Men and Women view shoes very differently.

Generally, Men have around 4 pairs of shoes (not including specific sport shoes);

1. Dress/Work shoes,

2. Play shoes,

3. Shoes that look like they have been through the Apocalypse. These shoes once were great, but they look like the Alien (from the movie) and Cujo have fought over it for a year or two. When a guy wears them, you see more sock than shoe. Yes it smells, too. Suffice it to say, these shoes are worn for routine (which is never routine) home maintenance or Halloween (preferably if said male is going as a Hobo. A single Hobo.

4. Flip Flops. Normally the male can only find one of the Flip Flops. Where has the other one gone? Dunno. Maybe the place where “the other sock” goes. Anyway, he will never buy new Flip Flips, because the ones at home (You know, the pair that only one can be found. That pair.) are “broken in” and comfy. The scene unfolds on the day his girlfriend wanted to go to the beach. She tries to get him to buy new ones, he protests, she sigh, and the man to go into “Search the House” mode. She sits down and texts her friends her true feelings about him. In the end, the “other” Flip Flop is never found, but he did find;

his royal blue skinny tie he wore at that party that one time,

his signed MC Hammer poster,

2 and 1/3 Star Wars figures, and

a still unopened birthday card from his girlfriend (who still lives with him, until she saw the card (unopened). Yup, she left. You realize it took him an hour to call her begging for forgiveness, because he found his old Sega Genesis, too.).

Women and shoes almost have a fetish-like attraction to shoes. Not bashing, just saying. Look, men like to see them on a woman, too. Especially high-heels. However, if there was a law passed stating that women could only own 4 pairs of shoes, there would be anarchy, rioting in the streets, and Starbucks would be handed out for free (finally).

According to my secret sources, there are certain types of shoes;

1. Platform shoes. Either ladies want to be taller, or they want to feel like they are in the rock band, Kiss.,

2. Pumps/High Heels. A moment of silence and reverence for the Pump/High Heel shoe. Ladies, we know it may feel uncomfortable to wear them, but men everywhere Thank you (Heck, some of us may look at you, give you a quick smile and nod.), and a quick shout out to Meghan McCain for loving wearing them. Respect,

3. Slip ons. See, for the most part all guys shoes are slip-ons, but ladies have certain shoes for quick trips around the house, Walt Disney World, wherever.,

4. Tennis Shoe. Some ladies do, in fact play tennis in said Tennis Shoes, but actually these are casual shoes to shop for their fiance’s wide-screen TV (Men can dream, right?),

5. Boot. Whether western or not, boots are kinda sexy. Just sayin’,

6. Strappy Sandal. Think of what someone would wear in the days of the Bible, only cleaner, with buckles, and muuuuch more expensive.,

7. Sling back. Not Sling Blade guys, Sling Back. Kinda dressy shoe with a buckle (It’s like a belt for their ankle) around their ankle,

8. Crocs. This was a very controversial inclusion, but Walmart shoppers and Vacationers are very convincing.

9. Jellies. Are they edible?

10. Flats. For ladies who are very secure with their height, and want to be comfortable in shoes, too,

11. Clogs. God bless the Danes.

12. Moccasin. Just trying to cover all the bases, ladies.

13. Fuzzy slippers (This includes slippers that resemble an animal of some kind, too). You would think this would just be a morning thing, but ladies wear these out of the house, too. I saw a lady walking her dog in doggie slippers. Fitting, I guess.

14. Workout shoes. Women take working out very seriously. They have workout clothes. Guys grab whatever fits, and head out the door, but ladies have special shoes for sweating and waiting in line for a stairmaster machine.

I could go on, but I’m getting so tired. Please don’t ask me what colors they like of shoes. I don’t know it all (read title of blog again).

Thanks @Jackietheartsy for your shoe input. Couldn’t have done this without it. Visit her site, won’t you?

http://www.zaklinabecker.com/

The peacock painted shoes featured ( http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36363671 ) were made by norakaren. Check out her great etsy shop with all her painted shoes, clothes and more ( http://www.etsy.com/shop/norakaren ). I am not being compensated for including her work here. I just like her style, and wanted more people to know about it.

