He called the food “barely edible” while “the service was a comedy of errors.”

He also blasted the prices (certainly not cheap when we went, way back in 2005), citing, among other things, a martini for $14.50, a Jim Beam Manhattan for $12.50, and steaks in the $50 range—without sides.

(Seriously, a Jim Beam Manhattan for $12.50? What the hell?)

And this was before he even tasted the food:

The steak was burned and acrid, and the lobster tail was mushy, as if it had been frozen and thawed multiple times.

The Chicken Christopher ($33) consisted of three huge cutlets coated with what tasted like sweetened bread crumbs, swimming in beurre blanc with bits of raw garlic, decorated with a limp sprig of parsley and a wedge of lemon. It looked and tasted terrible.

Ouch.

When the bill arrived, it was adjusted by the manager to make up for some screwups, and Bauer figures it would have been “more than $200 for two cocktails and practically inedible food.”

Practically inedible food. Wow.

I can’t help but wonder if they just had a bad night, or if it’s really gone downhill since our first trip.

Read the whole sorry tale at SFGate.

Word has it that their prices have gone way up. The Porterhouse is now $64, and the Onion Rings are $13. Good thing we’ve been saving our pennies.

We’ll have all three Original Adventurers tonight. Stay tuned for a report (and follow us on Twitter (SteakAdventures) for possible in-Adventure updates!)

Fortunately, Cathy did, and so our official review of 5A5 is written by her. Your guides on this Adventure were Cathy, Ying and me, with the inaugural outing of Guest Adventurer Kevin.

Between poor cooking methods, strange preparations, and what appears to be just bad shopping, we’d begun to think we’d have to give up steak to have an amazing adventure. You’d have to go back to our Bob’s visit in 2004 to find another five star steak group rating. So it is with great delight that we report that the steaks at 5A5 are bordering on miraculous.

We set up our own not-very-blind tasting of dry aged T-Bone, dry aged bone-in New York, strip steak (the least expensive cut on the menu) and A5 Wagyu ($16 per ounce). While the differences were noticeable, all were excellent quality and perfectly prepared. The T-Bone had the two distinct cuts and flavors one would expect (but somehow Jason never gets) set off with delicious slightly greasy fried onions. The bone-in New York had a marvelous texture and finish boosted by truffle butter and morels. The strip steak had a slightly mealier texture, possibly from being cooked longer than the others, but was perked up by a combination of miso, pesto, and ginger. And the Wagyu had that distinct melt-away texture and a finish that lingered like fine wine.

Good thing, since fine wine was one of the things that was hard to find at 5A5. The wine list ranges from pedestrian to insanely over-priced. Cathy and Ying went through it line by line and consulted the waiter twice before settling on cocktails and a $40 half-bottle of bordeaux. One can only hope that the managers will invite some of our clever wine folks from the Santa Cruz mountains, Paso Robles, and Amador to pay a visit and make suggestions.

Another disappointment was the side dishes, although here we may be partly to blame. We did not order either of the seasonal options – fresh corn and mixed wild mushrooms – which might have been better choices. The asparagus were pathetic stringing specimens and judging by the thickness (or lack thereof) from extremely old plants. Two of us also liked the fingerlings, but they were dripping in lemon which isn’t to everyone’s taste. The truffle fries were delicious, although the garlic dipping sauce was strong enough to send everyone’s taste-buds into oblivion.

It’s hard to know how to rate the atmosphere. There is a difference between ‘bad’ and ‘not our thing’ and 5A5 definitely falls into the latter category. The setting would be appropriate for Judy Jetson’s date with pop singer Jet Screamer. But the low squishy couch matched with the round modern table was just uncomfortable for someone not 21. And the pink lighting may have set a great mood, but it made actually seeing anything more challenging than we like.

Our spirits were lifted by the wonderful waitstaff. Our captain made regular appearances and terrific suggestions, but didn’t act like he wanted to join our party. And the pacing of the meal was what one would hope for at that price.

5A5 Steak Lounge

244 Jackson Street
San Francisco, CA 94111
(415) 989-2539

SFGate’s food critic Michael Bauer has already reviewed the place, and calls the service as “unfocused as the space itself – a hybrid of white-tablecloth restaurant and lounge”, but suggests the food, particularly the beef, has some potential. The dry aged T-bone steak, which is likely be my choice, was “loaded with flavor”, he says.

(Before we even go for the first time, the menu already makes it clear we’ll have to go again; they have three cuts of Wagyu style beef, “World Wide Wagyu”, on there, 12 total ounces for $125. Clearly I’ll also need to save up for that return visit.)

Original Adventurers Cathy, Ying and Jason will be the guides for this Adventure. Tune in after August 15 for our recap.

