I wanted to share a follow up to my last posting (Students Need the Life Skill of Caring and Speaking Up) which would be more inspirational and promising, and this past weekend I spent some time searching for what is right within our school system versus what is wrong.

I found something within my stack of mail, the school bulletin published by Punahou School. (Fall09 Issue online) An excerpt:

Clarence T.C. Ching PUEO Program at Punahou School Puts College Within Reach

By Beverly Creamer

“The Clarence T.C. Ching PUEO Program at Punahou School – PUEO stands for Partnerships in Unlimited Educational Opportunities – was designed as an intensive and continuing hands-on experience to inspire and support more young people to pursue a college education. Launched in 2005, PUEO provides opportunities to public middle and high school students with college aspirations who have financial need. It’s aimed specifically at scholars in the academic middle, in the C to B+ range.

“Before I was in this program, I was afraid to go to college,” admits 14-year-old Ariana Acosta, a sophomore from Hilo High School on the Big Island who has also been inspired to begin writing a novel. “I thought it was going to be hard. But since this program began, I feel more confident in myself. Now it’s my top priority to finish college and get a good job.”

PUEO originally was modeled on other successful summer bridge programs across the country, and today is an active member of a consortium of Private Schools with a Public Purpose. The Punahou program is one of the nation’s largest programs of its kind, with one public school principal, Donna Lum, calling it “a powerful model” for other schools to follow.

“Our students come back excited, invigorated and more committed to taking charge of their own learning,” says Lum, principal at Jarrett Intermediate School in Palolo Valley.”

An online copy of the full article is available with photos, and I encourage you to take a look.

We can do better at this, and like Punahou, many brave individuals are. Let’s continue to share ideas and news of what is working, and see how we can duplicate it.

If you missed the comments of my last posting, I encourage you to take another look: You will learn much more about options in homeschooling and about ‘unschooling’ thanks to the very helpful additions of others in our Ho‘ohana Community.

I will be returning to our more usual leadership and management topics this week, but these discussions about new possibilities, our educational partnerships and community Kuleana (responsibility) remain near and dear to heart for me. You can expect that I will continue to explore what we have recently coined as Sense of Workplace here, this Call To Action will remain easily accessible on the blog sidebar, and I will seek to work with the teaching community further via Teaching with Aloha, where Dean Boyer mentors us so well.

I did something a week ago I am not particularly proud of, but if I’m completely honest about it, I don’t regret it either. Well, maybe one partial regret; I could have been more tactful and less forceful and direct, and still get my message across.

I gave a speech while I was angry at my audience.

After writing about The Lost Generation and our Sense of Workplace issue over the past month my emotions got the best of me I guess, for I very bluntly (as in very bluntly) told my audience of 15 to 17 year-old students how hugely disappointed I was in them for not asking questions —and not caring. Not questions of me (for we hadn’t even gotten that far) but of teachers and adults in general, and in particular of our Mea Ho‘okipa (hosts) for the day who had laid out the welcome mat for them.

Parents and teachers, I blame you

Parents: Are you really upset about Hawai‘i’s Friday furloughs because your children are not learning, or because you’ve lost 17 days of babysitting?

I ask because I just don’t see that the learning which counts is happening anyway, where both you and your children’s teachers have this partnership in shaping our youth, growing them to be life-skilled adults.

Teachers: Let’s say you get your instructional days back. If you keep using them the way you’ve used them up to this point, it doesn’t matter. I know that you rant about parents expecting you to babysit too; I’ve heard you. Yet you still put up with it, and you still do it because your expectations of our students in your schools are way too low.

The full story

I was asked to speak to a group of students over their lunch, talking to them about Managing with Aloha, and in particular my personal story of “local girl done good.” They attend a private school and were on a field trip, and I was scheduled to be their end-of-the-day motivational speaker.

Whenever I speak, particularly to a new audience, I will be sure I arrive early so I can mingle and meet people much as the opportunity presents itself, for the more we connect ahead of time, the better my presentation ends up. This time their teacher invited me to join the rest of the field trip, and having the day free I eagerly accepted, then watched with increasing dismay as these highly fortunate students barely paid much attention to what was presented to them.

It was one of those situations where the workplace host really made the best of it; the students were given 8 other presentations before mine, all only 10- 20 minutes each, while we took a fabulous walking tour of their business. The presentations were made by managers who normally do not speak, and working with middle managers every day as I do, I could tell how much careful preparation they had put into what they did; they went “all in.” The students barely pretended to care, showing very little interest and asking no questions unless pressed to do so.

The other adults there, their teachers and chaperones, and the other embarrassed host reps, jumped in often to fill the awkward silences and give the presenters whatever acknowledgment and interesting questions they could. It didn’t help: The students still were not interested, and still didn’t care. They only became a bit more talkative when they started whining about being hungry, asking where we’d have lunch.

So we fed them. Then I had them circle their chairs around me in a tight circle for my presentation, I forbid the adults in the room to talk, I threw out my prepared presentation, and I gave them a much more forceful one about respect, Ho‘ohanohano and the strength and demeanor of Alaka‘i initiative they will need to make it in our world. Then, I told them I really didn’t care what time their school bus was scheduled to leave and take them back to their campus; I wasn’t going to dismiss them until they asked me or the other adults still in the room (with their jaws on the floor) some intelligent questions. And guess what? They did. They struggled with it, but they did.

They have the smarts. We don’t demand they use them

Parents and teachers, you are doing a miserable job at preparing our youth for the workplace. Heck, you’re doing a miserable job at preparing them for life. It was rough, but honestly, at their age (two thirds of them expect to graduate this year) I think I was easy on them.

I wish I could say this was a one-time experience, but it wasn’t —though it was the first time I let my emotions get the best of me. Normally I take it on the chin and politely plow through my presentation the civilized adult way, and therefore, it has gotten to the point where I usually stick to teaching adults in the workplace and refuse these speaking ‘opportunities’ knowing how high the chances are I will be disappointed.

