In my quest to find the best beard shampoo, I stumbled upon this new one by the folks over at OneDTQ: Big Forest Beard Shampoo. This is my new favorite beard shampoo. Let me tell you why.

https://youtu.be/HQALiukR36I

The Beard Oils

This beard shampoo is made with many of the best carrier and essential oils for beards. (See my guide on how to create beard oil for further reading).

Because of this, it has a watery consistency. You’ll have to be careful when pouring it, so that you don’t waste any. A little goes a long way! I like this because it’s not goopy, slimy, or greasy. It isn’t made with cheap waxes and chemicals that you’ll find in your $.99 grocery store shampoo. Those waxes and chemicals can clog pores and stress beard hairs, making them more itchy, dry, and fragile. The carrier oils used in Big Forest are easy for your face and beard hairs to absorb, making it a much better option than grocery store stuff.

Shampoos using these oils help dissolve and wash away sebum and skin flakes, which can easily get caked into beard hair follicles. Using waxy stuff exacerbates the problem by pushing skin and sebum deeper into your follicles, leading to more ingrown hairs and skin irritation. Big Forest is designed to scrub your follicles clean and wash that stuff away, while keeping them lubricated and healthy. Most men use store-bought shampoos in their beard, which is why most men suffer from beard itch and beard dandruff. This stuff will fix both problems.

It Lathers White

Lots of homemade shampoos feel sticky and greasy because they were not mixed well, or because the makers used cheap materials. Not so with this stuff. When you use it, it lathers to a puffy white froth, as it should. It also washes out easily. I have used Grandpas Pine Tar Shampoo to-date because it was the best I could find for my beard (no other beard shampoo has impressed me). However, Grandpa’s is thick and hard to wash out. I really have to scrub my beard well to make sure I got it all. Big Forest goes in easily and washes out in a snap.

It Smells Manly

Check out some of the essential oils listed above–Cedarwood, and Basalm Fir Needle, as well as Bergamot. This gives the beard shampoo a rustic woodsy fragrance with a light fresh zest. My wife said that it reminded her of camping trips from her childhood. The scent is not at all overpowering, balanced by the carrier oils (especially the coconut oil, which really rounds it out without making it smell tropical). See my guide on where essential oils fall on the scent chart to get an idea how this will smell. It lies firmly in the “woody” slice, balanced by light “citrus”).

The Bottle Shape

The bottle comes in a sturdy flask shape. Many shampoos are round or have womanly hourglass shapes. Not so with this one. It looks like a whiskey flask, made out of semi-opaque brown thick plastic.

The makers were smart enough to include an appropriate cap for its consistency. Nine out of ten shampoos come with a simple spout, where you squeeze the bottle to squirt out the shampoo. But with Big Forest being so liquid, that kind of cap would cause you to waste it. OneDTQ was sensitive to your pocketbook and equipped the bottle with a snap-cap, so you can snap it open and gently pour some into your hand, without squeezing the bottle and potentially wasting it. Good job fellows.

It’s Made in America

And because of that, it’s not the cheapest shampoo on the market. But you knew that. The big name-brand cosmetic shops have factories in China, oozing out waxy shampoo by the ton every minute. Big Forest is made in Brooklyn, NY by American entrepreneurs and workers earning a living wage. My overseas readers will forgive me for waving my spangled banner too wildly, but hey, this stuff is important.

So there you have it–Big Forest is my new favorite beard shampoo. I have tried almost every beard shampoo on the market today (see my beard shampoo page–I have tried all of these, and more) and all have come up short in one way or another. I’m promoting this one because it’s simply the best option on the market today.

Beard onward, gentlemen.

Video Transcript

Brandon: Hi there, folks. This is Brandon Dennis from growabeardnow.com, and today I want to talk a little bit about the Big Forest Beard Shampoo. Now for those of you who have followed my blog, you know that I’ve been struggling for a very long time to find a good beard shampoo that I like. I’ve literally tried them all, and for the past many years I’ve been using Grandpa’s Pine Tar Shampoo, which isn’t designed for beards, but it’s a fine shampoo and it works really well. But, I just recently discovered this, by the fellows at OneDTQ. They make a wide range of beard oils and beard grooming items, and they just released this Big Forest Beard Shampoo, and I tried it out, and this has become one of my new favorite beard shampoos.

Now the reason that I like it so well is because it’s very different from any other shampoo you’ve used, which makes it really good for the beard. So for example, when you pour it out, it’s not thick and goopy. It’s actually quite liquid, and the reason for that is because the ingredients include a number of carrier oils and essential oils. It’s an oil heavy shampoo which is exactly what a beard needs. Your beard follicles are larger, your beard hairs are more scraggly, your face will absorb a lot of the oil, so when trying to condition and clean a beard, carrier oils and essential oils are going to be better for the beard than a lot of the waxy stuff that you’re going to find in the goopy shampoo that you’ll get at your regular supermarket. So that’s one of the reasons why I really like this.

Another reason is because of the scent. Usually, when you wash your hair or your beard with any other shampoo, you’ll get a medicine scent or some sort of floral scent. This is a very masculine scent. My wife said that it reminded her of her time camping in Tennessee, and spending time in the forest and around a campfire with her family when she was younger. The reason for that is because it comes with a lot of woodsy cedar oils, including bergamot, cedar wood, and balsam fir needle. Those essential oils are going to give this a very woodsy masculine scent, but it’s not overpowering.

Now, I’ve found that after using the Big Forest Beard Shampoo that I really don’t need to put an essential oil into my beard. So I usually use a beard oil or a beard balm to condition my beard afterwards, and sometimes I will still use one of my favorite beard balms, but this still makes my beard smelling good after shampooing my beard and it’s not even a conditioner, it’s just a shampoo. So half the time I don’t even use any beard balm, or beard oil, or conditioner afterwards. So that also is in its favor.

And then, one final thing that I really enjoy about this beard shampoo is that it lathers white. When you’re standing in the shower and you’re using it, it doesn’t feel goopy, it doesn’t feel greasy. When you actually start to lather up your beard, it fluffs up like any other good shampoo that you want to use, and it lathers white, and then it washes right out.

So it comes with the essential and carrier oils that your beard needs, it lathers white, it has a nice clean masculine scent. This comes in a nice masculine-looking bottle, and it’s become one of my favorite beard shampoos. So I’ve got the complete review in a link in the description of this video if you want to check it out, with some photography and links to where you can get it. Reasonably priced, no more expensive than any of the other beard shampoos on the market today, and my favorite one so far. Thanks for watching.

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Why African or “ethnic” beards are so special

During the 20th century, African men rarely wore beards. Even with beards making a comeback today, most black men prefer the clean-shaven look. Still, black beards are on the rise, and there are some truly remarkable African beards out there. Check out the following selection of awesome beards worn by these players of the 2014/2015 Seattle Seahawks (my hometown team–go Hawks!). If you ever doubted that black beards were “cool”, I hope this selection will ease your mind.

Click to Enlarge

African beards are rare and awesome, but they present black men with challenges other bearded men don’t have to deal with, due to the unique character of black facial hair. Black beards tend to grow patchy, are super-curly, tend to be wiry and dry, grow more slowly, and are harder to manage.

Why African Beards are Patchy

While many black men are able to grow truly epic beards, many others have a hard time growing in full beards. African beards tend to grow in patchy, based on genetics. This is an inherited trait, which I explored in my article, “Why Men Grow Beards“. Men of all ethnicities can grow patchy beards, or facial hair on the chin or cheeks only, but this trait occurs more often in African men than in anglo men.

This isn’t necessarily a “bad” thing at all. Many prominent African men sport wonderful beards that are patchy. Take a look at Will-I-Am from The Black-Eyed Peas. He sports a noticeably patchy beard without shame.

Source: Flickr

If you’re a black man whose beard grows in patchy, and you want a full beard, then read my article “How to Fix a Patchy Beard“. In short, you can force your dormant follicles to grow by using a minoxidil substance like Lipogaine, which is my recommended beard growth serum. This cream works by dilating your facial capillaries, increasing blood flow to your follicles, giving them the nutrients they need to sprout. While this will work, it takes a few months before you see progress, and you’ll have to use it forever.

