On (or close to) Schedule

2009-11-05T09:16:00.000-05:00

Durian

Location: my room, cleaning
Mood: groggy
Music: This is how it works You're young until you're not

Got a Hello today from Roberta, the girl I sat next to on the plane years ago. She's in college now and still traveling the globe from Italy.

What an interesting world we live in.

Subtle racism of lowered expectations sound bite 30 Rock sound bites

Had a full-on zero sleep the other night. The insomina's creeping back. Wondering why, but suppose it's just the way it is with me sometimes.

Saw the rents the other day and stopped by the local Asian supermarket for cheap produce and such. Saw a lotta non-asians there; laughed to myself only cause I can hardly make heads nor tails outta anything - then again, maybe they're all Asian scholars.

Can only imagine onea them picking up say a durian and going, "Why don't I give this a shot?"

A lotta young people too bouncing around. That's cool, that they're willing to shop in a joint where the only English spoken's with an accent.

Speaking of younger people, a lotta them're convinced that all Republicans're evil and that good things'll happen if everyone's a Democrat.

Which is not to say that the Republicans haven't bungled the last several years of power, they have. And there're d-bags and hypocrites on both sidesa the fence.

But the fence's sorta my point. There needs to be conflict to make things the way they're supposedta be. Y'know what y'get when you only have one party supported by millions of fanatical young people that are absolutely certain their cause is just, their party righteous?

China. Y'get China.

Love being Chinese but I cannot stand China. The government's as thuggish and vile as y'can get.

Nietzxche once said that "Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies." The key to not being a jerk is by accepting that y'might be wrong.

On that note, suppose I should really try a durian onea these days.

YASYCTAI: Have a guest for dinner tomorrow night. This means: clean up. (120 mins/1 pts)

2009-11-03T09:15:00.001-05:00

Halloween 2009

Location: 21:00 yest, Battery Park City
Mood: groggy
Music: you should be wilder, you're no fun at all

Her: Pennsylvania's not that far. It's only two hours away.

Me: Good grief, woman...

HG: (finishing) ...that's exactly how far we thought it was!

Stopped by PB's where I had my body weight in pixie sticks and rum after the rain. Heartgirl and I wore Star Trek uniforms that were way too big on us. Either medium in America isn't what it used to be or I'm shrinking. Just realized right this moment that for the past five Halloweens, wore red.

Him: ...so then I was like, "You're the class of 2013? That's crazy!"

Me: Tell me about it - that's 20 years after I graduated.

Him: (surprised) Wait, what? How old're you?

Me: 36 - it's the Asian genes. Plus I drink the blood of a white baby every morning.

Him: (nodding) Of course, who doesn't?

Another Halloween done and gone. Suppose it'll be just a mattera time fore I'm the old dude that still gets dressed up for Halloween. I'm ok with that.

Me: Goodness, I do love Halloween. And women exercising questionable clothing choices.

72Suburbs: We love it, too. There're so few chances to exercise questionable taste

Me: God bless you, 72Suburbs. God bless you.

Saw RE Mike last night. He's been making lotsa deals and picked himself up a nice one-bedroom downtown. We were talking shop over some $6 Halal food and a bottlea red.

Me: ...so you walked outta the bank with $40K in cash to put a down payment on this place cause some guy dared you to?

Him: I did get a little carried away.

Me: Y'know if I were there, totally woulda robbed you.

Him: Course. (phone rings) Speaking of which, this dude calling me's in jail. Been there for two months.

Me: Why do you still talk to him?

Him: No idea (picking up phone) yeah...

Also met up with the lawyers been working with on some things. Went out to this crazy nice Italian joint and met their wives. Super nice, alla them. Says a lot about you when you meet someone's favourite person and they're exactly like y'thought they'd be.

November 2009, already. Where does the time go?

YASYCTAI: Buy next year's costume early. Never hurts to be prepared. (20 mins/0.5 pts)

2009-10-29T08:45:00.001-04:00

Ring

Location: 17:00 yest, Asian supermarket buying corn
Mood: awake
Music: been waitin' all my life, and now I found you

I haz Mac.

The little nerd is me's doing cartwheels.

----------

Left my ring at the wrestling mat the other day. When I first got it years ago, my mom was certain that I'd lose it within a few months.

It's the only piece of jewelry I wear on a regular basis. It's actually not the ring you see above, mine's silver and black - pretty sure that if you look at some pics, it'll be there.

It's not so much that it's my college ring but that my parent's got it for me. Back then, they never're ones for frivolous things like rings, which made it all that more important to me.

Was all panicked that someone woulda heisted it but the owner of the gym said she found it and kept it for me. Picked it up the very next day. 18 years I've had it.

Onea the few things wouldn't sell or part with for anything.

YASYCTAI: Clean out the junk on your harddrive. Jeez, there's a lotta junk. (hrs/1 pt)

2009-10-27T00:01:00.001-04:00

Breaking up is hard to do

Location: home all day
Mood: coughy
Music: just can't keep on running away so it stops today

Posting on Tuesday and Thursday mornings starting this Thursday (yawn).

----------

Her: (backing away) Please don't eat that.

Me: It's fine.

