• Jesus Loves You! (Everyone Else Thinks You’re An Asshole)
• Why Does The Christmas Season Start So Early Every Year?
• How To: Purchasing Alcohol When Slightly Intoxicated
• 10 Things Customers Do Which Might Make The Clerks Think They’re Shoplifting
• 10 Things NOT To Say To A Clerk When Trying To Get A Discount
• 10 Things NOT To Say To A Clerk On A Busy Day
• “Sir, I’m Not Retarded. I’m A Trainee”
• Temporary Workers Explained
• Coupons: Please Read The Fine Print
• The Complaints Notebook

There will unfortunately be a short lapse in posting here at The Consumer Etiquette Guide in the first month of 2008. Although the quietest month in retail and the service industry in general, there’s a lot of things that need to be done at The Consumer Etiquette Guide.

I’ll take the time to relax a little and spend some time with friends and family, a rare luxury in the past few months.

Then I have to figure out my University applications (due January 15th, sometime in March, and in May), and my job situation is slightly confusing as I have two jobs working for the same company, which isn’t allowed for liability reasons or something like that… (Told you it was confusing…)

And finally, most importantly in relation to The Consumer Etiquette Guide, I’m about to move the blog into a more professional level. There will be numerous updates within the next few months, so I’ll add a BLOG UPDATES box onto the right side panel of the blog to keep you up to date. The first updates will be the most disruptive as the Domain name will change, I’ll move to paid hosting, redesign the entire look of the site, the categories will actually become helpful, and the whole usability of the blog will be improved to make this guide actually be a guide, instead of a news feed.

There will still be new posts during the next few months, so no worry there. These improvements will done as quietly as possible, but as they are somewhat time-consuming, there’ll be less posts than normal. Worry not dear reader, as there’ll be more and more posts once this site looks and feels atleast somewhat professional!

Happy New Year and see you a lot more (and more of you) in 2008!

Jani

Whoever invented and made Visa Electron a reality should be tarred, feathered, strapped to the end of a bullet-train with a bungee cord and sent away for eternity.

The concept in and of itself is not bad at all. Plain and simple, you have a card which is attached to your bank account which verifies each purchase before allowing it, preventing you from overdrafting. It’s great for people with low income and especially for children. In theory.

The problem arises from the fact that each transaction needs to be verified, as the register needs to call the verification center and check that you have enough money to pay for your purchases. Consider the fact that we’re only a few days from Christmas. EVERYBODY is shopping right now! Apparently the connection between the store I work at and the verification center is dated, and buckles under the traffic coming from everywhere else. To put it simply, Visa Electron gets hung up on now by the verification systems. It’s either excruciatingly slow, or it just won’t go through (after trying for a few minutes). And no, it can’t be punched in manually. That would defy the purpose of it, so it can’t be done.

The ingenuity of Visa Electron is also its downfall. When it first came out, all the banks were pushing it on everyone, praising how great it was and that everyone needs to get one. It’s impossible to overdraft! Guess the banks kinda screwed that one up…

So, to warn customers beforehand that Visa Electon does not work, we’ve put up signs to inform people of this unfortunate fact. You see the sign, realize that you don’t have any other forms of payment, so you leave your shopping with the cashier and go to the ATM. Pretty simple, right?

Some people just don’t get it. Whenever things go ’round the bend, we get these gems from customers:

• Why won’t you accept my card!?
  It’s not a question of not accepting your card, but more so that the connection to have your purchase verified is busy or offline right now. Although we do typically accept your card, it cannot be used right now. We apologize for this inconvenience.
• Why doesn’t it work?
  Because we want to make your shopping experince as arduous and annoying as possible! No, it doesn’t work because the phone lines to the verification center are jammed, as everyone is shopping right now. Allow me to give you a similar experience as an example: have you ever tried to call your doctor or hospital at 8am during an outbreak of influenza and tried to book an appointment? Been waiting on hold for your turn forever as all operators are busy right now? Same thing.
  Here’s another example: you ever try to book tickets by phone to the biggest movie of the year on opening night and had to wait your turn for ages? Same thing.
  The only difference between the two examples above and the verification scenario with Visa Electron is that there is a certain amount of time the register will try to get through before giving up. It can’t stay on the phone forever.
• It says at the entrance to the store that you accept it, so you have to take it!
  We do accept it! It’s. Just. Not. Working. Right. Now. The sign indicating the cards this store accepts mean that yes, we do accept those cards. But, if, for whatever reason, a particular card is not working at this very instant, that does not mean that we’ve stopped accepting it wholly. Right now it’s just not working. Hence, I can’t take your card at this very moment.
• But it works everywhere else!
  Well this store is not everywhere else! Every store has their own connection to the verification center, leading to some stores being put on hold while others get through. I’m not an engineer so I can’t tell you the intricate technical workings of this, but I do know that some stores have a faster and more stable connection than others.
• Just enter it manually!
  Due to the nature of Visa Electron, I cannot do that, nor am I allowed to. Entering your card information does not verify your account balance. Even if it does, it’s just a slower way of your card not working.
• You should’ve told me it doesn’t work as soon as I entered the store!
  Being stretched for workers as it is (and this applies to pretty much every store, not because of lack of workers but because of a lack of available work-hours assigned by the head office), we can’t spare a worker to just stand at the door and greet every customer with “Good afternoon, welcome to Retail World. I’m sorry to inform you that Visa Electron does not work right now. If you have no other form of payment available, there’s an ATM just around the corner.” Nor are the cashiers going to inform every customer about it personally. That’s why we’ve put up signs to inform you.
• But it worked yesterday/an hour ago/last week/etc…!
  Well that was then, this is now. It’s not like stores have either planned this ahead of time or received a schedule of when the lines are jammed. At best it’s akin to shooting in the dark, trying to hit a penny on someone’s head.
• I don’t another card/cash, so I get all this for free, right?
  You don’t seem to understand the concept of for-profit business? A slight inconvenience, which I might add is not the stgore’s fault, and the first thing you want is something for free. So to answer your question, NO! Welcome to the real world, chum!
• This happens to me every single time I’m here! This store sucks/I should get a discount!
  First of all, I think you’re exaggerating. But, if it really does happen to you all the time, please know that it is not intentional. Oh, if it happens to you everytime, why don’t you start carrying cash? What was that? You need the 200 euro bill in your wallet for parking money? Well, in that case, I guess you can’t buy these items then. As for a discount, nope. Not gonna happen.
• What are you going to do about it?
  Um, nothing. It’s not my fault it doesn’t work right now. There is no one I can call, there’s nothing I can type into the computer to make it magically work. I cannot affect this unfortunate turn of events right now. All I can do is apologize, hope you have other form of payment, or hold on to your purchases while you run to the ATM.