Black Beard Growth

Source: Flickr

As I covered in my article on beard growth speed, beards grow at about the same rate (half an inch a month), but to greatly different lengths. The same is true for African beards, although they grow a bit more slowly. Non-African beards grow about 400 micrometers per day, while African beards grow about 250 micrometers. Thus, non-African beards grow one inch every 2 months (64 days), while African beards grow one inch every 3.3 months (99 days).

The terminal length of an African beard has the same variation as non-African beards. Some men’s beards keep growing for as long as 6 years, while other men’s beards reach their maximum length after 2 or 3 months. However, due to the texture of African beards, they will often appear shorter than they really are.

Black Beard Texture

African beards grow in coils and zig-zags. Imagine stretching out a coil. The strand will be longer than it was when it was in coil form. Similarly, African beards grow in small, tight coils, or in tightly packed zig-zags, that reduce the overall length of the beard.

Image source

There are three main types of African beards textures:

The Pure Coil

Source: Flickr

The pure coil is a tightly-packed spiral. Pure coil beard hairs tend to grow together. This leaves an African beard looking like it has long, thick springs hanging down. Since the springs grow together, these beards are easier to comb and shape. They also have more motion in them when you walk (if they are long), leaving your beard to sway. For shorter beards, it looks like a woven fabric. The pure coil is the more soft of the three African beard hair types, and will be stronger.

The Zig-Zag

Instead of growing in a spiral, these beard hairs grow in zig-zags. The zig-zags are so uniform, that they often grow together, making your beard look like long wavy appendages hang from your chin. Shorter beards look like woven fabric with a zig-zag in them. The zig-zag beard hair feels wooly and dry, and makes a long beard look very short.

The Fuzz Ball

Source: Flickr

Fuzz ball African beard hairs grow in every which way and direction. One hair will grow one way, then start growing another. This produces a beard that looks like piece of wool fluff. It rarely clumps into patterns like the pure coil or zig-zag. Instead, it looks like a solid mass of fuzz.

This is a challenging beard style to have. It takes a lot of beard oil and balm to condition it enough so that you can comb it. Many men just let it do its fuzzy thing.

How to Manage an African Beard

Source: Flickr

All bearded men need to use conditioners and basic beard grooming to keep their beards in shape. This is true for black beards in particular. African men tend to grow wiry, tough, coiled beards that need extra conditioning to make smooth and comfortable to wear. A daily grooming ritual is essential to make sure you walk out the door with an attractive, manageable black beard.

Beard Conditioning

Every morning, use beard oil or a beard balm to condition your beard and make it smooth. These products are leave-in conditioners. Just place them in your beard, and leave them in all day.

Beard oil is popular and comes in hundreds of different scents. Check out my beard oil page for a collection of my favorites. I recommend getting the Grave Before Shave 4-beard oil pack. They produce an excellent oil, and the four different scents give you daily options.

Beard balm comes as a buttery consistency. Just scrape off a little beard balm from the tin, melt it in your hands by rubbing them together, and then apply liberally to your beard. You can use both beard oil and beard balm together for maximum conditioning, or you can choose just one and stick with it. My favorite beard balm is Honest Amish, which I personally use every day.

Beard Waxing

The secret to owning a beard that keeps its shape during the day is beard wax. African beards are tough and have minds of their own. You can tame wild strands by using beard wax to keep them in place. Like beard balm, scrape off a little of the soft wax with your thumbnail, and then melt it between your hands. Spread it on the wild parts of your beard–usually the sides of the beard–and then mold it to shape. For black men, I suggest using the Honest Amish Extra Grit beard wax, which is the only black beard wax I know of. It also works well on brown beards, which is why I use it every day.

Beard Straightening

Some men have beards that are so curly or fuzzy that they are hard to manage. For them, I suggest using hair irons and hair straightening systems to straighten your beards, to make them more manageable. This has the added benefit of making your beard longer, since straightening a beard uncoils them. Read my complete guide on how to straighten a beard for more information.

How to Straighten a Beard

Razor Bumps

Because black beard hairs are so curly, African men suffer from razor bumps, or ingrown beard hairs, more often than other men. Razor bumps happen when a shorn hair grows into the side of the follicle, instead of growing out of it. As the hair continues to grow, a bump on the skin appears, and irritation makes it red and painful. If the hair is not removed, the bump can become impacted with sebum and even pus.

Clean-shaven black men suffer from razor bumps more often than the bearded, but bearded men can still get them as beard hairs naturally shed and regrow. Thankfully, Tend Skin is a substance that helps cure razor bumps.

Use Tend Skin twice a day if you already have red, painful bumps. Once they are cured, use it once a day in your beard to prevent future ingrown beard hairs.

I hope this article has encouraged you to grow the epic black beard that is locked within your genes. If you have any other questions about African beard care, please leave them in the comments below. I’ll leave you with this epic image of Alexander Kelly. He was an African American Union soldier during the civil war, and won the Medal of Honor. And of course such a classy chap had an amazing black beard.

Alexander Kelly. Source: Wikimedia Commons

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There is nothing to fear about a gray beard. Sure, there are all sorts of beard dyes out there, but gray beards are a mark of dignity and wisdom. Think about how many gray beards you admire. Gandalf, Santa–heck, even The Most Interesting Man in the World has a gray beard. So don’t fear the gray, my friends. Embrace it.

When do Beards Go Gray?

Men can start going gray at nearly any age, but most start graying in their 30s. Sometimes the head and beard gray at the same time, but sometimes the beard starts graying first. Over the next two decades, your beard will get more and more gray, until you end with a salt-and-pepper, or completely white beard.

Why do Beards Go Gray?

Genetics

There are many reasons why beard hairs go gray. The first is genetic. Somewhere, wired deep within your genes, are directions from your body to stop producing melanin–the substance that gives skin and hair color–in your follicles after a certain number of years. Since this trait is inherited, you can get a good guess of when you will go gray by looking at your father’s and grandfathers’ beards. If they went gray early in life, yours likely will.

Bleach

New research shows that some men’s beard follicles produce excess levels of hydrogen peroxide, which acts like a bleach, removing all pigment from your beard hair. While science doesn’t yet know exactly why some follicles produce more hydrogen peroxide than others, it is believed that stress and diet habits have a lot to do with it. There are even reports that men who have gray beards early in life have been able to reverse the process by reducing stress, increasing daily exercise, and improving their diets. While this will not help gray beard strands that have gone gray due to genetics, it may help strands that have gone gray early due to external elements.

Strand Color

Beards actually don’t go gray. They go white. Take a look at individual gray beard hairs, and you will notice that they are completely devoid of pigment. Men with “gray” beards actually have lots of pure white beard hairs, mingled with some hairs that have not gone white yet. From a distance, this gives the illusion of a gray beard.

Many people think that beard hairs go gray slowly over time–that beard hairs start as a solid, vibrant color, and then dull over time until becoming white. Not so. The graying is almost instant. One day you wake up and one of your beard strands is white. It is not a lighter shade of brown, or a grayer shade of black–it is completely white.

Another myth is that graying occurs from the follicle out. Sometimes this is true, but it is certainly not true for everyone. For some reason, many beard hairs start graying from the tip first, leaving hairs that are half white, half colored.

The presumption is that this kind of color change is due to stress or bad diet. The entire hair strand, when connected to blood vessels, is a living part of your person, like an appendage. These strands can be healthy or unhealthy, just like any other part of your body. While white beard hair is not always a sign of poor health, premature graying can be, especially when it happens when you are very young, or before other men in your family have begun to gray. You can revive these graying beard strands by improving your diet and reducing stress, unless your beard has gone gray for natural reasons.

Strand Consistency

White beard strands are more wiry than colored strands. Melanin has an elastic quality in hairs, which make them smoother and more wavy. As your beard turns gray, the new white strands will be stiffer, and what was once a curly beard may be a tad more straight. Don’t expect your curly beard to go completely straight as you age, but you can expect your white beard strands to noticeably uncoil, when compared to your colored strands.