Her: I'm begging you not to eat that. It's got to be rotten.

Me: It's fine. I'll microwave it, it'll kill everything.

Her: (gagging) I can't...I can't...

Me: (pressing buttons) What? I'll put mustard on it. It'll be fine.

Her: (exiting kitchen) I'm gonna be sick...

Me: (opening microwave) It's fi..whoa. Maybe that is bad. (thinking) Nah...

----------

Windows;

Yes, it's true. It is Mac. Didn't mean for it to happen. Just did. Your suspicions were right, we were together those times when my brother brought her by the place.

If it makes it any better, dunno why it might, it's not like I traded in for some younger model as she's older than you. Say this cause I know that her looks have made you jealous in the past and wanted to tell you that you look, honestly, as good as she does or even better now. The work that you had done late this month was really stunning. Really.

But - it's not been your looks. It never really has. It's just the times you left me hanging. Waiting. Hoping that this time, this time would be different.

And it just never was.

Gave you everything y'asked for: RAM, done. Bigger Harddrive, there. Speedier videocard, bam. Never enough.

And a relationship's not just about the parties involved, it's also what they come with, their family's. The Dells, the Toshibas, the HPs - the HPs were the worst - they were, to be polite, never what they seemed to be.

We spent almost 20 years together - 20 years! Defended you when everyone was against you. But y'never did the same for me.

Can't take the constant disappointments. Waited until now, after your latest operation and, like I said, you look and work amazingly. Sometimes, a relationship's too damaged to repair. too little, too late.

Y'still have your admirers and your new looks. But I gotta go and do right by me. Not outta your life forever, though. Y'can't just walk away from two decades of shared memories just like that.

But you're not my number one gal anyone and for that, I'm sorry. Can't spend another two decades waiting for you to get it right.

Logan

Music: just can't keep on running away so it stops today
YASYCTAI: Back up your data - it's your digital life. (60 mins/1 pt)

2009-10-22T00:18:00.001-04:00

Still (sorta) Goal-Oriented

Location: 13:00 yest, Allen and Stanton
Mood: busy
Music: Comment faire verrai-je un jour la fin de ce calvaire

Back to our regularly scheduled nonsense. Told y'about the pic above, yeah?

Him: Can I tell y'something?

Me: Y'know me, I'm a vault. Nuthin you've ever told me in a decade's ever come out.

Him: (sarcastically) Yeah right, what about that time you got hammered on Scotch and you told everyone about...wait a sec, that was me.

Me: Sheyeah...

Ran around Chinatown today and stopped by Rain's. He and I're somewhat unique in that we both got enormous NYC pads despite, or perhaps resulting in, our never having any coin.

Now he's got dogs now running all over the joint. Not a dog person myself. Not an animal person in general - unless they're slow roasting with some lemon and salt. Kidding! (sorta)

Y'know, this book Animals Make Us Human says that all animals are wired to feel four emotions - three negative and one positive. They wanna avoid:

pain
fear; and
panic; but they desire
a goal. Any goal.

Cattle, apparently, are pretty happy cause they got all four.

Think we're the same way. Said it before, the purpose of life is to have purpose. Realized tonight that my best friend was missing having a goal and that was getting to her.

Back to Rain, we (sorta) got a new goal - pitched him another non-income producing art project along the lines of Bachelor Cooking and 72nd to Canal - and he seemed to be pretty positive about it.

Lemme piece something together and we'll see what happens.

----------

Also in the book is that, apparently, we never know what cats're thinking cause they don't have eyebrows.

YASYCTAI: What are your goals for the day? Week? Month? Year? (60 mins/2 pts)
www.loganlo.com

2009-10-21T00:01:00.001-04:00

Leigh Sakoda

Location: 2 hours ago, stabbing someone in the throat in the UWS
Mood: still pensive
Music: to everything there is a purpose

Apologies, I interrupt our usual nuthin for a quick something.

If you've been reading this for any amount of time, y'know that real names are verboten. Unless there's a good reason.

This was Lee - Leigh Sakoda, actually. She wasn't a close friend, or a dear friend. She was, however, someone that I spoke to every day for two years at my old gig. And never will again. That means something to me.

Wish I dropped her a line like I said I would. That means something to me too.

Since I got no scratch right now to send her way, putting this up for now, to remind me to do it when I do.

In my head, she looked like that pic above, always smiling. The world's lost a good soul.

Back to the usual nonsense tomorrow.

Nite, Lee.

YASYCTAI: Do you donate time, or money, or something? Y'should if only to give something back to the aether. (120 mins/2 pts)

2009-10-20T00:01:00.002-04:00

Conversations on life

Location: 16:00 yest, turning onto Van Dam to go home
Mood: pensive
Music: Christ, I'm out of my mind

Me: How high's your blood pressure?

Her: XXX over XXX.

Me: HOLY COW! Eat some oatmeal, mom!

Her: I can't, I'm having a mango.

Me: (exasperated) I didn't mean right now...

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HG: Why couldn't you sleep?

Me: Was screwing around online and got a notice from a friend that a girl I worked with passed away. She just got married. Cancer. Thing is, had her email addy the whole time. Kept thinking I'd drop her a line but..never did. Dunno why.