The space inside the Hotel Griffon has always been on the awkward side. It’s long and narrow, light on each end and dark in the middle. Perry’s has been more successful than previous tenants at making the room look inviting from most angles. And on a warm night when they open the doors to the Bay you can forgive them just about anything. The waitstaff is mostly well trained and extremely friendly. They keep things moving at a pleasant pace.

But this site is called Steak Adventures and so it is the steak on which I will concentrate. Specifically, it is a 14-ounce New York strip and in my opinion it is the best thing on the menu. The meat is tender, juicy and tasty with just the right balance of fat. And it has the wonderfully lingering finish of a New York that hasn’t been played with too much: just a little salt from what I can tell. I always say I’m not going to finish it and then I wind up bringing home a slice so small I’d be embarrassed to give it to my neighbor’s Chorkie.

At $29.95, the steak is the most expensive item offered, but that price also covers two generous sides. While not a traditional side like, say, baked potato, the corn bread is my favorite. The vegetable of the day is often a pleasant combination like peas and cherry tomatoes. The creamed spinach topped with cheese is another good option for those who like green things. But I’d skip the fries, which while titled ‘Crispy’ aren’t.

The one thing I would wish for Perry’s-Embarcadero is a better bartender. The house concoctions are simply strange. One involved strawberries and basil and tasted the way I imagine one of those graduated Glade air fresheners would. In the interest of public safety, I should say that I discourage you from drinking both this cocktail and Glade. The classics don’t fair much better. With the new popularity of small-batch bourbon and the importation of superior sweet vermouth, the Manhattans all around San Francisco have reached new heights. At Perry’s they are merely ‘eh.’ Fortunately, the wine list has taken a turn for the better since the opening of this location. The Tempranillo is a particularly good match for the steak.

All in all, if you are looking for a good Steak Adventure that is in no danger of breaking into the three figures, I recommend the New York at Perry’s-Embarcadero. Throw in an Apple Brown Betty and a good friend and you’ll have a great evening.

Perry’s Embarcadero

155 Steuart St. (near Mission)
San Francisco, CA 94105
415.495.6500

Their headline—”Paying a Price for Loving Red Meat“—makes it clear that enjoying the charred flesh of the beast won’t be good for you. I mean, could that be any worse? Was “Red Meat: Eat it and Die!” too dramatic?

The study found that, other things being equal, the men and women who consumed the most red and processed meat were likely to die sooner, especially from one of our two leading killers, heart disease and cancer, than people who consumed much smaller amounts of these foods.

[…]

The increase in mortality risk tied to the higher levels of meat consumption was described as ‘modest,’ ranging from about 20 percent to nearly 40 percent.

Yikes!

What’s their recommendation? Fortunately, it’s not “stop eating yummy food”, it’s “eat in moderation, dude!”.

[P]eople should eat a hamburger only once or twice a week instead of every day, a small steak once a week instead of every other day, and a hot dog every month and a half instead of once a week.

Only a “small” steak a week, which I take means a giant T-Bone every few months is perfectly acceptable.

Of course, it’s not just eating red meat that’s the issue. Other bad habits and no exercise is bad too.

The subjects in the study who ate the most red meat had other less-than-healthful habits. They were more likely to smoke, weigh more for their height, and consume more calories and more total fat and saturated fat. They also ate less fruits, vegetables and fiber; took fewer vitamin supplements; and were less physically active.

So if you’re gonna enjoy a steak, make sure you’re taking a few strolls around the block or a couple of spins on your indoor cycle.

The meal began with a palate cleanser of cold cucumber soup. It was garnished with a large handful of cilantro to which I’m allergic, so it will not be reviewed. Next came two ounces each of four kinds of steak accompanied by a corn and herb flan and apples for cleansing the palate. The meal was topped off with a scrumptious cherry tart.

The slices of meat were laid out at 12:00, 3:00, 6:00, and 9:00. Everyone was encouraged to go around their plate three times to taste each type alone, with Merlot, and then with Cabernet. All of the steaks were New York strips prepared medium rare. In one of the few slip-ups of the evening, salt and pepper had been added. While the panel highly recommended pre-salting as part of preparation, all agreed that pepper can cloud or even dominate the flavor of the meat. There were also a few tables that received medium slices, although some seemed to prefer that level of doneness.

The meat was to be judged on three main qualities. Texture might be catalogued as tough, chewy, firm, bouncy, like butter, or mush. The personality might be characterized as unbalanced, flat, layered, savory, gamy, or straightforward. This could be further defined with flavor notes of Roquefort, maples syrup, mushroom, etc. Lastly, the mouthfeel could be described as dry, moist, coats the palate or oily. Impressions were recorded on a prepared sheet, which also allowed for an overall rating from 1 (never again) to 10 (outstanding) and a ranking from 1 to 4.