It will also make curly beard hair harder to tame. I advocate using beard wax to tame an unruly beard, but even beard wax may not work on white beards. You may need to resort to hairspray or a tougher wax like mustache wax. To use mustache wax, first melt it with a hot hair dryer, rub your finger in the liquid, and lightly coat the wiry strands you want to tame. It will quickly dry. As it dries, use a beard comb to tease the strands in place until the wax has solidified.

Gray Beards and Dignity

Throughout history, gray beards are a symbol of dignity and a life well led. This was especially true during times of hardship, as few men lived long enough to get old. Those who had gray beards were seen as survivors and wise men who had seen a thing or two.

If you feel a tad self-conscious about your gray beard, here are some traditional providers across cultures to consider.

“The man who doesn’t scatter the morning dew will not comb gray hairs.”
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Irish Proverb

The meaning of this is straightforward. Lazy men who don’t go outside and work (scatter the dew) never live long enough to grow gray hair. Therefore, gray beards are the mark of a hard working, and thus successful, man.

“A Spartan, asked why his beard was long, said, “So I may see gray hairs & be worthy of them.”
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Plutarch

In this proverb, gray beard hairs are badges of brave deeds–both those done, and those to come. The Spartan wears his beard long so he can see his gray beard, and remind himself that he has a reputation of dignity to fulfil.

“A heavy heart seldom combs a gray beard.”
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Irish Proverb

Men who worry and are anxious rarely greet old age. This proverb reminds us that “happy” is something you choose to be, and happiness brings long life.

“The glory of young men is their strength, and the honor of old men is their gray hair.”
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Bible – Proverbs 20:29

Even the Bible calls gray hair an honor.

“When a man’s beard turns gray, so do his friends.”
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Egyptian Proverb

This one is less inspiring, but it reminds us that we bury our friends and family as we age. Part of the reverence for men with gray beards is the knowledge that they have seen many things. Some of those things are not nice.

Do you know any proverbs about gray beards? Share them in the comments below and I will post them here.

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Ok sure. Combing is easy. Who would need a guide? And yet here you are, my friend, and I congratulate you. After reading this guide, you will comb beards better than 99% of all bearded fellows on earth. Embrace your destiny!

Tricky things can often be deceptively simple. It took me a while before I perfected the art of combing my beard without losing any beard strands along the way. Here are my tips.

Brush vs. Comb

Ah, the eternal debate–should I use a brush or a comb to groom my beard? To me, this like Chevy vs. Ford, or Pepsi vs. Coke; it’s a matter of personal preference. If you like brushing, get a beard brush. If you like combing, get a beard comb.

Personally, I prefer to use a beard comb because a brush will pull out more beard hairs before their time. The final stage in a beard hair’s growth is the telogen phase, when the hair rests in your follicle for days, weeks, or even months before finally being pushed out by the new growing beard hair. When you use a beard brush, the brush has more points of contact with your beard, giving it greater grip. This grip tends to pull out beard hairs in their telogen phase, which reduces the thickness of your beard. So, if you want a nice, thick-looking beard, use a beard comb.

Browse Beard Combs

How to Kill Beard Tangles

The trickiest step to combing a beard is conditioning it well enough so that you don’t get snags and tangles when combing. Snags and tangles will not only damage the teeth of fragile combs (made from horn or plastic), but they can harm your beard as well. I’ve pulled more beard hairs out of my face by tugging on a stubborn snag than I would like to admit.

There are three ways to condition your beard before combing to avoid snags:

1) Beard Oil

Beard oil is a liquid beard conditioner that is quite in vogue at the moment. Dab a little in your beard before combing to make it slicker, which makes it easier to untangle kinks as you comb.

There are hundreds of beard oil brands to choose from. Browse a collection of my favorite beard oils to see what is available.

Browse Beard Oils

There are many ways to use beard oil, which I explain in my article, “How to apply beard oil“.

2) Beard Balm

Beard balm is a buttery substance that melts in your hands. Once melted, rub it all up in your beard to really coat it well. In my opinion, beard balm conditions a beard better than oil, and makes it much easier to comb. See my video on how to use beard balm, below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5MeEkeK99w

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3) Anti-Tangle Spray

The final option is to use an anti-tangle spray, designed for baby hair. I think beard oil and beard balm works great, but some of you may not have any handy. If that’s the case, baby anti-tangle spray totally works on beards, though it has a unique, “baby-fresh” scent.

Comb Straight

Next comes the combing. Using your favorite beard comb (I prefer one made of wood or animal horn), comb downwards in even, steady strokes. Start slowly. If you go too fast, you won’t leave the balm enough time to do its thing, and you may still snag your beard. Start slowly and comb the beard balm all through your beard. Once you’re certain it is free of snags, you can pick up the pace a bit.

Comb Underneath

An important, but oft-neglected part of combing a beard is to comb your underbeard. The underbeard, or neck beard, is often full of strong, long, densely-packed beard strands. If your beard is curly like mine, then these hairs may curl up under your chin in a big mass, making your beard look thinner and shorter than it really is.

Lift up your beard, and, using a beard comb or beard brush, gently comb your underbeard downward. This action will release strands from the underbeard tangle in batches. You may need to apply some more beard balm to your underbeard, if you missed it when conditioning earlier.

Comb through your underbeard until it is all untangled and falling freely. Then, comb deep into the front of your beard, and bring the comb downward in firm, steady, slow strokes. This should catch all the fibers of your beard–underbeard included–and organise them into nice, straight swaths of beard.

Wax It Up

Once done, I suggest using a beard wax to hold your beard in place. Over the course of the day, your beard will rub against your chest, your neck, and other beard hairs, and it will want to coil back up and get tangled again. Using a soft beard wax, wax the front and fringes of your beard. If you use enough of it, your beard should stay in place throughout the day, while still swinging free like a beard should. Watch my video on waxing a beard for more info.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vBBeSche4k

Browse Beard Waxes

And there you have it, gents. Do you comb a different way? Let me know in the comments below.

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Anyone who has a beard knows that the beard is the ultimate flavor savor. During a meal, food inexplicably finds its way into your beard. Unless you have a well-meaning dinner-mate with you who points it out, you may walk around with food in your beard all day without realizing it.

This, of course, may not be an issue for some. For a hermit living atop a pillar meditating on scripture with only the birds for company, a bit of food in the beard is the least of his concerns. But for the rest of us who have gentlemanly social duties to attend to, it’s best to leave our meals in our tummies and not our beards.

Historically, men have gone to great lengths to keep food out of their beards. Beard and mustache champions will keep binder clips on hand when they eat out, so they can clip aside their mustaches when eating. In fact, British potter Harvey Adams invented a cup in the 1860s equipped with a mustache guard to keep tea from getting in the mustache. These cups were all the rage in the late 19th century and beyond.

Source: Wikimedia Commons

A Crumby Beard

Croissants are the bane of the bearded man’s existence. Tragically, I absolutely love them, and so I am plagued by crumbs in the beard. One’s instinct is to simply take a comb and comb them out. However, this doesn’t work very well, as the comb’s teeth penetrate the beard and push crumbs, which normally just rest on top of the beard, deep into the beard. This will cause you to spend many agonizing minutes in front of a mirror sifting through your bristly man mane picking out crumbs.

Instead, I have a secret for you–use a horsehair brush.

Horsehair brushes are usually used to buff a shine into patent leather shoes, or to clean off residue from waxing shoes. They are also excellent for sweeping off dirt and leaves and so forth from your coat–a habit you should get into at least once a week.

I have a separate horsehair brush just for my beard. The bristles are soft enough to not pierce my beard, but firm enough to whisk away any crumbs and food particles.

I love the horsehair brush so much that I have 3 of them–one for home, one in the car, and one at work. You never know when you’re going to grab a snack and have a crumbly mess to clean up.