For the sake of relating to this post, I have two Visa Electron cards from two different banks. I was suckered into believing that they’re they new world order. After working all of this Christmas, I’ve had enough of the malfunctions. I’m getting a bank and a credit card…

Computers aren’t perfect yet. Malfunctions, errors, system crashes, and such occur every now and then, and there is nothing the cashiers can do about it. So how about you be understanding and not have a behavioral malfunction about it? Thank you!

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, or anything to add to his chapter of The Consumer Etiquette Guide, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

Dictionary.com defines a “queue” (in relation to consumerism) as:
noun: a file or line, especially of people waiting their turn.
verb: to form in a line while waiting (often followed by up).

Queues are an inevitable fact of life. No one likes to stand in one, but alas, sometimes you have little choice on the matter. In such cases it would be beneficial for everyone to know how to behave in cases. To alleviate the pains of having to stand in queues, stores are starting to run out of options. (See yesterday’s post for more information on the problems stores face with trying to cut down on Christmas queues, or queues in generel.)

Civil Obedience and Good Manners 101: When faced with the daunting task of standing in line and waiting patiently for your turn. Now there’s a course which should be taught in schools…

Take another look at the two definitions at the top of this post. The two parts, which I’ve underlined for your benefit, are “waiting their turn” and “form in a line“.

First I’d like to address the part about waiting their turn.
The purpose of queues is to allow equal and timely treatment of every customer, one at a time. In order to achieve a certain tranquility and efficiency, it is crucial for everyone to WAIT THEIR TURN! If there is only one cashier or clerk assisting a customer, having several other customers ask questions, directions, or demand service, it’s understandably difficult for that one employee to assist multiple people at the same time. When there’s a queue, it’s first come first served. If you wait in line patiently you’ll be granted your turn in due time.

As everyone needs to wait their turn, as to avoid chaos, confusion and mistakes resulting from the cashier having to attend to several customers at the same time, there is no reason why you should consider yourself and your issues more important than everyone else’s. So please, DO NOT cut in line. DO NOT flash your items at the cashier and leave your change on the counter. DO NOT just shout out your questions or demand immediate service. Every customer is special, as to say that you are not more special than others. Wait your turn.

The proper way of getting service or help without waiting in line?
Waiting for a lull in the transaction or between customers to politely ask if you could possibly ask a question or get some help. If there’s only one employee, DO NOT cut in line and ask (demand) for the cashier to come assist you. Everyone else in line, the people you just walked past, has been kindly waiting for their turn. Either ask if the cashier could come and assist when possible (which might be a while), ask if there’s another clerk to assist you (which there might not be), or just get in line and WAIT FOR YOUR TURN JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!

Then there’s definition number two, the business of gathering up some organization skills and common sense in forming a nice and organized queue or line. A line is by definition straight, from point A to point B. For the sake of argument, point A will be defined as the cashier’s location, and point B is the end of an orderly queue. Everything works just nicely when it’s just points A and B. The problem arises when more people take initiative and form their own queues. (See the crude, hastily hand drawn diagram below…)

At point C we have a grandma pulling on the cashier’s sleeve, demanding help. At point D we have a huffy lady at the verge of a mental breakdown, surrounded by her screaming kids pulling her in a million directions at once, demanding to know where a specific item is and at the same time demanding that there should be more cashiers. At point E we have another line forming because these people didn’t think there actually was a line to begin with. And finally at point F we have a grumpy man who states that he can’t be bothered to stand in line and is wanting to leave his money on the counter and leave.

My multi-tasking skills are limited, and in the situation that I’ve illustrated above, not too many cashiers could pull it off and please everyone at all points. And why should they? As a cashier, your primary job is to scan and bag the items of people willing to form an organized queue. C, D, E, and F can wait their turns, just like everyone else in line B. Several of these examples deserve posts of their own, so we won’t dwell upon them now.

