• Are you staying away from foods on your What NOT To Eat list?
• Have you upgraded your weekly exercise program to burn more calories?
• Have you added some lifestyle exercise to your everyday life?

This week I’ll be focusing on something that made a significant difference when I lost more than 20 pounds – the same 20 pounds I’d been trying to lose for decades.

I got more sleep.

You’ve probably heard of research findings that lack of sleep is related to obesity.

It’s not hard to see why.

When I don’t get enough sleep:

• I feel too tired to make myself do micro-exercise
• I do my planned workouts half-hardheartedly, or make exercise excuses and avoid them altogether
• I crave junk food, give in to mindless eating, and let my good diet habits go out the window.

When I do get enough sleep I’m less vulnerable to cravings, I exercise better, and I move more.

How I’ll Sleep Better

But lately I’ve fallen into poor sleeping habits.

So this week I’ll focus on:

• Drinking less coffee (oh this is hard for me!). I’ll aim for a maximum of three shots per day and switch to decaf (*sulk*) after 2pm.
• Getting to bed earlier. I don’t like going to bed (it’s the child in me). I’ll save my daily cryptic crossword till then, so I’ll have something to entice myself to bed with.
• Starting a meditation class. I’m hoping to learn techniques for calming my monkey mind. More like an entire cage of monkeys sometimes.

How Will You Sleep Better?

Your turn.

What will you do to sleep more and/or sleep better this week?

You could:

• Come up with a relaxing evening ritual
• Change your bedtime routine
• Make your bedroom more sleep-friendly
• Find ways to reduce stress
• Learn some time management strategies so you can get to bed earlier or sleep later.

BONUS for 52 Weight Loss Missions Customers

Review Mission 31: Sleep More, Weigh Less for strategies to help you:

• Make more time for sleep
• Improve the quality of your sleep.

So… what will you choose for this week?

Leave a comment below (or here if you’re reading this in an email or reader) to say what you’re doing for this week’s Weight-Loss Action Challenge, or just to check in.

See you next week!

What do you think happened?

Did I discover newfound joys of tofu treats? Did I revel in the thrill of a blood-chocolate level below the legal limit?

No. I most certainly did not.

Instead, I became obsessed with the things I was trying to deny myself.

People’s heads began to resemble chocolate bars. Foods I could previously eat in moderation suddenly became as compelling as a skin-tight, low-cut, leopard-print mini to a Kardashian. I ate way more of these foods than I usually do.

And I promptly gained 6 pounds.

What the hell happened?

Suppressing Thoughts Of Chocolate

I really should have known better, as I’ve been through this before.

As a psych student I’d had to complete a behavior-modification project involving learning theory (you know, that positive reinforcement stuff). I chose to reduce my chocolate intake. The idea was to reduce my chocolate consumption over several weeks, rewarding myself along the way for this behavior change.

But instead of the results I expected, pretty soon my chocolate-related behavior became disturbing (um, rampant). My data made no sense from a learning-theory perspective.

So I went to see my lecturer. Being cool and smart, she suggested I undertake a different assignment – to make sense of my data using other psychological theory and research.

Writing that make-up paper blew my chocolate-obsessed mind.

I discovered that denial and deprivation are super-powers. Far greater than self-discipline and motivation. Able to leap regular willpower in a massive, single bound.

For example, one study showed that when people were asked to not think about chocolate, they ate more chocolate. (They didn’t know their chocolate intake was being measured.) Why?

First, not thinking about something is hard. Don’t think about Borat in a mankini. See?

Second, the act of thought-suppression is also mentally exhausting. You’re left with depleted willpower resources for resisting what you don’t want to do.

Third, like a pool noodle held underwater, suppressed thoughts are poised to resurface with a vengeance as soon as you stop trying to hold them down.

It all adds up to a potent psychological cocktail of self-sabotage.

Catholic Girls And Forbidden Fruit

To be honest, I suspected the counterproductive superpower of self-denial long before my failed learning theory assignment.

Thirteen years of Catholic girls’ school taught me that nothing is so appealing, so irresistible, as the thing you shouldn’t have.

