Technically, Jack has been 2 months since September 2nd but I thought I’d pipe in and give some 2-month updates and pictures for out of town family and friends.

Here I am at 39 weeks, just days before Jack was born. Looking good. Not tired at all. (just kidding). Without giving too many unneccesary details, my labor and delivery started slow and irregular on Friday morning lasting through Sunday morning when I started to feel painful contractions. We didn’t go into the hospital until Monday a little bit after midnight. Once we got there, my contractions were about 30 seconds apart and intense. I labored for about an hour or two, and missed my window for an epidural. Au Natural. Looking back, I’m glad I was able to do it without any medication; in the process, it was all mind-over-matter. 
Jack was born at 5:28 AM on July 2nd, weighing in at 7 lbs. 10 oz. and measuring 21 inches. He slept almost the entire following 24 hours, which I have since heard is pretty typical for the first 24 hours of life. I guess birth is just as traumatizing for the baby

Our boy has grown so fast and has brought both Jordan and I so much joy. He is our biggest blessing. We have been astonished by the amount and intensity of love we have for him. It truly is an amazing reflection and lesson on the way God the Father loves us, His children. Here’s a few more pictures of the cutest baby ever (I’m biased).

We had lots of visitors those first few weeks. Uncle Peter and Jack at the hospital, Aunt Jess and Jack at home. Grandpa Tim (Jack’s middle name-sake) and Jack at the hospital.We had some close friends that came to visit Jack in the hospital too – Anna and Holly!Here’s some pictures from home of Jack’s first days. Those eyes of his…

Lots of lovely visitors who generously brought us meals, which is beyond helpful! I didn’t cook for almost a full 2 months. Here are some pictures of Jack at 1 month.

And now at 2 months!He has lots of sweet smiles for us these days. Usually he brings his hands up to his face when he smiles and sort of turns away in a bashful way. It is so sweet.

At our last doctor’s appointment he weighed in at 12 lbs. 12 oz. and measured 23 inches long. Almost 2 feet! We couldn’t be more blessed with our little dad-look-a-like dude.

We love you Jackson!

Jack was born July 2 after pulling an all-nighter working his way out.

Here’s Jack at one month old:

Alex and I are overwhelmed with affection for this guy.

I wish I had more to say about how I’m learning so much about God…but alas,  quiet reflection upon such things seems to be a luxury one month olds don’t afford.

What’s for sure is I have a whole new appreciation for moms (especially Jack’s!). From pregnancy to the delivery to nursing to staying home alone all day with a fussy baby — Alex is a rockstar. In the past, strength was a word I scarcely used to describe Alex (I always used sweet and gorgeous and wise and fun), but now it is how I describe her. She’s freaking strong! And I love it.

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You’ve seen them — The in-focus smiles and blurred background. Kids running through tall grass in an open field. The group of adults standing in the backyard, having a great time under a pergola.

Looks so good.

If mom blogs and vimeo pages were all we had to go off, we may begin to develop a romantic idea of how a missional family should look.

I’ve definitely gone there. And as one trying to lead a missional family, I have mistaken my idea of missional family for what it actually is.

You’ll put a fork in your eye

Living life with others will drive you insane. And not in a everyone’s-got-issues kind of way. Real people cause real conflict. You’ll get hurt, pissed off, and annoyed when you enter into a familial bond with another human being.

If you don’t accept that now, you’ll quit.

This is up there on the “Most important thing for Community Group leaders and members to know” list.

The fork > isolation

Alex and I learned about commitment and forbearance early in our relationship. Although we may have been naive, we were committed to stick things out. It wasn’t long before our battle motto was “I love you but I need some space to cool off” (let your imagination create the tone on that one).

It goes similarly with our missional family. We’re not perfect (far from it). We don’t live up to our church’s core values. We can get on each other’s nerves. We’re not always good at “honest” conversation. And I tend to have more “off” days than “on.”

But sticking together through it is better than the alternative.

Seriously, buckle up

When you spend a lot of time in the ministry world, you begin to hear a lot about boundaries. Get hurt a few times in the church and you’ll be told it’s time to distance yourself from that relationship. Why subject yourself to repeat offenses?

Jesus and his disciples spent three years doing life together — traveling, eating, sleeping, ministering. They were, for sure, a mixed bag of gents. You had the fiery conservative, illiterate fishermen, a guy who wanted to overthrow the government, and a teenager (to name a few). I’d venture to bargain they had a decent amount of brawls.