Her: (patting my shoulder) I'm sorry about your friend.

Me: She wasn't a friend so much as someone I knew. But she always said "Hi" to me. It's just that she was younger than me. Seems so unfair. Never woulda thought...

Still believe that A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own. But she was too young to go, I think.

Went to church this past Sunday. It's hard to have faith in the big city.

It's hard to have faith when you're at an age where everyone's getting older, people y'know die, madmen say'n do mad things. Doesn't make any damn sense.

But there's this song that has this line that goes, Thank goodness for the good souls that make life better. So I turn to you and I say, if it wasn't for the good souls, life would not matter,

Him: Why does my daughter look Chinese, dude? She's 1/4 Asian and it looks like there's not a drop of black in her.

Me: It's a girl! Congrats! And...um...I'll be in Mexico...for the forseeable future.

Him: (laughing) I swear, if she starts talking a lot with her hands, I'll find you.

Me: Don't blame me that my people's gene's are strong.

Thank God for the good souls.

Bye, Lee. It sounds like you had lotsa good souls around and I hope they make it through this somehow. I'm sorry you had to go. You were way too young to go.

YASYCTAI: Gotta start making some of those phone calls. (15 mins/1 pt)

2009-10-15T00:12:00.002-04:00

What I do, how I do it

Location: 13:00 yest, E on Williamsburg, 17:00 W on 59th St
Mood: rushed
Music: In this world it's hard to get it right

My leg's not fallen off. This is a good sign. You'll be apprised, should the situation change.

Still sick though. Can't shake this damn cough.

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Went out to Brooklyn today for a potential gig. Never know if it'll actually happen but y'gotta go for every thing out there when you eat what you kill.

Sometimes y'land a whale; most times it's just sardines.

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My brother's trying to convince me to get a Mac. Problem's that I'm so useda doing what I do, how I do it.

Rain once said,

Imagine if y'go to a bar and there're beautiful women everywhere. Y'walk up to the hottest broad, say something, and she loves it. And everything y'say to every women works.

In real life the bar sucks, the women are only ok and nuthing y'ever say to them works.

The first part's like working with programs on a mac, the second's the crap you use.

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Halloween's coming up. Dunno what it's like where you are, but here in the Big City, it's carte blanche for the girlies to tart it up.

Halloween rocks.

YASYCTAI: It's time to buy a costume. Y'gotta, cause if y'wait any longer, you'll spent $70 for a jedi robe that doesn't fit properly and go to a party where it's all dudes who did the same things. (15 online mins/0.25 pts)

2009-10-13T00:07:00.000-04:00

Lovely Tupperware

Location: 23:00 yest, with a large knife in my small bathroom
Mood: ill
Music: Too late for the young gun This is the year of the knife

Me: That's not how it looks.

Her: How does it look?

Me: At dusk, the 7 train would be packed with Asian teenagers. That's totally fake.

Just saw the remake of Pelham 123 - the last scene shows someone riding the 7 train pretty much by his lonesome. The 7 train, in the early evening, is never that empty. Moreover, even when it is slightly empty, there's always a dozen or so Asian teenagers on board at any given time.

I should know, I was onea them growing up.

1 hour 14 minutes into the film, there was a single shot of an Asian for a second.

Not onea those Asian activists - in fact this may be my only post in three years that even discusses what I am and not who I am - but it does bug me when we're completely figuratively whitewashed outta of a movie.

Then again, it doesn't really matter to me. Cause film's all fantasy anywho. Reality is, we're all up in this joint.

Funny thing is, who's fantasy is it where you see onea us for only a second?

Have you met us? We're lovely.

And when you order food from us, we give you tupperware.

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Me: Got a small abscess in my leg like last time and just spent the last 20 minutes digging it out with a knife and toothpicks. Question, do I have to keep hacking at my leg until I see blood?

Him: You may be the dumbest smart person I know.

Word of advice: If you find yourself low on rum, with a painful wound, a large hunting knife, several toothpicks, some gauze and alcohol, it's ~~never~~ rarely a good idea to do self-surgery. A conference with the Professor indicates that perhaps the wrong course of action was chosen.

I'm my own worst enemy, a danger to myself. In other news, I'll be visiting the pharmacy tomorrow. Purpose: Painkillers and antibiotics.

Said we're lovely, never said we're particularly bright. I mean, we'll stomp all over that curve but still...

YASYCTAI: If you had to, would you know how to take care of a wound? If not, pick up a book. (120 mins/1 pt)

2009-10-08T00:01:00.001-04:00

Clear

Location: 16:00 yest, Grand Central
Mood: still @#$@#$ sick
Music: Singing to my pillow, I woke up out of tune.

Went for a walk with my girl downtown this past weekend. Maybe that's what made me sick again. Was worth it though. There're few things in life as a walk down Central Park and Broadway on a nice day. Saw a girl in a cat costume with a hula hoop.

Been taking alla the junk I found cleaning my cellar and selling it on ebay, craigslist, you name it. Found this one dress with a price tag that said $14,000 in there and more computers than y'can shake a stick at.

