ANTICIPATION
I see Alcatraz everyday. On most days, it sits like a rare gem floating in liquid sapphire. The bay from a few storeys high is always a mesmerizing view. Everything that surrounds this small island is in constant motion — drifting, swirling, passing through.

This past weekend, after five years of look-but-can’t-touch anticipation, son declared he was old enough to visit.

We fought off throngs of tourists for tickets. We took the requisite boat ride. We walked up the steep ramps. We set foot on The Rock as a family for the first time.

THE (PENITENTIARY) THRILL IS GONE
I’d love to be able to say it was every bit as exciting for my son as he imagined. But I’m afraid it wasn’t. Little guy tuckered out soon after the penitentiary thrill of being inside a cell wore off.

Me? I could’ve lasted a lot longer. There were magnificent views to take in. There were pictures to snap and graffiti to decipher. There were gardens to walk, birds to watch, flowers to smell and blessings to count, particularly when you know you’re visiting a prison by choice.

LIKE MEETING A LEGEND (ONLY HE WROTE THE STORY AND HE’S REAL)
I’m inclined to joke about wanting to do more time on The Rock, except, I met someone that day who actually did serve time there.

It was a chance meeting.

His name was Robert Luke. He was big and tall. He looked sturdy and imposing sitting next to a lady, presumably his wife, much smaller than he. Though he was in his 80s, he exuded a vibe — an air of authority of sorts — best not to be messed with.

He wrote Entombed in Alcatraz, a short but painfully honest tell-all about his time growing up and serving a sentence on The Rock. He was there that day for a book-signing. Husband, son and I were drawn to him and made our way to where he sat. He signed our copy of his book.

THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, AND YET….
My son wanted to know what he did that landed him in a cell on The Rock.

“I was a bank robber”, he said.

I was struck by the matter-of-fact manner in which he spoke this admission of crime. It wasn’t humble or apologetic, but it wasn’t proud either. It was a manner possible only after having served a full sentence, having it be a source of shame for decades, and eventually being able to reach that place of self-forgiveness.

The line of people waiting to meet him was growing behind us so we said goodbye. We shook his hand and told him what a pleasure it was to meet him.

We made our way down the wide zig-zagging ramps. We got in line to catch a boat back to the City. Soon, we were sailing away, leaving behind the cold surface of cement and steel. I thought of Robert Luke as we approached the dock. I wondered how he felt when he first set foot on land after serving five years on The Rock.

I can only guess.

What I do know is I was happy to meet someone like Robert Luke. The courage with which he shares his story, his crime and punishment, is nothing short of admirable. What a gift it is to know that there are people who turn their lives around and have the generosity of spirit to serve as inspiration for those who might consider giving up or think it can’t be done.

I played tourist in my hometown and, unexpectedly, I was moved.

Fortunately for the real tourists, The Rock remains solid and unmoved.

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Have you ever visited Alcatraz?
Is crime/punishment worth pondering even if one is a law-abiding citizen?
Do we define crime justly?
What about banks that rob the people? Is this punishable? How? Who is culpable if this continues?

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This world? It can be a challenging place.

It is at once a source of inspiration and exasperation, of jubilation and sorrow, of courage and fear.

It is the source of many things from which we derive joy, meaning and fulfillment. And yet it also doles out knocks and blows that can be devastating, causing us to become numb or calloused or closed off inside so much so that we become unaware of (or unable to acknowledge) the pain and suffering outside of ourselves.

As a vessel of birth and destruction, and a temporary pay-as-you-go dwelling that at times feels as warm and comforting as a mother’s womb or as cold and confining as an Alcatraz prison cell, the world as we know it is fraught with reasons to raise a glass in its honor, or curse the gods for their cruel jokes and everything else that falls in between. The whole baffling shebang.

On any given day, I find myself immersed in the world’s steady orbit with its effortless poetry visible at every turn. My attempt to soak it all in leaves me in awe of its mysteries, overwhelmed by its immense superiority over my limited ability to comprehend its inner workings.

Try as I may, I can’t figure out in definitive terms how the world works. All I can do is live in it and hope, in whatever way possible, to make it a better place. Fortunately, this opportunity is available to each of us.

There are countless small and not-so-small ways to make the world a better place. I look to the women and men of the past, of today, who refuse to give up their vision for a better world. And I thank them for not giving up that vision. I can only hope that I am able to, in some way, uphold it.