In fact, at the end of his rope, Peter asked Jesus how long he’d have to put up with these guys.

“Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?'” (Matthew 18:21).

Now, Peter ought to be a grand example to all of us. He was prepared to deal with (forgive, even!) John’s annoying habits and personal offenses seven times! That’s at least 6 times more than most. But in Jesus’ kingdom, even seven times isn’t enough.

“Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.'”
(Matthew 18:22)

Just resolve to do it

Eliminate the possibility of holding grudges. It’s just not an option in this family. Is there anyone more entitled to walking away from those who sin against him (on both sides of the fence) than Jesus? Yet he doesn’t walk away. He lavishes his grace on you and then takes the blow again. He loves you. That’s how that looks.

Be like Jesus.

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A son!

There is nothing to express the joy I feel.

The Valentine’s Day Sex (ahem, Gender) Party

We discovered the gender of our baby on Valentines day and threw a big party to celebrate. We had the ultrasound in the morning where the technician discreetly slipped the decisive note in a sealed envelope which we delivered to the baker.

The baker made us a cake filled with either blue or pink frosting (we didn’t know which until we cut the first slice).

Surrounded by friends and family, we cut the cake, blue frosting! There was an uproar of celebratory cheers and at least one wiener joke. After eating the cake and sending everyone off, Alex and I sat down to decompress with the new information we had just ingested.

The difference between boys and girls (from a rookie dad)

I was stunned. Not just stunned — I was demolished.

When Alex told me she was pregnant, I immediately pictured myself coddling a sweet, little girl. I spoke to Alex’s stomach as to a daughter. I had picked out cute little dresses to smother daddy’s little girl with.

I cut and served the rest of the cake. It was, in fact, all blue. I was having a son.

Understand, disappointed is not the feeling I was having. It was the paradigm of fatherhood I had constructed in my mind that was demolished. For some reason, I don’t think about smothering my son with cute little outfits and gushy daddy talk.

Now I think about training my son. Teaching him to be a humble, gracious boy and good to girls. My conduct in front of him is paramount to that. I want to be a dad who shows his son   how to live a godly life. The task of a father with his son is a weighty one.

I guess I’m just not ready for a daughter.

Would you pray for us? As members in the family of God, we are looking to those who have entered this adventure ahead of us for guidance and an example to imitate. I have a feeling we are way over our heads…and couldn’t be happier!

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Enjoy!

As you can see, we are increasingly experiencing the fullness of the family of God at our small expression in Minneapolis.

We certainly haven’t drifted towards such a sense of family. This family was forged. Forged through a painful adoption by Jesus humbling himself and obeying his Father (even to the point of death!) and not being ashamed to call us brothers (Hebrews 2:11).

Knowing the cost of this adoption, we have been intentional to use familial language at our gatherings. If you came to Antioch on a Sunday, you’d hear numerous references to “our family”. This small effort has had enormous influence in the way we all consider ‘church’. This video proves it. Just listen for all of the references to family.

How has your church cultivated familial community?

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That statement was honestly a bit shocking. I immediately wanted to believe it because of the obvious harmony is shares with this blog, but at the same time I demanded an explanation for such a radical statement: Could God have special ears for the prayers of parents?

Parental prayers

• “For the sake of her son, the Shunammite woman threw herself to the earth and clung to the prophet Elijah (see 2 Kings 4:27).
• “The nobleman of Capernaum cried to Jesus, ‘Lord, please come now before my little boy dies’ (John 4:49).
• “Jairus fell at Jesus’ feet and begged him to heal his ‘little daughter’ before she died (Mark 5:22-23).
• “A desperate father brought his demonized son to Jesus and pleaded not only for his boy, but for his own faith (Mark 9:24).”

But why are these prayers included in Scripture? And why does God seem to have a soft-spot for them?

God loves kids

Jesus made this abundantly clear. Runny noses dripping on his clothes, sticky hands pulling his beard, little bodies jumping on his lap — he loved all of it. In fact, when his disciples tried to get the parents to get their kids away from Rabbi Jesus, he got all “indignant” on them and said, “Let the children come to me!” God loves kids.

So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he would heal the children in these Bible stories. But Jesus healed lots of people — not just kids. There is still something unique in the prayers of these parents to warrant their place in Scripture.

God loves parents

Maybe God loves parent prayers because they are good faith-builders for the parents. For instance, take the dad in Mark 9 who asked Jesus to heal his son, “If you can…help us!” Jesus replied, “If you can! All things are possible for one who believes.” Out of desperation, the dad responded, “I believe; help my unbelief!” (v. 24).