Some things I remember, some things I have no idea how they got there. Story of my life, yeah?

In A Study in Scarlet, Sherlock Holmes said to Watson that the mind's like an attic - y'can only have so much crap in it before you run outta room.

Einstein echoed this when he said that, Never memorize what you can look up in books.

But I digress, point is that I'm tossing a lotta old stuff to make room for new stuff.

Still sick - my head's stuffy. But I'm trying to clear things out. Wanna unclutter my mind and suppose that starts with uncluttering everything else.

YASYCTAI: Unclutter. (days/2 pts)

2009-10-06T00:01:00.002-04:00

Words

Location: having a gyro with my pop east of 11354
Mood: still sick
Music: lemme light your candle, cause mama I'm sure hard to handle

Her: You getting closer to normal.

Me: You mean, "normalcy."

Her: (shaking head) Well, you just took a step back.

Woke up this morning and fixed myself a killer filtered ground bean soup with cow-baby food. But just cause I can't go a day without it, also had some roasted mashed peas with pre-digested insect vomit and baked wet flour along with it. Big fan of insect vomit. Especially when I'm sick. Wish I had liquid from a citrus reproductive unit to go with it but no luck.

Heartgirl just boiled some water with vegetables and dissolved insect vomit cause my cold's coming back.

Stupid cold.

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Agree with Obama's assertion that the phrase, Just words, is insulting. Words're how we organize the world around us, not just to other people but to ourselves.

Was out with my girl the other day and we heard a guy just screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs in middle of Columbus Circle. And the people around him were visibly uncomfortable.

Look, sometimes few things match the situation better than expletive. And sometimes, y'gotta cut some people slack cause it's the only vocabulary they got.

But what if it's not? Cause, sometimes cursing's just cursing, and that's fine. But sometimes cursing's showing the other person how y'process the world.

And that might not be what y'want.

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Woke up this morning and fixed myself a killer cafe au lait. But just cause I can't go a day without it, also had some peanut butter and honey on a biscuit with it. Big fan of honey. Especially when I'm sick. Wish I had some lemon juice to go with it but no luck

Heartgirl just made me some tea with honey cause my cold's coming back.

Damn cold.

YASYCTAI: Clean up that stack of magazine: read or toss. (240 mins/2 pts)
www.loganlo.com
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2009-10-01T00:56:00.001-04:00

Art beneath the canopy glow

Location: the interwebs, trying to get something 46x35in
Mood: frustrated
Music: accounts of peace while passed beneath the canopy glow

Ended up making pizza. Tasted great, looked terrible. Gonna try again and take some pics for you.

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Late posting cause I spent the last two hours trying to get an oversized print of Hopper's Nighthawks. If you're in Chicago, y'should really see it in the museum - never have myself.

If y'ever came by my pad, you'd see that my walls are bare except for one thing my pop drew for me once.

But, realized that barren walls don't make a home, so been looking for some artwork with my very limited scratch. Hopper's got a good sensea how solitary the city's sometimes. Y'can have someone surrounded by people and still by yourself; or even be at home with someone and still be by your lonesome, like his Room in New York.

Sides him, kinda partial to vintage posters like the kind below.

Thing is that, always thoughta home as someplace else. George Carlin useta say something like, a house is just the place where y'keep your stuff. So, I was never one to get even more stuff, like artwork.

But, being 36, suppose it's time to call a place home already, yeah? Ergo, stuff. Ergo, art.

This's my first real piecea artwork that I've not made myself.

Tell me something, what else should I consider?

YASYCTAI: Tell me what art y'like. (5 mins/0.5 pts)

2009-09-28T00:01:00.002-04:00

Either Sick or Awake

Location: 21:00 yest, polishing off another wing in the UWS
Mood: fatty
Music: Children wake up, hold your mistake up

The girlfriend and I're sick. That's her camouflaged as a sofa.

At least, think I'm sick. When you're an insomniac, it's hard to tell if you're sick or just hella tired. The change in the weather's not helping.

Just came back from dinner with WM; took him out to eat for picking up my bro in the middle of the night last week.

Use the word dinner, loosely. Cause it consisted of a pitcher of beer and four dozen Buffalo wings. Think my heart stopped twice.

Speaking of food, decided to make a variant of Jim Lahey's No-Knead Bread. Depending on how it goes, tell y'about it later.

Hold on...heart stopped again.

YASYCTAI: If you don't bake, try one of the no-knead recipes. Just need materials and patience. (1080 mins/1 pt)

2009-09-24T00:01:00.002-04:00

Brighten

Location: 15:00 yest, taking these pics
Mood: hella beat
Music: wanna bathe you in the light of day

Started the day talking myself outta one parking ticket but not the other. Stupid parking/driving rules.

Heard that before Brooklyn became parta NYC in 1898, it was like the 11th largest city in the nation or somethin like that.

Gotta believe it cause I got crazy lost out there today. Ended up on Brighton Beach where every street seems to be named Brighton.

This empty parking spot came up on my left so I figured it was a sign and pulled in.

Stepped out and stood on the beach looking at the blue sky. Thought to myself that my city's really got it all. Snapped a coupla pics and slid back into my car for 90 minutes of traffic to go 19 miles. My day ~~got better~~ brightened after that.

