Andrea Decker's Blog

My son's first sermon

Andrea Decker — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 15:53:47 GMT

Today is HUGE. My 17 year old son is preaching his first sermon at church tonight. That might not seem like such a big deal until you know the back story.

The truth is, Dustin preached his first sermon 14 years ago tomorrow when he was 3 1/2. That was the worst day in my life. I had just been served divorce papers from my estranged husband and I was nothing more than a puddle of self pity on the floor of my living room watching the TV coverage of the Oklahoma City Bombing and wondering if I really wanted to live any more.

Dustin couldn't understand why I was such a mess. And as much as I loved my four small children, I couldn't seem to pull myself up by my own bootstraps. I was crying all the time. Bubba (as we called Dustin back then) came up to me and put his fat little arms around me to console me and get my attention. Then he asked the saddest question I've ever heard. "Mommy, If I go to live with Grandma do you think Daddy might come home?"

That sweet little three year old future man thought that he was the reason his father had left.

And his words sank in deep. It was as if Bubba had opened his mouth and God had spoken. There are reasons God hates divorce. It is a lie from the pit of hell that a child can come through a divorce unharmed. It rocks their worlds and forever affects their image of God. And I knew 100% at that time that Kevin and I were gravely outside of the will of God. The conviction hung heavy on my back. A burden I could not carry.

I was exactly where God wanted me to be at that moment. Broken.

Then the TV reporter announced a story that was not related to the Oklahoma City Bombing. This was the first piece of non-bombing news I had heard in 4 days. Three thirteen year old boys had been killed in Duncan, Oklahoma in an oilfield accident.

It was like God tapped me on my shoulder. "Andrea, get up. Those moms have lost their sons. You still have yours. Get up and pray for those moms instead of feeling sorry for yoursef."

So I did. I began praying. And the very act of praying is what began to heal my broken heart and lift me out of that pit of self pity and despair. Read the rest of that story: http://www.andreadecker.com/my-checkers-story

Three weeks later Kevin came home. Dustin, with his chubby little limbs, his buzz cut blond hair, and his huge heart ran to his father. "Daddy, I knew you'd come home, I knew you'd come home!"

And I've pondered that in my heart for fourteen years.

Dustin believes he is preaching his first sermon tonight. But I know the truth.

My Checkers Story

Andrea Decker — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 21:25:47 GMT

My friend Christy just posted my story on her blog. Christy is a great writer. She listened to me share my story and then she made it into something worth reading. Here is the link to it on Christy's blog: http://christyjohnson.org/a-game-of-checkers

I've copied and pasted it here too:

Numb to the devastation, I lay on the couch in a self-absorbed pity party for three days while the news coverage of the Oklahoma City bombing hummed in the background. My children scrambled for my attention, but I was too consumed with my own grief. On the day that my hometown mourned a disaster, a bomb had exploded in my own world: My husband had just filed for divorce. It was the darkest day of my life.

It wasn’t until a gripping local story of another tragedy caught my attention that I even considered the needs of anyone else. Three thirteen year-old boys in Duncan, Oklahoma, were killed in an oil field explosion. As I listened to the newscast, I heard the Lord say, “Andrea, you still have your children, and these two mothers have lost theirs. They need your prayers, but that will never happen as long as you are fixated on your own misery.”

That reprimand was like a splash of cold water in my face. As ravaged as my own life was, I knew He was right. I made a decision to begin praying for these mothers. At first, all I could utter were short two-sentence prayers. “Lord, please bring these mothers peace. Heal their hearts.” But as I committed to lifting them up daily, I soon noticed something strange. The more I prayed for them, the more hope I was able to see for my own situation. Gradually, my depression lifted and my own heart began to heal. And then a miracle happened: My husband decided to come back home. I realized that there was a link between praying for others that actually met a need in my own life—and all for prayers on the behalf of women I never even met.

A couple of years after my husband and I reconciled, I went to a Women of Faith conference in Dallas, Texas. Several breakout sessions were offered and I chose to attend one on time management. Hoping for a revelation on how supermoms combine dinner, homework and baths into every evening, I found a seat on the front row.

“This class will help you prepare your young adults for college,” announced the instructor as the attendees trickled in.

Oops, I’m in the wrong class, I thought. My oldest couldn’t even spell college. I eyed the door, contemplating my escape but by the time I had gathered my things, the session leader had shut the door. It was too late for a polite departure. Grudgingly, I decided to stay but as soon as the class was over, I was beyond ready to leave. As I scrambled for the door, I whispered under my breath, “Wow, that was a waste of time.”

The woman easing out the door next to me cast a curious glance my way.

Oh no. A lip reader.