Will this vision stand up to the rigors of time? Will anything we do matter a hundred years from now? I don’t know. What I do know is that what I do matters here and now. And in this spirit, following are 100+ ways to make the world a better place.

Some are simple. Some are challenging. Each is a testament of humanity being the solution, the balm and the light we so often seek.

USE YOUR VOICE
1 Say thank you, please, I’m sorry and pay compliments.
2 Speak the truth. (Speak tactfully if the truth hurts but nonetheless needs to be spoken.)
3 Speak politely if you disagree.
4 Speak up when something feels or looks wrong (don’t just leave or look the other way).
5 Say what you mean and mean what you say.
6 Be an active participant in things that impact you.
7 Vote.
8 Sing (if you love music, if it puts you in a good mood, if you have a nice voice or just because).
9 Write to manufacturers or businesses if you are unhappy about their product or service (or write simply to to express yourself, to process your thoughts, to feel better).
10 Spread the word about good things that move you.
11 Share knowledge and wisdom without being overbearing.
12 Be silent if words don’t seem sufficient, but don’t ever give up your voice.

DO
1 Believe in love.
2 Pay it forward.
3 Be responsive.
4 Trust your intuition.
5 Practice empathy.
6 Choose positivity.
7 Give what you have in excess.
8 Give blood.
9 Make mistakes. Amass a truckload of regrets. Learn from them.
10 Share what you have that can be replenished.
11 Know that you have much to offer.
12 Integrate your worlds — connect your friends or colleagues who might like each other or could help one another.
13 Listen before speaking.
14 Align your heart and mind with your words and actions.
15 Learn from those you admire.
16 Honor your pledge and commitment.
17 Know your rights.
18 Fight for your rights.
19 Do as much as you can to preserve the rights you would like the children in your life to have.
20 Acknowledge your role in humanity’s continuum and decide to be a force for good.
21 Acknowledge your vulnerability and imperfections so that others may find their strength and courage through you.

FOR YOURSELF
1 Play. Smile. Laugh. Dance. Love. Read. Do fun things. Spread joy.
2 Hold the good close. Let the not-so-good go.
3 Take risks. Win some. Lose some. Do it again.
4 Be specific when you take the blame for something.
5 Forgive.
6 Ask for forgiveness.
7 Ask for help when necessary.
8 Offer to help others who may be shy about asking.
9 Be kind to yourself.
10 Acknowledge guilt. Do what you can to make it right but be sure to move on.
11 Know that not all days are created equal. Even on not-so-good days, the universe isn’t out to get you.
12 Know that, though it may feel that way sometimes, you are hardly ever alone. Reach out and you’ll find company.
13 Connect the old-fashioned way. Meet instead of tweet.
14 Make your own list of ways to make the world a better place.

FOR YOUR FAMILY AND COMMUNITY
1 Join the PTA.
2 Plant edible schoolyards.
3 Shop your local farmer’s market.
4 Support independent businesses in your area.
5 Take regular walks in your neighborhood and be friendly.
6 Eat meals together as a family. Invite a neighbor or your child’s friend’s parents or teacher.
7 Broaden your inner circle by including more than just family and close friends.
8 Offer to trade babysitting hours with your children’s friends.

FOR OUR COLLECTIVE HOME
1 Appreciate all that we receive from the earth.
2 Know that we share the earth with others.
3 Compost. Recycle. Reuse. Reduce. Repurpose. Restore.
4 Reduce road rage. Take public transportation. Walk. Carpool. Telecommute.
5 If you must drive, respect pedestrians.
6 Visit Daily Climate or Climate Progress to learn more about climate change.
7 Refuse anything served in disposable plastic: water, milk, juice, etc. Plastic containers will likely end up in one of the five major gyres. Take a reuseable mug/cup instead.
8 Take quick showers.
9 Unplug.
10 Meditate out in nature to re-connect with the earth.

FOR THE NEXT GENERATION
1 Show how much you love the children in your life with gestures and actions that leave no room for doubt.
2 Teach children about love, kindness and respect.
3 Know that children will learn a lot from you. Good and bad. Focus on the good. Take responsibility for the bad.
4 Stay open to the lessons you can learn from children.
5 Teach children that bullying is wrong.
6 Show children that they are not too young to stand up for themselves, to learn the difference between right and wrong, to do what’s right.
7 Take the children in your life to cultural events.
8 Encourage and support young activists.

