ChrisInPain22

Okay, this sucks!! we all know that though. I am on day three but TECHnically day 2 becuase I had some that morning. so this is a true day two. it hurts. my bones hurt, my back hurts. I have help thank God from a small bit of neuro left ( will soon be gone) and some ativan ( I TRULY dont abuse downers, hate em in fact) but they are keeping me from climbing the walls after just having found out that my spouse (soon to be ex) has a BABY been keeping secret for 6 months. and I am detoxing at home. alone. kids are there, and I am here. I dont want tv, or to read or anything. barely able to type this. 3 baths today goody powders, immodium, ativan and a tiny bit of neuro left. if you were me, would you start cutting them in half? they seem to help.

Im scared because i keep reading day 3-5 are the worst. I am already in a bad way. sneezing yawning, i have considered calling my sister who would sh** if she knew I was taking TRAMADOL again. this stuff is wicked. mental and physical pain. yes , i know, like a nimrod, i did it to myself. i just cant get away frrom it. but now, ,all scripts have been used NO way to get anymore,no job to order them, so I am praying I can get thru this,and STICK with it. I have two great great kids. They have been thru a grand mal seizure and lets see, 4 quick inpatient detoxes locally and 1 28 day stay far away. I hve considered going back to the quick detox place. oh you get some help there, and groups and safety, but Im scared to call her, and my spouse would prob have kids taken. im in a bind. If anyone has some quick advice (not to rush, im just gonnamake my decision fast about the detox. ) I would REALLY appreciate it. this sucks more than anything and have never really done it al lthe way home alone. almost unbearable. I dont know if i can do it.......please, some advice? anything?

mellowchick

(((chris))) I am sorry, this isn't easy at all. I don't really have any suggestions since you're trying them all. I can see why you want to try this on your own, if at any time it becomes too much for you, get some medical help. Your loved ones may be upset with you for taking the tramadol but they will be thankful you sought medical help. I'm praying for you.

ChrisInPain22

thank you soo much Mellow. and for your quick response. I am just afraid that tomorrow and the next (i know me) i wont be able to make it. even with what I have. Im scared, I have asked my spouse if I went somewhere inpatient for a few days, would he keep it from the kids. had to leave a message, havent heard back. prob. a big fat no. i just feel like i would jump thur a HOOP to get just ONE. BUT Iknow its not good for me(seizures , should be a wake up call but wasnt) nor my kids or anything. Lost my home, job, basically my family, everything around me is crumbling, cant pay my rent, really no where to go. ok enough whinig I did it to myself. thats the bottom line. I continued to fill the scripts when i KNEW I shouldnt. After all 5 rehab/detoxes, my family thinks im FINALLY thur. well, i wasnt and lied and hid it, and lied some more.right in their faces. I feel like such a heel. and i feel STUPID.

This pain should do it, but i dont think tomorrow or the next, I can do it. its getting worse, oh yea, insomnia!!! OMG its horrible to not be able to sleep and in excruciating pain. i just dont know wht to do, should i just go up ther on my own?? you have to go first to the ER across from the rehab facility and they evaluate you and then maybe admit you. last time they almost didnt cuz there is no real detox from tram, since its not "an opitate" but they said "well, we will treat it as one for now' its not addictive you see, and non narcotic...........bullsh**. I may just call my sister who has been thru enough. and go on my own. they are all tired of my bullsh**. I dont blame them, liar cheat thief and more. i dont think this is a bottom tho, a ROCK bottom. but if i can avoid it i will. I just want HELP like to be off it FOREVER. i have a therapist. no help. its uh huh, yea, uh huh, how does that make you feel?? ARRRGGGG LIKE USING YOU STUPID>>>>> sigh... im whining and deserve all this, but i dont understand why in the blue blazes i cannot stop!!!!! even after all tht

i really am considering calling her and then driving up to that ER, bout an hour away, and trying to get admitted. takes hours. i will feel worse and worse. i dotn know..sigh. just scared. not vry masculine is it.

christin1225

Chris,

There is nothing that I can say other than to let you know that I hear you and at this moment am praying for you. :praying

Do whatever you need to do to help you finish this... for good.

