As comic book nerds we all like to dream about what it wold be like if we had super powers, and what would we do with them.  Well thanks to Josh Trank and Max Landis, we have been given a gritty and chilling look at when such a thing happens to three Seattle high-school kids in this found footage style film “Chronicle.”

Chronicle Review

Plot

Seattle teenager Andrew Detmer (Dane DeHaan) starts videotaping his life. His mother Karen (Bo Petersen) is slowly dying from cancer and his alcoholic father Richard (Michael Kelly) verbally and physically abuses him. At school, Andrew is unpopular and frequently bullied.

Andrew’s cousin Matt (Alex Russell) invites him to a party to help him meet people, but Andrew’s filming angers an attendee and Andrew leaves despondent. Andrew is persuaded by popular student Steve (Michael B. Jordan) to record something strange he and Matt have found in the woods: a hole in the ground emitting a loud strange noise. The three enter the hole and discover a large glowing blue crystalline object. The object glows red and the group is stricken by nosebleeds and pain. The camera cuts out. Weeks later Andrew records himself, Matt, and Steve as they display telekinetic abilities, able to move objects with their minds, but bleeding from their noses when they overexert themselves. They return to the hole, but find that it has collapsed and that the sheriff’s department is sealing off the area.

As their abilities grow more powerful, Matt theorizes that they function like a muscle, becoming stronger with use. The trio develop a close friendship and begin employing their abilities to play pranks. However, after Andrew pushes a rude motorist off the road and into a river, Matt insists that they restrict the use of their powers, particularly against living creatures.

When they discover the ability to fly, they agree to fly around the world together after graduation. Andrew wants to visit Tibetfor the peaceful nature. Steve encourages Andrew to enter the school talent show to gain popularity. Andrew amazes his fellow students by disguising his powers as impressive feats. That night, Andrew, Matt and Steve celebrate at a house party, where Andrew is the center of attention. After drinking with his classmate Monica (Anna Wood), she and Andrew go upstairs to have sex, but Andrew vomits on Monica, humiliating himself.

Andrew becomes increasingly withdrawn and hostile, culminating when his father Richard attacks him, and Andrew uses his power to overcome him. His outburst is so extreme that it inflicts psychically connected nosebleeds and pain on Steve and Matt. Steve is drawn to Andrew, who is floating in the middle of a storm. Steve tries to console him, but Andrew grows increasingly angry until Steve is suddenly struck by lightning and killed. At Steve’s funeral, Matt confronts Andrew about the suspicious circumstances of Steve’s death. Andrew denies responsibility to Matt, but he privately begs forgiveness at Steve’s grave.

Andrew grows distant from Matt and again finds himself ostracized at school. After being bullied, he telekinetically tears the wisdom teeth from the bully’s mouth. Andrew begins to identify himself as an apex predator, rationalizing that he should not feel guilt for using his power to hurt those weaker than himself. When his mother’s condition deteriorates, Andrew uses his powers to steal money for her medicine. After mugging some local thugs, he robs a gas station where he inadvertently causes an explosion that puts him in the hospital with severe burns and under police investigation. At his bedside, his father informs the unconscious Andrew that his mother has died, and he angrily blames Andrew for her death. As his father is about to strike him, Andrew awakens and the outer wall of his hospital room explodes.

Elsewhere Matt experiences a nosebleed and senses Andrew is in trouble. He sees a news report about the hospital explosion and travels there, finding Andrew floating outside the building. Andrew drops his father, who is saved by Matt, and proceeds to wreak havoc with his powers. Matt confronts Andrew at the Space Needle and tries to reason with him, but Andrew grows hostile and irrational at any attempt to control him. Andrew attacks Matt and the pair fight across the city, crashing through buildings and hurling vehicles. Injured and enraged, Andrew uses his power to destroy the buildings around him, threatening hundreds of lives. Unable to get through to Andrew and left with no other choice, Matt tears a spear from a nearby statue, and impales Andrew with it, killing him. The police surround Matt, but he flies away.

Three months later, Matt lands in Tibet with Andrew’s camera. Speaking to the camera while addressing Andrew, Matt vows to use his powers for good and to find out what happened to them in the hole. Matt positions the camera to view a Tibetan monastery in the distance and says “You made it” before flying away, leaving the camera behind to continue recording the tranquil scene.

So  let me get this straight; Nazi’s land on the moon, build up their ranks and weaponry, then come back to earth 70 plus years later to help a Sarah Palin-esk President  with her campaign and then take over the world with a super weapon that’s powered by a iPad?!   How the hell could this movie fail!