Embarrassed that she had obviously heard my complaint, I tried to look away, but it was too late. With a look of gentle concern, she inquired, “Why was it a waste of your time?”

“Umm. Because. Well, my children are very young,” I stammered. “This class was really geared towards mothers of high school students.”

I was determined to get away, but the hallway was congested with a shoulder-to-shoulder sea of women, bobbing along like penguins to their next session. There was an opening just big enough for me to escape this uncomfortable interview, except that the lady in front of me had a purse bigger than a piece of Samsonite luggage. I pondered which was more humiliating: Continuing with this interrogation or tackling the Prada queen to allow for my get away.

“How many do you have?” she prodded further.

“How many?”

“Yes…children.”

“Oh, umm. I have four.”

Yes, the restroom is just ahead. I can dart in there.

“How old are they?”

Oh my gosh…Is that the line? I’ll never get away from her.

“Hannah is eight, Gretchen is seven, Dustin is five and Lorelei is three.”

“It must be wonderful to have a large family,” she gushed.

“It’s a lot of work,” I sighed, focusing on the escalator just ahead. I decided that if she veered toward the upside, I was going down.

“Which way are you going?” she inquired.

“Uh, I’m going…up,” I stammered.

“Oh, me too.”

A moment of awkward silence followed. I was at least committed to this conversation for the length of the escalator ride. “How many children do you have?” I asked in obligation.

“I have one who is thirteen,” she replied, pausing to adjust her load of conference books.

One child. I thought. Yeah that’s why you can buy all those books and still have the “time management” to read them all.

“And my son, David,” she said blinking away a tear, “he’ll always be thirteen.”

Suddenly, selfishness collided with compassion. We were now at the top of the escalator but the urge to run evaporated.

“I’m so sorry…what happened?”

"He was in an accident a couple of years ago.”

That’s when I noticed the top book in her arms…a book about overcoming grief. I started to feel a twinge of guilt for having four children. Many days I was stressed over all the responsibilities of raising four kids so close in age, and yet here was a mother who would love to trade places with me.

“A car accident?”

“No. A crazy freak accident. He and his friend were killed in an oil field explosion.”

A jolt of numbing electricity shot through my body. For a moment, time froze. "Is your name…Kathy?” I stammered in disbelief.

“Yeees,” she hesitated. “How did you know?”

“I heard about the accident on the news.”

“It aired here in Dallas?”

“No, I live in Oklahoma City.”

“And you remembered our names?” she asked in astonishment.

“Yes,” I began to explain. “I prayed for your families. It was kind of an assignment from the Lord. I wish I could say that I was because I was so spiritually mature, but in actuality, I was in a horrible state of depression at the time.” Noticing a table ahead I urged, “Do you want to set your stuff down for a minute?”

She nodded.

“My husband had just filed for divorce and I was a complete mess. The day I heard the newscast about your son’s accident I realized that I wasn’t the only one in the world suffering.”

Kathy set her books and purse down.

“Praying for you brought me through the darkest time in my life.”

For a moment we just stood speechless. Then almost in unison, sobbing, we fell into each other’s arms.

“I’m sorry I was so abrasive,” I apologized. “I was embarrassed.”

“That’s okay.”

“How did you get through David’s death?”

“It was hard,” Kathy admitted. “It’s still hard, but God’s grace is strong. Now I do a lot of memorializing.”

“Memorializing?”

“Yes, in every way that I can, I try to remember David’s life. I especially like to encourage mothers with young children. If I could do it all over again,” Kathy continued. “I’d play more checkers.”

“Checkers?”

“Yes. David was always asking me to play checkers with him. But I was always so busy. Oh, I would tell him, ‘Ok, honey, in just a minute…let me finish sweeping the floor.’ Or, ‘Ok darling…I will…just let me finish folding the laundry.’ Kids don’t care how clean your house is. When they get older, they won’t remember the dirt. They’ll remember the time you spent with them.”

I glanced at my watch. Ironically, it was time for the next session to begin. I searched through my purse for something to write my phone number on. We exchanged contact information and promised to keep in touch.

Through the years, we have stayed in contact. And every time we talk, I’m awed and humbled by a God that would go to such great lengths to get my attention—not only to pull me out of my pit of despair but also to help me realize how important it is to spend time with my children, no matter whether I’m tired, have chores to do or errands to run. So if you ever come to our house, don’t look at the dust on the floor or the piles of unfolded laundry. Plan to spend some time with us. And in honor of Kathy’s precious son, David, be prepared to stay for a game of checkers.

Prayer: Dear Lord, the way that you connect the dots in our lives and weave a thread of fellowship with others is undeniably divine. Thank you for your faithfulness to not only direct our prayers, but to answer our prayers. Help me to always remember the importance of spending time with my family and the relationships you have blessed me with. May I always nurture and protect those relationships and not let unimportant tasks and daily duties interfere with our fellowship. In Christ’s name I pray. Amen.