To put the above text simply, some times you will have to form a line and patiently wait your turn. If you have a quick question and nothing further, it is polite to ask the clerk AND the first few people in line if you can just quickly ask a question. As for forming a queue, let’s try to keep the ratio of cashiers to queues at 1:1, i.e. one line per cashier. I don’t like fights starting out in my line(s)…

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, or anything to add to his chapter of The Consumer Etiquette Guide, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions [more information about subscriptions]. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

Everyone knows that the Christmas season is the busiest time of the year when it comes to shopping in retail stores. Nevertheless, people seem to forget that more people shopping at the same time results in longer queues at stores. Any proper manners and common sense seem to fly out the door when faced with the prospect of having to stand in line for a few minutes longer than usual.

Stores have prepared for this inevitability by hiring seasonal helpers and by upping the amount of man-hours available each day. But, no matter how many extra workers are present at any given moment, there is still a limited number of registers present. For anyone who’s ever complained about the lack of employees during the Christmas season, please set aside a few minutes to think about this little mathematical word problem:

Retail World¹ has 12 cash registers for the convenience of the customers. Most of the year, only half of them are in use, maybe 9 tops during a busy day. In November and December though, every single register is in use from opening to closing.
Store policy suggests that the lines should never consist of more than 8 people, which really isn’t a problem most of the year. During Christmas, these lines, all 12 of them, frequently surpass the suggested limit.
Enter Joe Retailer², the General Manager of Retail World, has been thinking of several possible solution to this dilemma. Which one of them seems the most reasonable too you?

• A.) Build and install extra temporary cash registers for the duration of the Christmas season?
• B.) Hire more and more workers to ease the queues?
• C.) Change the registers into self-service registers, freeing up all the cashiers to mingle with and assist the customers?
• D.) Let customers with very little shopping and exact change just show their purchases and leave the money on the register?

So, what’s your answer for Joe Retailer? A? B? C? D? Or perhaps all of the above?

How’s about none of the above? Here’s why not:

• A.) There is no financially beneficial reason to add extra cash registers merely for the convenience of customers who don’t like to queue when lines are inevitable. Although more registers means faster checkout times, the gain monetarily is negative. More registers won’t bring in more customers. What they’ll bring instead are more costs for no extra green. For two months of the year (and several hot spots during the year) the extra registers will speed things up. For the other 10 months of the year they’re practically useless.
• B.) Although extra seasonal workers are already hired everywhere to man every register, stock shelves and assist customers, there’s a limit to the need of workers. If you have 12 registers in store, you only need about 14 cashiers at any given moment (12 to checkout customers, 2 to let the cashiers on breaks). Hiring 24 people to man 12 registers at the same time will only create pandemonium. Then it’s about the money. Employee paychecks are the largest single expenditure for all businesses. There is no point in hiring extra people to stand around without anything useful to do.
• C.) Sure, this solution will save money by lessening the need for extra workers. But think about the amount off money you’ll lose because people don’t know how to scan items properly. Then you’ve got those people who will do anything they can to scam the company. There will always be a need for cashiers…
• D.) Do you have ANY idea what kind of pandemonium that would cause?! You let just one person walk past the queue, show you their items, and drop their exact change on the counter, and suddenly you have a HUGE pile of money and no idea exactly what people have bought. The opportunity to scam the company is practically handed to those who are willing to abuse the right. A definite no-no.

After reviewing his options, Joe Retailer has almost given into despair. Isn’t there anything to be done to revolutionize the cash register procedure and avoid long queues?

No Joe Retailer, there isn’t. There is no reason to have extra registers, no need to hire more upon more workers, people aren’t ready to help themselves, and the last thing Joe Retailer needs is pandemonium on his watch.

Customers already get way too many whimsical and stupid requests through in the name of “excellent service”, usually without anything return. Why exactly should more money and time be wasted in merely pleasing lazy people?

This Christmas season, remember that there will be queues EVERYWHERE. Please learn to behave and wait in line just like everyone else before and after you. Oh, and don’t forget to first learn how to queue in an orderly fashion.

With less than a week to go before Christmas, everyone’s in a hurry and their stress levels are through the roof. Joe Retailer will not be inventing whole new business models for your benefit.

Queing is a fact of consumer life. It’s inevitable, no matter how much stores do to alleviate the burden of waiting. So, instead of waiting for a miracle solution to pop up and serve you, how’s about first taking good look at yourself in the mirror and asking yourself: how do I behave in queues?

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, or anything to add to his chapter of The Consumer Etiquette Guide, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions [More information on subscriptions]. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

^{1: Retail World is a fictional store, created, as explained below, to drive home a point.
2: Joe Retailer is a fictional character created to drive home an example. If this process of adding of fictional characters for the purpose of proving a point is successful and popular with readers, I’ve got several other general characters lined up. Please leave your thoughts in the comments below!}

Ever notice how someone always manages to call you when you’re at the checkout counter at a store? In the 20+ minutes that you spent inside the store browsing your phone was silent, but as soon as it’s your turn to have you items rang in, your phone starts to sing it’s merry song.

Now, there are four things you can do at this point, of which two are the wrong thing to do, and two are the right thing to do:

DON’T!
Answer the phone and proceed to have a LOOOONG conversation with whoever is calling you, ignoring the cashier.