Iron Sky Review

Plot

The film opens with an American manned landing mission returning, in 2018, to the Moon. The lander carries two astronauts, one of them a black male model, James Washington, specifically chosen to aid the President of the United States in her re-election (various “Black to the Moon” word-play posters are seen in the film, extolling the new Moon landing).

Upon landing on the far side of the Moon they encounter the Nazis who have hidden there since 1945. Washington is taken captive and the other astronaut killed. Nazi scientist Doktor Richter investigates Washington and finds his smartphone. Although initially skeptical, he recognizes that its computing power outstrips all their technology combined. Moreover it serves perfectly as a control unit for space battleship Götterdämmerung. When he strives to demonstrate the completion of his Wunderwaffe to the current Führer, Wolfgang Kortzfleisch, the phone runs out of power. Nazi commander Klaus Adler, who is (for genetic reasons) chosen to mate with Earth specialist Renate Richter, Doktor Richter’s daughter, offers to go to Earth to collect more phones. Adler takes a spacecraft to Earth, taking with him Washington, who has been bleached by Richter. Upon landing they find that Renate has stowed away and travelled with them.

Meanwhile on Earth, the President of the United States has to tackle political issues; she desperately needs a miracle to ensure her re-election. Her aide, Vivian Wagner (played by Peta Sergeant), introduces the Nazi couple to her. Adler and Richter go on to revamp the President’s campaign Nazi-style, with apparent success, while the clueless Richter is unaware of Adler’s ambition to become the next Führer and rule the world.

After three months, Kortzfleisch seems to have figured out Adler’s plan. He sends his armada (though without theGötterdämmerung) to Earth orbit. He himself lands on Earth and confronts Adler, but is consequently killed by him and Vivian. Adler declares himself the new Führer before he returns to orbit with Kortzfleisch’s flying saucer. At the same time, Renate Richter comes across the now homeless Washington who makes her realize that the Nazis are in fact cruel and vicious, and intend to wipe out all “subhumans” on Earth.

The United Nations assemble to discuss the extra-terrestrial Nazi threat. The President is excited to finally have a war which will likely get her re-elected, and appoints Vivian Wagner as commander of the spacecraft USS George W. Bush, which orbits the Earth carrying nuclear weapons. As it turns out, most of the other nations have alsodeveloped armed spacecraft, and join in to defeat the invading Nazi armada.

Back on Earth, Richter convinces Washington to come with her back to the Moon to stop Adler. They take Adler’s flying saucer back to the Moon and to the Götterdämmerung, where Washington attempts to disable the engines while Richter goes looking for Adler. Meanwhile, the international spacecraft armada has destroyed the Swastika moonbase and is heading for the Götterdämmerung as well. In the final battle, Washington manages to disconnect the tablet device now controlling the Götterdämmerung while Richter takes out Adler. The spaceship crashes into the Moon, but not before Adler has taken out a considerable chunk of the Moon attempting to get a clear shot at the Earth.

The U.S. President calls Wagner from the UN session, congratulating her on her victory. Wagner discloses that she detected large tanks of Helium-3 on the Moon. This material would keep the United States independent of foreign power sources for a millennium. Consequently the U.S. president immediately lays claim to it. This enrages a white-haired UN member (cameo appearance by “Percy Stuart” Claus Wilcke) who throws his shoe at her. All UN members join the following “meeting hall battle”. This leads to an international turmoil; eventually the international spacecraft of the hitherto allied nations start attacking each other.

Richter meets up with Washington (who regained his natural skin) in the damaged Swastika moonbase, where they embrace in front of Richter’s flabbergasted former students and some adults who have fled there from other parts of the base. Richter states that “[they] have a lotta work cut out for [them]”. The final moments of the film show the Earth, where missiles are causing nuclear explosions across the globe. At the very end of the credits, the planet Mars is revealed with a man-made satellite of undetermined origin in orbit.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…naked!  That’s right fishies and girls it’s Piranha 3D sequel time for us here at the Movie Dump.  Can our toothy friends feast from the buffet of awesomeness once more? Or will they go belly up in the proverbial red tide of bad movie sequels? Find out as we review Piranha 3DD.

Piranha 3DD Review

P.S. We had a lot of issues with our mics on this one and were able to edit around most of  them but a few we had to bit the bullet on and keep it. We apologize in advance and will make sure the next podcast runs more smoothly. Thanks.

