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How to rebuild your life, your business & your wealth after divorce

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Humility is one of the most effective approaches to influence people

Bill Douglas — Tue, 24 May 2016 14:08:48 +0000

“If anything goes bad, I did it. If anything goes semi-good, we did it. If anything goes really good, then you did it. That’s all it takes to get people to win football games for you.”
— Paul “Bear” Bryant, 1913-1983

World class performers know humility is one of the most effective approaches ever created to influence people.

Humility is the natural order of the human condition, yet average people walk around clouded by ego and false pride.

This costs them early in relations with others.

Champions recognize the damage done by boasting, and they adopt an attitude of gracious humility.

Their self-confidence, however, is highly elevated; an inner arrogance.
Champions don’t display this ultra self-confidence outside their own thought process.

Those with world-class mental toughness know how to conceal their well-earned positive sense of self.

Win the day by becoming more aware of how you appear to others.

Simple exercise: Make a list of ten things for which you are most grateful, then express gratitude to the people in your life who have helped you succeed.

This humble consciousness will begin to attract and positively impact those around you, and it will positively impact you as well.

~bill

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Rebuild your life, your business & your wealth after divorce

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Graduation was Years Ago, But Life Commencement is Now

Bill Douglas — Thu, 19 May 2016 20:29:31 +0000

Hard to believe (particularly for me because youngest finishes high school tomorrow) but it’s graduation season again. It’s a “Commencement”, as every boring speaker explains at every one of these ceremonies you’ve ever been to.

These kids get to graduate from a school that, by now, they are bored of. They have no idea how many opportunities lie ahead. Instead, they are just so glad to “be done”. Remember those days?

So, I ask you:

What do you want to graduate from?
What have you graduated from lately?
What do you want to commence?

If you’re still in the same place you were at New Year’s, that’s on you. Nobody else, nothing else.

I’m not trying to be brutal – I have stuff to deal with, too – but waiting around doesn’t accomplish anything.

If you’ve successfully started something new, different, enlightening, then good for you! Celebrate!

I remember the day I decided to “graduate” from a company I had started. Was it going to make it? Eventually, yes, sales were building. Was it going to provide for my family? No, not in time, we were going to have a cashflow shortfall.

So, I closed it down and we decided to move to Colorado where I bought into a solid company and provided for the family in a much better environment.

I remember the day I decided to “graduate” from my marriage. Was my marriage going to make it? No, and I finally knew it. I gave it everything. I left nothing on the field. It was time.

Despite being clear on my decision, that was a difficult day. And it was the commencement of the new me. The happier me. The more successful me.

These graduating kids have it so good. Just follow the process and graduate. Life isn’t always like that, but we can strive to make it simpler for ourselves.

How can you simplify the things in your life to graduate from?
How can you simplify the emotions and clean up the burdensome areas of your life?

I don’t claim to have the answers, but the process is straightforward. I lead a successful program to rebuild your life, your business & your wealth after divorce and there are obviously many other resources readily available to you.

Spend time on you. Graduate and Commence! It’s not selfish, it’s selfless. Remove the baggage wherever you can. I have a friend that refers to “all those rocks in my backpack”. Whatever the analogy, give it a try!

Do the work. Own your problems.

Then, watch the world open up to you again, just like it did when you graduated during your youth!

After all, Life is a Gift!

~ bill

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Rebuild your life, your business & your wealth after divorce

Photo: Flickr/Kaiyan

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Win this day by taking steps toward your future

Bill Douglas — Thu, 19 May 2016 12:51:11 +0000

We all have things in our past that we are both proud of and ashamed of.

The best part is, that’s all behind us.

The past needn’t determine your future.

Every day you get to decide what you’ll do with this day, this life.

Take the past wins and build on them.

Take the past losses and learn from them, then let them go.

YOU get to determine your future.

Don’t wait for “someday”. Start it today.

“Someday” never comes.

– Someday when I feel more confident….

– Someday when I know how to…..

– Someday when I have the time….

– Someday when I have the money….

“Someday” is an excuse. Don’t use it!

You are capable of anything. ANYTHING.

What are you waiting to do?

How can you stop waiting and take action?

Win this day by taking steps toward your future.

Release your past. Embrace your future.

Focus your eyes and your mind onward and upward!