You may have noticed over the course of our Steak Adventures that I most often order ribeye or prime rib. I generally prefer well-marbled meat with some firmness to it and a lingering finish. Even blind, this preference played out. As my overwhelming first choice I chose the Kobe beef from Nebraska. This was a grain-fed cow bred from Waygu and Angus stock, wet-aged a minimum of 21 days. I described it as moist and rich with a slightly olive oil flavor. In fact, the taste overwhelmed the somewhat-bland Cabernet.

My second favorite was the Charolais, a dry-aged grain-fed cow from Colorado. This breed originated in Bourgogne, France and is used by chefs throughout Europe. I described it as buttery with a basic meaty taste and a short finish that worked well with the Cabernet.

In third place was the Holstein-Friesian wet-aged steak. This breed originated in the Netherlands, but has been available in America since the late 1800s. The cattle—mostly cast-offs of dairy cows—are fed a combination of grain, hay, vitamins and minerals resulting in a very fine texture. I found it boring unless washed down with massive amounts of Merlot.

Finally, my least favorite was the grass-fed Angus from Sonoma. Jason and I have suspected that we really don’t like grass-fed beef ever since our disappointing dinner at Acme Chop House. My notes said, ‘too tender, livery, slightly weird, strong aftertaste.’ On a scale of 1 to 10 I rated it a 2, figuring I’d eat it again if I absolutely had to.

When queried about their favorite steak, the 60 participants were split almost evenly among the four options. Certainly, the Artisan Beef Institute had made their point. While not all of us have such a wide range of options, it is helpful to know that a cow has been given quality feed, raised in a quality area such as Nebraska, Colorado, or California, and has not been overly stressed. The rest, as they say, is a matter of taste.

Let’s see if we can make this quick:

1. Should you go to Epic Roasthouse? Yes.

2. Will you have a good time? Absolutely.

2. Will you enjoy a great steak dinner? Reply hazy. Try again later.

Of course, for a high-end steakhouse, a Magic Eight Ball prognostication is a tough cut to swallow. But let’s start from the top, shall we?

This Steak Adventure featured all three Original Adventurers, plus the inaugural outing for Guest Adventurer Marija. The occasion was a delayed birthday celebration for Cathy, sponsored by her very generous uncle. We were all looking forward to trying our first steakhouse run by a celebrity chef and Jan Birnbaum, who hails from New Orleans where he worked under Paul Prudhomme, has built an incredible reputation in the Bay Area. 

Our expectations were further raised by the stunning location right on the San Francisco waterfront. Now, there’s usually only one reason to go to a steakhouse and it’s not for the views, but damn, Epic had some steller sitelines. Sitting right on the Embarcdero, just beyond the Bay Bridge, the spectacular views entranced us as the sun did its late evening march across the sky. It was one of those great San Francisco sights that tourists write home about and we locals too often take for granted.

The view didn’t end when the sun went down either, as the room itself was equally impressive, with giant, heavy and supple leather chairs just begging for the men in the party to act like gentlemen, and what was supposed to be the reimagination of “the pump station that might have saved San Francisco in 1906”. Though not everyone may appreciate this giant wheel and hugh piping, it did give those without a Bay view something dramatic to look at. This extended to the salt tray, with its three different kinds of salt: Black Lava, Pink Himalayan, and French Sea Salt. One may be tempted to say that everything here is all about presentation.

But, like I said, you don’t go to a steakhouse for the views. We were there to eat and so we did and rather enjoyably, if not perfectly.

The best part of the meal may have come at the beginning, with terrific drinks and a tasty selection of appetizers. The bar menu includes classics such as a sidecar, the Sazerac and a refreshing Pimm’s cup, along with house creations like a Fennel Gimlet and the Treasure Island for two. The wine list has some wonderful options offered by the “splash” or glass.  While we were disappointed that the sommelier never came to our table, the waiter (a Joel-Grey-in-Brothers & Sisters look-alike) helped us pick out a very tasty and reasonably priced Priorat from Spain.

For appetizers, Cathy had the home-smoked sturgeon on a potato cake, which came with an unusually generous portion of caviar, while Marija had the Red Leaf Lettuce and Radicchio Salad. Ying ordered the Roasted Marrow Bones with Tomato Jam and Garlic Toast.

Without the jam and bread, the bone marrow was little more than flavorless fat, but once spread on the baguette, Ying declared it ‘heaven’ and ‘to die for’ which, I suppose, sort of go together.

For sides, we went full out and ordered Sautéed Wild Mushrooms, Truffle Whipped Potatoes, Onion Rings with Anchovy Tomato Catsup, Steak Potatoes and Asparagus with Béarnaise Sauce. The whipped potaotes were amazing: fluffy and creamy without being heavy and overly fatty. Both Cathy and I named these our favorite. Cathy and Ying also enjoyed the fresh, juicy wild mushrooms (which Ying decided was her favorite side). The asparagus was tender and the onion rings perfectly crispy. Any of us would have happily made a meal out of just the sides and been satisfied. They were masterfully prepared and sufficiently generous (unlike at Ruth’s Chris where we got four spears of steak fries for five people).