I prefer the Ralyn brand of horsehair brush, because it is guaranteed to be made from actual horsehair, and is manufactured in Israel. There are lots of cheap knock-off horsehair brushes made from man-made fibers, or from cheaper animal hairs. You want the genuine article. There is nothing quite like the texture of fine horse hair.

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There is a lot of talk on the Internet about “neckbeards”, usually used as a pejorative. I get messages from men saying they don’t want to grow a beard because their school mates will make fun of them and call them neckbeards, and I frequently see memes denigrating what are usually fat men wearing fedoras as neckbeards. I’m going to tackle this issue by separating the actual neck beard (a beard that grows on your neck) from the anti-social personality aspects of being “a neckbeard”.

The Actual Hair on Your Neck

In addition to the face, many men grow hair on their necks. Men who wear short beards tend to shave their necks, because they are trying to get a neat beard look. However, men with long beards have no need to shave their necks. As the beard grows, it eventually completely covers the neck, obscuring any hair that might grow there. It also becomes much more difficult to shave your neck where you have a long beard, and for this reason, most men with long beards do not shave their neck beards.

Neck beards used to be in-style. One of my 54 beard styles is called the Chin Curtain, which is a beard style that has been used by men for centuries. It involves shaving all the hair on your face except that which grows under your chin–thus, your neck–and up to your sideburns. Chin Curtains are actually hard to grow. Not every man can grow a thick, full neck-beard, let alone one that continues unbroken up the cheeks and sideburns.

I recommend Chin Curtains be worn by only those men who have thick and full beard growth, and who want to try something rather unique. For men with thin and patchy beard growth, the Chin Curtain is not the style for you.

And this brings us to the etymological root of the phrase “neckbeard”. Young men who are growing beards for the first time tend to grow them slowly. They come in patchy at first. This is especially noticeable on the necks of men who are fat, because fat men’s necks can’t be hidden by chins. Thus, young fat men who are growing beards for the first time and who are socially awkward have been dubbed “neckbeards” by their mockers. While not all neckbeards are fat, many are, and they have become iconic of the subculture.

The Personality

Let me start by saying that I am fat. I’m not trying to make fun of fat men with this blog post, because I know the struggle. What I want to hone in on are certain personality quirks that neckbeards exhibit that move them from the “fat men with beards” category to the “neckbeards” category.

There is an entire subreddit (two of them) dedicated to this. I encourage you to study these subreddits, which should be interesting to anyone who is fascinated by subcultures.

To be blunt, neckbeards are not the kind of men we want to be, because neckbeards fail at the social challenges of life that lead to success. I don’t want to offend anyone, but I inevitably will because no one wants their lifestyle challenged. This guide is not for those who are happy being neckbeards. I’m writing this as an honest, helpful guide for those young men who are neckbeards and don’t want to be–who inexplicably find themselves living as neckbeards and don’t know how they got there, and who want out. To do so, I’ll break neckbeardism down into it’s five basic pillars.

1) Awkwardness Around Women

Neckbeards are awkward around women because they have no experience with them. Healthy boys grow up with at least some limited interest from girls. This interest gives them some experience and confidence around women, enabling them to be successful with women as young adults. Neckbeards, being fat, pimply, or having some other imperfection, grow up with no interest from the opposite sex. This robs them of the social education they need at a young age to know how to act around women. Even neckbeards with sisters and female cousins still lack this necessary education growing up, because behavior around female family and potential romantic partners is, obviously, completely different.

This awkwardness manifests as over-politeness, which is often mocked by others using words like “m’ilady” and other archaic language. Neckbeards make the mistake of thinking that being nice to girls will get you a girlfriend. Instead, this locks them firmly in the friend-zone. Out of desperation, and fear of being rejected, neckbeards remain overly friendly and accommodating, which is great for making friends, but very bad for making romantic relationships because women, like men, want partners who are confident. Confidence and honesty are bedmates. A confident man will tell a woman what he actually thinks. This truthfulness is an attractive quality. A neckbeard with no confidence will tell a woman what he thinks she wants to hear. This is the opposite of honesty–it is cunning, which is an unattractive quality.

Sometimes neckbeards go too far the other way and become cocky, arrogant, and rude. These behaviors come from the same place as shyness–inexperience with women. A neckbeard’s arrogance makes his own inexperience obvious, completely backfiring on him and making him undesirable.

For fat neckbeards who are awkward around women, the cure is not easy, but it is simple, and there are two steps. The first step is to not care what women think of you. This doesn’t mean that you are rude. You are polite, but you pursue other things that interest you without caring what others think. If you truly don’t care what a woman thinks about you, then this gives you the confidence to ask her out. If she says no, you are not crushed, because you have no fear of rejection. If she says yes, you don’t make a big deal out of it. You treat her with respect and courtesy. You understand that you both are trying to get something out of this relationship (respect, companionship, admiration, honesty), and you not only give it, but you expect it. If you don’t expect it, then you open the door to being walked all over and eventually pushed into the friend zone.

Here’s the second step: lose weight. I say this as a fat man. I know how hard it is to lose weight. I realize that it is much easier said than done. But the harsh reality is that healthy men find romance easier than fat men, and they have many more options.

2) Hygiene

Neckbeards are often accused of having poor hygiene. This is often an untrue stereotype–neckbeards can have excellent hygiene–but neckbeards give the appearance of having poor hygiene by wearing thin, patchy beards, and suffering from the side effects of obesity, which include acne, excess sweating, and bad breath.

The only fix for the side effects of obesity is to lose weight–a topic I won’t cover here (as I am unfit to do so!). However, I can help you with your beard.

While I respect your decision to grow a beard, I encourage you to shave every day until your beard comes in full. Young men, in their excitement to finally be growing whiskers, tend to leave unsightly patches on their chins and cheeks, and thin, scraggly mustaches. These do not look good, and many people will mistake your conscious decision to grow a beard as simple lack of hygiene. Instead, shave with a straight razor until your beard starts growing in full–which should happen in your early 20s.

If you are a grown man and you still have a patchy beard, then read my guide to growing a full beard. In short, there are a few things you can do:

• Minoxidil. Minoxidil (Lipogaine) is a natural substance that dilates your capillaries, bringing more nutrients from your blood to your follicles. If you have follicles on your face, using minoxidil every day will cause you to grow a beard, no matter your age. It takes months of use before you see an effect, and you have to use it forever, but it works. Read my guide to beard growth serum for more info.
• Beard growth vitamins. Use beard growth vitamins if your diet is unhealthy, or you feel like your beard is patchy due to your bad diet. Read my guide for more info.
• Testosterone. Many men lack testosterone, especially those who don’t do much physical activity. Ask your doctor if you need to take a testosterone supplement. I recommend TestWorx. Also, here is a great guide on how to boost your testosterone naturally without drugs.

3) Lack of Style

Neckbeards are ignorant about style, mainly because only a small percentage of clothing can fit them. It is hard for a man of style to be fat. Go into any department store and take a look at the clothing available to “Big & Tall” men–tshirts, polo shirts, and jeans. That’s it. Slacks, dress shirts, sweaters; none of them fit. This is why you see neckbeards in their stereotypical style: jeans and tshirts.

Neckbeards wear fedoras for sheer lack of clothing options. The only items of clothing they can wear like everyone else on earth are hats and shoes, so they go ape-snot bonkers and wear fedoras with everything. The fedora has become an icon of the neckbeard because neckbeards try to wear it with everything. What they don’t realize is that fedoras are to be worn outdoors only, and only when wearing an overcoat.

Neckbeards in fedoras look silly in the same way a man in a tshirt and a top hat would look silly. The tophat is an archaic hat style, that is typically only worn for formal occasions like weddings. Fedoras are also an archaic hat style, but even when they were in their prime, they were only ever worn outside and with other outdoor clothing like overcoats.

Finally, the most popular fedora style neckbeards wear is the trilby. The trilby is a fedora with an exceedingly short brim. This hat style was originally worn by women. It is a feminine hat. So we have a fat man wearing a strange hat with a short brim, and the whole thing comes undone.