I mentioned this was a private school, and yes, knowing of the privilege I feel these particular students have was likely another accelerant of my anger that day, but I have had this same experience in public schools, and worse, in colleges where students are supposed to care a bit more (at least about the encroaching certainty they will soon be on their own).

Do you know why desperation does not kick in during college either? We have been spoon-feeding our youth, and they just expect it will keep happening in the workplace too. That is what they expect, no, they know us adults to do. It’s our m.o.

Uh, wrong.

I used to tell myself it was me —I’m better with speaking to, teaching and coaching adults who already have some workplace experience as the context they draw from – and I think that is still true; the workplace is my playground and laboratory. However I am done with letting the rest of you off the hook —you parents, teachers, coaches and counselors who get the first shot at the people we in business eventually hire.

We in business accept our Kuleana too: As a manager and now as a coach, I have always taught managers about their profound responsibility with taking over for you, and treating the workplace as the ‘next classroom’ wherein we are willing and able to do our part with shaping a good citizenry, mentoring people who can Ho‘ohana and be Alaka‘i in our Sense of Workplace —ensuring that business is now a healthy environment where they will continue to cultivate their life skills, and they will care.

But hear me on this: We want to continue your good work. We’ve been starting it, and doing it for you. You have been doing a horrible job at getting our youth ready for the challenge called life, and you better dig deep, uncovering the reasons why and fixing them once and for all.

Not giving up, and I fully intend to continue championing this Call to Action I’ve added on the blog’s sidebar: Share Your Sense of Workplace. But you’ve got to know that it is really hard for employers to welcome the youth you ‘graduate’ into the workplace right now, because they simply aren’t ready.

Postscript:
If you are new to Say “Alaka‘i” this post may help with some context with our Hawaiian values of Alaka‘i and Ho‘ohana, and our Language of Intention here: Labor Day Aloha

My mana‘o [The Backstory of this posting]
Each Thursday I write a management posting for Say “Alaka‘i” at Hawai‘i’s newspaper The Honolulu Advertiser. Today is less management and more a timely commentary on our current issues. Here is the link to the original article there: Students Need the Life Skill of Caring and Speaking Up. The edition here on Talking Story is revised with internally directed links, and I can take a few more editorial liberties.

Photo Credit: Waiting for Time to Pass by Orange42 on Flickr

Related articles on Teaching with Aloha:

• From Schoolyard to Workplace – Successfully
• The 10 Alaka‘i Beliefs of Great Teachers

Had a conversation yesterday with a work team who had tackled the Sweet Closure initiative with us in October. Not only did they tackle it, they nailed it.

So yesterday they were asking, “Now what?” wondering if there was specific goal-setting I recommended for them through November and December. They were feeling great about all the projects they successfully completed in October (within the Sweet Closure goal of ending 2009 early, to better enjoy the coming holidays), but now they felt a bit directionless – they are not at all used to facing two months with no new projects!

How’s that for a great problem to have?

You can still set goals for November and December. What accomplishing Sweet Closure does, is give you the opportunity to set some goals you may never have otherwise had time for. You simply have new and different choices.

I’m a habitual goal-setter too, and I don’t stay away from the process during these two months. What might be different for me, is that I feel no guilt whatsoever about shedding professional goals early so that I can have the time for tackling some personal ones – like seizing more holiday time for my family. As you know, the D5M alpha and the Sense of Workplace Call to Action is a biggie for me right now: I go big, and make room in my year for causes I care deeply about.

Now I fully realize that I have an advantage you might not have: I’m my own boss (and in my company I am the boss). You might feel that you don’t have the same kind of discretionary freedom, and are caught in that common trap, where if you finish your “real work” early, your boss will just give you more to do.

Maybe so.

And guess what? If I were coaching them, I’d have them watching for lulls in your energy too, for remember – what great leadership does, is create workplace energy realizing it is the single greatest resource a prosperous company has – more than even time and abundant financial capital.

Here is one thing I know about bosses pretty universally. They don’t look for more work to give you if they feel you are already doing good work, and if energy is already buzzing up the workplace with good vibrancy.

So do good work.

My recommendation is that you look for those self-leadership opportunities which are a win-win personally and professionally – but do reward yourself by making sure your personal Ho‘ohana is part of your efforts. Never forget that What’s in it for me?” is a Self-Leadership Question.

Here is my premise: There is no leadership without self-leadership first.

Dedicate November and December to goal-setting on self-leadership. Trust me, your boss will applaud you because they will notice the fire in your eyes, and they will welcome your new-found energy as good for you, good for the business, good for them. They won’t give you more to do because they won’t want to break the spell: They’ll leave you be to keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.

Again, do good work. Do GREAT work.

I’ll help you with some ideas.

Do some soul-searching and self-reflection as you read through this list, and then pick the ones you know you need to work on. Turn them into opportunities you will pursue as your November and December goals:

A Talking Story Preface:
Long-time readers will recognize this list as one which has served us well since I first wrote it in April of 2007. What I have done is link it up with my recent coaching. To use this list as I suggest, read it first without clicking on any of the links. Reflect as Rick suggested we do on JJL yesterday. Then, after you decide which you want to work on, and have come up with a preliminary plan, the links may serve to help you flesh out your thoughts a bit more.

12 Rules for Self-Leadership

1. Set goals for your life; not just for your job. What we think of as “meaning of life” goals affect your lifestyle outside of work too, and you get whole-life context, not just work-life, each feeding off the other.

2. Practice discretion constantly, and lead with the example of how your own good behavior does get great results. Otherwise, why should anyone follow you when you lead?

3. Take initiative. Volunteer to be first. Be daring, bold, brave and fearless, willing to fall down, fail, and get up again for another round. Starting with vulnerability has this amazing way of making us stronger when all is done.

4. Be humble and give away the credit. Going before others is only part of leading; you have to go with them too. Therefore, they’ve got to want you around!

5. Learn to love ideas and experiments. Turn them into pilot programs that preface impulsive decisions. Everything was impossible until the first person did it.

6. Live in wonder. Wonder why, and prize “Why not?” as your favorite question. Be insatiably curious, and question everything.