Plot

A year after the attack on Lake Victoria by prehistoric piranhas, an eradication campaign has left the lake uninhabitable by life, and the town itself has been largely abandoned as a result of the drying-up of their main revenue source, tourism, but some residents still remain on the lake.

At a nearby lake, Clayton and Mo, two farmers, walk into the water to recover the body of a dead cow. Piranha eggs that have been laid inside the cow hatch, and the farmers are killed by the swarm.

Maddy, a marine biology student, returns home for the summer to the waterpark she co-owns. She finds to her horror that the other co-owner, her step-father Chet, plans to add an adult-themed section to the waterpark with ‘water-certified strippers‘, and re-open it as “Big Wet”. At a party at the waterpark that night, Maddy encounters several old acquaintances, including her policeman ex-boyfriend Kyle Knight, and Barry who has secretly had a crush on her since grade school. She also runs into two of her close friends, Ashley and Shelby. Shelby and her boyfriend Josh go skinny-dipping in the lake, where a piranha makes its way inside her vagina. Meanwhile, Ashley and her boyfriend Travis make love in their van. They accidentally trip the handbrake, causing the van to roll into the lake, where they are both devoured.

The next day, Maddy is consoling Shelby about their missing friends. While sitting on a jetty, they are both attacked by the swarm of piranhas. They manage to kill one, and Maddy, Kyle and Barry bring it to Mr. Goodman to examine. He informs them that the piranhas may be moving via sewage pipes and underground rivers between lakes, attracted by chemicals involved in swimming pool cleansers that match their spawning routes. However, the wider world wouldn’t listen to him, based upon his theory that the fish would evolve to become terrain-viable. The trio return to the lake, where they establish that the piranhas cannot make their way into the outflow pipes connecting the lake and the water park. While Shelby and Josh are having sex, the piranha in Shelby’s vagina bites Josh’s penis, forcing him to chop the organ off with a knife. Both are hospitalized, but survive. Kyle is revealed to be corrupt and taking pay-offs from Chet, who is secretly pumping water from an underground river into the waterpark. Chet orders Kyle to keep Maddy from finding out the secret.

“Big Wet” opens the next day. Among the first guests are Deputy Fallon, who survived his previous ordeal with the piranhas but lost his legs, and former cameraman Andrew Cunningham (Paul Scheer). While the duo attempts to overcome their fear of the water after they were attacked a year ago, David Hasselhoff also makes an appearance as a celebrity lifeguard.

Discovering the connection between the park and the underground river, Maddy attempts to shut the waterpark down, but is stopped by Chet and Kyle. The piranhas make their way to the area and attack, killing many of the lifeguards and waterpark-goers. Fallon attaches a shotgun prosthesis to his legs in order to save the visitors, while Hasselhoff, after rescuing a small boy named David, becomes pleased that he has finally become a real lifeguard. In the chaos, Chet is decapitated by a low-hanging cable after attempting to drive away and escape.

Maddy instructs Barry to begin draining the pools; however Maddy, who is rescuing people from the water, becomes caught in the suction and dragged down to the bottom of the pool. After Kyle refuses to save her because of his shock, Barry, despite being unable to swim, leaps down and brings her to the surface, whereupon Maddy is revived and they kiss.

Another employee, Big Dave, pours gasoline into the pipes, followed by a lit joint. The resulting explosion kills most of the piranhas, while Kyle is killed by a falling trident. The celebrations are cut short however, when Maddy takes a phone call from a horrified Mr. Goodman, who informs them that the piranhas are evolving and are now able to move on land, to which Maddie informs him that she knows. The film ends as one such piranha emerges from the pool and decapitates a man.

In a post-credits scene, Hasselhoff is running on a beach holding a trident, which is an advertisement for a film titled Fishhunter.

Double Feature time at the movie dump!  That’s right we thought that 2012 was such a good year we couldn’t end it with just one review for this episode.  So you lucky dogs get a twofer! Not just any old twofer, but a super twofer that crosses the battle lines of Marvel and DC to bring you one epic review of two of our most beloved superheroes, the Emerald Guardian Green Lantern and your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Oh and lets not forget, that the Masked Vigilante, the World’s Greatest Detective, the Dark Knight himself,  nananananananananana…..BATMAN!!!!  Because face it, if you’re gonna review any comic book film from the past 7 years, Batman will emerge from the shadows of said review.  So sit back, relax, and have no fear because the MOVIE DUMP IS HEEEERRRREEEEEE…..to review Green Lantern & The Amazing Spiderman.