THOSE WHO DIFFER FROM YOU
1 Learn about other cultures: visit Foreign Affairs, read the international section of the paper, check out travel books.
2 Make friends with those of a different ethnic background.
3 Visit other countries (at least virtually if money is tight).
4 Reach outside of your comfort zone.
5 Learn a new language. Visit Omniglot to get a jump start.
6 Cultivate compassion.
7 Express kindness.
8 Acknowledge similarities. Accept differences. Find common ground.

VALUE YOURSELF AND YOUR WORD
1 Do the work that you love and makes you come alive.
2 Show up when you say you’ll be somewhere.
3 Treat yourself and others with respect. No name-calling, no gossip.

TIME AND MONEY (VOLUNTEERISM, PHILANTHROPY, CONSUMERISM)
1 Invest time and money in causes and entities that inspire you.
2 Give some of your money away. Be philanthropic.
3 Join boards and put in the hours to improve an organization.
4 Spend quality time with with those who need company.
5 Support small, independent businesses.

ART APPRECIATION
1 Create something either by yourself or collaboratively. Make a documentary film, write fiction, take a photograph, paint a picture, sculpt a bust of your baby. See just how easy/challenging it is to do and cultivate an appreciation for the process.
2 Don’t let a snob dissuade you from seeing that super-indie/no-one’s-ever-seen show or film.
3 Visit museums and cultural centers and be enhanced by the richness of these experiences.
4 Support local artists.
5 Recognize that art is a basic need rather than a luxury.
6 Pay good money for art and know that it’s worth it.

DON’T
1 Don’t shy away from being a role model for someone who admires you.
2 Don’t neglect your health and well being.
3 Don’t simply vent and do nothing. Do something.
4 Don’t overuse defensiveness. No one is as hard on you as you are on yourself.
5 Don’t compare yourself to others.
6 Don’t assume you are better than others if you are religious.
7 Don’t mock others if you have no religion.
8 Don’t conform thoughtlessly.
9 Don’t be apathetic.
10 Don’t drink and drive.
11 Don’t risk making others sick by coming to work when you’re ill.
12 Don’t feed your mind, body and spirit too much junk.
13 Don’t accept the status quo.
14 Don’t play small. The world needs you at your grandest.

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What’s first on your list?
What would a better world look like for you?

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Big things, in a way, are simpler.

Often, it’s the little things that I find (make?) complicated.

Take dinner, for example. What’s for dinner? Hmmm, let’s see. What’s in the fridge? Nothing? What’s in season? Oh, no time to stop by the grocery store?

What’s quick and easy? Shall we go out for Thai or Japanese? What did you have for lunch? Wanna get burritos? Too heavy?

What about that Pho place around the corner? It closed? Really? When? How did I not know this? I loved that place!

It sounds painful, doesn’t it?

I’m aware of how indecision plagues me as I hash out my thought process over something that can be simplified. Thankfully, my husband has had a lot of practice rolling with my ongoing internal debacle as I explore all the choices available to me about dinner and other similar day-to-day matters.

I do better with big things.

Love over indifference, hate, apathy? Yes.

Knowledge over ignorance? Why, yes, that is my preference. (Though I myself wouldn’t claim to be more knowledgeable than ignorant at any given moment. The books I haven’t read and will never read? Voluminous.)

Marriage equality over picking and choosing who gets to take institutionally recognized vows and who doesn’t? Absolutely.

Equality for all, though some would disagree, is a worthwhile goal. Geographic and economic luck aside, we are equal in significant ways. Did we get here other than by birth? No. Do any of us get to escape death? Unless you believe that The Avengers are real, then no. Do we get to pick and choose what aspects of life come our way? If we’re even somewhat engaged in our own lives, then hardly if at all. Our palate may have a preferred taste, but our plate does not have the final say. We pretty much get it all: the loss, the pain, the sadness, the joy, the laughter, the light.

The combo platter.

That appears to be what’s on the menu at the proverbial table. I for one prefer the flavors of joy, but alas, those are always peppered with a pinch of pain. Just like life is laced with loss. And to be able to partake in the feast, to be able to sample each bite, is, I would think, not a prerogative but rather a birthright.

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Do you eat the same thing for dinner every night? Would you want to?
Too much food talk? Let’s move on to beverage preferences. Still or bubbly? Shaken or stirred? Red or white? Coffee or tea?

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I’ve come to like Mondays.

But I didn’t for a long time. Oh, no.

