I was a client of the Healing Center after my husband unexpectedly passed away about 4 years ago. I was in search of a support group of other people in a similar age range to mine who had experienced loss and grief. I so wanted to learn from others and hear their stories. I wanted validation that what I was feeling was ‘normal’ or at least wasn’t permanent.

I serve on the board of The Healing Center and co-facilitate the Transitions Group with another volunteer and trained therapist. These are men and women who have moved through the first year or so of partner loss and are transitioning into making a life adjustment to their ‘new normal.’ Yet, they still have a lot of pain, sadness and grief to work through as it’s an ongoing process. During this transition, our clients learn to integrate their deceased loved one into their present life as they move forward. This support community is so valuable and helpful. A lot of people feel like they should be further along in their grief journey or their friends and family expect them to be and yet, they need a safe place to express their feelings, share stories and feel like they aren’t alone.

I’m fascinated by how different people process and experience hardship. I have done a lot of reading and exploring on my own, following the death of my husband, about some of the most difficult subjects we are faced with when a sudden unexpected loss occurs, like uncertainty, change, vulnerability, lack of control, forgiveness to name a few. I wanted to give back, share what I’ve learned, hear how others process grief and experience resiliency.

There is a stigma around death in our culture, we don’t speak about it openly or honor the dead, the way some other cultures do. The Healing Center is a small yet mighty local organization. We serve an under-served community. Everyone in their lifetime will experience loss, but there are so few resources to help people cope. Grieving is a significant experience that affects both the mind and the body. Yet, we don’t commonly speak about it the way we do many other ‘life events.’ So many are at a loss for how to make sense of their feelings. The Healing Center is a warm and loving community that welcomes children and adults suffering from grief, in a safe and nurturing setting.

A few months after my dad died I didn’t know where to turn. I wanted to be able to connect with people who understood, share experiences, and find ways to move through life with loss with the support of others. I didn’t want to burden the people in my life with things they didn’t understand. I knew I couldn’t do it by myself and I was looking for a group of people who might be able to understand what it’s like to grieve. It’s the club you don’t want anyone else to have to be a part of but if they end up joining, you’re thankful for them being there. Losing someone can be incredibly isolating and I was hoping there was a place out there like The Healing Center to not only get some help myself but try to help others as well.

The experience I have had with the Young Adult Group at The Healing Center is beyond what I ever could have expected. I was hoping I’d find a group of people who understood a sliver of my experience, maybe wouldn’t judge me if I shared something personal, and could share a few ideas for how I could learn to live with loss. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to connect with people or that I would be an outsider but what I have discovered at The Healing Center is a group of caring, honest, thoughtful, trustworthy, and understanding people who truly believe in the good of the group. My secret hope was that I could even find a group of people who could laugh through all of this-and I did.

Our facilitator Jourdan is incredible. He is respectful, patient, supportive, and truthful while simultaneously being wonderfully blunt, funny, and thought provoking. He finds ways for our group to contribute and connect over shared experiences without forcing it. He is one of the biggest reasons I have continued to come back week after week. Our group wouldn’t be nearly as awesome if it weren’t for Jourdan. Thank you for everything you do, Jourdan!

While web-based meetings certainly aren’t ideal, I have found them to be incredibly helpful. We are in a time of continuous grief and having regular group meetings has not only provided a place to share and connect but also to heal and grow. I think our virtual group works because everyone remains vulnerable and open despite the distance. I think Jourdan does a great job setting the example for how to bridge the gap through our screens. Thankfully, everyone in the Young Adult group does the same and we continue to connect despite the distance. While I miss seeing everyone in person, I am incredibly appreciative for the virtual meetings because grief doesn’t stop just because we can’t meet in person.

The Healing center was recommended to me after the grief group I was participating in at my church ended it’s program.

I had been feeling like I wanted to continue participating in a healing environment and help show others that you can get comfortable with your grief and even enjoy life. I wanted especially to share with kids so they could see that after a while you learn to have your persons memory with you all the time and that it can make you happy… most of the time. I wanted to show that you can be happy in life even if you are still sad about the fact that someone you loved has died.