Here are some style guidelines for neckbeards:

• Get some shirts tailor-made. Stop shopping in department stores if you can’t find anything your size. Instead, buy your shirts online at Tailor4Less or Paul Fredrick, which will have dress shirts in your size.
• Never wear a hat indoors.
• If you wear a fedora, buy one with a wide brim.
• Do not wear a fedora unless you also wear an overcoat.
• Fedoras are not “better” the more stripes, feathers, badges, and other nonsense they have. Get a simple, single-color fedora, with maybe a band.
• Try cutting your hair. Long hair rarely looks good on big men.

For more tips on style, read my other blog, Scotch & Smoke Rings.

4) Atheism

Angry atheism has become a hallmark of neckbeards. I’m not going to comment on the validity of atheism as a philosophy, but instead I’ll focus on respect. Neckbeard atheists are often depicted as being loud, rude, and crude. This behavior comes from a lack of respect for people of faith. Since neckbeards rarely find a voice in the real world (being timid, lacking confidence, and suffering from bullies), neckbeards turn to the internet to form relationships and spout ideas. One drawback to this is that, on the Internet, you rarely see the face of the person you’re talking to. This leads men to dehumanize their opponent in an argument, leading to trolling, online bullying, vulgarity, and snide, immature mockery. This behavior is justified in the mind of the neckbeard, because he really thinks of religious people (especially Christians), as stupid, and even dangerous.

Instead, neckbeards should develop respect for people they don’t agree with. This respect will likely come with age, as they are exposed to more people in the real world, and discover that people can be interesting, intelligent, and even fun to be around, even if they believe something you oppose. However, it will advance the career and social progress of a neckbeard if he learns this lesson early in life. Employers don’t like hiring men who alienate others in the office, and women find arrogance repulsive.

5) Japanophilia

Finally, neckbeards tend to be Japanophiles. They love watching Japanese animation (anime). They listen to Japanese and Korean music (j-pop and k-pop), and slowly begin to identify with Japanese culture.

This is a natural reaction to being rejected by their own. Because they have failed to find respect and romance in the Western world, they turn to the East, often aided by romantic yet unrealistic depictions of Japan in anime, comics, and film. Leaning towards atheism, they think they have more in common with a culture not dominated by Christianity. They collect anime posters and figurines. They have at least one katana. Their eyes light up when you say the name Hatsune Miku. They want to date a Japanese girl, because they mistakenly think Japanese girls are more likely to date them than Western girls.

The grim reality is that if you were to pluck a neckbeard from his home and plop him down in the streets of Tokyo, he would have less success in his social relationships than he does today. While the East is fascinating, their cultures suffer from many of the same struggles found in the West, because the Japanese are human too. Japanese men and women still have to play the same cat-and-mouse romantic dance that Western men find so tiring. In fact, Japan is actually suffering from an economic decline brought on by a flatlining population and a low fertility rate. The Telegraph recently reported that 50% of Japanese don’t have sex–this includes the married.

Japan is also not an atheist country. 80% of the population practice Shintoism, a traditional religion of Japan that emphasizes ancestor worship. Another 34% practice Buddhism. If a neckbeard were to show the same kind of contempt towards these Japanese traditions as he does towards Western religion, he would deeply insult everyone around him and make few friends.

While there is nothing wrong with admiring Japanese art and culture, the problem is in abandoning reality for fantasy. It’s foolish thinking that the Japan depicted by anime is in any way real, or that somehow if only you had been born in Japan, your life would be better. Such fantasies are forms of escapism, which, though understandable, are not the aspects of a healthy personality–and are therefore unattractive to potential mates, friends, and employers.

The Long and Short of It

I don’t have it all figured out yet. Sometimes I lack confidence. Sometimes I’m too arrogant. Heck, sometimes I wear a hat indoors. I don’t offer myself as the perfect example of the anti-neckbeard, because I’m still growing. My hope is that young men who feel lost in society can use this post as a cornerstone upon which they build up their confidence, personal style, and statesmanship.

For young neckbeards that need specific steps, or don’t know where to start, here are two suggestions:

1) Focus on your career. You don’t need to have everything figured out yet, but spend your time thinking about what amazing adventures you will get into as an adult–adventures that fulfil the practical needs of your life, like salary and health care. Shadow professionals. Intern at companies that interest you, or become a trade apprentice. Research the salaries of the jobs you like best, or find people who work in those careers and befriend them. Pursue this first, and the rest will come in time.

2) While you pursue career, don’t completely block out romance. If you obsess over work too much, you may wake up in your 30s missing the children you never had and the wife and companion you never pursued. Instead, keep your options and eyes open as you live. Go out with friends when invited, and invite friends to your events. Take advantage of social opportunities at work and school. Most importantly, talk to women. Once you get used to talking to women as coworkers or classmates, you’ll find it easier to talk to women as friends, which makes it easier to pursue a woman for romance.

The only person who can rescue you from a neckbeard life in the friend-zone, is you.

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Table of Contents

1. Essential Oil Scent Guide
2. Pairing Essential Oils
3. Top Essential Oils
4. Essential Oil Sample Packs

Essential oils give your products, whether a beard balm or beard oil, its unique personality. In this guide, you will learn how to categorize an oil’s scent, how to pair oils that compliment each other, and more.

Essential Oil Scent Guide

Essential oils can be divided into 6 scent groups–balsamic (a soft, warm, vanilla-like smell), citrus, earthy, floral, spicy, and woody. There are many essential oils for each scent category. I have created a handy scent chart, and listed a collection of the more popular oils in the appropriate categories, below.

Pairing Essential Oils

It’s important to have a good understanding of how scents combine when making your beard care products. The table below shows you which essential oils pair with 34 of the most popular essential oils used in beard care products. The oil listed in the left column is the primary oil, and the oils listed in the right column beside it are the oils that mix well with it. (On mobile devices, the paired oils appear below the primary oil. Tap the plus sign to see them).

Thus, if you want to pair another oil with Basil, you should choose from among Clary Sage, Bergamot, Geranium, Lime, or Vetiver.