First, I have a bit of a complaint. When I was growing up, Halloween costumes were scary, but then in the last few years, there was a meeting of the “Halloween Costume High Command,” and it was decided that women should wear sexy Halloween costumes.

First off, I grew up in the “scary” costume era and during that time, I also went to church. So, in my Halloween costume wearing years, my normal choices of;

a vampire,
ghoul,
monster, etc – now became
Bible Characters.

Bible Characters.

Think about it, the book that parents and clergy use to warn us about the “evils” of sex, we were now using it to create a list of Halloween/Harvest time costumes from.

I actually prayed and begged God to allow a few girls I had crushes on to come as Rahab the Prostitute, Salome the dancer, or Eve (pre fig leaf), but God said no to my creative prayer.

Let me be clear, I was glad my church even had a Halloween/Harvest opportunity to wear a costume at all. Some of my friend’s churches didn’t even celebrate holidays, so I guess I picked a better church to go to. I can remember my non-holiday celebrating church friends and I would sneak off to the Renaissance Fair and dream. Sigh.

So, my church’s Halloween party night came, and the girls came to the church Halloween party as;

The 10 Commandment tablets (her boyfriend came as Moses),
Angels (there were 10 of those),
Joy (Ya know, one of the Fruits if the Spirit. Turns out there was a group of girls that were going to come dressed as all the Fruits of the Spirit (I mean, how cool would it be to go dressed up as ‘Self Control’? Yep uber coolness.), but then the other girls changed their mind, came as angels, and never told the girl who was coming dressed up as Joy. The girl dressed up as Joy beat up a few angels at the party when she finally found out. It was quite a scene, angels with black eyes and bloody lips. It turns out Joy had a mean left hook.),

and a Zombie (turns out she got to stay on a technicality. She said she was dressed up as the little girl in the Bible story that Jesus brought back from the dead).

I almost got kicked out of the party, too. I put on a suit, carried a Bible and said I was dressed as Jimmy Swaggart. Yup, I was a Halloween rebel in 1987.

So, women can now come dressed as sexy (anything), and (normal looking) guys have the choice of;

fat Elvis,
a box with dots all over it (case of the measles),
Hobo,
Baseball player,
or not go the party and say they came dressed as the Invisible Man.

Halloween is still a cruel joke for a guy.

Jeff and Colleen discuss the Men are Dumb Videos. http://menaredumb.info

First off, DaisyGirl rocks. She’s been a cool gal to me and supporter of my blogging ventures. She very photogenic, and I’m stoked she asked me to weigh in on this.

Note: Her blog is rated R, so if you go over and check it out, be warned. Her blog is here.

Now, onto the subject at hand. I read Daisy’s post, and here is my response;

Men are Dumb. That’s the name of my blog, and it’s the truth. Women want a man to be bad sometimes, and good other times. It’s tough for a guy to switch from one type of guy to another like that. Men are more compartmentalized than a woman. Men settle into a personality, and that’s what they are. Women can shift from one type of lady to another based on a feeling (or whatever). It’s much easier for a woman than a man. Just sayin’

I know this is a generalization, but I think the nice guy syndrome come from more and more guys being sons of divorced women. What do these divorced Moms talk about all the time? What a jerk the ex-husband is, and how her son should never turn out like him. The Mom’s preach the gospel of treating women with respect, etc, etc.

I think this can have a lot to do with the huge group of guys posting scripture verses, soliloquies on how bored they are, sappy love song lyrics, and Star Wars movie quotes on Friday and Saturday night. Don’t believe me, friend me on Facebook and watch the status updates.

That being said, women run from that “too honest,” “too smart about stuff women don’t care about,” “too nice” guys all the time. Men that are “good guys” are not a challenge to a woman. Women love to “crack an aloof guy’s code,” they love the chase, the investigation, the dance, the romance. A nice guy tells a woman his life story on the first date, and the woman has nothing to ask or talk about on the second date, so she puts the FM pumps back on and goes dancing.

Can a good guy learn to be a bad boy? Maybe. It does require a lot of debriefing (from the Single Mom training) and some heavy handed nudging. Good guys don’t pick up on the subtle hints a lady gives off. To unlock the bad boy from within the good boy will take; time, discussion of what should be obvious (but isn’t), commitment, and maybe some trial runs. The woman will have to be the baseball team that teaches Scotty Smalls (in Sandlot) about baseball. It will take time and patience, but in the end, you might blink and see the badboy sauntering towards you. Than again, maybe not.