The people behind you in line will be very pleased if you freeze the motion of the queue by engaging in a conversation over the phone, especially if there’s just one cash register in use.

Don’t tell me to wait or hold on. I don’t care how slow you are, except that the people behind you will be in a bad mood once it’s their turn, and they might take it out on the cashier. By taking the call and putting that above everything else you ought to be doing, you’re exhibiting extremely selfish and rude behavior.

I’m sorry to tell you this but evolution hasn’t caught on and granted cashiers the ability to read your mind. We do actually need some kind of cooperation from you with the transaction, i.e. you need to give me some form of payment, specify whether it’s bank or credit, and actually sign the little slip or take the change.

There’s typically a little spiel which I HAVE TO shoot off at you, so I’d appreciate it if you’d listen to me. In addition, I might be offering to save you money, so listening to me might be in your best interest. No use in complaining afterwards because hey, you weren’t paying attention!

Oh, and I’d appreciate it if you put away your phone for just a bit so you could pack up and move along. You’re messing up everyone’s groove with this selfish “Hold on, I NEED to take this call” line of behavior.

The only time this is acceptable behavior (kinda) is when you are able to multitask and actually pay attention to what the cashier is trying to ask you or tell you.

Oh, and above all, DON’T TELL ME TO HURRY UP WHEN YOU’RE ON THE PHONE!!! The reason I’m being quote unquote slow is because you’re on the bloody phone instead of listening to me!

DO!
Answer the phone and tell the person calling you to hold on for a minute, have them call you back in a bit, or that you’ll call them back soon.

That wasn’t so difficult, now was it? You just saved everyone some time with this selfless act. If the cashier has your undivided attention, the whole transaction shouldn’t take more than a few minutes tops. I do believe that there aren’t many calls that you would receive which require you to answer the call immediately, calls which can’t wait a minute or two.

If you really do have to take the call, step out of the queue for the duration of the phone call, if possible. If you can’t leave the queue, try to keep your attention on the transaction as well as the call. An apology for speaking on the phone while the cashier is serving you would be nice…

DON’T!
Let your phone keep ringing until you have time to answer it, especially if you have a lot of goods to buy.

A ringing cell phone has the tendency to annoy people. When I’m trying to do my job, say the things I HAVE TO say, and try to sell you more stuff because I HAVE TO, I’d appreciate it if I didn’t have to duke it out with the polyphonic beeping coming from your purse, much less the latest chart topping one-hit wonder.

This especially applies to older people who tend to be slightly hard of hearing. Why? Because they have their phones set on MAXIMUM volume! Everyone else around you is not deaf, so we’d all appreciate not having to stick our fingers into our ears just to drown out the “music” coming from your phone. Thank you.

This runs alongside a recurring theme of this blog. There are many things that you might have to experience just once or for a very short period of time whilst shopping, such as Christmas Carols. Thinking that you can stand letting your phone ring “just for a little bit of time” is really quite selfish. It might be just a minute or two of your time, but for the cashier who’s sitting behind the counter for 8+ hours a day, those minutes accumulate quickly, leading to a nice little headache…

DO!
Press a button to silence the call so it won’t bother anyone. Yes, there is such an option…

Your phone rings while it’s your turn to have your items checked out. You pull it out of your pocket or purse, glance at it, and hit the ‘SILENCE’ button which EVERY SINGLE CELL PHONE HAS NOWADAYS! Piece of pie!

Here’s a hint on how you can prevent yourself from letting your phone keep ringing for a long time: set the ringtone on your phone to an embarrassing song or sound. That’ll definitely get you to rummage through your bag or pockets just to stop the thing from making you look ridiculous! =) Some examples which I’ve seen (heard) recently:

• Britney Spears’ newest “hit” (Man in his late 20’s)
• A Finnish Christmas carol with rude lyrics (10yr old girl)
• Metallica (Middle-aged woman wearing a tracksuit)
• Crazy Frog (Business man in suit)

Each one of the above cases were quite quick to pick up or silence their phones…

Pretty much everyone has a cell phone nowadays. The proper etiquette with cell phone usage in public is a whole different genre in and of itself, so I’ve merely focused on cell phone usage in customer situations. It is really, really annoying to be faced with a customer who’d rather talk on the phone, ignoring the cashier and not allowing them to do their job. It’s disrespectful, and no, you are not that special…

“Hi, hold on, I’ll call you back in a few, I’m at the supermarket right now, paying. Bye.”

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, or anything to add to his chapter of The Consumer Etiquette Guide, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

Shoplifting is troublesome for employees working in the service industry. It’s an added, unnecessary stress.

Age, gender and social status are not accurate indicators of whether one will steal or not. I’ve witnessed people from all walks of life shoplifting, from an 8yr old girl to an 80yr old man. Here are some general things that make the employees at supermarkets and such suspicious of you being a potential shoplifter. No one wants to be falsily accused of being a shoplifter, so if you avoid these tell-tale behaviorisms, you won’t be suspected without due cause.