Basil	Vetiver, Clary Sage, Geranium, Lime, Bergamot
Bergamot	Chamomile, Geranium, Neroli, Jasmine, Rose Geranium
Black Pepper	Frankincense, Rosemary, Lavender, Sandalwood
Cedarwood	Clary Sage, Bergamot, Juniper Berry, Rosemary, Frankincense, Ylang Ylang
Chamomile	Cedarwood, Lavender, Vetiver, Cypress
Cinnamon	Sandalwood, Lemon, Lime, Tangerine, Sweet Orange, Grapefruit, Rose, Ylang Ylang, Cedarwood
Clary Sage	Geranium, Juniper Berry, Cedarwood, Lavender, Sandalwood, Bergamot, Frankincense, Lemon, Sweet Orange, Lime, Grapefruit, Tangerine
Cypress	Juniper Berry, Lavender, Cedarwood, Labdanum, Lemon, Sandalwood, Lime, Grapefruit, Tangerine, Clary Sage, Sweet Orange
Eucalyptus	Lemongrass, Rosemary, Lavender, Peppermint, Lemon, Cedarwood
Fir	Patchouli, Cedarwood, Lemon, Rosemary, Lime, Juniper Berry, Sweet Orange, Lavender, Grapefruit, Tangerine, Frankincense, Pine
Frankincense	Tangerine, Cedarwood, Lavender, Black Pepper, Rose, Geranium, Sweet Orange, Grapefruit, Sandalwood, Vetiver, Juniper Berry, Lemon, Lime, Cypress
Geranium	Lavender, Rose, Lemon, Sweet Orange, Petitgrain, Jasmine, Bergamot, Patchouli, Clary Sage, Lime, Tangerine, Grapefruit, Black Pepper, Vetiver, Juniper Berry
Ginger	Cedarwood, Cinnamon, Sweet Orange, Rose, Sandalwood, Vetiver, Ylang Ylang, Petitgrain, Lemon, Grapefruit, Tangerine, Frankincense, Lime
Grapefruit	Cypress, Jasmine, Pine, Lemon, Petitgrain, Lavender, Juniper Berry, Palmarosa, Geranium, Cinnamon, Clove, Ginger
Juniper Berry	Lemon, Sweet Orange, Lavender, Petitgrain, Bergamot, Rosemary, Geranium, Vetiver, Sandalwood, Clary Sage, Cedarwood, Lime, Cypress, Grapefruit, Frankincense, Tangerine
Lavender Oil	Rose, Geranium, Frankincense, Vetiver, Pine, Lemon, Tangerine, Patchouli, Bergamot, Sweet Orange, Cedarwood, Neroli, Petitgrain, Grapefruit, Rosemary, Clary Sage
Lemon	Basil, Ylang Ylang, Rose, Sandalwood, Petitgrain, Geranium, Eucalyptus, Grapefruit, Sweet Orange, Juniper Berry, Lavender, Lime, Myrrh, Frankincense, Tangerine, Mandarin
Lemongrass	Eucalyptus, Patchouli, Petitgrain, Palmarosa, Lavender, Geranium, Bergamot, Rosemary, Clary Sage
Lime	Rosemary, Lavender, Ylang Ylang, Lemon, Grapefruit, Sweet Orange, Mandarin, Tangerine, Petitgrain, Clary Sage
Mandarin	Cinnamon, Rosemary, Lemon, Lime, Grapefruit, Tangerine, Geranium, Petitgrain
Myrrh	Lemongrass, Palmarosa, Patchouli, Sandalwood, Mandarin, Lavender, Frankincense, Cedarwood, Cypress
Palmarosa	Lemon, Sandalwood, Ylang Ylang, Lime, Grapefruit, Lavender, Mandarin, Cedarwood, Geranium, Tangerine
Patchouli	Lavender, Clary Sage, Rose, Sandalwood, Cedarwood, Vetiver, Myrrh, Geranium
Peppermint	Eucalyptus, Lavender, Lemon, Lime, Tangerine, Mandarin, Sweet Orange, Rosemary
Petitgrain	Lemon, Lavender, Rosemary, Tangerine, Mandarin, Palmarosa, Grapefruit, Lime, Bergamot, Sweet Orange
Pine	Tea Tree, Lemon, Juniper Berry, Cypress, Cedarwood, Bergamot, Rosemary, Frankincense
Rosemary	Lavender, Cinnamon, Peppermint, Cedarwood, Frankincense
Sandalwood	Geranium, Lavender, Rose, Myrrh, Bergamot, Black Pepper, Patchouli, Ylang Ylang, Frankincense, Juniper Berry, Pine, Vetiver, Cypress, Patchouli
Spearmint	Eucalyptus, Lavender, Ylang Ylang, Rosemary
Sweet Orange	Lavender, Patchouli, Lime, Clary Sage, Lemon, Myrrh, Geranium, Frankincense, Mandarin, Rosemary, Tangerine, Grapefruit
Tangerine	Cinnamon, Clove, Rosemary, Lemongrass, Lime, Petitgrain, Geranium, Sweet Orange, Rose, Lemon, Mandarin
Tea Tree Oil	Eucalyptus, Lavender, Geranium, Lemon, Clove, Pine, Nutmeg, Cinnamon, Ginger, Clary Sage, Rosemary, Sweet Orange
Vetiver	Lavender, Ylang Ylang, Rose, Jasmine, Clary Sage, Lime, Petitgrain, Lemon, Sandalwood, Tangerine, Patchouli, Mandarin, Sandalwood, Grapefruit, Sweet Orange
Ylang Ylang	Lemon, Rose, Vetiver, Mandarin, Black Pepper, Lime, Tangerine, Jasmine, Sweet Orange, Geranium, Grapefruit

Top Essential Oils

Here is a list of the top best-selling essential oils. I have them organized by source–for example, bushes and trees, nuts, fruits, etc. For a sample of essential oils organized by scent, see the previous section.

Essential oils include:

Essential Oil Sample Packs

Finally, you can make it easy on yourself when making seasonal or thematic blends by purchasing seasonal essential oil packs. For example, the “Winter” essential oil pack comes with popular seasonal scents like peppermint, cinnamon, and cranberry.

The Complete Book of Essential Oils

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Today I was called a hipster. I’ve never thought of myself as a hipster, so I was surprised. This got me to thinking—what exactly is a hipster? Is any man with a beard a hipster, or do you need to meet other qualifications to be a hipster?

Now, I’ve had my beard since I hit puberty—quickly approaching 20 years ago now—which predates our culture’s current fascination with beards by at least a decade. I say this to defend myself from being accused of being a hipster, however this sounds very much like “I did it before it was cool”—which is what a hipster would say. So, I have to wonder…am I a hipster?

I decided to solve this problem scientifically. I took a look at Google image search results for the phrase “hipster beard”, and then filtered them by “photo”. (I previously discovered, using a similar method, that 89% of all hipsters have beards. Since this is a website about beards, we’ll focus just on bearded hipsters). This gives us the world’s results of images of men who either self-classify as hipster (they took photos of themselves and uploaded them to the internet), or of men whom others identify as being hipster. At the very least, it shows us what Google thinks are hipsters (and they’re pretty good at categorizing these kinds of things).

After viewing hundreds of images, I made a list of two dozen characteristics that I found common among them all. I then went through the first ten rows of images, one by one. On my screen of Google image results, there is an average of 9 images per row, meaning I used around 90 images of hipsters for this study. When an image did not fit any of the categories (an illustration, for example), I excluded it from the study.

Before we go further: I just want to make it clear that I am in no way denigrating hipsters. Everyone is entitled to their likes and dislikes. Dressing like a hipster doesn’t make one a worse person than not dressing like a hipster. I do believe the way you dress can reflect your class, personality, and even your character, which are topics I reflect upon at Blogging with Class; however, this is a judgement-free zone. Right now I am concerned with the makeup of bearded hipster style. We will deal with the philosophical ramification of hipsterism afterwards.

Hallmarks of a Hipster

There are a series of pie charts below. If you don’t see them, please refresh the page (hold CTRL and hit F5).

Product in Hair

72% of hipsters have product in their hair, including pomade, wax, or hairspray. I judged whether or not hair had product in it based on how glossy it was, or if the hair was standing in a way that otherwise defied gravity.

Hair Length

85% of hipsters have short hair. I consider short hair to be hair that does not fall below the shoulder. I considered men with longer hair on top but short hair elsewhere as having short hair for this metric.

Haircut Style

I began to notice a pattern in hipster hairstyles, so I tracked it. 68% of hipsters have a distinct haircut, with shaved or very short sides and back (a 1 or 2 razor length from a barber), and long, finger-length hair on the top of the head, which was styled to stick up and slant to the side, with a messy, careless sort of feel to it. This, friends, is the quintessential hipster haircut.

Glasses

Hipsters are well known for wearing thick, black or brightly colored sunglasses–so much so that they have become known as “hipster glasses”. However, in my study, only 28% of hipsters wore glasses. Compare this to 61% of the total population that wears prescription glasses or contacts, as recorded by Statistics Netherlands. 40% of people ages 20-30, and 42% aged 30-40 wear prescription eyewear, which is the age-range or hipsters. We quickly see that, compared to the public at large, hipsters are actually less likely to wear glasses of any kind–perscription or otherwise.

That said, when they do wear glasses, they wear the quintessential “hipster glasses”.

Hats

When one thinks of a hipster in a hat, one imagines a short-brimmed fedora. However, my study showed that 88% of hipsters don’t wear hats at all–which makes sense, because they all sport that luxurious hipster hair. A hat would interfere with all that pomade and hair spray.

Beard Length

Beard length can be a tricky thing. When does a short beard become long? I decided that a beard long enough to grab by the fistful is a long beard, and anything too short to get a fistful is a short beard. Based on that criteria, 64% of hipster beards are short beards. Of them, only a small percentage were so short to be essentially stubble. Most hipster beards are nice and full, but only an inch or so long.

