share your tips and suggestions in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this episode:

• How to have a personal planning retreat, Episode 46 of the Reinventure Me podcast
• How to create  personal mission statement, Episode 15 of the Reinventure Me podcast
• Leary’s blog post, “Think like a portfolio manager to improve your return on mission“
• Leary’s Venturing Portfolio Analysis tool (Word doc)

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from James Dean:

“Dream as if you will live forever; live as if you will die today.”

The question, “What would you do if money were no object?” is erroneous. Here’s why. It assumes:

• Your dream is costly.
• Your dream can be purchased.
• Your real dream can be achieved instantly. (All it takes is money.)

Quotes from Leary and Armin:

• “Our culture conditions us to think that anything that is worthwhile is going to take a lot of money to attain it.” —Leary
• “If God put you here on earth to accomplish something, and He didn’t give you the resources to accomplish it, then either He’s at fault or you’re at fault.” —Leary
• “We have this idea that we have to have something to get something. That’s not creating a dream. That’s buying a dream.” —Leary
• “What’s costly about our dream is ignoring it, thinking that it takes money to fund it. Because every minute that you don’t pursue the thing you’re designed to pursue is a minute wasted waiting.” —Leary
• “You have this idea and before you’ve done anything else beyond the idea, you’ve already come up with objections to the idea by saying, ‘How much is it going to cost in time?’ and ‘How much is it going to cost in money?’ Immediately, you have… reasons to say, ‘I’m not even gonna try.'” —Armin
• “Every time you say, ‘I’ll have more time later’ or ‘I’ll have more money later,’ you keep waiting for something that’s not going to happen because you’re going to stay just as busy and you’re going to have just as many bills.” —Armin
• “Sometimes the sacrifice that we think a dream costs is too much. But, for some people out there, the sacrifice of not pursuing your dream is the greater sacrifice.” —Armin
• “We can lose out on a greater path for us individually when we think the only solution to a path is an economic one.” —Leary
• “If you’re waiting for financial freedom before you pursue your dream, then you really don’t love your dream enough to pursue it—because you are looking to buy it, not to create it.” —Leary
• “The absence of money that you have right now may be a test of your devotion to the dream.” —Leary
• “Instead of thinking about money as a barrier, think about it instead as a constraint…. A barrier keeps you from advancing, but a constraint funnels you, focuses you, causes you to pursue options.” —Leary
• “We can choose to be for God or for money. Is it possible that when we defer what we’re supposed to do because we don’t have money, that we’re deferring to the wrong boss?” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Take out a sheet of paper create three columns. Label them: $1K, $10K, and $100K. Below each, write what you might do with the investment. What can you be doing now to prepare for those kinds of investments? Make a separate list of all the preparatory things you can do that don’t require any investment at all. What’s keeping you now from doing those things?

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Episode 29, “Are you frozen in place by linear thinking?“
• Episode 81, “How to take risks (safely)“
• Episode 28, “Principles to pivot in place: Moving from where you are to where you need to be“

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Winston Churchill:

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

Whether we like it or not, we’re going to experience failure. It comes when we “do” and when we “don’t do.” How do we maintain enthusiasm in the midst of failure? By focusing on the five benefits it brings if we let it:

1. Resiliency: the ability to rise again.
2. Risk-tolerance: the ability to experiment.
3. Reflectiveness: the ability to accurately diagnose.
4. Relatability: the ability to connect to others openly, honestly.
5. Reframing: the ability to see bridges and connections to new opportunities.

Quotes from Leary and Armin:

• “The more you avoid failure, the more likely you are to get it.” —Leary
• “Failure is part of the DNA of the learning process. You can’t learn something if you don’t fail at it.” —Leary
• “‘It’s not about how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can take a hit and keep moving forward.'” —Armin quoting Rocky
• “Get up. Move on. Because God’s not done with you yet. That’s the first skill we have to develop from failure.” —Leary
• “You’ll keep failing if you keep doing the same ventures… but… you[‘ll] find a better way to do that same thing better each time. You become more efficient. You learn how to expedite the process. You learn to foresee the problems coming.” —Armin
• “It’s critical for us to develop the mindset of a learner.” —Leary
• “If we want to really get the most from an experience… we have to study it.” —Leary
• “The very fact of failure can be a bridge to new opportunities.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

What was the last failure you remember? Pick one of these skills and ask yourself the corresponding question(s).

• Resiliency: How do I react to set-back? What’s my recovery time?
• Risk-tolerance: What can I test and how can I test it?
• Reflectiveness: What habits do I adopt to diagnose my condition and my approach?
• Relatability: How forthcoming am I about the challenges and failures I’ve experienced?
• Reframing: What assets did I acquire from this experience that will make the next one less challenging?

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Leary Gates’ blog post, “Five ways to fail better“
• Episode 81, “How to take risks (safely)“
• Episode 24, “Why now is the best time to start journaling“

This is our fourth Reinventure Me toolbox episode—a new format to offer quick tips and tools to help you excel in your life and in your life ventures.

In this episode, prospecting expert Steve Kloyda talks about selling ideas. His tips:

1. Be clear about your message. Have you taken the time to distill what it is you want the other person to know about you? You have just 10 seconds to get the person’s attention.
2. Remember the is, does, and means: what is it, what does it do, what does it mean to the person you’re approaching?
3. Create a prospecting gold list. Who do you think might want your idea? Prepare yourself and your message, do your research, and block out time to approach your prospects. Start with a phone call. One of three things will happen: you’ll reach a gatekeeper, leave a voicemail message, or reach the person you were calling to reach.

Steve says:

• “We’re all in sales. Let’s face it: we have ideas, we have concepts. Have you seen a good movie lately? Did you tell someone about it?”
• “Make the purpose of the call the purpose of the call, because confused people will not act, will not respond.”
• “You have exactly 10 seconds to get the person’s attention. So you need to be really clear about your prospecting message.”
• “How do we find out what’s important to the person we’re approaching? We have to do a little research, we ask them questions. We have to make it all about them.”
• “Proper planning equals peak performance.”
• “You need to develop a relationship [with the gatekeeper].”
• “[Ask,] ‘Is this a convenient time to talk?’ …I’ve tested this and 99% of the time they will say, ‘That depends, why are you calling me?’ Now they’ve invited you in. You’ve earned the right to have a conversation.”
• “Don’t say, ‘I was just calling’ or ‘I just wanted to touch-base with you.’ No. ‘The purpose of my call is…’ State the purpose of your call. And, at the end, ask a question.”

Have you found other ways of successfully getting in the door with prospects? If so, share your tips in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this episode:

• Steve Kloyda’s website: theprospectingexpert.com
• Dan Pink’s book, To Sell is Human
• Leary Gates’ review of To Sell is Human

Molly Kate Kestner, Leary, and Armin discuss:

• Taking risks by putting your work out there, even if it’s not “perfect.”
• Using your gifts to serve others.
• Dealing with the pressure, change, and fears that comes with success.
• Trusting God with the outcome.
• Learning how to deal with ulterior motives of people wanting to be friends.
• Building trust and relationships with others.
• Finding good mentors for support and confirmation about big decisions.

Selected excerpts of what Molly Kate Kestner had to say:

• “[I try to ask,] ‘How can I use this to make a difference and impact people?'”
• “In art forms… you can feel like what you’re doing is wasteful because it’s hard to compare that to an 8-to-5 job, but, to inspire and be inspired, you need to have those times that may seem or feel kinda wasteful in the moment, but the result is something incredible.”
• “As long as you know that what you’re doing serves a purpose… that’s what keeps me going: I’m doing this, regardless of what other people’s thoughts may be, regardless of my insecurities or doubts, I know this was what I was put on this earth to do.”
• “If I stay with this, this will be good, because this is what I’m supposed to do.”
• “One of the best decisions I’ve made this past year is finding people who can be mentors to me and speak into my life.”
• “Sometimes that means me not just waiting around until I feel inspired, it means me taking the step to push through that—taking the experiences and emotions I feel to write something beautiful and inspire someone else.”

Are you waiting for perfection before you share what you’ve created with others? We hope this conversation with Molly Kate Kestner has inspired you to reconsider waiting. Sometimes, the best things are worth doing the best we can do them today. Go ahead. Put it out there.

And, if you’ve taken a risk to put it out there, we’d love to hear about it, and any lessons you learned along the way.

Share your story or leave a question for Molly Kate Kestner, Leary Gates, or Armin Assadi in the comments below.

Resources mentioned during this podcast include:

• His Daughter, Molly Kate Kestner’s original song on YouTube.
• His Daughter, Molly Kate Kestner’s song on iTunes.

This is our third Reinventure Me toolbox episode; a new show format that we are adding to offer quick tips to help you in your venture.

In this episode, Leary Gates answers the questions:

1. What is a brand promise?
2. What are the components of a brand promise? 
3. How do I build a brand promise for myself or my business?

As you prepare for that next great beginning, create a brand promise for yourself or your business by addressing three questions: 1) what am I or my business helping someone do? 2) how do I want them to feel about my help or from interacting with my business? 3) what lingering effect do I want my help or my business to have on them?

The answers to these questions will help you distill the promises and benefits of your brand, forging your brand promise.

Have you created a brand promise for yourself or your business? If so, share your tips and leave yours in the comments below—and let us know what you think about this new show format.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Anonymous:

“When it rains, most birds head for shelter; the eagle is the only bird that, in order to avoid the rain, starts flying above the cloud.”

How does the topic of rising above any circumstance relate to transition and reinventuring yourself?

Circumstances and difficulties happen. We’re prone to becoming victims of circumstance. Whenever we feel our choices are being hijacked, it is easy to become angry, envious, or panic. Unfortunately, these feelings of being trapped often prompt us to react in ways that perpetuate our difficulties.

The good news is, we aren’t powerless. We do have a choice. There is a way out.

How do we get there? It starts with reframing our thoughts and behavior:

• Affirm the existence of choice. There is more than one way to look at and respond to a situation; there are options.
• Affirm the volition of another party. Avoid conflict by looking for a win-win for you and the other person.
• Affirm responsibility to make the choice. You play an important role in what happens next in your life.
• Affirm a creative rather than reactive choice. Look for what you can create—like harmony—vs. simply reacting to the friction.

In Path of Least Resistance, Robert Fritz writes that when we find the thing we want to create and determine where we’re at in relation to that thing, then we are able to take the steps toward it rather than reacting to circumstances. We now have positive motivation.

It’s like we are rats in a maze and the walls are our circumstances. When we stop asking, “How do I overcome this circumstance?” and start asking, “What do I want to create?” instead, we lift ourselves above the maze and we can see where it goes and how to get through it.

“What do I want to create?” is a reframing exercise, a transcendent, that gives us another perspective and a way forward.

This week’s Challenge Me:

The next time you feel that you are the victim of circumstance, ask, “What outcome was I expecting that I couldn’t control?” Then reframe to what you might like to create.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Path of Least Resistance: Learning to Become the Creative Force in Your Own Life, by Robert Fritz, on the steps of creating; the importance of creating what you truly love; and how to focus on the creative process to move from where you are to where you want to be.
• Strategic Margin Workshop, Leary’s workshop (mentioned in this podcast) to help you escape reactive mode and creatively build the future you desire. Next workshop on November 6. Use promo code “REINVENTURE” to save $100.

This is the second of the Reinventure Me Toolbox episodes; a new show format that we are adding to offer quick tips to help you in your venture.

In this episode, LinkedIn expert Viveka von Rosen shares the three things that matter most when using media on your LinkedIn profile and preparing for that next great beginning:

1. Your profile photo matters. Make sure yours is a professional-looking headshot, and features a smile.
2. Banner ads add. Use banner ads that are consistent with your other marketing efforts to promote your business or activity.
3. Showcase your credibility. Take advantage of LinkedIn’s newer features: add a background image to your profile, upload videos and presentations, share anything that visually showcases your credibility.

If you use LinkedIn, share your tips in the comments area below and let us know what you think about this new show format.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to use LinkedIn to supercharge your next transition with Viveka von Rosen, Episode 31, provides practical tips, and a few cautions, as you prep your profile and gear up for change.
• How to Use LinkedIn Publisher to Get More Visibility, an article by Viveka von Rosen, offers insight on the elements of a good post, how to determine publishing frequency, sharing best practices, and more.
• B2B LinkedIn Launchpad Training Series, Viveka von Rosen’s comprehensive ebook to get you and your business off and running with using LinkedIn for B2B purposes.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Theodore Roosevelt:

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.“

How does the topic of accountability relate to transition and reinventuring yourself? Accountability—done well—is one of the most effective tools you can add to your toolbox.

It’s easy, when we’re trying to reinvent ourselves and fail, to cast the blame on others. That victim mentality is nothing more than our ego defending itself, though. It’s easier to find fault in others than to own our mistakes. That’s what makes the Roosevelt quote so potent: the fault is usually ours. As soon as we own it, we create a formula for success.

Why is accountability important? It makes it possible for us to:

Accomplish goals. Accountability fast-tracks our ability to make our goals, hopes, dreams, and prayers a reality.

Run our lives, rather than letting our lives run us. Making ourselves accountable to others gives us a sense of control.

Look forward. Accountability can give us a solid offensive strategy for our future.

Accountability is not an intervention—it’s an invitation. We give others—three or four people of the same gender—permission to speak into our lives when we:

1. Build trust. Trust is the language of influence.
2. Are vulnerable first. It fosters vulnerability in others.
3. Lower the lights. Meet at night so members don’t have the day’s to-dos on their minds or easy access to other distractions.
4. Go on the offense. Ask forward-looking questions like, “What are you thankful for?” or “What are you looking forward to in life?”
5. Talk softly, but carry a big stick. Don’t be afraid to deliver a sting when needed (but be sure to keep it truthful and loving).
6. Commit to meeting weekly. Frequency matters. Meeting weekly builds momentum and depth—both vital for accountability to be effective.
7. Are seasonal. Reject passive perpetuity; commit to a specific period of time. Accountability works best when it’s seen as a sprint vs. a marathon.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Think about your current support structure. What changes can you make to help you stay on track or get to where you want to go faster?

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How change affects identity, Episode 5, on how our identity—work and being—is a creative endeavor; one that requires continual discovery.
• How to ask truly great questions, Episode 49, offers suggestions on how to ask questions that deepen relationships, resolve problems, or satisfy curiosity.
• Strategic Margin Workshop, Leary’s workshop (mentioned in this podcast) to help you escape reactive mode and creatively build the future you desire. Next workshop on November 6. Use promo code “REINVENTURE” to save $100.