~bill

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How To Fulfill Your Potential After Divorce by Not Letting It Define You

Bill Douglas — Thu, 28 Apr 2016 21:00:43 +0000

My friend, Shawn Phillips, and I often delve deeply into conversations about life at every level. Recently Shawn shared this post about life after divorce, which moved me. I believe everyone should fulfill his or her potential in life, particularly after divorce. It’s worth sharing and discussing further:

As I was working on something this morning… this book, this work, came to mind. This is the ultimate guide to the changes in life that set us back and set us free.

Be it a loss of a business, a death in the family, the loss of a marriage or any other number of life events… they are all Transitions and gateways to transformations.

Why share this? Because it reminds me of something I’ve felt for a long time… it’s not about divorce.

Divorce is not how I define myself any more than closing a company or ending a contract is how I define myself.

My dad died 10 years ago and I have yet to ever tell someone I am a widowed son. In fact, I hate the forms and documents that ask you, “Married, Single or D…” It’s really offensive and in many cases completely pointless. Why… am I an insurance risk if Divorced? Haaa.

Divorce is one of the many life events that can be a catalyst to greater awakening, freedom and strength. It can also be very difficult…. emotionally and financially challenging. As can other events.

Are you allowing divorce to define you?

Are you choosing to be labeled as divorced?

You can and should free yourself from the “D” moniker. That chapter of your life is closed.

Instead of thinking about failure, think about new beginnings.
Instead of thinking of loss, think of the new people and new relationships in your future.
Instead of thinking about what you don’t have, think about what you DO have.
Instead of thinking about what’s happened, I want you to think about what is going to happen!

Now, on to the next chapter. A new chapter. One designed by you, for you. It’s a clean slate. The future is yours…. You are free, unbound by any labels.

Try to get clear about WHO you want to be.
Figure out what your WHY is. What are you passionate about?
Get clear about your FUTURE.

It’s good to dream. Dream big. Paint a vivid picture in your mind of the life you want to live. Think of this daily.

There is a process to this evolution, this growth. You can absolutely do it alone, or you can get help. I lead a program for Fulfilling Your Potential After Divorce and there are other resources readily available.

Either way, I encourage you to commit to growth. Commit to living an inspirational & empowered future unlimited by your past. You don’t have to live in negativity, loss, fear, stress, anxiety…. You deserve the life you desire.

It comes down to YOU. The greatest lie of all time is “someone else”. Trust me, nobody else is going to do this for you.

Dig in. Commit to do the self-work. And then, DO the work. You will be overwhelmingly pleased with the results.

I truly want you to live an inspirational & empowered future unlimited by your past.

After all, Life is a Gift! Make it a great one!

~ bill

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Facebook Group for Divorced Entrepreneurs & Executives

Fulfilling Your Potential After Divorce

photo: 2 Top

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What Happened When I Chose to Live In Front of the Mirror

Bill Douglas — Tue, 26 Apr 2016 19:58:07 +0000

The Mirror of Life. I speak about this often, I discuss it with clients, I teach it. Yet, I often find it’s a new topic for most. Maybe that’s naiveté, maybe it’s never been discussed, maybe it’s pure avoidance.

Let’s set the stage with a few similar analogies instead of “the mirror”:

Karma
What goes around comes around
The world is round

These and “the mirror” all get to the same bottom line: It doesn’t matter how good your intentions are, there is no escaping cause and effect. That’s true in life, in business, and in any relationship.

It is easy to simply do what feels good at the time. However, good is not great. Good is often short sided. Good can be selfish. Narcissists have an incredible ability to name any of their self-serving actions “good,” when in fact they are far from good.

There comes a time when we all have to do the self-work in order to grow, mature and improve ourselves. In doing this self-work, we must look in the mirror. We must analyze our behaviors and our intentions.

The reason it’s easier to look out the window than looking in the mirror is two-fold:

Accountability
Integrity

Accountability is often a brutal awakening in one’s life. Years ago I had an accountability partner and we made daily five-minute calls to ask each other the questions we’d designed for ourselves. This simple act of having to answer yes or no to a question I told my friend to ask me was life-changing.

This accountability process held a large, clear mirror in front of me daily. It forced me to own my messes and change the behaviors I did not like. I became fully accountable for my actions. Not to my accountability partner: of the utmost importance I became accountable to me.

I believe we must all strive to operate with total integrity. When an individual holds himself or herself accountable, the natural inclination and desire becomes to operate with total integrity. Integrity completes the self-improvement circle by driving the desire to be accountable for one’s own actions and behavior.

At a certain point in my life, I chose to live in front of the mirror. Looking out the window was easy. I didn’t have to look in, didn’t have to do any self-work. Easy is not always best and “the easy way out” does not challenge one to improve, mature and grow in life.