Beyond that, many of the examples of parents coming to Jesus are not people who would normally be found asking a Jew for help. Most notably, the anonymous Canaanite mother in Matthew 15.

“A Canaanite woman from that region [Tyre and Sidon] came out and was crying, ‘Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is severely oppressed by a demon.'”

This story is particularly intriguing, though. Because Jesus, “did not answer her a word.” Even worse, his disciples “begged him to send her away” because of her insistent cries for help for her daughter.

Patterson paints the picture,

But nevertheless the woman clung to the silent Jesus…and when Jesus finally spoke, what she heard was worse than what she hadn’t heard. “Then Jesus said to the woman, ‘I was sent only to help God’s lost sheep — the people of Israel” (v. 24). In other words, he said to her, “You’re not on my agenda. I have higher priorities than you and your little girl.”…But instead of walking away, she pressed her case…Undeterred, “she came and worshiped him, pleading again, ‘Lord, help me!'” (v. 25). And when she did, things got even worse! “Jesus responded, ‘It isn’t right to take food from the children and throw it to the dogs'” (v. 26).

Who wouldn’t write Jesus off as a jerk at this? A mom, that’s who. Her concern is her daughter, not herself. And that makes all the difference.

Without missing a beat, she responded to Jesus, “That’s true, Lord, but even dogs are allowed to eat the scraps that fall beneath their masters’ table” (v. 27).

Far from taking personal offense at this deliberate rebuff, the woman gracefully turned the last shred of her pride into a burnt offering for her suffering daughter. And Jesus answered her, “Dear woman…your faith is great. Your request is granted” (v. 28). Her daughter was instantly healed.

At what length does a mother stop to save her child? None.

So it is with God.

Parenting is a drama of the gospel

I’m convinced that Jesus pushed this mother as a director (sometimes insensitively) pushes his actors to cling to the story they are enacting. He was displaying something wonderful in his rash comments. It was a living parable.

He showed her, his disciples, and billions throughout history–who still read this story–the lengths to which he would go to save the children of God.

Jesus is the scrap

You see, it may have been insulting to call the Canaanite woman a dog, it may have been humiliating for the woman to swallow that designation and to say, “but even dogs are allowed to eat the scraps that fall beneath their masters’ table.” But Jesus is more humble still.

Jesus identifies himself with the scrap. The refuse of Israel’s table, left for the dogs.

Psalm 22:16-18, David’s very particular prophecy regarding Jesus’ death, says,

For dogs encompass me; a company of evildoers encircles me; they have pierced my hands and feet — I can count all my bones — they stare and gloat over me; they divide my garments among them, and for my clothing they cast lots.

So yes, God has a soft-spot for the prayers of parents. He loves their desperate, humiliating pleas because in them the gospel is abundantly dramatized.

In Jesus, God accepted the humiliation of loving his children. May you as well, and demonstrate the gospel.

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[This post is part of the Becoming a Missional Family series.]

This is a guest post from Jon Wymer, lead pastor at York Evangelical Free Church. You can see his “impious theoblogical musings” at ProfaneFaith.com.

Who does our family spend time with? Who should we hang with? I’ll be up front and say for me this question smacks a little bit of isolation (maintaining distance from most people) and authority (controlling your environment). This is probably one of those issues most of us don’t think about until it is staring us in the face in the form of a dilemma.

A sleepover with Satan or friends with blessings?

I will give a disclaimer that my kids are currently 4 1/2, 2 1/2, and 6 months old. So we have yet to face issues such as “a sleepover with Satan” or “evangelistic dating.” Clearly we can benefit from thinking ahead on this.

It seems at first blush that the easiest answer would be to fall back on WWJD. What would Jesus do? What did Jesus do? But Jesus didn’t have a family. We have to come to grips with that first, because this is a question that parents care about more than anybody else.

Jesus didn’t have kids. But he did have a family. How did he define his family? In Mark 3:34-35 he says, to his own mom and brothers no less, as he looks out over a crowd eager for teaching, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”

Tightrope in the tensions

What are some of the tensions in making these choices?

• Will the controlling dynamic be entertainment (what is fun), insurance (what is controllable and safe), or mission (what is a blessing to others)?
• How do we handle safety and blessing when they seem to contradict each other in real situations, particularly involving our kids?
• What percentage of our family friendships will be deep and more spiritually or personally satisfying, and what percentage will be wide and more blessing and serving others?