The forbidden fruit may not always taste the sweetest, but it’s the one that makes your mouth water most.

And just quietly, it also has the highest cost in Our Fathers and Hail Marys.

The Good-Girl-Bad-Girl Diet Dilemma

Psych papers and confession penance aside, here’s how I now think of self-denial.

It’s as though you have a pair of twins living in your head. They always stick together. You cannot have one without the other.

When you try to resist something, you summon the good twin – she helps you to cut out alcohol, avoid carbs, abstain from pepperoni pizza.

But beware. The bad twin is right there with the good one, going wherever she goes, reversing everything she does. And unfortunately the bad twin is more powerful. Not only does she cancel out the good twin’s efforts, she overcompensates and does more damage. You start out out trying to eat less chocolate and end up eating more!

Leaving you bewildered by your apparently feeble self-control. Your lack of willpower.

Not Everyone Gets It

I don’t think everyone suffers from this problem.

Some diet and fitness gurus for instance seem to find it incomprehensible that a person could want to not eat something and yet eat it anyway.

Where is your motivation they chastise. Don’t you want to lose weight they admonish. Put down that donut and eat your celery sticks, they chide. 

Perhaps they didn’t go to Catholic school. Perhaps they haven’t developed interesting food issues like many people (women?) have. Perhaps their twins were separated at birth. Perhaps they talk the talk but secretly binge on Big Macs and Tim Tams every night. Who knows.

What I do know is that every real person I’ve ever discussed weight and food with (hundreds, as research for my weight-loss program) is confounded by the good-girl-bad-girl diet dance.

Overcoming The Good-Girl-Bad-Girl Diet Dilemma

So what’s the solution?

There’s only one way to deal with the good-girl-bad-girl twins: don’t play with either one. Avoid eye contact. Do not engage.

How do you apply this to dieting?

Well for a start, don’t ever diet. Putting yourself on any form of denial- or deprivation-based eating regime is a fantastic way to get both twins wasting your willpower. And making you feel demoralized. 

Instead, aim to eat well most of the time, take steps to avoid overeating, and splurge strategically:

• If there’s a bad-girl food you love, then have it, but only when you really want it. Save your calories for when they really matter.
• If there’s a bad-girl food you can take or leave, then always leave it. Save your calories for the really good stuff.

I don’t think there’s any other way. You can’t have good girl without bad girl. They’re a twin set.

Note:

In this post I’ve used ‘girl’ for simplicity, as most of my readers/customers/commenters are female. I do hope this isn’t off-putting to my male readers. I value you guys just as much, but I don’t know how to convey the idea gender-neutrally. Good-girl/boy-bad-girl/boy is cumbersome and good-person-bad-person lacks the connotation I want.

What’s Your Take On The Good-Girl-Bad-Girl Diet Dilemma?

Do you relate to the good-girl-bad-girl diet dilemma?

Do you eat more or overcompensate when you try to diet?

Have you found a good way to deal with this challenge?

I’d love to know what you think!

Now that you’re seriously on a healthier path, you’re going to have to make some sacrifices. For instance: No more eating out.

Just kidding!

Of course you can have a healthy weight-loss goal and also a fun life – one that includes eating out!

You simply need to have a few tricks up your sleeve for navigating the menu, the ordering process and the dessert cart.

In this mission we’ll set you up to enjoy eating out while staying true to your weight-loss goal. And I’ll share some of my favorite strategies for planning ahead and ordering strategically.

Plan Ahead

If you’ll be eating out, here are 8 strategies for planning ahead so you can enjoy yourself while making goal-friendly choices.