Scriptures to ponder:

He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea. Psalm 102:17
If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered. Proverbs 21:13
In my distress I called to the LORD; I called out to my God. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came to his ears. 2 Samuel 22:7
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126:5
I call on the LORD in my distress, and he answers me. Psalm 120:1

Thoughts to Ponder:

Galatians 6:7 says that a man reaps what he sows. Do you think prayers sown on the behalf of others can benefit us as well? If so, how?
Have you ever experienced a divine introduction like Andrea? If so, describe what happened.
Have you ever felt led to pray for someone you didn’t know, either through a story you heard from a friend, on TV, the newspaper, Facebook or the internet? Share how praying for that person made you feel.

Posted on Tuesday, April 14, 2009 by Christy Johnson filed under The Power of Prayer

Meet the Decker's on Twitter!

Andrea Decker — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 18:18:58 GMT

My Twitter Evangelism has taken hold. Now my entire family (except those in Guam) are using Twitter. Please follow:

Kevin Decker: http://www.twitter.com/OKRtek (he's a brilliant architect who can write specs like no other)

Hannah Decker: http://www.twitter.com/HannahDecker (a University Scholar at Baylor)

Gretchen Decker: http://www.twitter.com/Gretch_D (a person refusing to be summed up in one sentence)

Dustin Decker: http://www.twitter.com/DustinDecker (a 17 year old with shoulders disproportionately wide compared to his waist--with an eye on military service)

Lorelei Decker: http://www.twitter.com/LoreleiDecker (our Jesus loving, must-change-picture-on-Facebook-once-per-day, social butterfly)

And of course there's me: Andrea Decker: http://www.twitter.com/KermitRocks (because who doesn't love Kermit?)

Robert C. Garman (My Father) Obituary

Andrea Decker — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 14:42:39 GMT

My father passed away last month. If you've wondered why I've appeared to be distracted lately, you are perceptive. My world has been rocked. I'm certain that the sudden death of any parent is a life changing event. It is exponentially more difficult to deal with when their death was at their own hands. I've never understood suicide. I still don't.

This obituary was first published by Countryside Funeral Home. (http://www.countrysidefh.com/obits.php?ID=0000000467) I have simply copied and pasted it here.

Robert Clifford Webb Garman age 68 was born June 3, 1940 to Martha Ellen (Raedeker) Garman and Clare Allan Garman in Cushing Oklahoma. He left this life February 22, 2009. He is survived by his wife Connie (Jones) Garman of the home in Moline, Kansas, and his son Scott Garman of Oklahoma City and daughter and son-in-law Andrea and Kevin Decker of Oklahoma City. He left behind four grandchildren, Hannah, Gretchen, Dustin and Lorelei Decker of Oklahoma City, many aunts and cousins, sister-in-law (and brother-in-law) Judy and Van VanCleave of Moline, Kansas and brother-in-law (and sister-in-law) Bob and Joyce Jones of Wichita, Kansas as well as many beloved nieces and nephews.

Robert graduated from Harding High School in Oklahoma City in 1958. (At one point in time he delivered Wilt Chamberlin’s newspaper in Manhattan Kansas while Wilt was in college there.) Robert enlisted in the navy in 1958 and served three years on the USS Independence aircraft carrier. He met and married Connie Marie Jones on Sept. 30, 1961 in Wichita Kansas. He attended Wichita State University and eventually graduated after 12 years from the University of Rochester, New York with a Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering. He was hauntingly brilliant.

Robert (or “Bob” as many called him) built an IMSAI 8080 computer circuit-by-circuit in 1976, a Heathkit television by hand, and a Bradley GT2 (from 1978 to 1998—the only car to be officially an antique on the day it was completed.)

Bob loved the adrenaline rush from riding a motorcycle. He owned many during his lifetime and was even rumored to have driven one through the halls of his high school (which was frowned upon.) He made numerous cross-country trips and raced both enduro and motocross when he lived in California in the ‘70’s. He even got to ride once with Steve McQueen. Bob’s favorite movie of all time was “On any Sunday.”

Bob was the ultimate computer “guru.” After serving as a programmer/analyst for Xerox in California on such projects as the Domino project, he ventured into business for himself and moved his family to Oklahoma City from California in 1975. He returned to Xerox in 1977 and served the rest of his years as a systems analyst, sales analyst, instructor and color specialist in Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Leesburg Virginia and Lewisville Texas. He retired from Xerox in 2004 and settled in Moline, Kansas. During his retirement he wrote the utilities billing system for the city of Moline, Kansas.