This is the first of the Reinventure Me Toolbox episodes; a new show format that we are adding to offer quick tips to help you in your venture.

In this episode Leary shares five tips for creating more consistency in your journaling:

1. The power of doing it daily.
2. How to make it stick.
3. Why you should write by hand.
4. Why cheap journals are best.
5. How to keep the stuff you want.

If you journal, share your tips in the comments area below and let us know what you think about this new show format.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Why now is the best time to journal, Episode 24 on the why you should take up journaling.
• How to create habits for your next great beginning, Episode 21 describes the way to quickly add a habit
• My journaling FAQ, Leary’s blog post answering some of the questions he gets about journaling.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Bob Marley:

“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.“

Toxic people take something from you. Without asking. We can respond to them in one of three ways:

Spread the toxins. We can respond in anger and end up fanning the toxins further.

Run from the toxins. Avoiding toxic people altogether, especially those important to us, doesn’t fix the situation and often makes it worse.

Contain the toxins. Engaging the toxic person dispassionately about their abusive behaviors.

This simple “toxic triage” can help you put together your personal game-plan for handing a toxic person:

1. Is this someone I want to avoid but cannot? The desire to avoid is a sign that you’re in the midst of a toxic person.
2. What demands do I feel they are making on me? This question helps you name the toxin. Usually these demands are unreasonable and unfulfillable.
3. Is this person important to me? If so, then ask the remaining questions to handle the situation. If not, then let them go. 
4. What’s the one behavior that triggers my desire to avoid them? It’s possible that not everything they do is toxic, but you may not see that until you answer this question.
5. When does that behavior occur? Identifying the trigger points can help you design a way to minimize the toxic interactions.
6. How have I possibly contributed to it? Especially in the important relationships in our lives, we must examine our own roles in contributing to the toxic behavior of others.
7. What changes can be made? Suggest possible new behaviors using the “When__I feel__ because__. I would like ___” formula from episode 63.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Use the toxic triage on someone who might be spreading toxins in your life.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to set personal boundaries, Episode 73 on the why’s and how’s of personal boundary setting.
• How to grow your emotional intelligence, Episode 63 offers a simple formula for confronting someone while keeping your cool.
• Are toxic people lowering your elevation average?, Leary’s blog post that may help you discern if the people you are around most are toxic.
• Strategic Margin Workshop, Leary’s workshop (mentioned in this podcast) to help you escape reactive mode and creatively build the future you desire. Next workshop on November 6. Use promo code “REINVENTURE” to save $100.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Plato:

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Empathy is a powerful asset. It can soothe the anger of others and influence their perceptions. Empathy can be developed, but to do so requires intentionality.

Everyone is judged by others. Whenever we feel judged, we are less likely to share our weaknesses, and less willing to seek help from others. This often happens in our church communities where a culture of expectation to appear “together” may be high. This is especially pronounced when a member of that community commits a grievous sin and the attention of the community turns toward judgment and damage control, rather than restoration.

Empathy is a recognition that everyone, ourselves include, are broken. We are all, as Plato said, fighting a hard battle. The key to increasing empathy is to development the mindset that others brokenness is no worse than our own.

When we feel threatened, perhaps by the behavior of another, the amygdala portion of our brain takes over and we are literally unable to access the prefrontal cortex where empathy can be expressed. Listening activates the prefrontal cortex and shuts down the amygdala response. So, to develop empathy, look for the critical triggers you have and find ways to explore what might be happening with the other person.

This episode’s Challenge Me:

The next time you find yourself thinking critically of another, ask yourself how you might better understand their situation.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Frederick L. Collins:

“There are two types of people – those who come into a room and say, ‘Well, here I am!’ and those who come in and say, ‘Ah, there you are.'”

The key to working a room so that you don’t come across slimy or shallow is to think of it as mission field. You are planting seeds rather than harvesting. Seed planting is giving. Harvesting is taking away.

Three good reasons you should practice the art of working a room:

• Hones how you introduce yourself
• Helps you overcome fear of meeting people
• Good practice for more captive settings (dinner, airplane, etc)

How to enter a conversation:

• Look for a lull. Either someone by themselves or a conversation where body language is facing outward. Avoid closed groups that are highly energetic.
• Find a common experience such as a punch bowl or food line, to strike up a conversation.
• Start with SHE: Smile, Handshake, Eye contact.

How to start a conversation:

• Simple is best. Hello, my name is (just like the nametag)
• If a repeated event (association meeting, church) a good opener might be: “How long have you been coming here?”
• Answer the same question yourself and add what you like. People are more receptive to those who point out positives.
• Ask a simple question about their mutual interests? A shared experience is best.
• Find a way to help.

How to disengage from a conversation:

• Excuse yourself for a drink or snack but make an offer to grab something for them.
• Introduce them to someone else; but only because it will help them.
• Simply say you need to catch someone before they leave.
• Use a wingman, if necessary, help you gracefully exit

This week’s Challenge Me:

At your next social gathering give one of these a try, or leave some tips on the show notes for this episode about how you work a room.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to network like a pro, Episode 16 can give you some tips on how to network effectively.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is:

“Before you climb the ladder of success, make sure it’s not leaning on the wrong wall.” — Unknown

This episode is for those who know they need to take a much different path than they’ve been on. You may feel like you’re in a cul-de-sac and need to turn around and find another road. Perhaps you’re burned out, or are not joyful in your work. You may have done the same thing for a long time that they don’t know how to even imagine doing something else

In facing any significant transition it’s importance to create a mental game plan—truths you can remember. Here are five you can put on your wall or in your wallet.

1. My profession is a daily choice. A words “chosen profession” reminds can remind you that the choice is yours and yours alone.
2. My future comes one day at a time. Begin today to make the changes you want to see. Ask yourself, “Is this making more like the person I want to become?”
3. Nothing of my past needs to be wasted. No matter how you feel about it, your past is not a waste. Every experience has the potential to serve your future.
4. My courage will inspire others. When you express excitement about your future, others will come along to help. Few people want their friends to stay stuck.
5. No one else can run my race, but I’m not alone. You’re not the first person to go through this. Nor the last.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Create your own mental game plan list of truths and post it. Review it. Act on it.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to cultivate your personal vision, Episode 14 can help you think through how to create a vision for the person you want to become.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from comedian Jim Carrey:

“You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”

Ninety percent of people have regret about something in their lives—and, often it’s about the risks they didn’t take.

There are plenty of good reasons to take risk. Here are just three:

• No risk. No reward. If you want to move ahead, risk is necessary.
• Stretches you as a person. You learn more about yourself and develop new skills and abilities when you step out and take risk.
• You become more personally appealing. People who take risk are more proactive and attract people to them.

Taking risk is an act of faith. Not a blind faith, but an informed one. There’s a difference between venturing and adventuring. Venturing is for the long-haul and benefits others. Adventuring is for personal entertainment.

We may not take risk out of fear of loss (usually economic loss) or because it may preclude us from keeping other options open.

There are three steps to taking risk safely:

• Attitude. Focus on what you hope to gain, not what you hope not to lose. Choose to “play to win rather than playing not to lose.”
• Ask. What would I do if I were given a windfall of $10,000 or $50,000?
• Act. Work the answer to the previous question backwards. What’s the smallest meaningful step I can take toward implementing that idea. Work on the minimum viable outcome.

List your fears into two categories: excuses and challenges. This helps bring clarity on what is really possible.

This week’s Challenge Me:

First place to start, identify the risk you might be resisting. When you listened to this episode, was there something that kept coming to mind? What’s the smallest, but effective, step you could take with it?

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Are you building a bridge or a plank, Episode 80 Reinventure Me Clinic applies the principle of leverage to one man’s situation.

This Reinventure Me Clinic episode is an unscripted and unrehearsed conversation with Jesse Whitson, husband, father, business owner and worship leader. He has a dream to engage in future ministry, together, traveling with his wife.

In this episode, Leary, Armin and Jesse talked about Jesse’s desires for his future and some of the struggles he faces balancing the demands of a business that make it profitable to travel and the desires to remain close to home to be with his family and pursue his ministry passions. The key is to find ways for one to lead to another; building a bridge rather than a plank.

Join in on the conversation by leaving a comment on our show notes. Leave us a note to let us know what you think about the Reinventure Me Clinic format. If you’d like to appear on a future Reinventure Me Clinic show, please contact us.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Principles to pivot in place: Moving from where you are to where you need to be, Episode 28 of the Reinventure Me podcast.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from business leader Guy Kawasaki:

“Work the edges. What really matters happens at the edges – that is, where one surface or material meets or changes into another – is a key principle of architecture. The action is not in the centers or areas of sameness.”

Pursuing your dream is working the edges. That’s where tension lies. A natural tension exists between pursuing your dream and preserving comfort. Everyone has different risk tolerance and safety levels, principally around our time and our finances.

You may not be fully not aware of the sacrifices others make for your dream, particularly if your an optimist.

What can you do about it? Here are some suggestions:

• Acknowledge the sacrifice. Be specific in how their support advances your dream.
• Engage the power of volition. Sacrifice is made worse when there’s no choice in making it. Look for ways to make your dream a shared dream.
• Seek help to identifying choices. Things are seldom either/or. Our spouses can see things in different ways than we can.
• Stay within your stretch. Think journey not last step. Trial periods are good ways to warm up. Don’t overextend.
• Build off-ramps. These are the circumstances that may occur by which the experiment or journey is redirected.
• Stretch for their dreams too. Sacrifice is not one-way. Stretch yourself by engage in supporting their dream too.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Ask your spouse or significant other about their dream and how you can better support them.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• The light and dark forces of optimism, Episode 75 discusses some of the traps optimists face.

This week’s Inspire Me quote:

“Some of the most thrilling things in life are done on impulse.”—Unknown

There are many good reasons to practice spontaneity:

• Fosters your creativity.
• Enhances your ability to capture and enjoy the moment.
• Keeps you from being predictable and boring.
• Enhances your sense of adventure.

There’s also a lot of power in planning:

• It quiets your mind by reduces panic.
• It makes it easier to recruit and align a team.
• It is a more effective use of energy.

A good plan that keeps spontaneity alive is:

• Imperfect. In fact, should be imperfect to ward of procrastination.
• Simple. Describes the minimum that it needs to; the what, when and how.
• Focused. It’s tied to a WHY. Why am I doing this? What will be gained? What loss will be prevented.
• Visible. If you don’t see it or remember it, it has little power.
• Flexible. Better to set monthly or weekly plans rather than daily ones.

This week’s Challenge Me:

If you’re a planner, try plan some spontaneity in your life. If you’re spontaneous, try to spontaneously put a plan together. Either way, try to strike a balance between the two.

This week’s Inspire Me quote:

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” — Marcel Proust

Whatever venture we’re on we’re most likely to engage people most like us. But they may not be the best people to have on your dream team because they’ll look at the world much like you do.

Build a well-rounded dream team for your idea by recruiting those who see things differently than you. There are four lens from which people see the world:

1. Ideator lens. The ideators are idea generators, brainstormers and energy infusers. Their driving question is: What could it be?
2. Developer lens. These are the raw implementers, innovators, prototypers. They are fast movers and their driving questions is: What form should it take?
3. Improver lens. The operationalizers take the prototype and find ways to scale it to be more efficient and effective. Their driving question is: How can it be made better?
4. Restorer lens. The restorers are cutters of clutter. They rediscover the core idea. Their driving question is: What should be redeemed?

In the vernacular of Proust, these people are your new eyes. It may take time to adjust to them and your first reaction may be to revert to your more comfortable present perspective. Remember, every dream team takes time to be at its best.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Evaluate your network and who you spend time with. Are you surrounding yourself with people that wear different lenses?

This Reinventure Me Clinic episode is an unscripted and unrehearsed conversation with Joseph Riccomoni, husband, father of four, passionate cook and sales guy. He has a dream to write a book and Leary and Armin discuss what’s motivating him to get going on it.

Joe offered this week’s Inspire Me quote from the Bible:

“If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.” —Matthew 16:24

In this episode, Leary, Armin and Joe talked about Joe’s book idea and why he wants to write it. They discuss the value of choosing an internal motivator over an external one.

Join in on the conversation by leaving a comment on our show notes. Leave us a note to let us know what you think about the Reinventure Me Clinic format. If you’d like to appear on a future Reinventure Me Clinic show, please contact us.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Principles to pivot in place: Moving from where you are to where you need to be, Episode 28 of the Reinventure Me podcast.
• Strategic Margin Workshop, Leary’s workshop for leaders desiring to move from reactive mode to creative leadership.

This week’s Inspire Me quote:

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement…no pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.”—Helen Keller

There are many kinds of optimism. A few terms that psychologists classify include:

• Dispositional optimism is the expectation that on the whole more good things than bad things will happen in the future.
• Comparative optimism expects better outcomes for yourself relative to another in a similar situation.
• Situational optimism is the expectations of a good outcome in a specific context.
• Realistic optimism is maintaining a positive outlook within the known information at hand.
• Optimism bias is when we render more weight to information if that information is favorable or beneficial to us.

Being an optimistic person has many advantages:

• Makes you more likely to persevere.
• Makes you more likely to attract people to help you.
• Makes you more likely to be healthier and live longer.
• Makes you more likely to connect to your purpose.

Negative people, persistent difficulties and internal shame can threaten an optimistic disposition. Regardless of the many benefits of being optimistic, there are some significant pitfalls. These constitute the dark side of optimism:

• Tendency to underestimate effort. Overconfidence in getting things things done forms the seed of procrastination; there’s always enough time.
• Tendency to take inappropriate risks. We may jump into things we have not thought well through in the belief that everything will work itself out, regardless of whether we have control over the factors that may contribute to failure.
• Tendency to ignore important information. Optimists rely on previous experience and when the situation is volatile they are less likely to consider the information that is most important to a good decision.

Nevertheless, we can guard against these dark-side tendencies and increase our level of optimism. Here’s a few ideas:

• Associate with positive people.
• Focus on a hopeful future more than the regretful past.
• Practice habits of gratitude.
• Focus on what you can control.
• Eat the toad. Work on the thing you’ve been avoiding.
• Get older. As people get older they tend to focus on positive things more often than negative.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Think about the most optimistic people you know. When was the last time you spent time with them? Be intentional about meeting with optimistic people.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Three strategies to supercharge your productivity, Episode 20 discusses how to eat the frog and other tactics to get more done.
• The one thing guaranteed to hold you back, Episode 48 discusses how shame will keep us from our very best.