The mirror has brought me great rewards, some of which include:

Renewed friendships & new relationships
Deepened parental relationships with my sons
Increased business
Improved health
Reduced stress

Living in front of the mirror … Was it easy? Absolutely not. Is it worth it? Emphatically yes.

The mirror incents me to strive for growth and seek greatness in my life. With those desires came a drastically improved life: A life full of fun and friends. adventures and experiences, joy and laughter. A life of abundance. And, of significant importance to me, a life that positively impacts others.

May the mirror of life bring you even more of the same positives!

After all, “Life is a Gift!”

~ bill

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Photo: Pexels

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Are You Growing or Dying? The Thriving Choice Is All Yours

Bill Douglas — Thu, 21 Apr 2016 14:48:38 +0000

The dictionary definition of thriving is:

to prosper; be fortunate or successful.
to grow or develop vigorously; flourish

To me, thriving is growing in a positive direction. If we are not growing, in business or in life, then we are dying.

Thriving is a choice, a direction, movement toward the pinnacle – it is not a destination.

Life is short. While nobody is immune to challenges, the quicker we focus on thriving the better our lives become.

Someone asked our Facebook group to define “thriving”. Here are a few responses (with permission from those who shared):

I’m thriving when I’m at peace knowing who I am and loving that person completely, being able to totally forgive and let go, and knowing where I want to go and creating that reality – and yes – having fun doing it because it’s not for the money – and then I may or may not attract someone else in my life – and that’s ok.

I default to very literal biomechanics when the going gets confusing and I begin to wilt: A little sun, a nice variety of food including veggies and fruits, water regularly (snow, wind and rain okay), I thrive best when placed next to complex music and enjoy a good thrill, add humor. When in doubt, a nice hug or a gathering of the 3 Musketeers (my teens and I). Entrepreneurial daydreams and energy usually follow if I have a healthy base.

It took me a while to get back to thriving after my divorce and after each major setback in my life. I recall wanting to “be over it” but just couldn’t get that zip back into my step right away. I needed to do the self-work, to fully understand and own my part in this whole debacle.

Through deep thinking, journaling and the rituals of self-improvement, thriving became not just a distant idea…. it became tangible. Then, through small wins and building confidence, came successes. With successes came confidence. And, regaining that confidence is when my life returned to thriving.

In hindsight, here’s how I built that momentum on the path to thriving:

Focused on positive thoughts. Avoided negative thoughts and conversations.
Spent time with uplifting, positive friends and influencers.
Built rituals and structures that strengthened my body and my mind.
Used my newly found free time to pursue my passions in life again.
Focused on helping others. When I was helping someone else I could only feel good, which voided all negative emotions.
Got plenty of sleep. It took my mind and body a while to recover, and sleep was critical.
Got out of my normal spaces. Found new places to go, visit, and hang out. Sought new friends and new clients.
Stretched my circles. Increased my circle of friends and influencers and focused on those seeking to do great things.
Looked for new things, even if they frightened me. “If you play in traffic, you’re bound to get hit”, so I played in new streets.
Celebrated the wins. Big or small I celebrated, and I included everyone I could in the celebrations. Positivity is infectious.

Thriving. It’s a choice and it’s something you can control. Choose to thrive!

Feel free to join our group. If that’s not your thing, and even if it is, try this life reboot! I am certain you will be pleased with the results.

Life is a Gift! Make it a great one!

~ bill

Reach Bill: Email | LinkedIn | Twitter | Facebook | Blog

Photo: Flickr/Jeromy Shepard

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Today I Positively Celebrate My ex-Wife

Bill Douglas — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 23:06:06 +0000

April 14 is National Ex Spouse Day. Who knew! I didn’t, and now that I’m enlightened I want to positively celebrate my ex.

Sounds crazy, huh? You probably think I’m a lunatic to do this given all I’ve written about recovering from divorce, being a divorced entrepreneur, a single dad, etc.

To the contrary, I am well grounded in this notion. Time and maturity have taught me that I had plenty to do with why our marriage didn’t work. And, not everything about our marriage was bad.

For those of you divorced: please allow me to celebrate the good from my 17 years of marriage. I hope it inspires you to feel some positivity.
For those of you married, read on. I hope this gives you reason to celebrate and appreciate your spouse.