Cremation has taken place and a memorial services will be held at 2:00 PM, Friday, February 27, 2009 at the United Methodist Church in Moline, Kansas with Pastor Chantilly Lovelace and Pastor Gary Parsons officiating. Family suggests contributions to the United Methodist Church in Moline and may be left with the funeral home. Online condolences may be left at www.countrysidefh.com. Arrangements are under the direction of Zimmerman Funeral Home, 206 E. Washington, P.O. Box 1233 Howard, Kansas 67349.

Oklahoma Women Bloggers

Andrea Decker — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 21:20:01 GMT

I've been so busy micro-blogging (via Twitter) that I have completely neglected my "real" blog here. I was reminded of this today when I found a link to my blog on the Oklahoma Women's Network Blog. I didn't even know they knew I existed!

I hereby resolve to apply more effort to balance my personal Blog/Micro-Blog scale.

Monitoring what people say about you online

Andrea Decker — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:49:22 GMT

(Earlier this week I created a post on the Element Fusion website to begin some dialogue about how people monitor what others say about them, their company or their product/service online. Below is the same content of that post.)

The recent MotrinMoms debate on Twitter got me to thinking (if you are unfamiliar with Twitter, here is a pretty good YouTube video describing the concept in plain English). The main issue was that some of the women at whom the advertisement was directed were actually offended by it. This was not Motrin's intent but the offence was definitely taken.

Advertising Age posted an article yesterday: How Twittering Critics Brought Down Motrin Mom Campaign; Bloggers Ignite Brush Fire Over Weekend, Forcing J&J to Pull Ads, Issue Apology

Okay, so why bring up news that is no longer new (sooo three days ago)?

Because advertising is a two-way conversation these days.

How quickly did Motrin respond? Did they have any system in place to monitor the chatter and interject themselves into the conversation before it escalated? No, they didn't, and it cost them. Motrin's biggest fault was not being IN the conversation with these moms before posting the ad.

That's why I’m trying to retrain my brain. I’m trying to fully make the switch from Web 1.0 (Are you ON the web?) to Web 2.0 (Are you IN the web?)

Please help me learn from you.

What steps have you or your company taken to be IN the web?
How do you make sure the conversation is going both ways?
What tools / procedures do you have in place to help you know what your customers are saying about your and / or your product / service?

Please share with us all.

(And, by the way, if you want to follow me personally on Twitter, I am KermitRocks. It ain't easy being green. Element Fusion is on Twitter too: EFStatus)

Conversation with a Jerk on Twitter

Andrea Decker — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 20:13:04 GMT

I took a screenshot of my Twhirl screen after a recent Twitter dialogue I had with a very vulgar man named Loren Feldman. If you want to see more of what he said (not just to me) please visit www.twitter.com/1938media but please DO NOT follow him. I'd hate to see his behavior rewarded. He is the Howard Stern of the Twittosphere.

Here is the screenshot.

I love this whole MotrinMoms controversy

Andrea Decker — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 02:57:25 GMT

I gave birth to four babies and "wore" each one of them. I found Motrin's recent ad to be offensive just like so many other moms on Twitter. This whole issue solidifies for me the value of online reputation management. I can't wait to see how Motrin handles this. Their site is down right now. hmmm....

http://babyproducts.about.com/b/2008/11/16/motrin-moms-angry-over-babywearing-advertisement.htm

http://smalldots.wordpress.com/2008/11/16/motrin-moms-react/
http://www.marketingpilgrim.com/2008/11/motrin-faces-twitter-headache-over-new-video-campaign.html

http://jessicagottlieb.com/2008/11/16/blame-me-for-motrin-moms/

http://www.drumsnwhistles.com/2008/11/16/twitter-swarm-motrin-v-moms/

I got a little carried away with Twitter today

Andrea Decker — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:27:26 GMT

A friend pointed out to me that my twitter activity had created a total domination of his twitterrific screen. I am so proud.

The presentation by Jeremy Fuksa of Barkley at OKC AdClub's Career Day was very inspiring. I just couldn't help myself.

The presentation was called "From Cowboy to Astronaut: Lessons From the Trail, New Worlds on the Horizon" Jeremy let us know how the creative process works at Barkley and told us about many cutting-edge things. He doled out some amazingly valuable advice, based on his 15 years in the biz.

This is a link to Jeremy's intro video.

more on the Cuisinart issue

Andrea Decker — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 21:24:15 GMT

I have decided to keep www.CuisinartSucks.com up on the web for a while. Let's see how long it takes for them to realize they have issues with online reputation management in addition to customer service issues.

If you have any interest in learning about online reputation management, I highly recommend these two articles by Justin Boeckman: