Birthday Present to Myself: Quit Smoking

I love smoking. And smoking loves me. I have friends who are die-hard non-smokers who have said to me that smoking "suits" me. That's how convincing a smoker I am.

After 33 years of smoking, I have no physical symptoms. My heart is fine, my arteries are clear and my children will testify to my lung power. I don't have smokers cough and my skin is still wrinkle-free. I don't live in the US or UK, where smokers are increasingly ostrasised by society. Here in the Seychelles (and in Switzerland, where I lived before), smoking is quite acceptable.

So why even bother quitting?

I want to love more.

Smoking is a heart chakra issue. I've noticed that when I don't have cigarettes I feel a yearning in the anahata chakra area, a need to breathe in more deeply. If I'm upset and don't want to cry (breaking down in public simply isn't my thing) I reach for a cigarette. If I'm angry and don't want to throttle the person near me, I reach for a cigarette. If I'm feeling insecure in a social situation, I reach for a cigarette.

The latter is the reason I started smoking in the first place. I used to be a very shy teenager and forced myself to sit in cafés nonchalantly sipping at a coffee and slowly dragging on a cigarette. I perfected the art of looking cool with a cigarette in my hand. There were different phases of coolness: the vamp in a pencil skirt wearing bright red lipstick with a cigarette holder, the existentialist dressed in black and smoking Gitanes, the patchouli-smelling hippy rolling Drums.

Those were the days! Actually, it was a lot of fun, but I've realized that I am very far from that shy teenager. I am now (and have long been) a self-confident woman who doesn't give a flying f*** what people think. "You've come a long way, baby!"

I am a loving feeling person, who cannot watch horrible things in the news without crying. Forgiving others has always come easily to me and over the years I have learnt to forgive myself as well. I am passionate about people, causes and many things under the sun. Watching a sunset or walking in nature often moves me to tears of joy. I even get angry quite well ...

And yet I feel I am blocking my heart chakra. I fear that one day, I will no longer suppress my feelings consciously with a couple of drags on a cigarette, but that my emotions will no longer flow freely. Maybe I'm at the tipping point and, unconsciously, have realised this. Hence the urge to stop now.

I'll be working on my heart chakra in the next couple of weeks. Here's my plan:
Reiki, focussing on the heart
Deep breathing
Meditation for relaxation and centering in my sacred space
Walks along the beach to recharge my energies
Swim in the ocean to cleanse my energy field
Enjoy the moment to experience joy
Watch Bollywood movies to make my heart sing

And who knows, I might finally open myself so much to love, that my soul mate will show up and I can indulge in some loving sacred sex ...



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