If two teams play a football game on Monday night and nobody watches, did they really play?
Seriously. In a matchup between the ultra-dramatic baseball playoffs and New York Giants 31, Atlanta Falcons 10, the only reason to choose football was if your fantasy game depended on it.
Hopefully you didn't have Joey Harrington (because if you did, you'd be an idiot).
But since this is a football column, a few notes:
1. Look at it this way, Atlanta fans: you'll have an entire summer of Brian Brohm/Bobby Petrino reunion stories to get you pumped up for next year. (Neither the Rams or Dolphins would take him No. 1.)
2. Somebody is going to get a good TE on the cheap when Alge Crumpler gets cut this summer.
3. The rest of the Giants' schedule: San Francisco, @Miami, Bye, Dallas, @Detroit, Minnesota, @Chicago, @Philadelphia, Washington, @Buffalo, New England.
The Dallas home game and Bears/Eagles/Redskins back-to-back-to-back will be a challenge, but I don't see any way this team finishes with fewer than 10 wins and a chance at playoff redemption for Eli Manning.
4. Where are the "Maybe I was the problem, after all" quotes from Tiki Barber? Did they kick him off TV already? Or is he just busy talking about celebrity alcoholics during the fourth hour of the "Today Show?"
5. Even injured, this is the best Plaxico Burress we've ever seen.
Fantasy Impact: Jerious Norwood should be getting a minimum of 20 touches per game — not counting kick returns. Petrino is a smart guy. He'll figure it out.
New England 48, Dallas 27: Everything has already been written about this game, so a piece of advice for all aspiring bar owners:
Sports trivia is good.
Sports trivia with a paper football kicking contest as the tie-breaker is better.
Sports trivia with a paper football kicking contest as the tie-breaker with a professional-quality goal post and the owner promising you free drinks if you can beat him ... well, that's just fantastic.
Also, Sunday Ticket, shuffle board, Golden Tee Live 2008, and $50 beer pong tournaments on Wednesdays, if you care about those kinds of things.
So if you happen to be traveling Highway 40 through St. Charles County, Missouri, get off the Highway N exit (Exit 4). Place is called Buckets, on the corner of N and South Henke. Go in and tell them Seth sent you. They'll have no idea what you're talking about. Order a drink and have a good time.
Fantasy Impact: Let me interrupt this good-times roll with a sobering note for Patriots fans going into Week 7: Tom Brady stinks in Miami.
Nobody needs to tell me how great Brady is. I've been a Pats diehard since Steve Grogan. I am well capable of understanding the magnitude of Brady's historic performance through the first six weeks. And I know the 6-0 Pats and 0-6 Dolphins are about as far away on the power spectrum as two teams can get from one another. But none of that changes the fact Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas own Brady.
His career starts in Miami:
2006: 21-0 loss; Corey Dillon had more yards running, 79, than Brady did passing, 78. No TD or INT
2005: 23-16 win; 21-of-36 for 275, 2 TD and 2 INT
2004: 29-28 loss; Pats were 12-1, Miami 2-11; Brady went 18-of-29 for 171, 3 TD and 4 INT
2003: 19-13 win in overtime as Olindo Mare missed two game-winning kicks off the dirt; Brady had 200 yards passing and one TD before an 82-yarder to Troy Brown for the win
2002: 26-13 loss; 17-of-31 for 240, 2 TD and 2 INT
2001: 30-10 loss; 12-of-24 for 86 yards
In the six games at Miami, Brady is 2-4 with 8 TD and 7 INT. He's been sacked 16 times and fumbled 7 times, losing 4. This is his house of horrors. Taylor and Thomas are his boogeymen.
I'm not saying the Pats are going to lose in Miami this Sunday (he's never had Randy Moss, Donte Stallworth, and Wes Welker before), but they're damn sure not going to be my Survivor League pick.
(Washington at home over Arizona.)
Green Bay 17, Washington 14: Do not be surprised when these two teams rematch in the playoffs a few months from now. The Redskins defense held the Packers to just 225 yards total offense, and only 56 rushing. The Packers stuffed the Redskins' playmakers (Clinton Portis with 64 yards on 20 carries, Antwaan Randle El 2 catches for 30 yards, and Santana Moss no catches and one disastrous fumble returned for a touchdown).