This week’s Inspire Me quote:

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you.”—William Arthur Ward

We can all use some encouragement, right? Leaders know everyone performs better with encouragement. But what if you could reinvent the culture of the organization in which you work to make it more encouraging? What might that look like?

You don’t need to be the top person to change the culture. In fact, it’s probably easier to make a transformation change when you aren’t. Others expect the leader to be encouraging. They may not expect it from their peers.

Start by considering what encourages you. You’ll find it’s not just about words; that’s flattery. Encouragement has to resonate with the other to be truly effective. It can do so in three ways:

1. Resonates in experience. The encourager relates how the experience they witnessed in another affects them. This makes it genuine. Be specific.
2. Resonates in mood. The words or actions are in tune with the moods, emotional needs of the other. Match their mood. Be empathetic.
3. Resonates in values and purposes. What was the most encouraging thing some has said to you? Those things that align with your values and purposes are most likely to encourage you. To deeply encourage another, consider what their purposes and values are and speak into them.

To create a culture of encouragement where you work:

1. Start with one. Mother Theresa once said, “If you can feed a hundred, feed one.” Find one person you can become more aware of, sensitized to. Find something to praise (It won’t take long). Or keep a lookout for a loss/failure. Or how they response to a critical remark made by another.
2. Consider what kind of encouragement can be helpful to them. Encouragement comes in many forms: words (spoken, written), celebrations, gifts, extending social connections, etc.
3. When encouraging someone after a failure, consider their degree of competence. Those who failed in an area of their expertise need specific feedback on how to improve. The need diagnostic help. Those who are starting out in an area need specific feedback on what they’ve done well. Their primary need is to develop confidence. In both cases, researchers have shown that when we give feedback, the more it focuses on the person, the less effective it is. Our ego defends failure and seeks to justify through external causes.

A special case is when you seek to encourage your boss. It takes a different approach than your peers. Episode 66, How to inspire better leadership from your boss, discusses some ideas on how to do that.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Resolve to be the change in your company culture. Consider someone who could use encouragement from you this week–and do it. Report back here on our show notes at www.reinventure.me/74 and let us know how it goes.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to inspire better leadership from your boss, Episode 66 discusses how to encourage your boss.

This week’s Inspire Me quote:

“Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.”—Unknown

Setting boundaries are important to:

• Protect God’s calling on your life.
• Protect your vitality.
• Promote healthy relationships.
• Promote others vitality.

A boundary is a “bright line” by which you will protect your interests. It’s exercising self-care, that allows you to care for others. Flight attendants advise, “Put on your own mask before assisting others.” Boundaries help us say ‘no’ to the things that are not helpful for us. They are especially important when there is abuse or excessive expectation from others. Excessive expectation has the following characteristics:

• They are persistent; never satisfied.
• They are accelerated; getting worse over time.
• They are unrewarded.

Key steps to setting boundaries include:

1. Identify what is lost or might be lost. What are you surrendering that you do really want to keep?
2. Identify if it is persistent. This is key. A boundary does not need to be created for incidentals.
3. Identify what change you can control and enforce (access to time, availability, etc.).
4. Write down what you think the other’s objective is? How does that compare to your own?
5. What are win/win options? Develop alternative options.
6. Negotiate with the boundary crosser. Compare objectives. What does each want? Identify where objectives may not be in alignment and clearly communicate what behavior crosses the line and how you will respond. Suggest possible alternative options.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Think about situations where you boundaries might help you better manage your self-care and of those relationships most important to you. Put them in place.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to grow your emotional intelligence, Episode 63 discusses the “when you/I feel” formula described in this episode.

Leary & Armin introduced a new episode format—the Reinventure Me Clinic—an unscripted and unrehearsed conversation with someone going through a transition. In this week’s episode Leary & Armin speak with Dan Wobschall, founder of Every Man’s Hope, a ministry to men and women who have struggled with pornography. Dan and his wife Julie are undergoing two simultaneous transitions—a ministry transition and a relocation.

Dan offered this week’s Inspire Me, a favorite passage of his from the Bible:

“Do not be conformed by this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing what is the will of God, what is good, acceptable, and perfect.” —Romans 12:2

In this episode, Leary, Armin and Dan talked about finding a mentor to help in transitions we’ve never undertaken before. They discuss the fallacy of the perfect mentor and why we so desperately long for one.

Join in on the conversation by leaving a comment on our show notes. Leave us a note to let us know what you think about the Reinventure Me Clinic format. If you’d like to appear on a future Reinventure Me Clinic show, please contact us.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to beat procrastination, Episode 70 of the Reinventure Me podcast.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is Lily Tomlin:

“Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.”

What do you do when you meet someone and they form an impression about you that’s not who you are? How can you correct it?

Drawing largely from the principles described in Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson’s recent book, No One Understands You and What To Do About It, Leary and Armin talked about how first impressions are formed and how to overcome them.

We make two subconscious assumptions when we meet others: That others will see us objectively as we are and that others will see us as we see ourselves. Neither of these are true. Our first impressions of others is incomplete because our brains take shortcuts. These bias shape the way we see people and are what make it difficult to reform an impression after one is made.

According to Dr. Halvorson we view people through three lenses. The Trust Lens asks if they can trusted. Do they have good intentions toward me and do they have the ability to act on them? The Power Lens assesses what kind of power they might hold over you. Do they have the ability to get or prevent me from having what’s important to me? Finally, the Ego Lens sizes up whether the other is a threat to my self-esteem. Are they pursuing the same objectives as me in the same circles that I am?

Understanding how people perceive each other through each of these lenses enable you to create strategies that may help people form a more accurate impression of you and to overcome a bad first impression you may have left. Some strategies to overcome bad first impressions include:

• Getting their attention by “bombarding them with overwhelming evidence” contrary to the opinion they may have formed about you.
• Appealing to their sense of fairness.
• Apologizing for your own clumsy start.
• Contributing to their objective in a meaningful way.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Abraham Lincoln once said, “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” Follow Lincoln’s lead: Think of someone you don’t like. What steps can you take to reassess your opinion of them?

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• No One Understands You and What To Do About It, Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson’s book. Read Leary’s review here.
• Thinking, Fast and Slow, Dr. Daniel Kahneman internationally best-selling book on what drives the way we think.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is Denis Waitley:

“No matter how much time you’ve wasted in the past, you still have an entire tomorrow”

More than half of Americans consider themselves chronic procrastinators. In a survey amongst workers, they admitted to wasting two hours per workday avoiding or putting off tasks.

You may feel alone when you are procrastinating; like there’s something wrong with you. You may even create excuses such as, “I work best under pressure” or have a punchy name like “Last minute Leary.” But you are not alone. There’s many reasons we procrastinate. Developing the self-awareness to know why you procrastinate can help out learn how to prevent it.

Leary and Armin shared their top reasons they procrastinate. When Leary procrastinates, it’s often because:

• He likes the idea more than the work of the idea
• He doesn’t like the task at all
• He’s confused or uncertain about how to start a project

Armin is more likely to procrastinate because of:

• Perfectionism
• Self-doubt about being able to compete the project
• A self-perception of being able to work best under pressure

Roy Baumeister, a self-discipline researcher found that highly impulsive individuals are more likely to procrastinate. Impulsive people are more prone to distraction. As Robert Brandt says, “We are kept from our goal, not by obstacles but by a clear path to a lesser goal.”

Leary and Armin shared the following suggestions to beat procrastination:

• Reframe self-limiting thinking. Instead of saying, “I am a good procrastinator” say instead, “I am becoming more disciplined.”
• Prioritize your tasks. Identify the most important and most urgent first.
• Have a clear ‘why.’ Those who have a clear reason (either a promotion goal or prevention goal) for doing what they are doing are more apt to stick with it.
• Use carrots and sticks. Give yourself consequences based on your results.
• Set earlier deadlines. Longer term goals are less likely to hold your attention because there is little urgency.
• Turn a distraction into a reward. When you find yourself wanting to do something else, allow yourself the reward of doing it later after you’ve completed a focus block (see episode 20).
• Keep detailed task lists. Checking them off as you go increases your momentum.
• Use your calendar. Daily reminders and blocks of time just for you are critical strategies to overcome procrastination.
• Do nothing. Employ the strategy of novelist Raymond Chandler. Make boredom your ally by either doing the task at hand, or sit idly by and do nothing.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Pick one of the strategies listed above and give it a try. Report back on the show notes, what you’ve discovered.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Four things you need to know about resistance, Reinventure Me Episode 18 on procrastination as a form of resistance.
• Strategies to supercharge your productivity, Reinventure Me Episode 20 on focus blocks and other productivity tips.
• How to find your persistent resistance, Reinventure Me Episode 61 on discovering the form of chronic procrastination
• Stickk.com, a website to create accountability and manage consequences for your goals.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is taken from the best selling book, Tuesday’s with Morrie by Mitch Albom. Mitch portrays a touching story of lessons learned from his dying mentor and former college professor suffering from ALS:

“‘Mitch,’ he said, ‘the culture doesn’t encourage you to think about such things until you’re about to die. We’re so wrapped up in egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks – we’re involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. So we don’t get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, Is this all?  Is this all I want?  Is something missing?’ He paused. ‘You need someone to probe you in that direction. It won’t just happen automatically.’ I knew what he was saying. We all need teachers in our lives. And mine was sitting right in front of me.”

In today’s episode, Leary and Armin talk about the Millennial Generation and what they are seeking in a mentor.

Millenials, those born between 1981-1993, are a generation that is tech savvy, diverse and connected. They want to make a difference. Known as the “social justice generation,” they want to influence and be world changers. But, can they gain wisdom from those who have gone before them? Yes. And while they are considered to be the most “socially isolated generation,” many millenials hunger for mentorship.

Who might makes a good mentor for a millenial?

Mellenials are an entreprenural generation and one that fights for social justice. They will most likely be drawn to someone who is willing to use their influence to make the world a better place. They are looking for mentors who will:

• Ask deep rooted questions
• Dig into their goals and help them discover what their goals are truly rooted in
• Keep them engaged by challenging them to own the mentor/mentee relationship

Whether mentoring a millennial or someone from another generation, the following practices can make your mentoring relationship more valuable for both of you:

1. Make yourself accessible by expressing interest in them first rather than waiting for them to come to you.
2. Invest in getting to know them, not to change them. Come alongside to understand them.
3. Don’t settle for superficiality. Go deeper. These questions from Gordon Dalbey (Healing for the Masculine Soul) can help. Before you ask them of your mentor, be sure to ask them of yourself:

When have you demonstrated loyalty to someone or some cause greater than yourself?

When have you shown patience during trial, disciplined intensity in a task, calmness “under fire”?

What skills are you working to hone?

When have you take a calculated risk and tested yourself?

When have you taken initiative to right a wrong?

When have you demonstrated compassion by taking action on behalf of another person?

4. Model transparency. Why waste time on surface relationship? Your mentee needs to know that you get it and have been there too.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Think about one or two millennials you know. What steps can you take to more intentionally engage them and demonstrate accessibility to them.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to be an intentional apprentice, Reinventure Me Episode 8 on how to be a good mentee.
• The choice between legend or legacy, Reinventure Me Episode 64 interview with guest Dr. Chuck Stecker on where to put the emphasis of your life pursuits.

Our guest for this episode is Dr. Dennis E. Hensley, director of the professional writing department at Taylor University in Upland, Indiana. He has published 60 books—including six novels and eight textbooks—as well as more than 150 short stories and 3,500 newspaper and magazine articles. Dr. Hensley is an annual judge for the Evangelical Press Association Awards and the Christy Fiction Awards.

As an internationally recognized authority on the life and works of twentieth-century author Jack London, Dr. Hensley offered week’s Inspire Me quote from that esteemed American author:

“I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not just exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time. “

Dr. Hensley identifies three attributes of successful writers:

1. They enjoy reading and read widely.
2. They are disciplined and demonstrate an interest in mastering their craft.
3. They are eager and engage in self-study beyond what’s expected of them.

One study suggests that 81 percent of Americans feel that they have a book in them. That’s 200 million people who aspire to write, yet many never do. Dr. Hensley points out that most people really underestimate the amount of work it takes to create a the kind of polished work that they envision.

Yet, there are also those who surprise themselves by the discovery that they have life experiences that they can share. That discovery motivates them to develop the skills they need to write a book.

There are more opportunities now than ever before to develop the skills needed to become a great writer, from online learning programs, to chat rooms, e-books, writing conferences and community writer groups.

You are never too old to begin to write. You have memories, jobs, experiences and depth of knowledge to draw upon. Dr. Hensley advises, “Don’t pressure yourself. So what if it took you three months to finish a short story? Great! Enjoy it. You’re not on any time table. Just work as you want.”

Dr. Hensley’s advice to aspiring authors is to be cautious about jumping in too quickly. “Don’t quit your day job.” It can take a year or more to produce a published work. Instead, take exploratory steps. Find the genres you enjoy and develop connections with writing friends.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Don’t be afraid to try writing. If you enjoy it, go for it. Who know’s what impact you might have on another?

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• DocHensley.com, Dr. Dennis E. Hensley’s website
• Jesus in All Four Seasons: Having Christ as Your Life Coach, Dr. Hensley’s latest work (link to Amazon.com)
• Recommended reading: “Jesus in the 9 to 5″ by Dennis E. Hensley, Leary blog review of Dr. Hensley’s previous work

Our guest for this episode is Larry Julian, best-selling author, speaker and executive coach. Larry is the author of three nationally acclaimed books, God Is My CEO: Following God’s Principles in a Bottom-Line World, God Is My Coach: A Business Leader’s Guide to Finding Clarity in an Uncertain World and God Is My Success: Transforming Adversity into Your Destiny.

Larry offered week’s Inspire Me quote from Joshua 1:9:

“Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go.”

Larry described the number one issue facing business leaders is fear. Venturing into the unknown takes courage and the willingness to leave your comfort zone. It’s not surprising then that one of the biggest questions in leadership today is how to overcome the issue of fear.

This is why it is important for us to take our faith into the workplace. The Bible says that perfect loves casts out fear (1 John 4:18). Larry asks, “Do you really feel the love and acceptance of God or is there a level of fear that you have that is coming from yourself? Is it real or is it something that’s in your own mind?” The major battleground is internally—in our mind—and not in the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Many leaders fear showing their soft underbelly, as Larry puts it, their vulnerable side, because they’re afraid they’ll “get burned” by it. Transparency displays courage and builds trust in you to those leaders are leading.