Rushed home to spend my night with my girl for the first time in a while. Not exactly as I hoped.

Check that. NYC's got it all cept for reasonable driving and parking. Sides that, we got it all.

Him: This is different, I really like her.

Me: You always say that, and you always really like them.

Him: Come on, this's different. Few people ever do what we did. (pause) OK, you did but besides you...

Me: Everybody thinks their thing's special. Maybe it is, but give it time to find out.

There're plentya times people think something's something, but turns out to be a whole lotta nuthin.

YASYCTAI: Go to another parta town y'always said you'd go to. (120 mins/1 pt)

2009-09-22T00:01:00.001-04:00

Not out to hurt nobody

Location: 18:00 yest, finishing the appetizer in LI
Mood: sympathetic
Music: Hey Abigail, I know your day has been hell

My friend's having a bad day so I rang her. Wanted to tell her that daylight comes after the dark. Didn't get the chance. It's not a platitude, just simple truth. Hopefully she still reads me.

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Her:...left of the overpass. There's usually parking there.

Me: Got it. Oh and it's a trestle not an overpass cause it's for a train not car. Just thought y'should know...

Brother: (muttering in passenger seat) It's troubling that you know that.

My brother came to visit me over the weekend so gave him the keys to my apartment. I've three doors and never lock the third one. But for some inexplicable reason, locked it.

So the poor guy was outside in the cold at 5AM for two hours. He called WM who insisted on driving in from across the river, to drop him off at the 'rents. Took about an hour.

Both said it wasn't a big deal. They're just too nice t'get mad at me. S'ok, I'm mad at myself.

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Her: Long Island? Why are you taking a class in Long Island?

Me: They have a steak dinner afterward.

Her: You're going all the way out to Long Island just for that?

Me: Did y'not hear what I said? They have a steak dinner afterward.

Her: But it's all the way out...

Me: (slowly) Steak...dinner.

YASYCTAI: Learn the difference between a dash, an em-dash, an en-dash, & a hyphen - note that y'may be a huge nerd. (60 mins/1 pt)

2009-09-17T00:01:00.004-04:00

Support

Location: inside all day
Mood: guilty
Music: You and me got so much to prove

KG Betty called me tonight from Korea to tell me the news.

Me: $50,000?! How big is something like that?

Her: Three carats.

Me: Jeez! Considering how short you are, y'should just wear it around your neck. Like Flavor Flav.

OK, I didn't say the Flavor Flav line, but I totally wanted to.

----------

Different conversation with a different woman.

Her: Did your parents support your decisions growing up?

Me: Well, not so much during the 80s, 90s and 2000s. (pause) But I'm hoping this year'll be different.

Her: (pause then laughter)

They've actually always been mostly supportive of the truly questionable decisions my siblings and I've made in our past. Which is not to say they weren't typical in some respects, like our education, but they gave us a good amount of latitude. For that, I'm grateful.

My pastor once said that everything in our lives can be traced back to being born to the parents we were born to. That's so true - imagine your life if you were born to a Somalian farmer or a North Korean soldier.

My brother called me recently in the middle of the night. Apparently, my dad got lost. The thing is, he doesn't get lost. He just doesn't. Especially not in near home.

It's a small thing, yeah. But it bothers me greatly.

Me: Y'ok?

Him: Me? Don't worry, I'm fine. I just got a little...confused.

Me: (pause) Hey, I'm gonna come home for dinner this weekend.

Him: Oh, that's great! I'll cook.

Me: (slowly) Yeah, sounds great...

YASYCTAI: Check in with people. (20 mins/1 pt)

2009-09-15T00:01:00.000-04:00

Sweep the leg

Location: 18:20, yest, adjusting watch on Broadway
Mood: annoyed
Music: I'll soon be back again That's what I said in China

Kreese: Sweep the leg. (pause) Do you have a problem with that?

Johnny: No, Sensei.

In three years, never really discussed politics. Having said that, always considered myself a moderate conservative. Believe in small government, free markets, few social programs, meritocracies, etc.

This judge once wrote of the Chinese, "[t]heir dissimilarity in physical characteristics, in language, manners, and religions...prevent the possibility of their assimilation with our people." He hoped that "some way may be devised to prevent their further immigration."

Here's the thing though, he wrote that while striking down this law called the Pigtail Ordinance.

Why? Not cause he liked the Chinese, he hated us, but cause the law itself was unconstitutional.

It was a law that was innocent on it's face - if you went to jail you hadta get your hair cut - but clearly it was an end runaround meant to harass the Chinese and their queues. Even the authors of the bill acknowledged this.

So the judge struck it down. Cause, as much as he hated the Chinese, he respected the law. And a law that singled out one group of people - and he grudgingly admitted we were people - was unconstitutional. And thus, he had to strike it down, making him seriously unpopular in Cali.

This health care issue troubles me. The whole tenor of it bugs me. Cause people don't seem to want a fair fight.

The judge's view was this, "Despite my personal feeling, my personal hatred, I'll put that aside to do what's right for the country. If we're right - that Chinese're second class people - then we don't gotta break the law to prove it."