7. There are some things you don’t take liberty with no matter how innovative you are when you lead. For instance, to have integrity means to tell the truth. To be ethical is to do the right thing. These are not fuzzy concepts.

8. Believe that beauty exists in everything and in everyone, and then go about finding it. You’ll be amazed how little you have to invent and how much is waiting to be displayed.

9. Actively reject pessimism and be an optimist. Say you have zero tolerance for negativity and self-fulfilling prophecies of doubt, and mean it.

10. Champion change. As the saying goes, those who do what they’ve always done, will get what they’ve always gotten. The only things they do get more of are apathy, complacency, and boredom.

11. Be a lifelong learner, and be a fanatic about it. Surround yourself with mentors and people smarter than you. Seek to be continually inspired by something, learning what your triggers are.

12. Care for and about people. Compassion and empathy become you, and keep you ever-connected to your humanity. People will choose you to lead them.

If you are doing all of these things, no boss on earth is going to mess with you. In fact, they will be guarding you with their life, and making sure they keep you happy, because people like me try to hire you away from them.

My mana‘o [The Backstory of this posting]
Each Tuesday I write a leadership posting for Say “Alaka‘i” at The Honolulu Advertiser. The edition here on Talking Story is revised with internally directed links, and I can take a few more editorial liberties.

One last reminder: Who leads? You do. In the Sweet Spot:

The trouble with “all or nothing” is that it is often too intimidating to choose all, making it much too easy to choose nothing.

Reality is, most of our naturally occurring choices fall in between the two, and their outcome would significantly improve if they became choices which were more conscious and intentional. ‘In between’ all or nothing can be a very good place to be.

In fact, ‘in between’ is where you find the Sweet Spot.
Leadership is a perfect example.

This past Thursday was a rare day I did not duplicate the posting I’d done for Say “Alaka‘i” here on Talking Story, for I gave the publishing day to the announcement of our D5M Ruzuku alpha instead. (It starts today!)

Well, some things are not to be denied.

The post was called “Your Edge Comes From Your Inconvenience” and Smilin’ Pat left a comment for me there which reminded me of the story of Hernando Cortés.

I had to look it up, and found the following passage as quite appropriate for our day: Today is your final chance to sign up for our habit-building challenge with The Daily 5 Minutes, and I wonder…

Will you challenge your most brilliant self?

“I’ve never forgotten the story of the famed explorer Hernando Cortés. He landed on the shores of Veracruz, Mexico, in 1519. Wanted his army to conquer the land for Spain. Faced an uphill battle: an aggressive enemy, brutal disease and scarce resources. As they marched inland to do battle, Cortés ordered one of his lieutenants back to the beach with a single instruction: ‘Burn our boats.’ My kind of guy.”

“Challenge serves beautifully to introduce you to your best — and most brilliant — self. How fully would you show up each day — at work and in life — if retreat just wasn’t an option?”

—Robin Sharma, The Greatness Guide
(which I highly recommend: One of the most dog-eared books I own)

Well, the D5M habit-building challenge we have starting today isn’t quite that daunting — or is it? Are you still hesitating?

Today is the day!

Last day to sign up for the challenge, AND Day 1 of the challenge.

There is one thing I can confidently reassure you of. If you seize the commitment, and do just one D5M each and every day for the next 15 days with us within the closed Ruzuku environment, you can’t fail to improve your communication skills. At minimum, you will be a better listener.

The only way to fail, is to stop short of the habit kicking in (or to fake it, and if that’s even a remote possibility I prefer you not sign up at all). So let’s do this!

D5M-ing the Ruzuku Alpha:
Recommendations from your Coach

Today is Day 1 of the Alpha, and thus November 16th is day 15. On November 17th we celebrate your new habit! As promised, I have composed a D5M Tip of the Day which will appear in the alpha for the first 5-7 days, and will then custom craft them to the experiences of our alpha group. Here are my early, as-we-get-started recommendations for you:

1. I suggest you focus your habit-building challenge on a team of 4 or 5 people. You will still do just one D5M a day, and therefore, by day 15 they will each have had at least 3 conversations with you, and you can see how it progresses for them – after all, they are creating a new habit too, one of talking to you! So choose the invitation which you feel will work best for the people you have chosen as your D5M receivers and co-builders of the habit. If you missed it, examples of D5M invitations are in this post: The Daily 5 Minutes: How to Get Started

2. Don’t get overly ambitious. Even within the workplaces I personally coach I will only recommend one or two D5Ms a day for a very important reason: People will expect you to follow up on the things they talk to you about, and you must allow time for your follow-up to happen (and the sooner the better). If you don’t follow up, people will stop opening up to you, thinking, “Why bother?”

Bonus Link: Here is another MWA workplace tool which may be of help to you, one which covers the 3 things you want to take note of when following-up well: Improve your Reputation with 1 List

3. The alpha will prompt you for a daily update, for “daily” is what is required to build your D5M habit. 21-28 days is widely assumed to be the timeframe required to build a new habit, but in my experience, the 15 days of our challenge is all you need. I’m giving away the punchline here, but have you ever read the Habit Riddle? Food for thought with all your habits, not just the D5M: You are Your Habits, so Make ‘em Good!

4. Your daily log in the alpha is to be done after you have had your D5M conversation each day. I am recommending people log initials and a time so you can look back over the 15 days and see what times trended for you. E.G:

My D5M was with A.S. at 3:30pm today. Add what you’ve learned and feel comfortable sharing, or use it to ask a question of the community; perhaps you’d like others to suggest responses you had not thought of. Tell us what you notice, and we’ll be optimizing our peer-to-peer coaching.

5. You probably won’t want to tell us everything! Depending on the relationships you are targeting, you may find that keeping a private journal helps you more than the 1 list note-taker linked above in no. 2.

Another Bonus Link: Our all-of-November theme on our sister site, Joyful Jubilant Learning is Writing to Learn. Rick Cecil introduces another Ruzuku challenge there today you might be interested in: Journaling to Reflect and Learn

Sign-up will close at midnight today in your own time-zone. Don’t miss out, for we’re going to burn some boats and watch old communication habits go up in smoke as we create some better ones.