Larry’s advice to the next generation of leaders is to slow down and hit the pause button. Develop good decision making skills because the decisions you make may have long, life-changing effects in both your business and personal life. For Larry, that meant becoming a more attentive listener to be able to draw the best out of those he is coaching. One of his “big aha” moments was discovering that underlying every material issue is a deeper personal issue, which can be very hard to get at.

“Business is about relationships,” Larry says, and good leadership fosters a deeper sense of purpose to connect with the business. Larry recalls a time when Os Guinness put a powerful question to a group of business leaders: “How are you going to help each other find and fulfill your calling? How do you hold your feet to the fire to make that thing happen?”

This week’s Challenge Me:

Larry offered a challenge to listeners to build a passport, as Ken Sandy puts it, with others to develop a deeper relationship with them.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• God is My CEO, Larry Julian’s book at Amazon.com
• LarryJulian.com, Larry Julian’s website.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from the 15th century archbishop Thomas á Kempis”:

“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”

How do you influence your boss to be a better leader, especially if you are not aligned. The first prerequisite, Leary and Armin discuss, is to adopt a mindset to become more winsome. One of the best ways to do that is to choose to show respect, regardless of whether you respect their values, approach or capabilities.

Like love, respect is given not earned. Our culture has corrupted that notion. Yet, the Bible makes it clear that we are to show proper respect to everyone (1 Peter 2:17), especially those in authority (1 Peter 2:18, Ephesians 6:5). There are three specific things you can show respect for:

1. Their responsibility and office
2. The challenges they face that are largely hidden from you
3. The presence of the grace of God in the relational situation between you

Second, find ways to serve up praise. You’re not the only one needing praise. Those with high-drives crave it even more. Leary and Armin offer four tips on how to praise your boss:

1. Don’t praise them in public.
2. Praise their effort and effect on business.
3. Praise sparingly, like salt.
4. Always tie the praise to a bigger “why” that they are bought into.

When addressing situations of conflict or destructive behavior, pray for opportunities to give candid feedback on how their behavior is affecting the perception of their personal brand and the business objectives.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Look for an opportunity to help your boss in some way that’s not something you’d ordinarily do. How did they respond? Leave us a comment on our show notes at reinventure.me/66

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Albert Einstein:

“The only sure way to avoid making mistakes is to have no new ideas.”

In this episode, Leary & Armin share a simple approach to creating ideas. The approach is particularly useful for those times when you are looking to create something or solve a problem that will take a considerable investment of time.

1. FILL-IN: DEFINE THE GOAL
   Write what you are trying to create or problem you are trying to solve. Rewrite it at least three times using different words. Define what’s at risk (potential loss) or what’s to gain by accomplishing it.

2. FILL-UP: DELIBERATELY GENERATE VOLUMES
   Great ideas come from lots of not-so-great ones. Here are ways to generate ideas:
   1. Make a numbered list of 20 ways to accomplish the goal. Keep it nearby and add to it as you go.
   2. Journal about the goal for a week. Write 3 pages daily.
   3. Read books related to the goal
   4. Search the internet. Set a timer to keep on task.
   5. Ask a friend to brainstorm with you.
   6. Meet new people. Attend conferences, webinars, etc.

3. FILTER: REVIEW AND REFINE
   Rate each idea (low, medium, high) based on the energy you have for it. What are common elements in the high energy ideas you have? Pick an idea and journal what you like about it and how you would feel once it’s done. Anticipate what would come next. Where does the idea take you?

4. FILL-OUT: DEVELOP THE IDEA 
   Pick one or two of the leading ideas that remain. Break down the steps to implement the idea. Big ideas will appear daunting and unattainable.
   Seek help from others that are knowledgeable about the area. Commit to the short-term steps; rather than the long-term goal.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Pick a topic important to you and start your idea list for it.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Why now is the best time to start journaling, Reinventure Me episode 24 on the how to journal.
• How to unleash your creative power, Reinventure Me episode 54 on the how to grow creatively.

In this episode, Leary and Armin interview Dr. Chuck Stecker, President & Founder of A Chosen Generation and the Center for Inner-Genrational Ministry. Dr. Stecker holds two Ph.Ds, has served on the Joint Staff in the Pentagon, and presently on the board of directors for the CASA 50+ Network & Christian Service Brigade Ministries. He is the author of Men of Honor, Women of Virtue: Raising Kids to Keep the Faith.

Dr. Stecker’s offered this week’s Inspire Me quote:

“You establish your legend by what you do and you establish God’s legacy by who you are.”

Many people talk about leaving a legacy when what they are really talking about is creating a legend. A legend is left by what you do. It’s established by the things you do, the things you create and what your known for in that doing end of your life. A legacy, on the other hand, is who you really are. Your legacy is your fiber and fabric of you as a person and that’s passed from generation to generation and generations yet to be born.

The difference between legend and legacy is the difference between what you do versus who you are. It’s how you invest your life rather than where you spend your life.

We have an opportunity to change the world. But to do so means we need to change how we are parenting. Too many of us as parents try to raise good kids as measured by what they do. They become an end-product, for us to show off what good kids we have. Instead we must teach the next generation to be the teachers of the next generation.

The key is to focus and be proud of who your children are becoming, not what they do. These principles apply equally well in business as well as in home.

This week’s Challenge Me from Dr. Stecker:

Ask yourself, “Am I living my life for a good resume’—for my next promotion and the honor that comes with that—or am I living for my eulogy—for what’s going to be said about me by those who know me?”

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• AChosenGeneration.org, Dr. Chuck Stecker’s website.
• Men of Honor, Women of Virtue: Raising Kids to Keep the Faith, Dr. Stecker’s book on raising children from a posture of legacy.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Albert Einstein:

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.”

In this episode, Leary & Armin pick up from the previous episode on emotional intelligence to suggest four ways to grow your emotional intelligence:

1. Practice alternative explanations for behaviors. This depersonalizes conflict, perceived or real.
2. Frame your response to another by owning the emotion that is generated by an incident. Explain how the interaction affected you and offer an alternative. Use this formula to express your emotions: “When____, I feel ____ because ______ I would like _____”
3. Increase your presence awareness. Three areas to increase your presence awareness: self-awareness, relational awareness, and contextual awareness.
4. Anticipate possible responses you can make. Decide ahead of time how you might respond to a given situation.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Practice the “When…I feel…because…I would like” formula in your next conflict. Let us know how it goes by leaving a comment in our show notes at www.reinventure.me/63

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Daniel Goleman, 1995. The classic book on emotional intelligence.
• What is emotional intelligence, Reinventure Me episode 62 on the definition of emotional intelligence.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Eleanor Roosevelt:

“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.”

Emotional intelligence is our capacity to understand and manage our emotions and those of others. As a psychological theory, it was developed by Peter Salovey (President of Yale University) and John Mayer (Psychologist, University of New Hampshire). In 1995, it was popularized by New York Times science journalist Daniel Goleman. His book, Emotional Intelligence, spent more than a year-and-a-half on The New York Times Best Seller list.

Emotional intelligence is one of the greatest indicators to the level of success an individual can attain. Goleman lists five categories of emotional intelligence:

1. Self-awareness. The ability to recognize an emotion as it happens.
2. Self-regulation. The ability to control emotions as you experience.
3. Internal motivation. The ability to work for intrinsic reasons.
4. Empathy. The ability to understand and engage with the emotional responses of others.
5. Social skills. The ability to develop relationship and rapport.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Self-awareness exercise: What situations or people are most likely to trigger an emotional response which stresses you or is more difficult to manage?

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Daniel Goleman, 1995. The classic book on emotional intelligence.
• Promotional intelligence, Salon, June 28, 1999 article on the origins of the concept of emotional intelligence

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from the witty Yogi Berra:

“90% of the game is half mental.”

Do you have a bucket list dream? Something you’re dying to do and it’s killing you?

If so, you have a case of persistent resistance. Understanding its source is key to getting going on the very thing you want to do, but can seem to start. We’re not talking about the stuff you don’t like doing so you procrastinate getting it done. No, We’re talking about the kind of resistance that we feel whenever we want to the thing we dream of doing.

Resistance is made up of two parts: the behaviors of resistance and the beliefs of resistance. The key to unlocking what our area of persistent resistance is in asking four questions. The first is easier to uncover than the other three:

1. What have I persistently wanted to do, but haven’t? That’s the persistent part. Usually there’s more than one thing. If so, that’s even better because it helps in uncovering more clues to what’s keeping you from it.
2. What behaviors do I engage in that keep me from it? We don’t usually trade off the thing we want to do with “bad” behavior–though that’s possible. Instead, we usually find an acceptable substitute. But, deep down, we know it’s a lesser “yes” for us.
3. What’s the underlying emotion that triggers the avoidance behavior? Be honest. Write down the way you are feeling at the moment you go into avoidance. This requires a lot of self-awareness, but to understand the emotional triggers to our avoidance is key to unlocking the grip of persistent resistance.
4. What beliefs do I need to correct? In this episode Leary and Armin walked through these steps and shared some of their own misbeliefs that keep them frozen in persistent resistance.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Identify your areas of persistent resistance and take note of when the resistance comes up.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Four things you need to know about resistance, Reinventure Me episode 18 on resistance.
• The one thing guaranteed to hold you back, Reinventure Me episode 48 on how our sense of shame can keep us from our very best

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Maya Angelou:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

We’re here not just for ourselves, but also to make others better. When we do, we make ourselves more attractive to others and they’re more likely to help us as well. But it requires an intentional choice to put ourselves in a mindset to leave people better than we found them.

Here are five ways to do that:

1. Affirm them. We all need affirmation, but focus your affirmation on their ideas, progress, and possibilities rather than their fixed traits. A powerful way to do this is to tell them how they may remind you of someone you both respect.
2. Listen empathetically. Meet their eyes and match their mood. The Bible reminds us to “rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.” Ask good questions and be willing to linger; stay present. Don’t problem solve, just listen.
3. Share an inspiring thought. Share an insight or quote that gave you lift. Make sure it’s fresh and relevant. If you’re not still lifted by it, don’t expect them to be either
4. Smile. Smiling is contagious and it activates the region of our brain that makes it impossible for us to not mimic. Smiling improves mood by releasing endorphins and lowers the heart rate. When you smile, you literally improve not only your own health, but when they smile back, you improve theirs as well. Research has shown that smiling also leads others to view you as empathetic and trustworthy.
5. Offer to help. Pray. Offer to connect them with another. If you cannot discern a practical way to help, just ask.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Share a strategy you use to leave people better than you found them. Comment on our show notes at www.reinventure.me/60

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to beat the need for approval, Reinventure Me episode 49 on the need for affirmation as distinct from validation.
• How to network like a pro, Reinventure Me episode 16 on networking

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Mark Twain:

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”

We’re all are wired to impress others. It shows from our earliest ages, trying to impress our parents. As we get older, the ways we seek approval get more sophisticated and we start promoting an image of ourselves. It takes self-awareness to detect when we’re driven to seek approval.

Some of the symptoms of approval anxiety are:

• Deep disappointment (or anger) when you don’t get noticed or accolades for something you’ve done.
• Disproportionate attention paid to criticism.
• Feeling trapped that you’re doing things you’re not good at.
• Finding yourself trying to impress important people or longing to be in their inner circle.
• Avoiding giving permission for others to speak honestly about your life.

Some of the ways Leary and Armin discussed how to beat the need for approval:

1. Adopt a growth-mindset. A fixed mindset always requires affirmation to be validated.
2. Choose the right audience for your work. There’s a difference between validation and affirmation. Only God validates. He made you. That’s all the validation you need.
3. Practice hutzpah and humility. Hutzpah says, you have something to offer. Humility says, you have something to learn.
4. Evaluate your roundtable. Whose opinions are most important to you? Why?
5. Cultivate an affirmation support team. Reach out to people you trust to support, encourage, exhort and edify you. We’re wired to connect with others.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Choose one of the five suggestions above and set your mind to work on it this week.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How mindset affects your next great beginning, Reinventure Me episode 4 on mindset

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”

It’s easy to keep commitments. All you need to do is STOP making them. But that’s not practical, nor helpful.

Instead, if you’re going to push yourself, you’ll likely break a commitment or two. In fact, you’re probably not really pushing yourself unless you do. And that requires also working on getting better at keeping commitments. Here’s some ways to do so:

1. “Wait before you yay.” Enthusiasm will make commitments your sanity cannot cash. Take time to evaluate the likelihood of your continued enthusiasm for an idea before you make a commitment to get behind it.
2. “Weigh before you yay.” Someone once said, “Things always take longer than they do.” It’s easy to be overly optimistic in planning how long something will take. In fact, researchers have found that we tend to overestimate how much time we will have to do something per week when the task is remote, rather than immediate.
3. Make communication your non-negotiable commitment. The only commitment you should never give up is the commitment to communicate. Two things to communicate: who has the ball and at-risk commitments.
4. Step up when others are at risk. Your sacrifice should be greatest when the cost of failure on your part is greatest.
   Better to sacrifice your comfort, time, whatever than ask it of others.
5. Own the missteps. Resist making excuses even if there are other contributing factors. You’ll gain more support by fully taking responsibility for the missed commitment than by placing blame on others, even if others are at fault. As Benjamin Franklin once said, “Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”
6. Regularly review how you are keeping commitments.  Ask others their impressions and choose an area to improve.

This week’s Challenge Me:

As you were listening to this episode, what changes came to mind that you could make to improve your ability to keep commitments? Waiting, Weighing, Communicating, Taking ownership, or Reviewing. Pick an area and make a commitment to work on one thing.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to create your personal mission statement, Reinventure Me episode 15 on developing your personal mission statement

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Chuck Swindoll:

“There is only one you… Don’t you dare change just because you’re outnumbered!”

Face it. We all love excellence, especially when it’s in ourselves. Seeing it on others, especially in an area we long for in ourselves but haven’t yet achieved, can stir up envy, however.

St. Thomas Aquinas once defined envy as “sorrow at another’s good.” We see their success and it calls our own into question. The business writer Michael Novak says, “Envy is so pervasive among the human race that in the Ten Commandments, under the name ‘covetousness,’ God forbade it seven times.”