My wife and I have benefited tremendously from three specific couples who we have developed deep friendships with. We no longer live near any of them, but still remember those times with fondness. In the context of relationship, our marriage was encouraged and expanded.

Perhaps our family friends should be determined less on the basis of our family and more on the basis of familia Dei.

Jesus certainly seemed to think so. Maybe there is not as much tension between “safety” and “mission” or between “deep” and “wide” as we think. Jesus obviously chose the mission over safety, but sometimes he did intentionally get away because it just was not his time yet.

Moving forward

One way forward is to intentionally foster deep meaningful friendships, while keeping an openness within those relationships for others to join and take part at the level they are interested. Don’t think of friendship in terms of exclusivity or control, but in terms of playing out the drama of being the familia Dei.

We have had a mantra in our family for many years now regarding friends. If we can not see clear ways they are a blessing to us, or clear ways we are a blessing to them, then we need different friends. It is simple but it has worked for us.

What do you think? How do you cultivate both purpose and fun in friendships?

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Since, I’ve written 78 posts and had 3,581 views.

Obviously, traffic isn’t the aim for a blog like this. But I’ve been grateful for a little real estate in the online world to articulate and share the what I think is the best part of being a Christian: being adopted into a huge, perfect, eternal family — the family of God.

Just for kicks, here is a list of the top 11 posts of 2011:

• Church as Household
• A Missional Adoption
• Missional Marriage
• A Brief Taxonomy of Converts
• A Very Trinitarian Gospel Scheme
• Eat | Family Rhythms (pt. 1)
• A Trinitarian Diagram of Adoption
• Expand | Family Rhythms (pt. 6)
• Storying | Family Rhythms (pt. 3)
• Family Rhythms
• Becoming a Missional Family (A new blog series)

I’m learning everyday

It’s been fun to go back and read my first ever post, A New Paradigm. You’ll see that my tone has changed pretty dramatically. I’m still totally preoccupied with the gospel — communicated through familial theater — but I think I’ve taken a few steps down from my ivory tower.

More than anything, I’m learning to stop saying so much and start trying to live this stuff (hence, the recent lack of new posts).

I’ve also got more than a few projects going right now. I’m doing some communications with Challenge (the EFCA’s big youth conference), helping missionaries raise support with ReachGlobal, building my wife a laundry room, and some other super exciting projects to be announced in 2012!

Happy New Year! What reflections on 2011 do you have? Big plans for 2012? Let me know down in the comments.

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[This post is part of the Becoming a Missional Family series.]

I’m always amazed at the spontaneity of Jesus and his disciples. Almost on a dime, they are able to make the decision to just stay at someone’s house in a foreign city for a few days at a time. Don’t they have places to be? Commitments to uphold? Soccer practice to make?

Sometimes I think that Jesus needed to have more on his plate. Take it from me, if you really want to get your family on mission, make more commitments. In fact, this happens to be one of my strongest missional giftings.

You won’t be sorry, I promise. The way I look at it, the more engagements on the calendar, the godlier.

5 sure-fire ways to get busier (and godlier)

1. Try to have a commitment on the calendar for at least 6 out of every 7 days. And then use the 7th day for some big, ambitious house projects.

2. Say “Yes” to whatever opportunity crosses your path. Why would God allow it if it weren’t important?

3. Sign your kids up for as many extra-curricular activities as a day can hold. Their well-roundedness will be a blessing in the end. (*Bonus* If they’re occupied with organized activities, you can stay at work later.)

4. Maximize your “Sabbath time” by answering emails and writing blog posts (*ahem*).

5. Don’t cook dinner (that takes too long), order out or swing by the drive-thru on your way home. Your kids will love you and you won’t have to worry about cleaning up after.

In case you’re not picking up…

I’m joking. We are way too busy. For many, making some missional margin in your family’s calendar is a comparable task to upstaging Kanye West at an awards show. It’s just not going to happen.

George Whitefield said, “True repentance will entirely change you; the bias of your souls will be changed, then you will delight in God, in his law, and in his people.”

In other words, Want to change? Begin repenting.

The reality is, utilizing better time management tools isn’t what you need. Take a break, turn on your auto-responder, and repent of your perpetual busyness.

Now, do this

Despite seeming inorganic, you will need to build some structures around your time so as to avoid the black hole of over-committing.