With that said, both teams deserved to lose this game. Green Bay rookie kicker Mason Crosby had his first terrible day as a pro, missing two critical field goals. And Washington for the second time this year mangled a fourth quarter from the sidelines, essentially giving away the game. Their last two drives were straight out of the Marty Schottenheimer Playoffs Choke Cookbook. And it should be a concern for Redskins fans, who could have had an undefeated team right now.
Fantasy Impact: This is the week to try and pry away Santana Moss on the cheap. If you have him, hold on. If you don't, make a play. I've got a feeling he's going to break out big against the Cards next week.
Minnesota 34, Chicago 31: Didn't this Bears defense used to be good?
Fantasy Impact: I've been dogging on Chester Taylor all year, but he showed signs of his former self on Sunday with 22 carries for 83 yards. Of course Adrian Peterson is by far the best RB on the team (or division, or conference, or east of San Diego), but Taylor is an admirable fill-in, especially if the Vikings are going to run the ball 43 times per game.
On that note, I'm not at all against the time sharing agreement. Everybody seems to want head coach Brad Childress to give Peterson the ball 40 times per game. But if he did, they'd criticize him for running the guy into the ground (Herm Edwards with Larry Johnson as the most recent example). You can't have it both ways. Childress is doing the right thing.
New Orleans 28, Seattle 17: Two questions:
1. Other than riding Reggie White and Brett Favre to a Super Bowl, has Mike Holmgren ever done anything to deserve being called a good head coach?
2. What's the difference between Matt Hasselbeck and Rex Grossman?
Fantasy Impact: Drew Brees finally looked good. Reggie Bush finally looked good. The Saints offensive line finally looked good. Now all New Orleans needs is for their two best WRs, Marques Colston and Devery Henderson, to stop acting like Darrell Jackson and CATCH THE FREAKING BALL, MARY!
Tampa Bay 13, Tennessee 10: It's not often you see a team with a 3:1 rush yardage ratio and 15 minutes advantage in time of possession lose, but that's what happened to Tennessee, forced to ride Kerry Collins once Vince Young left the game with a quad injury.
Fantasy Impact: It's not really a fantasy note, but you have to be impressed with Tampa's ability to keep Jeff Garcia on his feet. The Titans didn't record a single sack, allowing Garcia to put up a very decent 274 yards passing (20 of 31) with one touchdown and no interceptions. Against a D-line with Kyle Vanden Bosch and Albert "Please Don't Stomp On My Face" Haynesworth, that's pretty impressive.
(Remember when he did that? That was great.)
Also, if Young isn't ready to go, the Titans are toast at Houston next week.
San Diego 28, Oakland 14: I cannot believe LaMont Jordan, with a bad back, played the entire game, rushing 18 times for 42 yards (2.3 average), plus 6 receptions for 46 yards, while Dominic Rhodes, fresh from a four-week DUI suspension, got just one carry that was called back on a Robert Gallery holding penalty. I'm not saying Rhodes would have made the difference against what is suddenly a re-invigorated Chargers defense, but that's a big weapon to leave in the holster on the road against a division rival. Lane Kiffin needs to do a much better job of mixing Rhodes in next week at home against Kansas City.
Fantasy Impact: The Raiders defense can't stop the run (5.6 per rush attempt, worst in the league) or put pressure on the opposing quarterback (only 7 sacks, 27th in the NFL).
On a related note, the Raiders' next five opponents are KC (Larry Johnson, Tony Gonzalez), Tennessee (Vince Young, LenDale White), Houston (Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson), Chicago (Brian Griese, Cedric Benson), and Minnesota (Adrian Peterson, Chester Taylor).
Cleveland 41, Miami 31: Five points:
1. The best way I can describe Cleo Lemon (24-of-43, 256 yards passing, 2 TD, 2 INT; 2 rush TDs) is to say he's a stronger, more athletic version of Jay Fiedler. That's not bad.
(And can writers please stop referring to him as "some guy named Cleo Lemon?" He's got an unusual name for an NFL player. It was funny for the first week. Get over it.)
