Since they last won the World Series in 2000, the New York Yankees have spent $1 billion on players who, in the grand scheme of things, delivered nothing but headline material for the New York Post and proved that while you can sometimes buy competitiveness, you can never buy a championship.
You can never buy a championship, though the Yankees will definitely try, and now it seems, so will the Chicago Cubs.
Having tried everything else, and with the countdown on until 2008 when it will have literally been, "like, 100 years," since the Lovable Losers actually won a World Series, the North Side is coming over to the Dark Side, and there doesn't seem to be any way to stop them.
First, it was a hefty deal for Lou Pinella, which I've already stated was a huge mistake.
It took $10 million to bring in the Grumpy Old Man, and another $75 just to keep his best offensive player, Aramis Ramirez, from bolting town.
Then suddenly, the team's expenditures suddenly took on a very Oprah Winfrey-like quality.
And just as if general manager Oprah, er, Jim Hendry was leaping up and down screaming, "You get a car! You get a car!" the Cubbies spent another $136 million to reel in Alfonso Soriano.
It was $40 million more for Ted Lilly, who, for those that don't remember, punched his last coach (what are the chances he'll want to punch this one?), $1.5 to roll the dice on Wade Miller, and $13.3 million for Mark DeRosa, who while clutch for my fantasy team, is the quintessential career utility player.
Jason Marquis will get over $20 million, and they still have at least one outfield spot to take care of, which means Cliff Floyd will be getting a long, hard look.
When all is said and done, the Cubs will have spent close to $300 million on more than five free agents, some of whom they will be paying long after their centennial of futility.
And if Tribune Co. breaks its sizable bank trying to make the Cubs winners, and goes six years or more without doing that as the Yankees have, it will be a double loss.
Then again, they've tried everything else. Over the last century, the Cubs have lost in just about every way possible, at times stopping to introduce completely undiscovered ways of losing into the realm of possibility.
But they've never tried something quite like this, and maybe it's just this sort of, "Can't beat 'em, join 'em," attitude that will finally get them over the hump.
Yeah, sure.
This situation reminds me of the guy with very little to offer approaching an extremely beautiful woman. He knows he's got almost no chance, but if he's smart, he also knows the only way he's got any chance is to put it out there.
That's what the Cubs are doing. They're making a last-ditch effort and getting in the game. They're putting it out there, for better or worse.
And while I'm not sure even the inspirational words of Tony Robbins can get this franchise to "Awaken the Giant Within," the man makes a very, very good point: if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
For more from Aaron Miller, visit GrandstandAdmissions.com.
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