10. Wearing out of season clothing.
This is the easiest way to get noticed by the employees. If you’re wearing shorts and a tanktop in the dead of winter, you won’t really be suspected of shoplifting, as much as being thought of as a nutcase. If, on the other hand, you’re wearing a thick winter jacket when it’s blazing hot outside, you’re still thought of as a nutcase, but you’ll also be kept under the watchful eye of the staff present. A thick jacket is a good hiding place for stolen goods. In the winter, when everyone’s wearing thick jackets, you really have to look shady to be suspected of being a possible candidate for a shoplifter. Read on…

9. Carrying a large bag.
If you’re going to be shoplifting, you’re going to need some place to stow away the goods. This is common sense, which means that if you walk into a store carrying a HUGE (empty) bag, chances are you’ll be asked to either leave the bag at a register when you enter the store or open it for the cashier when leaving. If you are in fact asked to leave or show the the contents of your bag, don’t be offended. Trust me, the clerks would rather not have to suspect you of anything sinister, but because there are people who shoplift, innocent people must be inconvenienced. We apologize.

8. Spending a long time browsing, then not buying anything.
Sure, many people just browse and then exit the store because they haven’t found anything they need. It’s when you spend a disproportionately long time shuffling through items, especially those which are at a high-risk of being jacked, you’re likely to be watched. Usually people just can’t make up their minds or don’t really know what they’re looking for, but, alas, some people are just looking for an opening, a lapse in the clerks’ attention, a chance to grab and run.

7. Looking like a shady, suspicious character.
If you enter a store looking like you want people to be suspicious of your actions, that’s exactly what will happen. The terms “shady” and “suspicious” are pretty vague, so here’s a list within a list to further explain what you should not look like or wear to avoid being suspected of shoplifting:

• Looking like a hobo.
• Looking like you’re on a cocktail of numerous recreational drugs.
• Wearing a trench coat or hoodie with the hood up.
• Wearing sunglasses at night.
• Looking nervous.
• Being fidgety.
• Mumbling to yourself.
• Being a wobbly person (i.e. drunk as a dodo).
• Trying to conceal your face with a scarf or bandanna.
• Carrying an open bag.
• Running around like a mad man.
• Wearing a thick jacket in the summer (see #10).
• Practising your magic skills (i.e. making a DVD disappear).
• Continuing the one above, carrying an item, then have it mysteriously not be in your hand a few aisles later.
• Wearing a skimask. (I know it might be really cold outside, but you have seen yourself in the mirror, right?)
• Having an extremely deliberate look on your face.
• Looking like you’re going to steal something. (No, seriously, if you’ve worked in retail long enough, you will recognize this look.)

6. Putting your shopping in your pockets or bag instead of a cart/basket.
First of all, there is never a need to put ANYTHING from the shelves into your bag or pockets. That’s why stores have baskets and carts for your convenience. If you’re witnessed putting something in your pockets or bag, YOU WILL BE ASKED TO EMPTY YOUR POCKETS OR BAG. There are baskets and/or shopping carts next to the entrances so you don’t have to use your pockets. If you can’t find a basket or a cart, ask an employee as to their whereabouts. If you did put stuff in your pockets, don’t be offended if you’re asked to empty your pockets. How exactly is the clerk supposed to know for sure that you’re actually going to pay for the stuff in your pockets?

5. Using the wrong exits to leave the store.
Supermarkets and grocery stores generally have a system where you’re supposed to enter the actual store area from one place and exit through the registers. That’s why the entrance gates don’t open in both directions. The surest way to get someone running after you or suspecting you of shoplifting is by bypassing the barrier by hopping over it or doing the limbo under it. Nor should you exit through it when people are entering. IT IS NOT AN EXIT! A supermarket chain I used to work at had people at several locations leaving through the entrance carrying a big ass TV at several locations, so the cashiers were told to report ANYONE using the entrance as an exit.

4. Running out of the store past the registers.
I don’t care if you’re running late for your bus, I will stop you if you run past my register. Why? Because that’s how I’ve stopped several thiefs trying to run away with beer. If you are in a hurry, WALK past the register and SHOW the cashier that you don’t have anything on you.

3. Glancing around all the time, as well as glancing at the employees all the time.
Say, you look mighty nervous. Don’t worry, the security guard and/or the clerks will calm you down. No, seriously, glancing around is another great way to get noticed. If you’re glancing around, looking nervous, you come off as VERY suspicious. If you need help and that’s why you’re glancing around, go to an employee and ASK for help. If you’re glancing to find a spot where you can slip something into your pocket, don’t worry, that’s why the store has security cameras. This is behavior which’ll definitely get you to be followed very closely.

2. Walking briskly, especially when entering the store.
Although most shoplifters try to hide their mischievous behavior in some way, some idiots use the speedy way. Walk in briskly, go to the item you’re going to steal, and walk straight out, all the time keeping the same brisk pace. I’ve witnessed this several times myself, and I’m still surprised at how arrogant this approach is. Good thing is, these are more noticeable and thus a good description of them can immediately be passed on to the police. Words of advice to every customer: don’t be in a hurry, as speed walkers will definitely be noticed.

1. Walking out of the store without buying anything.
Now this one needs a bit of clarification. First of all, everyone does this. I’d go so far as to say that on a typical day as many as a fifth of all customers just browse and leave without buying anything. Perfectly normal behavior, as buying something from every store you enter is not a requirement. The proper etiquette with walking out the store without buying anything? Allow the cashier to notice you, let the cashier know you’re not buying anything, show your bags to the cashier, and don’t be in a hurry. If you walk past the register without saying a word and with your glance averted, someone will yell or run after you. Do you REALLY want everyone around you at that moment to think you might be a shoplifter?