1. If you’re not confident about choosing well on the spot, then call the restaurant in advance. Explain that you’re looking for options that are lower in calories, and ask for advice on what to choose. There’s no need to apologize, over-explain, or feel intimidated.
2. Do this regularly and over time you’ll learn how to order with confidence. You’ll recognize choices that are goal-friendly, while also satisfying your taste buds and your sense of having a nice time out.
3. If you have a say in the choice of restaurant, steer clear of buffets and all-you-can eat places. In these restaurants, the path of least resistance tends to be the plate of most food.
4. Once you find a restaurant that offers goal-friendly choices or is happy to cater to your preferences, reward them with more of your business. When you dine out with friends, suggest your goal-friendly places.
5. Look up restaurant menus online so you can plan your choices beforehand.
6. Remember Mission 13: Splurge Strategically, and be prepared to make sacrifices wherever they don’t much matter to you. If you could take it or leave it – bread, dessert, sauces, dressings, alcohol – then leave it. Enjoy what you truly enjoy.
7. Eat lighter earlier in the day if you know you’ll be dining out later. But…
8. Don’t dine out ravenous – extreme hunger will trounce good intentions every time. Take the edge off your hunger with a goal-friendly snack before you head out. Good pre-eating-out choices include chicken or turkey breast slices, low-fat yoghurt, or an apple and a few almonds.

Hint: Plan ahead for holidays and conferences too

If you’ll be staying away from home, call the hotel in advance to suss out your goal-friendly options. Get advice about lower-calorie choices in their restaurants, room service, and local eateries.

Key Tip: Write Off The Cost

As we talked about in Mission 14: Stop Overeating, it’s a mistake to eat more than you want in order to get your money’s worth.

If you’ve had enough and your plate is still half-full, that’s fine. You’ve enjoyed the company, ambiance, and chance to go out and have fun. That’s what you paid for – and hasn’t it been money well spent? The actual food is the least of what you’ve paid for, so only eat what you want and forget about the rest.

 It’s far more of a waste to store it on your body than in the restaurant bin.

Order Strategically

The secret to ordering strategically is to make the easy sacrifices, not the hard ones.

Depriving yourself of something you really want can be counter-productive and lead to bingeing later. So unless you eat out all the time, make it an occasion and enjoy.

If you do eat out often, then you’ll need to be stricter most of the time, and more relaxed only on special occasions.

Here are some suggestions for ordering strategically:

1. Start smart. Good starter options include salads (dressing on the side – just take what you need) and non-creamy vegetable soups.
2. Skip the bread – usually it’s not a great loss compared to other things on offer, so it’s an easy sacrifice.
3. Ask wait staff not to bring bread, or ask them to remove it if it’s already there, or move it to other side of table if someone else wants it.
4. If you could take or leave alcohol, then leave it. Sip mineral water or soda with lime.
5. If you want to drink, alternate alcoholic drinks with water.
6. Keep water on the table and drink it liberally.
7. Choose lean meats, poultry, game, or seafood. Avoid fatty cuts, and fatty meats like duck.
8. Look for lower-fat cooking methods like grilling and roasting. Avoid anything battered and/or deep-fried.
9. Avoid dishes with creamy or cheesy sauces.
10. If you choose pasta, opt for a tomato-based rather than cream-based sauce. If possible, there should be plenty of vegetables and some protein such as chicken or seafood, and not just a huge pile of pasta.
11. If you crave a very goal-unfriendly dish, ask for a smaller size.
12. Ask for substitutions. Call ahead, remember.
13. Ask for salad or vegetables instead of fries.
14. Or order a side of vegetables – ideally steamed, but as long as they’re not dripping in butter I think they’re a good choice almost any way you can get them. (Remember all the weight-loss benefits we talked about in Mission 27: Eat More Vegetables And Legumes?)
15. Ask for sauces and dressings on the side, and add just what you need. Restaurant dishes can often be over-flavored, so you might enjoy a better taste experience, too.
16. Get totally comfortable with leaving food on your plate. As we talked about in in Mission 14: Stop Overeating, you’ve got your money’s worth.
17. I’m not a doggie-bag kinda gal, but if you’d like the leftovers, go ahead and ask. It’s better than finishing a meal when you’ve had enough.
18. If savory is your treat, then thoroughly enjoy it and skip dessert.
19. If you feel like something sweet at the end of the meal, consider a hot chocolate or mocha – either of which can hit that sweet spot for a lot less calories than a dessert.
20. Or have a coffee with a single chocolate.
21. Or share a dessert – ask the wait staff to halve it and bring it out on two plates.
22. Or ask for some fresh fruit. But…
23. If dessert is your thing and you’re making it your strategic splurge, then be sure to savor every bite.
24. Park a little way from the restaurant, so you can have a walk after dinner. Or simply go for a walk after dinner. Not advisable if you’re wearing uber-high heels, though.