To be honest, I don’t have much faith in the “Good and Bad boy living in one body” idea. You’re either bad or not. Even if a guy tries to be bad, he will get nervous that being bad will screw up a relationship that doesn’t require a webcam and a credit card.

A woman can hope that a bad boy comes home looking like your significant other one night, but it will end up being the person you fell in love with – running in with dinner for you, but it’s the wrong dinner, because he lost the note when he wrote sorta down what you said.

Men are Dumb, but since you Ladies are so cute, we try to not be.

Daisy, you rock. Thanks again for the opportunity.

The Man discusses (Disses, actually) the Twilight Saga.

The Man shows the world a great Eco-Friendly way to clean dishes.

I met Pippa Middleton at a party. One less thing on my bucket list, for sure.

We introduce you to (unless you already know about it’s awesomeness) a very cool Vlog, HeSaidSheSaid.

Go check them out at http://hesaidshesaidfm.com and tell them that the Men are Dumb Show sent ya.

The Question:

The answer from Men are Dumb:

Official Dr Who site

Dr Who in Wkipedia.org

Dr Who on imdb.com

Dr Who Podcast Alliance

DWO Whocast

The Man answers an email and reviews the Royal Wedding

Behind the Scenes of the Royal Wedding

Official Royal Wedding site

Royal Wedding coverage in People magazine

Royal Wedding coverage from England

The Man answers the question, “Where should I take someone on a first date?”

The Man answers an email questions, “Can a Man Really Help Plan a Wedding?”

Grooms Online
Guy Plans a Wedding
Man with a Wedding Plan
Google Guy Plans a Lavish Wedding
How to Plan a Wedding (Men)

The Meal with Friends

When a guy goes with a group of ladies to a lunch or dinner, there are many rituals that happen, and they all are weird.

1. The late person. Normally female, that calls, or 3 people try and call her, and get the play by play saga about a search for a lost shoe, a boyfriend who’s being a jerk, or a car story on the phone. Anyway, minutes later, she rushes in, kisses and hugs those who are probably in her top friends on Facebook list, then she sits down. We now hear the story again, this time with facial expressions, hand motions and a “Southern Gospel Preach and Respond” motif when she says, “You know what I mean,” and the other ladies respond, “Yes, Yes I do”. Theater and food, and now the guy has to find a way to sneak back into work, because of Willamina Shakespeare’s matinee performance.

2. The clothing comments. The table turns into a Tim Gunn-athon (Only much nicer, to their faces). “That’s such a cute top,” “Where did you get those earrings?”,  “Hey, the 80′s called and they want their Crimper back (Sorry, I threw that in for fun),” all the while the guy’s stomach is growling and he considers his next place of employment, or career choices.

3. The choosing of what to order. I don’t think Adam ate much (He’s very skinny in all the paintings, right?), because Eve had all that food to choose from, and that’s why she ate the apple, because Adam was tired of waiting for her to decide, and then he said, “Eat whatever you want,” then the talking serpent took it from there, and we know where that ended up. Oh, back to the lunch stuff now.

Keep in mind, these women have ate at this restaurant before. They probably have the menu memorized (along with the storyline and episode number of every Friends episode, as well), but it takes a female an excruciating amount of time to choose what they want to eat. Guys take about 10 seconds (20 seconds at the Cheesecake Factory) to look at a menu, and choose. Females look, scrutinize, and ponder how the choice they make will look to everyone else at the table (“That one time I ordered Chicken, Susie made that weird face. No Chicken, No Susie weird face. Sigh. What about Steak? Nope, Tammy was a vegetarian for 2 weeks for that guy she met at the Oxygen bar, and the last time she talked about him, she threw a chair. Nope, no steak…”). Then, a few minutes (Who am I kidding, lots of minutes later), the question comes, “What’s everybody gonna order?” Then as the answers come, more thinking and changing of minds as the discussion goes on and on, and on. The waiter finally arrives, and the planets align and the ladies make – a decision, and the meal really gets interesting.