Green Lantern / The Amazing Spiderman Review

Plot

Green Lantern

Millions of years ago, beings called the Guardians of the Universe used the green essence of willpower to create an intergalactic police force called the Green Lantern Corps. They split the universe into 3600 sectors, with one Green Lantern per sector. One such Green Lantern, Abin Sur of Sector 2814, defeated the being Parallax and imprisoned him in the Lost Sector on the ruined planet Ryut. In the present day, Parallax escapes from his prison and nearly kills Abin Sur, who escapes and crash-lands on Earth and commands his ring to find a worthy successor. A cocky Ferris Aircraft test pilot Hal Jordan is chosen by the ring and transported to the crash site, where Abin Sur appoints him a Green Lantern, by telling him to take the lantern and speak the oath. At home he says the oath and is later whisked away to the Green Lantern Corps home planet of Oa, where he meets and trains with Tomar-Re and Kilowog and Corps leader Sinestro, who believes he’s unfit and fearful, Jordan quits and returns to Earth, keeping the power ring and lantern.

Meanwhile, after being summoned by his father Senator Robert Hammond to a secret government facility, scientist Hector Hammond performs an autopsy on Abin Sur’s body. A piece of Parallax inside the corpse enters Hammond giving him telepathic and telekinetic powers at the cost of his sanity. After discovering that he was only chosen due to his father’s influence, Hammond attempts to kill his father by telekinetically sabotaging his helicopter at a party. Jordan saves the senator and the party guests, including his childhood sweetheart Carol Ferris. Shortly afterward, Hammond successfully kills his father by burning him alive before Jordan learns of Parallax coming to Earth. Back on Oa, the Guardians tell Sinestro that Parallax was once one of their own until he desired to control the yellow essence of fear, only to become the embodiment of fear itself. Believing the only means to fight fear is by fear itself, Sinestro requests that the Guardians forge a ring of the same yellow power, preparing to concede Earth’s destruction to Parallax in order to protect Oa. However, Jordan appears and reveals that fear will turn the users evil if it’s power is used so the Guardians reject Sinestro’s plan and Hal leaves to go save Earth. Upon returning to Earth, Jordan saves Ferris from Hammond. Parallax arrives, consumes Hector’s life force, and then wreaks havoc on Coast City. With new-found strength, Jordan lures Parallax away from Earth and toward the Sun, destroying Parallax. He loses consciousness after the battle and falls toward the sun, but is saved by Sinestro, Kilowog, and Tomar-Re. Later the entire Green Lantern Corps congratulates him for his bravery. Sinestro tells Jordan he now bears the responsibility of protecting his sector as a Green Lantern, and in the epilogue, Sinestro steals the yellow ring and places it on his finger, causing his green suit and eyes to change to yellow.

The Amazing Spider-Man

As a child, Peter Parker discovers his father Richard‘s study has been ransacked. His father gathers concealed documents before Peter’s parents take him to stay with his Aunt May and Uncle Ben. His parents leave, but are later killed in a plane crash.

As a teenager, Peter is a student at Midtown Science High School, where he is bullied by Flash Thompson, and is romantically interested in the beautiful Gwen Stacy, the daughter of police captain George Stacy. At home, Peter discovers his father’s documents, and learns he had been working with scientist Dr. Curt Connors at Oscorp to combine human and animal DNA to cure illnesses. Peter sneaks into Oscorp to meet Connors, who is pressured by his superior Dr. Ratha to complete his serum, and cure the terminally ill head of Oscorp Norman Osborn. Connors wants the cure himself to restore his missing arm. Meanwhile, Peter breaks into a lab where a “bio-cable”—a high strength strand of webbing—is created by genetically modified spiders, one of which bites him. During a subway ride home, a fight reveals that he has developed superhuman speed, strength, the ability to stick to surfaces, and a heightened sense of danger.

Peter finds an algorithm in his father’s documents and gives it to Connors−the missing key to his serum. In school, Peter damages school property during a confrontation with Flash and Ben is forced to work late so that he can pick up Peter. Ben tells Peter to escort May home that night. Peter ignores Ben in favor of helping Connors test their serum on a three-legged mouse. After he returns home, Peter argues with Ben about not picking up May. Ben then recounts Richard’s philosophy of responsibility to Peter, who only leaves in anger after pointing out the hypocrisy. At a grocery store, the clerk rudely refuses to let Peter buy a drink, and when a thief steals money from the register, Peter lets the thief escape. Ben, searching the streets for Peter, confronts the thief, but is shot and killed. Peter responds to the gunshot and finds Ben’s body. After seeing a police sketch of the suspect, Peter realizes it was the thief he let go.