Complete Mission 29

Step 1: Plan Ahead

1. Commit to a habit of planning ahead when you know you’ll be eating out.
2. Review the examples above for ways to plan ahead – so you can enjoy the experience while still remaining goal-friendly.
3. If you like, write about the habit of planning ahead in your 52 Weight Loss Missions Workbook.

Step 2: Order Strategically

1. Commit to a habit of ordering strategically when you eat out.
2. Review the examples above for ways to order strategically, and choose the suggestions you’ll apply.
3. If you like, write about the way you’ll order strategically in your 52 Weight Loss Missions Workbook.

Step 3: Check In

1. Collect your badge – you’ve earned it!
2. Leave a comment to say you’ve completed this mission and share any resources, ideas or challenges.

Maybe you do.

Maybe your mind gets the better of you, despite your good intentions.

Here are 4 ways your thinking may be sabotaging your weight-loss goal.

1. Your Motivation Is Fake

If your reasons for losing weight don’t excite and inspire you, then it’s no wonder they’re easily displaced by the sight of a piece of pie.

Weight loss is hard. You need to work out and eat wisely, at least part of the time. If deep down you only half-care, then your efforts will be half-hearted, and your results will be disappointing.

If reasons like I want to be healthier or My doctor/spouse/mother says I should aren’t cutting it for you, then find reasons that do.

Keep digging till you feel a thrill of excitement. That’s what will power you all the way to success.

If deep down you only half-care, then your efforts will be half-hearted, and your results will be disappointing.

52 Weight Loss Missions customers read more: Unlock Your True Weight-Loss Motivation.

 2. You Eat Mindlessly

How often have you got to the end of a meal, giant bucket of popcorn, or double-layered box of chocolates and wondered where the hell it went?

Mindless eating makes it easy to eat when we’re not hungry, and to overeat beyond satiety when we are.

To avoid feeling deprived and short-circuiting our motivation, we should allow ourselves treats, and enjoy them when we do.

The trouble with mindless eating is that we spend the calories, but we don’t get to enjoy the pleasure. It’s a giant rip-off.

To stop mindless eating, we need to focus on the cues that lead us to eat, so we can avoid eating when we’re not hungry.

And we need to manage our portion sizes so we don’t inadvertently overeat, just because it’s there.

That way, when we do choose to spend our calories on something yummy, we enjoy every bite.

The trouble with mindless eating is that we spend the calories, but we don’t get to enjoy the pleasure. It’s a giant rip-off.

52 Weight Loss Missions customers read more: Stop Overeating and Address Emotional Eating I and Address Emotional Eating II.

3. You’re In Denial

If your weight-loss results are elusive, you might need to audit your beliefs.

Think you can lose weight by exercising on the ocassional days you ‘can fit it in’? By choosing diet soda with your cheese-stuffed-crust pepperoni pizza?

Losing weight and keeping it off takes attention, education, energy, time, persistence, and a willingness to take action, among other things.

If you believe you can do it without making these commitments, you’re kidding yourself.

And staying fat.

Losing weight and keeping it off takes attention, education, energy, time, persistence, and a willingness to take action, among other things.

52 Weight Loss Missions customers read more: Take A Weight-Loss Reality-Check.

4. You Think, All-Or-Nothing

How many times have you given in to a binge, or skipped an exercise session, and let it send you off the rails?

You figure, Well, I’ve already eaten this donut, might as well eat those other eleven too. Or, I skipped the gym today, might as well write off the rest of the week. Dude, it’s Tuesday.

The thing is, no regular person has ever stuck perfectly to a diet or exercise program.

Yet many regular people succeed at losing weight. (I did.)