 

As good as the appetizers and sides were, it’s the steak that brought us to Epic, and it’s the steak that will push Epic over the top or into the Bay.

The speacility beef was the Prime Rib. So precious is it that there are a limited number cuts each night, and you have to get there early enough to secure a slice. Cathy got her order in in time, and when it arrived, I half-expected it to tilt the table, Flintstone’s style, it was so huge. It comes from “the best ranch in Colorado” and was tender and had a good flavor, some of which came from an herbal and salt rub.  But at $42 a slice it should have been mind-blowing and had something on the plate other than a shine.

Ying had the New York Strip, cooked medium well. The flavor was wonderful, despite big chunks of fat surrounding the steak (which is somewhat to be expected a strip cut).

I ordered the Porterhouse. Normally this is two distinct cuts of meat separated by a bone. The two halves are as different as can be and are challenging to cook well, and therefore are a good test of the skills of the kitchen staff.

Epic failed here. The Porterhouse was just a bad piece of meat—a $54 bad piece of meat. First, the beef didn’t have the traditional distinct cuts. (Perhaps Epic uses the British Commonwealth definition of ‘Porterhouse’?) Second the meat was inexplicably tough, both to cut and to chew, despite being ordered ‘medium’. I ended up returning the dish in favor of a New York Strip like Ying ordered, but, perhaps because of their rush to replace the dish (or the strange wheeled contraption they use to raise and lower the meat over the fire), it came out unevenly cooked, and closer to rare than the requested medium, making it nearly inedible.

(A note on the waitstaff: The Joel Grey look-alike was very helpful in many ways, including moving quickly to replace the Porterhouse. He also assisted Marija in her entreé selection, and got our order into the kitchen early enough to secure a portion of that precious Prime Rib for Cathy, all while being very friendly and entertaining.  The only reason the service lost a star was because of the busboys, who doled out bread and water as if driven by a random number generator. Marija waited nearly half an hour before getting her ration of bread (which was apparently limited to one piece of baguette, one small corn muffin, and one mini biscuit each).  And on one occasion, Marija, to Cathy’s left, received water and Cathy did not. We also asked for a scotch menu early in the evening, which never materialized, though the waiter did manage to procure a limited selection from the dessert menu for us.)

We ended our dinner with some wonderful dessert, one of which—the deliciously decadent Warm Scharffenberger Chocolate Soufflé with Caramel Sea Salt Ice Cream—was shared by the table. If you want to order this, make sure you do it early in your dinner because it needs 20 minutes to cook. The presentation here, too, was great: The waiter brought the souffle, a scoop of Carmel Sea Salt Ice Cream, and a small saucer of chocolate sauce. He first cracked open the souffle, poured some chocolate sauce on top of it, then scooped the ice cream on top that, and finally more chocolate sauce. Like I said, everything is about presentation here. (Even the coffee came in a shiny French press pot, with both raw and organic sugar on a sugar tray.) And although the soufflé was wonderful, everyone found it to be very, very chocolate-y and almost too rich. Even the four of us, all chocolate lovers, couldn’t quite finish it off. Heck, Ying didn’t even remember what the ice cream tasted like because of the overwhelming chocolate taste of the sauce and souffle.

Cathy enjoyed A Selection of Sorbets and Granités for her dessert. The strawberry was her favorite and the honey melted faster than the Wicked Witch of the West. There was a third flavor which Cathy is unable to remember, so we can safely say this wasn’t memorable since she doesn’t remember it and that’s what being memorable is all about.

I had the Scoop of Vanilla Ice Cream with a Peanut Butter Bar. The ice cream was great; the peanut butter bar was too peanut-y. (Yes, I know; what else was I expecting?) And, the dessert was on the house thanks to my poor experience with my order.

In fact, it’s a shame that with all the thought that went in to Epic that the one thing that should have been outstanding—the steak—was the only real disappointment, receiving lower marks than two chains: Bob’s and Morton’s. All of the Adventurers on this outing hope Epic is able to correct the problems in the kitchen so that the entire meal can be as spectacular as the appetizers and setting.

Epic Roasthouse

Looking for another impression? See what the San Francisco Chronicle had to say about Epic Roasthouse.

Original Adventurers Cathy, Ying and Jason will be joined by a mysterious fourth Adventurer on June 21. Subscribe to our RSS feed or come back after June 21 for our report on this highly anticipated new steakhouse.

There are also plans in the works for “unofficial” Steak Adventures, which will include one of the Core Adventurers (Cathy or Jason) along with new Adventurers.

Stay tuned for updates!