I must say, that when hipsters rock a long beard, they create a much more powerful and authentic image.

Mustache

86% of hipsters did not have a styled mustache. This came as a surprise to me. I often think of hipsters with short handlebar mustaches, but the vast majority of them pretty much ignore the mustache entirely. When they do grow it out, they simply comb it to the side. The small minority who did style their mustache, however, used a short handlebar or blunt English.

Stuff In the Beard

I often read headlines about men putting stuff in their beards. These headlines always call them hipsters. In the Christmas of 2014, every major news site around the world ran a story about so-called “beard-baubles” that were cropping up in “hipster” beards. The reality is that hipsters don’t put anything in their beards. 91% of the hipsters in my study had nothing in their beards. The only images of men with weird stuff in their beards that I found during my study were images from the Beard Bauble story, or images from minor beard celebrities eating top-ramen out of their beards, and other stunts. To call something like Beard Baubles “hipster”, is completely wrong.

These new “hipster beard trends” are actually invented by publishers to create sensational headlines. This is called “click-bait”, and doesn’t reflect reality.

Trimmed Beards

In the wild, beard hairs grow to different lengths at different rates, which I explored in my article “How Long Does it Take to Grow a Beard?“. This produces a full beard that looks ratty. Some strands will be super long, while others are short.

It turns out that 82% of hipsters trim their beards to nip off these wild strands. This comes as no surprise, as it would seem strange to put so much time and energy into slicking up your hipster hair, and then to leave your beard untamed. For more on this, see my article on “How to Trim a Beard“.

Jewelry

I include earrings, studs, lip piercings, and eyebrow piercings. It turns out that 80% of hipsters do not have jewelry, leaving 20% that do. This came as a surprise to me, as I expected body jewelry to be one of the ranking factors of hipsterism. Compare this to 28% of men in general who have piercings at all–of which, the nipples are the most popular thing pierced. 17.5% of men have their eyebrows pierced, 17% have their ear cartilage pierced, 15% pierce the nose, and 13% pierce the lip, according to Statistics Brain’s 2014 study. This makes hipsters slightly more likely to have a face piercing than the general public.

Tattoos

This came as the greatest shock to me of all. I have long believed that tattoos are one of the pillars of hipsterism, but according to my study, only 21% of hipsters have tattoos–almost the exact same percentage as those who have piercings. According to the pew research poll from 2010, 23% of all Americans have tattoos. This number leaps up to 40% when you survey only millennials–people between the ages of 18 and 32. This means that hipsters are half as likely to have a tattoo as your average 20-something, and only slightly less likely to have one compared to the public at-large.

Shirt Style

Hipsters wear plaid–so goes the common wisdom. However, my study reveals that hipsters prefer tshirts and tank tops. The “other” category includes things like polo shirts, sweaters, hoodies, and so on. Hipsters prefer to wear tshirts, and a respectable percentage of them like to dress up in a suit or sport jacket, vest, or tie.

Honestly, I expected plaid to pull in greater numbers than it did. That said, it is pretty impressive to see that 10% of all collared shirts worn by hipsters are plaid.

Clothing Fit

Hipsters are known for wearing “skinny jeans”. I wanted to know if this stereotype is fair, and if it might extend to other clothing types.

Shirt Fit

For shirts, there are three types of cut–slim, loose, and normal–which I explain in my article on another website, “Everything you need to know about dress shirts“. I searched for “male hipster shirt”. Sure enough, most results were tank tops and tees, as we discovered in our previous metric. However, I took a look at the fit of the shirts, and discovered that 73% of hipsters wear slim fit shirts. An interesting thing I noticed was that of those with sleeves, most of them were rolled up past the bicep, with a neat, tight cuff. Shirts were so slim, in fact, that you could see every contour of the hipster’s frame, making hipsterism a very uncomfortable style for Big & Tall men.

Pants Fit

Pants come in regular and slim fit. I searched for “hipsters walking”, and discovered that most hipsters wear slim-fit pants. In fact, the percentage disparity between slim and normal fit is greater in pants–more hipsters prefer wearing slim fit pants than those who prefer slim fit shirts.

Interestingly, virtually all examples were men in jeans. Even men in suit jackets and ties wore slim fit jeans. We can call denim the pant fabric of choice for hipsters.

Considerations

Remember that I compiled my list of qualities after noticing recurring hallmarks in photos of hipsters. The divergent mean of minority percentages is 20%, meaning anything less than 20% does not recur enough to be considered a hipster trait (which includes hats, for example), and anything above 20% is a recurring hipster trait. So even though only 20% of hipsters have tattoos and body piercings, they appear so frequently that they can be considered part of the fingerprint of a hipster.

Also, bear in mind that not every hipster will be a pure hipster. Consider gamers. There are hardcore gamers and casual gamers. There are far more casual gamers than there are hardcore gamers. These casual gamers play Facebook games and trading card games. They play simple mindless games for an hour or so a day, then log off.

Hardcore gamers identify themselves with games. They wear gaming clothing, go to gaming conventions, marry other gamers, and speak in l33t. To them, gaming is a culture to which casuals may not apply. While there are more casual gamers on this earth, the hardcore gamers fit the gamer “profile” best.

So too with hipsterism. Your casual hipster will have a majority of hipster characteristics, but your hardcore hipster will also have some of the characteristics just above the divergent mean found in my study.

The Profile of a Hipster

Now that we have compiled all the data, we can complete the profile of a hipster.

Casual Hipster

A hipster is a thin man in his 20s or 30s with a short, neatly trimmed beard. He wears a gravity-defying hipster haircut, which is his defining feature. You’ll see him in a tshirt and slim-fit denim, looking dreamily into the camera.

Pure Hipster

A pure hipster is a thin man in his 20s or 30s with a trimmed beard that could be long or short. He wears the hipster haircut, thick hipster glasses, has a plethora of colorful tattoos on his neck and arms, and has at least one body piercing on his face. You’re more likely to find the pure hipster in a suit jacket and tie than the casual hipster, but the pure shares the casual’s love of slim-fit denim.

The Anti-Hipster

Since we now know what the average casual hipster and pure hipster looks like, this begs the question–what would an anti-hipster look like? That is, how would one dress who flies in the face of everything the hipster subculture holds dear? Let’s take a look at our study results. For the anti-hipster, we will choose the minority percentage, unless it is large enough to meet the divergent mean. We will also exclude minority characteristics that have expressly hipster selections (for example, the anti-hipster may wear glasses, but he does not wear hipster glasses).

Based on our study, the anti-hipster looks like this:

• He does not style his hair with product.
• His hair may be long or short, but if it is short, it is short all over–never long on top, short on sides.
• He may or may not wear glasses, but if he does, they are not hipster glasses.
• He wears a hat.
• His beard is long.
• His beard is wild.
• He wears no body jewelry.
• He has no tattoos.
• He wears a collared, long-sleeved shirt. He may or may not wear a jacket and tie. His shirt is regular-fit, not slim-.
• He wears regular- or loose-fit pants. He does not wear denim.

As you can see, the anti-hipster gives quite a different impression than the hipster. This was the best example of an anti-hipster I could find. Below are some other examples, some of which are more perfect than others.

You see that a bearded man can still enjoy all the wonders of owning a beard, without being a hipster. Now, I don’t want to come down one way or the other on whether I think “hipster” is a bad thing or not, but the next time someone calls you a hipster, send them to this guide to be educated.

The Philosophical Ramifications of Being a Hipster

With this final bit, I deviate away from the main point of this article–to discover the various things that makeup common hipster style–but since being a “hipster” has a stigma, and since the word “hipster” is often used as a pejorative, I want to reflect on the reasons why some may judge hipsters based on their outward appearance.

Insecurity

Many people feel that caring too much what others think about how you look is insecure. Dressing in a certain way to avoid judgement of others gives power to others, instead of keeping it for yourself. Goths and preppies are the prime examples. Goths dress in a distinct way to show the world how much they just don’t care–when in reality, of course, they’re showing the world just how much they care by retreating from society (and broadcasting that retreat on their bodies) because they don’t feel accepted in the way they want to. This screams “insecure”.