Mondays felt like a needy, clingy ex-boyfriend that I had to treat with civility out of guilt, coming around with a regularity I could barely tolerate. Forced smiles, genuine grunts, eagerly ushering him out the door.

Mondays felt like those flies that swarm the spread while dining al fresco on a warm Sunday afternoon. Somehow, they manage to land on my plate no matter how much I swat and shoo.

Mondays felt like the mandatory cleanup after a really fun party. Lysol and Advil to the rescue with fingers crossed that one or the other would work.

These days, not so.

These days, I look forward to Mondays.

Monday feels like a chance for an encore if the previous week was great. If it was lackluster, Monday feels like a second chance. And who, prideful posturing or pitiful puffery aside, doesn’t want a second chance?

Monday feels like a shot at getting it right. Instead of going through the motions, Monday feels like a day made especially not for re-packaging old and tired goods but for re-purposing the existing into something innovative and exciting. It’s not a temptation to re-write history and the facts (as some political candidates seem to feel is justifiable bazillion-dollar strategy for winning an election) but rather an invitation to write a new page, a new chapter in the story still unfolding.

Monday feels like the renewal of a vow, a re-commitment to all that I once believed in and still do. It’s just like saying,

“Here I am. Again. I know about the knocks and blows that come from left field. I know about the searing pain I’d rather not feel or inflict upon anyone. I know I’m flawed, in progress, mere mortal with traces of diva-goddess delusions. Nevertheless, here I am. Still standing. Still breathing. Still.”

Monday? Show me what you’ve got.

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What do you like/loathe about Mondays?

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This is the last day of the Five for Five challenge. Today’s topic is listening. Thanks so much for reading. Be sure to visit Momalom to read some gorgeous writing.

There is noise around me. Constantly.
It sits in the background, buzzing,
seeping into the cracks of quietude.
The chatter, off-rhythm cacophony, irritates me.
Most days, its decibel is tolerable.
Other days, it drowns out music
and other things I’d rather hear,
like laughter, ocean waves, birds, trees.

This — the state of persistent, annoying,
modern-day, 24/7, always-on media madness overload.

Universal mute button, how I wish!

Delete. Logoff. Shutdown. Unplug. Turn off.
So I can listen, by choice,
and pay attention to what matters.

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Are you a good listener?
What makes a good listener?

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Day four of Momalom’s 5 for 5 challenge. The topic is age.

I’d love to share something wise or profound on the topic of age, but I fear I haven’t lived long enough to qualify. How’s that for a stab at levity?

Age does not diminish
the extreme disappointment
of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
~Jim Fiebig

In all honesty, I fail to see age as anything other than just a number, and one I have little skill of guessing correctly. When I hear someone described as young, middle-aged or old, I’m never quite sure what to expect. Young does not necessarily mean youthful, vibrant or free. It can be a diplomatic way of calling someone inexperienced, immature or unprepared for whatever big thing is coming.

Youth is a wonderful thing.
What a crime to waste it on children.
~George Bernard Shaw

Middle-aged? To a teen, it may be someone in their twenties. She eats cereal at night. She forgets to charge her iPhone. She is figuring out how to get comfortable in all the new worlds she straddles. To a thirty-something? It’s someone twenty years older.

Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and
choosing the one that’ll get you home earlier.
~Dan Bennett

What about old? Is it ever appropriate to call someone old if they perceive themselves to be young? And by whose standards are we measuring age? In countries where the life expectancy is under 50, is there anyone to call old?

Wrinkles should merely indicate
where smiles have been.
~Mark Twain

The one-dimensionality of age as a label is a bit limiting to anyone who tosses coins in a fountain, watches for shooting stars at night, or goes to bed the same time his son does. Or his grandchild. Wouldn’t it be more fun to discover what other descriptions apply?

None are so old as those
who have outlived enthusiasm.
~Henry David Thoreau

My thoughts on age are in progress. So is my age. Yours, too, I hope.

There are years that ask questions
and years that answer.
~Zora Neale Hurston

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*I am participating in Momalom’s Five for Five Challenge. Today’s topic is pictures.

Freeze. Smile. Click.

It sounds easy enough. A three-second pause for a photographic payoff to last a lifetime? Sounds like a reasonable trade to me.

Isn’t this why we take pictures? We want to capture the warmth and beauty so we can re-visit the contours and edges of those special moments. We want to snap that breathtaking view on our must-visit list so we can look back and remember and say, I was there. We want tangible evidence that we showed up to honor someone on their big day.