Postscript: After this posting we will continue with our on-going Talking Story publishing Ho‘ohana: About TalkingStory.org. The comments will be kept open on our D5M Ruzuku Alpha Resource Page for those D5M-ing practitioners who might want another talking story place outside the confines of the alpha test parameters —I’ve added the link to the right sidebar so it will be easy for you to find, no matter what page you may be reading here.

Photo Credits: All the D5M/Ruzuku graphics were created by Rick Cecil of More Better Labs. Orange by 96dpi on Flickr and ? by R’eyes on Flickr

What a prosperous October we have had. We are wrapping up our Ho‘ohana of Sweet Closure 2009 with a rediscovery of The Daily 5 Minutes.

There is one more Daily 5 Minutes article which has been on www.ManagingwithAloha.com for quite some time and needs updating, and I wanted to bring it here to Talking Story, weaving a few of our recent conversations into the learning. This one does borrow from the values-based workplace coaching that my business is all about, and those who frequent our Ho‘ohana Publishing sister site, Joyful Jubilant Learning will also smile knowingly at the connection to Learning My 9 Boxes.

The Daily 5 Minutes: 3 Values, 9 Questions

In the classes we personally present at Say Leadership Coaching, we teach the D5M in connection with three values, Ha‘aha‘a, Kākou and ‘Ike loa;

Ha‘aha‘a is the value of humility and thus it helps us to be open to what we can receive from others, being willing to have them connect with us, and affect us in a transformational way. Being humble is never lowly; it is accepting others from a place of strength and confidence in one’s self-esteem.

“Humble managers see with their ears.” Learn more about D5M-ing your Decisions: See with your ears. We managers don’t have all the answers; we find them. We also find stories.

Kākou is the value of inclusiveness and it promotes the “language of we.” Thus, we think of Kākou as the value of effective communication. When communication is Kākou, it connects everyone in an organization, so everyone is “in the know.” Think about it: Even Following is NOT a Passive Activity

‘Ike loa is the value of learning and knowledge, and in using the Daily 5 Minutes, you will get to know your staff exceptionally well while simultaneously improving both your listening skills and your relationship with them. You will discover the knowledge which resides in other people, and believe me, We Learn Best from Other People.

To give managers the best overall view of the D5M in a workshop setting, we have a teaching model we call the 9 Boxes. Each box covers one of 9 basic questions about the Daily 5 Minutes. I presented them to an eager, enthusiastic group of managers recently, and they inspired me to share them with you as well.

When we revisit The Daily 5 Minutes today, focus on seeing them through the three values the practice promotes.

1. What is it?

The Daily 5 Minutes is a simple habit: Each day, without fail, managers are to give 5 minutes of no-agenda time to at least one of their employees (“no agenda” for the manager. The receiver is the talker, and about anything they want to bring up.) Log the event in a simple checklist of names to ensure you don’t miss anyone, and speak to each employee in turn on a regular basis. This is a spontaneous process to fill dead time wonderfully, however it is a brand new conversation, informally conducted, yet understood as a formal organizational practice for everyone, not an increased frequency of the random “talk story.”

2. Why is it a habit?

Consistency is the key to having this work, for to be kākou, it cannot be hit and miss, it must be inclusive and repetitive as a sense of workplace cultural practice. Good habits perpetuate good things naturally, as by definition, habits are “predictable patterns of behavior.” Therefore, good habits make up a personal work system you can trust in. It is very true that You are Your Habits, so Make ‘em Good!

The benefits of the D5M will grow over time as well, by merit of the ever-increasing comfort level between a giver and receiver: How good (and gracious) a Receiver are you?

3. What is the benefit for me?

The D5M is designed to give you practice in cultivating better listening habits. As a result, it delivers better relationships with your staff, and employees don’t slip under your radar. You will have fewer operational surprises, and you can be pro-active instead of re-active. In addition, the D5M has been proven to minimize voice-mails, emails, and other work interruptions because so much is handled within the regularity and predictability of the D5M practice.

The biggest benefit? People talk to you without hesitation. So, you think you’re approachable huh?

4. What is the benefit for the employee?

They feel included, valued, and continually “in the know.” At minimum, they know that they always have a chance to catch up with you on a regular basis. The D5M is like a DMZ (a demilitarized zone)! D5M conversations are not documented, they present coaching opportunities, and they are therefore a safe, unthreatening time, with no ramifications or repercussions.

5. How do I start?

Tell your receivers what it is, and why you want to do it. It is a gift of your time given to them, where you are completely open to just listen and respond. Let them know when and how often they can expect it – for instance, it is not daily for them, but for your own practice. “Clear the plate” if you feel it necessary, starting with a 20-minute session first to simply check if you are on the same page, and to catch up with each other; start with a clean slate.

6. Who do I start with?

It’s generally a good idea to start with your direct reports and your peers first, for these are the people you want to be sure you have time for, and should be connecting with regularly and most frequently – they are the ones to build into your foundational habit. Then, add your boss to the mix – the D5M is a great way to “manage up.”

7. How do I give it?

As a gift, and with the intention of aloha. In starting each D5M, use language cues and ask permission, “Is this a good time to Take 5 with you? I’d like to give you my Daily 5 Minutes.” Take ownership of the where and when; e.g. never in your office, and not when a bad time for them. Remember: you have no agenda; you intend to listen, and increase your own comfort and relationship with them by responding well. Get comfortable with silence; give them time to think. If you must help them, help by asking “appreciative inquiry” questions.

8. How do I receive it?

When you receive it, you are the leader in the conversation, so you must be willing to engage and take that lead. The giver initiates it, and then responds to your agenda for the conversation. Use the time wisely, and respect the 5 minute time frame. This does not replace all other communication! Engage in the process by bringing your aloha to the relationship as well.