4. The food arrives. When each plate is sat down, the ”Oh, that looks soooo good,” “I should have ordered that,” “Oh, what’s that?” The guy snidely replies, “It’s soup,” and is quickly kicked under that table. Great, now the guy will have to hobble into the unemployment office.

5. The sharing of food. Unless, it’s a football game, or on a deserted island. Guys don’t share food. However, women take “Let’s do lunch,” to a whole new level and treat the lunch table like a Las Vegas buffet table. “Oh, can I try that?” or “This is soooooo good, here, try some.” Now, this isn’t Hickory Farms or Costco, and none of these ladies are wearing hairnets, but this sharing of food seems really strange to me. If someone even touched my Rib Eye steak, there would be a TMZ incident. Just sayin’

6. The constant commentary. Women talking during a meal are like Vin Scully, only cuter and have a higher pitched voices. Guys hear about every little detail, with a “Broadway actress, over-exaggerated” flair that really demands a standing ovation mid meal. Not only, does the guy hear how good everything tastes, where someone had a similar meal on some exotic trip somewhere (Then we are taken on a verbal trip through the entire trip. The guy actually felt as drunk and tired as the lady explaining it when she was done talking), we hear about boyfriends, husbands, Mothers, Mothers-in-Laws, creepy guys at Barnes and Noble, What’s (name a popular star in the tabloids right now) doing now, and are also kept up about how full the ladies are feeling, and how they couldn’t eat another bite, etc, etc.

7. The goodbye. We’ve covered that before.

Ladies are different. In a good, way.

It’s ‘Time’ to Set the Record Straight

Women (Especially Many Women in My Life) say “Come on, let’s go,” so I go outside and wait by the car. I keep waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Finally I feel like I’m on Punk’d, and go back inside, and the (Woman I am referencing this example for) is on the phone talking to (The female that we are on our way to see), so I say “Let’s Go,” I get a scowl from the woman, and then she says, “We’re leaving right now”.

Leaving right now.

Leaving – right – now.

I (and I humbly suggest most guys) hear, “We are leaving right this moment, I mean right now, this absolute millisecond,” unfortunately that not what it means to a woman (imho).

I believe when a woman says, “Come on, we are leaving right now,” it really means, “Hey, goofy guy. You stop what you are doing that’s fun, and get out of the house, because I have about 30 minutes more of running around here doing stuff that I don’t want you to see, so I want YOU to be ready when I *really* am ready to leave”.

Seriously, look out your window on a holiday and see how many men are waiting – by themselves – by the car, for an extended period of the time.

In the summer, I finally got smart, and unlocked the car and sat inside sweating (and counted that toward exercise. Sweating = Exercise, right?).

I guess time to a woman is graded on the curve (of which I don’t know the percentage), or it’s a weird metric system time conversion. Not sure, just sayin’.

Yes, guys are slow to get going, but they never (to my knowledge) announce they are leaving, send a woman outside to wait, then suffer the consequences of making a woman wait. That is a pain you don’t want to endure.

Lateness-

Woman are late all the time. Hee hee, okay not all the time, but 99.999999999% of the time.

Guys are late, too, but when guys are late, there isn’t a Shakespearean saga story that is told when the woman finally arrives somewhere.

Leaving any get together (especially a party)-

Oh my god. This is the worst. See, we already discussed a woman’s difficulty articulating the correct time of leaving, it is 1000 times worse leaving a get together.

“Come on honey, we’re leaving,” so again, the dumb guy that actually listens, stands up and waits by the door, or goes outside in the cold – waiting.

Women have about 100 rituals that they have to do to complete the whole leaving process;

1. Say goodbye to every single person in the house/restaurant/beach/wherever,

2. Each person she says good bye to has a deeply involved (long) discussion about something that they had ALL NIGHT to tell them, but no – they need to go over some story like a CSI investigator with the woman who is leaving (with a guy waiting outside),

3. Hugging and Kissing the ladies goodbye. Okay, maybe there is time for that.

4. All of the older people start telling “stories they remember,” about them woman – again – who is leaving. This is about the point the guy sneaks a pillow and curls up behind the couch. This will take awhile.