Consumers: If you’ve ever been (incorrectly) suspected of shoplifting, what did you do to provoke this?

Clerks: Did I leave something out? What makes you suspect someone of shoplifting?

I have purposely limited this list to just 10 sections, in the interest of keeping this post short and simple. If you have anything to add to this list, please write them in the comments section below. Don’t forget, if you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at the Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

I can’t stress this enough. People, please read the fine print on your store offer coupons. The inability to read the fine print accounts for some 95% of the headaches clerks in the service industry suffer when dealing with customers and their precious coupons. (Statistics pulled out of the wind, based loosely on the frequency of my own headaches when dealing with coupons at work…)

Without further ado, let’s go through the most common fine print statements on coupons, wording them in such a fashion that a third grader ought to understand what they entail:

• “While supplies last”
  In other words, the offer is valid until the store runs out of that particular item. When the last one of that item has been sold, your coupon is worthless.
• “Limited to one coupon per customer”
  If you don’t have a coupon, that’s too little. When you have one coupon, you’re all good. When you have two or more of the same coupon, that’s too much. Let others have some coupons too.
• “Limited to one item per person”
  Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to be greedy?
• “Offer Valid Until [December 12th 2007]“
  Please note the date. If you can’t yet read a calendar, ask your mommy or daddy for help. If you come to a store on the day after the date on the coupon, the offer has passed. The cashier isn’t going to turn back time just for you.
• “Offer valid between December 1st 2007 and December 19th 2007″
  That timespan gives you more than enough time to use the coupon, and it clearly says that during this timespan you can use the coupon. So please don’t come to the store with the coupon anytime before or after the indicated time period.
• “Offer applies to normal priced items only”
  This seems to be the most misunderstood part of the fine print. Normal priced simply means that the coupon can’t be used for items which have ANY sale on them, either a percentage discount, a monetary discount, or a “Buy more, pay less” discount. It’s that simple. The sales will be mentioned next to the place on the shelf where the item resides.
• “Offer valid only at [specific branch]“
  Be it that a new branch of a store has just opened, or that they’re having a special sale, or what not, sometimes stores have sales that only apply to one particular branch of the chain. You can’t just walk into any branch of the chain and expect the coupon to be valid. This offer is typical of franchise chains, such as most fast food restaurants.
• “Offer not valid at [specific branches”
  Just like above, sometimes it saves space to mention the stores when the offer is NOT valid at. You can’t use the coupon at these stores.
• “Offer only valid with this coupon”
  Yes, you need to actually have the coupon with you to take advantage of the offer. It’ll do you no good to leave it in the car or at home.
• “Offer cannot be combined with any other offers”
  You can’t get military discount, student discount, senior citizen discount and so on when you use this coupon. You can’t use other coupons to lower the price further.
• “This offer does not apply to items X, Y, or Z”
  When your coupon says that you can’t get certain items included in the offer, um, you can’t get them for a discount price. Why? Because they’re usually items which sell extremely well, or items which the store makes little or no profit on in the first place (stamps, giftcards, etc.)
• “Offer valid only with a store membership card/value card/bonus card/etc…”
  Stores like their regular customers and sometimes award them with special coupon offers. If you don’t have a valued customer card, you can’t have the special offer. Sorry.
• “The coupon cannot be exchanged for cash”
  Yeah, how’s about that!? You actually have to buy something to take advantage of the offer! A coupon promising savings of 4 dollars is not worth 4 dollars until you buy something to get that 4 dollars off! It’d be somewhat of a bad business model to pass out thousands of coupons just so anyone can walk into the store and exchange it for money, don’t ya think?!

So, at the risk of repeating myself, please read the fine print. Doing this would greatly benefit everyone as it will prevent most of the stupid questions, questions which the coupon itself could answer for you, if you bothered to look.

We are not cavemen any more. Well, most of us aren’t anyway. So why is it that so many people are mesmerized by promises of savings or free stuff, enough so that they completely omit to read the terms listed on the coupon?

I guess consumers just want things for cheaper or for free so badly that it doesn’t matter who’s feet they step on or what the store had in mind when issuing the coupons. The line to best describe this mindset would be “I want, I want it all, I want it now, I don’t want to pay a lot for it, and I don’t care what you say. I am right, you are wrong.” Ok, that’s two lines, but you get the idea, right? The customer is always right after all, right?

No. Just read the fine print first, ok?

What do you hate about coupons, either as a consumer or as a clerk?

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, or anything to add to his chapter of The Consumer Etiquette Guide, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

Now here’s a very tempting offer. You have a piece of paper which says that you’ll get something for less money than normal. It’s pretty clear cut, right? Oh how I wish I was right not that last sentence…

This particular specimen of coupons is most profilient in the food industry, although you’ll still run across it in retail as well. You’ve probably gotten a stack of discount coupons to your local fast food joint, all of which promise you something for less money than normal, say a cheese burger for 25 cents instead of the usual dollar or what not. Or a pizza for 6.99 instead of the 10.99 it usually costs.

Everything’s wonderful with this deal, right? Ah, I see you’re catching on to what I’m talking about. You’re absolutely correct. There are a few catches involved though.