With preppies, people look down on them because they think preppies are “phony” or “snobby”. The unspoken sentiment goes like this: “You preppies want people to think you are so much better than the rest of us, that you dress in a neat and tidy style that gives the appearance of wealth”. Here, again, we see a group of people who are judged for trying to be what they are not–for trying to impress other people, and achieve greater social status, by how they dress. The fact that preppies care what others think, so goes the reasoning, betrays insecurity.

The same goes with hipsterism, but to an even further degree. Hipsters are the classic outcasts on the sidelines. They hold a healthy amount of judgement towards “the moral majority”, and want to broadcast this judgement by embracing things that were once cultural taboos, such as tattoos and body piercings. They dislike conformity, so they embrace dress choices that deviate from what is expected in the professional world, and from every other subculture.

The great irony is that this causes them to all look the same. When all hipsters reject all the same outward expressions of cultural grouping, they end up looking exactly the same–thus forming a new identifiable cultural grouping (which is why we can walk by and recognize a hipster). This phenomena was covered expertly by mathematician Jonathan Touboul.

Manliness

The second pillar holding up popular contempt for hipsters is perceived unmanliness. With hipsters caring very much about pretending to not care about their appearance by taking great care that they deviate from the mainstream, hipsters are evoking a certain amount of vanity. This vanity is accompanied by other vanities, including concerns about being fat, and concerns about the shape of one’s figure. These insecurities are manifested by the hipster’s love of tight-fitting jeans and shirts, which were historically womanly style choices. By showing off their figures, male bearded hipsters are not only getting the opportunity to show off their tattoos and piercings (and, consequently, display how non-conformist they are), but also how thin, muscular, and toned they are (which is the male version of a woman caring about her butt and bust size). While translated into masculine language, the initial desire–to impress with the form of your body–is an unmanly attribute that puts many at ill ease.

To compensate for this unmanliness, hipsters take selfies of themselves doing masculine things, like chopping wood, smoking a pipe, or riding a motorcycle. Since this is a subconscious manifestation of their recognition of their own unmanliness, these attempts are often fraught with obvious (and sometimes hilarious) incongruities.

Let’s take a look at the example below. Here we see two hipsters dressed in plaid, with an axe and a pile of freshly cut firewood. We are to have the impression that the hipsters recently cut the wood themselves, and bask in their undoubted manliness.

However, there are a couple of issues with the photo that our subconscious minds instantly recognize, which causes us to snicker inside. First, cutting wood is hard work. Neither of these men have their sleeves rolled up, and none of them are sweating, or look tired. There are no wood chips in their beards (or anywhere else). It looks like they are simply posing with a pile of wood–which they are.

Second, they have tucked in the cuff of their jeans into their boots. Anyone who has ever chopped wood would tell you this is a huge no-no, as flying wood chips often fall down your legs. Wearing pants like this ensures the chips enter your boot and irritate your feet for hours.

Third, the man leaning on the axe is wearing three rings on his hands. Anyone who has chopped would will tell you that the friction from holding and swinging an axe handle can pinch your skin under rings. Many men take off their wedding rings before chopping wood to avoid this issue.

Lastly, the wood is clearly from different types of trees. The point of chopping wood is to reduce a tree into smaller and smaller pieces that fit in a stove or can be neatly arranged in a campfire. Thus, you are usually working with one entire tree. It is highly unusual to see wood from two different types of trees in one stack–especially a stack this small. This wood was obviously gathered just for this photo shoot.

Everything I just detailed is recognized by our subconscious minds in a flash. We may not be able to articulate it, but something will seem “off” when we see hipsters pretending at manhood like this. When a middle aged man buys a red sports car, we say he is compensating for something. When a hipster covers himself in rebellious tattoos, or poses in front of a stack of wood he did not cut, he is also compensating.

A Final Word

I say all of this as a way to put into words the unconscious biases many have against hipsters. I in no way want to judge hipsters, or even hipster style. My goal is to categorize what we know about hipsters, distill it into simple words, and shed some light onto something as complex as an entire subculture.

In my view, any beard is a good beard. Beard onwards, gentlemen.

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Growing a beard is no minor decision. It takes a stern will and a disciplined mind. As I explained in my piece on why men evolved beards, beards convey dignity and higher social status to men–if done right. There are a many ways to grow one wrong. Of course, the worst decision is to not grow one at all. Kudos to you for growing a beard! You’ve made the manly choice.

When growing a beard, think about the following if you want to achieve bearded glory:

Growing a Beard

Put down your razor

This almost goes without saying, but the most important thing you can do is to not shave. Many people say to me, “Brandon, my dad tells me that if I shave my beard, it will grow in thicker. Is this true?”

NO. This is, in fact, a myth. Shaving a beard does not grow it in thicker. It only looks that way because you’re shaving off the naturally tapered ends of your beard hairs, leaving thicker, blunt stubs, which look darker (because they are thicker). Just put the razor down, and grow it out.

Resist the itch

I cover this in great detail in my piece “How to Power Through Beard Itch“. The number one cause for men to shave their beards early is the itch. When a beard starts growing, the sharp edges of your shorn beard hairs scrape against your follicles as they grow back out, causing irritation. This is only temporary. As your beard gets longer, the itch goes away. Give your beard a month or so to grow, and your beard itch will be gone.

In the meantime, here are a few products you can use to ease the beard itch. I recommend using the Medicine Man Anti-Itch beard wash every day in the shower. Then, when you’re ready to head outdoors and take on the day, use some Medicine Man Anti-Itch Beard Oil to soothe your skin. This will keep your beard soft and itch-free throughout the day.

Condition that thing

Wait it out

The final step is to play the waiting game. Men these days have short attention spans. One month they think a beard sounds cool. The next month, they get tired of waiting for it to become the masterful man mane it is meant to be.

Be patient. Beards convey dignity because it takes time and patience to grow them. If they grew fast, then every man would have one. Trust me–shaving or trimming too early is a great way to harm the natural shape of your beard, and to never see what shape your beard can become. Wait it out!

Choose a style

Never quit

Glory goes to the persistent. What if Alexander the Great stopped his conquests after the Battle of the Granicus River? Why, he would have never founded Alexandria, and we wouldn’t be talking about him today. What if Gandalf stopped growing a beard when he was a young wizardling? Why, Sauron would have conquered Middle Earth, and the Hobbits would be speaking the black tongue today.

You see? Persistence in all things pays off, and this is true for beards. Give your beard an inch, and it will take the mile it so surely deserves.

Final Considerations

I get many messages from young men who want thick beards, but can’t grow them yet. Listen, nothing looks worse on a man than a thin or patchy beard. You don’t want to sport the “I’m a sophmore in highschool” look when growing a beard. Instead, shave your face as a young man until your beard starts to grow in fully. Usually this happens in your early to mid 20s.

If you absolutely can’t wait that long, or if your beard just naturally grows in patchy, there are a few things you can do to force it to grow, as I cover in my Beard Growth Products page.

Beard growth shampoo

Use a natural beard growth shampoo every morning, with your doctor’s approval. Beard growth shampoos are available over-the-counter without a perscription. I recommend either using the Lipogaine shampoo or the pura d’or beard growth shampoos.

Beard growth vitamins

Beard growth serums

That’s all there is to it gentlemen! I hope this guide has inspired you to understand that growing a beard is worth it. Beard onwards!

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It’s that time of the year, when the savvy among us eschew the lines and buy our Christmas presents online. I reached out to a number of leading vendors of beard care products, and got the following black friday (and Cyber Monday) deals for you. This is an excellent opportunity to give your bearded friend the gift he always wanted, or to stock up on your favorite beard care products. Who says you can’t treat yourself?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsABTmT1_M0

Cyber Monday Beard Coupons

H-Beard Beard Oil

Get 20% off everything in the Healing Natural Oils shop, including the H-Beard Beard Oil. Use promo code MDHNC5UC on checkout.

  Shop - 20% Off

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