Peter hunts the killer, taking out other criminals as a result and attracting police attention for his vigilante actions. During one confrontation he falls into an abandoned gym, where aluchador-wrestling poster inspires him to create a mask to hide his identity. He creates a costume for himself with a spandex suit, and builds wrist-mounted mechanical devices that shoot biocable strands. Peter, who, after going to Gwen’s house for a dinner “date” with her family, later reveals he is the vigilante to Gwen and they kiss.

Seeing that the test mouse has regrown its missing limb using lizard DNA, Ratha demands human trials begin immediately. Connors refuses to risk innocent lives and is fired. Desperate, Connors tests the serum on himself and his missing arm regenerates. He learns that Ratha is going to test the serum on human subjects and goes to stop him, but his body begins to mutate. By the time he finds Ratha on the Williamsburg Bridge Connors has transformed into a large Lizard-like creature, tossing cars, including Ratha’s, over the side of the bridge. Peter, now calling himself Spider-Man, manages to save Ratha and other civilians. Connors retreats into the sewer and reverts to human form.

Peter later meets Connors in his office and suspects he is the Lizard, and later unsuccessfully confronts Connors’ Lizard form in the sewers, leaving behind his camera. Connors learns Peter’s identity via the name on the camera and pursues him to Midtown Science High School where they fight. In response, the police start a manhunt for both Spider-Man and Lizard. Connors heads to Oscorp, intending to disperse his serum across the city and make everyone into lizards, while Gwen develops an antidote in Oscorp’s lab. The police corner Spider-Man and Captain Stacy discovers that he is Peter, but lets him escape to go save Gwen. With the help of the father of a boy he rescued earlier, Spider-Man reaches Oscorp in time. Spider-Man manages to replace Connors’ serum with the antidote, reverting Connors to human form, but not before Connors mortally wounds Captain Stacy. Spider-Man nearly falls to his death, but Connors saves him. Before his death, Captain Stacy makes Peter promise to stay away from Gwen for her safety. He initially keeps the promise, but later admits to Gwen that failed promises are the best kind, she responds to this with a smile.

In a post-credits scene, Connors, in a dark prison cell, is confronted by a man in the shadows who asks if Connors told Peter the truth about his father. Connors replies, “No”, and demands Peter be left alone before the man disappears.

After the most elaborate world wide prank in centuries played by the Mayans, We here at the movie dump are ready to get back to work watching them films.  But one of us is still holding out for the end of days, so we bring in a special guest and keep this train to fun town a movin’ by watch a movie about something that could really happen!  

Piranha 3D Review

Plot

Fisherman Matt Boyd (Richard Dreyfuss) is fishing in Lake Victoria, Arizona when a small earthquake hits, splitting the lake floor and causing a whirlpool. Boyd falls in and is ripped apart by a school of piranhas that emerge from the chasm and ascend the vortex.

Jake Forester (Steven R. McQueen) is admiring attractive tourists as spring break begins. He reunites with his old crush, Kelly (Jessica Szohr) and meets Derrick Jones (Jerry O’Connell), an eccentric pornographer, as well as Danni Arslow (Kelly Brook), one of his actresses. Derrick convinces Jake to show him good spots on the lake for filming a pornographic movie. That night, Jake’s mother, Sheriff Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue), searches for the missing Matt Boyd with Deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames). They find his mutilated body and contemplate closing the lake, however this is made difficult by two thousand partying college students on spring break who are important for bringing revenue to the small town. The next morning, a lone cliff diver is attacked and consumed by the marauding fish.

Jake bribes his sister and brother, Laura (Brooklynn Proulx) and Zane (Sage Ryan), to stay home alone so that he can show Derrick around the lake. After Jake leaves, Zane drafts Laura to go fishing on a small sandbar island. They forget to tie the boat down and are stranded in the middle of the lake. Meanwhile, Jake goes to meet with Derrick and runs into Kelly, who invites herself onto Derrick’s boat, The Barracuda. Jake meets Crystal Shepard (Riley Steele), another of Derrick’s actresses, and cameraman Andrew Cunningham (Paul Scheer).