From everything I’ve read and heard about, the biggest gripe about these kind of coupons seems to be from the way that consumers use these coupons. With limited experience (2.5 years at Subway) in the fast food industry, I’ll portray the grievances that I’ve heard and have experienced myself:

Nuisance #1:
If you have a coupon that says that you’ll get something for less than the menu price or the price on the shelf, please let the person handling your order/cashier know that you in fact have this coupon in your possession. I’ll give you one example: if you’re ordering a pizza for delivery, tell the person who takes your order that you have said coupon. It’s kinda rude to the delivery guy to scream at him/her when they tell you that the total is $x.xx, just because they didn’t know that you had a coupon with which you’ll get the pizza for cheaper.

Nuisance #2:
To continue with the mind-reading theme, if you’ve got one of these coupons, it’ll do you no good if you keep it in your wallet until AFTER you’ve paid for your goods. Your bad if you forgot to show it. Complaining that the cashier didn’t take the coupon offer into consideration when ringing in your items will do you no good, as the cashier doesn’t possess x-ray vision with which they can see that you have this coupon. If you have the coupon, give it to the cashier at the very latest when you’re paying. Preferably immediately after the greetings. If you honestly forgot to show it, apologize and be prepared that it’ll take a minute or two to correct YOUR mistake.

Nuisance #3:
Coupons of this manner tend to be item-specific. What do I mean with that? Alright, you’ve got a coupon that clearly states a certain price in HUGE letters to catch your attention. Below that is stated the item or item group which you’ll get for this price. That’s the crucial part. If the coupon states that you’ll get item X from brand A, don’t bring the cashier item Y, or anything from brand B. In other words, say you’ve got a coupon that says you’ll get the purple hair dye from L’Ordeal for $2.99, don’t bring the green hair dye, especially from another manufacturer. You’ll look pretty stupid trying to argue that this is the way it’s supposed to be…

Nuisance #4:
Many of these kind of coupons state that you can’t combine this deal with another deal. If you’re already getting something for cheaper, you can’t use a coupon to get an extra 30% off the first offer. Why? Well, most of the time it can’t be rang into the register that way. So don’t scream at me that you want it this way and then look at me like I’m either stupid or vindictive for not allowing it.

Nuisance #5:
This kind of a deal is typically time-specific, meaning that it’s only valid for a certain period of time. If you come a day or two late (or a few months late), that’s again your mistake. If the deal was only valid for that month of November, by December (or worse, April), it’s just a worthless slip of paper. No, the store will NOT honor a deal that’s already passed, just because you don’t have a grasp of the intricate workings of a calendar.

Nuisance #6:
It is rare to see one of these coupons without certain limitations in the fine print. The coupon will clearly state that either you’re limited to only one or two of the item with the coupon, or you’re limited to just one coupon per person. Now please, someone enlighten me on just what it is about those limitations that’s so hard to understand. Please, I’m begging you. Everytime I’ve had to deal with these coupons, two kinds of people swarm from the comforts of the sewer, leaving their common sense behind. First, you have the hoarders who can’t understand why they can’t use all 27 of their coupons at once, and secondly you have the overdoers who bitch and moan when they only get one of their 31 bottles of laxatives for the discount price. People, those limitations were written with you in mind. Learn to read before complaining!

Nuisance #7:
And finally, this one’s a kicker. I can’t believe I’d actually have to write about this, but I will because I’ve faced this stupidity a few times. If you have a coupon which grants you a cheaper price for say, a Spoiled Brat Hoe Look-A-Like doll, from store A, that doesn’t mean that store B will accept the coupon just because they sell the same doll. Not only are the coupons item-specific, they’re also store/chain-specific. Threatening store B that you’ll go to Store A to buy the doll because store B won’t honor another store’s coupon won’t work, because that’s what you should’ve done in the first place!

What do you hate about coupons, either as a consumer or as a clerk?

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, or anything to add to his chapter of The Consumer Etiquette Guide, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

You really want that cookie so bad that you’ll go ahead and buy a tv, just to sink your teeth into a freshly baked cookie oozing with molten chocolate chips? I thought not.

The title of this post is an example which you’ll most probably never see. But it does serve a purpose. Many stores offer coupons which will promise you a free gift, granted that you must first buy something that costs significantly more than the free gift is worth. (It’s still business, after all…)

In case you haven’t yet caught on to the underlying moral of this weeks posts on coupons, this post will clarify that for you. (For those of you who need to know it now, the moral is that nothing is free.)

The free cookie is an incentive for the consumer to spend a little bit of money buying something they might not really need, just because the free gift is very tempting. It’s also an incentive for the consumer to choose Store A over Store B.

It surprises me how consumers go all gaga over even the most useless free items just because they’re free. Kudos to the stores for working their magic and spinning their web to sucker people into buying something just to get a miserable mp3 player (which by the way costs only a few tens of dollars or euros nowadays).

Everyone loves free stuff, right? That’s why stores love to use these incentives to lure people into spending money at their location. Because people go all gaga over the “promise” of free goods, clerks have an unnecessarily hard time dealing with people and these kind of coupons:

Nuisance #1:
Whenever there’s a coupon offer or such of this kind, there’s always the line “While supplies last” or “Limited number of free gifts available” written somewhere. On one hand it’s an extra incentive for the consumer to hurry up and rush to the store to buy whatever it is that’s on offer. On the other hand, it means exactly that. There aren’t enough of the gifts to go around. If the gift runs out, that’s it. You won’t get something else to replace the free gift. End of discussion.

