Seattle Sex Therapist & Couples Counselor

What It’s Like to Work With Me

This Is Not Just a Venting Session. This Is a Turning Point.

If you already sense that replaying the same arguments, revisiting the same disappointments, and explaining (again) why things feel stuck hasn’t actually moved your relationship forward… we’ll probably work well together.

Because you’re not coming here just to talk about what’s wrong.

You’re coming because you want something to change.

When couples arrive in my office—whether they’re navigating desire differences, intimacy struggles, communication breakdown, or simply the feeling of drifting apart—they usually share two quiet realizations:

Something about the way things are going isn’t working.

And repeatedly talking about how painful it feels hasn’t helped them find their way back to each other.

That’s where our work begins.

Your Story Matters — And It’s Only the Starting Point

You deserve to feel heard.

Part of our work together will be slowing down enough for me to understand how each of you experiences the relationship—what feels painful, what feels unfair, what feels confusing, and what feels impossible right now.

Those experiences matter. They deserve space.

And once they’ve been heard, we begin something equally important: shifting our attention toward what you actually want to create together.

Because relationships change most powerfully when we move from repeating the story of what’s gone wrong to exploring what might become possible.

The emotions you’re feeling right now—frustration, resentment, discouragement—are human. They’re common in relationships that feel stuck.

And they’re not permanent.

I’m Active in Session — Because That’s Where Change Happens

One of the most valuable parts of therapy is having someone in the room who can see patterns that are hard to notice when you’re living inside them.

So our sessions will be active and engaged.

Sometimes I may slow the conversation down.
Sometimes I may gently interrupt.
Sometimes I’ll point out a tone, reaction, or interpretation that might be pulling the two of you further from the connection you’re hoping to rebuild.

Not because anything is “wrong” with you.

But because those small moments are where change becomes possible.

When we notice patterns as they’re happening, you gain the opportunity to try something different right there in the room.

And those small shifts often create meaningful change.

Finding Your Role Is Finding Your Power

This work is never about blaming yourself.

It’s about discovering where your influence lives.

If the entire problem belongs to your partner, you’re left waiting for them to change before anything can improve.

But when you begin to notice how your own interpretations, emotional reactions, and protective habits shape the dynamic—even in small ways—you also discover something powerful:

You have leverage.

You have choice.

And choice brings hope.

The question slowly shifts from
“Why are they like this?”

to something far more empowering:

“How do I want to show up here?”

That shift opens space for curiosity, compassion, and new possibilities.

We Focus on What You Want to Build

Not in a way that ignores pain.

Not in a way that pretends everything is fine.

But in a thoughtful, intentional way.

When we focus on the relationship you want—more closeness, more understanding, more playfulness, more desire—we begin to move your attention toward the emotional states and behaviors that help create those experiences.

Even small shifts matter.

When you feel slightly more hopeful, you respond slightly differently.

When you respond differently, your partner receives something new.

And that’s how the dynamic begins to change.

Who This Is For

This work tends to resonate most with couples who are willing to be curious about themselves and each other.

Couples who are open to noticing patterns they may not have seen before.

Couples who care more about feeling connected than about proving who’s right.

Couples who are ready to experiment with new ways of thinking, feeling, and responding.

Often, it begins with a simple question:

“What might happen if we tried something different?”

When This May Not Be the Right Fit

Every therapist works a little differently.

If what you’re hoping for is a space primarily focused on venting about your partner without exploring your own role in the dynamic, my approach may feel frustrating.

And if your main goal is proving your perspective rather than exploring new possibilities together, another style of therapy might feel more comfortable.

And that’s completely okay.

The most important thing is finding a space that supports the kind of change you truly want.

The Goal

My hope is that you leave sessions feeling lighter, more hopeful, and more empowered.

Not because your partner suddenly transformed overnight.

But because you begin to see new choices available to you.

Because when one person changes how they show up, the dynamic begins to shift.

And when both people begin experimenting with new ways of relating, relationships can move in directions that once felt impossible.

If reading this brings a sense of relief…
If it makes you think, “Yes. This is the kind of help we’ve been looking for.”

Then we should talk.