That means people lose weight without being perfect. (I’m not.)

So instead of letting lapses get the better of you, a better approach is to focus on doing well most of the time, and being prepared for occasional failures as part of the process.

Because losing weight doesn’t depend on avoiding lapses, which are inevitable. It depends on how you deal with them. 

No regular person has ever stuck perfectly to a diet or exercise program. Yet many regular people succeed at losing weight. That means people lose weight without being perfect.

52 Weight Loss Missions customers read more: Kick The Perfectionism Habit

Need To Tweak Your Mind?

Do any of these strike a chord for you?

Do you need to adjust your thinking?

What will you do differently?

I recently connected with another of our inspiring community members, Cathi. Cathi is a top commenter on our 52 Weight Loss Missions members’ forum and has also participated in the 30-Day Organize-athon.

Cathi’s Story

Kylie: I love reading your check-ins for the 52 Weight Loss Missions program. How would you say the program has helped you?

Cathi: It has helped add some humor to trying to eat healthier and be more active during the day. Also, reading other people’s struggles made it seem more doable.

Kylie: How is life different for you now?

Cathi: I now miss exercise when I don’t do it – which is not often. I can tell when I don’t eat as well as I should – I feel worse. Plus, my inner voice kicks in.

Reading other people’s struggles made it seem more doable.

What’s Your Story?

Being accountable and taking control of bad eating habits has empowered Cathi to maintain a healthy mind and body.

Have you found success with 52 Weight Loss Missions?

To share your story, email me. You could be our next inspiring success story!

Kylie

It’s a very hot day here in Sydney.

I feel stressed by all the tasks on my to-do list.

There are no classes on that I like, so I’d have to do my own thing. Which I don’t feel like.

I’m not in the mood.

Sigh.

However, it’s Christmas Party season, and I have some very cute dresses to wear.

And ultimately, this is why I want to be slim – to wear cute clothes.

It may not be a good weight-loss reason, according to other people.

But it’s my true weight-loss reason. The one that keeps me motivated on days when the reasons I should work out – it’s good for me – aren’t enough to combat the excuses.

Days like today.

So I don’t feel like it, but I’m going.

Join me?

What a great problem to have!

So then – what do you do with those ‘fat’ clothes? Keep them, just in case?

What you do with the larger sizes in your wardrobe can affect the rest of your weight-loss journey or weight-loss maintenance.

If you use my 52 Weight Loss Missions system then you know what I suggest: As you lose weight,  close the door behind you and flick the fat clothes. Re-set your mindset and your closet for a skinnier you.

If you have a collection of different sizes in your closet, then why not clear them out and start the new year with a streamlined wardrobe – as well as a streamlined you.

 Re-set your mindset and your closet for a skinnier you. 

If you’d like help, then come and join my BRAND NEW program – 14 Days To An Organized Closet: Clear Closet Clutter Fast.

Together we’ll follow simple, step-by-step instructions to create your perfect wardrobe – decluttered, streamlined, oh-so-organized.

I’ll also help you unlock the mental and emotional chains that keep you holding on to clothes you don’t wear or need. Book your spot now!

I’ll also help you unlock the mental and emotional chains that keep you holding on to clothes you don’t wear or need. 

Whether you do my 14 Days To An Organized Closet program or bag up your baggy clothes yourself, please consider getting too-large clothes out of your wardrobe.

Those clothes are your past.

Let’s focus on the future.

Is the bathroom scale a helpful gauge of your progress? Or an instrument of mental torture?

For many people trying to lose weight, it’s the latter.

A disappointing number on the scale can undo your day, your diet, your determination to exercise and eat well.

So it’s worth looking at your attitude before you leap on the scale.

Weight-Loss-Friendly Weighing

It’s fine to weigh yourself if:

• You’re at your goal weight and you simply want to check that you’re staying within a healthy weight zone
• You weigh yourself no more than once a week to chart long-term progress.

If neither of these apply, then weighing yourself can be psychologically counter-productive. I suggest you only do it if:

• You genuinely see the numbers on the scale purely as information, not as an excuse to beat yourself up
• You genuinely understand that weight loss/gain is not necessarily fat loss/gain, and can also reflect muscle, water, and other factors
• You genuinely realize that fluctuations are to be expected, and that long-term trend is what matters.

If you don’t have this mind-set (and let’s be honest, few of us do), then the numbers on the scale can be your foe, not your friend.

Non-Weight Weight-Loss Goals

For most of us then, daily weigh-ins are too psychologically fraught to be a good idea.

So what’s the alternative?

In my 52 Weight Loss Missions program (see the weight-loss Missions here) I recommend measuring your progress against a non-weight goal, such as fitting into a favorite pair of jeans. You’ll still be able to notice improvement and enjoy your progress, but without the emotional roller-coaster of the number of the scale.

What do you think?

Do you do the daily weigh-in?

Does it work for you?

I’d like to tell you it’s something deep and meaningful, like maybe What do you think happens after death?

But the truth is, the number one question I get asked is How do you eat so much and stay thin?

Ignoring the fact that people make some rather disparaging observations about the size of my appetite, I can understand why they’re surprised. I’m pretty slim (I’ve included a picture in case you want to check for yourself) and I eat. a. lot.

The long answer (about 50,000 words long) is that after years of frustration, research, and trial and error, I’ve developed my own diet, exercise, and mindset strategies for weight loss.

But here’s a short answer.

You Can Be A Bit Slack About Diet Or Exercise. But Not Both.

I realized pretty quickly that I was never gonna be the girl who could follow conventional diet advice. Swap that afternoon chocolate bar for a carrot? Um, are you INSANE? Who writes this stuff?

But I could be the girl who exercised regularly. Although I had grown up hating exercise, I could find ways to make it work. I could see the gym as the way to pay for my chocolate habit.

On the other side of the weight-loss coin, I know slim people who struggle more with exercise. But they work harder to make peace with emotional eating. Or they put more effort into meal planning and weight-loss-friendly recipes.

You can be soft on yourself in one area if you’re prepared to be hard on yourself in another.

Compared to the average slim person, you can eat more or exercise less. But not both.

That’s my experience.

What’s yours?

I recently talked with Danielle about her inspiring weight-loss success. Here’s what she had to say…

Danielle’s Story

I had lost about 20 pounds a few times in the earlier years, but something in me happened when I reached 79 kg in November. It triggered something. I knew at that time that I had to change quite a few things in my life if I wanted to be around to see my grand kids.

52 Weight Loss Missions helped me identify how my bad habits were preventing weight loss.

52 Weight Loss Missions helped me identify how my bad habits were preventing weight loss.

For example, I like to bake for my family and friends so sweets were a big part of my diet. I would eat the dough before it got to the oven. Instead I moved to action. I took control and made a combination of changes to my life.

Firstly I joined a gym and started a personal training program. I started going three times a week but I didn’t see much change so I increased my sessions to 6-7 days a week. I also started counting my calories. I started noticing changes as early as two weeks.

The turning point came in April, when I did the 30-Day Weight-Loss-a-thon and it helped me tremendously.
I went from a size 16 to a size 8P in pants and from XL to medium in shirts.

When the snow melted in late march, I started walking 1-3 hours a day and the inches and pounds just came off. It was so encouraging that I would find any excuses to go walking.

The turning point came in April, when I did the 30-Day Weight-Loss-athon (included as part of 52 Weight Loss Missions Action Pack) and it helped me tremendously. I went from a size 16 to a size 8P in pants and from XL to medium in shirts.

Life is so different now! I eat healthy, I walk 75 minutes every morning and I feel so alive. I am happy and more confident. My whole weight loss is 40 pounds lost, 20 inches off my body and a decrease of about 6% body fat. I feel more alive than I have ever felt in a long time.

Thank you 52 Weight Loss Missions.  Your program works

What’s Your Story?

Thank you Danielle for sharing your story!

How about you – have you found success with 52 Weight Loss Missions?  I’d love to know more!

To share your story and inspire others, email me today.

Till next time,

Kylie