5. People start to make plans to “get together,” in the future, so then the woman starts asking, “Honey, what are we doing on (a particular day in the future)?” Keep in mind, men are dumb, and probably won’t know if this is an opportunity to “create” a special event that will keep us from spending time with these people (That live nearby, but haven’t seen for (insert a number of years)). Guys can barely remember their wedding anniversary (I can, for the record. 09-11, yup, but it was in 1999), and any other dates require a calendar, cellphone reminders, a Mom calling to remind them and a significant other reminding them – suffice it to say, it would be tough.

6. Go pee (for the 12th time that night).

7. Looking for coat/purse/cellphone/guy’s coat/etc.

8. Asking directions on how to get from the party location, home.

9. About 92 other ones…

When guys leave, its, “We are outta here,” shake a few hands in the general vicinity, and they are gone.

Yup, men and women are different, but different is cool, really.

Cute is a word like Aloha. It means 45 things, especially to women.

To men, cute means attractive. That’s it. A cute woman, sure. Cute dog, well that’s pushing the use of the word over into female use territory. So, for the sake of our discussion here, to me- cute means attractive.

Now, to women, cute has a whole host of meanings, levels and flourishes. Ready for this? Okay, let’s trudge into the world of Cute.

To a Woman, cute can mean;

1. Attractive (Person). Yes, there is at least one agreement between Men and Women.

2. Attractive (Dog). Kinda the same thing, but add pink collar, shiny jewels, and bows tied somewhere. Note: Usually the dog is smaller, and has a cute face. I really can’t help you as far as what constitutes a cute dog face, so you’d have to ask a woman about that. Besides, I know where that face has been.

3. Attractive (Car). Similar to the first two, but add a flower holder. Cute cars normally are smaller, in a cute color (More on that later). I’m not sure if you pay extra for more cuteness, but if a car company could, I know they would charge for it.

4. Attractive (Color). I don’t even know where to start with this one. What’s a cute color? Don’t know. Pink, okay, but Women are in charge of shades of colors and names anyway. All I know is that some colors are cuter than others.

5. Small in size. Women equate cute to things that are small. We’ve already listed some already, but the smaller the cuter, I guess. Except of course, the engagement ring. Cute is never used in regards to a ring anyway. The smaller the diamond is on an engagement ring, the more the ladies feel sorry for them. Rings are a whole different subject, and we’ll cover that later. Come to think of it, there are other things that Women aren’t drawn to as cute, because they are small, but that is a WHOLE different subject, and plenty of people would order mafia hits on me for talking about it here. I’ll leave it right there.

The Man answers an email question, “What is the BEST part of Star Wars?”

The Man answers an email question, “What is the movie, ‘The Notebook’ all about?”

The Man answers an emailed question, “Where Can I Find a Date?”

The Man answers a viewer’s question, “How Should a Man Vote?”

The man answers an email question, “Is Facebook Safe to Use?”

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The man answers the question, “How many shoes should someone have?”

Watch this funny video where a man answers the question, “Should I watch ‘Dancing with the Stars’ with my wife?”

Email your questions to: askmenaredumb@gmail.com

More episodes coming. Stay Tuned.

Watch this funny video where a man tries to explain how much an engagement ring should cost – until his wife comes back.

How to Buy an Engagement Ring
A Guy’s Guide to Buying an Engagement Ring
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Ya know, its funny how a guy can live his whole life and not know stuff. Like, well I don’t want to go into all that right now, but The Melting Pot. So, my wife says, let’s go to The Melting Pot, I agree, cause, well, I agree, and she says, “We have to make a reservation a year in advance”. A year in advance? What happens there? Does the ghost of Elvis and John Lennon do a lounge act? I mean, a year in advance. Can’t this restaurant add some more seats or something? So weird. Flash forward to our vacation. We found a Melting Pot that, get this, had an opening – THAT NIGHT. Well, I squeezed into my nice clothes and we rushed over to eat at this magnificent “year reservation in advance” restaurant.

We got our table. Very cozy, and very romantic (from what my wife says). We gaze into each others eyes, and I whispers sweet somethings in her ear like, “How much is this going to cost?” She says, “Don’t worry honey, we’re on vacation”. I say, “Uh, not worrying, just wondering. How much will this cost?” She mumbles something quickly. I asked her to repeat it. She says, “A hundred something”.