Julie takes a team of seismologist divers — Novak (Adam Scott), Sam (Ricardo Chavira), and Paula (Dina Meyer) — to the fissure. Novak speculates that the rift leads to a buried prehistoric lake. Paula and Sam scuba dive to the bottom and discover a large cavern filled with large piranha egg stocks. Both are killed by the piranhas before they can alert the others to the discovery. Novak and Julie find Paula’s corpse and pull it onto the boat, capturing a lone piranha, which they take to Carl Goodman (Christopher Lloyd), a marine biologist who works as a pet store owner. He explains that it is a super-aggressive prehistoric species, long believed to be extinct.

Julie, Novak, Fallon, and Deputy Taylor Roberts (Jason Spisak) try to evacuate the lake, but their warnings are ignored until the piranhas begin to attack the tourists. Novak boards a jet-ski with a shotgun to help while Fallon drags people to shore and Julie and Taylor try to get swimmers into the police boat. A floating stage capsizes from the weight of the panicking guests, pulling a electric wire which mutilates few tourists. Almost everyone in the lake is either wounded or killed by the piranhas or panicking guests that were recklessly driving their speed boats.

Meanwhile, Jake spots Laura and Zane on the island, and forces Derrick to rescue them. Derrick crashes the boat into some rocks, flooding the rooms below deck. Kelly is trapped in the kitchen while Derrick, Crystal and Drew fall overboard due to the impact of the collision. Crystal is devoured and Drew is presumambly killed. Meanwhile, Danni manages to get a partially eaten Derrick back on board.

Deputy Fallon makes a last stand, taking a boat motor and using its propellor to shred and kill many piranhas. After the chaos settles, Julie receives a call from Jake pleading for help. Julie and Novak steal a speed boat and head off towards the kids. Julie and Novak reach Jake and attach a rope to his boat. Julie, Danni, Laura, and Zane start crossing the rope, but the piranhas latch onto Danni’s hair and ultimately devour her. The others make it to safety, but the rope comes loose. Using Derrick’s corpse as a distraction, Jake ties the line to himself and goes to save Kelly. He ties Kelly to him and lights a flare after releasing the gas in a pair of stored propane tanks. Novak starts the boat and speeds away just as the piranhas surround Kelly and Jake. They are dragged to safety and the propane tanks explode, destroying the boat and killing most of the piranhas.

Mr. Goodman calls Julie on the radio, and Julie tells him that they seem to have killed the majority of the piranhas. Terrified, Goodman tells her that the reproductive glands on the piranha they obtained were not mature, which means that the fish they were fighting were only the babies. As Novak wonders aloud where the parents are, a human sized piranha leaps out and knocks him into the water.

It’s game night here at the Movie Dump and Nic brought along one of his all time favorites, “Battleship.” Aw yes the good old class board game that pits man against misunderstood alien in the epic aquatic battle that can only be matched by the late great  H.G. Wells’ “The War of the World.”    Only a game this powerful can withstand the sheer awesomeness of a Vampire, a sadomasochistic R&B singer, and the leader  of the League of Assassins… who is also a fother mucking JEDI! So B4 you listen to this review C2 it that you are fully ready for the ass kicking tsunami of greatness that is “Battleship.”

Battleship Review

Plot

NASA discovers an extrasolar planet, called Planet-G by humans, with conditions similar to Earth and transmits a powerful signal from a communications array in Hawaii. Meanwhile slacker Alex Hopper gets arrested while attempting to impress Samantha Shane, daughter of U.S. Pacific Fleet commander Admiral Terrance Shane. Stone Hopper, Alex’s older brother and a Commander under Terrance, is infuriated at Alex’s lack of motivation and forces Alex to join him in the U.S. Navy. By 2012, Alex is a lieutenant aboard the Arleigh Burke class destroyer USS John Paul Jones, while Stone is the commanding officer of USS Sampson. Alex is in a relationship with Samantha and due to disciplinary problems is in danger of being discharged from the Navy. Their ships, along with others from around the world, are taking part in the biennial Rim of the Pacific Exercise (RIMPAC) in Hawaii.

During the training exercise five alien spacecraft arrive in response to the NASA signal. Their communications ship crashes in Hong Kong, while four others land in the water near Hawaii. The Chinese determine the craft uses an element not known on the Periodic table, suggesting they come from either a different part of the galaxy, or another galaxy altogether. 