Course, he was wrong on that point but that's neither here nor there.

Look, if y'really have a strong point, use that. Don't make up things like death panels and resort to things like heckling.

Don't people, liberals/conservatives, just get tired of just making crap up to win? Like the idiots that genuinely think 9/11 was by the Bush administration or a Jewish cabal.

~~It's sad when you have to point to a racist and say, "Even this $@#$@ guy..."~~

It's a sad state of affairs, is what I'm trying to say.

YASYCTAI: Do you know any other stories of someone that you wouldn't expect to fight fairly, but did? Find it so interesting, when people don't act like you'd expect. (20 mins/1 pt)

2009-09-10T00:55:00.000-04:00

Affected

Location: same black chair; different room
Mood: busy
Music: Got me affected, spun me 1-80 degrees

My phone's been ringing again. Nuthin steady, nuthin huge, a trickle, really. But it's something. And after months of nuthin, something's good.

It's a bit odd, to be busy again with things for pure monetary exchange. The humdrum of work again.

But it's a good thing; the cadence of waking up, making coffee - for two oftentimes - PB&J or oatmeal, Good Morning America, and then...work?

Well, it's hardly work yet. But it's something.

Always said that my year begins in September. The rhythm of regularity. Am looking forward to it now more than in years.

S'weird, to be excited for the coming monotony.

----------

September 11th again. Has it been eight years already?

Someone told me that I dwell too much on it considering I wasn't "affected."

Didn't know what to say, so I changed the subject. How can one explain what it's like?

YASYCTAI: none, really (0 mins/0 pts)

2009-09-08T00:12:00.001-04:00

Public Service Announcement 2009

Location: my front room
Mood: rum-obsessed
Music: Pour rentrer dans les soirées célib à 30 ans

For those of you that speak geek: Spent the last 96 hours figuring out why I only got three clear QAM channels - turns out a weak signal and a kinked coax'll waste four days of your life.

Picked up a signal amplifier, and some new cable and now I'm in business.

Knee-deep in cables, chili and rum. It's the only way for a geek to spend Labor Day

----------

Speaking of speaking in a foreign language, Federico Fellini once said that, "A different language is a different vision of life."

As promised and as a supplement to last year.

Onea the things about being Chinese-American is that a vast majority of my friends're at least bilingual. Heartgirl and KG Betty speak four.

Me? Was always crappy at languages. My French teacher gave me a good grade for the effort. Hate pity so decided to learn how to be a good language student in college. Didn't work.

Funny thing's that the guy that teaches me how to break people's arms also told me how to learn a language way back when.

Part 1 - from R. Dreifuss (doctoral candidate at Columbia U. and general bad-ass)

See, he said, they always teach language the wrong way in school. Every language's got the same things, the same patterns. Once you learn alla the patterns, y'just need the words to go into that pattern.

English: "(noun) is better than (noun)."
German: "(noun) ist besser als (noun)."
Mandarin: "(noun) bi (noun) hao."

English: "Rum is better than beer."
German: "Rum ist besser als Bier."
Mandarin: "Rum bi beer hao."

Once y'have the patterns down, you need only learn the vocabulary that goes into the patterns.

Part Two - From Barry Farber

Believe, truly believe, that language isn't the words you read/write. It's the words you hear/say.

Take the word Knife.

We say, nigh-feh but it's supposed to sound like, ka-ni-fee - cause that's how it's spelled. Put it another way, the letters k-n-i-f-e just makes a picture that prompts us to say nigh-feh.

More eloquently, the written word is merely the symbolic representation of the language - it is not the language itself.

So stop learning how to read/write and concentrate on learning how to communicate.

I'm illiterate in Chinese, German, and, if y'read this blog, English. Doesn't matter. Y'understand what I'm trying to say. Which brings me to...

Part Three - From me/NLP

Language isn't what y'say. It's what the listener hears.

If y'wanna learn a language, pick up the Pimsleur series and supplement it with the Living Language series six months after you've started the Pimsleur series.

Good luck.
Viel Glueck.
Jia yo.

Man, alla this talk about rum...

YASYCTAI: Consider learning Mandarin. Cause you're gonna work with onea us someday if y'don't already. (three short years/3 pts)

2009-09-03T00:21:00.003-04:00

Twilight Heat

Location: my new apartment, cleaning
Mood: contented
Music: "Come down now," but we'll stay I've tried my best to leave

Her: So what did the guy choose?

My mind plays movies and television shows for me alla time cause, probably like you, I was raised by the cathode ray as much as anything else.

William Shatner was in this episode of the Twilight Zone where he was on his honeymoon but was afraid to leave cause a mechanical doll kept telling them they couldn't. And he got it in his head that it was right.

Thought about that this week and that scene in Heat where the lead can get it all - the girl, the money, the life, everything - if only he'd leave his old life behind. Just walk away from everything. But a need to equalize something kept pulling him to stay.

The woman that stole alla my coin was seen this past week in NYC.

And like that mechanical doll, the Devil rang me up and told me what I hadta do.

Told him that I just wanted to walk away from it all and he said I couldn't.