I fainted sitting up. I started thinking how I could throw up what I ate, so they couldn’t charge me for eating anything, then crawl out the back door. A HUNDRED SOMETHING???

She calmed me down, and reassured me, and the main course finally came. It was – uncooked.

So, I understood the dipping stuff into sauce part of the deal, but the uncooked meat threw me. Was this a new Americanized Sushi thing? Was the uncooked chicken not going to give me Salmonella? Colleen said that we had to cook the meats. WE HAD TO COOK IT, TOO?

Wait – one – second.

We come here dressed in nice clothes, for people to bring us uncooked food, so we have to become food preparation specialists and know how much to cook Chicken to not get sick, and pay ALOT of money.

This was not a date, it was a Survivor challenge that could kill me if I got it wrong.

Who thought this whole Melting Pot thing was a good idea. See, I’m pretty dumb, and I think we could do the same (only better) thing by;

turning half the lights off at home,

pouring sauces into bowls,

cutting up fruits and vegetables,

grabbing some marshmallows and other cool sweets,

cook meats with timers,

and save “A hundred something dollars”!

But that’s just me. What about you?

First off, even though I joke a lot in this blog – this is all true. All of it. Before the confession, a little background.

My Grandparents used to have L.A. Dodgers Season Tickets. My Grandparents and many of my family love the Dodgers, and it was passed on to me. Living in San Bernardino, I took every opportunity to get out of town. Going to a Dodger game was like a dream. We had good parking and good seats, and it felt like we were part of the “in” crowd going to the game. Our family wasn’t rich, but the times I spent with my Grandparents at those game were the best.

Grandma would yell down to Steve Garvey, “Belt one out of the park, Garvey” from her seat, and I would kid her that one day Steve would look back up at her and say, “This one’s for you, Josephine,” and belt one out good for her.

We would live and die through the ebbs and flows of the seasons. We would find new heros in the ever changing line up, but Tommy Lasorda was the ever trusty captain guiding the team to victory (w e always hoped).

I remember in the early 80′s pulling off the freeway to listen to a Dodger game when they were in the playoffs. I remember Fernandomania. I remember believing that Vin Scully has the best announcer voice ever. I didn’t think the Dodgers could be more magical, then 1988 happened.

Let me rattle off some names of the Dodgers in 1988;
Mike Scioscia
Mike Marshall
Fernando Valenzuela
Orel Hershiser
Mickey Hatcher
Steve Sax
I could keep going, but it was a great lineup.

The planets lined up for these guys, and they made it to the play offs, and contrary to the naysayers, they went to the World Series. It was amazing. The were going to the big show. The heros on the diamond were going up against the Oakland A’s. The saddest thing was that my Grandfather didn’t live to see it.

Right after my Grandfather passed away, I moved in with my Grandmother to look after her a bit, and vice versa. At that time, she still had the Season Tickets, and I remember the feeling when she spoke the words, “Jeff, do you want to go to game one of the World Series with me?” Well, heck yes!

Going to a regular Dodger game was incredible, but going there for game 1 of the 1988 was amazing. So many people, and the air was electric with excitement. I’ll never forget, Debbie Gibson sang the national anthem. Then, the game began.

The Dodgers would not have an early win, but would have to struggle under the weight of La Russa’s A Team. My World Series Euphoria would fade to disbelief as the score sat at 4 – 3 Oakland at the bottom of the 9th inning. I leaned over to Grandma and said the words I wish I could have taken back, “Well Grandma, let’s go,” she nodded and excepted defeat from the ball team up the coast.

We walked out to the car, trying to forget what we just saw happen in Dodger stadium, and made the drive home. We were on the onramp to the freeway, and we wanted to make up for our lack of faith in the Dodgers and turned on the radio. I heard nothing but a roar, it was almost like it was in between stations, but it wasn’t. Grandma asked, “What happened?” They won, I replied.

There are plenty of times I wish I could take back a decision I’ve made in life, and that was one of them. Every time I see a sports channel shows a “Best Moments in Baseball History,” I know that the number #1 moment will be the magical, fist pumping in the air, Kirk Gibson homerun that won game one of the 1988 World Series – that I almost saw. Sigh.

Kids, always stay to the end.