It makes sense because the truth is, who knows if and when we’ll have another chance.

The irony of ironies is, as much as I’d like to preserve the memories of special occasions, I often forget to take pictures. Having a camera on hand does not ensure photos will be taken.

I try. Really, I do. I have big dreams of going for full color, but instead I get less than gray.

My favorite subject, my son, does not help matters. I freeze frame on his busybody self and I’ll capture a shoe, an arm or worse, a total stranger. I’ve missed out on oodles of photo-ops in his childhood and my memory is full of vivid snapshots I can only visualize but cannot see in front of me.

My son, the mini moving target. He has conditioned me to a large degree. He runs, I chase after him. He falls, I rush to him. He hides, I go looking for him.

He, unlike many of us, has not yet built up a tolerance for posing. Freeze for a click? Not a lick. Though I know this won’t always be the case, I believe things are as they should be.

It’s futile to try and capture him in any way. The likes of him? They are meant to be free. Never black and white. Always a full range of the spectrum with constant shades of gray.

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Do you like taking pictures?
Do you like being photographed?

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*Day three of the Five for Five Momalom challenge. Participants will post once each day for five days in response to five topics: change, words, pictures, age, listening.
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We are meant to be happy. Instinctively, we all know this, somewhere deep inside. We all know what it’s like to feel a burst of delight. Every one of us has at some point in our lives experienced a sense of ecstatic joy, of euphoria at the sheer sensation of being alive.

The answer is, it doesn’t.

– from Code to Joy
• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: HarperOne (April 3, 2012)

***

Intrigued? If you agree with the above excerpt, you may wish to continue reading….

THE FOG OF DISTRESS

Drs. George Pratt and Peter Lambrou, licensed clinical psychologists base in La Jolla, California, have written a book through which they share their scientific methods that have helped more than 45,000 clients release themselves from the so-called fog of distress. The fog of distress is a term Pratt and Lambrou coined to refer to the thin but persistent layer of subconscious and bioelectrical feelings and beliefs that cloud certain aspects of our lives.

For some, it manifests as a phobia or quirky behavior such as a need to pre-order a meal by phone and spending only minutes dining at a restaurant. For others, it’s more of a microtrauma, a pervasive feeling that nothing is quite right.

The fog of distress forms due to persistent self-limiting beliefs that have formed from early childhood trauma or other impactful negative experience.

FOUR STEPS TO BURNING OFF THE FOG

Pratt and Lambrou provide sufficient guidance on how to follow the four steps they have developed to unlock one’s natural state of happiness:

1) Identity — by revisiting one’s early years of life, painful events that contribute to self-limiting beliefs persisting into adulthood are identified
2) Clear — through special breathing exercises and neuromuscular techniques, one can begin to clear the fog of distress
3) Repattern — the self-limiting belief is replaced with an opposite, empowering belief through visualization
4) Anchor — a simple anchoring hold, known in craniosacral therapy and chiropractic as frontal-occipital hold, is practiced to ensure that the results of the first three steps are deep and long-lasting.

The book is peppered with stories of past clients who have been able to identify their childhood trauma responsible for their persistent self-limiting beliefs. A woman named Stefanie, as a young girl, earned a quarter from helping an aunt move some furniture around. Stefanie beamed with pride for having earned that quarter. She had never earned any money before. Her parents, however, were not. When they found out that Stefanie accepted a quarter from her aunt for a good deed, they scolded Stefanie and made her feel as though accepting that quarter was wrong.

NEUROMUSCULAR FEEDBACK

What I found most fascinating in the book is the notion of neuromuscular feedback. According to Dr. Candace Pert, leading researcher on the relationship of physical and emotional health and trauma, “often we are stuck in an unpleasant emotional event from the past that is stored at every level of our nervous system and even on the cellular level…” In other words, the mind may not remember the pain, but the body knows the physical trauma it has been through.

Clear, easy instructions accompanied with illustrations show the steps to conducting basic neuromuscular feedback. Through this exercise, one can test a true or false statement with feedback from the body. If done correctly, the body will affirm true statements and negate false statements.

BIOFIELD

Pratt and Lambrou describe the biofield as the third aspect of the human organism that bridges the gap between mind and body. Dr. Harold Saxton Burr, Yale researcher, discovered that all organisms exhibit a north/south electrical polarity. This natural polarity gets disrupted every now and then. Due to the body’s natural ability to self-correct, our natural polarity can be balanced with a few simple exercises.