2. Derek Anderson is legit (18-of-25, 245 yards passing, 3 TD; 1 rush TD), but let's not forget to give a little love to offensive coordinator Rob Chudzinski. The Browns offense has come a looooooooong way since the Maurice Carthon disaster of 2006.
3. The Dolphins need to get Ted Ginn more involved.
4. Joey Porter wasn't worth $20 million in guaranteed money. Between this, the Drew Brees/Daunte Culpepper and Culpepper/Trent Green misfires, you have to seriously wonder about Miami GM Randy Mueller's decision making.
(I didn't mind Ginn over Brady Quinn as much as many, but that also qualifies as a head-scratcher.)
5. The four most prolific QB-WR scoring tandems in the NFL: Brady to Moss (8), Manning to Burress (8), Carson Palmer to T.J. Houshmandzadeh (7), and Anderson to Braylon Edwards (7).
And the Indians are going to face the Rockies in the World Series. Cleveland rocks.
Fantasy Impact: The Browns are off next week, so it's a bit early, but Phil Dawson is a quality pickup for Weeks 8 (@St. Louis) and 9 (Seattle).
Baltimore 22, St. Louis 3: The Rams are chum.
(Chum: A mixture of fish parts and blood, dumped into the water to attract predator fish, such as sharks.)
Fantasy Impact: Medic!
Carolina 25, Arizona 10: Can we bring Ron Jaworski back to play? I was too young to really enjoy his heyday. How about Fran Tarkenton? What's he doing? Sammy Baugh? Sonny Jurgensen? Y.A. Tittle?
Also, Arizona's leading tackler was Monty Beisel, the worst signing (tie with Dwayne Starks) in the Bill Belichick/Scott Pioli era in New England. That's not a good sign.
Fantasy Impact: If I had to build a team from scratch, I would pick Steve Smith as my first wide receiver. He doesn't have the size of a Moss, Terrell Owens, or Chad Johnson, but he is by far the toughest receiver out there. I just love watching the guy play.
Also, Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald owners are screwed if it's Tim Rattay long-term.
Kansas City 27, Cincinnati 20: Funniest headline on Monday: "Dusty Baker wants to restore winning aura to Reds."
HA!
Not only is this great because it dooms the Reds to at least four years of losing baseball, it eliminates Nightmare Scenario Number 3 from the St. Louis Cardinals offseason. (Number 1 is Larry Bowa, followed by Jimy Williams.)
Fantasy Impact: Just a note to keep in mind: We're two weeks away from the return of Chris Henry for the Bengals. This team is going to blow up in the second half. (That's a good thing.) If you can pry Carson Palmer away now, you will be doing yourself a great service. I'm telling you — these guys are going to be in the playoff conversation come Thanksgiving.
Also, the Chiefs just traded Michael Bennett to Tampa, which means Priest Holmes is days away from a return to action. Pick him up now.
Jacksonville 37, Houston 17: I'm about to the point of admitting I was completely wrong about Jack Del Rio's handling of the David Garrard/Byron Leftwich situation. I'm not completely there yet, if only because of pride, but the Jags are playing as one dominant team, not the talented-but-fractured bunch that's been the trademark of Del Rio's tenure. I cannot wait for next Monday night, when they host the Colts.
Fantasy Impact: Do not make any judgment based on Matt Schaub's recent struggles. He's going to be a completely different guy once Andre Johnson returns. If somebody in your league panics on Schaub, don't hesitate to pick up the pieces.
Philadelphia 16, NY Jets 9: Down by a touchdown at home, on the Philly four with 2nd-and-1 and under five minutes left:
Thomas Jones stuffed for nothing.
Chad Pennington stuffed for nothing.
Incomplete to Laveranues Coles. Turnover on downs. They never got the ball back.
When you can't score that touchdown at home, you're a bad team. That's all there is to it.
(Another sign you're a bad team: Allowing the other guys to convert 9-of-16 third-down attempts.)
Fantasy Impact: It was nice to see Jones finally put up some production with 24 carries for 130 yards, but I still say this offense needs to add a lot more Leon.
Seth Doria is a freelance writer based out of St. Louis. For the only daily column that mixes sports, politics, and entertainment news in one, visit The Left Calf.
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