9. How do I end it?

When this is a formal practice in an organization and everyone knows how to engage in the D5M, the beauty of it is that it really takes only 5 minutes – or less! To end it, say “thank you for sharing this time with me” or, “thank you for talking to me about this” when something new has been shared with you. Seek partnership: if an issue did come up, be sure you each know what the next action step is that you have mutually agreed to take.
Click here for a new article on how to finish conversations well when an issue is shared with you.

These 9 Questions make up the D5M primer we start all our managers with. Then, as they begin to practice the D5M, we engage in peer-to-peer coaching to help each other continually learn how to best handle different situations that come up – great management is a situational art!

Your time is one of the most precious resources you have, and to give it as a gift to someone in the form of the Daily 5 Minutes just may be one of the best work-expressions of unconditional aloha there is. Start today.

More Resources:

1. The Daily 5 Minutes: How to Get Started. We cover two different kinds of invitations in this posting, and you can choose the one which is best for you. You may end up using both (at different times), for these invitations are tailored to your D5M receivers:

a) Within a workplace team
b) Within a personal network

2. Improve your Reputation with 1 List. We could also call this one How to Finish Well, for it covers your follow-up. When the Daily 5 Minutes becomes part of the work culture, you must expect that issues will come up — that is part of the beauty of it! Nothing is hidden, neglected, or swept under a rug anymore.

3. Learning to Listen with The Daily Five Minutes, written for Joyful Jubilant Learning shares the origins of the The Daily Five Minutes and 3 distinct lessons learned.

And remember… Registration for the D5M alpha will only be open for 2 more days:
Ready, set, alpha! — Find out more about how the D5M habit-builder alpha works
Sign up for the D5M challenge today! — Go straight to the sign-up page

If you’ve skimmed ahead, looking down this page, it looks long.
It may be long if you are newly joining us here at Talking Story.

For most of you however, this is a brief review of the highlights of our past week here, for we’ve been in full-on project mode, and you’ll be happy to know I think it’s time we take a break. Breathing space…

Those who know our Talking Story habits know that we dedicate Saturday mornings to our Weekly Review, for I would be quite the lost soul without them, so let’s review. At the end I will preview what is to come in the next two days leading to our D5M Alpha Challenge.

We have covered a LOT this week. The post contains several reference links, and if you hover your mouse over them I have included post titles to help you where the linked words differ, but if you’ve followed along this week you won’t need to take any of them. (And this really isn’t that long :)

Let’s get started, for it’s Halloween, and chocolate awaits somewhere…

— The month of October marks an annual Ho‘ohana [intentional work strategy] for us called “Sweet Closure.” The goal: We close our year’s projects early so we can fully enjoy the holidays to come for ‘Imi ola [proactively creating our best possible life.]

This year, I declared this final week of October dedicated to a rediscovery of The Daily 5 Minutes, saying:

I can think of no better way to celebrate wrapping up our annual Sweet Closure initiative than with the single best tool a person wanting to “live, work, manage and lead with Aloha” can learn, for in part, Sweet Closure is about getting your focus back on what is essential, and away from what is not.

Here’s why we love the Daily 5 Minutes:

1. It’s simple (to learn). It’s a new conversation.
2. It’s easy to do. It happens between two human beings; no software, no hardware.
3. Once it’s your habit, you can’t fail at it. Your good intention with completely listening to other human beings turns into relationship Aloha which is transformational.

Those are the same reasons (and we went into each in a bit more detail) I push you (and every manager who’ll listen) to try it.

— Then we announced a web-based alpha test which would add a virtual learning environment for D5M practitioners and first-time learners, built around peer-to-peer support and encouragement: It is completely free to those of you who participate, and will last for 15 consecutive days, helping you build your own D5M habit in the Managing with Aloha way —with me as your coach.

— When the challenge begins on Monday, November 2nd the sign-up will be closed, and those taking the challenge will find they are in a private peer-to-peer coaching group. No observers or lookie-loos; everyone there will be just like you: Committed to giving the Daily 5 Minutes to another person as a listening gift at least once each day for the next 15 days.

You will be able to log your Daily 5 Minutes, and briefly journal your experience, sharing as much or as little as you wish. As your coach, I plan to have a D5M tip-a-day planned for you. I’ve drafted my tips for the first 5-7 days, anticipating that my tips thereafter will be custom crafted for the experience of the group.

I have done this quite a bit on a per workplace basis. This is an alpha in two ways:

1. For Ruzuku.com
   Their official launch was just announced yesterday: Ruzuku is here. We’ve launched the Ruzuku alpha.
2. As an open-call for D5M habit-building without company affiliation
   My Managing with Aloha culture coaching provides our value-alignment, and those participating may be adopting the D5M for personal and professional networks outside the workplace.

— Next, we set about creating a brand new D5M Resource Page we could use as our one-stop companion once we get into the alpha itself — kind of a cross-referencing index, for when we are in the 15-day alpha test (from November 2 to November 17) life will go on here on Talking Story for those in our Ho‘ohana Community who are not participating (Hey it’s cool, the time may not be right for everyone.)

We have written about The Daily 5 Minutes quite a bit — it works, making it easy to believe in it — and so searching for “the facts ma’am, just the facts” can take you a while (Google Rosa Say Daily 5 Minutes and 92,400 results come up). Editing the fat out of my own writing alone was another reason for the new D5M Resource Page, and on it you will find the basics and a listing of most relevant resource links.

Here is a day-by-day recap:

Monday: The Daily 5 Minutes: An exciting alpha test!
Our alpha announcement included a brief D5M primer.

Tuesday: So, you think you’re approachable huh?
About our Intimidation Factor. We all have one. Problem is, if you are unapproachable, people are not telling you what you need to know. Not all of it.

Wednesday: D5M-ing your Decisions: See with your ears.
In our language of intention, D5M-ing is a listening verb. D5M-ing your Decisions means to blend the Daily 5 Minutes practice of better listening with your decision-making. Can you see with your ears?

Thursday: Ready, set, alpha!
We share a bit more of what you can expect in the alpha with Ruzuku.com.