I have enjoyed volunteering to help with events, it’s wonderful to see the growing support for The Healing Center and see more awareness for a serious condition in many of our lives. When I am working with the children and parents at the little kids group I love seeing how the families support each other. The support and connection is profound. I am glad to be a part of this organization.

A dear friend who lost his spouse let me know about your amazing organization. When my husband died just before Christmas, the start of the New Year was beyond imaginable. I was grateful to have a place to reach out that I knew would be of ‘help’ on my new path in life.

The people who work here – tirelessly! They make sure families, clients, and children have a warm, inviting space to come to — in order to be seen, feel heard, and supported. I’m inspired by the caring staff and look back on my time in groups with a lot of gratitude for the folks who work here. It is also a privilege to be remain connected to clients – now friends – whom I met at THC as we all navigated the early stages of grief together. I’m inspired by their resilience and the sense of community we have built with each other.

For me, having a weekly support group was incredibly meaningful – as it allowed me a chance to come up for air, connect with others in similar circumstances and realize I was doing the best I could. In that small living room, we were able to share anything that we felt and hold space for each other – it was a true gift and that allowed me to feel however I felt and then keep moving forward.  The several retreats organized by clinicians were also super-valuable – as it allowed time and space to explore my grief further and connect with fellow group members over longer periods of time too.  We are so fortunate for THC – and I believe I am thriving today because of the services I received.

It would be my hope that more people become aware of the power of THC and what incredible support it offers to people on the unwelcome journey through loss. Wouldn’t it be ‘great’ if everyone knew about THC and the connection people can find when they are brave enough to go? I think one of our biggest goals as we move forward, is to help convey the importance of mental health — it is inseparable from grief and loss – and one of the best ways to be mentally okay is to find a place that upholds everyone — wherever they are at — in that journey.  The Healing Center IS that place – a safe community for children and adults to experience all that comes with the death of a loved one and still find ways to being ‘okay’ again.  I am grateful to THC for allowing me an outlet for my grief and helping me (and my children) move forward in life.

January 1st, 2018 my wife, Alice, died of Triple Negative Breast Cancer. She was diagnosed as stage III September 2016. All of her treatments (mastectomy, chemo, and radiation) were completed May 5th 2017 and we were hopeful about her recovery. In July 2017, she had pain in her shoulder blades that was a tumor in her liver. We started chemo treatment again, but the cancer was too aggressive. After a trip to Disneyland in early December, she was enrolled in hospice care and died at home the evening of New Year’s Day.

Our son Lucas was 2-3 during her cancer and probably doesn’t remember a time when his mom wasn’t sick. He’s 4 now and we both went to The Healing Center looking for help through our grieving process.

Finding people who actually get it. Very few people truly understand what it’s like to have someone you love be with you one second, with all of the potential of the future stretching out ahead of you, and then the next second have all of it ripped away. When it happened to me I felt like one entire side of my body had been torn off and everything was exposed and raw to the world. Being able to just sit with a group of people who know that feeling is really helpful, even though none of us want anyone to ever feel that again.

My son, Lucas, benefits from Littles Group as well. He gets excited the whole week before group and loves every minute of being there. Afterwards he’s noticeably calmer and happier. We both regret it any time we miss a Littles Group!

Now that I’m more than a year out, I’ve been able to rebuild parts of my life. I still feel like I’m running close to capacity, but have some breathing room. I have learned that it’s ok to depend on other people sometimes. As I move to Transition Group, I’m interested to find ways to continue growing as new challenges arise in the coming years.

That each day comes with its own unique challenges. Some days will be easy and everything will go smoothly. Other days the big accomplishment is getting out of bed. I have learned to constantly remind myself of that and not be too self-critical when times are tough.

It’s also really helpful to remind myself that everyone grieves in their own way and time and there’s no wrong way to do it. Anyone who tells you otherwise should mind their own business.

I’ve been dating someone who really loves Lucas and has a son of her own! We’re working out how to build our lives together.

Now for the hard-hitting questions: What is Lucas’ favorite thing to do or thing to play with at The Healing Center?

Lucas loves playing doctor and cooking in the kitchen with his friends are The Healing Center.