So, I try, I really try to keep the house clean. Do the dishes, take out the trash, take the socks to their “house” (I found out that dirty socks “live” in the hamper. Really? There’s no mailbox for them there, No wooden sign that says, “The Dirty Sock Family”. How was I to know? Well, I know because my wife told me. End of story). Anyway, ya know.

I’m a dumb guy. When I clean, I focus on what you can see. Water specks on the mirror. Yup, I can see that. Clean it. Coffee grounds on the Kitchen floor. Yup, see that. Vacuum it up. Toilet bowl dirty. Uh Huh, I see it. Clean it. Then one day, I see a commercial pointing out the atrocity of a dirty “underneath the toilet bowl rim”. Say what?

I can’t even see the “dirty” toilet bowl rim. If I can’t see it, I mean come on. I don’t want to have to invite a drunk guy to put his face down in the bowl and verify if the rim is dirty or not.

Seriously. Terrorism, the bad economy, Swine Flu, What is Kate’s new hairdo called, is Megan Fox a true Oscar-worthy star who is only hanging back to make the Olsen Twins feel better about their careers? See, those are real problems. The cleanliness underneath the toilet bowl rim – not so much.

I told my wife that I was on “Rim Strike”. It was the principle of the thing. She then told me that only those who cleaned under the rim would get high speed internet in their house. So, I changed my views, but being a part of the “Megan Fox Lifetime Achievement Oscar Now” club, I grumble when I clean under the rim.

I love my wife. No buts, I really do. I find it funny that a woman can be so hungry, that they mention it to people nearby. The next question always is, Where do you want to go eat? The answer that comes back from most females (including my wife) are;

1. I Don’t Know,

I would love to start a restaurant chain called “I Don’t Know”. I’d make a million.

2. I don’t care,

I’d also like to start this chain as well, but this would be a drive thru.

3. What are *you* hungry for?

I guess at this point, I could put names in a hat, and draw one, or maybe go out onto the porch and pick up on of the leaflets under the dusty chair, and announce, “We will be going to :looks at brochure: the ‘Super Fast Taco, Burger and Sushi Bistro’ Hey, tonight it’s ‘People with Big Ears’ eat free!”

4. (Leave another one that you have said or heard)

So, what about you? Heard a good one? Said a good one? Let us know.

I love my wife, I really do. I find it funny that a woman can be so hungry, that they mention it to anyone (over and over again). The next question I ask (when the woman is my wife next to me) always is, “Well, where do you want to go eat?” The answer that comes back from most females (including my wife) are;

1. I Don’t Know,

I would love to start a restaurant chain called “I Don’t Know”. I’d make a million.

2. I don’t care,

I’d also like to start this chain as well, but this would be a drive thru.

3. What are *you* hungry for?

I guess at this point, I could put names in a hat, and draw one, or maybe go out onto the porch and pick up on of the leaflets under the dusty chair, and announce, “We will be going to :looks at brochure: the ‘Super Fast Taco, Burger and Sushi Bistro’ Hey, tonight it’s ‘People with Big Ears’ eat free!”

4. (Leave another one that you have said or heard)

So, what about you? Heard a good one? Said a good one? Leave us a comment and let us know.

and/or Thanks.

Hello. My name is Jeff Roney. Pronounced with a long O (like phony baloney).

Let’s try it together – Jeff Roney.

Good, okay.

I’m a married DINK (Double Income, No Kids). Don’t worry about us not having kids, because;

1. I act up most of the time,
2. We watch Super Nanny alot (So we can help Mom’s and Dad’s out when their kids have meltdowns at Disneyland), and
3. We love going to Disneyland, so again, we become “tag-in” parents who are on a different time zone, and not fully rested to kids who keep asking for Mango churros over and over.

Note: There are no Mango Churros at Disneyland, but I am hoping they will add Super Bran Churros to the selections, but that’s me.

My wife (Colleen) and I live in Orange County, but we aren’t super skinny, snooty, or on a Reality TV show. We do emulate parents in some respects; We own something we fiercely protect, are proud to show friends, worry about the expense, and use diapers on – it’s our Flat screen TV, and it was the last purchase we made before the economic bottom fell out of Schwarzenegger-ville, So, do us a favor, and click on our ads once in awhile, and buy something of you can. That and giving us winning lottery numbers will help.

and/or Thanks.