Nuisance #2:
No, you can’t exchange the free gift for something else. That not how this works.

Nuisance #3:
No, you can’t return the free gift and get your money back. Why? BECAUSE IT WAS FREE!!

Nuisance #4:
The employees are not hoarding the free gifts for themselves. We’re not allowed to. So don’t accuse the clerk of keeping your free gift for themselves. The one and only time I’ve gotten to take a free gift with me from work was when we had little packets of gum that we were supposed to give out to every customer for free with every order. Thing is, we had THOUSANDS of them left over, so my boss told me I could take some as the deal had already passed.

Nuisance #5:
No, you can’t pay for the cookie and get the TV for free. That’d be bad for business. It doesn’t matter that you can’t afford the TV but you can afford the cookie. It doesn’t work that way. I’m sorry, but in case you hadn’t noticed, stores are in the business of making a profit. Just be happy that you’re getting something for free with your purchase.

Nuisance #6:
Yes, you actually do have to buy the TV to get the free cookie. I don’t care if you don’t need the TV. If you want the cookie, you need to buy the TV. Case closed.

Nuisance #7:
In order to take advantage of the offer of a free cookie, you have to buy the TV which the coupon is referring to. No, you can’t buy a cheaper TV. No, a toaster doesn’t qualify either. No, I can’t just give you the cookie because I “look like a nice guy.” No, you can’t have the cookie just because you “spent a lot of money at this store.” No, you can’t have the cookie because you “shop here all the time. People, please! Read the fine print and all the terms associated with the coupon deal!

Because you’re such a valued customer, tomorrow I’ll present you with a coupon to get something for less money. Hey, you at the back! Put down the cookie! You do actually have to buy the TV BEFORE YOU CAN HAVE THE COOKIE! Gosh…

What do you hate about coupons, either as a consumer or as a clerk?

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, or anything to add to his chapter of The Consumer Etiquette Guide, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

You’ve all seen this kind of coupons or discounts. The one’s that inform you that if you spend X amount of money, you’ll get Y% off your entire purchase or whatnot. Example: 15% Off Any Item/Your Purchase Total When You Spend More Than $/£/€100.

In layman’s terms, if you buy more, you’ll get a certain percentage off your total purchase or a particular item. Pretty simple, huh?

Apparently not.

I partially blame the marketing teams of stores for all the shit that clerks have to go through with there coupons. But then, again, they’re just doing their jobs. Why do I blame them? Because the “25% OFF!” is always in small letters, whilst the clauses are a footnote, reading “applicable only when you spend over so and so much money”.

So, the common mistakes by customers, also known as nuisances for the clerks:

Nuisance #1:
Read the fine print. There will be a catch, trust me. Either you have to first spend over a certain amount of money, or the offer is only valid on a certain day, or it’s only applicable for certain items. It’s not the cashier’s fault that you were dumbfounded by the large inviting percentage printed on the coupon and failed to notice the terms for said discount.

Nuisance #2: The point of this kind of coupon is to get the consumer buy more stuff in one go. So when the cashier tells you that if you spend just a little more you’ll get a discount, they are not trying to force you to buy more nor are they trying to scam you. It’s all for your benefit, and it’s up to you to make the decision of whether or not you want to take advantage of the offer. So don’t scream at me when I’m offering to save you a bit of money!

Nuisance #3: When the coupon states that you’ll get a certain percentage off a particular item when you either buy something specific or over a specific amount, please make sure you understand EXACTLY what the terms are. No, you can’t get the discount on another item because you don’t need the one in question.

Nuisance #4: When the coupon offer states that you’ll get 15% off your total when you spend over a certain amount, please read the fine print. There’s a good chance the offer only applies to normal-priced items, so NOT your ENTIRE total.

Nuisance #5: No, you can’t get double the percentage off if you spend double the amount, (unless it is so stated on the coupon).

Nuisance #6: Allow me to ask you a multiple choice question:
There’s a coupon which states that you’ll get 20% your entire total when you spend over €50.
Your total comes to €48.95.
The cashier suggests that you purchase something extra to make your total push past the €50 limit so you’ll be able to take advantage of the coupon offer.
What do you do?
a.) Take the cashier’s advice and buy a candy bar or something.
b.) Weigh your options and decide against the offer.
c.) Throw the “worthless” coupon at the cashier and pay for your total.
d. ) Accuse the cashier of trying to cheat you into buying more useless crap.
e. ) Try to change the terms to your benefit.
If you answered a.), smart move. If you upped your total to €50, the 15% discount brings your total down to €42.50, saving you money.
If you answered b.), that’s your choice.
If you answered c.), d.), or e.), shame on you.

Coupons are great for that fact that you get free stuff or discounts, or atleast they generate the illusion that you’re getting a great deal. Just keep in mind one thing: there’s no such thing as a free gift, as it is. There’s always a catch. Blame corporate, not the cashier.

What do you hate about coupons, either as a consumer or as a clerk?

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, or anything to add to his chapter of The Consumer Etiquette Guide, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!