Share you calendar with your community.

Do you have people who will recognize when you’ve reached capacity and tell you to stop?

Put some sweats on and stay in

If you run in any missionary circles, you’re probably used to hearing, “Go!” attached to the ministry lifestyle. But your family needs to be around sometimes if you’re going to develop any relationships in your own neighborhood. Plus, your kids will develop creative pastimes if they’re not always busy with organized activities (like karate, piano, dance class, soccer, debate team, etc). Not to mention the obvious benefit of being better rested and saving some gas!

I’d recommend that you reserve at least 3 nights a week to be low-key and at home. This may take some serious reconfiguring, but it will be worth it.

Do spontaneous, casual hospitality

This is where your margin becomes missional. Besides the obvious health and decreased stress benefits of scaling back on your family’s commitments, it creates enormous opportunity to charge ordinary moments with missional capacity.

The Gospels are full of ordinary circumstances that Jesus charged with love, insight, and good news.

Sharing low-key meals with friends or strangers, having a movie night with a neighbor, or a game night with your kids’ friends. None of it has to be spectacular. Just ordinary will do. And fill it with love, intentionality, and good news.

Teach me

How do you cultivate interests in your kids without making them (and their chauffeur) too busy to engage in mission as a family?

Do you have a process for prioritizing your commitments? What is it?

Let’s discuss in the comments.

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[This post is part of the Becoming a Missional Family series.]

In any drama, it is the stage and set that communicates first. Therefore, it’s got to fit with what ensues when the curtain rises, or you’ll have a confused audience and a disjointed story.

Likewise, your home sets the tone for what neighbors and guests experience when they are exposed to the familial drama inside.

Just as there are certain gospel elements that can be reinforced by how your home is set up (check out this post), there are also certain stage elements that are prone to hi-jack whatever you are trying to communicate, and must be avoided.

The following may be extreme examples (in some cases), but use them as fodder for continuing to think through the message your home sends as you become a missional family.

7 stage elements that confuse

1) Privacy fences

Message: This home is a fortress.

What message do you send your neighbors when you’re the only house on the block with a 7 foot privacy fence around the perimeter of your yard? The gospel is not about keeping people out of the family of God. Does your home-stage communicate otherwise?

2) Beware of dog/Private property signs

Message: This home is dangerous.

If you need to put up a sign warning visitors about your vicious dog or alarming them to the fact that they are on your private property, you’re stage is sending the wrong message. The gospel is about drawing people in and sharing with them, not scaring them away.

3) Political signage

Message: You don’t even have to come in to know what you’re going to hear.

Your 4’x6′ “So-and-so for Congress” sign immediately creates confusion for your visitors and neighbors when you tell them that Jesus is your Lord and not the guy your trying to get elected (and please don’t put huge “Jesus for President” signs out, either. That won’t help). Truth is, political signage may be 10 times more efficient in keeping certain people out than a privacy fence or a “beware of dog” sign could ever be.

4) Immaculate everything

Message: proceed with caution

If everything in your house has its place, you may be sending the wrong message. Have you ever walked into an immaculate home, only to be paralyzed with fear that even your presence will cause a mess? Are parents comfortable bringing their sticky-handed toddler over? In the gospel, Jesus makes it possible to be a mess on the outside while righteous inside. Does your home reinforce that?

5) The ugly house

Message: bad taste, doesn’t contribute to beauty in neighborhood.

An ugly home can be just as uncomfortable as an immaculate home. Don’t be the house on your block with the overgrown lawn, clashing paint colors, and over-the-top seasonal decorations. Our Father created the universe, and it’s beautiful. He commissioned us to be co-creators, bringing beauty into our neighborhoods.

6) The wrong focal point

Message: facilitates wrong type of interaction

Think about it, What is the focal point in your living room? When someone walks in, can they immediately discern what your family values? If your room is arranged around your TV, it says this room is for entertainment. If you have couches facing each other, it says this room is for relating.

7) The Pinterest home

Message: You want what I have

You have cute everything. From your throw pillows to your incredibly trendy and functional kitchen, everyone lusts over your home. Is that really the feeling you want to cause in your guests? Consider where all of your stage-setting effort is going toward. Recognition on Pinterest.com or making a super inviting and comfortable place in your home? In the gospel, Jesus put on broken human flesh…a bit of a downgrade for him. You can notch it down a bit too.

What would you add? What makes you uncomfortable in a home? How have you made your home more welcoming in your neighborhood?

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