CONCLUSION

The human body has the innate ability to self-heal. We see this to be true when our skin heals from cuts or scrapes. We know this in the way we recover from food poisoning or motion sickness or a hangover.

So does the psyche. We heal from a broken heart. We get over embarrassing situations. We feel refreshed after a good cry.

If one operates under the assumption that the mind and the body are 1) inclined toward wellness and 2) have the blueprint to recover from trauma, then, with the intention and will to do so, one can conquer self-limiting beliefs in order to unlock his or her personal code to joy.

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Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of Code to Joy as part of the TLC book tour.

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Do you knowingly or subconsciously subscribe to any self-limiting beliefs?

*I am participating in Momalom’s Five for Five Challenge. Today’s topic is words.

Writing a post about words is a bit like painting a picture about colors. The possibilities are endless and yet knowing how to begin is a challenge.

I could open with a speech that moved me and millions others who wanted to believe in something big and grand.

I could start with how endlessly fascinated I am watching my son acquire new words in his ever-growing arsenal of vocabulary — words he quickly puts to use to tell stories, to reason with the conviction of a barrister, to negotiate for more time climbing trees or hanging from monkey bars.

I could begin with the first time I ever played the word game called Bananagrams. I was with nine wonderful women waiting for a puddle-jumper from Kigali to Kamembe, Rwanda, the entry point to our trip to eastern Democratic Republic of Congo, known in human and women’s rights circles as the rape capital of the world. We got up and got moving at the crack of dawn. The little plane was thrice delayed. Learning to play Bananagrams proved to be the perfect exercise in flexibility that I needed to hold on to during the trip. And well beyond.

THE POWER OF WORDS, THE POSITIVES

The power of words has an overwhelming potential to generate good.

As a tool, I am in awe of how words can be used to communicate, to connect, to express emotion, to break down imaginary walls, to unlock imagination, to process ideas, to stimulate creativity, to discover varying degrees of truths, and so on. I listened in awe and with tears to Congolese women, survivors of gang rape and massacre, recite poetry and sing songs of their tenets to transform pain to power in French, Swahili and English. So much truth, often in multiple layers, is captured in a poem or a song, in any language.

Words of praise or admonition help me become a better mother when spoken with accuracy and sincerity. When combined with hugs and kisses, my happy and affectionate son responds as though I’m the best mother he could possibly have!

Words of love and compassion to a friend, an acquaintance or a perfect stranger can affirm one’s faith in humanity. A simple hello to a homeless man who has felt invisible for a long time can remind him that as long as there is life, there remains hope.

As a tool for activism, words can move masses to a higher plane. Words can strike an arrow into the hearts of civic-minded citizens, thus, creating an impetus for a new conversation, a new reality, a more evolved awareness. Words, at their most potent, can elevate civil rights, women’s rights, LGBT rights and environmental justice issues to penetrate mainstream thoughts. Words have launched movements and given birth to heroes.

THE POWER OF WORDS, THE NEGATIVES

If words can create good, the opposite is also true. The words we speak or write (or leave unsaid), and how we say them have the potential to be damaging to our personal selves, our families, our culture.

Ever listen to talk radio or watch news-style entertainment? Mainstream media propagates untruths that the average audience does not have the time (or if they’re anything like me, the energy) to fact-check. If comedians are not part of the show, chances are the audience will accept the words as factual news if the delivery system is perceived to be credible.

Self-deprecating words and apologies for things beyond our control, while they may ingratiate oneself as an attempt to establish/strengthen rapport, may be fine if used sparingly. But as a habit practiced over time, these mini verbal scourges can lead to a growing negative self-talk, capable of eroding one’s confidence, courage or self-esteem.

And what of how we deliver these words? A raised voice? Salty sarcasm? Dripping disdain? An evolved and happy grown-up may hold her own, but to a child whose verbal skills are still developing, is damage incurred? And if so, is it irreversible?

LOVE OF WORDS

I love words for so many reasons. Words can heal and bring about transformation. Words can challenge us and bring out the best in us. Words can inspire and create good things.

I recall my excitement when my son, barely a year old, sounded out his first words. His very first? Tattoo. Thanks to a temporary tattoo I used to sport consistently in various states during a certain election season. Soon after that, he learned momma, daddy, ball, banana, car. We wrote a rap about it at the time, which, to this day, continues to be heard at any given time into a microphone.