When envy strikes, there are five truths to remember to help turn envy into inspiration:

1. You’re the only one you need to beat. It’s the pursuit of better, not your standing compared to others that shows excellence.
2. You’re not them. You’re different. Your calling is unique. It’s never seen before or will ever again. Be you; they are already taken.
3. It’s not a zero-sum game. Their excellence does not diminish yours; or the need for your contribution to the world.
4. You don’t need to be best. Best is rarely achievable and never sustainable. Engage in the relentless pursuit of progress rather than perfection (a form of striving to be the best).
5. Gratitude transforms envy into inspiration. Seeing excellence in others informs you about what you desire in yourself, so be thankful for that insight. Their success can also stimulate your own creativity to build upon it.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Who do you envy? Write down the excellent things you see in what and how they do what they do. What can you imitate? BONUS: Write them a thank you note.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How mindset affects your next great beginning, Reinventure Me episode 4 on developing a learning mindset
• Has excellence got you down, Leary’s blog post on the need for your contribution no matter what you see in others.
• A quarter million words of inspiration, Leary’s blog post on CJ Lyon’s crazy writing output and how that affected him.
• The relentless pursuit of better, Leary’s blog post on why the pursuit to be the best is not such a bright idea.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from John Killinger:

“Failure is the greatest opportunity I have to know who I really am.”

Setbacks happen. It’s not how many times we get knocked down but how many times we get up. Here’s how to get the most from setbacks:

1. Remember that it’s temporary & normal. During times of setback, it feels personal. Time seems to stand still. But setback—contraction—is a normal part of life. Nature expands because of contraction.  Unless a seed dies, Jesus said, it cannot reproduce.
2. Remember that it’s preparatory to something greater. A wave is not fully spent on the shore. Much of it recedes to form the next wave. So it is true in your own life. What you learn from your present setback will make your next effort much greater. No experience needs to be wasted.
3. Focus on what you gained by the experience, rather than lost. Even though something was lost, there was also gain—likely significant gain. Focused on that gain. Gratitude is your best defense to having your loss overcome you.
4. Discover what the experience taught you about yourself. This is the essence of the Killinger quote. Ultimately our greatest gain from setback is our increased awareness of how we are made.
5. Process setback with a mentor and friend. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, ”A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.” Confiding is easier with friends who are truly advocates; not critics. Don’t seek out anyone you are trying to impress—or who is impressed by you.

This week’s Challenge Me:

If you are experiencing a setback, take inventory of what you gained from it. Write it down.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Congratulations on your recent contraction,  Leary’s blog post on the nature of setbacks and times of contraction.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from J.C. Ryle:

“He would would build high, must first dig deep.”

In episode 50, Leary and Armin talked about the need to develop strategic margin. The key concept from that episode is that to increase margin, it’s more effective to increase personal power than decreasing load. This episode discusses the last of five ways to increase your personal power by increasing your structural power.

Structure is the support system we use to accomplish our goals. We need structure especially in areas where we are weakest. But most of the time we are unaware of it.

Leary likens structure to ballroom dance. Both have three essential components: routine, rhythm and relationship. In dance you learn your steps (that’s the routine), you learn your timing (that’s the rhythm), and you learn to do it cooperatively with a dance partner (that’s the relationship). To accomplish your purposes, you have the same three elements. Routine are the habits you form to do what you do. It is the what. Rhythm are the pace and times you do what you do. It is the how. And, relationship are the people that support what and how you do it. It is the who.

Our personal structure may be more or less fluid. Changing our structure is key to gaining strategic margin. We can change our activities, but we need to understand something of our underlying structure first. According to Robert Fritz, “If you try to change your behavior without first changing the underlying structure causing that behavior, you will not succeed. This is because structure determines behavior, not the other way around.”

Structure forms unconsciously but can only be reconfigured consciously. We are naturally resistant to change, so our ego will defend the current structure. That’s why this element is the hardest of the five elements we’ve discussed to achieve greater strategic margin. The way you evaluate and change structure is to:

1. Understand what you’re trying to accomplish; who you want to become. The goal is to create alignment between what you want to create in yourself and the system in which you do it.
2. Evaluate your routine; your formed habits (what you do). Episode 21: How to create habits for your next great beginning, discusses this. Ask yourself, how well do the habits I have contribute to what is important to me?
   Where am I wasting time? What are the inefficient ways I do things?
3. Evaluate your rhythm (how you do it). This may be micro-level rhythm (when and how you apply your energy on a daily basis) or macro-level rhythm (seasonal activities you may engage in). Sleep, exercise, diet also affects rhythm and your energy level. Am I working on the best things according to my energy level? Am I practicing good self-care to keep my energy reserves well maintained?
4. Evaluate your relationships (with whom you rely upon). Build positive relationships that will support your future. Am I cultivating relationships with positive people who support my growth?
   Commit to intentional experimentation → risk-taking

To make these changes requires two fundamental commitments: the commitment to experimentation and the commitment to identifying the tensions that we manage. Leary discussed three: the tension of process, control, and motivation.

This week’s Challenge Me:

What are your personal and professional aspirations for three years from now? Is your current structure going to achieve your goals?

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Why you need strategic margin, Reinventure Me episode 50 on strategic margin and why reciprocity power is an essential element to achieving it.
• How to create habits for your next great beginning, Reinventure Me episode 21 on how to develop habits .
• The Path of Least Resistance, Robert Fritz excellent work on the creative and reactive/responsive tensions.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from one of the most creative minds, Albert Einstein:

“Creativity is intelligence having fun.”

In episode 50, Leary and Armin talked about the need to develop strategic margin. The key concept from that episode is that to increase margin, it’s more effective to increase personal power than decreasing load. This episode discusses the fourth of five ways to increase your personal power by increasing your creative power.

Creativity is giving yourself permission to play. We’re often so busy trying to manage our responsibilities that we don’t fall in love with an idea. Robert Fritz, in his book The Path of Least Resistance, says, “The reason you would create anything is because you love it enough to see it exist.” More often, we get infatuated with ideas, rather than making the commitment to love them.

Fritz goes on to describe two orientations that we may take: A “reactive/responsive” orientation that is motivated by our circumstances or a “creative” orientation that is motivated by the outcomes we desire to create. These are in opposition with one another. Those in the reactive/responsive orientation seek only the hows to survive their situation, whereas those in the creative orientation seek the whats or the outcomes of what they want to create, regardless of their circumstances.

Back in Episode 44: The art of self promotion, Leary and Armin introduced the creativity cycle. They elaborate on it further in this episode:

• Curation. This is the stage where you gather input from a variety of sources. Reading widely helps to foster the development of what Steven Johnson calls “liquid networks.” He further writes, “The trick to having good ideas is not to sit around in glorious isolation and try to think big thoughts. The trick is to get more parts on the table.” That’s curation.
• Cultivation. In this stage you add your unique perspective, experience, skills to the parts you’ve gathered. Journaling is one of the best ways to cultivate an idea.
• Communication. Don’t keep your work hidden. Putting it out there, even when it’s raw, completes the cycle and gives you more to curate. As G.K. Chesterton puts it, “If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing poorly.” A distinguishing characteristic of creative genius is immense productivity.`

This week’s Challenge Me:

Consider the Creative Cycle above and score yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 where 5 is high, 1 is low. For Curation, ask yourself: Am I reading widely, meeting new people, learing new things? For Cultivation, ask: Am I taking time to evaluate, reflect and play with new ideas? For Communication, ask: Am I putting my work out there for others to respond to, learn from and offer feedback? Then for each score you gave yourself, decide what it would take to increase the score. Pick one thing to work on this next week.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Why you need strategic margin, Reinventure Me episode 50 on strategic margin and why reciprocity power is an essential element to achieving it.
• How reading can lead to your next great beginning, Reinventure Me episode 23 on how reading increases your curation store.
• Why now is the best time to start journaling, Reinventure Me episode 24 on the benefits of journaling.
• The Path of Least Resistance, Robert Fritz excellent work on the creative and reactive/responsive tensions.
• Where Good Ideas Come From, Steven Johnson. An excellent review of creativity and innovation.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Jesus Himself:

“Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” (Luke 6:38 MSG)

In episode 50, Leary and Armin talked about the need to develop strategic margin. The key concept from that episode is that to increase margin, it’s more effective to increase personal power than decreasing load. This episode discusses the third of five ways to increase your personal power by increasing your reciprocity power.

Marketers know the power of reciprocity. When something is given, a sense of obligation is created. This is such a powerful concept of human behavior that it easily abused. When we seek to give something only to receive something in return, we have manipulated the other party. Those who continue to do so are soon recognized as self-serving and begin to lose the power of reciprocity they may have had if their focus where instead on what they gave rather than what they need.

To harness the power of reciprocity in a healthy way requires a commitment to discovery; to genuinely inquire into the needs of another. And it requires a commitment to help another even when there may not be a clear payback for you.

Three ways to increase the possibility of reciprocity (from Martin, Goldstein & Cialdini, The Small Big):

1. Go first. Be the first mover. When you take action first, you establish the culture of reciprocity.
2. Say more than than “You’re welcome.” Remind them why you did it to communicate the value of reciprocity to another.
3. Express gratitude toward the favor-doer. Researchers have found that explicit displays of appreciation more than doubled the chances for new favors to be done.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Keep your eyes open for that opportunity this week to give value to another, expressly without expecting anything in return.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Why you need strategic margin, Reinventure Me episode 50 on strategic margin and why reciprocity power is an essential element to achieving it.
• How to network like a pro, Reinventure Me episode 16 on networking.
• The Small Big: Small Changes that Spark Big Influence, Steve Martin, Noah Goldstein & Robert Cialdini, Chapters 31 & 32 discuss reciprocity and the three steps mentioned above

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Harry S. Truman:

“You can accomplish anything in life, provided that you do not mind who gets the credit.”

Back in episode 50, Leary and Armin talked about the need to develop strategic margin. The key concept from that episode is that to increase margin, it’s more effective to increase personal power than decreasing load. One of the five ways to do so is by increasing your delegative power.

There are many benefits of good delegation: save time, achieve more, relieve stress, empower others, increase flexibility, balance workloads and strengthen communications. But despite the benefits, delegation can be difficult to do because it’s difficult to give up the personal rewards we receive from doing something well. We may also have a such a strong vision for how something should be done and we don’t want to “settle” for less from someone else. And, often we may have concerns that we might have to spend more time recovering from a failed effort that we’ve delegated to another.

There’s a difference between delegating a task and living out of delegative power. The former is expedient to get something off our plate. The latter is a lifestyle requires understanding of your own strengths and that of others and a tremendous amount of trust. The key is knowing yourself. Leary shared this quote from Randy Komisar: “Passion pulls you toward something you cannot resist. Drive pushes you toward something you feel compelled or obligated to do. If you know nothing about yourself, you can’t tell the difference.” The real test of delegative power is that you don’t care, as Harry Truman suggests, who gets the credit.

To decide what to delegate:

1. Look for systemic, recurring things you do that consume time.
2. Ask yourself, what is the opportunity cost? Often we keep doing something because we don’t understand opportunity cost.
3. Decide that the thing you are going to do instead is a higher value use of your time.
4. Find someone with the strengths needed to delegate the task to.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Decide your higher purpose objective. What’s keeping you from it? What can you delegate to another? Then do it.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Why you need strategic margin, Reinventure Me episode 50 on strategic margin and why delegative power is an essential element to achieving it.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Os Guinness:

“When it comes to willpower, will is common but power is rare.”

If we want to live powerful lives, we must possess more than intent. We need to put our willpower to work for us. Yet, according to researchers, willpower (or self-control) is listed as the least likely virtue people use to describe themselves Willpower seems to be something we all want more of, but fail miserably at knowing how to increase it.

Leary and Armin discuss the four kinds of willpower: emotional control, impulse control, performance control, and thought control, and why it is important for us to be aware of how willpower works in order to move into a new beginning.

Here’s what you need to know about willpower, drawing from the writings of willpower researchers Roy Baumeister & John Tierney in their book, Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength (see a link to Leary’s review below):

1. Finite. We have a finite amount of willpower to expend during the day.
2. One reservoir. All the decisions we make through the day draw upon the willpower store that we have.
3. Uses glucose. Willpower depletes glucose, leaving us craving it usually late in the day.
4. Depleted indiscriminately. Different decisions to engage or disengage, chronic pain, sickness and even being in a messy room can deplete our willpower reserves.
5. Improving capacity. While your self-control resources may be finite, your overall capacity can be improved. Simple changes in one area (e.g. even to sit more erect) can result in improved willpower capacity overall.
6. Replenished. Willpower is replenished by sleep and low-glycemic index foods. Sugars burn quickly and can give temporary replenishment, but the bust that accompanies its consumption may leave you even more fatigued.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Look at the goals you are pursuing. If you are unhappy with the progress in an area, perhaps you have chosen too many things to do at the same time, overly taxing your willpower reserves. Decide which one change you will focus on first, then add another after that change has been habitualized.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to create habits for your next great beginning, Reinventure Me episode 21 on creating habits.
• Recommended Reading: “Willpower” by Roy Baumeister and John Tierney, Leary’s review of this book.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from futurist Alvin Toffler:

“If you don’t have a strategy, you’re part of someone else’s strategy.”

How true. It’s far easier to follow someone else’s vision and strategy than it is to develop your own. Developing your own strategy for your future requires sufficient margin. Margin is defined as the difference between your limits (your capacity) and your load (the demands upon you). It’s a simple mathematical formula: M (margin) = P (power) – L (load). To get more margin, you either increase your power (capacity) or you decrease your load (demands).

The problem is that the most expedient way to create margin is to decrease load; to off-load your demands—cancel appointments, delegate tasks, back out of commitments, etc. That’s good temporary relief, but it does nothing to help develop strategic margin. And it perpetuates a habit of choosing to bail out anytime overload occurs.

Decreasing load has no affect on personal power (capacity). However, if you increase your personal power, you can increase your load as well. This is how highly-effective people get more done.

There are five ways we can increase our personal power:

1. Willpower. Willpower is self-control. Cultivating this power by exercising intentionality to evaluate the presuppositions you hold.
2. Delegative power. Those with strong delegative power possess the character of delegation, not just the act of it. The real test of delegative power is if you also delegate credit for the outcome and not just the task.
3. Reciprocity power. Your network has tremendous power to help you accomplish more. But only if you invest in it first. Our networking episode (see below) discusses this.
4. Creative power. We all have the power to create, but seldom play in such a way as to ask, “What if?” Creative power is exercising non-linear thinking to our lives.
5. Structural power. This is the power of how you work. It requires a lot of risk to try new structures on how we work.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Ask yourself: Am I doing something only because I’ve done it before. Get back to the “why” questions. What’s the biggest thing that I’m presently doing that I really shouldn’t be doing? What would it take to give that up?