ChrisInPain22

maybe the morning would be better to go?/ i dont know, jst feel so bad and so confused. inpatient with meds and programs, or home detox

christin1225

Do you have any friends (like maybe NA contacts) whom you could call to help you figure out the best thing to do? I don't think that you need anyone (especially family) if you're sure that they will only give you a tough time about it. You need someone who understands and who can help you sort out what's best to do -- even if that's just to listen to you.

ChrisInPain22

i dont have any NA contacts, and my family will give me sh*t. especially my sis who I havent called yet. my best friend is miles and miles away. i am a homebody. of course, what opiate addict isnt. I guess its call my sister, listen to her gripe, and tell her Im going to go in the morning. what do you think? christin, I just dotn think I have the stamina to make day 3 , 4, and 5 and worse. I am scared, hurting and want to be DONE with this stuff its slowlly killing me. it really is. I have so many questions and cant fix my brainto ask. im all anxious now and jittery and feel like real dog sh*T. sorry ladies to be vulgar... truly sorry. im just in such bad shape right now. if i go in the morn, i still have a BAD night ahead of me. but its too late to go now. im just scared all the way. should i call my sis now and alert her to tomorrow? maybe she could come stay with me for a while. shes not that bad. shes just a durn RN, so she practives her skills on me. including, "well, you knew better" should i call her before it gets late? shes close to me and knows all about it,and the disease part. would you>

mellowchick

Chris,
Try to stay calm and not get yourself so worked up, and try not to beat yourself up over your mistakes. As addicts, we lie, cheat, steal and so on. Try not to think about day 4, 5 or 6. Think about now and being clean for the minute, next five or ten minutes. Take a few deep breaths and try as best as you can to relax. Keep posting if you can, I don't mind helping you get through this. Again, only you know exactly what's going on with you, if you feel its getting to be too much, please get help. Feel free to PM me as well. Hugs and prayers!

Stagebear

I understand the sister thing, my sis is an RN too and heads a treatment program.

Do whatever you need to do but take action now. My vote? Do the detox ASAP.

Feeling your pain, literally, I remain,

ChrisInPain22

i kind of agree Bear, because this isnt my first merry go round with this. 5th. thts pathetic. what will it take?? i think for sure right now i need detox professioinal help, somethinng!! im making myself insane here riht now. i have my long distance best best friend calling my sis right now on the phone to tell her i want to go to detox tomorrow. they have NO CLUE i have been on tramadevil for a LONG time. since the last wellll suicide attempt. a bad one, and then straight to the rehab in shackles. it was horrible. i was a flight risk, yea, couldnt walk after being comatose ina bed for 6 days.

There is something underlying here. my therapist sucks only one my insurance will take!!!! I need help... real help... I cannot do this on my own. I just want to gt up early am and just GO, dive into it,MEAN it, not be ther cuz im pissed someone sent me there, you know? maybe if i go on my own free will it will sink in more, what do you think? I am NERVOUSLY awaiting my sisters call......the best friend is trying to soften it for me, im still scared of her call. arggg. its always me, the black sheep, ruining everything. i am miserable right now im sorry to whine, i hate whiners and look at me. you are all angels for your responses. I need someone to tlk to right now beofre "THE CALL" ARRGGG terror. she used to be scared of me!!!! my how things change. Im mso glad Bear and Mellow, you are talking with me tonight. I need and appreciate it more thn you can know.

mellowchick

Keep posting Chris, as much as you can, we are here. You know what you need to do to get through this, and you will. If I could hug you right now I would! Its a tough road and sometimes a long and lonely one. You are not alone, please know that. I'm glad you have people to talk to you that can also talk to family members. Hang in there, kiddo. I'm praying for you! (((Chris)))

krissypissy

your posts sound very familiar....