Do you know, exactly, what a billion is? A billion is a thousand million or 1,000,000,000. Lehman brothers lost 613,000,000,000 dollars. Kinda puts my six-figures to shame.

Then again, it was my six-figures. One does get tired of having just chili and rum for dinner alla time.

It's just the cards I've been dealt. And sometimes, y'gotta take your cards and let fate deal with the resta it all.

Don't let anyone fool you, everything comes at a price. And, I've learned, if you let a thought bounce around in your head long enough, it'll drive you mad. Quite literally. Better to let it go.

Besides, who're we kidding? I love having chili and rum for dinner.

Me: He went back and shot the guy.

Her: (waiting) And? Then what happened?

Me: He lost everything he wanted - everything he really wanted.

Her: I don't think it's worth it.

Me: (smiling) Yeah, me neither.

YASYCTAI: Isn't it hard to let things go. But y'gotta sometimes. For your own sanity. (apparently 36 years/3 pts)

2009-09-01T00:01:00.004-04:00

More Cowboys

Location: 16:00 yest, my kitchen floor, scrubbing
Mood: concerned
Music: Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song

Me: Hey, step outside with me for a sec.

Him: Sure. What's up?

Me: Just wanted to say thanks. When I was going through my breakup, thoughta what you told me about your divorce. How you came back one day to find an empty house. Was nice knowing that you survived the blow.

Him: (grinning) Glad I could help.

Me: Y'know, actually hoped it was you she was seeing behind my back. (laughing) Least you're a decent fella, a successful lawyer and not half-bad looking.

Him: (laughing) Com'on, I think our ladies're waiting.

Now, where were we?

A while back, wrote about cowboys. Seems every seven years, you lose more than halfa your friends. The person y'think of as your best friend only has a 30% chance of staying in that role.

One guy that made the cut was my buddy Steel; he got hitched in Central Park this past weekend. Appetizers included whole lobsters. That was the appetizer. Need to get invited to more weddings like that.

Steel's like alla my good friends. Never really see them; we don't interact much. But he knows that I'm onea the few people in the world he can always count on and vice versa. We're different races but the same people.

That's onea the main things about the Jaycee Dugard case makes me ill. Cause in addition to all of the sick things she had to go through - and they were seriously sick - she didn't have her people. She didn't have a family or friends. Real ones, I mean. What a terribly lonely way to go through life. Couldn't sleep causa it.

Yet another reason, think I'm blessed - our dumb luck.

Speaking of blessed, thanks for the concern but said I was coming back, didn't I?

If y'read me, gotta think that there's a good chance you're onea my people too, yeah? Let's face it, this is hardly an interesting blog and I'm not a scantily clad chick. But I suppose you read cause something I say makes sense to you.

Ergo, we gotta stick together.

Clumsy, geeky, optimistic dreamers're rarer than y'might think in this world.

YASYCTAI: Read about about refeeding syndrome. There's a great example of it in Band of Brothers. People're food for the soul; hope they're careful about easing Jaycee back in. (10 mins/0.5 pts)

2009-08-20T00:15:00.002-04:00

Gone Fisher King (but coming back)

Y'ever kinda just space out while walking or driving and just magically end up on your doorstep? Hold that thought.

There's this great line from The Fisher King where the lead, who's destroyed a buncha people's lives, wails out, "If there were some way I could just pay the fine and go home."

S'never that easy. Did you ever complete that sentence, The purpose of life is....?

My answer I actually told you once a while ago, cept, I didn't tell you. It was my dating philosophy: Leave people better off having met you. Note that I never said "girlies."

Did it to try and help the world out; turns out it helped me out.

Thought I'd take this time to tell you some things, cause I still get the occasional email asking:

The PCD is doing very well; we chat every so often. She's onea my people, even though we never see each other. She's also Beatrix from an old entry and you can read up on her love life here.
And the HEI is doing well too; she's packed up and gone to see about a boy and a life out west. She drops me a line here and there.
Caligirl got married and that's a story in itself.
Elle's finding her way through the big city and finding herself along the way.
The Italian Lawyer, GES, the writer, human resources girl, and others I run into from time-to-time.
It was the SX's birthday recently but she's MIA. She, like most of them've left my Venn Diagram. Suppose that's probably for the best.

Finally, there's Heartgirl. She's asked that I not write about her so I don't but I think it'd be amiss if I didn't. Because I've set her apart.

Spent the last hour trying to figure out how to tell you about her. I've decided that she's my receipt.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still hustling for scratch, several items on my body are broken and/or bruised. Lotsa fail.

But I think she's my cashed check from Life saying, OK, y'did some horrible, _____ things in your life. And I still promise you nuthin but pain. But alla that stuff y'did? For that, we're square. You've paid your fine...and you can go home.

It's been almost exactly three years - August 17, 2006 - since I left who I was to figure out who I wanted to be; three years since my feet were pointed home.

Tonight, while talking to her, looked up to realize that I was almost there.

Was thinking that this was gonna be my last entry. Was gonna put down: Gone Fish'n and be off.

But this blog helped me find my way. So even if there's only one person that still reads me, wanna say "Thanks" for taking the time. (Mom, if it's you, "rum" is what kids call "apple juice").