Friday: The Daily 5 Minutes: How to Get Started

The Daily 5 Minutes will be optimally effective for you if you use the first one you do with someone as a time to set the stage, letting them know what it’s all about. For remember: You have read my articles about it, but chances are they haven’t!

Two invitations are covered:

1. Within a workplace team
2. Within a personal network

Coming up:

Sunday, November 1st:
There is one more resource article I would like to review before our alpha begins, a fresh update brought over from ManagingwithAloha.com: The Daily 5 Minutes / 9 Questions

Monday, November 2nd:
Our alpha begins! We will kick it off with a very short posting of some final recommendations.

Preface: We are within a full week dedicated to rediscovering the power of the Daily 5 Minutes. If you are a new arrival to Talking Story, I recommend you start on this page, and then come back here.

The Daily 5 Minutes will be optimally effective for you, if you use the first one you do with someone to prep them. Use it as a time to set the stage for every D5M which may follow, letting them know what it’s all about. For remember:

• You have read my articles about The Daily 5 Minutes, but chances are they haven’t!
• Since the other person sets the agenda for the conversation content, they have a role to play, one you must ask them to accept. You do so by making your very first D5M with someone an invitation.
• The D5M should be a NEW conversation between you, new in both tone and expectation, and not more of the same you have had before.

Let’s refresh our D5M intentions with the basics:

The Daily 5 Minutes (D5M) is a conversation you give to another person, as a gift of your full attention and good intentions. Get language triggers to help you: When you invite them to “Take 5” with you, they should know the conversational agenda is of their choosing, and you are giving them your all-in listening time so they will feel completely heard and valued.

I am going to cover two different kinds of invitations in this posting, and you can choose the one which is best for you. You may end up using both (at different times), for these invitations are tailored to your D5M receivers:

1. Within a workplace team
2. Within a personal network

For those who are participating in the D5M challenge/Ruzuku alpha from November 2 through 17, I recommend you focus your habit-building challenge on a team of no more than 5 people. You will still do just one D5M a day, and therefore, by day 15 they will each have had 3 of them, and you can see how it progresses for them – after all, they are creating a new habit too, one of talking to you! So choose the invitation which you feel will work best for the people you have chosen as your D5M receivers and co-builders of the habit.

1. Within a workplace team

A quick and easy way to get your receivers on board, and excited about getting the D5M from you, is to reprint the excerpt within my book Managing with Aloha, and simply share it with them first.

It is just 761 words long (half the size of this blog post);

1. Ask them to read it
2. Tell them you would like to try the Daily 5 Minutes, and share your reason why (something as simple as, “I know we both jump into work each day, and probably don’t talk as much as we should, and I want to be sure I never take you for granted.”)
3. Ask them if they will help you, being willing to be the “talker” so you can be the “listener”
4. Ask them to begin by thinking up some informal, talk-story conversation topics to have at the ready when you start
5. Tell them you will look for 5-minute opportunities in the next few weeks which will be convenient for both of you

You need not buy the book: (though I would love that too :) You can find the excerpt right here in the Talking Story archives: The Daily Five Minutes, and here it is in print-ready .pdf format.

Here is the workplace key: The D5M is a new conversation, and not the same old-same old of “Hey, how’s it goin’?” skim-the surface small talk you had before.

2. Within a more personal network

The Managing with Aloha excerpt was written with a likely audience of middle managers in mind. You can use the exact same invitation format covered above if you like, but you may find it gets you into more explaining than you really need to get into, because those in a more personal network have a different relationship with you.

The MWA excerpt does give the impression you are hoping for work-related topics, and that’s great if you are a manager, for it cuts to the chase! However, those in other relationships might struggle with that, getting the impression that coming up with an agenda for you is too much of a stretch, when it really isn’t at all; you just want to give them the gift of your listening attention! The subject matter is actually less relevant (though that is not something you want to say to them!).

So my recommendation is that you skip the printed excerpt altogether, think about your reasons for choosing this person who will be your “talker” in the D5M, and focus on the conversation outcome you are hoping for with them. Put this – all of it, the learning of the D5M, and your habit-building – into your own words, and explain it to them in the way that will best set the stage for you.

For example, it might go something like this… If you read this out loud, you will notice that the dialog takes less than 2 minutes:

“Hey Jen, do you have about 5 minutes for a quick conversation?”

“Yeah sure, what’s up?”

“I’m trying to create a brand new habit that’s designed to help me be a better listener. So I heard about this practice called the Daily 5 Minutes, and I want to try it. Pretty simple. The way it works is that I invite people I care about to have a 5-minute conversation with me when we both have the time free. The ‘daily’ part is habit-building for me, so just once a day with different people, and I’m hoping you’ll be one of those people. That means I’d initiate the Daily 5 Minutes with you about once in a week’s time.”

“Um, okay, sure. What do I have to do?”

I start it by simply saying, “Want to take 5?” as an invitation – a kind of language cue, because if it isn’t a good time for you, no problem, just let me know and we’ll try another time. But if you are free then, I turn it over to you: It’s your time to talk to me about anything you want to talk to me about, and I’ll concentrate on listening to you, and responding to you. We both commit to keeping it within the 5 minutes – even if you decide to bring up an issue we need to reach an agreement on.

“Sounds like a plan, I can handle that. And don’t worry, I think I’d go for the light and easy instead of any heavy-duty issues.”

“Well, from what I understand, the 5 minutes and the habit part of it is designed to help people work their way up to quick problem-solving at some point if they need to, but I think there’s a ton of stuff we just never get around to talking about, and this might help us cover it, kinda like killing two birds with one stone. Mostly, I know I can be a better listener than I am.”

“Me too. We’ll help each other with this.”

“Thanks Jen, I really appreciate your helping me. I’m committing to my habit-building in November, so that’s when you can anticipate me extending the first invitation.”

Any other thoughts or questions?

If so, let’s talk story! Comment boxes are open.

Have you signed up for our D5M/Ruzuku alpha test?