Sampson, John Paul Jones, and theJMSDF Kongō class destroyer Myōkō investigate, but are trapped when the alien mothership erects a tower that creates a force fieldover and around the Hawaiian islands having an altitude of three hundred thousand feet and a depth of two nautical miles. After shots are fired the aliens destroy Sampson and Myōkō, and damage John Paul Jones, killing the commanding and executive officers. Alex takes command as the most senior officer left on the ship, while also learning that Stone was killed on the Sampson. The John Paul Jones recovers survivors from Myōkō, including Captain Nagata, whom Alex is in a rivalry with.

Meanwhile the aliens have taken over the communications array on O’ahu. Nearby, Samantha, a physiotherapist, is accompanying retired U.S. Army veteran and double amputee Mick Canales on a hike to help him adapt to his prosthetic legs. They meet scientist Cal Zapata, who is fleeing from the array. Zapata informs them that the aliens are likely planning to bounce a signal to their home planet offNASA’s Project Beacon satellite, but the satellite will not be in range for another five hours. Zapata then agrees to retrieve a radio that will allow Samantha and Mick to contact the John Paul Jones and relay this information.

Back on the John Paul Jones, the crew faces difficulty because the alien force field has disabled radar functions. Nagata suggests using the tsunami warning buoys around Hawaii to track the aliens, and as their ship monitors the NOAA buoy technology the surge of the advancing alien ships generates detectable wave action. During a night battle, the aliens and the humans exchange shots in a manner reminiscent of the “Battleship” board game. 

The John Paul Jones sinks two alien ships but is unable to hit the third. Alex had learned from crew mate Jimmy Ord that the aliens were sensitive to sunlight after they had captured one, and decides to lure the third alien vessel close to shore, where he and Nagata shoot out its bridge windows as the sunrise blinds the aliens. In the ensuing battle, both ships are destroyed.

Fearing the aliens are contacting a larger invasion fleet, Alex needs to destroy the alien mothership and tower next. But since his ship has been destroyed the survivors are forced to return to base and acquire the only remaining naval vessel, the USS Missouri. Although decommissioned and turned into a museum ship, they are able to reactivate it with the aid of the retired veterans preserving her. The battleship evades the alien ship’s gunfire and destroys the force field it was maintaining. Alex uses the last shell to destroy the communications array on the island, leaving the Missouri defenseless. However, with the force field barrier down, jet fighters from the RIMPAC fleet arrive and eliminate the last alien vessel’s sole remaining cannon, destroying the vessel. A ceremony is held to honor the Navy personnel and Alex accepts both a posthumous Navy Cross on his brother’s behalf and a Silver Star for his own actions, as well as a promotion to the rank of Lieutenant commander.

After the ceremony, Alex asks Admiral Shane for his daughter’s hand in marriage. The Admiral initially refuses but invites Alex to lunch to discuss the matter.

A post-credits scene in Scotland shows three schoolchildren and a handyman running off in terror as an alien hand reaches out of an object they have just broken open.

ThanksKilling 3 Review

Plot

Fowl-mouthed villain Turkie carves through the likes of a rapping grandma, a mindless puppet, a wig-wearing inventor, a bisexual space worm, and their equally ridiculous friends on his quest to recover the last copy of “ThanksKilling 2”.

Condorman Review

Plot

Woodrow “Woody” Wilkins (Michael Crawford) is an imaginative, yet eccentric, comic book writer and illustrator who demands a sense of realism for his comic book hero “Condorman”, to the point where he crafts a Condorman flying suit of his own and launches himself off the Eiffel Tower. The test flight fails as his right wing breaks, sending him crashing into the Seine River. Later after the incident, Woody is asked by his friend, CIA file clerk Harry (James Hampton), to perform what appears to be a civilian paper swap in Istanbul. Upon arriving in Istanbul, he meets a beautiful Russian named Natalia Rambova (Barbara Carrera), who poses as the Russian civilian with whom the exchange is supposed to take place, but it is later revealed that she is in fact a KGB spy. Woody does not tell Natalia his real name, and instead fabricates his identity to her as a top American agent code-named “Condorman”. During the encounter, Woody fends off a group of would-be assassins and saves her life by sheer luck before accomplishing the paper trade. Impressed by Woody, and disgusted by how she was treated by her lover/boss Krokov (Oliver Reed) when she returns to Moscow, Natalia decides to defect and asks the CIA to have “Condorman” be the agent that helps her.