krissypissy

i really dont know what else to say....beck

jane_668

Chris, i don't want to sound I'm too harsh so please don't understand me wrong.I'm just trying to give you my experience. I have abused Tramadol for 5 years daily.That's 20 * 100 mg pills per day plus booze or klonopin.I never had any problem getting off Tramadol.My problem was staying clean for a while.Tramadol was my perfect magic solution for my low self esteem.I would numb my feelings and all my pain would go away.The time I did go to detox was because I was scick og going through the same sh*t again.sick off day 1's and sick of the person I was turning.IMHO ,detox did nothing for me.Most of my symptoms were indeed mental and I was in deep depression induced by tramadol.Getting off Tramadol physically is fairly easy if you get some sleeping aids and non addictive OTC medications for wds.However even after 10 days clean you'd still have to go through at least 20 days of ups and downs.A real roller coaster.The first time I tried to get off Tramadol and couldnot,I freaked out and trie suicide too.later I got used to this vicious circle.I had to stay on it for a few weeks then get off because I'd be too intoxicated to even raise my head to work.I'd sleep on my desk and I didnot wnat to get fired.That was the hardest of all.Not being able to enjoy drugs like you want and at the same time unable to control my drug use.I was leading a double life and that was exhausting me.;That was my bottom.I was too tired of being high then cleaning up the mess I created.Try to hang in 7 days only and later start going to meetings.It's the depression talking and the fear.That's what I can hear from your message.perhaps I'm wrong.You can do this.It's not like you're wding from Heroin( and not that it's easy).I mean it's doable .I did go thru that many times till I get addicted to pain itself(lol).If you've been through 5 detoxes then you know the solution is not in a detox.It just cleans your body.Changing the old me was my only solution.I had to change all my concepts of life.I thought that I was better off than most people because I was educated,pretty and wealth.That didnot do me any good.on the contrary it allowed me to keep manipulating people to egt what I want.I could use at work, at home and portray myself as a poor little girl who got some issues at home.I was always playing the victim role.I though taht teh drug world was not for me.the minutes I started to change my attitudes I started to see the reality as it is.People have sobered up who were far more addicted and in a harsh living condition.I started to see people enjoying staying clean.That's when I started wanting what they have.But the can't do it for me.I have to do it for myself.We're here to support you.
take care
Jane

Shellslove

Chris - how are you today? Still thinking about detox (if you haven't gone already?) I've gone through opiate w/d several times, and I will say tramadol w/d is the most physically and mentally brutally intense w/d I have EVER felt --- the most painful experience I have ever known...so I understand where you are coming from!! Not addictive or like an opiate my a$$, right? I really hope you get the help you need -- and I do understand the problems that come along with confessing to family. If you cannot do that, and you need medical help, get to an ER. In addition to the opiate like come down, tramadol has SNRI properties and your serotonin levels are all off right now since you're w/d'ing -- you may need to temporarily get on an a/d (if you're not already) to account for this. If you're not already at detox (or after you get out =) please let us know how you're doing okay? I'll be thinking about you!

hopeful62

Chris, hope you're in detox. Anyone who has that option should take it. You'll get physical help as well as counseling. Toughing out at home is very, very difficult.

Hugs

lostbutterfly

Hi Chris. It sux. But it ends. Don't worry about it being your 5th time, I've lost count of mine. Keep going, it's going to get better soon.

LB x

DavyDave

I wish you the best of luck. Doctors keep telling me this stuff isn't addicting. It isn't a narcotic/opiate blah, blah, blah. I should have you speak to them.

I found out this is one of the most widely abused drugs in America.

christin1225

Chris,
I prayed for you but was not able to back to you. I see that you haven't posted today and am assuming that you've gotten some help. When you feel like sh*t, you do what you have to do to get through it on the clean side, even when that means having to hear, "Well, you knew better," especially when you (like all of us) did .

I'm still praying and hoping that you are where you need to be right now. Update us as soon as you can, please.