If not, catch up on that info here: Ready, set, alpha!
It is completely free to those of you who participate, and will last for 15 consecutive days, helping you build your own D5M habit in the Managing with Aloha way —with me as your coach. Ruzuku provides us with a virtual learning environment built around support and encouragement. You commit to a challenge and then report periodically on your progress all the while supporting and being supported by the community going through the same thing you are.

Here are some bonus links you can check out:

1. Within a workplace team

Lisa Haneberg talks about the value of this in the posting she did at Management Craft: Give an Employee Five Precious Minutes.

Rich Griffith offers some of his experience with the D5M in Daily Five Minutes for your life.

2. Within a personal network

Rick Cecil talks about the value of this in the posting he did for Ruzuku: To be supported, you must first support

Sign up for the D5M challenge today!

Are you in?

On Monday, November 2nd we will be launching a first-ever virtual habit-building challenge designed for The Daily 5 Minutes in partnership with Ruzuku.com. It is completely free to those of you who participate, and will last for 15 consecutive days, helping you build your own D5M habit in the Managing with Aloha way —with me as your coach.

Here is what you can expect:

When the challenge begins on November 2nd the sign-up will be closed, and those taking the challenge will find they are in a private peer-to-peer coaching group. No observers or lookie-loos; everyone there will be just like you: Committed to giving the Daily 5 Minutes to another person as a listening gift at least once each day for the next 15 days.

You will be able to log your Daily 5 Minutes, and briefly journal your experience, sharing as much or as little as you wish.

And that’s where Ruzuku comes in. Ruzuku provides us with a virtual learning environment built around support and encouragement. You commit to a challenge and then report periodically on your progress all the while supporting and being supported by the community going through the same thing you are.

Update: When you register for this challenge with Ruzuku, you will be prompted with a box that asks you why you have decided to accept the challenge. It will be phrased like this:

I will have a D5M conversation to fully value another person, creating and building my D5M habit every day for 15 days because…

I recommend you use this for your own affirmation, one which is a reminder of your personal goal with taking on this challenge: This line is private: You will be the only one able to see this on your dashboard. For instance, I filled mine out to say:

…because I continue to learn from the D5M practice as well; it never gets old because people newly enter my life nearly every day.

I am taking the challenge with you, and I have decided to focus on improving how I start the D5M with people who are in my extended network versus those I work with regularly (and who already are getting their D5M from me regularly, and I from them.)

As your coach, I have a D5M tip-a-day planned for you. I’ve drafted my tips for the first 5 days, anticipating that my tips thereafter will be custom crafted for the experience of the group.

So again, are you in? Sign up here and spread the good word!

Then, continue to check in here each day leading up to November 2nd: Our week-long celebration of helpful posts will continue to build on our Resource Page in preparation.

Tomorrow I will post: The Daily 5 Minutes: How to Get Started

The Daily 5 Minutes will be optimally effective for you if you use the first one you do with someone as a time to set the stage, letting them know what it’s all about. For remember: You have read my articles about it, but chances are they haven’t!

You excited? Me too!

My mana‘o [The Backstory of this posting]
We are celebrating a week dedicated to The Daily 5 Minutes in wrapping up our annual October initiative, Sweet Closure, and in preparation for an exciting new program which starts November 2nd. If you are newly arriving at Talking Story, you can catch up here:

1. The Daily 5 Minutes: An exciting alpha test!
2. So, you think you’re approachable huh?
3. D5M-ing your Decisions: See with your ears.
4. The Daily 5 Minutes: Your Talking Story Resource Page.

In our language of intention, D5M-ing is a listening verb.
D5M-ing your Decisions means to blend the Daily 5 Minutes practice of better listening with your decision-making.

Can you see with your ears?

It’s a phrase my dad taught me when I was a very young manager, asking me to keep it in mind now that I was a boss. He asked it in the way that dads will ‘ask’ you to do something.

The lesson was about Ha‘aha‘a, the Hawaiian value of humility. My dad was thoroughly convinced that if I learned about humility I’d know all I needed to know, for it would teach me everything else.

Dad knew I was fiercely independent and horrendously stubborn when I was a young manager. He felt partly responsible that I was, for he had taught me to rule my siblings with the toughest love possible while he and my mom were at work and my brothers and sister were left in my charge. I’m the eldest of five children, and my three brothers were as wild and unpredictable as boys could be. Dad felt it important that I stood by my decisions with them for consistency’s sake, and so I would be more confident, believing in myself when no adults were around (which was the rule and not the exception).

The humility lesson he taught me went something like this; I am paraphrasing, though all these years later I can still hear his voice. He said the words slowly to be sure I heard him clearly.

“Rosa, managers who are humble are the ones other people will work hard for. A humble manager listens really well. She asks the people reporting to her what they think, and why, and what they would do about things.

You don’t need to have all the answers; your job is to find them. And people who can’t learn to be humble have a hard time learning where to look for those answers. Sometimes things are right there in front of them, and they don’t even see.

Humble managers see with their ears, not with their eyes.”

He would patiently explain that it had been different between me and my brothers; that the people I managed had to be treated like adults, and not like children, even when they were resisting being adults. My dad believed that the workplace was an adult place, and it needed to have a grown-up dignity to it. He believed that the workplace could, and should be where we learned from each other.

My dad was right.

We don’t have all the answers; we find them.
We also find stories.

If I did anything right at all during my early years as a manager, I obeyed my dad: I asked people what they thought, and I listened as they gave me the answers I needed to find, or newly create together with them.

Over the years, my employees willingly became my living laboratory for the evolution of Managing with Aloha as a values-based sculptor of healthy workplace cultures. They gave me their complete trust during times I had not even earned it yet, mostly because I would listen to them, and learn what I needed to know. My workplace coaching and cultural reinventions today, and my unshakable belief that we CAN turn work into a labor of joy simply would not have taken shape without all my staff had taught me, starting with their willingness to talk to me openly and honestly when I simply invited them to, an invitation which would become known as The Daily 5 Minutes.