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to be a better beginner, Reinventure Me episode 6 on creating a mindset of a new beginner.
• How to dream strategically, Reinventure Me episode 10 on strategic questions to ask yourself.
• How to cultivate personal vision, Reinventure Me episode 14 on developing your personal vision.
• How to network like a pro, Reinventure Me episode 16 on networking (building your reciprocity power).
• Are you frozen in place by linear thinking, Reinventure Me episode 29 on linear and non-linear (creative) thinking.
• Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, Dr. Richard Swenson. Excellent book on the overall topic of margin.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from scientist and inventor Charles Proteus Steinmetz:

“No man becomes a fool until he has stopped asking questions.”

Research has shown that we tend to ask the most questions around age 4 or 5. As we get older, we form presuppositions about how the world works and begin to rely on those presuppositions rather than challenging them. Really great questions challenge our presumptions.

Great questions, of course, depend on the purpose of the inquiry. Three purposes that Leary and Armin discussed were to deepen relationships, to resolve a problem or to satisfy curiosity. To get better at asking questions, Leary and Armin suggested:

1. Take on the attitude of a beginner. Receive information as if it were your first time. Episodes 6 & 7 (see below) address this.
2. Become story hungry. Everyone has a story. Develop a love to hear another’s story.
3. Frame the question according to the need. A why question can push the mind to thinking toward the future. A how question can focus the mind on the present.
4. Ask why in different ways. Why questions can reveal underlying motivations, increasing intimacy. However, the word “why” can often be interpreted as a challenge which only increases defensiveness. Instead, a good what question may be helpful: “What was it about that experience that was important to you?”
5. Be intentional. Write down some questions before you visit with another.
6. Reflect emotional cues. Some of the best questions are simply those that affirm the emotional reactions we see in others.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Think about someone you plan to meet with soon and intentionally design a couple of questions to go deeper with them. Leave a great question for us (either one you have asked or one that was asked of you) on our show notes at reinventure.me/49

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to be a better beginner, Reinventure Me episode 6 on how to put on the mindset of a beginner.
• How to be a lifelong apprentice, Reinventure Me episode 7 on developing an approach to lifelong learning.
• Playing more than catch-up: 5 questions to inspire a friend (and yourself), Leary’s blog article suggests 5 questions you can ask another.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from E. E. Cummings:

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”

In this episode Leary and Armin talked about the one thing that will keep you from taking risk, from really stretching yourself this year: shame.

Leary told his story about how, over the last three years, he has been unpacking the effects that growing up in a dysfunctional family system had on him. He learned to create shame in his own life from boyhood. Leary shared the breakthrough discoveries he made at his most recent personal planning retreat and how that has liberated his thinking about shame.

Shame is way of thinking, related to guilt, but significantly different. Shame is the belief that you are fundamentally defective or unacceptable. Guilt is the belief that you did something wrong. Recognizing shame-based thinking can be very difficult for people who have grown up in family systems that regularly engaged in it.

The shame-based person is always seeking validation from others to feel good about themselves. As a result, they take fewer risks, play life safer, tend to respond more defensively when challenged, are less open to share and live with a sense that they have something to prove to others or to themselves.

Shame exists, to one degree or another, in all of us. It’s an attribute of what the Bible calls our “flesh.” The idea of shame is not new. It’s been around since the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve were naked and felt shame. For the first time they needed a covering, and in a very real way, we’ve been manufacturing more sophisticated forms of covering for ourselves ever since.

Shame can never really be fully eliminated, but it can be managed. The first step is to become shame aware, knowing when you engaging in shaming yourself or another and choosing to adopt a more healthy, truthful view.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Start tracking how many shame statements you say to yourself. Any name calling like, “I’m an idiot,” is a symptom of shame. Begin to notice how those messages might be communicated in your family system, and how you may have communicated them to others. If you have comments or suggestions that may be helpful to others about shame, please leave a comment on our show notes at reinventure.me/48

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How mindset affects your next great beginning, Reinventure Me episode 4 on mindset. Fixed mindsets are most susceptible to shame.
• How to have a personal planning retreat, Reinventure Me episode 46 on taking time away for a personal planning retreat.
• Listening to shame, Houston University researcher, Brene Brown’s TED talk on this topic.

T.J. Addington is a Senior Vice President with the EFCA (E-Free Churches of America denomination) and the leader of ReachGlobal, the international mission of the EFCA. He has served as a pastor, consultant and denominational leader and for the past 25 years has been advising church and non-profit leaders on healthy leaders, governance and mission.

He is the author of five books: High Impact Church Boards; Leading From The Sandbox; Live Like You Mean It; When Life Comes Undone; and his latest release, Deep Influence.

Leary and Armin caught up with T.J. to talk about some of the ideas in his latest book, Deep Influence. Tim offered the following quote from his book as this episode’s Inspire Me quote.

“The preponderance of books on leadership focus on what good leaders do, how they act, or the strategies they implement. Some of these books provide real insight into good leadership principles. But these are not the most important issues in leadership, nor are they where leadership starts. Great leadership starts deep inside and the best leaders belong in a category set apart. Their uniqueness lies not first in their ability but in a set of intentional practices that they nurture. Those practices combined with leadership ability make the difference between the average leader and a leader with deep influence.”

What’s inside is what comes out. Good leadership comes out of a deep reservoir of their hearts and minds. Poor leaders, on the other hand, lead out of insecurity and their own personal agendas. To become a leader of deep influence, you must pay attention to this inner world.

Leadership training often focuses on technique–skills–rather than the more profound issues about heart: What is my motivation for leading? Am I leading from a place of health, or from my shadow side? Skill must be combined with depth of character inside.

People of deep influence are rare because it’s far easier to focus on activity–and the recognition we receive from it–than to focus on the unseen practices that develop deep influence. Good leaders are more reflective, they take the time to think deeply. And they seek to understand themselves and others by asking more and deeper questions. These are the unseen practices that make a leader a person of deep influence.

T.J. began to cultivate these practices of deep influence in his own life as he began to focus on his unique gifts, rather than trying to do everything. He draws a parallel between the use of time and our finances and thinks about his priorities as “time checks” that he writes. Every time he makes an agreement to do something, he is writing a time check, except unlike a financial account, checks can only be drawn on this account. There are no deposits of time.

The level of our emotional health (our EQ) determines how much influence we can have with others. If we are defensive, we shut down dialogue. If we have to have our own way, we are less likely to lead teams that learn to work together. We become aware of our EQ through interaction with others. When we open up with others and discuss how we interact with them, we learn how to improve our EQ.

Leaders that lead from their shadow-side have low EQ. They are overly influenced by the issues that come from their family of origin, protection of their  areas of vulnerability, or the flip-side of their strengths. Since it can never be eradicated, understanding the shadow-side of our leadership allows us to manage it in such away to lead in more healthy way. Unless we understand ourselves, we cannot really understand others.

T.J.’s Challenge Me challenge was to become a person of deep influence. Start a conversation among your friends about how you lead and respond to them. Read T.J. new book and begin to implement the unseen practices mentioned.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• leadingfromthesandbox.blogspot.com, T.J. Addington’s blog site
  
• Deep Influence, T.J. latest book, and the others, are offered at a discount at his author site
  

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Danish philosopher and theologian Soren Kierkegaard:

“There is nothing with which every man is so afraid as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming .”

A personal planning retreat is great way to rejuvenate your life purpose and to plan for the new year. It’s a focused personal time away from the hustle and bustle of life with it’s many interruption and distractions. In this episode, Leary and Armin talk about the value of clarity, guidance and evaluation that such retreats can bring to you life and share tips on how to get the most out of your time away.

1. Preparation (before your retreat):

• Keep realistic expectations. If you expect to return with THE answer to what’s perplexing you, or to accomplish everything on your list, you’re likely to return disappointed.
• Go by yourself. Or bring a friend to share meals with.
• Take things to read, to listen to, to write with.
• Avoid entertaining distractions. You cannot run away from bad habits but you can find an environment that makes good actions easier to do.

2. Process (at your retreat):

• Vary your routine. Take time to read, to nap, to pray. To write, especially to write. The goal is not production but exploration. Good answers about your life can’t be forced. They must be coaxed out like a skillful hunter stalking his prey.
• Make a list of things you want to accomplish. This is your wish list. You’ll be adding to it so don’t limit it. An item on your wish list may even be an entirely wild thing. Think about things you really want to do, not just that you should do, or even can do. Don’t limit your vision to the size of your capability. That’s never very interesting and it doesn’t honor God because it doesn’t depend on Him. Don’t put deadlines on these goals. This is just your wish list at this point in the process.
• Evaluate what worked well for you this past year? What did you accomplish that you feel good about? What was left undone that you would like to have done? Don’t criticize, but observe.  Use this evaluation to add new goals to your list.
• Find your why? Review your list of goals and identify the ones that are most exciting to you. For each of these, write down why they are important to you. Look for commonalities of your why. Clarify, refine and expand your goals.
• Pick the top three goals that excite you and are consistent with your why. Rewrite these three goals until they are SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely.
• Evaluate each of your three goals through three lens: Past, Present, Future. Write down ways in which you’ve failed (past), the fatigue you presently face (present) and the fears you have (future). Take your time to identify any common themes you may have between these areas. These are the threats to your goals.
• Choose one action step for each of the threats you identify. For instance, if the threat is your belief that you won’t succeed because you’ve had a history of failure, you might decide to 1) hire a coach, 2) recite daily a truth until it sticks, 3) set up an accountability with a friend, etc.

3. Practice (after your retreat):

• In reviewing the directions you intend to take and the threats you face, see if you can name the focus of your pursuit in one word. This will help you remember the major lesson from your time away.
• Develop a project plan for each goal. Action steps, resources, rewards.
• Cement your plan into the habit changes you need to make as soon as you return to your regular environment.
• Review your plan and adjust regularly. Monthly reviews and longer quarterly reviews can help keep you on track.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Just do it. Start planning a retreat for yourself. If you’ve taken personal planning retreats, leave your tips on what’s worked for you on our show notes at reinventure.me/46

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to cultivate your personal vision, Reinventure Me episode 14 on creating a personal vision.
• How to create a personal mission statement, Reinventure Me episode 15 on developing your personal mission statement.
• How to create habits for your next great beginning, Reinventure Me episode 21 on how to create habits.
• Why now is the best time to start journaling, Reinventure Me episode 24 on how to start journaling.

Zig Ziglar supplies this week’s Inspire Me quote:

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”

Expressing gratitude has many scientifically proven benefits that can help you get to your next great beginning even faster:

• Improves your mood. When we think better, we’re more productive.
• Improves the quality of your relationships. Better relationships means greater influence and more opportunity.
• Improves your health. With increased energy and stamina, you can simply accomplish more and be more helpful to others.
• Improves your network. People that express gratitude are attractive. Their gratitude is infectious and their network grows because of it.

These are things we all know. The challenge is how to develop a lifestyle of gratitude rather than just simply responding to acts of kindness. How do we get out in front of it, to put it on display proactively—systemically—rather than just transactionally as a show of appreciation when something is done for us?

Gratitude as a lifestyle means that the expression of gratitude has become habitual for us. Leary and Armin discussed ten specific habits that you can use to proactively develop a lifestyle of gratitude.

1. Write a hand-written, unsolicited note.
2. Reply to an email with more than a perfunctuory thanks. Take a moment to point out how they helped; or something specific about them.
3. Keep a “referral balance sheet” of those who helped you and review it to find ways to help them and others too.
4. Proactively think about another and consider who you might introduce to them who would be helpful or enjoyable for them to meet.
5. Plan a surprise of some kind, just because you can.
6. Journal about the things you are grateful for.
7. Keep a gratitude list, adding to it every day.
8. Ask someone what they are grateful for.
9. Pray intentionally for those in your network, even if they haven’t asked for it.
10. Invite someone to be grateful with you about something.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Pick one of the habits above to put into practice for the next week. Let us know what you picked by leaving a comment on our show page. Also let us know what other habits you’ve used to supercharge your gratitude.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to network like a pro, Reinventure Me episode 16 where we discuss healthy networking practices
  
• How to create habits for your next great beginning, Reinventure Me episode 21 on how to create habits.
• Why now is the best time to start journaling, Reinventure Me episode 24 on how to get started journaling.

Since we won’t be with you today for a new episode, we thought we’d share some of our favorites that we’ve put together this year. Catch up on a few of our favorites or explore the entire list of episodes here.

Episode 7: Why you should be a lifelong apprentice

Episode 14: How to cultivate your personal vision

Episode 29: Are you frozen by linear thinking?

Episode 39: How to create a motivated lifestyle

Episode 41: How to love the life you live with guest Amanda Carroll

Let us know your favorite episode in the comments below.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Sir Isaac Newton:

“If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”

In last week’s episode, Leary and Armin had the opportunity to interview sales guru Stephan Schiffman. Stephan made the point that selling is actually an act of service, whether you are selling a product or selling yourself. When you look out for the interest of others saying, “I have something for you that can solve xyz,” then selling becomes a noble endeavor.

So, when you’re trying to sell yourself, how do you do that in a way that doesn’t come across like you’re self-promoting, slimy or being arrogant? The key is in knowing that there is a difference between healthy self-promotion and selfish self-promotion. If we are going to have our work recognized, it should be recognized as a contribution to someone’s future work. It shouldn’t be pointing and directing everything back to us. It’s important that our work acts as seed for ideas out there, that others can build upon.

So what’s the difference between healthy self promotion and selfish promotion?

1. Healthy self-promotion seeks to benefit others first. It’s not about what we get out of it, but it’s about the belief that we have something that can help another.
2. Healthy self-promotion invests from your giftedness. You see yourself as a steward of what God has given you versus believing that your gifting is from you alone.
3. Healthy self-promotion is never inflated over its contribution. There is a recognition that you are building on the shoulders of others and it’s not about drawing attention to yourself. This can be looked at in two ways:

• Arrow-thinking says, my creation displays my brilliance. There is a secret hope others will take notice and if they don’t you are disappointed. It’s a straight line arrow that points directly back to you.

• Circle-thinking says, my creation builds upon the works of others and contributes to the works of others. It’s a life cycle that you are a part of.

There are three steps in the creative cycle: curation, cultivation and communication. As we look at self-promotion, the truth is, you have something brilliant to create, curated from others and cultivated by your life experiences and gifting. It’s our stewardship responsibility to communicate this to others.