Gonna take next week off while I try and figure out a few things and spend some time with Heartgirl. But I'll be back Sept 1st round midnight, like always.

See y'then, yeah?

YASYCTAI: Come back September 1st. (a week/1 pt)

2009-08-18T00:01:00.001-04:00

The SOOR

Location: apparently Dante's eighth circle
Mood: goodness, so hot
Music: been looking for something else. Duel it

Me: Realized why I don't wear flip-flops out. Think it's cause when I was a kid, used to and then when the other kids tried to beat me up, couldn't run away fast enough.

Her: (immediately) Oh don't worry, I'll protect you now.

Went drinking with Nadi and Paul at his pad this past Saturday. Quite something when you start drinking at 5PM and call it a night at 10.

Things have been pretty good these days; clients're slowly coming out of the woodwork. Been busy lately, not so must busy with coin production so much as busy with preparation for coin production.

Eh, tomayto, tomahto...

----------

Him: Gonna have the talk with her today, wish us luck.

Got no fewer than four friends that've had the SOOR (Status Of Our Relationship) talk.

Two got their walking papers, one got conditional employment, one got a permanent position - though, really, all good relationships're temp-to-perm at some point, yeah?

Think maybe that's why I was upset with onea my friends. Cause I felt like he already filled the position with some imaginary person and was just stringing the contestant along. But he says he wasn't and he's an honest fellow.

Frank Sinatra had this song I heard once where he said something like, doesn't matter if you're the dumper or the dumpee, sucks either way. Or not.

----------

Me: Can't do it, my finger's broken.

Him: (rolling eyes) Somethings always broken on you...

Lost my health insurance. This means no wrestling for me for now.

Still gonna fence though - grown men stabbing each other with pointy things, what could go wrong there?

YASYCTAI: Help me find that Frank Sinatra song! (60 mins/1 pt)

2009-08-11T00:01:00.002-04:00

No, not that Matthew Perry...

Location: 14:00 yest, melting at 14th Street
Mood: still #@$@#$@# hot
Music: Callin all nations To put it on the line

Her: Cruise's a good actor. I mean, when he plays a character, he's that character. Not like...like Claire Danes or Matthew Perry, who just play themselves every time.

Obviously I'm a history nerd in addition to being a tech one. It's the truest expression of egalitarianism, cause people do the same thing over and over regardless of race, creed or religion.

People're people, world around. And people're not sane, world around.

People think that Asia didn't have guns way back then. They did. The Japanese has it as far back as the 16th Century but they pretty much banned it around the 17th century. Which woulda been great except fast forward to March 31, 1854, when Matthew Perry (not that Matthew Perry) sailed into Japan with a crapton of guns.

Last Thursday, the Hiroshima mayor backed Obama's call to get ridda all nuclear bombs by 2020. Which would be great if everyone was sane. They're not.

Scarier is that these not sane people find each other and toss their not sane ideas back and forth. 1970's Cambodia, 1930's Germany, Saudi Arabia, North Korea - these're whole countries with people not operating with a full deck at the helm.

Look I'm a pacifist. But the problem with most people is that they think, "Well, I wouldn't do that." That's a dangerous thing to think. Cause most people don't do what you'd do - they do what they'd do.

----------

Finally feels like August in the big city; I need a slip-n-slide like below.
Cannot wait for the fall...

YASYCTAI: Have you been in the water yet this summer? Y'gotta...(40 mins/0.5 pts)
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2009-08-06T00:05:00.001-04:00

Beautiful plans

Location: 20:00, yest, leather couch on 73rd
Mood: still hot
Music: I was following though with my beautiful plans

Him: Ran into your ex the other day...she didn't really want to talk about what happened with you two.

Me: Don't blame her - wasn't our best moment, if you will.

Him: Y'don't hate her?

Me: (thinking) Put it this way - if y'were a 31 year-old chick in a happy, stable, relationship, would you throw it all away on some meaningless flings? In other words, how much of a ______ would I have to be for her to do that? Wasn't our best moment. Wasn't my best moment. But I'm trying to be better.

Her: He and I were married 10 years. Now we're not. I had all these plans...

Me: Yeah, y'had all these beautiful plans. Now you gotta come up with new ones. And you will. Right now, y'think of them every minute yeah? But in a while, it'll be every other minute. Then it'll be every other hour. One day you'll realize, y'didn't think of them, or him, all day. Then someday months'll go by when y'don't think of them.

Her: I can't imagine that...

Me: That's what I thought.

Since I'm probably older than you, two random thinks I've learned:

Y'don't know if that terrible thing you're going through is putting onto a better path. It's the rough times I told you about. So wait.
When y'get to be 36, you wanna strangle your 25, 20 and 15 year-old selves alla time for being such an idiot/jerk/drinker/whore/sap/etc.

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Had a condo board meeting today. Tried several times to resign as president. Nope. It's like being in the mafia. Damn that Asian work ethic...

YASYCTAI: Write yourself an email and send it on a delay, like five or 10 years. And start it off with, (NAME), it's you. Sorry for screwing you. Also, sorry for eating alla those donuts and smoking, dude. Really...(10 mins/1 pt)
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