I also discovered that people didn’t just have the answers I needed; they had entire stories about them. As a good manager – as a decently considerate human being – I had to arrive at my best decisions having seen and having heard the whole story. Their whole story.

People surround us, waiting for us to interview them, and ask them questions about what is most important to them, and why. Their stories give us context, and more importantly, their stories give us the experiences and emotion that will contribute to better decisions. “Emotional intelligence” gives us intellectual honesty.

The people around us have the potential to be the best teachers we have ever had. They are open books which are not just past tense, written with the wealth of their past experiences; they continue to be vibrantly alive, perpetually thinking, and willing to share their thinking with us, wrapped in both the simplicity and complexity of that beautiful weaving of belief and conviction we in Hawai‘i call their mana‘o. All we have to do is ask.

But do we? Sincerely, and genuinely ready to listen as patiently and completely as need be?

That is what the Daily 5 Minutes helps us do. And that is why it is the best communication habit we can have.

My mana‘o [The Backstory of this posting]
We are celebrating a week dedicated to The Daily 5 Minutes in wrapping up our annual October initiative, Sweet Closure, and in preparation for an exciting new program which starts November 2nd. If you are newly arriving at Talking Story, you can catch up here:

1. The Daily 5 Minutes: An exciting alpha test!
2. So, you think you’re approachable huh?
3. The Daily 5 Minutes: Your Talking Story Resource Page.

Photo Credit: What did you say??? by law keven on Flickr

I did too.

I’m barely 5’1 and have never weighed enough for the Blood Bank to sign me up as a donor, so who in the world would I ever intimidate?

More people than I ever imagined. Much as I hate it, I know I still do, and so I have to constantly work on my approachability, helping people warm up to me, so they’ll talk to me.

An Intimidation Factor. We all have one.

I was oblivious to my own intimidation factor up until a wise (and brave!) mentor showed me the truth about my perceived demeanor. It was pretty painful, but not as painful as the realization I hadn’t self-corrected soon enough.

You have an intimidation factor too.

If you are thought of as a manager, someone of authority, “with power” or “in charge” in any way whatsoever, especially in the workplace, I’ll bet you are way more intimidating than you think you are, no matter how warm, nice and gracious you might try to be. A certain degree of that intimidation factor comes with the organizational territory, and what that means, is that people do not consider you as approachable as you are hoping they do. Probably not even close to it.

Now, before you get too smug, and say, “I’m just your normal Joe, nobody reports to me,” guess again. Got seniority? Tenure? More experience than a new hire? Or are you the new hire with a degree that didn’t exist for the old guard? Leading a team, a committee or task force? Are you an older sibling? A parent? A local with the lei of the land, and advantageous sense of place? I bet if I dig deep enough, finding out more about you and the people you interact with, that I will find a person you intimidate.

I’ll find a handful of them. It just happens.

If you are unapproachable,
people are not telling you what you need to know.

Not all of it.

Now there are bosses who will quietly admit that they like having a slight mystique surrounding them, forcing subordinates to use middle managers more than they otherwise would. I don’t buy it: ‘Mystique’ is a beguiling word for their intimidation factor that is similar to spraying a skunk with perfume, and they are justifying their lack of approachability with a flimsy excuse.

Besides, if you are unapproachable with one group of people, it spreads like a bad virus to everyone else too, and the ones brave enough to talk to you will be on their guard instead of being open and completely engaging.

They will not be curious about you either. They won’t seek you out, and ask you for your opinion, hoping to hear more of your mana‘o (your thoughts, beliefs and convictions).

Is that what you really want?

No, I didn’t think so. No one likes not knowing, and feeling they are forced to second guess underlying messages in what they are told (or subversively allowed to discover.) No one likes being the one that no one else will turn to.

I prefer to think that everything said can be beautiful.
Everything.

For you to listen, and to hear better,
someone else has to do the talking.

My strategy for working on eliminating my own intimidation factor has been The Daily 5 Minutes®, something I had told you about in this posting: Two Gifts: Values and Conversation. The reason is pretty simple and straight-forward: The Daily 5 Minutes is about listening completely, and for me to listen, someone else has to talk. Here is an excerpt shared in that post to save you the click:

The Daily 5 Minutes® is one way that “talking story grows up and really, truly comes to the workplace with us.”

The D5M practice is a new conversation

The number one objection I will get from people hearing about The Daily 5 Minutes® for the first time, and hearing that it is a daily practice they will learn, is “But Rosa, I talk to my people every day. We talk story enough.”

No you don’t. I guarantee you, you don’t. Granted, most of us talk TO others, AT others, and even FOR others all the time, but we don’t talk WITH others enough. When those times come up where we know we really need to have a heart to heart with another person, we stutter, stammer, stall, or skip the conversation altogether, hoping it will just go away. And surprise, surprise, it doesn’t.

The Daily 5 Minutes® is a new conversation in which we learn how to listen all over again so that we can communicate better. It can get our island way of talking story to be better than it ever has been before, because over time it vastly improves the circle of comfort and aloha we have for each other. I hope you will take the time to read about it.

If you choose not to use The Daily 5 Minutes® as your strategy with grooming better approachability, come up with something else, aimed at improving the circle of comfort which exists between you and the other people you work with. Trust me on this: It will be the best gift you give yourself.

Having more people talk to you is not a burden; it lifts burdens. You’ll see.

My mana‘o [The Backstory of this posting]
Each Tuesday I write a leadership posting for Say “Alaka‘i” at The Honolulu Advertiser. The edition here on Talking Story is revised with internally directed links, and I can take a few more editorial liberties.

The Daily 5 Minutes is very much on my mind these days due to this Alaka‘i initiative:
The Daily 5 Minutes: An exciting alpha test! Yesterday I wrote, “I hereby declare this last week of October 2009 dedicated to The Daily 5 Minutes.” and I said I would be working on a new D5M Resource Page for you. Click on the D5M graphic above and you will see it, still a work in progress, but with a good start.

Photo Credits: Shy Kids of Quake by Edge of Space on Flickr and SAY SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL… by LondonInFlames on Flickr