My son’s first foray into the magical world of words has developed into a budding love affair. He starts the day with make-believe story-telling and ends the day with bedtime books. This thrills me as I anticipate him to be fully comfortable and adept at using words to learn, to grow, to express his thoughts and feelings.

Words, in any language, are powerful. But as words continue to give me that satisfied feeling as I finish a written piece, I need to remember one thing. I am compelled to remind myself that, no matter how beautifully spoken, how lyrically written, how deeply felt, words are just the beginning.

+++++++++++++++++
Do words inspire you?
Have you ever found yourself moved by words into action? A transformation?
Have words ever stunned you into silence?
Do you play Bananagrams?

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*Day two of the Five for Five Momalom challenge. Participants will post once each day for five days in response to five topics: change, words, pictures, age, listening.

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*I am participating in Momalom’s Five for Five Challenge. Today’s topic is change.

Nothing that is can pause or stay;
The moon will wax, the moon will wane,
The mist and cloud will turn to rain,
The rain to mist and cloud again,
Tomorrow be today.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

***

Change, anyone?

Collectively, democratic nations vote a resounding yes time and time again as they wish to see more equality, more progress and more opportunities for all. Dreams of economic stability, health care, or expanded opportunities for under-served communities come to the fore and voters send ineffective leaders packing, in favor of public servants who show promise of delivering the goods. In the context of a democratic election (we hope), the will of the people brings about change.

On a personal level, change does not always get the thumbs up.

CHANGE WE WANT

Some changes are welcome.

A winning lottery ticket to a single mother of six? A college acceptance letter to the first born in a family living in a trailer? Employment for someone who has been out of work for months? Pop the Dom Perignon cork — change is a-coming!

If our subconscious and conscious minds are in agreement, we are able to manifest some of these welcome changes that lead us closer to happiness, self-actualization or however we may call the path that suits us the most.

If we are being honest with ourselves, chances are there is at least a thing or two we wish to change about ourselves, our situations, our behaviors and our practices, our local communities, our world. I’d like to believe that some of it is a) possible, b) can happen in my lifetime and c) can happen because of my direct actions. Maybe so.

CHANGE WE DON’T WANT

Other changes are much harder to accept.

Losing a loved one? Getting bad news from a doctor’s visit? Ending a long-term romantic relationship? Each instance of these feels like a blow that knocks us off-balance and guarantees an upheaval that will require time, willingness and help to recover.

And we definitely do have the potential to recover.

ADAPTABILITY

As human beings, we are wired to be adaptable. Our bodies go through a metamorphosis from birth to adulthood and we become accustomed to all the drastic physical changes we go through over time. We survive the trauma of puberty and come out the other end looking taller, less awkward and sporting curves or strong musculature.

Our brains’ neuroplasticity enables us a lifetime capacity for learning and making sense, as much as we can, of our environment and of ourselves.

Our hearts and spirits? If you’re anything like me who lets one’s heart lead the mind, chances are the process of adapting to change is largely emotional, likely with soulful meanderings and detours along a scenic route with frequent stops for a re-charge. It can be an exhausting, erratic ride coming to terms with a new situation, a new environment, a new reality. But eventually, it becomes the new normal.

DEALING WITH CHANGE?

Thumbs up or thumbs down to change?

I’d like to say I’m neutral on the matter but the truth is, my first reaction to any sort of change is anything other than neutrality.

Change has left me breathless, confused, enlightened, inspired, depressed, you name it.

There are many things, people, circumstances I hope will never change. But I know they will.

Likewise, there are many things around which I impatiently wait for change to come. Those, I know, will change, too.

Because isn’t that how it goes? Change has been our constant companion since birth and it isn’t showing any signs of leaving us alone. Moments pass. Friends come and go. Spring turns to summer. Children grow.

We have an intuitive knowledge that everything changes even if our conscious mind may kick and scream this unyielding truth under the table.

Change is inevitable. The most one can do is, to borrow words from Madonna, dance and sing, get up and do your thing.

And if change continues to prove far too unwieldy to embrace, let’s at least hope we are present as someone to embrace another, to offer and receive solace and support, when change comes.

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Do changes that happen to you change you?
Or do you change due to a change that impacts you?

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*The five for five Momalom challenge entails posting once each day for five days in response to five topics: change, words, pictures, age, listening.

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