Back in Paris, Woody’s encounter with Natalia inspires him to create a super heroine patterned after her named “Laser Lady”. He is then notified by Harry and his boss Russ (Dana Elcar) that he is to escort a defecting Soviet agent known as the “Bear”. Woody refuses to do the job, but when Russ reveals that the “Bear” is Natalia, he agrees to do it on the condition that the CIA provides him with gadgetry based on his designs.

Woody meets up with Natalia in Yugoslavia and protects her from Krokov’s henchmen led by the homicidal, glass-eyed assassin Morovich (Jean-Pierre Kalfon). After joining Harry in Italy, the trio venture to Switzerland, where Natalia discovers the truth about Woody when a group of children recognize her from his comic books. Their journey back to France is compromised when Morovich puts Woody and Harry out of commission and Krokov’s men recover Natalia before retreating to their headquarters in Monte Carlo. Woody is told that the mission is a failure and he and Harry are ordered to return to Paris, but he asks for two more days to conduct an operation to rescue Natalia.

Disguising themselves as Arab sheiks, Woody and Harry create a diversion at the Monte Carlo Casino to recover Natalia from Krokov and his men. As Harry drives away in a Rolls-Royce, Woody uses an improved version of his Condorman suit to fly himself and Natalia out of the casino and into the pier, where the trio make their getaway aboard the Condorboat. They manage to destroy Krokov’s speedboats following them, but Krokov and Morovich pursue them in their own speedboat. The Condorboat reaches its pick-up point, but Morovich shows his intent on ramming it.  When Morovich ignores his commander’s orders to return to base, Krokov abandons ship. The Condorboat is lifted by the CIA helicopter in time to prevent a collision, causing Morovich to crash on an island rock.

Days later, Woody, Natalia and Harry are at Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles, where they see the Goodyear Blimp flash a sign welcoming Natalia to the U.S. Aboard the blimp, Russ contacts Harry and has him ask Woody if he is interested in taking Condorman to another assignment.

After the success of the historically accurate book turn film “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter,” we here at the movie dump went on our own hunt in search of other former Commander and Chiefs’ battles with the supernatural.  Sure there was John Adams and his scuffle with the Merpeople after the Boston tea party incident poisoned the water they lived in.  Or even Martin Van Buren who saved the people of the southern states from the Cherokee and Chickasaw skin walkers by banishing them to far off lands. But when we heard that Franklin Delano Roosevelt, fueled with vengeance, fought Werewolf Nazis after being bitten on the leg by one, resulting in him contracting Polio, (Yes kiddies, you read that right, FDR contracted Polio from a werewolf bite) we knew boys and girls we found the next great tail baiting monster against past leaders of the free world.  But will this cinematic marvel rise to great heights, standing tall and proud as it proves its naysayers wrong? Or will it fall flat on it’s face do to the lack of vigor and vitality in it’s proverbial legs?   Find out, as we review “FDR American Badass!”

FDR American Badass Review

Plot

After contracting polio from a venomous werewolf bite, FDR won’t stop at single-handedly ending the Great Depression and Prohibition. With the help of a team of historic figures, he must end WWII by exacting revenge on an army of Nazi-werewolves from the comfort of his Albert Einstein-designed wheelchair of death. An outrageous, over-the-top spoof, FDR: American Badass! is the untold true story of our country’s greatest monster-hunting president!

In this short but oh so sweet episode of The Movie Dump we take a look at the reboot of the old The Munsters TV show! After complete time mismanagement, we discover that we don’t have enough time to check out a full length movie. We also delve into the twisted psyche of Ben for a moment and reveal an interesting tidbit that you guys may or may not be able to use as blackmale to get money or candy from him! Will this tv pilot take us back to the glory days of monsterous tv families or will it just turn into another cheap dollar store halloween costume? Find out as we review the Mockingbird Lane Pilot!

Mockingbird Lane pilot Review 

Apparently NBC has passed on picking the show up, and we here at The Movie Dump think that this might have been a little hasty.  It wasn’t the best pilot out there but it was far from being the worst and totally deserves a second chance.  We know some people are way too eager to poo poo any form of reboots whether it be film or television, but we urge you not to jump on the trolling bandwagon, instead give these retellings a chance to defend their lives before you join the ranks of the pitchfork wielding mobs out to kill them.  

 So please check this pilot or “Halloween Special” out with an open and clear mind. Because a lot of people put their heart and soul into this project and they deserve a non-tainted, non-bias review of their work.

…..plus Eddie Izzard kicks ass as Grandpa!