Now, how can we do this art of self-promotion in a healthy way?

First, we need to go at the speed of others needs. If you find yourself doing things to get feedback, you may be selfishly promoting. Next, we must work on developing the creative cycle. If you don’t do the work of creating something and its all about promotion, then what you’re doing is selling without value. Lastly, and most importantly, we must realize that we are a part of an ecosystem. We must learn to share the spotlight, extend credit to others and see ourselves as part of a bigger picture.

This week Challenge Me challenge for this episode is: Evaluate how you spend time in each of the three creative lifecycle areas. Are you curating, cultivating and communicating?

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• The secret of sales success and why it matters with guest Stephan Schiffman, Reinventure Me episode 43 interview with sales guru Stephan Shiffman
  
• How to network like a pro, Reinventure Me episode 16 where we discuss healthy networking practices
  

Stephan Schiffman is a leader in motivational and sales training and has been since 1979. He has trained and consulted to a wide range of corporations including IBM, AT&T, Motorola, Sprint, CIGNA, and a host of other organizations throughout the world.

In addition to training and consulting, he is the author of 70 best selling sales books.  His writing and all of his training are based upon actual sales experiences that have been proven successful. He has been rated as the number one sales expert in prospecting by Personal Selling Power magazine.

In this episode, Stephan’s Inspire Me quote is from Winston Churchill:

“Never, never, never give up.”

Stephan Schiffman is passionate about selling, but even more so he is passionate about helping others learn how to sell.  In this episode, Leary and Armin visit with him about ideas and tips on helping others find their own success. Success in selling and success in life.

His definition of success is simple: You are a success if you are happy doing what you do and know that you have ownership of your own success.

In order to be a success, he believes we need to continue to take a look at our goals. As we change and grow, our goals need to change and grow too. Selling is really “a vehicle to accomplish a goal.” If it’s selling yourself or selling a product or service, there really isn’t a difference. “Selling is understanding what the other person wants to accomplish,” Stephan says.  “It’s building a relationship with someone and then having a conversation with them.”

To sell, you need to ask people what they do; ask how they do it; ask when they do it; ask where they do it; ask who they do it with; ask why they’re doing it that way, and then help them do it better. It’s really all about creating relationships with people. But, there are always skills that can be developed in each of us. Stephan offers us four key sales abilities that he believes are important for everyone to develop:

1. Prospecting – actually getting in front of somebody
2. Making the presentation – having a conversation about the service or product
3. Product malleability – a good understanding of the service or product
4. Personal and professional development – things we do to improve ourselves

Stephan’s Challenge Me challenge for this episode is simple: practice. “Don’t just let things happen to you,” he says. We need to think about where we are and where we want to go. Just as an athlete practices to play in the real game, you need to practice to play in your real game.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• www.stephanschiffman.com, Stephan Schiffman’s personal website
  
• Asking Questions, Winning Sales, If you could read only one of Stephan’s 70 books, this is the one he’d pick for you
  

This episode’s Inspire Me quote is from Victor Hugo:

“ The future has several names. For the weak, it is impossible; for the fainthearted, it is unknown; but for the valiant, it is ideal.”

It takes being valiant to take a good look inside. In this episode of Reinventure Me, Leary and Armin discuss a very simple but powerful exercise to determine what changes are most important for you to make.

Back in 1997 Tom Peters, wrote an article for Fast Company magazine. “The Brand of You” sparked an epidemic of personal branding. We discussed personal branding in episode 19. This episode is about how to think about yourself as You, Inc and specifically how you should conduct a staff meeting with yourself.

It may sound strange, but this simple process can provide structure and clarity around the most important changes you can make to create a more appealing future. Start with drawing five circles around a circle in the center, as depicted in the image above. Label the center circle, “CEO” and each of the five outer circles with “Sales,” “Marketing,” “Finance,” “R&D,” and “HR”—the five major functions of a business.

In a quite place, hold a private conversation with you as CEO, then switch to formulate the answers as each of the other department heads might respond with the situation that you’re evaluating. For instance, if you’ve just been fired, or perhaps you’re contemplating a new job, consider what each of the functional area leaders in your business of “You” might say about your situation.

As CEO of You, Inc., you have an critical function to perform—you must keep the conversation going and focused on creating a productive (not destructive) outcome. Mimic the five behaviors of great CEOs:

1. Ask tough questions.  Don’t let yourself off the hook. Find what you are resisting and go there.
2. Listen intently. Write down your answers. Writing creates clarity. And accountability.
3. Create options. Identify possible actions steps for each functional area.
4. Decide what’s important. Usually there are one or two action steps you can take that help all the others.
5. Celebrate learning. Good CEOs celebrate learning, no matter how hard it comes because it builds a better future.

Avoid making the mistake of listening to only one of your staff. Often, in a panic, we might listen to the Finance voice, for instance, and entirely miss a great opportunity that might present itself through the other voices if we only allow ourselves to entertain them.

The Challenge Me for this episode is simply to give it a try and comment on the show notes how it worked.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• What is a personal brand and do you need one?, Episode 19 of Reinventure Me discusses how to create your personal brand
  
• A staff meeting with You, Inc., Leary’s blog post on this topic
  

Amanda Carroll is a successful radio show host, having been a radio show host in local, regional and national markets. Her syndicated show, The Amanda Carroll Show, now airs in over 70 cities in the United States and Canada. But it hasn’t always been that way.

Four years ago Amanda’s husband came home and without warning told her that he was leaving her. With three young children—one just 8 weeks old— Amanda felt her world had suddenly crashed in around her. She “crawled into this little cocoon of life to heal” from the emotional trauma, postpartum depression, and weight gain the trauma of abandonment brought her. A year later, by learning to embrace the good days and forget the bad, she was “redeemed” with a new vision for her life and a new position as a show host at K-LOVE radio, where her words of inspiration reached 15 million listeners weekly.

Through it all, a favorite quote of Amanda’s is this week’s Inspire Me quote:

“ Life is pure adventure, and the sooner we realize that, we are able to treat life as art.” — Maya Angelou

Amanda has a heart for single moms. She wants them to know that they don’t need to just survive; they can thrive despite their circumstances. But her message of personal renewal and hope is just as pertinent to anyone facing a debilitating circumstance.

“The struggle gives the caterpillar the ability to fly as a butterfly,” she says. Take away the struggle and something vital is lost. A focus on the future is critical to making it out of the cocoon. Amada quotes Viktor Frankl words in Man’s Search for Meaning, “He who has a why can bear any how.” You must find the “why” for your future. The key is to choose to focus on the future instead of what happened to you in the past and how bad your present situation is.

To get there, Amanda says it’s important to eliminate the negative things in your life and focus on the positive. She spent a lot of time listening to God, because it’s God who gives the strength to overcome any circumstance. “Where you get stuck in that place [the cocoon] is because you think you have to find the strength on your own….He’s the One to make you brave. To make you strong.”

“I can’t take any credit for the redemption that He’s brought into my life,” Amanda says. “The only credit I can take is that I was willing.”

Getting from hating your life to loving it requires that we stop comparing yourself with others. “The picture perfect life is attainable,” Amanda says, “it’s just the contents of everyone’s picture is different.” Limitations are limiting only when you allow them to be. To love your life, you have to look at the little things in your life that you love. Cultivating love for the little things fosters gratitude that makes it easier to forget the hard things in your life.

As Mayo Angelou’s would say, make life a pure adventure. “Instead of thinking about a calamity in your life, think about it as an adventure,” Amanda says. “Your mess in life is your message.”

Amanda’s advice to single moms: “The most important thing to remember is that you’re not locked in. You can do it. Don’t try to fix your situation as single mom as you possibly can with a relationship…Be who you are on your own. Find your own vision.”

Amanda’s Challenge Me challenge for this episode is to write down a vision for your life. And take that first step, a brave moment.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How to cultivate your personal vision, Episode 14 of Reinventure Me discusses the four steps to creating a personal vision
• www.amandacarroll.org, Amanda’s website where you can find her blog, podcast, and links to her syndicated radio show

Half of Americans consider themselves chronic procrastinators. Wasting time is a normal experience. We’ll often choose to spend time with the television rather than engaging with those we love or in work we love.

Pablo Picasso provides this week’s Inspire Me quote:

“Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.”

We can stare at something all day long, but we won’t find inspiration in it. Leary and Armin discussed what it means to waste time. Leary points out that time cannot be managed, it can only be spent. Unless we see ourselves as stewards of the gifts God has given us, we won’t take a serious look at how we waste time. “Make the most of every opportunity,” the Bible tells us. “Most” and “every” are words that require no waste. Armin points out that to waste time is simply to give yourself to things that add no value to you. They are empty pursuits.

Leary offered three questions you can ask to know if your wasting time or taking a break (see his blog post on this in the resource section below).

1. Am I avoiding something? Even other productive actions are time wasters if they are simply done to avoid another more pressing need.
2. Is the break activity a habit? Many activities can be restful, to a point. Excess may foster addiction if you find yourself spending more time than you wanted to on it.
3. Am I more recharged following the break activity? Time wasting activities don’t recharge; they leave you feeling less like to engage in your work.

Leary described three situations when he is more likely to waste time: when he’s tired, when he’s overloaded without a good plan of attack, and when he’s avoiding something important. Armin is more likely to waste time when he’s unclear about his goals and dreams, when he doubts himself and when he’s emotionally overwhelmed.

The strategies that Leary uses to curtail wasting time:

• Know the “holes in the sidewalk.” These are the time wasters. For Leary they are movies, TV and computer surfing.
• Set 20-minute timers to stay focused. Working intensely for short 20-minute bursts creates more focus. This was discussed in Episode 20 (see resources below).
• Take breaks. Work well, rest well. 15-minute naps are particularly effective because they replenish the brain.

Armin suggests making rest a goal and points out a Harvard study that showed $63.2 billion of lost productivity due to sleep deprivation. There’s good reason God commanded a sabbath rest in the Bible.

The Challenge Me is to simply help another listener by commenting on the show notes the strategies tips and tactics you use to stop wasting time.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Are you taking a break or wasting time? Leary’s blog post on the three questions you can ask to determine if you are wasting time
• Three strategies to supercharge your productivity, Episode 20 of Reinventure Me discusses 20-minute focus block and other strategies to get more done
• Relax! You’ll Be More Productive, NY Times, February 9, 2013

This episode’s Inspire Me quote is from Mr. Motivation, Zig Ziglar:

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily.”

Daily motivation. What does it take to create a lifestyle of daily motivation?

What do those who have a motivated lifestyle have in common? Leary and Armin discuss three things:

1. They have a bias toward action. They know they learn by moving and taking risk. As Henri Bergson said, “Think like a man of action. Act like a man of thought.”
2. They are creative not merely reactive. They think about what they are to create today not just how to react to the day’s circumstances.
3. They are infectious to cause others to act. They inspire others to take action.

Creating a lifestyle of motivation requires creating habits (see episode 21). There are many that can create a motivation lifestyle, but here are four; two habits of thought and two habits of action:

• Believe that not only CAN you make a contribution but that you MUST. You are part of something bigger, an ecosystem, and your being in the game makes a difference.
• View change as your ally. Do you view change as an opportunity to learn or as a threat? Those with a learning mindset embrace change as an ally to growth. Without that mindset (see episode 4), you’ll spend energy trying to validate yourself. Every day ask yourself, “What did I learn today?”
• Intentionally surround yourself with motivated people. Motivated people are much more likely to encourage you and you’re more likely to mimic them.
• Just do something. Anything. Action begets action and momentum to do the next thing. Review episode 20 on productivity tips.

The Challenge Me for this episode is to focus on one of the habit suggestions for a week. Report your results on our website show notes at reinventure.me.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How your mindset affects your next great beginning, Episode 4 of Reinventure Me discusses mindset and why you should praise efforts and not results
• How to get unstuck and help others get unstuck, Episode 13 of Reinventure Me discusses what you can do if you are chronically unmotivated
• Three strategies to supercharge your productivity, Episode 20 of Reinventure Me discusses ways to boost your productivity
• How to create habits for your next great beginning, Episode 21 of Reinventure Me discusses how to create habits

This episode’s Inspire Me quote is from Winston Churchill:

“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.”

Unintended words can slip, especially in times of conflict.

Handling conflict is important to what’s next because:

• Conflict is often the reason people leave for a new job, or abandon relationships they’ve developed.
• Conflict is inevitable. Even if you leave because of it, you will experience it again.
• Conflict can impair your judgment. It exaggerates the challenges and diminishes the opportunities. You might make a different decision about your future were the conflict not present.

Leary and Armin discussed their conflict management styles. Both Leary and Armin are more likely to confront conflict rather than to avoid it. In many ways, conflict is borne out of a longing for our ideas and thinking to be validated by another. And we see validation as agreement. As Soren Kierkegaard, once wrote, “People understand me so poorly that they don’t even understand my complaint about them not understanding me.”

Since non-verbal communication is over 70% of the message we send, the best way to resolve conflict is in person, rather than over email or text message.

Leary described four bad habits in managing conflict that he’s had to work on to get better at:

1. Polarization: When you believe that the only solution to conflict is accepting either their way or insisting that they accept your way, you’ve succumbed to polarization. Look for an alternative option instead. Doing so engages both parties in a common cause and can foster unity.
2. Putting conflict on hold: Conflict isn’t resolved until it’s resolved for both parties. When you move on faster than the other person, you’ve put the conflict on hold for them. Think of it as an old-fashion business telephone with only 10 incoming lines. If you move from a conflict before another, it puts the conflict on hold for them. Eventually, all the lines fill, and the other person reaches saturation and cannot manage additional conflict until the prior lines are again opened.
3. Recruiting. Recruiting is anytime you involve others to your side without seeking to resolve the conflict directly with another first. It takes many forms. Gossip is recruiting. So is going to someone’s manager about their behavior, before you’ve spoken with them directly first.
4. Evaporating. When you withdraw from conflict without explanation, it looks like retribution—like you’re giving them the silent treatment. When you need to disengage to avoid saying something you shouldn’t, don’t evaporate and leave without a trace. Explain that you need some space and would like to discuss it later. Be sure to do so though, or you are just putting the conflict on hold.

Conflict is one of the greatest assets you can have in your life. It can create more health in your life, if you handle it correctly. You’ll gain more insight about yourself under times of conflict than during stable times. Handling conflict in a engaged and healthy way engenders trust and helps you gain influence with others.

Armin’s one piece of advice on handling conflict: “Have it. However, make the purpose of the conflict to create resolution. Conflict makes relationships stronger.”