Dena is a great person, not a “horrible ex”. She’s a great mom and is someone who strives to be happy in life. She’s stayed fully engaged in our son’s lives and we’ve successfully co-parented. That wasn’t easy in the beginning, but I’m very glad those bumps smoothed out as we focused on the real goal: our sons’ well being.

Do I regret marrying Dena? Absolutely not. And, I never have. If we had not married, our sons would not exist. Those two young men are the center of my life, the greatest gifts ever. Our marriage brought them about, and for that I am eternally grateful.

We certainly shared many years of great times before the divorce, of which we can talk about now and tell reminiscing stories with our sons. The vacations, the “firsts”, the “you did what?” stories are plentiful.

Dena laughs often with plenty of smiles and humor. She loves to have a house full of guests over for dinner. She’s active and fit. She has plenty of friends and is happily married.

Dena and I grew apart over the years. Plain and simple; life can do that. It happens in relationships of any kind. It certainly was not intentional. We didn’t start out our marriage planning to become divorced, of course. We didn’t want to grow apart. Yet, we allowed it to happen.

I believe we become what we think. If all I thought about was the negatives, the angry times, the stressful times during divorce, I would be bitter and blinded.

Instead, I chose years ago to look at the good. With that came positive thoughts and positive influences to our sons.

So, on this “celebrate your ex” day I celebrate Dena, and celebrate our sons.

After all, “Life is a Gift”!

~bill

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photo: flickr/pmo

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7 Tips to Conquer That Horrible Creature Called Anxiety

Bill Douglas — Thu, 07 Apr 2016 18:21:36 +0000

Anxiety can cripple, stifle, stall, depress and/or significantly interfere with anyone regardless of age, gender, marital status, work position, etc. While triggered by many things “The study found that traumatic life events were the single biggest determinant of anxiety and depression” — University of Liverpool, 2013

For adults, the top ten most stressful life events and their “Life Change Unit” scores are as follows:

Death of a spouse: 100
Divorce: 73
Marital separation: 65
Imprisonment: 63
Death of a close family member: 63
Personal injury or illness: 53
Marriage: 50
Dismissal from work: 47
Marital reconciliation: 45
Retirement: 45

The newly divorced are clearly hit hard with a heavy burden, one of the results of which is often this hideous creature called anxiety. With permission, I’m sharing a snapshot from our divorced entrepreneurs group:

I have been working on opening up my mail. For some it is one of the simplest tasks. However, for me it’s like revisiting the past in a time machine. Two years is two boxes of anxiety. I open letters and begin organizing with the intent to finish, but I am stopped by the emotions from grieving, foreclosure, and bankruptcy. The task then becomes overwhelming and I give up.

Personally, I remember being left with a house full of memories (i.e. stuff). I struggled with the same anxiety, emotions and procrastination about addressing it.

A good friend suggested spending 10 minutes a day and “either ditch it or donate it”. Slowly but surely I was able to rid my life of the clutter and the negative memories.

I was the most productive when I didn’t think about the item or the piece of mail or the picture. In time, I got to where I could look at it and decide ditch or donate without having any influx of emotion at all.

This emotionless luxury came only after I realized that I already had everything I needed and/or wanted, so I didn’t need to keep any of that “stuff”. That was truly liberating day!

Here are 7 pointers to deal with anxiety, regardless of the originating pain point:

Ignoring it is not an option. We must face it in order to move past it.
Declare you are not a victim. You cannot grow with a victim mentality.
Declare you’re ready for resilience. You can handle anything life throws at you. Decide this and declare it.
Make a goal to only touch it once. For paper items that you know can be immediately released, put them directly into a cross blade shredder to eliminate as well as experience a cathartic outlet.
Engage in an uplifting healthy experience to clear your head. Put on a positive song that positively impacts you…move around to burn off the flood of emotional chemicals. This may sound silly but moving always helps.
Slow deep breathing. Attach a positive to activity to override after the stressful act…recite out loud an inspirational poem, spiritual text, or personally created manifesto for your life.
Laugh. Go out of your way to make someone else smile. The feelings you get will be completely positive and uplifting

You know how passionate I am about rituals and structures and how they absolutely set us free. I encourage you to look into the process of a reboot. It’s totally free. All it takes is an open mind to clear the slate and reset your future.

I found the reboot process so overwhelmingly life-changing. Regardless of your situation, I believe a fresh outlook and a refreshed body & mind positively impact anyone!

And positively impacting others is one of my personal core values. Feel free to reach out I can help you with anything.

After all, Life is a Gift!

~bill

Reach Bill: Email | LinkedIn | Twitter | Facebook | Blog