Leary’s one piece of advice on handling conflict: “Conflict is how you learn what goals you’ve had that you can’t control.”

The Challenge Me for this episode is to ask three people to describe how they see you handle conflict. You’ll learn more about the truth of yourself and also increase your influence when you ask another to sound off on how you manage conflict.

Dr. Patrick Morley is no stranger to success. In the ’80s he built a successful and prominent commercial real-estate enterprise in Orlando, FL. Now, he is founder and co-CEO of Man in the Mirror, a discipleship ministry he began after taking a deep and personal look in his own mirror.

The insights he gained from that inner examination culminated in the publication of the book, The Man in the Mirror, which went on to sell more than three million copies. On October 7th, the revised and updated 25th anniversary edition of that book will be released.

In this episode Leary and Armin talk with Pat about the origins of that book, how he overcame the grip of success sickness and how he transitioned from business to ministry.

Pat has long been inspired by this quote from Hudson Taylor which he offered in this episode’s Inspire Me segment:

“Many Christians estimate difficulties in light of their own resources and thus attempt little, and often fail at the little they do attempt. All God’s giants have been people who did great things for God because they reckoned on His power and presence being with them.”

Pat reminds us that God uses flawed men. That’s by design for He knows we’re all flawed and He wants us to rely on Him and not our own strength. That means our vision also needs to be bigger than ourselves. “Make no little plans,” Pat quoted Daniel Burnham, “they have no magic to stir men’s blood.”

When the Tax Reform Act of 1986 was passed by Congress, commercial property valuations plummeted and with it Pat’s confidence in his commercial real-estate business success. Commitments to investors loomed large, only surpassed by Pat’s persistent worry. Reading Matthew 13:22, Pat knew he was the “one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.”

Through that experience, God opened Pat’s eyes to see that he was pursuing worldly gain. He was a materialist, behaving morally but not biblically. He was trying to love God and love money and it clearly wasn’t working. Pat described his condition as success sickness—a disease of always wanting more and not being happy when you get it.

During this time, Pat began to share the insights he was learning with a group of men in the Orlando area. Their response to his candid observations encouraged Pat to begin to write about the 24 problems men face, which culminated in writing The Man in the Mirror and the eventual transition into full-time ministry.

For those contemplating transition from business into ministry, Pat offers three insights:

1. Transition is going to take time. It took six years for Pat (1985 – 1991). So, instead of jumping right in, conduct small experiments first. Think of it as a relay race with a slow handing off of the baton.
2. Ministry will be difficult. If you had one bad day a week in business, expect two in ministry.
3. You’re still going to be the same person. You don’t suddenly change by going into ministry. Sure, you will grow, but you’re still you and you bring all of that to your new role.

For this episode’s Challenge Me, Pat shared a thought that he had in the midst of his crumbling business: “There is a God we want and there is a God who is. They are not the same God. And the turning point in our lives is when we stop seeking the God we want and start seeking the God who is.” The challenge is to seek that God—the one Who is.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Man in the Mirror: 25th Anniversary Edition (book), Patrick Morley’s classic revised and updated. 
• Man in the Mirror (organization), Patrick Morley’s ministry organization.
• www.areadirectors.org, Information about full- or part-time Area Director positions with Man in the Mirror.
• www.patrickmorley.com, Patrick Morley’s personal website.

This episode’s Inspire Me quote is from Sir Oliver Wendell Holmes:

“Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.”

Even dumb ideas can stretch our minds. When confronted with a dumb idea, before entirely dismissing it, consider how it might actually change the way you think about something.

Consider the following before you offer that piece of helpful, but critical advice:

• Remember, some of the best ideas at first appeared stupid. There may be something in it for you to learn as well.
• Ask yourself if you’ve earned the right to be heard. There are lots of hit and run critics whose only contribution is to discourage another. Remember the words of Jean Luc Godard, “He who jumps into the void owes no explanation to those who stand and watch.”
• Check your motivation. Are you trying help or show off your prowess with your critique?

When you do give someone feedback be sure you:

• Praise effort not results. This is one of the big takeaways from the Mindset episode (episode 4). The results are not done yet, but the effort is demonstrable and probably praiseworthy. Praising effort increases their likelihood of listening to your other suggestions.
• Get permission to give. Don’t ram something down their throat. They may not be ready for the advice you want to give them. It may be painful, but the best strategy may be to wait until they are ready.
• Leave them better than you found them. Don’t hit and run. If offering a connection, set it up to make it as successful as possible. If offering an improvement, engage them in discovering first the need.
• Help them see what you see. Ask questions in the spirit of discovery, not interrogation. Summarize what you think you’ve heard of the idea in several situations. Couch the area of flaw with other areas that have merit.
• Distinguish between preference and requirement. Keep in mind that you may not be the target market. Your preference won’t matter. What’s stupid to you may be a brilliant solution for someone else.
• Suggest outside, objective help, if necessary. This is vitally important if you are stakeholder or shareholder in the idea. If your business partner or your spouse is pursuing a really dumb idea, get outside help.  Work from your common interests to maintain the partnership and resolve the differences.

The Challenge Me for this episode is to put these ideas to work the next time you see a stupid idea. Leave some of your own suggestions in the comment section below.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• How your mindset affects your next great beginning, Episode 4 of Reinventure Me discusses mindset and why you should praise efforts and not results

This episode’s Inspire Me quote is from Henry Ford:

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.”

We can push ourselves to excel in every dimension of life. How do we know, however, if we’re learning more than we did before? How do we know we are stretching ourselves, or settling at a plateau.

Leary ponders Proverbs 27:7, “He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.” Basically, it says there’s great benefit to hunger. We can learn from even the worst situations. And there’s an implied danger to be “full.” ­­In that condition, we won’t even learn from the best of circumstances (“honey”). As Armin noted, that’s pride—and it goes before the fall.

So how do we increase our hunger? As with our hunger for food, we can either lower our intake and starve ourselves (not ideal), or increase our metabolism with exercise. That means we put ourselves on a program of intentional learning.

Leary drew a contrast between, what he called, intentional learning and utilitarian learning:

Neither is better than the other. We need both. The challenge is to not let today’s urgencies trump learning intentionally.

So how do you create a personal learning plan. That’s the Challenge Me for this episode. Leary shares the approach he’s taking. First, create a document and divide your plan into three sections, or areas of learning:

• Interests/Curiosities Areas of learning to stimulate your creativity. Think of these as your creative walkabouts.
• Professional development Areas of learning that can enhance your career, but, for which you are not looking for an immediate answer.
• Personal development Areas of learning to enhance your spiritual, relational, physical, and financial condition.

In each section answer the three questions:

1. What sources of curriculum will I use? They could be books, magazines, blogs, videos, online course, formal courses, coaching, even teaching.
2. What commitments will I make? Set a timetable for going through a chosen curriculum.
3. What is a satisfactory measure of completion? What does graduation look like in your learning plan? How will you celebrate it?

The keys to intentional learning are to have a plan, create the space and habits necessary to support it, and to capture key learnings from it.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Read Slowly to Benefit Your Brain and Cut Stress, Wall Street Journal, September 16, 2014
• How to be a better beginner, Episode 5 of Reinventure Me outlines 5 simple things to stretch your learning
• Why you should be a lifelong apprentice, Episode 7 of Reinventure Me share 4 reasons to stretch your learning through apprenticeship
• How to create habits for your next great beginning, Episode 21 of Reinventure Me will help you think about the best way to start a habit
• How reading can lead to your next great beginning, Episode 23 of Reinventure Me discusses 6 benefits of reading the old-fashioned way
• Leary’s Personal Learning Plan, Leary’s take-away action from the Challenge Me segment for this episode
• Armin’s Personal Learning Plan, Armin’s take-away action from the Challenge Me segment for this episode

This episode’s Inspire Me quote is from Viktor Frankl:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

The average person will have between 7-11 job changes in their career. How you leave may be even more important than where you’re going. There are three decisions that can help you make the very best of any job transition:

1. Leave for a pursuit, not for an escape. Toxic jobs can take their toll, but don’t leave just to escape. First, ask yourself these questions:
   • What are the present challenges I’m facing? Am I trying to escape them?
   • Is it something I can control or influence?
   • How might God want to use me to influence this situation or use it to change me?
2. Leave going over a bridge, not a plank. Bridges land you safely on the other side. Planks land you in shark infested waters. When you leave, guard your reputation by not demeaning the reputation of your previous employer or those you worked with. And once you’ve decided to leave, be a pro and do your very best, right until the end. Leave them wishing you were staying on.
3. Leave with the mindset of an investor, not a hoarder. Decide before you start your new job how you might better invest in your new workmates. For instance, perhaps you might:
   • Listen better before jumping to conclusions?
   • Delegate and trust more?
   • Intentionally seek to mentor others?

A new job represents a new opportunity to work with people with whom you’ve never worked. You can forge new relationships and have a profound influence on those around you. Intentionally write down the ways in which you will work to improve your game.

If you are contemplating a job change, the Challenge Me for this episode is to ask yourself the questions listed in the first decision above. How might God want to use you were you are? If you’re already in transition, what changes will you intentional make to become a better investor in others at your new company.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Is it time to give your job a shove?, Episode 2 of Reinventure Me on recognizing a healthy discontentment
• The job cleanse: 5 strategies for detoxifying from your former employer, Episode 3 of Reinventure Me on how to detoxify from an unhealthy job
• How your mindset affects your next great beginning, Episode 4 of Reinventure Me on developing a learning mindset

A lot has changed in the way corporations are finding candidates today. In just the past five years significant tools to find jobs and to screen candidates have emerged. Today’s applicants need to be smarter than ever to develop a strategy to land the right opportunity.

In this episode, Leary and Armin speak with guest Richard Yadon about the new job search strategies you need. Richard is President and CEO of the MMS Group, a talent acquisition firm serving the healthcare industry.

Richard offered a quote for the Inspire Me segment from, former pastor and CEO of Hard Lessons, Dick Wells:

“I have all eternity to do all the things I want to do, but only a few years to help others get there with me.”

Companies are hiring more people today than five years ago. So why is does it seem so difficult to land a new job? Richard points out two reasons for this: Companies are much more selective now than they had been in the past; and, they are looking for an immediate return of the investment of a new hire.

By the time you make it to the interview, Richard points out that most companies assume you’re competent. The primary hiring question is really about how you will bring value to the organization. The are looking for a good return on investment and want to see how you’ve demonstrated value creation in the past.

Knowing these things can help you prepare a more effective resume. Richard suggests that applicants:

• Succinctly articulate how they will add value to the organization
• Demonstrate how their achievements are relevant to the position they’re looking for
• Tailor the key information on the top one third of the resume or cover letter

The biggest mistakes Richard sees that candidates make are:

• Not having a search strategy and commitment. Approach the job search process much like a project manager.
• Not targeting specific firms. Select specific companies to contact for employment and research them.
• Sending resumes without making connections. Find specific people within that company to contact regarding the position you are pursuing.
• Not utilizing social media and tools. Manage your online presence and brand while in a job search. See Episode 31 on using LinkedIn.
• Not having an interviewing strategy. Failing to have a job search and interview plan is breeding ground for frustration.

For the first time in our nations history, four generations are employed in the workplace. Therefore it’s more important than ever that being good in the aspects of building relationships and technology are vitally important in the job market of today.

Richard offered our listeners an excellent Challenge Me: Write down your best, quantifiable career accomplishment. Use this as the first thing you talk about in your cover letters, your interviews, and your networking sessions. This is what company’s want to hear about.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• MMS Group, Richard Yadon’s company
• Kiss Your Comfort Zone Goodbye, free special report by Richard Yadon

This episode’s Inspire Me quote is from comedian and playwright, Woody Allen:

“Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.”

Confidence is a critical ingredient to motivate us to take the risks that a new venture requires. When we display confidence, others see it and mirror that confidence back to us as well. Confident people:

1. Are secure in themselves. They don’t need to name-drop to bolster their ideas or their image.
2. Use great eye contact. They focus on what another is saying by looking at them in the eyes and don’t wander to see if someone else more important might be nearby.
3. Have a healthy respect for their ideas. They don’t need to always have the winning idea, nor are they shy in presenting their ideas in a healthy way.
4. Don’t need to always have an answer. They don’t need to be the smartest one in the room.

Five ways you can intentionally gain more confidence:

1. Practice. Practice. Practice. Confidence is gained from experience in the skill or situation that is new to you.
2. Have a solution mind-set. Don’t focus on the problems, look for solutions and view previous failures as experiments that had an outcome. Now you know what didn’t work. Try something different next time.
3. Set and accomplish a small but meaningful goal. We can increase our overall confidence by just accomplishing a task, even a small goal that we haven’t done before or in awhile. That’s because accomplishing a meaningful goal releases dopamine, the neurotransmitter that makes us feel good about ourselves. The same effect occurs when we exercise.
4. Practice gratitude. Grateful people are more self-confident because they are able to buoy themselves in hardship. They are also infectious and others are more likely to express confidence in a person that regularly practices gratitude.
5. Reaffirm God’s intentions toward you. God equipped you for a purpose. Opportunities are there to strengthen you for His work in this world. In all things, His intentions toward you are good.  As Max Lucado once wrote, “Fear corrodes our confidence in God’s goodness.”

In all times, however, we need to be aware that confidence can bloom into overconfidence. According to Maria Konnikova, overconfidence stems from three things:

1. More information. The more we have, the more our confidence increases—even if the information is not directly related to the decision.
2. More experience. Our past experience increases likelihood for overconfidence, overestimating our own ability and underestimating forces outside our control
3. More action. The more we’re engaged in a specific action, the more likely we are to overestimate our ability.

We can keep our confidence in check by asking ourselves these questions:

• Am I pushing myself to learn? One of the marks of over-confidence is unteachability.
• Am I seeking advice from others, even in areas I may be certain about? Get someone who’s not impressed with you to check your thinking.
• Am I practicing the discipline to think slowly? Overconfidence will drive us to make important decisions quickly. Robert Sternberg said “Intelligence is knowing when to think and act quickly and when to think and act slowly.”

The Challenge Me for this episode is to write out 5 things you would you do if you had more self-confidence?

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

• Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes, by Maria Konnikova. Read Leary’s review of this book.
• How to think slowly, Leary Gates blog post
• How your mindset affects your next great beginning, Episode 4 of Reinventure Me on developing a learning mindset
• How to be a better beginner, Episode 6 of Reinventure Me on learning new things